Original subtitles

( audience cheering )

ROBIN: I don't talk to no pretty women when I'm on the road.

Hard to get along with.

You know, pretty women are hard to get along with.

An ugly woman easy.

You know, they don't want no trouble, you know.

( audience laughs ) I'm serious.

They doin' their thing, cook all night for you.

And I have bad luck with women, y'all don't know.

( scattered cheers ) Oh, man, you don't know.

You meet one with their kids, they-- You can't even get none.

Go over girl's house, what, 4 in the morning.

4:00 in the morning, little kids still up.

AUDIENCE: BeBe!

Drinking coffee and taking NoDoz.

( audience laughs )

You start yawning, they going to look at your ass,

talking about, "Can't hang, huh?"

We... BeBe's kids.

ROBIN: We don't die, we...

AUDIENCE: multiply.

( "Tear It Up" by Immature playing )

Tear it up, you know we going to tear it up *

Tear it up, you know we going to tear it up *

Tear it up, you know we going to tear it up *

Tear it up, you know we going to tear it up *

Tear it up, you know we going to tear it up *

I went to pick her up the next day,

and here she got four more kids.

I said, uh--

( audience laughs )

"Who kids are them?"

She said, "Those are BeBe's kids."

ROBIN: Those are BeBe's kids.

( "Tear It Up" by Immature playing )

Tear it up, you know we're going to tear it up *

Tear it up, you know we're going to tear it up *

People always peepin' our sound *

Cause we're 9 years old and wiser than our years *

We always do what people don't expect *

But after Marq we don't regret *

Some guy out there, some white guy out there

thought they were my-- My kids.

That's what made me mad.

( with white accent ): "Bro, brother, uh...

"Bro-ham?"

( audience laughs )

"Uh, tell me, are those your kids?"

( normal voice ): "No, no way. Ain't none of them my kids.

"Them BeBe's kids."

( "Tear It Up" instrumental playing )

( all scream )

( police siren approaching )

( car crashes )

Rip it up, tear it up, no it doesn't matter what is *

'Cause these kids are a little bad bunch *

Here they come, like a bomb hope you're ready though *

Cause the tre from L.A. ain't no joke *

Marq, the Don Don't forget Jerome *

Three bad brothers Got it goin' on, huh *

Here's the flava nothin' can save ya *

When they're on their worst behavior *

Ain't nobody can't nobody fade this *

Immature *

Ain't nobody can't nobody, ain't nobody *

And I went to turn the radio on, man,

they tried to take my radio while I'm listening to it.

ROBIN: Little girl said, "Put the radio back,

"you know damn well we can't get rid of no more 8-track.

"Put it back."

( "8 a.m. Blues" by Scott Shelly playing )

I've been keepin' my cool *

But tonight I'm going to let my hair down *

And step-out with these down-home blues *

BARTENDER: You cannot eat hot links on the bar.

Hey, mister, that beer has been here

since 12:00 this afternoon.

You either order again or you got to go. I'm sorry.

I got some money-spending people coming in here.

I gotta make some room in here.

All these lowlife deadbeats ain't never spending--

Hey. If you don't go somewhere and sit down,

I'm going to knock you down, you know that?

You about to get on my last nerve.

( kissing )

Ah!

Hm!

What's wrong, Robin?

Woman trouble?

( groans )

Get it off your chest.

I don't want to talk about it right now.

Come on, man, you'll feel better.

Come on, boy, get it off your chest.

I-I don't want to talk about it right now.

Man, you can't walk around with problems staying inside you.

The best thing to do is let it out.

You'll feel better.

N-not right now. I really ain't got nothing to say.

All right.

All right.

I knew she was trouble.

I should have known it when I met her.

It was at a funeral.

Ughhh.

WOMAN ( sobbing ): Oh, Lord!

MAN: He going to be all right. He all right with me.

You love him.

Oh, Walter!

ROBIN: Everybody was there.

Because everybody was glad he was dead.

MAN 2: He was about 4-feet-3.

He wore those high-heeled shoes all the time.

MAN 3: He was about 5-feet-6,

but when that truck hit him, kinda cut him down a little bit.

Oh!

ROBIN: Look at this brick house.

Damn!

She so fine, she make you wanna get a job.

With benefits!

Mm-mm, mm-mm!

( gagging )

( coughing )

MAN: Let's play the game, man.

MAN 2: I'm playing the game, man, you just looking to hit.

Hit that! Just drop something down!

I don't know-- In Beverly Hills, we don't play that.

I'm going to take all your money, that's what I'll do.

( laughing ): That boy is crazy, ain't he crazy?

Look who just walked in here.

Hey, Robin. Come over here, man.

You've been working last week.

Come on, lose some of that money.

Oh, no. Only way I'd lose money to y'all,

if I had a hole in my pocket.

Then sit down and quit trying to look at everybody's hand.

Shut up, old fat fool. Look at you.

You know, you so big you don't know

if you're walking or rolling.

I'm not fat. I'm pleasantly plump.

I keep telling you that.

Boy, I'm so glad that damn Walter is dead.

Who ain't? The only reason his widow is over there crying,

is because he didn't leave her no life insurance.

( all laugh )

Don't be shameless, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to hear that, because he died owing me money again.

Shoot, Walter owed everybody money.

Let me tell y'all something about Walter.

That Walter was so cheap, he wouldn't spend a lovely evening.

( all laugh )

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Ooh, who's that girl in that black dress?

Good God almighty. Mm-mmm-mmmm.

ALL: Which one?

With the braids. Have mercy.

Oh, her? She was Walter's secretary.

CARD PLAYER 2: I'll bet she can't type a stroke.

RUDY: Type?

I don't think she had to type.

( laughs )

Hey, Rudy. Uh, ain't your wife a secretary?

Y'all stop this stuff now,

I'm trying to win this game.

Uh-oh. Shh, shh.

Here she comes.

RUDY: Y'all ever notice that Walter smelled?

CARD PLAYER 1: I smelled him with--

CARD PLAYER 2: That new deodorant on him.

