All language subtitles for S09E04 - With Love, Bullets, and Valentines

[theme music]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[horn blares]

[music continues]

[guitar music]

[music continues]

I'm out.

Well... biggest pot of
the evening, Mr. Skeet.

Trampas: It's up to you.

How much you got
left there, boy?

Hm, about, uh, $300.

- I sure hate to do it.
- Hate to do what?

Put the Nancy Bell on the line
for three hundred.

- Nancy who?
- The Nancy Bell.

That's a river boat.

Just like the one we're on.

Well, not just exactly like
the one we're on.

She's a mite bit older
but a proud vessel, son.

A mighty proud vessel.

And she's in Bristol-shape.

And as much as I hate to risk
a-parting with her...

I don't see how I have
any other choice.

An entire river boat
on one hand of poker?

Son, there must be several
thousand dollars in that pot.

I'd like to take it home
with me.

And with this hand,
it ain't exactly a gamble.

- Show a good one, huh?
- Try me.

Well, seeing as, uh, most of
the money that's in front of me

belongs to you gentleman that
started the evening,

I feel kind of an obligation
to give you all

a chance to win it back.

You figure I'm bluffin', huh?

Well, let's just say I'd hate
to think you'd top that pot

into your pocket.

I'll call.

Skeet: Well, that makes
two of us that figure

on takin' that pot home
to bed with us.

Anymore?

Three hundred to me, huh?

You callin' or stallin'?

Ah, don't go get
in a hurry, Pop.

Pop?

Believe I'd like to stay
in this,

if you give me a minute or two.

A minute or two for what?

To go get the money I'm gonna
need to win this pot.

You mean you ain't got
the money on ya?

I didn't exactly see that river
boat tied up to the table, Pop.

You afraid I got the cards
to do it?

- It's alright with me.
- Why not?

More the merrier.

[instrumental music]

Hoy...

[knocking on door]

- Who is it?
- It's me, Billy.

How we doin'?
You get the deep?

It's on the table, just like you
said it would be.

That old river skunk.

He's a bigger crook
than either on of us.

Not for long.

You caught a hand?

Ten, jack, queen, king and ace.

Just a straight?

Of hearts.

How much do you need?

Three hundred.

Oh... that's a lot.

Especially when they're
looking for this stuff.

No one's gonna see it
but me, Hoy.

That pot and that boat are
as good as ours right now.

I hope so, 'cause one thing
is plain.

What's that?

Time is runnin' out
for you and me.

Don't worry, Hoy. Ain't nothing
can beat a royal flush.

[instrumental music]

Hey, you sure you took
your time about it.

Take it easy, Pop.

Where do you get off
callin' me Pop?

Uh, look, you two can swap
insults all evenin', but, uh,

I'd like to finish this game
and stretch my legs.

I think we're stoppin'.

Uh, we weren't due to stop
till we hit Billstown.

Well, if we ain't stoppin', we
sure slowin' up for somethin'.

Quite, now.

Slow and orderly,
and fan out all around the deck.

Anybody tries to get off
the boat, shoot.

Uh, let's finish
the hand, gentleman.

Got plenty of time to go outside
and see what's goin' on.

I'm, uh, I'm calling it, Pop.

Well, you can just
stop callin' me "Pop."

I'll call you anything you like,
if you just tell me

what you're holdin'
in your hand.

Full house.
Aces over jacks.

That's a mighty fine hand,
Mr. Skeet, but, uh...

not quite fine enough.

Four nines.

Four nines?

Well, I can see why you
gentleman were so confident.

I'd have felt pretty good myself
if I'd have been holdin'

either one of those hands.

Not good enough however,
to go upstairs

for the three hundred dollars.

Well, there ain't much
that can beat four nines

except four of somethin'
better, friend.

And aces and jacks
are already taken.

Well, I, I don't exactly have
four of anything...

So, I, uh...
I guess you win, son.

We're lookin' for some men.

Hoy and Billy Valentine.

Man: You take the doors
on this side,

I'll take them on that side.

Man: Open up in there, open up!

[indistinct chatter]

[knocking]

- These yours?
- Uh, yeah, my lucky night.

Maybe not.

- Huh?
- Let's go.

- Let's go?
- Move it!

- Yeah, but what...
- Leave it!

Rest stays there.

Alright, you can
carry on now, folks.

But I wouldn't recommend
any of you leavin' this room.

Let's go.

Ain't that just a way?

Looked like such
an honest fellow.

Ah.

What's this?

Where'd you get this, son?

The deed or the money?

Not interested in the deed.

Where'd you get this money?

- Won most of it.
- On this boat?

Mainly, but I had a streak of
luck in El Paso, too. Whoo.

It's gonna be hard to prove.

Why should I have to prove it?

'Cause a good part of this money
is stolen, that's why.

Stolen?

He didn't have any of those
in his bill fold.

Fact is, he didn't
have anything in it.

Well, I will as soon as you
gentleman return me my money.

Afraid we can't do that, boy.
This is evidence.

Evidence? Well, I won that
money. I'll be needin' it.

Oh, you'll be needin' a lot more
unless you cooperate.

Uh, just what did you all
have in mind?

We're gonna walk back
into the gaming room

and you're gonna try hard to
remember just which of those

particular gentlemen
gave you any of this money.

We were playin' for hours.
Men have been comin'

and goin' out of that game.

You're a long way
from home, son.

If you wanna get back
to Wyoming,

you better try real hard
to remember.

Man: Let's go.

Let's go.

[indistinct chatter]

Hoy?

