Original subtitles

Dolphin! Oh, shucks!

And you're sure this is what you want?

Yeah. Hey, Dad! Ernie! There's a dolphin!

Come quick!

I mean, he is going to be chief.

It makes sense.

You'll call Princess?

Yeah. It'll be the best for everyone.

Yeah.

Put the TV back.

Doesn't belong to you.

Here's a plane ticket. Oh, yeah, me.

Here's some bottle loads for the flight. Yeah, thanks, Dad.

And they'll cover your university costs.

Oh, shucks.

Check out all this money.

Yeah.

Everybody on the island. Check out all this money, man. I'm so rich, man. I'm

rich as... Just remember...

That's everybody's favorite.

Hey, everybody, check out my money. I'm rich, yeah?

Woo!

I want to come back in three years and be the best chief as I've ever been.

Way better than you, Dad.

Woo!

Oh, hey, Brent, let's go to sleep.

Hey, don't tip the driver.

I was going to come back in three years.

This semester will separate the wheat from the chaff. You want to be the

Wheat goes on summer holidays.

Chaff goes to summer school.

Welcome to summer school. This is your last chance, so if you don't do well

here... Being on the benefits is nothing to be ashamed about, okay? I might not

have got a degree, but I still thought I could make it big.

Um... Maybe you need to set your sights just a little lower.

When hockey and Maine chicken, uh, beef.

How's my brain act in a splash degree?

Yeah, good, Dad. You need real easy.

I didn't like lying to Dad, but I didn't want to go home a failure. So I worked

my way through various industries.

The toilet industry.

The advertising industry.

The appliance door industry.

And there it was.

My calling. The property investment college for excellence will not give you

job. It'll give you a career.

And it's 100 % legal.

Take no prisoners.

Show no weakness.

To be successful, project success always.

It's the watch on your wrist. It's the car in your driveway.

It's the woman in your bed.

Preferably someone foreign.

Project success always.

Project success always.

Project success always.

Project success always.

Hey, Gary, you coming home soon?

Uh, nah, nah, not yet.

I've just got a few more things to check off my list.

That's all right.

You can check them off, eh?

You haven't told me where we're going.

We're going somewhere really, really special.

Oh, one thing I'd say is bring your appetite.

Sorry, the food's a little cold now, but the flavour's really marinated, eh?

It is a lot of flavour first thing in the morning.

Oh, no.

I wonder what that could be.

That's a plane.

Yeah, a bit weird, though.

What's the plane doing all the way out here?

Pretty sure it's not a commercial flight path.

And it's carrying a message.

Oh, no.

That's not what... It was supposed to say, Will you marry me?

Question mark.

Gary.

Like from Gary.

Gary, I like you, and I might love you one day. Oh, thank you.

I love that you have goals and how you keep saying you're going to be a

millionaire by the time you're 35.

37 now, probably.

Oh, okay.

But if I'm going to get married, I want the best wedding possible.

Like I've dreamed of since I was a little girl.

Like Princess Diana.

Or Monica from Friends.

And I just don't think you can give me that at the moment. I can give you that.

I don't know the specific Friends episode, but I can probably watch it

No, you're missing the point.

I want to be treated like a queen.

Like a proper queen.

Okay.

You haven't actually said no.

Okay, I'll put you down as a maybe.

I think you'll probably feel different after the awards ceremony.

I can give you what you want.

Cafe au lait?

Hon? Cafe au lait?

Want a cafe au lait?

Hon? Cafe au lait?

Coffee with milk?

No, thank you.

Yeah?

Ah, rainbow.

You put that on the bottom of the pile.

Didn't work, did it?

Oh, the thing tonight.

I don't...

I feel like I should just go. Yeah, you sort of have to come.

It's a work function and you're an employee.

And I'd really like you there in an intimate capacity.

You're my girlfriend. That's what girlfriends do.

Yeah, okay.

Besides, I'm nominated for the gong.

Self -nominated. Still comes.

We like it. We just don't love it.

Love it?

It's brick.

Brick is solid. It doesn't get any better than brick.

Look, I bought this place for a bargain, which means you guys get it for a

bargain. Yeah?

Wait, you own the place?

Yeah. I'm a real estate agent. That's what real estate agents do.

I don't know if that's it. I mean, a lot of people would be scared off because

of its history, because it's the Hayward house.

But I know you guys are savvy investors, like me.

Yes, I've done all the hard work.

Cleaned up the mess, changed out the carpet in the bedroom, and now it's

to go.

I thought they'd burnt that place down. No, they didn't. They tried.

But they could have. That's the thing.

That's brick.

You ever tried lighting a brick on fire?

That's another good thing about brick.

We will have a think about it.

Bloody tyre kickers.

Sorry, what?

You know what your problem is?

You don't have the money.

You just want to be driven around in a sports car by an award -nominated real

estate agent and look at sturdy houses you can't afford.

What? No, it just doesn't feel... We're kind of looking for somewhere where we

can start our family.

