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1
00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:05,237
Hey, Mike, regarding
my bachelor party tonight,
2
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,406
will there be any kind
of a dress code?
3
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:10,075
It doesn't really matter what
you're wearing when you get there.
4
00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:11,777
By midnight you're gonna be
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,079
wearing a g-string
and a big sombrero.
6
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:18,350
At 11:59, someone remind me
to claw my own eyes out.
7
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,753
The bachelorette party
we're throwing for Claudia
8
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:22,588
is gonna be pretty crazy too.
9
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,990
oh, I wish
I could be there.
10
00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,693
Hey. How do you guys know you're
gonna have more fun than us?
11
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,362
We always do.
Remember Stuart's super bowl party?
12
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,064
The beers were in the tub,
13
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:36,802
and Paul helped himself to a nice
cold bottle of conditioning rinse.
14
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,607
That wasn't fun.
15
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,242
So where are you guys going?
16
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,543
It doesn't really matter,
17
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,412
as long as the club's name
18
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,480
is some combination
of the words
19
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,482
naked, live, ladies,
and o-rama.
20
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,285
Typical male bachelor party.
21
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:56,121
Yeah, if that's what we
were doing, but we're not.
22
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,390
Paul's too much of a gentleman.
23
00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,625
He doesn't want that.
24
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,126
He doesn't?
25
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,928
In fact, we're all
a little insulted
26
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,431
that you think our idea
of a good time
27
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:07,599
is, you know, a bunch
of booze and strippers.
28
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,101
Mike, there's a jugs galore
29
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,171
returning your phone call.
30
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,707
Well, you tell miss galore
she's got the wrong number.
31
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:18,344
On second thought, patch
her through to my office.
32
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,446
I'll tell her myself.
33
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:47,806
Oh, Stuart, you know what?
34
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:49,308
Your college alumni magazine
35
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,610
was accidentally
sent to my office.
36
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:52,745
That's odd.
Not really,
37
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,380
especially since
it was addressed
38
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,315
to deputy mayor Stuart bondek.
39
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,984
Ah, you know how
alumni magazines
40
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,020
always mess that stuff up.
41
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:04,656
Yeah. How I became
deputy mayor.
42
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,795
Hey, I made the cover.
43
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,898
Bondek plans to be in
Washington by 2000.
44
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,168
Hey, if you start walking now,
you'll probably make it.
45
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,405
Tomorrow we're unveiling
that statue we commissioned.
46
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,173
There's gonna be
a lot of press,
47
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,975
considering the last
arts Grant we gave out
48
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,176
was to that modern dance troupe
49
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,978
that performed
at public schools.
50
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,647
It was great the way we exposed
all those kids to dance.
51
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,382
Exposed is the key word.
52
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,118
That troupe took
dancing cheek to cheek
53
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,320
to a whole new level.
54
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:38,257
It's gonna be a big day.
I need you all to come in an hour early.
55
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,160
Mike, I don't think
I can make it on time.
56
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,528
Why?
57
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,063
My alarm didn't go off.
58
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:49,635
That'll sound a lot better
when I say it tomorrow.
59
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,904
Stacy, it's more than
just a statue,
60
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,105
it's our legacy.
61
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,040
It's a monument to how we feel
62
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,009
about this great city,
63
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,978
and if I didn't have a dentist's
appointment tomorrow morning...
64
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,481
Nice try. We'll
see you at 7:00.
65
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,555
Field hockey practice
let out early?
66
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:18,063
My apartment was robbed.
67
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,901
These are the only things
left in my closet.
68
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,806
What kind of person
would do this?
69
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,881
Well, it definitely wasn't
a scottish homosexual.
70
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,021
Sorry I'm late, sorry I'm late.
71
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:43,589
Had to stop and pick up a gift.
72
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:47,393
Oh, great. The other girls
got me lingerie.
73
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,928
Oh, well, that's lingerie.
74
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,065
So, what are we doing?
75
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,900
Oh, we're playing
a drinking game
76
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,335
called "I never. "
77
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,804
My turn. I never told
a guy I loved him first.
78
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,906
I forgot the rules.
Do I or don't I drink?
79
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,542
If you did it, you drink.
80
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,179
You don't have
to drink that much.
81
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,448
I've done it a bunch of times.
82
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,217
O.k. I never-ooh!-
83
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,219
I never went all the way
84
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:16,822
with a guy on the first date.
