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[McCullough] Let's go, Diaz.
It's time.

Party bus is leaving.

[Aleida] I left you my nail polish kit.

Twelve colors...

and none of them
got melted Skittles mixed in.

Nails are more your thing.

So? You ain't gotta do nails.

Paint little pictures...

or decorate a vase or some shit.
I don't know.

Aren't you supposed
to be the creative one?

All right. Thanks.

And for you,
I left all my thermals and my good hat.

You don't want to take that?
It gets cold in the Bronx too.

It's itchy.
Plus it got bird shit on it.

[door rattling]

Can I get someone down to processing?
Door's locked.

[Gloria] Seriously?

Last week, we released
this other Hispanic girl at midnight.

She didn't have a ride, so she was just
walking on the side of the road.

I guess she was trying to hitchhike,

but a townie thought she was a prostitute
and called the cops.

And?

She got picked up.
Brought right back to prison.

Or jail, actually.

-[Aleida sighs]
-Started in prison, ended in jail.

[chuckles]

[Gloria] You don't got another story
you could tell her today?

-[indistinct walkie-talkie chatter]
-[footsteps approaching]

Shit. This is it.

Come on.

Stay focused.

Buy yourself a good pair of shoes,
and get to work.

You got this.

[blows kisses]

Okay.
[laughs]

All right, I'm not dying.
Come on, dry it up.

Come on, come on.
[sniffles]

This is how you want me to remember you?
Huh? Hmm?

Shit, I got something for you.

It's back in my bunk.
Is there time to go get it?

Oh, you can put it in the mail.
Everyone likes getting mail.

I have a pen pal in Guam.

-You have an address, right?
-'Course I do.

All right, bitches.
I'm out.

[Gloria chuckles]

[Aleida blows kiss]

[door closes]

[indistinct chatter]

Eyes open, inmate.

This look like a bed to you?

I'm up, ogre man.

You are on this table
till you physically cannot stand.

Good.

I'm going for the world record
so I can be in that book.

Usually, it's the short ones
that need to act like that.

Piscatella!

He's practically a building.

So you tell me
what he's compensating for.

Must be a button down there.

I thought she'd buckle
after a couple hours,

not two whole days.

Don't apologize.

You made a tough call,
and now we all got your back.

That's how the brotherhood works.

We can't take her down?
She pissed herself twice already.

It's a game of chicken, she'll break.

And Caputo's cool with all this, right?

Don't worry about Caputo.

If he wants to leave that oak desk of his
and join us here in the trenches,

he knows where to find us.

Back to it. [clears throat]

You got this, Flores.

Just like that poster kitten
or Jesus on the cross.

You hang in there.

Like Jesus ever went around slinging drugs
and rubbing fish sauce on himself.

-[inmate laughs]
-And he was white.

Wasn't he Middle Eastern?

No... he was just really tan.

[all exclaiming and laughing]

-[inmates snickering]
-[chuckling] Gross.

Enjoy. [laughs]

I've created a monster.

You didn't create white hate.

But I gathered the haters together.

And then I angled them towards
the Dominicans.

This Flores shit is medieval,

and she's right,
they are targeting Dominicans.

Oh, you mean the people
who branded you?

Ugh.

-Now that it's a window, I kinda like it.
-It's not a window.

It's a reminder to stay out
of other people's shit.

This is not other people's shit.
This is all of our shit.

This prison is turning into some kind of
grotesque social experiment.

I'm gonna talk to Piscatella.

He likes me.

He's semi-reasonable.

Next person who hands Flores a beverage
is crawling back to her bunk.

Let this be a lesson.

Flores is not a martyr, people.

She is a regular, normal, criminal.

[inmate] Like the rest of us, right?

Yeah, that's... so reasonable.

[car approaching]

You're late.

Uh, you're welcome.

[CO] Diaz, right?

Yeah, why?

From your kid.

[indistinct chatter on car radio]

Thanks.

[woman 1 on radio]
...wrong with those Republicans?

[woman 2 on radio] Your nearby
market company where you always...

[woman 3 on radio] Earlier today,
downtown, there was a three...

-[flipping through channels]
-[indistinct radio chatter]

You gonna drive or what?

[pop song playing on radio]

Cesar says to tell you hi.
And to not act like a bitch.

Let's go, it's exercise time.

[indistinct walkie-talkie chatter]

-Sophia?
-[inmates shouting faintly]

Sophia?

It's a nervous tick.

[CO sighs]

Sophia.

Come on, speed it up, inmate.

I'm sorry, I have plantar fasciitis.

