Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

Don't look away.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Don't put that on telly!

Oo-ar!

I might just do this all day.

Argh!

This is weird.

So tight.

THEY EXCLAIM

Hello. Welcome to Taskmaster.

My name is Greg Davies and I sweat.

I sweat when I eat,

I sweat when I sunbathe, I sweat when I...

You know when I sweat!

But most important of all, I sweat the small stuff,

the decisions that will make or break the spirits of a comedian.

So, put some more water on the sauna coals and bring me some lemons,

because things are about to get hot!

Please welcome Amy Gledhill...

...Armando Iannucci...

...Joanna Page,

Joel Dommett,

and Kumail Nanjiani.

And next to me, a man who told me recently in confidence

that whenever he walks the dog in his local neighbourhood,

he never cleans up her poo, and I quote him -

"What do I care if people get ploppy shoes?

"They should watch where they're walking."

It's...

...little Alex Horne!

Right. Thank you. Thank you.

Getting ploppy shoes. Hello, everyone.

Here we are. I've brought you water, Greg...

OK. ..for a little team-bonding activity.

Up for that? Yeah.

Just drink it how I drink it. Ready? Yep.

Here we go. Hit it!

MUSIC STARTS

MUSIC STOPS

Is that the end of this bit? That's the end of that bit.

Every cell in my body wants to chuck this in your face.

Oh, I sort of want you to, as well.

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right.

Oh, God.

Wow.

That is an unexpected erection.

So, on with the show.

Is it time for the prize category? Yes, and the category is

the best two things that become something even better when combined.

Five points for the best combo.

Five great combos for the episode winner.

OK, Joel, what two things have you brought in?

I've brought in a USB stick with my favourite Christmas song ever on it,

and it's by Sting...

Whoa. Mm.

...and Shaggy.

They made an album together and on that album is Silent Night, right?

I thought I could sing it for you.

Yes! Yes. Yes.

Joanna... Yes. ..if I could get you to do Sting's parts.

Ah, typecast again.

There's some bells for you. Brill.

And then I'll just come in with Shaggy's part

when it's necessary.

OK, go.

♪ Silent night Yeah

♪ Holy night Mm

♪ All is calm Oh

♪ All is bright

♪ Chi-da-bye-bye, Shaggy! ♪

Thank you so much.

I appreciate it. That was wonderful.

Incredible, Joel. I think this is strong. Ooh!

Kumail. Hi.

Can you beat Shaggy and Sting?

I'm a man of the world, Greg. You are.

Pakistani, born and raised, I live in America,

I'm shooting a show in London right now...

Wow. ..so I bridge cultures.

That's sort of my cross to bear.

So, I've come up with a new dish

that combines two very disparate foods into one amazing dish.

It's a kebab with strawberry jam.

GREG GROWLS I invented a new dish...

Hello, Shaggy. ..and I would like for you to try it.

Wow. It doesn't look great.

It doesn't smell great, if you don't mind me saying.

Well, I should tell you, the name of the dish is Racial Harmony...

...so if you don't like it,

I'd like you to tell me you're not a fan of Racial Harmony.

I didn't think I'd ever say this,

but Racial Harmony makes me feel sick!

Do you want to have a little nibble of this? Yes.

Down in one. Down in one.

All of it. Oh, God.

Oh, baby girl. Mm.

Hush in the room! What do you think?

Yeah, I would never have that again. Never, ever.

We've had it confirmed, it's disgusting,

so it's not looking good.

Pop it in your drawer. Yeah, I'll put it in my drawer.

Hello, Amy. Hello.

How are you going to beat that?

I'll tell you how I'm going to beat it,

with a glork, or a forve.

Or a forve. Yeah.

So, have you ever been eating and you think,

"I can't get this in my mouth quick enough?"

Well, that is where the glork comes in.

It's a glove and a fork. OK.

Who's using a knife and fork these days?

Yeah. That's a thing of the past.

It's glork time.

