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00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,033
# We are the Smilecorp #
2
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,475
# Corporation #
3
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:48,538
# We bring smiles
across the nation #
4
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:51,778
# We bring smiles
to young and old #
5
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:55,515
# We smile ail day
though it's cold #
6
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,582
# So lift your hearts
and sing our song #
7
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,823
# If you're with us
you can't go wrong #
8
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:06,628
# We are the Smilecorp Corporation #
9
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:10,602
# Happy to bring you
mirth and elation #
10
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:14,232
# Mirth and elation
across the nation #
11
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,834
# Mirth and elation #
12
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:20,209
# Across the nation... #
13
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,666
Well, back to work.
14
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,612
You know I love you, but I've got
to finish this Beckerman account.
15
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:01,125
How about one
of your hot kisses?
16
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,409
Let me look
into your bedroom eyes.
17
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:15,744
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm trying to sleep here!
18
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:39,201
Oh, Grant, you're awfully big.
19
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:42,605
In fact, you're very, very big!
20
00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:52,779
Mother, you won't believe-the
phones dead.
21
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,730
# I'm so happy #
22
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,598
# I'm so happy, youre so happy,
everybodys happy #
23
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,626
# I'm happy that youre happy
I'm so happy #
24
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,196
- Hello, darling. Come in, sweetie.
- Hello, sweetie.
25
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:20,940
Mother, Grant is not
the same man I married.
26
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,380
He's changed.
27
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:27,910
Your father and I never approved
of Grant. You could do better.
28
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,803
Mother, some very strange things
have been happening.
29
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:32,341
You know men.
They have certain needs.
30
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,877
No, I mean really bizarre things.
31
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:39,915
Oh, it's gotten that far?
32
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,838
Soup's on!
33
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,679
Dear God, thank you
for this bountiful food
34
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:13,157
that graces our lovely table.
35
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:17,652
I realize you didn't actually plant
and fertilize this delightful meal.
36
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,326
And don't forget your shipping
and your distribution.
37
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,234
Then you got your packaging
and your advertising.
38
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,966
Then those fucking sale taxes,
Jesus Christ!
39
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,236
Those goddamn clowns in Washington!
40
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,266
Always gouging
the fucking middle class.
41
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,540
I swear, I'm gonna get my gun
and kill those motherfuck-Amen!
42
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,570
Could I please have the salt?
43
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:46,044
We try to keep this house as clean
as possible. Otherwise, we get bugs.
44
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,713
Oh, mother!
45
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:53,214
- Bugs?
- Those ugly, dirty creatures.
46
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,438
Buggy! Buggy! Buggy!...
47
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,478
Mother, are you okay?
48
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:27,123
We don't approve
of that kind of music in this house.
49
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,559
Music?
50
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,306
Ooh.
51
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,805
# We are the Smilecorp
Corporation #
52
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,638
You, young men
53
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,669
are my top talent
54
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:24,672
Smilecorp needs you.
55
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:28,778
So I've asked you here
to present your new shows
56
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,722
for the upcoming season.
57
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:37,892
My show is the ultimate in high art.
Roll the tape.
58
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,733
Hmm.
59
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,918
My... my idea is very revolutionary.
60
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:10,861
It's... it's called
"World-class amoeba wrestling"
61
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:31,915
Uh, I have a wonderful idea
for a show. Called, Rocks in love.
62
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:35,352
Hey, how about a kiss?
63
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:37,821
I'm not that kind of rock.
64
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:47,163
Hmm.
65
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,598
I've got it!
66
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:59,236
"The Belching Amoeba
Rocks in Love!"
67
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,713
Brilliant! Brilliant!
He's a genius!
68
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,686
Hey, Grant, hows it hanging?
69
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:23,734
It's a great day for cuttin grass!
Whoo-eee! Look at me!
70
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,737
Whoo-eee!
71
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:29,138
Hey, check it out! Whoo!
72
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,508
Look, Ma, no hands!
73
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,481
Yee-ooh!
74
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,642
Yee-haw!
75
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,583
Ooh!
76
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,486
Hey, Bud!
Do you mind?
77
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:48,652
Look at what that maniac is doing
to my brothers and sisters.
78
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,662
Why do you people spend
hundreds of dollars
79
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,755
on fertilizer and plant food on us?
80
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,460
And then perForm
horticultural genocide?
81
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,368
If we were bigger,
you wouldn't be doing this to us.
82
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:13,507
Ha! I'm gonna kill you!
Cut you up! Cut you up!
83
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,526
Push him back!
Push him back! Way back!
84
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,159
Push him back! Push him back!
Way back!
85
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,795
Cut the human! Cut the human!
Cu-uut the human!
86
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:34,533
Cut the human!
Cut the human! Cu-uut the human!
87
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,632
Poke his eye! Poke his eye!
Po-ooke his eye!
88
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,540
I'm gonna kill ya! I'm gonna kill ya!
I'm gonna kill ya!
89
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,930
Yeah, I'm gonna kill ya!
