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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,418 --> 00:00:06,505 Rock music 2 00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:22,371 And the wolf said, "'little pigs, little pigs, 3 00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:24,064 let me in.' 4 00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:26,191 'not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chin.' 5 00:00:26,233 --> 00:00:28,151 'then I'll huff and I'll puff 6 00:00:28,193 --> 00:00:30,195 and I'll blow your house down.'" 7 00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:32,155 ohh! 8 00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:34,032 "But the brick house wouldn't come down. 9 00:00:34,074 --> 00:00:37,035 So the big, bad wolf climbed all the way up the roof, 10 00:00:37,077 --> 00:00:39,204 he slid down the chimney, and then..." 11 00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:42,374 Aooh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuuu! 12 00:00:42,415 --> 00:00:44,501 "The big, bad wolf fell into the pot of hot water 13 00:00:44,543 --> 00:00:46,086 that the pigs had on the fire. 14 00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:48,838 And that was the end of the big, bad wolf. 15 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,174 And the pigs lived happily ever after." 16 00:00:51,216 --> 00:00:53,635 You see 'em? One, two, 17 00:00:53,677 --> 00:00:55,637 - three. - Hey. 18 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,557 - Hey. - How's he feeling? 19 00:00:58,598 --> 00:01:02,644 Oh, he's still congested and, uh, still awake. 20 00:01:02,686 --> 00:01:04,479 Smells like my grandma's room in here. 21 00:01:04,521 --> 00:01:06,565 Yeah. Yeah, slathered him in vicks. 22 00:01:06,606 --> 00:01:09,317 Hey, you wanna tag out? 23 00:01:09,359 --> 00:01:10,986 - I'll take a turn. - Uh-uh. 24 00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:12,320 It's cool. I got him. 25 00:01:12,362 --> 00:01:13,905 You get some sleep, all right? 26 00:01:13,947 --> 00:01:16,408 Okay. I'm gonna pass out on the couch 27 00:01:16,449 --> 00:01:18,034 to an episode of Bob Ross. 28 00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:19,595 Oh. Bob Ross. 29 00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:23,665 Feel better, my sweet baby boy. 30 00:01:23,707 --> 00:01:25,166 Mmm. 31 00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:27,752 - Thanks. - Yeah. 32 00:01:30,964 --> 00:01:33,300 Okay, let's see what's next, what's next? 33 00:01:33,341 --> 00:01:35,802 All right, we've... 34 00:01:35,844 --> 00:01:38,555 I think we've read the... 35 00:01:38,597 --> 00:01:40,116 Just about every single one of these books. 36 00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:42,100 But don't worry about it. 37 00:01:42,142 --> 00:01:45,103 I got a better story for you, all right? 38 00:01:45,145 --> 00:01:48,398 Soft music 39 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:52,611 how 'bout we tell you a real fairy tale story, huh? 40 00:01:52,652 --> 00:01:55,822 Now, once upon a time, 41 00:01:55,864 --> 00:01:59,075 there was a little boy named Phillip Gallagher. 42 00:01:59,117 --> 00:02:00,910 - Phillip. - It's, uh, lip. 43 00:02:00,952 --> 00:02:02,537 - I'm lip... Phillip Gallagher. - Lip? 44 00:02:02,579 --> 00:02:03,455 - Lip. - Is lip around? 45 00:02:03,496 --> 00:02:04,581 - Lip! - Lip. 46 00:02:04,623 --> 00:02:05,957 - Phillip Gallagher? - It's lip. 47 00:02:05,999 --> 00:02:08,293 - Lip, my man. - Lip, muh boy. 48 00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:10,295 Not gonna call ya lip. Hope that's okay. 49 00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:12,631 Gonna call you by your lovely god-given name... 50 00:02:12,672 --> 00:02:14,299 - Phillip. - Okay. 51 00:02:14,341 --> 00:02:15,467 After the prophet. 52 00:02:15,508 --> 00:02:18,094 And Phillip... or lip, 53 00:02:18,136 --> 00:02:20,722 as his family and friends called him, 54 00:02:20,764 --> 00:02:23,642 grew up in a magical castle, 55 00:02:23,683 --> 00:02:26,102 and he was raised by a supportive 56 00:02:26,144 --> 00:02:28,730 and loving family. 57 00:02:30,815 --> 00:02:33,526 Fuck you, frank! 58 00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:35,779 Will you please take a drink and shut the fuck up? 59 00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:37,197 Shut the fuck up! 60 00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:38,549 Frank's passed out up in the bathroom. 61 00:02:38,573 --> 00:02:39,532 - Fuck. - He dead? 62 00:02:39,574 --> 00:02:40,784 Unfortunately not. 63 00:02:40,825 --> 00:02:43,036 You gotta let kids learn for themselves. 64 00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:44,496 They gonna fend for themselves? 65 00:02:44,537 --> 00:02:46,998 You give a man a fish, you've fed him for a day. 66 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,976 Teach a man to fish, you've fed him for a lifetime. 67 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,377 I raised fisherman. 68 00:02:50,418 --> 00:02:52,337 That's my fucking bike! 69 00:02:52,379 --> 00:02:54,881 The best gift you can give... Neglect. 70 00:02:56,091 --> 00:02:58,343 - Dad. - Son. 71 00:02:58,885 --> 00:03:01,596 A rooster in the henhouse. Rooster in the henhouse! 72 00:03:01,638 --> 00:03:03,264 Hide the money! 73 00:03:03,306 --> 00:03:04,950 - Morning, grammy. - Morning, grammy! 74 00:03:04,974 --> 00:03:06,702 - Morning, grams! - Hey, Gallagher. 75 00:03:06,726 --> 00:03:08,812 Your mom's down at the station. Bring bail money. 76 00:03:08,853 --> 00:03:12,982 Get the fucking key and get me out of here! 77 00:03:13,024 --> 00:03:14,526 Just bailed Monica outta jail. 78 00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:16,695 She let Carl play bumper cars with a buick. 79 00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:19,114 So you know Monica spent all the squirrel fund money? 80 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:21,449 The first rule you learn in this house... 81 00:03:21,491 --> 00:03:22,951 You hide the goddamn money! 82 00:03:22,992 --> 00:03:24,220 Don't be mad at Fiona. Come on. 83 00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:25,787 Hey, Monica, shut up. 84 00:03:25,829 --> 00:03:27,181 You know what, like most of my life, 85 00:03:27,205 --> 00:03:28,498 this has nothing to do with you. 86 00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:29,541 Your son's a real prick. 87 00:03:31,084 --> 00:03:33,878 Don't say papa never gave ya a pet. 88 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,463 Fuck! 89 00:03:35,505 --> 00:03:36,840 Eeew! 90 00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:39,217 - Hey, grammy. - Oh, my goodness. 91 00:03:39,259 --> 00:03:42,929 I have never seen apple and spice looking so nice! 92 00:03:42,971 --> 00:03:45,199 - How's it goin' in there? - Oh, the food's not so great, 93 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:46,891 but the pussy's pretty good. 94 00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:48,017 Sounds all right. 95 00:03:48,059 --> 00:03:49,894 Weren't Monica and frank on acid 96 00:03:49,936 --> 00:03:51,229 the whole time you were in vitro? 97 00:03:51,271 --> 00:03:52,897 'Shrooms, mostly. 98 00:03:52,939 --> 00:03:55,024 We had one kid on coke... Debbie. 99 00:03:55,066 --> 00:03:57,026 - That was Carl. - No, Carl was e. 100 00:03:57,068 --> 00:03:58,987 - Thought Liam was e. - Liam was acid. 101 00:03:59,028 --> 00:04:00,447 Don't you remember? 102 00:04:00,488 --> 00:04:04,242 But we've never made a little rug rat on ghb. 103 00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:09,330 Oh! Jesus Christ! 104 00:04:09,372 --> 00:04:11,124 "Congratulations, Ian. 105 00:04:11,166 --> 00:04:13,001 You are not frank Gallagher's son." 106 00:04:13,042 --> 00:04:14,753 You fucked my brother! 107 00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,838 I like the idea of Monica cheating on frank. 108 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,274 You know, it really keeps my image of you 109 00:04:18,298 --> 00:04:19,883 right on track, mom. 110 00:04:19,924 --> 00:04:22,260 Honestly, sweetie, there was the summer of '95 111 00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:24,387 that I did a lotta pcp... 112 00:04:24,429 --> 00:04:25,764 - You did pcp? - And I... 113 00:04:25,805 --> 00:04:27,766 Without me? 114 00:04:27,807 --> 00:04:29,744 Moni and I wanna take Liam to live with us. 115 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,269 - What? - No, out of the fucking 116 00:04:31,311 --> 00:04:33,271 - question, Roberta. - Taking Liam? 117 00:04:33,313 --> 00:04:34,522 - No! - No, nobody's 118 00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:36,065 taking anyone anywhere. 119 00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:39,027 I don't care what the fucking DNA test says. 120 00:04:39,068 --> 00:04:41,571 - You're not taking Liam. - We having a problem, 121 00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,948 - Phillip? - Let's see... you're camped out 122 00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:46,075 in my house, you're fucking my mother, 123 00:04:46,117 --> 00:04:47,595 and you're talking about stealing my baby brother. 124 00:04:47,619 --> 00:04:49,120 Why would we have a problem? 125 00:04:49,162 --> 00:04:51,122 - Hey, stop it! - Congratulations, mom. 126 00:04:51,164 --> 00:04:52,624 You always knew how to pick 'em. 127 00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:54,101 Yeah, so please stay on your barstool 128 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,519 - and just keep drinking. - Come on! 129 00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:57,128 - I've gotta walk away. - What?! 130 00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:58,731 If I don't walk away, I'm gonna fucking hit him. 131 00:04:58,755 --> 00:05:00,632 Bluesy rock music 132 00:05:00,673 --> 00:05:02,467 what the hell? 133 00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:04,928 Fuck! 134 00:05:04,969 --> 00:05:07,096 Next time you're thinkin' about dropping in, 135 00:05:07,138 --> 00:05:08,890 don't. 136 00:05:08,932 --> 00:05:10,493 You fucked up our lives 137 00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:12,310 enough already. 138 00:05:14,479 --> 00:05:16,940 At least I'm not getting trapped by some pregnant skank. 139 00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:18,566 - Fuck you. - You'll probably quit 140 00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,652 high school, huh, start working at best buy. 141 00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:22,338 - Watch your fuckin' mouth! - I wonder how long it takes 142 00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:24,072 before you start huffing glue? 143 00:05:24,113 --> 00:05:26,491 Hey! Only one way to resolve this. 144 00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,326 Somebody's gotta bleed. Fight it out. 145 00:05:28,368 --> 00:05:30,495 See who's Alpha wolf. 146 00:05:30,537 --> 00:05:33,748 Rock music 147 00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:35,834 your mother... 