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1
00:00:00,376 --> 00:00:02,066
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:14,311
Well, happy Valentine's Day,
you heartbreakers.
3
00:00:14,344 --> 00:00:15,677
Dream makers.
Love takers.
4
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,744
Don't youse mess
around with me.
5
00:00:17,777 --> 00:00:19,544
There's nothing too happy
about commemorating
6
00:00:19,577 --> 00:00:21,077
the beating and execution
7
00:00:21,111 --> 00:00:23,744
of third century Roman
bishop St. Valentine.
8
00:00:23,777 --> 00:00:24,877
You're a bish.
'Kay.
9
00:00:24,911 --> 00:00:27,044
You're just tossin' the mitts
and throwin' the haymakers
10
00:00:27,077 --> 00:00:28,311
right off the hops,
eh, good buddies?
11
00:00:28,344 --> 00:00:29,477
What's your problem
with Valentime's?
12
00:00:31,177 --> 00:00:32,777
One more time?
13
00:00:32,811 --> 00:00:35,377
What's your problem
with Valentime's?
14
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:38,577
And just so we're Labatt
crystal clear, you said...
15
00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,411
What's your problem
with Valentime's Day?
16
00:00:40,444 --> 00:00:42,111
Take a Valentimes out.
17
00:00:42,144 --> 00:00:44,144
You're in the wrong
Valentime zone, pal.
18
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,411
Lovers in a Dangerous
Valentime, Dary?
19
00:00:46,444 --> 00:00:47,611
What's your problem?
Just because I like
20
00:00:47,644 --> 00:00:49,111
to have a good time on Valen...
21
00:00:50,711 --> 00:00:53,111
Valen...
Way ya go.
22
00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:55,777
Valentime's.
Atta boy.
23
00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,744
I definitely loves me
the Saint Valentine's Day.
24
00:00:57,777 --> 00:01:01,077
I still makes individual
Valentines for all my pals.
25
00:01:01,111 --> 00:01:02,344
You know, Squirrelly Dan,
26
00:01:02,377 --> 00:01:04,511
that is something
that I actually appreciates about you.
27
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:05,577
Thanks you, Miss Katys.
28
00:01:05,611 --> 00:01:07,177
I plans on giving them out
at the speed dating event
29
00:01:07,211 --> 00:01:08,244
at the church today.
30
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,444
Yew!
31
00:01:09,477 --> 00:01:11,611
Cannot wait to get sweet
at the meet and greet.
32
00:01:11,644 --> 00:01:14,177
A date every
three minutes.
33
00:01:14,211 --> 00:01:15,244
Quantity.
34
00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:17,511
Seeing as this is most
certainly a one-off event
35
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:18,577
and not a tradition
36
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,511
that also falls on
some made-up holiday
37
00:01:20,544 --> 00:01:22,377
I couldn't give
a cat's quiff about,
38
00:01:22,411 --> 00:01:23,511
I'm out.
39
00:01:23,544 --> 00:01:24,444
There's happiness calling
my name
40
00:01:24,477 --> 00:01:26,444
from the bottom
of a bottle of Puppers.
41
00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:29,411
Such a poopy pants
on Valentime's.
42
00:01:29,444 --> 00:01:30,744
What poor timing.
43
00:01:30,777 --> 00:01:33,144
All right, gents.
Let's get our sexy on.
44
00:01:36,244 --> 00:01:38,311
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
45
00:02:50,677 --> 00:02:53,111
This is the worst turnout
I have ever had.
46
00:02:53,144 --> 00:02:54,377
Okay.
47
00:02:55,311 --> 00:02:58,577
Welcome to
speed dating, everyone!
48
00:02:59,644 --> 00:03:01,144
Oh, have a seat.
49
00:03:06,377 --> 00:03:08,311
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
50
00:03:09,277 --> 00:03:10,111
I'm horny.
51
00:03:12,411 --> 00:03:15,144
Okay, looking this way,
please. (CHUCKLES)
52
00:03:17,377 --> 00:03:22,811
So let's all pwuck
our little hawt stwings, okay?
53
00:03:22,844 --> 00:03:27,611
And pway peek-a-boo
wif our special someonezies.
54
00:03:28,644 --> 00:03:30,277
I am...
55
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:34,311
We are all here today
to have a little giggle-leeler,
56
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:38,344
that might turn
into a lil' tickle-lee-ler,
57
00:03:38,377 --> 00:03:41,411
and maybe, just maybe,
58
00:03:41,444 --> 00:03:43,444
a lil diddle-lee-ler.
59
00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:45,477
No longer hornys.
60
00:03:45,511 --> 00:03:47,144
So, the rules.
61
00:03:47,177 --> 00:03:49,477
Everyone, I want you to
sit across from one another,
62
00:03:49,511 --> 00:03:52,344
and then every thee minutes,
you're gonna switch seats,
63
00:03:52,377 --> 00:03:55,244
and get all womantic.
64
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,444
Where the fuck is the bar?
65
00:03:58,211 --> 00:03:59,644
Excuse me, sir.
66
00:03:59,677 --> 00:04:03,044
With the royal blue language
verging on Navy blue.
67
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:07,177
We're in a church for
some flippin' reason,
68
00:04:07,211 --> 00:04:09,377
so I am going to need you
to keep your language
69
00:04:09,411 --> 00:04:12,811
to a Maya blue, at the
very least, a powder blue.
70
00:04:12,844 --> 00:04:13,877
Powder boo.
71
00:04:13,911 --> 00:04:17,444
(MOCKINGLY) Yeah, cut
the crapola, Mr. Wisenheimer.
72
00:04:17,477 --> 00:04:19,811
Thank you. That's unhelpful.
73
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:24,277
Second, there is
no alcohol at this event.
74
00:04:24,311 --> 00:04:26,444
Boo.
It is 11:00 in the morning.
75
00:04:26,477 --> 00:04:27,777
(ALL BOOING)
76
00:04:27,811 --> 00:04:29,811
I'm sorry, I didn't realize
we were dealings
77
00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:31,777
with the queens
of friggin' Englands here.
78
00:04:31,811 --> 00:04:33,711
Well...
KATY: Point of order.
79
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:36,311
We all definitely know
each other real well.
80
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:38,444
Half these dipshits
were in my grade two class.