I'm gonna kill ya!
90
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:11,866
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'm gonna kill! Gonna kill!
91
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,744
Ah, yeah!
92
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,254
Bash his head!
Ba-aash his head!
93
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:27,088
Bash his head! Bash his head!
Ba-aash his head!
94
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,959
Mulch the dude! Mulch the dude!
Mu-uulch the dude!
95
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,758
Gonna kill you!
96
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,633
- Grant, save me!
97
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,437
Grant, help me!
98
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:09,589
I'm really sorry about all that,
but it's been a very weird day for me.
99
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,835
Hello, operator?
Get me the Jackie Jason show.
100
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:23,837
My neighbor Grant, he has
some amazing magical powers.
101
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:40,098
What's wrong with Grant?
102
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,327
Did he enroll in magic school?
103
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,999
Or is he some kind of superhuman?
104
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:58,774
Grant, what's happening
to our marriage? You're so different
105
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,994
Listen, Keri.
I don't know why I'm so weird,
106
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,900
but when we took our wedding vows,
107
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:20,769
we promised unconditional love.
108
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:25,402
If you got fat and wrinkled,
I'd still love you.
109
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,647
Away from me!
110
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:45,127
Get! Get away!
111
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:47,659
Oh!
112
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:53,529
Grant! Grant, save me!
113
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:57,937
Grant, save me!
114
00:17:57,976 --> 00:18:01,104
Grant, save me!
Get it down from me!
115
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:05,014
Grant!
Grant, save me! Grant!
116
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:13,049
Get away!
Get it... get, get, get! Get down!
117
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,787
Get down!
118
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:29,871
See? I still love you.
Love makes problems disappear.
119
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:39,973
# Would you love me if I forgot
your birthday and gave your shoes away #
120
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,748
# Refused to shave? #
121
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:46,087
# Would you love me if I blew up
a deli and got a big fat belly #
122
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,593
# And became real smelly? #
123
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,755
# Would you love me
if I wore a tutu, rode a kangaroo #
124
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,856
# With a beehive hairdo? #
125
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:57,562
# Would you love me if I put a big rock
in the toe of your sock #
126
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,628
# And forced you to walk? #
127
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:03,103
# Can't you see #
128
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,110
# I love you #
129
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:12,410
# I'm crazy 'bout you, babe #
130
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:16,615
# Don't you leave me, sweetie #
131
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:22,321
# I'm comin' right away #
132
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:26,092
# Would you love me if I was big
as a whale, grew a great green tail #
133
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,326
# Left slime like a snail? #
134
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:32,133
# Would you love me if I took off
my clothes stuck a garden hose #
135
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,866
# Way up my nose?:
136
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:38,002
# Would you love me if I had a hundred
fingers and they were all singers #
137
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:39,567
# And were out of key? #
138
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:43,707
# Would you love me if I followed
the fad, dressed like a shad #
139
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:46,946
# And blew your dad? #
140
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:49,044
# Can't you see #
141
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:52,022
# I love you? #
142
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:58,392
# Crazy bout you, babe #
143
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:02,696
# Don't you leave me, sweetie #
144
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:06,329
# I'm comin' #
145
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,271
# Right away #
146
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:12,004
# Would you love me if I took a big
old chainsaw into bed with us #
147
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,035
# And started that sucker up? #
148
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:17,139
# Put on the ski mask
and got all hog-wild? #
149
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:19,207
# Whoo #
150
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:25,047
Woo-hoo!
Hello!
151
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,524
Come on over, baby.
152
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:25,114
Grant, stop this right now.
153
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:36,155
Damn it, Grant! When we have sex,
I want you to have it with me alone!
154
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:07,391
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
155
00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,987
Grant!
156
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:46,994
Stop this, nght now!
157
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,004
Theyre not up there anymore!
158
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:38,205
Oh, Edgar.
159
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,754
Here he is,
the toast of Hollywood,
160
00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:45,723
Jackie Jason!
161
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,918
Hey, do we have a show
for you tonight.
162
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:52,896
The ever-popular Solly Jim,
fresh from his big smash week in Vegas.
163
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:56,890
And Grant Boyer,
a sensational young illusionist
164
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:02,236
Hey, how bout that mess in
Washington? Crazy stuff, huh?
165
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,607
Wow! Solly Jim!
166
00:24:05,644 --> 00:24:08,738
I wish my wife were here
to meet you, but she's leaving me.
167
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,681
She thinks I'm a nutcase.
168
00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:15,083
God, what is happening to my life?
169
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:19,113
- You seem depressed, Grant.
- It's a mess!
170
00:24:19,157 --> 00:24:21,352
I'm at the end of my tether.
171
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,590
Oh, God. Oh, God.
172
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:27,097
Look at that.
You know where that stuff comes from?
173
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:30,067
Well, it all starts when
you wear a tight-collared shirt.
