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[Sighs]
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[Distant clanging]
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[Breathing heavily]
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[Exhales]
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Ohh!
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Agh!
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- Testing! - Aah!
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Robin: Ohh! Ohh! Aah!
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Alison: Yah!
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Captain: Well, that seems pretty conclusive.
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She can also hear us.
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[Alison groaning]
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[Snoring]
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Clear!
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♪ This room gonna get some DIY ♪
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Fanny: Aah!
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Mike: ♪ DIY ♪
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What is this impudence?!
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[Drill whirring]
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This is my room, do you hear me? My room!
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What sort of heathen just barges in on a lady
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while she's sleeping?
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Whh, whh, whh, whh!
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[Drill whirs]
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Fanny: What on Earth is going on?
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♪ Daddy gonna drill a hole in the wall ♪
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Fanny: Daddy is not drilling any holes in any--
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[Drilling]
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beyond the pale!
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No. What are you do--
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[Drilling drowns out voice]
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Ohh!
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Oh, you have got to be joking.
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Alison: Mike! Mike: Er, uh...
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Kitty: Oh! This looks fun!
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I'm going to call it the smile hole.
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Hello, Lady Button! Morning!
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Alison: Mike! Fanny: No, no, no!
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You can't just leave it like this.
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Where are you going? You can't just leave it.
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So what's your favorite morning song?
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I think mine is...
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♪ There's a lark in the bushel at the corner of the ♪
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Alison: Mike!
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Mike: Uh...
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[Ghosts all talking at once]
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Alison: They're back! Mike: Who?
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Them!
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[Ghost voices stop]
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Uh...
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Aah!
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Don't shriek, you ill-bred hen.
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It is unseemly for a lady to--aah!
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Him! Cover that up at once, you beastly wretch!
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I refuse to be taunted in my own home
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by that lying, cheating...
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Julian: Ex-husband. You know how it is.
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[Alison whimpers]
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- Oh, we're the same height! - Do you need a tea?
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Thomas: Lady coming through! Robin: Hey! Don't touch!
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Kitty: What's your favorite color?
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Fanny: Tell that cow-handed buffoon...
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[All talking at once]
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Oh, I do wish they wouldn't do that!
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Mike: Aly! Alison: There's a cave one,
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and there's an army one, and there's one with no pants on.
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- I'm the first from Cambridge! - And the first from Cambridge.
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Mike: OK, OK. I know it may seem very real,
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but remember what they said at the hospital, yeah?
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"May experience visual disturbances."
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Alison: But I can hear them, too.
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And my Uncle Graeme, he thought he could smell toast,
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but you know what?
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There was no toast.
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He was having a stroke! He--he died, Mike.
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OK, bad example. I'm just saying think about it.
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What's more likely, that you can see ghosts
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or that you're still suffering from severe concussion?
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Ghosts: Ghosts.
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Concussion.
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[Ghosts sigh]
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Mike: Exactly. You don't just walk away from...
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Robin, you've been here a while.
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Have you ever seen anything like this before?
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One time, yes, but was a bear.
86
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Ooga. Bear was like, "Raargh!" and I'm like, "Argh!"
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and then he like, "Ooga! Hurr, hurr!"
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And I'm like, "Ooh! Voo! Ha ha ha!"
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And the bear's like, "Ha ha ha!"
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[Grunting]
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Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
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You had to be there.
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- Rare, then. - Or magic?
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Mary: Black magic.
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Kitty: Perhaps she's just special.
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Thomas: Indeed she is.
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Mike: And you'll be back to your old self in no time.
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Just give it a few days, yeah?
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OK.
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OK? Yep.
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So, Mike, what are you up to?
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Well, I'm hooking up all the stuff
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that we can't live without.
104
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So like heating and hot water and...
105
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TV, but the boiler's next on the list!
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[Clattering]
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After that.
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Are you sure you know what you're doing?
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No, but Google does, so we're golden.
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Wowee. That's quite the encyclopedia.
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It's got to be, what, two CD-ROMs min.
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Mike: It's all under control here,
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so why don't you go and relax?
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Have yourself a nice war--tepid bath.
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Alison: I'd like that. Thomas: I'd like that.
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Alison: Ohh!
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One of them just said what I said.