RUDY: I think it's called formaldehyde.

( arguing indistinctly )

You sure look good in black, baby!

( sighs )

Mm-mmm-mmm-mmmm.

She puts me in the mind of Players magazine.

Nineteen seventy-three.

Pam Grier issue.

( all hooting )

I'll never forget that one.

That's the one, that's the one.

I know it's hard now.

If you need me, call me.

Okay? All right.

Hey, look here y'all, I gotta go.

Because while I'll be at work tomorrow,

y'all be in a bed dreaming about a job.

At least we be dreaming.

We ain't going to be hauling nobody else's trash.

That's for sure.

You know, I like funerals. I'm glad I went to a funeral.

I'll be glad when I go to yours.

( romantic R&B music playing )

Uh, excuse me, miss. I didn't catch your name.

Didn't throw it.

Well, my name is Robin.

Robin. Hm.

That explains the red vest.

Huh? Oh, like the bird.

( whispering ): That's kinda cute.

A little festive for this event, though.

Shoot, I don't care nothing about no Walter.

I could have come to Walter's funeral in my drawers.

Pretty late for a woman to be catching the bus all alone.

Do you need a ride?

No, thank you.

I have a car.

Well, mind giving me one, then?

( "Standing on the Rock" by Aretha Franklin playing )

Well, that sure was a nice funeral, wasn't it?

Well, that sure is a good sign,

you feel comfortable enough to give me a ride,

even though you don't know a damn thing about me.

Because I could be crazy, you know.

I hate doing a favor for somebody

who make you wanna take it back.

You know, like when you give somebody a ride,

and they got a warrant out on them.

( brakes screech ) Hey, what--? Hey.

Tell a brother buckle up first.

You trying to tell me something with that story?

I'm just trying to tell you a funny story.

Trying to amuse you.

But you're trying to kill me in this little thing.

( giggles ): Sorry. You made me nervous.

Well, you ain't the only one.

( gagging )

( high-pitched voice ): So, what's your name?

She said she had to pick up her son at the babysitter.

And I asked why didn't she just have

her husband to watch the kids.

After all, a good father should be wanting to spend

some quality time with his kids.

When that becomes your business, I'll ask your advice.

She said she was divorced.

Once I saw the kid...

( Robin laughs ) Mommy!

...I knew I had it made.

Because you know I'm good with kids.

Hey, little buddy,

what did you do tonight, huh?

Man, I don't even know you.

Leon.

Sorry. We watched videos.

Oh, I got a movie you should watch next time.

It's called Dolemite. And it's about these pimps--

Now, why... do you think

I'm going to let my son see one of those killer pimp movies?

Oh, you must not have seen Dolemite,

because that movie will teach you to appreciate poetry.

( clears throat ) ( drums playing )

Way down In the jungle deep

ALL: The badass lion stepped on The signifying monkey's feet

Dolemite, my man.

You know, that's romantic.

ROBIN: Anyway.

I could tell he was a nice kid,

but she was sheltering him a little too much.

But she couldn't help but see how good we was getting along.

( snoring )

So, um, Dakota Staton's playing

down at the Regal Room next Friday.

And I would love for you to come with me.

But I wouldn't know what to call you.

Jamika.

Oh, Jamika.

So how does Dakota at the Regal sound?

And find a babysitter on a Friday night?

If you want to get better acquainted with me and my son,

you should take us somewhere more appropriate,

like, um... uh...

...oh, Fun World.

ROBIN: Fun World? ( gasps )

Yeah.

So I said, "No problem. I'll pick y'all up Saturday at 10.

No.

( smooching sounds )

( grunts )

Y'all know me, I--

I'm an old-fashioned type of guy.

I didn't have to get a kiss that night.

LADY DRUNK: Yeah, that night.

But wait till he spends some money.

( "Your Love Keeps Working on Me"

by Joey Diggs plays on radio )

I don't know what you're doing here *

When I think I do *

Girl, I'm sad again *

I don't know what you're doing here *

But I gotta tell you, girl *

Your love be personal to me *

ROBIN: Look at this cheap thing.

So I goes to pick her up the next day.

( tires screech )

She got three more kids with her.

Uh...

W-w-what's this? What's this?

These are children.

Oh, wait. You said you had a kid.

These are BeBe's kids.

This is LaShawn.

Oh, critter number one.

( clang ) Ow!

I ought to beat the...

Oh.

JAMIKA: This is Kahlil. ROBIN: What's up, little--?

What's up? Kind of militant.

You a Farra-Chaka Khan?

Come on man, give it up.

Okay. That's Okay. Oh-- Hey!

Man, you don't know how to shake?

I said...

That's pitiful. Old man like you.

Why-- Look at this.

Look like a broken-down spring.

I ought to slap you with the two fingers I got left.

I tell you it's nothing-- Oh!

What the--?

And this is little Pee Wee.

Pee Wee, the O.G.

O.G.? I'll slap my F-O-O-T in your B-U-T.

Oh, my goodness. Those aren't double-knit pants, are they?

Trying to bring it back, huh?

( sniffs )

What is this?

So where's BeBe?

She went downtown.

So how come she didn't take her little tribe with her?

Don't worry about it,

she left $20 to get her kids into Fun World.

BeBe left $20.

Twenty dollars ain't enough gas to put in my car.

He don't look too happy to see us, do he, LaShawn?

She left $20 here,

for me to take these 80 kids out.

Ain't that a--

Come on, Robin. The kids can't wait.

I can't either.

This going to be fun.

LASHAWN: Hey, you wet dog,

look at me when I'm talking to you.

LEON: I'm not even bothering you,

why don't you leave me alone?

Look at me when I'm trying to talk to you,

I know you're trying to ignore me.

( laughs )

I don't want to sit by you anyway.

I don't want to sit by you, either.

Uhh...

( laughs )

LASHAWN: Wet dog!

( squeak )

Look at me when I'm talking to you!

I know you trying to ignore me!

Hey, look. What's up with all those...?

