Original subtitles

Yes, sir.

Teeth are mighty important to me.

Well, it'd sure be uncomfortable if you didn't have any.

I don't mean just teeth.

I mean good teeth.

You know, I first got interested in good teeth...

when I got in the horse-buying business.

And I discovered that a horse with good teeth...

is a lot easier to get along with than one without.

And I began wondering...

if the same held true for people.

And I made a real interesting discovery.

Sure it holds true. A man with a toothache can't be expected to be good company.

Right!

But that ain't what I discovered.

I discovered that it holds true for men,

but it sure don't hold true for women.

You take...

this widow lady that's trying to jail me.

Got the prettiest set of teeth you ever wanna see.

But it would be easier...

to get along with a grizzly bear.

Um... Well, you mean, uh...

Why does she want to put you in jail?

Um, she...

She wants to marry me.

In jail?

Well, she wants one or the other.

Me married, me in jail... I don't see no difference.

Well, there's no law that puts a man in

prison because he doesn't want to get married.

- Is there? - No!

Look, she claims that I stole her horses.

Now, I had, uh, 10 head of hers...

that I was gonna sell for her.

I had a real nice deal going too.

But the dang things was stole before I could close it.

Well, she says that I owe her the money.

Well, naturally, under the circumstances, I don't have it,

and she says, "In that case,

you can marry me."

Well, I says, "That don't seem right to me.

Well, it ain't my fault that the horses were stoled."

She said, "Maybe not, but no one's gonna believe that."

You know, the sheriff is a real good friend of hers.

So I say...

I'll think it over and give her my answer in the morning.

Well, I get on my horse.

I bid her a courteous adieu and...

I hightail it out of town.

It's downright depressing.

I liked that town.

- Maybe she's bluffin'. - Mmm.

Widow women don't bluff.

Hello, Trampas. Hmm? Oh. Hi, Mark.

Howdy. Haven't seen you around for a while.

What's new in Medicine Bow that I should know about?

Things have been pretty quiet around here, except on Saturday nights, of course.

I do good business on Saturday nights. Yeah.

I understand you're heading for Clearwater, hmm?

Just as soon as I finish this beer.

You do me a favor and take the stage.

Why would I wanna do that? Take me twice as long and twice as uncomfortable.

Well, I got a prisoner I gotta get to Clearwater.

My deputy's down sick.

I need a man I can rely on to do the job for me.

Well, I'm no deputy.

Well, I can fix that. You take a deep breath.

What? There you are.

Hey, Mark, no! No, Mark. Aw, go ahead, young fella.

It's no skin off your hide, and you'll be doing the law a favor.

You never know when you'll want that favor returned.

I mean, uh, if-if that sheriff had been my friend instead of hers...

You see what I mean?

Oh. Well, all right, Mark. I'll be happy to take your prisoner.

Where is he? Good boy.

- Well, he's right here. - What?

I'm sorry, Luther, but there's a Widow Krebs...

says you stole some horses from her.

Oh, no!

How'd she find me?

I tell you, that woman is a witch!

Well, she used the telegraph some.

- Hey, what's your name? - Luther Watson.

Luther Wat... You're the man I'm supposed to see in Clearwater.

I'm supposed to buy those horses. My name's Trampas.

Them is the horses that got stole.

So now you ain't goin' to Clearwater,

and sheriff can just put me in jail right here.

I've seen this jail. It ain't bad at all.

I'm sorry, Luther. It's no good. It's the wrong county.

And don't you try and get out of doin' your duty,

'cause you're gonna be my deputy till I say you're not.

Now drink your beer. That stage is gonna leave in a few minutes.

Hey, Mark. What's that?

That's just so your friend here doesn't influence you.

Ah, the sheriff in Clearwater's got the key for 'em.

Uh... Hey, Mark.

Uh, good mornin', ma'am. I'm Will Baxter, coach driver.

And I'm Miss Mary Charles Marshall. Happy to make your acquaintance.

And I do hope you'll take better care of my luggage than these railroad persons.

I do declare. When I boarded the train, they just threw it in the baggage car.

Oh!

So this is the big shipment of silver we heard was comin' through.

Now, who'd ever thought of puttin' it in a lady's trunk?

Now, I trust you'll take proper care of it.

Oh, I aim to.

And you mustn't handle it roughly.

And there shouldn't be anything on top of it. Now, what time are we leavin'?

I'm most anxious to get to Clearwater. Put that trunk up on top!

Oh. What are you trying to do?

Trying to get this badge off. It makes me uncomfortable.

Oh, well, let me help.

It makes me a mite uncomfortable too.

Oh.

Ow!

Well.

I have a feeling this is gonna be a very long trip.

Oh, ca-careful, Mr. Baxter, please!

That trunk, Mr. Baxter, is carrying my family treasure,

which my mother... God rest her soul...

Saved from the maraudin' Yankee soldiers.

When my Aunt Harriet... She was my father's sister...

Came in her poor little buggy with the news that they were comin',

my mother grabbed up all the silver and buried it in the backyard.

Ma'am... You know, the poor lady was so rushed,

that later, when my father came home, she couldn't remember where,

and it took him two years of digging to find it!

Ma'am, where do you come from? Montgomery, Alabama.

Now tell me, do all the folks down there...

Do they have as much to say about nothin' as you do?

