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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,668
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:11,736 --> 00:00:13,348
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:13,416 --> 00:00:16,590
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:18,264
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:18,332 --> 00:00:19,898
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:19,988 --> 00:00:23,082
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:23,201 --> 00:00:26,582
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:29,503
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:30,961
*SOUTH PARK*
Season 22 Episode 03
11
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:33,796
*SOUTH PARK*
Episode Title: "The Problem with a Poo"
12
00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:50,174
People, it's time
we faced some hard truths.
13
00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:52,555
The town is looking to us
for answers,
14
00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:55,284
and all we keep doing
is burying our heads.
15
00:00:55,362 --> 00:00:58,621
We need to cut the budget for
this year's Christmas pageant.
16
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:02,340
My God.
17
00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:05,172
I've asked the director
of the holiday show to stop by
18
00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:07,329
so we can
all give him the news.
19
00:01:07,407 --> 00:01:09,098
He's not going to take
this well.
20
00:01:09,176 --> 00:01:11,013
If he doesn't,
we should just let him go.
21
00:01:11,091 --> 00:01:12,735
God knows it's about time.
22
00:01:12,813 --> 00:01:14,633
Hey, a lot of people
like him, all right?
23
00:01:14,711 --> 00:01:16,906
Yeah, and lot of people think he stinks.
24
00:01:16,984 --> 00:01:18,487
Let's just get this over with.
25
00:01:18,565 --> 00:01:19,764
All right, send him in.
26
00:01:20,792 --> 00:01:23,212
Howwwwdy ho!
27
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,869
You wanted to see me?
28
00:01:24,947 --> 00:01:25,948
Better hurry.
29
00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:28,864
We only have two months
before Christmas!
30
00:01:29,029 --> 00:01:31,796
Mr. Hankey, we called you in
to let you know that
31
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your Christmas-pageant funding
has been cut.
32
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:35,706
By half.
33
00:01:36,142 --> 00:01:37,323
What?
34
00:01:37,666 --> 00:01:40,696
But I can barely make a good
Christmas show with what I have!
35
00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:43,031
We just don't have the support
for the Christmas show
36
00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:44,177
that we used to.
37
00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:47,149
The truth is,
some people find you offensive.
38
00:01:47,227 --> 00:01:50,792
Offensive?
What about me is offensive?
39
00:01:50,951 --> 00:01:52,831
Some people think that shit
40
00:01:52,909 --> 00:01:55,300
isn't the best representation
of Christmas.
41
00:01:55,378 --> 00:01:57,721
Yeah.
You people can't do this.
42
00:01:57,799 --> 00:02:00,026
Christmas is the most magical
time of the year.
43
00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:01,461
The decision has already
been made.
44
00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:04,637
Thank you, Mr. Hankey,
and good luck with the show.
45
00:02:11,547 --> 00:02:14,791
♪♪
46
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:18,280
Okay, stop.
47
00:02:18,495 --> 00:02:21,250
Kids, the song's called
"Deck the Halls,"
48
00:02:21,328 --> 00:02:23,248
not "Let's All Suck Balls."
49
00:02:23,326 --> 00:02:24,640
Now, come on, kids.
50
00:02:24,718 --> 00:02:26,409
Why do we have to do this now?
51
00:02:26,487 --> 00:02:28,099
Yeah, It's not even
Halloween yet.
52
00:02:28,177 --> 00:02:31,179
Restoration Hardware put up
their Christmas decorations
53
00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:33,078
two weeks ago, all right?!
54
00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:35,915
Now, listen, I didn't want this, either.
55
00:02:35,993 --> 00:02:37,641
I wanted the Denver Symphony.
56
00:02:37,719 --> 00:02:40,343
But they cut my budget,
and I'm stuck with you.
57
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,446
Now, let's take it from the top!
58
00:02:57,596 --> 00:02:59,596
Vice Principal Strong Woman?
59
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,838
Yes, PC Principal?
60
00:03:01,938 --> 00:03:03,667
I was seeing
if there's anything
61
00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:06,269
you... might want
to discuss with me.
62
00:03:06,347 --> 00:03:09,117
What would we
need to discuss?