81
00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:40,544
And I put in
extensions for this.
82
00:04:40,577 --> 00:04:43,211
What did I just say
about keeping the language
83
00:04:43,244 --> 00:04:45,077
to a periwinkle
flippin' blue?
84
00:04:45,111 --> 00:04:47,277
Oh. We're actually
married already,
85
00:04:47,311 --> 00:04:49,277
so we're just here to do
a little, uh,
86
00:04:49,311 --> 00:04:50,544
run around
the bases.
87
00:04:50,577 --> 00:04:52,177
We're two sport players.
88
00:04:52,211 --> 00:04:54,744
Time to spit on the old
hands and crank a few.
89
00:04:54,777 --> 00:04:56,277
I'd shag a few balls.
90
00:04:57,844 --> 00:04:59,344
I've got the clap.
91
00:05:00,611 --> 00:05:02,077
Currently.
Again?
92
00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:03,244
Again.
93
00:05:03,277 --> 00:05:04,677
I also have the clap.
94
00:05:04,711 --> 00:05:06,211
Again?
Again.
95
00:05:06,244 --> 00:05:07,477
We took down the same broad.
96
00:05:07,511 --> 00:05:09,311
Reilly one-timed me a clapper.
97
00:05:09,344 --> 00:05:11,311
So we probably won't
be taking anybody down.
98
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,277
Unless there's
any bug chasers.
99
00:05:13,311 --> 00:05:15,477
Which is a thing we saw
on Grey's Anatomy.
100
00:05:15,511 --> 00:05:17,277
I just feel like
I'm being unfaithful
101
00:05:17,311 --> 00:05:18,644
to my dead wife, Barb.
102
00:05:19,244 --> 00:05:20,311
She died.
103
00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:23,344
Fuckin' embarrassing.
104
00:05:23,377 --> 00:05:25,177
ROALD: I'm just gonna say
what you're all thinking.
105
00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:27,544
Roald gets spit-roasted
by Dax and Ron.
106
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,111
That's the low-hanging
fruit, you guys.
107
00:05:29,144 --> 00:05:32,211
Dax and Ron London
Bridging ol' Roaldy.
108
00:05:32,611 --> 00:05:33,711
I get it.
109
00:05:33,744 --> 00:05:34,944
You're all just thinking,
110
00:05:34,977 --> 00:05:39,577
"How have those two not double
cowgirled the gay skid yet?
111
00:05:39,611 --> 00:05:42,377
"How come they're not
in the bathroom right now
112
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,777
"doggy training him?
113
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:47,344
"How come he's not
in a doggy deluxe?
114
00:05:47,377 --> 00:05:48,644
"What's the hold up?"
115
00:05:52,111 --> 00:05:54,011
Anywho-d'lee-ler!
116
00:05:58,811 --> 00:06:01,277
(GASPS) Look what
the cat dragged in.
117
00:06:01,311 --> 00:06:02,711
WAYNE: Better than
what the cat coughed up.
118
00:06:02,744 --> 00:06:04,211
Oh, a customer.
119
00:06:04,244 --> 00:06:06,711
And one of my favorite cuts
of prime rib at that.
120
00:06:06,744 --> 00:06:07,777
Glen, how're ya now?
121
00:06:07,811 --> 00:06:10,277
Better now that you muscle'd
your way into my shift,
122
00:06:10,311 --> 00:06:12,077
which I am covering
for Gail
123
00:06:12,111 --> 00:06:14,111
so that she can get slinky
little swerve on
124
00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:15,744
at the speed dating event.
125
00:06:15,777 --> 00:06:16,977
Speaking of which,
126
00:06:17,011 --> 00:06:20,444
why aren't you partaking in the
carousing of St. Valentine's?
127
00:06:20,477 --> 00:06:21,677
STEWART: Fuck Valentine's Day.
128
00:06:22,544 --> 00:06:24,044
That a skid having a beer?
129
00:06:24,077 --> 00:06:25,411
A skid drinkin' a beer.
130
00:06:25,444 --> 00:06:26,777
No rips?
No rips.
131
00:06:26,811 --> 00:06:28,077
Oh, I bet you get them hid
132
00:06:28,111 --> 00:06:29,377
under the spare roll
of toiler paper
133
00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:31,377
in the bathroom
stall as usual.
134
00:06:31,411 --> 00:06:32,444
Stewart!
135
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,244
This Hallmark holiday
has enough phony euphoria.
136
00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:38,777
I don't need to add to it
by better living
137
00:06:38,811 --> 00:06:41,777
through my basement
bathtub chemistry.
138
00:06:41,811 --> 00:06:46,177
Though I could be persuaded
to pop a... Valium-tine.
139
00:06:46,211 --> 00:06:47,444
Long way to go
for that joke.
140
00:06:47,477 --> 00:06:49,344
You know what, Skid?
What, shirt-tucker?
141
00:06:49,377 --> 00:06:50,611
I think you're right
with this whole
142
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,077
"Fuck Valentine's
Day" narrative.
143
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,511
If there's no tradition,
there's no integrity.
144
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:56,811
Which is a thing I say
from time to time.
145
00:06:56,844 --> 00:07:00,344
Love comes from a delicate,
genuine place.
146
00:07:00,377 --> 00:07:03,544
Not from the seasonal aisle
at the drug store.
147
00:07:03,577 --> 00:07:05,644
Which is a think
I say from time to time.
148
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,377
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
149
00:07:07,411 --> 00:07:09,377
You never find love
if you go looking for it.
150
00:07:09,411 --> 00:07:10,711
It's when you're not looking.
151
00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:17,044
So you're just gonna
let that hang there?
152
00:07:17,077 --> 00:07:18,144
You're not gonna
finish that thought?
153
00:07:18,177 --> 00:07:19,211
Sorry?
Okay.
154
00:07:19,244 --> 00:07:21,711
Being as we are the only two
at the bar, shall we...
155
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:25,077
Grab a beer?
156
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,211
Or you just gonna sit there
157
00:07:26,244 --> 00:07:28,011
catching horseflies
with your mouth?
158
00:07:31,111 --> 00:07:34,344
I'd have a beer. Glen,
please and thank you.
159
00:07:39,211 --> 00:07:42,477
Unlikely duo
since Judas and JC.