Well, Mr. Baxter, Southern ladies are known for their conversational ability.

What do you mean "about nothin'"?

People have been fascinated by that story all the way from Alabama.

How dare you call that nothin'!

If we were down home and my Daddy heard you talk to me like that...

"A lady is a fragile and a precious object...

"and should be treated accordingly," he used to say.

I hope you remember that. Lady...

When you're talking to a lady, you do not address her as "Lady."

The proper way is to use her last name,

preceded by "Miss." In my case, Miss Marshall.

Miss Marshall, uh...

Ma'am, uh, it would seem that we're gonna have...

the pleasure of your company on this trip.

My name is Luther Watson, and this here is Trampas.

Happy to make your acquaintance.

Oh!

Never! I declare, never did I think I'd live to see the day...

when a Marshall would be traveling with a criminal.

Marshals usually do travel with criminals. That's how they make a living.

I wasn't referring to government marshals.

I was referring to those individuals who bear my family's proud name.

Watch your step.

Oh, Miss Marshall, you'd be more comfortable riding forward.

Mr. Trampas, I've been facing forward...

all the way from Montgomery, Alabama,

and coping with painful cinders the whole journey.

I will never face forward again.

Ma'am, won't you please stay settin' down?

I aim to get to Clearwater sometime this year!

This is gonna be a long trip.

Oh.

Come on.

I certainly hope this proves to be a pleasanter

form of travel than the train I just left.

I'll have you know, one time I was nearly thrown clear across the aisle.

- Hyah! - Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

When I was a little girl, my daddy had a little play buggy made for me.

And he bought a pony. He took me everywhere.

Then one day, they weren't there anymore.

I would have cried, except my Aunt Harriet explained to me...

gentlefolks didn't cry in public.

- I hadn't known that before. - Miss Marshall, um...

Ma'am.

Did anyone ever tell you you've got pretty teeth?

Yeah, just like the Widow Krebs. Mm-hmm.

Oh, my Aunt Harriet would love to hear that.

She always told me my teeth were one of my best features.

Or she may have said my best.

Anyhow, she always instructed me to take proper care of them, so I did.

You know that discovery you made? Mm-hmm.

You may become known as the scientific wizard of this territory.

Yeah.

My mother was a quiet lady.

- She didn't talk much. - Didn't get much of a chance.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, nothing, ma'am. I didn't say anything.

Oh. I thought you did.

Whoa! What on earth are we stopping here for?

I don't know.

My stars, it's the middle of nowhere. What on earth are you...

Now, unless you want something bad to happen to the lady, mister,

you'll take that gun out of your holster real easy-like and drop it out the window.

Any man who would threaten a lady...

Shut up, lady!

All right. Now everybody out.

I will do no such thing. Out!

Miss Marshall, unless you want to get us all killed, you'll do as the man says.

Now get out.

All right. Money and valuables in here.

Oh. Ah.

Don't forget the watch.

- Shoot him! Shoot him! - Who, me?

Oh, I knew I was dealing with amateurs, but this is ridiculous.

- Wait. Did you want me to shoot him? - Just forget it.

See if you can unhitch the team. Hey!

Which one of these is hers? Th-That one right there, right in front of you.

Yeah, that's it. Oh. Ow.

Now, don't...

Don't you dare treat my luggage like that! Did you see what he did?

All right, lady. Your ring.

I have no intention of partin' with this ring.

This ring has been in my family for generations,

and I do not intend for it to fall into the hands of highwaymen and thieves.

Lady, give me that ring, or I'll take it.

Miss Mar...

Miss Marshall, uh, give him the ring.

There's no point in your ending up with nine fingers.

You don't mean he'd actually... cut off my finger?

That's exactly what he means.

Now that. No!

Oh! Oh!

No! Now, now...

How dare you do that? You get that back.

You... You leave my things alone.

Where's the silver?

What do you mean "Where is the silver?"

What I mean is what I said. Where is the silver?

You have just strewn it on the ground,

and if there's a single dent in a single piece...

Baxter, you blockhead!

You hear some empty talk, and you convince us she's carrying the U.S. mint!

Come on! Let's get out of here.

Come on.

- Wait for me! - You know where to find us.

Mr. Baxter,

it is very clear that you have never done a dishonest thing in your life before.

I would certainly like to understand what drives a man to a life of crime.

So you would be interested to understand... Well, I'll tell you, ma'am.

It's people like you. That's what!

Always a-talkin' at me... "Don't damage my trunk!"

"Can't you go faster?" "That ain't no way to talk to a lady!"

"Can't you drive slower?" That's what done it! Talk, talk, talk!

Obviously, the man is not cut out for this job.

He has no patience.

It is a pleasant thing to have something...

that smacks of gentility in this vast cultural wasteland.

You back up from there, lady.

Back up from there!

It might smack of that... that whatever you said it was,

but it sure don't look to me like it smacks of anything much.

Ha! You must've come from a mighty poor family.

Don't you say anything against my family!

Hey!

You wouldn't do anything foolish, would ya?

Hey, murder is a sight worse than robbery...

should the law catch up with ya.

Yeah? Well, the law ain't a-gonna catch up with me. Don't you try that again, hear?

Well, it doesn't matter.

I didn't get a look at those other two, but I'll never forget you.

That's right. Don't make no difference where you go. We'll track ya.

Back off from me. Go on!

