Original subtitles

(Navi, in English): Yo, don't mention that you're hosting

the bhangra competition tomorrow.

I didn't get visas.

(Jasmeet): Are you kidding me?

So then, why didn't they fly us out?

(Navi): But they did, man! Like, first class, too!

So then, what are we doing sitting in a car at the border?

We're pocketing the money, bro! Just chill.

Alright, um. Neal. Switch with me.

You're the least suspicious-looking

out of all of us. - Okay. True.

(rap music playing over radio)

(grunting)

(creaking) (Neal): Okay...

(Jasmeet): Ow, fuck, get your foot outta my face!

Oh, fuck.

I forgot my driver's licence.

- What? - Are you kidding me?

Well, I brought my passport. I hate having two IDs,

it's, like, so confusing. (sighs)

You're gonna make me talk to the border guard? Really?

Just come back.

- Okay. Switch sides. - Let's go.

(creaking) (Neal): Ow... ow.

(Jasmeet): That's your foot in my mouth, man!

(breathing hard)

Man, you guys are trippin', man.

Just say you're going to your cousin's engagement.

Bro, I use that excuse all the time.

(Neal): Oh! We should say we're shopping at the Buffalo outlets.

(Navi): What, bro, what is this, 2006?

(Jasmeet): Okay, yo, everybody shut up

let me handle this, alright?

(radio music stops)

Hi, good evening, sir... uh, ah... afternoons-

Passports.

(security radio chatter)

Citizenships?

Canadian.

All of you?

Yep.

What's the nature of your business?

We're going to visit my dance cousin, I mean... um...

dancing to go visit my cousin.

We're... on a visit to visit my dance cousin

to dance with him during my visit.

(sighs)

He's getting engaged.

I'm not getting paid.

Mm-hmm. Nice.

Nice set of wheels you got there.

What do you do for a living?

You know... online stuff.

Just some online stuff, huh?

You got any drugs in the car?

No.

How 'bout illegal firearms or explosives?

What? No.

You sure about that?

Yeah. I'm sure we don't illegal firearms or explosives.

Okay. I'm gonna need you to pull over and head inside

for further inspection. - What? Why?

I don't need to give you a goddamn reason why.

Pull over now, and get inside!

(sighs)

(Navi): What's with the fucking attitude, bro?

(Jasmeet): What am I supposed to do?, He's being a prick!

(Navi): We don't have any rights here, man.

Just smile and say "yes, sir".

We're gonna be here all day now. Fuck!

(Neal): This country has, like, a very masculine energy.

(rap music)

And then, I tried picking her up and I couldn't!

She grew that much overnight!

Blows my fucking mind! (chuckles)

Wait, which daughter is this again?

One of the middle ones? (Chippy chuckles)

Anyways, how are things at home?

Yeah. You know.

Dad's away, so. Still me doing everything.

Hm. What about your new girl?

Aah. Shit got messy.

So I think I'm gonna be single for a while, probably.

You know what? You do you.

(phone dings)

Oh shit! I totally forgot I have therapy in 10!

I gotta go, Sunny.

Yo! You can use one of my spare offices!

I mean, the Wi-fi's shit,

'cause these guys watch cracked out Desi reels all day.

But it should hold. - Really?

Yeah! Yeah, it's right there.

Okay, thanks! I'll be quick.

Yeah. No problem.

(distant music)

(distant laughing) - Yo, Shinda!

Yo, Shinda!

(in Punjabi): Yeah, bro?

(in English): Bro, come on, man. Back to work!

(in Punjabi): Check out this reel.

It's so jokes.

No, it's not time for reels, buddy.

(in English): Load it in the fucking truck. Go.

(in Punjabi): Don't worry! Why you so pressed?

Plus, I got some back problems.

A little break.

I'll break your back! Grab the truck and get out.

(in English): Yeah, yeah...

(tense music)

Okay!

You're good to go.

(security radio chatter)

I guess we're good to fucking, go, man!

Let's grab the seats and let's roll out!

Go where, bro? The engine's literally on the ground.

(sighing): Fuck.

Does anybody here know how to put this together?

- Is it all-wheel drive? - Yeah.

No, I don't know how.

Fuck! We're gonna be late as fuck, man! Like, fuck!

