Original subtitles

Grab bags.

What a scam. They lure you in with something you like.

Hmm. Something with an uplifting message.

What is this?

Nothing but a hockey almanac, The Maple Pals...

Sargent Saskatchewan?!

This is the worst comic book ever!

No dark side! No inner rage! He doesn even have any enemies!

And politeness is not a super power. So many maple leaves...

Can I talk to you for a minute, sir?

It's "May I," and no.

We need your help to save the Canadian Geese.

I don't even like American Geese!

One time a goose bit me and stole my sandwich.

I'm sure that's not true.

Don't you impugn me, You goose-smoocher!

I say it bit me!l

Like this! And this!

Ugh, Sticky! Maple syrup?

Who's responsible for this?

CAAAANAAADAAAA!!!

Hey, give us the ball back.

Give me back my son!

Perfect.

Ahh! We don't come to the park enough.

This is so peaceful.

Hello? I'm covered in syrup!

Who is this?

Get over here right now. We're going to war.

With Canada.

What's going on with Dan?

Did he say something about syrup?

Yes, he's covered in it.

Now, he wants revenge on Canada.

Oh that Dan. Always covered in something.

Dan?

Wait, don't open the-

Whoops.

Hllp... mr...

Ow.

Let's go. You're driving.

You're not getting in my car all sticky like that.

Pocket shower.

Ahh, so clean you could eat off me.

I'm not going to do that.

I'm just saying you could.

Well, I'm not going to.

Fine!

So do we have a plan?

Of course.

We go to Canada and make them pay for what they did to me.

That's not really a "plan," so much as a "goal."

Fine! You want a plan? Here you go:

Step one: we go to Canada.

we make them pay for what they did to me!

Now it's a checklist.

Would you focus!?

Here's what I know about Canada.

England and France had a baby out of wedlock

and that baby was Canada.

Now as for Canadians...

First, they drink maple syrup directly out of the bottle.

Second, most Canadians are at least half bear.

I don't think they're actually Half bear, Dan.

What do you know about it?

A little bit, actually.

Okay, Prime Minister, you tell me.

Canadians thrive in cold climates.

They live in the shadow of a massive glacier,

blissfully unaware of the horrific fate that would befall

them, should the glacier ever collapse.

Good, that's good.

Maybe we can use that.

What else?

You could put a Canadian in a lineup with a bunch of normal

people, and you wouldn't be able to tell.

You have to wait until they drop an "eh" or an "aboot."

Or, and this is the good one...

They say "sore-y."

You're right, normal people never apologize.

No, it's not that.

They say "sore-y" to rhyme with "story."

We say "sorry."

What does that rhyme with?

Mmm... Mata Hari?

Wait, how do you know so much about Canadians, anyway?

Nothing, I just... No reason.

What are you hiding from me?

I'm one-sixteenth Canadian.

And you never told me.

It's not my fault!

My great-great grandfather came from Ottawa!

Are you trying to sabotage my mission?

No! I'm as disgusted by Canada as the next person.

Honest.

Prove it!

I can't prove it.

You're going to have to trust me.

And if I don't?

Then you can get to Canada on your own.

I don't even know where Canada is.

It's north. You can't miss it.

Figures you'd know that. I suppose if you're one sixteenth

Canadian you're still ten sixteenths normal person.

You're being ridiculous. And your math doesn't even add up.

What do you think the other five sixteenths are?

Goo?

Oh well, Good evenin', eh?

Puck slapping maple sucker.

Be quiet, these guys are tough.

Because they're half bear.

So now, what's the purpose of your visit to Canada?

I wish to exact my vengeance upon this blight of a nation.

Oh. Ha-ha. Not today. Sorry!

Unguarded border my foot.

This fence looks electrified.

Can't be. Canadians don't have the technology yet.

I can't - ow! Believe he just- ow!

Picked up my car with- ow! His bare hands.

Just hurry!

Hey, can I use the rubber gloves?

I'm getting shocked here.

No. My hands are cold.

Canada sucks!

What kind of country is this?

They still have all their trees!

They're like baby teeth. The landscape hasn't changed

since the days of my great great grandfather.