You'll never have a good night's sleep again. That's right.

'Cause we're comin' after you, and we'll find you.

Where I'm going, ain't no one gonna find me.

The law ain't gonna find me. My wife ain't. My in-laws ain't.

Even my kids ain't gonna know where I am!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Did it give you pleasure to make me fall in the dirt?

I was kickin' at Baxter, and your umbrella got in the way.

And you gave him my purse! Do you know what was in it?

$2,000! That's what was in it. And you gave it to them.

We all have respect for the dollar, but we should have more respect for our lives.

They had guns, and we didn't.

Of course you didn't! You gave that up too.

Why didn't you just shoot him when you had a chance?

I didn't have a chance!

If I went for my gun, he would have shot you or me.

Then he'd have to shoot the other two who saw him do it.

Oh. I'm sorry about your money.

That's all right. I understand.

Oh! We'll just have to go after them and get it back.

"We"? Maybe you can outrun a horse. I can't.

Miss Marshall, there ain't no way in the livin' world that we can go after 'em.

The only thing that we can do is try to make it to Clearwater and get the sheriff.

But they didn't go toward Clearwater.

By the time we go there and get the sheriff back here, the trail will be cold.

So to pursue them ourselves is the only logical solution.

Logical?

Miss Marshall, look at us. We're bound together like Siamese twins.

Why, we couldn't lick a tabby cat in a fair fight,

and you want us to go after three men who've got guns...

when you've already pointed out that I haven't got a gun.

If we have any luck at all, another stage'll come by...

and take us into Clearwater.

If not... we're gonna have six pretty sore feet.

Stop right where you are!

My granddaddy's pistol.

I kept it for sentimental reasons.

I had no idea I'd ever have to use it.

However, rest assured I will.

Now, we will go in that direction...

and get my money back.

Oh.

You ever been on a wilder goose chase?

I just wish it were geese we were chasing.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

- Need some help? - Thank you. I'll manage.

You're in what's undoubtedly a prairie dog hole.

Prairie dog? What's that?

I have no idea what dogs are like back East, but, uh,

out here a prairie dog is likely to be dangerous.

I hear them. I hear them.

Help. Help!

You are a devious man, Trampas,

and that is all right with me.

Oh!

Here.

Oh!

Need some help walking?

I'm fine. Perfectly fine.

Okay.

Hey. Hey! Ooph!

Ow!

Hey, Trampas! What...

Oh! I feel like I just been throwed by an unbroke bronc.

Wouldn't you know she'd find it comical?

Just wait'll she tries it.

She's makin' it slick as you please.

My hat. Oh.

Shall we go?

My hat.

Well, I'll say one thing for her... she has got guts.

Guts she's got. Sense she's lacking.

Help me get my... Huh? Oh.

Oh. Oh. I guess we can't, huh?

Don't move. Just... Just shoot.

- I don't know how! - Wha...

Why, we've walked dang near 50 miles...

'cause a lady's got a gun on us, and she can't even shoot!

Well, shoot! Shoot. Shoot.

Sh-Shoot. I never have!

Well, Miss Marshall, if you don't shoot now, you'll never have the time to learn.

Now pull the hammer back and shoot.

Whew!

The likes of that gun haven't been seen since the cannons at Gettysburg.

Are you hurt?

It really must be true! I do take after my father.

It's deader than a doornail.

At that range, you're lucky you didn't shoot your foot off.

You mean I... You mean I could actually have shot my foot?

Right now, you've got the gun aimed at your big toe.

Ah. Oh.

Are you sure that you ain't hurt?

I'm perfectly all right.

I beg your pardon, Miss Marshall, but you're not all right.

You won't be able to hobble tomorrow if you don't give that ankle some rest.

And as we're out of any other form of transportation,

unless you wanna sit here and be the voice crying in the wilderness,

you'd better be able to walk.

We don't have time. We'll make time.

Now, you go sit over there on that log and take your boot off...

while I try and rustle up some food with this... cannon.

Well, go on!

Whoa...

Do I have to go with you?

I don't see how I'm gonna get rid of you. Well, hold it.

How good a shot are you?

Reasonable. Mm-hmm. I ain't sure that's good enough.

I... But do you think that you can shoot that off?

You have a head on you, Luther Watson. Mm-hmm.

Whoo!

Look at that!

I don't mind the smoke. We're free.

That was fine.

We'll tie the horses up in here.

Then what'll happen to 'em? Nothin'.

Plenty of water and graze.

We can drift back in a day or two and, uh, cut 'em loose.

You can step down and open that bag. We'll divvy up right here.

That's not the plan. We told Baxter we'd meet him near my place.

Well, then, Grimes, that's where he'll be waiting.

If you want to divide your half with him, why, you go right ahead.

Hold on. You ain't the man that got me into this. I owe Baxter for that.

You want to see any of this loot, you'd better come with me.

Miss Marshall.

It ain't that, uh, I aim to pry none,

but, uh, it seems a mite peculiar...

A lady like you, uh,

wanderin' around these parts unaccompanied.

I imagine it does.

Well, have you got a family out West maybe?

I came out to be married.

I think.

Well, don't be nervous about it.

I know some of them mail-order hitchin's that turn out real good.

Mail order?

What in the world gave you a notion like that?

Mr. Watson, I don't know where you got that impression,

but I can assure you I'm not that desperate.

