Original subtitles

[intense music playing]

I'm going to kill Sean Penn.

[rousing music]

My wish has always been for the West to leave my country,

not for some American actor to come here.

Yeah, I mean, well, that's one way to go.

It is the way I'm going to go.

Yeah. Well, I mean, we're just spit-balling ideas here, DB.

No, we're not!

Director Bustard, what if you don't kill him?

[Dylan] You've got the eyes of the world on you now.

What if… What if you go with it?

We've worked really hard on this.

What could he possibly help me with?

Have you seen the Milks?

He can do anything.

- Come on, DB. - Yeah.

Don't be like all the other losers out there, man.

We're all just watching the same shitty movie in this life.

Don’t sit around and argue about who has the best or worse seat, don't do that.

Let's work together…

and change the fuckin' movie!

[chuckles]

I'm going to kill Sean Penn.

Oh, come on, DB!

How did you get there from what I just said?

That does seem like you weren't really listening D--

I was listening!

This is a big opportunity.

[tense music] Freedom cannot be given,

it cannot be gifted.

It must grow from the blood-soaked soil it is fought upon.

I'm sending you idiots home

and I’m going to kill Sean Penn.

[tense music playing]

[Mara shouts] Sean, it's… it's really high.

I've been higher.

Are you sure that you can afford to do this?

Until John Wayne Gacy is trending below me as a clown in this world,

I can't afford not to do it.

Okay, but… I'm just worried

that people are gonna think you're doing this because of the…

Australian disaster.

We can't control what people think, Mara.

Okay.

Okay, well…

Look, you… you're lower than Bozo.

- And Gacy? - [Mara] Oh…

Not yet.

I'm going.

[Rowdy] All I am saying, is that it’ll be a damn shame

for us to have come this far,

only for DB to turn around

and make us look like real dickheads right at the fucking end.

You're leaving, Phil Choi?

Uh… yeah.

Yeah, the Director doesn't need us anymore.

He's just gonna…

[sighs]

kill Sean Penn.

Send us on our way.

Nothing we can do about it, so yeah.

Yeah, this is it.

Be careful.

Oh, I… I will.

We will.

[Rowdy] Hmm.

Hey… Hey, thanks so much, Shammi,

for everything.

[soft music plays] You've been really, really amazing.

Not just to me, to all the guys.

- [Dylan] Yeah. - [Albhanis] Really nice, Shammi.

- Thanks, Shammi. Thank you. - Cheers.

[soft music plays]

We could trade numbers.

Emails. Emails?

Yeah, yeah.

Let's just… We'll leave it in the hands of the universe,

and maybe it will conspire to cross our paths again someday.

The universe is only an infinite reflection of our hopes and dreams.

This is for you.

[romantic music plays]

Do not open it until after you have said goodbye to the Director, huh.

Oh, yeah.

I will see you again, Philip Wallace Choi

[Shammi] Goodbye, Phil Choi.

[sniffles]

[sniffles]

It has been confirmed by multiple sources

that the private military plane…

[Jemima] Can I ah, buy you another drink, sugar tits?

Biggest story of the year…

Primetime…

My old job back…

And this motherfucker decides to be a hero.

What are you talking about?

You don't want your old job back,

you wanna be a journalist.

You don't wanna just, be on television,

you wanna unearth stories.

Did you know that I had offers from every single network

- to tell my story. - The boys' story?

My story… about the boys' story.

The real story was actually the Director.

Yeah, well, anyway, no one gives a shit now, do they?

Because Sean Penn's jumping out of a plane.

Do you ever think…

there might be an even bigger story in all this?

Oh, Jemima! What is wrong with you?

Look close. Look closer, peel the onion.

I--

Ugh.

- [Josie] Is that your boss? - [Jemima sighs]

[softly] He sent those four boys in to delete that picture

from the Princess of Behati-Prinsloo's phone.

How do you have this?

[softly] I got it off his phone.

You're telling me…

that a four-star Colonel

sent four innocent Australians

on a covert mission into a foreign country

to delete a dick pic off of a princess' phone,

leaving them there for dead,

and even sent in a mercenary to kill them to cover his tracks,

and yet, he did not delete

the picture from his own phone?

[The Josie Justice Experience theme music playing]

Four Australian hostages in a foreign land…

And boy, do they have a story to tell.

And I will be telling it, tonight

live from Behati-Prinsloo,

directly after Sean Penn's courageous rescue mission.