[gunshot]

Billy: Hold your glasses
on a steed.

They found them! Let's go!

Hey, what about my money?

Dang you, Hoy, it's me.

We ain't got much time.

[banging]

Go! That's it!

[gunshot]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[gunshot]

We'll never be able to pick up
their trail in the dark.

We're right back where
we started.

No photograph, no description,
no nothin'.

Wait a minute, we got somethin'.
One of 'em is hit.

Get up to the wheelhouse
and tell them to head to shore.

- We're goin' after 'em.
- Right!

What happened?

They went in.

They get 'em?

I don't know.

[groans]

How ba-- how bad is it?

I don't feel like dancin'.

[groans]

Take this.

[groans]

[horn blares]

[horn blares]

We got two choices, Hoy.

What's the other one?

Oh, we-- we could give up.

Hoy, we've been at this
for close to 45 years.

Billy: And the percentages
are all against us.

You said yourself. We're
running out of places to hide.

But we got a plan.

Hoy: And if we make it good,

we can call it quits.

Retire.

Hoy...

I-- I didn't get the boat.

Billy... nobody... nobody

could lose a pot with
a royal flush.

Nobody.

But Hoy, the Plimptons
were coming...

and I didn't want to get caught
with those worthless notes.

Who got it?

A fellow with the name
of Trampas.

From up North.

They'll stop to look for us.

If we can make the train
down to Haughton...

we can almost beat
the river boat in.

Hoy... you didn't hear me.

Won't do us no good
to go to Haughton.

I-- I didn't get the deed.

- This fellow Trampas got it?
- Right.

Well, we just have to
take it away from him.

[instrumental music]

[horn blares]

Grandpa, I'm over here!

Corey.

- I have a surprise for you.
- Oh?

Look who I brought with me.

Oh, Jason.

Not just Jason, grandfather.
Show him, Jason.

You, Sheriff?

Well, it's only temporary,
but...

But Sheriff Wilcox had enough
confidence in Jason to leave him

in full charge while he's away
at the county seat.

I always thought Sheriff Wilcox
was a man of unusual vision.

Most unusual.

Well, let me take your bag, sir.

Thank you, Jason.

Dear.

Hey, Mr. Skeet!
[whistles]

Hey!

Let's be on our way, Jason.

Uh, well, isn't that man
calling you, sir?

No, that looks like one of those
riverboat type gamblers.

I'd rather not have Corey
exposed to a man of his ilk.

Oh, I couldn't agree
with you more, sir.

- Hyah!
- Let's be on our way.

[whistles]
Hey, Mr. Skeet! Hey!

[whistles]
Hey! Hey...

Four days includin' feed,
that comes to, uh...

Four dollars even.

Ah, well, tell you what.

Why don't I give you

three dollars
forty two cents cash...

and we can wipe out the bill

and settle it all at once.

- Settle it all at once?
- Yeah.

How else you gonna pay
a four dollar bill?

I'll tell you what,
I'll give you

three dollars and forty two
cents and you can put

the rest in my bill.

- Wait a minute!
- Hm?

You don't have a bill.

Oh. Guess I do now.

You tryin' to tell
me something, mister?

I guess you get that feeling,
don't you?

I might as well spit it put.

I ran into a little bad luck
on the riverboat.

Here, three dollars
and forty two cents.

Gambling, huh?

Yeah, in a way, but that's
not how I lost all my money.

Young fella...

A man can't pay what he owes.
He deserves what comes to him.

Wha-- Now-- now,
hold on a minute.

I only owe you 58 cents,
you can't take my whole horse.

Well, what do you expect me
to do, section him?

Well, no, but I got
somebody comin'.

As soon as I go get it,
I'll pay you the bill.

Fine, fine, your horse
will be here.

Oh, hey.
[chuckles]

Why, can't we work
this thing out?

I mean, uh, see I'll need my...

my old horse here
to collect the money.

Alright, we'll do it your way.

Oh, that's just fine, it's fine.
I appreciate that.

- You're a good man.
- I know I am.

[horse nickers]

[indistinct muttering]

[instrumental music]

Nice to see
you again, Jason.

Well, it's nice to have you
back, Mr. Skeet.

Don't be long, Corey,
I'm half starved.

I'll be right along,
grandfather.

Corey, this, uh, this ridiculous

way of living
has just got to stop.

Now, are you gonna tell him,
or am I?

Jason, until he's back on his
feet, there's nothing to tell.

Back on his feet?
Corey, do you have any idea

how much money that old man
squanders on the poker table?

He could've fixed this old tub
up 10 times over

and made a wonderful place
for himself.

Look, Jason, I am the only thing
grandfather has.

And I've just got to see
to his needs.

See to his needs?
What about my needs?

I know, Jason.

And I have just the notion

that'll straighten
you right out.

- What's that?
- A nice, big lunch.

Oh... I'd like to, Corey,
but, uh...

You know, I think I better
get back to town.

- There may be trouble.
- Trouble?

Yes, Hoy and Billy Valentine
might be headed this way.

- Hoy and Billy Valentine?
- Mm-hmm.

- I never heard of them.
- Well, I never did either.

But the Plimpton
detective agency

doesn't go chasing after
one time horse thieves.

These fellas must be
pretty important.

Now, Jason, you be careful.

Don't go getting involved
with them.

Don't go getting involved?

Corey, I am the acting Sheriff.

Now, if I happen to catch
outlaws, that would mean--

Yes, but Jason, if the Plimptons
can't catch them,

then what makes you think
you can?

Well, I have... natural
instincts for detective work,

Corey, I have natural instincts.

