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1
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,176
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
2
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,245
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
3
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,813
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
4
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,715
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
5
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,784
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
6
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,620
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
7
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,521
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
8
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,491
♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
9
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,092
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
10
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,994
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
11
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,931
♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
12
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:48,613
Yeeeah!
You got it, Ned!
13
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,516
That was a nice shot!
14
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,850
Thanks.
I thought so, too.
15
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,854
Come on,
let's see what we got.
16
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,056
Huh. Looks like you
shot the shit out of it.
17
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,491
There's nothin' left.
18
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,427
Hey.
Lookie here.
19
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,664
Jesus. You ever seen
animal tracks that big?
20
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,666
No, I have not, Jimbo.
21
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:12,204
Looks like a bear.
A huge one!
22
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,339
Come on,
the tracks go this way.
23
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,877
Look at that.
Looks like bear droppings.
24
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,680
But with a man poop
right next to it.
25
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,782
I'm scared.
26
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,253
What the hell are we
dealing with, Ned?
27
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,889
Whatever it is,
it was here recently.
28
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,157
Hey!
29
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:35,026
What the hell are you guys
doing on my farm?
30
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,529
We're trackin' a bear,
Randy.
31
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,463
A bear?
32
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,535
That didn't sound
like no bear.
33
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,336
Where you goin', Ned?
34
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:48,740
I'm getting
my white ass outta here.
35
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,546
What the fuck?!
36
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,847
Jesus Christ!
37
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,217
Ahghgghghgh!
38
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,221
Helllllllp meeeeee!
39
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,829
Neddddddd!
40
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:16,601
All right, we have some dead
cows down at Milner's Ranch.
41
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,204
I want Conners and Tiggs
to check that out.
42
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:21,006
And the two hikers
are still missing.
43
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,341
Let's have all units keep
their ears to the ground.
44
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,811
All right, ladies, that's it.
Second shift starts now.
45
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,213
As for me,
I'm finally heading home.
46
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,248
Gonna finally get
some R&R, sir?
47
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,585
Yup. Gonna go home and play me
some "Red Dead Redemption 2."
48
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,654
I got a train to rob
in Valentine.
49
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:36,922
Detective?!
50
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,457
Got a call
from the school.
51
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,925
Another kid's
been killed.
52
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,360
No, no, not another
school shooting.
53
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,895
Can't they handle it
themselves?
54
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,631
Said they need us
right away.
55
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,466
God damn it.
56
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,902
Why the hell can't these kids
stop being a pain in my ass?
57
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,309
Children, everyone
just stay back, okay?
58
00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,745
The police are coming.
59
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,380
All right, what happened?
What grade was the shooter in?
60
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:03,582
Oh, thank God.
61
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,016
Some kindergartners
found the body.
62
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,651
I-I don't think
it was a shooting.
63
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:07,986
Of course
it's a school shooting.
64
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,321
It's cut and dry.
65
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,055
Let's just get this over with
so I can go home.
66
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:12,124
Where's the victim?
67
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,124
Over there.
68
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,328
What the hell?
69
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:19,430
Jesus,
it's a complete mauling.
70
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:22,701
Looks like part of him
was eaten.
71
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,236
All right, which one of you
little shitheads did this?
72
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:29,073
Come on! I don't have time
for these little games.
73
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,043
Which one of you peckers
felt isolated
74
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,510
and lashed out
at society?
75
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:35,146
If I have to stay here
and do an investigation
76
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,048
instead of go home
and rob a train,
77
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,484
there's gonna be
serious hell to pay!
78
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,088
So, what was he doing
alone on the playground?
79
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,089
Staci Nakabe says
he just wanted to run back out
80
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:45,990
and get his football.
81
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,658
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
82
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,328
And there were bear prints
in the snow?
83
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,697
It wasn't a bear.
84
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,931
I saw it.
85
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,900
You saw what?
86
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,669
It was at my house.
87
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,504
There was a...thing.
88
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,906
It attacked my uncle
and took his friend.
89
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:07,412
It was like a bear,
but a pig...thing.
90
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,914
Jesus.
91
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,949
It was at my house
and then here at the school!
92
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:13,518
Everyone says
that kid and I look alike.
93
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,820
What if that thing
is after me?
94
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,654
Dude, now you're just
overreacting.
