Original subtitles

Hey, Mrs. B.

Wow.

You look great.

Oh, do I? Yeah, what's the occasion?

Well, the occasion was your makeup and hair test for the wedding.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I missed it.

Hey, Mama.

Whoa, you look amazing.

Yeah, what's the occasion?

I didn't miss our anniversary, did I?

I missed the hair and makeup test.

I texted you about it twice.

What? Oh, uh, mama, you texted the Butler fam group. Courtney's not in that

Yes!

I'm sorry.

I see the Butler Boys over here. No, no, Butler Boys is up.

Okay,

so which group has the little Yoda driving the car? Oh, not the Daphne

group. That's where we talk about pick -up and drop -offs for daycare. Oh, and

for the record, it's Grogu on a land speeder, but yes.

Change that.

Okay,

the makeup test may have been my oversight, but I am... very busy, okay?

got the florist, the rentals, the caterers. I mean, if we take our eyes

ball, we're going to be sitting around the reception eating gravy jacks.

I ain't be mad at that till Jack Fry's be fired.

Marty, come on.

Get your head in the game, man. Be better.

Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Welcome to the hood.

That fight was a nightmare.

Because one passenger is allergic, nobody gets peanuts.

Mom, it seems like a small sacrifice to save a life.

No flakes.

Oh, look!

It's your buddy, Calvin.

Oh, well, Paula.

Welcome back. Thank you. How was your flight?

Doesn't anybody dress up to get on an airplane anymore?

I mean, the girl sitting next to me, she was wearing pajamas.

Nothing sacred.

But the flight was surprisingly smooth.

I was a little worried when I saw that we had a DEI pilot.

Oh, I bet you were.

Yeah. There, get your mic.

Mom, Mom, you really shouldn't say things like that.

What? I said it was smooth. I mean, are compliments illegal now?

Hey, Paula, how is your night?

I better call Chip and tell him I landed safely.

I'm sure he's been worried sick.

since I told him about the lady pilot.

Oh, okay. So she just don't like nobody.

Chip is her new boyfriend.

He owns a chain of car dealerships back home.

That's all she talked about on the way here.

Chip was a fan of the opera at the Great Lakes Supper Club, and Chip had the

hips of a salsa dancer.

He doesn't sound so bad.

Chip is a very generous lover. He does things your father would never do.

I couldn't possibly take another bite of cake.

I cannot believe y 'all are complaining about having a taste cake.

Uh, excuse me.

But who told your mother that you didn't need her help with the tablecloth?

I was just trying to take something off her plate.

See, that's just it.

She doesn't want things off her plate. She wants everything on her plate.

She lives for this.

Yeah, but she's been so stressed out, running all over town. We don't want our

wedding to kill her.

Okay, okay.

I see what's going on here. You think this is your wedding.

No, no, no, no. This is her wedding.

Yeah, she told me that.

You know, and if we survive this, we're still not out the woods.

Because two weeks later, it's Malcolm's wedding, which is actually... Your

mama's wedding.

Don't forget it. I mean, the slightest thing could set her off.

You know what I call her when she gets like this?

TNT.

Ouch. Does she know you want to call her that? Oh, hell no.

You're not going to flip on this, are you?

Never.

Now, listen. Y 'all let me handle this.

I am the only one that knows how to deal with her when she gets like this. So

for the next month, everything runs through me.

All we clear.

Crystal. Roger that.

Here.

Mrs. B, thank you so much for doing the afternoon pickups and all the wedding

errands. Is there anything you can't do? Oh, stop it.

Oh,

man, I just love going to daycare. Yeah, but that little Connor, he's a piece of

work, though.

Really? He's usually so sweet.

Well, Tina says he's not sweet, so, you know, drop it.

You know what? Caught him pulling Daphne's hair.

Oh, no. Did you talk to Miss Doris?

Miss Doris? I talked to Connor.

Mama, he's two.

We usually let the teachers handle this kind of stuff.

Well, that little boy needed to be told.

We do not pull hairs.

Oh, Jeopardy's supposed to be on Channel 4, but no.

Here it's on seven.

Did your crazy governor do that?

Yes, Mom. It's all part of his radical agenda.

I knew it.

What's with the lamp?

It's a Himalayan rock salt lamp.

Some doctors believe it helps with stress relief, fat burning, improved

Sounds like a load of crap.

I agree, but...

You know, the telehealth company I work for wants me to encourage my therapy

clients to buy them.

