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1
00:00:07,261 --> 00:00:09,222
-[ambulance siren wailing]
-[♪ upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:09,305 --> 00:00:11,015
[Lois] No, Wayne,
you cannot have it yet.
3
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:14,185
Something came up. [sighs]
4
00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:16,437
Can we move this
along here, please?
5
00:00:16,521 --> 00:00:17,855
You're not wrapping
a Christmas present.
6
00:00:17,939 --> 00:00:20,816
-I've got a party to go to.
-Lady, your leg is broken.
7
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,527
-[sighs]
-You're not going to do anything
8
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,028
except go home and rest.
9
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,321
Less yapping, more wrapping.
10
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,200
Lois,
I am so much less high now.
11
00:00:29,283 --> 00:00:31,118
-Sir, please.
-And their earlobes are gooshy.
12
00:00:31,244 --> 00:00:33,329
-Gooshy, gooshy.
-[chuckles] Stop it.
13
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,331
I want my little hammer back.
14
00:00:35,414 --> 00:00:38,292
[indistinct chatter]
15
00:00:38,543 --> 00:00:39,544
-Bing.
-[grunts]
16
00:00:39,627 --> 00:00:41,796
Okay, we'll print
your post-treatment orders
17
00:00:41,879 --> 00:00:44,507
-and get you some painkillers.
-Yeah, I don't need 'em.
18
00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:46,259
-What are you doing? Sit down.
-[♪ comical music playing]
19
00:00:46,342 --> 00:00:47,802
-Your cast is still setting.
-[exhales]
20
00:00:47,885 --> 00:00:49,136
You don't even have
crutches yet.
21
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,930
You're going to injure yourself
even worse.
22
00:00:51,013 --> 00:00:52,890
Then I'll come back
after the party tonight
23
00:00:52,974 --> 00:00:55,101
and you can fix that.
Come on, Hal.
24
00:00:56,185 --> 00:01:00,147
-Hal?
-Oh! Squishy. Oh, squishy.
25
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:01,274
[♪ music concludes]
26
00:01:01,357 --> 00:01:02,400
[♪ theme music playing]
27
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:06,404
♪ Life is unfair ♪
28
00:01:06,529 --> 00:01:07,989
[♪ music concludes]
29
00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:09,824
-[birds chirping]
-[♪ perky music playing]
30
00:01:09,907 --> 00:01:11,117
Okay, come on, let's go.
31
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,618
Mom and Dad
are already there waiting.
32
00:01:12,702 --> 00:01:15,413
{\an8}Kelly, breathe.
It doesn't start till eight.
33
00:01:15,538 --> 00:01:18,207
{\an8}-You wanna look sharp or not?
-I just-- I wish I knew
34
00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:19,625
{\an8}what revenge
Reese had planned for me.
35
00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:21,544
{\an8}[chuckles] Don't worry
about Reese,
36
00:01:21,627 --> 00:01:23,337
{\an8}'cause you can't do
anything about it.
37
00:01:23,713 --> 00:01:25,631
{\an8}It's like a tornado,
except there's no alert.
38
00:01:26,007 --> 00:01:27,633
{\an8}It's just something
you gotta accept.
39
00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:28,968
[Piama gasping] What the hell?
40
00:01:29,051 --> 00:01:30,511
{\an8}My underwear's
already too tight.
41
00:01:30,678 --> 00:01:33,973
{\an8}Francis! Give me a pair
of your mom's granny panties!
42
00:01:34,098 --> 00:01:35,641
{\an8}Right away, honey!
43
00:01:37,518 --> 00:01:38,603
{\an8}[♪ party music playing]
44
00:01:38,686 --> 00:01:40,479
{\an8}Wayne, you need to adjust
these speakers.
45
00:01:40,563 --> 00:01:41,564
{\an8}I'm not talking
about the volume.
46
00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:44,025
{\an8}I'm talking about the mix.
That speaker is too quiet,
47
00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:45,484
{\an8}and these three are too loud.
48
00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:47,528
{\an8}And did you remember
the backup cables I asked for?
49
00:01:47,612 --> 00:01:49,447
{\an8}I know you don't mean it,
but I'm getting a vibe
50
00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,240
{\an8}of impatience bordering
on menace,
51
00:01:51,324 --> 00:01:52,533
{\an8}and it's pushing
my agitation levels
52
00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:54,118
{\an8}past the point
of productive conversation.
53
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,494
{\an8}So, we'll continue this
54
00:01:55,578 --> 00:01:57,204
{\an8}after I've run cold water
over my hands.
55
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,248
-Honey, these--
-Hal, please,
56
00:01:59,332 --> 00:02:00,333
I don't need any help.
57
00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:02,710
{\an8}Just back off
and let me do everything.
58
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,420
{\an8}Honey, I'm so sorry.
59
00:02:04,503 --> 00:02:07,882
{\an8}I should have realized
that my natural enthusiasm
60
00:02:07,965 --> 00:02:11,636
{\an8}was just adding to your stress.
You've got this.
61
00:02:11,719 --> 00:02:14,555
{\an8}-Everything is already perfect.
-Are you-- Are you still high?
62
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,891
{\an8}No. [smacks lips]
I'm just more perceptive
63
00:02:17,016 --> 00:02:19,435
{\an8}because of the ego death
that I experienced
64
00:02:19,518 --> 00:02:21,687
{\an8}-from my expanded consciousness.
-[Lois] Oh.
65
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:25,066
{\an8}-This is so yummy.
-[sighs]
66
00:02:25,691 --> 00:02:27,109
Let me know if you want a break.
67
00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:29,904
I juggle the sound pizzas
every Wednesday
68
00:02:29,987 --> 00:02:31,405
at Shadyside Assisted Living.
69
00:02:31,489 --> 00:02:33,741
Yodeling, barbershop,
yodeling, barbershop.
70
00:02:33,949 --> 00:02:36,744
People go nuts. [chuckles]
71
00:02:36,911 --> 00:02:39,789
-[♪ upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
72
00:02:40,289 --> 00:02:43,376
-Wow, I'm surprisingly nervous.
-What's surprising about it?
73
00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:44,960
Yeah, you ghosted these people
for years,
74
00:02:45,044 --> 00:02:46,629
and now you have to face them
and explain why.
75
00:02:46,879 --> 00:02:47,880
Hey.
76
00:02:47,963 --> 00:02:49,131
-[gasps] Hey.
-Here's how I see it.
77
00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:51,050
We both wanna avoid Mom and Dad
as long as we can,
78
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,635
so we hide
until the spotlight dance,
79
00:02:52,718 --> 00:02:54,428
then come out
when they're the happiest.
80
00:02:54,512 --> 00:02:56,263
Before then,
it's every man for himself.
81
00:02:58,974 --> 00:03:01,435
Nice.
Give me her business card later.
82
00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:06,399
-Malcolm? Malcolm! [gasps]
-[both gasp]
83
00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:08,234
[chuckles softly]
Are those your friends?