No, I told you we should have flown, man.

Fuck. (sighs angrily)

'Kay, you know what?

I know who to call.

(sighs) (distant voices)

(phone ringing) (Jasmeet): Yo. Sunny...

Yeah, what's up?

(distant cars passing)

Yeah, man. I'm at the border, bro.

Hey. How come you don't look like a vampire anymore?

Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend.

This is all that's left.

(inhales)

(phone ringtone music)

Yes, babe.

Told you I was going away this weekend!

Right before we left!

How else am I supposed to make money?

Just get Mom to watch 'em!

Holy fuck, relax!

You always do this shit!

Fuck man.

Hey.

You got a lotta anger in here.

I can hold space if you want.

This book says that feelings need to be birthed

and pushed out of your emotional cervix.

- Fuck you talking about? - Alright, good news.

I just got off the phone with Sunny,

he's got a guy coming through the border

and we can just hitch a ride with him.

Nice.

Yeah. Probably take the car too, so...

- Sick. - Yeah.

(guard): Oh man. You guys are a hoot and a half.

(laughing) (chimes)

Don't worry, man. High-five, buddy.

(guard): Okay. Everything looks good,

you guys are good to go. There you go.

You guys have a safe trip, okay?

Take care. (chuckles)

(doors closing) Nice car by the way!

(engine starts) - Fuckin' white people.

(therapist): So why do you

feel like you got into that relationship?

I dunno, I just... I don't...

I don't even know how I ended up with a guy like Umair.

It was nice to be taken care of! You know, I'm used to being

the one who takes care of everyone else.

Especially at home.

I take care of my mom and my younger sisters.

My dad was always on the road growing up,

so I didn't really have a choice.

(therapist): Well, because you're the eldest, right?

Oftentimes, the eldest child picks up the slack

when the parents are lacking.

(outside laughter) - True.

But I feel stupid for having missed the red flags with him.

That's just not me. (laughter grows)

So, anyways, this is why I'm only gonna date women from now.

But the most recent time felt kinda boring, I guess,

I don't know.

(therapist): Tell me, Chippy.

Are you looking for relationships to feel dramatic?

Look. Whomever you choose to date, it seems like you need

to get to the root cause of why you attract these dynamics.

(loud laughter, chattering outside)

- What do you mean? - Well...

it just means being accountable for your patterns.

My... me... I'm the victim.

He's the one who needs to be held accountable.

Him and all the other men!

(outside shouting) Alright, that's fucking it!

Shut the fuck up!

I'm already fucking pissed from being gaslit in therapy!

Don't you loud fucks have anything else to do?! Holy shit!

Okay guys, yeah, lock it up, guys.

Sorry, ma'am! Sorry.

(blinds clattering)

(Chippy): Fucks' sake!

(sighs)

(traffic outside)

What were you saying again?

(therapist): You know, maybe we should just...

switch gears a little bit.

And talk about the anger?

What anger?

(Neal): Okay, they have this place called Guns and Buns.

You can get a gun and a burger.

- Oh, oh, our ride's here. - I think this is our truck.

(chuckles) - Neal?

Oh shit! Diljot!

Come on in, bro! What's up?

Um. Oh, this is my cousin, Jasmeet.

(speaking Punjabi)

And this is his, um... this is his Navi.

(speaking Punjabi)

(in Punjabi): Come in, come in! Get out of the cold, come in!

(Jasmeet, in English): Bro, thank you so much

for picking us up.

(Diljot): Of course, of course, of course!

(laughing)

See, all you Canadian-borns say bro a lot. Yo, bro.

Got it, bro. Hemorrhoids, bro. This thing, bro.

(laughing)

Alright, we're basically just saying paaji.

If you think about it, our bro to paaji ratio

is the exact same. Paaji this. Paaji that...

(in Punjabi) (laughing)

Paaji, bro. Bro, paaji.

There's literally no difference, man.

We all have that inner drive to say that word.

(chuckling)

So you nervous to host it?

Uh. Not really, man.

I've done so many of these it's like clockwork.

Too many. At this point.

Come on, bro. A gig's a gig. You know that, man.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be great, paaji.

Thanks, man.

So, how long have you been driving trucks for Sunny?