63
00:03:09,195 --> 00:03:12,820
I am so sorry that
I took advantage of my position
64
00:03:12,898 --> 00:03:15,957
and manipulated you
into a physical encounter.
65
00:03:16,035 --> 00:03:18,402
Hey, I am a strong woman, all right?
66
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,003
I don't get manipulated.
67
00:03:20,081 --> 00:03:21,128
We both are guilty
68
00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:23,777
of an ill-advised relationship
at the workplace,
69
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,055
but that was long ago,
70
00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:27,057
and I have decided to move forward.
71
00:03:27,135 --> 00:03:29,125
Are you sure we can move forward?
72
00:03:29,203 --> 00:03:32,073
Why not? We make a mistake,
we move forward.
73
00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:35,852
I was just thinking there might still
possibly be some fallout from...
74
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,866
Nope. We're just gonna forget about it
75
00:03:37,944 --> 00:03:38,993
and put it to rest.
76
00:03:39,071 --> 00:03:41,015
You don't think there's anything else
77
00:03:41,093 --> 00:03:42,172
to dis... to discuss?
78
00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:44,703
No, I don't. Bye-bye.
79
00:03:59,435 --> 00:04:01,420
Dude. Kyle. Dude.
80
00:04:01,498 --> 00:04:02,967
- Dude.
- What?
81
00:04:03,045 --> 00:04:05,651
Did you read what Mr. Hankey
tweeted last night?
82
00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:07,287
What Mr. Hankey tweeted?
83
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:09,045
Yeah, I guess after band rehearsals,
84
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,800
he went on Twitter to talk about us.
85
00:04:10,878 --> 00:04:12,076
Look.
86
00:04:12,391 --> 00:04:14,995
Oh. Jesus Christ, dude.
87
00:04:16,141 --> 00:04:18,095
♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
88
00:04:18,173 --> 00:04:20,588
♪ He's loaded goodies on his sleigh ♪
89
00:04:20,666 --> 00:04:22,712
♪ He'll drop 'em off on Christmas Day ♪
90
00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:23,747
Mr. Hankey?
91
00:04:23,825 --> 00:04:25,059
Oh, Kyle!
92
00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:26,917
Howwwwwdy ho!
93
00:04:26,995 --> 00:04:29,382
Mr. Hankey,
everyone's really mad at you.
94
00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:31,688
Were you on Twitter last night?
95
00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:33,934
Yeeeahhhh.
96
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,954
Did you tweet,
"The kids of South Park"
97
00:04:36,032 --> 00:04:38,357
are retarded homos
who can't play music"?
98
00:04:38,855 --> 00:04:41,108
Eeeeeyeeaaahhhhh.
99
00:04:41,186 --> 00:04:42,503
Why would you tweet that?!
100
00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,134
All the kids are really pissed off!
101
00:04:44,212 --> 00:04:46,738
It was a bad attempt at a joke.
I'm sorry.
102
00:04:46,816 --> 00:04:49,563
Will you please tell the kids
I didn't mean it?
103
00:04:49,652 --> 00:04:50,907
What do you want me to say?
104
00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,530
The fact is, I couldn't
sleep last night,
105
00:04:53,608 --> 00:04:54,965
so I took some Ambien.
106
00:04:55,043 --> 00:04:56,345
You ever take that stuff?
107
00:04:56,423 --> 00:04:58,802
It turns your brains into oatmeal.
108
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,993
Please, Kyle, tell the kids
I didn't mean any harm.
109
00:05:02,071 --> 00:05:04,603
We've gotta focus on Christmas!
110
00:05:07,113 --> 00:05:08,324
All right, everyone, listen up.
111
00:05:08,402 --> 00:05:11,394
The vice principal has asked
to speak with you today.
112
00:05:11,472 --> 00:05:14,364
She believes it is time
that we all as a school
113
00:05:14,442 --> 00:05:17,291
finally discussed in
vitro fertilization.
114
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:18,582
That's right, kids.
115
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,446
Many women today make
the choice to have children
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00:05:21,524 --> 00:05:23,339
without a man in their lives.
117
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:25,175
They can have their eggs
fertilized
118
00:05:25,253 --> 00:05:27,888
by an unknown person's
sperm in a lab.
119
00:05:27,966 --> 00:05:29,158
That's right, Strong Woman.