Well, I-I-I didn't, uh, mean that I...

What I meant to say was, uh...

Well, that is, uh, common enough in these parts.

Well, "common" is indeed the word.

Dear me! Mr. Watson,

a lady raised in the South is required to know not only the man she intends to marry,

but his relatives as well...

and have a passing acquaintanceship with his ancestors.

Really? Uh-huh.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah.

It's the same with horses.

Now, if you know who the stud was, uh...

You know how to skin a rabbit? Yes, I can.

Uh, who you gonna marry, Miss Marshall?

Mr. Tom Kendrick is the man I intend to marry.

He is a gentleman from sole to crown.

Why, he can trace his ancestors clear back...

What's he doin' out in these parts?

One of the qualities of a gentlemen is his courage.

He came out here five years ago to make his fortune.

Did he?

Did he what? I just finished telling you he did.

Did he make his fortune?

To the best of my knowledge, he did.

I feel sort of sorry for him.

I have never been so insulted!

You! M-Mr. Trampas!

You are just plain...

You are just... tacky!

What? No, Miss Marshall, all I meant was...

that, uh, well, he'll be worried if you don't show up on time.

Oh.

Then I apologize for my outburst.

But you need have no concern about that,

'cause I didn't tell him the exact time of my arrival.

Oh. Well, that's good.

'Cause I know a gentleman would be worried...

if he knew you were wandering around the wilderness with two strange men...

whose ancestors range from, uh,

blacksmiths to horse thieves.

Well, you know that, uh,

there's bounty hunters.

Well, I had me a friend...

that was a ghost hunter.

There's this one town that had this particular bad reputation,

so he went up to save it, you know?

To spend the night.

Well, there he is,

you know, laying flat on his back...

in bed in this ramshackle old hotel,

and the wind was a-howlin'...

and the shutters was a-banging.

And all of a sudden...

It all quiets down.

And risin' up...

from the foot of his bed,

a ghostly hand comes a-creepin'.

Well, he snatched up his pistol,

took careful aim, and he fired four times!

- You know... bang, bang, bang! - Bang.

That's right!

And now...

he walks around with his right foot...

considerable shorter than his left!

Oh, Mr. Watson!

You're a marvelous storyteller!

- Thank you. - You can sure talk up a storm.

I can only think of one person that can do you one better.

Now, if you could just walk as well as you can talk.

Young fella, u-until today...

I never walked any further than from the door of the saloon to the bar.

I think I done right well.

Mr. Watson, I think we would both rest easier...

if we paid no attention to our reluctant traveling companion.

That's right.

Pay attention or not, we don't get some sleep,

tomorrow's gonna be a long, hard day.

Oh. Well.

There's wisdom in that.

Oh, uh... Yeah, so...

Why don't we just curl up together?

You mean all together?

Well, Miss Marshall, uh, if you see a hotel around,

I'd be delighted to check you in.

Mr. Trampas, you're being tacky again.

But ladies and gentlemen just simply do not spend the night together...

curled up around a bonfire.

Well, ladies and gentlemen don't go chasing after robbers together either.

Oh.

Well, I will rest over there,

but I assure you I will not sleep a wink.

Ooh! Oh, Miss Marshall.

That ankle is bad. You better soak it in the stream.

That's right. I've seen that work with horses dozens of times.

Mr. Watson, I'm not a horse!

And as for you, Mr. Trampas,

if you think for a fleeting second that I'm gonna leave the protection...

of this kind, old gentleman,

you've got another think comin'.

You know...

I never thought of myself as being old until right this minute.

You think she was fearin' or hopin'?

Hmm. Well.

Fool woman. She'll freeze to death that far away from the fire.

Mmm.

Oh! Now hold it! Take it easy!

How dare you! Sneaking up on me like that.

I knew I shouldn't have permitted myself to sleep.

I must have dozed off, and the first thing I know, you take that opp...

What is this? It's my jacket.

How did I get it? I gave it to you.

It's a cold night, and you're a long way from the fire.

Well, I do declare.

This is the second time I've had to apologize to you.

Now, I do most humbly. I'm very sorry, but I thought...

I know what you thought, Miss Marshall.

I wish you'd get it through your head...

that all the gentlemen in this world don't come from... Alabama.

Oh.

It is a cold night, even beside the fire.

I think it would be best if we shared the jacket.

Goodness gracious.

Does this happen often?

Not often enough.

Mr. Trampas.

Taking advantage of a helpless, sleepless...

Well, if you ask me...

We're both gonna be sleepless.

That happens about every six seconds. Well, that'll never do.

Miss Marshall?

I must admit, you have one or two things to recommend you.

Hey! What was that?

Hey, do you hear that?

- That was you. - Me?

You were snorin'.

I had to put your hat over your face so we could sleep.

"We"?

Are you sure that's the reason you covered my eyes?

Mr. Watson!

That's a terrible way to wake somebody up, Luther.

Well, you was havin' more fun than me.

Oh!

Now that we're all awake, I guess we'd better get movin'.

Thank you, Mr. Trampas, for the loan of one-half your coat.

Oh! What happened? What happened?

Uh... Luther.

I think it would appear that...

I'm unable to walk.

Well, uh, look.

Look, uh, let's have a look at that.

Well, that's better.

Uh... Well, no wonder you can't walk on it! Oh! Oh!