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Mike: See? It's all in your head.
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Just give it a few days, yeah?
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Now go on. Bath.
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[Clattering]
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[Sighs]
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Robin: Ohh! Oog! Fanny: Oh, dear.
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Captain: Clearly, this changes things.
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By some quirk of fate, it would seem the new Lady Button--
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Fanny: She's no lady and no Button.
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Captain: Well, whoever she is, she can now both see
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and hear us, which opens up some intriguing possibilities,
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chiefly the potential for a full-frontal assault.
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Order them to leave face-to-face.
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Yes!
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Well, conversings with the dead be witchcraft.
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People been burned at the stake for less.
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Thomas: Yes, Except of course she isn't truly
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conversing, is she?
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She may give ear to my overtures,
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but, alas, she is yet to respond to any of us.
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Robin: She spoke to me. Thomas: What?
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No, she did not.
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Robin: Did. Said, "Aah!"
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Pat: I don't think that's a word, Robin.
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Captain: No. Robin: 'Tis.
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I had cousin. That's all he said.
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Captain: She's not conversing because Mr. Sledgehammer
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up there has convinced her we are just figments
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of her imagination,
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which is why we need a change of tactics.
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We work in shifts.
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Campaign of attrition. Guerrilla war.
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[Robin exhales]
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Gorilla always win.
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Why is it always about war with you?
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[Muttering]
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You know, what's wrong with a nice hello?
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Maybe show them around.
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Then we could all sit down and have a nice friendly chat
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about this whole hotel business.
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Kitty: It is nice to be friendly.
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- Ideally more than friendly. - Ugh.
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Captain: Befriended by you lot?
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I can't think of anything more annoying.
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In fact, you know what? Do that!
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Yeah, good plan. That'll send them running.
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Julian: Perhaps I should handle the negotiations.
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Robin: Huh?
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Well, I did, after all, resolve the Arabian crisis of '91.
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Captain: What, you stopped a war?
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Julian: No, I stopped a crisis
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by starting a war, as it happens,
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but, you know, that's not the point.
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The point is I was lead envoy in the negotiations.
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Utter toffee.
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You couldn't negotiate your way out of a corn maze.
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How dare you!
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I'm a respected politician and diplomat,
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and I will not have my credentials called into question
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by some work-shy Bohemian.
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That treaty was my legacy.
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[Ghosts tittering]
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Robin: "Legacy."
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Oh, yeah, oh, very, very funny.
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Fine! I'll prove it to you!
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Mmm. Yeah. Ho ho!
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You'll see.
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[Distant banging]
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Imagine that slammed!
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Mike: ♪ Daddy's gonna give it some DIY ♪
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♪ Some DIY ♪
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Right. I'll show them.
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[Grunting]
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[Gasps]
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That's better.
193
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No, no, no, no, no! That's worse!
194
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Kitty: This is awful!
195
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I shall write to the owners, but where's my quill?
196
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Maybe I left it downstairs.
197
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Oh, brick it up, you oaf.
198
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I refuse to spend eternity in the company of a halfwit.
199
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Kitty: I thought we were friends!
200
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Friends are peers and intellectual equals, Kitty.
201
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We are neither.
202
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Kitty: Fine! Then I'm not letting you go in my canoe.
203
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I just...
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Right, then.
205
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Old boiler.
206
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[Grunting]
207
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This'll learn those berks.
208
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[Groaning]
209
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Err!
210
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Hmm.
211
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[Electricity crackles]
212
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Ah. There's nothing to be scared of.
213
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[Ghosts murmuring]
214
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♪ Daddy gonna fix the boiler now ♪
215
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Hmm.
216
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♪ YouTube gonna show Daddy how ♪
217
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- Ooh! - YouTube.
218
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[Ding]
219
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[Ding ding ding]
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[Ding]
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Come on!
222
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[Ding ding ding ding]
223
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Ugh!
224
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Man: Oh, it's not playing ball, is it?
225
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[Ghosts murmuring]
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- What's he doing? - Oh, no, Daddy.
227
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No, you need to prime the inlet pump,
228
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open the induction loop, repressurize the system,
229
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then connect the gas feed,
230
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and then ignite--or just hit it with a hammer.