120
00:05:29,236 --> 00:05:31,337
In today's society,
it is wrong to just assume
121
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,849
that a pregnant woman
had intercourse with a man.
122
00:05:35,274 --> 00:05:37,398
St-Students at this school
need to be careful,
123
00:05:37,476 --> 00:05:38,588
because it can be offensive
124
00:05:38,666 --> 00:05:40,568
to asks questions like
"Who's the father?"
125
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,493
You... You all right, Strong Woman?
126
00:05:43,571 --> 00:05:44,910
I'm fine.
127
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,178
So... So, we'd like
to have all our students
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00:05:47,256 --> 00:05:48,459
talk to their parents tonight
129
00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:50,760
about in vitro fertilization,
and after that,
130
00:05:50,838 --> 00:05:53,115
let's just put
the whole issue behind us.
131
00:05:59,264 --> 00:06:01,344
That's my water breaking.
132
00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:02,950
Not a big deal.
133
00:06:06,770 --> 00:06:08,203
♪ Christmas time ♪
134
00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:10,051
♪ It's Christmas time ♪
135
00:06:10,151 --> 00:06:11,532
♪ Christmas time ♪
136
00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:13,056
♪ Yeah, Christmas time ♪
137
00:06:13,134 --> 00:06:14,542
Hankey!
138
00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,561
We need to talk about
what you tweeted!
139
00:06:17,639 --> 00:06:20,074
Oh, I'm so sorry.
140
00:06:20,152 --> 00:06:21,751
I took Ambien two nights ago,
141
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:23,991
and I called the schoolkids homos.
142
00:06:24,069 --> 00:06:27,238
No, I'm talking about
what you tweeted last night.
143
00:06:27,316 --> 00:06:28,638
"The city council members
144
00:06:28,716 --> 00:06:31,174
are a bunch of pussy-licking Islamists."
145
00:06:31,252 --> 00:06:34,155
Oh. Oh, geez. Did I say that?
146
00:06:34,233 --> 00:06:36,946
Listen, if you're tired
and you can't sleep,
147
00:06:37,024 --> 00:06:38,882
do not take Ambien.
148
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,161
Okay? Whew!
149
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:43,243
I'm afraid we have no other
option but to fire you
150
00:06:43,321 --> 00:06:46,322
as executive planning manager
of the city council.
151
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,002
Fire me?
152
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,327
No, no, no, please.
I'm really sorry.
153
00:06:50,761 --> 00:06:51,964
No, wait! Wait!
154
00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:53,868
Please give me another chance.
155
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:57,572
Don't do this!
What about Christmas?
156
00:06:59,791 --> 00:07:03,048
It's okay. We'll be at the hospital
soon. Just keep breathing.
157
00:07:03,126 --> 00:07:04,794
I didn't need your help.
158
00:07:04,872 --> 00:07:07,988
I'm just a co-worker helping
another co-worker in need.
159
00:07:08,066 --> 00:07:10,437
Yeah, well, people
might get the wrong idea!
160
00:07:10,515 --> 00:07:14,079
I have worked my whole life to be
the strongest woman possible...
161
00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:17,031
a person little girls could look up to.
162
00:07:17,109 --> 00:07:19,255
If those girls thought
that I was the type
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00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:21,135
to get knocked up by my boss...
164
00:07:21,213 --> 00:07:24,171
I certainly do not want to put any
pressures on you as a female,
165
00:07:24,249 --> 00:07:26,829
but at times I wonder if there
is more we should discuss.
166
00:07:26,907 --> 00:07:28,598
There's nothing to discuss!
167
00:07:28,676 --> 00:07:32,869
I made a mistake,
and I am moving forward!
168
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:37,585
My civil rights are under attack.
169
00:07:37,663 --> 00:07:40,109
They can't just fire me
from the Christmas show!
170
00:07:40,187 --> 00:07:42,224
The whole thing is my creation!
171
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:44,630
Uh, last night, you tweeted,
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00:07:44,745 --> 00:07:48,318
"The city council
can suck my Mexican dick."
173
00:07:48,581 --> 00:07:50,231
It was a joke.
174
00:07:50,309 --> 00:07:52,622
Look at me! I don't even have a dick!
175
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:53,917
Get it?
