All language subtitles for Killing.It.S01E08.720p.WEBRip.H264

Happy anniversary, babe.

Mm.
- Yeah, God damn.

15 red-hot years, you know?

And this is gonna be
the best one yet.

- Better than the first?

Our honeymoon period?
- Oh, come on. Fuck that.

I mean, yeah,
maybe our bodies were better,

but we didn't know
how to use them.

We were just like two seals

just slapping
against each other.

- Dad, stop.

- Sorry, Corby.
I forgot you were here, okay?

Forget the thing I said
about the seals fucking.

My point is this, okay?

I know my body's
a bit more bloated,

but so is our bank account.

I'm a manager now.
We're buying a house.

Things are starting
to come together.

- To things coming together.
- Coming together.

Oh, sorry.

This is gonna take one second,
okay?

It's Chuck.

He's just probably telling me

that we closed
the Stabler deal.

What's up, Chuck?
How you doing, bro?

What the fuck, bro?

- Oh, okay. Yeah.

No, I--I can definitely
hear you, Chuck.

Okay. Yeah. All right.

Well, why don't you--
why don't you just--

why don't you tell me
what's going on?

Stop yelling, all right?
There was a glitch.

- No, I'm not making excuses,
okay?

I'm telling you
I filled out the paperwork,

so that if it's not in
the system, there was a glitch.

- You are fucking fired!
- Fired?

You can't fire me!
I've been there for six years!

You've been there
for six months!

Do me a favor!
Put Bill on the phone.

Oh, you're there?
- You're fucking done.

- Well, then, fuck you, Bill!

You ungrateful fuck!

And your dinosaur of a company

is still gonna get
swallowed up by Amazon!

Bill, I'm sorry I said that.
Bill, I need this job.

Please, Bill!

Find it in your heart
to forgive me!

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Hey.

How you doing? Yeah.

How you doing?

Yeah.

Great call. Let's do it.

Most expensive thing
on the menu.

Veal scallopini.

Yeah.

Let's get the veal scallopini,
huh?

Let's fucking celebrate!
Whoo! Yeah!

I'm not egotistical,

but even I'll admit
I'm a star.

They said, "Brock,

don't fly too close
to the sun."

I said, "Why?

You afraid I'm gonna melt
the motherfucker?"

I'm manly.

I can kill python
with my bare hands.

Less than 0.1% of
the population would even try.

But I'm also sensitive.

I could bake a cake.

I cry when I think
of my mom's passing,

and women eat that shit up.

I got four-quadrant appeal.

Kings, queens, teens,
tweens, and men.

Oh, shit.
I guess that's five quadrants.

And you just got
the last one for free.

I already got my fan base.

I'm just looking for a partner
to help me monetize it.

Turn my six-figure
follower account

into a six-figure income.

- Why are you sleeping
on the couch?

- Whoa.
Sneak attack.

Kinda just
strolling up behind people.

Ah, you know,
I got a big meeting today,

so I was down here prepping.

Didn't wanna keep your mom up.

- But you've been out here
for, like, a month.

- It's a really big meeting,
you know?

- Dad, you know, Ian's parents
went to marriage counseling,

and it really helped.

- Oh, really, Corby? Ian?

Ian has a wheelie backpack.

- Yes, because Ian
has scoliosis.

- And they fucking
let him get scoliosis,

so don't tell me
what they did right, okay?

Hey, buddy.
Your mom and I are fine.

Rocks.

- All right.

Yeah, that's my guy.

That's my guy.

Everything's okay.

What kind of products
could I promote?

I'm glad you asked.

Me in a pair
of Wrangler jeans.

I'm free balling,
my ass is looking great.

I'm out there in the middle
of the swamp wrangling snakes.

- What are you doing?

- Every woman--
oh, it's a big day.

I got a meeting with
the biggest PR firm in Miami.

They called me, by the way.
- Wow.

What do you think's
gonna come of it?

- Think? I don't think.
I never fucking think.

I know that they're gonna put
me with a corporate sponsor

and help me start
bringing in some real cash.

- Well, what about
the snake hunt?