84
00:03:08,317 --> 00:03:09,735
I wouldn't call them my friends.
85
00:03:09,819 --> 00:03:13,072
Malcolm! It-- It's us!
Y-- Your friends!
86
00:03:13,155 --> 00:03:15,616
[exhales deeply] Hey, guys.
87
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,702
Oh, how we've missed
our fourth musketeer.
88
00:03:21,038 --> 00:03:22,331
Uh, Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin,
89
00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:24,083
this is Tristan
and my daughter Leah.
90
00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:27,378
You procreated! What a relief.
91
00:03:27,753 --> 00:03:30,131
The three of us
have also created a child.
92
00:03:30,423 --> 00:03:32,174
Like, with a surrogate?
93
00:03:34,093 --> 00:03:36,512
-Sure.
-That's our Hubert.
94
00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:40,933
There's an ant!
95
00:03:41,225 --> 00:03:43,394
Don't worry,
I have confused him. [chuckles]
96
00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:45,604
So,
what have you guys been up to?
97
00:03:45,688 --> 00:03:47,189
GenetiTech Resources.
98
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,734
Incorporated in college
and started getting contracts
99
00:03:49,817 --> 00:03:53,279
before we even graduated.
Department of Defense.
100
00:03:53,696 --> 00:03:56,490
We're doing so much weird shit.
101
00:03:56,574 --> 00:03:58,492
-Mm.
-[chuckles softly]
102
00:03:58,576 --> 00:03:59,869
[gasps] There's your mom.
103
00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:08,711
Uh, Stevie! [pants]
Oh, my goodness!
104
00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:11,380
It is so great to see
all of you. Oh!
105
00:04:11,839 --> 00:04:13,132
Hi, there.
106
00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:16,802
-This is Tristan and Leah.
-Hi. How are you?
107
00:04:16,886 --> 00:04:18,429
I was wonderful. [smacks lips]
108
00:04:18,512 --> 00:04:20,347
Up until the moment
I caught my ex-husband
109
00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:23,601
wallowing in his
usual vortex of resentment
110
00:04:23,684 --> 00:04:25,853
based on nothing other than
his own self-loathing.
111
00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:27,396
But thanks for asking.
112
00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:32,067
Tell your mother
I do resent her showing up here
113
00:04:32,151 --> 00:04:35,571
wearing the necklace I gave her
29 years ago
114
00:04:35,654 --> 00:04:36,947
to be my forever love!
115
00:04:37,031 --> 00:04:40,075
It is a slap in the face
across space and time!
116
00:04:40,326 --> 00:04:41,327
Tell her.
117
00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:52,463
Dad...
[breathes deeply] says...
118
00:04:54,757 --> 00:04:56,217
he does...
119
00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:01,847
resent...
120
00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:05,059
-Run, cowards.
-Okay. [chuckles awkwardly]
121
00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:06,644
...you.
122
00:05:06,769 --> 00:05:08,854
All I'm saying is
Dewey is stupid
123
00:05:08,938 --> 00:05:11,440
-to be here on a laptop.
-Eat my balls, Jamie.
124
00:05:11,524 --> 00:05:12,650
I'm being considerate.
125
00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:15,444
[clears throat] Excuse me.
Hey. I--
126
00:05:15,528 --> 00:05:17,279
Sorry,
we'll have to get back to you.
127
00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:20,783
-We're all just so busy.
-Yeah, we're completely swamped.
128
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:23,244
I-- I'm sorry.
I don't have any excuses.
129
00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:26,121
I just wanna clear the air
and make it right.
130
00:05:27,081 --> 00:05:28,123
Please.
131
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:33,212
Well, it's not like this is the firsthorrible thing you've ever done.
132
00:05:34,129 --> 00:05:36,674
Hey, Leah, do you wanna hearall the horrible things
133
00:05:36,799 --> 00:05:38,175
-he's ever done?
-Yes.
134
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,927
Kids. [claps hands]
I need some help.
135
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:41,887
They put the Chiavari chairs
and high tables
136
00:05:41,971 --> 00:05:43,597
in front of the low tables,
and it's blocking
137
00:05:43,681 --> 00:05:44,723
the eye line to the stage.
138
00:05:44,807 --> 00:05:45,808
Hi, Grandma.
139
00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:48,769
Oh, somebody
who actually likes to hug.
140
00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:50,688
I said I would try it
for your birthday.
141
00:05:50,771 --> 00:05:52,857
[sighs] Malcolm,
I'm so happy you--
142
00:05:53,691 --> 00:05:55,192
He must have dropped
and crawled.
143
00:05:55,818 --> 00:05:57,611
What the heck is wrong with him?
144
00:05:57,695 --> 00:05:58,988
He showed up. Give him a break.
145
00:05:59,071 --> 00:06:01,323
No. Jamie's not ashamed
of his family.
146
00:06:01,407 --> 00:06:03,200
You know, how hard it was
for him to get permission
147
00:06:03,284 --> 00:06:04,618
to leave the base and come here?
148
00:06:04,702 --> 00:06:06,537
Oh, they don't know
that I'm gone.
149
00:06:07,162 --> 00:06:08,622
I'm on guard duty right now.
150
00:06:09,498 --> 00:06:11,375
-[Stevie] ...in...
-[slurps]
151
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,793
...the face...
152
00:06:13,335 --> 00:06:16,505
across space...
[breathes deeply]
153
00:06:16,881 --> 00:06:21,135
...and...
[breathes deeply] ...time.
154
00:06:21,218 --> 00:06:23,387
[slurps, smacks lips] Okay,
who wants another one?
155
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,432
Well, you can tell your father
to find a dictionary
156
00:06:26,515 --> 00:06:28,100
and look up the meaning
of the word "gift"
157
00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:30,561
unless it's like every other thing
in our relationship
158
00:06:30,644 --> 00:06:33,689
that came with secret conditions
that he would only reveal
159
00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:37,109
when he needs to attack me
when I'm at my most vulnerable.
160
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:45,409
[inhales deeply] She loves you.
161
00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,373
[Cadet Drew]
Cadet Francis, ten-hut!
162
00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:54,335
[all laugh]
163
00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:57,671
That's what
military school did to us, baby.
164
00:06:57,755 --> 00:06:58,839
You'll never shake it.
165
00:06:58,923 --> 00:07:01,258
Hey, boys.
Wow, you started early.
166
00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:03,260
I think
ten is a respectable age.
167
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:04,803
We were just raising a toast
168
00:07:04,887 --> 00:07:07,097
to our dear
old Commandant Spangler.
169
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:12,603
[all] Rot in hell,
you one-armed bastard! [laugh]
170
00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,772
Uh, you wanna tell me
what's in the sack?
171
00:07:14,855 --> 00:07:16,732
Are you my parole officer?
172
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,110
-No, seriously, are you?
-[both laugh]
173
00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:23,155
We decided to do one
last caper for old time's sake.