Well, just you watch that
you don't get those

natural instincts shot off
fooling around

with those fellas.

Okay.

Corey... I'm a lawman.

Like it or not,
there are some risks

that just have to be taken.

I'll see you Friday night
for dinner.

Bye, Jason.

Corey: Grandfather, do you know
what you are?

You're a disgrace.

Now, what'd I do?

You've been gambling again,
haven't you?

Well, Corey, a man
has to pass the time.

Well, you could pass the time
trying to earn an honest wage.

Oh, Corey, dear, that's why
I was down on the river.

It was business.

Grandfather, I know what
you do on that river.

You do?

You sell the Nancy Bell
to strangers

who don't know any better.

And then after they've seen it,
while they're still stricken,

you buy it back
for practically nothing.

Now, Corey, who ever told you
an outlandish story like that?

Who hasn't told me?

You don't seem to realize
that everybody knows

that my grandfather
is simply dishonest.

Corey, there is nothing
simply dishonest

about your grandfather.

Well, who was that young man
on the dock today?

Young man?

The one that called out
after you.

Oh, oh, oh, that young man.

Why did he want to see you?

I don't know.

No guests. Good...

Uh, Corey,
why don't you get lunch?

There's a couple of things
I have to tend to.

[instrumental music]

Don't you start by
getting yourself

all riled up, young fella.

I can explain.

What happened to your saddle?

Well, now that you bring it up,
Mr. Skeet

that's one of the reasons
I stopped by.

For the return
of your saddle?

No, more on account
of its absence.

I don't know a thing about it.
Cross my heart.

Uh-huh.

Well, a unfortunate thing
happened

to my winnings
on the boat last night.

Those detectives helped
themselves to all my cash.

And it seems
those notes were stolen.

- No.
- Yeah.

Well-- well,
you don't think that I had

anything to do with
a thing like that, do you?

Oh, I'm not here to accuse
anyone, Mr. Skeet.

Well, I sure hope not.

What are you here for, anyway?

[sighs]
Well...

Mr. Skeet, I'm gonna need
a small estate

to get back to Wyoming,
and it seems

the only thing
that I have of any value

is a... riverboat.

Well, why don't you
let me show you around

your new property?

Oh, now, I'm sure she's in
the fine, Bristol-shape...

Oh, you-- you remember.
Bristol-shape, yes.

She's in Bristol-shape.

Uh-huh, yeah.

And I'm sure you wouldn't
wanna lose her

for a paltry
$300.

So if you're in the mind of
givin' me my money back,

I'll return the deed
and we can call it square.

I'd like to do that.

Seeing as how I--

I do love
the old Nancy Belle myself.

But recently, I-- I've-- I've
suffered several...

pretty severe,
financial setbacks.

- Mm.
- Couple of weeks ago--

So what you're trying
to tell me is this, uh...

beautiful vessel is all mine.

- Beautiful vessel?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, I used to wonder
what it would be like

to be a real-life captain
of a boat like this.

But I hardly know
where to begin.

Well, I suggest you begin by...
following me and...

looking her over, very careful.

[instrumental music]

Skeet: Now, yesterday...

I-- I'll get it.

I was gonna do that
this morning.

Go straight ahead,
right in there.

[instrumental music]

- Huh.
- Oh.

Excuse me.

You just go on about
what you're doing, ma'am.

Trampas: I won't be in the way.

Oh, by the way, I'm Trampas.

Grandfather?

Uh, I'll explain everything
later, dear.

Say...

Now, that's a nice painting.

Thank you.

Prints are nice, too.

Of course,
it'll have to come down.

Come down? Grandfather...

You should push that wall back.

Then you make that
into a bar.

Grandfather.

Uh, don't pay him no mind, dear.

You just get lunch.

I don't feel like getting lunch.

Not with some perfect stranger
wandering around here,

like he owns the pl--

[instrumental music]

Oh, Grandfather.

You stuck him with the boat
and he is going to keep it.

It's not funny.
It's not funny, one bit.

This is our home, we live here.

What you mean is, you may have
to go out and get an honest job.

Mr. Skeet...

You should be shot.

Lettin' a fine boat get in
this kinda condition.

- That's terrible, isn't it?
- Disgraceful.

Well, I guess you wanna
be on your way.

Well, I'd like to,
but, uh, just like I told you,

I'm temporarily without funds.

Uh... would you excuse us
for a moment, Corey?

Skeet: We have some business
to talk over.

- Grandfather, I think--
- Now, Corey...

Yes, grandfather.

Mr. Trampas, be careful.

Yes, ma'am.

Eh, Mr. Trampas...

I'll tell you
what I might be able to do.

I might be able
to take the Nancy Belle

back off your hands
say for, uh...

ten cents on the dollar?

Thirty dollars
for three hundred?

[scoffs]
Well, I'm not a businessman

but, uh... that doesn't sound
like much of a deal.

That's the best I can do.

I was afraid that
might be the case.

Well...

there is an alternative.

- There is?
- Sure.

You and me
will just have to fix up

the old girl and sell her.

I'll just take
my three hundred dollars out

and you can have the rest.

I'll go get my things

and we'll get right to it.

I, uh...

expect we've got a lot of work
ahead of us.

[instrumental music]

Skeet: How do you like that?

I like it fine.
Just fine.

Maybe he'll do
some of the things

you keep saying you're gonna do.

Who taught you to eavesdrop?

And don't be so naive.

He has no intention
of fixing up the boat.

He's up to something.

Grandfather,
the trouble with you is

you think everybody thinks
the way you do.