160
00:07:47,244 --> 00:07:49,444
DARYL: What?
161
00:07:49,477 --> 00:07:52,377
All right, let's
all settle-lee-ler.
162
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:55,777
Okay. Now I am a professional,
163
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:58,077
and I have noticed
164
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:02,177
that there are more little boys
than little girls.
165
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:05,777
More oysters than snails.
166
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:06,710
Well, at the very least,
167
00:08:06,744 --> 00:08:08,944
it's a good chance for
old pals to catch up.
168
00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:10,510
Yeah, good chats
with great friends
169
00:08:10,544 --> 00:08:12,244
in snackable,
three-minute intervals.
170
00:08:12,277 --> 00:08:13,777
Ooh, sport mackin'.
171
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:14,877
Absolutely, buddy.
172
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,277
What are you two
plugs on about?
173
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,044
Since we got the clap,
we figured we'd work
174
00:08:18,077 --> 00:08:19,444
on our flirt game
with some practice.
175
00:08:19,477 --> 00:08:20,844
A few hot laps
around the rink.
176
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:22,177
Shuffle the line combinations,
177
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,210
see it works on new rockets
in the actual game.
178
00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:25,944
'Cause for now we have the clap.
Ugh.
179
00:08:25,977 --> 00:08:28,244
I know. What is
the deal?
180
00:08:28,277 --> 00:08:30,044
(CLEARS THROAT)
No, no. Uh, no.
181
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,077
We are not here so that you
can practice hitting on girls.
182
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:37,977
That is not what my flat rate
of $250 is for, is it?
183
00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:41,210
Thought I'd dickered
you down to $225?
184
00:08:41,244 --> 00:08:42,944
Let's start the game!
185
00:08:42,977 --> 00:08:45,410
This is not a game, okay?
186
00:08:45,444 --> 00:08:47,177
This is my jobble-lee-ler!
187
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,377
What about $230?
188
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,244
No, it is not negotiable.
189
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:54,277
Unless you have cash.
190
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,944
You know, Uncle Eddie
always said
191
00:08:55,977 --> 00:08:57,977
if you put two people across
a table from each other
192
00:08:58,010 --> 00:08:59,044
with pints in between them,
193
00:08:59,077 --> 00:09:01,144
they'll find
a common ground.
194
00:09:01,177 --> 00:09:04,144
Not sure he ever sat
across from a skid, though.
195
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,977
Spare me
the rustic aphorisms
196
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:08,244
and let's just enjoy
some quiet commiseration.
197
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,777
You catch the game last night?
198
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:16,277
Think I got fucking
time for that?
199
00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:18,244
I was joking, shirt-tucker.
200
00:09:18,277 --> 00:09:19,977
Hockeyfights.com
is all you need.
201
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:21,377
I start my day with it
every morning.
202
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:23,510
Fuckin' throwin' hands
is the best part anyway, fuck.
203
00:09:23,544 --> 00:09:25,044
Agreed.
204
00:09:25,077 --> 00:09:27,477
It injects anarchy into
an otherwise bland amalgam
205
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:30,010
of meaningless athletics
and post-game platitudes.
206
00:09:30,044 --> 00:09:31,777
Favorite fighter
of all time. Go.
207
00:09:33,277 --> 00:09:34,477
Bobby Probert.
208
00:09:34,510 --> 00:09:35,610
Rob Ray.
209
00:09:35,644 --> 00:09:38,444
Current NHLer you'd file
under do-not-fuck-with. Go.
210
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,377
Ryan Reaves.
Zdeno Chara.
211
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,910
Toughest current
NHL captain. Go.
212
00:09:42,944 --> 00:09:44,910
Chara still in play?
Can't say the same guy twice.
213
00:09:44,944 --> 00:09:46,344
Nick Foligno.
Jamie Benn.
214
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,510
Glen!
Pff.
215
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:48,944
I'd have another beer.
216
00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:50,444
Skid?
217
00:09:50,477 --> 00:09:52,144
I'd have a beer.
218
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:54,844
Strange things are afoot
at MoDean's today.
219
00:09:58,444 --> 00:09:59,844
I'm good at that.
220
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:11,077
Is everyone sitting across
221
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:15,010
from their new
potential beau-leos and bellalee-lers?
222
00:10:15,044 --> 00:10:18,510
Okay. Ready? Round one!
223
00:10:18,544 --> 00:10:20,344
DAN: Fight! Get over here!
224
00:10:20,377 --> 00:10:22,477
MAN 1: Footsie!
MAN 2: Finish him!
225
00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:25,877
No! You are not getting this!
226
00:10:29,910 --> 00:10:31,310
What's with the socks?
227
00:10:31,344 --> 00:10:33,110
They make you faster
around the base paths.
228
00:10:33,144 --> 00:10:35,344
I never really had any problems
getting around the bases.
229
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:36,810
You play ball now?
230
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,044
Daxy and I play shortstop
and second base.
231
00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:41,810
We're a great... DP combo.
232
00:10:41,844 --> 00:10:43,310
You're real sack-mates, hey?
233
00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:44,377
When there's a dribbler
coming at us,
234
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:45,944
we like to go
around the horn with it.
235
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:48,210
How are you at the plate?
236
00:10:48,244 --> 00:10:51,544
I'm a switch hitter with
a high average from both sides.
237
00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:53,377
Pair me against anyone
on either team
238
00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:54,544
and I'll
at least get to second.
239
00:10:54,577 --> 00:10:55,944
Hmm.
240
00:10:55,977 --> 00:10:58,244
See, we prefer to play
on AstroTurf around here
241
00:10:58,277 --> 00:11:01,244
because we love
a good sliding box.
242
00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:02,910
You should bronze those titties
243
00:11:02,944 --> 00:11:05,244
because your bust belongs
in Cooperstown.
244
00:11:05,277 --> 00:11:07,910
Bring some pals.
I'm a five-tool player.
245
00:11:07,944 --> 00:11:11,110
Your 12 to 6 curves are
making me go from 6 to 12.
246
00:11:11,144 --> 00:11:14,477
Why don't you groove me some
two-finger heaters down low?
247
00:11:14,510 --> 00:11:18,177
I am gonna hit a scorching
comebacker right to your mound.
248
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,477
Fuck.
