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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,746
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:14,426
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
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00:00:14,494 --> 00:00:17,668
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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00:00:17,738 --> 00:00:19,342
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:20,976
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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00:00:21,066 --> 00:00:24,160
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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00:00:24,279 --> 00:00:27,660
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhm rm! ♪
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00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,519
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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00:00:30,587 --> 00:00:31,887
*SOUTH PARK*
Season 22 Episode 02
Episode Title: "A Boy and a Priest"
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00:00:32,627 --> 00:00:34,899
Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.
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00:00:35,559 --> 00:00:37,921
Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.
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00:00:37,998 --> 00:00:40,164
We're all going.
Come on.
14
00:00:42,323 --> 00:00:44,669
I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.
15
00:00:44,746 --> 00:00:46,426
Church is important, Stan.
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00:00:46,503 --> 00:00:48,975
Way more important
than video games and TV.
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00:00:49,052 --> 00:00:51,398
Church is about community
and coming together...
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00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:52,615
A lot of things.
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00:00:52,692 --> 00:00:55,633
All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.
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00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:57,524
Yeah.
Me, too.
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00:00:59,737 --> 00:01:01,408
Hey, mornin', Stephen, Linda!
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00:01:01,485 --> 00:01:02,758
Morning, guys.
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00:01:02,915 --> 00:01:04,467
Oh, thanks, there, Randy.
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00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,019
You got it.
Where's Josie?
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00:01:06,096 --> 00:01:07,779
Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.
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00:01:07,856 --> 00:01:09,019
Poor thing can barely move.
27
00:01:09,096 --> 00:01:10,690
Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.
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00:01:10,758 --> 00:01:12,309
Give her my best.
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00:01:13,356 --> 00:01:15,310
For God so loved the world
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that he gave
his only begotten son
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so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.
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00:01:20,756 --> 00:01:22,565
This is the gospel of the Lord.
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00:01:22,642 --> 00:01:25,078
Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.
34
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:28,523
Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.
35
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,019
He did so because we could not
control our temptations.
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00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:34,836
Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.
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00:01:37,286 --> 00:01:38,511
Okay. Okay.
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00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:40,695
Let's... let's try and have
none of that today.
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00:01:40,772 --> 00:01:44,740
In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,
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00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,539
he gave to us his only son.
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00:01:46,616 --> 00:01:49,055
And a Catholic priest
raped him.
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00:01:50,427 --> 00:01:52,811
Okay, okay.
Come... Come on, guys.
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00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:55,601
N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?
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00:01:55,678 --> 00:01:56,703
Children's underwear
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00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:59,086
which priests couldn't
pull down so easily.
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00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:02,568
Okay. Let's... Let's try
and compose ourselves.
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00:02:02,645 --> 00:02:05,488
Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?
48
00:02:05,565 --> 00:02:08,821
What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?
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00:02:08,898 --> 00:02:10,121
It means if you're a cute boy
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00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,575
at a Catholic priest
swimming party,
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00:02:11,643 --> 00:02:12,998
you better be gettin'!
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00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,804
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
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00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:23,685
Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.
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00:02:23,762 --> 00:02:25,036
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
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00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:27,013
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
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00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:28,177
Oh, that was Linda!
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00:02:28,254 --> 00:02:30,153
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
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00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,257
- Yeah! See ya!
- All right. Take it easy, now!
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00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,701
- Bye.
- That was good.
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00:02:34,299 --> 00:02:36,257
I really don't understand
the point of all that.
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00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:38,257
Yeah, well, I used
to think that about church
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when I was a kid, too.
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00:02:39,549 --> 00:02:41,837
But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.
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00:02:41,914 --> 00:02:43,804
Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.
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00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:45,599
You wanna ♪♪♪ go to hell?
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00:03:05,956 --> 00:03:07,507
Father, can I talk to you?
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00:03:07,691 --> 00:03:10,851
Ohh! Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?
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00:03:11,189 --> 00:03:14,577
Well,
what's troubling you?
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00:03:16,949 --> 00:03:19,085
You know, at school,
the kids used
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00:03:19,162 --> 00:03:21,178
to all make fun
of me sometimes.
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00:03:21,322 --> 00:03:23,049
One kid would say
something mean,
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00:03:23,126 --> 00:03:24,827
and then the other kids
would laugh.