It's swole up twice its size.

If you hadn't got so high and mighty last night...

when we told you to soak it...

I... I must plead guilty to a streak of stubbornness...

I inherited from my father's side of the family.

My Aunt Harriet used to say Daddy and I

were like two peas... Miss... Miss Marshall.

Why don't you continue this story down by the stream...

while your foot's a-soakin'?

That's just what I'll do, if you'll excuse me.

Here. I'll carry you. No, no. No.

That would be an imposition.

I can go alone. M...

Oh. Ooh!

A mule.

Pure mule.

She's done it again.

I thought you were just gonna soak your ankle.

I can't swim!

Oh.

Okay.

Miss Mar...

Miss Marshall, please take your arms... around my neck...

Or you're gonna drown me.

If I do that, I'll drown me!

There's no... There's no reason for both of us to drown.

We... Just...

Miss Mar...

Miss Marshall.

Why, look.

Uh, well, the tracks split up here.

Uh, the ones with the stage horses may be aimin' for Clearwater,

but the loner ain't.

That would be Mr. Baxter.

What, do you read sign?

It's a perfectly logical deduction.

If the stagecoach driver showed up in Clearwater,

there'd be a lot of downright embarrassing questions for him to answer.

Well, it is, uh... It-It's him all right.

Now, he was ridin' the off horse...

of the lead pair.

Oh. You know,

I noticed, when he rode off in that robbery,

that-that horse had kind of a, well, funny way of goin'.

But he ain't goin' far.

Looks to me like he's lame.

He's lame.

What are you doing? What are you going in this direction for?

There's one of him and three of us.

But he hasn't got my money. They have.

If we were so lucky as to get one of them with this antiquated piece of metal,

the others would get all three of us before I'd get a chance to aim it again.

But there isn't any point in goin' in this direction.

Sure there is. He'll be able to tell us where the others are.

Mr. Trampas, this is insanity.

Miss Marshall, the whole thing's insanity.

- One old man, a lame woman... - Yeah. Lame.

And me. And you got us on the trail of hot desperadoes.

I refuse to go another step in this direction.

Let me point out to you that you're not taking any steps at all.

Just put me right down. I'm perfectly capable of doing my own walkin'.

We'll go faster this way. Going faster in the wrong direction's no help.

Well, hold it!

Uh, Miss Marshall, Trampas is makin' good sense, and you ain't,

so that makes it two against one.

And when we do catch up with that criminal,

it'll take all of us workin' together like a team to capture him.

So that is the last bickerin' I expect to hear. I...

Uh, continue, Trampas.

That's him. Mm-hmm.

Shoot him! Miss Marshall! Shh!

We are after your dowry money.

You use that gun on that man,

and he won't ever be able to tell you where it is ever, ever.

You remember the blowed-up rabbit? Well.

I'll do a little scoutin',

make sure that he's the right man.

We've been following his trail.

- I'll check his horse. I'd recognize... - What's the point?

Well, I don't wanna be responsible for surprising an innocent man...

into a heart attack.

You think you can do it?

I've been sneaking up on horses for years,

as long as I'm downwind.

- It's his horse all right. - Shh!

I borrowed this. I figured it'd come in handy.

We can take him by surprise before he ever knows what hit him.

- He's sound asleep. - Mmm.

Oh, Mr. Trampas, you have a remarkable mind.

All right. This is what we'll do.

I'll throw myself on him so he can't move.

Uh-huh.

Luther, you tie him up with those hobbles. Here. And take this cannon.

Oh. You stay here.

I'll do no such thing.

Just don't get in the way.

What? Shh!

No. Shh, shh, shh.

Right.

Now. Go, Trampas.

Hold on to him. I'm comin'!

Don't let him go! Oh!

I didn't. What?

I don't have him. Well...

Don't move. I got you covered.

Well.

Uh, that's just about the cleverest ambush I ever see'd.

Hmm.

Don't no one try nothin' foolish now.

My, oh, my. We certainly did take him by surprise.

We truly did.

Three of us against one of him, and we're prisoners.

After all that planning and strategy, it's downright disgraceful.

Them flowers of Southern womanhood, they got plenty of thorns.

It is easy to be insultin' when you're wavin' a gun around, Mr. Baxter.

Don't worry about that gun, Miss Marshall.

A gunshot carries a long ways, and by this time, the law's bound to be on our trail.

Well, the law is something I ain't worried about.

If I were to guess, you haven't been at the business of robbing stagecoaches very long.

What makes you say that?

If you're waiting here for your two partners to come and divvy up,

they should have been here long before now.

You are right, Mr. Trampas! They were on horses, we were afoot.

I remember something my dear daddy always said.

He always said, "There is no honor among thieves."

That's right.

Uh, them two is long gone,

and the trail's gettin' colder by the minute.

Ah, there ain't a stick of truth in that.

Besides, I know where to find 'em.

Now put your hands behind you.

You, you tie them up... Hands behind 'em.

And no tricks, old man.

I can assure you, sir,

you will pay dearly for any mistreatment...

to myself or my two traveling companions.

You just wait till Mr. Tom Kendrick learns of this.

To say nothin' of the Widow Krebs.

Haskell! You are the laziest, sorriest excuse for a lawman...

I've run acrost in all my years out West.

Miss Krebs, if you wasn't a woman...

