Original subtitles

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the

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la

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la

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now remember just tap the glass gently

then reverse I've driven cars before

Sydney yeah and smashed them too thank

you

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what went wrong he gone too far you

things are all right get him out oh tee

get me out of here don't stand there do

something ah kill him finish what's that

Bell it's the alarm let's go

back

just tap the glass gently then reverse I

said so what does he do he tried to

knock the old building down first he

thought that would be the quickest way

to get in look at your pictures our boss

our boss he calls himself what has he

got tell me what has he

got

who is well he's very refined isn't he

yeah and he speaks nice and all you know

what he's a Twi twit you're flattering

him him and these big

Ideas operations hm

operations what's your next disaster on

his list the shortage Christian Girls

Club funny I used to belong to it till I

found out I was doing my strip teas you

better go back to this strip kid because

you're going to lose your shirt with

this crot look

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out hi fellas don't get

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up

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regrettable about that little Contra

temp Contra temp what's a fiasco then

when we all get pinched what do you

think you were driving a tank the brakes

fail

liar who's calling me a liar he

was and he meant

it

[Music]

be careful Sid or I may have to teach

you a sharp lesson what in driving what

about some Lolly well we we fa fail this

time but don't worry about the Lolly

never stop worrying about it ever since

I met you three cars you've wrecked in a

month three four yeah four well what are

you worrying about they didn't cost you

anything you stole them all I don't

steal cars just for you to wreck I got

my living to wor me and all I think I

better go back to my wrestling why you

never want to fight cuz they used to pay

me more to lose fights that's why all

right all right desert me desert me I

can find others to help me pick up

£10,000 10,000

pound how much is that yeah fingers

10,000 from the Christian girls of

shortage we only got 18 T last time we

ran we're not doing shortage we're going

to crack one of the fullest safes in

London the bank of

England no Mr Billy

Gordon's who's Billy Gordon who's Billy

Gordon why don't you learn to read I

don't know I can never get the Ang of it

anyway what's reading got to do yeah all

right shut up go on everybody knows

Billy Gordon he's a man who doesn't like

Banks and people who don't like Banks

keep a lot of ready cash in the safe and

Billy Gordon's safe is the one we're

going to

bust calberg did the bast off me just

before he did the princess do you like

it yes but don't you look rather worried

I was I was worried how much he was

going to charge me you know I wanted to

put a cigar in the mouth he wouldn't

stand for that tell me anyone live it on

your bust no

pretty talking about bus I mean talking

about journalist you seem to be rather

young and pretty to be a news H well

mother's own journal prefers younger

women so do

I tell me what can I do for you well

we're running a series called success

it's about people who made a fortune out

of nothing well I said they started with

nothing 500 smackers was loan by your

wife wasn't it huh yeah yeah Splendid

woman my wife got a glorious daughter is

that a photograph of your wife no no my

daughter pretty eh oh Charming one of

The Last of The Debs managed to slip

around to the wire just before they

close the entres very proud of huh you

were married in the war weren't you yeah

sergeant major you were sergeant major

no I wasn't my wife was honest pity

instructress strong as rock never forget

the first time I saw her she was taking

class in alarm combat she took one look

at me and the next thing I knew I was

being thrust up the aisle up the what up

the aisle dear oh she's changed now

quite as a m so you were in the Army

what reserved occupation me used to

collect swill from Army Camps swill yeah

what was Will used for D if I know hate

to think hell of a market in it your

wife's here she doesn't want to disturb

you but

uh Disturb show it in please come in Mrs

Gordon thank you Miss

uh oh Lucy my love what a nice

surprise I didn't want to bother you but

in your Rush this morning you forgot my

housekeeping money and I want I'm so

sorry and well by the way this is Miss

um of the the mother's own thing you

know my wife hello how' you do I'm so

sorry to disturb you you didn't I've

just been telling her all about you my

little piggy

bag nice little man box cost me a

fortune still it's moth proof well there

you are my dear you're so again thank

you but Billy I only wanted 10 there

must be about 100 here oh really never

could count get along with you sh me a

minute oh goodbye miss uh Miss uh

goodbye Mrs Gordon

goodbye

was 10 you wanted wasn't

it huh oh I thought Lucy Lucy we had to

put on a show for Miss thing but the

income tax swine are handing me and I

can't afford to throw away handles on

nothing can

I well can I no good we' got to be very

careful for the moment when our ship

comes in the Old Country House The Cook

the battler t

t oh B BL

get in touch with Rogers and put 100 no

night on Peruvian Wonder to win better

look sleepy otherwise you miss the off

oh there's a gentleman there to see you

with the

samples right we'll tell him to wait and

I'll get rid of this Miss uh Miss chilik

chilik you're

kidding I'm sorry my dear I'm afraid

we'll have to go I got a cloud waiting

oh I'm so sorry so am I I said we meet

after off his eyes wouldn't that be too

much for you you know know me I'll see

how things are going then phone you at

the office yes yes

please

good you're French no I am Finnish why

do you speak French Finnish is too

difficult

please you're right I remember I had a

finish girl once she was very difficult

well glad to see you got valid D with no

strings

attached M very

useful that finish how many 2,500 when

next week how much £50,000

five 40 15 35 20 30 25 done just a

minute I hope they work why why well cu

the last Consignment your boss sent me

of rifles didn't work I had complaint

surely are joking but I do not

understand complaints from whom there

were one or two survivors you know

there's a sucker born every minute but

you carry on like that and there won't

be enough left to go around you bring

anything to put the money in no right

25,000 three quid for the case two don't

be mean it's the best quality plastic

last your lifetime oh sorry right now

these are in

thousands 1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8 9

10

11 have to get my own window cleaner

can't have everybody peeling in like

that they're after me you know the

police no no income tax they've got the

spies everywhere you no idea what theyd

stoop to now

is Right 14 12 s man 13 12 son je I'm a

left-handed counter 13 14 by the way

what's the supply situation on guided

missiles 15 16 17

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18 this

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way hey look the safe it's open so it