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00:03:24,925 --> 00:03:26,952
I know how lousy it feels.
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00:03:27,261 --> 00:03:29,387
I learned
to just walk away,
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00:03:29,464 --> 00:03:31,415
not give 'em
all the satisfaction.
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00:03:31,492 --> 00:03:34,274
Well, we can't all walk away.
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00:03:34,363 --> 00:03:36,671
The... The priesthood
is all I know.
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00:03:36,832 --> 00:03:39,720
I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.
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00:03:39,797 --> 00:03:42,434
I don't know anything else.
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00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:44,106
I know it seems
impossible.
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00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,337
I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,
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00:03:46,414 --> 00:03:48,903
but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.
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00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:49,987
I even get invited
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00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,989
to board game night
at Stan's house.
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00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,302
My point is,
sometimes,
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00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:57,155
y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.
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00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:04,996
I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.
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00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:06,392
How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?
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00:04:06,469 --> 00:04:08,169
Two cards.
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00:04:08,246 --> 00:04:09,462
Oh.
There's Butters!
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00:04:09,539 --> 00:04:10,552
Oh, hey, fellas!
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00:04:10,629 --> 00:04:12,257
I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.
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00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:13,702
Come on in!
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00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,984
Uh, hello, my children.
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00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:20,771
Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloon
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00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:21,904
and try to arrest Cartman.
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00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:23,484
Let's see what you got, bitch.
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00:04:23,589 --> 00:04:27,294
So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?
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00:04:27,371 --> 00:04:28,694
You like to sing, too,
don't you?
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00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:29,778
No.
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00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:31,991
Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.
102
00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:35,007
Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.
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00:04:35,084 --> 00:04:36,181
Ace.
You lose.
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00:04:36,258 --> 00:04:37,433
Hey, Stan.
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00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,069
Have you seen my...
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00:04:43,402 --> 00:04:44,713
No way!
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00:04:44,790 --> 00:04:47,362
Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!
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00:04:47,439 --> 00:04:48,718
I shouldn't be here.
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00:04:48,786 --> 00:04:49,843
This is hilarious.
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00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,822
Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!
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00:04:51,899 --> 00:04:53,559
- Aw, Father wait a...
- I should go.
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00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:55,444
No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.
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00:04:55,738 --> 00:04:56,925
Father!
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00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,717
Aw, shit!
I missed it.
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00:04:58,794 --> 00:04:59,811
Ugh.
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00:04:59,964 --> 00:05:01,898
Why did you invite Butters
to game night?
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00:05:01,975 --> 00:05:03,429
I didn't invite him.
118
00:05:04,386 --> 00:05:06,579
Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!
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00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:08,876
This is just gonna
make things way worse.
120
00:05:08,953 --> 00:05:10,165
People will rip on me.
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00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,450
Who cares?
Who cares what people say?
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00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:13,694
- I do.
- Aw, come on.
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00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:14,914
You gotta be strong!
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00:05:14,991 --> 00:05:16,704
Why do you care?!
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00:05:16,781 --> 00:05:19,520
Because I was you.
Okay?
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00:05:19,597 --> 00:05:21,203
I wasn't always this cool.
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00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,559
I've been through it.
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00:05:22,636 --> 00:05:24,657
But then, one day,
somebody told me something.
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00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:27,505
He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"
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00:05:27,582 --> 00:05:28,778
and you know who told me that?
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00:05:28,855 --> 00:05:31,739
You did!
Two years ago in church!
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00:05:31,923 --> 00:05:33,588
You have a right
to go and be happy,
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00:05:33,665 --> 00:05:35,685
and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,
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00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,411
well ♪♪♪ 'em!
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00:05:41,815 --> 00:05:43,315
Hey.
Morning, Mackey.
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00:05:43,392 --> 00:05:45,738
Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.
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00:05:45,815 --> 00:05:47,796
- Mornin'! - Mornin'!
- Mornin'! - Mornin'!
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00:05:47,873 --> 00:05:49,026
Mornin'! - Mornin'!
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00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:50,671
Ah, doin' better.
Huh, Josie?
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00:05:50,748 --> 00:05:52,286
A lot better, thank you.
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00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:53,533
All right.
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00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,962
Huh.
