Original subtitles

All right, so be completely honest.

What do you think of this first date?

Complete honesty?

Yeah. I think it's really boring.

What? For the record, everybody, I said we should go mini -golfing, but he was

too scared to get beat by me. For the record, I would literally destroy her.

Mm -hmm, sure.

I'm sure you would have to use one of those, like, little kitty buttons. Oh,

gosh, shut up.

I can't believe you made these from scratch all by yourself.

I know, right? Don't they look amazing?

No,

I made them myself.

You sure?

Yes.

Maya. What?

Who are you texting?

Nobody. All right, let's see. Who are you texting?

Nobody.

Come on, what are you hiding?

Nothing.

Am I doing it right? Do I look like you?

Um, you know, you're close.

Tell me what I'm doing wrong.

All right.

Today is Thursday, March 15th.

I've really been struggling lately.

I'm not sure why.

It's just been hard.

Sometimes I think I'll be okay.

Like, everything will work itself out.

But then... I just never thought we would become strangers.

I hate this feeling of constantly wondering why, for some reason, I wasn't

enough.

She was one of the only people in the main thing. Like, I was enough.

Sometimes I just...

I wish we never met.

I miss mom still.

I wish she was here to help me out.

Help me figure out all this.

I feel so lonely.

I just don't want to be alone.

Anything interesting happening at school today?

No. I got an email about a music contest coming up. Looks pretty interesting.

Not really.

Finn.

What? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Why? I'm just worried about you.

No, there's nothing to worry about.

I love you, bud.

Yeah, I know.

Come find me and please be kind I've been lying

awake till the morning time I don't

know what's gotten in my mind But it's

misapplied and it's magnified I believe

that

Then I needed all their lies.

I was defeated.

Before I even tried to uncover their disguise.

I'm so sorry. That's all

right. Don't worry about it.

Where are you going in such a rush?

Uh, you, uh, got a minute to help me hang these up?

Um, it'll only take a minute. I promise I'll let you get on your way right

after. Okay.

Okay.

Here, hold these.

What are these for?

The annual Rivendell High School Music Contest.

It's a cool opportunity.

Yeah. Speaking of which, why not do it?

I mean, it doesn't hurt to submit.

I haven't played in a while.

You have plenty of time to practice.

I'm trying.

You know, if you keep focusing on your past, you're going to end up stuck there

and then not know how to move forward.

I say this because I don't know if you're going through with your breakup.

My breakup? Who told you about my breakup?

Students talk.

They act like I can't hear, but I can.

What does any of this have to do with the music contest?

Well, it doesn't really, but it does have to do with lost passion.

Everybody's been there, including me. I mean, my situation was actually very

similar to yours, and it was really hard to get by.

I mean, I lost all motivation, passion, persistence for music.

And then one day I just kind of picked up my guitar out of nowhere and started

messing around with it. And somehow the most random chords and strings I was

playing started to form a melody.

And it was through that pratha that I learned how much music meant to me.

And I know how much it means to you.

Just, I mean, at least make it a goal to submit something.

You know, you'll be glad you did.

Okay.

Maybe I will.

All right. Well, we have three more hallways for these things, so we should

going. Okay.

Okay.

How have you been?

How's your weekly video journals coming along?

Finn?

Um, yeah, they've been fine.

What's something positive that's happened to this week?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Or you've got things about things?

I can't think of anything.

Well, how about something in the future?

Is there something you're looking forward to in the coming month?

Well, there's a music contest coming up.

Are you thinking of participating in it?

I don't know. I want to.

I just... I can't.

Why is that?

Does it have something to do with Maya?

Or your mom?

The music just brings back a lot of memories.

Memories of?

My mom.

And Maya.

And do you think these memories with Maya are

somehow... physically stopping you from playing?

I don't know. They just distract me.

That's completely normal, Finn.

First love will always be with us.

Other people you date will remind you of her. I don't want to be stuck with this

memory of her.

I... I don't want everything and everyone to remind me of her.

I can't live with this thought of her.

And of us?

I... I just... I just want to move on.

Maybe you need some closure.

What do you think would give you closure?

I don't know, maybe like a... like a true apology from her?

Or something like that?

You think that would help you to move on?

Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

No.

Okay.

Why don't we schedule again for next week?

I'd like to see how you are then.

I'm sure you would have to use one of those little kitty putters. Oh my gosh,

shut up.