[Sophia knocks on cell] Sister...
is that you?

-[gasps] Oh...
-[Sophia coughs] Sister...

[knocking continues]

[indistinct PA chatter]

[Nicky sighs]

I'm here to help.

I even have rubber bands to put
into your big hair for when you puke.

Actually, Red, I got this.

"You got this."
What does that mean?

It means that after our talk,

I took a hard look at how pathetic
my life had become,

and decided to just go cold turkey.

With the help of my friends
Advil and Imodium, of course.

And candy, and, uh, crossword puzzles.

My... my guts and my asshole
are like raw meat.

Uh, my veins are pulsing.
But other than that, man, so far so good.

Oh, and lucky you,
you missed the puke phase,

so you can save those elastics.

What about cravings? Triggers?

This is my seventh time
getting clean intentionally,

and I find that the best way
to avoid shit, is to avoid shit.

So, I'm gonna go to work
and just distract myself with...

good old-fashioned manual labor.

You know, thank you, though.

It means a lot to me.

[clicks tongue]

See? Heigh-ho, heigh-ho.

So your mom got out today?

She's probably sunbathing
on the stoop already, or...

having oysters at Cosenza's.

Well... for what it's worth, I liked her.
Even though she's a bitch.

[both chuckle]

My dad, he's that way too.
He sucks up all the oxygen in the room.

How do you deal with that,
the oxygen thing?

Ran away.

And I got my nipple pierced.

Hmm, I was thinking of shaving my head,
or dying my hair crazy colors.

That's a better idea.
My nipple got infected. [scoffs]

Oh.

[sighs] Feels like
the first day in prison.

Or, like, before doesn't count,
'cause my mom was here.

Now, I'm actually... alone.

[smacks lips] You don't gotta be alone.

You can come hang out
with me and my girls.

[Dayanara] You're in the salon, right?
My mom said.

Oh, yeah. It smells like burnt hair,
but those chairs are comfy.

[Gloria] Hey, Daya.

You wanna come over here and help me
with some bags in the fridge?

Comfy chair sounds nice.

[indistinct PA chatter]

-[indistinct chatter]
-[man laughing]

[bell dinging]

We could still go for oysters.

No, this is fine.

We're close to the highway,
so we'll get back faster.

-Some coffee to start?
-Huh?

-Some coffee?
-Uh, sure.

So... what's the first thing
you're gonna do?

Probably take a shower.

Oh... 'cause y'all had to shower together.

No... we had curtains and stuff.

But you worried you got TB germs,
or, like, Hep C on you?

No, I just... [sighs]

I wanna take a shower.
Feel like myself again.

And then tomorrow, I'm gonna wake up
and try to see all my kids.

Walk across all five boroughs
if I have to.

I'm gonna tell them I'm gonna get them
the fuck out of foster care.

Once I figure out how.

I heard that in prison,
if you got big tits,

you can hide stuff under there.

Like, Botox needles.
Pills that don't melt too easy.

You get some kind of big tit newsletter?

My cousin Trina got let out last month.

We took her to City Island
and then clubbing.

She kept asking for Big Red.

'Cause they don't even got gum in there.

You wanna know what prison is like?

It's hard, and it smells like old farts.

But I got people in there.

I got nobody out here.

I got $40 and an old bus map.

[sighs] You don't gotta make this weird.

It's not weird.
Why would it be weird?

Maybe 'cause we fucked the same guy
and he put a baby in me?

You had a baby from that motherfucker?

Not on purpose.

But, yeah.

She's got his ass.
[chuckles] But, like, little.

What, you think I'm gonna steal
your stupid-ass waffles?

Sorry.

I just feel like I got a sign on me.

It's these stupid clothes.

[indistinct PA chatter]

Hey.

You got any of that special shampoo?

You Nichols?

Yeah.

Why, we got friends?

Been told not to do business with you.

What the fuck?

Just sell me some fuckin' heroin.

I was referencing the Lou Reed hit single,
obviously.

Come on.

Look, this isn't right.

I wanna talk to the boss lady.

She's busy.

What's going on?

What, some kind of discrimination
against people with frizzy hair?

Something like that.

Man, who the fuck is blackballing me?

[gasps]

I don't know what poison you and your
hillbilly friends are peddling,

but if you sell any of it to Nichols...

you will never know
what's really in your food,

and I assure you...

I can slip in untold horrors.

I'm not doing that no more.

Morello and the bug-eyed black girl
found out about the poop thing.

Um...

[laughs] Truthfully, I was really starting
to gross myself out anyway.

Not to get too graphic--

Yes, spare me the details.