143
00:05:58,361 --> 00:05:59,716
What the...?
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00:06:00,175 --> 00:06:01,451
It's not open.
145
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,880
Let me try.
146
00:06:03,627 --> 00:06:06,544
Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!
147
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,223
What's going on?
148
00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:13,021
Ohhhhh!
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00:06:14,849 --> 00:06:16,495
There's no church today!
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00:06:16,572 --> 00:06:19,216
You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!
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00:06:20,911 --> 00:06:21,986
Hey.
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00:06:22,371 --> 00:06:23,765
Hey!
Open the door!
153
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,442
Hey!
Come on!
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00:06:28,201 --> 00:06:29,468
Well, this sucks.
155
00:06:29,545 --> 00:06:31,648
What are we supposed to do
without church?
156
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,860
I just feel so empty.
157
00:06:33,942 --> 00:06:35,556
What are you guys
so upset about?
158
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:37,649
Shut up, Shelly!
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00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:40,749
Isn't this great, Father?
160
00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,094
Fresh, mountain air.
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00:06:42,171 --> 00:06:43,419
Nice, warm fire.
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00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:46,680
I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.
163
00:06:46,757 --> 00:06:48,940
How many are your works, Lord?
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00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,056
In wisdom, you made them all.
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00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:53,875
Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.
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00:06:53,952 --> 00:06:55,005
He is...
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00:06:55,185 --> 00:06:57,288
because he brought me you.
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00:06:58,997 --> 00:07:01,770
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
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00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:04,602
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
170
00:07:12,776 --> 00:07:16,212
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
171
00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:23,079
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
172
00:07:23,808 --> 00:07:27,267
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
173
00:07:29,544 --> 00:07:32,648
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
174
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:41,827
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
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00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:03,688
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
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00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:16,173
Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.
177
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:18,312
And with your spirit, m'kay.
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00:08:18,389 --> 00:08:20,312
Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,
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00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:22,400
and w-we seem to be having
a little problem
180
00:08:22,477 --> 00:08:24,503
with our local church
here in South Park.
181
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:27,493
Our, uh... our priest
has gone missing.
182
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,192
Oh, not another one!
183
00:08:29,269 --> 00:08:31,282
All right.
Listen to me carefully.
184
00:08:31,359 --> 00:08:34,241
Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.
185
00:08:34,318 --> 00:08:36,368
Probably just taking
some time off.
186
00:08:36,445 --> 00:08:38,100
Why is that suspicious?
187
00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:39,452
Well, it's not suspicious.
188
00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:41,832
We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?
189
00:08:41,909 --> 00:08:42,967
We'll take care of it.
190
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,897
There's no need
to involve the authorities.
191
00:08:44,965 --> 00:08:46,884
Just sit tight.
192
00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:50,461
Send in a clean-up crew now.
193
00:08:53,419 --> 00:08:54,905
We've got another one.
194
00:08:54,982 --> 00:08:57,388
A priest in South Park
has gone rogue
195
00:08:57,465 --> 00:08:59,563
and is probably out
doing his thing.
196
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,949
I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.
197
00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:04,482
Don't worry, Your Holiness.
198
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:06,281
By the time we're done
with that town,
199
00:09:06,358 --> 00:09:08,883
there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.
200
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:21,022
Happy Birthday, Clyde!
201
00:09:21,278 --> 00:09:23,211
Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!
202
00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:27,101
For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
203
00:09:27,178 --> 00:09:28,735
to do good works.
204
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,974
Dude, what are you
talking about?
205
00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:32,093
Come on, Father!
206
00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:34,126
Let's go tear up
the skating rink!
207
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,432
Just leave it alone, Clyde.
208
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,815
Butters brings him everywhere.
209
00:09:37,892 --> 00:09:41,056
I don't care. I don't want a
priest at my ♪♪♪ birthday party!
210
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:42,718
It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.
211
00:09:47,431 --> 00:09:49,226
That's it!
You're doin' great!
212
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:50,928
Oh, aah!
213
00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:52,263
Oh, Mother Mary.
214
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:55,180
I feel like everyone's
staring at me.
215
00:09:56,509 --> 00:09:57,943
Nobody's staring!
216
00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,432
I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.