Do you want to see the glork? Oh, my God.

Yes, let's see the glork. It's glork o'clock! It is.

It's a lovely, chic glove,

and then, chip, chip, chip.

You can fit, like, three chips on - chip, chip, chip.

One finger, ah. Chip, chip, chip.

I like the starting point.

I'm not sure the reality is any better than Racial Harmony.

Armando, can you beat this? Obviously. Yes.

It's a song featuring Lou Reed and the Wombles.

It's not.

It's not.

I just was about to write, "Armando, five points."

It's very beautiful.

It's two completely contrasting things,

which, when put together, creates this natural phenomenon.

It's sunshine and shit.

Have a look at this guy here. It's beautiful.

It's a soap dispenser.

Yeah. So here comes the sun.

It's good.

They win the soap dispenser, do they? The pigeon?

Yeah, and the sun, I think. Oh.

Joanna.

I have brought in my own tongue and a box of popping candy,

because when I was young, right, it was really hard to get hold of...

Here we go!

In the 1980s, right? In Swansea.

And now I've discovered,

"Oh, my God, you can just buy it on the internet."

I went online and I've got a box of about, like, 45 or something

or about 28. Mm.

I've got loads and it's really nice.

You know when you pour that on your tongue,

and just that little ts-ts-ts-ts-ts - that?

It feels amazing.

So that's why I love popping candy.

Yeah, she's brought in popping candy is the short answer. Right.

And a fake tongue. There we go.

I mean, I've got to say, it's great stuff, isn't it?

Thank you, Joanna.

So one point, the glork.

The glork. Well done, Amy. One to Amy.

Two points to the kebab meat... What?

...with jam on it.

Call it by its name.

OK. The second worst thing I've seen today is Racial Harmony.

Some popping candy and a tongue is better than Racial Harmony.

Three points.

You didn't invent the plopping pigeon,

but it's a wonderful thing and I wish I had it,

so I will give it four points.

And I mean, how can I not put Sting and Shaggy,

a wonderful example of musical and racial harmony...

...five points? Five points for Joel Dommett.

Task time.

Ugh. Well, this really is very exciting.

I'm back.

Alex. Kumail.

Hiya. Hello, Joanna. Ooh.

The drill.

Yeah, no, you won't be needing that.

I'm so sorry. Ooh.

Sorry, that shouldn't be there.

Oh, really? Sorry.

Can I have a go on it first? Of course, yeah.

Oh, God. No, I'm not going to, actually,

because it might say, "If you touch the drill..."

I'm not having anything hampering me.

All right, here we go.

"Make something boring exciting."

"Most exciting boring thing wins."

"You have 20 minutes.

"Your time starts now."

Watching somebody sleeping is pretty boring,

but I think for some people it can be very exciting.

Like, if they don't know, that seems exciting.

Don't put that in the show.

What do you find boring, Amy?

Wood. Planks of wood.

Rocks. I like rocks.

I don't think they're boring. You don't think rocks are boring?

No. Oh, Alex.

OK, this is my first thing, right?

Because this is something that I do get worried about,

and I'm very nervous about the whole thing, right?

Because I'm not a comedian, I don't do stand-up,

and so I'm boring

and I'm going to say me.

Me. Right, so we need to make you exciting.

I thought this was exciting - my announcement.

See? What, you think you're finished? Yeah.

Kumail, you find watching people when they sleep exciting,

but it's only exciting when they don't know.

Yeah, what's the point if they know?

OK, we're going to start with Armando and Joann-do.

Come on, Alex,

let's go and show them what exciting really is.

Come on.

Greg, I'm coming for you!

Ready? I'm ready. OK.

So most books are categorised by a system

called the Dewey Decimal system,

which, though effective, is a bit dull.

So this is an attempt to make

the act of book categorisation much more exciting

by doing it in rhyme.

OK? I'm ready. Here we go.

"Tell you what's boring, categorising books.