176
00:07:54,446 --> 00:07:57,160
Okay, okay, look, I know...
It wasn't a good joke.
177
00:07:57,238 --> 00:07:58,946
But it really wasn't my fault.
178
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:02,305
The fact is, I went home
last night, and I was angry.
179
00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:05,392
I couldn't sleep, so I took some Ambien.
180
00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:07,140
And then I started tweeting.
181
00:08:07,308 --> 00:08:09,884
Ambien messes with my head.
You ever take that crap?
182
00:08:09,962 --> 00:08:11,952
You want us to take this up
against Ambien?
183
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,934
They have the best lawyers in the world.
184
00:08:14,019 --> 00:08:15,678
Well, I thought
maybe I could get them
185
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,681
in a defecation lawsuit.
186
00:08:19,236 --> 00:08:20,316
Argh.
187
00:08:20,394 --> 00:08:22,572
And I never, ever would've
said those things
188
00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:23,820
about the city council,
189
00:08:23,898 --> 00:08:26,089
but the Ambien makes me
kind of black out.
190
00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:29,459
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't
represent pieces of shit.
191
00:08:29,537 --> 00:08:30,934
Why not?
192
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:32,978
Argh.
193
00:08:33,056 --> 00:08:34,497
And I just thought
maybe we could
194
00:08:34,575 --> 00:08:36,799
convince the city council
to hire me back.
195
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:39,669
Look, I'm sorry,
but I learned a long time ago
196
00:08:39,747 --> 00:08:42,539
that if you defend poop,
you get stained.
197
00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:52,161
- Mr. Hankey?
- Oh. Kyle.
198
00:08:52,246 --> 00:08:54,404
Howwwwdy ho.
199
00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:55,685
What are you doing here?
200
00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:57,747
Just trying to find some help.
201
00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:00,779
There isn't a lawyer in town
who will take me.
202
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:03,637
Wait a minute... You!
203
00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:05,239
You're the son of a lawyer.
204
00:09:05,317 --> 00:09:07,548
You have lawyer blood inside your veins!
205
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:10,563
You can help me with
my defecation lawsuit, Kyle!
206
00:09:10,641 --> 00:09:12,214
Me? What can I do?
207
00:09:12,292 --> 00:09:13,314
Please, Kyle.
208
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:15,508
You're the only person left
who can help me.
209
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:18,835
You and me, pal,
we are gonna fight the system!
210
00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,555
Paging Dr. Bender.
211
00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:24,352
Your vice principal gave birth
to all five babies
212
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:25,535
with no epidural.
213
00:09:25,613 --> 00:09:27,850
I must say,
she's a very strong woman.
214
00:09:27,928 --> 00:09:29,063
That she is.
215
00:09:29,141 --> 00:09:31,955
The quintuplets are all healthy
and resting away.
216
00:09:32,144 --> 00:09:34,372
There are her babies
right there.
217
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:40,421
Oh, dude. Bro.
218
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,565
Yes, cute, little buggers, aren't they?
219
00:09:42,643 --> 00:09:44,195
Three boys and two girls.
220
00:09:44,273 --> 00:09:46,736
I think it's wrong to force
gender specification upon them
221
00:09:46,814 --> 00:09:47,848
at this young age.
222
00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:50,206
Funny. That's exactly what
their mother said.
223
00:09:50,284 --> 00:09:52,408
The quints are all
Caucasian, blue-eyed,
224
00:09:52,486 --> 00:09:54,146
and something kind of weird.
225
00:09:54,224 --> 00:09:55,289
What's that?
226
00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,891
Well, the babies are all extremely PC,
227
00:09:57,969 --> 00:09:59,515
the likes of which I have never seen.
228
00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:00,703
Watch this.
229
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:02,996
Three
black guys walk into a bar...
230
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,448
It's okay! It's okay! They left!
They left!
231
00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,896
Doctor, would it be possible for me
232
00:10:13,974 --> 00:10:16,510
to hold the PC Babies?
233
00:10:16,588 --> 00:10:19,313
I'm sorry. That's only for
the mother and father.
234
00:10:19,391 --> 00:10:21,270
Though, according to the vice principal,
235
00:10:21,348 --> 00:10:23,767
the father doesn't even exist.
