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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,935 Please enjoy the music while your party is reached. 2 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,322 - Hello? - So what do you think? 3 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,574 - About what? - About tomorrow. 4 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,201 It's our first day of high school. 5 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,746 If we want to be popular, we just have to be proactive. 6 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,665 Calm your proactive ass down. 7 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:43,168 Saying you want to be popular guarantees it isn't gonna happen. 8 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,838 I'm gonna get a girlfriend. You think that's possible? 9 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,923 Anything's possible, Wade. 10 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,049 Just don't be needy. 11 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,635 You got to let it come to you. And one more thing. 12 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:55,180 From now on, I don't want you calling me Ryan. 13 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,308 Call me T-Dog. 14 00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,727 - T-Dog? - Yep. 15 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,064 - What does the "T" stand for? - I don't know. 16 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,233 - But it sounds better than R-Dog. - Yeah. 17 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,944 You know, like, if a hot girl went up to you, and she goes, 18 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:13,115 "Hey, have you met T-Dog? Man, did you see what T-Dog did today? 19 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,784 "Man, that T-Dog is crazy!" 20 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,453 That sounds like a guy every woman would want to know. 21 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:22,499 - Hey, do I need a nickname? - You have one. Skeletor. 22 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,502 That was last year. I look good now. I'm filling out. 23 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,963 All right, name one part of your body that filled out, Wade. 24 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,591 Name one part of your body that isn't filled out, huh? 25 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,134 I'm not trying to offend you. 26 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,720 I'm just saying you shot up too fast and you're freakishly skinny. 27 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,097 Oh, yeah? Well, you're too fat and that's equally unattractive. 28 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,974 - You wanna go there? - I'm sorry. 29 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:41,852 It's just, I want things to go well, you know? 30 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,563 - Sorry I said you're freakishly skinny. - It's okay. 31 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,023 You just are. 32 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:49,318 Hey, go to sleep! It's 3:00 in the morning! 33 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,444 - What are you, crazy? - Sorry. 34 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,528 - Is that your stepdad? - No one. 35 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:52,613 - Give me that phone! Give it! - It's... 36 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,199 You're in high school now. Don't take his... 37 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:56,575 Go to sleep. 38 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,829 How about some chicks on the walls in here? 39 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,873 It's like a nerd paradise. 40 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:31,026 Time to make the donuts. 41 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:35,864 Hoo-rah! 42 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,035 Touchdown! 43 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,038 We won! We won the game! And Wade loses again! 44 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,082 - Get out of my room! - Dad said get up. 45 00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,667 He's not my dad. He's your dad. 46 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,752 Fine, the guy who does your mom says get up. 47 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,712 - Just leave! - Loser! 48 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,678 Morning, sunshine. First day of school. 49 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,138 - Mom! - Oh, my God! 50 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,057 Since when did you start sleeping naked? 51 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,893 I'm in high school now, don't you remember? 52 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,896 I don't like elastic squeezing on my ass when I sleep! 53 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,022 Okay. 54 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,110 Hey! What are you doing in this shower? 55 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,363 Dawn? Rachel, that's right. Nice to see you. 56 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:19,741 Put your hands up Put your hands up 57 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,536 I'm the best white rapper you've ever seen 58 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:26,373 A hair! 59 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,591 - Oh, my God! - Look at that. 60 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,342 Thank you, ladies! 61 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,474 What's up, winners? You stoked? Pedal to the metal? 62 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,601 - Yeah. - Yeah. 63 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,643 All right. Who's a winner? 64 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,728 - I am! - I am! 65 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:48,854 Morning! 66 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,774 - Look at you, with your magic stick. - What do you think? 67 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,443 Magic is stupid. 68 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,778 No, no, honey. 69 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,238 - Mom! - What? 70 00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:00,073 You forgot the sausages! 71 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,119 - I'll get the sausages. - Come on. I'm hungry. 72 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:05,871 All right, I'll get the sausages. 73 00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,790 Excuse me, listen, I'm really sorry to bother you. 74 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,501 My family and I, we just ran out of gas 75 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,961 and we're trying to get to the kids to SeaWorld. 76 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,672 And, I, like an idiot forgot my wallet. If I can just... 77 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,217 - Your legs work okay? - Yeah, why? 78 00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:20,427 You should walk somewhere and get a job. 79 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,179 - Harold... - I'll take care of it. 80 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,889 That's what I have, a job. 81 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,058 We'll get to SeaWorld one way or the other. 82 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,520 We're on our way to church. Maybe that's where you ought to go. 83 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,522 Thank you. Have a great day. 84 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,815 - Can you help out a veteran? - Not today. 85 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,901 - Get away from the car. - Honey, roll up the window. 86 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,069 Get away! 87 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,904 - What's your name? - Drillbit. 88 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,864 Listen, Drillbit, I wasn't born yesterday. 89 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:45,118 I don't want you using this on any marijuana or rye whiskey, okay? 90 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,788 - You got my word on it. - You know what? 91 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,792 - I'm gonna write "not for pot" on there. - You don't have to write. 92 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,002 Yeah. "Not for pot." 93 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,047 You're gonna feel pretty silly if you try to buy weed with that, won't you? 94 00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,842 Remember, put your best foot forward. 95 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,886 People decide what they think about you in the first five seconds. 96 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,347 So, let me smell your breath. 97 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,431 Minty. 98 00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,475 - You swipe on some deodorant? - Yeah. 99 00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:13,188 - You dust the nuts? - No, Jim. I did not dust my nuts. 100 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,023 I'll never get tired of that one, Dad. 101 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:17,192 You know, you should hit the weights with the boys and me. 102 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,403 - I'll pass. - We'll get you in the gym. 103 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,531 We'll beef you up. Look at these guys. Show them. Give him a gun shot. 104 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,199 Give him a crab. 105 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,785 Worship the sun. 106 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,538 - Yeah, look at these guys. - They're freaks. 107 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,582 Not in my house! 108 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,834 - Have a great day. - Okay, I love you, Dad. 109 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:37,045 I love you, too. Have fun at school, Ryan. Bye. 110 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:44,595 - So what'd your dad say? - He told me to have fun. 111 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,013 Wow, great parenting. 112 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,515 I don't know how we're surviving without him. 113 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,767 - Sorry. - It's okay. 114 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:54,396 - He's a piece of shit, anyway. - Thank you, honey. 115 00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,277 - Enchanté. - Hello. 116 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,947 You got room for two in this little speedster? 117 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:07,701 I am in a rush now. But I hostess up at Moon Shadows on the one. 118 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,329 So if you get up there just, you know, ask for me. I'm Jessica. 119 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,372 - Thanks, Jessica. - Yeah. 120 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,374 'Cause our chef, Louis, always makes too much chowder. 121 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,503 So he'll set you up with a nice plastic bowl of it out back. 122 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,342 - You're late today. - Hey, get a job! 123 00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,803 - You get a job. - I already got one, giving money to you. 124 00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:29,264 - How're you doing, Mrs. Lampanelli? - All right. 125 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:33,060 - You look beautiful today. - You're a liar. But it works for me. 126 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:34,937 - Go on, get out of here, you nut! - You earned it. 127 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,606 And don't spend it on food. Porn only! 128 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,113 First day of high school. 129 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:48,825 - It's kind of scary. - Yeah, it sucks taking the bus. 130 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:53,330 Sure, last year we were the oldest so we got to sit in the back of the bus, 131 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,334 but now we'll probably have to sit in the front with the losers. 132 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,462 We'll be all right. 133 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:04,967 You have to have a proactive attitude if you wanna be popular in high school. 134 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:08,595 People decide what they think of you in the first five seconds. 135 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185 I think you're a dork. 136 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,397 Oh, Wade. 137 00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:19,940 - Oh, no. - This is uncool. 138 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,859 We can't start high school like this. 139 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:24,319 You got to be shitting me. Come on. 140 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,572 - Please, am I dreaming here? - No. 141 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,824 We're never allowed to buy the same shirt again! 142 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,450 Whoever sees it first gets to buy it. 143 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,161 You guys should wear red ribbons in your hair, too. 144 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,289 See? We both look like dorks. Go change. 145 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,749 No! I'm the one who was planning on wearing this. 146 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:41,461 Wade, I run the mile in 21 minutes! 147 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,173 How fast do you think I can go? 148 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,218 - Go! Hurry! - I'm going! 149 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,639 Wade, bus! 150 00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:54,766 - Perfect! - Come on! 151 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,187 What a way to start high school, huh? 152 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,276 Let me guess. Two-for-one sale at Hot Topic? 153 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,862 - Losers! - Dorks! 154 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,322 We're dead. 155 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:18,207 First day of our high school careers. 156 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:23,545 All right, let's light this fuse and see what happens. 157 00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:25,631 - Let's go, man. - All right. 158 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,176 Are you guys part of a bowling team? 159 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,727 Last one. 160 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,854 Hey, at least it'll be easy to find each other. 161 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,899 Yeah. I'll just look for the kid with the same shirt. 162 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,573 - Come on! - No, you have to spin it a few times first 163 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:52,950 to get it to work. 164 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:56,787 Thank you. 165 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,585 No, wait! Wait! 166 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,046 - What are you guys doing? Guys! - Now, shut it. Move! 167 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,506 - No, thanks. - Guys! 168 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,174 - Get out of the way! - Man! 169 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,677 - Here we go. - But that... That's not for me. 170 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,262 - That's for my books! - Okay, here we go. 171 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,346 - In there. - I am not a book! 172 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,181 - Get in there! - This is bad. 173 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,934 - This isn't my locker! Please! - No, this is good. 174 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,144 At least we know we're not the biggest dorks in school. 175 00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:22,771 - Please, please, please! - Maybe we should say something. 176 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,147 It's survival of the fittest. 177 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,608 I've got to say something. I got to. I have to. 178 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,611 Say something? It's hilarious. The kid fits in the locker. Come on. 179 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,280 - That's not funny. - Somebody, help! 180 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,698 This is the dumbest thing I've ever done. 181 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,033 - Help! Please! - Stop! 182 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:47,713 - I mean, you don't have to, but... - Harry Potter. 183 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,632 You need to keep your big mouth shut. 184 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:53,385 Yeah, that's what I've been trying to tell him. 185 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,557 - Hey! - Run! Everybody run! It's not safe here! 186 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,602 Hey, check this out. Matching shirt geeks. 187 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:02,853 Oh, my God. 188 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,980 Yo, Ron, these bitches really wanna wear the same shirt. 189 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,398 Let's make them wear the same shirt, huh? 190 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,275 Sounds good. Yeah. 191 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:12,654 The fat one here, the skinny one there, and just let go. 192 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,116 There. 