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You're listening to RedFM.

Just got word that there's a new romantic Punjabi comedy movie

being shot in Brampton.

The premise involves a Canadian-born boy

getting into a fake marriage

with a Punjab-born girl for citizenship.

Oh yes! A Canadian-born internet boy is starring in it!

It isn't Jasmeet, is it?

Yes!

Lucky Gill, the film's director

Just came off three successful projects!

Then it's a guarantee! This is going to be a hilarious film.

Get ready to have a laughing fit!

No tension!

I don't care about the dowry anymore.

I'm bringing her back to Canada.

It's not about the money, for me.

You know... it's about my love!

Uh, hey.

Do you know what time we're starting?

Call time was like three hours ago.

Should be starting shortly.

Um... Okay.

Do you know what time that is exactly?

Yeah, I can ask them.

Great.

Like, now or?

Yeah. One second.

I'm just finishing my tea.

Okay.

Sir? Jasmeet, sir, is asking about time.

Yep. Okay.

Yeah. Okay, okay.

So, what'd they say?

Should be starting shortly.

Okay.

Big fan, by the way!

Thanks.

What's up, guys? Prem here.

Check out this crazy trailer they got me put up in

for this top secret movie I'm shooting with Chris Rock.

We got a whole bathroom with a shower,

a mini hot tub, a PS5, ice cream machine,

ping pong table, a mini trampoline,

my own bed in case I get tired-

Prem, we're ready for you now.

Oh, you're ready for me? Damn right on time, too.

Let's go!

Oh! What's up, paaji?

- What's up? - Good, uh-

- You want coffee? - I...

Oy! Come here.

Go make a Timmy's run.

And get Timbits, okay?

Man, these guys don't do any work.

Just wandering around all day.

Anyways, we have some scotch if you want.

Do you want to take a shot?

Uh... no, I-I'm good, man.

Uh, look.

About the script, I was thinking about...

just different ideas that would really, like,

elevate it and take it to another level.

Buddy... I'm also thinking the same way.

We've been working on rewrites all day.

Look, I've got these uncles inside writing.

- Yeah. Okay, here's an idea. - Mm-hmm.

- What if... - Mm-hmm.

The guy at the end doesn't end up getting the girl, right?

So that, like, reawakens his warped understanding

of what love really is!

It'll make it so much more progressive

and-and modern for us, you know?

Are you progressive? Yes, progressive!

Yes! You're right! Give me two minutes.

Okay okay, we've figured it out!

Here's what we'll do.

...instead of marrying a girl named Preeti,

you're marrying a guy named Preet!

You get it?

You both pretend to be gay!

So that he can move to Canada and get PR!

Hilarious, right?

Uh...

We'll call it "Rainbow Card"!

Like a PR card! You know how their flags are all colourful?

I don't know, man, it just, like,

it feels kinda weird. - Weird? Why weird?

You're not gonna be gay!

You're just pretending to be gay.

No, that's not the weird part, I...

It just feels like a hacky 2000s Hollywood movie.

Like what, then there's going to be a marriage auditor,

and he's gonna have to test our marriage

and we're forced to kiss each other to prove it?

Brilliant idea, paaji, brilliant idea!

Guys, guys, write down this great scene!

No, no, no, that's not what I meant-

Paaji, this is going to be our Breakback Mountain.

You know how many Oscars that won?

That was an authentic story about two guys

trying to figure out their sexuality.

This just feels backwards, man.

Backwards? No, no!

This is going to be the most progressive thing

to ever happen in the Punjabi community.

It'll get people in the Punjabi community

thinking about gay people, gay rights and all that.

This is our seva to them.

We're gonna have the very right audience.

Indians, Canadians, Latinese, Goray, Africans...

Paaji, you're going to become the biggest star.

Forget millions, we're gonna make billions!

Avatar, Titanic, they'll be left in the dust.

You're going to have the biggest directors chasing after you.

As if you're gonna call Lucky Gill anymore...

You're going to have white girls after you,

gays chasing after you.

Why don't you guys get a better sofa? It's killing my back.