is you CL it was an accident so are

you now I have to crack it give me some

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light lights St is that better don't

don't move I've got you covered why is

it a space gun then hey oh one move and

I'll shoot you to king um um come uh

there are four of them all Mast one's

got a blander bass needs a haircut how

dare you that's his voice you can

probably hear him now there's a stringy

youth one who looks as there was an

all-in wrestler how did you guess that's

what I am shut up I warn

you I warn you Curly's getting jittery

but I don't go fire hold your noise or

you'll get it you bound to be able to

hear him now recognize the voice ever

broadcast before hey you're on Direct

short wave to B Street police station

new type of burglar alarm they will be

on their way

already you know what we're in it again

shut up come

on

[Laughter]

[Music]

good well now we can have a little

supper eh you were wonderful but why did

you let them go well we didn't want to

be disturbed by a lot of coppers did we

they're coming anyway oh no they're not

I made all that up on the spare of the

moment not a bad idea

eh just a minute I better get some of

the stuff out of the safe in case

somebody else is a crack at it Bottoms

Up

cheers

Billy you didn't come home to dinner

again sorry old girl I had to take a

journalist D it's always the same making

me economize while you go out having

lavish dinners but Lucy this is business

I've got to entertain besides it's all

deductible from income tax it doesn't

cost me a penny then couldn't you

entertain me some sometimes times but

that wouldn't be honest you know what

you like about honesty Che up a girl W

belong before your dream comes true a

country house a cook a battler yeah am I

forgive of course would you like me to

give you a hand with no no thanks there

just some papers to hide I mean put away

Che up old girl W belong before our ship

comes in

uhhuh BL me haven't you had enough

exercise for one day is

it you me D you after 3 months to like

balloons balloons peanuts you

mean by fellas now don't get up don't

don't get up please sit down look I know

how you feel but this is the last of the

Fiasco you said it I've had enough

goodbye you're saying goodbye to £2,000

what's it this time the crown jewels the

crown jewels bit risky ain't it Billy

Gordon again but this time he private

house he fingers what a fly boy like

that doesn't keep cash around the house

house is Mrs may lay her hands on it hey

whisper I'm after something more

precious than money my boy I never heard

of anything more precious than money

except dollars if any of you halfwits

could read you'd know that Gordon has a

daughter what about it well work it out

for yourself Sydney she's the one thing

in the world he loves more than

money Billy look I I thought I told you

I but Angela has wonderful news daddy

meet Tommy Weston hello what on Earth

are you doing huh uh smell gas looking

for a leak Tommy and I are engaged what

well why didn't you tell me before well

we couldn't tell you before it happened

before what happened before we were

engaged

sir can I help why are you a gas

inspector no as a matter of fact I'm a

tax

inspector be good oh no I really am

you're a

[Music]

TX you're a tax inspector I'm afraid so

sir one of the snoops

what yes well I'll join you downstairs I

hope you approve sir later

later did you hear that a tax inspector

well he's out for start and they want to

see him again B he's a a nice young man

and she loves him don't be so ridiculous

nobody loves a tax inspector is there

Beyond The Pale it's a most honorable

profession honorable are you kidding

once for all I want have a man like that

in the house he'd ruin any normal decent

conversation worse than a a policeman or

a customs officer but if she I mean what

I say I'd rather entertain a thief at

least they're honest about what they do

we must case The Joint properly inside

and out who sleeps where burglar alarms

everything yeah where are you going to

take the girl off to the

snatch my old Aunt has a a little place

in the country just outside town on the

great North Road I'll send her to

Blackpool for the week she'll like that

who Gordon's daughter now his AR stupid

your fingers what you're planning to

kidnap that girl aren't you that's what

I've been telling you for the last half

hour you know what what that's dangerous

that is what sending at a black pole

that's what I think with anyone else it

would be dangerous but not Gordon he

hates the law almost as much as we do

he's the one man in England who'll pay

and pay big yeah and if something goes

wrong which it will we'll get 10 years

oh 20 we'll get 20 grand at least the

small time is over fellas now for the

big snatch the crime of the

century goodbye dear

bye girl sh me back to supper tonight

but Billy I was going to try your

Economist taking kidney pie you know the

one without the kidneys you miss that

you're lucky I should have to grab a

sandwich the office Teta

[Music]