231
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- Unbelievable. - Technophobe.
232
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Yeah.
233
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Captain: Right. It's going to take a sustained assault
234
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to grind her down, so we'll take it in shifts.
235
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Thomas: I'll go first! We have a connection,
236
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a frisson, if you will.
237
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Pat: Maybe I should go first,
238
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you know, let her know the lay of the land.
239
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No. This is a military campaign,
240
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and I'm not the sort to bring up the rear.
241
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No, I'll go first.
242
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Ugh!
243
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And then you, Pat, and then Mary,
244
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and--Good heavens.
245
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What on Earth is that?
246
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Ah, now, that is the front bit of a television.
247
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I don't know where the back bit is,
248
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but that's the front!
249
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Extraordinary.
250
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- Any luck with the boiler? - Nah, not really.
251
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It's in a pretty bad way.
252
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Looks like some idiot has taken a hammer to it.
253
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I'll have a look at it tomorrow.
254
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Connect this one to the one from the roof,
255
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and we should get a picture.
256
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Captain: Right. Over the top we go!
257
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Now look here.
258
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As a officer of His Majesty's Armed Forces...
259
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[Alison whistling tune]
260
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it is my duty to inform you that you are considered
261
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an enemy insurgent and you should surrender
262
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your territories to incumbent forces
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with immediate effect or face the prospect--
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Alison: ♪ La la la la... ♪
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Captain: OK. Mm-hmm. Very good.
266
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,255
I see what you're doing.
267
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,756
♪ La la la la la... ♪
268
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:31,824
Ahem. Two can play at that game!
269
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,835
[Grunts]
270
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,570
♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General ♪
271
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:45,838
♪ I've information vegeta... ♪
272
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,277
♪ ble, animal, and mineral ♪
273
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,878
♪ I know the kings of England, and I quote ♪
274
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,080
♪ The fights historical ♪ [Turning up volume]
275
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,514
♪ From Marathon to Waterloo
276
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,249
♪ In order categorical ♪
277
00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:01,754
You can run, but you can't...
278
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:04,023
Hello to you.
279
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,425
Hello! Ha ha ha! And welcome!
280
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:08,494
On behalf of me and my fellow dead people,
281
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,596
may I just say--oh, straight on to the tour. OK!
282
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,732
On your left is the master's chamber,
283
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,867
or "chambre"--that's French.
284
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:16,702
Wait!
285
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,504
You beautiful girl.
286
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,974
[Grunting]
287
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,720
Oh, no.
288
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:37,223
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
289
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,759
TV Announcer: Up next, "Hitler's Secret Superweapons."
290
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,861
Oh, good Chr-- I mean, it's Christmas.
291
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,662
It's Christmas morning!
292
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,664
Alison?
293
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:46,699
TV Announcer: Rommel was quick to press his advantage.
294
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,535
Aly?
295
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,537
What the bally hell do you think you're doing, sir?
296
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,239
What have you done with the tanks?
297
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,975
You turn that back on this instant.
298
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,810
Where are you going?
299
00:12:57,877 --> 00:13:00,079
If you were dead, I would thrash your bottom, sir!
300
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,413
Pat: And there's been a settlement on this site
301
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,982
Pat: for well over... Robin: Boo!
302
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:04,617
Alison: Ohh! Pat: a while now, although
303
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,218
this part of the building... Alison: You're not real.
304
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,353
Pat: Well, we're not alive, but we are--
305
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:08,554
I can't hear you.
306
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,555
Well, clearly you can because--
307
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,257
No, I can't.
308
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:12,391
Well, it's just, you keep answering me.
309
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,160
- No, I don't. - So why--
310
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,694
My turn?
311
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,496
Sorry, Tom, Captain said that Mary's next.
312
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,298
Mary: Get out my way, you soppy bit o' rag.
313
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,866
Good luck, although she's not much
314
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,301
of a one for chitchat.
315
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,103
Oh, don't you worries about me.
316
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:28,741
I've got something up my sleeves.
317
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,810
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
318
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:35,748
get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
319
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,856
Robin: Boo! Alison: Oh, my, God!
320
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,425
Boo! Heh heh heh. Classic.
321
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,793
[Grunts]
322
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,195
Yes, to replace the boiler.