Weak excuse.

I'm getting some petrol money out of your time wasters.

Come on.

It's really a testament to, yes, my skill of orders.

It's really a testament to, yes, my skill, but also my joie de vivre.

Testament. Yes,

my skill, but also, but also, my joie de vivre.

Where have you been? Who are you talking to?

Just kidding. Hi there, Randall.

How you going? Good to see you, mate.

Thanks for coming along. Appreciate the support.

Mate, good to see you.

Oh, I would never throttle there for real.

I did nair in the back once, though. Yeah. Yeah, but that was an accident.

You had a cramp and it just went.

Like a salt.

Salt. The most addictive substance known to man.

N -A -C -L.

You know your periodic table?

No.

Hello. Out to the front, please. Thank you.

Hope you all enjoyed the curry banquet.

Time now for our main award.

It was a great year in real estate with some incredibly successful agents

putting their hands up to be counted as Palmerston North Best.

But the accolade can only go to one, so put your hands together for the Real

Estate Agent of the Year, Randall Adams. Fuck.

It was amazing. I certainly wasn't expecting it.

I think on nights like this, it's really important to remember that we're not

just selling houses.

We're selling homes.

Not just bricks and mortar.

Sometimes we're the boards and stucco too.

I'd like to take this opportunity to also thank my beautiful girlfriend,

Actually, Susie, can you come up, please?

Come on.

Give them a little twirl, please.

My girl.

Susie, will you marry me?

Yes. Yes, of course.

And

now time for

our final lot, and it is a special one. Remember that all proceeds do go to

youth suicide prevention.

Actually, no, sorry, it was changed.

All proceeds go to Palmerston North Boys Rugby Tour to Japan.

Oh, my God, she's so cute.

There you go.

There you go. Five kg.

There you go.

Okay, shall we start it off with 2 ,000?

2 ,000.

$2 ,000 over here.

Any advances on $2 ,000? $3 ,000? Do I hear $3 ,000? $2 ,500. $2 ,500.

Can I get anything higher than that?

$3 ,500.

$3 ,500.

A lot of dog for the money, sir. A lot of dog.

Do we have any advances on $3 ,500?

$10 ,000.

Go. Go. $10 ,000.

Congratulations.

Sorry, we do need to get the payment through before we can release the lot.

Yeah, my funds are tied up on a property right now.

It's brick.

Yeah, it's brick, so there's plenty of interest.

Welcher!

Who said that?

I'm not a bloody welcher, mate.

Sorry, you do have $10 ,000 though, right?

We'll go back to the underbidder at 3 -5. Any advances on 3 -5?

Go once.

Twice.

Sold.

Good job, Mike.

That is going to a good home.

I might stay at

Jackie's for tonight.

Yeah, they're cold.

Yeah, you haven't seen her for a while, I'll say.

Yeah, if you leave now, shall I take a couple of hours?

I might just stay here and network.

What is it?

Are you drunk?

No.

No, I'm just drunk because I'm busy. I've got a lot of busy deals going

on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you need to come home.

No. No, I need to be here to run my business. I'm not rushing back to a

island just because... It's Dad.

I've booked you a flight.

It leaves in three hours.

Walk around,

Gary!

I thought I'd see you back on Tooth to Lover.

Yeah, thanks for the honour.

Dude, you're like a millionaire now.

Uh, well... Hey.

Hey, what?

A businessman like yourself does need his luxuries.

Can I interest you in some duty -free?

Jewellery? A designer cologne?

Electronics?

Horrible CD player with car kits?

It's got shop management technology.

No, I'm fine.

Yeah, yeah, cool, cool. Oh, you don't have to get it now. You can actually get

it on your way out.

That's the beautiful thing about Judy Free.

Discounts do the same.

Good to see you, man.

Good for you, too. And, um, sorry about your dad.

Yeah, thanks. Actually, you know what would be a really good present?

Oh, no, I'm not going to buy any European golf.

No, I'll go, mate. Well, I'd better... OK. Yeah.

Gary Vassisi, the money man.

The round runner.

It's too hot for pants.

Yes!

Yes, it is.

I thought they were good.

They're compression shorts, actually.

You might have seen them on professional athletes.

Put some pants on, for God's sake. He's a dying man.

It's too hot for pants.

Yeah, it might be too hot for a lot of things, but hiding the outline of your

dick is not one of them.

Oh, there he is.

Oh, this is Nelson.

Hey. It's like the wrestling move.

Yeah. Full Nelson?

Or, uh... There's a half Nelson? Yeah, I got that.

Yeah, like the other name that's on the wedding invitation that you never reply

to. It's in a couple of days.

We want to get married before we evacuate.

There's sea water in our water supply.

Ah, that's no good.

Sea water, I mean, not the wedding.

Well, at least take off your socks and shoes. You look ridiculous.

No, I doesn't. She's just kidding. You look really cool.

Ah, fine.

Did you even get him anything?

Dead? Good to see you.