Teta yes good morning B is the mistress

at home whatever I'm the mistress but we

don't want any whatever it is it is from

the public opinion poll of the national

soap Foundation that I am who are after

making a survey of the kind of salap

powders mostly used by Housewives

whatever no not today thank you most

kind and look you back I have for you a

free sample of a new powder we're

marketing no charge to you whatever oh

thank you my husband will be pleased oh

isn't it rather has it got some cold

dust in it or something oh bless you B

that's a new black white now that is the

black which washes whitest whatever

whatever will they think of next yes

whatever now how many of you are there

in this dear we oh just my husband my

daughter and I would you like a cup of

tea oh how kind I had no breakfast

whatever all right come on you know I

never realized that Welshman really said

what eff for quite so much I thought it

was just on the music Halls oh no truth

in that

whatever you have no living in

domestical no I have no help whatever oh

dear now you've got me doing it actually

I don't mind

housework whoever can that be no idea

whatever excuse

me see yeah what I'm sure finger said to

come at 10 not nine gas board

inspection oh we wanted you you did well

that's F yes my husband suspected a leak

under his bedroom floorboard I'll show

you come with

me you coming oh

oh this way please what a coincidence eh

you expected us and here we are and it's

much colder too I said 10 not nine

that's what I said but he would argue

with now if there's anything wrong it

should be under this one my husband was

sniffing around here and there'll be a

cup of tea downstairs when you're done

that h i could do with a cup of tea

looks like the old man sleeps on

pH what are you doing I'm having to look

for the leap and what will you do if you

find

one give me that stop banging around and

make a noise while I sneak around see if

I can find out where the old lady in the

daughter

sleep whatever is that they're ending a

leak causing one more

likely oh what a Mourning excuse

me

sorry girl forgot my key and my

briefcase hello what's the noise oh it's

under the guest man having a look under

your floorboard

no whatever is going on oh it's only my

husband your husband yes but he seems a

little upset get

out come on now get out we got a job to

do we only come to now look look look

when I want a gas man I'll SLE one now

go on get up there's no way to treat

gasman that's off

good morning I represent no you don't

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SC right everybody

out Sydney

shh

anybody think I was a beginner coffing

ures it's crazy coughing is this mhing

idea after all nobody looks at Earth is

buried L exactly no one but a fool would

think of using a hearse for a quick

getaway now you're talking sense so no

one don't think of stopping us right on

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[Applause]

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tiptoe

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[Applause]

you rmic

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tension shroud you'll keep

that Chlor form I wish you'd drink it

and turn this lock up I hope

everything's going to be

on you B me whisper whisper come

on

what you stupid

Baka there you

go have a dog he's anesthetized himself

why didn't you tell us I had a dog they

didn't have they must have bought him

yesterday supposing he woke somebody

they may have come down wouldn't they

mashing house dogs

these it's hardly human the noise he's

making I do wish he'd stop it I'll go

tickle him

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then

come

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on this one go

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on go

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[Applause]

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one

uh

manace

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manness

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[Applause]

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well Sydney you are now participating in

the crime of the

century this traffic light ah head I

know Sydney and a

[Music]

red he's coming now what keep calm and

look

holy

hey you better take a look back

there shut it up you

fools the

foot the

foot thank you officer what a Dreadful

thing hey just a minute

it's a bit early for a funeral isn't it

uh yes indeed we're transporting him to

Scotland oh he he he was a policeman

like yourself him with that little foot

I'd have sworn that was a woman ah yes

well that just shows you what a lot of

nonsense is talked about the size of

copper policeman's feet thank you again

officer

well Sydney I handled that with the

Master's touch Master's touch my foot

her

foot cheer up Sydney we're out of the

wood

it's no good we'll have to push well

come on you two get out we'll need some

your rhythmic tension whatever we're

going to push why it's

quicker is the break on of course well

take it off you

twerp stop it get out of

push

it

[Music]

see I don't mean it this quicker why did

he use the engine shut up and push what

go

[Music]

on stick it we're nearly

there right hold it hold it hold it stop

it stop

it

it's running wife stop come back stop

stop get it get

[Music]

off Goodbye Mr Davis now don't worry

cheer up everything's going to be all

right you never know what's around the

cor out thank you Vicor

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goodbye

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have

have thank you very

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much

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[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh

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no no no no car's at it what are we

going to do walk all the way till we

find a car get around the other side

right up now put it on your shoulders

[Music]

properly why do you have to be so

high right ready off

[Music]

go

oh

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no what happened to you I've been so

worried we ran into a spot of bother I

thought you were coming by her we

changed heres in Midstream treat her

gently boy

gently okay wish grab that chair turn it

right gently gently is she all right

cool she's all right well how can she

breathe it's got all in the

bottom well gentlemen I shall now

produce the most valuable rabbit in

history a tasty little blonde worth

every penny

of

you bungling clut you went into the

wrong room I told you the door on the

right you never you say left right it

right oh shut up can't you tell the

difference between an old EG and a young

girl of 17 but it it was dark she

certainly looks older than 17 oh you

mind your own business yeah now what

well as I see we got the wrong woman yes

and we we carry on as planned I mean

she's his wife isn't she you'll still

pay he might even pay more

would

you well there's no accounting for

tastes he he's probably lost without her

but she couldn't have walked out on me

after the way you shouted last night I

wouldn't blame her if she had it wasn't

her it was you and that tax

crook Lucy Lucy wait up old girl it's

9:00 Lucy Lucy come out she can't

do

hello Mr Gordon yes yes who is it here

is Mr X Mr who Mr X but it does not

matter who I am well if it doesn't

matter to you it doesn't matter to me

Charlie where could she be where do you

think she is well she may have gone to

Granny's I hope not why well aairs over

10

huh hello what do you want

£25,000 Mr Gordon just a minute who are

you what the hell are you talking about

I am the head of the gank who kidnapped

your wife last night

I am talking of the ransom I am asking

for her

return I I presume you're joking this is

no choke no

choke you will not contact the police

one false move and she will

be cut up into little

pieces and scattered up Z right North

Road you will obey without question the

following instructions

[Music]

