Original subtitles

Mama's in a hurry.

The light cavalry overture.

Patty, get your belief, dear. We'll have to rush or we're going to miss the

boat. I want to miss the boat.

Mother, why do we always have to go to Kiss Me in the Catskills?

I hate Kiss Me in the Catskills. Oh, nonsense. Last year you loved it.

Last year I was a child.

And you're still a child.

Even if you sit up half the night lengthening your dresses.

But I was 17 last week.

You may treat me like a baby, but inside I'm a woman.

Now, Patty, I want no trouble with you this summer.

You're not interested in boys, and I want you to stay that way.

And when you're 18, we'll have a little talk.

18?

My mother, that's almost a whole year away. How will I ever get through the

summer? I'm going to be a misfit all summer long. That's enough.

Finish your packing, change your clothes. And I don't want to hear one

word about kissing me in the Catskills.

Remind me to shorten that dress.

Mr. Hibbs is here with the carriage, Mama.

Hi, Mr. Hibbs. Hi, Daddy. Hi, Daddy.

Mine are full of baggages, Mr.

Hibbs.

Oh, boys, close your valise.

Yes, they're too full.

Have Melba sit on it.

Have hips.

Sit harder, Melba.

Put on your hats and coats.

Do I have to sit on Patty's lap this year, Mama? Can I take Delilah along?

Oh, he was supposed to play the short version.

Yes, you do. No, you can't. Only sissies sit on girls' laps.

Come in, Mr. Hebs.

He'd be stopping by every morning.

You're allowed more time this year, Miss Robinson.

Nettie and Hattie ain't what they used to be. But Delilah doesn't like Maggie.

Why can't Patty sit on my lap? Books never leave enough time.

Can I take Delilah as far as the boat? She's never seen that, so never.

All right, Mr. Hibbs can bring her back with him.

Oh, Mother, really, you think we were gypsies? That's it.

Oh, don't be silly.

It is.

Come on, children, be sure you have everything now.

Take Father's coat, bring...

Young man, I'm not paying you ten cents a day to gawk into a well.

I wasn't gawking. There's a frog in there.

Fish it out after dark.

Now get up here and carry the shooster's bags in. They're still on the front

stoop. Papa, the Surrey's going to be here any minute. Well, what's the Surrey

got to do with it?

Papa, the Robinsons will be on it. Oh, Robinsons or no Robinsons, get up here

and carry these bags in.

Oh, why, Mrs. Robinson, you're looking as young as your daughter. Hello, Mr.

Robinson. Hello, Finley. It's hot.

Billy.

Billy Finley.

Gosh, he's grown a foot.

Hello, Patty.

Gosh, you look wonderful.

So do you, Billy.

Can I help you? Can I take your bag?

Thank you.

Here's mine.

What's the matter? Your arm broken?

better ones. You're up in 23 this year. Oh, Mrs.

Hochstadter finally died.

In our bed?

No, in Hoboken.

Patty, how about a walk before supper?

I mean, after supper.

I mean, how about a walk?

I have an engagement, Billy.

Already?

Oh.

What's wrong with his pants?

Gee, can I help it if my father won't let me have longies for another year?

Poor boy.

Parents are so trying.

Patty. How about walking to the post office with me tomorrow, maybe?

Sorry. I'm not expecting any mail, Billy.

Golly, last summer she was fun.

What's got into her, anyway?

Old age.

She thinks she's 18 and she knows you're only 16.

Well, can I help it?

Besides, I look older. I know.

And I don't mind a bit.

Be sure to scrub out this basin, girls, and remember, there are other people in

the world. Don't stay in the bathroom forever.

Yes, ma 'am. Peggy!

Who put this feather snake in my suitcase?

My new jacket's covered with whiskers. Now, Ray, sure don't get excited.

Must be the molting season.

Yes, well, I won't have it.

How you've changed. Why, you're pretty.

Melba hasn't changed a bit.

We followed your tour in the papers.

Oh, that. Well, after one's been on the stage since one was six. Why, one tour

is just like another.

But with John Barrymore.

Let me touch you.

Yes, he was rather nice. Did you have a scene with him?

Well, no, not exactly.

You see, I die.

In the prologue. Someone in the audience shoot you?

Melba.

You know, Patty, I've got oodles to tell you, but it's all going to have to keep

until big ears with hair bows aren't around.

Melba, dear, why don't you go and see what we're going to have for dinner?

I already know.

Sauerkraut and pig's knuckles.

Patty, mother's still playing whist. Be a sport and tighten me up, will you?

About 18 inches.

Oh, it's...

Beautiful. It's the LaBelle mode for young misses.

Is that all right?

A little tighter, dear. I can still take a deep breath.

They wear the same thing in the Looney house, only they call them straight

jackets. They do give you such a wonderful feeling, don't they?

Yes.

Wonderful. How would you know?

Melba, would you ask Mr. Finley what night we take our baths? I already know.