Ma! Don't be a tattletale.

And make us lose the little respect that we do have for you.

What's wrong, Leon?

Nothing.

Ow!

Ow, man, why you always messing with me?

Because she like you. I do not.

It's just because-- She thinks you cute.

I ain't going with no little runt like Leon.

She can't wait for you to grow up.

I had enough of you.

Hey, break it up back there!

Hey, don't worry, honey.

Once we get there, everything will be just fine.

Just fine.

( car horns honking, drivers yelling )

( smooth R&B flavored theme playing )

Come on, Leon. Wake up, sweetie. We almost here.

Wake up, kids.

Robin, you can slow down now, we're here.

Robin!

Robin, wake up!

( tires screech )

( yells )

OFFICER: Thank you, ma'am. You have a fun time, now.

( clears throat ): Step out of the car.

Now, sir, you came to quite an abrupt stop.

Carrying any illegal substances?

Concealed fruits? Hey! Hey!

Vegetables?

No, I left that at home with the gun.

Stay right there.

Trying to make me feel like a king, huh?

Everyone's king at Fun World, sir.

Mm-hm.

Don't even try it.

( blow raspberries )

POLICE OFFICER: God, I hate kids.

VOICE OVER P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls, welcome to Fun World.

Thirty-five dollars?

That's for the whole group, right? Dang...

One, two, three, four, five. God...

Jamika, give me that $20 BeBe left.

Say.

Well, look what we have here.

Are you starting trouble?

Definitely a troublemaker.

He's a 4-15 in progress.

Man, back off my tip. I was just getting a drink of water.

Watch that hostile attitude.

We'll ask the questions, kid.

What's this on your hat?

It looks like some sort of gang insignia.

Look, I ain't in no gang, now give me back my hat.

I said, give me back my hat!

Ow!

You just remember,

we'll be watching you.

You troublemaker delinquent.

Hundred ninety-seven...

ninety-eight...

ninety-nine...

two hundred!

Don't act like you don't want it.

What do you say to Mr. Harris, kids?

F... Thank you.

Here are your tickets, programs, maps,

senior-citizen discount cards, tennis shoes, a basketball,

mugs, decals, bumper stickers, coupons, napkins,

swizzle sticks, visor, sweat band and a T-shirt.

Please familiarize and observe the rules while in Fun World.

No running, no jumping, no yelling,

no cutting in line, no grumbling, no stealing.

That means you.

No breaking things and putting them back like nothing happened.

No sad faces, bad attitudes, introspective moments,

irritation at the mindless happiness of the masses.

And...

no littering.

Is that clear?

Enjoy your stay.

All right now, don't run around and work up an appetite.

'Cause I ain't feeding you little heathens.

And don't touch a damn thing!

( children chatter indistinctly )

( "I Ain't Havin' It" by Faizon Love plays )

Found mine.

How come we can't never find our names?

Yeah, I know four girls named LaShawn.

How come we don't have a license plate?

Kahlil? ( whooping )

Who the kind of kids that never been no where? *

'Cause BeBe taught ya'll you just don't care *

The case is clear that you don't know how to act *

But you better learn quick or I'll take you right back *

I'm not havin' you run around here like some heathens *

If you thinkin' 'bout growlin' I'm a think about leavin' *

The day just started and I'm tired of this *

I'm not your daddy, and I ain't havin' it *

VOICE OVER P.A.: Warning. You have activated a maximum-security system.

Do not panic.

( alarm beeping )

Ahh!

( screaming )

( grunts )

( huffing )

( sounds of bullets ricocheting )

( indistinct commotion )

You want to start a fight? I'm ready for war *

I'll pack your rusty butts back in the car *

Roll up the windows with no air conditioning *

Blackin' out from the heat *

And you're all goin' be wishin' *

That you never, ever, thought of that *

Actin' the fool and showin' off *

So when I say stop ya'll better quit *

I'm not your daddy, and I ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

( yelling )

( alarm wailing )

Excuse me, sir,

but I have to charge you for the items

your kids manhandled in the store.

Oh, where did Pee Wee go?

I ain't saying jack.

Oh, you ain't going to talk, huh? Come here you little--!

You don't tell me where your little brother is,

I'll beat the black off you.

You going to look lighter than Michael Jackson.

So where is he? Where is he?

( glass shatters )

Now, I'm not the one you want to try *

I'll spank your behind and make your behind cry *

You'll get no appeals, bargains or pleas *

Don't care if your sorry, or begging on your knees *

Not a threat, not a promise, but a natural fact *

I ain't your daddy, and I ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

He ain't havin' it *

( roller coaster whirrs, patrons shriek )

But we was just playing.

Other kids are playing too.

Start up again, I'm going to drop you

like a bad habit. You hear that?

CHILDREN: Yeah.

Test-tube baby.

Can we eat? Man, I'm hungry.

We were too excited to have breakfast.

Yeah, that's it.

BeBe don't keep nothing in her fridge.

( growls )

I tell you, Jamika, that BeBe, she's getting on my nerves.

I ain't even met the child.

Look at these poor children. Look at them, starving.

They be better off in Ethiopia.

CHILDREN: Mama said knock you out *

I'm going to knock you out *

Mama said knock you out *

Hello, Robin. Long time, no see.

Hi, Dorothea.

I been meaning to call you, but my phone got shut off.

Funny, I always get your machine when I call.

Oh, I can get incoming, but I just can't dial out.

Don't worry. I'm not going to sweat you

for my alimony check.

I'm just here to have fun. Just like you.

Oh, Robin. This is my friend Vivian.

Oh, Lord, not another one.

Damn.

Quite an appetite you got there.

Oh, yeah, well, you know, I came with some people.

Well, that was quick. Was I so...

Dorothea.

I gotta go. Food's getting cold.

Food ain't the only thing cold around here.

You know he still love you.

Hm.

Was she born to torture me? Look at her.

Can't even wear high-heel shoes.

Just sliding and sliding all over the place.

Smoke coming out, look like a train coming down a aisle.