148 00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:37,502 Was a real cunt. 149 00:05:37,544 --> 00:05:38,544 Amen. 150 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,174 Wanna get a beer? 151 00:05:43,216 --> 00:05:44,509 Yeah. 152 00:05:44,551 --> 00:05:46,511 - Hey, lip, I need your help. - Oh... busy! 153 00:05:46,553 --> 00:05:48,137 Too busy to help your old man? 154 00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:49,681 Yes. Forever. 155 00:05:49,722 --> 00:05:51,200 - Movin' out again? - Fuck off. 156 00:05:51,224 --> 00:05:53,017 I don't like the way I'm being talked to 157 00:05:53,059 --> 00:05:54,745 - around my own house. - Let's go see if we can find 158 00:05:54,769 --> 00:05:56,855 whatever gutter our responsible adult of a father 159 00:05:56,896 --> 00:05:58,481 has crawled into this time. 160 00:05:58,523 --> 00:06:00,167 "You never got me this, dad, we never had that, dad." 161 00:06:00,191 --> 00:06:01,901 Yack, yack, fucking yack! 162 00:06:01,943 --> 00:06:03,862 Lip, you're 21, right? 163 00:06:03,903 --> 00:06:05,738 23, but that's fine. You're in the ballpark. 164 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,241 Surround sound bitching is the only thanks I get. 165 00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:10,118 Life is hard. We all know that. 166 00:06:10,159 --> 00:06:12,078 Money is harder. 167 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,081 Do you even know how much we spend a week on groceries? 168 00:06:15,123 --> 00:06:17,667 - Too much! - 120 bucks. 169 00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:20,378 Fiona pays 70. Me and Ian go in 25 each. 170 00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:22,340 You know how much you spend a month at the alibi? 171 00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:23,965 None a your damn business. 172 00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:26,217 Over 700. 173 00:06:26,259 --> 00:06:27,862 - Hey, you're back! - Let us have a bottle 174 00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:29,053 of your good stuff. 175 00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:30,221 I've got some money comin'. 176 00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:32,891 Tomorrow, fuckhead! 177 00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:36,144 A friend... dropped me off. 178 00:06:36,185 --> 00:06:37,538 I don't need kev to tell me. 179 00:06:37,562 --> 00:06:39,856 Check your pockets every night. 180 00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:43,318 You better run! 181 00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:45,239 I gotta go, but save some for me, will ya, debs? 182 00:06:45,278 --> 00:06:46,821 - Yeah, okay. - It's essential 183 00:06:46,863 --> 00:06:48,740 that families share meals together. 184 00:06:49,949 --> 00:06:51,993 - Oh, don't, oh... - Mmm! 185 00:06:52,035 --> 00:06:53,703 - Great, debs. - Thanks. 186 00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,097 I won't say it twice. Go home. 187 00:06:55,121 --> 00:06:56,247 What? 188 00:06:56,289 --> 00:06:58,041 I won't say it twi... 189 00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:01,878 Why do you two keep harping on the past? 190 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,672 This is why your lives are so messed up! 191 00:07:04,714 --> 00:07:07,133 Oh, yeah. That's the reason. 192 00:07:07,175 --> 00:07:09,552 Daddy's home! Come on, lads. 193 00:07:09,594 --> 00:07:11,638 Let's go upstairs, take a disco nap. 194 00:07:11,679 --> 00:07:13,431 Charge, charge! 195 00:07:13,473 --> 00:07:15,808 Shit! Just go... go! 196 00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:17,393 Just pick a bed, fellas. 197 00:07:17,435 --> 00:07:19,228 Just pick a bed. Ohh. 198 00:07:19,771 --> 00:07:22,273 - What the hell are you doing? - Get the fuck outta here! 199 00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:23,608 You are not sleeping! 200 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:26,110 After everything I have done for you, 201 00:07:26,152 --> 00:07:27,946 this is the thanks I get? 202 00:07:27,987 --> 00:07:29,572 Jesus chriiiist... 203 00:07:29,614 --> 00:07:31,032 Uhh! 204 00:07:31,074 --> 00:07:33,618 Not funny. Not funny at all. 205 00:07:34,619 --> 00:07:36,537 - Da! - Now... 206 00:07:36,579 --> 00:07:38,790 Because of his privileged upbringing, 207 00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:42,418 little lip was able to focus his attentions on schoolwork 208 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,796 and extracurricular activities. 209 00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,215 Go! Go, go, go! 210 00:07:47,256 --> 00:07:50,134 Rock music 211 00:07:50,176 --> 00:07:52,470 get outta the way, get outta the way! 212 00:07:52,512 --> 00:07:53,930 Move it! 213 00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:55,807 Jesus, whatever happened to fat, 214 00:07:55,848 --> 00:07:58,518 donut-eating cops? Now they're all triathletes! 215 00:07:58,559 --> 00:07:59,999 - Ah... - Break it down! 216 00:08:00,937 --> 00:08:02,480 Shit! 217 00:08:02,522 --> 00:08:04,565 - Yo, kev. - Hey. 218 00:08:04,607 --> 00:08:06,776 Is it cool if we put Fiona's name on your w2? 219 00:08:06,818 --> 00:08:09,028 Sure. What's a w2? 220 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,072 Hmm? 221 00:08:11,114 --> 00:08:13,491 Forty-third and alstead. Bring the crowbar. 222 00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:18,037 - Wow. - Ha ha ha ha ha! 223 00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:20,957 Here we go. 224 00:08:20,999 --> 00:08:22,726 Hey, I wanna stage another fight night next week. 225 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:26,629 Rock music 226 00:08:26,671 --> 00:08:28,631 go around to the dojos, 227 00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:29,984 round up some more scrappers, all right? 228 00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,844 Frozen snickers, bag a beer nuts, 229 00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,470 and couple of joints. 230 00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:36,139 You 14? Got ID? 231 00:08:40,518 --> 00:08:42,145 You know how to hack a voicemail? 232 00:08:42,186 --> 00:08:43,521 Probably. 233 00:08:43,563 --> 00:08:46,649 I want you to give me 50 or gfy. 234 00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:48,026 Gfy? 235 00:08:51,738 --> 00:08:54,532 Less ogling, more hacking. 236 00:08:54,574 --> 00:08:57,201 Is this the club where Wilco's gonna play a secret concert? 237 00:08:57,243 --> 00:08:58,369 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, uh, 238 00:08:58,411 --> 00:09:00,329 20 bucks, self-park, 30 valet. 239 00:09:00,371 --> 00:09:02,665 Thought you wanted this. Quickest grand you ever made. 240 00:09:02,707 --> 00:09:05,418 Buyer was thrilled... said you should moonlight for the NSA. 241 00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,045 So what are you workin' on this summer? 242 00:09:07,086 --> 00:09:09,481 Um, I'm working on this device that reads credit card numbers 243 00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:10,923 off of parking kiosks. 244 00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:12,592 Using a magnetic stripe reader? 245 00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:14,469 Oh, no. It's all done over WiFi now. 246 00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:17,680 Why aren't you working on my project? 247 00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:19,390 When you're poor, only way to make money 248 00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,309 is to steal it or scam it. 249 00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,227 Like Don King or Joe Kennedy. 250 00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:24,771 All right, here ya go. 251 00:09:24,812 --> 00:09:27,106 It's 50 bucks a head. $400. 252 00:09:27,148 --> 00:09:29,025 This man stole our jobs? 253 00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:31,778 No, no, I didn't steal them. I just underbid you. 254 00:09:32,361 --> 00:09:35,698 But we are illegal immigrants. How can you underbid us? 255 00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:37,867 - Gutter white's the new brown. - The what? 256 00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:39,160 The new brown. 257 00:09:39,202 --> 00:09:40,721 - Come on! - You got her? 258 00:09:40,745 --> 00:09:42,205 Oh... go! 259 00:09:42,246 --> 00:09:44,248 The real aunt ginger lost a toe. 260 00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:47,251 Somebody's gotta snip it. Who wants to do the honors? 261 00:09:49,295 --> 00:09:50,939 I'm taking the psats for some Polish kid 262 00:09:50,963 --> 00:09:52,548 over in ridgedale. 263 00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,193 He's supposed to give me like a hundred bucks. 264 00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:55,676 Mr. Gallagher. 265 00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:59,597 - What? - Do you know the answer? 266 00:10:01,641 --> 00:10:03,559 - Lip's been expelled. - Expelled? 267 00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:04,787 Threw a chair through a window. 268 00:10:04,811 --> 00:10:06,771 The answer is fuck you! 269 00:10:10,983 --> 00:10:12,568 You are finishing high school! 270 00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:13,903 I've done a year more than you. 271 00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:15,547 - This isn't about me. - So, what, you want me 272 00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,448 to bust my ass? Get a diploma 273 00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:20,076 and a high-paying job so I can buy you all houses and shit 274 00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,994 while you lay around doing fuck-all? 275 00:10:22,036 --> 00:10:23,454 I'm down for that. 276 00:10:23,496 --> 00:10:25,790 Why's that on me, huh? 277 00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,834 Oh, because I've done all right on some tests? 278 00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:29,794 No. I'll pull my weight, 279 00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:32,130 but I'm not gonna be the fucking golden goose! 280 00:10:32,171 --> 00:10:36,300 Moody music 281 00:10:36,342 --> 00:10:38,427 and when he was in high school, 282 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:41,764 he met a beautiful Princess. 283 00:10:44,892 --> 00:10:46,602 Take it easy! 284 00:10:46,644 --> 00:10:47,979 Get the fuck outta my house! 285 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:49,689 Hi. I'm Karen Jackson. 286 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,649 I mean... daddyz girl. 287 00:10:55,736 --> 00:10:57,655 And the two of them dated... 288 00:10:57,697 --> 00:11:01,159 And they were voted homecoming king and queen. 289 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,970 Yeah! Oh, yeah, give it to me! 290 00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:04,328 - Oh, yeah. - Ohh! 291 00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:06,247 - Give it to me! - Want me to give it to you? 292 00:11:06,289 --> 00:11:08,583 - Yes. - Yeah, she said 293 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,084 she wants you to give it to her, 294 00:11:10,126 --> 00:11:11,186 so just give it to her already! 295 00:11:15,131 --> 00:11:18,176 Funky music 296 00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,180 you whore! 