Thursday, 7 a .m.

Oh, we have Saturday night. But then, of course, we have a more expensive room.

Are there any new people here this year? Oh, not a soul. Talk about the man

shortage. Why, I just may have to ask one of your brothers for a date. Oh, is

that desperate?

Oh, it's indescribable.

Of course, it's not so awful for you. You're not eligible for the older set.

What?

I'm almost 18.

Yeah, in 11 months.

Will you please go downstairs?

Patty, darling, I know just how you feel.

That old unwritten law, 17 just can't go with 18. It doesn't seem fair.

But when you're in the older set, why, then you'll understand.

If you ask me, some people are just afraid of competition.

Melba, dear, why don't you go downstairs and help Billy Finley set the table?

Think I will.

Isn't he dashing?

Who do you suppose he is?

He must be related to that Mrs. Armendez from Cuba.

Well, I guess I'd better be running along.

I mustn't keep my mother waiting.

Thanks for lacing me, darling.

What are the Cuban colors?

Three blue stripes on white with red triangle.

But you're too skinny for stripes.

You don't look good in red.

More water, Patty?

No, thank you. I'd love some.

Melba, that makes five.

The dam will go any minute.

Mama said a bad word.

Go swimming with me tomorrow, Patty.

I really can't say, Billy.

Next day.

I'll have to let you know. I can go both days.

What are they

staring at?

My new dress.

Right this way, Senor. I'm in this.

Thank you.

Patty, close your mouth.

That mustache does nothing for you.

Wipe your lip, dear.

Careful, you'll blow crumbs in Papa's lap.

Oh, Papa, I'm sorry.

Now it's ashes. What's the matter with that girl? It's that new Cuban.

Ouch, that's my sore ankle. Now, Papa, ashes are good for morals. Well, I don't

like morals. Why should I be good to them?

What new Cuban?

Papa, please.

He's right behind you.

Oh, so that's it, eh?

What's so extraordinary about him? You'd think he had two heads.

I was much more attractive when I was his age, wasn't I, Mama? Yes, Papa,

Mama, may I please be excused? We haven't touched your tapio. Ollie!

Quiet, children.

Very well, Patty.

Thank you.

With races.

Oh, dear.

Get back to the kitchen, young man.

A regrettable accident is regrettable. It will happen again, I assure you.

Boy, child.

Like the...

Like a sweetheart needs a kiss, a kiss.

Like the summer needs the sunshine.

With us kids?

Hey, Patty, come on. Let's have the Oceana Roll. Yeah, Patty, sing the

Roll. Yeah, come on, kids.

Billy McCoy was a musical boy On the cruiser Alabama He was there with

a piano Like a fish down in the sea Oh, when he rattled off some harmony

Every night upon the ocean He would get that ragging ocean start That syncopated

motion lovingly

I don't

care.

begins to twist and swerve. The ship starts into difference as the quacks

return. You'll see the smoke so black sneak from that old smoke sack.

It's floating right to heaven and it won't come back. Now here and there

see a stool and chair.

I'll slip around the cabin shouting, I don't care. And then the hammock starts

-swinging and the bell begins a -ringing while we're sitting at bat.

Because he is the master of the razzmatazz.

He's known to everyone as Mr. Jazz.

When he gets it going with a real heartbreak, even Davy Jones begins to

shake off.

Patty, I've got wonderful news for you.

Eddie Gavin doesn't have a girl this year. I believe he's available.

Oh, him.

He's always available.

Well, I wouldn't be too hasty if I were you. You know, a clever woman can always

mold a man.

No, thank you. He's moldy enough.

Oh, dear.

Senor Mendez. Excuse me a moment, please.

Miss Robinson, I've been looking for you.

For me?

Everywhere, but you had vanished.

I wanted to return your fan and to reassure you about the little accident.

Oh, but it wasn't an accident.

You mean you did it on purpose?

Oh, no, I mean, it was all my fault.

I stooped when I shouldn't have stooped. Oh, no, on the contrary, it was my

fault. I bent when I shouldn't have bent. Oh, no, mine. I stooped and I...

Nonsense, man, I bent.

Stooped? No, really. It's forgotten, yes?

Thank you very much.

Oh, but I did spoil your jacket and your dessert.

You know, Mr. Finley only allows one helping.

I'll tell you a secret.

I detest tapioca.

Me too.

I'd much rather have one of your American ice cream sodas.

Well, there's an ice cream parlor in the village. Oh?

Yes. You just go down this road, turn left at the knife, I mean at the fork,

then you turn right, I mean left, and then you go... Well, maybe you better

me the way, huh?

Shall we take a little stroll?

Now? Yes.

The two of us?

Well, as you like to ask someone else.

Oh, no.

Well, fine, fine.

We will toast our meeting with a soda.

Strawberry. Well, hello, you two.

I didn't know you had met. We're old friends.