- We're a big deal, Robin,
okay?

There are a lot
of people online

that are thriving
with way less talent than me.

One guy makes 190K a year
just letting spiders bite him.

- Wow.

Is he, like,
really hot or something?

- Yeah.

Yeah, he's incredibly hot.
He used to be an actor.

That's not the point.

The point is this is bigger
than any fucking snake hunt.

You know what, Corby?
Come on.

I'ma take you to school.

Hey, yo, check this out.

When I go into the meeting
and they offer me water,

I'll fucking say, "No way."

You know, establish dominance
right from the jump.

What you think about that?

Corby!

- What?

- You know, you might wanna

take a little bit more interest
in my career, okay?

'Cause when I blow up,

we're gonna be hauling ass
to school in a Super Duty.

You know the Flo Boys?
They just got a McLaren 570GT.

- Dad, I don't care what
kind of car you drive.

- Oh, yeah, right.

You telling me
you don't want a Super Duty?

Yeah?

You a fucking liar.

Yeah. You want a Super Duty.
Come on.

Yeah, you know, um...

Yeah.

You know, when I was a kid,
I--I worshiped my dad.

You know, I would--
I'd sit in his roofing truck

and pretend to be him.

And, uh, and sometimes,

I would bring
this little hammer to school.

You know, like a little freak.

When you were born
I--I thought,

"Man, this kid's gonna
look up to me so hard.

"The other kids are
gonna bully him,

and that's gonna be rad."

You know, son, I know I haven't
given you a ton to idolize,

but, um, God,
it would sure mean a lot to me

if you could occasionally
pretend like I matter.

- Did you say something?

- No, I mean, I'm--

yeah, I'm just
practicing my pitch.

You know?

Imagine me in a pair
of Wrangler jeans,

and I'm free balling.

And my ass looks great.
- Okay.

- Yeah, I'm out in the swamp.

- Mr. Tiemeyer,
she's ready to see you now.

- All right.
Thank you very much.

Hey, I don't want a water!

Okay.

- Sandra Stevens.

I specialize
in brand integration

and viral marketing.

- Brock.
- Mm.

- I'm not egotistical, but even
I gotta admit I'm a star.

They say, "Brock, don't
fly too close to the sun."

- Yeah, we've
watched your videos.

We are familiar with your work.

- Oh, okay.
Skip the foreplay.

Just go right at it dry.
I like that.

What are you thinking about
in terms of sponsorship?

Imagine me a pair
of Wrangler jeans--

- Actually, one of our clients
is a major tobacco corporation.

- Okay, okay.

I have no moral issues working
with a cigarette company.

I'm not some little,
fucking weird-ass pussy.

- Good to know.

- What'd you think?
How about this here, right?

I kill a snake, I light one up,

then I stick it out
right on the python's eye

and I say something like, um,
like, uh,

"You just got smoked, son."

- Actually, are you aware

of the rising popularity
of vape pens and e-cigarettes?

They pose a serious threat

to the market aspirations
of my client,

and we're looking
for creative ways

to bring negative
social attention on the sector.

- Negative social attention?
- Social attention.

I'm glad you asked.

We'd like to provide you
with a vape pen.

Use it once,
go on about your day,

hang out with your son,

and then in eight to ten hours,
you'll start feeling ill.

- The fuck?
- It's nothing too serious.

Just little dizziness,
little headache,

and then your liver
will give out.

But don't worry. You won't die.

As long as you get
to the hospital in time.

- In time?
- Mm-hmm.

- How much time is in time?

- You know, I'm gonna have to
circle back to you on that,

but I can assure you

we've got some really great
poison guys on this.

I mean, Brock, the best.

- Wait--no, I--
what--I mean...

Why would I do that?

- Because we'll pay you.
$8,000 for the liver failure.

$100,000 if you die.

Which you won't,

as long as you get
to the hospital in time.

- Don't you have
some normal sponsors?

You know, something like--
like gloves,

or, fuck,
I'll even do baby shit.

- We just don't feel like
you have

a significant enough
following for that.

- Yeah, but I got
150,000 subscribers.

- We need at least a million.