174
00:07:23,906 --> 00:07:25,574
Nice statue head.
175
00:07:25,658 --> 00:07:30,871
[clears throat] I came.
I sawed. I conquered.
176
00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:34,166
-[both laugh]
-That's good. [laughs]
177
00:07:34,249 --> 00:07:35,876
We're putting that
on the Instagram.
178
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,961
Wait...
179
00:07:37,795 --> 00:07:40,965
It was the most beautiful,
transcendent experience.
180
00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:43,884
Abe said you were rolling around
naked on filthy linoleum,
181
00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:46,595
-choking yourself.
-Transcendently.
182
00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:49,890
Psst, Kelly.
183
00:07:49,974 --> 00:07:51,725
Before you try anything,
just remember,
184
00:07:51,809 --> 00:07:53,352
revenge
for an unjustified revenge
185
00:07:53,435 --> 00:07:55,396
is justified, but revenge
for a justified revenge
186
00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:58,232
is unjustified revenge. Yeah.
187
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:01,235
Relax, we're in a ceasefire
until the party's over.
188
00:08:01,318 --> 00:08:03,654
Could you, uh,
sneak me a couple dinner rolls?
189
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:09,243
[gasps, whimpers]
190
00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,330
It's so nice to have someone
191
00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:15,624
I can share
my deepest feelings with.
192
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,171
[laughs]
193
00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:26,760
Crap. "Yaassss"
sounds like I'm seven.
194
00:08:26,844 --> 00:08:28,637
Quick, change the subject.
195
00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,103
Perfect setup. I look great.
196
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,275
[message sent tone playing]
197
00:08:53,412 --> 00:08:55,372
[chuckles softly]
I made him nervous.
198
00:08:59,084 --> 00:09:02,254
Cute? Pretty? Hot?
199
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,301
Huh?
200
00:09:15,392 --> 00:09:18,020
Ew. Ew!
201
00:09:20,314 --> 00:09:22,941
Wait, where the hell did you get
that mac and cheese?
202
00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:24,276
I brought it from home.
203
00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:29,615
When I get back, I'm expecting
a new full-sized plate
204
00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:31,825
handed over without any looks.
205
00:09:33,285 --> 00:09:39,166
There you are, Piama!
Oh, my juicy jellybean.
206
00:09:39,249 --> 00:09:43,170
-Oh.
-Gretchen, so great to see you.
207
00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:45,964
We were so sorry
to hear about Otto.
208
00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:49,927
He didn't suffer.
The puma is very quick
209
00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:53,138
-und efficient. [chuckles]
-What are you doing now?
210
00:09:53,222 --> 00:09:57,226
I am a doula for cattle.
I go from town to town,
211
00:09:57,309 --> 00:10:00,145
cow to cow,
helping them give birth.
212
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:04,483
It's very spiritual.
Well, not the cleanup.
213
00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:07,277
That's nasty.
[chuckles softly] Well...
214
00:10:07,903 --> 00:10:13,158
[sniffs] Oh, my goodness.
215
00:10:13,742 --> 00:10:16,537
-You have a calf inside you.
-[gasps] How did you--
216
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,665
Oh, it's my gift. Boy or girl?
217
00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:24,169
-We don't know yet.
-[sniffs] Do you want to?
218
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:28,507
What the hell? The video
of us beheading the statue
219
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,384
got 3,000 dislikes.
220
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:31,927
Who doesn't love
a classic prank?
221
00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:33,887
-Let me see.
-[scoffs]
222
00:10:35,931 --> 00:10:39,726
-Uh, where was this statue?
-In front of a bar.
223
00:10:39,852 --> 00:10:41,478
Had a creepy vibe,
so we didn't go in.
224
00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:43,438
And did this bar have a name?
225
00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:47,860
That was weird, too.
It-- It was called Stagness.
226
00:10:47,985 --> 00:10:51,280
What is that? [chuckles] Like,
how much you're like a stag?
227
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:54,449
-[laughs]
-Idiots, it's not "Stagness."
228
00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:56,660
It's St. Agnes.
229
00:10:58,579 --> 00:10:59,621
It's a church.
230
00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:02,958
Whose statue do they put
in front of churches?
231
00:11:07,713 --> 00:11:08,714
It looks like...
232
00:11:10,132 --> 00:11:11,383
Burger King.
233
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,053
Well, no wonder they're mad.
People love that guy.
234
00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:18,182
[♪ upbeat hip-hop music playing]
235
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:30,986
Hubert! Come dance
with Dada-Dada-Dada!
236
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,995
Maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe he was teasing.
237
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:47,920
What a creep!
238
00:11:49,504 --> 00:11:51,215
My first crush is a creep.
239
00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:53,634
[♪ exciting music playing]
240
00:11:58,055 --> 00:11:59,139
It's been 20 minutes.
241
00:11:59,306 --> 00:12:00,807
I still don't have
a better idea.
242
00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:03,977
-Malcolm!
-[♪ music playing indistinctly]
243
00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,646
[Malcolm in changed voice]
Occupied.
244
00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:08,357
You think I wouldn't crawl under
and pull you out of there?
245
00:12:13,195 --> 00:12:17,032
[groans, grunts] Can we do this
outside the men's room?
246
00:12:17,115 --> 00:12:19,952
Nope. It's gone on long enough.
We're gonna straighten everything out
247
00:12:20,035 --> 00:12:21,203
-right here, right now.
-[sighs]
248
00:12:21,286 --> 00:12:23,038
We're gonna go back
to the party as a family.
249
00:12:23,121 --> 00:12:24,748
The shrimp is bad!
The shrimp is bad!
250
00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:25,874
[door closing]
251
00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:27,251
-[Craig groaning]
-We're not serving shrimp.
252
00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:29,920
[Craig] I ate something
with a tail on it. [groans]
253
00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:32,172
-[farting]
-[water splashing]
254
00:12:32,589 --> 00:12:34,633
[Craig] Oh, sweet mother
of mercy, it burns!
255
00:12:34,716 --> 00:12:36,635
-Now let's go.
-[Craig groaning]
256
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,221
-You can't be serious.
-If you wanna get out of here,
257
00:12:39,304 --> 00:12:42,140
you are gonna tell me
why you have been doing this.
258
00:12:42,224 --> 00:12:45,769
-[Craig panting]
-Come on, out with it.
259
00:12:45,894 --> 00:12:47,771
-[Craig farting]
-[Lois exhales sharply]
260
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,564
[Craig] Sorry, I know
you didn't mean me.
261
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:51,233
How do you think
one conversation
262
00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:53,026
in a toilet's
gonna fix everything?
263
00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:55,279
I don't,
but at least it's a start.
264
00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:57,447
What do you wanna do,
wait for my funeral?
265
00:12:57,531 --> 00:12:59,283
There's nothing to say!
266
00:12:59,449 --> 00:13:01,410
-It's just the way we are.