85
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,566
You might wanna pace
yourself there.
86
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:30,202
I don't see why my bachelor
party has to be in the office.
87
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,837
You wanted to invite the mayor.
88
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,839
You know we can't take
him to a strip club.
89
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,207
Why can't we disguise him?
90
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,376
We could dress him up like
a clueless press secretary,
91
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,144
but then what would you wear?
92
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,146
Hey, it's the guest of honor.
93
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:44,216
Fellas, please.
Tonight I'm just one of the boys.
94
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,419
Great. Randy,
grab me a drink.
95
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,723
I- I mean, can I get you
a drink, sir?
96
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,790
I'll have the usual.
97
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,460
What, you want me
to pour your scotch
98
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,729
and then leave your office?
99
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,731
Paul, it's your big night.
You can stay a while.
100
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,132
Get me a vodka tonic, will you?
101
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,300
Make it 2.
102
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,268
Ooh, I'd love
a strawberry daiquiri.
103
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,040
O.k., give me a light beer.
104
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,042
O.k., give me a regular beer.
105
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,711
But admit it. If there
had been daiquiris,
106
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,047
you all would have wanted one!
107
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,915
O.k., my turn.
I never lied
108
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,985
to a guy about my age.
109
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:23,255
We're gonna need
a pitcher over here!
110
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:25,991
Claudia?
111
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,228
Do tell.
112
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:33,098
O.k., but it can't get
back to Paul.
113
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,568
He thinks that he is one year
older than me,
114
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,570
and actually...
115
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:41,173
I'm one year older than him.
116
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,343
If that's your biggest lie,
you're never getting drunk.
117
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,346
Paul mentioned to me once
that he really likes
118
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:49,648
being the senior person
in a relationship-
119
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,216
some sort of macho thing.
120
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,252
I really feel horrible
about it.
121
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:56,488
I kind of like being spanked.
122
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:02,895
I mean I never cut-
oh, forget it.
123
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,766
Bartender at my own
bachelor party.
124
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:12,538
Ha ha. This-this is like
a dream come true.
125
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,874
Paul, a bachelor party isn't
about making dreams come true.
126
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,609
That's what marriage is for.
127
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,178
Ha!
128
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,081
Paulie, this is gonna be great.
129
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,716
All your friends are here.
130
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,651
We're celebrating one
of your last nights of freedom.
131
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,953
I propose a toast to a guy
132
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,988
who made the best
of bachelorhood,
133
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,291
played the field
like an all-star,
134
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,259
broke a few hearts
along the way.
135
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,262
Mike, I didn't really do
any of those things.
136
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,798
I know. I didn't
know what to say.
137
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,467
I was talking about me.
138
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:48,173
I think you guys should come
see something.
139
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:59,885
Oh... my... God!
140
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,256
Well, he did say it was
called the bird.
141
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,592
Believe me, sir,
this was not the sketch
142
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:07,593
that I approved.
143
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:08,861
Ah.
144
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,530
I thought that this
was supposed to reflect
145
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:15,534
the way that new yorkers
feel about the city.
146
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,437
It does, Paul.
147
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,940
It says we're number one.
148
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,045
Well, I don't know
a lot about art,
149
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,080
but I know what I like.
150
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,782
That speaks to me.
151
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,385
O.k., guys, listen.
Tomorrow morning at 8:00
152
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,589
this room is gonna be filled
with photographers and press,
153
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:41,994
and-oh, my God!
- 200 schoolchildren from p. s. 106.
154
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,462
Aren't they the kids
who saw-
155
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,464
yeah, yeah, yeah-
the dancing butt troupe.
156
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,966
This was supposed
to make it up to them.
157
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,868
We gotta get this thing
outta here.
158
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:53,105
Mike, this is huge!
Where would we put this?
159
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:56,408
How about my
ex-wife's lawn?
160
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:02,214
I feel guilty about keeping
a secret from Paulie.
161
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,716
Claudia, it's no big deal.
162
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:07,086
A lot of people lie about their age.
Right, Nikki?
163
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,555
Hey, I'm only 27.
164
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,391
Yeah. When were
you born?
165
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,361
July 20, 1968.
166
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,929
Try 70.
167
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,297
'78?
168
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,300
O.k., so now you're 19?
169
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,435
Cool. I'm a virgin again.
170
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:29,608
Excuse me, ladies.