[melancholic music playing]

Hey, come on, DB! This is so unfair.

What is this, like a pump and dump?

You're free to pursue whatever you were doing before we met.

[Dylan] Director Bustard…

Sean Penn's a method actor, mate. You might need me there.

You don't know what's real and what's not…

[mouths silently] I know.

What a fucking dickhead!

I don't think the Director's ready for Sean Penn.

[sighs]

All this shit, everything we just went through--

And we get to go home, the guys who saved the people from the nukes.

No, we don't, Bhanis!

No, we don't!

We go home as the people that got Harvey Milk killed.

And what do you think we're going on to, huh?

You thought killing a koala was bad?

Try murdering Jeff Spiccoli.

What are you gonna do, wear two eye-patches?

And you, Phil, what are you going home to, huh?

I'm not going home at all.

We know where the rendezvous is.

- [chuckles] - Shammi, you fucking legend!

[all laugh, cheering]

Yes!

We can be heroes.

We can be famous heroes.

[epic music swells]

But me…

I don't need my story to be written or…

or filmed or posted.

I'm just gonna live it.

Sick mental health break from the socials, Phil Choi. I dig it.

What… What are you gonna do when you go back to the camp?

I don't know.

I'll just improvise.

I learnt from the best.

[wells up] Thank you, Phil Choi.

Thank you, boys.

[Dylan] Thank you.

[breathes shakily]

Now, go.

Stop Sean Penn saving the day.

And I'll see you fuckers on the other side.

[all laugh]

- Hey, let's go. - Rowdy, Rowdy.

If I don't make it back…

and my biological mother does come looking for me…

give her this.

I don't need it any more.

Tell my real parents I love them.

[Rowdy] Of course.

Now go.

Go and be famous heroes.

[military music plays]

His name was Raul.

He said he was a physiotherapist, I said, "I don't think so."

- My-- - [footsteps approaching]

My sister wants to know if you have a comment about the four boys

in Behati-Prinsloo.

A comment?

Who's this?

He's a moron, why?

I'm here as a journalist.

That was off the record,

as is this entire conversation.

Well, this isn't.

[tense sting]

I hope you have a one-way ticket to a country

with a non-extradition treaty with Australia.

Congratulations, you're the new Julian Assange.

You can't release that picture.

The geopolitical ramifications

are a magnitude you haven't quite wrapped your head around.

You sent four innocent boys to retrieve a dick pic,

and then left them there to die.

The only geopolitical ramifications are you going to jail.

You're dealing with something that you don't understand.

I've seen my share of dick pics,

I understand just fine.

[whimsical music plays]

[crowd cheering in distance]

[crowd cheering]

[laughs] Nailed ya, again.

I could have gone longer actually.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Mm-hmm.

The trick is you've got to think about something else.

I let my mind just drift off. I was thinking about Thorpey.

Sir, we need to speak about "the race".

I was thinking of filming it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we do not want to film "the race", sir.

Ah, "The battle is won before it is fought," Sun Tzu.

Sir, we would prefer to keep "the race" quiet.

We think the involvement of Sean Penn provides enough cover

for us to be able to conduct "the race",

and yet, not make too much noise.

A secret race.

Even Penn is scared.

So that if…

when you lose, you can deny it.

Uh… Yes, sir.

Okay, you Seppo cunt, let's do it.

Operation Tortoise and the Hare is a go.

I repeat, it's a go.

[officer] Copy that. Operation is a go.

Re-routing course to Behati-Prinsloo.

[soft music plays]

[uplifting music playing]

[sighs]

What's all this?

Like I said in the note, the Director has embraced a more…

militarised radical factions of our movement.

Thanks for the map.

Map?

Yeah, the map.

That was a piece of paper I wrote a note on.

Did you read the note?

Yeah.

[chuckling] I read the note.

What do you think the map would have been of?

[dramatic music plays]

Sick fucking rocket, bro.

Well, I can't see the Director down there anywhere.

They're American.

What are the Yankee doodle dickheads firing at?

[officer] Ghost rider, this is strike. Light ‘em up.

[Officer #2] Roger, launch RPM.

[rocket booms]

Philip Choi.

You don't think that's the camp, do you?

Let's just pray it isn't.

They’re firing another one.

Not if we stop them.

[staff sergeant] How are you gonna do that, fuck face?

Get on your knees!

Wait!

[gunnery sergeant] No.

Don't you know who he is?

Look at him again,

- don't you know who he is? - I… I don't--

He is the guy.