Would you look at that?
This is great news, Brock.

Poison guy says
that you'll be totally fine.

Huh? Yeah.

Oh, my God.
He is such a flirt.

Oh, poison guy!

- Now, when you're
in the swamp...

Oh, what the fuck? 190 views?

You realize you're looking
for any clues whatsoever.

Come on.

Well, 1.3 million view--
it was uploaded an hour ago.

Come on.

What is up, Flo Boy fam?

- We hope you're
staying positive.

We wanna remind you
that if you work hard,

pursue your dreams,

and have faith in the Lord,
good things will happen.

- Now who wants to see
Kyle the intern eat some mace?

Ah, let's go!

Oh, yes.

Mace, mace, mace,
mace, mace, mace.

Mace, mace, mace, mace!

Oh, shit!

- Oh, my.

Hey. Hey, Corby!

Corby, come in here. Come on.

Come on, on the hop.
Look who it is.

- I don't know that person.

- What? Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you--yeah.

I'll show you the video. Here.

- His name is Kevin Brailing,
aka Kev.

But in the world
of online influencers,

he's better known
as The Kingmaker.

- Kingmaker. God damn it.
- He represents channels

with a combined subscriber
count of over 120 million,

making him the most profitable
social media manager

on the scene today.

- I can get anyone
2 million followers.

Take my client
"Terry Almost Drowns."

She had no brand.
Poor thing.

She was just a woman
who almost drowned

at a Fourth of July party,
but I saw something in her.

She was funny when
she almost drowned, you know?

And she had a good body.

She had that definition

that's, like,
kind of right in the waist.

There's a word, the--
it points--

come getters.

And I look at her
six months later,

she's doing a Super Bowl
commercial for Oikos.

She almost drowns,
but in Greek yogurt.

- The Kingmaker has made
overnight sensations

of everyone from frat boy
pranksters to ASMR whispers.

- I stay grinding 24/7.

I literally only
have time to work

and go shopping
and go to the movies

and hang out with friends
while on vacation.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Why are you showing me this?

- 'Cause the Kingmaker's
in a Flo Boys video

that was uploaded today,
which means

the fucking Kingmaker
is in Miami right fucking now.

Come on.
We gotta find him.

- I can't. I have a bio test
on photosynthesis tomorrow.

- Photosynthesis?
Who gives a shit about--

the plants eat sun, okay?

Some eat dirt,

and the Venus flytrap
eats a fly, okay?

But then the squirrels,

they hatch under
the fucking trees.

Biology.
It's done, all right?

Now, come on.
- Dad, seriously, I can't.

And do you even know
where the Flo Boys live?

- Yeah, I know where
the Flo Boys--

everybody knows
where the Flo Boys live,

ever since they got doxxed
by MixUp and Dash.

- You're a grown man.

You shouldn't even know
those names.

- This is my profession, Corby.
All right?

This is what professionalism
sounds like!

- Your destination
is approaching.

- 0.1% of the population
would dare even try.

I can also be sensitive, right?

Go for Brock.
- Hi, Brock. Sandra Stevens.

Listen, something's come up.

Apparently, five boys in Ohio
got poisoned while vaping,

like, actually poisoned--

liver failure, the whole deal.

So we won't be moving forward
with the concept.

- Hey, you know what?
Hey, hey, hey, do me a favor.

Okay? Lose my number.

All right?
Because my life has value.

Do you understand that?
I have a family,

I have talent, and I'm about
to pull into a meeting

that's gonna change the course
of my entire fucking--

Dude.

- Holy shit, it worked!
He's alive!

- Another epic miracle
from the Lord.

- Yeah.

Jesus!

What happened?

- So we got a bunch
of unexploded landmines

from Cambodia for a video.

- Yeah, we buried them
in the yard

and took turns throwing tennis
balls trying to blow 'em up.

Shit was lit.

- Yeah.
We thought we hit 'em all,

but I guess our numb-nut intern
Kyle miscounted.

- Get over here, Kyle.

- Sorry, guys.
There was no way for me

to find 'em all
without blowing myself up.

- Get creative, K.