174
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:33,127
The shirt depresses
your Adam's apple until you yawn,
175
00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:35,765
which allows sunlight
to hit the back of your throat
176
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:39,470
A patch of tiny hairs grow,
that eventually becomes a hair ball
177
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:42,605
that falls into the stomach,
where it rolls around,
178
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:45,013
and exits through
the stomach escape-hatch.
179
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:48,679
The mix of hair and gunk flows
into the small intestine,
180
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,881
where it tickles
the sensitive walls,
181
00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:54,756
and is ejected at the speed
of sound and hits the rib cage,
182
00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:56,761
which aims it
at the belly button.
183
00:24:56,795 --> 00:24:58,786
If the velocity is sufficient,
184
00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:00,798
it squeezes through
the bounce off your shirt,
185
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:03,630
and gets lodged
in the belly button.
186
00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:07,968
And... and they found
eight chickens in his pants.
187
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:16,978
Here he is, folks:
Mr. Vegas himself, Solly Jim.
188
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:25,721
How do you tell when youre
at a bulimic bachelor party?
189
00:25:25,757 --> 00:25:28,988
The cake pops out of the babe!
190
00:25:35,133 --> 00:25:38,500
Did you hear about the artist
with a bad case of psoriasis?
191
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:41,335
He asked the model to come up
and see his itchings!
192
00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:00,214
Boy, this is a tough audience.
193
00:26:00,258 --> 00:26:04,160
My career is over if I don't
get a laugh on this next joke.
194
00:26:23,982 --> 00:26:26,473
Heres my impression of a sock.
195
00:26:45,403 --> 00:26:48,736
My mother always warned me
about playing with myself.
196
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:13,954
Hey, fella, how about a little head?
197
00:27:24,776 --> 00:27:27,768
Woo-hoo! Wee!
198
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:37,379
Yee-ha! Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
199
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:39,947
You!
200
00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:52,333
Hey, Solly, I like
the new direction in the humor.
201
00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,463
Now get your bloody head
off my couch.
202
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,474
Mr. Boyer, youre on.
203
00:27:58,309 --> 00:28:01,676
- What do you think, kid?
- Glad I could help you out.
204
00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:04,807
Was that your doin, kid?
God bless you.
205
00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:08,842
You saved my career.
If you need anything, give me a call.
206
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:14,853
Just remember, kid,
if you see someone without a smile,
207
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:17,987
just give em one of yours.
208
00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:28,938
You've got a nasty boil here.
That won't do for national TV.
209
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:32,568
Heres our next guest,
Grant Boyer.
210
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:34,339
I hear you do illusions.
211
00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:37,746
Well, uh, I guess.
212
00:28:37,782 --> 00:28:40,478
Well, I guess.
213
00:28:40,518 --> 00:28:44,010
Can you turn this glass
into a... huh?
214
00:28:46,324 --> 00:28:48,815
Turn it into a pen.
215
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,105
Well,
thanks for joining us, folks.
216
00:29:11,149 --> 00:29:14,550
Tomorrow night,
we have Sean Young and... huh?
217
00:29:21,459 --> 00:29:25,190
Whoa! Ah!
218
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:36,172
Colonel,
did you happen to see
219
00:29:36,207 --> 00:29:39,233
the Jackie Jason Show?
220
00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:41,268
Well I've asked you here
221
00:29:41,312 --> 00:29:44,543
for a very important mission.
222
00:29:45,917 --> 00:29:47,976
Yes, Mr. Giles.
223
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:54,247
See this man?
I want him. Get him.
224
00:29:57,295 --> 00:29:59,286
Colonel,
225
00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:02,424
that was just the image
from the projector.
226
00:30:06,704 --> 00:30:09,400
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
227
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:11,806
but we need this man alive!
228
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:17,107
- Gimme!
- No! No!
229
00:30:17,148 --> 00:30:19,639
No! No.
230
00:30:19,684 --> 00:30:22,881
No. No. No.
231
00:30:25,456 --> 00:30:29,222
I want my gun!
Give me my gun!
232
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:31,592
I want my gun!
233
00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:34,291
Very well.
Now take this.
234
00:30:36,601 --> 00:30:39,229
Colonel Ferguson,
get me that man.
235
00:30:39,270 --> 00:30:41,238
Honey, I'm home!
236
00:30:41,272 --> 00:30:45,299
Honey!
Honey, did you see me on TV?
237
00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:49,473
Honey. Ker? Keri
238
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:52,483
Honey. Honey.
239
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,714
Don't you love me?
Boo-boops.
240
00:30:55,753 --> 00:30:58,847
Cutesy-wootsy face!