193 00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,494 You better keep that shit on, 194 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,747 'cause if I see you trying to take it off, you're dead. 195 00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:24,124 And you know what happens if one of you dies? Both of you dies. 196 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,752 'Cause you're Siamese queers, bitches! 197 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:34,927 That's very cute. 198 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:38,013 You look like those Velcro monkeys who hug each other. 199 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,975 How was school, Wade? 200 00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:44,645 We made so many friends, I can't even remember all their names. 201 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,564 - Great! You got to be in it to win it. - I am in it! 202 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:48,649 Great. 203 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:50,651 Yeah! 204 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,029 - Yeah. - So school went well, huh? 205 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,740 Oh, it was great. It couldn't have gone better. 206 00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,160 It was the shirt, right? I'll have to get you more of those. 207 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,122 Hey! What are you doing? That's my stuff! 208 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,290 This is city property. 209 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,251 Nobody's supposed to be camping out here. 210 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:08,961 Your stuff's in the dumpster around the corner. 211 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:13,048 That's where I eat! You don't put a man's belongings where he eats! 212 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,718 - My taxes pay for your salary. - You don't pay taxes. 213 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:19,429 - You don't even have a job. - What else you wanna remind me of? 214 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:23,267 That I don't have good health care? That I don't belong to a good gym? 215 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:27,187 Where's the compassion? Protect and serve. That's what it says. 216 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,106 - Compassion? - Yeah, compassion. 217 00:11:29,231 --> 00:11:31,275 You wanna know what I have compassion for? 218 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,654 The homeless who are mentally ill, the homeless who are drug-addicted. 219 00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,739 Buddy, you're just a jackass. 220 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:40,701 Oh, guy hits a little bit of bump in the road and he's a jackass? 221 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,579 Maybe I should go smoke some crack and get your sympathy. 222 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:46,123 - Go back to the Village People! - Back up! 223 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,249 Damn! 224 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:52,087 All right, today is the first day of our high school careers. 225 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,922 Yes, it is. 226 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,015 There she is. 227 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,767 That's the girl who came up to me at my locker. 228 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:11,273 - Well, make your move. - What move? I don't have a move. 229 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:25,621 All right, thanks for signing up. 230 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:30,125 How're you doing? 231 00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:32,169 Is this your first time signing up for the Heritage Club? 232 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,297 - Yeah, it is. Okay, bye. - Bye. 233 00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:41,386 What'd you sign up for? 234 00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:45,974 - Photography and Asian Heritage. - Asian Heritage, huh? 235 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,601 - I like your commitment. - Yeah. 236 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,229 - I like it a lot. - Hey, buddies! Remember me? 237 00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,899 - Hi. - Oh, Jesus H. 238 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:55,484 Oh, God. 239 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,988 Guys, why aren't you wearing them? 240 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:03,325 - Why are you talking to us? - I just wanted to say thank you 241 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,035 for helping me out yesterday and all. 242 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,663 You guys are definitely the type of people I'm gonna want to hang out with. 243 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,998 - Yeah. - Hi, I'm Emmit Oosterhaus, by the way. 244 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,251 - Hi. - Wade. That's T-Dog. 245 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:15,379 T-Dog? Dude, that's a really cool nickname. 246 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,631 Hey, can you guys give me a nickname? 247 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,758 We need to ditch this guy. He's like a stray cat. 248 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,635 Once you feed him, he'll never go away, okay? 249 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,428 Hey, no secrets, T-Dog. 250 00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:24,763 I'm off to U.S. History. 251 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,014 - U.S. History. - Hey, look! 252 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,725 The Siamese queers had a baby. 253 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,978 I guess that makes them triplets, now doesn't it? 254 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,897 Well, actually, we still wouldn't be triplets, see. 255 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,567 You see, they'd be my parents, and I'd be the baby. 256 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:37,818 Don't get smart with me. 257 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,697 I said you're triplets and I think that you guys need to get into his shirt 258 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,574 - and be triplets. - We can do that. 259 00:13:43,699 --> 00:13:46,285 You know what? Emmit, shut up. 260 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,371 Look, you really have to do this crap, guys? 261 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,332 Come on, give us a break. It's the second day of school. 262 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,751 Hey, I like this kid. Yeah. 263 00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,921 Double Stuf's got an attitude. 264 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:04,136 Yeah. We have to do this shit because it's hilarious. 265 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,222 This school is boring. 266 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,142 Watching you freak out amuses me. 267 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:14,855 And, yeah, it's just the second day of school. So guess what? 268 00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:20,277 It's gonna keep coming and coming and coming! 269 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,116 Party time! 270 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,244 - Stop peeing on me! - Wait! Wait! No! 271 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,085 He pissed himself. What a loser. 272 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:48,555 Help. 273 00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:51,517 Help me! 274 00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:57,606 - Is that Mario Lopez, dude? - Whoever he is, he's cute! 275 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,070 Take his pants off! Pants off! 276 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:24,299 - Up, down, up... - Write your name! 277 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,976 No! Please, don't! No! Don't! 278 00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:41,650 Bernie? 279 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,406 - Come on, give me one match, here. - That's funny. 280 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:48,866 - All I need is one. - Yeah, I like it. 281 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,451 - Will you just give up? - Damn it! Look at that. 282 00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:55,205 God, I can't even get one card! Not one thing! 283 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:58,584 State of California just robbed me, Don. You saw it. 284 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:04,047 You'd think... Where's my quarter? Did you see my... 285 00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:06,008 - You're always looking at me. - Is the pill bottle... I forget, 286 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:09,344 - is that the castle or is that a rook? - Don, did you just take my quarter? 287 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,889 No, I didn't take your quarter, Drillbit. 288 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,974 Not my fault you can't keep track of your finances. 289 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:16,393 I don't know why you're spending all your money on this dumb stuff, anyway. 290 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,146 You're unbelievable. I got to get out of here. 291 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,523 You know, I can't take this anymore, man. 292 00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:24,318 Rich people don't like us, 293 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,028 and the tourists are scared of us. 294 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,655 - When they see Bernie, they're terrified. - Terrified. 295 00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:31,450 They're not scared of me, I'm sexy. 296 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,160 - Sanitizer? - Yeah. 297 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,204 Yeah. Thanks, man. 298 00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:39,541 I just get... I'm like a bird. I just wanna fly north. I want to... 299 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,544 I'd like to go to Canada. 300 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,588 What was it last year? I think it was, 301 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,507 - "I was gonna go to Iceland." - Reykjavík. 302 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:47,591 - No, no. - Where's that? 303 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:50,636 Yeah, but the thing about Canada, if you go high enough north... 304 00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,221 - That's right. ...the government pays you 305 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,764 - to take the land. - That's the truth. 306 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:56,517 Yeah. Lookit, man, the beer's twice as strong. 307 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,394 They don't lock the doors, that should appeal to a man like you. 308 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,730 And what about a British Columbian girl? 309 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,066 Does that sound like a pretty potent mix? 310 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,276 Yeah, that's not too bad. I kind of like that. 311 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:07,861 Okay, now, man, check this out. 312 00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:10,864 One-way flight to Canada, $287. 313 00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:13,325 You got to throw in 50 bucks for bribing, what're they called, 314 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,244 - the Federales, the... - Mounties. 315 00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:16,954 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Mounties. 316 00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:20,707 Another... I want a good winter jacket, 80 bucks. 317 00:17:20,791 --> 00:17:25,587 So we're talking $387 and it's a new life for your old hombre, Drillbit. 318 00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:28,423 I dig it, man. Follow the dream. Chase that thing. 319 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:30,300 How you gonna come up with that kind of money, though? 320 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,552 Get a job. 321 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:34,137 I was an Army Ranger. There are a lot of people dying for that. 322 00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,932 Watch this kid play Hendrix. He really jams. Look at him. 323 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,517 Oh, yeah, there he goes. 324 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:40,644 Yeah, I like how he looks a little bit like Hendrix. 325 00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:45,065 Yeah! I'm gonna give him a buck. 326 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,985 - I'll give him a couple bucks. - A buck? Give him a compliment, man! 327 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,069 Give me a buck! 328 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,838 Why is he in my house? 329 00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:11,008 Are we trying to attract after-school bullies? 330 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,468 I'm here because Wade invited me to be here. 331 00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:15,637 Because I'm your friend now. 332 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:19,808 This fantasy land you live in, Emmit, are there rides? 333 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,519 Stop picking on him, all right? This is our guy. 334 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,104 I don't want him to be our guy. 335 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:28,025 Well, the good news is, I think I found a solution to our problems. 336 00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:30,861 - Kill Emmit? - No, bear with me. 337 00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,697 This might sound stupid, but I was on the Internet last night 338 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:37,701 and there's a bunch of sites where we can hire a professional bodyguard. 339 00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:41,288 - What do you mean by bodyguard? - Like he beats up kids that bother us. 340 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:45,334 A bodyguard? Wade, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. 341 00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,669 We should just be men and fight these kids! 342 00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:49,087 Are you serious? 343 00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:53,217 Of course not. I've never been in a fight. 344 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,887 Have you seen those high school fights on YouTube? 345 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,514 Kids are brutal. 346 00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:03,810 He gave us an earthquake when we were peeing in the urinal. 347 00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:04,895 He shoved me in a locker. 348 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,732 And he put my head in his shirt and called us Siamese queers. 349 00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,029 How's that funny? 350 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,907 It's not funny. It's just, it's rare that, 351 00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:18,784 you know, kids say things that surprise me. 352 00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,787 Siamese queers. I'd never heard that one. 353 00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:28,001 - What would you like me to do? - We really just want it to stop. 354 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,338 So are they pretty much free to say whatever they want? 355 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,715 Or am I allowed to defend myself? 356 00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:38,053 Oh, no. Principal Doppler, I thought this was gonna be anonymous. 357 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:42,349 In this country, we give the accused the chance to face his accusers. 358 00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,934 Terry, come over here for a second, will you? 359 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:46,812 Now we've known each other for... Yeah, have a seat. 360 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:50,148 - What's your take on this? - Hey, guys, hey. How's it going? 361 00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:53,318 Be polite! There you go. 362 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:54,862 - Wade. - Hi. 363 00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:57,072 Hey, T-Dog. Give me a pound. 364 00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:01,285 Yeah. Principal Doppler, sir, I was really excited 365 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:04,413 about starting this new school year. I'm not gonna lie. 366 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:08,375 Who knows? I, maybe, was hazing them a little bit, 367 00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:10,878 but I'm sorry. 368 00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,255 I really am. 369 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,300 You know, I appreciate you taking responsibility. It's refreshing. 370 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,594 - He doesn't mean it! - We need to call his parents in. 371 00:20:18,719 --> 00:20:20,971 - Now. - He doesn't have any parents. 372 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,057 Well, not in this country, anyway. They live in Hong Kong. 373 00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:26,935 - He's an emancipated minor. - What does that mean? 374 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,313 It means he's legally an adult. 