236
00:10:28,843 --> 00:10:30,742
You guys! Hey, guys!
237
00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:32,607
- I think I figured it out.
- What?
238
00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:34,775
How to get
Mr. Hankey another chance.
239
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:38,214
There's by-laws in the city council
that community service leaders
240
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:39,910
can't be terminated without a hearing.
241
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:42,383
I need you guys there
as character witnesses.
242
00:10:42,686 --> 00:10:43,740
N-N-Nope.
243
00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,336
Not getting the stink on me.
244
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,296
He has a right to be heard.
245
00:10:47,374 --> 00:10:49,122
He's meant a lot to this town.
246
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,990
Dude, why do you keep
defending him, Kyle?
247
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,609
Yeah, you know everyone in town
thinks he's a piece of shit.
248
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,296
Come on, guys.
We can't just turn our backs.
249
00:10:56,374 --> 00:10:58,914
How many times has Mr. Hankey
been there for us?
250
00:10:59,147 --> 00:11:01,177
Mmm, once, kind of?
251
00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:02,975
Look, he messed up,
252
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:05,644
but I don't know if he deserves
everything that's coming down on him.
253
00:11:05,722 --> 00:11:07,637
I wanna stand by my friend.
254
00:11:07,715 --> 00:11:10,852
Mm, let's see how
that goes for you in 2018.
255
00:11:18,584 --> 00:11:20,219
Vice Principal?
256
00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:21,971
My babies!
Where are they?
257
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,936
Shh. It's okay.
The babies are fine.
258
00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:25,508
Resting in the nursery.
259
00:11:25,779 --> 00:11:27,266
They're the most...
260
00:11:27,757 --> 00:11:29,790
They're the most PC babies
I've ever seen.
261
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:32,772
You shouldn't be here.
People will start getting suspicious!
262
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,687
Look, I was the one
who abused my position
263
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:35,772
and took advantage of
264
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:37,816
- a subordinate... Not took advantage.
- Nobody took advantage of me!
265
00:11:37,894 --> 00:11:39,448
- You know what I'm saying.
- And I'm a strong woman!
266
00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:40,949
All I want to do is help.
267
00:11:41,027 --> 00:11:42,696
We can say I'm the manny.
268
00:11:42,774 --> 00:11:44,264
And if anyone has a problem
with that,
269
00:11:44,342 --> 00:11:45,698
then they have a problem
with gender biases,
270
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:46,855
and they can take it up with me!
271
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:49,214
We can keep the truth about
the babies totally hidden.
272
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:52,021
Oh, yes,
that curriculum should be fine
273
00:11:52,099 --> 00:11:53,146
for the students.
274
00:11:53,224 --> 00:11:55,222
I'll start working on
an all-school proposal.
275
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,200
Oh, yes, very good,
Vice Principal.
276
00:11:57,278 --> 00:11:59,511
See that it is done by
back-to-school night.
277
00:11:59,589 --> 00:12:00,661
All right, Mommy!
278
00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:02,385
Your little bundles of joys are here.
279
00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:03,853
Oh, and who's this.
280
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,006
I am the manny.
281
00:12:05,084 --> 00:12:06,497
Anyone have a problem with that?
282
00:12:06,803 --> 00:12:08,335
No, not at all.
283
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:10,055
Everything good here?
284
00:12:13,084 --> 00:12:15,198
Aw! Are these PC babies?
285
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:20,169
And now,
live from the town courthouse,
286
00:12:20,247 --> 00:12:23,094
It's the Hankey Hearings
on South Park 13.
287
00:12:27,428 --> 00:12:28,788
Mr. Hankey?
288
00:12:30,735 --> 00:12:33,770
14 hours ago,
did you or did you not say,
289
00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:36,984
"Everyone in South Park
is a goddamn douche bag"?
290
00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:38,462
Yes.
291
00:12:38,543 --> 00:12:41,281
That was a bad attempt
at a Christmas joke.
292
00:12:41,782 --> 00:12:44,515
But there's nothing in
that statement about Christmas.
293
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,078
That's was I said, it was a bad attempt.
294
00:12:47,552 --> 00:12:49,378
What part of the statement
was actually...
295
00:12:49,456 --> 00:12:51,680
You wanna hear
a good Christmas joke?
