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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
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♪ Is he bold? ♪
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♪ No one braver ♪
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♪ Is he sweet? ♪
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ah, Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
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♪ No complainin' ♪
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♪ He was a no one ♪
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♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
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♪ He's our hero ♪
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
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♪ From zero to hero ♪
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♪ Herc is a hero ♪
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
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[Bob reading]
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[male announcer]
Live from the celebrity amphitheater
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on the corner of Olive and Grapevine,
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It's The Merv Griffin Show,
starring Merv Griffin.
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-Hey, thank you.
-[audience applauding]
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Well, we have a very special guest
for you today--
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Extraordinary young man.
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Stirring quite a buzz
over the whole Hellenic World.
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He's a student, son of Zeus,
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or son of a Zeus,
and one heck of a nice kid.
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Put your hands together for Hercules.
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[cheers and applause]
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Well, welcome. Good to see you again.
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Oh, thanks, Merv.
[clears throat] It's great to be back.
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You've been here before,
and it always intrigues me,
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Your life as a demigod.
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Oh, well, uh, I'm half-god
and half-mortal, so, uh,
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sometimes I'm stuck in the middle.
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Fascinating. Well, let's hear
more about the real Hercules,
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The boy behind the armor, if you will.
What's your story?
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As you know, Merv, I was born on Olympus,
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but I was raised by my mortal parents
on a farm in Arcadia.
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Go get 'em, son!
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Hey, Ma. Hey, Pop.
53
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It's a long way
from farm boy to wonder boy.
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And guess what, folks,
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we have some highlights of Hercules'
early career to view here tonight.
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[Hercules] OK, uh, that's me.
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That's me getting ready to raise my sword.
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Uh, sword's a little higher now.
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Uh, Hercules,
this is only a half-hour show.
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Oh, well, uh, if you want to
speed things up, I know just the guy.
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Herc, babe, I am on the job.
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Merv, you are such a cat,
and I mean that, man.
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OK, let's get this scroll rolling
at a fast clip.
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Clip? Hey, that's a good name for this.
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[music playing]
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♪ Doesn't have what it takes ♪
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♪ But maybe he'll get it ♪
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♪ Maybe somedaytill then those are the breaks ♪
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♪ So why should he sweat it? ♪
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♪ We'll try to tell him that ♪
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♪ He's got to learn to waittill the time is right ♪
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♪ He's got to know his heartbefore he starts to fight ♪
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♪ And if anyone could pull it off ♪
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♪ Hercules might ♪
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♪ So call him half a man ♪
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♪ He's growin' day and night ♪
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♪ Just give him half a chanceHe's gonna do all right ♪
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♪ Could anyone do more than that? ♪
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♪ Well, maybe he'll do more than that ♪
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♪ If anyone could pull it off ♪
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♪ Hercules might ♪
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[music stops]
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[Merv] So, you were saying.
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[Hercules] Oh, right, uh...
So, this is my coach Phil and Pegasus.
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[Merv] A flying horse. Amazing.
86
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[Hercules] Yeah. Phil's always taught me
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that the secret to being a true hero
is to remember my hero rules.
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Blech. Oh, man!
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Hero rule number 72.
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Number 33.
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Number 88.
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...186.
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Number 147.
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Fee-fie-fo-fum.
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Hero rule nine, giants are dumb.
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[Hercules] Well, sometimesI don't exactly remember them
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as well as I should.
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[Merv] Ooh! That had to hurt.
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Ouch.
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[Merv] Look out.
101
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:40,082
Ooh. This looks morelike low lights than highlights.
102
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,667
[Hercules chuckles] Yeah.
103
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Uh, Hermes, maybe we couldskip over this part, you know?
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[Hermes] Can the bloopers.Got you covered.
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[Hercules] Ah. There we go. That's better.
106
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Now, what's the best part about going
to the elite Prometheus Academy?
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The best part? Uh, gosh, I have to say
the friends that I've met there.
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None better than my best pal Icarus.
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Hey, Icarus, you out there?
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Hang on! I'm going to be there in a jiffy.
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Ow!
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Yow! Mayday, mayday!
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[crash]
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Ladies and gentlemen, you know him
as the kid who flew too close to the sun,
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Icarus!
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I think everybody wants to know
why wax for the wings?
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And why the fascination with the sun?
118
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You really cut me to the quick, Merv.
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You want to break me, don't ya?
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Playing with my head,
trying to make me cry like a big fat baby.
121
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Well, I'm not going to fall for
your ratings-grabbing talk show tricks.
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[sobs]
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Oh, man! I'm a freak, Merv!
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-He's your best friend really?
-Uh, yeah.