- He is the freaking guy. - What guy?

- The koala video. - [gasps] It’s really you?

- It is. - [yelling] Oh, my God!

- I knew it! I knew it! - Oh, my God!

We watch that video every morning over here.

Dude, I'm gonna say this…

- You're iconic. - [laughs]

I have seen that video a thousand times.

I cannot wait to tell my mom about this.

- Bang! - [male soldier] Oh, dude!

[both screaming]

Dude, what are you doing here?

We're actually on a secret mission.

[staff sergeant gasps] Same. Are you doing the Penn thing?

Well, uh… Yeah, we, we, we'd like to say more,

but um, you know, lives are at stakes, so…

[gunnery sergeant] I mean…

- You're my favourite actor, dude. So… - [chuckles]

I just wanna say, I'm really excited to see what you do with Penn.

Yeah! Yeah, we all are.

Hey, you guys wouldn't happen to know where the drop's taking place.

Yeah, yeah. It's ten clicks that way, yeah.

Wait.

[in an accent] That's classified.

So why don't you two lock it up…

keep that information to yourself.

- Okay. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- [Dylan] Huh - Nice.

[gunnery sergeant] I see what you are doing.

Do you mind if ah, we get a picture?

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, nah, sick. Give it.

[rocket explodes]

Welcome, everybody.

As our nation holds its collective breath for our heroes,

the Behati-Prinsloo Four,

Dylan, Albhanis, Phil and Rowdy,

an Air Force jet somewhere over the South China Sea

flies Sean Penn toward destiny,

and what must surely be

his greatest performance.

We'll be crossing live any moment now

to the courageous rescue attempt. And we’ll be able to watch it

all through a GoPro camera,

fixed to Sean’s chest… [audio fades to Korean]

[Sarah] It's unclear what the boys were doing in the war torn island nation

[various news reports at once]

[Sarah] in the first place, with reports…

[Axel] They’ve all known about this operation,

for months... for months!

[overlapping audio]

It's not about the boys.

Look behind the curtain, Dorothy.

The world hold its breath for activist, Sean Penn,

as he is aboard Angel Flight 116

bound for Behati-Prinsloo

in what is surely one of the bravest and most courageous missions of all time.

With justice his motivation,

the one thing we know about Sean Penn

is when he makes his mind up about something,

he never misses the mark.

[tense music]

- Where is the cunt? - Come on.

Oh, my God.

Bustard is going to kill Sean Penn at the Shark's new…

golf course!

There they are.

[birds chirping]

Hey, Sean, can I get a picture?

You put that phone away, soldier,

or I'm gonna shove it up your fucking ass!

Oh, okay. Okay. That's…

That's the thumbs up, Sean.

Sean, please, don't do this.

The second you jump,

that GoPro will be live

and everyone will see what you see.

This could go so wrong! Please, Sean.

[Mara] I can fix what happened on the Today Show.

[Mara] I promise!

Somewhere down there,

there are four young souls searching the heavens

for an angel to set them free.

I'm that angel!

[epic music plays]

[Narrator] "Few men will have the greatness

to bend history itself."

"But each of us can work to change a small portion of events."

"It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief

that human history is shaped."

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal,

or acts to improve the lot of others,

or strikes out against injustice,

he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope."

We cross our fingers

and we light a candle

for the man who stood tall in the face of injustice.

Our angel, up there in the night sky,

the great, Sean Penn.

[dramatic music playing]

[ballerina tutorial narrator] "…that she could break the surface of the ocean

from 15,000 feet."

[water splashing]

[tense music plays]

[triumphant music playing]

[all cheering]

[Albhanis] No way, that's sick!

[Dylan] It's his greatest performance.

[Mamalo] So brave, this merman.

They’ve changed the narrative.

They didn't even mention me on the broadcast.

Yeah, well, we didn't get much of a mention either, so.

Yeah, and I did warn you Director Bustard.

Those method guys--

Why are you still in my country?

Oh, we had to make sure you didn't kill Sean Penn.

Yeah, 'cause then we'll look like real dickheads.

He's going to be the hero in this.

[The Josie Justice Experience theme music playing]

We're all watching the same terrible play.

We know it's terrible,

but we're all arguing over who has the worst seat.

We've forgotten that we need to change the story.

That's my line.

I should never have listened to you fools.

You didn't listen to us and where are we now, huh?

Yeah, I did warn you about that, Director Bustard.