Ma Ji, why don't you sleep comfortably downstairs?

We made a bed for you.

No, don't worry, I slept plenty on the plane.

Mama, Supinder is right.

She has made a nice room for you downstairs.

Plenty of space.

Don't worry, I'll just sleep on the floor in the TV room.

Who's going to watch TV late at night?

Plus, it'll be really good for my back.

Okay, you decide.

I'm going to work.

Call if you need anything.

Don't worry, I won't be in your way at all.

The tea looks a little weak, no?

Oh, yo!

You look so fucking jokes, bro!

Bro, I look like Adam Levine in 2010.

You signed up for a Punjabi movie, man.

Like, last-minute changes are the norm!

Yeah, but this much, though?

The whole concept's completely changed!

Why are you so nervous?

You're only pretending to be gay.

Okay, that's not why I'm nervous, all right?

Well... yo, man,

this'll be great for your career.

This'll be like our Backbreak Mountain.

Bro, that's not the... you know what?

I'm just gonna ask the wardrobe guy for something else.

Paaji, don't you have any other options?

Yo, that's what the director wants.

Who am I to argue and give any creative input...

He's not my mom's sister's son.

Different option...

You know what, man? I'm gonna find Lucky,

and set this whole thing straight.

I mean, like... I'm gonna clarify shit.

Well, yo.

Don't fuck around with it, bro.

Like, he knows what he's doing.

He knows how to make a smash hit!

- Yeah, but like- - Shh, hold on, hold on.

Yeah, bro!

Yo, what's up, man?

Yeah, I'm down for wacking some balls this weekend!

Pause.

Yeah, let's hook up with that fine ass gori cart chick, bro.

Hi.

Uh, I didn't order anything.

Uh...

...is this Jasmeet's apartment?

Yes. It is. But he's not here, so...

He doesn't know I'm here.

But I come... just to hang out.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, did he order me food?

Uh. No, it... his mom, actually.

Oh, Pooji?

Yes, she sent food.

- Great. I'll just- - Uh, actually,

Supinder aunty asked me to make sure

that Jasmeet gets it, so maybe I could just put it...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Please. Come in.

Thank you.

Um...

You work for Pooji?

I do. I'm...

I'm helping with the tiffins and the deliveries.

Nice. Yeah, I used to do that.

Then I got replaced by a robot.

And now you. So...

you're probably a robot.

Beep-boop. My name is Janat 3000.

I am a robot.

Imported from India.

How may I be of service to you?

Um. I am Neal 2000.

I do not need your service.

I just want the food.

This is Jasmeet's food.

Plus your nails are dirty.

Okay. It's not dirt, it's actually nail polish, so...

Oh. It's very Prince of Darkness.

Like... Ozzy Osbourne?

Yeah. I love Black Sabbath.

Are you kidding? That's my favourite band.

Heaven and Hell is my ringtone.

No way! Mine's War Pigs.

Someone told me a while ago

that I was the reincarnation of Ronnie James Dio.

But, honestly, I prefer Ozzy.

- Well, yeah, of course. - Of course.

They're probably walking their dogs in heaven right now.

Oh, probably.

- Or hell. - Think so.

Okay, well, um...

I should go. But, uh...

thanks for letting me in.

It's no problem. Oh, and um...

My thanks you My thanks you egg...

Bitch.

Egg bitch?

What? Is that what I said?

- Was that Punjabi? - Yeah, yeah. I'm...

I'm learning. - Okay, it's really... bad.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, thanks again.

Yeah.

Janat 3000.

Neal 2000.

- Bye. - Bye.

You know? Make him more gay.

Yo, Lucky, I had a quick question about the-

Lucky, I wanted to...

Sorry, thank you so much, okay, appreciate it.

Yo! Lucky!

Lucky?

Hey, have you guys seen Lucky?

Yo! Lucky, where are you? Yo!

- Hey. - Hey.

Wow! What are you wearing?

Uh, I know, it's just...

It's a long story, I'll explain it soon.