323
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,729
So it needs amending, my entry,
324
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:51,730
to reflect my political achievements.
325
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,499
What did you say? Sorry?
326
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,134
There's plenty who've done worse than I did,
327
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,269
- believe you me. - My phone number is...
328
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,304
The MP for Whatley got horses involved.
329
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,239
0-7-9...
330
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,941
- Yeah, that's plural! Horses! - 0-7-9--0-7-9--sorry.
331
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,108
It was the shire ones as well, you, know, the ones
332
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,410
with the flares?
333
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:05,911
Can I call you back?
334
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,080
A lady employs a knife and fork.
335
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:11,750
A lady pinches. Whores use rouge.
336
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,520
A lady does not hold a carrot like that.
337
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,455
[Slam]
338
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,659
A lady wouldn't tell me to do that to myself! Aah!
339
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,428
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
340
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,597
get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
341
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:26,265
[Sighs]
342
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,666
Mary: Get out, get out, get out...
343
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:29,468
Mike: No better?
344
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,870
Mary: get out, get out, get out, get out...
345
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,238
Just give it till morning.
346
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,839
I'm sure it'll pass.
347
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:36,342
Mary: get out, get out, get out, get out!
348
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,677
[Clock chiming]
349
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:44,183
[Alison sighs]
350
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:51,657
Captain: ♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General ♪
351
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,493
♪ I've information, vegetable, animal, and mineral ♪
352
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,995
♪ I know the kings of England and I quote ♪
353
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,463
♪ The fights historical ♪
354
00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:58,797
♪ From Marathon to Waterloo ♪
355
00:14:58,864 --> 00:15:01,433
♪ In order categorical ♪
356
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,569
♪ Ba da ba ba ba ba ♪
357
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:13,879
Oh, God.
358
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,955
- Boo! - Aah!
359
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:26,759
I don't even feel the cold! Ha ha ha!
360
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:28,193
I am a strong, sane woman.
361
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,828
He'd crafted it from a rubber glove
362
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,096
and was using the gravy as lubricant.
363
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:32,698
Challenges only make me stronger.
364
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,133
Julian: You can imagine the jokes
365
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,534
about "the Chancellor's red box,"
366
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,169
And then there was this Liberal fellow,
367
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,504
well, you can imagine what he got up to.
368
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,239
He was caught in a sailors' sauna,
369
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,408
and he was not there to learn about boats.
370
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:44,710
Mary: Get out, get out, get out, get out.
371
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,878
Get out!
372
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,422
- Oh! - Alone at last.
373
00:15:56,488 --> 00:16:00,359
Alison: Aah!
374
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:01,961
- Alison! - Oh, God!
375
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,595
A moment, please, I beg of you.
376
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,030
You're in my head.
377
00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,865
And you in mine, my sweet!
378
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,500
What are we doing?
379
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,135
You're married, I'm dead.
380
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:12,304
It can never work, can it?
381
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:14,673
Maybe it can. Like Romeo And Juliet
382
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:16,809
but specifically the bit where he's already dead
383
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,545
and she kills herself to be with him?
384
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,213
Alison: Wha--I--ohh.
385
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,915
Thomas: I am too bold. Forgive me.
386
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,584
Accurse my impetuous loins!
387
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,787
You're not yet free of that buffle-headed bobtail.
388
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,290
I'll wait for you, my comely nug.
389
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,859
Though some idea of timescale would be--
390
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:37,096
no, I understand, this is all happening so fast.
391
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:41,300
I can wait!
392
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,502
Lord knows I've had the practice.
393
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,970
[Groaning]
394
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,973
- Come on, man! - I'm trying!
395
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,308
Captain: Well, try harder, man!
396
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,377
Alison: Ohh! Captain: You!
397
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,978
I demand you reactivate this device with immediate effect!
398
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,580
Julian: Any joy with the people from Goggle?
399
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:56,849
Pat: Me again! Today, I thought we could do halls
400
00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,450
and common passageways.
401
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,120
Mary: Get out, get out, get out, get out...
402
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,488
Thomas: Darling, there you are.
403
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,289
Now, I know I said no pressure, but...
404
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,258
None of it is real. None of it is real.