Star fuckers get fucked, ODB.

- [Rowdy] Mm-hmm. - [Dylan] Mm-hmm.

What the hell is wrong with you idiots?

What's wrong with us, what's wrong with you?

[scoffs] What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me is that the ultimate tragedy of this world

isn't the cruelty and oppression of the bad people,

- it's the silence of the good. - [gun cocks]

To yell "Fire" in a crowded room was once frowned upon,

but now, as long as you get everyone's attention,

nobody cares if there's a fire or not.

The idiot has become the hero in this world.

You idiots have become the heroes in my story!

Get on your knees.

Hey, ODB…

Hey Rowdy.

[grunts]

I never came here to be a hero.

I came here to save my daughter.

Get on your knees!

[Dylan] Rowdy…

[breathing shakily]

You wanna change the world?

At some point,

you have to look power in the eye

and just say…

"No."

[scoffs]

[yelps]

[whimpering]

No.

- [Dylan] Rowdy! - [Albhanis] Rowdy!

Uh, Director…

What about big Bhanis?

What about him?

Set him free.

He will never be free.

None of us will be.

Oh, we… we're getting some reports, folks,

that things haven't worked out too well for our boys in Behati-Prinsloo.

Okay, yeah. Um, that is… That is sad.

[upbeat] Coming up after the break…

Stay tuned for updates,

but for now, well, as you can see,

things don't look good for our boys.

Oh, my goodness. The… This is…

There are no words. Um…

Words can never say as music can.

The unsayable grace

that leaps like light from mind-to-mind.

I'm Penny Pimberhurst

and this is the World

["Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46: II. Ase's Death" by Grieg plays]

[Atlantis] Look, honey…

$700,000.

Your dad did it.

He did all of this for you.

I know.

And you know, he might not be here,

but he will always be…

a… a hero.

Not my hero. No, to me he'll always be a bit of a…

[clears throat]

But… but he’s your hero now.

- And, um, his death can always-- - Mum…

Dad's not dead.

Oh, sweetheart.

If there's one thing I know, it's fake news.

Yeah? And this ain't it.

- Your dad's dead, he got shot. - Yeah.

I know, but he's not dead.

Mm…

[gasping]

["Invincible" by Eddie Vedder playing]

♪ Can you hear? ♪

♪ Are we clear? ♪

- [Dylan] Rowdy! - ♪ Cleared for lift-off ♪

- [Dylan] Rowdy! - [Albhanis] Rowdy!

♪ For making reverberations ♪

- [grunts] - ♪ Are we affirmative? ♪

♪ No, negatory ♪

♪ Come in, come in ♪

♪ Radio, what's your story? ♪

[Rowdy] Phil Choi.

- [all laugh] - ♪ Will you Wilco? ♪

Let's get you up. Come on, you gotta get up.

- [Dylan] That's it. - ♪ A bit of echo victor? ♪

♪ Feeling wider than awake ♪

♪ Yeah, better crooked than straight ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Ah, invincible ♪

[grunts]

♪ When we love ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Now there's smoke on the horizon ♪

♪ And the clouds are looking violent ♪

♪ There's a future in need of a frame ♪

♪ Compass spinning in my brain ♪

♪ There's a theory for everything ♪

♪ Resurrection to the big 'ole bang ♪

♪ Rachmaninoff to the excitement gang ♪

♪ We got the density of our beings ♪

♪ The unbearable weight, The unbearable light ♪

♪ The unbearable weight, Let's lift it up ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

- [all laughing] - [Albhanis] Ahh...

[gun cocks]

Yeah, what?

Americanos?

No, we're not Americans, mate. We're Australians.

Yeah, a… and Lebanese.

Not Americanos?

Who are you?

We're famous heroes.

You are going to wish you never came to this place.

We are going to torture,

you are going to beg for your lives…

and we, are going to film it.

[all cheering] Yeah! [music kicks in]

♪ Ah, invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ Oh, when we love ♪

♪ Ah… ♪

♪ Invincible ♪

♪ Oh, oh, when we love ♪

♪ Oh, when we love ♪

♪ Oh, the humanity, the calamity ♪

♪ The spilling blood, the gravity ♪

♪ We got the heavens, we got the Earth ♪

♪ And in between, we got big surf ♪

♪ Who could ask for more? ♪

♪ The only rule is to keep your cool ♪

♪ When we love ♪

♪ We are light ♪

♪ Hey, you got a light? ♪