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00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,709
Icarus and I have been
through a lot together.
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Oh, yeah, yeah!
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The guy with the thing--
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-The thing, yeah, and it was too, uh--
-[Merv] Wait a minute, wait a minute.
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I don't want to interrupt,
but what are you talking about?
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Sorry. I just have some stuff
of Icarus and me, too.
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Uncle Hermes, you want to roll that stuff?
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[Hermes] That depends.
Do I have to watch it?
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[Icarus] Ha ha! "Do I have to watch it?"You are killing--
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Shut up!
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[music playing]
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♪ Who soars like an eagle in flight? ♪
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♪ Icarus ♪
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♪ Who fights for the rightwith his might? ♪
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♪ Icarus ♪
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♪ Who thwarts any threatwithout breaking a sweat ♪
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♪ And looks pretty good in his tights? ♪
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♪ That's me ♪
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♪ Icarus ♪
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♪ Icarus ♪
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♪ Icarus ♪
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The sun is about to set,
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but I will not allow this temple to close.
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I will not be moved.
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I have to go to the bathroom.
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[Icarus] Hey, that's me.
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[Merv] We get the idea. Right.
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So, how convenient.
153
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Ooh! Bring on the big "c," baby!
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[Hercules] Hey, hey. Here's the timeCirce turned you into a platypus.
155
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[Icarus] Oh, yeah,and a darn nice platypus I was, too.
156
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Oh, like it was a good thing.
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00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:21,582
[Hercules] At least you weren't a lemur.
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Oh, and here's when we took careof those stupid minions
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who worked for Hades.
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[Merv] Ooh, you've tangledwith the fearsome Hades?
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Now, that must have been scary.
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[Icarus] No way. Herc eatsthat big blowhard for breakfast.
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Come on! Just lookhow many times he's burned Hades.
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The curtain was almost down!
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[Hercules]
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.
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Ciao, babe. Ciao.
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I got to go. I got to go shampoo my hair.
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[chuckles] That's likely.
169
00:07:54,709 --> 00:07:56,041
There goes my credit rating.
170
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Does anybody feel like a cup of coffee?
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[roaring]
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[Merv] Oh, man, look at that jerk!Puh-lease. He's not scaring anybody.
173
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[Hercules] You know, Merv,he's not as tough as he looks.
174
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[Merv chuckles] That's becausehe looks like a nincompoop.
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[both laughing]
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Ooh, that's funny.
The boss is a big nincom--
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Poop.
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[screaming]
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He thinks he can make
a monkey out of me, huh?
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Actually, your tenaciousness,
I think the word was "nincompoop."
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I know what it was, thank you.
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Come on, boys.
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Merv doesn't know it,
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But he's about to be canceled.
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[Merv] Hoo-hoo!
He certainly deserved that one.
186
00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:53,709
[Hercules] He usually does.
187
00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:55,583
[Merv] Wow.
188
00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:58,000
How about this one?
Run away as fast as you can.
189
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:01,542
-[lightning cracking]
-[screaming]
190
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,917
[Icarus Imitating Merv] Yes, fascinating.
191
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,542
Extraordinary footage,
really one-of-a-kind.
192
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:08,709
Will you cut that out?
193
00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,583
This isn't your show. It's mine.
194
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Correction! It's my show now.
195
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,500
Hades is in the house!
196
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,959
Hey, clear out, cat. This is our gig.
197
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:21,792
Hey, the lounge loser and his lingo,
like, "beat it, cat."
198
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:23,792
[Hermes screaming]
199
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,667
Hey, Jercules, guess what?
News flash! You've been bumped.
200
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,500
[Hercules screaming]
201
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,917
You can't take my show away like this.
202
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,709
That's right, mister.
You are in for a but--
203
00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:35,250
[muffled]
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00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,000
[Hades] Put a cork in it.
205
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:41,667
Athens, get ready, babies.
Because now I'm too hip, I can't stay.
206
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:43,500
I almost got to go, but I'm here!
207
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,375
[Pain] And now, dead,From the underworld amphitheater,
208
00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,834
on the corner of Fire and Brimstone,
209
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:55,208
it's The Hades Show, starring Hades!
210
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:58,250
And now here's...
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Hades!
212
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-All right, and welcome to the show.
-[audience booing]
213
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:01,875
Let me just say
how great it is to be here.
214
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:03,625
I haven't had this much fun
since I helped my friend
215
00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:06,417
the Cyclops shop for bifocals.
Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.
216
00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:09,458
[Hercules screaming]
217
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:12,083
[groans]
218
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,208
Sorry about that, but Hades tossed me
off The Merv Griffin Show,
219
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:21,208
and I hope you understand. I just...