Okay. You look like Adam Levine in 2010, but-

- Yeah, I trust him. - Sure.

Everybody gather round, gather round.

So, thank you for being here.

We are making history!

This is going to be a super smash hit!

Thank you, I'm the director of the film, Lucky Gill.

And let me introduce you to our very special guest.

He is the superstar, upcoming megastar.

He dropped everything he needed to do,

just to come here and be a part

of this tiny little film of mine.

I am so glad!

I'm filled with happiness...

So please give it up for...

Sajan!

Oh, yes, yes.

Thank you so much! Thank you so much!

I have a wonderful feeling about this;

you've written such a great script.

I got so much enjoyment reading it,

as soon as I read the first two lines I was like "yes!"

My plane was on the way to Dubai,

we're 25 thousand square feet up,

and I said "No! We're not going to Dubai anymore.

Forget performing for those Sheikhs."

Then I told that pilot "make a u-turn."

"Bring me straight here."

So now I'm here in Toronto

to be a part of this amazing, culture changing movie.

I feel so proud and emotional

that this is going to be our own...

"Back Bone Mountain."

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So, yes, uh, also introducing...

Jasmeet, the other actor.

Ooh, thank you, thank you, paaji.

So, to kick things up...

Shall we start off with a quick prayer.

My good friend, Avtar...

Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru,

please, bless this set.

And all the people on it.

And please forgive us for all the mistakes,

the dirty deeds and stuff that I don't agree with!

But there's a lot that's going to happen on this set.

There's like, a lot of it.

The director went crazy! But like...

You gotta laugh at something, right?

Things happen, right?

Hey, uh, Lucky, I haven't got the script yet.

Just wait two minutes.

Yeah, but I just wanna-

Can you just shut up for two minutes.

Prayers are happening.

Continue.

And Waheguru,

thank you for blessing my crypto portfolio.

Oh, oh, thank you, thank you, Avtar, buddy.

Mummy, do you watch Pakistani dramas?

Oh, forget it!

I don't watch that kind of garbage.

No, they're really exciting, trust me!

You need to try and watch it at least once.

That stuff is there to ruin the minds of people with free time.

Then when the family breaks up they ask what happened.

Hello? Hey sister!

How are you?

I'm fine.

I've arrived but the flight was very long.

I haven't even seen my grandchildren yet.

They're out busy building their lives.

Maanvi? God knows what she is up to.

She's out here getting pushed around in the streets.

Sometimes she goes to Asia, sometimes Europe.

No, no, her marriage got broken off.

It's such a shame.

And Jasmeet? It's not like he's married yet either.

No, he moved downtown.

I don't know why he doesn't live at home.

Their house looks pretty good to me!

Yes, everyone else is okay too.

You know, she hired someone to make roti for her

so she can have some free time to watch TV.

Oh, well, let's move on - what's it to us anyway?

Okay, so this very first scene,

you guys gonna love it.

It's with the marriage auditor!

Ah, he's going to interview our lovely couple.

And, you know, they have to prove him

that they are in "real relationship".

So what's the best way to do that? Anybody!

Huh?

By showing marriage certificate?

No, no, you idiot.

Instead, by...

kissing each other! Much funnier, isn't it?

It's just like Brokeback Mountain!

Brilliant!

Oh, thank you, thank you.

God has given me such a brilliant mind.

- Dude, what the fuck? - I don't know, man,

they switched it up on me last minute.

Oh, and uh...

I really wanna thank Jasmeet for inspiring this whole idea!

He purposely wrote that scene just so he could kiss me!

Go get ready and get your makeup done!

Why are you standing here?

Okay, everyone on your marks, let's get going.

Ooh.

Hey, look, man. Is this weird?

Who're we really laughing at here, you know?

Oh. A laugh is a laugh, my friend.

You should learn to laugh too. You're always serious.

Yeah, go ahead and set that there.

Okay, well...

Can we get an intimacy coordinator at least? You know?

A what?

You know how on sets, they have, like,

a supervisor that makes sure everybody's comfortable

and everything's consensual? Like, isn't that a thing?