249
00:11:20,977 --> 00:11:22,310
Gail.
Dary.
250
00:11:22,344 --> 00:11:24,510
I think tonight,
there's gonna be a Gailbreak.
251
00:11:24,544 --> 00:11:26,077
Sure is, Dary Spice.
252
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:27,477
Why don't we Gail
to the Chief?
253
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:30,477
You got it,
my Dary Home Companion.
254
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,977
You ever worked on the Gailroad?
All the live-long Dary.
255
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,044
That's why I can feel
the Gail force winds
256
00:11:36,077 --> 00:11:37,777
whooshing past me.
257
00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:41,010
Just happy to be sitting across
from my Dary godmother.
258
00:11:41,044 --> 00:11:42,277
Sup, Luc Robitaille?
259
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:45,210
Sup, Rami Malek?
260
00:11:45,244 --> 00:11:46,844
So, you know I'm gay.
261
00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:48,177
You smash all sorts of ass.
262
00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:49,477
Everyone knows
I should stop wasting
263
00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:51,210
people's time and
just get smashed by...
264
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,777
I don't know anything
about the gay lifestyle though.
265
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:54,544
You wanna spend out time here
playing "ask a gay dude"?
266
00:11:54,577 --> 00:11:56,977
For real? Fuck yeah, buddy.
267
00:11:57,010 --> 00:11:58,444
Okay, hit me, Craig Janney.
268
00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:01,777
I can't believe I'm doing this.
269
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:04,310
Look away, Barb.
This is rock bottom.
270
00:12:04,344 --> 00:12:06,277
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay, um...
271
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,510
So, Coach, I was thinking
272
00:12:07,544 --> 00:12:08,777
maybe we do a little bit
of role-playing,
273
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,210
seeing as I don't think you're
gonna pick up very many ladies
274
00:12:11,244 --> 00:12:13,010
with how aggressive you are.
275
00:12:13,044 --> 00:12:15,777
I'd rather eat
pheasant shit on dry toast
276
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:17,077
than do anything with you.
277
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,810
Right on.
Anything.
278
00:12:18,844 --> 00:12:22,477
Sweet. So, you be you,
and I'll be a super hot rocket.
279
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:23,777
(CLEARS THROAT)
280
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,477
(IN A GIRLY VOICE)
Hi, handsome.
281
00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:28,544
I heard you're
a hockey coach.
282
00:12:28,577 --> 00:12:30,110
Hiya. (CHUCKLES)
283
00:12:30,144 --> 00:12:31,477
I'm kind of nervous.
284
00:12:32,810 --> 00:12:33,944
I don't normally date girls
285
00:12:33,977 --> 00:12:38,877
that look like Lyle Lovett and
Sheryl Crow had a fuckchild.
286
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:40,944
I actually think
that's a pretty good chirp,
287
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,444
but I just wanna Google
that to be sure.
288
00:12:43,477 --> 00:12:45,810
You said Sheryl Crow
and Lyle Odelein?
289
00:12:45,844 --> 00:12:46,977
Lovett.
290
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:48,977
Yeah, I know, I love it, too.
I'm just looking him up.
291
00:12:49,444 --> 00:12:51,044
Two T's, fuckwad.
292
00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:52,110
Thanks.
293
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,010
Nice baseball socks.
You's ever DH?
294
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:00,477
Easy, Dom Deluise-y.
295
00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:02,910
Why? I used to DH alls
the time in Little Leagues,
296
00:13:02,944 --> 00:13:04,277
on account to my
power-hitting ability
297
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,944
coupled with my perceived lack
of runnings abilities.
298
00:13:06,977 --> 00:13:10,410
Oh. Sorry, I thought
you were talking about fucking.
299
00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:11,444
What do you mean?
300
00:13:11,477 --> 00:13:14,077
Well, a DH is someone
who will fuck anything.
301
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:18,110
Oh, sorta like how getting
to second base
302
00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:19,177
is touching
a gal's boobies?
303
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:20,944
And an inside
the park home run
304
00:13:20,977 --> 00:13:21,910
is fucking in the bar toilets
305
00:13:21,944 --> 00:13:23,944
before the bouncer finds out
and kicks you out.
306
00:13:25,277 --> 00:13:27,177
You got a sex term
what goes with
307
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:29,777
gettin' to first base on an
intentionals hit by a pitch?
308
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,877
Yup. That's getting
Frenched by a gal,
309
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:32,977
but only 'cause she's
getting back
310
00:13:33,010 --> 00:13:34,410
at her
messy drunk boyfriend.
311
00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:35,877
What about reaching
second base
312
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:37,144
on a drop fly ball
in center field
313
00:13:37,177 --> 00:13:38,244
'cause the sun's
in the eyes?
314
00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,377
'Course, that's when you
think a date went poorly,
315
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:42,044
but then he gets his tits
out in the cab ride home.
316
00:13:42,077 --> 00:13:43,910
Caught in a run-down?
Hitting on two girls at once,
317
00:13:43,944 --> 00:13:45,810
only to realize
that they're friends,
318
00:13:45,844 --> 00:13:47,110
and they are not
happy with you.
319
00:13:47,144 --> 00:13:48,877
Check swing single?
Bumping into somebody,
320
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,177
accidentally
touching their butt,
321
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:52,077
and then
being super into it.
322
00:13:53,544 --> 00:13:55,177
Choke up on the bat
a little bit,
323
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,810
and I bet you fist it
right through my infield.
324
00:13:57,844 --> 00:13:59,377
I have choked on
some bat before,
325
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:00,277
and I'm pretty confident
326
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:02,010
that no matter what
you're sending me,
327
00:14:02,044 --> 00:14:03,544
I'll get some
good wood on it.
328
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:06,144
I think it's about time
you expand my strike zone.
329
00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:08,544
Every ground ball
I've hit finds a hole.
330
00:14:08,577 --> 00:14:11,410
I'm great at making contact
with the meat of the bat.
331
00:14:11,444 --> 00:14:12,410
You can put
an E on the board
332
00:14:12,444 --> 00:14:14,877
because I muffed it
right between the legs.
333
00:14:14,910 --> 00:14:15,977
Oh, I think it's about time
334
00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:17,310
I sent you down to
the bush league.