We're going to have a soda. Strawberry.

I'd love one.

Would you like to join us? I'd adore to.

Heavenly night for a stroll.

Patty, isn't it rather late for you?

I don't know what you mean.

Oh, Patty.

Hello, Valerie. Good evening, Mr. Allmender. Good evening. Bad news,

Time for bed.

But, Mama, I'm not tired. Nevertheless, you need your rest. Growing girls, you

know. Come along, dear.

Now, isn't that just like a mother? I'm so sorry.

We'll do it some other time.

That's a promise.

Good night, Senorita. Buenas noches.

My, don't they make a nice couple.

You asked me first.

Oh, now, Patty, don't you go getting ideas.

He's much too old for you.

You've got plenty of time.

Not on a two -week vacation, I haven't.

Now, don't run, children, and watch out for the poison ivy. What's it look like?

It's a shiny green leaf with three forts.

Anybody knows that.

Like this?

McCormick, drop that.

Mac's going to get poison ivy. If I do, I'll give it to you.

That's enough. I forbid either one of you to get it.

Oh, Patty, hurry along, dear.

Children, be sure you stay over on the children's side and don't get out where

it's deep. Now, run along.

Okay.

at the potato sack.

Where did you get that suit?

Oh, why

don't you watch where you're going?

Tassel buster. I'm sorry, Mac. I'll help you build another.

What's the matter?

Look at me.

Yeah, pretty awful. If I were you, I wouldn't let anybody see me.

Hi, Patty.

Don't go away. I'll be right back.

Hello, Melba.

On second thought, Patty, an older woman like you ought to be with the grown

-ups. Why don't you stand up for your rights and go on back there?

Quick, cover me with sand. Bury me or something.

Come on, Max.

What's the matter? Is she dead?

She will be if he sees her.

Hurry up.

Havana must be simply beautiful.

Mm -hmm.

Hello, children.

What are you playing, huh? Funeral.

Yeah, we just buried a dead fish.

Is that Moro Castle?

No, Robinson's Castle.

Oh, are you Patty Robinson's brother? Yeah.

Where does she hide herself, huh?

Oh, under pails, boxes, most anything.

Well, will you find her and tell her that the strawberry sodas are wonderful,

will you?

Come along, Demi.

Horrible child.

Oh, no. I think she's very amusing.

They're a very charming family.

I was charming.

The soldiers are wonderful.

Shall we take a dip?

If you'll promise to protect me. Why, Valerie, you disappoint me.

I had hoped to find you independent, self -reliant. All the qualities I

in American women.

Oh.

And I'll go first, Patty.

doing there? You come out of there this minute, you could be drowned.

I want to drown, and when I do, I hope my bathing suit washes up right at

feet. What's the matter with your bathing suit?

Has it got a hole in it? Oh, Papa, everything.

All the other girls are dressed like young ladies, and I'm kept like an

an infant.

The way Mama treats me, you'd think I'd still be in diapers.

Now, Patty, I'm sure your Mama knows what's good for you.

Is it good for me to be a laughingstock, an object of ridicule, a potato sack?

Oh, my dear child, can't be as bad as...

Oh, my, yes. Yes, it can. Oh, you poor little thing. Here, put this on. Cover

yourself up.

And I'll, uh, I'll be right back.

Thank you, Papa.

Katie, I want to talk to you.

Look, Papa, the lifeguard's teaching me to swim.

Yes, so I notice. I'll finish the lesson. Thank you very much.

A pleasure, sir.

Katie, you've got to buy Patty a bathing suit.

She has a bathing suit. Look out, look out, Katie.

Call that a bathing suit? That's potato sack.

My daughter is not a potato.

Your daughter? If I remember correctly, I had a little something to do with

that. Now, Katie, look out, Katie.

What do you want her to do? Go around flaunting herself like that silly

Great heavens, no, but I don't... I suppose I ought to put her hair up.

Pull in her waist.

Look out, look out.

And then the first thing you know, some silly young man will come along and want

to marry her. Is that what you want?

Good heavens, no. She's just a child. She's a baby. She's a...

Katie, you're a smart woman. You know what's best for our girl.

I'm going to leave Patty and dial it to you.

Oh, but look here, Katie. Couldn't you possibly find a bathing suit for her

that's maybe a little bit in between?

That's the girl, Katie. Say, you're doing fine.

Come on around here now.

That's the stuff.

Dab -a -dab -a -dab in monkey talk means Jim, I love you too.

Then we made that phone one night in June. He married them and very soon they

were...

I love you too.

Then the big baboon, one night in June, he married them and very soon, they went

upon their abba -dabba honeymoon.

and singing in a honky -tonky way.

Abba -dabba -dabba -dabba -dabba -dabba means monk, I love you.

Abba -dabba -dabba -dabba in monkey talk means chimp, I love you too.

And the big baboon one night in June, he married...

Billy, Mrs. Fessinger wants a hot water bag.

