All language subtitles for Dan.Vs.S01E14.The.Barber.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:20,063 So I'll pick you up around seven? 2 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,760 Sounds like fun. 3 00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:25,503 Okay, see you then. 4 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:41,215 Everything's coming up Dan! 5 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,651 HA HA! 6 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:46,742 One haircut, my good man, and make me look dashing. 7 00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:50,093 Sounds like somebody's got a date. Well, hop up. 8 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:53,096 I do have a date. She's cute AND she likes 9 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,534 zombie spaghetti westerns, a cinematic sub-genre of which 10 00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,275 I consider myself a connoisseur. 11 00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:02,018 We're going to see "A Fistful of Brains," tonight. 12 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,543 She sounds like the perfect girl. 13 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:09,112 Don't I know it, and pretty too. 14 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,289 Why do you have her... drivers' license? 15 00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,291 To run a background check! 16 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:18,078 Make sure she's not a serial killer. Or an organ donor. 17 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,210 They don't always wait until you're dead, you know. 18 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:24,040 Possibly the future ex-Mrs. Dan. 19 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,824 If she plays her cards right. 20 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,045 Well, don't worry. I'll make sure you look 21 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:35,356 nice and handsome for your date. 22 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,009 Noooooo! 23 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:41,144 You've made me a monster! 24 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:44,104 Wait! You forgot your lollipop. 25 00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:56,464 Maybe it's not so bad. 26 00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:59,206 AHHHHHHH! 27 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,653 My apologies sir, she's usually so calm. 28 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:15,744 I am so sorry about your obviously horrible grotesquely 29 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:21,053 disfiguring accident. 30 00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:24,144 BARBERRRR!!! 31 00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:37,461 It's not that bad. 32 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,507 Okay, it's pretty bad. 33 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:43,163 You know he did this on purpose, to ruin my date. 34 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,816 That seems a little paranoid. 35 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:48,342 Why would a barber - wait, date? 36 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,473 Yes, date. 37 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:52,650 Seriously? With a real live girl? 38 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,870 And just what are you implying? 39 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,350 What are you telling her? 40 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:57,307 I'm sorry, I just don't - ah 41 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,309 I mean, how does that even - 42 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:03,792 I mean, how did you get her to say yes? 43 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:10,190 The Dan method. She totally fell for it. 44 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:13,367 First, I asked her about the book she was reading. 45 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:16,761 Then, during our conversation, I discovered that she likes 46 00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,024 a lot of the same stuff I like. 47 00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:21,244 Then we talked about that stuff. 48 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,768 It was masterful, if I do say so myself. 49 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:24,987 Yes. Devious. 50 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,685 You... talked to her. 51 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:30,862 And he found out that they had a lot in common. 52 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,255 Staggering. 53 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:34,649 I'm picking up a lot of sarcasm here, but I'm not 54 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:36,216 getting what it's about. 55 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,262 I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm just impressed. 56 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,524 That's great. 57 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,960 It was great. 58 00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:46,008 And then the ham-fisted hack barber did this to me. 59 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,966 Now I'll have to cancel my date. 60 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,620 Why? If a girl really likes you, 61 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,796 a bad haircut won't make a difference. 62 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:52,449 What would you know about what women like? 63 00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:55,017 You married Chris. 64 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,497 Hey! 65 00:03:56,540 --> 00:04:00,370 Anyway, I can't see Becky until my hair grows back. 66 00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,893 Why don't you just shave your head. 67 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,765 Scalp fungus. 68 00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:08,683 I just need a temporary excuse, something simple and plausible. 69 00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:09,771 Hello? 70 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:11,207 Hi, Becky, it's Dan. 71 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,558 Bad news, the FBI just discovered a new species of 72 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,952 penguin, beautiful and endangered, and they 73 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,781 want me to club one to death and dissect it immediately. 74 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,173 The FBI? 75 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,958 Yeah, they're doing that now. 76 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,221 So I leave for the North Pole tonight. 