good evening good evening to you I come

from Mr how do you

do how do you

do we getting far oh I mustn't say about

to find out oh no the Chau has been

given instructions to drive around in

circles actually

[Music]

yeah oh what's the matter so many

Plumbing circles I lost me way Charlie

what you mean by

that

tell you this Mr X he must be a very big

fellow oh no it's not all that big oh I

see what you mean oh yes he only handles

big jobs oh sorry tell me why do you

wear that Veil so that you'll never

recognize me

again that's very good very good take my

advice next time wear a

cape be careful of the steps better let

me go down first

I fell

down you all right yeah come this way

please yeah sit down don't against the

back why not cuz there is no

back

Mr Gordon Good Die Mr X I am sorry I

cannot introduce myself by name pra you

be seated well I am AR

[Applause]

I just

[Laughter]

so relax Mr Gordon do not be afraid I'm

not thank do not be too sure of it oh

I'm quite certain do not be too sure you

need not be afraid I mean I thought you

told me not to be our

man we we have never Crossed Swords

before Mr Gordon but if we had just a

minute aren't you the long-hair CHF who

tried to rob my safe I recognize your

voice

no was he a are you say a foreigner no

Cockney like

you no Mr Gordon it was not

I I never file you see you have heard

perhaps of the Delvin Diamond robbery

uhhuh the stetin

killings the birthing trunk murus you

your humble servant oh but the smell of

that cigar you're not doing very well

out of it what is it a Congo rat who's

your

accountant enough of this idle

chitter you know my

terms yes £25,000 or you cut my wife up

into little pieces and Scatter her all

up the great North Road precisely I take

it you have brought the money no

Splendid Splendid then we need only what

did you say no n nine NS in fact not

not a sausage cut her up oh boy this is

a chance I've been waiting for for years

you're

bluffing well you you think I am well

I'm not I hope you're not this is the

answer to a bachelor's prayer you can't

do this to me you to her she's a fine

woman will you have her I don't want her

will you took her old man don't blame me

it's

disgusting it's immoral we we cut her

into pieces tiny little pieces well

naturally you want to make a good job of

it won't you well you really must excuse

me I've got a date rather a promising

one actually oh talking about that Mr X

you got rather a nice little bit of X

certificate here

eh all right all right you win I like a

fight Mr Gordon I'll take 10,000 not a

penny less not a penny old fruit I told

you all right all right 5,000 ,000

that's my final offer 5,000 always we

slice no dice start slicing old fruit

now really I must be going if you like

I'll find my own we 4,000 and she's

yours she's yours for

nothing Sid snow

drop take him away take him away take

him away take him home I've only just

brought him go on go

on well our v a

herx

that swine has ruined my faith in human

[Applause]

[Music]

nature

[Laughter]

[Music]

all right any luck not like you know

what he asked too much old fingers did

his best he came down from 25,000 to

four can't do fairer than that what'd he

say then he said he didn't want her we

could keep her but it was a chance of a

lifetime where we could go ahead and cut

her in pieces tiny little pieces it is

hard to believe that such an unhuman

devil could exist a beast in human

garbage that's what he

is go and see if she wants anything to

eat here thinkers Squad she won't like

this you know she expected him to pay

yeah what about we going to do with her

keep her as a pet well we just have to

cut her up

oh fingers what she heard every single

word we said she refuses to eat she says

she wants to die die no she can't do

this to me he wait a minute shut up but

I just for something no no

no don't take on so we'll be

liberalizing you soon I don't want to go

I just want to

die you may as well kill me now well I'm

not going to what you take me for then I

kill myself oh no no no no no you you

mustn't do that that that's very

selfish you must think of

others yeah boss stay there and keep an

eye on her yeah but listen do as you're

told she mustn't be out of someone's

sight until we set her free yeah but

that's what I've been trying to tell you

we can't set her free

see you've been in there without your

masks on and she's seen your

faces he's right we might as well drop

out a Scotland

Yard the crime of the century well

Einstein now

what you Gordon will have to be made to

pay that's who's going to make him I

should have thought his conscience would

make him conscience he wouldn't give a

father into a starving beggar oh I don't

know he's

not

yes

thank you

s yes I'll go and see him tomorrow thank

you he's got another idea a marvelous

Brain Hat points got yeah yeah you too

do you think

so better go in first it'll look better

anything you say Mr Gordon

what a secretary

[Applause]

