Original subtitles

Aaahh!

Hack! Hack! Hack!

Help! Ah! Hel-

Hey, wait, Dan?!

You're probably wondering why I'm wearing face

paint and attacking you with a plastic toy hatchet.

Oh, is it

"Put-on-face paint-and attack- your-best-friend -with-a

hatchet Day" already?

That's not until January. It's "DismemberFest!"

Ahh, the horror film festival.

You got it!

"Slasher Cats" starts at noon tomorrow, followed by

"Eek the Murderer."

I can't go this year, Dan.

Elise's parents are taking us on a camping trip.

You have got to be kidding me.

Hey, I'm not happy about it either.

Although I must admit I don't like those movies anyway.

But it's no fun to go to slasher movies by myself!

Sorry, but I have an opportunity to finally get

Don and Elise Sr. to like me.

When are you going to learn? They're your in-laws.

Natural enemies. Like... sharks and robots.

Anyway, we're going up to Lake Sequester

for the weekend, and-

Whoa, whoa. Where?

Lake Sequester.

Oh, you won't go to slasher movies, but you'll go there?

Sure, why not?

Are you kidding me?

It's where the Hockey Mask Maniac ran amok ten years ago!

It's the basis for the goriest, bloodiest, most iconic slasher

movie of them all;

"The Campground Chainsaw Unpleasantness."

Okay, you should go now.

Well, I'm not leaving until you agree to -

Hey! Let me go! Unhand me, I say!

I'm going on the family camping trip, Dan.

And that's final.

FAMILY CAMPING TRIP!

What do you mean you can't mail order killer bees?!

I need killer bees!

You send me-

Hold on.

Hey, Dan.

Oh, Chris. Good.

Have you come to your senses?

I'm still going camping, if that's what you mean.

Hey, that reminds me.

What food allergies do Elise's parents have?

You're not going to ruin the camping trip, Dan.

Says you.

Also, I would like you to stop sending me creepy emails

about the Hockey Mask Maniac.

They're not creepy, they're factual news articles.

What about the clips you keep sending me from scary movies?

Based on true stories!

You know I don't do well with this stuff.

I saw "The Campground Chainsaw Unpleasantness"

as a kid and it scared the heck out of me.

Completely ruined the entire genre.

You know, Chris, if you don't push through,

you're never going to get desensitized.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, right, killer bees...

My folks are here.

They are?

They're three hours early.

Welcome to my world.

Wow, look at that.

When's the last time someone watered this grass?

Mom! Dad! You're early!

Yeah, we made good time from Vegas.

Fun drive.

I never saw so much desert.

Until we took a look at your lawn, Junior.

Mom...

Hey, Mom, welcome back.

Uh, what. Wait, we're hugging now?

I--I guess not.

No, that's fine. Give me a hug.

I... don't want to anymore.

Chris, give my mom a hug.

Uh, heh heh, no, uh, hug for me, thanks.

Are you all ready to go?

I haven't finished packing yet.

Why don't we go inside and have some iced tea?

They hate me.

They don't hate you.

Okay, they kind of hate you. But it's not your fault.

They haven't liked anybody I've ever dated.

Except Colby.

Well, sure, him...

Take your time, Chris!

Whenever you're ready!

Dad, knock it off!

Oh, I'm just kidding with him. It's kind of our thing.

Waaa!

Perfect timing!

If we leave now, we can still catch "Stabbo the Clown."

Now climb out the window and let's go.

I am not going with you.

I am going to Lake Sequester-

to be hunted by a chainsaw wielding maniac.

They caught him years ago!

Or so they think.

You're just trying to give me nightmares.

Look, this whole insane quest of yours is pointless.

Your in-laws will never respect you.

I have to try.

I just hate to see you expending such an

enormous amount of effort in what is

ultimately a futile pursuit.

It's not healthy.

Have a good weekend, Dan.

Ahhhhh!

So - this should be a good time of year

to spot bears.

Isn't spotting bears a bad thing when you're camping?

Don't tell me you're scared of bears.

Uh, I am, actually.

Generally speaking, I'm afraid of anything that can eat me.

Bears, sharks, cannibals...

Stop worrying about bears. We've just got to make sure we

hang our food from a tree every night.

If you think you can make it ten hours without a snack.

They're "tagging" the bears this summer.

Like, spray-painting them?

That seems mean.

No, they're luring them in with artificial hormones

and fitting them with radio transponders.

It's to track their migratory patterns.

Ah.

Speaking of feral creatures,

how's your friend Dan?

The trick to any successful campaign, Mr. Mumbles,

is the element of surprise.

Mrow.

I think it was Sun Tzu who said-

I only ask, because he seems to be following us.

Aww, you have got to be kidding me.

I'll handle this.

What was that?!

Are you trying to kill me?!

Don't tempt me.

What are you doing here?

Obviously, I'm sneaking up on you.

Just give me what is rightfully mine, and I'll go.