"Let's add some pizzazz

"so it's more exciting than it looks."

I don't care about the rules... Yeah. ..and you know why?

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Because I'm exciting and I'm wild.

"Poems by Tennyson,

"so poems with titles that rhyme with venison."

Argh! JOANNA GASPS

"This one is green and mouldy,

"so it's on the shelf of books that are oldie."

Agh!

"And finally, out with a bang,

"categorising Joey And The Blackbird Gang.

"I hope you've enjoyed this attempt to sell

"categorisation of books that isn't Dewey Decimal."

Fuck you, motherfuckers!

JOANNA YELPS

SLOW-MO YELPS

He's got no face!

Armando... Yes.

...did seeing a mother of four smashing a £1,500 sheep put your...

...new book categorisation system into perspective?

Yeah.

It's terrible, isn't it?

Because after I did that, I thought, "Oh, I've done really well."

Did you feel free, Joanna? I felt incredibly free.

It was very exhilarating. Mm-hm.

I really enjoyed it,

but I do feel bad now because he hasn't got a face.

But I didn't feel bad then. It was good. The sheep's wrecked.

Part one is done. Goodbye.

Hello.

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

where things are definitely not dull.

Never, because everyone is trying their very best

to make something boring exciting.

Next up, they were both born in the 1980s,

so they're a little bit younger than the others,

but they're also not that young,

it's Amy and Joel.

Standard boring plank of wood, yeah? OK.

Yeah? You ready? I'm ready. No peeping.

DRILLING

Count down for me. All right, here we go.

From 100.

100... More exciting.

...99,

98...

Are you ready to be excited? I really am.

29, 28... I regret the 100.

27... OK.

It's not just a boring plank any more, it's a sexy lady.

Woo!

And look at that.

She's got boobies, Alex.

Yeah, I can see that. See them? Yeah.

Speed up a bit.

Five, four, three, two, one, zero.

Come on. Yeah.

It's on fire.

I wasn't convinced by the plank of wood when I first saw it,

but as soon as the boob reveal happened,

I was just transported back to those pens, when you...

Yes! Yes! From when you were a kid,

which, genuinely, first sexual experience for me.

So I thought the sexy plank lady was brilliant.

Great. There you go. Joel...

...I've never seen a boy so happy.

Oh, my lord.

Since I saw the pens when I was growing up...

...I've never made a face like that.

Well, it's time for the final attempt on the big screen.

Kumail has played a genetically-engineered,

cosmic-powered near-immortal superhero in a global franchise.

He's also spent 20 minutes doing this.

ALEX SNORES

BEAR GROWLS

DONKEY BRAYS

PIG SQUEALS

DUCK QUACKS

SHEEP BLEATS

KUMAIL SIGHS

KUMAIL GRUNTS

Good? Did we get it?

GULPING

That was really good.

Really good. It was very creative.

And it was very exhausting running with all those things. Mm.

That pineapple is very heavy. What are these muscles for?

Decorative.

Well, I'm going to give poor Armando just one point.

But I did think it was sort of adorable,

Armando, I will say that. Thank you.

Then there's a gulf between Armando's and the next person.

I'm giving tit plank three points.

Moving up, I'm going to give you four points,

because a lot of imagination went into it.

But I'm giving Joel's spinning bear heads five points... OK.

...and I'm also giving Joanna

liberating herself by smashing a sheep five points.

Well done, Joanna.

Hey, baby boy. Mm? What's the scores?

Well, she was winning the series, but she's losing the episode -

Amy's in last place.

He was losing the series, but he's winning the episode -

Joel's in first place with ten points.

WHISTLING Wow!

It's all changed.

S'il vous plait, une autre tache.

Ah, oui, monsieur.

Qu'est-ce qu'il y a a manger?

Oh-oh!

This is nice.

A banquet. You may sit down. Thank you so much.

Ooh, it's lower than you expect!

That was much lower than I was expecting!

Yeah, you don't look very big. No.