241
00:31:01,226 --> 00:31:04,627
# How'd you get to be so cute? #
242
00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:07,222
# Did you buy it like a suit? #
243
00:31:07,265 --> 00:31:10,428
# Were you hoppin'
shoppin boppin moppin'? #
244
00:31:10,468 --> 00:31:15,167
# Ooh, were you spendin'
lots of loot? #
245
00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:17,401
# How'd you get so cute? #
246
00:31:19,077 --> 00:31:23,013
# How'd you get to be so hot? #
247
00:31:23,047 --> 00:31:25,675
# Did you pop out on the spot? #
248
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:30,086
# Or did you sow it, mow it,
blow it, show it, grow it #
249
00:31:30,121 --> 00:31:33,386
# Ooh, like a crop? #
250
00:31:33,424 --> 00:31:35,858
# How'd you get so hot? #
251
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:41,692
# And the beauty that is you? #
252
00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:45,362
# Oh, I love it so #
253
00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:48,861
# I've been lost
in your dream world #
254
00:31:48,907 --> 00:31:52,502
# That's why I wanna know, yeah:
255
00:31:52,543 --> 00:31:55,307
# How'd you get to be so buff? #
256
00:31:55,346 --> 00:31:58,281
# I wanna eat all your stuff #
257
00:31:58,316 --> 00:32:02,810
# Were you bakin sha kin'
makin flakin cakin'? #
258
00:32:02,854 --> 00:32:06,051
# Baby, I'm in love #
259
00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:08,650
# How'd you get so buff? #
260
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:13,194
# How come youre so much fun? #
261
00:32:13,231 --> 00:32:16,200
# Honey, baby, youre no nun #
262
00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:19,635
# You're so nervy,
curvy, swelvy #
263
00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:23,835
# Oh, please shoot me
with a gun #
264
00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:26,503
# How'd you get so fun? #
265
00:32:29,914 --> 00:32:34,010
Keri, please let me in.
We can work this out.
266
00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,350
I just wanna hold you.
267
00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:39,481
What's with Grant?
268
00:32:39,524 --> 00:32:41,424
Is he a robot?
269
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:44,587
Or maybe the antichrist?
270
00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:48,297
Go away, Grant!
271
00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:51,769
You're a very strange person!
272
00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:56,705
Hmm.
273
00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:01,070
I hear you do illusions.
274
00:33:03,448 --> 00:33:06,349
Hmm.
275
00:33:06,384 --> 00:33:08,147
Ah.
276
00:33:09,921 --> 00:33:12,446
Oh!
277
00:33:12,490 --> 00:33:15,687
# I'm so happy, youre so happy,
everybodys happy #
278
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:19,390
# I'm happy that you're happy
I'm so happy... #
279
00:33:21,799 --> 00:33:23,926
What?
280
00:33:23,968 --> 00:33:25,799
Oh.
281
00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:31,470
Hmm.
282
00:33:32,410 --> 00:33:34,344
Oh, I see.
283
00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:44,811
Aha!
284
00:34:05,410 --> 00:34:08,868
So that's his secret weapon.
285
00:34:09,914 --> 00:34:12,610
Yeah, right.
286
00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:16,950
Keri, I think I found out
where my weird powers came from.
287
00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:21,186
Are you Mr. Grant Boyer?
Could you come down for a chat?
288
00:34:21,225 --> 00:34:23,193
We saw you on TV.
289
00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:27,288
# We are the Smilecorp
Corporation #
290
00:34:27,331 --> 00:34:30,892
# We bring smiles
across the nation #
291
00:34:30,935 --> 00:34:34,666
# We bring smiles
to young and old #
292
00:34:34,705 --> 00:34:39,039
- I We smile ail day though it's... #
- Youre quite a talent.
293
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:43,776
Are you coming along quietly
or do I have to get rough?
294
00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:47,376
Well, gee, I don't know.
I should check with my wife first.
295
00:34:47,418 --> 00:34:49,249
We... were newlyweds.
296
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:56,052
Gotcha!
297
00:35:10,241 --> 00:35:12,209
Fire!
298
00:35:28,893 --> 00:35:31,657
Or... maybe, he's a space alien.
299
00:35:32,697 --> 00:35:35,757
Or... a religious messiah.
300
00:35:48,246 --> 00:35:50,737
Hey, you guys, cut that out!
301
00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:49,298
Keri! Keri, please let me in!
302
00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:51,604
Ker-
303
00:36:51,642 --> 00:36:54,270
Keri! Oh, Keri!
304
00:36:54,312 --> 00:36:58,942
Oh, no.
It's worse than I thought
305
00:36:58,983 --> 00:37:01,508
He's working
for the government
306
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:05,283
Try your magic now, Mr. Boyer.
307
00:37:11,862 --> 00:37:13,090
Take him away.
308
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,634
He's getting away!
309
00:37:27,712 --> 00:37:29,680
Fire!
310
00:37:37,688 --> 00:37:41,124
Colonel, why did he get away?
311
00:37:41,158 --> 00:37:44,525
And what about
our tank battalion?
312
00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:47,793
Theyre occupied, sir.
313
00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:51,461
- Occupied?
- Mmm... doing it.
314
00:37:51,502 --> 00:37:53,333
Doing what?
315
00:37:53,371 --> 00:37:56,829
Well, sir, you know
the in and out?
316
00:37:56,874 --> 00:37:59,240
Well, tell them to stop it.