It's been a long time, eh?

I, er, got you this.

Thanks.

It's a desk one.

It's got truck management technology.

Good news.

You're doing well, eh?

Oh, yeah.

I'm just being crazy busy.

And the ladies?

Yeah, good.

Good, yeah. I got a hot little American biscuit back home.

She's pretty keen for me to put a ring on it, but I'm just biding my time.

Treating me and keeping keen, that sort of thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, not domestic violence, so not that mean.

But I have Nita in the back once, but, you know, cramp, you know.

Lick of salt.

N -A -C -L.

That's my boy.

Yeah, I've been meaning to visit, but, you know, I thought you'd be gone

by now.

Gone from the island, not gone.

Thought I'd stay on, captain of the ship, you know, that kind of thing. Oh,

yeah, cool.

Like in Titanic.

Great movie.

James Cameron, what an imagination.

Where are your pants?

Oh, outside. I took them off.

Good boy.

It's too hot.

It is too hot.

All right.

Well...

How'd it go?

Ah, yeah, good. Yeah, still dying though.

That's not what you meant, eh? No, that's not what I meant.

We don't even know how long he's got.

Could be weeks, days.

So annoying.

For him.

Not knowing the specifics. I mean, hard to plan anything in advance, I mean.

Like a weekend away or booking a restaurant.

Maybe not there's a restaurant here. I mean, that's a good question, though. Is

there a restaurant here? You haven't built one while I was away?

Oh, famished.

It's going to be okay.

Yep. It's really good you're here. Yeah, I know. It's good I'm here. I just want

to know what my dining options are. That's my point. There aren't any

restaurants. Thank you.

Finally. Straight talker.

That's all I wanted to know.

Gary.

I was thinking, with you being here and seeing as we're going to be frozen lords

real soon, would you do me the honour of being my best man?

It would mean a lot to us.

You're leaving?

Yeah. Now?

It's just that my girlfriend is chomping at the bit for me to get home. I mean,

you know how women are.

Yeah. Yeah, women suck.

Gary.

Yes?

Dad's dying.

Yeah, we had a nice chat.

Such a joke.

Okay. Well, if a luxury sports car... and an open plan office in New Zealand's

second fastest growing population centre under 100 ,000 is a joke, then yeah, I

guess I am a joke.

I'm not a joke.

Are you leaving the island?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't even get to share one of my special pizzas with you.

You're the only ones on the island.

I get them especially.

Now I'm sharing with people I like.

Yum.

Can I just place your figure?

Just raise your hands for me, please.

It's the Prince Albert.

It's a pet thing.

Makes sex more intense.

More intense?

Wow. Yeah, it's taken a while to heal, but I keep knocking the scab. Yeah, I

bet.

Women, fast cars, genital sores.

Man, I wish I was successful like you.

Either the supply ship is on its way or the chief is dead.

Yeah. Yeah, the chief is dead.

Hey, sorry, bro. My mouth can be dumb sometimes.

I can hug you if you want to keep crying.

No, it's all right.

I'm all right.

That's cool.

Hey, I know what'll cheer you up.

I'll let you return the Discman if you like.

Still in its original packaging.

No, no.

I'm fine.

Yeah, yeah, man, of course.

Think about it.

He named you.

Named me?

Chief.

What?

He named you Chief.

What are you there for?

He wanted you to have this.

No, I'm fine for cap thanks.

I need to sit and have to work with my head shape.

It's the chief's head.

Well, I don't want it.

I'll just pass.

Gary.

Thank you.

Okay. That's really sweet.

And just so you know, Lani is going to be a really great chief.

So, good on you.

Right choice.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

This is definitely what you want.

Yeah, it's a pretty silly looking hat anyway.

I don't even like fish.

I prefer chicken and ham.

Potatoes. I love potatoes.

If there was a potato on that hat, then maybe I'd wear that.

But not fish.

Not for me.

Big shoes to fill, eh?

Not that he ever wore shoes, but... It's a thing.

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

His feet were enormous.

His waistline was massive.

But the biggest thing about him was by far his heart.

Just to be clear, though, that wasn't what killed him. It wasn't...

congenital heart failure or type 2 diabetes.

It was the cancer.

Thanks, everyone, and also thanks to the Prime Minister.

We're honoured you made the trip from the main island to be with us today. And

just so you all know, we're postponing the wedding for the period of mourning.

Oh, hi.

On behalf of the Prime Minister, we just want to gift you this little guy to

express our deepest sympathies. I'm leaving.

I don't want a pig.

Oh, the pig was really a nice breaker.

We need to talk about the resettlement money. We still need the payment.

Sorry, I don't know anything about that. I'm not the chief. I turned it down.

What did you do that for? How is an aphrodisiac?

What am I going to do with this pig?

Are you sure you don't want to stick around for the royal wedding?

I'll be royal.

I don't know. It's going to be pretty flash.

The whole island is chipping in.

Open bar.

Probably eat whatever pigs are left.