77 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,268 But... penguins live at the South Pole. 78 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,270 Yeah, everybody's pretty surprised. 79 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,229 Anyway, I won't be able to go to the movie tonight. 80 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,535 That's okay. 81 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,798 My friend Mike really wanted to see it, 82 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,452 I'll just go with him. 83 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:41,933 Oh. Mike. Good. 84 00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:44,109 Mike. 85 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:49,071 Well, anyway, I'll be back in three weeks or so. 86 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,202 I'll call you then. 87 00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,335 Bye. 88 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,903 She's going with Mike?! 89 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,253 Man, I hate the barber. 90 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,559 Help me get back at him. 91 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,125 I'd rather not. 92 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,476 It'll take ten minutes. You hold him down, and I cut off 93 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,651 his hands. 94 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,479 Hm....No. 95 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:08,656 Maybe something less... felonious? 96 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,659 What, like, the barber gave me a bad haircut, so I give 97 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:14,139 him a bad haircut? Wow, 98 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:19,231 real- Hey. Can I borrow your hedge trimmers? 99 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,802 Huh. 100 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,762 Well, I guess there's nothing left to do but... 101 00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:40,731 Now where could you have gone? 102 00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:43,865 Now I know where you're headed. 103 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:47,651 That'll teach you to personalize your work space. 104 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,481 Who likes surprises? 105 00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:54,441 Whatever it is, DO NOT let it loose in here. 106 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:59,750 No, I rented us a cabin by the lake. 107 00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:01,665 What? 108 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:06,670 Can't a guy do something nice for his best friend? And Elise? 109 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,237 I have to lay low anyway, while my 110 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,544 hair get back to its vibrant sheen. 111 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:14,112 Why not spend it with the people I treasure. 112 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,724 That's actually really sweet, Dan. 113 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,771 I... don't believe him. What about the barber? 114 00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,731 You know, I got there ready to retaliate, 115 00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:28,300 but then I thought "no." No, the barber can make me look 116 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:32,740 like a monster, but he won't make me a monster. 117 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:35,307 I... still don't believe you. 118 00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,092 By the way, your hedge-trimmer broke. 119 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:39,877 What?! It was working fine yesterday. 120 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:44,491 It's a good reminder that life is fleeting and eventually, all 121 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,883 things die. 122 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,712 It's important to live in the moment. 123 00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:50,932 So, you're really letting this go? 124 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,935 Yeah. I'm growing as a person. 125 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,545 That haircut? 126 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,113 You're letting the barber get away with doing that to you? 127 00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,897 Chris, Dan is turning a corner. 128 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,770 He's asking girls out, renting cabins, we 129 00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,075 should be encouraging this. 130 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:05,250 You should. 131 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,825 You guys wait here. I just need to pick up the key. 132 00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,227 Oh! I got here just in time! 133 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,968 Federal Key Inspection Agency. 134 00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,753 I'm sorry to inform you, several of these ......KEYS! 135 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:31,755 Go-go-go! Go! Go! 136 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:35,019 What's wrong? Nothing. Everything's fine. Go! 137 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,464 This is it! 138 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,988 It's beautiful. 139 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,207 Yeah, the perfect place to relax. 140 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,472 There he is. 141 00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:55,910 My arch-nemesis. 142 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:56,867 Becky?! 143 00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:58,521 Wait a minute! 144 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,871 Aaauuugghhh! 145 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:03,395 My binoculars! 146 00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:04,788 What is it, Dan? 147 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:08,531 It's Becky. The barber's her father! 148 00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:16,147 ..."Oh, I'll make you handsome for your date..." 149 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:20,587 I'll make him sorry... I'm gonna need a ladder... 150 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,937 Does he ever take a break? 151 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,766 You know, it's gotten so I don't even hear it anymore. 152 00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:29,291 It's just white noise at this point. 