297 00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:24,307 What are we doing here? 298 00:11:24,348 --> 00:11:27,018 Seriously, from, uh, my vantage point, 299 00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:28,537 looks like we're on the verge of fucking. 300 00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:30,730 No, I mean you and me. What are we? 301 00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,356 We've always been friends. 302 00:11:33,608 --> 00:11:35,985 - Hi, frank. - Shit! Karen! 303 00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,529 Funky music 304 00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:44,869 whoa! Oh... 305 00:11:44,911 --> 00:11:46,245 What do you think now, daddy? 306 00:11:46,287 --> 00:11:47,747 Am I still a whore? 307 00:11:49,415 --> 00:11:51,751 Mother of god! 308 00:11:55,755 --> 00:11:57,548 - Oh, fuck! - Oh! 309 00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:03,221 - Ahh! - Ohh! 310 00:12:03,262 --> 00:12:04,639 Ahh... 311 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,891 - Where ya goin'? - Karen's. 312 00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:09,894 Karen Jackson? After that thing with your dad? 313 00:12:09,936 --> 00:12:12,396 I have something to tell you. 314 00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:15,650 What? Finally gonna let me plow the back fields? 315 00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,193 You already are. 316 00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,028 Oh, shit! Sorry. Um... 317 00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:20,238 It's okay. 318 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:22,740 - I like it. - Oh. Ha. 319 00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:24,909 I wouldn't necessarily call it an orgy, 320 00:12:24,951 --> 00:12:28,079 but there were a lot of naked body parts flying around. 321 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,414 And then there was the time at mindy Carlson's sleepover 322 00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:32,250 when her mom walked in and freaked out 323 00:12:32,291 --> 00:12:33,918 when she saw mindy in the shower 324 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,295 with a big, black strap-on dildo. 325 00:12:36,337 --> 00:12:37,922 So what'd you wanna tell me? 326 00:12:37,964 --> 00:12:40,216 I'm pretty sure that Jody's gonna propose. 327 00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:42,593 We can't have sex anymore. 328 00:12:42,635 --> 00:12:44,262 Oh. 329 00:12:44,303 --> 00:12:45,554 Mandy! 330 00:12:46,806 --> 00:12:49,141 Missed me, huh? 331 00:12:49,183 --> 00:12:51,102 I bet you could get any guy into bed, huh? 332 00:12:51,143 --> 00:12:53,771 Yeah. Why? 333 00:12:57,483 --> 00:12:59,443 Hey. Hey, you okay? 334 00:13:00,528 --> 00:13:02,071 - Uhh! - Oh, sh... 335 00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:04,615 Why the fuck was Mandy milkovich at my house 336 00:13:04,657 --> 00:13:06,742 trying to screw Jody? 337 00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,786 He turned her down and told me what happened. 338 00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:10,454 Yeah, 'cause he's a fucking pussy. 339 00:13:10,496 --> 00:13:13,082 Fuck you! Stay the fuck away from me, 340 00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:15,543 and stay the fuck away from this baby! 341 00:13:20,506 --> 00:13:22,049 Why can't I just get a c-section? 342 00:13:22,091 --> 00:13:24,069 - You're too far along, sweetie. - Sometimes mother nature 343 00:13:24,093 --> 00:13:25,386 has other plans, honey. 344 00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:27,138 Fuck mother nature. 345 00:13:27,179 --> 00:13:28,907 She doesn't have to worry about her vagina getting stretched. 346 00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:30,141 - Ow! - You were already 347 00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:32,435 pretty stretched out down there, Karen. 348 00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:33,676 That thing looks weird. 349 00:13:35,688 --> 00:13:36,999 - And he's Asian. - Maybe we're just 350 00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:38,816 looking at him upside down. 351 00:13:42,194 --> 00:13:44,155 So it's looking serious about Mandy skankovich. 352 00:13:44,196 --> 00:13:45,614 Nice. 353 00:13:45,656 --> 00:13:48,159 Oh, shit, Mandy. I'm sorry. 354 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,161 You know I woulda never said that to your face. 355 00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:52,204 I know you're seeing lip, but like I told him, 356 00:13:52,246 --> 00:13:54,665 I think it's great. 357 00:13:54,707 --> 00:13:57,835 What? I came by last Tuesday to say hi. 358 00:13:57,877 --> 00:14:00,713 She's a skanky, manipulative bitch. 359 00:14:00,755 --> 00:14:02,757 Why don't you just dump her? 360 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:04,383 - Less talking, more riding. - Oh! 361 00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,304 Fuck you too! 362 00:14:13,225 --> 00:14:14,935 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 363 00:14:14,977 --> 00:14:18,939 Your current girlfriend ran over your ex-girlfriend? 364 00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:20,625 I don't know... I don't... I don't know what she's capable of. 365 00:14:20,649 --> 00:14:22,109 Dude, you're at defcon 1. 366 00:14:22,151 --> 00:14:23,694 You need to get the fuck outta there. 367 00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:25,363 We haven't had sex in over a week. 368 00:14:25,404 --> 00:14:27,990 Whatever you do, do not... 369 00:14:28,032 --> 00:14:30,201 Do not let her bone you. 370 00:14:31,911 --> 00:14:34,288 The fuck?! 371 00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:37,625 You belong here with me, 372 00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:39,877 not with that fucking vegetable. 373 00:14:43,547 --> 00:14:46,258 Oh, let me take a look at you, buddy. 374 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,052 Aw, shoot. 375 00:14:48,094 --> 00:14:49,905 You got all this green gunk comin' outta your nose. 376 00:14:49,929 --> 00:14:52,723 Come on, let's see if we can get rid a that, huh? 377 00:14:52,765 --> 00:14:54,266 Here we go. 378 00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:56,185 All right. 379 00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,229 How's that? 380 00:14:58,270 --> 00:14:59,855 Huh? 381 00:14:59,897 --> 00:15:02,566 Is that helping your cute little congested nose? 382 00:15:02,608 --> 00:15:04,777 Hey, you wanna hear some more of my story? 383 00:15:04,819 --> 00:15:06,237 Huh? 384 00:15:06,278 --> 00:15:07,988 Yeah, you do? 385 00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:10,825 All right, let's do it. Um... 386 00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,618 Well, eventually, 387 00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:16,080 lip graduated from high school, 388 00:15:16,122 --> 00:15:19,500 and he left the comfort of his family and community 389 00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,752 to go off to college. 390 00:15:23,129 --> 00:15:25,214 Fuck me! 391 00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:27,174 That's what I was doing! 392 00:15:27,216 --> 00:15:28,175 Shit! 393 00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:30,261 Uh... eh... what... 394 00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:31,762 Lord have mercy! 395 00:15:31,804 --> 00:15:33,097 Okay. 396 00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:37,435 Before we delve too deeply into... 397 00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:41,397 Problems of modernity, let me remind you... 398 00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:43,774 Nine A.M. 399 00:15:43,816 --> 00:15:46,277 And social... 400 00:15:46,318 --> 00:15:48,362 I don't plan on keeping you that long. 401 00:15:48,404 --> 00:15:49,780 I try to make a point 402 00:15:49,822 --> 00:15:51,299 of not banging my roommate's girlfriend. 403 00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:53,284 You were hoping I'd be here. 404 00:15:59,957 --> 00:16:01,542 Excuse me, guys. 405 00:16:01,584 --> 00:16:03,836 Forgot my spinoza. 406 00:16:03,878 --> 00:16:05,880 I-i-I'm so sorry. Just let me explain. 407 00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,465 - It's... it's okay. - I-I'm really... 408 00:16:07,506 --> 00:16:09,633 You don't need to be sorry. I owe you one. 409 00:16:09,675 --> 00:16:11,093 We're cool? 410 00:16:11,135 --> 00:16:13,179 Best part about getting a blow job from Amanda... 411 00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:15,764 Ten minutes of silence. Come on, dude. 412 00:16:15,806 --> 00:16:17,766 End chords 413 00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:20,352 rock music 414 00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:21,937 these are my parents. 415 00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:24,315 - They're white. - Yeah, I can... see that. 416 00:16:24,356 --> 00:16:26,734 Well, they bought me from a subic bay whorehouse, so... 417 00:16:26,775 --> 00:16:27,985 Go Navy! 418 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:32,670 I don't understand my grade on this paper. 419 00:16:32,698 --> 00:16:34,492 You tried to be clever, but there were 420 00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,595 no compelling insights or any attempt at original thought. 421 00:16:36,619 --> 00:16:40,289 Original thought on Byron's childe Harold's pilgrimage? 422 00:16:40,331 --> 00:16:42,791 Look, nobody's had an original thought on childe Harold 423 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:45,127 since queen Victoria was still getting laid. 424 00:16:48,214 --> 00:16:49,924 The house mother for my sorority 425 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,359 is interviewing for house boy today. 426 00:16:51,383 --> 00:16:53,177 Now, you are not allowed to use the bathroom 427 00:16:53,219 --> 00:16:54,696 on the upper levels. - The room, though, 428 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,323 - it's here in the house? - Hey, do you want 429 00:16:56,347 --> 00:16:57,681 any company later? 430 00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,283 It can get kinda creepy in the basement. 431 00:16:59,308 --> 00:17:01,268 Uh... 432 00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:02,394 Yeah. 433 00:17:02,436 --> 00:17:04,271 Ah... 434 00:17:04,313 --> 00:17:06,232 Who was that... antonia? 435 00:17:06,273 --> 00:17:08,317 - Me. - Let's do this. 436 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,320 Funky music 437 00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,738 you're fired, obviously. 438 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,324 Why? I kinda blacked out. I... 439 00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:17,409 Not before you took all the group sorority photos 440 00:17:17,451 --> 00:17:19,453 off the wall and used a marker to circle 441 00:17:19,495 --> 00:17:20,829 all the girls that you slept with. 442 00:17:20,871 --> 00:17:22,831 I did that? 443 00:17:22,873 --> 00:17:24,434 When I told you you had to leave, 444 00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:25,936 you, uh, decided to Mark your territory. 