Use the drone from the comfort
of your own bed.

- Seriously, Kyle,

if you wanna be
a Flo Boy one day,

you gotta do better.
- Yeah, man.

- Right now, you're toxic.
- Hey, guys!

Guys!

- Fuck Kyle, okay? Who cares?
This man is hurt.

We need to get him inside.
Act your fucking age.

Hey, we got a doctor here.

He's gonna take a look at you.
You okay?

- I'm doing a lot better now.

- Let's go see Dr. Ben.

- Well, you're lucky
you just drove over

the landmine
with your rear wheel,

or you'd be vaporized.

- Man, seeing someone
come so close to death

makes me want to go live,
you know, talk to some fans.

Remind them that we're all
in the Lord's hands.

- Okay. No, no, no.

No religious videos today,
Jordan.

What's my rule?
- One for you, one for God--

- One for me,
and then one for God.

And then one for God.

- All right, bro. My bad.
- How's he doing?

- Yeah, no, I'm fine.

- Let's let Dr. Ben
be the judge of that.

Oh, and don't let
that shirt fool you.

That's just
our corporate sponsor.

He's the best in the biz.

- Well, you're gonna have
a headache,

and this wrist
is gonna hurt you.

So I want you to stay hydrated,

and I want you
to get some rest.

- Yeah, rest. Right.
No time for rest.

You know, I gotta be
making content 24/7.

- You're a creator?
- Oh, yeah.

That's actually why I'm here.

I know who you are, Kingmaker.
- Aww.

- And I think you and me
should be in business together.

- A'ight.

Let's see if your brand
speaks to me.

- Hey, Brock nation.
Oh.

You know the story about--

say cheese, motherfucker!

No, see, you just--some--

some you're not really kind of
even getting through the intro.

So you know, you kind of gotta
let 'em gestate and sink in.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

So the average person only
watches a video for one second.

So that's all the time
you have to grab them up top.

- Yeah, well, I can fucking
grab 150,000 subscribers, yeah.

- Yeah, I see your stats,
but...

It just seems
to have plateaued.

- Well, so a couple months ago,
my--my mom got sick,

and she went into hospice.

- Did you hear yourself?

"My mom got sick
and she went into hospice."

Do you hear that?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Do you hear that?

There's always an excuse
to stop creating.

For example, Jordan and Dylan,

they had the opportunity
to meet their birth parents.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

And I found out it was gonna
take a day of travel

and I said, "Fuck you."

- Oh, you just--you said no.
- I said no.

- Yeah, "fuck you."
Yeah, no.

Okay, you're old,
but you have balls, you know?

And you're kind of zaddy,

if we just keep the camera
off your legs.

Oh, my God,
you know who would love you,

is Monica from YouTube.

I should just
call her right now,

or I could
just go see her in person.

I mean, I can practically walk
in there whenever I want.

When you have as many
Play Buttons as I do,

you practically get
the motherfucking key.

- Yeah, fuck yeah.
Let's call Monica at YouTube.

- Okay, okay.
But if we're gonna do this,

like if we're gonna really,
really do this...

- Yeah.

- There's some stuff
you might need to change.

- Okay. Like what?

- Well, your shit has to look
more professional.

Your videos need
to look more polished.

- Well, see, my--
my son films me,

and, you know, I kind of like
having him be a part of it.

It's--it's--it's kind of
like the one thing

keeping us, you know, together.

Fire your son.

- Okay.
- Right?

- Right.
- Okay.

You just--you need
better equipment, okay?

You cannot be shooting shit
on a flip.

- Okay.
- You need a legit camera.

You need a gimbal.
You need a good mic.

- Gimbal's clutch.

I been saving up
for one of those.

- And we gotta
expand your base.

We have to expand your base.
Okay, collabs.

You need to be making vids
with other content creators,

you know,
cross-pollinate your sub lists.

- All right, well,
you're the man for that, right?

You got all the contacts.

- Well, I do actually know two
people right in this very house

who need to be
making something right now.

They didn't do shit today,
and Aeropostale's on my ass!

- Hey, are you saying

you want me
in a Flo Boys video?