335
00:14:17,344 --> 00:14:20,044
I'm a spray hitter,
so look alive out there.
336
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:21,810
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
337
00:14:22,877 --> 00:14:25,310
You ever seen The PeopleVersus Dary Flynt?
338
00:14:25,344 --> 00:14:28,110
That Gails in comparison to
Monty Python and the Holy Gail.
339
00:14:28,144 --> 00:14:30,277
Prefer So I Dary'ed
an Axe Murderer.
340
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,877
I feel like this conversation
has hit a bit of a Gailmate.
341
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:34,510
Well, Dary Christmas to you.
342
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:36,344
It's nice catching up,
Gailor Swift.
343
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,044
Dary On, My Wayward Son.
344
00:14:39,077 --> 00:14:41,210
Mmm. You hit the Gail
on the head.
345
00:14:41,244 --> 00:14:44,477
A top is when he
smashes the ass,
346
00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:48,077
and the bottom is when he gets
his ass smashed, right?
347
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:49,177
Correct.
348
00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:50,977
Which are you?
Bottom.
349
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:53,044
Power bottom, but...
What's that?
350
00:14:53,077 --> 00:14:56,044
That term is so muddled,
but let's just move past it.
351
00:14:56,077 --> 00:14:58,310
Okay, so you're at a gay bar...
Uh-huh?
352
00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:00,277
...and you're bottom and you
meet another bottom,
353
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:01,810
do you tell him at the bar,
354
00:15:01,844 --> 00:15:03,377
or you go home and, "Surprise!"
355
00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:05,777
And you're stuck trying
to bottom each other?
356
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:09,044
Wait. Do you think the only
type of gay sex is butt sex?
357
00:15:09,077 --> 00:15:11,877
No. Yes. No, I don't know.
358
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,310
Just because a pig has four legs
and a dog has four legs,
359
00:15:14,344 --> 00:15:15,977
does not mean a pig is a dog.
360
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:21,444
So, all butt sex is gay,
361
00:15:21,477 --> 00:15:24,477
but not all gay sex
is butt sex?
362
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:25,577
Sure.
363
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:28,177
But I mean, I'll be whatever
Dax and Ron need me to be,
364
00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:30,977
just to stop this
whole story line.
365
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,777
It's all anyone
can talk about.
366
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:35,177
I mean, God.
367
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:37,877
You don't look like anything
you said on the phone.
368
00:15:37,910 --> 00:15:39,910
I was expecting more
Andie MacDowell
369
00:15:39,944 --> 00:15:41,377
and a lot less
Andy Samberg.
370
00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:42,910
Both comedy legends.
371
00:15:42,944 --> 00:15:44,977
But you are my type, I mean.
372
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,044
What guy doesn't
wake up in the morning
373
00:15:47,077 --> 00:15:48,877
and just hope to meet
Maggie Gyllenhaal,
374
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:52,077
only her face has been
smashed in by a city bus
375
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,310
and she's dressed up
like a gaylord banker?
376
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:57,210
(CHUCKLES) We don't
have to do role-play...
377
00:15:57,244 --> 00:16:00,210
Oh, what's wrong, Howard Stern
and Baba-Booey's face
378
00:16:00,244 --> 00:16:03,044
mashed together
with Jon Bon Jovi's hair?
379
00:16:03,077 --> 00:16:05,044
Did you know they
edited Stern's speech
380
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:07,544
for Bon Jovi's induction in the
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?
381
00:16:07,577 --> 00:16:09,110
Let's fuck, all right?
382
00:16:09,144 --> 00:16:11,944
I'm ready. Let's fuck, huh?
383
00:16:11,977 --> 00:16:13,944
The spawn of Alanis
Morrissette and Dave Coulier
384
00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:14,977
pre- You Oughta Know?
385
00:16:15,310 --> 00:16:16,544
Huh?
386
00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:19,010
Okay. Uh, good game.
387
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,277
I just fucking
jerked off.
388
00:16:22,544 --> 00:16:23,544
Switch hittings?
389
00:16:23,577 --> 00:16:24,944
Pretending to be gay
to get a gal's guard down.
390
00:16:24,977 --> 00:16:25,810
Stealing signs?
391
00:16:25,844 --> 00:16:27,110
Lurking someone's
Facebook interests
392
00:16:27,144 --> 00:16:28,177
before you start
hitting on them.
393
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,377
Spring training games?
394
00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,244
Trying out a few things out
with your friends with benefits.
395
00:16:31,277 --> 00:16:32,510
MATCHMAKER: All right!
396
00:16:32,544 --> 00:16:35,077
That is timel-leeler!
397
00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:37,444
Well, Dax, I mights never
watch a Blue Jays game again
398
00:16:37,477 --> 00:16:38,877
without a fully torqued boner.
399
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,177
Gettin' randy,
John Candy.
400
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,110
Thank you for your wise
and wonderful lessons.
401
00:16:42,144 --> 00:16:43,910
I've really enjoyed
my times with you today.
402
00:16:43,944 --> 00:16:46,977
And I mades you
this Valentine.
403
00:16:49,544 --> 00:16:51,044
Oh, my God.
404
00:16:53,844 --> 00:16:55,777
I'm a hit.
You is.
405
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:01,536
If you could play one position
in hockey, what would it be?
406
00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:02,836
Back-up goalie.
407
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:04,636
What?
Ultimate underdog.
408
00:17:05,803 --> 00:17:07,403
Also, they don't
get their hair wet.
409
00:17:07,436 --> 00:17:08,670
Fucking Jeff Hackett.
410
00:17:08,703 --> 00:17:10,803
Ron Tugnutt.
Peter Ing.
411
00:17:10,836 --> 00:17:12,636
Allan Bester.
Damian Rhodes.
412
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:14,970
Tommy Soderstrom.
Can I ask you something?
413
00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:16,736
You always been a skid or...
414
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,536
Early Marilyn Manson
left his mark.
415
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:23,370
When that began to fade,
Rammstein came in to replenish.
416
00:17:23,403 --> 00:17:25,370
Slipknot has always sustained.
417
00:17:25,403 --> 00:17:26,903
I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
418
00:17:28,503 --> 00:17:30,970
I've been a skid for as long
as you hicks have called me one.
419
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:33,436
Well, cliques are fucking
stupid anyway, so...