- He's nice.
- He's devious.

- I know his game.
- Oh, you do?

I certainly do.

He's gonna keep me working
on this boat

till I have to buy him off
to get rid of him.

[instrumental music]

[groaning]

There, I got it, Hoy. It's out.

Oh... you good for nothin'
old butcher.

Why I've ever kept you around
all these years

I'll never understand.

Oh.

[sighs]

[sighs]

Now, you just rest.

Wait.

And don't try to talk.

I'm alright.

Have to talk.

Make plans.

We have a plan.

And I gotta get it movin'.

You think you can?

Billy: Now you just
take it easy.

Two weeks, we'll be in Mexico.

You know, I...

I was thinking maybe...

maybe Canada instead of Mexico.

Billy: Now, we got a lot
of time to think about that.

In the meantime, I gotta get
started on that boat.

Hoy: Billy, good luck.

Hm.

- Was it alright?
- Hm?

Oh, it was fine.

Oh, it's better than fine.
It's great.

Well, I... guess
I'll take the dishes out.

- I'd be glad to help.
- Corey: Oh, no.

Now you're a guest,
in a way.

[instrumental music]

You, uh...

care for a cigar?

Yeah. Don't mind if I do.
Thank you.

Thanks.

Mm.

[music continues]

[grunts]

Well...

You've looked her over
from stem to stern.

Oh, you've been very helpful.

Engine room's a mess.

Blacksmiths
can take care of that.

The, uh, the wood's half rotted
away from the stern wheel.

Ah, must be an army
of good carpenters in town.

Heh. The outside
of this boat

will scare off
a bunch of pirates.

[laughs]

A little paint,
she'll fool anyone.

[laughs]

Layout's old-fashioned.

Hm... I'd call it
more, uh, traditional.

Furniture's all worn
and shabby.

Gives you that comfortable...
down home feeling.

You mean to tell me
that after spending two hours

looking this scow over,
you're still not sore.

- Not a bit.
- Ain't disgusted?

Not in the least.

You still think it-- it
can be sold?

Absolutely.

Alright, Mr. Trampas.

Let's talk turkey.

How much will you take
to call it square?

- Three hundred dollars.
- One hundred.

- Three hundred.
- Two hundred.

- Three. Then I stay.
- I can't afford it.

[instrumental music]

Oh come on, you are
a bigger story-teller than I am.

Tell me what you really think
of this boat.

Well, all things considered,

good and bad, I think
the old gal is a...

[whistles]
in a real mess.

Well, do me a favor,
take the hundred dollars for it

and leave me alone.

- Couldn't do that.
- Why not?

Trampas: Wouldn't be
fair to you.

How do you figure that?

If I let you take
advantage of me,

then you'd lose all respect
for yourself.

No, I won't.

I just couldn't take
that chance.

I wouldn't want it
on my conscience.

Look, you know you can't
sell this boat.

That piece of paper
I gave you is worthless.

Now take my advice. I'm offering
you fifty dollars cash for it.

Take it, grab it and run.

Afraid I just can't do that.

Why not?

[knocks on door]

Now who'd be coming way out here
at this hour?

Well, there's one way
to find out.

Evenin', Pop.

What brings you around here
this time of night?

Well, I, uh...

I guess any fella
who's fool enough to play cards

on s riverboat is
just about capable of anything.

Uh, howdy.

Trampas.

- Met you last night.
- Yes.

Uh, this is Corey Ann Skeet,

Mr. Skeet's granddaughter.

This is Mister, uh...

Eh...

Uh, Moose.

Uh, that's my name.

Well, is that your first name
or last name?

Eh, both.

Eh, that's what
most people call me.

Just plain Moose.

Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you, Moose.

Would you care for a cup
of coffee or a little brandy?

Uh, no, thank you, ma'am.

Moose: I have to get back
to town.

So maybe I better come

to the reason for my visit.

I, uh...

I'd like to buy
the Nancy Belle.

[instrumental music]

Are you out of your mind?

Hoy, it was the only way.

That riverboat's
in worse shape

than the two of us put together.

Older, too, I expect.

We're gonna need a lot of help.

That boat ain't gonna be ready
in two days.

That old crook and his daughter
don't worry me so much.

Hoy: But what about
this Trampas?

Exactly what did you tell him?

Well, I told him
I wanted to buy the boat.

But he'd have
to get it out of Colton

where my own people could finish
the repairs she needed.

- You think he went for it?
- Why not?

It even sounded
good to me.

I don't know...

All he's got to lose is

a couple a day's work.

I'll go get
the rest of the boys.

Be back soon as I can.

Are you sure you can ride?

I can ride fine.

Just can't shoot too good.

Alright. You take it
real careful now.

The town's full
of them Plimpton men.

[instrumental music]

You get the feelin'
the whole country

is gettin' smaller.

Closin' in on us, like.

Well..

I ain't got no complaints.

Billy: If this is the finish
we're lookin' at

it's gonna be big and excitin'.

If we're gonna go out...

it's gonna be
in true Valentine style.

[instrumental music]

[Trampas sighs]

[Skeet grunts]

[grunts]

[sighs]

Ow!

Something wrong?

Uh, no, no, it'll be okay.

I-- it just ain't normally
done that way.

How would you know? Hasn't been
done on this boat for years.

Normally otherwise.

Trampas: Wait a minute.

Why am I lyin' flat on my back

workin' out this sweat
while you're lookin' over me

like-- like some trail boss?

Oh, I'm sorry.

In that case, I'll just
get out of your way, so you...

Hold it. Hold it.