I remember one time she went into Lane Bryant.

"I would like to see something to fit me."

Sales lady looked at her, said, "Me too."

ROBIN: Seeing that skeezer made me feel

even better about being with Jamika.

She's about something.

But what about the kids?

The kids? You kidding me?

Those kids must have missed a few meals.

They were eating so fast

I had to spit on my food to keep them from taking mine.

Sorry about that there.

So then I took them on the scariest ride in the park.

And that kept them behaved.

( patrons screaming )

( crash )

Yes! Yeah!

( cheers )

No. No. No. No!

( screaming )

( sniffs )

Y'all smell something?

Pee Wee, is that you?

Jamika, this is the last time I take you...

and these crazy kids...

anywhere!

Slow down, slow down, slow down.

LASHAWN: Bye, Leon.

ROBIN: Hey, this is-- this is fun, right?

( clacking )

Okay, you can pull the cord now.

The cord. Pee Wee!

You mean this cord right here?

( screaming )

LASHAWN: What's the matter? Can't hang?

( Leon vomits )

( wincing )

PEE WEE: Aw, dang.

I'm just glad it didn't happen on the roller coaster,

because you would have got me too.

Thank you, Mr. Harris. Oh, you welcome, son.

Just lay off them chili dogs.

Come on, boy. Clay, Kyle, whatever your name is, you next.

Father faker.

Since the kids started acting civilized,

we let them go off on their own.

And me and Jamika took a little boat trip.

Mama, I want to go with you.

You can't be with us now, sweetie.

Now, just run along and play with your friends.

Friends?

Those are not my friends.

I hate when you babysit BeBe's kids.

Why couldn't we go to Fun World alone?

Oh, honey.

Leon, come here.

Now, I know you don't like BeBe's kids.

I don't like them kids either.

But you all don't have to like each other.

But they do have to respect you.

Now, that's something I can't make them do, Leon.

You have to do it for yourself.

How do I get respect? Easy.

Don't worry about what they think about you.

Just do what you do best,

and then you'll win respect on your own terms.

That's it? Yeah.

Oh, and one other thing.

If you get into a fight, don't fight fair.

Get a brick and knock the hell out of them kids.

JAMIKA: Robin, I heard you.

All right, little man. Have a good time.

And remember what I said.

Bye, Mama.

Thanks, Mr. Harris.

I don't mean to get in your business,

but maybe you should sign Leon up for some karate classes.

That boy kind of soft.

BARKER: Step right up, young fellow.

Give it a good hit, now.

( crowd laughs )

If that's the best you can do,

you'll have to come back in a couple years.

Come on now, move along. Move along.

Who will be next to test their strength? Step right up.

LASHAWN: Look who's back. Little Leon.

Welcome back, weenie.

Oh, yeah, here he is, the weenie man.

You ready?

I thought you was going to hang around your mama leg all day.

At least my mama's here. Ooh...

Well, your mama ain't going to be here to catch you

when I knock you out, so you better watch your mouth

because you're talking about our mama.

Yeah. What's up with that, man?

( squeaks )

VOICE OVER P.A.: Hey, kids! Time for another Cartoon Cavalcade

at Fun World Playhouse on Flea Street.

With plenty of free popcorn.

Come on, let's get a good seat.

Don't try to change the subject.

So, what up with that? Y'all going to scrap or give a hug?

Go on, kiss her.

We got them good.

Look at that expression on her face.

Mack daddy, Leon.

Oh, yeah, player of the year.

You got it going on, baby, like no other.

You guys play too much, man.

I'm going to get you guys,

you know I don't like kissing boys.

( screaming )

I'm going to get you two.

No wonder they going so much faster.

Get some of this food off the boat.

Well, I need it to live.

Get that chicken out your purse.

You really have been sweet with the kids today, Robin.

Jamika, is BeBe your sister? No.

Is she your cousin? Unh-unh.

Is her man your loan shark?

BeBe is a friend.

Shoot, I would want somebody to help me

if I had problems like she does.

They got correctional facilities for problems like that, Jamika.

They just need a strong man in their life.

You got any kids? Nope.

Ever been married? Next question.

Do you want kids?

Hell, no!

Especially if they turn out to be like BeBe's kids.

But you know, you're really good with them.

Not that I like you for the kids.

I like you.

Mm-hm.

Sometimes it just don't seem like the right things

happen to the right people.

Or the right people just don't be

at the right place at the right time.

Yeah, like the white people on Arsenio's band.

Robin, I mean BeBe. Hold up, Jamika.

That's enough talk about BeBe.

I only know one thing.

I'm definitely in the right place,

at the right time.

Right now.

Just scoot them baby hips over.

Boy, you crazy.

( "All My Love" by Phil Perry and Renee Diggs plays )

Oh, the funniest sensation *

We been here just like this before *

If this is any indication *

Of a future, I want more *

Now I don't have a lot to give you *

I ain't putting on no airs *

But if you'll just let me be with you *

Love has returns we can share *

Because we got so much in common *

We could be two of a kind *

No matter how the chips may fall *

Like a puzzle on a table *

Like a hand in glove, we fit together *

I'm going to give you all my love *

From the stars up above *

I'm going to give you all my love *

Just you baby *

It's got to be you *

You know you're all I'm thinking of *

I'm going to give you all my love *

Oh, God, the feeling * Oh, God the feeling, baby *

If you got the time *

If you got the time *

For the love revealing *

Concealing nothing *

True happiness we will find *

Going to give you all my love *

My love, my love *

PEE WEE: Hey, y'all can't leave me, the little O.G.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, man, are you out of your mind?

Hey Kahlil, over here.

( blows raspberry )

( blows raspberry )

Hey, up here. Down here.

Hey, Pee Wee, I froze you.

It's too hot to stay froze.

Oh, I see a popsicle coming now.

( gasps )

Where are your parents?

Yeah. Your mommy and daddy.

Where you think they at?

Over your parents' house playing pinochle.

Another smart remark and you'll be ejected from Fun World.