Hey - Did I ever tell you about him?

No one wants to hear your boring story.

It was a hundred years ago...

So when I say no one wants to hear your boring story.

what do you hear?

It was a hundred years ago...

My great-great-grandfather was a woodsman,

with a wife and young son.

One day, he wandered into the forest... Oh, Canada,

O Canada... Lalala la la, Canada... ...

never to be seen again.

Wow. Great story.

It's not done. He comes back.

You just said, "Never to be seen again."

Except when he came back.

You're the worst storyteller in the world.

Anyway... It was some time later. His wife had him

declared dead. She remarried. But then he comes walking out

of the woods again. I'm home, eh!

Where have you been, eh?

I was hiking through the mountain and fell down a hole.

Found a weak spot in the glacier.

Could cause an avalanche and kill us all.

Avalance?

Don't get your hopes up. He was crazy.

I was trapped there for years.

I had to do unspeakable things to keep warm.

What kind of things--

I just said unspeakable!

I'll tell you later when we are snuggling.

This is a little awkward. I had you declared dead.

I'm remarried now- - to Skip. Hey.

You couldn't wait for me?

It's been six years. I had to remarry after three.

It's the law eh.

Canadian law.

Stay out of this Skip.

They decided that he could sleep in the barn until he figured

out where he was going to go. But that night...l

What kind of name is Skip?

Oh no! Eh!

So you're descended from a Canadian axe murderer?

Attempted axe murderer. He didn't manage to kill anyone.

The family escaped, and moved to the U.S.

And what happened to your great great-grandfather?

He ran back into the woods, heading towards the glacier...

I hate Skip! I hate Canada! I'll make you all sorey!

You'll see, eh!?

never to be seeln again.

Except when he came back.

No. This time he stayed missing. Some say he's still out there,

to this day.

So he'd be like a hundred and thirty.

About that.

So he's probably not still out there.

Probably not.

Probably eaten by a Yeti.

He wasn't eaten by a Yeti, Dan.

How do you know? This country is lousy with yetis.

Maybe he ran across one. Maybe they became friends.

Maybe he married one.

My great-great-grandfather was not a Yeti-lover!

Whoa, whoa! Is that even a thing?

I thought I was just messing with you.

It is a thing. A bad shameful thing!

Heh. Yeti lover.

Hey!!

Great. Now I've got snow in my pockets.

We have got to get to that glacier.

Were you listening to my story?

My great grandfather was off his rocker.

It's like they say, l Insanity breeds truth.

They don't say that.

Sure they do.

I want to go home. Canada makes me feel ursine.

Can I have a bite of that sandwich?

Get your own food!

We've been marching for days!

Canada's a big place, Dan. In fact, it's the second largest-

"Canada's a big place, Dan. In fact it's the second largest

country in land mass-- blah blah blah...

wide variety of climates!"

Ahh!

What? Are we at the glacier?

Even better! Ice rink!

This isn't the plan!

Triple axle nailed it!

Okay you've had your fun, now let's go.

Not yet. I want to work on my salchow.

UNBELIEVABLE!!

Whup!

I'm getting frostbite.

That's what you get for derailing the plan.

Are you sure this is the most effective mode of

transportation?

Of course! These things can run for hours.

Drat.

Wait a minute...

Look, they spelled "Stop" wrong. Canadians.

It's French. I think we're in Quebec.

What? I hate Quebec!

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!!

Look What's this?

Hm. I'm beginning to like their style.

You are not allowed here. Go away.

Ah! Come in, come in!

Come with me, please.

Oooh! Haw-ckey!

Haw-key? You're becoming more Canadian by the second. Grrr.

And now, please welcome, your... Toronto Ontarians!

Hey, I'm drowning, eh?

For years, we have looked for the weak spot in the glacier.

So the weak spot exists!

Your ancestor wasn't crazy, after all.

Except for the... you know.

I'd really like you to stop doing that.

We need a more specific map of the glacier to find the ice cave

If we get your map, you'll hurt Canada?

Yes! It is true! Once we tunnel through the weak spot,

the glacier will collapse, causing a,

how you say, "avalanche?"