So you're selling lamps now?

Let me talk to Chip. I mean, his business is going crazy. I'm sure he

a job for you. Mom, wouldn't that job be in Michigan?

Well, I didn't say there wouldn't be adjustment.

Mom,

we moved here for a reason.

To hurt me?

No.

Gemma got a very impressive job here. Yeah, but she was telling me that she's

over it. Right, Gemma?

I didn't say over it.

No, I don't blame you. I once worked for some fancy private school where

everyone gets a gold star.

Even the slow kids.

Oh.

Definitely didn't say slow kids.

Mom, please, I know that you love Michigan, but our lives are here.

Plus, Grover just started a new high school.

Oh, yeah, where he's covering himself with tattoos.

One tattoo, Mom. Well, in Kalamazoo, kids don't get tattoos because they're

in gangs.

Grover is not in a gang. We can't even get him to join a club.

Well, I'm just glad you're all so happy here.

I mean, if you're choosing to pay these California taxes, it must be worth it.

It is worth it. We have beautiful beaches.

Yeah, we never go to them, but we could.

Daphne's finally down, and we are never giving her cake again.

Marty, we've got problems.

Look at your phone.

Connor's mom is in the parents' group chat complaining that your mom

and disciplined her child.

Yeah, well, her child pulled Daphne's hair.

Hey, man, where did all the cake go?

Uh -oh. It's Doris.

What, the daycare director?

Decline. Yeah, don't answer. Just decline.

Courtney, you can decline.

Courtney!

Hello? Hi!

Miss Doris!

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Sure. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh, I understand.

Thank you.

Well, that was a lot of uh -huhs.

Your mom?

has been banned from daycare. Oh.

What are we going to do? We can't tell her. It'll destroy her.

We have to tell her something. Oh, no, we don't.

Listen, you heard Pop.

When she gets stressed out like this, everything goes to him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK.

Uh, Daddy, we have a problem.

Why does everything in this town have to be vegan?

It doesn't.

And froyo isn't vegan.

I just want to know, who canceled ice cream?

Calvin!

Come here.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

Why does this keep happening?

Everybody in L .A. thinks my name is Karen.

You know, because you beat Karen so much.

That's definitely the reason.

Oh, good.

Uh -oh. What?

I got a text from Marty.

Says Tina's been banned from daycare.

What? Why?

This is all I have.

Oh, my God.

She's going to be so upset.

Well, not on my watch.

Let me text the boys back in the group text and just let them know, stay out of

this.

I will keep T and Tina from blowing her top.

Did you hear that? Oh, that is...

So, the perfect nickname?

Isn't it right?

Boo -boo!

Okay, good!

Dad says he's handling it. Oh, damn.

Pop sent the text to the Butler fam chat.

Your mom is in that one.

We are all gonna die!

Daddy,

what have you done?

What are you talking about? That text.

About T and Tina blowing her top?

You sent it to the group with Mama in it.

Oh,

damn, I did.

You did.

Look, it is a group chat.

You check and double check, and if all else fails, you unsend.

But it's too late now.

The die has been cast.

Mark, Marty, get a hold of yourself.

All right, look, I'll just say that you didn't like the cake that your mama

picked out and that you want coconut.

And you thought she would be mad.

So that's it. Say it with me. Coconut.

Coconut. Coconut.

How do you explain calling her T and Tina?

Okay,

you know what?

I'll just say that she's hot like a firecracker.

Oh. Huh? Oh, yeah.

Come on. It just came from nowhere. I landed a plane without me. You see me?

She's going to love that. She's going to love it. And she is not here screaming

at us, so maybe she hasn't seen her yet.

That's a good point. Yeah. We still got time to smash our phone.

Oh, Jeff.

No.

Tom Selleck hasn't stolen me away from you yet.

Okay,

good night, honey.

No.

No, I can't.

We're right here.

Yeah,

we're right here, Chip.

So how's Chip, besides horny?

He's fine.

Oh, and guess what?

He has a job for you.

Mom, I told you, I... I don't want to sell cars.

Your passion is selling lamps?

They're making you sell lamps now?

Oh, honey.

And the job wouldn't even be in sales.

Mom, I told you, I don't want the job.

Because you'd be a nepo baby?

Nobody has to know he's rocking your mommy.

That wasn't the issue, although now it will haunt me forever. Mama, for the

hundredth time, we live in Los Angeles.