Your dad was saving up for it for years.

Really? Yeah.

It's going to be the best wedding ever.

Are you coming back on the island?

Yep. That a boy. Show me the man who can resist an open bar.

I'm going to have to process you, though.

I thought you left.

No.

What are you doing?

You gave it up.

No, I'm staying, and I need the hat. Because to be a chief, you have to look

like a chief.

Okay? Wow, so smart.

Never thought about that.

I'm chief now, though. Hey, I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for Dad.

It was his dying wish.

Plus, I am the one who was university educated.

I mean, you're not even street smart.

Now, I don't blame you.

I blame the length of streets.

You are a dick.

Am I?

Yeah. It's a big responsibility.

Yeah, sure it is.

I guess it will mean you'll be here for the wedding.

Best man.

Yeah, sure, absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

So there's just the...

Just a small matter of the fellow, the chief's fellow.

Oh, yeah, got it. I'll start packing.

You're kicking us out.

You know, the only reason why we're staying here is because we were the ones

that were looking after Dad while he was on his deathbed. Yeah, well, take that.

Yeah, take the bed. Take the deathbed and the fitted sheets.

He just died on it. It's not like he shed in it.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe he did shed himself on it once.

Want to have that rooster?

The Chief's Palais is the Chief's Palais.

And, well, I'm the Chief.

So I guess that's an order.

So if you want to zip around and pick up your stuff.

Okay.

You enjoy your new place.

Thanks. Chief.

I'll hang out then.

You got it.

I never got to thank you properly for the disc mill.

What the hell?

You didn't really think I'd leave you to muck it all up, did you?

OK, it's just an ad.

It's not real.

It's just this bloody ad.

OK, I'm not going to talk to you.

Let me just make you real in my head.

Hey, Gary.

Yes?

I've got you to talk to me.

I've got you.

I've got you.

I've made you talk to me.

Hey, you want a little treat? Check out what's in there.

Sister Act.

Whoopi Goldberg.

She's my perfect woman.

You know, she's funny and sexy.

Usually with women, you get either one or the other. Like your mother. She

couldn't tell a joke to save her life.

But get into bed, don't you? All right, shush, Dad, shush. Oh, now you're

shushing an illusion. You're losing it. You might be a mental.

Fine,

if you're going to be so chatty, all this money, that's for Lani's wedding,

right? Oh, some of it is, but most of it's for the new village. Help everyone

get settled on the main island.

All right.

Hey, Chloe, how's it going?

Not good. I'm going home. Also, you're being evicted because you didn't pay the

rent. I mean, I just... Don't worry about that.

Everything's changed now. Did you get the dog?

Sure. How'd you pay for it?

I told you, I'm the chief now, which means our financial situation is pretty

rosy. Rosy's good.

So... It's the end?

Well...

Island wedding.

Is it in Night Island?

Yeah. It's beautiful.

It's like Hawaii.

Hawaii? I love Hawaii.

Okay, so get all that stuff up.

Thank you.

Maybe not the branches?

Yeah, not the branches. Yeah, well, just leave the organic matter. Let's talk

straight on. Inorganic matter, plastics, plastics, plastics.

No.

Whose dog is this?

You're going to need a hand with the fridge, mate. It's very heavy.

Look it up.

It's like a Pacific Island Jesus.

That's when we needed him most. He came back.

Legend.

Yeah. Actually, put that down.

Actually, put it down. Put the fridge down. Yeah.

Yeah, leave it.

You're doing a good job, I suppose.

Telling everyone what to do.

Just like Jesus did.

Oh, that's the cheeses. What's in that bucket, mate? What's in the bucket,

Sandwiches. Okay, it's not picnic day, mate. It's rubbish day. What sort of

sandwich?

Who bloody threw this T -shirt out?

All right, good work, everyone.

So,

what do we do with this now?

I'll tell you.

Whoa.

Seriously?

Yeah, burning all this rubbish is bad for the environment.

The current takes it out to that island.

Yep. Perfect system. I mean, the ocean basically works as a garbage chute.

Like this.

Mother nature.

So amazing.

The world is an incredible place.

I think you're meant to do this after the wedding.

You're really sweating!

Sorry,

there's usually a proper bed there with sheets and stuff, but he shit himself.

It was a great year with some incredibly successful people putting their hands

up to be counted as our best.

But the accolade can only go to one, and so...

Our next chief is Chief Gary Vassisi.

Thank you for choosing me as your new chief.

This award is really a testament to, yes, my skill, but also my joie de

And I suppose you're all wondering, what do I think of being awarded chief?

Well, I guess I'm sold on it.

Show her the en suite.

Oh, right, yeah, we've got an en suite.

And any time of night you can come in here and do your ablutions.

Are you a fan of Whoopi Goldberg?

Who? Who?

Is she living in a hole? Never mind.

I mean, it's pretty basic, but we are in the island.

And what I can promise you is an amazing fairytale wedding, just like Monica's.