Oh, then again.

Once a business woman,
always a business woman.

So, what...
What are you gonna give me in return...

for my cooperation?

Right, she's dead to me.

[Sister Ingalls exhales]

[sighs]

[sighs]

Yoo-hoo?

[sighs]

[gasps] Yes!

[chuckles softly]

Autograph time, Mr. C.

[inhales sharply]

[sighs]

Why does this week's menu say...

"truffle cheesesteak"
and "surf and turf"?

[laughs] I thought I'd pimp up the words
to boost morale. It's still slop.

Change it back.
What's next?

Uh... tonight's movie night pick.

-The Wiz?
-How'd that get in there?

Isn't that the one where Diana Ross
plays a 12-year-old?

Well, Tom Hanks
plays a 12-year-old in Big.

Yeah, well, that was part of the premise.

But, man...

the costumes?

People in the '70s
were just more creative.

And not to get all political with you,

but the past 11 movies
have all been romantic comedies

starring white people.

Because the past 11 movies
came from a box of VHS tapes

that Fig pulled out of her basement.

Do we even have a copy of The Wiz?

Yeah, I found one in the library,
under "Ethnic."

People need positive role models
around here.

Take Dorothy, for example,

an inner-city school teacher who learns
how to ease on down the road,

makes friends with lions and robots,

and frees a bunch of slaves using...

peaceful resistance, i.e...

dance!

If you can live with the fact
that everyone is gonna blame you

when they're miserable tonight...

-you can have The Wiz.
-Thank you.

Now, ease on out of here.

Yes, sir, I'm out of this bitch.

[Maritza coughing]

[retching]

[indistinct walkie-talkie chatter]

[sniffles]

You know, I saw Humps taking her
to the guard house yesterday. Alone.

It's too soon to be pregnant puking.

I didn't say he fucked her.

Well, why else?

Dude's weird.

He came over to my place last week,
we have a couple of drinks,

and this cockroach crawls out.

But instead of stepping on it, he...

put it in the blender.

He's probably fucking Ramos, though.

-You boys are all teenagers.
-Hey, I didn't do anything!

It's like when a dude date rapes a girl
at a frat house.

-It's everyone's fault.
-Exactly.

'Cause we're in a brotherhood.
Even you, McCullough.

And Humps, he's just our weirdo
roach-liquefying kid brother.

Maybe Ramos was causing trouble, right?

Or... or Humps was having a bad day.
We don't know.

What we do know is,

we're the ones on the ground
making the tough calls every day.

-I mean, it's not like we have any proof.
-Yeah.

He could have been making her
a sandwich for all we know.

[softly] Yeah.

[indistinct PA chatter]

I don't know about this time machine,
but in my experience,

people travel through wormholes.

I thought your book was fictional.

No.

Uh, the emotions were fictional,
but the science was real.

Well, I know where I'd wormhole back to.

My wedding day.

Oh, I would live that over and over again.

Especially the lovemaking part.

Oh, we were so connected for that hour.

Our skin was touching.

And our brains weren't distracted
or suspicious...

nothing.

Did I tell you that he's been
spending time with my sister?

-[stammers] I told you that already? No?
-[chuckles] Uh-uh...

Oh, yeah, they're friends now.

-Yeah. Yeah, that's a thing.
-[mop banging]

[angrily] You know, just them...
hanging out together, all the time.

-[mop banging continues]
-[grunts loudly]

[coughing]

[breathes deeply]

Oh, my, I'm sorry.
[laughs]

What about you?

[stammers] When would you go back to?

I think I'd go back to that night
outside the broom closet.

Oh... with the ex?

Yeah... Yo.

We were supposed to do the dance
with no pants, but...

[clicks tongue] chickened out.

Oh, well, you weren't ready.
That's okay.

[inhales sharply]
Turns out, she's crazier than me.

[chuckles]

I... Than I...

Yeah.

I caught her once making
a portrait of me out of hair.

And I'm pretty sure it was my hair.

Like, she stole... my hair.

Isn't that kind of flattering, though?

What if I missed my only chance
to get physical with another person?

You don't need a time machine for that.

That closet is right where you left it.

I forgot what my hips look like.
[chuckles]

You could borrow my wedges
when we get home.

I'm not staying with you.
I only wrote that for the paperwork.

Oh.

Okay.

[sighs]

You can't send clothes in care packages.
CO will send them back.

[scoffs] Please, like I would
ever shop for Cesar.

He's so picky.

You got a brother or something?

No.

[speaking Spanish] Loose as a shoelace.

[speaking English] Cesar got,
like, ten years.