375 00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,440 He answers to no one. 376 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,276 He's above the law. 377 00:20:35,986 --> 00:20:37,905 - What a nightmare, huh? - Yeah. 378 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:40,741 Oh, crap. 379 00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:43,035 Oh, no. 380 00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:45,704 - Run. - Go! Go! 381 00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,791 - Run! Go, go! - Hurry. 382 00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:51,502 Wait for me! 383 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,687 Go, go! 384 00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,486 - Do you think he sees us? - No. 385 00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,333 Open the door! Open the door! 386 00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,543 What do they want? 387 00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:35,087 Just keep driving, Mom. It's none of our business. 388 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,428 Let's go, let's go! 389 00:22:02,573 --> 00:22:05,576 Have you guys lost your mind? Come on, let's go! 390 00:22:06,285 --> 00:22:07,619 Go, go, come on! 391 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:13,000 - Come on. - Oh, no! 392 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:15,544 - Run! Run! - Go! 393 00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:18,213 Get them, baby! 394 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,802 There! The garage! 395 00:22:46,992 --> 00:22:48,535 You gonna rat on me, boys? 396 00:22:48,619 --> 00:22:51,413 Try to get my parents involved in this situation? 397 00:22:52,122 --> 00:22:56,001 Now I have to make it my mission to destroy you punks! 398 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:59,505 Hey! You kids get the hell off my property! 399 00:22:59,630 --> 00:23:02,758 I'm gonna give you three seconds, then I'm getting my shotgun! 400 00:23:02,883 --> 00:23:05,010 - No! - You better get out of here right now! 401 00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:07,387 - Please don't! - No! Please! 402 00:23:08,305 --> 00:23:10,766 One! Two! Three! 403 00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:17,981 - Go! Go! - And stay out, you gang bangers! 404 00:23:29,243 --> 00:23:31,286 Charles, chai latte up. 405 00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:34,873 - Hey! Get off my computer! - Keep your shirt on. 406 00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:35,958 Come on. 407 00:23:38,252 --> 00:23:40,546 If this doesn't work, I'm gonna kick your ass. 408 00:23:40,671 --> 00:23:43,215 When it works, you're going to kiss my ass. 409 00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:46,385 How are we gonna know which one's the bodyguard? 410 00:23:57,563 --> 00:23:59,773 Have you ever done this kind of thing before? 411 00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:02,442 I worked for the hardest gangstas in the world. 412 00:24:02,526 --> 00:24:04,611 Kee Lo-Lo, Chenobee. 413 00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:08,156 Hell, I still work for Tupac, even though he dead. 414 00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:12,578 I am Israeli Military Secret Service Antiterrorist Squad. 415 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:16,665 So when I kill this kid, do you want me to do it quickly, 416 00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:19,293 - or do you want him to suffer? - Suffer. 417 00:24:21,295 --> 00:24:23,463 If you hire Tiger's Protection Services, 418 00:24:23,547 --> 00:24:25,424 not only do you get the Tiger, 419 00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:28,552 but you get the protection of his entire pride. 420 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:32,139 Do you like hip-hop? 421 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,849 What the hell you implying I like hip-hop for? 422 00:24:33,974 --> 00:24:36,643 'Cause I'm dressed this way? I like country. You like country? 423 00:24:36,727 --> 00:24:39,897 That's the kind of music I like. Alabama. Gimme some of that. 424 00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:43,192 Some Brooks and Dunn. The Dixie Chicks, bitch. 425 00:24:46,111 --> 00:24:48,405 Kids hiring a bodyguard to take care of a bully? 426 00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:50,032 Stupidest thing I ever heard. 427 00:24:50,157 --> 00:24:53,660 Back in my day, if a kid was getting beat up, it was called childhood. 428 00:24:53,744 --> 00:24:56,872 Pick somebody, anybody. I'll go beat their ass 429 00:24:56,955 --> 00:25:01,043 right here, right now, and then you can ask them for a goddamned reference. 430 00:25:02,085 --> 00:25:03,378 How about you, lady? 431 00:25:03,462 --> 00:25:06,673 I'll kick your ass right now! Close. Closed. 432 00:25:07,758 --> 00:25:09,968 - Yeah! - This is very disturbing. 433 00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,221 You want an ass kicking? 434 00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:21,188 What do you do when you're not body guarding? 435 00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:23,524 I work at Raging Waters. 436 00:25:23,607 --> 00:25:27,903 I sense great hesitation. Wait one moment. Excuse me. 437 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,155 I'm going to borrow this. 438 00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:33,492 - Please don't do that. - Oh, God damn! 439 00:25:35,118 --> 00:25:37,496 - $2,100 a week. - $10,000 a week. 440 00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:40,666 We're hoping you'd say, like, around $100. 441 00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:44,211 - Not interested. - I hate kids like you. 442 00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:46,922 I can't help you. No one can help you! 443 00:25:54,054 --> 00:25:56,932 - Susan, your double espresso's up. - I'm Susan. 444 00:26:11,822 --> 00:26:13,448 I'm Drillbit Taylor. 445 00:26:18,954 --> 00:26:23,333 U.S. Army Ranger, black ops operative, decorated marksman, 446 00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:27,379 - improvised weapons expert. - Are you still in the military? 447 00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:30,632 I was discharged. Unauthorized heroism. 448 00:26:33,844 --> 00:26:37,806 Yeah. They call it an army of one in the ads, but they don't mean it. 449 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,061 Unless they mean the whole army working together as one. 450 00:26:43,187 --> 00:26:45,522 But they certainly don't want one man out there kicking ass 451 00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:48,775 like an army of one, which is the way I took it. 452 00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:52,863 As a bodyguard I protected three Vice Presidents, 453 00:26:53,739 --> 00:26:57,326 Bobby Brown, Sylvester Stallone... Not as tough as he looks. 454 00:26:58,035 --> 00:27:00,662 So what's the story? Who do you guys need protection from? 455 00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:04,082 It should be easy for you. Just a high school bully. 456 00:27:04,208 --> 00:27:07,002 Yeah. Run into a few of those in my life. 457 00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:11,465 - What'd you do to provoke him? - Well, he's fat, and he's a dork, 458 00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:13,926 - and I'm awesome. - Shut up, Wade. 459 00:27:14,051 --> 00:27:17,179 By "awesome" do you mean scared, skinny and lonely? 460 00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:19,806 Yeah. 461 00:27:21,141 --> 00:27:22,100 Yeah. 462 00:27:22,893 --> 00:27:27,105 - So how do we know you're legit? - Come here. Go on, come here. 463 00:27:27,231 --> 00:27:28,899 I'm not gonna bite. 464 00:27:31,485 --> 00:27:33,403 I want you to look at my eyes. 465 00:27:34,238 --> 00:27:35,823 Take a good look. 466 00:27:37,282 --> 00:27:41,203 Come here! What do you see? You looking? 467 00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:46,250 - What the hell have you seen? - You want some? 468 00:27:47,417 --> 00:27:51,463 These eyes have seen unspeakable horror. 469 00:27:52,756 --> 00:27:54,049 That's my evidence. 470 00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:58,804 That's how you know if a guy's legit. You need some evidence, too? 471 00:27:59,221 --> 00:28:01,181 I've seen things you wouldn't believe. 472 00:28:01,265 --> 00:28:04,852 I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. 473 00:28:05,394 --> 00:28:07,312 Isn't that Blade Runner? 474 00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:10,649 Look closely 'cause it's all in there. 475 00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:13,986 Boo! 476 00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:20,701 So, how much do you charge? 477 00:28:21,118 --> 00:28:24,496 $387 a week. 478 00:28:25,622 --> 00:28:27,249 - One second. - I say yes. 479 00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:29,251 I'm not even sure if I'm available. 480 00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:31,753 - He's good. - No! No! He's weird. 481 00:28:31,837 --> 00:28:34,423 You know, we might be able to work up to that. 482 00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:37,134 But right now, we've only got $83. 483 00:28:39,970 --> 00:28:43,765 Okay, well, give me that now and we'll figure out the rest later. 484 00:28:46,518 --> 00:28:48,395 You know what this is? 485 00:28:49,354 --> 00:28:50,772 It's a wing. 486 00:28:51,648 --> 00:28:55,903 And you're under it. All three of you, right there. 487 00:28:56,486 --> 00:28:57,988 Okay, here's the mission plan. 488 00:28:58,071 --> 00:29:02,284 Using my expertise at stealthy and covert ops, I'll infiltrate the school 489 00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:06,205 where I will watch over you like the Lord almighty himself. 490 00:29:06,330 --> 00:29:07,956 Careful. 491 00:29:08,957 --> 00:29:11,210 Like the good Lord, I'm gonna use some mysterious ways, 492 00:29:11,335 --> 00:29:13,795 so you're not always gonna see me, but I'll be there. 493 00:29:13,879 --> 00:29:15,547 Especially when you don't see me. 494 00:29:15,672 --> 00:29:17,549 But first, I'm gonna need some supplies. 495 00:29:17,674 --> 00:29:19,301 - I want to go in and get... - Like nunchucks? 496 00:29:19,426 --> 00:29:20,385 Maybe. 497 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:23,347 But a lot of stuff, I'll just get from just what's laying around the house. 498 00:29:23,472 --> 00:29:24,431 You'd be surprised. 499 00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:27,476 Anything can be turned into a weapon of mayhem or destruction. 500 00:29:27,559 --> 00:29:29,853 - Even a puppy? - Especially a puppy. 501 00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:34,316 Germans used them in World War I. Da Hunden Stormen. Lightning Dog. 502 00:29:35,526 --> 00:29:38,779 They'd attach dynamite to them. Rommel did it. Jerry bastard. 503 00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:42,115 - Now, listen. One thing that... - This is my house. 504 00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:43,826 Wow. 505 00:29:43,909 --> 00:29:48,997 - We can go in. Nobody's home. - Let's hit it. Deploy, soldiers. 506 00:29:49,081 --> 00:29:52,960 - Soldiers? Cool. You hear that, T-Dog? - Beeline, front door! Single file! 507 00:29:53,043 --> 00:29:54,294 Officers first! 508 00:29:57,256 --> 00:30:00,259 You, get me a bowl of cereal. Go on. Scram. 509 00:30:09,643 --> 00:30:12,479 - Okay, this I'm gonna need. Right here. - What for? 510 00:30:12,563 --> 00:30:14,273 You take that, my mom'll rip my head off! 511 00:30:14,398 --> 00:30:16,024 At ease, Casper! 512 00:30:16,233 --> 00:30:20,028 Okay. Observe its momentary reflective blinding capabilities. 513 00:30:20,612 --> 00:30:23,615 Bang! You're defenseless. 514 00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:26,034 Silver alloy, one of the strongest ever constructed. 515 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,163 Probably stop an armor-piercing bullet at point-blank range. 516 00:30:29,246 --> 00:30:31,707 You don't really think it could come to that. 517 00:30:31,790 --> 00:30:32,916 You tell me. 518 00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:36,670 Filkins is a whack job. He almost ran over us with his car! 519 00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:40,716 - He's a menace. - Yeah, I was my dad's favorite, too. 520 00:30:40,799 --> 00:30:42,926 He once cut a kid's arm off with a samurai sword. 521 00:30:43,051 --> 00:30:44,845 - Bladed weaponry? - Yeah. 522 00:30:45,220 --> 00:30:48,724 Okay. I'm not gonna take any chances. You're now on orange alert. 523 00:30:49,474 --> 00:30:52,644 Okay, now this will be good for video surveillance. 524 00:30:53,103 --> 00:30:54,438 This is good. 525 00:30:54,563 --> 00:30:56,940 You take the guts out of this and use it for wiretapping. 526 00:30:57,065 --> 00:31:00,527 I think we can use this as a... I don't know, as a timekeeping device. 527 00:31:00,652 --> 00:31:02,488 I think I'll wear it on my wrist, possibly. 528 00:31:02,613 --> 00:31:04,823 You think you might need this? 529 00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:08,702 This piece of crap's not worth anything. 530 00:31:09,286 --> 00:31:11,330 As a weapon. It's too obvious. 531 00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:13,665 Testing, one, two. Mister Taylor? 532 00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:16,376 - Testing, one, two. - Can you come back now? 533 00:31:16,460 --> 00:31:18,795 Guys, you got to go far back! I can hear you! 534 00:31:18,921 --> 00:31:21,590 Testing, testing, one, two. Can you hear me now? 535 00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:25,052 - They work pretty good. - These are great. 536 00:31:25,135 --> 00:31:26,136 - Yeah. - These are invaluable. 537 00:31:26,261 --> 00:31:27,471 - They get a little staticky, though... - Yeah. 538 00:31:27,596 --> 00:31:29,097 ...I think, some places in the house. 539 00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:30,432 Why you need all this stuff for? 540 00:31:30,599 --> 00:31:32,267 I thought we were gonna give Filkins a beat down. 541 00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:33,477 I am gonna beat him down, 542 00:31:33,602 --> 00:31:35,854 but sometimes after that first beat down, 543 00:31:35,979 --> 00:31:37,856 then they get a little, you know... They want a little payback. 544 00:31:37,981 --> 00:31:40,442 I'm home! Who wants grilled-cheese sandwiches? 545 00:31:40,526 --> 00:31:41,902 - Go! Go! Mom! Mom! - Okay. 546 00:31:41,985 --> 00:31:44,071 - Exit! Exit! - Go, out the back, out the back, go. 547 00:31:44,154 --> 00:31:45,697 Just 'cause you don't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. 548 00:31:45,823 --> 00:31:49,451 - Shut the door. - Act natural. Hey, Mom. 549 00:31:49,576 --> 00:31:51,036 - Hey, Barbara, how you doing? - Hi, boys. 550 00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:52,746 - Who's your new little friend? Hi. - Hi. 551 00:31:52,830 --> 00:31:54,456 - Hi. Emmit Oosterhaus. - Hi, Emmit Oosterhaus. 552 00:31:54,581 --> 00:31:56,333 - He's not our friend. - Yeah, he is. 553 00:31:56,458 --> 00:31:57,501 He's like our hamster. 554 00:31:57,626 --> 00:31:59,294 Smell like something? 555 00:32:01,004 --> 00:32:03,799 - Ryan? You washing? - Yeah. You? 556 00:32:05,217 --> 00:32:07,094 It's a funny smell. It's all right. Grilled-cheese sandwiches. 557 00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:10,514 Hey, come on! Buzz us in! 558 00:32:11,557 --> 00:32:12,724 You're gonna wanna see this! 559 00:32:12,850 --> 00:32:13,976 Big money coming in! 560 00:32:14,101 --> 00:32:16,520 This ain't a bunch of aluminum cans here. 561 00:32:16,645 --> 00:32:17,813 Where do you want it? Priceless treasures. 562 00:32:17,896 --> 00:32:19,231 Go set them down there. 563 00:32:19,815 --> 00:32:21,900 So you don't think those kids are gonna miss this stuff? 564 00:32:22,025 --> 00:32:23,902 No. They got two of everything. 565 00:32:24,027 --> 00:32:27,906 They got the iPod, the iPod Nano. And I don't care if they do, 566 00:32:28,031 --> 00:32:31,326 'cause after this little transaction, 567 00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:34,830 well, the old Drillbit's taking his act to the Great White North. 568 00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:37,082 - What? - Yeah, I'm going to Canada. 569 00:32:37,207 --> 00:32:39,668 Well, that's stupid. You're gonna cut out now? 570 00:32:39,793 --> 00:32:43,005 - I'm going... - These kids are a cash cow, Drillbit. 571 00:32:43,088 --> 00:32:45,299 You need to hang in there. You don't cut and run. 572 00:32:45,382 --> 00:32:47,676 You got to get in there and milk this. 573 00:32:47,759 --> 00:32:49,178 Okay, come on back. 574 00:32:49,511 --> 00:32:53,974 All right, I'll tell you what. I give you $125 for the whole lot. 575 00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:55,100 What? 576 00:32:55,225 --> 00:32:57,978 I just heard you say you took it from some kids. 577 00:32:58,061 --> 00:33:00,355 So? Don't get all righteous on me. 578 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,192 Half this store you guys got from crackheads and thieves. 579 00:33:03,275 --> 00:33:05,444 Hey. Who the hell do you think you are, man? 580 00:33:05,569 --> 00:33:07,196 Let me tell you something. Those people are our customers! 581 00:33:07,279 --> 00:33:09,490 We're not that harsh on them, so you shouldn't be! 582 00:33:09,573 --> 00:33:11,575 How would you like it if we called you a crackhead? 583 00:33:11,658 --> 00:33:12,993 You have called me one. 584 00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:15,496 - Have we? Have we? - I think I might have. 585 00:33:15,996 --> 00:33:17,998 - Drillbit? Drillbit? Come in. - What is that? 586 00:33:18,081 --> 00:33:21,668 I'm sorry, hold it just a second. D.B. one-four-niner-eight, come in. 587 00:33:21,752 --> 00:33:23,378 - Just take this. - We just wanted you to know 588 00:33:23,462 --> 00:33:25,422 that Emmit was holding out on some bar mitzvah money. 589 00:33:25,506 --> 00:33:29,051 Emmit, I don't care how many times you get bar mitzvahed, you're not a man. 590 00:33:29,176 --> 00:33:30,219 - I am a man. - No, you're not. 591 00:33:30,344 --> 00:33:32,638 - Drillbit! Milk it, milk it. - So we'll have another 50 bucks for you 592 00:33:32,763 --> 00:33:34,890 - on Monday. - Grab the udder and milk it. 593 00:33:34,973 --> 00:33:37,351 Ten-four, good buddy. I will see you tomorrow. 594 00:33:37,434 --> 00:33:41,188 Commence radio silence in three, two. 595 00:33:43,273 --> 00:33:45,901 Today's the official start of our high school careers. 596 00:33:46,026 --> 00:33:49,404 Last week's history. Nothing good came out of last week. 597 00:33:49,488 --> 00:33:52,825 - We became best friends. - Nothing good came out of last week. 598 00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:55,327 There's the sword. Man, we're so dead. 599 00:33:55,452 --> 00:33:58,747 - Where's Drillbit, Wade? - Hey. Calvary's here. 600 00:33:58,831 --> 00:34:00,874 - Please, where have you been? - Yes. What's up, man? 601 00:34:00,999 --> 00:34:03,460 Where's my money? Where's my money? 