- Consider this your tryout.

- Dude, you cannot wear that
in the pool.

- What? Why not?
- It costs like 5 grand.

The chlorine
will tarnish the gold.

- Oh, shit, you're right.
I can't do God like that.

- So wait a minute.

You're, like,
a doctor and a makeup artist?

- Well, I have a variety
of production jobs.

Doctor. Wardrobe.

Keep the house supplied
with mini-muffins.

- Yo, gots to have
my minimuffs.

- He loves the mini-muffins.
- Yeah.

- Okay, you guys.
So here's the deal.

We need to make
a viral video today

that is cute, sexy,
funny, adventurous,

and I'll loop back
to the top, viral.

And we need to play
to Brock's unique skill set.

- Hey, when you say
unique skill set, you mean...

Oh, that skill set.
- That's AJ.

He's super chill,
except when he's not.

- AJ's a rattlesnake.

- Yeah, we got him
for a prank six months ago.

- Yeah, we put him
in Kyle's bed.

- Fucking bit him on the dick.

- Ballooned up
like a sweet potato.

- Had to pee from a catheter,
and he got infected.

- See, rattlers are venomous,
and I catch pythons,

which, you know,
don't have a venom sack.

- You're a snake hunter.

It'll be fine, and we already
all talked about it.

All agreed on the concept.
We love it.

Okay, is everyone ready?

Lights, camera, content!

- What is up, Flo Boy fam?

We love you, and hey,

if you're having a hard time,
not anymore.

- Yo, thank you so much
to everybody who came out

to the water park in Tampa--
it was amazing

meeting so many girls
with just really long wet hair.

All right,
so check this shit out.

Remember AJ,
the guy that bit Kyle's penis?

He got out of his cage.

- Good thing we've got the guy

who's on top
of his snake shit.

- Yo, no, we seriously
love this dude

and his twisted-ass videos.

You gotta check out
his channel.

What up, brah?

What up, Flo Boy family?

Um, okay.

The thing about AJ
is that he is--

he's--he's a venomous snake,
okay?

So normally
I'd have on a pair of gloves,

or have some snake tongs--

- Okay, Professor Dork.
Just grab it, dude.

- Can you just stay back,
please?

All right, here we go.
Come on.

Come on, just go.
I'll pick you up.

I got you, fucker!

- Oh, shit!
- Oh, that was lit!

- Literally sick!

- That was savage!
- Savage!

Don't you love it
when God comes through?

- Welcome to the team.

- Dear Lord,
we thank you for this feast,

and we thank you
for our followers.

We pray that you grant us
increased engagement

across all platforms...
- Fuck yeah.

- And give us the strength
to develop

the most epic videos
that do not result in death.

And please have the girls
that slide into our DMS

be over 18 years old.
Amen.

- Amen. I like that.
- Amen.

- Hey, what it do?

I need you to sign
these release forms.

They just let us use
your likeness.

You, you know, acknowledge
that you're made aware

of any potential risks
while filming, et cetera.

Same old boring shit as always.
- Fuck yeah.

- Hey, Kyle,
where's your notary kit?

- Yeah, where's your
little stamp, Kyle?

- Um, I don't know actually.
Haven't been able to find it

since you guys filled my room
with all that shrimp.

- Okay, it's actually
not funny, Kyle.

I need you to find
the notary kit right now.

- Oh, yeah.
I'm--I'm gonna get it.

- So, bro, Brock, you gonna
do more vids with us?

- Oh, for sure.

Hell, I can come back tomorrow
if you guys are working.

- Dude, we're always working,
but I have to warn you

we get up, like, mad early,
like, 11:45.

- Yo, you should just
stay the night.

We have, like,
nine empty bedrooms.

- I'd like to do that, but I
gotta get home and see my kid.

You know, I'ma just get myself
an Uber after dinner.

- Uber?
- Gross.

- Why?

- 'Cause my fucking truck
blew up.

- Oh, shit! That's right!

- That was so funny.
- So funny.

- Fuck it.
Just borrow our car.

- Borrow yours?

Whoo!

Oh, bam!

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God.