Is there a Claudia here?
171
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,410
That's me.
172
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:34,213
I was asked to stop by and
talk to you about fidelity.
173
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,982
It's the stripper!
Turn on the music!
174
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,351
Hey, you guys, what's going on?
175
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,120
Get ready for something else
176
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,955
you're not gonna
tell Paulie about.
177
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:51,030
ow ow! These bolts just
will not come loose.
178
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:54,566
James, you know what we need?
We need some more tools here.
179
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,702
You wanna run down
to the hardware store?
180
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,538
Mike, I have to be
honest with you.
181
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,140
It's been a traumatic day,
182
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,175
and I don't wanna go
outside after dark alone.
183
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,412
James, we understand that you
went through something traumatic.
184
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,247
We're all very sensitive
to that,
185
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:11,450
but ultimately you have
to ask yourself one question...
186
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,452
is him scared
187
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,755
of the big bad boogeyman?
188
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,757
All right, Stuart,
knock it off.
189
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,225
Leave him alone.
190
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,828
After all, you're the one
who's afraid of mimes.
191
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:23,962
No, I'm not.
192
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,664
Man in the box.
193
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,401
All right, quit it.
194
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,003
I'll go with you, James.
195
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,339
It'll be fun to check
out a hardware store.
196
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,108
I can see what all
the fuss is about.
197
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,777
Mike, what kind of stuff
should we get?
198
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,347
Just something to pry
this thing off the ground-
199
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,282
crowbar, bolt cutters, hacksaw.
200
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,551
and more ice.
201
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,854
Hey, Stuart?
202
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,656
Man leaning on something.
203
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,092
I'm serious.
That's not funny!
204
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,327
This is the worst
bachelor party ever.
205
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,396
Paul, would it make you
feel better
206
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,932
if the girls were
having less fun than us?
207
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,533
Yeah.
Good.
208
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,403
'Cause I took the liberty
of canceling their stripper
209
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,405
and sending over a priest.
210
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:16,081
Come on, padre.
Drop your linen and start sinnin'.
211
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:21,553
How'd you like to earn some money
for that collection plate?
212
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,856
Father, I have
a confession to make.
213
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,025
I wanna see some skin.
214
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:30,029
Father, forgive me for
what I'm about to do.
215
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,469
you see, James,
216
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,471
new York is a tapestry
of experiences.
217
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:42,474
If you live in fear,
you miss out
218
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,244
on the essence
of this great city.
219
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,113
James...
220
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,283
I've seen enough
both good and bad
221
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,985
to know that whatever happens,
222
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:56,255
I just embrace it as part
of living in new York.
223
00:10:56,322 --> 00:11:00,426
All right, both of you face
down on the floor, and shut up.
224
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,798
I hate this city!
225
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:15,407
You know, chimps invented tools
226
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,276
in less time than it's taken
227
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,511
these guys to buy them.
228
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,880
Relax, Mike, it's only 1:00.
They'll be back.
229
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,082
You know what, Paulie?
230
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,516
What you're doing-
231
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,984
you know,
getting married-
232
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,287
I'll tell you, I am in awe
233
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,788
of the commitment
you're making.
234
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,725
I just wish I could say I was
235
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:35,227
at the same point in my life.
236
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,562
But, unfortunately for me,
237
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,564
dating one beautiful
woman after another
238
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,699
is just too addictive.
239
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,334
Pretty soon I'll be married.
240
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,970
I won't even have to look
at another woman.
241
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,172
Just 'cause you're
chained to the porch
242
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,708
doesn't mean you can't
bark at the cars.
243
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,246
Just be careful.
You'd be surprised
244
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,950
how many cars will
throw a drink on you.
245
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,618
Yeah, but once I'm married,
246
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:02,788
well, I-I won't even be
noticing other cars.
247
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,324
Hardly. After a few years,
248
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:09,361
you'll even be looking
at beat-up hyundais.
249
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:15,734
And you'll be thinking, I wonder
how much I can get on a trade-in?
250
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,436
We're just kidding
around, Paul.
251
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,205
I'm not.
252
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,908
Finally! I got a full house.
I'm gonna win a hand.
253
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:26,345
You know what? I'm gonna
go check on those guys.
254
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,148
All right! Re-deal.
255
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,650
I feel so stupid. I...
256
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,754
I didn't know you were
a real priest.