602 00:34:04,628 --> 00:34:07,798 We got 40 bucks we promised, plus we got an extra 17. 603 00:34:07,923 --> 00:34:08,882 I sold my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. 604 00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:10,217 Okay, this is gonna be sweet. 605 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:12,177 I can't wait to watch you kick Filkins' ass. 606 00:34:12,302 --> 00:34:15,389 - Yeah. What, is he here? - Yeah, over there on his car. 607 00:34:15,472 --> 00:34:16,932 I want you to be the last face he ever sees. 608 00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:18,100 What are you gonna do? 609 00:34:18,183 --> 00:34:19,726 - What am I gonna do? - Come on. 610 00:34:19,810 --> 00:34:20,811 I want you to gnaw on his skull. 611 00:34:20,936 --> 00:34:22,396 - What's the plan? - Shut up. 612 00:34:23,522 --> 00:34:27,150 Guys, I'm gonna check this dude out. 613 00:34:28,443 --> 00:34:29,403 Yes. 614 00:34:31,697 --> 00:34:32,990 Excuse me. 615 00:34:36,368 --> 00:34:37,452 Yeah. 616 00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:46,378 Just got to kind of stand here for a second. 617 00:34:50,257 --> 00:34:52,342 All right. Hey, take it easy, man. 618 00:34:57,347 --> 00:34:59,349 He's thin, but sinewy and muscular. 619 00:34:59,474 --> 00:35:02,644 He's got a low center of gravity which means he's fast like a jack rabbit. 620 00:35:02,728 --> 00:35:05,772 He didn't take a shower today or yesterday. He's got bad breath. 621 00:35:05,856 --> 00:35:07,983 He's got a couple of cavities which is not improving... 622 00:35:08,108 --> 00:35:10,152 This is serious. I thought you were gonna go kick his ass. 623 00:35:10,235 --> 00:35:11,278 Yeah. 624 00:35:11,361 --> 00:35:13,655 Look at Tommy Trigger Finger. You want the blood and the guts. 625 00:35:13,739 --> 00:35:15,157 Well, it doesn't work that way. 626 00:35:15,282 --> 00:35:16,867 I can't just kick his ass. 627 00:35:16,992 --> 00:35:20,913 Physically, I can, but if you kick a bully's ass, 628 00:35:21,038 --> 00:35:23,248 then maybe you guys live till lunchtime. 629 00:35:23,373 --> 00:35:24,833 And then what? 630 00:35:24,917 --> 00:35:28,712 "Teach those victims how to kick the bully's ass and they live forever." 631 00:35:28,837 --> 00:35:30,255 Steven Seagal. 632 00:35:30,380 --> 00:35:32,257 So you're gonna teach us how to beat him up? 633 00:35:32,382 --> 00:35:35,761 - Like train us? - So we're gonna beat up Filkins? 634 00:35:36,929 --> 00:35:40,766 What I'm about to show you are top-secret black ops fighting moves. 635 00:35:40,891 --> 00:35:42,768 And it's all about technique. 636 00:35:42,893 --> 00:35:44,269 I don't care if you're talking about 637 00:35:44,394 --> 00:35:49,441 karate, tai chi, kung fu, praying mantis, 638 00:35:49,566 --> 00:35:52,486 kung pao, Panda Express. 639 00:35:52,569 --> 00:35:55,823 It's all about technique. I want you to watch my technique. 640 00:35:56,198 --> 00:35:58,826 It's pretty flawless. Come on, Ryan, charge me. 641 00:35:58,909 --> 00:36:00,702 I'm serious. Try to kill me. 642 00:36:00,828 --> 00:36:03,580 Come on. You ready? Go! Yeah. Come on. 643 00:36:03,705 --> 00:36:05,374 I got you! 644 00:36:06,291 --> 00:36:08,418 I got you! I got you! 645 00:36:12,047 --> 00:36:13,340 Damn it! 646 00:36:13,423 --> 00:36:18,053 Okay. Tripped right there. That was the bear hug. 647 00:36:18,470 --> 00:36:21,223 Okay. Wade. Come on! 648 00:36:22,182 --> 00:36:23,559 Here you go! Watch the elbows! 649 00:36:23,684 --> 00:36:25,185 Don't! Stop! 650 00:36:25,269 --> 00:36:28,856 Okay. Last but not least. Charge me. 651 00:36:33,026 --> 00:36:34,653 Everyone, up! Circle me! 652 00:36:34,778 --> 00:36:37,072 Come on. Let me see some fight from you. 653 00:36:37,489 --> 00:36:38,907 Okay, you guys ready for the blizzard? 654 00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:41,994 - Go get him, boys! - Yeah. Go, get it, all three of you! 655 00:36:42,536 --> 00:36:46,999 I call truce! Truce! Back up! Three's too many. Three's too many. Stop. 656 00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:50,961 Wow, one of you really charley-horsed me. 657 00:36:51,086 --> 00:36:54,590 Okay. Now it isn't all oriental martial arts. 658 00:36:54,715 --> 00:36:57,384 Sometimes you give a little Mexican judo as in 659 00:36:57,467 --> 00:36:59,052 "Ju don't know who you're messing with, homes." 660 00:36:59,178 --> 00:37:03,098 Come on, Ryan, one more. Last one! Show me your mettle. Come on! Olé! 661 00:37:04,057 --> 00:37:05,017 Wow! 662 00:37:06,143 --> 00:37:07,186 Ryan! 663 00:37:07,519 --> 00:37:09,188 Man down! 664 00:37:11,064 --> 00:37:12,024 Ryan! 665 00:37:13,984 --> 00:37:15,402 Was that my fault? 666 00:37:16,820 --> 00:37:19,615 Hey! Check this out. 667 00:37:19,698 --> 00:37:22,117 Dude! You fell like 60 feet. 668 00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:24,495 Jeez, that was crazy. 669 00:37:25,746 --> 00:37:26,788 What is this? 670 00:37:26,914 --> 00:37:28,290 This is a strategic outpost. 671 00:37:28,415 --> 00:37:30,375 I got these posted all over the city. 672 00:37:30,501 --> 00:37:31,793 Don't even look at it, okay? 673 00:37:31,919 --> 00:37:33,837 Now let's get back up there and get to work. 674 00:37:33,962 --> 00:37:36,798 What's this for? To wash your balls in the morning? 675 00:37:38,675 --> 00:37:40,802 No. Look like a squeegee to you? 676 00:37:40,928 --> 00:37:43,013 Or does it look like a weapon with a straight edge 677 00:37:43,138 --> 00:37:45,474 and a little mop to clean up the blood? 678 00:37:46,975 --> 00:37:48,810 T-Dog, Emmit, this way. 679 00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:50,646 - Where's Drillbit? - I don't know. 680 00:37:50,729 --> 00:37:52,814 - Wait up. - Should be right up here. 681 00:37:59,822 --> 00:38:01,073 Man down! 682 00:38:02,324 --> 00:38:03,909 Take this. 683 00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:05,369 - Take a swing at my head. - Oh, no. 684 00:38:05,494 --> 00:38:07,287 Wade, come on. Just hit me. 685 00:38:07,371 --> 00:38:09,164 - But it'll hurt. - Wade hit me. 686 00:38:09,248 --> 00:38:10,999 - I'll do it. - Shut up. 687 00:38:15,212 --> 00:38:19,341 I feel no pain, 'cause I have a trained mind. 688 00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:20,425 - Go! - Come on. 689 00:38:20,551 --> 00:38:22,928 - Let's beat it. - Come on, come on, come on, let's go. 690 00:38:24,972 --> 00:38:28,183 - Hey, Drillbit. We could make s'mores! - No. 691 00:38:28,308 --> 00:38:31,144 - How much does a Hug Me Bear cost? - No. 692 00:38:31,728 --> 00:38:35,232 - Where'd you get the kids, Drillbit? - I won them in a poker game. 693 00:38:35,983 --> 00:38:36,942 Order up! 694 00:38:37,067 --> 00:38:39,570 - How's this part of the training? - It's called bulking up. 695 00:38:39,695 --> 00:38:42,281 - I'm already fat. - Hey. You're not fat. 696 00:38:42,781 --> 00:38:44,032 I don't want to hear you say you're fat. 697 00:38:44,116 --> 00:38:49,621 Words like lard ass, fat pig, butterball, landslide, mudslide. 698 00:38:49,746 --> 00:38:52,499 I don't want to hear that. What are you tipping the scales at? 699 00:38:52,583 --> 00:38:54,042 180. 700 00:38:54,168 --> 00:38:55,294 What? 701 00:38:57,212 --> 00:38:58,297 Whenever you're ready, boys. 702 00:38:58,422 --> 00:38:59,548 Okay, one of you guys got to pick this up, 703 00:38:59,673 --> 00:39:00,674 'cause I'm still on the clock. 704 00:39:03,552 --> 00:39:04,970 Filkins. Filkins. 705 00:39:05,095 --> 00:39:07,431 Avoidance technique! Avoidance technique! 706 00:39:11,059 --> 00:39:12,519 Come out here, Capone! You want to fight? 707 00:39:12,603 --> 00:39:14,229 You want to fight, you and me, right here? 708 00:39:14,354 --> 00:39:16,148 This is very important. See that? 709 00:39:16,273 --> 00:39:17,941 What's the matter? Afraid to come out from behind your men? 710 00:39:18,066 --> 00:39:19,526 - He has a holdback guy. - Afraid to stand up for yourself? 711 00:39:19,651 --> 00:39:21,778 Now that allows people to think that you want to fight 712 00:39:21,904 --> 00:39:23,238 when really he doesn't want to fight. 713 00:39:23,363 --> 00:39:25,199 You got nothing in court. You don't got the bookkeeper. 714 00:39:25,282 --> 00:39:26,783 When I'm here I'm your holdback guy. 715 00:39:26,867 --> 00:39:28,785 So now you can act crazy. 716 00:39:28,952 --> 00:39:30,662 No, hey, hey, calm down. 717 00:39:34,583 --> 00:39:35,751 I'm gonna kill you! 718 00:39:35,876 --> 00:39:38,378 Hey, stop! Stop! 719 00:39:38,504 --> 00:39:39,880 Calm down. 720 00:39:39,963 --> 00:39:41,089 - Hoo-rah. - Hoo-rah. 721 00:39:42,216 --> 00:39:44,092 Get under the wing. 722 00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,639 Put all the bills facing the same direction. 723 00:39:48,764 --> 00:39:51,099 Yeah, don't worry about it, Don. 724 00:39:51,183 --> 00:39:53,310 I thought these kids were loaded. 725 00:39:53,602 --> 00:39:56,563 It's like all you read about are how 14-year-olds rule the marketplace, 726 00:39:56,688 --> 00:39:58,023 and look at this. 727 00:39:58,148 --> 00:40:01,527 Hardly got anything. You think this is gonna get me to the Great White North? 728 00:40:01,652 --> 00:40:03,779 Allow me to make a point real quick. 729 00:40:04,029 --> 00:40:05,155 Hello, delicious. 730 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,617 Drillbit? Do you know why we come here every day? 731 00:40:09,827 --> 00:40:12,955 It's because these businessmen can't eat all their food. 732 00:40:13,163 --> 00:40:15,207 They have more than they need. 733 00:40:15,332 --> 00:40:17,960 These kids are a lot like these businessmen, okay? 734 00:40:18,085 --> 00:40:20,212 They have way more than they need. 735 00:40:20,337 --> 00:40:23,715 It's our job to go into their houses and take all their excess. 736 00:40:23,841 --> 00:40:25,968 I get a kick out of these kids. 737 00:40:26,677 --> 00:40:29,429 I told you that little fat one says some funny shit. 738 00:40:29,513 --> 00:40:31,056 I like these kids, too, man. 739 00:40:31,181 --> 00:40:34,226 I mean, from what I gather, they're some pretty cool dudes. 740 00:40:34,351 --> 00:40:36,937 But if you like them, you should think about helping them. 741 00:40:37,020 --> 00:40:39,106 - If you care about them. - What do you mean? 742 00:40:39,189 --> 00:40:40,524 Steal their TV. 743 00:40:41,191 --> 00:40:42,943 Maybe they'll read a book. 744 00:40:43,026 --> 00:40:47,614 Steal their iPod. Heck, I don't know. Maybe they'll learn to play the piano. 745 00:40:48,157 --> 00:40:49,658 They don't need all this crap. 746 00:40:49,783 --> 00:40:51,410 You think Mozart had a Game Boy? 747 00:40:51,535 --> 00:40:55,330 I didn't have it. Didn't hurt me. I was outside playing, climbing trees. 748 00:40:55,455 --> 00:40:59,251 Yeah, man, me, too. I'm still outside hanging around in trees. 749 00:41:00,210 --> 00:41:03,463 And the parents are never around. There's no one there in the daytime. 750 00:41:03,547 --> 00:41:05,841 One big hit. It's all we need. 751 00:41:20,564 --> 00:41:21,732 Boobies. 752 00:41:30,115 --> 00:41:31,241 Penis! 753 00:41:34,578 --> 00:41:39,750 All right. Open your eyes, let your body drift back into consciousness. 754 00:41:41,084 --> 00:41:46,965 Namaste. Thank you for your practice. That concludes the meditation time. 755 00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,551 - Okay. How do you feel? - I feel good. 756 00:41:49,635 --> 00:41:52,304 - Doing all right? - Yeah. I think my biceps are coming in. 757 00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:53,639 Guns are coming in. 758 00:41:53,764 --> 00:41:56,016 Now, listen. We're about 10% done with the training. 759 00:41:56,099 --> 00:41:57,100 - Next... - 10%? 760 00:41:57,226 --> 00:42:00,062 Are you high? We can't sit in the woods anymore. 761 00:42:00,187 --> 00:42:03,065 - We got to go back to school. - Yeah, and I can't forge any more notes. 762 00:42:03,148 --> 00:42:05,442 How many diseases can a kid have? 763 00:42:12,074 --> 00:42:14,368 You guys think you're ready? 764 00:42:15,911 --> 00:42:18,372 You know, I am really scared to go back. 765 00:42:18,497 --> 00:42:21,458 Look. If you're not ready to fight, there is another alternative. 766 00:42:21,583 --> 00:42:22,626 But I got to be honest with you, 767 00:42:22,751 --> 00:42:26,088 only the strongest of warriors can pull this one off. 768 00:42:27,464 --> 00:42:32,094 It's so difficult that most men tremble at its mere thought. 769 00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,054 What is it? 770 00:42:34,179 --> 00:42:36,098 What the hell is it? 771 00:42:39,184 --> 00:42:40,435 Love him. 772 00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:42,729 - What? - Love him. 773 00:42:42,855 --> 00:42:45,107 You know, I don't know what's going through your head, Drillbit, 774 00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:47,234 but I'm not gonna bang him. 775 00:42:47,609 --> 00:42:49,278 When I'm talking about love, I mean compassion. 776 00:42:49,361 --> 00:42:52,489 - I'm not going to... - Shut up. And understanding. 777 00:42:53,782 --> 00:42:55,117 Find your commonality. 778 00:42:55,242 --> 00:42:58,412 Let him know you're more alike than different. 779 00:42:59,288 --> 00:43:01,331 Maybe that'll put out his fuse. 780 00:43:03,208 --> 00:43:04,459 And remember, guys, 781 00:43:04,543 --> 00:43:07,421 just because you don't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. 782 00:43:07,504 --> 00:43:11,592 I'll be there like a silent, deadly poltergeist. 783 00:43:11,675 --> 00:43:12,676 - Thanks. - Okay. 784 00:43:12,759 --> 00:43:13,969 All right, see you later, Drillbit. 785 00:43:14,052 --> 00:43:15,721 Remember, you're under my wing. 786 00:43:19,850 --> 00:43:20,976 Oh, no. 787 00:43:21,101 --> 00:43:23,395 There he is. Should we hide? 788 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,315 No. We've been running and hiding all week. 789 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,526 This is what Drillbit's been talking about, finding commonalities. 790 00:43:29,651 --> 00:43:33,489 He's rapping. You love to rap! You can do this! 791 00:43:33,780 --> 00:43:34,781 No, I can't. 792 00:43:34,865 --> 00:43:36,909 Yes, you can. It's just like in 8 Mile. He'll respect you. 793 00:43:37,034 --> 00:43:38,744 No, man, I'm afraid of him. I can't! 794 00:43:38,869 --> 00:43:41,330 - You're crazy! Don't do it. - You can do it, Ryan. 795 00:43:41,413 --> 00:43:43,123 - I believe in you. - Don't. 796 00:43:43,957 --> 00:43:47,336 All right. I can do it. I can do it. 797 00:43:48,629 --> 00:43:51,256 - Whassup, whassup? - Whassup? 798 00:43:53,592 --> 00:43:56,261 I wanna rap with you. Hey, flip the script, Ronnie. 799 00:43:56,386 --> 00:43:57,596 Hit that beat. 800 00:43:57,888 --> 00:44:00,265 - Yo, this cool, Fil? - Sure, whatever. 801 00:44:02,142 --> 00:44:03,977 Yo, call me whatever you want 802 00:44:04,061 --> 00:44:06,605 but you know I gets busy I'm so badass 803 00:44:06,730 --> 00:44:09,316 I'm the king of Vice City Like the Buddha, I'm Zen 804 00:44:09,399 --> 00:44:11,652 Like Beckham, I bend, I tell suckers 805 00:44:11,735 --> 00:44:13,737 "Say hello to my little friend" 806 00:44:14,696 --> 00:44:15,948 Snap! This guy! 807 00:44:17,950 --> 00:44:21,703 Hey, meatball, where's your spaghetti? Your rapping's like a nightmare 808 00:44:21,787 --> 00:44:23,372 But I don't see Freddy You best 809 00:44:23,497 --> 00:44:26,208 not even try to spit rhymes, dude 'Cause when you spit 810 00:44:26,333 --> 00:44:28,836 all I ever see is chewed-up food 811 00:44:29,336 --> 00:44:30,921 Yeah, that's how we roll! That's how we do! 812 00:44:31,046 --> 00:44:32,005 Hold on! 813 00:44:32,130 --> 00:44:33,423 I know you didn't just go there 814 00:44:33,549 --> 00:44:36,552 I got more skills than you in my one and only nut hair 815 00:44:36,844 --> 00:44:38,178 Nice, man, nice. 816 00:44:38,762 --> 00:44:41,431 So you better step off before you insult me and mine 817 00:44:41,557 --> 00:44:44,226 'Cause if you decide to step on, see I'm like a land mine 818 00:44:44,309 --> 00:44:45,602 Boom! 819 00:44:48,188 --> 00:44:50,899 Oh, my God, look it's a punkass rapping 820 00:44:51,066 --> 00:44:53,485 He say one more word I'm gonna have to bitch-slap him 821 00:44:53,610 --> 00:44:56,238 So surprised you're moving ass is so damn fat 822 00:44:56,363 --> 00:44:59,616 You're lucky I don't hit you with my Wiffle, Wiffle Ball bat 823 00:45:00,159 --> 00:45:03,203 Can't hurt my head with a bat I'm the Incredible Hulk 824 00:45:03,328 --> 00:45:06,748 I'm like Costco I'm serving ass kickings in bulk 825 00:45:06,832 --> 00:45:09,501 You don't like my words Mister King of the School? 826 00:45:09,626 --> 00:45:12,754 Well, guess what? You can suck on my family's jewels 827 00:45:12,921 --> 00:45:14,256 Bitch! 828 00:45:23,015 --> 00:45:25,058 That was awesome. 829 00:45:25,184 --> 00:45:26,476 What have I just done? 830 00:45:26,602 --> 00:45:28,145 Hey, that was amazing. I mean, 831 00:45:28,270 --> 00:45:29,730 telling him to suck on your two family jewels 832 00:45:29,855 --> 00:45:31,565 was in questionable taste, but still... 833 00:45:31,648 --> 00:45:33,942 I know, I got caught up in the moment, okay? 834 00:45:34,067 --> 00:45:36,153 Keep walking. I don't want to get shot like Tupac. 835 00:45:36,278 --> 00:45:39,198 You know, most of those people were cheering for you. 836 00:45:39,323 --> 00:45:42,326 Really? That could be good. Maybe Drillbit was right. 837 00:45:46,455 --> 00:45:48,123 Think you're so funny? 838 00:45:48,207 --> 00:45:51,251 Good. 'Cause you're not gonna laugh when you're dead. 839 00:45:51,335 --> 00:45:54,588 You're gonna get it now, worse than ever. 840 00:45:54,838 --> 00:45:55,923 All of you. 841 00:45:56,715 --> 00:45:59,259 Ryan, holdback technique. 842 00:45:59,843 --> 00:46:01,970 You don't like the fact that he's better than you, Filkins! 843 00:46:02,095 --> 00:46:04,598 You better back the hell off before I... 844 00:46:08,477 --> 00:46:13,607 - Thanks for holding him for me. - Holy crap, you guys are retarded! 845 00:46:17,277 --> 00:46:19,196 How did he do so much damage with one punch? 846 00:46:19,321 --> 00:46:21,532 It's like his fist is the size of your whole face. 847 00:46:21,657 --> 00:46:23,492 I guess it's true. 848 00:46:23,575 --> 00:46:24,827 Rap really does promote violence. 849 00:46:24,910 --> 00:46:27,371 Yeah, but the question is, where was Drillbit when we needed him? 850 00:46:27,496 --> 00:46:29,081 Maybe he got called to the black ops. 851 00:46:29,206 --> 00:46:30,958 Wade, come on. You really believe that garbage? 852 00:46:31,041 --> 00:46:33,126 There's my little soldiers. 853 00:46:34,711 --> 00:46:36,672 There are my pooper troopers. 854 00:46:36,755 --> 00:46:40,676 Hey, sorry I missed that walkie-talkie call. I had something come... 855 00:46:42,386 --> 00:46:45,556 - What the hell happened to you? - Filkins punched me. 856 00:46:46,431 --> 00:46:48,684 - Filkins did that to you? - Yeah. 857 00:46:48,767 --> 00:46:49,935 Where were you? 858 00:46:50,060 --> 00:46:52,229 - With one punch? - Where were you? 859 00:46:53,146 --> 00:46:56,358 - Oh, crap. I'm sorry. - Stop. 860 00:46:56,483 --> 00:46:58,694 - No, just let me get the blood off. - No. Stop. 861 00:46:58,777 --> 00:47:00,904 Man. Here, sit down for a second. 