420
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,803
Can confirm. Especially jocks.
421
00:17:35,836 --> 00:17:37,903
Oh, I hate jocks.
Hockey players.
422
00:17:37,936 --> 00:17:39,503
Me, too.
Yeah?
423
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,603
I guess the enemy of my enemy
is my friend, eh?
424
00:17:41,636 --> 00:17:43,503
I think I'd rather have
silverfish in my kitchen
425
00:17:43,536 --> 00:17:44,436
than hockey players.
426
00:17:44,470 --> 00:17:45,836
I like to fuck with them
by hitting on them.
427
00:17:45,870 --> 00:17:46,703
Do you really?
428
00:17:46,736 --> 00:17:49,470
Jocks are generally
deeply uncomfortable
429
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,003
with their own sexuality,
430
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,670
they often kick
rocks after that.
431
00:17:53,703 --> 00:17:56,036
You really just
don't give a fuck, do you?
432
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,436
Hard no.
433
00:17:59,836 --> 00:18:01,003
Wondrous.
434
00:18:05,636 --> 00:18:07,603
Favorite Toronto
Maple Leafs tough guy. Go.
435
00:18:07,636 --> 00:18:09,370
Colton Orr.
Tie Domi.
436
00:18:09,403 --> 00:18:11,436
Although Wendel Clark
deserves honorable mention.
437
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:12,970
But he was also
an all-star so...
438
00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:14,736
BOTH: Wendel's in
a league of his own.
439
00:18:14,770 --> 00:18:17,336
Glen! I think we'd
have another beer.
440
00:18:18,536 --> 00:18:20,303
I'd have a beer.
441
00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:23,770
This is surely a sign
of the apocalypse.
442
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,836
St. Valentine, here I come!
443
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,703
I'll get the beers first.
444
00:18:27,736 --> 00:18:28,803
Do my job.
445
00:18:34,336 --> 00:18:35,636
Nice socks.
446
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:38,003
Gotta hike 'em up high
if you wanna steal second.
447
00:18:38,036 --> 00:18:40,803
I hear you and Ronsy
are a switch-hitting DP combo.
448
00:18:40,836 --> 00:18:42,703
When a slow dribbler
comes my way,
449
00:18:42,736 --> 00:18:44,003
I love to eat the ball.
450
00:18:44,036 --> 00:18:45,870
Let's see a heads-up play
on the base paths,
451
00:18:45,903 --> 00:18:47,503
so you don't get
caught in a hot box.
452
00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:50,570
I was always taught to
slide face first into the bag.
453
00:18:50,603 --> 00:18:52,036
You know it still counts
as a home run
454
00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:53,736
if I ding it
right off your pole.
455
00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:56,036
I wouldn't mind seeing
your Rusty Kuntz bat
456
00:18:56,070 --> 00:18:57,370
after my Dick Pole.
457
00:18:57,403 --> 00:19:00,336
I am a Doug Fister
type of Lenny Dykstra.
458
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:02,670
Well, bat me in because I'm
in scoring position.
459
00:19:02,703 --> 00:19:05,903
I just got some mink oil.
You wanna work in this mitt?
460
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,403
Our leadoff hitter is great
in the one hole,
461
00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:10,736
but I'm really looking forward
to our whole lineup
462
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,703
hitting in the two hole and
three hole before the cleanup.
463
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,803
(GASPS)
464
00:19:15,670 --> 00:19:16,870
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
465
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,903
Okay.
466
00:19:23,936 --> 00:19:25,670
I haven't seen you
since the Little League.
467
00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:27,303
Yeah, you really
worked me inside
468
00:19:27,336 --> 00:19:28,403
with your
famous split finger.
469
00:19:28,436 --> 00:19:29,670
If you had adjusted
your stance,
470
00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:32,003
I bet you could have pulled one
without anyone expecting it.
471
00:19:32,036 --> 00:19:33,070
I always liked
an older pitcher
472
00:19:33,103 --> 00:19:34,936
because usually they've
perfected the knuckler.
473
00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:37,003
RJ Dickey?
Suck my RJ Dickey.
474
00:19:37,036 --> 00:19:38,536
My catcher gave me
the sign
475
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,936
to give you
the back door breaking ball.
476
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,703
Really? I was hoping
you'd just scorch me one
477
00:19:41,736 --> 00:19:42,770
right down the pipe.
478
00:19:42,803 --> 00:19:45,436
Hmm. Now I'm sorry about the
low throw last time.
479
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,036
You may need to dig
in the dirt with me.
480
00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:48,770
I'm game for you being
behind the play,
481
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:50,003
but just the foul tip.
482
00:19:50,036 --> 00:19:52,636
Your stroke is perfect.
483
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:54,836
I can't wait for you to hit it
where the grass don't grow.
484
00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:57,736
Oh, grass grows
here, here and here.
485
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,536
But I like the challenge.
You really gotta pound my zone.
486
00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:01,970
My fastball ain't what
she used to be.
487
00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:04,303
I'm a real soft tosser.
488
00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:06,370
It's hard for me to wrap
my hands around that one
489
00:20:06,403 --> 00:20:07,903
when I'm getting banged inside.
490
00:20:07,936 --> 00:20:10,636
I'm gonna rope you one
right up the middle.
491
00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:13,336
Oh, fuck.
492
00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:14,970
(CLICKS TONGUE)
493
00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:18,970
Sport mackin', huh?
494
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:21,303
Let's have at it. Give me some
of your best lines.
495
00:20:21,336 --> 00:20:23,836
So my dick died.
Can I bury it in you?
496
00:20:26,603 --> 00:20:28,536
Well, that pickup line
was about as off-putting
497
00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:29,770
as I thought it
was going to be,
498
00:20:29,803 --> 00:20:32,636
so I'm gonna give you this
here Valentines,
499
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,770
and then...
Let's never speak again.
500
00:20:34,803 --> 00:20:36,003
Happy Valentine's Day.
501
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,036
Okay.
502
00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:42,936
"Let's stick together."
503
00:20:43,970 --> 00:20:45,270
I don't get it.
504
00:20:46,336 --> 00:20:47,803
May I speak candidly with you?
505
00:20:47,836 --> 00:20:50,436
I've never known you
to require permission.