What do you want, exactly?

Chris.

I don't know, sounds reasonable.

Don, stop it.

We are not giving him Chris.

Even if we'd like to.

Dan, this really is unacceptable.

It's all your fault.

This is not my fault!

It's kind of your fault.

He's your friend.

If you would just come with me to DismemberFest...

Okay, let's go.

Dan, you are not invited on this camping trip.

Don't follow us.

You're not the boss of me, lady.

I go where I please--

Hey! Is that my car battery?

I'll put you on the list! I'll put ALL OF YOU on the list!

Well, that's reassuring.

Nothing like nature, huh Chris?

No, sir.

I mean, we're so far away from civilization, anything

could happen out here.

Anything.

And the nearest help's not for miles.

That's... yeah.

Heh - How's that fire coming?

You guys know they invented something a

couple of hundred of years ago?

They're called "matches."

If you can't make fire with nothing but wood and

some elbow grease, you're not a real man.

Like Chris here.

Have it your way.

I was going to walk down to the stream.

Care to join me?

Love to.

...nearest help's not for miles...

Just think, Mr. Mumbles, these are the very same woods where

the Hockey Mask Maniac - wait, who's that?

Whaaaa!

Can I help you with that?

Im sorry, didn't mean to scare you.

Who are you?!

Chris, are you okay?

I heard you scream----Colby?

Hi, beautiful.

Colby?!

See? Just takes a little elbow grease.

Uh huh.

I can't believe you invited Colby on our

family camping trip.

Why not? He's the closest thing I have to a son.

What about Ben?

Who?

Our son.

And why didn't you tell me Colby was coming?

I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

I don't recognize that guy with Chris.

Mrow.

Yeah, you're right about that, Mr. Mumbles.

Whoever he is, he sure is dreamy.

Mrow.

No matter.

We'll ruin the camping trip for everyone, then take

Chris to the movies with us. So how do we do it?

Meow.

I know you're hungry Mr. Mumbles, but- Ahhhhh.

You know, you're pretty smart for a kitty.

Let's see how much fun they have camping without food.

That's when I knew I was the only one at the zoo

who could handle the problem.

How big was the gorilla?

Mid-size. About three hundred forty pounds.

And you wrestled it back in its's cage all by yourself.

That's my boy!

Hey, anyone mind if I find out how the game's going?

...leaving Washington with a

commanding lead going into the seventh-inning stretch.

In breaking news, a fire at the Corbin State Prison for the

Criminally Insane was the opportunity several inmates

needed to escape...

That's the prison where they were holding the

Hockey Mask Maniac.

I read an article about him this morning.

...while details are fuzzy at this time,

several inmates are unaccounted for, including,

most notably-

Uh, Don? Did you hear that?

Washington ahead, yeah, I heard it.

He means the jailbreak.

We should probably get out of here.

It's not safe.

Oh, Chris, don't be such a worrywart.

There's a lunatic out there, and you want to stay here and camp?

Have you never seen a horror movie?!

Honestly, the way you carry on sometimes, you'd think-.

Ooh!

Someone's in the woods.

I'm sure it's nothing.

Stay here. I'll go check it out.

No, don't! It's the Maniac!

If it's a bear, take a picture!

You got it, Mom!

What do you think you're doing?

Ah! Dreamboat! Mr. Mumbles, attack!

Meow.

Fine. I'll do it myself.

Aaaahhhh! Ow! Ah! Ow!

What's happening?!

I'll go see if he needs help.

No, wait!

That's just what the Maniac wants you to do!

Taken care of, folks.

What happened?

Ah, somebody was trying to steal our food.

I chased him off.

Ha-Hah! That's my boy!

Wait, what did he look like?

Uh, little guy, wearing a T-shirt that said "Jerk" on it.

Of course. Dan.

What stupid stunt is he trying to pull now?

He's not just dreamy, he's got the strength of ten men!

And was it just me, or were his eyes even more

captivating close up?

I think he won the fight because I got lost in them.

Mrow.

Yeah, all right, we've ruled out a direct assault.

And, by the way, thank you for doing nothing while

I was getting beaten up.

Mrow.

Ng'aw, I can't stay mad at you.

And did you hear that thing on the radio

about the prison break?

For all anyone knows, the Hockey Mask Maniac is on the loose.

Which gives me an idea...

Okay, this'll just take a second...

That's strange.

Oh, well.

Gift horse and all that.

First stop, sporting goods.

Next, landscaping supplies.

No chainsaw?

Why doesn't anything ever go right for me?

Mrow.

Was that sarcasm, Mr. Mumbles? I guess this'll have to do.

Just need some overalls and we're done.

Okay, scary story time.

Who wants to go first?

Why don't you, dear?

I love spooky stories.

Mmmmm. Me, too.

All right. This is the story of the Hockey Mask Maniac...

About ten years ago, in these very woods...

Ah! Bleugh! Pthh! Pthh!