On a night like this?

Don't argue. Fill it.

I'll hold the bag.

Hello, Val.

My Patty, what are you doing here all by yourself?

I'm waiting for someone.

Billy?

Well, I should hope not.

Demi. Oh?

Do you have a date with him?

Well, not exactly.

But last night when I couldn't go for a walk with him, he said, another time,

and this is another time, so... Oh.

You know, Patty, if you want to intrigue a sophisticated man like Demi, you're

just going to have to learn to project your personality.

I'm afraid I haven't much to project.

But of course you have. Why, you're full of latent fire.

All you have to do is fan it a little bit.

Adopt a more enduring manner.

Act more worldly, more mysterious, like, uh, like Theda Barra.

Oh, but Val, Theda Barra was born in the shadow of the Sphinx, and now is born

across the street from McSweeney's livery stable.

Theda Barra's the perfect model for you.

Now, when you get Demi exactly where you want him, appeal to his protective

instinct. Act helpless.

You know, if there's one thing foreign men adore, it's a clinging vine.

Oh, but Val, Theda Bear is too exotic. Patty, it's so simple. All you have to

is think of Egypt, the Nile, the pyramids.

Do you really think it would help?

Absolutely.

Gosh, Val, thanks a lot. Don't mention it, darling. I'm always glad to help.

What did you say? Oh, yes, Demi, there are two Patty Robinsons. One is gay,

carefree, debonair.

The other is deep, mysterious.

The real me.

The me I keep hidden from the world.

I'm an iceberg.

I beg your pardon? Oh, not that I'm cold, mind you, but only one -fifth of

appears above the surface.

Imagine that.

Well, do you suppose the other four -fifths might care to go for a canoe

Oh, golly. That might be rather nice.

If you promise not to rock the boat, the other four -fifths of me can't swim.

Oh, well, then I don't know.

They tell me the lake is pretty deep. Oh, but I wouldn't be afraid with you.

Why, if anything happened, I... Well, if anything happened...

I'd fling my arms around your neck like a clinging vine. And I'd cling, I'd

cling, cling like a... Like a clinging vine.

Patty, I'd love to take you canoeing, but... Did somebody mention canoeing?

Demi just asked me for a canoe ride.

Unfortunately, she doesn't swim.

Oh, dear.

And the Robinsons would never forgive you if anything happened to their little

girl.

Shall we?

All right. I'm sorry, Patty. Will you learn to swim?

Let's go, Valerie.

Deuces. Deuces.

Letting that vamp walk off with him.

And what was the idea of telling him you couldn't swim?

It wasn't my idea. It was... Oh!

Sometimes I wonder what Billy sees in you.

We'll be cuddling soon, cuddling soon by the silvery moon.

You sing like a nightingale.

Oh, I could listen forever.

Do you really like me?

Oh, Paddy, can't you see?

To me, you are perfect.

Oh, but Demi, you're so much older. Everybody says so.

Don't listen to them. In my country, age is unimportant.

Girls marry very young.

You're not asking me to marry you?

Not yet.

But who knows?

Who knows?

That isn't very definite.

Oh, my darling.

Isn't it enough for you to know that you're the one woman I've been seeking?

So beautiful, so alluring, so... so full of latent fire.

I feel exactly the same way about you, Demi.

But we must be honest with each other.

Of course.

There's something I must tell you.

It wouldn't be fair to go on until you know the whole truth about me.

You have a past.

Oh, no, no. It's right now.

I'm so ashamed.

I don't know how I can say it.

It's something over which I have no control.

You... You're not addicted to drink.

No, only sodas. Strawberry.

Oh, my darling, whatever it is, I will understand.

I will forgive and... and forget.

Querida, may I kiss you?

No corset. Oh, Demi, Demi, I tried to tell you. It'll only be 11 months.

wait. What you ask is impossible.

Oh, Demi.

Demi, don't leave me. Please don't leave me.

Demi, don't leave me. Please, Demi.

Demi, please come back to me.

Patty, what is it? What's the matter?

Demi.

You can't swim.

I'll save you. Keep calm. Don't lose your head.

Oh, Demi, Demi, I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. No, that's all right. Oh,

Demi. What is it?

Patty! Oh, Demi.

Patty,

Patty, come back here.

as well come out.

I will wait.

Now, what do you mean telling me you couldn't swim?

I was scared out of a year's growth.

You deserve a good sound spanking, you know that?

I'm sorry.

Honest. I was only trying to... Well, a girl's not supposed to be independent,

able to swim and things like that. Who says so?

Valerie. Oh, she does, does she?

Men don't... like it, do they?

Well, that depends.

Some don't and some do.

But before you catch cold, you've got to get this dress off.

Now?

As soon as you get back to the hotel.

Just borrowing it, amigo. All right?

You're not angry anymore?

We'll talk about that in the morning.

What time?

Come along.