153 00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:34,775 Well, I've got all the stuff. 154 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,428 Come on Chris, let's go. 155 00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:38,082 I'm going to stay here with Elise. 156 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,563 I did not rent this cabin for the weekend so you could 157 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,565 just bask in luxury. 158 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,654 Kind of what you sold us on. 159 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:47,701 I already told you, I lied about that. 160 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,616 Let it go. Now come on. 161 00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:50,573 I'm not going. 162 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,054 Seriously?! 163 00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,752 Seriously? 164 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:05,893 Ungrateful Chris and stupid Elise, that's the last time 165 00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:08,852 I pretend to rent them a cabin. 166 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,288 Aahh! 167 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:13,161 Ow! 168 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,249 What was that? 169 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,207 Dad! There's someone in the bushes! 170 00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:18,688 Becky - Get my killin' scissors! 171 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,950 Uh oh. 172 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,778 Stop! Stop right there! 173 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,999 Oof! 174 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,217 Hey you - stop! 175 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:32,310 That was a wonderful dinner, Chris. 176 00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:37,141 Kobe beef, white truffles, caviar? Wow. 177 00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,882 Yeah, the fridge was stocked. 178 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,929 I mean, Dan must have paid a fortune for this cabin. 179 00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:45,149 Check it out, complimentary bottle of champagne... 180 00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:46,977 Box of expensive chocolates... 181 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:48,718 Shall we celebrate? 182 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:51,765 We shall. 183 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,027 Dan may be a pain in the neck, 184 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,638 but he really came through for us. 185 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,598 To Dan. 186 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:01,252 Uh, excuse me? 187 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:04,386 Who are you? And what are you doing in our cabin? 188 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,214 Your cabin? No - there must be some mistake. 189 00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:10,218 This is... 190 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:10,827 Dan. 191 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:13,003 Dan. 192 00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:19,619 I hope they throw the book at you, you delinquents! 193 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,533 This is all a misunderstanding. 194 00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:24,536 We're very sorry about all this. 195 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,974 Chris! Hey, Chris! 196 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,977 Now is not a good time, Dan. We're being arrested. 197 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,543 What did you do? 198 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:35,243 We didn't do anything! You told us you rented this cabin! 199 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,811 Oh, right. I lied about that. 200 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,509 Hey, when you get done at the police station, can you 201 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,337 help me break into the barber's cabin? 202 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,860 I messed up, and now---- 203 00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:45,383 I am not helping you do anything. 204 00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:47,255 Ever again. 205 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,213 We both know you don't mean-whup! 206 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:56,220 Still think he turned a corner? 207 00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:58,353 That is your last "I told you so". 208 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:02,009 One more and you join Dan in a shallow grave. 209 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,881 Um, weren't you wearing handcuffs a second ago? 210 00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:06,753 Pssh. Amateurs. 211 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:18,286 So hungry... Ah ha! 212 00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:21,724 Hey, finders keepers. 213 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,380 Ah! Ah! Okay, let's negotiate! 214 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,251 Ow! 215 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:37,871 Huh? Wha-? Oh, time to get up. Thanks. 216 00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:41,788 What do you mean you don't have grappling hooks? 217 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:44,616 Sir, grappling hooks are not exactly a standard 218 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,270 vacation supply. 219 00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:49,447 Of course they are! Who goes on vacation without- 220 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:54,757 Becky! Don't tell her I'm here! 221 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,846 Hey, Clark. Just picking up some orange juice. 222 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,588 Uh - question for you, Becky, are you 223 00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:03,461 friends with a little guy? Covered in scratches? 224 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,812 Doesn't ring any bells, why? 225 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,030 Traitor! 226 00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,118 Dan? 227 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:09,380 Hi, Becky. 228 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,252 I thought you were in the arctic. 229 00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,297 Uh, expedition got canceled. 