Understand?

Unsupervised minors are prohibited from engaging

in unauthorized leisure activities.

Yeah, no laying around. Shut up.

I do all the talking. All right.

We weren't in anybody's way, okay?

The issue is not obstruction of walkways.

Oh, so you trying to say we can't play freeze tag?

Correct. However, we have a variety of engrossing...

Yeah, real scary.

...exhibits designed for your age demographic.

Allow me to escort you to my personal favorite.

Follow him. Get your hands off me.

Let's go, people.

Safety first. Strap them in tighter.

Good night, Gracie. All clear here.

We're on our way back to headquarters.

Everything is A-okay.

( train whistle blows )

( "Fools and All Their Money" by Dan Wilson plays )

Thunder turns on a basic assumption *

Moving, time after time *

Family dysfunction and compulsive consumption *

Are two sides of the same dime *

If our hand in your pants feels like a grand presumption *

That's where our fortune is found *

Because fools and all their money *

Make Fun World go 'round *

Overpriced merchandise galore *

Leave your wallet with us at the door *

Don't come out until you buy some more *

More, more, more, more *

The power of suggestion cannot be ignored *

So the saying goes *

And the carrot is mightier than the sword *

When it hangs in front of your nose *

We hope it's a carrot that you can afford *

Halt. No one under 17 admitted without parent or guardian.

( Fun World theme ends, hip-hop plays )

( cheering )

Just as I suspected. Just as we suspected.

Get those kids! Oh, no!

Whoa!

GUARD: My back!

KAHLIL: Way to go, Leon.

Yeah, I knew you had it in you.

I knew you had a little BeBe in you.

Oops.

( cheering )

All right!

Wow. Who are you guys?

We BeBe's kids.

BeBe's kids?

Yeah. We don't die, we multiply.

All right. Who's he?

He's just a punk. Man, I ain't no punk.

Oh, so you down, then? Yeah. For whatever.

Hey, yo. Can we be BeBe's kids?

No, punk. But you can hang with us for a while.

Yeah, all right. That's cool, dude.

What's your name, man?

My name's Winthrop.

Winthrop?

( chuckles ): No, man, we calling you Opie.

My name's Richie. Like the comic book Richie?

Damn, you guys got some corny names.

What's your name?

I'm the jaw breaker, the candy taker *

And if I skip school I'm the flufaker *

Original man in a strange land *

You never saw my butt on American Bandstand *

The MC's name is Kahlil *

And if you can't spell it you never will *

Allah the provider for the flavor you're lacking*

But if you stop my flow start straight jacking *

Look.

Straight jacking *

Straight, straight straight jacking *

I'm LaShawn, no, not Latifah *

Demanding the mike just like Aretha *

Cute little girl but I fight like a man *

I even made Iron Mike Tyson say "Damn!" *

LaShawn, Kahlil and Pee Wee want R-E-S-P-E-C-T *

Never slipping, or sliding, no macking or slacking *

BeBe's kids, straight jacking*

We've got an assault on characters in Section Five.

VOICE: Order received.

Shorty, the O.G. with all the clout *

Lip smacking for what's under the blouse *

Three years old and still drinking Similac *

You smack me and I'll smack you back, punk *

So now it's time for me to straight jack y'all *

And get busy like Arsenio Hall *

Taking a dump can be so relaxing *

( groans ) Straight jacking *

Hi, boys and girls, I'm Rodney Rodent.

And I'm Tommy Toad. How are you doing today?

It goes three for the treble and two for the bass *

We're BeBe's kids and we're wrecking this place *

Now all bad kids seem to always get spanked *

But try that with us and you might get ganked *

Release the balloons and act real funny *

As we ride rides and Robin spends money *

To my posse won't be no attacking *

Hey, yo *

We ain't wild * We're straight jacking *

Yo, they trying to get away.

Rush them.

TOMMY TOAD: Rodney, come on. Let's get out of here.

You're on your own, Rodney.

Let go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

CHILDREN: Yay, Rodney!

Yay, Rodney!

( panicked muttering )

Oh, not the feet. I've only got two of them.

( Toad screams )

Yeah, these'll work. We can use these to go swimming.

Look, there they are.

5-0. Run.

Fun World.

Come back here, you little scum-buckets.

I'm going to get you.

Oh, Robin. It looks like there's some trouble.

Trouble? Girl, you from Compton.

That ain't no kind of trouble.

Maybe, we should find the kids and make sure they're safe.

Them kids all right, girl.

Shoot. I feel sorry for trouble if it runs into them kids.

( cheering )

Hide!

Hey, y'all, wait for me.

( panting )

KID: Look out! Behind you!

Run. Look at them. Look at them.

Where's them cops now? Put that down.

Thank God they white.

( guards panting )

There they are.

Come on, I think they're still behind us.

This way, Richie. Get in.

RIDE ANNOUNCER: Please, walk to your cars

and secure your seat belts immediately.

GUARD: Ever hear of the Alamo?

Get your muskets ready, Davy Crockett.

How long could we keep this up?

Until BeBe's kids show up again, and they'll know what to do.

Look out, there's one over there.

Look out behind you.

GUARD 1: Oh, my aching old back. GUARD 2: My glasses.

He's going down the court, just going...

Boy, you're so crazy.

I ain't lying. Would you try to stop them?

I'm going to the ladies' room.

I'll be right back.

Don't get lost, my little chitlin snaps.

Girl, you been walking slow all day. What's your problem?

My man Robin came over last night.

You mean Robin Harris? Ain't but one.

You see I got bags under my eyes

big enough to carry $50 worth of groceries.

How come y'all didn't stay married?

Oh, he's good to me, but he's so mean to the kids.

Is he cheap? Is he?

He turned Muslim last December so he wouldn't

have to give Christmas presents.

That's a damn shame.

And he's so quick to hit somebody.

Then he don't wanna pay the dental bill.

I don't know what to say. You shouldn't be with that man.

I know, I shouldn't.

But, girl, I can't help it, because I love him.