405
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,761
- A lady doesn't mumble. - Ohh! God!
406
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,462
- Boo! - Aah!
407
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,865
Don't suppose you've seen a body anywhere?
408
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:14,833
Is that a no?
409
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,236
[Breathing deeply]
410
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:22,708
[Kitty giggling]
411
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,112
Will you be my friend?
412
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,847
Ohh! Ohh!
413
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:31,150
[Ghosts all talking at once]
414
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:38,657
Hyaaaaaah!
415
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,827
Do you think it's something we said?
416
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,862
Man on video: And press the hilt of the venturi...
417
00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:45,664
Mike: What is a venturi?
418
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,099
Man on video: into the domed brass union.
419
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,934
Mike: What's a union?!
420
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:49,968
Man on video: Now what you have to do here is
421
00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:51,770
wait for the green light.
422
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,673
Don't panic. It takes maybe 10, 20 seconds.
423
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,341
Mike: Oh, that's good.
424
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,510
Oh, that's bad.
425
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,413
Alison: Mike! Mike: Jesus, you scared me!
426
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,614
It's no good. I need to go and get some--
427
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:06,051
Holy Mary Mother of God!
428
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:08,020
- Oh, my God. - What's wrong?
429
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,489
Alison: "What's wrong"?! The room is full of zombies!
430
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,224
- Donkeys? - Donkeys?
431
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,859
Honey, I promise you it isn't.
432
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,394
Then I have to go back to the hospital
433
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,262
and get some drugs or some therapy or a bang
434
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,098
on the other side of my head or whatever it takes
435
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,399
to stop me from seeing the cast of "The Night Of The Dead"
436
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,867
every single time I walk into a room!
437
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:24,103
It's "Night Of The Living De"-- not now.
438
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,105
I can't go on like this, OK?
439
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,773
So you either drive me to the hospital right now,
440
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,475
or I drive myself.
441
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,776
[Whispering] And I see things that aren't there!
442
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,144
Ghost: Well, we are.
443
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,712
I'll get my keys.
444
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,814
Ohh. Red lever.
445
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:38,150
[Ghosts shouting, "Red lever"]
446
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:41,987
[Gas hissing]
447
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,990
Alison: Aah! Aah!
448
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,859
What now? Aly?! What's wrong?
449
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,760
[Alison screaming]
450
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,629
Ghosts: Red lever! Alison: Red lever!
451
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,697
Mike: Red lever?
452
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:52,998
[Sniffing]
453
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,567
Oh! On it!
454
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:56,635
[Hissing stops]
455
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,337
[Ghosts cheering]
456
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:02,908
[Ghosts groan]
457
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,476
Ghost: Oh, what?
458
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,145
[Car horn beeping]
459
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:12,985
How did you know about the red--
460
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:14,419
Maybe we should go.
461
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,954
Yeah, yeah, we're going.
462
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,022
No, no, no, I mean away from here.
463
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:18,657
Just move out.
464
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:19,958
- It just doesn't feel right. - What?
465
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:21,393
Why would you say that?
466
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,495
[Ghosts all talking at once]
467
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,030
- It's hard to put my finger on. - All right.
468
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,865
Just one thing at a time, yeah?
469
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,100
We'll talk about this later.
470
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,035
Ooh! Electric windows!
471
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,371
- Get out of here! - OK, OK!
472
00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:34,106
[Ghosts shouting]
473
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:48,720
I say. Well, fascinating,
474
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:51,690
but you don't see them now, do you?
475
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,026
Not since we left the house.
476
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,261
- Maybe I'm on the mend! - Mmm.
477
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,664
Yes, I know how loans work sort of.
478
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,799
Woman: As I've said before, sir...
479
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,734
But surely if we just give you the money back, then we can--
480
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,036
Woman: cannot end the agreement now.
481
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,337
- Yes. - Do you see?
482
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,039
Yes, I see.
483
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,440
Do you think it was related to the accident?
484
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,542
- Oh, yes, undoubtedly. - Oh, good.
485
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:14,346
So it should just stop happening as I heal?
486
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:17,849
Well, my diagnosis, based on what you've told me,
487
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:21,386
is that your accident left you so close to death yourself
488
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,422
you're now able to see dead people.