Snow tsunami.

Oui. This will ruin springtime for the whole of Canada!

Ha, ha! Say goodbye to your holiday on Nova Scotia,

Canadians!

Wait, aren't you Can-

Dan, no!

What's this all about?

The Quebecois think they're French.

Ohhh, I see the problem here.

Okay, you guys are here.

And aaaaallll the way over here... is France.

You're just confused, geographically.

Oof!

Would you get up? We're on a mission.

You landed on my kidneys.

You, you, you!

What about ME? What about MY kidneys?! Stay focused.

We need to find that map.

All right, where to now?

The Geological Society of Canada.

Where's that?

No idea.

Is there such a thing?

No idea.

Okay, help me find a good map of the glacier.

One with numbers on it and stuff.

How about this one?

Perfect.

Here we are in the third period.

It's a riveting game, with the score still tied at zero.

And both teams still drowning.

Now, to cover our tracks.

What are you doing?

Burning the place down.

What is with you and arson!?

Fire is the cleanser!

No, Dan! Stop it!

Are those curling brooms?

Yeah, from, like nineteen eighty!

Ow! Ah! Ouch!

Such harsh bristles on my soft, supple skin!

Don't you find it weird that the bristles hurt

more than the stick?

At least they were nice enough to drop us at the

hospital after they beat us. Canadians are polite.

Violent, but polite.

We should get out of here before they bring us a bill

for millions of dollars.

They have socialized medicine up here, Dan.

They're not going to charge us.

Ahh! I can't believe what I'm hearing!

Don't take their side!

Sorry.

Did you just say "sorey"!?!

Uh, no. You're hearing things.

You did! You said "sorey!"

I did not.

I've had my doubts about you from the beginning!

You've been sabotaging me this whole time

you big dumb caribou!

I've been helping you,

you ungrateful hoser!

Hoser? I knew it! You are a half-bear.

And I don't need you! Get out!

Fine!

Fine!

Good luck getting home.

Good luck being stupid.

Well good luck....you're stupid.

You're holding it upside-down.

I know that! right-side up.

Wait a minute... What's this?

I don't know. I can't read maps.

I've got it!

What?

You want to destroy Canada - follow me!

I'm taking this stethoscope.

We've got a lot of ground to cover,

and not much time to do it. Did you know a

Grizzly will outrun a horse over short distances?

No. Absolutely not.

You can talk to bears?

What did you say? Were you talking about me?

It's a bear thing, you wouldn't understand.

Whoa

I'm bored.

Bored!?

We're riding a grizzly bear up a cliff!

Yeah, but we're missing so much good TV.

What's a KM? Canadian Miles?

Basically.

Are we there yet?

We're here!

Is that...

Oh! A frozen mooseburger!

And my great-great-grandfather's skeleton.

Hm. Weird. Looks like he spent the last years of his

life trying to chop through the weak spot in the glacier.

At least your family is good for something.

Helping me. That and axe murder.

Attempted axe murder.

Then your family's only good for one thing.

Get to choppin'.

That's it. We found it.

Wait. I want to do it.

Don't you growl at me.

I didn't-

Oh, come on!

Chris! Help me!!!

RROOAARR!!

Wow! You ARE Half bear!

I didn't want to do this.

Bad Yeti! You're a bad Yeti!

Now apologize to your Uncle Chris!

I am not related to a Y---!

I knew this was good for something.

Did you see the ring on that Yeti's finger?

What was that?

I said, "It had my family crest on it," okay?!

That's why my family left Canada.

I thought it was because of the axe murder thing.

Please, axe murderers are a dime a dozen up here.

Every family has at least one.

It was the shame of being related to a

...Yeti Lover.

Oh, buddy...

Just... don't.

Come on Chris!

Time to go!

Ah, eh, the first bud of spring.

Oh, no, eh.

Sacre Bleu! Be careful what you wish for!

Awww, A hundred and two.

Chris... Get over here and make me some soup.

Who's that?

Telemarketer. I'll get you some more tea.

...chicken noodle... Maybe some beef broth...... Hello.?