217
00:09:59,509 --> 00:10:01,914
You just mingle
with the other fellas!
218
00:10:07,313 --> 00:10:09,235
What's it all about, huh?
219
00:10:09,653 --> 00:10:11,979
Are we just bags
of carbon and water
220
00:10:12,056 --> 00:10:14,260
put on this planet
for no purpose?
221
00:10:14,337 --> 00:10:15,529
You're born.
222
00:10:15,606 --> 00:10:16,942
You die.
223
00:10:17,071 --> 00:10:19,787
Then you're just
food for the worms.
224
00:10:19,864 --> 00:10:22,547
It all does seem
pretty meaningless.
225
00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:25,151
Hey!
The church is back open!
226
00:10:25,228 --> 00:10:26,665
There's people inside!
227
00:10:26,742 --> 00:10:28,439
- What?
- They church is back open?
228
00:10:28,516 --> 00:10:29,596
Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!
229
00:10:29,673 --> 00:10:32,281
- The church is back open!
- Thank God! Let's go!
230
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:36,122
Scrub everything.
231
00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:37,215
Police can detect
232
00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:39,520
even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.
233
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,679
Hey!
234
00:10:40,756 --> 00:10:42,432
Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.
235
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,589
The Lord be with you.
236
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:45,286
And with your spirit.
237
00:10:45,363 --> 00:10:46,905
What, uh, what are
you guys doing?
238
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:48,952
Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub down
239
00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,581
while we wait
for your priest to come back.
240
00:10:50,658 --> 00:10:52,837
He was called
to South America last week.
241
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:54,114
Last week?
242
00:10:54,191 --> 00:10:56,197
No, he was at my house
a couple days ago
243
00:10:56,274 --> 00:10:57,699
playing board games
with the boys.
244
00:10:58,974 --> 00:11:00,314
No, he wasn't.
245
00:11:00,391 --> 00:11:01,975
Look.
I assure you everything is fine.
246
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,806
Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.
247
00:11:04,929 --> 00:11:06,290
- Aw! - Aw! - Aw! - Aw!
- Aw! - Aw! - Aw! - Aw!
248
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:07,782
Come on, guys.
249
00:11:09,509 --> 00:11:10,561
Scrub everything.
250
00:11:10,638 --> 00:11:12,301
Bleach those board-game pieces.
251
00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:13,970
You find something
on that chair?
252
00:11:14,047 --> 00:11:16,412
It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.
253
00:11:16,489 --> 00:11:17,811
Well, just get rid of it.
254
00:11:17,888 --> 00:11:19,597
Bleach the entire
top of the table.
255
00:11:19,674 --> 00:11:21,853
That's probably
where he mounted them.
256
00:11:22,342 --> 00:11:24,126
Uh, excuse me?
257
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,587
Oh. Hello, my son.
258
00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:27,858
What are you doing?
259
00:11:27,935 --> 00:11:29,432
What are we doing about what?
260
00:11:29,509 --> 00:11:30,655
Well, I mean, it looks like
261
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,714
you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.
262
00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:35,030
Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.
263
00:11:35,107 --> 00:11:37,460
Your local priest was
never here, actually.
264
00:11:37,537 --> 00:11:39,227
Yeah, he was.
I played with him.
265
00:11:39,304 --> 00:11:40,986
Oh, you did?
266
00:11:41,509 --> 00:11:43,173
Better get the Kumby.
267
00:11:43,499 --> 00:11:44,640
What's a Kumby?
268
00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:47,063
We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.
269
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,767
Praise be to Christ.
270
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:58,502
♪ Happy birthday, dear Clyde ♪
271
00:11:58,669 --> 00:12:02,118
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
272
00:12:02,195 --> 00:12:03,433
Yay!
273
00:12:03,510 --> 00:12:05,375
And now, let us pray.
274
00:12:05,452 --> 00:12:06,624
Awwww.
275
00:12:06,701 --> 00:12:09,749
Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,
276
00:12:09,826 --> 00:12:11,270
which we are about
to receive...
277
00:12:11,347 --> 00:12:12,839
Kyle, will you do something,
please?
278
00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,863
- Why me?
- Kyle!
279
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,286
Through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.
280
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,683
Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?
281
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,334
Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.
282
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,009
All right, my child.
283
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,132
What's up?