489
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,625
- What do you mean? - Well, can you see me?
490
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,293
- Yes, I can. - Exactly.
491
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,195
I'm dead.
492
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:33,465
So sorry to have kept you.
493
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,668
Oh, she's very good.
494
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,037
- Ohh! - What can I do for you?
495
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:40,339
All right, listen to what I'm--
496
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,040
Alison: Aah! Mike: Wait.
497
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:44,576
Alison: The doctor's dead! Woman: Sir?
498
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:49,548
I just--I don't understand.
499
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,316
If it's come back, then why not accept the sedatives?
500
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:52,651
I mean, they might help with--
501
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,420
Because back at the house I see
502
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,256
the same faces every day,
503
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,958
but at the hospital, completely different ones.
504
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:02,327
Different places, different faces.
505
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,029
Why would my brain do that?
506
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,331
- OK, that is-- - It wouldn't
507
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:08,267
because they're not in here.
508
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,635
They're out there.
509
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,815
[Ghosts all talking at once]
510
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,223
Alison: Right. We're selling up.
511
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,225
We'll buy a little new-build,
512
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,395
one of those soulless little boxes I've always hated.
513
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,263
One bed's fine.
514
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:41,667
Just somewhere with absolutely no past whatsoever.
515
00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:45,037
Mike: Right. Yeah. It's just...
516
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:48,106
OK. Well, I don't want you to get mad.
517
00:21:48,173 --> 00:21:49,374
- Am I going to get mad? - Yes.
518
00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:50,976
I spoke to the loan people
519
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,178
and with the prepayment penalties
520
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:57,182
and--well, long story short, getting out now
521
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,351
would probably bankrupt us,
522
00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:02,421
and I only added "probably" to make it sound better.
523
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:04,189
Didn't you read the contracts?!
524
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,991
I gave them what I'd call a lengthy skim.
525
00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:08,493
Oh, Mike, I could kill you!
526
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,295
Thomas: Ooh! Good idea!
527
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:13,265
Though maybe not here just because he might...
528
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,767
[Ghosts all talking at once]
529
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,869
Right!
530
00:22:18,136 --> 00:22:20,072
Well, there's only one thing for it, isn't there?
531
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,143
Fine! I see you, OK?
532
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:26,878
I see Major-General Can't-Sing,
533
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,948
I see Captain Caveprick, I see all of you, OK?
534
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,417
You win! Mission accomplished!
535
00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,052
I admit your existence.
536
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,154
Now what the hell do you want?!
537
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:37,622
Captain: We want you out of this house!
538
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,424
Fanny: Yes, you do not belong here!
539
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,093
Alison: That's tough, isn't it,
540
00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:42,994
because thanks to my resident mortgage advisor,
541
00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:44,730
we're stuck here!
542
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:46,665
Mike: OK. You're officially freaking me out.
543
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:48,500
- So how about you leave? - We can't leave.
544
00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,769
Mary: You sort of just stays where you dies.
545
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:53,071
Thomas: And how you dies--died!
546
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:54,740
Pat: It's your classic haunted house.
547
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:57,075
Mike: Er, Alison-- Alison: Whoa. Right.
548
00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:58,543
So I can't go, and you can't go.
549
00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:01,480
So what will it take
550
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:04,916
to get you all just out of my face, huh?
551
00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:06,918
What do you want? What do you actually want?!
552
00:23:06,985 --> 00:23:09,888
Specifically, you.
553
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,957
Right! I'll tell you what we want.
554
00:23:12,023 --> 00:23:15,193
We demand that...
555
00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:17,028
one hour a week of the thing about tanks
556
00:23:17,095 --> 00:23:18,697
and anything on superweapons, please.
557
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,232
- Thank you. - Done! Next.
558
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:21,833
It feels like I should call someone.
559
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,469
Who you gonna call?! You, Sourpuss.
560
00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:27,773
Remove my husband's portrait and fill the hole in my wall!
561
00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:29,274
Done. You?
562
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:30,976
Divorce him, kill yourself, marry me.
563
00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:32,310
- No. - To which bit?
564
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:34,679
- You? - I just wanted to say hello!
565
00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:36,581
- Hello! - Oh, hello.