You love him? Mm-hm.

Girl, I don't believe what you just did.

Did we psyche her out or what?

Did you see her face?

I know! I know! Girl, I ain't seen nobody that mad

since I saw Robin in divorce court.

Hey, sweet thing. Where you been?

Where I been is talking to some of your friends.

My friends?

And where were you last night?

You act like you know already. What's wrong with you?

Don't act like something's wrong with me.

You the one with the problem.

Now, how much time we got until we meet up with the kids again?

Well, we got just enough time...

Oh, my God... Robikins.

Get away. Get away from here.

Leave. Please leave.

Guess what? We got just enough time

to go check out Futureville.

I bet you it ain't got no black people in it.

You going to act like that didn't happen? What?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I thought you was in a downwind.

I had a couple of burritos, and you know...

Robin, don't try to change the subject.

I knew she wasn't going to leave me alone.

So I'm trying to figure out what's worse,

telling a pretty lie or the ugly truth.

Beauty's only skin deep.

Yeah, but ugly is to the bone.

MAN: Amen, brother.

ROBIN: I hate it when a woman says:

Just tell me the truth. I won't get upset.

Because she's lying. And she don't wanna hear the truth.

If you tell her the truth she's going to get mad.

So I told her:

That's my landlady. The old snaggletoothed heifer.

Spending all my rent money on that cotton candy

when she knows she needs to be fixing my refrigerator.

( chair squeaks )

Wait, wait. Jamika, come on, now.

Jamika!

( park powers down )

Hey. Yo, you always trying to leave the little O.G.

Hey, man, yo.

Come back here with my brother.

ROBOT: Humans are not allowed here.

Give him back, and we'll leave. Give my little brother back.

You better not be rolling nowhere with my brother, man.

He attacked one of our models. He will be punished.

He must not know who he's messing with.

Hey, tin man, haven't you heard of BeBe's--

( growls )

( screams )

( gasps )

( sniffs )

Run, Pee Wee, he's got the scent of your diaper.

What's going on here?

Shoo. Move along. Get.

Hey, you there. What do you want?

You're in America, son.

That's not the way we do things around here.

Every man has a right to a fair trial.

Word.

So how about it? Give a brother a fair shot.

If my robotic brethren agree, a trial will commence.

Hear ye, hear ye.

The robots versus Kahlil Wooten. The charge is assault.

The prosecution may present their case.

You know, it's been a long time

since I've been in a courtroom as a lawyer,

but the evidence of this heinous crime is so irrefutable.

Exhibit one, please.

ROBOT NIXON: Now this is videotape

from one of the security cameras

in the Fun World exhibit.

Oh, man, cold busted.

I told you that stupid bad attitude

would get you in trouble, Kahlil.

Do me a favor man, Leon, before they fry me, drop dead.

Any of you who knows the importance

of law and order will vote guilty.

( cheering )

For the defense, Abraham Lincoln.

Don't slip up, Abe.

Pass the mashed potatoes, dear, will you?

Is this a pork gravy, dear? Or is this...?

ROBIN: Here it comes. I'm just waiting for her to ask me.

Robin, who was that, really?

You mean the one over there with the orange perm

and the spandex.

That's Dorothea. That's my ex-wife.

Lips so big, ChapStick had to make a spray.

I know I should have told you in the first place,

but I'm embarrassed by that girl.

I guess that's why you only see her at night, huh?

At night? I'm trying not to see her for the rest of my life!

That's not what I heard. Shh.

Sprung a leak, cuz?

What you mean, "heard"?

Did she talk to you or something?

Uh-huh.

Well, we going to settle this now. Right now!

Each of you must ask yourself:

Are we petty, vengeful humans

or logical, moral machines?

Then pass judgment.

Your Honor, the defense rests.

What say you all?

ROBOTS: Death. Death. Death.

( dark hip-hop beat plays )

Wait a minute. Listen up.

Oh, no, don't help me, Leon.

All they were going to do before was kill me.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court *

You're about to witness a brand-new sport *

Where you're on the offense and I'm on the defense *

So let's see if we can make some sense *

Kahlil is a rebel without a pause *

He's a victim of your unjust laws *

Fun World is no real fun for him *

It seems so whack, so bland, so grim *

Freedom is a concept designed for every race *

Follow it and Kahlil might own this place *

He'd change the name and change the feel *

Imagine "Def World" with your host Kahlil *

Where Carter sells peanuts and Nixon fresh lemonade *

And even old Abe will sport a hightop fade *

Remember every great leader broke the rules *

Made up by fools give Kahlil the tools he needs *

Freedom, freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Who are y'all to tell me I ain't civilized *

Don't give us laws give us the right to live our lives *

At least I go out and get what's coming *

Because BeBe's kids ain't known for running *

So come on down even if you're abused *

You robots are all right until you blow a fuse *

Y'all say I'm wild but I'm only a child *

What BeBe's kids really need is freedom *

Freedom, freedom *

Freedom!

Now it's time to rest my case *

And get the verdict face to face *

Wave your hands so we can see them *

Wave your hands like you don't need them *

If you believe Kahlil is right somebody say freedom *

Freedom, freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Freedom *

Oh, girl, you got to try on this blush.

I got enough makeup.

Now, you stop it, now. I look good.

Yeah, but you got to put these big red circles on your cheeks.

Make them look like targets.

I don't wanna look like Shirley Temple.

Now, move girl, ain't you done yet? Let's go.

In a minute.

Ain't nobody looking at you. Come on.

Uh-oh.

JAMIKA: That's them. I can tell by them Lee Press-On toenails.

ROBIN: Look who's with her.

Old Vivian with the skippys with the broke-down back.

Give me a break.

Hmph. I see some women can't do anything without a man.

Why you lie on me? Don't you know this kind of game

only brings me and Jamika closer

and guarantees that you and I never get together again. Never!

For me to lie on you I'd have to care about you

and believe me, I don't give a damn about neither one y'all.