95
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,655
Attention, please.
96
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:18,890
Will the following students
97
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,358
report tothe principal's office.
98
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,760
Eric Cartman.Kenny McCormick.
99
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,062
Thank you, mkay.
100
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,665
Aw, what did I do
this time?
101
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:30,936
You go first, Kenny.
102
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,170
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
103
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,538
I didn't even
do anything wrong!
104
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,773
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
105
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,475
Just stop being a baby, Kenny,
and go.
106
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,013
Take a seat boys.
Right there.
107
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,156
You know how shitty it is
to be a cop?
108
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,625
There's real emergencies
every day --
109
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,794
real people
who need real help --
110
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,995
but then, every other minute,
I gotta stop everything
111
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,430
'cause one of you
little fuckwads
112
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,232
decides to go
and shoot up the school.
113
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,735
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
114
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:07,705
Shut up! Now, which one of you
had a beef with Colin Brooks?
115
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,607
Nobody gives a shit
about Colin Brooks.
116
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,210
Oh, yeah? I asked
the kids in this school,
117
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:13,845
"Who are the biggest loners?
118
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,381
Who's most likely to rage
and be the next school shooter?"
119
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:17,949
You know what they said?
120
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,718
The fat, ugly, mean kid and
the detached, loner, poor kid.
121
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,254
Hey, I'm not poor,
all right?
122
00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:25,023
Or was it both of you?
Fess up.
123
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,791
I have people
in Horseshoe Overlook
124
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,860
who are depending on me
to get provisions
125
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,228
so we can head
back east.
126
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,564
You're playing
"Red Dead Redemption," too?
127
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:33,998
That's right.
128
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,301
And I'm gonna make
both of you school shooters pay
129
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,869
for wasting my time.
130
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,807
Keep looking.
There's a lot of people
131
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:43,808
saying they saw it,
Kyle.
132
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,043
It's not just me.
133
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,078
"Evidence of the creature
of South Park."
134
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,880
This is like
a conspiracy website.
135
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,514
It's not a conspiracy,
it's real.
136
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,084
Keep going down.
There's video.
137
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,719
There!
Right there!
138
00:05:58,425 --> 00:05:59,691
That's it.
139
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,893
That's was I saw.
140
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,095
I saw ManBearPig.
141
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,563
ManBearPig?
142
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:08,099
Don't you remember, dude?
We were warned about this.
143
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,868
That weirdo guy who came
and told us this would happen?
144
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,870
He was right.
145
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:13,971
You guys!
You guys!
146
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,373
The police
are trying to say
147
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,042
me and Kenny killed
that douchebag Colin Brooks!
148
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,109
What?
149
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,678
They questioned us
for hours.
150
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,480
They said they have enough
to get warrants for our arrest.
151
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,147
But it wasn't
you guys.
152
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,850
We know that!
What the hell are we gonna do?!
153
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,151
Who was
that ex-president guy?
154
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:28,453
The one
who showed up
155
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,187
and tried to convince everyone
of a ManBearPig?
156
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:31,756
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
157
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,993
Al Gore.
158
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,163
In my report, you'll see that
Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
159
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,198
are believed to have
worked together.
160
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,966
I've issued warrants
for their arrests,
161
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:45,070
and this case is now
in the hands of the DA.
162
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,304
And I am finally going home.
163
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:49,541
Keep McCormick and Cartman
in separate holding cells,
164
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,342
and don't wait on me
to book 'em.
165
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,679
I'm gonna be playing
"Red Dead Redemption"
for the next 18 hours.
166
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:55,847
Detective!
167
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:56,815
Whattt?!
168
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,149
There's more dead kids.
169
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,184
Out in the woods
by Stark's Pond.
170
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,153
In the woods?
171
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,322
There was a school shooting
out in the woods?
172
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,024
Outside of school
is the one place
173
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,559
kids are supposed
to be safe.
174
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,361
They're saying
it's really bad, sir.
175
00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:10,461
Need all unites.
176
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,630
God damn it.
177
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,332
If these kids don't stop
killing each other,
178
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,367
I'm gonna shoot them all
myself.
179
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:28,879
Hello, uh, we're looking
for a government sort
of guy named Al Gore?
180
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:31,416
Al Gore...?
Al Gore...?