Dar yeah Governor yeah you bxs your

matches no thanks I got a lighter here

here I've got a

message from Mr

X just a minute you are Mr X no no I

would have recognized you except for the

voice yeah he sends his last oper 200

quid and she's yours 200 quid well the

bottom has fallen out of the market

hasn't it what those you damaged in

transit look I what I do I give you SCS

you buy yourself a cup of tea

H what the mess oh get out of

it morning

Char oh well never mind Daddy darling

what are you doing here I want to see

you you didn't come home last night no

no I I I spent the night in a Turkish

bath was it mixed bathing you still have

some lipstick on your ear well a pain I

must know what's going on where's mother

look we can't discuss it here don't

worry she'll be back in a couple of days

Charlie you know Charlie Charlie is that

a racing addition sir I give you a tip

my tips have been coming out these days

what is it strer and the 230 Italian

very strong very fast what's the price

it's a lest Edition is

Sir

[Music]

you sp my

wife sorry now then M what's going on he

attacked me or charge you with assault

offic to mistake come on that of come

[Music]

on smells marvelous do it lovely yeah is

that all perhaps you like the old Goose

do you mind

his eyes are bigger than his got enough

to for two as it is when I was in

training I used to eat four times as

much hello

well good you're just in time for lunch

hi fellas don't get up hey fingers how'd

you get on I'm made three in a t c

that's not bad how long was she staying

in there with G on your TWP hello what

she doing here put that knife down I'll

sit down well she she she can't eat with

us she's a prisoner we can keep an eye

on her this one she's also served us a

very good lunch just leave her alone

thank you and glad somebody has some

manners well what happened this morning

as if we couldn't

guess she's not going to like this but

her Billy is making highy with the

secretary she have seen him this morning

kissing her in the car she's wearing a

mink Stone great big sparkler on her

finger yeah we never mind about that

whatd he say to your offer what do you

think he said he's having the time of

his life I know it you asked too much

too much £200

£200 he laughed in my face and gave me

threns your fingers no floppin I mean

floens no I call it downright insulting

to offer it a knockdown price like that

so do I it has nothing to do with you

hasn't it it's me you're selling isn't

it yes and I shall sell you for any

price I like oh no you

won't just listen to me you little

squirt

oh nobody calls me a little squirt and

gets away with it steady fingers she

didn't mean it yes I

did oh I see I'll have to teach you a

little lesson

wait Co what a beauty where did you

learn that the

Army and anyone else want to teach me a

lesson I was only going to ask you to

show me how you did it I just did no do

come

here help me put him to bed oh what a

beauty classic that's what it was yes

yes go on whisper go the door on me own

yes you

Hercules I'll warn you m I'll never miss

how could he oh how could he I could

kill him for this kill him he'll kill

you anyway

I wasn't thinking of that squirt all

right want to simmer down on one

condition I'm prepared to release you

now why why cuz the rest of us don't

want to face a murder rap that's why

even Superman and a might commit murder

after what you've just done oh him look

you give me your word of Honor not to

split the cops and you can go go where

home that's right home to a man who told

you to kill me who wouldn't even give

£200 to get me

back what sort of a home is that now

come on we got to be quick if we're

going to release you if you release me I

won't you I shall go straight to the

police no I'm going to stay here don't

be stupid now you got to Jud I was

stupid I've slaved even starved for him

because I loved him and I thought he

loved me and this is my

reward well now I have a chance to get

my own back and by heaven I'm going to

take it you want Billy Gordon's money

don't you yeah so do I the only

difference between us is that I know how

to get it and you don't you interested

are you

interested do you mean you want to come

in with us oh no you come in with me I

lend him £500 to start his fortune so I

reckon I'm entitled to half of

everything he has don't you what exactly

are you getting at we'll split 50/50 on

everything I lead you to and I think I

can lead you to a

lot is it a

deal well that's I see I think come on

we start by going to my house that's

where the first lot

[Music]

is if my guess is correct the money's

under the floorboards here you're

kidding want a bet we could have had out

while we were playing at gasman yeah

come on give me the

[Music]

Jimmy

at the capit all the cast pitched all

those tommy guns cost me 25,000 quid

poor old Billy just a minute when I

wanted every penny for that serle Sugar

deal well you still got plenty left yeah

but not enough you see I've got some

hidden in the house I've got some in the

safe but it still isn't that darling you

wouldn't like clim your jewelry would

you oh no but bar look here I've had to

work hard enough to get it out of you

work yes hard bar it would only be a

tempor no I'm very disappointed in you

no loyalty to the firm no loyalty at all

where are you going I going to the

office but you're going to take me out

to dinner I can't afford it you can't

afford it

sorry must be 20 grand here at least a p

there isn't more can you see his face

when he comes here looking for the money

and there it is gone yes I'm sorry to be

missing that that's the lot I could kiss

you for this yes I bet you could look at

that come on we've got work to

do

thank

you this should fix that two

timer little

lucy you Des sh your face

never an unkind word never a dirty trick

[Music]