Skeet...

this is your boat, your engine,
and your engine room.

Oh, you're doin' fine,
just fine.

Those fellas are gonna
pay you $5000

for this boat
when they get to Colton.

- And you're gonna pay me $300.
- So?

So, I think I've just done
about $300 worth of work.

Well, we ain't close
to finish yet.

Skeet...

I think I've been patient
long enough.

Now you give me my $300
and I'll... be on my way.

Well, you just can't...
go on your way.

I-- I-- I'll never
finish her alone.

Skeet, I want my money.

Trampas, even if I had the money
I think it'd be bad business

for me to pay you
before I get mine.

Uh, presuming I had
the $300 to begin with.

What are you gonna do with that?

What I'm gonna do with this?

[laughing]

I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do with this.

I'm gonna give it you, Skeet.

- Gonna give it to me?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh!
- Now, get busy.

Yeah. Let me see if I can...

[instrumental music]

[indistinct muttering]

[grunts]
Now I see what it is.

- You see what it is?
- Oh!

Gee.

[whistles]

Yes?

One of you better
get up here, fast.

Uh, I'll be right there.

[instrumental music]

I can see we're gonna
have a little trouble

gettin' this boat ready
to move downriver

by tomorrow, so I, uh...

I had a little help sent up
from the ranch.

Oh, that's-- that's just fine.

Fine.

[instrumental music]

Billy: Miss Skeet, Trampas,

this is my-- my partner.

Pleased to make
your acquaintance.

Just tell the boys
what you want done

it'll be done.

[instrumental music]

Oh, well, that's, uh, that's...

I'll, uh... well,
I'll see what we can find.

Fine, alright, boys.

Let's go. We got work to do.

[instrumental music]

Uh, why don't you go on inside,
Miss Skeet?

What is it?
Who are they?

Uh, it's nothing to worry about.
You just go on inside.

Well, uh...

Uh, well, I guess you can start

on the paddle wheel,
she needs work.

Oh, fine.

No, no, the,

the paddle wheel's
at the aft of the ship.

Back, back there.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Uh, did your partner say, uh,

these fellows worked for you
on your ranch?

He may have said that.

I think he did.

Uh-huh.

[instrumental music]

- Uh, Skeet.
- Yeah.

Skeet, I'm kinda worried.

I'm a little worried myself.

I think this valve
is beyond help.

No, no, no, I'm talking about
the men Moose sent to help us.

What about 'em?

We need all the help we can get.

Yeah, I know, but there's...

Somethin'
about those ranch hands

just doesn't sit right.

Like what?

Uh, they're...

For one thing,
they're all too old to do the,

the hard work
a ranch hand has to do.

Too old?

How would you know? That's the
trouble with you young squirts.

You think a man's froze up
for the winter

just as soon as he shows
a touch of snow on his feet.

I'm not talkin' about
a touch of snow.

There's a full blown blizzard
just rolled in' up there.

And then, you know,
ever-- everyone of 'em

must be pushing 70.

Well, I'm pushin' seventy,
I'm the one

down here
that's fixing the boilers

and you're up there supervising.

Alright, there's another thing.

They're all packing guns.

A lot of men wear guns.
Or haven't you heard?

There's outlaws runnin' around
this part of the country.

That's what's worrying me.

Alright, Trampas,
have it your way.

These old men you're telling me
about aren't ranch hands.

What do you reckon they are?

The James gang come back

from the dead, maybe?

James...

I-- I'm not, uh, that's--
I'm not saying that.

- Well, what are you sayin'?
- I don't know.

It's just the idea
of seven old men

payin' $5,000
for a run-down riverboat

just strikes me a might
peculiar, that's all.

Trampas.

You ever hear the one
about the gift horse?

Yeah, I heard it.

And I think that's exactly

what we should be considering.

Come again?

I think we should find out
just who's on

the receiving end
of that gift horse.

Us or them?

[instrumental music]

I don't know
what you're talkin' about.

[valve squeaks]

Come on, you.

Wait till you
see the faces on them. Phew.

[instrumental music]

Jason: Came this morning.

This is what they're after?

Is it anything
you'd care to share

with the local authorities?

Yes, if you promise
to keep out of the way.

Mr. Plimpton,
I'm aware of your...

reputation.

I'm also aware

that your work
for the railroad gives you

full authority
from our state capital.

But I know my job

and I've been given
authority over this town

and I intend to uphold it.

Oh, that's a very
nice speech, deputy.

Are you sure you want
full responsibility for this?

[intense music]

A million dollars in silver?

[clattering]

Boys do good work.

Huh? Yeah.

Something wrong?

Well, I was just thinkin'
you're putting an awful lot

of time and lumber
on this front part of the deck.

Cabin needs work, too,

and the roof over
the main salon

is over for rain.

I want a boat
with a good strong deck.

It's strong enough now
to take on a wagon load of lead.

[clattering]

Trampas: Hey, Moose.
How you doing?

Billy: Huh, just fine, fine.

Uh, hello, Trampas.

How's that old engine
comin' along?

It's coming along fine, too.
Just fine. I'll be ready soon.

- How soon?
- Oh, tonight.

Tomorrow night, for sure.

Well, if it isn't by tonight,
the whole deal is off

and that's a fact.

Well, it hasn't been
run a long time, Moose.

Take a little time
to put it right.

- Within a day, more or less.
- More or less?

We gotta be downriver
by tomorrow morning.

And that's the way it is,
Trampas.

Yeah, we do...

[foghorn blaring]

I think it started, Moose.

She works, boys.
She works.