People have said that.

Ooh.

Oh, look, a cloche.

We're just adjusting the cameras to get your height. Yeah.

Did this happen with anyone else?

No. Just me? Just you.

You set this up for me. Yeah.

Let me just go and get the child's tripod. Ah.

Oh, leather sounds weird against an old chair.

LEATHER CREAKS

Right, you can open the task but not the...

LEATHER CREAKS

Not the cloche. Thank you. Not the cloche?

I wouldn't dare.

I'm CLOCHEtrophobic.

Oh.

"Work out what food is under the cloche."

"When you've done that, and only when you have done that,

"you must remove the cloche and eat the food."

"Alex will always incorrectly answer your previous question..."

"And you must not repeat questions."

"Fastest wins."

"Your time starts now."

I'm not good at these ones. I know.

Well, I'll tell you now, I didn't mind CLOCHEtrophobic at all.

Oh! Not at all.

Let's get on with it. Yeah. I can't wait to see them.

It sounds simpler than they found it. Right.

Mr Nanjiani and Ms Gledhill are our first competitors

to find out what nosh is under the cloche.

Is this food dairy?

I'm not going to answer that question.

Is it a dessert?

Is it a sandwich?

It is definitely never a dessert.

So it's a dessert.

Could you feed this food to a baby?

No. None of it has come from a cow.

Is it sweet?

It would kill a baby.

So it's milky and a baby could eat it.

Can I get a pen?

No, nothing about it is sweet.

Is it a vegetable?

No.

So it is sweet.

Is it custard?

Yes.

Is it a cow? No.

Is it custard? Yep.

Is it jelly? No.

It's custard. I think it's custard.

Are you asking me a question?

Is it a food that rhymes with Colonel Mustard?

Yes. Is it ten feet tall?

No, it's not, but you can't open the cloche.

Yes, it's jelly, and you can't open it yet.

But you said it was custard.

Is it made up of two parts?

Yes. Is it alive? No.

Yes. Custard and...

What would you have done?

Is it savoury? Yes.

Is it ham? No.

So it is savoury.

Could you dip your finger into it and eat it that way?

Always. Is it salsa? No.

Oh, you COULD dip your finger into it.

Is it green? Yes. Is it yellow? Yes.

Is it purple? No.

Ah!

Savoury and yellow.

Is it tomato ketchup? Yes.

Is it spicy? No.

Is it mustard? No. Ha!

Is it mustard? Yes. Good.

Hot sauce? No.

It's mustard.

Is it custard and mustard?

No, you can't open that.

Ah!

Custard and mustard? Yes, it's hot sauce.

I'm going to open it.

Oh, my God,

it's custard and mustard!

You have to eat it and then I'll stop the clock.

I'm going to eat it together because fuck you.

That was so much worse than I was ready for.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

That was a spicy boy.

Do you want me to stop the clock?

Yeah, stop the goddamn clock.

Woo! Yeah.

My God, it ended beautifully with the two quotes,

"Ooh, it's a spicy boy," and,

"I'm going to eat them together because fuck you."

Do want me to tell you who was the slowest? Yes.

The slowest, just, was Kumail - 35 minutes, 56 seconds.

35 minutes I did that?

And 56 seconds.

And weirdly, you've done it pretty well.

Ooh.

WHISTLING

Amy asked twice as many questions as you,

but she asked a question every 11 seconds.

33 minutes and 25 seconds. Wow.

Well, now for two super switched-on guys,

they're Armando and Joel.

Is it... Is it meat?

Is it bird-based? It is, yes.

Is it an egg? No.

Wait, wait, what did you say no to?

Wait, what did you say...? Wait, wait, wait.

What did I ask?

Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?

Yes, cabbage.

Right, is it chips? Yes.

What was my last one? Yes, it's chips.

Was that a question?

Is it trifle? Yes.

Is it ice cream?

It's nothing to do with trifle.

It's trifle, then.

No similarities! Oh...