862 00:47:01,029 --> 00:47:03,740 - Crap. It looks painful. - Yeah, it is. 863 00:47:04,241 --> 00:47:05,909 - Here, let me put a little pressure on it. - No. 864 00:47:06,034 --> 00:47:07,619 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 865 00:47:07,744 --> 00:47:09,413 Ryan had a rap off with Filkins. 866 00:47:09,538 --> 00:47:12,249 - You had a rap off? - You said to find common ground. 867 00:47:12,374 --> 00:47:15,544 He said he was like Costco, serving up ass kickings in bulk. 868 00:47:15,627 --> 00:47:17,713 That's what you said? That's not common ground. 869 00:47:17,838 --> 00:47:19,548 Even though it's funny. 870 00:47:19,673 --> 00:47:21,884 That's not exactly what I meant when I said common ground. 871 00:47:21,967 --> 00:47:24,761 Why didn't you get punched? Why'd he slug you? 872 00:47:24,887 --> 00:47:26,847 'Cause of your brilliant holdback technique. 873 00:47:26,972 --> 00:47:29,725 The holdback technique? You really tried that? 874 00:47:29,850 --> 00:47:33,437 Yeah. Bottom line is your advice backfired. 875 00:47:33,562 --> 00:47:35,147 Now we're more screwed than ever. 876 00:47:35,272 --> 00:47:37,399 All because you wanted to protect the hobbit over here. 877 00:47:37,524 --> 00:47:39,026 - Hey, let's just stop for a second. - I am not a hobbit. 878 00:47:39,151 --> 00:47:40,944 - You're a damn hobbit, okay? - I am not! 879 00:47:41,069 --> 00:47:44,698 Hold it! Hey. Emmit's not a hobbit, I don't think. 880 00:47:45,782 --> 00:47:47,284 Problem isn't the holdback technique, 881 00:47:47,409 --> 00:47:50,537 although I don't think you guys had it perfected enough to try. 882 00:47:50,621 --> 00:47:52,206 The problem is Randy starts rapping insults. 883 00:47:52,331 --> 00:47:55,250 It's not Randy! Okay? It's Ryan! 884 00:47:55,334 --> 00:47:59,671 And all this talk about you being there when you're not there, it's bull! Okay? 885 00:48:00,172 --> 00:48:02,049 I'm tired of your nonsense! You're fired! 886 00:48:02,132 --> 00:48:06,345 Hey! Sit down here. Sit down here for a second. 887 00:48:06,470 --> 00:48:11,099 All of you, sit down. You take the bass out of your voice when you talk to me. 888 00:48:11,767 --> 00:48:13,727 Now, we just completed phase one. 889 00:48:13,810 --> 00:48:16,480 See if this guy has any mettle. And guess what we found out? 890 00:48:16,605 --> 00:48:20,192 Filkins does have some mettle. So now we move to phase two. 891 00:48:20,317 --> 00:48:23,737 Know what phase two is? Direct contact. 892 00:48:23,904 --> 00:48:27,491 That's where I come in. Because I will not let this happen again, 893 00:48:27,616 --> 00:48:29,493 if I can help it. 894 00:48:29,618 --> 00:48:31,286 So what's the plan? 895 00:48:31,411 --> 00:48:32,871 - The plan? - Yeah. 896 00:48:36,625 --> 00:48:38,627 How early do you guys have to get up for school? 897 00:48:38,752 --> 00:48:39,753 - 7:00. - 7:00. 898 00:48:39,837 --> 00:48:44,258 Oh, God. Okay. Tomorrow, we all go in together. 899 00:48:51,473 --> 00:48:54,434 Hey, Wade, what's up? 900 00:48:55,686 --> 00:48:57,020 Where'd you get the shiner? 901 00:48:57,145 --> 00:48:59,273 Come in here, boy. Talk to me. 902 00:49:02,484 --> 00:49:04,945 I was protecting this one kid in my school 903 00:49:05,028 --> 00:49:07,948 from a bunch of bullies and one of them punched me. 904 00:49:08,031 --> 00:49:11,160 What? Why would you protect the kid from a bully? 905 00:49:11,410 --> 00:49:14,329 So he doesn't get beat up. 906 00:49:14,705 --> 00:49:17,291 Then you're interfering with the natural order. 907 00:49:18,667 --> 00:49:20,627 When I was a kid, I was kind of a bully. 908 00:49:20,752 --> 00:49:23,922 But it's not a bad thing. There was this kid. I don't know what it was. 909 00:49:24,047 --> 00:49:27,968 Maybe it was his stupid face. But he'd just really get under my skin. 910 00:49:28,093 --> 00:49:31,054 So I pushed him around a little bit, called him some hurtful names, 911 00:49:31,180 --> 00:49:34,516 and I honestly think, if I met him today, he'd thank me for it. 912 00:49:34,641 --> 00:49:37,477 I prepared him for the harshness of the real world. 913 00:49:38,729 --> 00:49:40,022 Thanks, Jim. 914 00:49:40,147 --> 00:49:43,400 I'm a resource, Wade. You should use me more often. 915 00:49:46,403 --> 00:49:47,821 Is it locked? 916 00:49:48,405 --> 00:49:50,157 - You got lunch money? - Yep. 917 00:49:50,407 --> 00:49:52,576 - You got any tests today? - See you and the questions. 918 00:49:52,701 --> 00:49:55,412 Don't fresh-off to any of your teachers. 919 00:49:55,913 --> 00:49:58,457 All right, come here, give mommy a kiss. 920 00:49:58,582 --> 00:50:00,792 Come on, punky-wunky. I love you. 921 00:50:04,671 --> 00:50:06,173 - Okay. - Be good. 922 00:50:09,343 --> 00:50:12,095 - Bye. I love you. - Bye. I love you, Mommy! 923 00:50:12,221 --> 00:50:13,972 "I love you, Mommy." 924 00:50:15,933 --> 00:50:17,559 Black ops in the hizzouse. 925 00:50:17,684 --> 00:50:20,062 This old soldier could use a kissy from mommy. 926 00:50:20,187 --> 00:50:21,855 Come on. I'm going in to the school today. 927 00:50:21,939 --> 00:50:24,024 Drillbit is going in. Very visible. Let's do it. 928 00:50:24,107 --> 00:50:26,235 - You can't go in there looking like that. - Why? 929 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,237 You look like Crocodile Dundee or something. 930 00:50:28,362 --> 00:50:30,072 Screw you. What're you talking about? 931 00:50:30,155 --> 00:50:31,490 I'm just saying we need to clean you up. 932 00:50:31,615 --> 00:50:34,409 Wrong. This soldier doesn't clean up. What you see is what you get. 933 00:50:34,535 --> 00:50:36,328 Drillbit, you just don't look like a teacher. 934 00:50:36,453 --> 00:50:38,747 I mean, we need you to blend in. The camouflage technique. 935 00:50:38,831 --> 00:50:41,083 - In my house. Come on. - Let's go. 936 00:50:41,208 --> 00:50:43,752 "Camouflage technique"? I like that. 937 00:50:43,961 --> 00:50:49,091 ...if I remember how to do this. It really is strong enough for a man. 938 00:50:59,476 --> 00:51:02,104 Did your dad leave any socks behind? 939 00:51:03,147 --> 00:51:06,567 How many tardies can you have before they give you a detention? 940 00:51:08,527 --> 00:51:10,737 Emmit, you're drying my eyeballs. 941 00:51:14,116 --> 00:51:17,995 All right, here's our class schedules and a detailed map of the school. 942 00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,081 We have the first class together, so just meet us by the Life Skills room 943 00:51:21,165 --> 00:51:22,291 so you can walk us to our lockers. 944 00:51:22,374 --> 00:51:24,126 Okay, now, remember, I'm not just gonna walk in there 945 00:51:24,251 --> 00:51:26,503 and start kicking ass, okay? I got to protect you guys, 946 00:51:26,628 --> 00:51:29,047 but I need to blend in and lay low. 947 00:51:29,173 --> 00:51:33,594 I'm gonna be visible to you guys, but invisible to everyone else. 948 00:51:40,851 --> 00:51:45,189 That's a look that says, "I have no idea what I'm doing here." 949 00:51:47,441 --> 00:51:50,527 All first-time subs have it. Welcome to McKinley! 950 00:51:52,196 --> 00:51:55,616 - Thanks. Was it that obvious? - Well, yeah, a little bit. 951 00:51:56,742 --> 00:51:57,868 Whoa! 952 00:51:58,202 --> 00:52:01,622 Not you kids. Please, go to class. Go, go, go. Get away from me. 953 00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:05,292 You, second floor, teachers' lounge. 954 00:52:05,375 --> 00:52:07,377 They'll give you your assignment up there. It's right over there. 955 00:52:07,503 --> 00:52:10,172 - I'm gonna head up there. Okay. - Yep? You got it. 956 00:52:19,056 --> 00:52:20,516 How're you doing? 957 00:52:22,476 --> 00:52:25,813 Teachers' lounge. They're all the same. 958 00:52:28,273 --> 00:52:31,026 Put your names on the food. Smart. 959 00:52:31,735 --> 00:52:32,778 Sneaky. 960 00:52:34,404 --> 00:52:36,949 - See Grey's Anatomy last night? - Yeah. 961 00:52:38,492 --> 00:52:39,701 - Hey, Lis. - Hi. 962 00:52:39,827 --> 00:52:41,703 Got half an orange with your name on it. 963 00:52:41,787 --> 00:52:43,247 Oh, no, thanks. 964 00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:01,390 - Can I help you? - No. With what? 965 00:53:02,099 --> 00:53:04,726 - Are you lost? - No. Why? 966 00:53:05,269 --> 00:53:08,772 - You look like a lost parent. - No. 967 00:53:08,939 --> 00:53:11,817 No. I'm a substitute. 968 00:53:13,777 --> 00:53:17,990 - For what? - For whatever needs substituting. 969 00:53:19,700 --> 00:53:23,787 Yeah, they'll just plug me in. I think I'm just gonna wait here until, 970 00:53:23,912 --> 00:53:26,999 you know, if they need me in French, then that's where I'll go. 971 00:53:27,124 --> 00:53:29,793 - You know French? - A little bit. Yeah. 972 00:53:29,918 --> 00:53:33,589 Enough to get by, or enough to teach these animals. 973 00:53:35,632 --> 00:53:37,801 - What do you teach? - English. 974 00:53:38,635 --> 00:53:39,928 My native tongue. 975 00:53:43,724 --> 00:53:45,267 I'm Lisa Zachey. 976 00:53:47,102 --> 00:53:49,563 Now is that Miss or Missus Zachey? 977 00:53:49,688 --> 00:53:55,068 - Miss. - Miss. It had to be. Enchanté. 978 00:53:57,154 --> 00:53:59,072 And who are you? 979 00:53:59,281 --> 00:54:01,742 Drill... Dr. Illbit. 980 00:54:02,701 --> 00:54:03,660 Oh. 981 00:54:03,785 --> 00:54:04,995 - Yeah. - A doctor. 982 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,790 Teacher. Teacher and a doctor. Just want to help. 983 00:54:08,916 --> 00:54:12,920 People don't care how I do it. Just give me a chance to help. 984 00:54:13,253 --> 00:54:17,090 - You want some hot coffee? - Only in the worst way. 985 00:54:19,635 --> 00:54:22,137 Who can give me another name for gonorrhea? 986 00:54:25,140 --> 00:54:26,558 That's a little hint. 987 00:54:26,683 --> 00:54:31,063 That's right, the clap. Or the drip. 988 00:54:31,522 --> 00:54:33,482 All right, Dane? Get the lights. 989 00:54:33,565 --> 00:54:38,570 In the male, the bacteria of gonorrhea usually enters by way of the urethra. 990 00:54:38,695 --> 00:54:41,698 From two to five days later, the guy feels a painful burning, 991 00:54:41,824 --> 00:54:43,534 particularly when he urinates... 992 00:54:43,659 --> 00:54:45,953 They make these things to scare us. I'm not scared of this. 993 00:54:46,036 --> 00:54:48,997 ... looks like this. 994 00:54:49,248 --> 00:54:53,585 - I really like your suit. - Yeah. I really like your everything. 995 00:54:53,710 --> 00:54:55,212 Now what do we do? 996 00:54:55,337 --> 00:54:57,798 Not many teachers can afford a suit like that. 997 00:54:57,923 --> 00:54:59,842 - Yeah? - If he wants to eat. 998 00:55:01,051 --> 00:55:03,262 Well, I mainly eat out of a dumpster. 999 00:55:05,430 --> 00:55:07,474 I should try that. I need some new dresses. 1000 00:55:07,558 --> 00:55:11,520 Don't. Or if you do, stay away from the one at Ocean and Wilshire. 1001 00:55:11,645 --> 00:55:15,399 That's mine. Seriously, stay out of it. 1002 00:55:16,733 --> 00:55:19,695 - What are we doing? Let's go. - I don't know. 1003 00:55:19,820 --> 00:55:21,697 You're a bad boy. 1004 00:55:22,030 --> 00:55:25,492 - Maybe I need a detention. - You're funny. 1005 00:55:26,702 --> 00:55:29,454 - I'm not joking. - Me, either. 1006 00:55:36,211 --> 00:55:38,589 Look, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the day 1007 00:55:38,714 --> 00:55:40,966 sitting on this couch with you, 1008 00:55:41,091 --> 00:55:44,761 but I got to get to class because my students need me. Okay? 1009 00:55:44,928 --> 00:55:48,640 No. You still have five minutes before the next class. 1010 00:55:48,974 --> 00:55:49,975 We do? 1011 00:55:50,100 --> 00:55:54,271 And you seem like someone who could accomplish a lot in five minutes. 1012 00:55:54,646 --> 00:55:56,440 I hope so. 1013 00:55:56,565 --> 00:55:59,651 Although five minutes might be four too many. 1014 00:56:03,238 --> 00:56:04,907 Let's go, let's go! 1015 00:56:05,032 --> 00:56:07,618 We really like Life Skills. Can we just stay in the room, maybe? 1016 00:56:07,743 --> 00:56:09,912 Why don't you practice some life skills out here in the hallway? 1017 00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:11,580 It's just as important. 1018 00:56:12,539 --> 00:56:13,540 Okay, where is he? 1019 00:56:13,624 --> 00:56:16,460 This is bull. Maybe I should just beat the crap out of you two. 1020 00:56:16,585 --> 00:56:18,420 There's Brooke! 1021 00:56:23,467 --> 00:56:24,927 Oh, no. There he is. 1022 00:56:31,642 --> 00:56:32,851 I think I'd better get... 1023 00:56:32,976 --> 00:56:34,436 When are you free? I want to see you. 1024 00:56:34,561 --> 00:56:36,730 - I have sixth period free. - Sixth period? Okay. 1025 00:56:36,814 --> 00:56:38,482 I think I have that period free, also. 1026 00:56:38,607 --> 00:56:40,442 Why don't we meet back here? Okay? 1027 00:56:40,526 --> 00:56:42,027 - Okay. - Meet me right here? 1028 00:56:42,152 --> 00:56:43,612 I'll keep the couch warm. 1029 00:56:43,737 --> 00:56:46,698 We better check the tags to make sure this couch is flame retardant. 1030 00:56:46,824 --> 00:56:48,116 - I will. - You know? 1031 00:56:48,283 --> 00:56:50,077 You know what I mean? Flame retardant? 1032 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,745 - Yes. - 'Cause you're hot. 1033 00:56:53,288 --> 00:56:55,874 Where is Life Skills? 1034 00:56:58,335 --> 00:57:00,587 Drillbit, come in, please! Where are you? 1035 00:57:00,671 --> 00:57:01,672 Drillbit, come in! 1036 00:57:01,797 --> 00:57:04,299 I don't know! I can't understand Emmit's map! 1037 00:57:04,842 --> 00:57:07,886 - Go, go, go! - Come on, Emmit. Come on. 1038 00:57:08,303 --> 00:57:11,390 - Crap! - I knew Drillbit was a fraud. 1039 00:57:11,473 --> 00:57:13,600 - I told you! - He's gonna be here! 1040 00:57:13,684 --> 00:57:14,893 Life Skills! 1041 00:57:15,060 --> 00:57:17,646 I need Life Skills! 1042 00:57:18,230 --> 00:57:19,648 Out of my way! 1043 00:57:27,156 --> 00:57:29,700 Open the door! 1044 00:57:29,867 --> 00:57:31,160 How is that up to code? 1045 00:57:31,285 --> 00:57:33,620 Excuse me! Mordor Castle coming through! 1046 00:57:36,665 --> 00:57:39,334 Excuse me! Mordor Castle coming through! 1047 00:57:51,263 --> 00:57:53,307 This is real! This is not a drill. 1048 00:57:53,432 --> 00:57:55,309 Everybody, clear the hall! 1049 00:57:55,392 --> 00:57:58,187 That means you! Let's go! Clear the hall! 1050 00:58:00,689 --> 00:58:02,941 The freak actually came through, huh? 1051 00:58:04,234 --> 00:58:05,444 Awesome! 1052 00:58:12,868 --> 00:58:14,620 - Hoo-rah. - Hoo-rah. 1053 00:58:16,872 --> 00:58:18,165 All right. 1054 00:58:27,090 --> 00:58:29,092 Mister Filkins! Why don't you just come up 1055 00:58:29,218 --> 00:58:31,970 to the front of the class and read from 1056 00:58:32,095 --> 00:58:34,556 The Collected Works of the Romantic Poets? 1057 00:58:39,394 --> 00:58:41,772 "I like kissing this and that of you 1058 00:58:41,897 --> 00:58:46,860 "I like slowly stroking the shocking fuzz" 1059 00:58:51,031 --> 00:58:54,451 Hey, aren't you the guy that kicked Filkins' butt freestyling? 1060 00:58:55,285 --> 00:58:57,830 You better believe it. They call me T-Dog. 1061 00:58:57,955 --> 00:59:01,542 - Wow, that's cool. - He is so cute! 1062 00:59:01,667 --> 00:59:02,626 Wow. 1063 00:59:02,751 --> 00:59:05,003 Wade, this is Drillbit. Come in. Wade? 1064 00:59:05,587 --> 00:59:08,298 - Yeah? - Filkins is heading east down the stairs. 1065 00:59:08,423 --> 00:59:10,968 The first stairwell. He's coming down now. Watch your ass. 1066 00:59:11,093 --> 00:59:12,594 Read you. Copy. Roger. 1067 00:59:12,719 --> 00:59:15,597 F.Y.I., I just heard this pack of girls yapping, and your girl, Brooke, 1068 00:59:15,722 --> 00:59:19,476 just got cast in Romeo and Juliet. You might want to check that out. 1069 00:59:19,977 --> 00:59:23,981 Madam, madam, your lady mother is coming to your chamber! 1070 00:59:24,982 --> 00:59:27,609 The day is broke, be wary, look about. 1071 00:59:30,863 --> 00:59:34,199 Come on! You're dogging it! Faster! Faster! 1072 00:59:34,324 --> 00:59:36,285 Go! I want to see some more! 1073 00:59:36,368 --> 00:59:41,582 Go! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! One more! 1074 00:59:41,707 --> 00:59:43,584 And you guys! I don't want you just watching! 1075 00:59:43,667 --> 00:59:46,253 Do some bass fishing! Then reel it in! 1076 00:59:46,336 --> 00:59:47,421 Come on! 1077 00:59:47,504 --> 00:59:50,048 Let's go, keep going! Work some thumbs! 1078 00:59:50,174 --> 00:59:51,800 For texting! 1079 00:59:53,552 --> 00:59:54,803 Look out, huh? 1080 00:59:55,179 --> 00:59:59,057 - How was school, Professor? - It is great. 1081 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:03,437 And as long as you got a coffee cup in your hand, nobody says anything. 1082 01:00:06,190 --> 01:00:07,941 I was thinking about writing a paper on... 1083 01:00:08,025 --> 01:00:09,526 - Hey! - What the... 1084 01:00:09,651 --> 01:00:10,652 Coffee cup. 1085 01:00:10,777 --> 01:00:13,489 Now, Castro, he knew that he was not gonna get 1086 01:00:13,614 --> 01:00:15,407 any action with Marilyn Monroe. 1087 01:00:15,491 --> 01:00:17,910 And that is why John F. Kennedy was shot. 1088 01:00:22,331 --> 01:00:25,626 - Don! - Hello, fellow teacher. 1089 01:00:31,465 --> 01:00:33,550 Come on, guys, hit the showers! 1090 01:00:35,135 --> 01:00:39,139 Look, my rope's too short. I can't get down. 1091 01:00:39,223 --> 01:00:42,184 Where you going? Get back here! 1092 01:00:43,060 --> 01:00:45,521 - Yo, hold on! - What is this? 1093 01:00:45,604 --> 01:00:47,856 Ronnie, let yourself down. 1094 01:00:59,076 --> 01:01:03,914 Happy birthday, Dr. Illbit 1095 01:01:04,039 --> 01:01:09,127 Happy birthday to you 1096 01:01:57,843 --> 01:02:01,763 Hey, T-Dog. You've got to admit hiring Drillbit was a good idea. 1097 01:02:01,847 --> 01:02:03,557 - Okay, you're right. - See? 1098 01:02:03,724 --> 01:02:07,102 The freak's actually worth all the money we're spending on him, I guess. 1099 01:02:07,186 --> 01:02:08,687 Good morning. 1100 01:02:09,062 --> 01:02:12,524 - Great coffee this morning, Dr. Illbit. - Enjoy it. 1101 01:02:13,066 --> 01:02:15,444 - You know, I really like it here. - You're doing a great job, Drillbit. 1102 01:02:15,527 --> 01:02:16,653 I know I am. 1103 01:02:16,945 --> 01:02:18,739 Come here, come here, come here. 1104 01:02:19,281 --> 01:02:21,366 Okay, quick. Pop quiz. You like a girl. 1105 01:02:21,492 --> 01:02:23,118 You're completely shocked that she likes you. 1106 01:02:23,243 --> 01:02:26,246 Things are already just crazy hot, just loco. 1107 01:02:26,413 --> 01:02:28,415 But now you'd like to ask her out. 1108 01:02:28,499 --> 01:02:31,668 And you're not sure if she's just in it for the sex. 1109 01:02:31,793 --> 01:02:33,962 And you haven't been on a date in forever. 1110 01:02:34,046 --> 01:02:35,589 And you're a little bit afraid, 1111 01:02:35,672 --> 01:02:37,466 and you don't know what the hell you're doing, anyway. 1112 01:02:37,591 --> 01:02:39,092 Well, I can't really relate to that, 1113 01:02:39,218 --> 01:02:41,762 but what I would do is just join every club she's in 1114 01:02:41,845 --> 01:02:44,431 and eventually work up the nerve to talk to her. 1115 01:02:44,515 --> 01:02:46,975 - And how's that working for you? - Not at all. 1116 01:02:47,100 --> 01:02:49,561 Okay, look. One should do the opposite. 