I don't want you to catch the influenza.

Come on, hurry up.

Hello,

Papa. Mr. Robinson. Ten minutes after ten, a fine time to be bringing a girl

home.

What happened? An accident. Party fell in the lake. Wait, frighten me. You

frightened her? Is this your idea of a joke? No. Papa, he was serious.

Where'd you get that blanket?

When he chased me into the barn. Well, her dress was soaking wet, and I... He

wanted me to take it off, but I... What?

Young man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Papa... Throwing my little girl into the lake, chasing her into a barn, bringing

her home in a horse blanket. You should control yourself. You wake up half the

hotel. Yes, and I'll wake up the other half of the hotel.

I was merely trying to tell your husband... And I mistook this man for a

gentleman, a fellow that plays jokes, chases little girls into barns. Papa...

When are you going to light the fuse, Mr. Finley?

Tomorrow evening, boys.

Here you are.

This is going to be the biggest, most elaborate pyrotechnical display in the

entire Catskill.

Oh, Billy, make sure all the Roman candles and the skyrockets are pointing

north, then come inside and change the flypaper.

One, two, three, inhale.

Every summer it gets a little more difficult.

Oh, not that you're gaining weight, my dear. It's that I'm losing muscle.

Oh, I mean, it's for the children.

Oh, it's all right. I imagine by now they suspect we're rather fond of each

other. Come in.

Hello, Patty.

Why aren't you dressed for the dance?

What dance?

Oh, that.

Well, I'm not going.

I'd rather stay here and take care of Mac and Ricky. Well, okay, Melba can do

that. She should be at the party with the rest of the young people.

That Armenda fellow is taking Valerie, and she refuses to go with anyone else.

Oh.

What's the matter with Billy?

Oh, Papa.

Billy, he's just a child. How would I look walking in with a child who's still

in knickers?

A lot more sensible than you would with a grown man. Now, Patty, I think you're

taking this all too seriously. You'll have a lot of bows before you find the

right one, won't you, Mama?

Did you have a lot of girls before you met Mama?

Oh, me? Of course.

Well, that's not what Mama said. Oh, well, of course she... Your Mama didn't

know anything about that.

There was one in particular, a stylish little redhead. She had big brown eyes.

She had a turned -up nose. She had... Oh, she was a pip.

What was her name?

Oh, Beulah.

Beulah was crazy about me. She kept giving me presents all the time.

necktie. She gave me a hand -painted shaving mug with forget -me -nots on it.

Painted it herself, you know.

That was her perfume.

Every time I smell forget -me -nots, it brings me back to Beulah. What happened

to her?

Beulah? She married another man.

Millionaire, mind you.

I thought my life would end. But here I am, still going strong. Eh, Mama?

My, yes.

It'll be the same with you, my dear.

After we're home a couple of weeks, you'll forget all about this fine

Isn't that so, dear?

Oh, yes, just as you forgot all about that stylish little redhead.

Come say goodnight to the boys, dear. The stress ones are waiting for us in

lobby. Oh, no, no, no, Katie, not the chicken feathers again.

Oh, Horatio, they're very fashionable.

Yes, well, I only hope we don't run into a rooster.

Boys, stop that!

Hey, hold on here. Time for you to quiet down now. What's the idea? Why have

they got their sister's nightdresses on?

Well, the girls have outgrown them, Horatio, but they're still perfectly

There's no reason why they should go to waste.

Besides, nobody's ever going to see them.

Time for you to settle down now.

Night, dear.

Night, darling. Patty's going to sit with you. Well, good night, girls.

I mean, boys.

Night.

La covija es del caballo.

The blanket belongs to the horse.

Now, you boys stop it. Remember what Mama said.

Hi, Patty.

Look, cut myself.

Doing what?

Shaving, of course.

Patty, how about changing your mind and coming to the dance with me? Billy, I

already told you. But I got long pants.

I borrowed them from Adolph Glick, the undertaker's son.

His father's got all sizes.

Please, Patty, be a sport.

Very well, then, Billy.

But only under one condition, that you promise to dance every dance with me.

Gee, Patty, I didn't know you felt that way.

My feeling for you is purely maternal, Billy. It's just that, well, for certain

reasons, I can't let anyone else put his arms around me.

Well, that's Jake with me.

Look, you get dressed, and I'll go pick up the pants.

Well, where are they?

Down the old Moravian Cemetery, behind Ezekiel, beloved husband of Arabella.

These pants, I think they must have been made for bigger remains.

Well, let me see.

Well, I've asked you. That's very... Well, I told you.

Well, don't just stand there. Pull them up.

I think I need suspenders.

Don't you know anything about men's pants?

My father has some. Wait for me. I'll be right back.

Well, Valerie, I should imagine you'd find the theatrical profession quite

fascinating.

Of course, a career is all very well and good, but...

What a woman really longs for is a home and babies.

Don't you just adore babies? Well, I don't know. I never had any.