-[Craig] Easy, boy.
267
00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:03,245
We all just
swirl around each other fighting
268
00:13:03,328 --> 00:13:04,997
and taking turns
creating disasters!
269
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,082
Yeah, so we drive
each other nuts. So, what?
270
00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:08,917
That's what families do.
271
00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:11,378
[sighs] It's more than that.
I... [breathes deeply]
272
00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:14,006
I like myself better
when I'm not around you.
273
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:15,257
So you have said.
274
00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:17,259
-[Craig breathing deeply]
-And I...
275
00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:21,972
feel bad for who I am
when I am around you.
276
00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:26,018
What, you yelling? [chuckles]
Spitballs to a battleship.
277
00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:28,437
No, I mean,
I know I'm disappointing you.
278
00:13:32,149 --> 00:13:33,692
-[Craig groaning]
-What?
279
00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:37,195
[Craig] He said he knows
he's disappointing you.
280
00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:41,325
Sorry, I'll be quiet. [farting]
281
00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:43,160
Now I'll be quiet.
282
00:13:43,785 --> 00:13:48,040
Mom, you've always had these
gigantic expectations of me.
283
00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:50,542
Like I'm some sort of
superhuman brain
284
00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:53,712
that can fix all the world's problems.
I'm sorry, I can't.
285
00:13:53,837 --> 00:13:55,130
And I can't deal
with that pressure.
286
00:13:55,213 --> 00:13:57,007
When did I ever pressure you?
287
00:13:57,090 --> 00:14:00,052
You said I had to become
president of the United States!
288
00:14:00,302 --> 00:14:03,430
[exhales] President? Is--
Is that what this is about?
289
00:14:03,513 --> 00:14:04,723
[Craig whimpering]
290
00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:07,142
Malcolm, that was just a plan.
291
00:14:07,309 --> 00:14:11,229
Uh, plans aren't contracts.
They're just plans.
292
00:14:11,438 --> 00:14:13,023
Your father and I
have made hundreds of them,
293
00:14:13,106 --> 00:14:14,983
and look at us.
Barely ever work out,
294
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,818
so we just make some new ones.
295
00:14:17,319 --> 00:14:19,071
Yeah, you can't take it
that seriously.
296
00:14:19,863 --> 00:14:22,824
[Craig speaking indistinctly,
panting]
297
00:14:23,575 --> 00:14:24,785
That was you lying?
298
00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:29,748
[shouts]
You've been lying to me?
299
00:14:29,831 --> 00:14:31,500
All this time?
300
00:14:31,666 --> 00:14:34,878
Do you know the kind of trauma
you caused me for a lie?
301
00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:36,922
-[music stops]
-[Malcolm] Making me suffer
302
00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:39,800
-under your lie for 18 years?
-[gasps]
303
00:14:39,883 --> 00:14:42,636
What kind of
Satanic monster are you?
304
00:14:42,886 --> 00:14:44,137
[Craig groaning, farting]
305
00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:47,682
-[♪ thrilling music playing]
-Aw, they found each other.
306
00:14:47,766 --> 00:14:49,643
-[music playing indistinctly]
-We tried to give you
307
00:14:49,768 --> 00:14:52,854
very specific positive goals
to help you get through college,
308
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,773
so you wouldn't just party
and drop out
309
00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,233
and end up
in a homeless shelter.
310
00:14:56,316 --> 00:14:57,818
That was called
good parenting.
311
00:14:57,943 --> 00:15:00,570
You don't even care
about the constant stress
312
00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:02,531
and anxiety of trying
to live up to that?
313
00:15:02,614 --> 00:15:04,449
[breathes shakily]
Do you realize that my--
314
00:15:04,533 --> 00:15:07,953
My degrees, my charity,
the-- The awards,
315
00:15:08,036 --> 00:15:10,872
my beautiful, perfect daughter,
finding a woman
316
00:15:10,956 --> 00:15:13,959
who loves me for me
and makes my life complete,
317
00:15:14,042 --> 00:15:15,877
all of that
was based on your lie?
318
00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:18,630
How could you do that
to me? [breathes deeply]
319
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:22,634
Wait.
320
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:25,679
Malcolm,
you've accomplished so much.
321
00:15:26,179 --> 00:15:27,973
And all of it is you.
322
00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,642
-[Craig groaning]
-It's just you.
323
00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:34,980
You're a good father.
You're a good man.
324
00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,732
Better than we ever hoped.
325
00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:39,860
And I wish
we didn't upset you so much,
326
00:15:39,943 --> 00:15:41,945
and I can't say
it's ever gonna get better.
327
00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:44,448
I just miss you.
328
00:15:47,159 --> 00:15:50,829
-I miss you too. [cries softly]
-[Craig groaning, farting]
329
00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:53,582
I'm trying so hard
to hold it in,
330
00:15:53,665 --> 00:15:55,375
it just makes the pitch
go higher!
331
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,043
Please,
let's just get out of here.
332
00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:59,838
-[chuckles] Yeah, uh...
-Oh, by the way,
333
00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:03,175
-I love my granddaughter.
-Yeah, that's pretty easy.
334
00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:05,427
-And I approve of Tristan.
-[Malcolm] Thanks.
335
00:16:05,635 --> 00:16:07,554
I mean, I don't actually
need your approval.
336
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:09,931
I know, but I approve anyway.
337
00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:14,019
Thanks. I really love her.
338
00:16:14,936 --> 00:16:17,063
I think I love her
like you and Dad.
339
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:20,108
-[door opening]
-[♪ soft music playing]
340
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,822
We are no longer friends. [gags]
341
00:16:25,989 --> 00:16:28,325
[Craig] We'll discuss it
after dessert. Oh!
342
00:16:30,702 --> 00:16:32,454
Hey, Dad. Looking good.
343
00:16:32,704 --> 00:16:34,748
All better now?
Glad we're past that.
344
00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:36,791
We're not past it yet, Reese.
345
00:16:37,918 --> 00:16:39,377
-Did we miss anything?
-Hold me higher.
346
00:16:39,461 --> 00:16:41,505
-I can't see his face.
-You are in for it now.
347
00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:42,839
-All right, all right,.
-You're right.
348
00:16:42,923 --> 00:16:44,633
-It's your moment.
-We'll pile on later.
349
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,092
Dad...
350
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,512
there's no point
in me saying I'm sorry.
351
00:16:49,304 --> 00:16:50,597
I'm always sorry.
352
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,516
But this is different.
353
00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:55,018
I not only
took advantage of you,
354
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:58,355
I did it by pretending
to have a closer,
355
00:16:58,772 --> 00:17:00,398
more loving relationship.
356
00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:05,153
I know
how horrible I made you feel.
357
00:17:05,487 --> 00:17:07,614
And the horrible thing for me...
358
00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:12,619
is I was faking the relationship
I always wanted with you.
359
00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:15,956
Way to take
all the fun out of it.
360
00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:17,457
-[sighs] Yeah, nice.