445 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,836 You peed on the carpet. 446 00:17:27,878 --> 00:17:30,005 The, uh, carpets weren't the final target 447 00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:31,215 of your yellow Tsunami. 448 00:17:31,257 --> 00:17:33,384 Where else? 449 00:17:33,425 --> 00:17:35,553 Not where. Who. 450 00:17:35,594 --> 00:17:37,221 I peed on you. 451 00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:39,139 I'll be out in an hour. 452 00:17:39,181 --> 00:17:40,224 Yeah. 453 00:17:48,274 --> 00:17:50,150 You're disrupting the midterm. 454 00:17:50,192 --> 00:17:52,570 I know, sorry. I'm a few minutes late. 455 00:17:52,611 --> 00:17:54,238 Six minutes. 456 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,574 I'm sure next test, you'll leave plenty of extra time 457 00:17:56,615 --> 00:17:58,492 and arrive early. 458 00:18:02,204 --> 00:18:03,872 What the fuck was that for? 459 00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:05,791 Making me fall in love with you. 460 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:07,876 I didn't make you do anything. 461 00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:12,047 Yes, you did, because you're so fucking... you! 462 00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:13,799 Oh, fuck! 463 00:18:13,841 --> 00:18:15,509 Aah! 464 00:18:21,307 --> 00:18:23,142 Thank you. 465 00:18:23,183 --> 00:18:25,728 It was there that he met 466 00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:28,981 two of the most influential people in his life. 467 00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:30,816 They were role models 468 00:18:30,858 --> 00:18:34,361 who showed lip how to be a productive 469 00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:37,781 and moral member of the human race. 470 00:18:49,752 --> 00:18:52,087 - Fuck happened? - Drove into a house. 471 00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:53,964 Kill anybody? 472 00:18:54,006 --> 00:18:56,967 According to horkheimer, was nothing short of liberation 473 00:18:57,009 --> 00:18:59,553 from the circumstances that a... 474 00:18:59,595 --> 00:19:01,180 - Hey, sorry, uh... - You're late. 475 00:19:01,221 --> 00:19:02,640 Yeah, I couldn't find the building. 476 00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,308 It's the third class, 477 00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:06,185 so you're a week and ten minutes late. 478 00:19:06,226 --> 00:19:07,728 - What'd I miss? - Do you even know 479 00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,605 what critical theory is? 480 00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:10,898 Question everything, 481 00:19:10,939 --> 00:19:13,067 uh, why things are the way they are. 482 00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,443 Why they should be different. 483 00:19:14,485 --> 00:19:16,570 Uh, you know, it's the only thing I'm good at... 484 00:19:16,612 --> 00:19:19,490 Calling bullshit. 485 00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:21,950 Mellow rock 486 00:19:26,205 --> 00:19:28,666 no... don't stop. 487 00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:44,473 Oh, your husband's sitting in the corner of the room. 488 00:19:44,515 --> 00:19:46,809 Hello. 489 00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:48,435 What's he doing? 490 00:19:48,477 --> 00:19:49,937 Just waiting for us to finish 491 00:19:49,978 --> 00:19:52,356 so he can come to bed. 492 00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:54,692 This must be strange for you. 493 00:19:54,733 --> 00:19:56,670 A little bit, yeah, it's a little... it's a little strange. 494 00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:58,862 So my husband says to meet him at 59th 495 00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:00,698 and Dorchester, and he'll give you a ride. 496 00:20:10,749 --> 00:20:13,502 - Talk dirty to me. - Okay. 497 00:20:13,544 --> 00:20:15,462 Um... I'm gonna slap you with my big dick 498 00:20:15,504 --> 00:20:17,381 and come all over your face. 499 00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:19,758 Jesus. Maybe not that dirty. 500 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,344 Oh, never mind, never mind. 501 00:20:22,386 --> 00:20:23,887 - I'm gonna come anyway. - All right. 502 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:26,265 Helené, she's got my head all messed up. 503 00:20:26,306 --> 00:20:28,183 It's not your lady professor. 504 00:20:28,225 --> 00:20:30,561 - It's that. - What, the booze? 505 00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:32,187 You seen how much I pour down my gullet? 506 00:20:32,229 --> 00:20:33,856 I went down on my professor. 507 00:20:33,897 --> 00:20:36,400 Oh! What's his name? 508 00:20:36,442 --> 00:20:38,569 You take his whole dick in your mouth? 509 00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:42,573 I heard... she might be fucking somebody new. 510 00:20:45,993 --> 00:20:46,744 - Did you fuck her? - What? 511 00:20:46,785 --> 00:20:49,246 Did you fuck her? 512 00:20:49,288 --> 00:20:51,623 You beat up Dylan? 513 00:20:51,665 --> 00:20:53,435 - You beat up my son? - I didn't know he was your son! 514 00:20:53,459 --> 00:20:56,170 - Are you out of your mind? - Professor? Tiffany Thomas! 515 00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:59,298 Yeah, I was in your intro to ethics last semester. 516 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,677 - Jesus. - Remember this. 517 00:21:03,719 --> 00:21:05,929 We have only two jobs on this earth. 518 00:21:05,971 --> 00:21:09,266 The first, to learn. 519 00:21:09,308 --> 00:21:11,393 The second, to cope. 520 00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:13,228 Professor youens. 521 00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:14,938 Hey, morning. 522 00:21:18,150 --> 00:21:21,737 Uh, listen up. Professor youens has been detained. 523 00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,071 Now, for a well-behaved function, 524 00:21:23,113 --> 00:21:25,115 there's always an nth-degree polynomial... 525 00:21:25,157 --> 00:21:27,260 Take you to an error curve that oscillates back and forth 526 00:21:27,284 --> 00:21:28,243 between positive epsilon... 527 00:21:28,285 --> 00:21:29,661 Thank you, Mr. Gallagher. 528 00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:33,290 You... 529 00:21:33,332 --> 00:21:36,126 Should consider teaching. 530 00:21:36,168 --> 00:21:37,795 Is it that hard to believe 531 00:21:37,836 --> 00:21:39,105 that someone thinks you have a bright future 532 00:21:39,129 --> 00:21:40,964 and wants to help you get there? 533 00:21:41,006 --> 00:21:42,674 You need to get used to it, lip. 534 00:21:42,716 --> 00:21:45,302 Just met with my buddy Kurt freund 535 00:21:45,344 --> 00:21:47,012 over at Chapman energy systems. 536 00:21:47,054 --> 00:21:48,806 - Oh, yeah? - I got you an internship 537 00:21:48,847 --> 00:21:50,474 with him for next summer. 538 00:21:50,516 --> 00:21:52,142 Yeah, I'm not really an internship guy. 539 00:21:52,184 --> 00:21:53,977 You know, you have a choice right now 540 00:21:54,019 --> 00:21:55,479 to recognize that you are 541 00:21:55,521 --> 00:21:57,022 a promising young college student, 542 00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:58,774 not some ghetto outlaw. 543 00:22:00,859 --> 00:22:02,236 Where'd you get that? 544 00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:04,780 Some girl tweeted it. 545 00:22:07,616 --> 00:22:10,285 How the fuck could you send out that picture of helené? 546 00:22:10,327 --> 00:22:12,621 You shouldn't have screwed me over. 547 00:22:12,663 --> 00:22:14,498 I never made any fucking promises to you! 548 00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:15,833 Yes, you fucking well did! 549 00:22:15,874 --> 00:22:17,918 With your eyes... 550 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,671 And your smile and your cock! 551 00:22:20,712 --> 00:22:22,756 - Helené? - Don't follow me. 552 00:22:22,798 --> 00:22:26,134 Stay away from my home, my husband, my son. 553 00:22:26,176 --> 00:22:27,970 Fuck! 554 00:22:28,011 --> 00:22:30,681 Professor runyon? That was you? 555 00:22:30,722 --> 00:22:32,516 Jesus Christ! You saw it too? 556 00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:34,077 I'd say that's some elephant-sized shit 557 00:22:34,101 --> 00:22:35,018 hittin' the fan. 558 00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:36,478 Yeah. 559 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,064 You just fucking come out and you talk to me! 560 00:22:39,106 --> 00:22:41,233 Helené! 561 00:22:41,275 --> 00:22:43,610 - Excuse us. - What, what, fucking what? 562 00:22:45,362 --> 00:22:47,865 You smell like a distillery. 563 00:22:47,906 --> 00:22:49,908 You're losing your shit. Go home, sober up! 564 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:52,035 I changed your shirt 565 00:22:52,077 --> 00:22:55,038 when you woke up covered in your own vomit. 566 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,416 I helped you shave your face before your faculty meeting 567 00:22:57,457 --> 00:22:59,042 'cause your hand was so fucking shaky! 568 00:22:59,084 --> 00:23:01,020 You need to stop talking now, lip... you're doing damage 569 00:23:01,044 --> 00:23:02,629 - to yourself. - You don't give a shit 570 00:23:02,671 --> 00:23:05,007 about me. You don't give a shit about me 571 00:23:05,048 --> 00:23:07,050 because you don't have to... Right? 572 00:23:07,092 --> 00:23:09,052 You're just sittin' pretty in your ivory tower, 573 00:23:09,094 --> 00:23:10,888 and I'm a fucking insect crawling on the wall 574 00:23:10,929 --> 00:23:12,890 till you squash me, right? 575 00:23:12,931 --> 00:23:15,183 What, 'cause that makes you feel fucking powerful? 576 00:23:15,225 --> 00:23:17,019 'Cause you fucked up your own life, 577 00:23:17,060 --> 00:23:19,563 and you fucking hate yourself for it. 578 00:23:19,605 --> 00:23:21,648 And I was your ticket outta the gutter, pal, 579 00:23:21,690 --> 00:23:22,983 and you just blew it. 580 00:23:23,025 --> 00:23:24,359 You're officially fuckin' fired! 581 00:23:24,401 --> 00:23:26,403 Fuck you! Fuck you! 582 00:23:26,445 --> 00:23:28,196 Fuck you, fuck... god... 583 00:23:28,238 --> 00:23:29,907 Fuck you! 584 00:23:29,948 --> 00:23:31,825 You like that, motherfucker? 585 00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:33,410 Oh, you feel that shit? 586 00:23:33,452 --> 00:23:35,245 Fuck you, youens! 587 00:23:35,287 --> 00:23:37,915 Hey! Hey, what the hell are you doin'? 588 00:23:37,956 --> 00:23:39,958 What the fuck? 589 00:23:43,462 --> 00:23:44,922 Fuck off! 590 00:23:44,963 --> 00:23:46,131 - Fuck! Shit! - Don't move! 591 00:23:48,634 --> 00:23:50,260 At that university, 592 00:23:50,302 --> 00:23:52,471 it was his exemplary actions 593 00:23:52,512 --> 00:23:53,972 and behavior 594 00:23:54,014 --> 00:23:55,766 that laid the foundation 595 00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:58,268 for his future life in diversity. 596 00:23:58,310 --> 00:24:00,038 So you can help me get a job? Gotta get a job. 597 00:24:00,062 --> 00:24:01,581 I came to get the details about the job. 598 00:24:01,605 --> 00:24:03,732 The first day a work, you'll be cryin' like a baby. 599 00:24:03,774 --> 00:24:05,084 I'm guessing they're planning on having us 600 00:24:05,108 --> 00:24:06,753 dump toxic waste someplace where toxic waste 601 00:24:06,777 --> 00:24:08,278 should not be dumped. 