I'm supposed to be a nun?

[scoffs] That's fucked up.
That man did good by you.

Why you so mad?

It's not like Cesar was ever
straight with you,

even before you went away.

But suddenly you his big defender?

Men are stupid.

And their peckers all got ADD, what?

For the record, if you hadn't gone down,
I probably wouldn't be in the picture.

I went away because
I took the heat for him!

Because that's what you do
when you love somebody.

But I guess you wouldn't get that.

Hey! I love Cesar,
but I also love myself,

and I love my baby,
and it don't do me nor her no damn good

if my ass is in prison.

You're a fucking bitch!

A fucking bitch who borrowed a car

to come and get your ungrateful,

old-school,
low self-esteem ass from upstate

and bring her to my home?

You know what? [sighs]

I'm out of here.

Miss, you gotta pay for that.

[sighs] Shit.

[exhales]

-It's a musical?
-Mmm-hmm.

-Yeah!
-[all laugh]

That's why I don't know it,
'cause it's gay.

You gay now... with Judy.

-[Taystee exclaims]
-[imitates kissing]

Correction, I'm fake gay...

with a beautiful human
who's making it rain for all of us.

Mmm-mmm.
Ain't raining in my world...

[chewing] until I see money
in my commissary account.

-[Taystee] Mmm.
-Janae, it's coming.

In the meantime, feel it.

Wealth is a state of mind,
not some number in a bank account.

Money talk.
Ah, it's so boring. [giggles]

-[Judy chuckles]
-[Taystee] Mmm-hmm.

Oh, no, it's cool, ain't nobody looking.

Oh, no, this is not for the guards.

It's about my chocolate love.

[Black Cindy purring]

Oh, come on, y'all, I was just kidding.

[scoffs] Lord.

All right, so what are we
all talking about?

How Caputo did me a solid,
and let me pick movie night tonight!

-[Judy] No!
-I hate The Wiz.

Sorry, am I allowed to say that?

Mmm, it's cool.

-Me, too.
-[Brook] Oh, my gosh.

Come on, the beginning is so boring.

Like, when they're all eating ham,
and Diana Ross is just complaining

about how she's never been
below 125th Street.

Hold up, hold up.

You telling me, the premise of The Wiz is

some bitch ain't never gone
below 125th Street?

Diana Ross, not "some bitch."

-Right?
-Respect!

[Poussey] I mean, ain't there, like,
dancing subway pillars,

and weird glow-in-the-dark
graffiti everywhere?

[Brook] I mean, the production values
are so cheesy.

Look, I'm sorry, T, I'm gonna have
to side with my girl on this.

-The Wiz is kinda lame.
-[Brook winces]

I like The Wiz.

See? Somebody's on my side.

What about that part
when Glinda the Good Witch

comes floating in on her magic bubble,
and her skin's all white and sparkly?

[inhales deeply]
That's the white people version.

The Wizard of Oz!

Oh.

Well, I like that one.

[Sister Ingalls exhaling]

Damn this arthritis.

It helps if I take little steps.

[groans]

[indistinct walkie-talkie chatter]

[exaggerated groaning]

Don't I get some privacy?

Gotta cuff you first.

Oh, of course.

[sighs] Shackle away.

-[sneezes loudly]
-[phone clatters]

Our poop is gonna go down there?

Beats me.

Everything I know about plumbing,
I learned from playing Mario Brothers.

It was that black girl who works
in Caputo's office.

The terrorist one with the turban?

-No.
-Cocoa puffs?

No, no, the one with the fancy watch.

I heard her bragging
about it in the cafeteria.

First the Dominicans take the TV room,
now the blacks are controlling the movies.

We should host our own film festival,

that celebrates the accomplishments
of white people.

But that'll be hard, though,

because Morgan Freeman's in,
like, everything.

Fuckin' Morgan Freeman.

[Piper] I think I owe you an apology.

For enabling you out in the corn.

[Nicky] What happens in the corn
stays in the corn, right?

[Piper] I can't stop thinking about it.

[scoffs] Oh, that's what
you can't stop thinking about?

How about Vause chop suey-ing a guy?

It seems like that's a much bigger
headline than my short fall off the wagon.

-I'm trying to say I'm worried about you.
-Are you?

Or are you attempting to assuage some
of that guilt you've been carrying around?

Can it be both?

[sighs] Man...

I screwed up long before our time
in the corn, Chapman, all right?

It's not on you. [sighs]

The really fucked up thing is
I had three years clean before that,

and now I'm back to zero.

Like, whoosh,
the whole thing never happened.