The only saddle sores you've got for the last 10 years...

are from ridin' that swivel chair behind the desk!

Now just one minute, madam.

Don't you "madam" me, you lazy, lowdown loafer!

Those three stage passengers and the driver been out there missin' for two days,

and what have you done about it?

I'll tell you what I done.

I very carefully searched the entire area...

and I tracked down one of the thieves.

Only because he was dead. You couldn't track a skunk by his smell.

One more word out of you, and I'm gonna lock you up for disturbin' the peace.

My late husband used to say,

"Too much law is a dad-ratted nuisance."

Which one of your late husbands?

I can't recall.

It don't matter none. What I'm sayin' is, too little law is even worse.

Now, I'm gonna form a citizens' posse,

and should we find that you been derelict in your duties,

you're gonna be out of a job!

Where you goin'? To the saloon!

It's men like you that drive women to drink!

Yes, sir, the more I think of it,

if somethin' accidental-like was to happen to you three,

I wouldn't have to light out of here on the run.

I could say we split up, and I never see'd you again.

The silver. Huh?

Silver. Mr. Trampas.

May I remind you that our captor is singularly lacking in discernment...

where rare, old silver's concerned.

So if you're suggesting we bargain for our lives...

What I'm suggesting is one of us gettin' in that sack...

and get that knife and cut these ropes.

Well, I'd do a sight...

I'd do a sight better to rub the pot, wait for the genie to appear.

- Genie? - Well...

That knife ain't ever gonna cut through this rope.

Mr. Watson, if it could cut through that tough old jackrabbit we shared last night,

it can cut through this hemp.

- It's our only chance. - All right.

Is he lookin'?

No. Then I'll try.

Come on up here.

It ain't gonna work unless you two can create a diversion.

Keep his attention away from me.

Well, just what'd you have in mind?

Well, you can begin by gettin' closer together...

so's he won't see what I'm doin'.

That ain't close enough. Closer.

- What are you two up to? - Huh?

I-I'm beginning to feel the night chill, Mr. Baxter.

If you were any kind of a gentleman, you'd spare us a blanket.

I ain't got but one,

and I ain't about to give that one up, 'cause I'm subject to colds.

Besides, I didn't invite you all to my camp,

so I ain't responsible for providin' for your comforts.

Well, you just had better, Mr. Baxter,

or you might wake up in the morning and find yourself...

with three frozen corpses on your hands to explain.

Now, I never thought of it that way.

If you was to oblige me like that,

you'd save me all the trouble of goin' and doin' the violence to ya.

Mr. Baxter, compared to you, a carpetbagger was a prince among men.

- I've got the knife. - Then start sawin'.

Keep jawin'.

Say something.

I can't think of anything to say.

Now you can't think of something to say?

He's lookin' suspicious again.

Get in there and show her, Trampas. Show her what?

Well, show her that you can court just as good...

as any poetry-spoutin' Southern gentleman.

Mr. Watson, I thought you had some regard for the proprieties.

Must I remind you I'm engaged to be married to Mr. Tom Kendrick?

Fred? What?

Come here, Fred.

Did I ever read you this letter? Yes!

Listen to this part.

"Of course, it broke my heart...

"to sell the old place.

"But when I think of...

what you have worked so hard to provide me"...

You get that? I am providing for her.

Well, a man's supposed to provide for his wife!

Yes, but get the next part.

"If your establishment isn't quite up...

"to what we are both accustomed,

"I know you will take steps...

to rectify that."

She's plannin' to work me to death.

"I remain sincerely yours"...

Bottle of brandy, Fred.

Well, now, Miz Krebs, you know the policy.

No women are allowed to buy liquor. I ain't here as a woman.

I'm here as the owner of the "Circle 0, Double J, Bar None" spread,

and you would lose a lot of business was I to

tell my boys to do their drinkin' elsewhere.

You see what happens to a man?

Every time she loses a husband, she gets another spread.

Man spends his whole life building something up.

Who gets to enjoy it?

His widow. Well?

Well, now, look. Look, I'd lose my job if I broke the rules, Miss Krebs.

Oh, I'd hate to see that happen, Fred.

Why don't you just sell me the bottle?

Hey. Why didn't I think of that?

'Cause you ain't got the brains God give a jackrabbit. That's why.

I'm obliged to you, Tom.

I like your style.

Were you a mite older or me a mite younger...

Well, I'm ho-honored, ma'am, but I've been spoken for.

Well, I hadn't heard that. Who's the lucky lady?

Y'all mean Miss Mary Charles Marshall of the Marshalls of Montgomery.

Well, what in the name of the Almighty are you doin' drinkin' at a time like this?

Well, obviously, you have never met Miss Mary Charles Marshall...

Fair and fragile flower of the old South...

who will wilt and whither in the wicked West.

It's likely I may never have that pleasure...

because she's on that stage that was robbed.

Ain't never been heard from since.

Same goes for my fiancé.

Now, I don't know about you, but I aim to go lookin' for 'em.

I don't relish bein' a widow again before I'm a wife.

If you was any kind of a Southern gentleman, you would ride with me.

Ow! Whose side are you on?

Miss Marshall, if you expect to be walkin' down the aisle,

you better put on a real show for Mr. Baxter...

'cause he's lookin' restless.

- Do somethin'. - Like what?

Well.

Kiss her.