poor hello this Mr

Gordon I mean yes Tommy Weston here

Tommy Angela look look here so you

better come right away your house is on

fire

what what I'm in the telephone box just

opposite the house it looks pretty bad

sir but we' called the Brigade look tell

you what to do G to my bedroom look at

oh no no

don't why you have to be a tax

man oh there you are this this your car

yeah yeah yeah are you aware it's been

parked on the wrong side of the roope

with no lights I must insist wait

get

Oh

Daddy Great

Scott Wilson yes sir get in there and

get him out yes

sir is he mad I can't think what he's

doing he knows there's no one there

Daddy are you all right are you

oh is he M listen get in there get him

out and hold him this time he must be

mad it

off it

off

you quite sure there's no one else

inside there m quite look he's up there

now now look sir you're causing a great

deal of stop him stop that

Maniac Daddy For Heaven's Sake you

hadn't heard the last of this I'm going

to have you J Daddy what is it mommy

mommy

mommy mommy

oh I wish I was dead

too wish she got some smashing stuff

here she did all right yes she did all

right all right that must be worth a

couple of thousand yes and this to the

love of my life

Billy Ser in

right

WI

anybody

there who's

there

really

no it's my first hey

barl

barl guess what's happened now you want

me to guess eh what well I don't want to

guess you organize that

you my what are you doing I never want

to see you again

ever St up what how did you develop your

muscles I don't know they developed

themselves how much did you we when you

were born 18 o and I said I was a

miracle they said I should never have

been born but I was what your time then

the big hand's on the three and the

little 's on the 12 qu 12 you

shortsighted no I'm worried they should

have been back by now head your head

boss where is she let me get it up

where's my gun where's my knife I'll cut

her in pieces I'll shoot her a bits

where is she no way she'll be back

rightstone drop I said where is she here

they are

now that's

right Lucy you look beautiful

where did you get them evening how's the

Buns may I be permitted to know where

you've been get in a few household needs

didn't they close nice

around oh it's a

joke that's very kind of you I'm sure

I'm so glad you approve boss wait till

you see I'm not interested oh we'll keep

you to

that it's all in

500s one for Lucy one for us hands off

this has nothing to do with

you Lucy as

Luc Mr Gordon Mr Wilkins here alleges

that after the assault you said you

swine you killed my wife I'll slit your

throat is that true no that isn't true I

didn't say that I said you swine you got

a knife you slit my coat you said what

your honor I I must took this old Bearer

this uh this Old Gentleman here for a

pickpocket who robbed me had you any

reason to believe that either the beggar

or Mr Wilkins had murdered your wife oh

no none at all well then how then do you

explain saying you killed my

wife I I didn't say that Shana well then

what did you say uh well I I said you

ruined my wife you mean that Old

Gentleman ruined your wife I've never

looked at a woman for 40

years no no your honor I I didn't mean

that I meant uh I meant life my life

then say what you mean thank you very

much Mr you see your h i was thank you

WR condition I has down and I my client

can only express a deep regret for the

assault your worship but I trust this

explanation will satisfy you that it was

a genuine mistake under extreme

provocation it

doesn't Mr Gordon is obviously lying and

obviously too he hit the wrong man

anything known nothing known sir find 5s

and keep out of trouble in

thank you your honor but I'm

right SL your Co you liar number 14 on

your list Sir William Delany

Gordon back

[Music]

again will Delan Gordon you're charged

with using insulting Behavior whereby a

breach of the peace may have been

occasioned at Bladen Drive London on the

night of May the 16th you plead guilty

or not guilty not guilty absolutely not

guilty well it was my file I'm surely

entitled to what

I I swear by Mighty God the evidence I

gives you be the truth the old truth

nothing about the truth James Smith

police coun 166 S Division your worship

at 9:00 p.m. on the 16th instar was

giving assistance at a fire despite

protest the accused d twice into the

building not to be brought out when he

attempted the third time I tackled him

from behind and received him full in the

stomach whereupon we struggled on the

ground he was hysterical and

said Mommy oh Mommy I wish I was dead

too he addressed you as

Mommy I don't know your worship I took

him to the station where he was charged

and cautioned and he said give me a

rally rope and I'll L myself

now

no one in their right mind would address

you as Mommy I put it to you that you

misheard Mr Gordon's daughter asked him

why he dashed Into the Fire he replied

bunny she mishearing him exclaimed money

and he said bunny no bunny I wish I was

dead too no no no no wait wait wait your

legit went money Mommy and Bunny oh

bunny no sir no sir um bunny money and

Bunny no bunny no mommy at all bunny

money and Bunny oh bunny no sir no sir

bunny no Bunny not o bunny

oh bunny oh really does it matter very

much your worship excuse me sir it was

money mommy and mommy no bunny was

mentioned in my earing Mr Gordon had a

cold what what's that got to do with it

oh with a cold in the nose money sounds

like bunny I've lost a lot of bunny the

truth is as my client will testify he

mentioned neither money nor mommy but

bunny his

burier and I should like you to note

your worship that my client's feathered

friend was lost on that fateful night I

should like to call Mr G where are we

going I'm getting you out of there

before they call you as a witness why

well did you ever own a budger Gard

called bunny no I thought so and what

did you hear your father say at the fire

yes he did say mommy exactly and by the

way where is your mother oh Tommy I wish

I knew all right don't worry about it

that's what we're going to find out

now when you arrive to find your home in

Flames what was your first thought my

parot bigar kindly don't answer your own

questions but your honor uh AAR is a

speci of parot now stop it when forcibly

restrained from your rescue attempt what

did you cry out I cried out the name of

the

bird

Binky uh bons bunny oh bunny bunny

really this is all highly improper as

you very well know you must not prompt

your own

witness any questions no you worship I'm

extremely sorry your honor but my one

thought was to save the little perisher

the the little bird from perishing in

the face thank you thank you Mr gin

thank you very much thank you um your

worship I'm quite sure that you realize

that this whole Affair this entire

business is due to a misunderstanding

yes quite so

yeah I am persuaded that you were

probably trying to rescue something much

more valuable than a bird and that is

money spelled c

a cash

find1

cash thank you your honor and believe me

I Shan believe you Mr Gordon go away

I've seen and heard quite enough of you

for one day next case please well that's

a Pity because

come number 15 on your list Sir William

delainy

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

Gordon

William Delany Gordon you are charged

with causing unnecessary obstruction

with your car at Esther Street on May

the 16th and further with assaulting

police Constable clutter whilst in the

execution of his

dut you be guilty or not guilty not

guilty I swear by almighty God that the

evidence I give should be the truth the

whole truth and nothing but the truth

[Laughter]