Uh... just under a year.

Does he, like... tell you what you're picking up?

Do you know what's back there?

Eh... tires, you know. Usually. Probably.

You know, I had to help pay tonnes of debt

and some medical bills back home.

This has been keeping me steady.

That's good, man. As long as it's honest work, man.

You never know with that guy. - Oh, nothing like that, paaji.

(in Punjabi): Absolutely not.

(in English): I'm just grateful to Sunny, paaji.

He's been keeping me employed as I look for a job

in my field... (continues in a foreign language)

Wait, you wanna get a job in a field?

Yeah, I'm a farmer back home,

so I'm looking for a job in my field.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing)

- In his field. In his... - In my-

Well, you have to go back there to work in your field.

- Are you telling me to go back? - No-

Oooohh!

Man. Bro.

(laughing)

(rap music)

(indistinct chattering)

Hi sir, how are you sir?

(distant shouting)

Shinda?

(in Punjabi): What's going on?

How are you guys suddenly actually doing your jobs?

Sorry, Brother. I know my work ethic has been a little off.

"Brother"? Where'd all this respect come from?

(in English): It's not that we don't respect you,

it's just that...

I'm just scared of this new supervisor.

Supervisor? What supervisor?

(in Punjabi): That Sri Lankan girl you hired, she's fiery.

Her "engine" stays hot twenty-four seven.

We don't want no panga with her.

(vehicle reverse alarm beeping)

(rap music continues)

(distant chattering)

(in English): Hi. Good evening. We checking in?

Yes. We are.

Great! What name is the reservation under?

Uh, should be under your name, man.

You got this, right?

I'm gonna go get some lemon water.

Okay.

Hey, um. I saw on Yelp

that you guys give a cookie when you check in?

Um, can I get that now?

- Ye... yeah. - Cool.

Is that... is that gluten-free?

Uh, yes, it is.

Okay. Then I don't... I don't want it.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- 'Kay. - I'll be back.

(Jasmeet): Yeah. Sorry about that.

Oh. It's okay.

Anyways, uh... the name should be under first name Jasmeet,

last name Dutta.

- Okay, how do you spell- - D-U-T-T-A.

Okay. (typing)

Uh, yeah, sorry...

I'm not seeing anything under that name.

Could it... could it be under anything else?

Ummm. JasmeetsWorld?

(mumbling)

Aah. Yes. Okay, we do have that.

- Great. - Great! Mr. Sworld.

Yeah.

Just a government ID and credit card for incidentals.

Cool.

(sighs)

Thank you. Okay. Ooh.

Oh yeah... sorry, Mr. Dutta.

Yeah, the name on the ID actually has to match

the name on the room?

We're looking for Mr. Sworld.

Yeah. That's just my stage name.

Okay. But I... I would still need an ID

saying that, though. Sir.

Yeah, but... that's me.

That's... I'm Mr. Sworld.

That's literally me on the flyer.

(distant chatter)

Oooh, yeah. You look great on that.

But... yeah, no, I still would need to see ID.

It's policy.

Seriously?

Can we get a selfie please?

(giggling)

Sure.

(camera clicking)

Sorry. I... I already bent the rules on the cookie...

(sighs) - Okay. Yo. Navi.

- Yeah? - Can you call the organizers?

They booked the room under the wrong name.

Just check again, man. I'm sure they haven't.

Bro! Just do your job please?

Agh. Always makin' me do shit, man, like f...

Do this. Do that.

(lounge music playing)

(phone ringing) (man over phone): Yo!

Hello. (man laughing): Hey!

Yeah, I need one of you guys come down-

(man): Hello? - Hello.

(man): Yeah, what? - I need one of you guys

to come- (man): Hi!

These guys can't hear a goddamn thing, man.

They sound drunk. They're partying or some shit.

Here, give it to me. Hello?

(man): Hi. Yes? Hi. (Jasmeet): Hey, uh...

it's Jasmeet. (man): Who?

Uh... Jasmeet?

The guy that's emceeing? Your competition?

(man): Oh! Yo, yo, yo, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bro, you gotta... get your ass to the mixer right now.

It's so lit right now, bro!

Look... we're at the front desk right now,

and we can't check in 'cause the name is...