You know, my fingers is numb. Gotta have time to flex 'em.

Got more cuttin' to do.

I will not.

It's a good cause.

You can stop now.

There.

I'm... finished cuttin'.

I said... Oh. You can stop now.

Trampas? Hey.

Trampas.

I saw a moonstruck calf once looked just like you.

Hey. He's turned his back.

Now's our chance. Come on. Let's go!

Oh, goodness!

Will you hit him!

Oh, goodness gracious!

Well, I'll be a teetotal, gosh...

Oh!

Hey, ain't she a jim-dandy?

She packs a real wallop. So do you.

Oh. Just wish you saw well enough to aim right.

- Well, uh, there. - Now, there now.

Uh, little lady. Uh...

Look, don't cry.

Oh, we know that you ain't one to do a man violence.

You just did what you had to do.

And besides, he ain't dead.

His head's too hard for that.

He dented my teapot!

E-Excuse me.

Oh, uh, would you just all hold up for a minute?

Oh. My back.

I... I have got to rest my back.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Ooh.

You know, all that walkin' and fightin' has left me,

well, a wreck of the man that I was.

Well, you can look at it this way, Luther.

Would the Widow Krebs want a wreck of a man?

Well...

In that case, maybe it's worth it.

Uh, keep an eye on him while I water the horse. Yes.

Sit down over there.

Well.

Huh. Oh.

Um...

I'm sorry to slow you down...

and delay the grand reunion...

with Mr. Tom Kendrick.

That's all right, Mr. Watson.

I'm not so sure it's gonna be such a grand reunion...

Not for him anyway.

What makes you say that?

He'll be mighty glad to see you.

No, I'm not so sure of that either.

I've done an awful thing.

It's been five years since Tom Kendrick came out here,

and I just up and wrote him that I was coming.

And I didn't even wait for an answer.

And that's why you prattle on so much...

Uh, so you won't dwell on it.

You are very perceptive.

Well, let me tell you this.

There's not a man in his right mind...

that wouldn't be proud to have you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I've plumb run out of patience with you.

Are you gonna tell us where them fellas went with her dowry money,

or am I gonna have to rough you up some?

No. Mr. Watson, it isn't necessary.

I've been thinkin'. The dowry... that's the past.

It isn't good to be tied too much to the past.

Well, it's the principle of the thing.

That money is yours,

no matter what you wanna do with it.

Maybe the sheriff of Clearwater will convince him.

I hear he's a pretty rough man.

Well, I'll help you aboard, Miss Marshall.

My ankle's feeling much better.

I think Luther should ride for a while.

You know,

that fella, Kendrick...

If he don't do right by that little lady,

he's gonna have me to answer for.

Help me, Trampas.

Up you go, Luther. Well. Oh...

Oh, my back! No.

Oh.

I won't need that.

They... They brought my trunk to Clearwater.

They'll send it right over to the hotel.

I declare, it will be a joy indeed to discard this old rag.

What... What on earth's the matter?

We got a problem.

Luther can't run around loose. Someone's bound to recognize him.

If that happens, we'll both end up in jail.

Maybe I better make myself scarce till after dark.

Where?

In my room. That's where.

Why, Miss Marshall,

that's no proper behavior for a Southern lady.

Oh, hang proper and hang Southern.

We are where we are, and what has to be done has to be done.

Let's not have any arguments.

If you have any trouble, you know where we'll be.

And if we have any, I'll find you.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this.

You know, you can't lock a man up just because another man says so.

But seeing as how you're a deputy, uh,

I'll do it till I can check out your credentials with Medicine Bow.

When will that be? Oh, I should get an answer back by morning, I think.

Hmm. Come on.

Uh, you know, I reckon you done me a favor.

I've been in a lot worse situations.

As a matter of fact, this is about the nicest jail I ever been in.

So, uh, that's the way it stands.

We've got tomorrow morning to find the horses, or Luther's got a choice...

Gettin' married or goin' to jail.

Chains either way.

I never have thought of marriage that way.

Most women don't. Most men do?

Ma'am, most men...

Well, a lot of men, uh...

I...

Well, now, you take, um, this Widow Krebs.

Well, she's after Luther, and you can see why Luther's reluctant.

She's put three strong men in their graves already.

I guess it won't be long now.

To tell the truth, I'm scared. Of what?

I never thought there were any people worth knowing or thinking about...

except the kind I grew up with.

- Kendrick's someone you grew up with. - Yes. That's the trouble.

You see, I... I feel now... I hope...

I hope some of this country's rubbed off on him.

I don't think I want to marry the dandy I used to know.

Well, he's been here five years, and...

Strangest thing about this part of the country...

It sort of, uh, opens your mind out.

Yes, it does.

Something's happening to me already,

and I feel like I wanna keep on.

Only I'm not sure he'd like the way I'm headin'.

Well, I like the way you're headin'.

Uh, well...

No fear, Miss Marshall. Everything will be all right.

I think, one way or another, I think maybe I will.

- Hi, Dolly. - Good morning.

Fred, give me a prairie oyster, will you?

Rough night, huh?

- No. Got a touch of the grippe. - Yeah. Sure.

I get that myself sometimes.

What's yours, Flossie?

Huh! Bad night, huh?

Here. You need a shot of brandy.

Get your heart started.

What peculiar remedies. What is a prairie oyster?