What? Put it back on.

You still don't know exactly what it is.

Keep going.

Do you enjoy them with vinegar?

Yes, it's chips still.

It's chips?

Yes.

No, what are you doing? Oh, what?

I thought I was supposed to say what it was and then open it.

You have seen it now. No, I haven't.

Will this stop if I...?

ARMANDO GRUMBLES

LEATHER CREAKS

Is it custard?

No, if you stab your eye with a fork, we'll carry on.

KLAXON BEEPS

Oh.

JOEL PANTS Oh, no!

Oh!

BELL DINGS

JOEL SIGHS

Oh, my God!

Is it custard in one bowl and mustard in another bowl?

Yes.

It's custard and mustard.

Is this a floor? No, it's definitely not.

Oh, so that's yes.

So it's mustard and custard.

You can now open the cloche and eat it.

I've stopped the clock.

Oof! Oh!

I think I need to, like,

seriously go back to school or something.

What I don't understand was it got harder...

Mm. Yes. ..after I'd seen it. Yeah.

That's the bit...

You were both quicker than the outside two.

Quicker than... But they looked at the food!

Yeah. Well, exactly. Yeah.

Armando looked at it after ten minutes

and got it right after 21.

Joel looked after six minutes

and got it right after 26-and-a-half minutes.

Oh, my God!

Neither of them got it right in the end.

They both looked again to get it right.

So they get nothing? I imagine so. Yeah.

Time for a break.

Put that phone down, no doomscrolling.

Stand up, stretch your legs,

go into the garden and shout, "I am alive," into the night sky.

I mean it. Do it now.

Hello.

Yes, it's part three,

and there's an incredibly irritating task in play.

All the contestants have to do

is work out what food is under the cloche,

whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly -

#HardForHorne. And...

...there's just one person left.

It's the final page. It's Joanna.

Right, there's...

Oh, I can lift it and see how heavy it is.

Oh, it's very light.

I can smell it.

I can smell it. It's savoury.

Is it savoury?

Is it sweet? No.

Yes, it's savoury.

Ugh. I don't like it.

It's not that nice.

Is it runny? Yes.

Is it hot?

Ooh, now... Mm...

No.

Well, that means it's half and half, then.

Is it...?

Is it... Is it yellow?

Yes.

Is it cheese? No.

What the hell is yellow and runny? Is it custard? Yes.

Baked beans?

No, don't lift up the cloche. It's custard.

It's custard,

but there's some other thing with it

which is savoury, but it smells.

It smells horrible. It smells a bit like salad cream.

I'm just going to say some things.

You're right, it's mustard and something.

JOANNA AND AUDIENCE GASP You just said something.

I've been saying custard and you just said mustard.

I'm making a guess.

It's custard and mustard.

You may open the cloche.

Oh, you managed to stack them.

God, it stinks!

Will you hold my nose for me, please? I'd love to.

OK. Got it. Thank you.

Ready? OK. One, two, three, go.

Oh, my God, it's horrible! Mm-hm.

Oh, my God, I...

I've stopped the clock. Ble-ugh!

Well, I mean, let's say it as it is - someone fucked up.

Mm. He sabotaged it.

I was doing so well and...

No, he gave you the answer.

He didn't sabotage it.

The shaking system was good. Mm-hm.

Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy,

but you know what was a better strategy?

Having you tell her the answer. Yeah.

I mean, we're going to have to allow it

because it's his mistake, not Joanna's, so...

Mm. But how did she do?

She won.

She did really well. Well done, Joanna.

Of course she did!

Armando and Joel both cheated - very naughty boys -

so zero points each.

Three to Kumail, four to Amy and five to Joanna Page.

Difficult task, wasn't it? Difficult task. Yes, very difficult.

All you had to do was ask one question. Yeah.

Because I had to answer every question incorrectly.

If you'd asked me what WASN'T under the cloche,

I would have told you there was mustard and custard.