602 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,256 - I think I tweaked my back. - You're not gunnin' for 603 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,050 - workman's comp, are ya, kid? - No, I-I just... 604 00:24:12,074 --> 00:24:14,076 Good. 'Cause the comp stands for competition 605 00:24:14,117 --> 00:24:16,036 from the Mexicans who all want your job. 606 00:24:16,078 --> 00:24:17,704 - Aah! - Next man up. 607 00:24:17,746 --> 00:24:19,456 - Phillip, tito. Senior intern. - Hey. 608 00:24:19,498 --> 00:24:20,558 You can start by getting coffee. 609 00:24:20,582 --> 00:24:21,792 Four double shots of expresso. 610 00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:22,977 He doesn't like to take the goggles off. 611 00:24:23,001 --> 00:24:24,127 Copy that. 612 00:24:24,169 --> 00:24:26,463 - Gotta piss! - Oh, that's you, man. 613 00:24:26,505 --> 00:24:28,465 You're changing his piss bag. 614 00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:35,472 No one move. The premises is under federal investigation. 615 00:24:35,514 --> 00:24:37,283 - What's going on? - They're seizing the servers. 616 00:24:37,307 --> 00:24:38,660 Thought you said this was legal! 617 00:24:38,684 --> 00:24:39,977 Yeah, I guess not. 618 00:24:40,018 --> 00:24:41,728 I could use a job. 619 00:24:41,770 --> 00:24:43,271 Could use another dishwasher. 620 00:24:43,313 --> 00:24:45,148 - Shit! - You sure about this? 621 00:24:45,190 --> 00:24:46,834 I mean, WiFi is a little out of my comfort zone. 622 00:24:46,858 --> 00:24:48,628 It's time to get a piece of the action. 623 00:24:48,652 --> 00:24:50,529 They don't suspect a fucking thing. 624 00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:52,364 The system's down. You think they're onto us? 625 00:24:52,406 --> 00:24:54,282 No, no, no, the website just went back online. 626 00:24:54,324 --> 00:24:55,885 - It probably just crashed. - Okay, let me know 627 00:24:55,909 --> 00:24:58,328 - when it's back up. - All right, I'm on it. 628 00:24:58,370 --> 00:24:59,722 How long till we're up and running again? 629 00:24:59,746 --> 00:25:01,498 - We're shut down. - Fuck me. 630 00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:03,291 You... take care of rocky! 631 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:05,460 Take care of rocky! 632 00:25:09,297 --> 00:25:11,091 - Oh, my god... - Hey, stop! 633 00:25:11,133 --> 00:25:12,467 This is my job! 634 00:25:12,509 --> 00:25:15,178 So what qualifies you to be a sober companion? 635 00:25:15,220 --> 00:25:18,015 I know how a drunk thinks. 636 00:25:21,893 --> 00:25:24,354 Here we go. Virgin bloody Mary. 637 00:25:24,396 --> 00:25:26,481 - Are you positive it's virgin? - It's absolutely, 638 00:25:26,523 --> 00:25:28,400 one hundred percent a virgin. 639 00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,111 - Oh, my god! - You told Fred the waiter 640 00:25:31,153 --> 00:25:32,547 that a virgin meant to make it a double 641 00:25:32,571 --> 00:25:34,197 when I was in the bathroom. 642 00:25:38,827 --> 00:25:41,455 All right, fredtastic. 643 00:25:41,496 --> 00:25:44,458 Let's get you outta here before we both melt, huh? 644 00:25:44,499 --> 00:25:46,543 There we go. 645 00:25:46,585 --> 00:25:47,979 Come on, come on, come on. 646 00:25:48,003 --> 00:25:49,546 Chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh, chh. 647 00:25:49,588 --> 00:25:53,383 Chh-chh-chh, chh-chh-chh, chh-chh-chh. 648 00:25:53,425 --> 00:25:55,886 All right, handsome. 649 00:25:55,927 --> 00:25:59,473 Let's go ahead and prop you up right here, all right? 650 00:25:59,514 --> 00:26:02,559 That will help you breathe a little bit better. 651 00:26:02,601 --> 00:26:04,895 Right? Hopefully. 652 00:26:04,936 --> 00:26:07,397 Get you nice and comfy. 653 00:26:08,774 --> 00:26:10,776 There we go now. 654 00:26:11,902 --> 00:26:15,113 Now I want you to try and rest your eyes, okay? 655 00:26:15,155 --> 00:26:18,408 Try and rest your eyes, get some sleep, huh? 656 00:26:19,576 --> 00:26:22,746 You know, if I was anything like your granddad frank, 657 00:26:22,788 --> 00:26:27,167 I'd give you some special magic juice to go to sleep. 658 00:26:27,209 --> 00:26:29,836 You know, that's what he used to give me when I was little. 659 00:26:29,878 --> 00:26:33,090 Which is why I liked that special magic juice 660 00:26:33,131 --> 00:26:35,133 so much when I got older. 661 00:26:36,802 --> 00:26:38,762 But I'm not gonna do that to you, 662 00:26:38,804 --> 00:26:40,764 all right? 663 00:26:40,806 --> 00:26:44,768 That "like father, like son" tradition ends right here. 664 00:26:44,810 --> 00:26:46,853 Why you gotta be such an asshole? 665 00:26:46,895 --> 00:26:48,175 Apple fell where you dropped it. 666 00:26:49,815 --> 00:26:51,274 Push-ups. 10 bucks in. 667 00:26:51,316 --> 00:26:52,943 - My kid'll hold. - 20. 668 00:26:52,984 --> 00:26:54,027 Thank you. 669 00:26:54,069 --> 00:26:55,278 And go! 670 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:56,404 One... 671 00:26:56,446 --> 00:26:58,115 Seven, eight... 672 00:26:58,156 --> 00:27:00,325 Nine! Bobby's done. 673 00:27:01,618 --> 00:27:02,744 32... 674 00:27:02,786 --> 00:27:04,371 Oh! 675 00:27:07,290 --> 00:27:08,416 Hey, can I get another shot? 676 00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:10,168 Hey, can I get another? 677 00:27:10,210 --> 00:27:12,295 - Whoa! - You look like shit. 678 00:27:12,337 --> 00:27:14,422 Lookin' like a chip off the old block there, son. 679 00:27:17,592 --> 00:27:19,028 - You're just like me. - You hear me? 680 00:27:19,052 --> 00:27:20,220 I'm not my fucking dad! 681 00:27:20,262 --> 00:27:22,472 Are you supposed to give valium to a baby? 682 00:27:22,514 --> 00:27:23,974 It always worked with you. 683 00:27:24,015 --> 00:27:25,725 Try a speedball after a bender. 684 00:27:25,767 --> 00:27:27,644 Next day, you'll be movin' like a pro. 685 00:27:27,686 --> 00:27:29,229 - Dine 'n dash? - Bite and bolt. 686 00:27:29,271 --> 00:27:30,438 Take the front door. 687 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,898 Do you think, in his own way, 688 00:27:31,940 --> 00:27:33,900 frank's actually a pretty good dad? 689 00:27:33,942 --> 00:27:35,235 No. 690 00:27:35,277 --> 00:27:36,629 I remember the first time 691 00:27:36,653 --> 00:27:38,113 - I brought you here. - Fuck you! 692 00:27:38,155 --> 00:27:39,489 You never took me skating. 693 00:27:39,531 --> 00:27:41,283 Gallaghers do not puke. 694 00:27:41,324 --> 00:27:43,076 Domino effect! 695 00:27:44,870 --> 00:27:45,912 - Oh! - Ohh! 696 00:27:45,954 --> 00:27:48,582 Okay, now, where were we, huh? 697 00:27:48,623 --> 00:27:50,625 What were we talkin' about? 698 00:27:50,667 --> 00:27:52,252 We were, um... 699 00:27:52,294 --> 00:27:55,172 With lip in college, right? 700 00:27:55,213 --> 00:27:57,257 Now, when lip was done with school, 701 00:27:57,299 --> 00:28:01,011 like many millennials, he moved home 702 00:28:01,052 --> 00:28:04,973 to the comfort and stability of his family and neighborhood. 703 00:28:08,435 --> 00:28:10,187 Hey, nicely done, Deb. 704 00:28:10,228 --> 00:28:11,855 Great job! 705 00:28:11,897 --> 00:28:14,816 Can someone help me get down, please, for fuck's sake! 706 00:28:14,858 --> 00:28:16,484 Lookin' for some workers 707 00:28:16,526 --> 00:28:18,195 to help with a home masonry project. 708 00:28:18,236 --> 00:28:20,322 - Frank? - Pickax... sledge hammer. 709 00:28:23,867 --> 00:28:25,303 What the fuck? 710 00:28:25,327 --> 00:28:26,661 Aah! 711 00:28:26,703 --> 00:28:29,497 Honestly, I feel like I'm rolling. 712 00:28:29,539 --> 00:28:31,875 Did you spike our fuckin' drinks? 713 00:28:31,917 --> 00:28:34,002 Yeah, with Molly. It's a party. 714 00:28:34,044 --> 00:28:35,354 This is how you help me stay sober? 715 00:28:35,378 --> 00:28:36,731 She was acting in your best interests. 716 00:28:36,755 --> 00:28:39,007 I don't know why I'm even surprised. 717 00:28:39,049 --> 00:28:40,401 I'm surprised... I mean, since when 718 00:28:40,425 --> 00:28:42,135 have they ever shared their drugs? 719 00:28:42,177 --> 00:28:44,387 This is how you get down, get down to it 720 00:28:44,429 --> 00:28:46,598 this is how you get down, get down to it 721 00:28:48,058 --> 00:28:50,185 fuck. Epic party. 722 00:28:50,227 --> 00:28:52,729 No reason not to keep it goin'. 723 00:28:52,771 --> 00:28:53,897 Wakey, wakey. 724 00:28:56,274 --> 00:28:57,859 Monica? 725 00:28:57,901 --> 00:28:59,653 Monica? Come on, sweetheart. 726 00:28:59,694 --> 00:29:01,404 Come on. Come on, open your eyes. 727 00:29:01,446 --> 00:29:02,614 Come on! 728 00:29:02,656 --> 00:29:03,990 She shit herself? 729 00:29:04,032 --> 00:29:05,468 People shit themselves when they die. 730 00:29:05,492 --> 00:29:07,535 - So she's dead. - Yes. 731 00:29:07,577 --> 00:29:09,704 - Drug overdose? - Massive cerebral hemorrhage. 732 00:29:09,746 --> 00:29:11,098 All that's Monica's stuff? 733 00:29:11,122 --> 00:29:12,916 Anybody got a rock and a lighter? 734 00:29:12,958 --> 00:29:14,584 What's the tag say? 735 00:29:14,626 --> 00:29:15,877 Monica had a storage unit? 736 00:29:17,128 --> 00:29:19,381 Your inheritance. 737 00:29:19,422 --> 00:29:21,258 Frank found seven pounds of meth 738 00:29:21,299 --> 00:29:23,551 in some shitty storage locker 739 00:29:23,593 --> 00:29:25,238 that Monica had, and now he wants to sell it. 740 00:29:25,262 --> 00:29:28,098 It's like a family heirloom... Only drugs. 741 00:29:28,139 --> 00:29:29,575 And it's getting flushed down the toilet! 742 00:29:29,599 --> 00:29:33,561 Nobody flushes $70,000' worth of maternal bequest. 743 00:29:33,603 --> 00:29:34,771 -How much? 744 00:29:34,813 --> 00:29:36,231 - Lip. - What? 745 00:29:36,273 --> 00:29:38,775 I moved your meth. 746 00:29:38,817 --> 00:29:40,819 Got your Monica Franklins. 747 00:29:40,860 --> 00:29:42,696 Smoked up all my meth. 748 00:29:42,737 --> 00:29:44,572 Got over your mother, and now I'm a new man. 749 00:29:44,614 --> 00:29:45,949 Hey! 750 00:29:45,991 --> 00:29:48,618 You're the little fuckers who stole my meth. 751 00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,620 - Aw, shit! - Hey, wait... 752 00:29:50,662 --> 00:29:53,456 Fuckin' Monica, fuckin' up our lives, even in death. 753 00:29:53,498 --> 00:29:56,293 This meth head doesn't know where we live. 754 00:29:56,334 --> 00:29:57,585 Hey! 755 00:29:57,627 --> 00:29:58,586 Yo! 756 00:29:58,628 --> 00:30:00,130 Uhh! 757 00:30:00,171 --> 00:30:02,257 Either she smoked it, she sold it, 758 00:30:02,299 --> 00:30:03,800 or her fucked-up family stole it. 759 00:30:03,842 --> 00:30:05,468 And in any one of those scenarios, 760 00:30:05,510 --> 00:30:08,972 I am still owed 70 fuckin' grand! 761 00:30:09,014 --> 00:30:10,408 - You could tell us... - Just tell us 762 00:30:10,432 --> 00:30:11,659 what you did with the last two pounds of meth. 763 00:30:11,683 --> 00:30:12,910 Is this the part where you lecture us? 764 00:30:12,934 --> 00:30:14,328 'Cause if you could just speed it up a little... 765 00:30:14,352 --> 00:30:15,705 You wanna be a smartass, you want my help? 766 00:30:15,729 --> 00:30:16,688 I was right. 767 00:30:16,730 --> 00:30:17,689 I was right! 768 00:30:17,731 --> 00:30:19,649 I was super fuckin' right! 769 00:30:19,691 --> 00:30:21,443 You were right, and I was wrong, Fiona. 