317
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:04,237
Have you ever tried to tell
a 50-ton tank to stop having sex?
318
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:09,753
Find him or else!
319
00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:25,803
Welcome to Glass Land.
320
00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:29,534
Youre my first customer. Hello?
321
00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:40,713
Welcome to Glass Land.
You're my first customer.
322
00:38:40,751 --> 00:38:43,242
It's our grand opening.
323
00:39:24,462 --> 00:39:25,986
Whoa!
324
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:29,432
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
325
00:39:53,324 --> 00:39:56,418
Whew!
326
00:40:46,877 --> 00:40:50,369
- Have you seen a guy... oh.
- There he is.
327
00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:56,686
- My favorite rhododendron bush.
- Behind the burro!
328
00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:02,018
- My terra-cotta burro.
- Get him!
329
00:41:03,894 --> 00:41:06,522
My elf on a mushroom ornament.
330
00:41:06,564 --> 00:41:08,429
Over there!
331
00:41:09,266 --> 00:41:12,667
My pissin' bumblebee fountain.
332
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:18,741
My ducks-plucking-elf-eyes birdbath.
333
00:41:18,776 --> 00:41:21,370
No!
334
00:41:30,621 --> 00:41:33,112
My leaf blower!
335
00:41:51,575 --> 00:41:55,477
# Sometimes in the evening #
336
00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:58,710
# When shadows start to fall #
337
00:42:00,618 --> 00:42:04,145
# I find myself wondering #
338
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:08,318
# Did we ever love at all? #
339
00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:12,291
# But then I go back #
340
00:42:12,329 --> 00:42:16,959
# Through faded photographs #
341
00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:20,164
# I wonder if our love #
342
00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:24,664
# Was meant to last #
343
00:42:31,949 --> 00:42:35,851
I've got to find my husband!
344
00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:39,322
Let the woman go.
She's not a prisoner.
345
00:42:39,356 --> 00:42:42,257
# I'm so happy, you're so happy,
everybody's happy #
346
00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:46,252
# I'm happy that youre happy,
I'm so happy #
347
00:42:46,297 --> 00:42:50,495
- Oh, hello, darling. Oh, Keri.
- Are you okay? Come in, darling.
348
00:42:55,940 --> 00:42:59,842
Solly, Solly, are you in there?
Let me in. Solly.
349
00:43:01,545 --> 00:43:04,537
# I'm so happy, youre so happy,
everybodys happy #
350
00:43:04,582 --> 00:43:07,551
# I'm happy that you're happy,
I'm... #
351
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:10,281
Solly, let me in.
352
00:43:12,823 --> 00:43:16,190
Welcome to
"How to make love to a woman."
353
00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:19,593
Undressing your mate
is a very delicate matter.
354
00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:23,896
It must be done subtly,
yet with authority.
355
00:43:23,934 --> 00:43:28,303
I recommend...
the diversion technique.
356
00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:30,034
Hugging and caressing
357
00:43:30,074 --> 00:43:33,100
are intensely exciting
to the frauleins.
358
00:43:33,143 --> 00:43:35,111
And when done properly,
359
00:43:35,145 --> 00:43:40,549
can leave a lasting impression
on the affaire du coeur.
360
00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:08,036
Hmm. That gives me an idea.
361
00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:17,988
Aha!
362
00:44:24,128 --> 00:44:27,154
Mm-hmm.
363
00:44:27,197 --> 00:44:30,564
N... no, no! No, no!
364
00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:36,001
No, no, no...
365
00:45:23,654 --> 00:45:25,485
The nipples.
366
00:45:25,522 --> 00:45:28,889
Oh, the nipples.
367
00:45:28,926 --> 00:45:33,522
Just a light touch
with the thumb and forefinger,
368
00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:36,294
- and they stand erect...
Oh, God! Jesus!
369
00:45:36,333 --> 00:45:39,530
- Wow, that hurts!
- Proud to show themselves off
370
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:41,401
to the world,
371
00:45:41,438 --> 00:45:43,599
as if to say to anyone around,
372
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,131
- Oh, boy! My eye!
- Here I am.
373
00:45:46,176 --> 00:45:48,736
Fondle me. Kiss me.
374
00:45:48,779 --> 00:45:51,646
Love me. Caress me.
375
00:45:51,682 --> 00:45:54,014
Take me to the heights
376
00:45:54,051 --> 00:45:56,884
of sensual ecstasy.'
377
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,445
Exotic accessories
378
00:45:59,490 --> 00:46:02,948
are a very important aspect
to proper mating.
379
00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:06,895
They insure that the male
is appropriately excited.
380
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,797
Such things as spiked heels,
381
00:46:09,833 --> 00:46:12,700
fishnet stockings and tassels
382
00:46:12,736 --> 00:46:16,536
add an exotic
and forbidden aura to the sex act
383
00:46:17,674 --> 00:46:20,074
Be playful.
Have fun with them.