Ain't that a--

That's why I wear my ring on the wrong finger,

because I married the wrong woman.

Hair look like the back of a toaster.

Your mama.

My mama? Yeah, your whole family.

Ain't that a-- Look at you.

Your mama so old, she was there the first day of slavery.

Your mama so old, she's older than your grandmamma.

Your mama so fat, she on both sides of the family.

Your mama's so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Ain't that a-- Your mama so dumb,

they told her it was chilly outside,

she went and got a bowl.

( laughs )

You ready to go, baby? Come on, let's get out of here.

I think it's time to flush and leave.

You can have him. I don't have a problem getting a man.

Well, girlfriend, here's some lotion

for your ashy ankles.

That'll make it even easier.

That's all right, your mama so country,

she got in an elevator

and thought it was a mobile home.

You know what that was all about, right?

He still loves you. Mm-hm.

Robin, I'm so sorry.

Oh, Jamika, it doesn't really matter,

because I'm with you,

and this day turned out to be, you know, kind of special to me.

Me too.

I'm sorry I put you on trial like that.

Oh, Jamika,

you so crazy.

( yells )

KID: Run!

Come on, the cops are still after us.

We better get out of here. Let's go. Let's go!

Now I've got them. Surrender now and face moderate casualties.

It's the end of the line for you kids.

LASHAWN: Hey, come on, this way.

KAHLIL: Move. Excuse me. Get out of the way.

Move, man.

GUARD: Come on, come on. Let's go, people.

Out of our way.

I got--

Oh, no!

Phew.

It looks like you missed the boat, huh?

I'll be the captain.

SAILOR: Oh, no. It's BeBe's kids!

LASHAWN: Ahoy, mates. I spot a big old boat

to our starboard side that's ready to get vicked.

Give me that. Let me see.

They're still after us. What say you, crew?

Are you down to take them off?

KIDS: Aye, aye!

Bust it, then.

( triumphant theme plays )

As you enjoy the last cruise on the Titanic

stop by the snack bar for flavor-icious

iceberg pops for you and your family.

We also have delicious popcorn...

( "Moonlight Becomes You" by Johnny Mathis playing )

Monsieur.

Moonlight becomes you *

It goes with your hair *

( sniffs )

( chuckles )

Robin, you are something else.

Something... You so crazy.

Boy, I'm scared of you. Look at you. Mm-mm-mm.

( crash )

What was that?

I know it's them kids. I know it's them kids.

If I could just touch one of them, I would--

Hey! Hey!

Robin? Robin?

Oh, my God! The boat! The boat!

Women and children...

( cheers )

Now what, captain?

Ram them. KIDS: All right!

MAN: Come on, we gotta get out of here!

MAN 2: Abandon ship.

We're experiencing difficulties, but the snack bar's still open,

where they've got that finger-- They're going to ram us!

( crowd screams )

KIDS: We BeBe's kids. We don't die, we multiply.

Somebody help me! I'm right behind you.

Hey, wait for me.

( mutters indistinctly )

Fun World.

Robin, wait.

Oh, no. I had enough of them kids.

I can't be around no bad people, Jamika.

You know I'm on parole.

Boy, you ain't on no parole. Let's go get the kids.

I ain't stuttin' those kids, Jamika.

If you were smart, you'd come right along with me.

GUARD: I'll call for backup!

GUARD 2: Boat 73 going in.

Did you buy your kid a Nintendo game this Christmas?

Did I buy my kid a Nintendo--?

Give me a break, okay, kid?

I don't think so.

Look, we were going to, okay?

We were going to-- We were going to.

What say you, crew? Should I?

KIDS: Shark food!

Wahh!

( splash ) Next.

( panting )

Don't try to leave them, Robin.

That's why they shot their daddy.

ROBIN: Come on.

Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Get out of the way!

( panting )

Gotta go. Gotta go.

It's my car. Where's my keys? Ain't that a-- Look out.

It ain't time to go.

Are you trying to leave us?

( sighs )

KIDS: Fun World! Fun World!

Fun World! Fun World! Fun World!

Quiet down!

Hey, Ma, guess what we did? We jumped out of a boat,

and then we cut off Tommy Toad's feet off.

And then we took over a pirate ship,

and then we saw another ship. And then we--

Quit talking. PEE WEE: Fun World.

Home, blacky.

Ain't that a--

( tires screech )

You messed up now. That's it.

KIDS: Fun World! Fun World!

LaShawn. Girl, have you gone crazy?

( sniffs )

What's that funky smell?

JAMIKA: Pee Wee, did you go again?

ROBIN: What's corn doing on the floor?

( explosions )

( gasps )

( sighs ): Oh.

I ain't never been glad to see cops before,

but I was sure happy then.

Happier than a runaway slave, papers and all.

Help. Help. Help.

These kids are dangerous.

Boy got a knife bigger than Rambo's.

One kid got a Colt longer than Shaft's.

KIDS: Boo!

Uh-oh! Those are BeBe's kids.

I have had it.

I am pissed off to the highest level of pissivity.

Now, I'm taking these kids home now.

Not now, but right now.

But BeBe isn't home yet.

No, she's home. I know she's home.

And she's home getting her boots smoked, right now

just like you could be.

But, no. You want to sit here and watch these badass kids.

If she didn't want to watch them,

she shouldn't have had them.

She didn't have them by herself, Robin.

What'd you say "Robin" for? I ain't their daddy.

At least you recognize that they do have one.

I don't see nobody shaking their heads,

pointing their fingers at him.

Now what you wanna go and point the finger

at Old Slewfoot for, huh?

I thought the devil was through

when he made Rosemary's babies,

but, oh, no.

Oh, no. Now we got BeBe's kids.

( melancholy theme plays )

( kids yawning )

Now, kids, what do you say

to Mr. Harris for the lovely trip?

ALL: Thank you very much.

PEE WEE: They didn't wanna go with four black kids

in the first place.

( giggles )

So where we going next week, Mr. Harris?

Next week? I'll take you somewhere next week.

I'll take you to a snake pit.