-Thanks, man.
361
00:17:17,749 --> 00:17:21,670
That is the most honest apology
I have ever heard.
362
00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:23,129
[all groan]
363
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,340
But it is
completely meaningless.
364
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:26,883
-Wait, it's good again.
-Oh! Dude.
365
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:28,802
You have always counted
on the fact
366
00:17:28,885 --> 00:17:32,597
that no matter what you do,
I will always love you,
367
00:17:32,681 --> 00:17:36,393
and that is just true.
It is for all of you.
368
00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:39,938
I-- I assumed the love
was just there
369
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,982
in every cell of my body,
370
00:17:42,065 --> 00:17:44,109
and I was helpless
to prevent it.
371
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,153
But then I realized that
that was just for your mother.
372
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:49,406
You guys
are completely different.
373
00:17:49,656 --> 00:17:53,368
You're so unfailingly
destructive and--
374
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:56,580
and self-absorbed
and oblivious that you--
375
00:17:56,663 --> 00:18:00,500
you-- You make it so
damn difficult that my genuine,
376
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:04,337
deep love
is an actual act of heroism.
377
00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:08,300
Well, do you realize how good
that makes me feel about myself?
378
00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:12,512
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for that gift.
379
00:18:12,596 --> 00:18:13,930
[chuckles]
380
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,600
Especially you.
381
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:18,685
I, uh, yeah.
382
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,648
Are you sure everything's ready?
383
00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:24,733
Don't worry.
384
00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:27,068
Don't worry everything's ready
or just don't worry?
385
00:18:27,152 --> 00:18:28,987
Whatever answer
makes you stop glaring at me,
386
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,071
I don't like it.
387
00:18:31,156 --> 00:18:33,116
Ah, it's too late now, anyway.
388
00:18:34,659 --> 00:18:35,952
[microphone feedback]
389
00:18:36,036 --> 00:18:38,955
Can I have your attention,
please? Everyone?
390
00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:40,915
[sighing]
391
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:44,544
This is
such an important day for me.
392
00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:47,714
After 40 years of frustration,
393
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:52,761
Hal has finally let me celebrate
our relationship my way.
394
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:56,181
-[indistinct chatter, laughter]
-[Lois] My way.
395
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,850
[chuckles] Today is happening
exactly the way
396
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:01,102
I always wanted it to.
397
00:19:01,561 --> 00:19:04,230
Because, honey, for once...
398
00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:06,358
for once...
399
00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:09,736
it's not about me.
400
00:19:10,028 --> 00:19:11,196
It's about you.
401
00:19:11,696 --> 00:19:13,782
[guests] Oh. [chuckle]
402
00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:16,034
[chuckles, sighs]
403
00:19:20,747 --> 00:19:23,249
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
[chuckles, kisses]
404
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,543
This has takenso many online tutorials
405
00:19:25,627 --> 00:19:28,588
and equipment rentalsand crazy expensive laptop
406
00:19:28,672 --> 00:19:31,549
I've been hiding from you.And I hope you like it.
407
00:19:32,759 --> 00:19:35,261
What would you like people
to know about your father?
408
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:38,223
Dad is a complicated man.
409
00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:41,017
[chuckles] Uh, no, he's not.
410
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,645
He's the least
complex man of all time,
411
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,188
which I love.
412
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:48,149
I spend so much time touring
in different cities.
413
00:19:48,483 --> 00:19:50,026
Sometimes,
I don't know where I am,
414
00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:51,403
and then Dad calls.
415
00:19:51,611 --> 00:19:53,488
He doesn't understand
time zones,
416
00:19:53,571 --> 00:19:56,408
and it's always, like,
4:00 in the morning.
417
00:19:57,158 --> 00:19:58,576
{\an8}But it's still very thoughtful.
418
00:20:01,037 --> 00:20:03,373
{\an8}Two minutes talking to him,
I feel like I'm home.
419
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:07,085
Anyway, it got me thinking,
and I wrote this.
420
00:20:09,796 --> 00:20:11,047
[plays piano]
421
00:20:13,883 --> 00:20:18,221
For me, the most singular thing
about Dad is his stamina.
422
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:21,099
The sheer amount of grief
he could stomach.
423
00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:25,687
I got in trouble, got in fights,
got suspended, got expelled.
424
00:20:25,937 --> 00:20:26,938
Twice.
425
00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:31,609
{\an8}But Dad was always
unfailingly patient with me.
426
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,361
{\an8}The first time I met Hal--
427
00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:35,405
Oh, got married to you
without telling them.
428
00:20:35,488 --> 00:20:36,698
That was a big one.
429
00:20:37,031 --> 00:20:39,075
Anyway, I was dreading it.
430
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,578
As far as I knew,
all dads were drunk and mean,
431
00:20:41,661 --> 00:20:44,372
{\an8}but he was always
so steady and reliable.
432
00:20:44,998 --> 00:20:46,958
{\an8}Now, he feels like my real dad.
433
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,710
[gasps]
Got arrested three times.
434
00:20:48,835 --> 00:20:51,713
No, arrested twice,
expelled three times.
435
00:20:52,797 --> 00:20:53,798
[scattered laughter]
436
00:20:53,882 --> 00:20:55,925
We were all pretty wild.
437
00:20:57,177 --> 00:20:59,637
But my brothers, they--
They were so far ahead of me
438
00:20:59,721 --> 00:21:02,432
that I needed
to find my own thing.
439
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:06,269
So, I chose noise.
440
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,563
I especially like
the sound of crashing.
441
00:21:09,314 --> 00:21:13,359
Dishes, lamps, big windows,
little windows.
442
00:21:13,443 --> 00:21:16,154
If you know what you're doing,
I mean, you can create these frequencies
443
00:21:16,237 --> 00:21:19,115
that rip right
through your brain. [chuckling]
444
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:22,786
And when Dad stopped me,
he was always so...
445
00:21:23,453 --> 00:21:25,330
{\an8}gentle about it.
446
00:21:25,705 --> 00:21:29,876
{\an8}I mean, it-- It really made me
want to be peaceful.
447
00:21:30,543 --> 00:21:32,754
{\an8}I really appreciated
his tenderness.
448
00:21:33,546 --> 00:21:35,548
{\an8}Even though,
kind of a tough guy.
449
00:21:35,799 --> 00:21:38,635
I mean, look at these beasts!
450
00:21:39,928 --> 00:21:41,721
Can the love of your life
be a man?
451
00:21:42,013 --> 00:21:44,516
Another heterosexual man?
I say "Yes."
452
00:21:44,599 --> 00:21:46,643
A thousand times, yes.
453
00:21:46,976 --> 00:21:51,064
{\an8}When someone is that loving
and giving and honest and true,
454
00:21:51,189 --> 00:21:53,233
you can't stop it.
You understand?
455
00:21:53,316 --> 00:21:56,861
{\an8}He's not just my best friend.
He's the best person.