384
00:46:20,110 --> 00:46:22,840
That's what they're for.
385
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:26,941
They help spice up
the sensual feast of pleasure.
386
00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:29,953
Vive l'amour!
387
00:46:33,490 --> 00:46:36,891
Now that the preliminaries
are out of the way,
388
00:46:36,927 --> 00:46:39,191
the mood is set
389
00:46:39,229 --> 00:46:42,027
It's now time
for the ultimate act,
390
00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:44,966
the supreme gift
of oneself to another.
391
00:46:45,002 --> 00:46:47,562
Keep your shirt on. I'm coming.
392
00:46:51,508 --> 00:46:52,839
Grant, my boy!
393
00:46:52,876 --> 00:46:56,812
I've gotta use your phone.
Some army is trying to kill me.
394
00:46:56,847 --> 00:46:59,247
And Keri thinks I'm from Mars.
395
00:46:59,883 --> 00:47:01,618
So, are you married?
396
00:47:01,618 --> 00:47:04,314
Keri is almost divorced.
397
00:47:08,225 --> 00:47:09,317
Hello?
398
00:47:09,359 --> 00:47:11,759
Let me talk to Keri,
I know shea there.
399
00:47:11,795 --> 00:47:16,823
Oh, it's you.
Well... it's Grant!
400
00:47:19,870 --> 00:47:23,169
My! Aren't you impulsive!
401
00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:29,043
I'm so depressed.
My marriage is over.
402
00:47:32,282 --> 00:47:36,241
You know where tears
come from?
403
00:47:36,286 --> 00:47:38,846
When the eye sees
something sad, really sad,
404
00:47:38,889 --> 00:47:43,849
tiny light balls travel
to the brain through the optical canal
405
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:48,593
The brain heats up
and releases sad little flakes.
406
00:47:48,632 --> 00:47:52,693
They fall through the sadness
artery into the heart.
407
00:47:52,736 --> 00:47:56,900
The heart, heavy from
these brain flakes and bodily fluids,
408
00:47:56,940 --> 00:47:59,408
fails... whoomp - onto
the bladder,
409
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:03,743
which sends a microscopic wave
to the upper part of the body.
410
00:48:03,780 --> 00:48:06,078
Some goes to the mouth
and causes a frown,
411
00:48:06,116 --> 00:48:10,143
and the rest goes to the brain,
which is hot with sadness.
412
00:48:10,187 --> 00:48:12,382
The fluid hitting the hot brain
413
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:15,653
produces condensation
on the cranium's surface
414
00:48:15,692 --> 00:48:18,320
and it slides down an exit
415
00:48:18,362 --> 00:48:22,526
through the eye opening as tears.
416
00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:27,003
You see this bump?
It gives me these super powers.
417
00:48:27,037 --> 00:48:29,972
But now that I'm with you, I'm safe.
418
00:48:35,412 --> 00:48:38,904
Mr. Giles, he's here.
You want me to bring him in?
419
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,112
You've found him?
420
00:48:46,156 --> 00:48:49,922
Yes. He's where?
421
00:48:57,234 --> 00:49:01,330
Mmm, what's your hurry, big fella?
422
00:49:02,439 --> 00:49:06,170
I love a man in uniform.
423
00:49:11,915 --> 00:49:15,373
Something about slimy scales
424
00:49:15,419 --> 00:49:18,786
really makes me moist.
425
00:49:19,856 --> 00:49:24,520
Mmm, do you like french kissing?
426
00:49:32,302 --> 00:49:34,099
Oh, aren't they cute?
427
00:49:46,950 --> 00:49:50,078
Colonel, where are you?
We're waiting.
428
00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:56,983
She can get a divorce.
429
00:49:58,028 --> 00:49:59,655
So can I!
430
00:51:25,682 --> 00:51:27,582
That's a nasty bump on my head.
431
00:51:27,617 --> 00:51:31,383
Ill have to use medication on that
for sure. Then my hair will fall out,
432
00:51:31,421 --> 00:51:34,913
so Ill have to use hair tonic
and then hair remover.
433
00:51:36,893 --> 00:51:39,361
And Ill flake,
so Ill have to use a salve.
434
00:51:39,396 --> 00:51:43,298
And my pores will open up so I've got
to apply body ointments and skin creams,
435
00:51:43,333 --> 00:51:46,097
and Ill bloat
and my skin will fall off.
436
00:51:46,136 --> 00:51:47,535
Oh, boy.
437
00:51:50,307 --> 00:51:52,332
Scabs and pus
all over the place,
438
00:51:52,375 --> 00:51:55,811
and my face will turn
into jell-o and I'll break out.
439
00:52:04,521 --> 00:52:09,117
Please! Please! Please!
440
00:52:13,563 --> 00:52:15,030
Help!
441
00:52:27,477 --> 00:52:30,412
Thanks, Grant.
442
00:52:34,050 --> 00:52:35,881
Don't be so naive, Solly.
443
00:52:35,919 --> 00:52:38,786
Just because you brought
Mr. Boyer in...