230 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:16,692 Turns out you're right, penguins only live at the South Pole. 231 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,520 Um, why are you... 232 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,304 Here? Dressed in black? 233 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:23,960 Smelling like raccoon? Long story. How was the movie? 234 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,484 It was good. Mike really liked it. 235 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:31,054 Oh. Mike. Good for Mike. 236 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,883 Hey, can I call you soon? 237 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,929 Maybe we can go to "Treasure of Sierra Zombie" 238 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:36,843 or something? 239 00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:39,019 You bet. 240 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,282 Becky? You left your keys! 241 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,806 I'll catch her. 242 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,354 Perfect. 243 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:27,023 Uh, Dad? Your... hair. 244 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:31,506 Who could have done this?! 245 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,683 Well, it took a lot of work, 246 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,946 but I got even with the barber. 247 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:42,473 Now I can sleep. Good night, Mr. Mumbles. 248 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,391 Hello, Dan. 249 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:48,915 AAAAAAHHHH! 250 00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:54,746 I'm not going to hurt you, Dan. 251 00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,226 Yet. 252 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,707 Oddly, that's less reassuring than I'd like it to be. 253 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:02,972 I am here to declare a Barber Vendetta on you. 254 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,756 Barber Vendetta? 255 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,455 Did you think barbers just cut hair? 256 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:10,850 Of course not. They also sing in quartets. 257 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:14,636 Since the dawn of western civilization, barber surgeons 258 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,726 were responsible for not just cutting hair, but surgery, 259 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:23,775 dentistry and bloodletting. Bloodletting, Dan. 260 00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:32,959 You have insulted me, Dan. I am here to declare 261 00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,483 the Hallowed Society of Barber-Surgeons 262 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:39,791 is going to end your life. Soon. 263 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:46,581 And you won't see it coming. Sleep well. 264 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,630 Hello? 265 00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,632 You've got to help. He's going to kill me! 266 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:55,807 I'm sorry, who is this? 267 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,418 It's Dan! 268 00:14:57,461 --> 00:15:00,900 Right. I had a friend named Dan, but he's dead to me now. 269 00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:06,949 What? Fine! Fine, who needs you. I handle it myself. 270 00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:13,129 Barber was just trying to scare me anyways. 271 00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:22,965 AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 272 00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:30,668 What? Was that a comb? 273 00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:36,805 Aw come on guys - It's my first day. 274 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:37,893 You're so tense. 275 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,635 I did just spend a day in jail. 276 00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:42,463 Yeah, well, let's just forget all about- 277 00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,420 Dan! 278 00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:44,595 Exactly. 279 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:47,294 No, Dan's hiding in our bushes. 280 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:52,212 Again. I swear, I'm going to set a bear trap in there someday. 281 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:56,607 Come on in, Dan. 282 00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,783 Whew. Nice to be in a place where they don't 283 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,002 want to kill you. 284 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:01,699 I wouldn't assume that. 285 00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:05,268 For the last time I'm sorry about the cabin! 286 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:07,053 Also for the first time. 287 00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:08,880 Are you sorry because you lied to us, 288 00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:12,667 or just saying sorry because you need our help? 289 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,060 Uh... 290 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:17,063 Look, what's important is, barbers have a shadowy 291 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,978 secret organization. 292 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:19,935 Sure, the Hallowed 293 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,502 Society of Barber-Surgeons. 294 00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,025 How did you know that? 295 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,897 Eh. The good news is, that any organization like that is 296 00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:27,899 bound to have a rigid code of conduct. 297 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,031 If you can find out what the rules are, 298 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,337 you can exploit them. 299 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,034 Great! Will you help me? 300 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:32,904 Nope. 301 00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,732 Please! I'll do anything. 302 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:41,087 I'll... rent you a cabin. For real. 303 00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:49,573 Wow. That works much better than a hedge-trimmer. 304 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:50,313 I knew it! 305 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,445 You broke my- 306 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,489 Sshh! Let's go. 307 00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:07,548 That's it! 308 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:14,294 I hereby challenge you to the ritual of "Taglio di 309 00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:17,123 Capelli" at sundown today. 