I was talking to my mother only yesterday, and I told her that if the

came along, I'd give up my career in an instant.

Oh, I'd be very sure it was the right man before I made such an important

decision. Oh, but I am sure.

Well, what I mean is, when it's the right thing, you know it at once.

Love you.

It's like that, Demi, darling.

Yes, I... Yes, it is.

Shall we dance?

Billy! What are you doing in those pants?

Looking for suspenders. Billy, you've deliberately disobeyed me. Take them off

and I'll see you in your room.

Father, be reasonable.

Patty's waiting. Get out of those pants.

Billy, how dare you?

You ought to be ashamed.

What for?

His legs are beautiful.

What a perfect couple.

Wouldn't they have beautiful children?

That depends upon whom they marry.

See it, you're a scorcher.

Maybe if you didn't wear celluloid, you know.

See any stray skirts around?

I'd like a turkey shot, but they all got gobbers.

You have my deepest sympathy.

Patty?

I find you in the strangest places.

Now, what are you doing under this canoe?

Waiting for suspenders.

You wear suspenders?

Oh, no.

Not me.

My friend.

You know, I've never met anyone quite like you.

You're an amazing young woman.

Woman? An amazing young lady, then, if you object to being called a woman.

Oh, no.

No, I don't.

Um, may I have this dance?

Oh, no. No, I've got to go home. But you said you were waiting for your friend.

Well, he wouldn't like it.

He's very possessive.

So am I.

Oh, please don't hold me close.

I'm subject to fainting spells.

Oh, very well.

Arm's length.

Do you hesitate?

Well, I try not to. No, I mean in the waltz, the dip step.

Oh, yes, I...

I can be very dippy.

You're not having one of your fainting spells, are you?

Oh, Paddy.

The dance is supposed to end that way.

Didn't you know?

Ladies and gentlemen, form your circles for the polka.

It's all right, Patty. This dancing's quite different.

Imagine coming with Dad half -dressed.

Gee, who?

No fooling?

Ain't got your pin feathers yet, eh?

I always knew I hated you, Eddie Gavin, and now I know why.

Why don't you go back to your doll?

Does your mother know you're out, little girl?

No one asked you to dance with me. Oh, don't be a crybaby.

But look, there's Patty.

Huh?

Well, what did I tell you? She's having a wonderful time.

But does he have to wear them? Certainly.

A man of age ought to know better.

Everybody's accusing you of robbing the cradle.

Oh, hello, dear. Have some fun.

Paddy, what's the matter?

Polly, what happened?

I wanted to die.

Gee, what did Billy do?

It's all his fault.

He should have worn suspenders.

Patty!

Patty, dear, no, no, no. What happened?

She wants to die.

Oh, now, there, there. Don't cry so hard.

Papa's here now. You tell Papa all about it.

Doesn't what?

Who doesn't own a pair of corsets.

I want her to be careful. Oh, that's all.

Oh, Papa, I won't be laughed at. I won't. I can never show my face among

people again. Well, now, honey, it's a very pretty little face.

Everybody knows my secret.

I'm a marked woman now.

Oh, there's your mama. Come in, Katie.

doing here?

I'm terribly sorry about what happened.

Is there anything I can do? You've done enough.

Young man, I demand to know what your intentions are toward my daughter.

Intentions? Well, I have no intentions, Mr. Robinson. She's just a child.

Child? Oh, no.

Here we go again.

I never want to see him again.

There, hear that? Now, go away.

There's shouting in here. You'll have to stop. I pay my board. I'll shout

whenever I want to. But, Mr. Robinson, I can't have you disturbed. After all,

they pay their rent, too.

screaming and shouting is keeping them awake.

Now, please have some consideration for them. If you were a man, you'd meet me

out on the lawn. If you were a man, I would.

Mr. Robertson, this is a family hotel.

And this is a family matter, and I'll trouble you to keep your nose out of it.

Katie! Papa, what happened? Why did you leave the door? Katie, I want to talk to

you. Alone!

What is it? Where's my little girl?

That's just the trouble. You're always trying to keep her a little girl. You

ought to be ashamed of yourself. The mess you've got my daughter into. All

right, just a minute, Horatio. Let's start at the beginning.

All right.

First he lost his pants. Who?

Billy. Then he kissed her.

Billy? No. Then he put his arm around her. Who?

That Cuban fella.

And that isn't all.

Oh, no. My poor baby. Your poor baby isn't a baby anymore. And everybody's

laughing at her because you won't let her wear one of those figure pictures.

Oh, it's ridiculous.

I won't have my daughter a... laughingstock. It's high time I took

welfare of this family.

My girls are dressed like babies. My boys are dressed like girls.

I don't think you know anything about bringing up my children.

Oh, you don't? No.

I suppose that stylish little redhead could have done better. What little

redhead? So, there was more than one.