Done. It doesn't matter. Alex...

Oh, my God!

Alex, you must fuck yourself.

On that. On that.

Oh, my God!

Let's task again. Like we did last summer,

but for now, we're back in the lab

and it's everyone's favourite type of test -

multiple choice.

Alex. Hello there.

OK.

Oh, geez. Right, failed at that one.

Two tasks. Pardon?

Oh, three tasks!

"If you opened this task first,

"you must pop the balloon, then open another task."

Am I allowed to open this? Because I...

You've got a choice of three to open.

"If you opened this task first, you must spin 360 degrees..."

"Ten times, then open another task."

Well, I'm not going to do that.

"If you opened this task first, you must completely cover..."

"..the balloon in tinfoil.

"Then open another task."

What are you thinking?

I'm not, really.

I think I've realised that's not really my vibe.

Let's see them do some stuff, you. OK.

Well, first, just like my third favourite battery,

it's double A - Armando and Amy.

And just so you know, my second favourite battery is a C

because they're manly and my favourite

is a triple A because they're cute. Here we go.

Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first.

"Complete all three tasks.

"Fastest wins, and you must...

"..you say."

"Fastest wins, and you must...

"Your time starts now," mate.

"If you opened this task first,

"you must pop the balloon, then open another task," mate.

"Pop the balloon and then open another task..."

Task. Ta... Open another task!

I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.

Oh, right. Wa-hey!

AMY SCREAMS Mate!

Oh!

Mate.

"If you opened this task second,

"you must put the tinfoil

"and all the dice in the jar,

"seal the jar, then open another task."

OK, mate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've not quite got the inflection.

Not quite got the inflecTION.

OK.

Two tasks done. Done. Two tasks done!

Ah, OK.

"If you opened this task third, you must eat a yellow sweet,

"then you are finished," mate.

"A yellow sweet, then you're finished."

Oh, you fucker, mate.

Is it one of these die?

It probably would be, wouldn't it?

Right, hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefulLY!

That was aggressive.

Sorry about that, mate.

Does it look like a yellow dice?

Di-ICE.

Dice is nice.

AMY GASPS

Oh! Urgh!

OK. I have to eat the whole thing?

Swallow it, yeah? Yeah, don't choke. OK, mate.

I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet.

Mm-hm. ARMANDO CLEARS THROAT

I've stopped the clock, mate. Thanks, mate.

Where did you go? I can't remember,

but the good news is I found a yellow sweet,

so I'll just eat that.

Where did you find it?

Wrapped around a banana.

I've stopped the clock. Thank you.

You really lost your mind, didn't you?!

I thought... Until you found the sweet, Amy,

I thought we'd finally broken you.

There was one "mate" that I said not in my accent

and that's when I knew I was angry, because I said, "Mate!"

What did Armando eat at the end?

It was a yellow sweet. I mean...

Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana.

It was banana skin. It was banana-flavoured yellow.

You'd scraped some banana skin off and tried to pass it off as a sweet?

Wait, so that was not a sweet?

It looked like a sweet, didn't it? Yeah.

It tasted like a sweet. But what was it? It was a sweet.

It was banana skin. It was banana skin.

Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana? Yeah.

Why is it the skin?

Yeah.

Why is it the only non-edible part?

I'll tell you this -

you could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that,

but I'm not going to because the whole thing broke my heart.

Two more? Two more.

And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Dolittle.

It is Joanna and Kumail, who were both in Dolittle.

Aw! What?!

I'm going to just do this. Fine. Yeah.

"Complete all three tasks. Fastest wins, and you must..."

That comes very naturally to me. I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

"And you must...

...you say."

"Your time starts now."

"If you opened this task first,

"you must spin 360 degrees ten times,

"then open another task."

"You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil,

"then open another task." I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

One, two, three, four.

Cool. One done.

I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

Nine, ten. I'm impressed.

OK, I'm going to go for this one.