181
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,084
Sounds familiar.
182
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,286
He said he was
almost president once.
183
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,821
He came to our town
to warn us about something,
184
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,022
and we have
to find him.
185
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,425
Oh, yeah.
186
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:43,027
This looks
like Jim Turner.
187
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,395
Mrph rmhmhm?
188
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,597
The state bowling champion
five years in a row.
189
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,966
You can always
catch him practicing
190
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,601
down at Gramercy Lanes.
191
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:56,874
Focus.
192
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:59,811
Calm.
Center.
193
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:07,151
Yes!
Die!
194
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,653
Die, you pins!
195
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,922
Oh, we've got a straggler,
do we?
196
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,592
You're gonna die
just like the rest of 'em.
197
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,592
Mr. Gore?
198
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,961
Focus.
Calm.
199
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,329
Al Gore?
200
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:25,570
That's a name I haven't heard
in a long time.
201
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,071
I don't know
if you remember us,
202
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,708
but we're the kids you got to
help try and capture ManBearPig?
203
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,777
Well, uh
you were right.
204
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,612
Ha. You -- You were
totally right.
205
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,914
ManBearPig is real,
206
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,115
and, uh, he's killing
lots of people in our town.
207
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:41,386
Oh.
Sucks for you.
208
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,190
Please, Mr. Gore!
We need your help!
209
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,958
ManBearPig
isn't going to stop.
210
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,461
Oh, is it
inconvenient now?
211
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:53,631
I tried to warn you all,
but no one took me cereal.
212
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,634
You all just made fun of me,
didn't you?
213
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,269
Well, now you can just
deal with it yourselves.
214
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,439
Please, just tell us --
How do you stop it?
215
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,541
You stop it
all those years ago
216
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,611
when I freaking warned you
and you still had time!
217
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,279
There has to be something
we can still do.
218
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,680
Please, Mr. Gore.
You're the only person
219
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,115
who knows
anything about it.
220
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,852
Say you're sorry
for making fun of me.
221
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,053
We didn't...
222
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,722
We didn't realize
there were more than --
223
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,992
Say you're sorry
for making fun of me.
224
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,729
We're sorry
for making fun of you.
225
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,466
That didn't sound
cereal at all.
226
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,875
You can't just go along
227
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,343
with what people are saying,
Susan, okay?
228
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,145
There's no
scientific proof,
229
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,848
no real evidence
of a ManBearPig.
230
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:47,051
Well, there's a lot
of smart people saying
ManBearPig is real.
231
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,421
Yeah, and a lot of smarter
people saying it isn't, okay?
232
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,123
What you need to understand,
Susan,
233
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,793
is that everyone has an agenda.
Okay?
234
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,394
Everyone wants to use
the fear of a ManBearPig
235
00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:58,663
to get what they want.
236
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,566
So they throw around
bad science, bad taxidermy.
237
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,269
People coming
out of the woodwork
238
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,137
are now experts
on the subject.
239
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,374
But you have to use
your own brain, sweetheart.
240
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:11,843
You can't just
let people tell you
241
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,344
that if you don't believe
in ManBearPig,
242
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,046
then you don't care
about the world.
243
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,614
It is real!
244
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,751
You wanna believe it's real,
you go right on ahead, Susan.
245
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,520
No, it's right there!
It's right there behind you!
246
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,328
Okay,
ManBearPig is real.
247
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,163
What are we gonna do
about it now, huh?
248
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,431
What are we gonna do
249
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,300
that's gonna make
any difference now, Susan?
250
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,335
What?!
We have to do something!
251
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,204
What can we do that everyone
else will also do, Susan?
252
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,873
Come on, use your brain.
253
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,407
Even if we do
something about it...
254
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,775
...what about the Chinese?
255
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:47,244
They're just gonna keep
right on -- Ahghhggh!
256
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,714
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
257
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,449
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
258
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,918
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
259
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,653
♪ That should've
been president ♪
260
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,990
Oh, thanks guys!
You shouldn't have!
261
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,925
You told us to.
262
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,161
What did you guys
get me?
263
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,929
Oh, wow.
Look!
264
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,697
It's a "You were right
about ManBearPig"
265
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,199
signed picture!
266
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,868
So, um...
267
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,936
now maybe we can all
work together, huh?
268
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,873
Hang on!