456
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,656
{\an8}No one disagree with me
on this one.
457
00:22:00,573 --> 00:22:03,827
[inhales deeply] Hal...
[exhales]
458
00:22:04,744 --> 00:22:06,830
...is. A. Great. Man.
459
00:22:07,789 --> 00:22:09,958
[laughs hysterically]
460
00:22:10,083 --> 00:22:13,294
{\an8}Everyone expects me to talk about
how forgiving and accepting he is.
461
00:22:13,586 --> 00:22:14,963
{\an8}And he totally is with me.
462
00:22:16,714 --> 00:22:18,550
I don't know why I do what I do.
463
00:22:19,008 --> 00:22:20,844
I actually asked
a therapist about it,
464
00:22:20,927 --> 00:22:21,970
but he was all,
465
00:22:22,053 --> 00:22:24,013
"I don't know you
and I don't work for free."
466
00:22:24,097 --> 00:22:26,099
But what I'm really thankful
467
00:22:26,182 --> 00:22:28,434
{\an8}for is the optimism he gave me.
468
00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:31,813
{\an8}I still wake up every day
thinking I'll be better.
469
00:22:32,897 --> 00:22:34,232
{\an8}-He's always cheerful.
-And honest.
470
00:22:34,315 --> 00:22:35,817
{\an8}-And helpful.
-An-- And wise.
471
00:22:35,984 --> 00:22:36,985
{\an8}And honest.
472
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:38,152
{\an8}-I said it already.
-Oh right.
473
00:22:38,278 --> 00:22:39,821
-You already said that.
-[Trey] Oh, give me a minute.
474
00:22:39,904 --> 00:22:41,030
{\an8}-[laughs]
-I admire his enthusiasm
475
00:22:41,114 --> 00:22:42,740
{\an8}and his courage. I mean,
he'll try anything
476
00:22:42,824 --> 00:22:44,409
{\an8}-and make us do it, too.
-Mm-hmm.
477
00:22:44,492 --> 00:22:46,703
Ah, our vocal group,
fire-walking.
478
00:22:46,786 --> 00:22:48,288
-Fire-walking!
-[Trey laughing]
479
00:22:48,371 --> 00:22:50,290
{\an8}And don't forget insightful.
480
00:22:50,582 --> 00:22:53,251
{\an8}Nobody else recognized
that my bluster was just a cover
481
00:22:53,334 --> 00:22:55,879
to hide my shame
at ruining Secret Santa.
482
00:22:55,962 --> 00:22:57,839
{\an8}-[mouthing] I did.
-And he's incredibly generous.
483
00:22:57,922 --> 00:22:59,299
{\an8}Especially,
when he's playing poker!
484
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:00,967
[all laugh hysterically]
485
00:23:01,551 --> 00:23:03,219
Hey, Dad. I'm sorry
this is so rushed,
486
00:23:03,303 --> 00:23:06,180
but I'm totally swamped.
But I wanted to say I love you.
487
00:23:06,264 --> 00:23:09,601
{\an8}Um, I admire your decency
and your honesty and your...
488
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:13,062
{\an8}hair.
So, happy birth-- Anniversary.
489
00:23:13,146 --> 00:23:15,023
Hey, Linda,can you print me that report?
490
00:23:16,691 --> 00:23:19,193
I was like, five...
491
00:23:19,986 --> 00:23:21,696
when I started feeling wrong.
492
00:23:23,364 --> 00:23:24,991
I thought
I was great at hiding it
493
00:23:25,074 --> 00:23:27,201
because you guys
never said anything.
494
00:23:28,953 --> 00:23:30,038
But then...
495
00:23:32,206 --> 00:23:36,377
I had this one really shitty day
in fifth grade
496
00:23:36,836 --> 00:23:38,171
with the other kids and--
497
00:23:38,838 --> 00:23:40,632
and even my teacher.
[breathes shakily]
498
00:23:43,968 --> 00:23:46,679
When... When I had
little kid problems,
499
00:23:47,096 --> 00:23:49,140
I'd just go to Dad
500
00:23:49,390 --> 00:23:51,601
and he'd clown around
and make me feel better.
501
00:23:53,353 --> 00:23:55,605
And--
And I wanted to do that, but...
502
00:23:56,773 --> 00:24:00,360
instead I just blurted out,
"Dad, am I wrong?"
503
00:24:02,487 --> 00:24:03,529
And...
504
00:24:04,113 --> 00:24:07,283
he was looking at me,
and-- and I knew that he knew...
505
00:24:08,368 --> 00:24:09,869
and had always known.
506
00:24:11,704 --> 00:24:12,705
And... [hesitates]
507
00:24:14,457 --> 00:24:16,167
I could tell
he was thinking, like...
508
00:24:16,668 --> 00:24:18,544
really hard. [breathes deeply]
509
00:24:20,463 --> 00:24:22,256
And I was terrified.
[sobs softly]
510
00:24:25,176 --> 00:24:26,761
And then--
511
00:24:26,844 --> 00:24:28,638
Then he finally said...
[inhales]
512
00:24:28,721 --> 00:24:30,640
"You could be nicer
to your mom sometimes."
513
00:24:33,309 --> 00:24:36,813
So, yeah, [inhales shakily]
I like him.
514
00:24:40,775 --> 00:24:41,776
{\an8}-Sincere.-Loyal.
515
00:24:41,859 --> 00:24:42,860
{\an8}-Heartwarming.-Tenderness.
516
00:24:42,944 --> 00:24:43,945
{\an8}-Brave.-Honest.
517
00:24:44,028 --> 00:24:45,238
-Faithful.-Incredible.
518
00:24:45,321 --> 00:24:46,406
-Remarkable.-Vibrant.
519
00:24:46,489 --> 00:24:47,615
-[voice 1] Twinkling.
-[voice 2] Loving.
520
00:24:47,699 --> 00:24:48,908
-[voice 3] Determined.
-[voice 4] Fearless.
521
00:24:48,992 --> 00:24:50,284
-[voice 5] Considerate.
-[voice 6] Sparkling.
522
00:24:50,368 --> 00:24:54,539
[overlapping echoing voices
complimenting]
523
00:24:54,622 --> 00:24:55,665
[voices stop]
524
00:24:55,748 --> 00:24:56,874
[Lois] Love.
525
00:24:56,958 --> 00:24:58,251
[♪ music concludes]
526
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:06,843
[Wayne] We did it! Whoo-hoo!
All minds are beautiful minds.
527
00:25:09,053 --> 00:25:12,640
Hal... [sighs]
...when we first met...
528
00:25:13,850 --> 00:25:16,185
I knew I'd been looking for you
my entire life. [sobs]
529
00:25:17,812 --> 00:25:19,063
[guests sob]
530
00:25:20,815 --> 00:25:22,608
You're my wish come true.