No, three years clean is something.
That's not nothing.

[stammers] How do I forgive myself
for doing that?

That's my million dollar fucking
question, right?

[sighs]

Back it up, you know you're
not allowed to be in here.

You're not allowed to eat soba noodles
without a little scallion.

Fresh from the garden.
Added a little ginger, too.

Thanks.

I've noticed you always bring
home-cooked lunches.

Good for you. Most of the guards
eat Hot Pockets or S'mores Pop Tarts,

but you're a gourmet.

Yeah, I used to eat like them.

[clears throat]
But then I started watching

those cooking competition shows
and got obsessed.

Now, I can't stomach that crap.

Me neither.

Something else I can't stomach...

watching friends of mine
succumb to certain temptations.

Chemical temptations.

[indistinct radio chatter]

I wouldn't know what
inmates do in private.

Of course.

Neither does Piscatella.

In fact, he has no idea about this
curious cycle of redistribution

going on behind his back.

One little baggie frisked
from this inmate,

resold to that inmate.

Out against the fence.

Now!

-[stammers]
-Let's go!

-Who the fuck you think you are, old lady?
-[grunts]

Walkin' around here like you own
the place, threatenin' me.

[Red] Well, I know you can't threaten me,

at least not with the SHU.

I've been tryin' to get reservations
down there for weeks,

but it's all booked up.

Who told you that?

Old ladies, you know.

We have bad hearing,
and yet we know all the gossip.

What is this?

-Are you lookin' to buy?
-No.

I don't want to buy.
I want to embargo.

[blows]

I was thinking.

There are certain physical experiences
on this planet

that every living person should have.

And I know I freaked out in the woods,

but real dinner is better than
fake gingerbread and wood rot.

That said, I will admit
that sometimes at night,

I do touch the inside of my arm
and the soft part of my earlobe,

and I get this...

tingly feeling.

And, okay, I did suspect you
of pooping in the shower

which is way worse than peeing
outside a bunk, for the record,

but you didn't leave me poop...

You left me gifts.

Like hair portraits.

[sighs]

Anyhow, I'm... really confused
about all this, but...

if you might, maybe, perhaps...

want to try
the broom closet thing again...

I...

might...

maybe...

perhaps...

be open to it.

That's it.
Okay, bye.

I was thinking during movie night.
Okay, bye.

Hey! I've been meaning to ask you
about your wormhole theory.

See, on paper...

it's sound, right?

But in real life, that is flawed.

You might be using too much
tin foil on the time machine.

Messes with the electromagnetic radiation.

Next time, try wax paper.

[gasps] Oh, thanks for the tip.

[softly] Wow.

-Can I have a seat?
-No, you can talk to me while standing.

Okay, well, speaking of standing, um...

I feel obligated to voice...

to voice my concern...

over some of the practices that have
been happening around here lately.

Uh, you know, not my concern...

my outrage.

My moral outrage,
to be honest with you.

Okay, uh...
Please, be honest.

This Flores thing, for example.

It is cruel and gross and humiliating.

It's like putting somebody in the stocks.

Plus, standing
for prolonged periods of time

causes irreversible joint and back pain.

Well, maybe her noble heritage
gives her extra strong joints.

I get the irony of the situation.

Next, you're gonna tell me that gangs
help provide order and safety?

Look, I know what it's like to fuck up.

I know what it's like to cross a line
and then wish, retroactively,

that you hadn't.

And it's a shitty, shitty feeling.

And I wish that somebody had told me
a very long time ago

that it's okay to just...

stop.

To just back down.

To not be so stubborn or worried
about appearing weak.

You're right, I did mess up.

I allowed you to think you have some sort
of special privilege around here...

which you don't.

In fact, the next time
you care to express something to me...

you can write me a letter...

and then shove it up your tight,
little heinie.

Get out of my office.

Out!

And after you got the camera to Burset,

how were you gonna get the photo out?

That ten-year-old Motorola
didn't even have Internet.

I have my ways.

Oh.

Well, don't ever become a spy.

Sophia is falling apart down here.

At least I didn't stand by idly.

So, if you want to punish me
for having a...

a conscience, then, fine.

I am not punishing you
for your conscience.

I am punishing you because
you assaulted another inmate,

you smuggled contraband,

and you conspired
to leak private information.

You made your bed, Sister.

Now you're gonna lie in it.

Any idea how long, exactly?

Burset!

[phone clicks]

-[Ouija] Yep.
-[Maria laughing]

[Ouija] Oh, that is so true, yo.
[Maria] But, right?

[Ouija] My moms is in love with him,
like, in love.