[instrumental music]

- Trampas.
- Hm?

Who are they?

Why won't grandfather tell me
anything about them?

There's nothing to worry about,
Miss Skeet.

Both you and grandfather
are treating me like a child.

At least Jason thinks of me
as a woman.

Well, I think of you as
a woman, too, believe me.

Who's Jason?

If you don't mind,
that chair's taken.

Well, I don't see
nobody takin' it.

Well, that's because
he's not here yet.

Who isn't here yet?

Why, it's Friday night.

Sheriff Jason Wilkes is coming
for dinner.

[dramatic music]

Jason : Well, I don't know
when I've enjoyed a meal more.

Delicious food.

Warm inviting atmosphere,

company of a beautiful lady

and nice pleasant folk
to be with.

Would you like some more wine,
Jason?

Oh, thank you, Corey, yes.
I...

I do feel like
celebrating a bit.

It has been a long time coming,
hm?

[clears throat]
Uh, gentlemen.

May I propose a toast?

To the new owner
of the Nancy Belle.

I'll drink to that.

I hope you take possession soon.

Corey Ann: Tomorrow morning,
Jason.

Which means I'll be looking

for a place to stay
by tomorrow night.

Downriver, Colton.

No, grandfather.

I think I'll stay here
in Haughton.

Haughton?

Why? We've got $5,000.

We can go anyplace.
[chuckles]

Well, grandfather,
Jason needs me.

Especially with
his new responsibility.

I'm under a great deal
of pressure, Mr. Skeet.

Great deal of pressure.

Your pressure's in your mind.

Take a nice cold swim
in the river.

You'll be fine.

[scoffs]
Well, I wouldn't call

the Valentine gang
a state of mind, Mr. Skeet.

- Skeet: Never heard of 'em.
- Trampas: Valentine gang?

Was that the bunch
you were looking for

in the river last night?

Mm-hm. That's right.

We believe they're headed
this way.

Jason: And we're ready for 'em.

Hm, seem kind of foolish
for 'em to stopped here.

Those Plimptons
are right on their trail.

And that's exactly why the
Valentine gang would stop here.

It's the unexpected thing to do.

Harv Plimpton himself was
telling me about these fellows.

Jason: He figures they may be
the smartest gang

in the history of
the Plimpton files.

And that covers a lot of ground.

But if they were so great

how come nobody ever
heard of 'em?

Uh, well, that's the secret
of their success.

You see, they-- they've
always managed

to blame their work
on other gangs.

The Plimptons are working
on one theory

that this gang has been
in existence

since 1849.

Of course, that's ridiculous.

They'd all be old men by now.

Jason: But the technique
of the gang has survived.

Probably passed down

from one generation of Valentine
to the next.

You know,
Jason's working on a plan

to capture the whole
Valentine gang single-handedly

and put them exactly
where they belong.

Behind bars.

In the ground.

That's a fact.
You can't cuddle outlaws.

Jason: Some people figure
you treat them

like wayward children.

How do you figure, sheriff?

Corey, maybe Jason
would like more chicken.

Oh, no, I could use
a little more wine now.

Thank you, dear.

Uh, where was I?

In the ground.

Oh, oh.

Yes, thank you, I was-- I was--
I was about to make a point

about, uh, handling today's
criminal element.

Yes, sheriff.

I'd be mighty interested
in hearing that.

It's really very simple,
I-- I just suggest

we make an example of
the Valentine gang.

Throw the book at them.

No mercy, no leniency.

Just give them the full measure
of the law and then some.

That would go a long way toward
discouraging other outlaw gangs.

You happen to mention to anyone

you're be out here tonight,
sheriff?

Just the Plimptons.

It's kind of, uh, kind of like
being a doctor, you know?

I'm on call around the clock.

What with that train of silver

coming in tomorrow and the, uh,
Valentines about.

Uh, Jase, is it kind a late?

Why don't I ride back into t--

Hey, sheriff?

Have you got any idea how this
gang is gonna take that train?

Well, I don't know,
that's the hard part.

But even if they do come up with
a pretty good plan, I--

they won't be able to do it.

Oh, why is that, sheriff?

Well, because there isn't gonna
be one train tomorrow morning.

There's gonna be two.

Jason: Now, the first train
will be carrying the silver

but right behind it, ten minutes
up the track will be

the train loaded
with Plimpton detectives.

[chuckles]
I'd like to see the faces

of those Valentines when they
swallow that little surprise.

[laughing]

I'd enjoy hearing more
about your plans, sheriff.

Have some more wine.

Oh, well, thank you.

[instrumental music]

Whoo.

Uh...

What am I supposed to do
in all this?

Well, there are some things

our boys just won't be able

to handle as well as you,
Trampas.

You'll see.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

Billy: Just remember, those guns
you fellas are wearing

they ain't loaded.

You know how far you're gonna
get with this?

Yup.

[train chugging]

[instrumental music]

Right there.

Well, now what?

Now, we relax.

[dramatic music]

[horses snort]

[music continues]

[train chugging]

[train whistling]

Let's go, sheriff.

You drive.

Pull her up.

[train whistling]

[dramatic music]

[train whistling]

I admire your courage, Moose.

But... isn't this plain crazy

to try and stick up a train

right in the center of town?

Mm, you don't see it done
that way too much.

Billy: That's the trouble
with today's young outlaws.

No originality.

Uh, not with
a train load of detectives

ten minutes up the track.

That is gonna make it
interesting.

Hold it.

How long do you think it'll take
to unload the silver?

Oh, I guess we're gonna
handle it in time.

Uh-huh.