It's movie time!
269
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,640
Go, go!
Start it up.
270
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,811
This is the best party ever.
271
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,846
Oh, look, guys.
It's me!
272
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:25,116
There I am,
campaigning to be president!
273
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,051
That's me
with Hillary!
274
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,987
There's more of me
on the campaign trail,
275
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,788
so full of dreams!
276
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,924
Oh, look! It's me when I found
out I lost the election!
277
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,560
Boo!
278
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,694
But then look!
279
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,863
There's me getting
an Academy Award!
280
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,199
Okay, can we stop
ManBearPig now?!
281
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,768
Who said anything
about stopping M.B.P.?
282
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:46,236
Y-You told us
to do all this.
283
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,806
Yeah, to make up
for ripping on me!
284
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,642
You're still not even
gonna help us?!
285
00:11:50,644 --> 00:11:53,244
I've moved on
from this life, okay?!
286
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,912
I have a new life now!
287
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,214
I'm a bowler!
288
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,882
And when I'm not bowling,
I help out my gang.
289
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,685
They're my family now!
290
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,319
We're wanted in Blackwater,
291
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:05,123
and we have to move
our camp soon!
292
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,891
You're playing
Red Dead Redemption 2?
293
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,559
Yeah. It's amazing.
294
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,328
Only thing is,
I have all these stolen items,
295
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,996
and I don't know
how to sell them.
296
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,132
We know how.
297
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,600
Oh, really?
298
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,073
No witnesses to the attack
were left alive.
299
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,741
The same bear and pig droppings
were found
300
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,676
along with
human excrement.
301
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,078
I don't believe it.
302
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,280
A school shooting
at an ice cream shop.
303
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,981
Damn it!
When children leave school,
304
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,250
they're supposed to be
out of harm's way.
305
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,385
Detective!
306
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,186
Sir, we got word
on the two suspects.
307
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:37,922
They appear to be
on the run.
308
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,990
I would be, too,
if I were guilty.
309
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,293
No one has seen them
or their two closest friends.
310
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,729
A Marsh
and Broflovski.
311
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,231
So, we got us a gang
of shooters, huh?!
312
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:51,269
How the hell hard can it be
to find four boys?!
313
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,336
Sir...
314
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,104
Why don't you take
a break, sir?
315
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,172
Ehh.
316
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,474
You've been
hittin' it hard.
317
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,476
We'll do all we can
to catch these kids.
318
00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,577
Go home,
319
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,345
play some
"Red Dead Redemption."
320
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,546
Huh.
321
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,314
Got to admit,
I'd love to see the sun
322
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:06,517
rise over
Citadel Rock again.
323
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,552
And I got me a gal
who claims she's got
324
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,187
a side mission or two.
325
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,389
Go on home, sir.
326
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,792
We'll take care
of everything here.
327
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,099
This is it.
328
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,301
Every piece of information
I ever gathered
329
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,568
on ManBearPig.
330
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,537
Where did ManBearPig
come from?
331
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,173
Is it some sort
of genetic mutation?
332
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,741
Oh!
I thought that once, too.
333
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,277
I wanted to find
ManBearPig's origins.
334
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:36,614
And so I created this --
the Internet.
335
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,016
With that, I was able
to search everywhere
336
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,517
for any bit of data.
337
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:43,521
And what I learned is
that ManBearPig...
338
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,423
is a demon.
339
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,690
Rmphm?!
340
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,826
This is
"The Temptation of St. Anthony"
341
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,428
by Martin Schongauer.
342
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,163
It depicts several demons --
343
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:56,434
WolfMonkeyGuy, ChickenFishWoman
and ElephantPorcupineMan,
344
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,835
just to name a few.
345
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,304
All of them demons sent
by the Devil himself.
346
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,773
Oh, my God.
347
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,041
What?
348
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,543
I should play "Red Dead"
on this computer,
349
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,644
with all three screens.
350
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,680
That'd be
so bitchin' sweet.
351
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,814
Why did the devil
send ManBearPig?!
352
00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:12,283
Why does the devil
do anything?
353
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,985
He's the freakin' devil.
He's a dick.
354
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,154
It's probably too late.
355
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,390
By now ManBearPig
is so powerful
356
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,925
that the only way
to get rid of him
357
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,728
is to send him
back to hell.