Oh, now, Katie, now, wait a minute. You're being foolish. It came out

didn't it?

All these years, you've been going around pretending there was no one else.

no, Katie, there was never anybody but you.

I was second choice, and you know it. You only married me because Beulah

wouldn't have you. Now, Katie, I made all that up. I was sitting there. I

at you. You saw me. Well, for a girl who doesn't exist, you certainly described

her perfectly. Well, she doesn't exist. I know who it was, too. Who?

That carrot -topped little barmaid who used to work at Schultz's Beer Garden.

Schultz's Beer Garden. Katie, you're out of your mind.

First I'm not a fit mother, now I'm out of my mind. Now, Katie, I didn't say you

were out of your mind. I didn't mean... I refuse to stay here and be insulted

any further.

Well, where are you going?

I'll undress in the bathroom.

You can't. This isn't our night.

For God's sake, Patty, stop blubbering and let's get some sleep.

Never sleep again. Never.

You're going to be awful tired by the time you're 30.

Oh, Peggy, dear, don't cry so.

No man is worse than you.

You don't understand.

Meditation's ruined.

Oh, it isn't as bad as you think.

Nothing is so terrible it can't be lived down and forgotten.

Oh, Mama, I want to go home.

Now, running away never solved anything.

These things seem so tragic at your age.

But in a few years, you'll look back and laugh at the whole thing.

Laugh? How can a mother say such a thing to her daughter? Oh, believe me,

darling, when I was 17, I felt just the same way.

Only with me, it was fossils.

I thought I couldn't live without one.

But I did.

That's different.

Muscles were silly.

Now, that's only in the point of view.

Ten years from now, you'll probably think courses were silly.

How am I going to get through those ten years?

With you sniffling and Mom lecturing, how am I going to get through the night?

Well, it's been a grand and glorious third.

Hello, Patty.

Feeling better?

I haven't been sick.

I do wish you'd stop following me.

I'm not following the hedge.

Patty, it's not healthy for you to be a hermit.

You ought to get out more among your friends.

I have no friends.

You have me.

Oh, I know what you're going through, Patty. We're in the same boat.

With me, it's knickers, and with you, it's... Some parents ought to be locked

up.

It's not only that, Billy.

The other night, my parents had their first quarrel, and it was over me.

Why, they're not even sleeping in the same room.

Yeah, I guess one room is kind of small when two people aren't speaking.

You know?

When I served dinner last night, your mother asked me to ask your father to

your brother to pass the gravy.

It's all because Mama won't let me grow up.

She won't let the way I look outside catch up with the way I feel inside.

Parents know so little about us. What we think, how we feel, our problems. They

know nothing about our world.

They don't seem to want to.

They've forgotten they were ever in it.

Whether we're happy or not doesn't seem to matter. As long as we do what they

think we should do.

Somebody our age ought to tell people their age about people our age.

I know it.

Patty, help me out tonight at the show.

Do our old number with me.

Gosh, Billy, I'd like to, but I'm never going to appear in public again until

I... Golly, I wish I had the money to buy you a pill.

Billy.

That's a very nice thought, though.

Thank you.

It's Papa!

Did you hurt yourself, Papa?

Of course I hurt myself.

Children, I want to ask you something. We didn't do it, Papa. Honest. Didn't do

what? Whatever it was.

Children, are you happy?

Am I a good father, or do you think I should be locked up?

Let me into your world.

Let me do something for you.

There.

Is there anything you need?

I need some worms to go fishing.

Worms? Oh, here.

Here's a dime. Buy yourself a shovel.

I'd like a white rabbit. You shall have two white rabbits.

No, wait a minute. On second thought, perhaps one would be better.

Melba, is there anything I can get for you?

No, Papa.

What I want, I think I can get for myself.

Gee, he must have fallen on his head.

Yeah.

condition? I don't know. I'd like to see you go.

Oh, I can't.

Nothing can induce me.

Nothing?

Well, perhaps one thing, but that's impossible.

My dear child, the pop -up, nothing is impossible.

You lace them up on the bedpost, you know. Oh, and you know that black dress

of your mama's.

Now, you get Miss Lily to fix that up to fit you.

He had a cute little boat. Bet your life. And all the girlies he would take

a float.

Uh -huh. He had girlies on the shore.

Sweet little peaches by the score.

Oh, but Johnny was a Weisenheimer, you know.

Why, his steady girl was Flo.

And every Sunday afternoon, she'd jump in his boat and bathe. And

then he'd row, row, row.

Way up the...

Then he'd kiss her now and then. She would tell him when.

Well, he'd fool around and fool around. And then they'd kiss again. And then

he'd roll, roll, roll.

A little further he would roll.

Then he'd drop both his oars, take a few more on course, and then he'd roll

home.

Oh,

honey, we're wonderful. I know you did.

If I knew you were going to be here, Patty, I would have done the number with

you.

All right, Eddie, you're on.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I guess I'll go get dressed.