Bro, we're not making porn.

It's just a small kiss!

Where am I supposed to find a white woman

to tell you how to kiss?

Mm, can you bring the lips here?

Can you bring the lips here?

Are you guys comfortable? You want me to hold your hand?

It's not like that, man.

Why are you always stressing me out man?

Making everything so complicated.

I'm not making it complicated, bro,

I'm just saying we should think about what we are doing!

Oh, you are just pretending... to pretend to be gay.

Bro, you're not actually gay.

Again, that's not what I'm nervous about-

Oh, relax!

Just relax. Somebody get him some water.

You drank coffee, right? Go brush your teeth! Go!

Think about Sajan, he's such a big star!

And why are you standing here? Get to work!

I'm trying to get to the director, man.

I didn't mean for it to be like this.

Yeah. It'd be weird if you did.

Okay, but maybe this is a good thing.

Like, think about it. It's like,

pushing the culture forward in its own weird way.

Start a dialogue, make it more palatable...

Or maybe it's just because

Navi will do anything to get paid.

Seriously, I don't get good vibes from that guy.

Yeah, but he's getting me paid!

I'll keep working on how to fix this, okay?

Okay, man. Whatever. I'm gonna go hit my vape.

Hurry up, man, I'm getting light on me.

Get ahead of me. Walk side by side.

Or I'll fire your ass.

Supinder?

What are you doing sitting in the tub?

What happened?

Please, you have to help me!

Mummy-ji is ruining the vibe of the whole house.

She doesn't like my cooking,

and she's taking over the whole living room.

She won't even let me watch my dramas.

Okay, I'll talk to her.

Here, let's get you out.

Man, this is crazy.

My wife is here and even my mother is here!

Any of your family here?

Uh, just some of my friends came.

Yeah. - Nice.

But, I'm nervous about doing this movie

considering our culture.

I would never let them come see this scene.

That's why I had them wait outside.

Why's that?

The disgrace they would experience if they saw...

a boy kissing another boy.

I mean we both know it's part of the job but...

Bro, some things,

sometimes you need to hide things, you know?

Not everything needs to be shown.

Don't you think, like,

bringing them on set, and like exposing them

to something like this will open up their minds?

Oh, paaji. Expose?

The only thing it'll expose is their broken little hearts.

They tried watching Glee and even that didn't help.

Bro, one very important thing...

My India data pack is finished.

Can you give me the wi-fi password?

Enter it in, paaji.

Hello? Paaji?

Well, having a marriage certificate

and photos from your wedding is all fine and dandy,

but I'm going to need proof.

Or your PR status will be revoked.

Well, what kind of proof you need?

Simple.

Kiss your husband.

That's it?

- Yep. - Oh, no.

Begin!

Shouldn't be so hard if you're married,

like you said you are.

Do it. Do it...

The disgrace they would experience if they saw...

a boy kissing another boy.

Do it.

You're going to be a big star, huge star!

Are they really the people to tell this story?

He knows what he's doing!

He knows how to make a smash hit!

Mmm. Delicious.

Oh, he's your brother, man! Give your little brother a kiss!

Come on! Come on, man!

We have to do this.

Citizenship. - Yeah, yeah.

I can do this. That's it, that's it...

Hey, yo!

Which penchod is interrupting my shoot?!

The fuck is going on?

Dude, shut up. Shh.

Lucky, can I take five? Please? Can we just take five?

Okay, take five. Please reset!

Umbrella!

We'll get you your goddamn umbrella!

Umbrella, umbrella... always umbrella.

Sorry, man, I just tripped out seeing you kiss that dude.

- Why? Are you homophobic? - Nah, man.

I just feel weird seeing Jasmeet kiss, period.

Girl, guy, anyone!

It's like my younger bro, I don't wanna see that shit,

it's gross! - I thought it was great.

I really liked how you played up the nervousness in the scene.

You were, like... pale,

and you looked like you were gonna shit or vomit.

It was, like... it was real.

Yeah, it was a little too real.

Acting.

Sure you weren't actually nervous?