Now, I've seen the episode, by the way.

Chandler is crazy. I know. I know.

Chloe, will you marry me?

Question mark.

Gary?

That's just a shell.

Will I get a proper ring?

Yeah, yeah, that's a place I'll go.

Yeah.

Now, you've all seen her agree to that. Now, that's being witnessed.

That's being witnessed.

Smells like sex in here.

Am I right?

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, we didn't have full sex last night.

Could be that durian, though.

Nah, that stuff smells like a rotting animal.

Oh, you obviously haven't had sex with your sister before.

No.

Sorry, sex with money.

Doesn't smell like this.

Oh, yuck.

That's gross.

Consulting.

Hey!

Nice to meet you, Papa.

Oh, you too.

And thank you so much for moving your wedding day for us.

Uh, no.

We haven't.

No. No, not yet. I was just about to pass on that information.

Hey, but here's the good news. This gives you guys more time to organise

decorations and things for whenever your wedding will be. And another silver

lining, you've got two extra pairs of hands here to help with the getting out

here.

One pair of hands. One solid pair of helping hands.

We should get out of this point.

Abort! Cool, yep. So, we'd better get going. This little thing waits for no

Hey, bye.

See ya.

Gary!

Look, I'm sorry if our plans affect you.

You'll still get your wedding, just not on that day.

But that's the only day we can do it on the island.

That's global warming?

No, it's warning. It's in Lookout Globe.

We're in two feet of water.

Shucks come in all sizes. That's their greatest weapon.

You're not taking their wedding day? Well, I am, actually. What about a

wedding? That'll be fun.

Ew, no!

It'll ruin the specialness.

Oh, yes.

Well, good luck, dickhead.

Pretty sure no one here's going to your wedding.

Oh, they will.

I've got heaps of friends here.

Keep the honour. That's one.

That guy that lives in the house with the pig.

That's another one. That's two right there.

Um,

hey, don't worry about, uh, Lani's stupid wedding. I'm not worried.

I've already found the perfect dress.

Is it 18 ,000?

Wow, that is really lovely.

I know. I probably should have said something earlier.

Um, is it that it's a royal wedding?

So the people will be expecting you to wear the traditional thing. I've got the

one that my mum wore.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, where's the wrap?

Oh, that's not a floor mat.

Um, that's my, uh, mum's wedding mat.

Jesus. How big was she?

Well, according to the medical definition, she was morbidly obese.

But that's just a term that they bandy around a lot these days.

First, it's a ring made out of a shell, and now I'm getting married in a mat?

It's just a tradition. It means a lot to me and all the people here.

I'm not getting married in a mat.

Describe it like a sausage roll.

Wrapping is the pastry.

Yeah, but don't think of it like a mat. Think of it like a fancy mat.

Pastry. Look, me dressing up in traditional stuff, it's basically like

blackface menstrual, isn't it?

I mean, it's funny, yes, for a Christmas party or something, but not for a

wedding.

Hey, I love you, and I will do whatever it takes.

Okay, I'll wear the mat.

Really? As long as everything else is exactly how I want it.

I mean it. I don't want a penny spared on this wedding. Yes, not a penny

Yep, that should be sweet.

Uh, everyone's kind of busy getting ready to leave, so they mightn't be up

hen's party.

Gary, it's a hen's party.

If you ask me what my top five memories of my lifetime are, I'd say four of them

are hen's parties.

Huh. It's my gift to these people.

The greatest day of their lives.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

More like the size we want, isn't it, ladies?

Yeah.

It's a cake.

Choose dare.

Dare? Yeah, dare.

Okay. You have to kiss the person next to you with an open mouth.

She's my mother.

Then what about her, then?

Let her kiss her.

Yeah, she's my sister.

All right.

You lose your turn for being lame.

Isn't that great?

Just a couple of jokers drinking, swearing, and dressing up a lady thing.

Yeah. The thing is, it kind of just has to be my stag do that.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'm the chief, and it'll be confusing for the people about which

wedding's more important. I mean, you understand, right?

Yeah, I got it. Yeah.

So, you're going to have to take off the bra.

It's the stag thing to have to wear a woman's bra.

You can't just put one on yourself.

That's not funny.

Okay. Truth.

Oh, you have to do it about Gary.

Yes. Tell me something about Gary that I don't know.

Well, he used to be skinny.

Funny.

And really muscly.

Okay.

He may have let himself go a bit, but...

That's his genetic fault.

Anyway, at least he got off this island.

Well, we all paid for him to get off the island to go to university.

He didn't go to university.

Yes, he did.

We all chipped in and paid for it.

No, he didn't. He started a property empire.

He's an entrepreneur.

Oh.

So, uh...

How is this property empire working out?

All the best entrepreneurs go broke at a certain point along their road to

success before they hit it big. Anyway, it doesn't matter because your

dad made us cheap.

Let's eat this penis before it melts.

Woo -hoo!

Now that...

is the giant slab pizza.

It's won every single square pizza award.