257
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:39,625
You know, if you ever
manage to fish
258
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,293
that 20 bucks outta there,
259
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,196
just consider it a donation.
260
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,600
It's just that we
didn't expect it,
261
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,136
you know, because
you're so cute.
262
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,472
Not that priests can't be cute.
263
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,175
What I'm trying
to say is, um...
264
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,244
Would you like to have
a drink sometime?
265
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:00,846
I don't drink,
266
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:04,917
and obviously I've taken
a vow of celibacy.
267
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:06,318
Me too!
268
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,787
Well, actually it
wasn't a vow so much
269
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,490
as it's just kind
of worked out that way.
270
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,659
So, how was the bachelor party?
271
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:17,663
Oh, pretty slow. Everybody was just
kind of waiting for you guys-
272
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,899
well, us guys-to come back
with the tools.
273
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,168
Excuse me. We're in kind
of a time crunch here.
274
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,537
How long do you think
this is gonna take?
275
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,873
Nobody leaves till
the safe opens, o. k.?
276
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:31,143
Well, could you-could you
open it, please?
277
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,245
I can't. It's on a timer.
278
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,747
And you didn't think of this?
279
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,317
As you were. Thanks.
280
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:42,121
Hey, James, you seem
a little quiet.
281
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:45,090
I'm afraid if I talk,
I might get shot.
282
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,526
Oh, it's not that kind
of robbery.
283
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,362
It's not that kind
of robbery, is it?
284
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,197
Naw.
285
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,132
Everything's fine.
286
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,900
Fine? I got robbed
last night,
287
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,902
and now I'm being held hostage.
288
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,805
What, am I wearing
a sign that says,
289
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,007
"I'm a rube.
Take advantage of me"?
290
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,081
Father, I hope this doesn't
seem inappropriate,
291
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,183
especially since I paid you
292
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,586
$5.00 to lay
your hands on me,
293
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,856
but I do need your advice.
294
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,759
I, um... I have a secret
295
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,228
that I've kept from my fiance.
296
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,665
I've shaved 2 years
off of my age.
297
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,300
Marriage is based on trust,
298
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,103
so I think you should
be honest with him.
299
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,705
About everything?
300
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,107
Everything except tonight.
301
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,442
Got you.
302
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:39,812
I mean, how many hail
Marys do you have to say
303
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,281
for grabbing a priest's butt?
304
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,583
You know what
the worst thing is?
305
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,585
Stuart set this whole thing up.
306
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,987
Now we have to turn
the other cheek.
307
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,858
Well, ladies, the bible
does speak of retribution.
308
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,662
So if I sent them
the male stripper
309
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,864
that was supposed to come here?
310
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,300
Revenge is a dish
best served naked.
311
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,137
I'm gonna make you
a proposition.
312
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,805
You don't need to hold,
313
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,874
you know, all of us hostage.
314
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:13,112
So why don't you let me
and the youngster go?
315
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,646
Mike!
316
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,749
You'll be fine.
317
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:17,883
Look, nobody leaves.
318
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,552
Come on. Hey, hey,
it's for the mayor.
319
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,321
Don't you like the mayor?
320
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:26,291
To tell you the truth, he's
been a little tough on crime.
321
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,659
Did you vote?
322
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:28,794
No.
323
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,362
If you didn't vote,
324
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,097
I don't think it's fair
for you to criticize.
325
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,333
Now, were you to vote for us
326
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,567
in this upcoming
election-
327
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,570
Mike, are you actually
campaigning?
328
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,674
oh, hey, there it is.
329
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,509
Good. Grab it.
Grab the loot. Let's go.
330
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,910
Great. Bad guy wins again.
331
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,779
Before you grab
the money and run,
332
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,782
do you mind throwing some encouraging
words to my friend over there?
333
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,150
He's a little down on new York.
334
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,751
Yeah, sure.
335
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:56,355
Look, the tap water's great.
Now give me your watch.
336
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,692
Excuse me. I'm looking
for city hall.
337
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,160
Get him, get him!
338
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,662
I got to find this
Mike Flaherty guy.
339
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,064
No, that's me.
I'm Mike Flaherty.
340
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,066
Now-now do your job!
341
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,467
Here?
342
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,270
Yes, here! Hurry up!
343
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,339
It's your party.
344
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,168
Mike, we don't need help
from a bunch of girls.
345
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:46,772
We need to move it,
not give it a manicure.