"If you opened this task second,

"you must spin 360 degrees 20 times,

"then open another task."

I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

"If you opened this task second,

"you must put the tinfoil and all the dice in the jar."

Oh, my God. I'm assuming it's...

Agh! Agh! Agh!

One, two, three, four, five.

Oh, and I've just found a sweet.

But it didn't say to put the sweet in,

so I'm keeping that because I probably need that for later on.

I'm Kumail Nanjiani. I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

I'm Kumail Nanjiani. 20.

Right. "If you opened this task third,

"you must wrap the yellow sweet in the tinfoil,

"then you are finished."

"You must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished."

I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

Oh, that's not a yellow sweet, is it? I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

It's a pink sweet, right? Right.

So I'm going to suck this one because it might be a changing one.

Where is there a sweet?

There's a sweet somewhere, but where?

Where is it? JOANNA EXHALES

Even an idiot would have to agree that's a yellow sweet.

I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

I've stopped the clock. This is weird.

JOANNA EXHALES

Right.

I'm going to take this apart.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, I'm quite astounded by my own thinking.

I am absolutely and utterly chuffed.

I've stopped the clock.

Whew! Flipping heck.

I'm chuffed. I'm chuffed. I'm chuffed.

I couldn't quite tell

what sort of mood Joanna was in at the end of that.

No, mixed emotions. Yeah.

It was utter relief. Yeah.

I think I went in, like, cameramen's pockets and stuff.

I was searching, like, everyone.

Kumail. Greg.

Were you asked to say your name in the style of Roger Moore?

I can't help it, I'm Kumail Nanjiani. Woo!

OK, time for the final ad break.

Today's episode will end with somebody celebrating onstage

with a jammy kebab and a prosthetic tongue.

Oh, I love jam!

He does. He loves jam.

See you in a bit.

Hello!

It's the final part of the show

and we need to finish what we started in the lab.

Our guys had to complete three tasks

which they could tackle in whichever order they liked.

One person left. He's part man, he's part egg,

he's Joel Dom-elette.

"Complete all three tasks.

"Fastest wins, and you must..."

"..you say." You say.

"Your time starts now." Starts now.

"You must pop the balloon, then open another task."

Another task.

"You must eat a red sweet and then open another task."

Another task.

Red sweet? Mm-hm. Red sweet.

Is there a red sweet in here? You're looking for a red sweet.

I'm looking for a red sweet. Mm. Red sweet.

AUDIENCE GASP

You're thinking about eating the wax?

I'm thinking about eating the wax. The wax.

That's your red sweet, is it?

That nice?

Mm. OK, so we're saying you've done two tasks. Yep.

Can't wait for that waxy poop.

"If you opened this task third,

"you must spin 360 degrees 30 times, then you are finished."

Yes! I love this stuff. Here we go.

I've just seen the red sweet.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...

...25, 26, 27, 28... Getting fast.

...29, 30.

I can't stop. I can't stop.

This is exhilarating!

You started so fast. I know.

Look, this episode, I think we've learnt

that there's a lot of things that I'm not good at,

and spinning, I'm good at that.

You were really good at it.

I mean, you were so good you'd spun more than 30 times.

But did you have to say the last two words for the whole thing?

He was meant to, you're right, Kumail.

And after eating the wax seal,

he stopped saying the end of the sentence again,

but I imagine Greg didn't mind

because he liked the spinning so much.

I'll just check in. He just...

Do you mind about him not repeating the word?

I don't mind because he span so many times.

I thought that was the case, yeah.

So it doesn't matter if you do the task or not?

Not really. OK.

Here are the scores.

Joanna, you were actually the slowest.

11 minutes 30, so it's one point for you.

Armando next, nine minutes 12 including banana skin.

We'll allow it.

Amy gets three points - six minutes, five seconds.

So it's between Kumail and Joel.

One of you took five minutes 40, the other four minutes 57.

Joel, you get five points.

Oh! You got four minutes 57.