1117 01:02:49,645 --> 01:02:51,271 - Yeah, probably. - Okay. 1118 01:02:51,730 --> 01:02:55,651 Congratulations, you just passed. Hey, scram. Scram. Crotch blocker. 1119 01:02:58,862 --> 01:02:59,988 - Hey. - Hey. 1120 01:03:00,113 --> 01:03:02,616 - Look, you look pretty. - Thank you. 1121 01:03:03,116 --> 01:03:04,743 You know, I haven't been on a lot of dates, 1122 01:03:04,827 --> 01:03:07,538 and I really don't know the way this is supposed to work, 1123 01:03:07,663 --> 01:03:09,122 because we kind of skipped that part. 1124 01:03:09,248 --> 01:03:13,627 But would you ever want to get together after school and maybe hang out? 1125 01:03:15,379 --> 01:03:16,672 I'm sorry. 1126 01:03:17,047 --> 01:03:21,635 Rule 35A in the teacher's manual states that you cannot date other teachers. 1127 01:03:22,386 --> 01:03:27,057 Oh, really. Yeah. Probably a good policy. 1128 01:03:27,474 --> 01:03:28,517 Yeah. 1129 01:03:28,851 --> 01:03:31,436 So it's a good thing you're a doctor. 1130 01:03:34,064 --> 01:03:35,649 So, yes. 1131 01:03:38,402 --> 01:03:40,696 - I'll see you tonight? - Okay. 1132 01:03:41,780 --> 01:03:44,950 The Battle of Sekigahara 1133 01:03:45,409 --> 01:03:49,872 when Kanetsugu mocked Tokunaga's abuses, 1134 01:03:50,372 --> 01:03:53,584 which only infuriated Tokunaga 1135 01:03:54,376 --> 01:04:00,966 who then summoned Toyotomi and united Japan. 1136 01:04:01,466 --> 01:04:03,927 And kept the local feudal lords from warring. 1137 01:04:04,052 --> 01:04:06,889 Hey. What are you doing in this club? 1138 01:04:06,972 --> 01:04:08,390 I'm Asian. 1139 01:04:08,515 --> 01:04:10,017 He died. Then... 1140 01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,519 - No, you aren't. - Yeah. A little bit. 1141 01:04:13,187 --> 01:04:14,146 Really? 1142 01:04:15,898 --> 01:04:18,901 - You don't even look a little Asian. - Yeah, I know. 1143 01:04:19,818 --> 01:04:21,737 The West attacked first. 1144 01:04:22,571 --> 01:04:26,158 So how come I see you in, like, so many activities I'm in? 1145 01:04:27,409 --> 01:04:31,205 Just... I joined some of the clubs you were in because 1146 01:04:31,288 --> 01:04:33,207 I wanted to have a chance to talk to you. 1147 01:04:33,290 --> 01:04:38,587 Wakisaka, 990 men. Ankokuji, 1,800 men. 1148 01:04:39,254 --> 01:04:42,090 So you're not Asian. 1149 01:04:42,216 --> 01:04:43,175 No. 1150 01:04:44,801 --> 01:04:47,679 Well, maybe somewhere way back. 1151 01:04:47,930 --> 01:04:52,768 Chosokabe, 6,600 men. This is exciting, don't you think? 1152 01:04:52,935 --> 01:04:54,269 All these men. 1153 01:04:54,436 --> 01:04:56,396 Well, you can't quit now. 1154 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:58,565 I'm gonna make you come to all our meetings. 1155 01:04:58,649 --> 01:05:00,734 Membership is way down this year. 1156 01:05:00,859 --> 01:05:02,569 Okay. I can do that. 1157 01:05:03,654 --> 01:05:07,658 - Is everything okay at school? - Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm busy. 1158 01:05:07,783 --> 01:05:11,829 Honey, I know there's a lot of pressure on kids once they get to high school. 1159 01:05:11,954 --> 01:05:13,580 And there are kids who are gonna want to be your friend, 1160 01:05:13,664 --> 01:05:16,250 but they'll also want you to take their drugs. 1161 01:05:16,959 --> 01:05:19,419 I just noticed that you seem to be out of money a lot lately, 1162 01:05:19,503 --> 01:05:21,839 and I want to make sure you're not spending your money on that. 1163 01:05:21,964 --> 01:05:24,591 No! I'm not doing drugs, Mom. I promise. 1164 01:05:24,675 --> 01:05:26,885 Coach says drugs are for losers. 1165 01:05:28,428 --> 01:05:30,138 You sure you're not high? 1166 01:05:30,973 --> 01:05:31,932 No! 1167 01:05:32,015 --> 01:05:33,809 Well, I notice you're really going at your food. 1168 01:05:33,934 --> 01:05:37,187 - Got the munchies? - Anyways, we just worry about you. 1169 01:05:37,688 --> 01:05:38,772 I understand that. 1170 01:05:38,897 --> 01:05:42,359 Also, I'm missing a silver platter that was in the living room. 1171 01:05:42,484 --> 01:05:44,319 - Have you seen it? - I'm taking Home Ec. 1172 01:05:44,444 --> 01:05:46,655 We needed serving trays for appetizers. Sorry. 1173 01:05:46,738 --> 01:05:48,365 Yeah, well, come to think of it, I'm missing a watch. 1174 01:05:48,490 --> 01:05:50,325 You didn't take that to Home Ec, too, did you? 1175 01:05:50,409 --> 01:05:52,452 Oh, yeah. We're making watch cupcakes, Jim. 1176 01:05:52,578 --> 01:05:54,288 Watch it, wise guy. 1177 01:05:59,918 --> 01:06:01,420 Hey. 1178 01:06:02,713 --> 01:06:05,674 Careful, Wade. You don't sneak up on somebody like that. 1179 01:06:05,757 --> 01:06:07,009 - Sorry. - No, it's okay. 1180 01:06:07,092 --> 01:06:09,011 But I could have jumped up and killed you in two moves, 1181 01:06:09,094 --> 01:06:11,763 and then, I don't know, I'd feel guilty. 1182 01:06:11,847 --> 01:06:14,475 - I talked to Brooke. - Really? Have a seat. 1183 01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:16,643 - I think she might like me. - Yeah? 1184 01:06:16,727 --> 01:06:18,562 Yeah. At least a little bit. 1185 01:06:18,687 --> 01:06:20,606 That's all you need. Get your foot in the door. 1186 01:06:20,731 --> 01:06:23,192 I don't think I would have had the confidence to have tried without you. 1187 01:06:23,275 --> 01:06:24,610 - I mean... - Come on. 1188 01:06:24,735 --> 01:06:26,945 It's been great having someone around who, like, likes me 1189 01:06:27,029 --> 01:06:29,156 and isn't making fun of me or telling me to join the football team 1190 01:06:29,281 --> 01:06:30,741 like my stepdad. 1191 01:06:30,866 --> 01:06:33,869 Just do your best. Be all you can be. What's the Army always say? 1192 01:06:33,994 --> 01:06:35,621 "Have it your way." 1193 01:06:37,289 --> 01:06:39,583 I think that's Burger King. 1194 01:06:41,877 --> 01:06:43,712 Where do you think they got it from? 1195 01:06:43,837 --> 01:06:47,341 Plus, what you did. The whole black ops bodyguard thing. 1196 01:06:49,134 --> 01:06:50,469 Well, yeah. 1197 01:06:52,137 --> 01:06:54,807 Yeah. I actually wanted to be a doctor. 1198 01:06:56,517 --> 01:06:57,559 Yeah. 1199 01:06:58,268 --> 01:07:02,689 But my old man was an Army colonel, wouldn't pay for me to go to college. 1200 01:07:04,149 --> 01:07:08,695 Yeah. He always said, "Drillbit, you're not the doctor type. You're stupid." 1201 01:07:09,446 --> 01:07:12,783 I guess he thought that because I didn't get good grades 1202 01:07:12,908 --> 01:07:14,868 or like to go to school. 1203 01:07:18,497 --> 01:07:21,250 I don't know. Maybe he was right. 1204 01:07:21,375 --> 01:07:23,335 So you became an army of one. 1205 01:07:24,586 --> 01:07:26,046 An army of one. 1206 01:07:27,548 --> 01:07:28,590 Here. 1207 01:07:29,550 --> 01:07:31,301 We made this for you. 1208 01:07:32,427 --> 01:07:33,762 An army of four. 1209 01:07:36,557 --> 01:07:38,475 I don't know if you understand, 1210 01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,688 but before we met you, we thought our lives were gonna suck forever. 1211 01:07:42,813 --> 01:07:44,273 At least I did. 1212 01:07:46,358 --> 01:07:51,572 Well, you're right. I don't understand because of how hardened I am. 1213 01:07:52,739 --> 01:07:55,868 Tough thing about what I do is I can't let my guard down. 1214 01:07:57,786 --> 01:08:00,164 Well, for what it's worth, 1215 01:08:00,289 --> 01:08:03,792 I hope after all this is done, you'll still be my friend. 1216 01:08:03,959 --> 01:08:04,918 Bye. 1217 01:08:13,677 --> 01:08:15,804 This is so beautiful. 1218 01:08:16,430 --> 01:08:18,098 I love coming out here. 1219 01:08:18,182 --> 01:08:22,686 Actually, I used to live in a small place near here until it got re-zoned. 1220 01:08:23,479 --> 01:08:24,521 Yeah. 1221 01:08:24,646 --> 01:08:26,732 - That's a shame. - Nah. Probably just as well. 1222 01:08:26,815 --> 01:08:28,567 Hey, stranger. 1223 01:08:29,568 --> 01:08:32,112 Can you spare some change, stranger? 1224 01:08:32,362 --> 01:08:33,780 Here you go. 1225 01:08:35,991 --> 01:08:37,117 - Sucker. - Yeah. 1226 01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:40,829 Got some money for some food? Hi. 1227 01:08:43,290 --> 01:08:45,042 No time to be cheap. 1228 01:08:45,959 --> 01:08:48,837 - Wow. - Good evening, sir. Can I get a dollar? 1229 01:08:51,173 --> 01:08:52,591 - Cool. Thank you very much. - Yeah. 1230 01:08:52,674 --> 01:08:54,718 Hey, can I get another dollar? 1231 01:08:58,931 --> 01:09:00,557 You look familiar. 1232 01:09:02,309 --> 01:09:04,102 You know that you're a better person than me, 1233 01:09:04,186 --> 01:09:08,649 because, I hate to say it, but I just get irritated. 1234 01:09:08,732 --> 01:09:12,486 They irritate the shit out of me. I felt like... 1235 01:09:12,569 --> 01:09:16,698 But then you have to think, they work for the grace of God, so... 1236 01:09:16,824 --> 01:09:20,077 - That's cute. - Hey, you want to see something cool? 1237 01:09:20,202 --> 01:09:21,495 Come here. 1238 01:09:21,870 --> 01:09:23,497 - There. - Thank you. 1239 01:09:25,874 --> 01:09:28,252 So what else do you have in here? 1240 01:09:28,669 --> 01:09:30,671 - Two-buck Chuck. - You know that wine? 1241 01:09:30,754 --> 01:09:32,506 I love this wine. 1242 01:09:32,589 --> 01:09:35,384 - That's all a teacher can afford. - Tell me about it. 1243 01:09:35,676 --> 01:09:36,927 Get this. 1244 01:09:38,262 --> 01:09:40,055 And here I was all worried that you were gonna take me 1245 01:09:40,180 --> 01:09:42,683 to some hip dance club or something. 1246 01:09:43,684 --> 01:09:46,061 That's definitely not me. 1247 01:09:46,645 --> 01:09:48,438 But, no, I'm actually more of 1248 01:09:48,564 --> 01:09:51,191 a kind of simple, just down to earth outdoorsman. 1249 01:09:51,441 --> 01:09:53,777 I like that you don't try too hard. 1250 01:09:54,444 --> 01:09:57,906 The truth is, this is me trying really, really hard. 1251 01:09:58,448 --> 01:09:59,825 That's cute. 1252 01:10:02,786 --> 01:10:05,372 Look, I want to talk to you. I mean... 1253 01:10:08,917 --> 01:10:12,045 There's some things I want you to know about me. 1254 01:10:12,129 --> 01:10:15,841 I want us to look each other in the eye, and I want us to get it out on the table, 1255 01:10:15,924 --> 01:10:19,052 and we just, you know, we listen, and there's no judgment. 1256 01:10:19,136 --> 01:10:24,516 God. You're just so great. You're really just like the perfect guy for me. 1257 01:10:24,975 --> 01:10:27,311 - Really? - I'm serious. 1258 01:10:27,436 --> 01:10:31,773 You're just beautiful, and you're nice to me, and it's so great. 1259 01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:36,403 'Cause I'm really just always attracted to just such dirtbag guys. 1260 01:10:36,612 --> 01:10:37,613 They're out there. 1261 01:10:37,738 --> 01:10:41,366 I'm a real loser magnet. It's, like, on some unconscious level, 1262 01:10:41,450 --> 01:10:46,622 I just need to be with a guy who has absolutely nothing going for him. 1263 01:10:46,705 --> 01:10:50,667 You know, just some loser, some bum lying pig. 1264 01:10:50,792 --> 01:10:52,127 - Stop, stop, stop, stop. - You know, just... 1265 01:10:52,211 --> 01:10:53,212 Stop it. 1266 01:10:53,295 --> 01:10:57,216 I get it. You made some bad choices, and who hasn't? 1267 01:10:57,966 --> 01:11:00,302 It's just you were starting to rant a little bit. 1268 01:11:00,385 --> 01:11:01,929 It's just I'm happy to be with somebody... 1269 01:11:02,012 --> 01:11:02,971 I know. 1270 01:11:03,096 --> 01:11:05,933 You're with a doctor now. 1271 01:11:06,642 --> 01:11:09,144 Yeah. Thank God. 1272 01:11:10,896 --> 01:11:12,606 Let's just kiss. 1273 01:11:26,328 --> 01:11:27,871 Did you do that? 1274 01:11:28,372 --> 01:11:30,958 Kid just jumped out of the bushes and started jamming. That's weird. 1275 01:11:32,668 --> 01:11:34,795 I got nothing to do with it. 1276 01:11:58,318 --> 01:12:00,821 - That naked guy's my teacher! - What? 1277 01:12:00,904 --> 01:12:02,489 - Yeah! - He ain't your teacher! 1278 01:12:02,573 --> 01:12:05,826 Every day he's at the off-ramp. I give him some change. 1279 01:12:05,909 --> 01:12:07,744 What do you mean? Like a bum? 1280 01:12:07,870 --> 01:12:11,540 What are you talking about? He's not a bum! Less fortunate! 1281 01:12:13,167 --> 01:12:14,668 Yeah, or get out of the way. 1282 01:12:14,793 --> 01:12:15,961 How're you doing? 1283 01:12:16,044 --> 01:12:17,713 - Hey, how's it going, Drillbit? - Hey, Drillbit. 1284 01:12:17,796 --> 01:12:19,464 So, listen, you know the thing we talked about? 1285 01:12:19,548 --> 01:12:20,716 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1286 01:12:20,883 --> 01:12:22,050 - Plan's off. - What? 1287 01:12:22,176 --> 01:12:24,928 - Drillbit! Drillbit. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1288 01:12:25,262 --> 01:12:26,513 What do you mean the plan's off? 1289 01:12:26,597 --> 01:12:29,349 It's not off. I just mean let's... Let's postpone it. 1290 01:12:29,433 --> 01:12:31,018 'Cause I don't think we need to get their belongings now. 1291 01:12:31,143 --> 01:12:33,187 These kids, they kind of look at me like I'm a hero, 1292 01:12:33,270 --> 01:12:34,855 and, I don't know, let's run with that for a little bit. 1293 01:12:34,938 --> 01:12:36,148 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1294 01:12:36,315 --> 01:12:38,442 You're really getting into this whole teacher thing here, huh? 1295 01:12:38,567 --> 01:12:40,402 With the sweaters and the loafers. 1296 01:12:40,486 --> 01:12:43,363 - They're wingtips. - You look like you teach Fagonometry. 1297 01:12:43,447 --> 01:12:45,532 What the hell is this? Who are you? 1298 01:12:45,616 --> 01:12:49,411 I got an old saying for you, Drillbit, "You can't polish a turd." 1299 01:12:49,495 --> 01:12:51,663 Hey, Don, first of all, that's not an old saying. 1300 01:12:51,747 --> 01:12:52,831 You stole that from me. 1301 01:12:52,915 --> 01:12:55,417 I say it all the time. Secondly, I'm insulted. 1302 01:12:55,501 --> 01:12:58,045 Well, you should be. Drillbit, I know you. 1303 01:12:58,337 --> 01:13:00,589 And the real you would do this deal, man. 1304 01:13:00,672 --> 01:13:04,426 There's a lot of heads that want to feed off of this, man. Don't let us down. 1305 01:13:04,510 --> 01:13:06,011 No! No, that's just it. 1306 01:13:06,094 --> 01:13:08,138 For the first time, I'm not letting everybody down. 1307 01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:10,891 - And now you're not making any sense! - Yeah. 1308 01:13:10,974 --> 01:13:15,062 That guy's a fraud! He's a bum in a Mister Rogers sweater! 1309 01:13:19,191 --> 01:13:21,026 Yo, yo, yo, yo. Okay, check it out, check it out. 1310 01:13:21,109 --> 01:13:22,236 I just saw the new substitute... 1311 01:13:22,319 --> 01:13:24,279 Delta-four-niner, this is Yu-Gi-Oh-seven. 1312 01:13:24,404 --> 01:13:26,114 On the highway to the danger zone. 1313 01:13:26,198 --> 01:13:27,866 Repeat, on the highway, over. 1314 01:13:27,950 --> 01:13:29,827 Oh, shitballs! 1315 01:13:29,952 --> 01:13:32,120 Yu-Gi-Oh-four-seven, you are not clear to cross. 1316 01:13:32,246 --> 01:13:34,331 Repeat, you got a bogie northbound. 1317 01:13:34,456 --> 01:13:35,833 - Oh, crap. - Guys, hold your position. 1318 01:13:35,958 --> 01:13:36,959 I'm en route. 1319 01:13:37,084 --> 01:13:38,752 Guys, hold your position! 1320 01:13:40,546 --> 01:13:42,214 Come here, you little rat turds! 1321 01:13:42,297 --> 01:13:43,882 No! Come on! 1322 01:13:43,966 --> 01:13:45,342 Yo, so what'd you do, huh? 1323 01:13:45,467 --> 01:13:47,803 What, did you give the substitute teacher some spare change 1324 01:13:47,886 --> 01:13:49,888 - so he'd give us a hard time? - Get them! 1325 01:13:49,972 --> 01:13:51,265 Mister Filkins? 1326 01:13:51,348 --> 01:13:52,933 Excuse me. I need you to get to class. 1327 01:13:53,058 --> 01:13:55,352 And you three, I want you out of here, too! 1328 01:13:55,477 --> 01:13:56,812 - Go on! - Hey. 1329 01:13:56,937 --> 01:13:58,897 Get out of my face, you bum! 1330 01:13:58,981 --> 01:14:01,650 Maybe I will if you stop hassling these kids. 1331 01:14:01,775 --> 01:14:03,152 But until you're ready to do that, 1332 01:14:03,277 --> 01:14:05,487 I'm gonna give you some detentions to think about it. 1333 01:14:05,612 --> 01:14:07,698 Please, just don't, don't give me detention. 1334 01:14:07,823 --> 01:14:10,659 Yeah. That's my power, and I will exercise it. 1335 01:14:10,784 --> 01:14:12,953 And then what? Huh? You gonna make us shower on the beach 1336 01:14:13,036 --> 01:14:14,496 with you and the rest of the bums? 1337 01:14:14,621 --> 01:14:16,790 - Yeah, we're on to you, buddy. - What's that supposed to mean? 1338 01:14:16,915 --> 01:14:20,752 What a freak. You got some weird little fantasies there, kid. 1339 01:14:20,836 --> 01:14:23,630 Okay, here's the deal. Let me make it real simple. 1340 01:14:23,714 --> 01:14:25,591 I'm a faculty... 1341 01:14:26,717 --> 01:14:28,510 Punk-ass! 1342 01:14:28,927 --> 01:14:31,972 - He got me right in the ear! - Run! Run! 1343 01:14:32,055 --> 01:14:34,725 - Yeah! Run! Save yourself! - Run! 1344 01:14:34,850 --> 01:14:35,851 Medic! 1345 01:14:36,894 --> 01:14:38,395 Medic! 1346 01:14:38,770 --> 01:14:40,731 I got hit right in the nose! 1347 01:14:40,856 --> 01:14:42,941 Followed up by a shot to the ear! 1348 01:14:43,734 --> 01:14:46,153 Oh, man. Okay. 1349 01:14:49,323 --> 01:14:51,158 Oh, that doesn't work at all. 1350 01:14:52,534 --> 01:14:55,496 - This whole time he's a bum! - Hey! Hey, you guys, hold it! Wait up! 1351 01:14:55,579 --> 01:14:58,457 - Guys, let me explain! - Explain what, huh? 1352 01:14:59,583 --> 01:15:01,752 Filkins is just gonna come after us harder than ever! 1353 01:15:01,877 --> 01:15:02,920 What was that about showering on the beach? 1354 01:15:03,045 --> 01:15:04,004 You guys, hold it. 1355 01:15:04,087 --> 01:15:05,172 Why would you shower on the beach? 1356 01:15:05,255 --> 01:15:06,256 Why don't we all just shower on the beach? 1357 01:15:06,381 --> 01:15:07,466 It's part of my morning fitness regimen! 1358 01:15:07,549 --> 01:15:09,593 I jog on the beach five miles, then I swim ten miles. 1359 01:15:09,718 --> 01:15:11,970 That's what I do to stay in shape. Then I shower. 1360 01:15:12,054 --> 01:15:13,722 So, why didn't you defend yourself? 1361 01:15:13,847 --> 01:15:16,266 'Cause I got sucker punched! Look at this! 1362 01:15:18,185 --> 01:15:19,603 Then I got hit in the ear, 1363 01:15:19,728 --> 01:15:23,065 which you probably can't even see, 'cause it's so deep in the ear canal. 1364 01:15:23,148 --> 01:15:24,107 I didn't really get hurt, 1365 01:15:24,233 --> 01:15:27,277 but I just kind of went down to give you guys a chance to get away. 1366 01:15:27,402 --> 01:15:28,904 We paid you to beat him up! 1367 01:15:29,029 --> 01:15:32,157 How am I gonna beat him up with all these kids around? 1368 01:15:32,241 --> 01:15:35,244 Okay, then the principal comes and maybe some cops. 1369 01:15:35,327 --> 01:15:37,371 They'll find out I'm not a real teacher. 1370 01:15:37,496 --> 01:15:39,915 What good am I if I'm sitting there in jail? 1371 01:15:40,040 --> 01:15:42,793 Look, I took a bullet for you guys today. 