506
00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:52,903
I jerked off so hard
before coming here,
507
00:20:52,936 --> 00:20:55,403
I passed out when I got up.
508
00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:57,070
Had my hand not landed
in the fish tank
509
00:20:57,103 --> 00:20:58,470
to keep me alert,
510
00:20:58,503 --> 00:21:00,303
I may still be laying there.
511
00:21:00,336 --> 00:21:01,470
(BLOWS)
512
00:21:02,336 --> 00:21:03,436
I overheard Reilly and Jonesy
513
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:07,336
playing that "Who would you
rather take down" game,
514
00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:09,903
I was like, "No," you know.
515
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,936
I'd just rather jerk off.
516
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:14,336
You jerk off before
coming here?
517
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:17,403
Hey, what's wrong with a man
wanting his steak well-cooked?
518
00:21:17,436 --> 00:21:19,336
Is that criminal?
No.
519
00:21:21,803 --> 00:21:24,536
Well, we just...
We just jerked off.
520
00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:25,870
Doesn't bother me.
521
00:21:26,670 --> 00:21:27,770
But I get it.
522
00:21:28,536 --> 00:21:29,970
Thanks.
523
00:21:30,003 --> 00:21:31,470
What are you doin' later?
524
00:21:33,370 --> 00:21:35,336
(WHISTLES) Ding-dong.
525
00:21:36,903 --> 00:21:39,470
Toughest fourth-liner
who's smaller in stature. Go.
526
00:21:39,503 --> 00:21:40,970
Cam Janssen.
Mmm-hmm.
527
00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:42,503
Aaron Asham.
Mmm-hmm.
528
00:21:42,536 --> 00:21:44,803
PJ Stock.
Prusty.
529
00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:47,503
Rick Rypien. Derek Dorsett.
530
00:21:47,536 --> 00:21:49,070
Those guys aren't really
in the same category,
531
00:21:49,103 --> 00:21:51,336
but Chris Neil was a fucking
underrated killer, eh?
532
00:21:51,370 --> 00:21:52,203
Darcy Hordichuk.
533
00:21:52,236 --> 00:21:53,603
And I wouldn't fuck
with Marty McSorley.
534
00:21:53,636 --> 00:21:54,903
I wouldn't fuck
with Stu Grimson.
535
00:21:54,936 --> 00:21:55,970
I'll tell you what, though.
536
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:58,036
I'd follow Eric Godard
into battle.
537
00:21:58,070 --> 00:22:00,403
Only guy who ever really
handed it to Boogaard.
538
00:22:00,436 --> 00:22:01,903
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
539
00:22:01,936 --> 00:22:04,603
All right, Brian McGrattan
and Shawn Thornton. Last call.
540
00:22:04,636 --> 00:22:05,770
Gail's orders.
541
00:22:05,803 --> 00:22:07,470
So you wanna grab
a few after this?
542
00:22:09,570 --> 00:22:11,803
Always follow a hick
to a second location.
543
00:22:11,836 --> 00:22:15,403
Don't... Don't fucking
make this weird.
544
00:22:15,436 --> 00:22:17,803
Um, look, I need to pay
for this. I got an idea.
545
00:22:19,403 --> 00:22:20,470
Pitter-Patter.
546
00:22:20,503 --> 00:22:22,536
Oh, Stewart,
don't try so hard.
547
00:22:22,570 --> 00:22:24,936
Glen, square up with you.
You can keep the change.
548
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:26,503
Mind if I grab a few
for the road?
549
00:22:26,536 --> 00:22:28,703
You're not driving
anywhere, Deryk Engelland.
550
00:22:28,736 --> 00:22:30,370
No, you are.
551
00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:34,303
(WHISTLING)
552
00:22:35,903 --> 00:22:38,303
Okay, I'll just get some beers
and meet you at the car.
553
00:22:43,067 --> 00:22:48,101
Okay, so before
the final roundel-lee-ler...
554
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,267
Uh, Gail?
What?
555
00:22:50,301 --> 00:22:51,734
Gotta pay to play.
556
00:22:55,801 --> 00:22:56,967
Mmm-hmm.
557
00:22:58,234 --> 00:22:59,934
Okay, that'll do it.
558
00:22:59,967 --> 00:23:02,934
Okay. Uh, now, as a policy,
559
00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:05,634
I like to leave before
the end of the event.
560
00:23:05,667 --> 00:23:09,734
That way, if any of youse
gets handsy when it isn't handy,
561
00:23:09,767 --> 00:23:12,101
and youse look like a handsy
bunch, I'm not liable.
562
00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:15,101
But can I just say this.
563
00:23:15,934 --> 00:23:19,101
Don't call me again, okay?
564
00:23:19,134 --> 00:23:23,734
I have heard conversations
about mitts and holes,
565
00:23:24,634 --> 00:23:25,934
and jerking off.
566
00:23:25,967 --> 00:23:29,801
I'm sorry. It's not who I am.
567
00:23:29,834 --> 00:23:31,901
And, uh, this whole thing,
568
00:23:31,934 --> 00:23:34,301
it's supposed to be
about lovel-lee-ler.
569
00:23:34,334 --> 00:23:39,234
And you's are cruising
to loosel-lee-ler.
570
00:23:39,267 --> 00:23:42,567
ALL: You'll never find love
if you're looking for it.
571
00:23:42,601 --> 00:23:44,901
It's when you're not looking...
572
00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:50,967
You're not even gonna try
to finish the sentence?
573
00:23:51,001 --> 00:23:52,701
Hmm?
574
00:23:52,734 --> 00:23:55,301
No? That's great. That's great.
575
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:57,301
You know what?
I don't even care, anyway.
576
00:23:57,334 --> 00:23:59,734
Good luck, fuckers.
577
00:23:59,767 --> 00:24:01,634
I don't give a shit
about this. I'm professional.
578
00:24:06,101 --> 00:24:09,101
Who would you rather
take down? Dax or Ron?
579
00:24:09,634 --> 00:24:10,734
Neither.
580
00:24:11,601 --> 00:24:13,801
Makes sense. You're straight.
581
00:24:13,834 --> 00:24:16,167
I'd just rather jerk off.
582
00:24:16,201 --> 00:24:18,967
How'd you like to pen up
with this old goat?
583
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:22,301
(SIGHS) You know what? Whatever.