Whoo!

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, yeah.

- Okay, what is going on?

- What's going on is I did it.

The Kingmaker signed me.
I flipped the fucking script.

- Yeah.
How much did the car cost?

- It didn't cost a dime.

It's a lender from
my best friends, the Flo Boys.

- The YouTube teens?
- The YouTube teens.

- Babe, what happened
to your face?

It's called
a fucking smile, babe.

You know what I mean? Yeah.

You're gonna see a lot more
of those now, huh?

Hey, Corby,

you ever drive
120 miles per hour?

Oh!

- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah!

- This is fucking awesome!

- That's right! Oh!

Hey, I'm supposed to go back
to the Flo Boys tomorrow

to shoot a video,
but if we go now,

yo, they're pretty cool
and the pad is sick.

You wanna check it out?

- Yeah, that sounds cool.
Let's do it.

- All right, let's do it.

Whoo, baby!

All right.

Now if that doesn't make
your balls tingle,

I don't know what will.

Hey, listen,
when we get inside,

I want you to play it cool,
okay?

I know
it's the Flo Boy mansion,

but I don't want you touching
shit or taking any souvenirs.

- I wouldn't.
- Yeah.

You say that now,
but wait till you see it.

Okay.

- Whoa, Dr. Ben.
Que paso, amigo?

- I'm actually not a doctor
right now.

Brock, I'm doing security.

Kev said
if you were to show up,

take the keys,

never let you
in the house again.

- The fuck?

- Listen, clearly,

there's a little bit
of a misunderstand--oh.

- No can do.

- I'm just trying
to see the Flo Boys.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Not this time, buddy.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- Corby, let's get a Uber!

No, Brock!

- Hey! Whoa, whoa, hey.

What the fuck is going on?
What the fuck?

- You cannot be here.
Dr. Ben, what the fuck?

- He tricked me.
It's not my fault.

Kyle was supposed
to be my backup.

Fucking Kyle!
- Fucking Kyle!

- Why can't I be here? Why?

- Because I can't have you
distracting the boys.

Do you realize they made
no content today? None.

- What are you talking about?
What--

what about our fucking
sick-ass rattlesnake vid?

- Sweetie, I can't upload that.

Yeah, the Flo Boys hanging out
with a 45-year-old man?

I--

I have to laugh.

I mean, I'm literally
laughing right now

in response
to what I just said.

Teenage girls don't wanna see
some sad dad grab a snake.

They wanna watch my boys dance.

- I thought that video
was mad funny though.

- No, it wasn't.

No, it was depressing
and weird.

- Dad, maybe we should just go.

It's a misunderstanding.

Just please. Just please.
Listen to me.

Hey, if I'm just some sad dad,

then why you want me
as a client?

- I know.
Wait, did I say that I did?

- Yeah, you looked me
right in the eye and you said,

"Welcome to the team."
- Welcome to the team. Yeah.

That's fundamentally
meaningless.

Kyle's part of the team.

- I mean,
that whole rattlesnake thing--

that's your idea.

- Okay, okay.
Let me break this down for you.

So I needed you to sign
the papers waiving your right

to compensatory damages
related to any prank,

video, or interaction
with me and the boys, okay?

So now you can't sue us for
the landmine explosion thing.

- Wait,
what landmine explosion?

- Oh, something badass
your dad did.

- Dude, he flew, like,
450 feet in the air.

- So many feet.

- Yeah, well,
now your dad has brain damage,

which is probably why he's been
acting like such a big bitch.

Okay, I'm really sorry
I didn't tell you sooner.

I just had to get
the papers notarized,

and then the boys gave you
their fucking car!

- Dude, it's okay.
Like, Brock's cool.

- Yeah, man.
You didn't have to trick him.

- Guys, I did this for you,
okay?

You could have gone to jail.

You could have--your channel
could have been suspended.

- Wait, for real?
- Yo, they take our channel?

- Yes.

- Brock, you gotta
get outta here, man.

- Yeah, for real right now.
You're, like, toxic.

- Bye-bye, old man.

- Yeah, Brock, fuck you!