[instrumental music]

They're all yours, Billy.

Well, you make it look all

nice and legal-like,
eh, sheriff?

And what if I don't?

I just remembered.

Those guns you fellows
are wearin'...

They ain't loaded.

They can't get away with this,
you know that, Trampas.

That's what you keep on sayin'.

Well, the Plimpton detectives

are only ten minutes
up the track, maybe less.

I know that.

So do they now.

[train chugging]

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Alright, drop the guns.

Sit down!

Alright, fellas, let's see

how cooperative you can be.

You got exactly eight minutes

to get that wagon loaded.

I told you you'd be real useful.

Well, it's nice to be needed.

Alright, fellas, get started.

[horn blaring]

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

[train chugging]

Had their best chance
through that hill country.

Valentine gang never does
the expected.

Probably been riding
close to

a hundred miles in
a cattle car.

[grunting]
What do you think they'll do

with Corey and her grandfather?

We've got
a more pressing problem.

Slow it down, will ya?

Let's all wait
for the other train.

I'm not worried
about losing the silver.

Well, then, start worrying
about something else.

- You and me.
- Let's get going on the double.

[sighs]

[bell ringing]

Hoy, we got two minutes left.

Grab that last box
and let's get going.

Now we should just about be
pulling to Haughton.

Hey! Get out of here and fast!

[train whistling]

Sure is strange that they have--

Quiet, boys, shh.

Quiet down and listen.

[train whistling]

This close to town? Can't be.

Not close to town,
right in town.

That's exactly the kind of stunt
they'd try and pull.

But this time, we got 'em cold.

Alright, boys.
Get ready to mount up.

Somebody ought to take
the whistle away from that boy.

He's liable to wake the dead.

Too late now.

I'll handle it.
You get going.

Where are you fellas heading?

Uh, the job's done, isn't it?

Yeah, but you boys know
where we're going.

Ralph, put the sheriff
on a horse.

Lock this fella in the office.

And Trampas, you get up
in the wagon.

[train chugging]

[dramatic music]

Alright, boys.
We're slowing down.

This is it.

Mount up.

Alright, get 'em out of here.

[Trampas whistles]
Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

[dramatic music]

Let's go get 'em, boys!
Open her up!

I said open her up.

It must be locked
from the outside.

Better stand back, folks.

They're coming out of there
on a dead run.

Break it down!

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[horses galloping]

[music continues]

[horses galloping]

[whistles]
Hyah!

Hoy:
Alright, Billy, get her moving.

Hurry! Up the ladder! Come on!

- Hoy: Get up there! Hurry!
- Billy: Push off!

[gunshot]

[dramatic music]

[horses galloping]

[gunshots]

[music continues]

[gunshots]

Forget it.
Stop firing.

- Let's go.
- Downriver?

No.

The nearest telegraph.

Let's move.

[instrumental music]

[horn blaring]

Well, sorry it has to end
this way, folks.

In the old days,
we'd be partying by now.

Well, I guess this country
has got just too darn
organized.

Either that or you've been
pushing your luck too long.

Ah, luck has nothing to do

with running
a successful business.

We're the victims
of high-speed communication.

You realize you can
send a newspaper

from California to New York
in eight days?

Now, that ain't healthy
for fellas

who wanna shy away
from publicity.

You outlaws all like publicity

more than the money,
if you ask me.

Billy: Ah, no, no, no.

Me and Hoy got a special formula

for longevity in this
highly competitive business.

Yeah. A fast horse
and a fast gun.

No, it's a matter of ego.

You see, we take the money

and don't mind giving
the other fellows all the glory.

Yeah, we made a folk hero
out of them James boys.

You made heroes out of
the James boys?

Why, sure.

You see, Me and Hoy live by
one simple rule.

Never try to be top gun.

As far as we're concerned,

we'd rather be number two.

Well, so long, folks.

Sheriff, Trampas,
Captain, Ms. Skeet.

I wanna thank you,
you've been a big help.

If you ever need
any references, why, uh...

Alright, boys.
Let's go.

- Skeet.
- Yeah.

How far down the river
is the next town?

Uh, Colton, about an hour.
Why?

I get the feeling we've stopped.

Doesn't make much sense.

Nothin' around here.

They're not gonna sail
in the Colton

with the whole town
waiting for 'em.

Mr. Skeet?

Can you see if you can
get these knots?

What for?

They left us here, all tied up
safe and sound.

I'm willing to
go along with 'em.

Trampas.

I think he's right, Jason.

Mr. Skeet, Trampas,
we've got to try and stop them.

- We?
- Well, yes.

They took round one,
but the next one's ours.

Alright, Corey, here.

See if you can get this for me.

[hooves clomping]

- What's that?
- Round two.

Skeet: Why, those dirty crooks.

They're leavin' us.

Didn't even
pay me my $5,000.

- I can't do it, Jason.
- Just keep trying.

Now we're moving again.

That's a short stop.

What do you suppose
that was all about?

Well, if I had to guess,

I'd say we've been left
holdin' an empty bag.

That's another good reason to
stay tied up until we're found.

What do you mean by that?

I mean those Plimpton detectives

must be awful sore
right about now.

And we'd have
a mighty rough time

trying to convince them we had

nothin' to do
with this operation.

Now Sheriff Wilcox
wouldn't believe that.

Well, he's not around.
The Plimptons are.

[dramatic music]

[grunting]
Yeah, yeah, that's got it.

Trampas, Mr. Skeet,
we're in business.

There he goes
with that "we" again.

I think he's got a "we" complex.

Ah.

Now what?