346
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,341
Stuart, why are you holding
a standard wrench?
347
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,110
The bolts are obviously metric.
348
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,680
Don't you have a socket around
here with a Ratchet driver?
349
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,215
Of course we do.
350
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:01,820
If you're gonna be
snippy about it,
351
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,288
you can just find it yourself.
352
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,758
So what have you guys tried?
353
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,327
Well, we tried mixing
Tequila with gin.
354
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,995
Made us dance.
355
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,098
Didn't do anything
for the finger.
356
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,402
Sounds like a great
bachelor party.
357
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,404
Yeah? How was mass?
358
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,679
It was very funny.
How was officer speedo?
359
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,381
Oh, he was excellent. Thanks.
360
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,785
If you don't have honesty,
361
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,253
then what do we have?
362
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,254
Oh, Paul.
363
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,356
Yes, o. k., undying love,
364
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:40,426
eternal soul mates,
blah, blah, blah.
365
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,294
Hey, James.
Hey, guys, listen.
366
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,797
Claudia lied to me
about her age.
367
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:49,435
Hey, Paul. How's Claudia enjoying
that new rolex you got her?
368
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,170
I forgive you.
369
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,405
Thank you.
370
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,074
Honey, why is rolex
371
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,642
spelled with 3 xs?
372
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,946
It's the sports model.
373
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,816
It's been a rough day, Mike.
I'm headed home.
374
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,652
This is for protection.
375
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,888
What, in case a tree attacks?
376
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,824
We wrenched it, we drilled it-
377
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,392
the girls are even
setting it on fire.
378
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,027
That thing is indestructible!
379
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,830
The worst thing was
the more we tried,
380
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:21,133
it just kept giving us
the finger.
381
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,870
Damn it. We are running
out of time.
382
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,472
Well, good luck, guys.
383
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,241
James, look. You're not the only
guy this has ever happened to.
384
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,777
My first day in new York-
mugged on the subway.
385
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,178
Held up at the a. t. m.
386
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,180
The pond in the 14th hole
387
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,849
of the pinehurst
country club-
388
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,884
stolen many of my golf balls.
389
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,887
I remember the first time
I got mugged.
390
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,856
Talk about embarrassing.
It was by a woman.
391
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,525
She came up to me,
made small talk,
392
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:50,329
put her hand in my pocket,
then made off with my wallet.
393
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,463
Stuart, that's horrible.
394
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,699
I've paid more to get less.
395
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:58,003
James, you've got a decision
to make, o. k.?
396
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:00,305
You can either
let this own you,
397
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,207
or you can rise above it.
398
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,744
Why did you move to new York
in the first place?
399
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,312
Because I thought
it'd be exciting.
400
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,682
You can't have excitement
without a little danger.
401
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,217
Why is the roller
coaster fun, huh?
402
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,087
Why do people go rock climbing?
403
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:18,390
Why is it a thrill
to lock the office door
404
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:22,261
and get naked before you
talk to the governor?
405
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,296
For instance.
406
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,667
I'll do it. I'm gonna
give peace a chance.
407
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,937
That's it.
You're a genius.
408
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:35,708
No, no, Mike, I didn't write that.
John mellencamp did.
409
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:39,044
John lennon, James.
410
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:41,880
No, he used to be
John lennon mellencamp.
411
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,088
Now he's just John mellencamp.
412
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,295
ladies and gentlemen,
413
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,797
to mark our commitment
to the arts,
414
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,801
it is my privilege
to present to you this statue
415
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,304
which we commissioned
and will stand here
416
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,474
as a symbol
of this administration.
417
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:12,211
Sir, do you mind
if James pulls the rope?
418
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,947
But, Mike, I-I love
this kind of stuff.
419
00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,949
It's why I became the mayor.
420
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,285
Oh, all right.
421
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,864
why does that one finger
look so odd?
422
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,365
It looks like it's made
of spackle
423
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,301
and just perched on there.
424
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:39,672
I don't wanna be
so presumptuous
425
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,840
as to speak for the artist,
426
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:46,011
but I believe that's a commentary
on how we take peace for granted,
427
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:49,281
and how we could lose it
at any moment.
428
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,352
aaaaagggghhhhhh!
429
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,690
now that's just obscene.
430
00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:30,723
Well, this is healthy.
431
00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:34,193
Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
432
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:38,030
moo.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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