Wow, that's impressive.

Right?

Yeah?

Mmm. Good, right?

Hmm? All right, who's got a coin? I've got a drinking game.

Ah, no!

Not another game.

I'm already in lingerie.

Hey, that's Mum's.

Yeah, your dad gave it to me and Lani.

What's he doing giving away stuff like that? I'm the male in the family.

Can I have it, please?

Well,

it's more wine than yours.

And I am the chief.

And I did play play.

Hey, guys.

It's not really mine. It's Lani's.

Dad would have wanted me to have it.

I'm not fussed.

Guys.

You want to see my ring?

Oh, my God.

Now, I can be really good at sex, too, like you.

What have you put through it?

It's one of my mum's earrings.

You've massacred your penis.

Does it even work anymore?

That's a real shame.

You've ruined it.

Actually, it is pretty sore.

Give me the ring.

Okay, first person to pin the other wins the ring.

You idiot.

Look at the size of me.

I'm going to crush you.

I'm not too concerned.

I wrestled all through school and socially well into my mid -twenties.

Don't you remember my extensive knowledge of full Melsons and half

Actually, it sounded like very rudimentary knowledge.

Well, I've handled the bigger lads.

There were a lot of fatties at our school.

I cracked a lot of fatties.

You cracked a lot of fatties at school?

Yes. Okay, you're not... You're not using the phrase right.

Okay. On my count to three.

One, two, three, fight!

What are you stopping for?

Go to sleep, big man.

Because you have a university degree.

Yes, and Dad did so. What are you doing there?

No, that's fine.

I won the search grant.

That's true.

Liar! You threw sand in my eyes and used unsanctioned WWE holds and throws.

You gambled my mother's ring.

I didn't gamble it.

It was a wrestling match.

You know I wrestled socially well into my mid -twenties.

You've seen my awards.

You've held the trophies.

It's my mother's ring.

But he cheated.

I can win it back.

Don't worry about it.

You won't need it anymore.

Barney.

I see you before the big day tomorrow, but I've got something for you.

Oh, I love you, honey, but you know how I feel about your penis after I've had a

few drinks.

Nah, it's a proper ring.

I realize that you're making a sacrifice by wearing that mat thingy. A big

sacrifice. Yeah.

So... Is it secondhand?

It was mine.

It's vintage.

Vintage?

Cool.

You can jerk off if you want.

I'll pretend to be asleep so you don't get buried.

Okay.

Are we going to fight again?

No, thank you.

I'm very sore still.

I think it was when I went through the wall.

I need that ring back.

A little late for that.

She's already seen it.

That's put her in a pretty generous mood, if you know what I mean.

That's nice.

I really do need it, though.

I think I've stuffed everything up with Lani.

So if I could please have it back now, that'd be great.

The wedding's tomorrow, and the ring should have been mine in the first

am the chief.

You make me so cross. I just want to chew you out.

Do you even know why you're chief?

All the villagers' money, the opportunity to go to university, Lani

it first.

She was going to study saxophonism, majoring in jazz, both theory and

But she threw that all away so you could get an education and be a halfway

decent chief.

Well, it sounds like that was her decision.

She's obviously jealous.

She knows about my success, and I can't do anything about that.

And I've got some lovemaking I need to finish off.

15 kilos of rose petals. Oh, flesh.

I wish your mum was as classy.

I mean, look at all this stuff.

There's like 30 white plastic chairs.

Oh, my God.

Paperwork. You need to check it off.

Yeah, no, it's OK.

Customs. It's my job, too. It's not even a proper job.

It's more of a hobby.

Yeah, but do something you love.

You don't work a day in your life.

Where are the doves?

They were $100 per bird.

That's a really great price for a dove.

What are we going to release to symbolise peace at the wedding?

What are we going to release, Gary?

Well, maybe I could get Fiona to round up a few chooks or something.

I don't want chickens at my wedding.

Okay.

Look at all these dogs.

Is that a Roman column?

No, I think it's Corinthian.

Put it back.

All of it. Put it back.

And what's that?

Teal. That's teal. What's it for?

Netting. Like a wedding netting.

Yeah, don't listen to her. Please. Okay, get going.

Where did all this money come from? Chloe said you were broke.

Pratt, Pratt, is she?

I don't know.

No, she doesn't know about all my investments. I've got money hidden

in different accounts.

Checking account, savings account, gold bullion. Shut up.

Gold bullion. Shut your super fat lying mouth.

Fat mouth?

Okay, you're lashing out now. Do you know that? You're fat shaming me.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry.

Hey, Lani. I think I know why you're angry.

Okay?

Do you?

Yes. Why don't you just write a number on a bit of paper of what you think

ring is worth?

And... Oh, no, I don't have a pen.

Just tell me the number, and I'll write a cheque post -dated for that amount.

And, actually, first things first, let's track down that pen.

OK? Do you have any stationery?

You may have that hat, but you're not our chief.

Thank you.