I mean, he is straight.

Sexuality's a spectrum, I think everyone's a little gay.

Yeah right! You guys crazy!

Typical.

Wait, this is a movie about discovering your sexuality?

That's... that's really good for the community, right?

Look, if you feel weird about this,

then I think you should maybe not do this movie

and just go and work on yourself, you know?

Nah, nah. Jasmeet is doing this movie.

If anyone has a problem with this,

there's the fucking door!

"Anyone" as in an actual queer person?

You know, I had to bend over backwards

like 40 different ways to pull this off? Boss.

This shit reeks of a desperate cash grab.

Did these guys even consult an actual queer person?

Seriously.

Let's get back to work! Okay, come on!

Your five minutes aren't up yet?

Everyone else is back.

Hey! Look.

I really think that you should reconsider this, okay?

Oh, shit!

What the fuck?

Uh... yo, I spilled something on my shirt.

I'm gonna have to go to wardrobe.

Are you serious?

Are you gonna work?

Go change your shirt!

Umbrella boy, get over there!

Barely any budget.

and they keep messing up my shirts.

Sorry, man, I just... yeah.

What's the point of saying sorry,

these guys aren't going to do anything different.

Same thing over and over again,

copying 30 year old Hollywood movies.

They don't want to do anything different.

I don't know, man. Look, you sound fed up too.

Why are you working in this industry?

Why don't you go to Hollywood?

Kid...

This is your job.

That's your job, man.

I don't even know what are you doing here.

Everything your Sri Lankan friend said?

I think she was right.

You can't break out of the box this way.

You have to try something new,

and you can do that.

So why don't you?

I don't know, man, I'm like...

I'm just trying to push the culture forward, man,

isn't that the whole point?

For thirty years,

"Look at his clothes!"

"Look what he did to his hair! He looks silly!"

The day the culture goes away,

that's when you're gonna do something?

My mentor used to say...

"Don't mind anyone else. Like a river, carve your own way."

Make your own path, man. The people follow you.

Don't follow people.

You were born in both worlds, man.

You got a chance!

Go show off your swag, playa!

Take this.

And one more thing...

You were born ready, like me.

Mama?

Come, I can take you to your room downstairs

so you can sleep peacefully.

You're trying to put me in the ground like Jogi?

I'm fine right where I am.

You can take Maanvi's room upstairs if you like.

No peace in this house.

Here, upstairs, this first room on the left is yours.

Yes, Mama, the room on the left.

Yes, yes.

Mama, it's this one on the left! The one on the left!

Mama, this is our bedroom!

Don't worry, man. I get it done, don't worry.

Yo. Let me call you back.

Yo, why aren't you changed yet?

Yeah. I did some thinking and, uh...

I'm not gonna lie, man, I can't do this movie. I quit.

What? Excuse-fucking-me?

Bro, this shit changed like 50 times, man.

There's no integrity.

I don't know what the intentions are.

Nobody's giving me any answers, so I can't do this, bro.

I-I'm done!

Look man, you've been continuously screwing me over.

Late with the brand videos? Giving me attitude?

Cockblocking me?

I need you to do this film!

How else am I supposed to feed my family?

Bro, I don't know, man. That's not my issue.

Don't mess with a man and his meal, Jasmeet!

I'm warning you! Don't fuck up a good thing here!

Yo! Look what I found for you!

You should wear this one in the next scene.

Ah penchod, you're still not ready yet?

Bro, can you get him ready?

Bro, I gotta find out.

Where'd he go off and die?

Don't worry about it, man, 'cause... I quit.

Quit? After all these costs?!

And you?

You're fired.

You know what? I don't need you, Jasmeet.

I'll find 100 of you!

In a second, man. In a second!

Yo! I quit too.

I'm going to Hollywood, baby.

Jasmeet?

Man, let's go.

Let's go link up with Quentin Tarantino.

Who's gonna dress our star?

Let's go, man.

We gotta stop messing around with Desi's.

Let's ride.

Do you act?

The fuck?

Bro, trust me. This is going to be a huge film.

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