All right.

I get it.

I had to try.

And you know I only do this because I love you and I miss you and I just wish

you weren't so far away.

Actually sweet.

Rocking her world?

Okay.

Looks like the coast is clear.

Our phone's right there. Okay, what's our password? Don't worry about that.

Everybody just clear out.

Watch out for shrapnel. No, Daddy, you don't have to...

That's true. We good.

How you doing?

That's the real question.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Where did my phone go? That's what I'm looking for. You know, I don't know.

You know, how about we go to the store and get you a new one? Yeah.

You know, I hear the cameras are so much better now.

Oh, okay, fine. But before we go, a quick question.

Who's T and Tina? Damn it!

So, who is T and Tina?

That's the question. That is the question.

You know, T and Tina...

Is you, babe.

Because you hot like a firecracker.

You like that, don't you?

I do not.

That's all I got.

Wait a minute. Why are you so worried I'm going to blow my top?

It's about the cake. We have decided we want coconut. Coconut.

Oh, okay. That makes sense because you're allergic.

So you want your whole chest to break out in a big itchy rash on your wedding

day. Daddy made us lie.

It's not my fault that y 'all sent our grandbaby to a little punk -ass

preschool.

Wait, wait a minute. What are y 'all talking about?

It's about that little boy that you yelled at, dear. I did not yell at that

little boy. When do I yell at kids?

Regardless, Doris has...

Banned you from daycare.

Banned?

I see.

Well, I would love to tell Doris my side of the story, so I'll stop

by and say hi.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Now, now, do not worry about me, okay?

I'll just have a quick chat with Doris and...

Maybe take away something she loves.

Well, she very helpfully alerted security to three possible terrorists at

bag drop.

0 for 3, by the way.

Well, now she's Chip's problem.

I gotta say, he's kind of good for her.

Yeah, she did seem happy.

Just so insulting that she would think that I would drop everything and go work

for the great and powerful Chip.

Well, I'm the Phantom. I sell cars.

Although I checked out his website, it's actually pretty impressive.

Yeah, I looked at it.

Seems snazzy enough.

Oh, somebody's texting me from Kalamazoo.

It's Chip.

Hey, sport.

You're not my dad, Chip. It's okay, Dad.

Just wanted to give you a few deets on the job. Not fooling anyone with the

deets, Grandpa.

VP of Human Resources?

Isn't that kind of good?

I mean, it is.

In a different world, that would be right up my alley, but it's in

and we live in L .A. Yeah, we do. We could go to the beach right now.

You want to go right now?

I don't know. Traffic.

Look, babe, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all of this.

I mean, you got enough on your plate with the wedding coming up in two weeks

all these super sensitive parents snitching you out?

Basically over nothing.

I'm not mad at them, Calvin. I'm mad at you.

Me? Yes.

After all our years we've been together, I don't want you thinking that you have

to manage me.

I was just trying to protect your feelings. Why?

You didn't want T and Tina to go off?

I didn't make up that nickname.

Well, who did?

Okay, I did.

But it was actually kind of funny before you found out about it.

Calvin, you're always saying people should talk things out, be more direct.

Maybe you could show me the same respect instead of going around texting behind

my back.

Okay. I mean, you're right, my back.

But just for the record, I'm not the only one in this marriage who isn't

direct. What are you talking about?

My favorite Adidas tracksuit.

The one I accidentally spilled bleach on?

I mean, come on. It was older than Malcolm.

You insisted on going out in it.

You wore the A off. It just said Ditas.

Well, you don't need the words if you got the stripes. The people know.

Okay, fine.

I could have been more direct, just like you could have been.

I will be.

Come here, girl.

I mean, you really didn't like when I said you were hot like a firecracker?

I kind of liked it.

Well, in that case, this is about to be the fourth that you lie over here.

Well, all right!

I don't know.

It could be therapeutic for you, Jerry.

The heat of the light bulb releases the negative ions in the Himalayan salt.

Will this help me with my online shopping addiction?

No, uh... No, Jerry, it's a lamp made out of salt. It won't do anything

for anybody.

Well, I guess I'll try it.

No, Jerry, stop buying garbage on the Internet and go see a real therapist,

which is what I used to be.

So is the shipping free?

Goodbye, Jerry.

Gemma, I've been thinking.

Whoa.

No, no, no, no, no, Dave.

You put this in the group chat.

Maybe going to Kalamazoo is not so crazy.