770 00:30:21,484 --> 00:30:23,153 Now, can you please 771 00:30:23,194 --> 00:30:24,547 tell us where you put the rest of the drugs 772 00:30:24,571 --> 00:30:26,948 so that motherfucker doesn't eat your eyeballs too. 773 00:30:26,990 --> 00:30:28,783 We're gonna need a lotta shovels. 774 00:30:28,825 --> 00:30:30,368 Punchy notes 775 00:30:30,410 --> 00:30:33,455 ugh! This is some seriously sick shit. 776 00:30:33,496 --> 00:30:35,874 Yeah, no joke, Fiona. 777 00:30:35,915 --> 00:30:37,393 Oh, god... who buries her mother with meth? 778 00:30:41,254 --> 00:30:43,882 Rock music 779 00:30:49,137 --> 00:30:50,889 Go, go! Go! 780 00:30:50,930 --> 00:30:53,892 - Go! - Oh, my god! 781 00:30:57,771 --> 00:30:59,939 Oh, careful, Carl. Don't go too deep, all right? 782 00:31:00,732 --> 00:31:04,527 Yeah 783 00:31:13,161 --> 00:31:16,039 Now - 784 00:31:16,081 --> 00:31:18,708 rock music 785 00:31:21,878 --> 00:31:24,214 - what is that smell? - That stench? 786 00:31:24,255 --> 00:31:27,342 That's Monica. And if you come near my family, 787 00:31:27,384 --> 00:31:30,553 as god is my witness, I will Bury you with her. 788 00:31:30,595 --> 00:31:33,723 And by this time, 789 00:31:33,765 --> 00:31:37,727 lip became an upstanding member of the community 790 00:31:37,769 --> 00:31:41,231 and contributed to the betterment of society. 791 00:31:41,272 --> 00:31:44,859 Eight hours a day 792 00:31:44,901 --> 00:31:47,737 forty hours a week 793 00:31:49,322 --> 00:31:50,949 Jesus, what the hell, lip? 794 00:31:50,990 --> 00:31:53,070 What, you never learned how to throw a fucking punch? 795 00:31:57,872 --> 00:31:59,374 Oh, that's it? Ohh! 796 00:31:59,416 --> 00:32:01,918 Oh, damn! 797 00:32:03,294 --> 00:32:05,014 - Come here! - Easy, easy, easy! 798 00:32:13,721 --> 00:32:17,851 He'd grown into a strapping young man 799 00:32:17,892 --> 00:32:20,186 who was ready to face the world 800 00:32:20,228 --> 00:32:22,272 and make something of himself. 801 00:32:22,313 --> 00:32:23,953 This is what happens when your entire life 802 00:32:23,982 --> 00:32:25,692 goes completely to shit. 803 00:32:25,733 --> 00:32:27,193 Wanna do something silly and stupid? 804 00:32:27,235 --> 00:32:28,736 It's cool if I, uh, wear this? 805 00:32:28,778 --> 00:32:29,797 Long as you wear nothing else. 806 00:32:29,821 --> 00:32:31,406 - Go! - No... no! 807 00:32:31,448 --> 00:32:34,075 I kinda have to stay soberish. 808 00:32:34,117 --> 00:32:36,453 Why? You driving heavy machinery later tonight? 809 00:32:36,494 --> 00:32:38,538 If your vagina's heavy machinery, then yeah, I am. 810 00:32:41,166 --> 00:32:43,501 This is gonna be funny. 811 00:32:43,543 --> 00:32:45,187 Hi, lip. Are you gonna have sex with my sister? 812 00:32:45,211 --> 00:32:46,671 - Ha... - I'm glad you're 813 00:32:46,713 --> 00:32:48,315 - her new boyfriend. - I'm not her boyfriend. 814 00:32:48,339 --> 00:32:49,483 You gonna keep it fun and casual? 815 00:32:49,507 --> 00:32:51,509 I could casually go down on you later. 816 00:32:51,551 --> 00:32:53,636 Bring your tongue. 817 00:32:53,678 --> 00:32:55,638 Oh, fucking hell. 818 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,931 Don't forget anal. 819 00:32:58,516 --> 00:33:00,435 We're not doing anal. 820 00:33:00,477 --> 00:33:01,745 - Unbelievable. - You never heard of 821 00:33:01,769 --> 00:33:03,062 female ejaculation? 822 00:33:03,104 --> 00:33:04,814 That's the white whale! 823 00:33:04,856 --> 00:33:07,275 Every guys dreams of it, but only a few ever get the chance. 824 00:33:07,317 --> 00:33:09,486 Oh, no, I-I just thought it was a myth. 825 00:33:09,527 --> 00:33:10,987 Jesus, you think I get goosebumps 826 00:33:11,029 --> 00:33:12,822 every time you whip out your magic cock? 827 00:33:12,864 --> 00:33:15,158 Ah. Mind... blown. 828 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,826 Sounds fun. 829 00:33:16,868 --> 00:33:18,495 - You've been drinking? - No. Hey. 830 00:33:18,536 --> 00:33:19,763 I already have one out-of-control addict 831 00:33:19,787 --> 00:33:22,290 in my life... I don't need two. 832 00:33:22,332 --> 00:33:23,684 Hey, man, are we in the north side? 833 00:33:23,708 --> 00:33:25,126 You broke into my home? 834 00:33:25,168 --> 00:33:26,336 - What? - Get some help. 835 00:33:26,377 --> 00:33:27,504 Please get help. 836 00:33:30,048 --> 00:33:32,175 Coming in, buddy? 837 00:33:36,429 --> 00:33:38,699 I woke up this morning feeling like I really needed a drink. 838 00:33:38,723 --> 00:33:39,974 Good with your hands? 839 00:33:40,016 --> 00:33:42,977 Rock music 840 00:33:43,019 --> 00:33:45,480 - hi. - Fuck off, runt. 841 00:33:45,522 --> 00:33:47,565 You gonna fix that bike or fuck it? 842 00:33:47,607 --> 00:33:49,710 - What's your problem? - He's been yappin' about ass 843 00:33:49,734 --> 00:33:51,361 - nonstop. - You gotta stay busy, man. 844 00:33:51,402 --> 00:33:53,905 I need some fuckin' pussy! 845 00:33:53,947 --> 00:33:56,199 Get upstairs. Now. 846 00:33:57,700 --> 00:33:58,868 Rock music 847 00:33:58,910 --> 00:34:00,703 oh... 848 00:34:02,872 --> 00:34:04,183 Think you can hit me a little less? 849 00:34:04,207 --> 00:34:05,416 Shut up! 850 00:34:05,458 --> 00:34:07,710 - Ohh, damn it! - Say it, bitch! 851 00:34:07,752 --> 00:34:10,338 - See you at the shop, runt. - Yeah... uh... 852 00:34:10,380 --> 00:34:11,732 You know you got a little scratch on your... 853 00:34:11,756 --> 00:34:13,091 Hey, piss off. 854 00:34:14,592 --> 00:34:16,302 You ever hear of a safe word? 855 00:34:16,344 --> 00:34:17,679 Yeah. How 'bout stop? 856 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:19,138 Ooh... 857 00:34:20,932 --> 00:34:22,725 Shit! 858 00:34:22,767 --> 00:34:24,060 Oh! 859 00:34:24,102 --> 00:34:25,395 Should we help 'em? 860 00:34:25,436 --> 00:34:26,980 Sounds voluntary. 861 00:34:27,021 --> 00:34:29,357 - Barb? - Oh, hey, hi. 862 00:34:29,399 --> 00:34:30,692 - Hey. - How's it going, man? 863 00:34:30,733 --> 00:34:31,919 - It's all right. - Have a seat. 864 00:34:31,943 --> 00:34:34,028 Thanks. Uh... 865 00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:35,256 Thanks for... for meeting me, you know. 866 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,407 Brad spoke very highly of you, so... 867 00:34:37,448 --> 00:34:39,867 I-I didn't know I could have a woman as a sponsor. 868 00:34:39,909 --> 00:34:41,619 Oh, yeah. Anybody's a sponsor as long as 869 00:34:41,661 --> 00:34:44,622 there is no risk of falling in love with that person. 870 00:34:44,664 --> 00:34:47,083 Well, you never know, right? 871 00:34:47,125 --> 00:34:49,043 Ah... fat chance, honey. 872 00:34:49,085 --> 00:34:52,297 So... what are we doing here? 873 00:34:52,338 --> 00:34:54,924 Uh, well... 874 00:34:54,966 --> 00:34:57,385 I-I got some shit goin' on, you know. 875 00:34:57,427 --> 00:34:59,512 I got this professor. He got carted off to prison. 876 00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:00,805 Come on, you have court today. 877 00:35:00,847 --> 00:35:02,390 I got this ex who's dating this guy 878 00:35:02,432 --> 00:35:04,118 who just got some other girl pregnant, so... 879 00:35:04,142 --> 00:35:07,270 I'm sorry, did I just walk into an episode of gossip girl? 880 00:35:07,312 --> 00:35:08,855 I-I'm sharing, you know. 881 00:35:08,896 --> 00:35:10,982 - Where's Eddie? - She quit. 882 00:35:11,024 --> 00:35:13,318 Took off for cabo with some guy she met at sturgis. 883 00:35:13,359 --> 00:35:15,629 - She coming back for the kid? - Should call social services 884 00:35:15,653 --> 00:35:17,256 - to come pick her up. - Why don't you come stay 885 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,282 - with me for a couple days? - That'd be cool. 886 00:35:19,324 --> 00:35:20,617 Coming? 887 00:35:24,245 --> 00:35:26,122 - Say hi, Ted. - Hey. 888 00:35:26,164 --> 00:35:27,415 Oh, hell, no. Bye, Ted. 889 00:35:27,457 --> 00:35:29,876 - Hey! - He has a beard. 890 00:35:29,917 --> 00:35:31,044 - How do I look? - Stupid. 891 00:35:31,085 --> 00:35:32,229 Thanks. That's what I was goin' for. 892 00:35:32,253 --> 00:35:33,379 What is it? What's going on? 893 00:35:33,421 --> 00:35:34,631 They let my dad out. 894 00:35:34,672 --> 00:35:35,965 Is... is it true 895 00:35:36,007 --> 00:35:37,216 that you like to beat women? 896 00:35:37,258 --> 00:35:38,468 I guess what I'm asking is 897 00:35:38,509 --> 00:35:40,136 are you a little bitch woman-beat... 898 00:35:42,930 --> 00:35:44,849 You hear me? A fuckin' dead man! 899 00:35:45,850 --> 00:35:47,602 How'd we do? 900 00:35:47,644 --> 00:35:49,312 - He swung first. - Oh, yeah? 901 00:35:49,354 --> 00:35:51,105 Uh, yeah, I'd like to report an assault. 902 00:35:51,147 --> 00:35:52,649 Charlie got some girl pregnant. 903 00:35:52,690 --> 00:35:54,192 She just had the fuckin' baby. 904 00:35:54,233 --> 00:35:56,110 Are you still delivering those special pizzas? 905 00:35:56,152 --> 00:35:57,820 Have it there in under 30. 906 00:35:57,862 --> 00:35:59,632 Charlie, an addict. I got a delivery. 907 00:35:59,656 --> 00:36:02,241 A gram of coke. On a pizza. 908 00:36:02,283 --> 00:36:04,386 I didn't do it yet... I don't know what to do with it. 909 00:36:04,410 --> 00:36:06,663 So I called my sponsor... 910 00:36:06,704 --> 00:36:08,665 I was gonna sabotage Charlie. Planted coke on him. 911 00:36:08,706 --> 00:36:10,833 Then I felt guilty. Broke into his apartment. 912 00:36:10,875 --> 00:36:12,436 Flushed the drugs. Got attacked by his dog. 913 00:36:14,003 --> 00:36:15,254 Ow! 914 00:36:15,296 --> 00:36:16,339 Let go! 915 00:36:16,381 --> 00:36:18,383 God... fuck! 916 00:36:18,424 --> 00:36:20,843 Hey, I-I gotta go, all right? My kid's in the emergency room. 917 00:36:20,885 --> 00:36:22,446 - You have a kid? - We'll get her over to X-ray 918 00:36:22,470 --> 00:36:24,013 - and set the arm. - Okay. 919 00:36:24,055 --> 00:36:25,699 And we can only release her to a parent or legal guardian. 920 00:36:25,723 --> 00:36:27,016 Okay, sweetie. 921 00:36:31,479 --> 00:36:33,606 Exciting music 922 00:36:33,648 --> 00:36:35,525 hey! 923 00:36:35,566 --> 00:36:37,443 Come on, we're gonna hide. 924 00:36:37,485 --> 00:36:40,363 Baby, why you got me so shook shook up, yeah 925 00:36:42,907 --> 00:36:45,368 oh oh oh oh 926 00:36:45,410 --> 00:36:48,204 oh 927 00:36:48,246 --> 00:36:50,873 if your mom doesn't come back, do you wanna stay with me here? 928 00:36:50,915 --> 00:36:52,875 Yeah. That'd be good. 929 00:36:54,419 --> 00:36:56,003 This is what I'm going through. 930 00:36:56,045 --> 00:36:58,381 Oh... what the hell are you talking about, man? 931 00:36:58,423 --> 00:37:00,675 You're not going through any of that crap. 932 00:37:00,717 --> 00:37:02,969 I mean, you have convinced yourself that you are. 933 00:37:03,010 --> 00:37:04,846 - Uh-huh. - It's, uh, fucking classic 934 00:37:04,887 --> 00:37:06,514 co-dependence. 935 00:37:06,556 --> 00:37:08,224 Mom? 936 00:37:08,266 --> 00:37:11,185 Soft music 937 00:37:13,312 --> 00:37:14,981 I knew you'd come back for me. 938 00:37:15,022 --> 00:37:16,566 Oh, my girl. 939 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,408 I think you should give Charlie one last chance. 940 00:37:25,450 --> 00:37:27,910 - What? - I've been drunk... 941 00:37:27,952 --> 00:37:31,038 Or high almost every day since I was 12 years old. 942 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,082 - Do you fucking love me? - I don't know. 943 00:37:33,124 --> 00:37:34,667 - I want to. - Jesus. 944 00:37:34,709 --> 00:37:35,936 Okay? And it's because I care about you. 945 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,588 Just go, lip! 946 00:37:38,629 --> 00:37:40,256 Please. 