Uh... You about through with that sandwich, Miss Marshall?

Oh.

Mr. Trampas, you look white as a sheet.

- Do you know those ladies? - No.

Well, I've seen them. They work here.

In a saloon? I declare.

- What do they do? - They take care of the customers.

Oh.

What were they doing upstairs?

Uh, that's, uh... That's where they live.

Miss Marshall, if we don't get this sandwich

to old Luther, he's gonna drop dead of hunger.

Well, now, that's a familiar voice.

I'd know that voice anywhere.

Trampas, honey. What are you doing now... bringing your own?

Whatever does she mean? Your own what?

Uh, she must be talking about the sandwich. I'll pay you later, Fred!

I-It hardly seems likely that she was referring to the food.

Trampas! Trampas!

Mr. Watson, what are you doing out here in broad daylight?

He's here. He's here. Who's here?

The man we come to find. Where?

Well, I don't know where, but there is his horse.

I seen that horse before, a-at the robbery.

Uh... It's got a white streak on his face.

Why don't we just wait and see who gets on? Uh, over here.

Oh.

Oh.

Here, Luther. Oh, thanks.

You're welcome.

Luther.

Now, I ain't ever mistaken no horse.

Looks can be deceivin', but that is him!

That's him! That's him!

Giddap!

Oh! Great snakes in the mornin'! I'm done for.

That must be the Widow Krebs.

If I'm not mistaken, the man riding with her is Mr. Tom Kendrick.

My, he certainly has changed!

You two-bit, lumbering lout! How come you get yourself in a stage robbery?

Mr. Kendrick and me been looking for you all night.

Well, why would you want to do that?

Because that lazy, no-good, dog-in-the-manger

sheriff wouldn't. That's why.

There's no need to shout, Maybelle.

Mr. Tom Kendrick? I'm Mary Charles.

Mary Charles? But...

Well, you sure look different.

Yes, I suppose.

Well, you... you got prettier.

There's somethin' else.

Yeah. Ye... You know... You know what you got in your face?

You've got character.

Well, you've done some changing yourself.

I'm sure we're all gonna be very happy.

What do you mean "we"?

I ain't...

Horse thief!

Horse thief!

Horse thief!

It do seem that trouble comes in bunches, doesn't it?

What are you talking about, Luther?

It's one of the 10 horses that she says that I stole.

Well, the other nine aren't in hiding. They're in my corral.

And they weren't stolen.

Why, I bought them outright from this lady here.

Well, I guess you ain't ever gonna marry me now.

But I ain't gonna apologize!

When you're none too young and none too pretty,

you gotta take steps.

All my life, I've been trying to find a man...

who I could give somethin' to,

and all my life I've been finding men who've given me things.

All I wanted was somebody to do for.

You want to do for me?

Uh-huh!

Don't... cry.

I... I'll marry you.

Uh... Uh, Maybelle.

I... I never could stand to see a woman cry.

You mean that's all I had to do?

I could have done that months ago!

Wait.

It occurs to me, Mr. Trampas,

that up to now, Mr. Watson has made no mistakes...

concerning horses.

No, ma'am. He hasn't.

My horse is out back. You hit me over the head and take off for Cheyenne.

When I come to, I'll get a posse together, and I'll lead 'em in the other direction.

Where's the goods? We'll settle up later.

Oh, no. None of that. I want mine now.

If you don't get out of here now, you ain't gonna have no share at all.

Hurry up and clobber me and beat it. Ah!

No need to do that. No sense gettin' a sore

head and endin' up in jail all at the same time.

Put up your hands. No wonder you wouldn't go after 'em.

How in the name of heaven...

I never forget a horse's face.

Human faces sometime, but never a horse's.

I'm supposed to be putting you in jail.

It's wonderful the way things work out sometime, ain't it?

Now, inside. Come on.

Why, you're wrong. There's just one thing that worries me.

How is the parson gonna know which one is the bride?

Well, howdy, Miss Marshall.

Ma'am. Uh, Trampas, are you gonna be...

Maybelle?

Well, I never had much time for female frippery before.

But now that I got a man to look at me and everything,

I thought maybe I'd better pretty up some...

so's your eyes won't rove in the wrong direction.

Well, are you sure that's you, Maybelle?

I don't like the looks of that man.

I think you should demand his credentials.

He's all right. He's been around for years. I don't know.

There's somethin' about his teeth.

You better be careful. You're beginnin' to sound like Luther.

That wouldn't do for Mrs. Tom Kendrick.

It's gonna be all right, isn't it... being Mrs. Tom Kendrick?

I think it's gonna be a whole lot different than I ever imagined it would be.

Yes, I think it's gonna be all right.

But I don't think it would have been if it hadn't been for knowing you.

I'm beholden.

You don't owe me anything. You just be happy.

All aboard that's comin'.

But... But I thought her and him...

"Sincerely yours"?

Well,

one good turn deserves another.

I won't forget you.

I won't forget you either.

You're really somethin'.

Th-That's a compliment.

Hah! Hah!

So long, Luther!

I'm not gonna apologize for that.

I learned a lot from that man.

Oh, honey, I'm so glad!

Oh! Mr. Kendrick! Honey!

The name is Tom!

Ooh. Don't all that romancin' give you no ideas, Luther?

Maybelle!

Mmm!

Ooh! You are the most magnetic man I ever saw in all my life!