Now if only I can find some way
220
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,709
To defeat Hades.
221
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:28,792
So, where do I begin to tell the story
of the magic that is me?
222
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:29,834
Oh, I don't know.
223
00:10:29,917 --> 00:10:31,542
Let's just show the clips
and dive right in.
224
00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,500
It's all going to be just fabulous.
225
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:35,875
[laughing]
226
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:38,250
Why are you stuck in this backwater water?
227
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,165
You are obviously almighty material.
228
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:42,834
But I'm mighty.
229
00:10:42,917 --> 00:10:45,875
There.
A tidal wave just blew out Lemnos Beach.
230
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:48,165
Splash! [laughing]
231
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:52,165
Nice. But I'm talking almighty like Zeus.
232
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,750
He's got Heavens and the Earth.
233
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:57,667
You, you've got water and a big fork.
234
00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:02,542
If the River Styx were to alter its course
to, say, you know, include Greece--
235
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:03,667
Now, it's crazy talk.
236
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:07,333
Unless some aqua deity with the power
237
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,500
to move rivers were to intervene
238
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:13,625
to make Greece part of the underworld,
239
00:11:13,709 --> 00:11:18,208
then, of course, it would be my call
who gets Athens.
240
00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:22,500
Wait a minute! I could do that!
241
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,542
I can't give you Athens.
242
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:27,959
The jewel of Greek city-states. Never.
243
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:31,417
Did I pull a fast one on fish boy
and the owl lover?
244
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:35,165
And what happened?
Ba-da-bing! I was the lord of Athens.
245
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:40,959
♪ Oh, flame-top is honing ♪
246
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,500
♪ A plan for rezoning ♪
247
00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:48,500
♪ And takin' his show ♪
248
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,583
♪ On the road ♪
249
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:55,125
♪ Just look at him gloating ♪
250
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:59,040
♪ While busily boating ♪
251
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,333
♪ That ego must be ♪
252
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,000
♪ Quite a load ♪
253
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:08,083
Come on, ladies, sing along with Hades.
254
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:14,041
♪ Let me show you girls aroundin my town ♪
255
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,291
♪ New Hades ♪
256
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:19,542
♪ It sure beats living undergroundin my town ♪
257
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,959
♪ I got a penthouse out on Spark Avenue ♪
258
00:12:23,792 --> 00:12:25,291
♪ I'd like you to see ♪
259
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:28,375
♪ Museums and parks, works of art ♪
260
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,625
♪ Are all, hey, dedicated to me ♪
261
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,542
♪ We'll shop at Doom-and-Gloomingdale's ♪
262
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:35,959
♪ In my town ♪
263
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:39,750
♪ We'll dine tonight in toga and tails ♪
264
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,667
♪ In, yeah, my town ♪
265
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:45,165
♪ I'm the host who loves to toast ♪
266
00:12:45,709 --> 00:12:47,125
♪ Know the job well done ♪
267
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,333
-♪ In my town ♪-♪ In his town ♪
268
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:52,750
-I'm number one.
-Not in my book, you ain't.
269
00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:54,040
♪ Hey ♪
270
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:55,792
♪ I'm honored, I'm mayor, ♪
271
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,125
♪ I'm chief of police in ♪
272
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,165
♪ Ho ho ho ♪
273
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,792
-♪ His town ♪
-Yeah.
274
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:05,083
♪ The hottest spot in all of Greece ♪
275
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:06,667
♪ Says who ♪
276
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:09,041
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
277
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:12,125
♪ The Parthenon, the crowning jewel ♪
278
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,542
♪ Could use my flare for urban renewal ♪
279
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:16,667
What?
280
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:17,959
I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't change a thing.
281
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,458
I'm serious... not!
282
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,917
♪ His town ♪
283
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,458
Yeah! In my town!
284
00:13:24,458 --> 00:13:26,250
Hey, you gotta love it, don't ya?
285
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,667
Keys are with the valet,
thank you very much. Good night.
286
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:32,040
♪ His town ♪
287
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:36,625
But not for long,
because Athena rules today.
288
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:41,458
Ooh, you know,
I got a soft spot for Athens,
289
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:47,500
but my life, my love and my lady,
is the underworld. Ha-cha-cha!
290
00:13:47,583 --> 00:13:51,500
But, boss, I thought you wanted to dump
the underworld and take over Olympus.
291
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,917
Just shut up and show your clips,
all right?
292
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,083
[both] We got a clip reel.
We got a clip reel.
293
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,542
Now, sit back and watch some
mighty morphin' minions at work!
294
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,542
We're looking pretty good here, partner.