(man): Yo, oh shit, they're playing Raju Chacha

Ama Piano Remix! Ohh-

He seriously booked it under Mr. Sworld?

Yeah, sorry.

But he could change his name. Right. Legally?

Hello? (dial tone)

(sighs)

(typing)

(intriguing music)

Yo, handle this. Manpreet?

Are you kidding me? - Jasmeet?

Holy shit! Dude! What are you doing here?

I haven't seen you since like Sikh camp days!

This is wild. Don't you live in Jersey?

Yeah, but I'm here to support my sister. She's competing.

I was actually kinda hoping I'd bump into you.

You've accomplished so much.

I've been watching you from a distance

like the little stalker that I am.

Really? Okay, um.

Full disclosure, your videos pop up on my feed, like,

all the time.

Wow. Really embarrassed.

Yes. I am also a stalker.

I know. (giggles)

Also, you go by Maya now?

Yeah! Yeah, it's...

you know, just to make life easier...

and also just to remind myself

that everything in life is really an illusion.

(Navi): Yo, Jasmeet! Yo! - Okay. Alright.

I see you. Okay. - Yo bro.

Hey, yo. They got no rooms available.

There's a motel like 30 minutes down the street.

They got vacancies.

(Jasmeet sighs) (Jasmeet): Alright.

Let me call an Uber.

Wait, you guys don't have a place to crash?

And you're hosting the competition?

Yeah, there's some sort of name mix-up

and the organizers are all drunk, so...

Well. Hey, why don't you take my room?

I'll crash with my sister.

What? No. No no no, don't be ridiculous, Maya-

No. Trust me. Jasmeet,

she would probably want that anyways with how nervous she is.

Uh...

Okay. Uh, yeah. Yeah, that'd be awesome.

Thank you. Are you sure? - I'm sure. I got you.

I'll just get my stuff outta there and we're good to go!

Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver, oh my god.

It was nice seeing you.

(chuckling) - Damn.

Gonna smash the hippie chick or what?

What managers gotta eat too, bro.

Dude. I kissed the hotel girl.

Really? What she taste like?

(Neal): She taste like hotel.

Okay, let's... let's go. Get your bags, man. Let's go.

(Navi): Hotel? What does hotel taste like?

(door opening)

- Heading out? - Yeah.

And, hey, thank you so much for letting me

use your office. Sorry I was here all day,

I just... I got so much work done. Not just therapy.

Take it.

- What? - Take the space. It's yours.

Whenever you need it! Design work. Therapy.

Sixteen chapel the ceiling.

I don't care. Whatever. Free of charge.

Sistine Chapel, Sunny.

What?

And that's really nice, but why?

Dude. Today's been one of the most productive

days here in a minute!

Your presence, it's like...

it's keeping my guys in line!

D'you pick that shit up from your dad?

Oh yeah. You know how many of my dad's

scary-ass trucker buddies I used to get

to buy me candy as a kid?

I was cute. Terrifying, but cute.

I mean, just keep acting like the supervisor,

and everything the light touches is yours.

Okay. Sure!

(pensive music)

(door closes)

(Maya over video): Not only does gua sha

increase your blood circulation,

which makes you look more alive and awake,

but if you add healing stones,

this adds an extra healing component.

Now, this specific gua sha is infused with tetrahertz.

I'd like to go ahead and thank Jade Baby

for sending me this beautiful gua sha.

And use my code MAYA15 for 15 percent off.

(ambient music)

Hi, Jasmeet! How we doin'? Feeling good?

No, we're not happy. I'll take care of this, man.

What the fuck was up with last night?

You had us waiting in the fucking lobby, man?

And you out getting fucking drunk?

I'm... I'm sorry. I hit the party, we were...

Yo, you really thought his last name was Sworld?

Like, fuck! Come on, man!

No, I... I booked it while I was studying

for my chem mid-term. So sorry, I-

Sorry's not good enough, Dr. Sob.

And look at this green room.

It's not private and it's fucking bare, man!

(organizer): We have chips! And... water.

(Navi): Is this a grade five birthday party, bro?

I... what more do you want?

Like, get us some fucking steak, some kebabs, some sushi,

some bottles of fucking Ciroc, some Crown.