296
00:12:52,657 --> 00:12:54,765
In 2005, you said that...
297
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,414
You said that
you had no recollection...
298
00:13:00,842 --> 00:13:02,480
Sorry. I got the sniffles.
299
00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:04,443
Mr. Hankey, do you understand
300
00:13:04,521 --> 00:13:06,048
how important these statements are
301
00:13:06,126 --> 00:13:07,640
to the citizens of this town?
302
00:13:07,718 --> 00:13:11,140
All I understand is, it's only
eight weeks until Christmas.
303
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:13,240
If we don't stop wasting our time,
304
00:13:13,318 --> 00:13:14,624
we're all gonna miss out
305
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:17,538
on the most magical part
of the whole year.
306
00:13:17,616 --> 00:13:20,050
What did you mean last night
when you tweeted,
307
00:13:20,128 --> 00:13:23,555
"The Mayor of South Park is
a titless whore"?
308
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,548
Oh, come on!
It was a joke!
309
00:13:27,626 --> 00:13:28,749
That's it! That's it.
310
00:13:28,827 --> 00:13:30,840
I've had enough of this
whole ♪♪♪♪ sham!
311
00:13:30,918 --> 00:13:33,527
♪♪♪♪ all you
and ♪♪♪♪ this whole system!
312
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,363
It's Christmastime!
313
00:13:37,857 --> 00:13:39,826
It's okay.
Shh.
314
00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:41,573
We just need
to get some diapers.
315
00:13:41,651 --> 00:13:42,646
Shh.
316
00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:45,456
Oh, what adorable
little babies!
317
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,576
Thank you.
318
00:13:46,654 --> 00:13:49,452
My, they look very PC!
319
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,753
Oh no, no.
They're not very PC, at all.
320
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,800
Aww! Look at
the PC babies!
321
00:13:53,878 --> 00:13:55,534
They actually aren't PC.
322
00:13:55,612 --> 00:13:56,556
No?
323
00:13:56,634 --> 00:13:59,462
Did you hear Monica Lewinsky's
becoming a Republican?
324
00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:02,038
The Democrats left a bad taste
in her mouth.
325
00:14:04,873 --> 00:14:07,310
Oh, God. Shhhh!
No, no, no, no, no!
326
00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:09,365
Shhhh!
Is everything all right?
327
00:14:09,443 --> 00:14:12,426
- Oh, look! More PC babies!
- They're everywhere!
328
00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:14,839
I told you we need to shop separately!
329
00:14:14,917 --> 00:14:16,229
Shh! Shh.
330
00:14:16,307 --> 00:14:18,654
Excuse me, where is
the Oriental food aisle?
331
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,492
Quiet!
There's PC babies!
332
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,128
Gee-whiz. Thanks for
comin' out with me, Kyle.
333
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:31,203
These days, it's like
you're my only friend.
334
00:14:34,693 --> 00:14:36,264
So what's the plan, huh?
335
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,495
What you got figured out
to get my job back?
336
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:39,725
I had a plan.
337
00:14:39,803 --> 00:14:42,345
You decided to call the mayor
a titless whore.
338
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,905
Oh, it was a joke, Kyle.
339
00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:46,893
Sometimes, when I take Ambien,
340
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:49,014
I'm really groggy and moody
the next day.
341
00:14:49,092 --> 00:14:51,672
It's a real side affect. It's
printed right on the bottle!
342
00:14:51,912 --> 00:14:54,058
I don't know how
much longer I can defend you.
343
00:14:54,136 --> 00:14:56,127
People are starting to think I'm shitty.
344
00:14:56,219 --> 00:14:58,183
Kyle, don't you understand
this whole thing
345
00:14:58,261 --> 00:14:59,562
is a smear campaign?
346
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,454
Why are people focusing on
a few stupid words I said
347
00:15:02,532 --> 00:15:05,101
when Christmas is
just around the corner?!
348
00:15:05,179 --> 00:15:08,226
It's like everyone's forgot
about what Christmas means...
349
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:10,912
Oh, my God!
350
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:14,223
Kyle! That's it! The holiday spirit!
351
00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:15,537
It's October!
352
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,722
And that's the point!
Don't you see?