295
00:14:12,625 --> 00:14:14,792
Nobody morphs better.
296
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:18,291
[Merv] What is that?
297
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,583
Ooh, a lion.
298
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:22,125
Ooh, a lion.
299
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,166
I got to say, that's very impressive.
300
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,542
[Pain] Thank you, Merv. We try.
301
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,750
[Panic] Ooh, what was that?
302
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:36,917
[Pain] What? You don't rememberthe time I turned into a banana slug?
303
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,709
[Hades] All right, all right, OK.Enough with the stupid minion tricks.
304
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,709
Gosh, you know, it's not easy
305
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:45,500
Being the most beautiful
god in the universe.
306
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:48,667
[Adonis]
Make way for a real special guest.
307
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,165
Helen and I demand to have the spotlight.
308
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:54,208
-Well, when it's our turn.
-Excuse me. You guys got a minute?
309
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:57,125
Allow me to introduce myself.
310
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:58,959
Hades, lord of the dead.
311
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,917
[Adonis screaming]
312
00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:03,667
[both grunting]
313
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:06,083
Adonis, prince of threads.
314
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,458
You know, I've been watching you.
315
00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:11,417
-Really?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got potential.
316
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,375
Really.
317
00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:16,875
Oh, please. Adonis, he is
the very embodiment of evil. Ugh.
318
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,041
That's icky.
319
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,500
Oh, icky is it, Helen, babe?
320
00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,542
Can I just say you need to be
a little more open-minded, huh?
321
00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:24,083
You got to beyond the flames,
the fangs, the stench of death.
322
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:28,500
And, hey, I'm a regular guy
who happens to hate Hercules.
323
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:30,250
Well, what's not to hate?
324
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:34,125
Exactly. You care to humiliate him
Publicly together?
325
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,040
Love to.
326
00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:36,000
Ba-da-bing.
327
00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:37,875
But first we need to hear
some important messages.
328
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,500
We'll be right back.
329
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:41,500
This is my show. I get to say...
330
00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:42,959
We'll be right back!
331
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:46,125
No. I'll be right back.
332
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,208
Hey, and we're back with Adonis
333
00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:56,125
And Helen of Troy,
and we were just talking
334
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,375
about what a big old loser Hercules is.
335
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,667
Just look at the dope.
336
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,375
This is a role model?
337
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:03,083
I believe we have another volunteer.
338
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:04,542
-Over here.
-[exclaims]
339
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:09,166
Oh, and look at this gym. I rest my case.
340
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:14,542
Your geography projects are all lovely.
341
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,875
Miss Cassiopeia, if I may demonstrate?
342
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:18,834
It's a working model.
343
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,625
[Hades] Nice, nice. You're great.
344
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:26,375
Why haven't we gotten together before?
345
00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:29,000
You have got what it takesto succeed in the evil business.
346
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,667
[Adonis] Thank you. You're sweet.
347
00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:35,458
Inspirational, Adonis. Alpha-plus.
348
00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,834
What's not to lava? [laughs]
349
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:39,583
Lava.
350
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:40,959
Mr. Hercules.
351
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,917
Oh. This is rather unconventional.
352
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,250
It's a map of the world.
353
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:48,625
Oh, dear.
Well, I'll give you an incomplete.
354
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:52,250
Perhaps you could aspire
to something more--
355
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,625
[Helen] You just wait a minute.
356
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:58,750
I like Hercules.
Frankly, he's everything you two are not.
357
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,375
[mumbling]
358
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,458
Snookums, how can you say that?
359
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:07,208
Well, you've done a lot of not nice things
in your time, Adonis,
360
00:17:07,290 --> 00:17:10,333
But joining the lord of the dead
really takes the cake.
361
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:12,916
Whoa, whoa. Am I that bad a guy?
362
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,625
You don't know Hercules at all.
363
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:21,250
He's brave and sincere
and, well, I just have to sing about it.