444
00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:41,916
You thought someone
of your minuscule talent
445
00:52:41,958 --> 00:52:45,189
could have his own show?
446
00:52:45,228 --> 00:52:49,324
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah, funny boy?
447
00:52:49,366 --> 00:52:54,303
- Not so fast, or I pull the trigger.
- Oh, yeah?
448
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:56,430
Oh, yeah?
449
00:52:56,473 --> 00:52:59,169
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
450
00:52:59,209 --> 00:53:01,507
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
451
00:53:01,545 --> 00:53:03,672
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
452
00:53:03,713 --> 00:53:06,546
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
453
00:53:06,583 --> 00:53:10,917
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
454
00:53:10,954 --> 00:53:13,149
Okay, this is getting us nowhere.
455
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:16,091
Let's all
drop our guns on three.
456
00:53:16,126 --> 00:53:19,653
One... two.., three.
457
00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:22,790
Come on.
We must trust each other.
458
00:53:22,832 --> 00:53:26,131
One... two.., three.
459
00:53:26,169 --> 00:53:29,070
Okay, I'll drop mine first.
460
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:33,205
Come on, guys. Let's shake
461
00:53:33,243 --> 00:53:35,711
and let bygones be bygones.
462
00:53:50,493 --> 00:53:54,793
At last, to be the funniest man
463
00:53:54,831 --> 00:53:57,356
on the face of the earth.
464
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:28,197
So this guy walks into a bar
with a duck on his head.
465
00:54:28,231 --> 00:54:31,723
Bartender says,
What'll you have?
466
00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:34,168
So the duck says...
467
00:54:56,559 --> 00:55:00,791
Well, he split a gut
on that one, Colonel.
468
00:55:00,830 --> 00:55:02,821
The lobe, please.
469
00:55:08,338 --> 00:55:13,105
Now I can set the world right.
470
00:55:24,721 --> 00:55:28,521
Now for some throbbing
military power.
471
00:55:40,537 --> 00:55:44,803
Whoa! Whoa!
Oops! Oops! Whoa! Oops!
472
00:55:44,841 --> 00:55:48,299
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Oops! Oops!
473
00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:51,803
Wait.
This is too bulky.
474
00:55:55,452 --> 00:55:58,546
All I need is destruction
475
00:55:58,588 --> 00:56:01,386
at my fingertips.
476
00:56:04,060 --> 00:56:07,461
Make way for the doctor
of destruction.
477
00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:21,734
All this destruction
is making me excited. I gotta pee.
478
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,893
Uh-oh.
479
00:56:47,604 --> 00:56:50,801
I've got to think of a better... aaah!
480
00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:59,781
At last, my communication
network is complete.
481
00:57:02,318 --> 00:57:05,685
Okay, world,
here comes the new
482
00:57:05,722 --> 00:57:09,624
Larson P. Giles!
483
00:57:09,659 --> 00:57:12,628
Send in the nurse.
484
00:57:35,985 --> 00:57:37,976
Hmm.
485
00:57:38,021 --> 00:57:40,148
Maybe it needs a little pressure.
486
00:57:47,197 --> 00:57:51,463
All right, funs over.
Give me the lobe.
487
00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:52,361
# We are the Smilecorp
Corporation #
488
00:58:52,395 --> 00:58:56,525
# We bring smiles across... #
489
00:58:57,634 --> 00:59:00,467
Kill the fuckers!
Kill the fuckers!
490
00:59:00,503 --> 00:59:02,835
Kill the fuckers! Kill the fuckers!
491
00:59:42,645 --> 00:59:44,613
Theyre getting away!
492
00:59:54,290 --> 00:59:56,383
Keri, why did you
come back to save me?
493
00:59:56,426 --> 01:00:00,795
Like you said, love is forever.
Besides, it was great sex.
494
01:00:00,830 --> 01:00:04,459
- But I'm so weird.
- Oh, shut up and kiss me.
495
01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:14,209
Hey, it's our friend
the caterpillar!
496
01:00:24,220 --> 01:00:26,085
Thanks for the help!
497
01:00:43,706 --> 01:00:46,334
Hey, you!
498
01:02:03,986 --> 01:02:06,181
Thanks, Mac.
499
01:02:32,882 --> 01:02:34,645
Shh.
500
01:02:49,065 --> 01:02:52,364
# We are the Smilecorp Corporation #
Send in more troops!
501
01:02:52,401 --> 01:02:54,699
# We bring smiles across... #
502
01:03:11,821 --> 01:03:14,312
I just love convertibles.
503
01:03:19,028 --> 01:03:22,828
Hey, slow down, will ya?
504
01:03:22,865 --> 01:03:25,561
Watch the corners.
Someone could get hurt.
505
01:03:30,606 --> 01:03:32,597
Whoo-hoo!
506
01:03:32,642 --> 01:03:35,736
Let's rope
and ground us a Heifer!