531
00:25:23,693 --> 00:25:26,237
[guests sobbing]
532
00:25:28,865 --> 00:25:30,742
[indistinct chatter on radio]
533
00:25:31,367 --> 00:25:36,080
[guests applauding, cheering]
534
00:25:42,879 --> 00:25:44,088
[Malik] Bravo.
535
00:25:44,589 --> 00:25:49,761
[guests cheering, applauding]
536
00:25:50,470 --> 00:25:52,805
No one's ever done
anything like that for me.
537
00:25:54,223 --> 00:25:55,767
No one ever let us.
538
00:25:55,850 --> 00:25:57,393
[Malcom clearing throat]
Excuse me?
539
00:25:59,979 --> 00:26:04,567
It feels weird to insert myself
into this moment, but if...
540
00:26:05,318 --> 00:26:07,195
I don't do it now,
I'm afraid I never will.
541
00:26:08,237 --> 00:26:09,238
Dad...
542
00:26:11,157 --> 00:26:13,618
I'm sorry for
how crappy my part in that was.
543
00:26:15,578 --> 00:26:17,955
I didn't realize
how much this meant.
544
00:26:18,748 --> 00:26:19,874
How much you meant.
545
00:26:22,376 --> 00:26:23,503
I'm sorry.
546
00:26:33,346 --> 00:26:36,557
I thought I was improving myself
by being away from you.
547
00:26:37,767 --> 00:26:40,394
But instead
I forgot the important things
548
00:26:40,478 --> 00:26:43,231
I learned from you.
"Give everyone a chance."
549
00:26:45,316 --> 00:26:47,235
"Love is brave."
550
00:26:48,986 --> 00:26:50,655
"Don't stop believing."
551
00:26:52,490 --> 00:26:54,700
I know where you got that one,
but it's still good.
552
00:26:55,159 --> 00:26:56,244
So...
553
00:26:56,786 --> 00:26:58,037
love is brave.
554
00:27:01,666 --> 00:27:02,917
-Tristan.
-[gasps]
555
00:27:03,835 --> 00:27:05,128
I am so flawed.
556
00:27:05,253 --> 00:27:08,005
There are so many parts
of my personality
557
00:27:08,089 --> 00:27:12,718
that don't work right,
but I love you so much.
558
00:27:14,137 --> 00:27:15,429
Will you marry me?
559
00:27:18,683 --> 00:27:19,809
No! [chuckles dryly]
560
00:27:21,144 --> 00:27:22,353
-Ooh.
-Oh.
561
00:27:30,111 --> 00:27:31,112
[indistinct gasping]
562
00:27:31,195 --> 00:27:33,364
That doesn't work
for everything, Stevie.
563
00:27:33,447 --> 00:27:34,615
Malcolm...
564
00:27:35,533 --> 00:27:38,369
I love you so much.
565
00:27:39,495 --> 00:27:40,705
But we both just found out
566
00:27:40,830 --> 00:27:45,293
we've been keeping gigantic,
awful secrets from each other.
567
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,462
We have to figure that out
before we do anything.
568
00:27:48,921 --> 00:27:51,174
[indistinct whispering]
569
00:27:51,507 --> 00:27:53,509
Except sex.
We'll definitely have sex later.
570
00:27:53,926 --> 00:27:55,636
[guests cheer]
571
00:28:03,811 --> 00:28:04,896
[chuckles]
572
00:28:05,188 --> 00:28:08,608
[♪ upbeat party music playing]
573
00:28:09,442 --> 00:28:14,989
[both smooching,
breathing heavily]
574
00:28:15,114 --> 00:28:16,949
Sweetie, get off your phone.
It's a party.
575
00:28:17,283 --> 00:28:19,952
Go talk to that little weirdo.
He looks lonely.
576
00:28:20,036 --> 00:28:24,081
[breathing deeply,
kissing, moaning]
577
00:28:27,084 --> 00:28:29,879
-Hi. I'm Leah.
-Hubert.
578
00:28:30,755 --> 00:28:32,465
Who ordered you to approach me?
579
00:28:33,090 --> 00:28:35,593
-My-- My grandma.
-She could tell I was lonely.
580
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,262
[chuckles softly] Just as
I could tell you're lonely.
581
00:28:38,346 --> 00:28:39,889
It's probably
because you're odd.
582
00:28:40,514 --> 00:28:42,141
-I am.
-Well, then...
583
00:28:43,226 --> 00:28:45,478
-we're a match made in heaven.
-Don't do eyebrows.
584
00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:47,980
And you're already giving me
good advice.
585
00:28:48,856 --> 00:28:50,816
-We're blossoming.
-[chuckles]
586
00:28:51,651 --> 00:28:53,653
Hi, would you like to join
587
00:28:53,736 --> 00:28:56,697
what may become
a super-cool friend group?
588
00:29:00,284 --> 00:29:01,494
Yeah, okay. Thanks.
589
00:29:03,955 --> 00:29:06,666
Can I ask you guys about
something really embarrassing?
590
00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:09,126
If you knew me better,
you wouldn't. But go ahead.
591
00:29:09,210 --> 00:29:10,211
[♪ music concludes]
592
00:29:10,336 --> 00:29:11,671
[Wayne] Ladies and gentlemen,
593
00:29:11,754 --> 00:29:14,382
we present the anniversary dance
under the spotlight.
594
00:29:14,674 --> 00:29:17,301
Please remember,
they chose the music.
595
00:29:17,969 --> 00:29:20,930
-[indistinct applauding]
-What have you done?
596
00:29:21,138 --> 00:29:22,890
I don't know
what you're talking about.
597
00:29:23,391 --> 00:29:25,017
-Hal?
-Well, it's just a silly,
598
00:29:25,101 --> 00:29:26,852
little, romantic thing.
It's no big deal.
599
00:29:26,936 --> 00:29:29,355
♪ Do you feelmy heart beating? ♪
600
00:29:29,438 --> 00:29:31,065
[♪ romantic music playing,
The Bangles "Eternal Flame"]
601
00:29:31,148 --> 00:29:36,195
♪ Do you understand?Do you feel the same? ♪
602
00:29:36,988 --> 00:29:41,492
♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪
603
00:29:42,201 --> 00:29:48,332
♪ I believeIt's meant to be, darling ♪
604
00:29:48,457 --> 00:29:51,127
♪ Do you feel the same? ♪
605
00:29:51,210 --> 00:29:52,211
[groans]
606
00:29:52,295 --> 00:29:56,132
♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪
607
00:29:56,215 --> 00:29:57,300
[guests cheer]
608
00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,969
Oh, my God,
it's like being in a dream.
609
00:30:00,052 --> 00:30:01,178
You are a dream.