284
00:12:28,242 --> 00:12:29,509
Butters, you know,
285
00:12:29,586 --> 00:12:32,736
you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.
286
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:36,375
I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuff
287
00:12:36,452 --> 00:12:38,175
and not have a priest around.
288
00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:39,649
What are you saying, Kyle?
289
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,005
I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.
290
00:12:42,082 --> 00:12:43,432
He's bumming everybody out.
291
00:12:43,509 --> 00:12:45,942
Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.
292
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:47,431
Well, of course you don't.
293
00:12:47,508 --> 00:12:49,612
It's not just me.
It's everybody, Butters.
294
00:12:49,718 --> 00:12:52,870
He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.
295
00:12:53,601 --> 00:12:55,563
Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help out
296
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,520
somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.
297
00:12:57,597 --> 00:12:59,251
We'll both just leave.
298
00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:01,831
I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.
299
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,893
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
300
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,762
♪ Faith... ♪
301
00:13:12,048 --> 00:13:13,769
All right, clean and scrub
everything.
302
00:13:13,846 --> 00:13:15,162
I want it spotless!
303
00:13:15,239 --> 00:13:17,661
Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.
304
00:13:17,738 --> 00:13:19,557
There's something over here.
305
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,520
But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.
306
00:13:22,597 --> 00:13:24,840
It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
307
00:13:24,917 --> 00:13:27,159
Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!
308
00:13:27,287 --> 00:13:29,370
Praise be to Christ.
309
00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:33,633
Hello, young man.
310
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,346
We're looking
for your town priest.
311
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:36,820
Was he here?
312
00:13:36,897 --> 00:13:38,940
Yeah, but he left with Butters.
313
00:13:39,516 --> 00:13:41,514
Tell me about this Butters.
314
00:13:41,591 --> 00:13:43,417
All right,
that does it!
315
00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:45,432
Get outta my birthday party,
316
00:13:45,509 --> 00:13:47,424
or else I'm gonna call
the police!
317
00:13:50,866 --> 00:13:51,986
Father!
318
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,185
Father?
319
00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:55,028
Has anybody seen my priest?
320
00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:57,057
Father, where'd you go?
321
00:13:58,274 --> 00:14:01,198
There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.
322
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,025
Just leave me alone.
323
00:14:03,102 --> 00:14:04,893
But you're missin' the party.
324
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,817
Look, your friends
are right, okay?
325
00:14:06,894 --> 00:14:08,590
I don't belong there.
326
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,987
I-I don't belong anywhere.
327
00:14:11,663 --> 00:14:13,953
They just don't understand you
like I do.
328
00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:16,740
Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!
329
00:14:16,817 --> 00:14:18,158
But it's not your fault.
330
00:14:18,235 --> 00:14:20,989
- Yes, it is. It I my fault!
- Why?!
331
00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:23,604
Because I knew!
All right?!
332
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:26,937
I knew.
333
00:14:27,509 --> 00:14:28,851
Years ago,
334
00:14:28,928 --> 00:14:31,701
when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,
335
00:14:31,778 --> 00:14:34,432
I went to Vatican,
and I... I found out
336
00:14:34,509 --> 00:14:37,215
that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.
337
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:42,769
I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.
338
00:14:43,055 --> 00:14:45,159
I thought there was
a cancer in the Church
339
00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:46,592
that we could get rid of.
340
00:14:46,669 --> 00:14:49,707
But the Church is the cancer.
341
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,168
It's not about
a few bad apples.
342
00:14:52,274 --> 00:14:54,058
There's only a few good apples,
343
00:14:54,135 --> 00:14:56,512
and I'm clearly not
one of them.
344
00:14:56,589 --> 00:14:58,957
So just stay away from me!
345
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,614
But... I thought
we were pals.
346
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:05,629
You thought wrong.
347
00:15:23,642 --> 00:15:24,822
Hey.
348
00:15:25,594 --> 00:15:27,026
Hey, there.
349
00:15:27,103 --> 00:15:29,169
What's the matter, my child?
350
00:15:29,415 --> 00:15:32,091
Did you know
that Jesus loves you?
351
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:34,737
Sometimes I wonder.
352
00:15:34,814 --> 00:15:37,262
"And the life
I now live in the flesh
353
00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:40,778
I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."