Oh, did you get the mat sorted and cleaned?

That looks great.

Perfect.

I'm not trying to sneak a look.

I'm just hanging Mum's mat outside for you.

All right.

Um, just a quick question for you.

Um, the whole payment thing, um, can that be an instalment or, uh,

can, can, can, do you need it all at once?

Are you a welcher?

No, no, no, no, I'm not.

I'm not, I'm not a welcher.

No, um, I was just looking for a more lenient payment plan.

Actually, don't worry about it. We'll, we'll, we'll catch up after.

I get why you don't want to go to the wedding.

Good instinct.

You there?

Just cough if you're there.

Of course I'm here. You can see me.

Yeah, I can see you through the wall that I smashed through with my body.

I don't know what happened.

Gary, he brings out the worst in me.

Self -confidence, which I now know is wrong.

And...

I just wanted to say, whether you're going to the wedding or not, I want to

with you.

And about the ring, I'm really sorry about that. That was uncalled for.

But in my defense, I have won a lot of wrestling championships.

And if you'll notice, some of the awards behind you on the... Oh, no, I'm doing

it again. Self -confidence.

No more of that, I promise you.

I'm done with it.

Hey, if you don't stay, you don't get any pig at the reception.

Okay, you're not getting any pig.

Oh, come on, guys.

Please.

What the hell is going on?

I thought we had a deal.

Yeah, but it's a dirty old mat.

I wiped my feet on it.

Yeah, but it's a cultural thing.

Are you serious?

They were all in a huff because I didn't wear a mat?

Well, that's childish.

You're right. We don't need them. Let's just get through this.

Suck.

Yeah, it does suck a bit. But the ceremony's always the boring part.

So we're on the party. Girls love party.

Wait till you get to the reception.

They have the delicious little... Shut up.

Fish.

Wait. Sorry.

Wait. No, I don't want to. I don't. This isn't right.

This isn't what I want.

It's just all a bit gross.

The beach is gross.

The people are gross.

Someone was wearing a T -shirt to my special day, Gary. It was a woman.

This is disrespectful.

You're just a bit gross.

I'm not gross.

I'm a work in progress.

I mean, I'm thinking of joining a spin class when we get back. I've already

bought the shoes with the little cleats.

Sorry.

But you are gross.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm going to go because it's really awkward now.

Yeah, go.

You forgot your ring!

It's your mum's ring you just threw in the water. Ah, fuck!

Baby, it's over there.

Not too far, too far. Baby, there.

There. Oh, no.

It's still not funny.

Oh, shit.

Good work.

Shame you've got no one to give it to.

I'll just catch you up. I want to give you this back.

The ring.

Okay, yep, I'll take that.

Thank you.

Arnie, there's something I'd like to give you.

Me.

I'm sorry.

And I'd like to propose again.

Will you take me?

Even the way he proposes is a bit fucked.

Now, this is when you want to ask me that?

I think the generator's out of gas.

So where's all the bloody petrol?

Did you not pay the bill?

I thought it was like an electricity bill. Well, they still give you

electricity. They just send you a few warning letters.

The islands, if you don't pay for your petrol, they don't send you any petrol.

Oh, shit.

What? Oh, my freezer.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, well, we've gotten to the bottom of the problem.

There's definitely no petrol left.

So that puzzle's being solved.

Sorry to interrupt.

Yes? You have our money, right?

What's happening?

Your brother hasn't paid for your new home.

Super, super important.

If anyone has any ice, now's the time to let me know.

Gary?

Yeah, okay, yes.

We're running a little low on funds, but there's nothing that concerns us.

You suck as chief.

I think it's time you left, Gary.

We don't want you here anymore.

You need to leave.

You can't even pay the bills. It's a hug.

Welcher! I am not Welcher!

I am not Welcher! You need to leave the island now.

Excuse me.

I'm going.

Do you want to take my passport?

No?

No.

God damn it.

Picture like it.

Heading home.

Yep, I guess so.

Probably going to get my stuff from Chloe's apartment.

I've got a stereo and a guitar.

Stratocaster.

Well, don't be a say.

Maybe you should have actually gone to university.

Oh, it's too dumb for uni.

That's why I got into real estate.

Easy money.

Everyone needs a home. I just wanted to come back as someone, but... I don't

know, I just... It's a loser.

I just wasted everyone's money.

Do you know what Wolfie Goldberg said as coach of the New York Knicks in the hit

film Eddie?

No.

He might have bought the team, but you didn't buy these people, the fans.

Why do you think I made you chief?

Because I'm a man.

Oh, shit, no.

I don't believe in all that traditional stuff. Aladdin would be a way better

chief than you.

I just want you to stay on the island, you know.

Be there for your sister.

So I did a pretty good job of screwing that up.

She hates me.

And I can't fix it.

We're all going to die out here on a tiny boat.

Have you come to help me, Mr. Dove?

Even nature hates you.

You better get the paddle back. You're drifting into a rubbish island.

Go tell sharks.