Stupid Spiderman...

And, as they dragged him away to prison, he screamed...

"I'll be back someday! My bloody work is not yet done!"

It's just a story.

Except that it's not.

Here we go!

Rraaarrhhh!

All shall perish!

Rraaarrhh!

Whoops.

Wrong campsite.

Uh, it's okay, kids!

You can come back now!

No maniacs here!

What? I got turned around in the woods.

It happens.

Oh, bears are

your friends, I said bears are your friends.

Maybe they're not the kind of friends who can loan you

twenty bucks, but...

...bears are your

friends,

oh oh...

Gotcha, bear friend!

Uh, friend?

Let me get those for you, Elise.

He still likes you.

Of course he does. I'm awesome.

But I like you.

We've had multiple sightings of the Hockey Mask Maniac.

We need you to clear these woods immediately.

Sorry Commodore,

but I have, like, many more bears to tag.

Can't you guys do something?

Afraid not.

Every man I've got is up in a tree with a sniper rifle

itching to shoot a hole in the first hockey mask they see.

Huh. Maybe not the best time to be dressed as the maniac.

Just make sure everyone evacuates the campgrounds.

You can count on me, sir.

I'll get right on it.

Thank you, son.

As soon as I'm done tagging these Bears. Tee-hee.

Bears...

Once I douse the family tents in these hormones, they'll

attract so many bears looking for mates that they won't be

able to camp!

Then Chris and I can catch the end of the slasher movie

festi-whoop!

Augh! Pthh! Eww! Gross!

Well, that's a waste of-

Oh no.

Well, that was completely unpleasant.

And where were you when I was being attacked by a

bear who thought I was her mate?

That is the second time in as many days that you've

abandoned me in my time of need.

Aww... Forgiven.

Uh, hey folks... We've gotten reports that the

Hockey Mask Maniac is running around here somewhere.

It's important for your safety that you leave immediately.

I would have told you last night but I forgot.

Sound like Dan to anyone else?

Yeah, we're pretty sure it's not the Hockey Mask Maniac.

Shouldn't we go, just to be safe?

Yeah, you probably should.

Well, we're not.

In that case, I have some forms for you to fill out,

acknowledging that the Park Service

will not be held responsible if you all

meet a grisly fate.

Or a grizzly bear.

Mrow.

I know, but it's the only set of clothes I have nearby.

All units. Repeat: All units, Hockey Mask maniac

sighted near the river.

All units proceed to...

Come on, Officer Puddles.

Dispatch said this way.

Did you hear that?

With the cops gone, we can finally get back to plan A.

Mrow.

I know, Mr. Mumbles.

I'll get you a hockey mask for next time.

Mrow?

Promise.

Look, maybe I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be better

to cut the trip short, just in case-

Rrraaarrhh!

Whaa!

Scary!

We know it's you, Dan.

What? It is not.

We recognize your voice.

Besides, the Hockey Mask Maniac uses a chainsaw,

not a weed whacker.

I know that!

But- The store was out of chainsaws.

Plus, the real Maniac is supposed to be seven feet tall.

Like... him.

Oh no.

Who are you supposed to be?

Dan! Run!

Oh, thanks!

Hadn't thought of that!

We should probably go.

Uh huh.

Mom! Dad!

Elise, no! You can't help them!

Let me go!

I can't let you endanger your-ow!

Any chance we can talk this out?

It's been a good life, I guess.

Hey, ugly!

Why don't you pick on someone your own crazy?!

Ah! Oof!

Jerk...

Are you taking pictures?!

Uh, yeah. When will I ever see this again?

Fair enough.

Again? You get rid of a Hockey Mask Maniac, then

you have to deal with a bear.

Typical.

Hey, anyone see a bear come through -

Oh, there she is. Gotcha, bear!

Oh, and the Maniac.

Cool.

Don't you worry folks.

That's the last you'll see of the Hockey Mask Maniac.

Unless he escapes again.

But what are the odds of that?

Well, this has been fun.

You didn't have to hit me.

I think I did.

What I don't get is, why did that bear attack the Maniac?

Because she was protecting her mate!

What was that?

I said, "She thought she was protecting her mate,"

okay?!

Huh?

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, our supplies are gone and our tents are ruined.

Looks like we'll have to cut this trip short.

Oh, thank goodness.

I guess there's still time to catch the end of DismemberFest.

Nah, I think I'm pretty burned out on slasher films

for a while.

Plus, I'd like to go home and wash the bear hormones off.

Come on, Mr. Mumbles.

Chris, you put yourself in harm's way

to try and protect us.

Oh, yeah, I guess I did.

I know we've been hard on you from time to time,

but you really showed your true colors today.

Don, give Chris a hug.

What?

That's really not necessary-

NOW.

Oh, ho, ho,

I'll get you for this.

Uh, Don? You're... squeezing me too hard.

He doesn't hug me like that...

Well, let's go home.