-[Dayanara] Hey.
-[laughing] Hey.

Hey, we were just talking about how
all Latinas love Morrissey.

[chuckles] Yeah, that's funny.

-[all laugh]
-Maybe it's the hair.

-Totally! That pompadour.
-Yeah, the... Yeah. [laughs]

-[Maria] Wow.
-Oh, shit. You do nails?

My mom did.

I think I do more, like, designs,

patterns, little bunnies,
things like that.

Oh, could you do mine, but, like,

alternate it with, like,
bunnies and skulls, so, like,

every other finger's, like,
bunny, skull, bunny, skull?

Yeah, that should be cool.

Sorry. Should I just come back later?

You can stay.

Unless it's gonna be a problem.

Nah, it's fine.

[Dayanara clicks tongue]

[sighs contentedly]

So, what do you want first,
like, a bunny or a skull?

[scoffs] Skull, obviously.

[buzzing]

[siren wailing faintly]

Yo, Jazmina!

Open up, it's me!

You a ghost all of a sudden?

I had to get Cesar's baby mama
to pick me up,

'cause my own damn cousin
is too busy to pick up her phone?

I've been callin' you for weeks.
Where the fuck you been at?

[Jazmina in Spanish]
Ever since we switched to the family plan,

my phone's been acting weird.

Wow, so you out now?

No, I escaped like Houdini.

Now tell me what's up.

You know Domingo?

That midget from the bodega?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, he's getting scuba certified
all month,

so he gave me these VCRs to unload.

This whole planned obsolescence thing
is really screwing me up.

[speaking English] Yo, Jazmina,
what the hell you talkin' about?

You ain't even making any sense.

I'm just happy to see you.

Yo, we should get
some of that champagne soda!

Right? Celebrate!

Yeah, no, I ain't got no time
to celebrate right now.

Where's my sock?

I already used up
all the cash they gave me.

[sighs] All right, here's the thing.

My asthma been acting up.
I had to go to the ER, which wasn't cheap.

And then last month, KK got arrested.

Some stupid DUI, but they took him
all the way up to Rikers

and claimed that he had, like,
all these other charges.

Bail was real expensive, you know?

We weren't expecting you
for another few more months.

-You spent it.
-Borrowed. I borrowed it.

-You stupid, selfish cunt!
-Hey! We family.

Yeah, we family!

That's why I gave you
everything I fucking had!

[sighs]

What about my clothes? My shoes?
You sell those, too?

No.

Not your shoes.

How fuckin' stupid can you be?

I'm getting out of prison.

You think I wouldn't need any cash?

You think I wouldn't need clothes?

I'm gonna pay you back for everything,
I swear.

[scoffs]

Yo, if you want, I could
hook you up with Domingo.

You know, get you back on your feet?

Meantime, you know you can crash here
as long as you need.

Come on, we can share the bed.

You know, like old times.

So, when are we gonna make a move

on the water fountains
between B and C dorms?

I mean, if we wait too long,
the Dominicans are gonna grab it.

Also, we need to talk about
where to stand in the yard.

I found this spot over by the dumpsters,

but I know Sankey thinks we should
stand somewhere with more visibility.

Sankey is so driven.

[Angie] I know, right?

-[chuckles]
-[Pennsatucky] Sankey?

-She on construction?
-[Brandy] Yeah.

She's actually a lot like you used to be,
all in charge and stuff,

but also really, um...

charisma.

[Brandy] And she has amazing hair,
like gold.

And she's, like, the funniest person
you've ever met. [chuckles]

[overlapping chatter]

[all laughing]

[Angie] Wait a minute,
did we talk about this?

I used to collect troll dolls...

[Luschek] Hey, schnookums.

-Looking for somethin'?
-Uh, yeah, man.

I'm lookin' for those letters I wrote you.

I'm hopin' to recycle them
into "fuck you" origami.

Oh, you can't fool me.
Origami doesn't have words.

Hi, by the way.

[sighs] Come on, man, just...

don't make this any more humiliating
than it has to be, all right?

My blood sugar's crashing.

I need some sweet relief.

I thought you were sober.

Yeah, well, things change.

Jesus Christ!

I brought you back here
like two minutes ago.

[stammers] What do you mean,
you brought me back up here?

What does that mean?
You had a hand in me comin' up the hill?

[chuckles] Uh, well, not a hand
so much as...

uh, other body parts.

No comprende.

I, uh...

I fucked Judy King.

-The old chef lady?
-Yeah, it was very Harold and Maude.

[scoffs] Except you're 30 and broke.
I mean, has she killed herself yet?