353
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,943
What we need to do
354
00:15:19,021 --> 00:15:21,285
is get everyone in the Christmas mood!
355
00:15:21,363 --> 00:15:24,623
We can bring the whole spirit
of the holidays early!
356
00:15:24,701 --> 00:15:25,740
Okay, you do that.
357
00:15:25,818 --> 00:15:27,445
No, no, no. Kyle, you gotta help me!
358
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:29,014
I can't do this alone.
359
00:15:29,092 --> 00:15:30,617
I have homework and stuff!
360
00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,161
You're all I have!
361
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:33,963
Even my wife left
with the nuggets
362
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,320
'cause of all the pressure!
363
00:15:35,398 --> 00:15:37,480
- Please!
- Okay, fine!
364
00:15:37,576 --> 00:15:39,549
I'll help you. But listen to me,
365
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,193
I don't care how restless
you get tonight.
366
00:15:42,271 --> 00:15:43,739
No Ambien.
367
00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:46,731
Well, maybe just a "liddol"
if I really can't sleep.
368
00:15:46,809 --> 00:15:48,311
No! None!
369
00:15:48,404 --> 00:15:49,621
If you want my help this time,
370
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,202
you aren't taking any Ambien tonight.
371
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,838
- That's the deal!
- Yay! It's a deal!
372
00:15:53,916 --> 00:15:56,178
Oh, boy! Kyle, I'm so excited!
373
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,009
We're gonna bring
the spirit of Christmas
374
00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,511
to South Park!
375
00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:07,490
Aww, look at
the little PC babies!
376
00:16:07,568 --> 00:16:09,576
Uh, no.
We're from Missouri.
377
00:16:09,654 --> 00:16:11,947
I know a PC baby
when I see one!
378
00:16:12,025 --> 00:16:14,012
Who loves social justice?
379
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,722
Who's the future?
Who's the big bad future?
380
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,826
Yes, they are.
381
00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:20,834
Aww, PC babies!
382
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:22,260
All right.
Please, move along folks.
383
00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:24,569
We don't want the babies to get excited.
384
00:16:31,131 --> 00:16:34,687
Hello, South Park!
385
00:16:35,736 --> 00:16:38,539
Come on, everybody! Get over here!
386
00:16:38,617 --> 00:16:41,250
Who wants to see a miracle?!
387
00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:45,617
Howwwwdy ho, everyone!
388
00:16:45,717 --> 00:16:47,258
Guess what time it is?
389
00:16:47,336 --> 00:16:49,789
It's Christmastime!
390
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,642
Ohhhhh.
391
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,333
♪ Deck the halls
and trim the trees ♪
392
00:16:55,411 --> 00:16:58,045
♪ Christmastime is here ♪
393
00:16:58,123 --> 00:17:00,839
♪ Gonna sing and flush
our worries away ♪
394
00:17:00,917 --> 00:17:03,700
♪ It's the best time of the year ♪
395
00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:06,750
That's right, everybody!
Who loves the holidays?
396
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,636
Just like when Christ was born,
397
00:17:09,714 --> 00:17:12,414
let's all be with
our mothers and fathers...
398
00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:15,754
Let's not forget that
boys and girls
399
00:17:15,832 --> 00:17:17,922
all over the world are...
400
00:17:19,179 --> 00:17:23,022
Hey! Hey, careful!
You're upsetting the PC babies!
401
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,613
- The PC what?
- Listen!
402
00:17:24,691 --> 00:17:27,256
Christmas season means peace on earth
403
00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:29,000
and good will towards men.
404
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,629
Uh, uh, look, what is
the holiday season about?
405
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,591
It's about loving each other, right?
406
00:17:35,669 --> 00:17:37,547
Loving and... What?!
407
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,158
What are they crying
about now?
408
00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:40,599
Sometimes, PC Babies
409
00:17:40,677 --> 00:17:42,302
don't even know
what they're crying about.
410
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:44,616
Well, then tell the babies
to shut the up!
411
00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:47,385
Who the ♪♪♪♪ brings a goddamn baby
412
00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:49,174
to a Christmas show anyway?!
413
00:17:49,252 --> 00:17:50,565
Mr. Hankey, stop!
414
00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:53,828
Lemme go, Kyle!