610
00:30:01,262 --> 00:30:04,682
♪ ...an eternal flame? ♪
611
00:30:06,517 --> 00:30:07,768
[screams]
612
00:30:09,687 --> 00:30:12,982
♪ Do you feelmy heart beating? ♪
613
00:30:13,441 --> 00:30:15,735
♪ Do you understand? ♪
614
00:30:15,985 --> 00:30:18,612
♪ Do you feel the same? ♪
615
00:30:19,655 --> 00:30:23,868
♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪
616
00:30:24,243 --> 00:30:27,038
♪ Or is this burning... ♪
617
00:30:27,121 --> 00:30:32,001
[all coughing]
618
00:30:33,252 --> 00:30:36,589
♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪
619
00:30:37,006 --> 00:30:40,468
♪ Do you feelmy heart beating? ♪
620
00:30:40,885 --> 00:30:46,390
♪ Do you understand?Do you feel the same? ♪
621
00:30:46,766 --> 00:30:51,312
♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪
622
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,402
♪ An eternal flame ♪
623
00:30:58,527 --> 00:31:01,030
♪ Close your eyesGive me... ♪
624
00:31:01,113 --> 00:31:04,492
-[♪ song concludes]
-[indistinct clamoring]
625
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:07,870
[gasps]
626
00:31:07,953 --> 00:31:10,998
Oh! Lois, Lois. I'm sorry.
627
00:31:11,248 --> 00:31:13,417
I'm sorry that--
That wasn't supposed to-- I--
628
00:31:13,584 --> 00:31:14,668
I didn't mean to.
629
00:31:16,253 --> 00:31:17,421
Do you like it?
630
00:31:19,173 --> 00:31:23,677
[♪ joyous music playing,
concludes]
631
00:31:23,928 --> 00:31:25,888
[electricity sparking]
632
00:31:30,810 --> 00:31:33,396
This is the most
incontestable forfeit
633
00:31:33,479 --> 00:31:35,398
of a security deposit
of all time.
634
00:31:35,481 --> 00:31:38,317
[chuckles] And well worth it.
635
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,861
-Ow!
-What?
636
00:31:40,945 --> 00:31:45,032
What the hell?
My leg is killing me.
637
00:31:48,369 --> 00:31:49,912
When the hell did I get a cast?
638
00:31:50,329 --> 00:31:53,416
-[♪ light-hearted music playing]
-Having friends is awesome.
639
00:31:53,499 --> 00:31:56,252
I had no idea.
We talked everything out,
640
00:31:56,335 --> 00:31:58,504
and they gave me
a whole new perspective.
641
00:31:58,754 --> 00:32:00,631
So, I am going
to send a picture.
642
00:32:01,924 --> 00:32:04,635
Well, a screenshot.
To his parents.
643
00:32:05,177 --> 00:32:07,054
And every girl in school.
644
00:32:10,057 --> 00:32:11,308
Teachable moment.
645
00:32:12,726 --> 00:32:13,894
Just so you know,
646
00:32:14,019 --> 00:32:16,105
Grandma actually helped me
solve a problem.
647
00:32:16,272 --> 00:32:17,273
Really? How?
648
00:32:18,065 --> 00:32:20,818
Well, by bossing me around about
something completely different.
649
00:32:21,402 --> 00:32:22,528
That's the M.O.
650
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,074
It just occurred to me.
My next poo is gonna be amazing.
651
00:32:27,199 --> 00:32:28,284
[chuckles]
652
00:32:28,409 --> 00:32:30,035
Nice job
ruining the anniversary.
653
00:32:31,662 --> 00:32:33,247
Me?
Everything would've been fine
654
00:32:33,330 --> 00:32:35,207
if those rafters
were spaced properly.
655
00:32:35,332 --> 00:32:37,001
Bull, those rafters
are exactly to code.
656
00:32:37,084 --> 00:32:38,878
[Francis]
They absolutely are not.
657
00:32:38,961 --> 00:32:40,337
For God's sakes, Reese.
658
00:32:40,421 --> 00:32:42,465
Building codes
specify different rafter spacing
659
00:32:42,548 --> 00:32:44,008
for four-by-sixes and
four-by-eights,
660
00:32:44,091 --> 00:32:46,302
and you can't tell
the dimensions from down here.
661
00:32:46,385 --> 00:32:48,762
And when a zipper sticks,
you don't keep yanking on it.
662
00:32:48,888 --> 00:32:51,182
You pull gently
and wiggle it side to side.
663
00:32:51,390 --> 00:32:53,267
That's another thing,
that cheap zipper.
664
00:32:53,350 --> 00:32:55,603
There's tons of things to blame.
Tomorrow, we'll get down to city hall...
665
00:32:55,686 --> 00:32:58,063
Well, I guess
this is my life again.
666
00:32:58,147 --> 00:32:59,773
I just have to do
everything I can
667
00:32:59,857 --> 00:33:00,941
to make it work.
668
00:33:01,275 --> 00:33:04,236
Mostly, because I can't think
of any way out it. [sighs]
669
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,071
I hope Leah's gonna be okay
with this family.
670
00:33:07,198 --> 00:33:08,574
I like this family.
671
00:33:08,699 --> 00:33:10,826
I feel so much less weird
by comparison.
672
00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:13,871
I hope Dad's gonna be able
to handle it.
673
00:33:14,663 --> 00:33:16,832
-I'm sure he'll be fine.
-I'm sure she'll be fine.
674
00:33:16,957 --> 00:33:18,083
[♪ music concludes]
675
00:33:20,503 --> 00:33:22,213
♪ Freak-A-Zoids, robots ♪
676
00:33:22,338 --> 00:33:24,965
♪ Please reportto the dance floor ♪
677
00:33:25,090 --> 00:33:27,384
[♪ upbeat pop music playing,
Midnight Star "Freak-A-Zoid"]
678
00:33:28,719 --> 00:33:32,598
♪ I'll be your Freak-a-ZoidCome on and wind me up ♪
679
00:33:33,724 --> 00:33:36,101
♪ Ooh dance baby ♪
680
00:33:36,810 --> 00:33:39,563
♪ Shake your bodylike you just don't care ♪
681
00:33:39,647 --> 00:33:40,814
♪ I said ♪
682
00:33:40,898 --> 00:33:43,984
♪ I'll be your Freak-A-ZoidCome on and wind me up ♪
683
00:33:44,068 --> 00:33:45,653
♪ System engagedso I'm ‘bout to soar ♪
684
00:33:45,736 --> 00:33:47,863
♪ Let me show you how to land iton the dance floor ♪
685
00:33:47,947 --> 00:33:49,782
♪ Rock back and forthspaceship on another flight ♪
686
00:33:49,865 --> 00:33:51,784
-♪ Let me teach you how to... ♪-♪ Rock Baby ♪
687
00:33:51,867 --> 00:33:55,454
♪ I'll be your Freak-A-ZoidCome on and wind me up ♪
688
00:33:55,538 --> 00:33:59,166
♪ Z-O-I-D-SRock baby ♪
689
00:33:59,291 --> 00:34:03,128
♪ I'll be your Freak-A-ZoidCome on and wind me up ♪
690
00:34:03,587 --> 00:34:04,922
[♪ song concludes]
53226
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