[breathing heavily]

Uh, we are talkin' about, uh,
Judy King, the celebrity, right?

Not some scabby, toothless crack whore
by the same name?

Celebrity chef.
My lover.

And afterwards, uh...

she paid off some fancy lawyer
who called Caputo...

and some other backdoor politics thing
that I don't fully understand.

What'd you do that for?

You in love with me or something?

No. [chuckles]

Uh, you could say "thank you."

For what?

Ruining my life, then un-ruining it?

Why do you think I'm back on this shit?

Well, if I'd never gone to Max...

[laughs] I'd still be sober.

I wouldn't have to crawl back here
searching for crumbs.

Oh, and by the way...

only a shit-for-brains, fucktard alcoholic
falls for a card-carrying lesbo.

[scoffs]

If you... you wanna get high so badly...

admit that it's your fault
that you went back down to Max.

All right? Own your shit.

[laughs] Fine.

It was my fault.

[smacks lips]

Yeah, and we'll revisit this
if you decide to ever get sober again.

Can't wait.

[scoffs] Please.

[shudders]

[sighs]

[scoffs] I didn't ask for weed.

[scoffs] Right.

[sniffs] Thanks.

You're welcome.

Psst!

[whispers] Fuck you.

Hey, it's movie night.
Let's go.

I'm gonna skip it.
I'm too bloated.

We're on the same cycle, dummy.

Come on.

Why you sittin' there like you got a call
from your boyfriend's wife, eh?

I can't tell you.
It's too humiliating.

You pee your pants or something? What?

You know that new guard?

White dude, looks like a mailman?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay. [sniffles]

Yesterday, he took me
into his little house...

[sniffling] and he gave me...

a cup with, um...

[sobbing] With, um...

What?

What did he bring you?

Did he slip you a roofie?

What? Tell me.

[whispers] A mouse.

Like, from the ground? Um...

I don't know.

[sniffles] It was a baby...

[trembling]
And it was small and slippery...

and not like a jelly bean at all, Flaca.

[exclaims]

And when I swallowed it,
I felt its little feet, with toes.

[sobbing]

-Oh, my God.
-[sniffles]

-That's so fucked up.
-[sighs heavily]

That's like some Hannibal Lecter shit.

We gotta tell somebody.

I don't wanna have to tell nobody.

-Please don't tell nobody.
-God damn it!

These guards, they think they can get...

Can do whatever the fuck they want.

[sniffles]

Oh, God, I feel so gross.

No, you're okay.
You're not gross.

-Yeah.
-Come here.

You probably don't even have
the plague or nothing.

[indistinct chatter on headphones]

[woman on headphones]
...never killed nothin' in my life!

Save it for the judge!

Killed this movie.
This movie sucks!

-Can you be quiet, please?
-[inmates murmuring]

Isn't that what you do?
Call and response?

That's a Christian thing.
It ain't a black thing.

-You sure about that, darkie?
-[Alison] Seriously.

-What?
-You're ruining the film.

I thought you didn't even like it.

Well, I love it now.

Is it okay if I stand here?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Do you ever feel like
a person without a country?

[whispers] All the time.

[whispers] Have you seen Nicky?

We invited her, but she's not here.

Piscatella told me to shove
my moral outrage up my ass.

I thought you were gonna stay out
of other people's business.

[inmate coughing]

[clears throat]

[sniffing]

You smell like reefer.

Who the fuck sold to her?

[sniffs]

I, um...

Do...

you...

-Or should I--
-[laughs softly]

Shh.
[chuckles]

Relax.

[Suzanne exhales]

[exhales deeply]

[Maureen] Mmm.
[Suzanne inhales sharply] Oh...

[Maureen chuckles softly]

Do you like that?

[stammers] Yeah.

Describe it.

[breathing heavily]

[stammers] A glow worm.

[Maureen] Mmm.

-[stammers] Glitter dots.
-Mmm.

[Suzanne gasps]

Lightning bolts.

[moans deeply] Oh, more...
More lightning bolts.

[moans] Warm squiggles.

[chuckles] Are you getting close?

Uh, to what?

Uh, climax.

Maybe?

[exhales]

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, sweet troll.

[gasping]

I'm close. I'm close. I'm...

Why'd you stop?

So you know what it feels like to be
abandoned in the middle of the woods.

[Suzanne exhales]

You hurt my feelings, Suzanne.

[softly] What?

[sighs]

News flash, Dorothy was from Kansas,
not Harlem.

[Brook] News flash,
Judy Garland was from Minnesota,

and Diana Ross was from Michigan,
so nobody is from Kansas.