Mr. Finley.

What's Patty doing backstage?

Why, I'm putting her on for a song, right after Jane Shipp's bird call.

won't have it. Everything goes wrong when that troublemaker's around.

You know, Mr. Finley, I have my professional reputation to think about,

the star of this show, I will not appear on the same bill.

But, Valerie, I just asked her to fill the spot. This theater is not big enough

for the two of us.

Now, which one of us goes?

I guess that's me.

Well, Miss Robinson, I... It's all right, Mr. Finley.

I'll go.

Thank you for being so kind.

Mr. Finley, it's not my artistic temperament.

Just the patties of plain old -fashioned jinx.

Mother!

Mr. Finley!

What is it? What happened? My dancing shoes, they're gone.

Hurry up, Valerie. You follow Evie Gavin. I'm not a barefoot dancer.

taken my darling's little shoes.

Well, where are your street shoes? I didn't bring any, and I can't do this

in bedroom slippers.

Some miserable sneak stole my shoes. Now, who was... Billy Finley.

Who, me? Yes, you. You did it for Patty. My son is an honest boy. Why, he

wouldn't think of... Where are they?

Oh, Billy Finley.

Huh?

How dare you?

I wear a size 4 AAA.

Yes. Well, they were here a minute ago. I refuse to submit to these indignities.

I won't go on.

I won't go on, and that's final. You can give the people all their money back.

Come, Mother. I've had enough of amateur theatrical.

Who wants their money back?

Anybody can do her number. My sister, for instance. But she doesn't know it. I

beg to differ.

She peeked in the window all during rehearsal.

She did?

Well, where is she?

I don't know.

You might try the drugstore.

Here we are.

Here's a nice strawberry soda.

I guess there's nothing left for me to do but become a missionary.

Well, you wouldn't want to do that on an empty stomach.

Try this.

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Penford.

Hello, Billy. Patty, the show's in trouble. My father wants you to take

Valerie's place. She walked out.

She did?

How would I know her number?

Well, you peeked in the window during rehearsals.

Oh.

No, Billy, it's out of the question.

Well, if you don't, Patty, we'll have to give the money back.

We're supposed to go to the preservation of wildlife in the Catskills.

What? Think of all those poor little beavers and possums and skunks and...

You're right, Billy.

I mustn't let my personal feelings stand in the way of our four -footed friends.

Come on.

Gee, I hope I peaked enough.

You did.

There goes one of my satisfied customers. Only this afternoon, her

her one of these corsets.

She's undoubtedly suffering from curvature of the spine.

The corset will correct it, but you mustn't bend over in them or they lock.

Like so.

Really?

Patty, are you ready?

You are going to dance with me, aren't you?

Please I I need you Patty can't you ever forgive me for what I did?

But it was if you don't out I'll drown myself in the lake

So that's where they went.

What are you doing after the show?

Well, there's Patty.

And that's my best friend. Tell Mama it was.

What? It was.

You can straighten up now, Betty.

I can't.

You can.

What? You can.

Smile, Betty. Smile.

Smile. Smile.

She's laced him up too tight.

What you got, Lockjaw?

Stand back. Stand back. Give it here, will you? Frozen muscles. Very

interesting. It's that straight jacket.

What have you done to my child?

Mr. Robinson, your child is no longer a child. I'll take charge of it. Carry her

to the dressing room. Here, give it to me.

Imagine one kiss causing such complete paralysis.

Find your own business. You buy that man some pants.

Just set it down here on the couch, please.

On my side, please.

Thank you very much. Now, everyone out.

Yes, everybody out. You too. You too, Papa. Me too.

His head examined.

There. Oh, Mama, how would he know?

In other words, I should have picked it out.

You're a woman, Mother.

And so are you, my baby.

Tomorrow we'll get you a la Belle mode corset. We will?

Well, unless you'd rather have a whalebone wasp waist.

Oh, Mother.

But that's for my new dress.

Oh, I didn't hurt it, honest.

You wear it much better than I ever did.

I think you'd better keep it.

Besides, don't tell Papa, but I can't get into it anymore.

Oh, Mama.

Mr.

Robinson, I'd like permission to call on your daughter when we get back to the

city. What for?

To see her, to talk to her, to get to know her better. It seems to me you know

her well enough. All this kissing, all this spending. It is customary in my

country to ask permission to call.

What a man's intentions are serious.

Of course, you may call them. They will be very happy to see you. Look here,

Katie, this man's trying... I know.

But this is my daughter.

Papa, don't you think it's about time you two stopped acting like children?

By the way, you're behaving like kids aren't getting any sleep.

Yeah, look at her.

I walked the floor with her, brought her through sickness, helped her with her

homework, and worried and worried about her happiness.

And now what do I do?

I walk into a church, and when the preacher asks, who gives this woman to

man, I stand up like a fool and say, I do.

Papa, my father was no fool.