There's the dolphin.

Okay, so I know we're meant to be leaving today, but unfortunately we

don't know where we're leaving to.

When are we leaving the island?

We don't have an exact date, but until we do, we just have to stick together.

We're a family, and we're going to get through this like a family.

I know things aren't great right now, but everyone's going to be okay.

I've got it sorted.

That's great news. You got that sorted so quickly.

Oh.

Oh, no.

You haven't got it sorted yet.

You are a very good liar.

I've always liked that about you.

Are you using a very stressful moment to get back with me?

Yes.

They come to family, is it?

No, no.

No, not really.

This is your captain speaking.

Welcome aboard the Cessna 173.

Sorry, one... Actually, I don't think there is a 173. Hold on.

Sorry, Cessna 171.

Sorry, mate, no phones on board. Yeah, yeah.

No,

seriously, I'm the captain. Hello?

Hey, hey, it's Gary.

The guy at the brick house.

Where the whole family were murdered.

Well, technically, there was one survivor, and that's what I want to talk

about.

Family. Now, you mentioned that you wanted to start your own family. Now,

going to need a home for that family.

I've got a family too, and they're the reason that I am now very motivated to

sell. How desperate are you?

I said motivate. I didn't say desperate.

Hey, dickhead, I'm the captain. You need to shut it down now, all right? Shut it

down! Yep, I'm very... I'm very disheartened.

$200 ,000 is the best we can do.

$200 ,000?

Yeah, it's just that after I pay off the mortgage, I won't really have much left

over.

Um... Uh, deal. Really? Yeah, done.

I'll drop out the papers.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

Okay, stop the plane, thanks.

No, go. We're on the roll.

No, no, I said... Stop.

Stop, please. I want to get out. Why? Because I'm drunk?

What? Wait, are you drunk?

I'm not drunk. You're drunk. Look at you.

Look at the state of you. Okay, I'm getting out.

Hey. Hey.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Sit down.

It's a high -tech stopper.

I'm doing the right thing getting off that plane, eh?

I don't know.

There's always pros and cons.

Yeah.

Yeah, true.

What are you going to do with the money?

What do you want?

Sorry. I tried to stop him.

You're a real arsehole, mate.

What? Me?

Yeah, of course you.

Well... Anyway, what can I get for this?

Go on, then.

Have a little look.

Hey.

Sorry for calling you on that. I was a little hit up. Oh, that's OK.

I know it's a bit of a hassle having to row back.

Why don't you take my ride?

Oh, thank you.

Just a heads up. It's a vagina magnet.

Thanks.

So this is your amazing solution, Rubber Shiloh.

Okay, I realise it's a bit gross, but all land is gross before you develop it.

That's why everyone loves property developers.

But it's way above the water, and we can all be together as a family, like

Dad wanted.

Hey, guys.

Hey,

guys.

Come on, everyone.

Let's at least hear what he has to say.

I do not deserve this hat I haven't always been the best chief

and I've made a lot of mistakes and I might have bought this island

but I haven't bought you the people

which is why

I'm what's the fancy word for passing it

on to someone better giving up

Handic. Oh, abdicating.

Abdicating.

I'm abdicating to someone who you deserve much more than me, the person

should have been chief from the very start.

Bloody. Even though this island smells very bad.

And it may take us some time to build up the immunities we need to live here

comfortably. We can do this together.

With you as our chief.

As known will be Goldberg's speech.

As it will do.

You know it's just a hat, right?

Yeah.

But it's Dad's hat.

Okay.

Let's clean this island up.

So, I finally found success.

I have a lot of respect and power on our new home.

By the power vested in me as brother of the chief. No, not a thing.

You have zero power.

By the power vested in me as brother of the chief that I gave myself before I

abdicated, kind of like a 2IC sort of role.

Yeah, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now come for it.

All of this is testament to, yes, my skill, but also my joie de vivre.

Hey. I know a lot of French words.

Hey.

Hey, what do you do for a crust?

I look after my mother.

Yeah, go.

I'm an entrepreneur.

It's French.

For business, Matt.

I guess you're all wondering what I think of my new life.

Well, I'm sold on it.

Hey, I really appreciate that. You're a real friend.

Yeah, man. No worries.

Oh.

So you put it through that, that pee hole?

Yeah. Yeah, it goes through there.

Yes, I agree, Kitiana. That sounds like a perfect place to lay a foundation.

So, hey, lady.

Morning, Gary.

Did you get that looked at? It looks infected.

I'll keep nothing to scare.

I want to define your actions Want to tell you

some lies and make you see That you are the kind of

woman for me

I'm gonna ignore my instincts Make you think I'm your prince

Not a last resort And you'll be a kind of a woman for

me

My

friends are all giving me warning Giving me good cultural

points

You were pulling aside your ideas Thought you were ready to try

and stand up for me And I'd be some kind of lover

for you You

were gonna ignore your instincts

You were thinking that I was under the couch And

maybe that I was a man for you