Now we turn this thing around
and go after them.

No, now we head for Colton

and tell them what happened.

Trampas, I don't like to

force a man to duty.

You're gonna force me?
[chuckles]

On the behalf of
the people of Haughton,

I deputize, you, Trampas
and you, Mr. Skeet.

Now, let's get down to business.

Deputy or not, you're never
gonna find any trace of them.

There are no roads to follow,
nothing along here

but riverbanks and trees.

Right.

Mr. Skeet, is that clock
the same as the one down below?

Exactly, the only things in
the boat that do work.

Maritime clocks. Why?

Because we've been moving

fourteen minutes
since they left the boat.

Now how far
do you think we've come?

Uh, it's about 12 knots.

About three and a half miles,
but it's gonna take

three times that long
to go back upriver.

Alright, alright,
then we'll turn around

and hit upriver
for 43 minutes,

then pull in to see
what we come up with.

Don't look at me,
you're the captain.

Trampas...

it ought might just
work at that.

Nancy Belle, do your stuff.

[dramatic music]

[horn blaring]

Well, men. That's it.

It's over.

Forty-three years in the saddle
and we're going out winners.

We got the big one.

Hard to believe it's over, Hoy.

And we're splittin' up
the old gang.

Couldn't last forever.
Nothin' ever does.

I'd say we had
a pretty good run of luck.

Now let's pack up
and get out while we can.

The silver'll be safe here.

Nobody's gonna trace us to
this place in a hundred years.

Jason: Just hold it
right there, boys.

Skeet: That means you too, Pop.

Don't call me Pop.

[dramatic music]

[horn blaring]

Well, it won't be long now.

I know I should be happy
for Jason.

But they seem like such
nice old men.

What's gonna happen to 'em?

Well, if they did everything
the Plimptons say they did,

it'll be kinda hard.

Well, what if they had
a real good lawyer?

Good lawyers cost
a lot of money, Ms. Skeet.

[sighs]

[sighs]

Well, Jason.

Looks like you're gonna be
a big hero

for bringing all that silver in.

And the Valentine gang.

Yeah, but the silver.

Silver's really
the important thing.

- Trampas.
- Huh?

- Forget it.
- Forget what?

You and Corey
and those crafty old critters

have been trying to
work on my sympathy

for the last two hours.

Now I'm not gonna do it.

- Do what?
- Turn 'em loose.

[Trampas chuckles] That thought
never occurred to me.

[Jason laughs]

Uh, still, it's not
a bad idea, Jason.

Now you turn them loose
and you're still a hero

for bringing the silver in.

Uh-huh.

But if you turn
the Valentine gang in...

well, someone liable to
mention that

it was you
that made it possible

for them to steal the silver
in the first place, see?

[Trampas chuckles]

Well...

- That's true.
- Yeah.

But I'm still a law man,
Trampas

and-- and I have to abide
by the law, too.

Even if it does...

make me appear a mite stupid.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh.

Thanks for trying.

Billy: You're a good man,
Trampas.

You'd have made a fine outlaw.

[instrumental music]

[horn blaring]

[instrumental music]

Boat's in, the prisoners
are on their way.

That's fine, Leroy, that's fine.

Oh, Leroy.

Maybe you could see to it that
the deputy sheriff,

that local boy... is occupied.

There's no sense in cluttering
up this press conference.

Let's keep the attention
where it belongs.

I think that can be arranged,
Harv.

Gentlemen...

I appreciate you gathering here

to bring to the American people

the news of one of
the most significant captures

in the history of
American law enforcement.

Now it has been my duty
and obligation

as founder of
the Plimpton Detective Agency

of St. Louis, Missouri...

It has been my duty
and obligation

to fight crime
wherever it exists.

And furthermore--

They're here.

Alright, would you,
would you please stand back?

[clamoring]

Jason: Come on, you just keep
on, let them through, please.

Jason: Right on over there
by the cells.

- Man: There he is.
- Jason: Right on.

Right on over to the cell.
Just get right in.

Would you excuse me, please?
Get right in--

[indistinct muttering]

You--

Hah! Did you ever see so many
reporters in all your life?

- I'll be famous.
- Uh-huh.

Valentine gang will be famous.

For all the good it'll get 'em.

- Then you're Billy Valentine?
- Who wants to know?

Harold Thatcher,
"The St. Louis Dispatch."

- Hey, Jason.
- Hm?

What? What's the matter?

Hey, you know, Jason,
I've been willing

to pay $5,000

for the Valentines
own personal story.

What?

Mr. Valentine,
if you'll hold back

making any official comment

I'm prepared to offer you
$20,000

for the exclusive rights to
the inside story

of the Valentine gang.

Twenty thousand dollars?

Maybe $25,000.

Trampas, are you crazy?

You don't have that kind of--

Man : Thirty thousand dollars.

Man : Exclusive rights
for the Chicago Tribune.

That would be enough to get you
the best lawyers

in the country, Mr. Valentine.

You can come out of this
with more money

than you've ever made
in your whole life.

I'll make you
the most famous gang of outlaws

in the history of the country.

And you're the one that brought
the Valentines in?

Yes, you could say that.

Trampas, do you know
what you're doing?

You...

you just bought those boys
a lawyer.

Uh, I-- I always say
those things, uh...

have a way are working out
for the best.

People usually get
what's coming to 'em.

And you're putting in
for the reward?

Reward?

Customary reward for stolen
money is five percent.

Sometimes people get a little
more than what's coming to 'em.

Five percent of
a million dollars?

Hoo-hoo!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[music continues]