947 00:37:40,298 --> 00:37:41,424 Oh, my god. 948 00:37:41,466 --> 00:37:43,593 I'm sorry. 949 00:37:47,472 --> 00:37:48,848 Co-dependent, huh? 950 00:37:48,890 --> 00:37:50,933 Try some Greek goddess. 951 00:37:53,144 --> 00:37:54,353 The fuck is in this? 952 00:37:54,395 --> 00:37:56,105 Hey. 953 00:37:56,147 --> 00:37:57,440 Hey. 954 00:37:57,482 --> 00:37:58,941 Is he better? 955 00:37:58,983 --> 00:38:00,735 A little bit. 956 00:38:00,777 --> 00:38:03,321 Ah. Do you want me to read to him now? 957 00:38:03,362 --> 00:38:05,448 No, it's all right. 958 00:38:05,490 --> 00:38:08,493 I'm telling him my own story. 959 00:38:08,534 --> 00:38:10,495 - Oh, yeah? - Uh, yeah. 960 00:38:10,536 --> 00:38:11,913 Just about to get to the best part. 961 00:38:11,954 --> 00:38:13,873 Okay, well... 962 00:38:13,915 --> 00:38:16,000 Don't let me stop you. 963 00:38:18,461 --> 00:38:21,756 Now, even though lip... 964 00:38:21,798 --> 00:38:23,341 Was a model citizen 965 00:38:23,382 --> 00:38:25,718 and was living the American dream... 966 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,262 - Wait. This is about you? - Shh, shh, shh. 967 00:38:28,304 --> 00:38:31,390 He knew that something was missing 968 00:38:31,432 --> 00:38:33,434 in his life, 969 00:38:33,476 --> 00:38:36,771 that someone was missing in his life. 970 00:38:36,813 --> 00:38:38,815 His heart was so full of love, 971 00:38:38,856 --> 00:38:41,108 and he wanted to share that love, 972 00:38:41,150 --> 00:38:45,488 you know, with a kind and special woman. 973 00:38:46,989 --> 00:38:48,658 That's me. 974 00:38:48,699 --> 00:38:51,327 - Uh, maid of honor? - Yep, her sister, tami. 975 00:38:53,371 --> 00:38:55,665 So you and tami hit it off at the wedding. 976 00:38:55,706 --> 00:38:56,934 Yeah. Yeah, she's cute. 977 00:38:56,958 --> 00:38:57,959 - Come on. - Where? 978 00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,460 The maid of honor and best man 979 00:38:59,502 --> 00:39:00,837 always hook up at these things. 980 00:39:00,878 --> 00:39:02,088 Take her out on a real date. 981 00:39:02,129 --> 00:39:03,422 Go out for a steak or something. 982 00:39:03,464 --> 00:39:05,758 - You've done this before? - Seven times. 983 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,302 You want my wedding pussy, don't you? 984 00:39:08,344 --> 00:39:11,222 There's nothing like a good woman to ground you. 985 00:39:11,264 --> 00:39:12,640 - Fuck! - Could be the one. 986 00:39:12,682 --> 00:39:13,933 You never know. 987 00:39:13,975 --> 00:39:16,185 Okay, let's finish this thing. 988 00:39:16,227 --> 00:39:17,496 - I need another drink. - Look, I thought maybe 989 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,689 you'd wanna, uh... Go out to dinner. 990 00:39:19,730 --> 00:39:21,607 - Nah, I'm good. - What? 991 00:39:21,649 --> 00:39:23,818 - You fuck for shit. - I-I don't fuck for shit. 992 00:39:23,860 --> 00:39:26,237 Oh, yeah, no, you fuck for shit. 993 00:39:26,279 --> 00:39:28,030 You were all like, jab, jab, jab. 994 00:39:28,072 --> 00:39:29,925 - Jab-jab-jab-jab-jab. - I was just trying to be 995 00:39:29,949 --> 00:39:31,426 - a nice guy. - Well, then you should have 996 00:39:31,450 --> 00:39:32,910 fucked me good and hard, 997 00:39:32,952 --> 00:39:34,912 'cause that would have been a nice guy. 998 00:39:34,954 --> 00:39:36,581 You know, have a good life, pukey. 999 00:39:36,622 --> 00:39:38,416 Yeah, see ya later, jabby. 1000 00:39:38,457 --> 00:39:41,544 You guys invited jabby? Jabby! 1001 00:39:41,586 --> 00:39:43,713 Last time I saw you, you asked me to dinner. 1002 00:39:43,754 --> 00:39:45,065 - That offer still good? - Why, you wanna go 1003 00:39:45,089 --> 00:39:46,549 - on a date now? - Fuck me. I mean, 1004 00:39:46,591 --> 00:39:47,884 I must be really hard up. 1005 00:39:47,925 --> 00:39:49,403 Wanna try to fuck me properly this time? 1006 00:39:49,427 --> 00:39:50,386 What, like now? 1007 00:39:54,223 --> 00:39:56,017 - So? - Eh. 1008 00:39:56,058 --> 00:39:57,727 - Six outta ten? - What? 1009 00:39:57,768 --> 00:39:59,395 That's it. We're going again, all right? 1010 00:39:59,437 --> 00:40:01,188 And, I'm not letting you outta this car 1011 00:40:01,230 --> 00:40:02,899 until I get a ten. 1012 00:40:02,940 --> 00:40:04,650 - This is my car, punk. - Hey, I don't care 1013 00:40:04,692 --> 00:40:06,736 - how long this takes. - Okay, well, wake me 1014 00:40:06,777 --> 00:40:08,821 when it's over. 1015 00:40:11,365 --> 00:40:12,408 Oh! 1016 00:40:13,451 --> 00:40:15,077 Hey, jabby. 1017 00:40:15,119 --> 00:40:16,537 One of us needs to have an apartment 1018 00:40:16,579 --> 00:40:18,456 so that we have a fuck pad, so man up. 1019 00:40:18,497 --> 00:40:20,791 This guy has maybe the biggest dick I've ever seen. 1020 00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:23,753 It's bulging through his pants like a fucking balloon animal. 1021 00:40:23,794 --> 00:40:25,379 Don't look, though. Don't look! 1022 00:40:25,421 --> 00:40:27,924 Whoa! No way that's real. 1023 00:40:27,965 --> 00:40:29,467 - It's real. - We gotta go. 1024 00:40:29,508 --> 00:40:31,820 - I can't live here, all right? - If you don't believe me... 1025 00:40:31,844 --> 00:40:33,739 Hey, no, we believe you, man, we believe you, okay? 1026 00:40:33,763 --> 00:40:34,931 That's not real! 1027 00:40:34,972 --> 00:40:36,158 - It's not. - Either way, I don't want 1028 00:40:36,182 --> 00:40:37,433 that guy fixing my sink. 1029 00:40:37,475 --> 00:40:38,935 You know, I've been thinking about 1030 00:40:38,976 --> 00:40:40,120 turning our basement into a bedroom. 1031 00:40:40,144 --> 00:40:41,771 This could work, right? 1032 00:40:41,812 --> 00:40:43,940 Okay, was silence of the lambs filmed down here? 1033 00:40:43,981 --> 00:40:45,274 I mean, where's the pit? 1034 00:40:45,316 --> 00:40:46,543 You know, it's actually out back. 1035 00:40:46,567 --> 00:40:47,610 Come on, I'll show ya. 1036 00:40:47,652 --> 00:40:49,487 So you've got a bar of soap 1037 00:40:49,528 --> 00:40:51,048 with five different colors of pubes on it. 1038 00:40:51,072 --> 00:40:53,157 Wait, you guys can't all... Share one bar of soap. 1039 00:40:53,199 --> 00:40:55,344 No, I don't... that's why I have the dishwashing liquid. 1040 00:40:55,368 --> 00:40:57,054 - What is this? - It's a box of clean underwear. 1041 00:40:57,078 --> 00:40:58,972 Yeah, we share our underwear. I don't have time to fold. 1042 00:40:58,996 --> 00:40:59,872 - You, debs? - Nope. 1043 00:40:59,914 --> 00:41:01,624 What the fuck is that? 1044 00:41:01,666 --> 00:41:03,084 What, what? 1045 00:41:03,125 --> 00:41:04,627 That scratching noise. 1046 00:41:07,338 --> 00:41:09,966 There. Fixed it. 1047 00:41:10,007 --> 00:41:11,568 So what's the deal with you and my sister? 1048 00:41:11,592 --> 00:41:12,903 I don't think we have a deal. 1049 00:41:12,927 --> 00:41:14,637 Like, are you fucking other people? 1050 00:41:14,679 --> 00:41:17,098 Back off, Corey. He doesn't want the syph. 1051 00:41:19,684 --> 00:41:21,477 - Who's Boone? - Well, right now 1052 00:41:21,519 --> 00:41:23,312 he's the guy kissing your chick. 1053 00:41:24,730 --> 00:41:27,316 - He really likes you. - I'm extremely likeable. 1054 00:41:27,358 --> 00:41:29,151 You seem to be handling yourself pretty well. 1055 00:41:29,193 --> 00:41:30,462 Look, she's not my girlfriend, all right? 1056 00:41:30,486 --> 00:41:31,654 We can fuck whoever we want. 1057 00:41:31,696 --> 00:41:33,030 Oh, you are fucking other people. 1058 00:41:37,493 --> 00:41:38,703 I fucked your sister. 1059 00:41:38,744 --> 00:41:40,663 You're... really working hard 1060 00:41:40,705 --> 00:41:42,289 for that tamietti hat trick. 1061 00:41:42,331 --> 00:41:44,375 Jesus, that doesn't bother you? 1062 00:41:44,417 --> 00:41:46,168 It bothers me. 1063 00:41:46,210 --> 00:41:48,337 Bothers me that you fucked Corey. 1064 00:41:48,379 --> 00:41:50,006 I mean... 1065 00:41:50,047 --> 00:41:52,258 Of course it bothers me, Christ, I... 1066 00:41:52,299 --> 00:41:54,176 Maybe just don't fuck Boone anymore. 1067 00:41:54,218 --> 00:41:56,012 Fine. 1068 00:41:56,053 --> 00:41:57,930 Don't fuck Corey anymore. 1069 00:41:57,972 --> 00:42:00,850 Yeah, fine. Fine. 1070 00:42:10,985 --> 00:42:12,611 Stop staring at me, weirdo. 1071 00:42:14,488 --> 00:42:18,951 And their life... was peaches and roses all the time. 1072 00:42:18,993 --> 00:42:21,037 And when they found out that they were with child... 1073 00:42:21,078 --> 00:42:22,496 Fuck! 1074 00:42:22,538 --> 00:42:25,875 Rainbows appeared as if from nowhere, 1075 00:42:25,916 --> 00:42:28,669 and birds sang... 1076 00:42:28,711 --> 00:42:32,423 And little woodland creatures frolicked. 1077 00:42:32,465 --> 00:42:33,734 - I'm pregnant. - Tami's pregnant. 1078 00:42:33,758 --> 00:42:35,051 She's pregnant. 1079 00:42:35,092 --> 00:42:37,053 - Tami's pregnant. - No shit? 1080 00:42:37,094 --> 00:42:38,387 - Yeah. - Aw, man. 1081 00:42:38,429 --> 00:42:41,098 I got a test, and I saw 1082 00:42:41,140 --> 00:42:43,893 the biggest, bluest plus sign I've ever seen. 1083 00:42:43,934 --> 00:42:45,728 - Is it yours? - You sure it's mine? 1084 00:42:45,770 --> 00:42:47,688 - Yeah. - She says it is. 1085 00:42:47,730 --> 00:42:49,541 I make Boone wear a condom. He's been in the Philippines. 1086 00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:51,067 I double-bag that shit. 1087 00:42:51,108 --> 00:42:53,069 Holy shit. Is she gonna keep it? 1088 00:42:53,110 --> 00:42:54,779 - What are you gonna do? - I don't know. 1089 00:42:54,820 --> 00:42:56,238 You having the baby or no? 1090 00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:57,573 The last thing I need in my life 1091 00:42:57,615 --> 00:42:58,759 is a man telling me what to do. 1092 00:42:58,783 --> 00:43:01,327 Hey, tami. How ya doin'? 1093 00:43:01,368 --> 00:43:03,537 It's none of your fucking business, Brad. 1094 00:43:03,579 --> 00:43:05,390 If you decide to have the baby, I wanna make damn sure 1095 00:43:05,414 --> 00:43:07,100 - it has a father. - I don't wanna have a baby 1096 00:43:07,124 --> 00:43:08,667 just to save my tits! 1097 00:43:08,709 --> 00:43:10,086 Tami's having this baby, 1098 00:43:10,127 --> 00:43:11,354 and I need to know what your plan is. 1099 00:43:11,378 --> 00:43:12,338 Baby? 1100 00:43:12,379 --> 00:43:13,923 He doesn't know shit. 1101 00:43:13,964 --> 00:43:15,692 You've been kicking my ass ever since you got pregnant. 1102 00:43:15,716 --> 00:43:17,611 I've been kicking your ass since the first day we met. 1103 00:43:17,635 --> 00:43:19,071 I can't believe you got tami pregnant. 1104 00:43:19,095 --> 00:43:20,721 - Why do you keep saying that? - Well... 1105 00:43:20,763 --> 00:43:22,681 Hey, honey! Core. 1106 00:43:22,723 --> 00:43:24,242 I'm terrified of these women. 1107 00:43:24,266 --> 00:43:25,285 - It's her decision. - Goddamn right 1108 00:43:25,309 --> 00:43:26,602 it's her decision. 1109 00:43:26,644 --> 00:43:28,562 - You better now ghost her. - I won't. 1110 00:43:28,604 --> 00:43:30,689 If you hurt her, we will fuck you up. 1111 00:43:30,731 --> 00:43:32,566 - We will fuck you up. - I'm trying to do 1112 00:43:32,608 --> 00:43:35,111 - the right thing. - Don't fuck with us. 1113 00:43:35,152 --> 00:43:36,612 The goon squad gone? 1114 00:43:36,654 --> 00:43:38,072 Yeah. 1115 00:43:38,114 --> 00:43:40,032 I'm gonna have the baby. 1116 00:43:47,331 --> 00:43:48,916 Good. 1117 00:43:48,958 --> 00:43:50,292 What would I even name it? 1118 00:43:50,334 --> 00:43:52,128 We talkin' a boy or a girl? 1119 00:43:52,169 --> 00:43:53,647 I don't know. Like, pretend it's a boy. 1120 00:43:53,671 --> 00:43:55,631 - Hambone. - Wilmoth? 