358
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:28,299
We're going to have
to do a demonic ritual.
359
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,600
All I can say is,
360
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,735
you boys better get
to the grocery store,
361
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:35,907
'cause it's time...
to get cereal.
362
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,080
Harrison Yates,
where have ya been?!
363
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,382
Another school shooting,
Maggie.
364
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,185
Down at
Baskin-Robbins.
365
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,623
I haven't seen you in days.
I've missed you so much.
366
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,425
Come have some supper
with me.
367
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,761
Maggie, I just need to relax
a bit, all right?
368
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:57,928
Please.
369
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,530
I've been waiting for this
a long time.
370
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,931
Just give me a --
371
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,733
Wait a minute.
372
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,102
The house in Valentine
is built?
373
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,505
Where did I get
a sniper rifle?
374
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,572
Maggie!
375
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,408
Did you play over
my save game?
376
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,942
I just played
a little bit.
377
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,244
A little bit, you --
On my save game?!
378
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,214
Why didn't you
start your own?!
379
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,582
You're never home
anymore!
380
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,149
With all these
school shootin's!
381
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:21,219
I need a life,
too, ya know!
382
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,121
So I robbed a lumber mill
in Monto's Rest,
383
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,189
upgraded my horse,
and got a sniper rifle.
384
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,091
That's my life,
Maggie!
385
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,626
I was going for
more honor points!
386
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,861
God damn it!
387
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:31,829
Why can't we have
a life together?!
388
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,764
I haven't gotten to play
in three days.
389
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,399
You've done all this
stuff without me!
390
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:36,968
You got deputized?!
391
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,137
Oh, God damn it!
That does it.
392
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,139
Where are ya goin'?!
393
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,107
I'm starting
a new life!
394
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,675
I'm creating
a new save game.
395
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,243
You can't possibly go
all the way back
396
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,478
to the snow level
again!
397
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,480
What choice
do I have now?!
398
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,053
Fuckin' bitch.
399
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:09,467
Abbul abash my-ah.
400
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,869
What Satan has
put forth upon this earth
401
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:15,540
may it be summoned
and banished forever.
402
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,176
Dude, come on,
what are we doing?
403
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,745
This is stupid.
He was right before.
404
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,947
We call upon
the powers of darkness.
405
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,884
Come on, guys.
We call upon...
406
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:30,254
We call upon
the powers of darkness.
407
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,356
Al Gore was right.
408
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,926
Al Gore was right
all along.
409
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,728
Al Gore was right
all along.
410
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,831
We should have
listened to Al Gore.
411
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,901
We should have
all listened to Al Gor--
Wait.
412
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,436
Wait.
Are you videoing us?
413
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,404
It's Instagram live.
Keep going!
414
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,441
We should have taken Al Gore
more cereal.
415
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,043
All right. All right.
That's enough.
416
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:53,844
You need to stop wasting
our time, dude.
417
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,179
People are dying!
418
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,680
You don't have a fucking clue
what you're doing!
419
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,293
You were saying?
420
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:10,428
Aw, shit!
421
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,529
God Damn it!
Nothing!
422
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,464
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
423
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:30,448
Do you all have any idea
what's it's like to start over?!
424
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,416
You walk four hours
through the snow
425
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:34,385
relearning everything,
426
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,420
all because your bitch wife
went and spent
427
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,656
all your hard earned money
on upgrades you didn't want!
428
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,558
I get one little break
from work --
429
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,128
one little break --
and I didn't even get back
430
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:46,430
to the first brawl
at the saloon.
431
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,899
You can actually bypass
that fight
432
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,300
if you go hunting
with Dutch.
433
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:51,636
Shut up!
434
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,338
These school shootings are done,
you hear me?!
435
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,907
I want this case closed
by the end of the night,
436
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,409
one way or another!
437
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,243
Now, let's move out!
438
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,646
Here he comes, boys!
439
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,448
Prepare yourselves!
440
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:19,363
Who hath summoned me
to this realm?!
441
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,331
Dude!
You summoned Satan!
442
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,802
Yeah no doi!
What'dya think we were doing?!
443
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:29,072
Prince of darkness!
It is I, Al Gore!
444
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:31,708
I was almost
president!
445
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,780
What do you wish of me,
Al Gore?!