354
00:15:40,978 --> 00:15:42,934
Wanna Three Musketeers?
355
00:15:43,492 --> 00:15:44,901
No, thanks.
356
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,038
You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?
357
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,361
No.
358
00:15:49,868 --> 00:15:52,809
I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?
359
00:15:52,915 --> 00:15:54,614
Well, okay!
360
00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:57,493
Stan?
361
00:15:57,711 --> 00:15:59,809
I have no idea what's going on.
362
00:15:59,899 --> 00:16:02,254
Worst birthday ever!
363
00:16:06,046 --> 00:16:07,516
Boring.
364
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:09,156
Dumb.
365
00:16:09,563 --> 00:16:10,862
Stupid.
366
00:16:11,109 --> 00:16:14,269
Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.
367
00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:16,000
Ugh.
368
00:16:17,749 --> 00:16:18,951
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
369
00:16:19,028 --> 00:16:20,064
Father!
370
00:16:20,141 --> 00:16:21,956
Hey, Sharon, it's Father!
371
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:23,255
- Mr. Marsh, please...
- He's back!
372
00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,951
- Father's back!
- I'm just going around
373
00:16:25,028 --> 00:16:26,853
trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.
374
00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:28,040
I thought he might be here
375
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,573
playing a board game
with your son?
376
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:32,668
Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.
377
00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:36,056
But, Father, please,
we all need church.
378
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,146
I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.
379
00:16:38,223 --> 00:16:39,954
I said some terrible things.
380
00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:41,862
Please, Father, we're all lost,
381
00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:44,393
and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.
382
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:48,361
What clean-up crew?
383
00:16:54,772 --> 00:16:56,031
Any sign of him?
384
00:16:56,108 --> 00:16:57,589
No, but this
should draw him out.
385
00:16:57,657 --> 00:16:58,810
The cute one says it's where
386
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,331
he and the priest
first got together.
387
00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:02,056
All right.
When the priest gets here,
388
00:17:02,268 --> 00:17:03,595
we'll take care of him
389
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:06,627
and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.
390
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:07,996
Should I bring out the Kumby?
391
00:17:08,073 --> 00:17:10,496
No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.
392
00:17:10,573 --> 00:17:13,338
Bring out the Cumboni.
393
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:24,951
Hey, Randy, what's up?
394
00:17:25,028 --> 00:17:25,863
Stephen!
395
00:17:25,940 --> 00:17:27,673
Stephen, listen...
The boys are missing.
396
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:30,766
Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!
397
00:17:31,015 --> 00:17:32,351
Taken by priests?
398
00:17:32,428 --> 00:17:34,775
Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?
399
00:17:35,015 --> 00:17:37,109
Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.
400
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,113
But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!
401
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,437
The boys are in danger!
402
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:42,840
But where would priests go
this late at night?
403
00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:45,759
To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?
404
00:17:45,836 --> 00:17:47,113
Wha... What'd she say?
405
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,689
She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."
406
00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:51,507
Can... Can I post that?
407
00:17:51,584 --> 00:17:52,619
Sure, she doesn't care.
408
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:53,523
Give me that!
409
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,637
Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?
410
00:17:55,714 --> 00:17:57,740
Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from him
411
00:17:57,817 --> 00:18:00,267
saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.
412
00:18:00,365 --> 00:18:03,070
Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.
413
00:18:03,147 --> 00:18:04,898
And when we get there...
414
00:18:04,975 --> 00:18:06,705
I'll need to go in alone.
415
00:18:06,782 --> 00:18:08,369
Yeah, I'll bet.
416
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:11,130
He's not showing up.
417
00:18:11,207 --> 00:18:13,052
Try the Priest Call.
418
00:18:14,436 --> 00:18:16,121
I love Jesus!
419
00:18:16,198 --> 00:18:18,017
I love Jesus!
420
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,349
I don't think he's coming.
421
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:22,635
Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.
422
00:18:22,781 --> 00:18:24,423
Let's start packing up.
423
00:18:24,584 --> 00:18:27,290
You... Get on the Cumboni
and eradicate this place
424
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:28,894
along with everything in it.
425
00:18:28,971 --> 00:18:30,146
Yes, Your Holiness.