1121 00:43:55,673 --> 00:43:57,258 - Bird? - Who the hell 1122 00:43:57,299 --> 00:43:58,843 names their kid bird? I take it back. 1123 00:43:58,884 --> 00:44:01,262 I will not be there for our child, all right? 1124 00:44:01,303 --> 00:44:03,472 I'm hungry. Do you wanna get something to eat? 1125 00:44:03,514 --> 00:44:04,890 I am fucking famished. 1126 00:44:04,932 --> 00:44:06,392 I'm starving. I need food. 1127 00:44:06,433 --> 00:44:07,560 You like popcorn shrimp? 1128 00:44:07,601 --> 00:44:09,145 I mean, I work in a hair salon. 1129 00:44:09,186 --> 00:44:10,813 I breathe bleach fumes all day. 1130 00:44:10,855 --> 00:44:12,457 This baby's gonna come out with like five heads 1131 00:44:12,481 --> 00:44:13,834 - and a dorsal fin. - You know that mask 1132 00:44:13,858 --> 00:44:15,442 is kinda freaky, right? - Yeah. 1133 00:44:15,484 --> 00:44:17,504 Well, it's better than junior being born with flippers 1134 00:44:17,528 --> 00:44:18,821 and a tail. 1135 00:44:18,863 --> 00:44:20,573 Oh, yeah, baby! 1136 00:44:20,614 --> 00:44:22,283 I'm so very, very wet. 1137 00:44:22,324 --> 00:44:23,826 I slipped out again. I slipped. 1138 00:44:23,868 --> 00:44:25,661 - Hang on, let me get on top. - All right. 1139 00:44:25,703 --> 00:44:28,330 She wants to have sex all the time, all right? 1140 00:44:28,372 --> 00:44:30,172 Three times last night and again this morning. 1141 00:44:30,207 --> 00:44:32,126 Y-w-whoa, whoa... I just felt the baby kick. 1142 00:44:32,168 --> 00:44:34,086 No, focus. 1143 00:44:34,128 --> 00:44:36,505 Baby likes it. Yeah. 1144 00:44:39,508 --> 00:44:41,486 She's so fucking nice to me all the time, you know? 1145 00:44:41,510 --> 00:44:44,722 It's all honey, sweetie. She called me boo this morning. 1146 00:44:44,763 --> 00:44:46,891 I mean, it's alien abduction movie creepy. 1147 00:44:46,932 --> 00:44:48,893 - I don't like it. - It won't last. 1148 00:44:48,934 --> 00:44:51,353 Once the baby's born, with the sleep deprivation, 1149 00:44:51,395 --> 00:44:53,063 and tami being kind of a bitch... 1150 00:44:53,105 --> 00:44:54,815 Ah... eh... 1151 00:44:54,857 --> 00:44:56,859 - Ooh... ooh... - Just breathe. 1152 00:44:56,901 --> 00:44:58,360 Ah... 1153 00:44:58,402 --> 00:45:00,362 You think it's real this time? 1154 00:45:00,404 --> 00:45:03,365 Just shut the fuck up and find a goddamn parking spot! 1155 00:45:03,407 --> 00:45:05,618 She's back! 1156 00:45:07,703 --> 00:45:10,706 Rock music 1157 00:45:15,002 --> 00:45:16,295 can you walk? Can you walk? 1158 00:45:16,337 --> 00:45:17,546 - Yes. - Yeah? 1159 00:45:17,588 --> 00:45:19,673 - Of course I can walk. - Can you? 1160 00:45:19,715 --> 00:45:21,634 - Aah! - Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1161 00:45:21,675 --> 00:45:23,904 - Should you be squatting? - Ahh. Did you call my sister? 1162 00:45:23,928 --> 00:45:25,554 - No. Cami? No. No, no, no. - Aah. 1163 00:45:25,596 --> 00:45:27,389 - 'Scuse me! - I don't want you in there 1164 00:45:27,431 --> 00:45:30,684 staring down my cooch with a baby head popping out 1165 00:45:30,726 --> 00:45:32,895 while I shit in a hospital bed. 1166 00:45:32,937 --> 00:45:34,730 All right, I'm gonna find you a wheelchair 1167 00:45:34,772 --> 00:45:37,066 so you don't have the baby in the parking lot, all right? 1168 00:45:38,734 --> 00:45:43,030 Aah... mmm... 1169 00:45:45,449 --> 00:45:47,409 - Are you with Ms. Tamietti? - Yeah, yeah. 1170 00:45:47,451 --> 00:45:48,953 Get your ass in here. 1171 00:45:48,994 --> 00:45:50,764 We're performing an emergency c-section. 1172 00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:52,265 We have to get this baby out now. 1173 00:45:52,289 --> 00:45:53,808 No. No, no, I'm not having a caesarian. 1174 00:45:53,832 --> 00:45:55,936 - I'm having my baby naturally. - That's not going to happen, 1175 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,419 tami. Sign it. 1176 00:45:57,461 --> 00:45:59,105 - I-I'm not really her, uh... - Are you the father? 1177 00:45:59,129 --> 00:46:01,131 - Yeah. Yes. - Then you sign it. 1178 00:46:01,173 --> 00:46:02,841 Think I'd make a shitty dad? 1179 00:46:02,883 --> 00:46:05,177 What? No. You'd make a great dad. 1180 00:46:05,219 --> 00:46:06,637 I thought, since you were 1181 00:46:06,679 --> 00:46:09,348 - a great father that you... - Thank you. 1182 00:46:09,390 --> 00:46:10,933 - I want Sushi... - Yeah? 1183 00:46:10,975 --> 00:46:12,768 Disneyland. 1184 00:46:17,273 --> 00:46:21,068 Soft music 1185 00:46:21,110 --> 00:46:24,113 I didn't have much of a role model at home. 1186 00:46:25,489 --> 00:46:26,865 - Frank. - Yeah. 1187 00:46:26,907 --> 00:46:28,701 No shit. 1188 00:46:28,742 --> 00:46:32,204 Your sweet time 1189 00:46:32,246 --> 00:46:34,248 'cause you don't know 1190 00:46:34,290 --> 00:46:37,876 what you're looking for 1191 00:46:37,918 --> 00:46:39,586 you just love 'em, man. 1192 00:46:39,628 --> 00:46:41,130 So your dreams stop... 1193 00:46:41,171 --> 00:46:43,549 It's hard to fuck 'em up if you just love 'em. 1194 00:46:45,592 --> 00:46:47,094 You think you can do that? 1195 00:46:47,136 --> 00:46:50,055 Said come by 1196 00:46:50,097 --> 00:46:52,683 - yeah. - Yeah, I think so too. 1197 00:46:54,018 --> 00:46:56,145 I don't know why 1198 00:46:56,186 --> 00:46:57,688 boy or girl? 1199 00:46:57,730 --> 00:46:59,815 Boy. 1200 00:46:59,857 --> 00:47:02,151 Are you sure it's yours? 1201 00:47:04,862 --> 00:47:06,822 Hey, he fell asleep. 1202 00:47:09,783 --> 00:47:11,368 You too. 1203 00:47:18,042 --> 00:47:20,461 When lip Gallagher 1204 00:47:20,502 --> 00:47:23,714 looked at his sleeping son and girlfriend, 1205 00:47:23,756 --> 00:47:25,758 and he knew that his journey 1206 00:47:25,799 --> 00:47:29,678 had led him to this moment... 1207 00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:32,014 Right here 1208 00:47:32,056 --> 00:47:34,141 and right now... 1209 00:47:37,311 --> 00:47:40,022 He wouldn't change a thing. 1210 00:47:41,648 --> 00:47:43,359 Shit. 1211 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:44,943 - Oh. - Oh, my... 1212 00:47:44,985 --> 00:47:46,362 Seriously, Fred? 1213 00:47:46,403 --> 00:47:48,781 I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, okay? 1214 00:47:48,822 --> 00:47:50,282 Okay? 1215 00:47:50,324 --> 00:47:52,201 - Everything hurts. Aah! - All right. 1216 00:47:52,242 --> 00:47:54,495 Shit. Seriously, I lost my baby? 1217 00:47:54,536 --> 00:47:56,372 I feel like my boobs are gonna explode. 1218 00:47:56,413 --> 00:47:57,998 Whoa! 1219 00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:59,875 Why do you hate me, huh? 1220 00:48:00,959 --> 00:48:02,628 Here you go, here you go. 1221 00:48:02,669 --> 00:48:03,879 You take your dad's fake tit, 1222 00:48:03,921 --> 00:48:05,422 but you don't want the real deal? 1223 00:48:05,464 --> 00:48:07,216 You have six to eight minutes... tops. 1224 00:48:07,257 --> 00:48:09,760 Mmm. Mm... fuck. 1225 00:48:11,220 --> 00:48:12,721 I'm tired, you know? 1226 00:48:12,763 --> 00:48:14,264 Welcome to parenthood. 1227 00:48:33,617 --> 00:48:36,078 They all lived... 1228 00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,248 Moderately happy ever after. 1229 00:48:39,915 --> 00:48:43,419 Tex Williams' "smoke! Smoke! Smoke! 1230 00:48:43,460 --> 00:48:45,754 Now, I'm a fella with a heart of gold 1231 00:48:45,796 --> 00:48:47,440 with the ways of a gentleman, I've been told 1232 00:48:47,464 --> 00:48:49,550 the kind of a feller that wouldn't even harm a flea 1233 00:48:51,301 --> 00:48:52,845 but if me and a certain character met 1234 00:48:52,886 --> 00:48:54,888 the guy that invented the cigarette 1235 00:48:54,930 --> 00:48:57,099 I'd murder that son of a gun in the first degree 1236 00:48:58,976 --> 00:49:00,578 'course it ain't 'cause I don't smoke myself 1237 00:49:00,602 --> 00:49:02,312 and I don't reckon they hinder your health 1238 00:49:02,354 --> 00:49:04,606 but I've smoked 'em all my life and I ain't dead yet 1239 00:49:06,275 --> 00:49:07,985 but nicotine slaves are all the same 1240 00:49:08,026 --> 00:49:10,362 at a pettin' party or a poker game 1241 00:49:10,404 --> 00:49:12,698 everything's gotta stop while they smoke a cigarette 1242 00:49:12,739 --> 00:49:14,283 smoke? 1243 00:49:14,324 --> 00:49:16,326 Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette 1244 00:49:16,368 --> 00:49:18,162 'scuse me. I'm gonna go get a smoke. 1245 00:49:18,203 --> 00:49:21,415 Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death 1246 00:49:21,457 --> 00:49:23,292 tell St. Peter at the golden gate 1247 00:49:23,333 --> 00:49:25,377 that you hates to make him wait 1248 00:49:25,419 --> 00:49:28,130 you've gotta have another cigarette 1249 00:49:28,172 --> 00:49:30,174 your dedication to nicotine is admirable. 1250 00:49:30,215 --> 00:49:31,884 Let me get a pack a camels. 1251 00:49:31,925 --> 00:49:34,178 I prefer carcinogens to endorphins. 1252 00:49:34,219 --> 00:49:35,738 Let me get a pack of American spirits too. 1253 00:49:35,762 --> 00:49:36,906 You smoked my whole fuckin' pack. 1254 00:49:36,930 --> 00:49:38,807 Some marlboros. Some winstons. 1255 00:49:38,849 --> 00:49:40,934 Throw some, uh, dunhills in there. 1256 00:49:43,020 --> 00:49:44,831 - What are you doing? - I need to wash my junk. 1257 00:49:44,855 --> 00:49:47,232 Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette 1258 00:49:47,274 --> 00:49:49,151 who's never smoked a cigarette before? 1259 00:49:49,193 --> 00:49:50,486 - Me! - Me! 1260 00:49:50,527 --> 00:49:52,321 Oh, you haven't? Okay, well, the first one's 1261 00:49:52,362 --> 00:49:54,007 the hardest, but you guys are gonna be great. 1262 00:49:54,031 --> 00:49:55,908 Come on, follow your aunty tami. 1263 00:49:55,949 --> 00:49:58,827 You've gotta have another cigarette 1264 00:50:07,127 --> 00:50:08,855 You know the way you smoke cigarettes, 1265 00:50:08,879 --> 00:50:10,106 it'll be a miracle if you make it to 40. 1266 00:50:10,130 --> 00:50:11,507 - I'll quit. - Right. 1267 00:50:14,426 --> 00:50:16,011 You're only supposed to wear 1268 00:50:16,053 --> 00:50:18,013 one of those nicotine patches at a time. 1269 00:50:18,055 --> 00:50:19,973 Got one of these vape things from Carl. 1270 00:50:20,015 --> 00:50:21,683 Trying to quit smokin' for Fred. 1271 00:50:21,725 --> 00:50:23,477 Aren't those things worse for you? 1272 00:50:24,770 --> 00:50:27,689 Fuck, that shit's strong. 1273 00:50:30,234 --> 00:50:32,319 She was oh, so far from a chunk of ice 1274 00:50:32,361 --> 00:50:34,154 our smoochin' party was goin' real nice 1275 00:50:34,196 --> 00:50:36,532 so help me Hannah I'd have been there yet 1276 00:50:38,242 --> 00:50:39,868 I give her a kiss and a little squeeze 1277 00:50:39,910 --> 00:50:41,703 she said, "Tex, excuse me, please 1278 00:50:41,745 --> 00:50:43,956 but I just gotta have a fix, a cigarette" 1279 00:50:45,624 --> 00:50:49,628 smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette 1280 00:50:49,670 --> 00:50:53,048 puff, puff, puff, and if you smoke yourself to death 1281 00:50:53,090 --> 00:50:54,800 tell St. Peter at the golden gate 1282 00:50:54,841 --> 00:50:57,052 that you hates to make him wait 1283 00:50:57,094 --> 00:51:00,472 you've gotta have another cigarette 1284 00:51:02,415 --> 00:51:04,415 >>>>oakislandtk<<<<< www.opensubtitles.org 90869