446
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,947
A demon from Hell
447
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,282
has been unleashed
upon our world!
448
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,586
We demand
to know its nature!
449
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,555
We demand to know
its reason for coming!
450
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:49,327
There is only one place you can
find the answers you seek!
451
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,129
It is the place
where all knowledge
452
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,398
becomes known!
453
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,401
Your local library.
454
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,904
Ah! You are
correct.
455
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:02,940
Your local library
is an excellent resource
456
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,042
for whatever
you wish to learn.
457
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,244
Yes, it is.
458
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,313
Then I command
thee, Satan,
459
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,782
to come with us
to the local library!
460
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,218
And I am cereal!
461
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,386
Dude, Satan's not gonna
go with us to the --
462
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:21,225
Very well, Al Gore.
Let us go!
463
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,430
Yeah, guys!
Guys, over here!
464
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,398
I think I found it.
465
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,235
What you're dealing with
is a Sifter of Fate.
466
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,636
Mrph rmhmhm?
467
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,439
So there's these demons
that, um, actually come
468
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:37,341
once every few
generations.
469
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,576
They're all about
making deals.
470
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:40,744
Making deals?
471
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,146
Yeah, check it out.
472
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:45,048
"The Sifter of Fate thrives
on tempting mankind.
473
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:48,052
It will always offer a deal
in exchange for mercy,
474
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,086
but the carnage will
be a thousand times worse
475
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,555
when the debt comes due."
476
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:52,790
Okay, so wait.
477
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,625
Now you're saying
that someone in our town
478
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:55,959
made a deal
with that thing?
479
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,395
Now it's here to claim
it's part of the bargain.
480
00:19:58,397 --> 00:19:59,930
It's sort of like
when you're part of a gang
481
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,865
feuding with a rival gang,
you know.
482
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,133
You ride around on your horse
483
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,368
thinking it won't all
catch up with you,
484
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,203
but it always does.
485
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,438
You're playing
"Red Dead Redemption," too?
486
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,874
So good, right?
487
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,644
Attention, school shooters!
488
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,213
We have you surrounded!
489
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,882
Come out with your hands up!
490
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,251
Oh, Jesus.
You gotta tell them, Mr. Gore!
491
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,686
Tell them it
wasn't us!
492
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:25,456
No. They don't
listen to me, kids.
493
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:28,058
It's up to you
young people now.
494
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,228
You have to find a way to
get people to take this cereal.
495
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,563
You must convince people
there's a ManBearPig,
496
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,933
which Satan told you is
a Fate Sifter demon
497
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:39,103
that made a deal
with someone in this town!
498
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,671
That's gonna be
impossible.
499
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,940
Yeah, sounds really hard,
doesn't it?
500
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,107
People might not believe you
501
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:45,609
and, like, make fun
of you and stuff.
502
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,077
Poor you guys, huh?
503
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,485
They are
coming out!
504
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,553
Hands where
we can see em!
505
00:20:56,555 --> 00:21:00,190
Everyone, listen!
ManBearPig is real.
506
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,393
It's a demon that thrives
on making deals
507
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,695
to exploit mankind's
weaknesses.
508
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,498
I am super-duper cereal.
509
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:14,238
We all have to work together,
you guys. This one time.
510
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,374
We have to all put
our pride aside
511
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:19,810
and be willing to say,
maybe we were wrong.
512
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,346
All right, lock these
little fuckers up!
513
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:25,348
No! You can't!
514
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:28,052
That's it, gentlemen!
Case closed.
515
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,420
Now I've got a God damn
stagecoach to rob
516
00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:31,955
in Scarlett Meadows!
517
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,623
Well done, sir!
518
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,626
No! Noooo!
519
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,629
Please! Somebody madea deal with ManBearPig!
520
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,398
We have to find out who!
521
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,001
Billy...
522
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,870
what have I done?
523
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:52,175
What are we gonna do
524
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,044
that's gonna make
any difference now, Susan?
525
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:56,079
What?!
We have to do something!
526
00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:58,949
What can we do that everyone
else will also do, Susan?
527
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,618
Come on, use your brain.
528
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,152
Even if we do
something about it...
529
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,520
...what about the Chinese?
530
00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:06,731
They're just gonna keep
right on -- Ahghhggh!
35673
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