Now go on, your mother's waiting for you.

( blows raspberry )

Yo, wait up.

MAN: Hey, get back here. Get back here with my stuff.

PEE WEE: Hey, it better not be nothing from my crib.

I better walk them in.

Let me walk them in,

because I want to give BeBe a piece of my mind.

ROBIN: I could see why they spent

so much time over at Jamika's house.

It looked like they live next door to a crack house.

Try to phone hell from there, it'd be a local call.

( indistinct chattering from rooms )

Oh, hey.

( yells )

( blows )

Mommy?

The place looked like MOVE headquarters.

Mommy?

Mama, are you home?

Mom, are you there?

What is this, another unpaid bill?

"Jamika, please give the kids dinner.

"I'll be home soon. BeBe."

That girl crazy.

Y'all ain't got nothing in here to eat?

Well, here. Here's $10. Call the pizza man.

He don't come around here no more.

You leaving?

Well...

I'm sure your mother will be home soon.

Just keep the door locked, all right?

I sure had a good time.

Take care of yourselves.

Bye-bye, y'all.

ALL: Bye, Mr. Harris.

( melancholy theme plays )

Now do you understand?

I understand that BeBe needs a good realtor.

Those kids don't stand a chance in that neighborhood.

No, I don't think that neighborhood stands a chance

against BeBe's kids.

Now, I know they have a behavior problem,

but they're still kids.

Jamika, I was a kid too.

And I lived like that too.

But I wasn't as bad as those kids.

Nowhere near as bad as those kids.

If I got in trouble, my mother'd go get a switch

and beat me until my daddy get home.

Then he'd put on that blues record,

the one that skipped.

Whup you when I wanna *

When I wanna, when I wanna *

See, Robin, you making my case. These kids need--

Need a what? A social worker?

I already got a job, and it pays better benefits than that one.

Oh, you going to be like that, huh?

ROBIN: That was it.

That was it? Not another word.

You just dropped her off?

She got out the car didn't say nothing.

Well, what did you say? Say?

I wasn't going to play myself,

if she was going to play high post.

Oh, man.

Oh, man, nothing.

Say, man, you did the right thing

leaving them kids.

They were nothing but trouble.

Listen, you don't need to look out

for nobody but yourself.

That's why I am where I am today.

What am I doing? I gotta go get those kids.

I can't just leave them there.

Jamika?

I think I judged-- Well, wait. Hold up.

We both been under a lot of stress

and said some things we didn't really mean.

Well, I--

Well...

KIDS: Oooh.

Hey, now.

Your mama kind of like him, huh?

Yeah, and I kind of like him too.

Uh, it looks like cooties is catching.

Come here. I'll show you.

Go ahead, beat him like he owe you money.

I like LaShawn, boy.

Robin, the kids really do appreciate

what you've done for them today.

Well, you know.

They just have their own way of showing it.

Hey, what's this?

Hey, Slim, we saved you a slice.

( flies buzzing )

PEE WEE: So where we going next, Mr. Harris?

How about Las Vegas?

Vegas? We ain't going to no Vegas.

You're barely getting a ride to the end of the block,

so just sit back, buckle up, be happy,

and check Pee Wee's drawers.

ROBIN: I don't know how I let Jamika talk me into coming.

We got 14 cents between all of us.

JAMIKA: Robin, it's going to be okay.

Jamika, this ain't a--

You know them kids don't know how to act.

The circus can't train them kids.

Oh, Robin, look at those sweet little faces.

I ain't having it. I'm like Marvin Gaye.

I want to know what's going on.

Oh, no, it's BeBe's kids! Ain't that a--

Robin. What did you all do now?

KAHLIL: I ain't never been here, huh, LaShawn?

Oh, yeah, let me up out of here, baby.

Vegas at last. Now, this is my kind of town.

Pour one for the poor one. Six-eight, running mates.

Box cars, don't stretch me out, now.

Las Vegas in effect, baby.

JAMIKA: Pee Wee!

Pee Wee, what you doing?

What's that in your hand?

Pee Wee. Pee Wee, put that down.

Pee Wee. Pee Wee! No!

ROBIN: Test-tube baby.

( "I Want to Thank You for Love" by The Emotions plays )

Hoo, hoo, hoo *

Hoo, hoo *

Hoo, hoo, hoo *

Do you want to come? *

Hoo, hoo, hoo *

Hoo, hoo *

Hoo, hoo, hoo *

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo *

Looking in the mirror *

I see your face *

For a little while *

And I think of all the love you'll give me *

I just had to smile *

You believed in me *

Even loved me before *

I gave you a reason to *

What can I do? *

To prove to you *

There's no way I can stop *

Showing you what's in my heart *

I want to thank you, baby *

I want to thank you for your love *

Sweet, sweet love *

I want to thank you, thank you *

I do appreciate your love *

Thank you, thank you *

Doo, doo, doo, oh *

Every time I think about you *

Chills run up and down my spine *

It's all about joy *

Those precious memories we share *

Will always last till the end of time *

I promise you'll always *

Get my everlasting love *

'Cause I never *

Thought I'd ever *

Release myself to someone else *

Your the face makes me want to tell you *

Thank you *

I want to thank you, baby *

I want to thank you for your love *

Sweet, sweet love *

I want to thank you, baby *

I do appreciate your love *

Thank you, thank you, now *

Doo, doo, oh *

What can I do? *

There's no way I can stop *

Showing you what's in my heart *

Thank you *

I want to thank you *

Thank you for your love *

Sweet, sweet love *

I want to thank you, baby *

I do appreciate your love *

Thank you, thank you, now *

Oh, yes *

You were down for me and I want to thank you *

I want to thank you for your love *

Come on *

My sister, my brother, I want to thank you *

Ooh, I want to thank you *

Sweet, sweet love *

I want to thank you *

My love, want to thank you *

I want to thank you, I want to thank you *

I want to thank you *

Woo, take me in your arms *

I want to thank you *

I want to thank you for your love *

Sweet, sweet love *