These people are idiots!
415
00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:12,310
Mommy, something stinks.
416
00:18:12,388 --> 00:18:14,293
Yeah, like shit.
417
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:20,085
You stand up for all pieces of crap?
418
00:18:20,163 --> 00:18:21,947
Asshole!
419
00:18:28,314 --> 00:18:29,581
Uh-huh.
420
00:18:29,659 --> 00:18:31,010
2018.
421
00:18:40,377 --> 00:18:42,164
Kyle, listen.
422
00:18:42,244 --> 00:18:44,111
It was 3:00 a.m. last night,
423
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:46,168
and I still hadn't slept, so I d...
424
00:18:46,307 --> 00:18:48,337
Kyle! Kyle, please!
425
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:50,726
They're gonna run me
out of town, Kyle.
426
00:18:50,804 --> 00:18:52,507
They're going to erase me
427
00:18:52,585 --> 00:18:55,019
and everything I ever did.
428
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,269
You want them
to erase me, too?
429
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:04,262
Kyle...
we can all be shitty sometimes.
430
00:19:05,033 --> 00:19:06,588
Uh...
431
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:19,677
They're so strong...
432
00:19:19,755 --> 00:19:21,189
like their mother.
433
00:19:21,344 --> 00:19:23,739
They're so PC, like...
434
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,713
whoever their father is.
435
00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:28,103
We'll never keep them quiet.
436
00:19:28,242 --> 00:19:31,156
Our only hope
is to keep them hidden.
437
00:19:32,765 --> 00:19:34,759
Can they ever know that
I'm their dad?
438
00:19:34,837 --> 00:19:37,603
We did the most un-PC thing
imaginable.
439
00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:39,922
Think about
what that would do to them.
440
00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:41,933
We can never let them know
the debaucherous,
441
00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:45,337
sickening circumstances that
brought them into this world.
442
00:19:45,953 --> 00:19:48,306
Then, I'll just try to be
the best principal to them
443
00:19:48,384 --> 00:19:49,799
that I possibly can.
444
00:19:50,097 --> 00:19:52,911
And I'll be their strongest
vice principal,
445
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,833
and hopefully...
the world will calm down
446
00:19:55,911 --> 00:19:58,361
and not do anything to upset them.
447
00:19:59,859 --> 00:20:00,996
Today...
448
00:20:01,187 --> 00:20:04,619
South Park says goodbye to Mr. Hankey.
449
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:09,021
The longtime union of this town
and the holiday figure
450
00:20:09,099 --> 00:20:10,799
is over for good.
451
00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:14,338
We should all feel pretty great
about ourselves,
452
00:20:14,484 --> 00:20:17,189
give ourselves a little,
nice pat on the back,
453
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:20,329
as we, as a society, continue
454
00:20:20,477 --> 00:20:23,189
to try and sweep away all the poop.
455
00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:35,211
Well, everyone...
I guess this is goodbye.
456
00:20:35,383 --> 00:20:37,406
It sure has been swell-
457
00:20:37,484 --> 00:20:39,727
No good-byes, Hankey.
You just need to go.
458
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,334
We've already called you a "Poober."
459
00:20:41,412 --> 00:20:44,143
A Poober... They have that?
460
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,236
Oh, you mean Lyft.
461
00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:50,546
Well, okay. Goodbye, everyone.
462
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:53,872
I hope I brought
a few smiles and a few laughs
463
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,573
into your hearts.
464
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:01,400
Goodbye, Mr. Hankey.
465
00:21:14,633 --> 00:21:16,525
Where will he go?
466
00:21:17,084 --> 00:21:18,529
He'll have to find a place
467
00:21:18,607 --> 00:21:21,624
that accepts racist,
awful beings like him.
468
00:21:21,899 --> 00:21:23,334
There are still places out
there
469
00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:26,189
who don't care about
bigotry and hate.
470
00:21:28,629 --> 00:21:30,961
Howwwwwdy ho!
471
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,801
Cool, man. Talking crap.
472
00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:34,086
Welcome, my friend.
473
00:21:34,164 --> 00:21:35,647
Please, rest your wary feet
474
00:21:35,725 --> 00:21:37,715
and make yourself
at home here!
475
00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:39,436
Hooray!
32879
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