Hey listen listen listen to this I was

trying to rescue my buery

girl a poor little budger girl I almost

feel sorry for the fell yeah you must be

wondering what it

him nice to see you in such fine Spirits

fellas yeah you're going to help me

change that wheel snow Dr yeah

I never saw no Bader car in that house

I'll come

mind what will I'll get out of

it whisper looks like we struck it rich

last eh yes yes yes yes you know what

what I guess Lucy did his proud eh Lucy

Lucy Lucy good

morning what are you standing at where

did you get that hair out of a bottle

same as your girlfriend well you go and

put it back again how am I going to send

you home looking like the dog's dinner

you're not I'm going to stay here oh yes

I am you organized those raids last

night so you can't threaten us no more

if you know what's good for you do you

remember what happened the last time you

threatened me sunny boy what's the

matter with you you got half the money

I'm willing to set you free what more do

you want I'll tell you I haven't

finished with Billy Gordon yet did you

read about that woman murdered on the

great North Road yes disgusting it

didn't give you an idea why should it

it's got nothing to do with me no but

Billy thinks it's me he reckons I'm dead

and that you did it ah he's B me I

wouldn't do a thing like

that yeah I've just had a smashing idea

if he thinks that we could blackmail him

you're a genius yes I am am what a

turnup it can't fail it can if it's left

to you let me do the thinking and we may

have some fun now the first thing you're

going to do little old fontleroy is to

have your haircut if you're going to

carry out the plan that I have in mind

I'm not going to have my haircut yes you

are oh

no daddy oh hell

daddy where is mommy um she's gone

away the truth is she's abroad I'm sorry

sir we just can't accept that I think of

a damn what you accept nothing to do

with you that's where you're wrong sir

now look why don't you stick to incest

and keep your NOS out of my business I'm

afraid it's too late for that now sir I

married Angela yesterday what and I

shall stick to income tax and keep my

nose in your business I'm now the

inspector in charge of your

files hello Coan there's no Mr about

this you now I you and I can just have a

little

chat

H Mr

Gordon yeah

yes thank it off I hope you'll forgive

us barging in like this but the outer

door was open I'm inspector W Scotland

Yard and this is Sergeant Sykes just a

small routine matter sir do you mind if

I speak in front of your friends look

I'll see you later and explain

everything and not to worry I we won't

detain you very long

sir detain me yeah I mean

sir of course not of course not certain

statements attributed to you of course

some speculation as to the whereabouts

of Mrs

Gordon H Mrs

Gordon oh Mrs

G um well she left a few days ago

after a

quarrel

ah then there is no question of her

having disappeared eh oh rather not good

honor no we're in daily contact on the

telephone I

see oh well there it is then

gossip nasty thing that gossip

all right syes I'll go on to Tottenham

you go back to the yard and report that

the Gordon fire is clear very good sir

oh uh we're investigating that very very

gruesome great North Road murder you

know good day sir good

day

[Applause]

you've forgotten

something no sir I haven't forgotten

something but you have haven't you sir

is nothing wrong with your eye no sir

they tell me it's pretty

sharp why does it keep winking then a

nod is as good as a wink to a blind

horse a none what does that mean that's

an old Latin quote

and it means is this your old woman's

nighty it was found by the body on the

great North Road and the underworld gra

Vine says that you instructed a gang to

do her in that's a lie is it oh you told

the inspector some Whoppers just now

didn't you sir here supposing he wanted

to meet your Mrs you'd have a bit of a

job finding the bits wouldn't you

sir how much do you want how much have

you got

prly nothing I'm ruined look oh nothing

in the cupboard eh well we'll just have

to make do just a minute I've got to

live so have I Billy boy so have I we'll

just have to make do with this I'll keep

it you're disgrace to the force oh don't

say that sir well tat our Billy boy

oh keep

smiling

nod is as good as a wink to a blind

[Music]