Kumail gets four points in second place. Ah!

Well done, Joel Dommett.

It's an injustice. I'm so sorry.

Gosh. That does seem grossly unfair.

Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!

Hello.

Well, then, my boy, who will be reading out the task?

I'm your baby boy. Amy Gledhill.

Thank you, baby boy.

"Be the first to communicate the item to your team.

"You must not make any noise, you must use your pencil and ball,

"and you must stare at both throughout.

"You must stay on your spots at all times.

"Best team of communicators after five rounds wins."

Fantastic. OK.

Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?

I'm going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item.

This is the first one. Ready?

It's like charades. It is charades.

So remember, no noise,

you must use your items and stare at them.

- Ready? - Ready. WHISTLE BLOWS

Dog. Bowling.

Dog's right! Done. Oh.

Right. It's a quick one and they're 1-0 up.

Yeah. Good.

OK. Ready?

Don't look. All right.

Mm. Different reactions.

Round two. 1-0 to the team of two. Remember, shout it out.

Canoe. Boat. Rowing. Oar.

A gondola.

Gondola. Gondola.

Canoe. Canoe. Ship. Ship. Yacht. Battleship. Venice.

Venice. Pirate ship. Sea. River. Sailing.

A stream. A river. Stare at your items, please. The sea. The ocean.

Stare at your items. Ocean. Stare at your items. Sea. Ocean.

Ocean.

Ocean! It is the ocean! But we said ocean, too!

She said it first! She said it first!

She said it first! She did say ocean first.

The gallery are actually checking it...

Yeah. ..cos here, we're all about the rules.

We have analysed the footage and the fastest team was...

...Joanna and Armando.

Oh! Oh! Ooh.

So please switch round again.

You're 2-0 up.

One more will get you the win, but how big will the win be? Oh.

Hello again. Hello.

I'm bad at this. No, you won't be.

You're in movies!

You can do this!

Yes, you're Kumail Nanjiani.

Ready? Go.

Toothbrush. Please stay on your spot, Kumail.

The rules!

Corn. Corn. Sweetcorn. Corn on the cob.

Nice and silent.

Straw. Straw. Fork.

Stare at your items. Fork. Knife. Spoon.

Fork. Knife. Spoon. Straw. Suck.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Stare at your items, please. Eating.

Peas.

Food. Food. Food.

Spaghetti.

Yes! It is spaghetti!

AMY SQUEALS Incredible.

Amazing. Just about.

OK, switch around.

It's 2-1, they're back in it. Switch around again. Oh.

Right. We're back in it. OK.

Hello, Armando. Hi, Alex.

Don't give anything away when you see it.

Is that all right?

Thank you.

OK.

Please look at your items. Cool.

Greg Davies. Yes, it is Greg Davies! Yes!

It's 2-2. Ooh.

Well done! That was amazing! Right. Wow.

Right. Oh, wow. Remarkable.

Back in the game. OK, well, this is the final one.

OK.

We can do this. Come on, buddy.

We can do it. We can do this. You guys are so great.

OK. Whoever gets this wins the task.

JOANNA AND JOEL GROWL

Javelin.

Brushing your teeth. Dragon.

Dragon. Monster. Uh...

Uh... Do...

Art.

What is that? Can you do something else?

Look at your items. Look at your items. Eating.

Wax. Seal.

A bat. A bat.

A vampire. Yes, it is vampire! It's vampire!

Yeah!

OK, we'll add those to the final scores.

Come down and join me!

Woohoo!

Well... Five points to the team of three,

and then how many for the team of two?

Well, they did OK - three points? Three points?

OK, so three for the team of two, five for the team of three.

How has that affected the final scores?

Well, Armando, you won't believe it,

is in last place with ten points. Mm.

The other two boys are at the top. Kumail's got 18 points,

but the winner of this episode, the first time he's won a show,

is Joel Dommett. No way!

Joel Dommett wins!

Please go and have your celebrations with the best combination!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media