You're toxic,
and you need to go!

- Oh, shit!
- Oh!

- Oh, shit, Kyle!
No fucking way!

- Corby, come on.
- Fucking let's go!

- Where the fuck is this Uber?

- It's okay, Dad.
It's not a big deal.

That Kev guy's a fucking joke.

- He discovered
Terry Almost Drowns, Corby!

All right?
He's not a fucking joke!

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm--I'm sorry.

Fucking out here
trying to be a YouTube star.

Jesus Christ, Brock.

- That's fine.

I know you're just trying

to make the best
of a bad situation.

- Yeah, a bad situation
I brought on myself.

- You didn't bring it
on yourself.

You got fired.
There was a computer glitch.

- Wake up, son.

All right?
There was no glitch.

I didn't file the paperwork
on purpose

'cause I wanted to get fired.

- But that night
at the restaurant,

you were so upset.

- Yeah, well, that's 'cause
I'm a great fucking actor.

- I don't understand.

I--I thought
you liked your job.

- I did, and then one night,
we were at Applebee's.

You were fucking there.

And I saw this guy,
you know, and he--

he was dressed the same as me--
same khakis,

same button-down shirt
from Ross--

you know, he must have
just come from work.

He even ordered the same
fiesta lime chicken as me.

Same lite beer as me.

Then his fucking son sits down.

Do you know what
that kid's name was?

- What?

- Borby.

Yeah.

- Borby?

- Mm-hmm.

I don't know.
Maybe I misheard it, okay?

'Cause I was across the room.
That's not the point.

The point is,

my life was so unspectacular,

so fucking average

that there was just another one
of me walking around out there.

That's not what
America's about.

We're supposed to be special.

- So why not just quit?

I mean,
why pretend to get fired?

- 'Cause I needed
the unemployment,

and your mother
wouldn't understand

and she still fucking doesn't
and I don't blame her.

Where's the fucking Uber?

- Do you know why I hate making
YouTube videos with you, Dad?

- Yeah, 'cause
they're fucking stupid.

- 'Cause I thought
you hated it too.

I thought it was
just another thing

you were pretending
to be okay with, right?

Like--like how you're
pretending you're all right

with Matt sleeping with Mom.
- Son, that's a--

I have a little bit
of an elbow situation.

So, you know, your mom--
- Dad.

Come on.

- Yeah.

Yeah, that Matt thing
is a full-on fucking tragedy.

I love making content, Corby.

Honest to God,
I mean, when that camera's on,

I feel like
I could live forever.

You know,
like I fucking matter.

- You know, I--
I used to always think

that you were just somebody
that shit happens to, you know?

- Yeah. I know.

- But you're not.

You're someone
who makes shit happen.

- Thanks, son.

I mean, it means a lot to me
that you think that, but...

- Yeah.

- I'm not the guy
that makes shit happen.

I'm not. I'm too old.

And I have no one
to collab with.

And I have shitty
fucking equipment.

- So let's buy
some new equipment.

- Corby, I'm broke.

I mean, I am broke.

- Well...

I mean, we could always...

sell this.

- Oh. What the fuck?

- Come on, Dad.
It's the Flo Boy mansion.

I had to take
a little souvenir.

- Oh.
That's my fucking cameraman.

That's my fucking cameraman.

- A camera.
- Yep, that's the one.

Top of the line.

- Got a microphone.

- Yeah, professional grade.

- And a gimbal.

- Still have no idea
what the fuck a gimbal is.

- Well, all together,
that comes up to

$2,079.15.

- Hey, how much we get
for pawning that necklace?

- Ah, 2,500.

- Okay, so that's about--
that's about 400 to spare.

What do you want? You wanna
go get some expensive haircuts?

Yeah?
Some steaks and cigars?

Rent a couple Jet Skis?
Do some damage?

- All right, all right.

- Oh. Oh, yeah.

How much are those drones?

- Uh, 399.99.

- Ring her up.

Fuck yeah. We got picture.

Whoo.

Yeah, I'll show you
professional vids, Kev.

God damn!

- Oh, no.

What the fuck?

- Not a doctor. Shh.