(organizer): I don't know if I can get all that in time.

No no no. You will. Otherwise we're not doing the show.

Jasmeet is an icon, kid! Have some fucking respect!

Hey, I'll... I'll get right on it.

(mumbling)

Yeah, that's right. Can you believe this fucking guy?

Was all that necessary?

He's like some fresh outta college kid.

We can't keep lowering your standards, man.

They'll never respect you

if you let 'em keep getting away with this.

You're asking for Ciroc bottles

in the middle of the day.

Yo, managers gotta eat too.

Plus it'll help you get over your pre-show jitters.

Know what I mean?

Damn...

(Punjabi music) - Alright. Good luck, guys.

(sighs)

Bro. It's a full house.

There's gotta be like 100 people out there.

It's a 1400-seat theatre, bro.

- I don't have my glasses. - 'Kay.

(announcer): Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

the massive internet sensation

and one of the funniest voices of our generation,

the heartthrob himself, give it up for...

Prem!

(cheering)

Hey y'all! Congrats for 25 years

of the North American South Asian Talent Competition.

I mean, that's unbelievably huge.

And I would have loved to be there in person

to celebrate this milestone with you guys,

but your boy is guest judging the Masked Singer this week.

I know, wah-wah.

And I'm still hosting bhangra competitions.

But just... get out there and do your job, bro.

And just focus.

Love you all. Make sure you kill it.

And you know what they say.

Prem means love. Prem, out.

(cheering)

(announcer): Alright, now give it up for our host of the night,

Jasmeet Dutta!

(cheering) - Alright, woo! Yes!

Give it up for me! The idiot that came out way too early.

Oh my god, the way less successful

internet guy that's... not as hot as him, and...

I'm here with you tonight! Isn't that fun?

(chuckling) (Jasmeet): Who's excited?

(cheering)

Aw, man. I just ran into one of the bhangra teams

backstage...

we gotta talk about your names.

First of all, they're way too long.

Okay, the team I ran into backstage...

(speaking Punjabi)

Toronto Division.

Like, that's way too long, okay?

(clapping)

(Jasmeet): You don't have to push that whole

Punjabi dictionary into your name...

Hey, you alright, man? You seem stressed.

... bro is always fricken' trippin', man.

Oh. Well, as a recent survivor of a unconscious uncoupling,

I can tell that you're brushing me off

because you're avoiding your emotions.

But... I'm here for you, man.

Bro, like... go and take some pictures, man.

Aren't you the social media guy?

I don't even have my phone.

What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Just...

(phone vibrating) Bro, I gotta take this

phone call, man, just...

I got you.

(crowd laughing)

(Jasmeet): Aw, man, yeah, Punjabi music, man,

it's an interesting topic, man.

It feels like we just now entered our 2000s era.

We still, like, 20, 25 years behind.

I mean, everybody's wearing baggy jeans now.

(laughter)

They got velour tracksuits.

Channi's walking around in a pink fur coat.

Like, bro, you're not Cam'ron. (laughter)

You know what I mean?

Honestly, the only thing we're missing is Ja Rule,

the real Ja Rule. Not Dr. Zeus's bootleg Ja Rule.

I hope he's doing well, wherever he is.

But the real Ja Rule popping out a track and just being like...

"Yaattt don't care... murda".

That's the only thing,

but... we're gonna have fun, regardless!

So let's give it up for our first team.

I'm not saying their name, we've already talked about this.

(laughter) Put your hands together!

Let's do it!! Woooo!

(loud cheering)

Killed it.

(upbeat Punjabi music)

(distant cheering)

Why's this guy always on his phone?

(Neal): He must be using so much data.

He's using my hotspot.

(sighs)

(soulful Punjabi music)

Yo! Shout out to my boy Jassi for killing it tonight!

(cheering)

And all you sexy fucking girls!

I fucking love bhangra competitions!

(louder cheering)

Shots, baby!

(cheering)

Woo!

Yeah! Shots! (chuckles)

Yo, could you tell your manager to be careful?

The deposit on this room is really steep. Woo! Shots!

(cheering)

(phone vibrating)

Shit! Yo, it's my wife. Hey, everybody, shut the fuck up!

(room quiets)

Hey babe.