310 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,211 You can't challenge me! 311 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,169 You're not a member of the Society. 312 00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:24,739 According to bylaw 537-G, anyone marked for death by 313 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:30,223 the Society may issue a challenge. 314 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:35,097 You, beat me in a haircutting competition? 315 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,533 Good luck. 316 00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:40,102 If you win, you can kill me on the spot. 317 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:45,499 I can only assume your weapon of choice is poison of some kind. 318 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,892 Really? 319 00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:51,113 See you at sundown, Barber. 320 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,379 I don't like this at all. 321 00:17:56,423 --> 00:18:03,038 Relax. Cutting hair is the easiest job in the world. 322 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:10,176 Let the Taglio di Capelli begin! 323 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:13,179 We will each have fifteen minutes to give a haircut. 324 00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,268 Then the judging will begin. 325 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,400 Becky? 326 00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:18,836 Hi, Dan. 327 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,187 Wait a minute, we'll be graded on a curve, right? 328 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,363 I mean, given what each of us has to start with? 329 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:26,148 I can only do so much with Monkeyface here. 330 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,150 You're welcome for helping you. 331 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:32,111 Start the clock! 332 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,852 Okay, I'd like to keep it short on the sides and back, 333 00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,202 and even out- aah! 334 00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:40,945 Be quiet. I'm trying to work here. 335 00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,038 Hey! Not fair! 336 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:52,000 Oh, did I bump you? I'm sorry. 337 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:57,527 Don't worry, I can even it out. 338 00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,181 My hair! 339 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:03,272 Dan, be careful! If Chris loses an ear, I will be very angry! 340 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:04,447 Great! 341 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:07,494 More pressure! Don't worry, it's fixable. 342 00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:13,152 I'm on to his tricks now. Two can play at this game. 343 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,507 MIKE!!! 344 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,725 Stop squirming, sweetie. 345 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:30,256 MIKE!! OHHH, Mike... 346 00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:40,309 I gotta be honest. This is pretty hard. 347 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:42,311 You know Dan, you really shouldn't have cut my 348 00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:46,097 dad's hair in his sleep. That wasn't nice. 349 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,490 Nice? 350 00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:50,537 Just look at what your dad did to me! On purpose! 351 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:55,019 Just to stop me from taking you to the movies. 352 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,238 Is that true? 353 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:59,415 Uh, kind of. 354 00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:02,244 Well, you shouldn't have lied to me, anyway. 355 00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:04,986 I don't care what your hair looks like, Dan. 356 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,989 I thought you were funny and cute. 357 00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,730 You did? 358 00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:11,210 You did? 359 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,864 After all this is over, why don't we go see 360 00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:16,432 "Too Much Gold for One Zombie"? 361 00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:18,260 You mean it? 362 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:21,263 Yes. But you have to stop lying, 363 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:24,788 and more importantly, you have to stop choosing 364 00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:32,535 anger and revenge over more important things. 365 00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,234 You know, maybe we did let this get out of hand--- 366 00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,767 Yeah! 367 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:47,333 Winner! 368 00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:48,812 Me! Ha-Ha! 369 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:57,256 So, uh, Too Much Gold for One Zombie? 370 00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:02,217 Never. Speak. To me. Again. 371 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,917 This is more like it. 372 00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,789 Yeah, real nice. 373 00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,878 Not perfect, though. 374 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:14,360 Yeah, not bad. Hey, guys? 375 00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:15,970 Yes, Dan? 376 00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:19,930 Do you think I made the wrong choice? Revenge over love? 377 00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:20,801 Yes, Dan. 378 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:21,541 Me, too. 379 00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:23,978 DAN Well, I don't. 380 00:21:24,021 --> 00:21:27,111 Well, at least you haven't learned anything. 381 00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:29,113 Thanks for renting this cabin, Dan. 382 00:21:29,157 --> 00:21:32,378 It's just what I needed. 383 00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:34,249 Dan! 384 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,859 Heh, heh. 26939

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