Hey. Hey.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have called. No, it's okay.

Okay.

Um, how have you been?

Um, you know, I've been okay.

How are you?

I'm good.

Can I ask you something?

Okay. Why'd you do it?

Do what?

Cheat on me. Why'd you cheat on me?

It was an accident. I have told you this a million times before.

An accident?

Letting another guy get between us is an accident.

I just... I was struggling with you, with us, and you didn't even seem to

Care?

I did care.

I... I've been weeks, maybe even months, of trying to fix things.

I don't think you realize how much I struggle.

Well, you never showed it! I'm so scared of something like this happening.

You completely broke me.

After my mom passed, you just threw me away. Threw our relationship away like

was a piece of trash.

Like, that's all I was to you, and... I trusted no one except you.

And now I'm not even sure if I can trust anyone anymore, because it just feels

like everybody leaves.

Just tell me the truth.

I just wasn't happy with you anymore.

I... I needed someone new in my life.

Hello? Finn?

What am I doing?

What is wrong with me?

And what did I do?

Um...

Look at our musician learning from the best.

Soon I'll be the best.

Okay, mister.

Don't just rub it in.

Just don't forget about us when you're famous.

Especially me.

Don't forget who gave you this guitar.

I'll never forget you.

Oh, hey, bud. Where you been?

Finn!

Finn!

Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I know something's wrong.

Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.

Is it about Maya again?

I'm sorry.

I wish there was some way I could take this pain away from you.

I just really miss her.

I know.

It's hard.

And I know you miss her.

I just... I don't know why.

Why I miss her so much.

Especially after what she did.

And how bad she hurt me.

Nobody knows.

But sometimes the only solution is to truly ask yourself, do you really miss

her? Or do you miss the idea of her?

I don't know, I just...

I still love her.

I have this feeling in my chest.

Like a feeling of my heart wanting something so bad.

But my mind, my mind is saying no.

Because deep down, you know it isn't worth it.

I just wanted her to love me the way that I loved her.

Love is many things, but it's also a choice.

If what you and Maya had was true love, you would have never had to fight for

her to stay.

But then why did she go?

Everyone has a choice in life, no matter what, but sometimes we don't always get

to choose whether we leave or whether we stay.

But we do make the choice to love.

And I, I make the choice to love you every day.

Maya can say whatever she wants, but at the end of the day, she made the choice.

The way she chose someone else over me just made me feel

like I wasn't enough.

I feel like I need to prove that I can be great at something,

that I can be known for something, that I could just be

somebody.

Hey, look at me.

You're somebody right now.

I know.

It's hard.

But the best thing you can do right now is distract yourself with the things

that you love to do. Like what?

Like music.

I'm terrible at it. It doesn't matter.

All that matters is that it makes you happy.

I know you have a love for it. I've seen your obsession. You have the same trait

your mother had.

I've missed Mom a lot lately.

I know.

I have too.

Why don't we ever talk about her?

I don't know.

I guess we all have to grieve in our own way, but it doesn't mean that we don't

care.

I know your mother would be very proud of you.

And I will always be proud of you, no matter what.

I love you, Finn.

Hey, Finn.

I hope you know that this isn't anybody's fault.

I know it'll be hard for you with me gone, but I have faith in you.

You are such a strong and brave young man.

Just promise me that you'll never forget what you still have.

And if you ever feel disconnected to me,

Just pick up your guitar and play.

You'll always be able to find me in a song.

You have so much talent.

And I am so proud of you.

I'm sorry I won't be able to be there for you.

But I will always be in your heart.

And I will always...

I will always love you.

Today is May 12th. This is my 11th video so far.

I've always wanted to prove something.

Prove to myself that I can do something great.

Become someone great.

But I've never really tried.

I've been scared to try.

I still am.

But I think that in order for me to achieve something that I really want to

for myself, I have to try.

I want to change.

And I want to look back on this video and know that I didn't let myself down.

And that I never will again.

At least not for me and you.

Already.

I've lost the light.

I could not bear to lose.

Have you lost yours too?

I could be the one that you look for. I could be right there with you. If only

you would show yourself.

If I can make sense somehow.

I can do better than they all have. Promise that you'd never think to look

I don't want to be myself.

All you want is someone else.

Wait, hold on. I got something better to do.

Shut up. I just get the beat if I do this.

I think it looks shorter.