Yeah. No, I'm just... I'm here with the boys, we're just...

we're just about to go to sleep.

(laughter)

No, there's no one in the room!

(phone muted) Yo! Shut the fuck up!

(phone unmuted)

Yeah? No... I didn't put it on mute!

What are you talking about?

Hey, let... let me go to a better area, okay?

(phone muted) Yo, man.

Take care of the girls, okay? (phone unmuted)

Yeah, babe. Yo, why are you always tripping?

Yeah, like, seriously... (crowd chatters)

(phone vibrating)

It's Chippy.

Alright. I'm gonna take care of the girls.

Okay.

Hello?

Uh... hi... do any women here need water?

No? Just let me know if any of the guys are acting...

aggressive or inappropriate.

I'm here.

(Chippy): Yo. How'd it go?

Uh. I don't know, man.

I just feel like I'm on autopilot at these things.

So then why do you still do them?

So Navi can get away from his wife for the weekend?

Like, what else am I supposed to do?

Put yourself in new places! You know?

Sometimes... you might find a creative spark

in the randomest spots.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Oh, dude. Guess who I ran into? - Who?

- My first kiss. - Where?

At the competition! Isn't that crazy?

And I think she might be single.

So what are you doing still talking to me, loser?

Go! Find out!

Alright, I'm gonna get outta this whack-ass

after party. I'll talk to you later, eh?

Peace. (call ends)

'Kay. Bye.

Yo. Shit!

I might just have to make official uniforms for my guys,

these designs are sick!

Yeah? Thanks, Sunny, okay, well, look,

I'll send you an invoice to get the work started.

(snorts) - Yo.

I give this girl a free office and somehow

I'm gettin' charged? (chuckles)

Is that what you're learning in therapy,

some reverse psychology shit? I like this one.

(percussive music)

(camera clicks)

Sometimes I feel like my wife fucking hates me.

Like, I just wanna live and enjoy life.

I probably don't even love her anymore.

She probably doesn't even love me!

We were never fucking compatible.

I am so proud of you for opening up to me.

We only stayed together because of the kids.

That's the way I was raised.

We... we don't do divorce, you feel me?

I feel so trapped, man. So alone.

Here. Here. This is a huge first step.

'Kay? You can't heal what you can't name.

Fuck! You're so chill or whatever, man.

Like, thank you, bro! - Here.

(door opens)

(man): One sec, one sec, man...

Hey! Get the fuck out!

He's having a breakthrough, man.

(door closes)

Hey. I love you.

Don't say that, man. Like... I barely know you.

(gentle lounge music)

(giggles) - Wow. Look who it is!

Hiding out from your rabid fans?

Uh... I'm just taking a little break.

Enjoying the view. - Mmm.

So. How did you like it?

It was good. It was good.

You're, um... auntie jokes were so fresh.

Oh my god. I didn't know you were gonna torture me!

(giggling)

Hey, um... can I be honest with you?

- Sure. - I feel like you have

funnier stuff you could be doing.

Wow. Yeah, no, you're right, but...

this just isn't the right crowd.

Okay. Well, when you find the right crowd, let me know.

I'll come watch.

You're gonna come all the way up to Toronto?

- Yeah. - Really.

Yeah! You know, Toronto's actually next on my list.

Okay! Well. If you ever need a place to crash...

I can return the favour.

Oh. Okay. Well, I might actually take you up on that.

Okay.

You know, it reminds me of when we snuck out

to watch the stars that night.

Oh my god. Wow. (giggles)

That was crazy!

Yeah.

You know...

that was actually my first kiss.

- Mine too. - Really?

Yeah.

Hm.

Also, I... totally didn't apologize for how much spit

and slobber and drool I got all over your face, so...

I was new at it, actually.

All good.

And I'm way better now.

- Oh? - Yeah. Yeah!

Hmm. Well, I'll be the judge of that.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

(sultry music)

Well?

Um. It's like, 10 percent less wet.

Okay. That's an improvement!

Maybe if I keep practising, I'll get there.

Oh, you wanna keep practising?

You know, practise makes perfect, so...

- Oh. - Yep.

It's the only way to perfection.

You're right.

(upbeat Punjabi music)

Subtitlng: difuze

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0