horse extraordinary fellow what division

was he do five division

oh Mr I'm sorry to come barging in sir

but the outer door was open I'm

inspector Jensen from Scottland yard

this is Sergeant smil this is just a

small inquiry about your wife sir I'm

sure we won't have to detain you longer

than

necessary

well what do you want well in view of

certain statements you're alleged to

have made regarding The Disappearance of

your wife what are you winking at sir

I've got it it's conspiracy

the whole police force is in it Mr

Gordon don't you Mr Gordon you blood

sacker don't carve it up with Sergeant

Ry Sykes not a penny more and rather

hand Mr Gordon are you suggesting that

the police have been accepting money

accepting I like that he only accepted

£3,000 and that's your lot now get

out Mr Gordon I think you would be wise

just AE just a minute have you got a war

to come in here no I haven't but I then

I think you'll be wise to get out of it

before I sling you out but go beat it

you'll be hearing from us again and

you'll be wasting your flipping

time 2 3 400 50 60 70 sh get far

470 what now sir get hold of that Sant

SES of five Division and you better

start digging in the ruins of Gordon's

house he killed his wife all

right

do you

mind what's this A nighty you going away

for the weekend that who are you don't

you recognize me

no oh yes yes I couldn't

forget I certainly could what do you

want Oh Mr Gordon the gang have killed

your wife yes I know oh why didn't you

pay the rent some I thought they were

bluffing I didn't think that idiot could

kill a

fly and they hadn't finished yet they're

going to dress up as policeman and come

a blackmail you what yes I heard them

plotting it inspector Wayne Right and um

Sergeant

SES and I fell for it I fell for it then

I'm too late £3,000 too late only one

consolation the second lot didn't get

anything what second lot you know

inspector Jensen and the Elephant I

forgot his name but there wasn't a

second lot

no look the gang's idea was to Blackmail

you when they sucked you dry they were

going to write an anonymous letter to

the police saying it was you who killed

your wife well didn't even bother I've

done that myself there some real

policeman I've got to get out of the

country I should need a false passport

where can I get a falce passport oh I

can help you there my uncle makes them H

you're kidding how soon well tomorrow on

conditions later later what what

conditions that you take me with you

look I don't hold with murder and if the

gang find out that I've warned you

they'll kill me all right all right now

about the passwort how much well we need

two that would be 500 500 you take 460

that's my lot your lot what are we going

to live on a bom oh don't worry about

that I've got some stacked away for

emergency like this come on let's get

the phone GL

taken well it really looks as if my

dreams might come true dreams what

dreams oh a country house a cook a

butler and a gardener all the things

that Billy promised me but would never

have given me I've only got one dream a

little garden and a big girl me own

size it worked like a dream I played it

beautifully beautifully I wish you'd all

been there yeah never mind about the

details how much 2,300 empty your

pockets how dare you turn them out or

must we do it for you I've never been so

insulted in all my life how dare you

keep your distance keep your distance

right you know it is insulting thank you

it's high time we decided whose boss

here once and for all we have in your

absence we held an election you were

defeated and I was elected

unanimously now do put away that silly

Great Gun and empty your pockets like a

good

boy you can't do that h a woman after

all I've done for you after all you've

done for us lucky we ain't strangle you

know cough up or maybe we will he's

right you know we might oh

right there you I wasn't going to keep

it now there one there isn't

anymore watch this that's my petty cash

petty cash that better is that all yes

go hey guess what I got nearly 500 out

of a fake passport well done he party

can get a real one for 30 Bob and that's

not all he has got a secret cashing I

knew it where I don't know but he thinks

we're going to South America together

he's meeting me at Southampton tomorrow

and bringing the money with him and

he'll just slip off on his own he can't

he thinks I'm bringing the passports oh

why aren't you traveling down together

because he has to say goodbye to his

dear old mother Ah that's nice isn't it

got it that's where it is at his

mother's how do you know because dimwit

at this moment he couldn't care less

about his dear old

mother yes boys I think our little

partnership is almost over I think we're

on to the last of his Lolly come

on

Billy my

boy drunk again and not this time how

are you m Billy boy now what you want

really is a cup of nice strong coffee

it's a jolly good idea I got to make one

myself no really don't do that I'll make

it for you

bil Billy what are you doing that for

I'll tell you in a minute Billy yeah Ma

are you playing over the weekend no I'm

going to South America Oh Billy South

America good evening good evening do you

think you could spare us a glass of

water please certainly

certainly these gentlemen are asking for

some water but I'm going to make them

some tea thank you thank you very

much not so fast Billy boy aren't you

going to kiss your mommy

goodbye

what are you oh no

you what do you want now we've come to

help you with the luggage here there's a

black car with p o l i c e on stay put

Billy wouldn't say a word he damned I'm

V the

door oh good evening hello Mr Gordon I

understand that you contemplate leaving

the country what what is that

so nonsense I came down to see my mother

oh is this your case no sir no it's

mine haven't we met before no sir no I

don't think so the name is m Travers

Annie M Travers we just happened to be

passing and the good lady was kind

enough to offer us some refreshment oh

but I see you're busy sir come gentlemen

we must be on our way good day sir good

day thank of your hospitality sir oh and

uh do apologize the good lady for me Che

H sir

SC now Mr Gordon I'm going to ask you a

few questions first of all do you

recognize this night dress yes and they

did come on let's get up wait a minute

you mind I have every reason to believe

that it was you who murdered your wife

Lucy Gordon don't be so ridiculous why

should I want to murder my wife I loved

her and we had her little differences L

doesn't I'd sacrifice anything to have

my Lucy

[Music]

Back Billy Billy oh I said he was drunk

when he came in no shock dear he's had

the most terrible shock he really

thought I'd let left him for good didn't

you

[Music]

dear and pinching his car to get away

you know this is better than a HSE hey

fellas yeah well if you don't drive slow

we'll finish up in one ah Che up Sydney

we're rich at last here who's got a case

oh well hang on to it there's 50 th

there to be carved up between us oh only

after that Lucy gets her remember Lucy's

had hers we've kissed goodbye to Lucy

and she's kissed goodbye to this little

lot his face when you took that case

yeah gentleman I just been thinking do

you think this is honest oh shut up

never mind that hang on to that case and

hang on tight

right

[Music]

[Applause]

la

la