-[Poussey laughs]
-It's a movie.

No one asked you, nigger-lover.

-What did you say?
-[inmate] What the fuck?

Yo, can you shut the fuck up?

Hey, guys!
Quiet down, please.

Okay?

[inmates muttering]

[Janae] Hmm.
Your boo?

She's not only fair-skinned,
but she's fair-weathered.

Yeah, she not my boo.

It's all for show.

It's called appropriation,
black people stealin' white people's art.

I think the black girls and
the white girls are havin' a thing.

No, you dumb cracker.

-Who you callin' a cracker?
-[inmates gasping]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back it up, Nazi.

Or what? You'll tap dance on over here
and beat us up?

[laughing]

Everyone chill out, all right?
It's a movie.

Man, if this escalates, we're screwed.

Remember, the SHU is full.

-Whatever.
-I'm ready.

-You wanna go?
-Shit.

[sighs]

[inmates grumbling]

[Coates] Everybody back to your bunks.

Movie night is over.

[inmate] Oh, man!

It's for your own safety, let's go.

Man, are you kidding me?
They didn't even meet The Wiz!

The titular character!

He's played by Richard Pryor, people!

[laughing]

Bald, white, racist fucking bitches
ruined it for everyone.

Hell, yeah.

[muttering]

You think that's a job?

Like painting pictures
for scenery and stuff?

Sure, why not?

Hey, can I talk to you?

Sure, I'll catch up with you guys later.

Honey.

-You gotta be careful.
-[chuckles]

Ruiz is playing a dangerous game.

It's fine, she's my roommate.

You don't think Al Capone had
a roommate when he was in prison?

Oh, my God. I'm not stupid.
I know she's getting into other stuff.

I'm not gonna get involved in any of that.

You hang out with that crew,
in that salon, you involved.

You wanna rebel against your mother?
That's fine.

That's fine, because I'm the first person
to admit she wasn't perfect,

but that don't mean that you gotta go
and screw up your own life.

I wanna have friends.
I wanna hang out with people my own age,

not people tryin' to be my mom
all the time.

I'll see you around.

Yeah?

I got no place else to go.

[inhales] I already set up the couch.

[sirens wailing faintly]

[breathes deeply]

[baby crying]

-[crying continues]
-[sighs]

-Shh...
-[crying stops]

Come on.

Okay, okay.

[shushing]

Okay.

[baby cooing]

Look!

Sorry, I forgot to set an alarm.

First, you make me meet you in Oneonta,
then you're 45 minutes late?

You know, one of us has an actual job.

Oh, I see.

You think I run a 501c3 out of my bed?

-[sighs]
-I have three employees.

Now, let's see this
Pulitzer-winning photo.

You wrapped it in a T-shirt?

Yeah, it was up a nun's vagina.

You didn't... You didn't rinse it?

Yeah, I sprayed it with Windex,

especially the microchip part
with all the information on it.

Get in touch with Crystal Burset.

She's got an open case against MCC.

Danny, do not mention my name to anyone.

Big J finally joined the Resistance.

I've done no such thing.

In fact, this meeting
never fuckin' happened, okay?

It's a cool shirt. Can I, uh--

No.

Tell Linda the Sea Witch I said hi.

Sorry.

[indistinct chatter]

You think I'm blind?

It's a granola bar.

You heard Piscatella, no food.

I am not gonna stand by
while somebody starves to death.

So give me four shots, or whatever,
make me crawl back to my bunk.

Fuck the shots.

Get up on the table.

Excuse me?

You heard me.
Up there with her.

[laughs]

What do you do when you have
to go to the bathroom?

You go.

Your scent is... strong.

Breathe through your mouth.

[clears throat]

Sir, we, uh, got a situation here.

I have a situation myself.

You're gonna have to hold down
the fort, big man. Out.

I'm sorry, what snag?

Oh, we wanted to run the sewer line
straight out to the street,

but there's a massive shelf of bedrock
sittin' in the way.

So, what does that mean?

Well, we could dynamite the whole thing.

Or we could run the line
the other way around

and connect it to the outtake over here.

Of course, that means going straight
through the garden and the greenhouse,

which we've been tryin' to avoid.

What did Caputo say?

He hasn't picked up his phone all morning.

Okay.

All right, I'm calling it, then.

No more garden and greenhouse.

Do it.

[sighs]

Hold up! Hold up!
There's something there!

Oh, this ain't gonna be pretty.

[coughs]

[exclaims]

[vomits]

[coughing]

[upbeat music playing]