1372 01:15:43,001 --> 01:15:44,670 You guys got off scot-free! 1373 01:15:44,753 --> 01:15:46,505 - Did you get hurt? - No. 1374 01:15:46,588 --> 01:15:48,340 - Did you get hurt? - No. 1375 01:15:48,799 --> 01:15:51,593 I'm like one of those guys jumping in front of the President. 1376 01:15:51,718 --> 01:15:54,471 And, look, I'm not expecting a thank you. That's my job. 1377 01:15:54,596 --> 01:15:56,265 But maybe give me a bonus or something. 1378 01:15:56,348 --> 01:15:59,309 Sly used to throw in a car every now and then. 1379 01:16:02,020 --> 01:16:03,897 I'm so sorry, Drillbit. 1380 01:16:06,859 --> 01:16:09,361 What am I gonna do with you guys? 1381 01:16:10,779 --> 01:16:12,489 You want some cereal? 1382 01:16:12,614 --> 01:16:15,200 - You got any Cap'n Crunch? - Yeah. 1383 01:16:15,450 --> 01:16:16,493 Let's go. 1384 01:16:20,581 --> 01:16:21,623 - Drillbit! - What are you doing? 1385 01:16:21,748 --> 01:16:23,167 - What the hell? - No, don't, stop. Come on. 1386 01:16:23,292 --> 01:16:24,751 - Put that stuff down! - Hey, no way, man! 1387 01:16:24,877 --> 01:16:26,378 - Drillbit, why you yelling? - Drillbit, back off, man! 1388 01:16:26,461 --> 01:16:28,922 - You know these guys? - No, I don't know these people! 1389 01:16:29,006 --> 01:16:30,174 We're almost done here, all right? 1390 01:16:30,299 --> 01:16:32,467 - I am freaking out! - My parents are gonna kill me! 1391 01:16:32,593 --> 01:16:33,969 - What the hell's going on? - Everything's fine! 1392 01:16:34,094 --> 01:16:35,304 - Screw this, man! I'm out of here! - Wait a second! 1393 01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:36,513 - Why are you all yelling? - Don? 1394 01:16:36,638 --> 01:16:38,849 - Not like this! What are you doing? - Take it easy! 1395 01:16:38,974 --> 01:16:41,059 - Just take it easy, man. - This isn't the plan. 1396 01:16:41,143 --> 01:16:43,187 - Relax. - All the shit's gone in your house. 1397 01:16:43,312 --> 01:16:44,563 You came to me as a man, I came to you as a man. 1398 01:16:44,646 --> 01:16:46,148 All the shit is gone in my house! 1399 01:16:46,273 --> 01:16:47,691 - Are you... - Don't you touch me! 1400 01:16:47,816 --> 01:16:49,860 Don't make me Billy Jack your ass. 1401 01:16:51,820 --> 01:16:52,905 Watch out! 1402 01:17:03,499 --> 01:17:05,667 That's how you Billy Jack somebody's ass. 1403 01:17:05,792 --> 01:17:06,919 Come on, Bernie, let's go! 1404 01:17:07,002 --> 01:17:08,837 Let's go! Go on, get out of the way, man! 1405 01:17:08,962 --> 01:17:10,547 - Let's go! - Let's go! 1406 01:17:10,672 --> 01:17:12,966 You'd better run! I saw your faces! 1407 01:17:13,050 --> 01:17:15,427 I got a photogenic memory! 1408 01:17:15,594 --> 01:17:17,846 Get out of my house, you asshole! 1409 01:17:17,930 --> 01:17:20,641 What? There's another one? I'll kill the asshole! 1410 01:17:20,724 --> 01:17:23,811 No! You, asshole! Get out of my house, now! Look at what you've done! 1411 01:17:23,894 --> 01:17:25,646 I didn't do anything! 1412 01:17:25,813 --> 01:17:27,773 I'm trying to help you guys! Look at me! 1413 01:17:27,856 --> 01:17:29,691 Wade, I think one of them peed in your kitchen. 1414 01:17:29,817 --> 01:17:31,902 - Great! - Should I call the police? 1415 01:17:32,027 --> 01:17:34,154 No, don't call the police! Just stop. 1416 01:17:34,238 --> 01:17:36,114 Drillbit, just tell us the truth. 1417 01:17:36,198 --> 01:17:39,535 You can't handle the truth! I can't... What do you want to hear? 1418 01:17:39,660 --> 01:17:41,620 That I was raised in an orphanage? 1419 01:17:41,703 --> 01:17:44,540 That I... That no one wanted me? You don't want to hear that! 1420 01:17:44,623 --> 01:17:46,583 'Cause that's a lie, too! 1421 01:17:49,002 --> 01:17:52,381 Fine. Maybe I wasn't completely straight with you guys about who I am. 1422 01:17:52,464 --> 01:17:54,466 So you lied about being in the military? 1423 01:17:54,550 --> 01:17:58,011 No! That's true. I was trained by the United States Army. 1424 01:17:58,095 --> 01:18:00,973 Then why could a teenager beat you up with so little effort? 1425 01:18:01,056 --> 01:18:04,601 Because I don't like violence. I wasn't cut out to be a soldier. 1426 01:18:04,893 --> 01:18:07,396 - Boo-hoo. - I like the parts with the repelling 1427 01:18:07,479 --> 01:18:10,899 and the crawling through the mud and the swinging on the monkey bars 1428 01:18:11,024 --> 01:18:14,611 and the helping the wounded, but I don't like confrontation. 1429 01:18:14,736 --> 01:18:18,240 Even this, with you three ganging up on me, is not... I don't... 1430 01:18:18,782 --> 01:18:20,909 - It's really... I'm sorry. - Shit! 1431 01:18:21,201 --> 01:18:24,621 You were in the military, huh? Tell me where you served. 1432 01:18:24,830 --> 01:18:29,001 My company was in the Middle East, and I was there for like half a day. 1433 01:18:29,084 --> 01:18:33,839 I saw some camels and heard some, 1434 01:18:34,464 --> 01:18:37,342 I think, were some explosions, I don't know. 1435 01:18:37,843 --> 01:18:41,930 And it was... It was so hot over there. It was... 1436 01:18:42,806 --> 01:18:46,143 I just climbed in the wheel well of a cargo plane, and I flew back to the U.S. 1437 01:18:46,268 --> 01:18:48,645 I went AWOL. It was... 1438 01:18:48,770 --> 01:18:50,856 Is your name even Drillbit? 1439 01:18:51,190 --> 01:18:52,357 Is my... 1440 01:18:53,442 --> 01:18:55,486 What? How can you ask me that? 1441 01:18:55,777 --> 01:18:56,904 Is it? 1442 01:18:58,113 --> 01:19:02,201 No, it's... It's Alamo Taylor. 1443 01:19:05,787 --> 01:19:07,664 No. That's a lie, too. 1444 01:19:08,957 --> 01:19:12,211 There I go, trying to impress a bunch of kids again. 1445 01:19:13,921 --> 01:19:15,923 When are you gonna grow up? 1446 01:19:16,006 --> 01:19:18,342 My real name is Bob Taylor. 1447 01:19:18,801 --> 01:19:20,928 Not Robert, just Bob. 1448 01:19:22,221 --> 01:19:25,349 There, you satisfied? And I didn't kill anyone with a drill bit. 1449 01:19:25,474 --> 01:19:27,226 Although when I was in high school, 1450 01:19:27,309 --> 01:19:29,812 I did puncture my pinky with a drill bit. 1451 01:19:30,103 --> 01:19:33,065 And everyone started calling me Drillbit, making fun of me. 1452 01:19:33,148 --> 01:19:34,983 - Okay? And you can see the scar... - No, get away. 1453 01:19:35,108 --> 01:19:36,777 ...if you look closely right there. Can you see? 1454 01:19:36,860 --> 01:19:40,614 Look, Ryan, look, you can see it. It's real. Look. 1455 01:19:40,697 --> 01:19:41,782 Can you see it in the light? 1456 01:19:41,907 --> 01:19:46,703 So you were just using us to take our money and everything in my house? 1457 01:19:54,336 --> 01:19:56,672 That's kind of an oversimplification. 1458 01:19:58,257 --> 01:20:00,134 I thought you cared about us. 1459 01:20:00,717 --> 01:20:03,095 I do. I just... 1460 01:20:04,346 --> 01:20:06,598 I thought you were my friend. 1461 01:20:07,808 --> 01:20:10,519 Get out, Drillbit, and don't ever come back. 1462 01:20:16,024 --> 01:20:17,276 Leave! 1463 01:20:19,361 --> 01:20:20,696 I'm sorry. 1464 01:20:28,912 --> 01:20:29,872 Hello? 1465 01:20:29,997 --> 01:20:31,206 Hey. Yeah, look, I know... 1466 01:20:31,331 --> 01:20:33,000 I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to meet you, 1467 01:20:33,125 --> 01:20:35,836 but I'm just having a real terrible day. 1468 01:20:35,961 --> 01:20:37,421 Where are you? 1469 01:20:38,046 --> 01:20:42,009 Remember you said you had that real self-destructive pattern 1470 01:20:42,092 --> 01:20:47,139 of always going out with guys that were just real losers, just dirtbags? 1471 01:20:47,222 --> 01:20:49,224 Total zeros. 1472 01:20:49,308 --> 01:20:51,018 - Yes. - Well. 1473 01:20:51,143 --> 01:20:53,812 You might not be out of the woods yet with that. 1474 01:20:54,021 --> 01:20:59,193 No, you said you were a doctor. You're a doctor. You're not a doctor? 1475 01:20:59,318 --> 01:21:00,777 No, I'm not a doctor. 1476 01:21:00,903 --> 01:21:04,406 I'm a homeless U.S. Army deserter. I was... 1477 01:21:04,531 --> 01:21:07,534 I'm not a teacher, but I'm at the school. I'm trying to protect these kids. 1478 01:21:07,618 --> 01:21:10,412 What? What did you say about homeless? 1479 01:21:11,246 --> 01:21:15,542 Like, metaphorically speaking or in a box? 1480 01:21:18,712 --> 01:21:20,797 You got to let it out. 1481 01:21:21,131 --> 01:21:25,093 You got to just let it out. Just... 1482 01:21:30,766 --> 01:21:32,100 That's not it. 1483 01:21:32,267 --> 01:21:35,896 Drillbit? I mean, Bob. It's us, the guys. 1484 01:21:36,522 --> 01:21:39,566 - Pick up, Bob. - Yeah, pick up, Drillbit. 1485 01:21:40,442 --> 01:21:41,443 Boys? 1486 01:21:41,568 --> 01:21:44,029 We just called to say we're calling the cops on you, 1487 01:21:44,112 --> 01:21:47,866 and we hope you spend the rest of your pathetic life in prison! 1488 01:21:47,950 --> 01:21:51,662 Now I see why people call you Drillbit. Because you screw people! 1489 01:21:51,787 --> 01:21:54,665 You're a jackass and a dirtbag. 1490 01:21:55,123 --> 01:21:57,376 And I want my bar mitzvah money back. 1491 01:21:57,501 --> 01:22:00,754 Oh, yeah, and I'd like my walkie-talkie back. Over. 1492 01:22:07,052 --> 01:22:09,263 I tell you what, I'll give you 1,500 for everything. 1493 01:22:09,346 --> 01:22:10,639 1,500? Come on, man. 1494 01:22:10,764 --> 01:22:12,808 This stuff holds a lot of sentimental value. 1495 01:22:12,933 --> 01:22:15,561 - To who? - To the people I stole it from. 1496 01:22:15,644 --> 01:22:17,020 I don't care about them. 1,500. 1497 01:22:17,146 --> 01:22:19,606 All right. Deal. What do I do? Just back this thing up? 1498 01:22:19,690 --> 01:22:21,817 - Yeah, back it right up. - All right. 1499 01:22:25,904 --> 01:22:27,739 How're you doing, Don? 1500 01:22:30,409 --> 01:22:33,453 You got a real stupid laugh, you know that, Don? 1501 01:22:34,746 --> 01:22:36,582 How about you go ahead and hop on out of that van here, 1502 01:22:36,665 --> 01:22:38,417 so I can kick your ass again? 1503 01:22:38,500 --> 01:22:41,253 Sorry, but this haul's getting returned to sender. 1504 01:22:41,336 --> 01:22:42,963 - Oh, really? - Yeah, it is, Don. 1505 01:22:43,046 --> 01:22:44,381 And I'll tell you another thing that's gonna happen. 1506 01:22:44,506 --> 01:22:46,133 This left foot is gonna go on the right side 1507 01:22:46,258 --> 01:22:47,676 - of your face! - Oh, give me a break, Drillbit. 1508 01:22:47,759 --> 01:22:51,430 I know you and the Drillbit I know isn't capable of really doing it! 1509 01:22:55,809 --> 01:22:56,768 Hoo-rah! 1510 01:22:58,270 --> 01:23:01,273 I'm giving you one more chance to save this friendship! 1511 01:23:04,693 --> 01:23:07,321 Damn it! You ready for this, Don? 1512 01:23:08,697 --> 01:23:11,408 - No! - Yeah! 1513 01:23:16,288 --> 01:23:19,208 Polish that turd, Don! 1514 01:23:22,878 --> 01:23:24,463 I'm dead. 1515 01:23:24,546 --> 01:23:26,590 - You're dead. - I'm sad. 1516 01:23:29,885 --> 01:23:32,054 Wade, what's wrong? Is everything okay? 1517 01:23:32,179 --> 01:23:34,431 Yeah, but you're not gonna wanna go home. 1518 01:23:34,556 --> 01:23:38,143 - Oh, no, no, no. The cable go out? - If it is, you're dead. 1519 01:23:39,478 --> 01:23:40,437 Of course it was your fault! 1520 01:23:40,562 --> 01:23:42,064 You were home! You should have stopped them! 1521 01:23:42,189 --> 01:23:44,942 Bear with me. I didn't mean for this to happen. 1522 01:23:45,067 --> 01:23:46,235 Oh, God. 1523 01:23:46,652 --> 01:23:48,654 Please don't scream. 1524 01:23:50,405 --> 01:23:51,907 What the hell? I thought we were robbed! 1525 01:23:51,990 --> 01:23:53,283 We were! 1526 01:23:53,408 --> 01:23:55,953 We didn't get robbed! We got rearranged! 1527 01:23:56,537 --> 01:23:58,539 You and your weirdo friends have a marijuana party? 1528 01:23:58,664 --> 01:24:00,165 - No! - Oh, honey. 1529 01:24:00,249 --> 01:24:02,626 - Punish him, Dad. - Yeah, don't let him get away with this. 1530 01:24:02,751 --> 01:24:05,546 - Are you smoking pot? - No. I'm really confused. 1531 01:24:05,629 --> 01:24:08,340 No, no, Wade. Drillbit must have done it. 1532 01:24:08,924 --> 01:24:10,217 Who's Drillbit? 1533 01:24:10,717 --> 01:24:12,511 You tell me what's going on now, Wade. 1534 01:24:13,011 --> 01:24:15,347 I just... I think it's weird, you know, 1535 01:24:15,430 --> 01:24:19,101 that this is what I get for trying to make them feel like a part of the group. 1536 01:24:19,226 --> 01:24:23,897 I mean, I saw it like a school tradition. It's hazing, yeah, but 1537 01:24:24,022 --> 01:24:26,108 just to, you know, make them feel like they belonged. 1538 01:24:26,233 --> 01:24:29,945 Sort of like a fun initiation. 1539 01:24:30,070 --> 01:24:32,072 I mean, didn't you all have that when you were kids? 1540 01:24:32,197 --> 01:24:36,243 Yeah. I remember my first few days. Got tied to the flagpole, 1541 01:24:36,368 --> 01:24:39,079 egged a few times. At the end of it, it's all laughs. 1542 01:24:39,204 --> 01:24:41,748 Yeah, Wade, boys, you really shouldn't have panicked like that. 1543 01:24:41,874 --> 01:24:43,417 Yeah, this boy's not dangerous, 1544 01:24:43,542 --> 01:24:46,211 not compared to a dirty, homeless ex-soldier. 1545 01:24:46,295 --> 01:24:49,840 The more I think about it, that guy, he could've really hurt me. 1546 01:24:49,965 --> 01:24:54,178 All right. I'm... I'm sorry, but your boys brought a fugitive onto school property 1547 01:24:54,303 --> 01:24:56,346 threatening the safety of my students. 1548 01:24:56,472 --> 01:24:58,599 Now, I don't... I don't wanna point any fingers here, 1549 01:24:58,724 --> 01:25:01,435 but I think we all know who's to blame. 1550 01:25:02,394 --> 01:25:04,688 You put my life in danger, guys. 1551 01:25:05,147 --> 01:25:08,275 It's worse than any hazing that anybody could do. 1552 01:25:08,358 --> 01:25:10,235 I'm just lucky I was able to defend myself. 1553 01:25:10,319 --> 01:25:11,820 Who knows what might have happened? 1554 01:25:11,904 --> 01:25:14,656 This guy's a veteran! How many people might he have killed? 1555 01:25:14,781 --> 01:25:16,617 Did anybody see "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline? 1556 01:25:16,700 --> 01:25:18,285 - I watched that! - I saw that, yeah. 1557 01:25:18,410 --> 01:25:20,496 It's where they set the booby trap for the pedophiles. 1558 01:25:20,621 --> 01:25:22,372 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - A grandfather, a priest... 1559 01:25:22,498 --> 01:25:24,416 I mean, could you imagine it? You think you're on a date, 1560 01:25:24,500 --> 01:25:26,084 and then all of a sudden, police are everywhere. 1561 01:25:26,168 --> 01:25:27,753 - Yeah. - My God, this guy knows where we live. 1562 01:25:27,836 --> 01:25:28,837 - Yeah. - Okay. 1563 01:25:28,921 --> 01:25:33,300 I think you'll be glad to know I gave security camera footage of this Drillbit 1564 01:25:33,383 --> 01:25:36,136 to the police and they said they'd be watching for him. 1565 01:25:36,220 --> 01:25:38,388 No, what the hell's the matter with you guys? 1566 01:25:38,514 --> 01:25:40,933 Are you mentally defective or something? 1567 01:25:41,016 --> 01:25:43,143 You got to understand, Drillbit was around because 1568 01:25:43,268 --> 01:25:45,145 this psychopath over here was gonna murder us! 1569 01:25:45,229 --> 01:25:47,523 I mean, Filkins is the real criminal! 1570 01:25:47,648 --> 01:25:48,941 Yes! He has a samurai sword 1571 01:25:49,024 --> 01:25:50,692 - he has used on his other victims! - All right... 1572 01:25:55,739 --> 01:25:56,824 Sit down! 1573 01:25:58,534 --> 01:26:00,077 Sit down! 1574 01:26:00,661 --> 01:26:01,954 Thank you very much. 1575 01:26:02,037 --> 01:26:03,247 Now, Terry. 1576 01:26:04,164 --> 01:26:06,458 Is there any truth to this? 1577 01:26:07,334 --> 01:26:09,336 Oh, yeah. All of it. 1578 01:26:10,754 --> 01:26:14,967 I'm really a samurai warrior from the 14th century sent to kill them. 1579 01:26:19,096 --> 01:26:20,556 He's cute. 1580 01:26:20,639 --> 01:26:23,517 Okay, I hope I speak for everyone here 1581 01:26:23,600 --> 01:26:27,020 in saying that I feel this issue is resolved. 1582 01:26:27,104 --> 01:26:28,105 - Thank you. Okay, okay. - All right? 1583 01:26:28,230 --> 01:26:29,815 Very good. Thank you for coming in, folks. 1584 01:26:29,898 --> 01:26:31,817 - Thank you. - All right, yeah. 1585 01:26:31,900 --> 01:26:33,986 - Hey, wasn't that fun? - Hell, yeah. 1586 01:26:34,069 --> 01:26:35,445 - Oh, my goodness! - Great. 1587 01:26:35,571 --> 01:26:36,530 - You feel better now, honey? - Terry, honey. 1588 01:26:36,613 --> 01:26:38,073 I did not know you were all alone. 1589 01:26:38,157 --> 01:26:40,242 We want to have you over to the house for dinner, okay? 1590 01:26:40,367 --> 01:26:43,787 - That would be wonderful! - Wade could use more friends. 1591 01:26:50,752 --> 01:26:52,462 Give me one, please. 1592 01:26:56,258 --> 01:26:59,720 You're kind of a born loser. It's funny. 1593 01:27:00,429 --> 01:27:01,889 It's not funny. 1594 01:27:02,181 --> 01:27:03,765 It's funny to me. 1595 01:27:04,183 --> 01:27:06,977 Come on, don't jinx me. Don't jinx me. 1596 01:27:08,854 --> 01:27:11,899 500! Yes! Yes! I did it! 1597 01:27:11,982 --> 01:27:13,400 - I got it, man! - Dude! 1598 01:27:13,484 --> 01:27:14,735 Look at that! Yes! 1599 01:27:14,860 --> 01:27:16,069 You got a ticket to Canada! 1600 01:27:16,153 --> 01:27:18,405 You better believe it! Come on, man! 1601 01:27:18,489 --> 01:27:20,741 Finally! Finally, I get one! 1602 01:27:20,866 --> 01:27:24,244 Come here, you! This candy's on me! Put it down! 1603 01:27:24,536 --> 01:27:28,165 You got it! Well, maybe just get one of them. Here. Here you go! 1604 01:27:41,303 --> 01:27:43,430 Okay, keep your eyes peeled. 1605 01:27:46,475 --> 01:27:49,311 - Do you see Filkins? - No, but I see Brooke. 1606 01:27:49,770 --> 01:27:52,356 Gonna go for it. I'm gonna ask her out. 1607 01:27:53,148 --> 01:27:54,399 - Really? - Yeah. 1608 01:27:54,817 --> 01:27:57,569 - You waited all this time. Why now? - Why not? 1609 01:27:57,986 --> 01:28:00,447 My life sucks so badly, even if she says no, 1610 01:28:00,531 --> 01:28:02,616 it's not like I'll have very far to fall. 1611 01:28:07,871 --> 01:28:09,081 I don't know. 1612 01:28:10,457 --> 01:28:13,085 - Hi. - Hi. 1613 01:28:13,168 --> 01:28:15,587 Look, I don't know how to do this. 1614 01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:19,424 In fact, I've been wanting to do this for a while. I just didn't know 1615 01:28:19,508 --> 01:28:21,135 when would be a good time. I don't... 1616 01:28:21,218 --> 01:28:25,430 I didn't know if it would ever be a good time. I mean, if I'd ever think... 1617 01:28:28,767 --> 01:28:30,394 It's okay, Brooke. 1618 01:28:32,729 --> 01:28:35,983 Yo, bro, I swear to God those ain't my sodas, 1619 01:28:36,066 --> 01:28:38,986 but if you wanted to, say, hire me or something, like a bodyguard, 1620 01:28:39,069 --> 01:28:43,157 I think maybe I could dedicate my life to finding the real culprit. 1621 01:28:45,701 --> 01:28:48,579 Wade, come on. I'm okay with this, so let's just go. 1622 01:28:48,704 --> 01:28:50,581 What'd you say, ho? 1623 01:28:50,956 --> 01:28:52,499 Okay, you know what? What is your problem? 1624 01:28:52,624 --> 01:28:54,626 Why don't you just leave them alone? 1625 01:28:54,710 --> 01:28:57,546 What are you gonna do, bro? What are you gonna do? 1626 01:28:59,423 --> 01:29:03,302 You aren't gonna do anything, because you don't have any balls. 1627 01:29:04,511 --> 01:29:06,847 - Leave him alone! - It's just not in you. 1628 01:29:12,060 --> 01:29:14,271 You see? Look at that. 1629 01:29:15,230 --> 01:29:16,565 Sackless! 