566
00:23:36,648 --> 00:23:38,850
And on behalf of myself, and my fellow ghosts--
567
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:42,287
Listen. I want those slanderous beggars at Goggle
568
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:44,456
to amend my entry for the next edition.
569
00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:46,458
- I am a respectable-- - It doesn't work like that.
570
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:47,859
- It's the Internet. - Right,
571
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:49,661
and where are they based?
572
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:51,463
It's, like, everywhere
573
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,331
in every house in the country, in the world.
574
00:23:53,398 --> 00:23:55,634
Julian: You mean every person on the planet just thinks
575
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:59,304
of me as the weirdo MP who died in some sex scandal?
576
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:02,040
- That was you?! - What? No!
577
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,075
Ha ha ha! I don't want anything, actually.
578
00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:05,544
Who's next?
579
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,612
Renounce Satan, witch!
580
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:09,815
Um, OK!
581
00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:12,751
Yeah, yeah, that's probably done it.
582
00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:16,288
Alison: And what about you, Budget Tarzan?
583
00:24:16,354 --> 00:24:17,756
What do you want?
584
00:24:17,823 --> 00:24:20,559
- Oh, nothing, thanks. - Nothing?
585
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,928
So you just spent--
586
00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:25,330
so you just spent the last 3 days hiding
587
00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:27,699
in every little, tiny, little, dark corner
588
00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:31,736
in this entire house, scaring me out of my mind,
589
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,939
for no reason?!
590
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:35,574
Well, it was something to do.
591
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,576
Kitty: My turn! I think we've got a lot in common.
592
00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,344
Mike: OK. So I've just Googled "psychotic break,"
593
00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:41,012
and I'm not saying that this is one,
594
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:43,114
but it's just an article that I think you should have a--
595
00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:45,350
Mike, this isn't-- can you just come with me?
596
00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:47,185
All of you!
597
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,420
Julian: Where are you going?
598
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,255
Alison: To shut you all up.
599
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,692
Robin: Horsey to go dooka-dakka-deeko.
600
00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:55,861
Alison: Dooka-dakka-deeko.
601
00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:57,863
Robin: OK, you go.
602
00:24:57,929 --> 00:24:59,698
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
603
00:24:59,764 --> 00:25:01,333
Even more softly.
604
00:25:01,399 --> 00:25:02,934
[Mouthing words]
605
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,569
When's our sleepover again?
606
00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:06,104
- Eighth of March. - And what is it now?
607
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:10,108
- June. - Oh! So exciting!
608
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,877
Julian: How long's this on for?
609
00:25:11,943 --> 00:25:13,812
I need to contact this Vicky Pedia.
610
00:25:13,879 --> 00:25:16,381
Captain: Shh! Shh!
611
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:22,521
Ah, well played.
612
00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:24,155
Perhaps there is some Button blood
613
00:25:24,222 --> 00:25:27,158
in those veins after all.
614
00:25:27,225 --> 00:25:28,927
Well, I'm not sure I buy all this,
615
00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:30,662
but I've moved the painting.
616
00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:31,863
Alison: And bricked up the hole?
617
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:35,734
Yeah, I filled the hole.
618
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,369
[Humming]
619
00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:41,940
Aah! Oh, this will not stand!
620
00:25:42,007 --> 00:25:44,509
Mike: Well, you seem happier.
621
00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:47,279
The good news is I'm not mad.
622
00:25:47,345 --> 00:25:49,414
That's a relief. What's the bad news?
623
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,249
[Ghosts all shouting]
624
00:25:54,819 --> 00:25:55,987
They are.
625
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,760
[Tapping]
626
00:26:11,202 --> 00:26:12,637
Alison!
627
00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:16,374
Turn the right-hand dial horizontal...
628
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:19,144
and press the ignition.
629
00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:21,146
Hey!
630
00:26:21,212 --> 00:26:24,983
OK. I believe you,
631
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:28,053
and, um, thank you?
632
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,287
They say you're welcome.
633
00:26:29,354 --> 00:26:30,789
"They"?
634
00:26:30,855 --> 00:26:32,757
You mean there's two of them?!
635
00:26:32,824 --> 00:26:36,227
[Ghosts murmuring]
636
00:26:36,294 --> 00:26:37,395
Yes.
44412
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