584
00:24:22,334 --> 00:24:24,134
Whatever gets me out
of this whole Dax,
585
00:24:24,167 --> 00:24:26,901
Ron and Roald conversation.
586
00:24:26,934 --> 00:24:29,101
And whether or not
they're gonna take him down
587
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:33,067
is what everyone's on
about, so... God.
588
00:24:33,101 --> 00:24:34,134
Should we take him down?
589
00:24:34,167 --> 00:24:36,801
All warmed up and ready
to trot in from the bullpen.
590
00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:38,234
Playoff rules
in this series.
591
00:24:38,267 --> 00:24:39,734
You know what that means.
592
00:24:39,767 --> 00:24:40,901
Three-man rotation.
593
00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:47,967
BOTH: Roald?
594
00:24:49,334 --> 00:24:51,634
(GASPS) Forgive me.
595
00:24:53,801 --> 00:24:56,901
Well, someone found love
when they were looking for it.
596
00:24:56,934 --> 00:24:58,101
Waste of time.
597
00:25:00,001 --> 00:25:02,001
I don't care
what you wanna call it.
598
00:25:02,034 --> 00:25:04,201
Just whatever gets us past
this whole narrative.
599
00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:07,901
This whole "Dax and Ron taking
down ol' Roaldy" narrative.
600
00:25:07,934 --> 00:25:10,234
Didn't really get a lot
of praccy in, buddy.
601
00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:11,867
Yeah, I just kinda just got
to sit across
602
00:25:11,901 --> 00:25:13,201
from dudes all day, buddy.
603
00:25:13,234 --> 00:25:15,801
Did learn a few things, though.
Yeah? Like what?
604
00:25:15,834 --> 00:25:18,734
All butts are gay
but not all gays have butts.
605
00:25:20,134 --> 00:25:22,634
Nice, bro. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
606
00:25:23,601 --> 00:25:24,667
Yeah.
607
00:25:25,034 --> 00:25:25,967
Yeah.
608
00:25:26,001 --> 00:25:28,234
Not easy meetin' new gals
in a small town.
609
00:25:28,267 --> 00:25:30,934
I think you only finds love when
you're nots looksing fors it.
610
00:25:30,967 --> 00:25:32,201
I don't really know
what I expected.
611
00:25:32,234 --> 00:25:33,834
Well, you's can expect this.
612
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:36,867
From mes to youse.
Oh.
613
00:25:38,301 --> 00:25:39,934
I'm having the greatest
Valentime's
614
00:25:39,967 --> 00:25:41,067
of my life, good buddy.
615
00:25:41,801 --> 00:25:43,901
It's a beaver.
616
00:25:45,567 --> 00:25:46,701
Yeah.
617
00:25:46,734 --> 00:25:49,234
Happy Valentine's.
Thanks, good buddy.
618
00:25:49,267 --> 00:25:51,167
I wonder what
Wayne got up to?
619
00:25:51,201 --> 00:25:53,101
If he's lucky...
(CLICKING TONGUE)
620
00:25:54,967 --> 00:25:56,067
This thing on?
621
00:25:59,267 --> 00:26:01,234
Freddy Brathwaite.
Corey Hirsch.
622
00:26:01,267 --> 00:26:03,167
Darcy Wakaluk.
Robb Stauber.
623
00:26:03,201 --> 00:26:04,667
Daren Puppa.
624
00:26:04,701 --> 00:26:07,034
He ended up starting in Tampa.
You're right.
625
00:26:07,067 --> 00:26:08,601
Kay Whitmore.
WAYNE: Nice one.
626
00:26:11,567 --> 00:26:13,501
Nice one, Iafrate.
627
00:26:16,834 --> 00:26:17,967
Nice one, MacInnis.
628
00:26:18,001 --> 00:26:19,634
Everyone spent the day
looking for love
629
00:26:19,667 --> 00:26:21,201
at speed dating
except these two.
630
00:26:21,234 --> 00:26:22,701
And lookie here what happened.
631
00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:25,201
I guess it goes
to show you...
632
00:26:25,234 --> 00:26:26,934
You're never gonna find love
when you're looking for it.
633
00:26:26,967 --> 00:26:28,834
WAYNE: Heads up!
It's when... (SCREAMS)
634
00:26:29,734 --> 00:26:31,267
Wayne, I wasn't looking!
635
00:26:31,301 --> 00:26:32,967
Look, if you're gonna
come to the game,
636
00:26:33,001 --> 00:26:34,234
you keep your eye
on the puck.
637
00:26:34,267 --> 00:26:35,567
You don't wanna
get dinged.
638
00:26:35,601 --> 00:26:37,167
Great advice
from another tough guy.
639
00:26:37,201 --> 00:26:39,034
Don Cherry.
Let's go.
640
00:26:39,067 --> 00:26:39,901
I don't know much about
hockey ball,
641
00:26:39,934 --> 00:26:41,267
but I don't
think this is the game.
642
00:26:41,301 --> 00:26:43,134
Thank you for the tip, Wayne.
643
00:26:43,167 --> 00:26:44,934
Oh, and thank you
for the tip at the bar.
644
00:26:44,967 --> 00:26:46,634
Mwah. Bless you.
You tipped?
645
00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:48,267
What do you mean?
You tipped the waitress?
646
00:26:48,301 --> 00:26:50,167
I tipped Glen, yeah.
How much?
647
00:26:50,201 --> 00:26:51,934
20%.
648
00:26:51,967 --> 00:26:53,267
How much would
you have tipped?
649
00:26:53,301 --> 00:26:55,834
Zero percent.
Zero percent?
650
00:26:55,867 --> 00:26:57,001
I don't tip.
651
00:26:57,034 --> 00:26:58,734
You don't tip your server?
652
00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:00,934
Um, I've been
to Australia, okay?
653
00:27:02,734 --> 00:27:05,201
I'm... Part Australian?
654
00:27:07,201 --> 00:27:08,434
STEWART: Ow!
655
00:27:08,467 --> 00:27:11,267
Yeah, I guess it's about time
a horn sounded on this thing.
656
00:27:11,301 --> 00:27:13,234
Okay, let's go. I'm cold.
657
00:27:14,034 --> 00:27:16,901
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
658
00:27:16,951 --> 00:27:21,501
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