364
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:29,959
♪ You haven't always beenthe model of good taste ♪
365
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:34,291
♪ No, you've never been the poster child ♪
366
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:37,166
♪ Of grace ♪
367
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:39,583
♪ But it's natural ♪
368
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,750
♪ To stumble and fall ♪
369
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:48,709
♪ When you're striving to stand tall ♪
370
00:17:49,625 --> 00:17:54,583
♪ No one said you hadthe greatest fashion sense ♪
371
00:17:55,083 --> 00:18:01,000
♪ Maybe once or twiceyou've acted kind of dense ♪
372
00:18:01,959 --> 00:18:04,458
♪ But you found your way ♪
373
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,417
♪ Out of the dark ♪
374
00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:13,709
♪ And straight into my heart ♪
375
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:17,959
♪ And I want you to know ♪
376
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,875
♪ You're the light of my life ♪
377
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:26,166
♪ You're my bright sunny dayand my starry, starry night ♪
378
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:30,583
♪ Because you're honest, brave, and true ♪
379
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:36,583
♪ You're my hero ♪
380
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:43,041
♪ Sometimes you've struggledto impress the girls you liked ♪
381
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:49,667
♪ It's never easy living upto high school hype ♪
382
00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:56,375
♪ But a demigod has a human side ♪
383
00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:02,458
♪ And a heart too big to hide ♪
384
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:07,041
♪ And I want you to know ♪
385
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,834
♪ You're the light of my life ♪
386
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:14,917
♪ You're my bright sunny dayand my starry, starry night ♪
387
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:19,667
♪ Because you're honest, brave, and true ♪
388
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:25,542
♪ You're my hero ♪
389
00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:31,583
♪ You're my hero ♪
390
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,709
Yada, yada, yada. Herky-jerky is a hero.
391
00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:36,333
Bore me. Sit down.
392
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:40,166
You can make fun of me,
But don't you be mean to Hercules.
393
00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:44,125
He can always be counted on
to come through when it matters most.
394
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:45,625
[Hercules] And that is correct, Helen.
395
00:19:45,709 --> 00:19:48,542
Great. Spoilsport is back.
396
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,500
Hades, I demand you release Mr. Griffin
397
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:54,500
and relinquish your evil stranglehold
on this quality show.
398
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:58,000
You want your spotlight back?
Come on. Come over here and take it.
399
00:19:58,083 --> 00:20:01,000
That's just what I intend to do.
400
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:05,000
Oh, now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
We are not barbarians here.
401
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,500
-A talk show is no place for fighting...
-[bell dinging]
402
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,375
Unless it's my show we're fighting for!
403
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:13,208
-[Merv squawking]
-[Adonis screaming]
404
00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:17,083
I think your show biz days are over.
405
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:23,000
Hey! Nobody shuts me up
and gets away with it!
406
00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:24,834
[screaming and yelling]
407
00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:29,750
Well, Hades, it's just you and me.
408
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,250
I must warn you,
I have a powerful weapon in my corner.
409
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:36,375
Oh, really, you do? What would that be?
Your uncle's stupid wingdings?
410
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:37,542
[grunts]
411
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:40,333
No, just, uh, something from my father.
412
00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,000
I'm sorry, wait a minute. Did you say--
413
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:43,583
[Zeus] Father?
414
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:45,792
Hello, Hades.
415
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:50,917
You know, I think my son's old enough
to try his hand at the family business.
416
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,875
Smiting the wicked.
417
00:20:54,709 --> 00:20:56,291
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
418
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,750
Whoa, Herc.
419
00:20:57,834 --> 00:21:00,041
You know, I was just
kidding around here, huh?
420
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,375
I mean, you don't want to toss that thing.
[muttering]
421
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:04,458
You know [tittering]
you might hurt somebody
422
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:05,792
Like, like me.
423
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:07,333
One, two...
424
00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:08,792
Three! OK!
425
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:18,458
[people cheering]
426
00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:20,291
Ladies and gentlemen, can you beli--
427
00:21:20,375 --> 00:21:25,458
Hercules and his father,
the king of the gods, Zeus.
428
00:21:25,542 --> 00:21:28,458
[people cheering]
429
00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:31,458
Wow, what a show, And it just
keeps getting better and better.
430
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,125
Zeus, sir, would you mind joining us?
431
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,542
Ha! I'd be glad to.
432
00:21:36,625 --> 00:21:39,125
I always had a little itch
to get into show biz.
433
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:42,583
Well, there's so much I'd like to ask you,
but let's start with this.
434
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:46,542
You are the all-knowing
master of the universe.
435
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:49,458
Just what is the meaning of life?
436
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,375
Oh, it's quite simple, really, Merv.
437
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:56,000
-You see, the meaning of life is--
-[theme music playing]
438
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:59,667
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
That music means we are all out of time.
439
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:04,125
My thanks to Hercules, Icarus,
Helen of Troy, and Zeus!
440
00:22:04,208 --> 00:22:07,291
We'll see y'all tomorrow.
Good night, everybody!
441
00:22:07,375 --> 00:22:08,959
[man] Guests of The Merv Griffin Show
442
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:13,041
stay at the luxurious Procrustean Innin the heart of midtown Athens.
443
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:14,917
Spend a night, not an arm and a leg,
444
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,917
at the Procrustean Inn.
445
00:22:21,166 --> 00:22:22,959
[theme music playing]
35303
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