507
01:03:35,778 --> 01:03:40,374
Yee-haw!
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
508
01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:47,854
We need help.
509
01:03:47,890 --> 01:03:52,725
- Send in the super gun.
- Send in the super gun.
510
01:04:01,737 --> 01:04:04,900
# We are the Smilecorp
Corporation... #
511
01:04:04,941 --> 01:04:07,603
Oh, the super gun!
Oh, no!
512
01:04:07,643 --> 01:04:10,271
We gotta get out of here.
It's the super gun.
513
01:04:10,313 --> 01:04:12,804
We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
514
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:16,182
It's the super gun!
Let's get out of here!
515
01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,847
Aah, the super gun!
516
01:04:38,407 --> 01:04:40,398
Lock on target.
517
01:04:42,044 --> 01:04:44,881
Elevation: 536.29.
518
01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:47,406
Longitude: 329.7.
519
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:53,112
Do it.
520
01:04:53,155 --> 01:04:55,350
Commence countdown.
521
01:04:59,996 --> 01:05:03,727
It's not too late, Grant.
Give up the lobe.
522
01:05:09,605 --> 01:05:11,573
Give up the lobe, Grant
523
01:05:13,643 --> 01:05:16,077
Give up the lobe.
524
01:05:30,293 --> 01:05:32,090
Fire!
525
01:06:18,341 --> 01:06:21,037
Hold on!
526
01:06:39,628 --> 01:06:43,291
# How'd you get to be so cute? #
527
01:06:43,332 --> 01:06:45,698
# Did you buy it like a suit? #
528
01:06:45,735 --> 01:06:50,968
# Were you hoppin shoppin'
boppin moppin'? Ooh #
529
01:06:51,007 --> 01:06:54,408
# Spending lots of loot #
530
01:06:54,443 --> 01:06:57,469
# How'd you get so cute? #
531
01:06:58,214 --> 01:07:01,411
# How'd you get to be so hot? #
532
01:07:01,450 --> 01:07:03,543
# Did you pop out on the spot? #
533
01:07:03,586 --> 01:07:05,554
The lobe!
534
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:53,966
What the hell?
535
01:07:56,172 --> 01:07:58,868
Sacrebleu!
536
01:08:04,246 --> 01:08:08,876
It's working!
Complete global communications!
537
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:11,512
I can control everything!
538
01:08:11,554 --> 01:08:15,991
I can't be stopped now!
539
01:09:17,820 --> 01:09:20,380
My huggie lamb.
540
01:09:20,422 --> 01:09:23,585
Huh, poopsie-woopsie?
541
01:09:23,626 --> 01:09:26,959
My pookie pants.
542
01:09:26,996 --> 01:09:32,059
Grant, I take it all back!
Will you forgive me, Grant?
543
01:09:34,570 --> 01:09:36,936
What's happening, Keri?
544
01:09:36,972 --> 01:09:40,237
I've been watching a lot of TV lately.
545
01:09:43,646 --> 01:09:46,581
# How'd you get to be so cute? #
546
01:09:46,615 --> 01:09:50,016
# Did you buy it like a suit? #
547
01:09:50,052 --> 01:09:53,488
# Were you hoppin shoppin'
boppin moppin'? #
548
01:09:53,522 --> 01:09:56,889
# Ooh, were you spendin'
lots of loot? #
549
01:09:57,893 --> 01:10:00,361
# How'd you get so cute? #
550
01:10:01,997 --> 01:10:05,228
# How'd you get to be so hot? #
551
01:10:05,267 --> 01:10:08,168
# Did you pop out on the spot? #
552
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:13,198
# Or did you sew it, mow it
blow it, show it, grow it #
553
01:10:13,242 --> 01:10:16,177
# Ooh, like a crop? #
554
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:19,739
# How'd you get so hot? #
555
01:10:19,782 --> 01:10:24,583
# And the beauty that is you #
556
01:10:24,620 --> 01:10:27,680
# Oh, I love it so #
557
01:10:27,723 --> 01:10:31,625
# I'm lost in your dream world #
558
01:10:31,660 --> 01:10:34,823
# That's why I want to know #
559
01:10:34,863 --> 01:10:37,798
# How'd you get to be so buff? #
560
01:10:37,833 --> 01:10:40,825
# I want to eat all your stuff #
561
01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:45,568
# Were you bakin' shakin'
makin' flakin' cakin'? #
562
01:10:45,608 --> 01:10:48,634
# Baby, I'm in love #
563
01:10:48,677 --> 01:10:51,441
# How'd you get so buff? #
564
01:10:52,881 --> 01:10:55,748
# How come you're so much fun? #
565
01:10:55,784 --> 01:10:58,685
# Honey baby, you're no nun #
566
01:10:58,721 --> 01:11:02,384
# You're so nervy
curvy, swervy, ooh #
567
01:11:02,424 --> 01:11:06,383
# Please shoot me with a gun #
568
01:11:06,428 --> 01:11:09,124
# How'd you get so fun? #
40795
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