426
00:18:30,223 --> 00:18:31,443
Wait!
427
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,202
Father.
428
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,311
You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.
429
00:18:37,388 --> 00:18:39,126
I know why you're here.
430
00:18:39,209 --> 00:18:41,862
The church can't have
someone like me
431
00:18:41,939 --> 00:18:43,915
going around,
making it look bad.
432
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:46,967
So go ahead.
Do it.
433
00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:48,808
Just get it over with.
434
00:18:48,885 --> 00:18:50,424
What?!
No!
435
00:18:50,501 --> 00:18:52,503
You think we searched
all over town
436
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:54,634
and set up this trap
to kill you?
437
00:18:54,794 --> 00:18:56,092
We're Catholics.
438
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:58,095
We're here to give you
what you deserve.
439
00:18:58,176 --> 00:19:01,237
A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!
440
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:04,134
Luxury airfare
and beach house included!
441
00:19:05,939 --> 00:19:07,168
A transfer?
442
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:08,774
The church took care
of everything,
443
00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:11,423
just like it always has
from the beginning.
444
00:19:11,662 --> 00:19:14,517
"Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."
445
00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:18,124
I can just go?
446
00:19:18,201 --> 00:19:21,439
I can start over
in the Maldives?
447
00:19:21,555 --> 00:19:23,291
No one will
make fun of you there.
448
00:19:23,368 --> 00:19:24,640
They can't even speak English.
449
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:26,715
And don't worry...
There'll be plenty of priests
450
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:28,457
to take your place here.
451
00:19:28,563 --> 00:19:30,974
Look, I know it's a big change,
but...
452
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,418
you know what you have to do.
453
00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:35,485
Yes, I do.
454
00:19:35,852 --> 00:19:38,707
I don't think
I have any other choice.
455
00:19:39,797 --> 00:19:42,137
No.
He can't.
456
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,080
Well, our work here is done!
457
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:45,720
Praise be to Christ, guys.
458
00:19:45,797 --> 00:19:46,800
It certainly was a tough one,
459
00:19:46,877 --> 00:19:49,817
but I think we got everything
cleaned up and...
460
00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:59,950
- Aaaah!
- The Cumboni!
461
00:20:00,027 --> 00:20:03,862
Aah!
Aaaaaagh!
462
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:04,988
Aah!
463
00:20:05,056 --> 00:20:06,603
Aaaaaagh!
464
00:20:11,939 --> 00:20:15,043
Nooooooooo!
Br-br-br-br-br-br!
465
00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:21,055
Father, you did it!
466
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:22,925
I'm so sorry, my child.
467
00:20:23,002 --> 00:20:25,159
I never meant to say
we weren't pals.
468
00:20:25,236 --> 00:20:27,140
Does that mean
you're gonna stay?
469
00:20:27,217 --> 00:20:28,275
Of course.
470
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,357
Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.
471
00:20:31,485 --> 00:20:34,857
My job here is to protect you.
472
00:20:35,015 --> 00:20:36,630
All of you.
473
00:20:41,385 --> 00:20:43,597
The Lord be with you.
474
00:20:43,674 --> 00:20:46,341
- And with your spirit.
- And with your spirit.
475
00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:51,654
Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.
476
00:20:51,731 --> 00:20:54,736
The penitent have deep remorse,
477
00:20:54,813 --> 00:20:58,333
but for true penance,
we must be humble enough
478
00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:02,662
to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.
479
00:21:02,939 --> 00:21:05,362
Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priest
480
00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:07,076
is undeserved.
481
00:21:07,438 --> 00:21:09,994
In Job 42:6, we read,
482
00:21:10,071 --> 00:21:12,209
"Therefore I reprehend myself
483
00:21:12,286 --> 00:21:15,049
and do penance
in dust and ashes."
484
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:17,559
And in choir boys'
butts and asses.
485
00:21:18,422 --> 00:21:20,793
So we are not
to punish ourselves,
486
00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:24,400
but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.
487
00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:27,356
Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
488
00:21:28,094 --> 00:21:30,584
Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!
489
00:21:30,661 --> 00:21:33,894
Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificed
490
00:21:33,971 --> 00:21:36,295
and how hard it truly was.
491
00:21:36,372 --> 00:21:38,879
How hard what truly was?
32777
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