1630 01:29:21,320 --> 01:29:24,907 Why do you even waste my time? You're pathetic. 1631 01:29:30,496 --> 01:29:32,206 You all right, Wade? 1632 01:29:32,623 --> 01:29:34,625 - Don't worry about that guy. - He's just insecure inside. 1633 01:29:34,750 --> 01:29:37,085 - Get up. Let's get out of here. - Wade? 1634 01:29:37,211 --> 01:29:38,712 Where are you going? 1635 01:29:38,795 --> 01:29:41,256 - T-Dog! Stop him! - Fight! Fight! 1636 01:29:44,051 --> 01:29:45,052 Come on, Wade! 1637 01:29:45,135 --> 01:29:47,513 I'll kick the crap out of you right now. You know why? 1638 01:29:47,596 --> 01:29:50,641 Half because everyone is sick of your garbage 1639 01:29:50,766 --> 01:29:53,268 and half because of what you said to Brooke! 1640 01:29:55,062 --> 01:29:56,897 Do you think I'm dumb? 1641 01:29:57,815 --> 01:29:59,942 Trying to trick me into getting myself in trouble? 1642 01:30:00,067 --> 01:30:03,070 Fine. Then we'll beat your face in somewhere else. 1643 01:30:03,153 --> 01:30:05,155 - Anywhere. Go ahead. You name it. - Okay, good. 1644 01:30:05,280 --> 01:30:09,827 Everybody! Everybody! I'm gonna kick their asses tonight at my house! 1645 01:30:10,244 --> 01:30:13,330 Everybody should come! It's gonna be hilarious! 1646 01:30:13,622 --> 01:30:15,415 Ultimate Geek Fighting! 1647 01:30:15,749 --> 01:30:20,087 Once you step on my property, you're freaking trespassing, brother, 1648 01:30:20,170 --> 01:30:21,964 and I can do anything I want. 1649 01:30:22,047 --> 01:30:23,882 You're nothing but a pathetic wimp, 1650 01:30:23,966 --> 01:30:27,094 and everyone's gonna know by the end of tonight, brother! 1651 01:30:27,219 --> 01:30:28,929 And I will see you there! 1652 01:30:36,311 --> 01:30:38,021 What have I just done? 1653 01:30:38,355 --> 01:30:40,232 That was awesome, man. 1654 01:30:40,482 --> 01:30:44,027 - Me and Emmit are gonna back you up. - Oh, now it's "me and Emmit." 1655 01:30:44,153 --> 01:30:46,822 You've never been nice to me, Ryan, and I've only been kind to you. 1656 01:30:46,947 --> 01:30:49,158 And I've tried so hard to make this friendship work, 1657 01:30:49,283 --> 01:30:52,661 but I am not going to die for someone who won't die for me! 1658 01:30:52,744 --> 01:30:56,373 "Survival technique." I renounce violence. 1659 01:30:56,832 --> 01:30:58,959 I have a future! 1660 01:31:00,127 --> 01:31:01,795 What do we do next? 1661 01:31:02,713 --> 01:31:05,299 Guess we'd better learn how to fight. 1662 01:31:06,842 --> 01:31:08,886 - Jump left, jump left. - Come on, Blue. 1663 01:31:09,011 --> 01:31:10,345 - That's what I'm talking about! - No, no, no, no. 1664 01:31:10,429 --> 01:31:11,972 - That's what I'm talking about! - Come on! 1665 01:31:12,097 --> 01:31:13,307 Come on! Yes! 1666 01:31:13,432 --> 01:31:15,684 This PowerBar's really working. 1667 01:31:15,809 --> 01:31:17,352 I feel stronger. 1668 01:31:18,228 --> 01:31:19,563 I feel fatter. 1669 01:31:19,688 --> 01:31:21,482 Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you? 1670 01:31:21,565 --> 01:31:23,817 Come on. Do me this one favor. 1671 01:31:26,028 --> 01:31:27,613 That was perfect! 1672 01:31:29,072 --> 01:31:32,159 All right. We need to learn how to take a punch. 1673 01:31:32,493 --> 01:31:34,536 You ready? Let me go first. 1674 01:31:35,370 --> 01:31:36,997 - All right? - Okay. 1675 01:31:50,260 --> 01:31:52,137 Block out the pain. 1676 01:31:52,221 --> 01:31:54,848 Remember what that douche bag Drillbit taught us? 1677 01:31:54,932 --> 01:31:57,351 - Mind over pain! - Okay. 1678 01:31:57,434 --> 01:32:00,229 All right. Hit me in the chest. 1679 01:32:02,981 --> 01:32:03,941 Jeez! 1680 01:32:05,776 --> 01:32:07,611 - Your knuckles are all bone! - All right. 1681 01:32:07,736 --> 01:32:09,613 We get to call how hard the other guy hits. 1682 01:32:09,738 --> 01:32:13,325 All right. Ten being the hardest, how hard do you want it? 1683 01:32:13,408 --> 01:32:16,036 Five. In the back. In the back. 1684 01:32:20,666 --> 01:32:21,834 Oh, God! 1685 01:32:21,917 --> 01:32:25,587 Wonder what it feels like getting hit in the middle of the forehead. 1686 01:32:28,382 --> 01:32:29,341 Jeez! 1687 01:32:31,218 --> 01:32:32,970 - All right, new rules! - Okay. 1688 01:32:33,095 --> 01:32:34,346 I'm not gonna tell you where I'm gonna hit you. 1689 01:32:34,429 --> 01:32:35,556 - No, I don't like that rule. - No, it's good. 1690 01:32:35,639 --> 01:32:37,516 - No, it's not good. - It's good. It simulates a real fight. 1691 01:32:37,599 --> 01:32:39,726 - Trust me. - All right, fine. 1692 01:32:44,022 --> 01:32:45,315 I can't see this coming. 1693 01:32:45,440 --> 01:32:47,067 There's no way Wade can hurt me. 1694 01:32:49,611 --> 01:32:50,696 Not balls! 1695 01:32:51,780 --> 01:32:53,365 You hit me in the nuts! 1696 01:32:55,367 --> 01:32:58,495 Dear Mom, if you're reading this, 1697 01:32:59,329 --> 01:33:01,748 it's very possible that I'm dead. 1698 01:33:04,960 --> 01:33:09,006 If I don't survive, you should definitely sue Emmit's family. 1699 01:33:09,381 --> 01:33:13,010 P.S. Sorry I let your silver platter get stolen. 1700 01:33:13,218 --> 01:33:15,554 My raps and rhymes will become more valuable now. 1701 01:33:15,637 --> 01:33:17,556 You're free to sell them to Ghostface Killah. 1702 01:33:22,728 --> 01:33:25,272 Remember the plan. Strike first and strike hard. 1703 01:33:25,355 --> 01:33:28,025 You go for the head. I'll go for the nuts. 1704 01:34:10,359 --> 01:34:13,237 It actually looks like a pretty cool party. 1705 01:34:16,156 --> 01:34:17,491 Oh! Hey, guys. 1706 01:34:17,616 --> 01:34:22,371 So, how does it feel to know that death is just a few moments away? 1707 01:34:22,996 --> 01:34:25,457 - Where's Filkins? - In the kitchen. 1708 01:34:28,377 --> 01:34:30,087 In case we don't make it, 1709 01:34:32,214 --> 01:34:34,550 - I don't want to have any regrets. - Yeah. 1710 01:34:36,301 --> 01:34:37,344 Face! 1711 01:34:40,931 --> 01:34:43,100 I've already got the first hit out of the way. 1712 01:34:43,225 --> 01:34:44,476 Let's get some. 1713 01:35:00,617 --> 01:35:02,786 Hey! Hey, hey. Everybody, everybody! 1714 01:35:03,120 --> 01:35:04,705 These kids actually came! 1715 01:35:04,788 --> 01:35:07,916 These are the Siamese queers I've been telling you about! 1716 01:35:08,709 --> 01:35:11,378 They showed up! They really are that dumb! 1717 01:35:11,753 --> 01:35:13,213 I hate when he calls me that. 1718 01:35:13,297 --> 01:35:16,008 So we're gonna have a good time! Because they... 1719 01:35:24,683 --> 01:35:25,726 It worked. 1720 01:35:27,102 --> 01:35:29,104 - It's over! - That was easy. 1721 01:35:29,271 --> 01:35:31,398 - We did it, we did it! - We did. 1722 01:35:31,482 --> 01:35:35,611 Everybody, from ninth grade to twelfth grade, 1723 01:35:35,861 --> 01:35:38,697 I promise you, his reign of tyranny is over! 1724 01:35:39,364 --> 01:35:42,701 I proclaim it! He will never bother us again! 1725 01:35:44,745 --> 01:35:46,205 And he's getting up! 1726 01:35:47,956 --> 01:35:49,416 You're dead. 1727 01:35:49,541 --> 01:35:51,210 And I'm in big trouble! 1728 01:36:05,265 --> 01:36:08,769 Catch me off guard? You broke my stairs. 1729 01:36:09,394 --> 01:36:11,438 My father loved those stairs! 1730 01:36:16,276 --> 01:36:17,653 You blocking out the pain? 1731 01:36:17,778 --> 01:36:20,030 I thought I was for a second, but I'm totally not. 1732 01:36:20,155 --> 01:36:21,782 You want to play? 1733 01:36:22,616 --> 01:36:23,700 Let's play. 1734 01:36:40,217 --> 01:36:43,345 Get up, get up, get up! Come on, Ryan. 1735 01:36:44,513 --> 01:36:48,350 You're like, super-hot. I'm never gonna leave you. 1736 01:36:48,475 --> 01:36:51,186 - Ronnie! You're missing out. - Okay. 1737 01:36:52,479 --> 01:36:53,772 Hey, boys! 1738 01:36:58,026 --> 01:37:00,320 Yo, Jay, give me some murder music. 1739 01:37:01,321 --> 01:37:04,158 This just gets better and better. 1740 01:37:11,373 --> 01:37:12,791 All right! 1741 01:37:14,793 --> 01:37:16,712 Hey, yo, yo. Back off. 1742 01:37:16,879 --> 01:37:19,006 I want to fight both these bitches. 1743 01:37:19,214 --> 01:37:23,218 They're yours, Filk! They're yours, baby! Here we go. 1744 01:37:23,343 --> 01:37:25,220 - You're the bitch! - Huh? 1745 01:37:30,517 --> 01:37:31,935 That's right! 1746 01:37:33,520 --> 01:37:34,605 What the... 1747 01:37:36,732 --> 01:37:39,067 - Emmit's got game! - Oh, yeah! 1748 01:37:42,154 --> 01:37:44,239 - Good one, Ron! - Come on! 1749 01:37:46,033 --> 01:37:47,951 Bear hug! 1750 01:37:48,076 --> 01:37:49,286 - Come on! - Oh! 1751 01:37:59,838 --> 01:38:03,175 I have reach! I have reach! 1752 01:38:05,177 --> 01:38:08,597 Come on, Wade! You're like Rocky! Get back out there! 1753 01:38:10,390 --> 01:38:14,102 - I can't breathe! I can't breathe! - You're not gonna hurt me anymore? 1754 01:38:14,394 --> 01:38:17,523 I won't hurt you! You should let go! I can't breathe, Ryan, can't breathe! 1755 01:38:17,606 --> 01:38:21,068 I'll let you go. Not gonna hurt me anymore, are... 1756 01:38:22,653 --> 01:38:25,489 - I have reach! - No! Wade! 1757 01:38:27,991 --> 01:38:29,868 Hey! Hey, there. Hey... 1758 01:38:31,703 --> 01:38:33,121 - Didn't hurt! - Really? 1759 01:38:33,205 --> 01:38:34,289 Yeah. 1760 01:38:34,498 --> 01:38:36,208 Okay, that did. 1761 01:38:38,794 --> 01:38:40,379 Let that kid go. 1762 01:38:45,300 --> 01:38:48,428 Private Drillbit Taylor reporting for duty! 1763 01:38:48,971 --> 01:38:50,931 - Hoo-rah. - You came back? 1764 01:38:51,098 --> 01:38:54,059 - Yeah. - What the hell are you even doing here? 1765 01:38:54,768 --> 01:38:56,854 What, you need more money from these geeks? 1766 01:38:56,979 --> 01:38:59,857 No. But this fight is over! 1767 01:39:00,524 --> 01:39:02,776 You hear me? Abierto! 1768 01:39:05,070 --> 01:39:06,029 Done. 1769 01:39:07,739 --> 01:39:10,701 It's over, people! Pack it up! Go home! 1770 01:39:10,993 --> 01:39:16,623 Look. You're a young man. You got... You got a crazy look in your eye. 1771 01:39:18,041 --> 01:39:20,127 And it's really freaking me out right now. 1772 01:39:24,506 --> 01:39:25,674 Nice punch. 1773 01:39:26,633 --> 01:39:30,012 I try to be reasonable, but I got to tell you, 1774 01:39:30,262 --> 01:39:35,559 these boys hired me as their bodyguard and I will protect them! 1775 01:39:40,105 --> 01:39:41,607 Want to hear something crazy? 1776 01:39:41,690 --> 01:39:44,193 Deep inside you, I know there's a good kid. 1777 01:39:46,862 --> 01:39:50,365 God damn it, I'm sick of getting hit by this kid. 1778 01:39:50,574 --> 01:39:52,201 Come on, Drillbit. Kick his ass. 1779 01:39:52,326 --> 01:39:56,205 - I can't! He's a minor! - No, he's not. He's 18. 1780 01:39:57,206 --> 01:39:59,124 You're 18? 1781 01:40:05,214 --> 01:40:06,882 That's it. 1782 01:40:16,475 --> 01:40:17,434 Drillbit! 1783 01:40:19,144 --> 01:40:20,395 How old are you? 1784 01:40:20,521 --> 01:40:23,273 Okay! All right, I'm 17. I'm a minor. 1785 01:40:23,398 --> 01:40:24,483 - My mom drives me to school. - Come on! 1786 01:40:24,566 --> 01:40:25,859 I swear to God! 1787 01:40:26,360 --> 01:40:27,653 That was awesome. 1788 01:40:27,736 --> 01:40:30,239 Man, Drillbit, you're badass. 1789 01:40:30,906 --> 01:40:33,033 I don't think I could do that again. 1790 01:40:33,325 --> 01:40:35,118 It's weird. I guess it's like 1791 01:40:35,244 --> 01:40:38,205 when a mother lifts an automobile off a child. 1792 01:40:38,330 --> 01:40:39,998 - Yeah. - You just get that burst of strength. 1793 01:40:40,082 --> 01:40:41,667 That's the only way I can explain it. 1794 01:40:41,750 --> 01:40:44,670 Adrenaline. That's the word for it. 1795 01:40:44,753 --> 01:40:48,006 My hands are... My hands are still shaking. 1796 01:40:48,590 --> 01:40:51,510 - Thanks for coming back. - You kidding me? I had to do it. 1797 01:40:51,593 --> 01:40:53,554 I'm not gonna go AWOL on you boys. 1798 01:40:53,637 --> 01:40:55,430 I made that mistake one... 1799 01:40:55,681 --> 01:40:59,434 Crap on a shit sandwich! I'm out of here, boys! Adiós! 1800 01:41:00,310 --> 01:41:01,562 Bye, Drillbit! 1801 01:41:01,770 --> 01:41:02,855 Hey, fags! 1802 01:41:04,940 --> 01:41:06,650 This ain't over! 1803 01:41:17,619 --> 01:41:19,496 - He feels no pain. - Whoa. 1804 01:41:23,333 --> 01:41:24,751 Was that my pinky? 1805 01:41:28,547 --> 01:41:31,008 - Are you okay? - My finger! 1806 01:41:31,133 --> 01:41:32,092 You okay? 1807 01:41:32,217 --> 01:41:33,886 - I'm so sorry. - Why did I catch a sword? 1808 01:41:33,969 --> 01:41:35,471 - I lost it. No, no. - Let me see it. Let me see it. 1809 01:41:35,554 --> 01:41:38,974 - I lost it. - Let me see it. Let me see it. 1810 01:41:39,141 --> 01:41:40,934 No, it's okay. I'm blocking the pain. 1811 01:41:41,018 --> 01:41:43,437 I can't block this pain. Get some ice for me. 1812 01:41:43,520 --> 01:41:44,980 It's not bad. Here, help me find it 1813 01:41:45,063 --> 01:41:46,273 - before the ants get it. - Where'd you last see it? 1814 01:41:46,398 --> 01:41:48,317 - Look in the grass. - My dad, yo, just don't tell my dad! 1815 01:41:48,400 --> 01:41:49,568 Help me, guys! Find it before a rat gets it! 1816 01:41:49,651 --> 01:41:50,903 See it? Look over there. 1817 01:41:50,986 --> 01:41:52,196 - Is that it? - Where? 1818 01:41:52,321 --> 01:41:54,114 Hey, guys, I found it! 1819 01:41:56,241 --> 01:41:57,493 No! 1820 01:41:58,452 --> 01:41:59,578 We found it. 1821 01:42:01,330 --> 01:42:02,414 Get me some ice. 1822 01:42:02,498 --> 01:42:03,499 - Ice! - Ice! 1823 01:42:03,624 --> 01:42:04,666 Margarita all right? 1824 01:42:04,792 --> 01:42:06,502 Oh, my God. 1825 01:42:06,627 --> 01:42:07,669 Bro! 1826 01:42:07,795 --> 01:42:09,213 Come on, buddy. We got to get you to a hospital. 1827 01:42:09,338 --> 01:42:11,673 - All right, let's go. - Let's go. 1828 01:42:11,757 --> 01:42:13,467 It's gonna be okay. 1829 01:42:13,592 --> 01:42:16,887 Congratulations, boys. You just caught the great Bob Taylor. 1830 01:42:17,012 --> 01:42:19,139 Fantastic. No alcohol in the car, sir. 1831 01:42:19,223 --> 01:42:21,892 Oh, yeah. Well, let me get the finger out. 1832 01:42:25,062 --> 01:42:26,271 Hoo-rah. 1833 01:42:28,857 --> 01:42:31,068 - Yo, dudes, that was awesome! - Thanks, man. 1834 01:42:31,193 --> 01:42:33,237 Man, you have no idea how long kids have been waiting to do that. 1835 01:42:33,362 --> 01:42:34,822 - Thanks. - Dude, this is gonna be blogged, 1836 01:42:34,947 --> 01:42:35,906 for sure! 1837 01:42:36,031 --> 01:42:38,700 I am so glad I did not go to my sister's birthday party! 1838 01:42:39,660 --> 01:42:40,661 Hey. 1839 01:42:40,744 --> 01:42:42,287 He was amazing. 1840 01:42:42,913 --> 01:42:44,665 You know, Terry's just always been crazy. 1841 01:42:44,790 --> 01:42:46,834 You know, he's threatened me with his sword all the time. 1842 01:42:46,959 --> 01:42:48,752 I'm just tired of being scared, you know? 1843 01:42:48,877 --> 01:42:51,338 - Hey, are you okay? - Yeah. 1844 01:42:54,299 --> 01:42:58,095 When the adrenaline rush passes, I'm gonna be in a lot more pain. 1845 01:42:59,805 --> 01:43:02,683 I don't want you to think I'm the kind of guy who tries to impress girls 1846 01:43:02,766 --> 01:43:05,811 with violence, but that was kind of for you. 1847 01:43:07,479 --> 01:43:10,107 That was very brave of you. 1848 01:43:20,242 --> 01:43:23,453 You know, Emmit, I can't believe I'm saying this... 1849 01:43:24,955 --> 01:43:29,042 You, my friend, are one crazy son of a bitch, you know that? 1850 01:43:29,168 --> 01:43:31,211 You have no idea how scared I was. 1851 01:43:31,295 --> 01:43:34,548 All right. Now, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving. 1852 01:43:38,427 --> 01:43:41,597 Dear Wade, Ryan and little, tiny Emmit. 1853 01:43:41,722 --> 01:43:44,099 Thanks for sending the Cap'n Crunch. 1854 01:43:44,266 --> 01:43:46,268 Suddenly, I'm very popular in here. 1855 01:43:46,393 --> 01:43:50,939 Hey, Bob. Give me some of that Cap'n Crunch or I'll stab you in the shower. 1856 01:43:53,066 --> 01:43:54,234 Just kidding. 1857 01:43:56,778 --> 01:43:59,406 I was glad to read in your last correspondence 1858 01:43:59,490 --> 01:44:02,951 that Filkins was shipped off back to Hong Kong 1859 01:44:03,035 --> 01:44:06,663 to be with his parents for breaking so many underage drinking laws. 1860 01:44:07,206 --> 01:44:10,626 Now maybe high school can be what you want it to be 1861 01:44:10,751 --> 01:44:12,628 - instead of sucking rat nads. - Oh, yeah. 1862 01:44:13,796 --> 01:44:14,922 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1863 01:44:15,589 --> 01:44:18,967 As for me, every time I look at where my pinky used to be, 1864 01:44:19,176 --> 01:44:22,137 I think of you boys and our battles together. 1865 01:44:22,596 --> 01:44:23,972 It's kind of cool. 1866 01:44:24,389 --> 01:44:26,475 Luckily, they have a work release program, 1867 01:44:26,600 --> 01:44:28,894 and they say I should be able to land a job, 1868 01:44:28,977 --> 01:44:30,813 which excites me a great deal. 1869 01:44:30,938 --> 01:44:33,232 And speaking of exciting me a great deal, 1870 01:44:33,315 --> 01:44:35,651 Miss Zachey and I have been in contact. 1871 01:44:35,776 --> 01:44:39,613 I don't know why women dig guys in prison, but they really do. 1872 01:44:39,696 --> 01:44:43,617 On top of that, all I can say is, I miss you guys 1873 01:44:43,700 --> 01:44:45,452 and will see you when I get out. 1874 01:44:45,577 --> 01:44:49,414 Which, thanks to the currently lenient nature of the United States Army 1875 01:44:49,498 --> 01:44:52,126 deserting laws is in two days from now, 1876 01:44:52,292 --> 01:44:55,504 officially satisfying my three-week sentence. 1877 01:44:55,963 --> 01:44:58,132 - Your brother, Bob Taylor. - See you, Drillbit. 1878 01:44:58,257 --> 01:45:01,051 - AKA Drillbit. - Later, bro. 1879 01:45:01,301 --> 01:45:04,346 AKA, Alamo Taylor. 1880 01:45:04,888 --> 01:45:07,266 I still like the sound of that. 1881 01:45:10,144 --> 01:45:11,937 There you are! 1882 01:45:13,063 --> 01:45:14,565 - Drillbit! - Come on. 1883 01:45:14,690 --> 01:45:15,983 - Oh, my God. - There he is. 1884 01:45:16,066 --> 01:45:17,860 Come on, get in here! Come here! Fall in! 1885 01:45:17,985 --> 01:45:20,279 - He's a free man! - Give me a hug! 1886 01:45:20,404 --> 01:45:22,239 Give me a hug. Yeah. 1887 01:45:22,573 --> 01:45:25,033 Well, that's gonna keep me smiling all day, huh? 1888 01:45:25,117 --> 01:45:26,618 Yeah, that's my buddy, Drillbit. 1889 01:45:26,702 --> 01:45:28,287 He's a cool guy. We're in a fight right now. 1890 01:45:28,370 --> 01:45:29,830 This has been the longest three weeks of my life. 1891 01:45:29,955 --> 01:45:31,331 I missed you, too. 1892 01:45:32,040 --> 01:45:33,834 - Feels good. - You gonna shake the jail? 1893 01:45:33,917 --> 01:45:35,836 - It wasn't that bad. - Come on, let's go. 1894 01:45:35,919 --> 01:45:38,630 You know, the guy in the next cell taught me some Spanish. 1895 01:45:38,714 --> 01:45:42,009 Did you know abierto means "open"? 1896 01:49:35,284 --> 01:49:37,619 Help! I'm bleeding! 1897 01:49:38,912 --> 01:49:41,915 Come here, soldier. Let me take a look at that. 1898 01:49:42,416 --> 01:49:44,334 Come here. Jump up there. 1899 01:49:44,460 --> 01:49:49,298 You got a little bloody nose. Tilt your head back, 45-degree angle. 1900 01:49:50,299 --> 01:49:52,801 - What happened? - Somebody punched me. 1901 01:49:54,303 --> 01:50:00,017 Tell me his name. Names. It'll never happen again. 152334