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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Is he bold? ♪
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♪ No one braver ♪
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♪ Is he sweet? ♪
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
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♪ No complainin' ♪
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♪ He was a no one ♪
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♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
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♪ He's our hero ♪
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
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♪ From zero to hero ♪
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♪ Herc is a hero ♪
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
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[Bob reading]
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00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:10,041
The ancient Greeks delightedin sports of all kinds.
31
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:14,041
They held great gamesto celebrate human athletic endeavor--
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The Panhellenic Games,
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the Pythian Games,
34
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and some very famous gamesheld every four years
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in the historic city of Olympia.
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Games so important that all wars ceased,
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so important that they continueeven to the modern day,
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00:01:32,709 --> 00:01:37,125
games which we can't mentiondue to trademark restrictions.
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00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:40,417
But our story concernsa less famous competition--
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The bitter rivalry betweenthe fighting war dogs
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of Spartan Military High
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and the eagles of the AthenianPrometheus Academy.
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[whistle blows]
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OK, OK, let's pick up
the slack, everyone.
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00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:56,834
This year we're finally
going to beat Sparta.
46
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,375
Athletes...
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Jocks...
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[together] The enemy.
49
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Don't you feel kind of sorry for them?
I mean...
50
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They've lost 12 big games in a row.
51
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Help me!
52
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Hey! Maybe I could help out.
53
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:10,917
Show no pity, Hercmeister.
54
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Jocks are our natural enemies.
55
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:13,709
Right, sugar plum?
56
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:16,583
Actually, you're my natural enemy.
57
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,083
Jocks are a close second.
58
00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:20,208
Eh! Who needs them?
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00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:23,625
Sure, they're more popular,
and more successful than us,
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00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:27,166
but we're the ones with the good looks...
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00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,166
And the winning personalities.
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00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,917
Yeah, but they're the ones
with the cheerleaders.
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♪ Don't dry it or wash it ♪
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00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:37,750
♪ Just grab that plate and toss it ♪
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[sighs] Well,
I've got a training session with--
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Ohh!
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Hey, here you go.
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Aah!
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Oh, sorry.
70
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:53,208
Oh, never apologize for who you are.
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Who are you again?
72
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Hercules.
73
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Of course! The inconceivably
strong hero-in-training.
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00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,000
Why haven't you tried out for the team?
75
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:04,834
Well, uh, I'm pretty busy
with my training, and, uh...
76
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:07,917
And he's not falling for your siren song
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of the jock's life, are you, Hercaburger?
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00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,000
Well, I don't know. I--
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00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:17,375
You know, being on the varsity
does have its advantages.
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00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,959
-Hi, Hercules.
-[sighs]
81
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,250
I guess I could give it a try.
82
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:26,291
No!
He's become one of them.
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00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:29,166
[echoing] Them... them... them.
84
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,625
[Zeus] My son's going to be
in the big games?
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00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,583
Oh, that is great!
86
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,417
So, you don't think being a jock is,
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00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,083
well, evil, like-- like Icarus says?
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00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,709
Evil? Bah.
89
00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:46,750
Why, I was a pretty good wrestler
in my day.
90
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:48,959
Zeus the moose, they called me.
91
00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:50,417
Sorry to interrupt, big Z.,
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00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:54,500
but you're late for the,
uh, gods' gala on Olympus.
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00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:56,208
Tell them I'll be there in a minute.
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00:03:56,291 --> 00:03:57,417
All righty, babe.
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00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,959
[Zeus] Now tell me again
about that discus toss.
96
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:06,875
So, are you going
to the games tomorrow, brother?
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00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,166
You know I hate sports, Athena--
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00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,834
A total waste of the human instinct
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to kill and maim.
100
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,959
Spoken like a true war god.
101
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,834
And I suppose you're going?
102
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:21,000
Oh, yes. I go every year
to cheer on my loyal Athenians.
103
00:04:21,082 --> 00:04:23,291
This year we're going to win for certain.
104
00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,457
[laughs] Sorry, cats.
Zeus is running late.
105
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,291
Hey, did you try the ambrosia bars?
106
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,291
Bacchus manifested them fresh today.
107
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,667
-They are so nutty.
-I don't like nuts.
108
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:36,125
Oh, gods. I hate these monthly
meeting Greek mixers.
109
00:04:36,207 --> 00:04:38,750
I think Hades is the only one
who enjoys them.
110
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,250
Athena, looking good. Nice smile.
111
00:04:41,332 --> 00:04:43,750
Uh, let me borrow your bro for a sec, OK?
112
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,834
Ares, babe-- may I call you babe?
113
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:49,041
Oh, war god supremo, huh?
114
00:04:49,125 --> 00:04:51,709
Hey, you remember the bronze age, huh?
115
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,917
Remember that-- wiping out the Minoans?
116
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You slayed them. I buried them.
117
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:57,875
Good times, huh? Good times.
118
00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,250
All right, Hades, what do you want?
119
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,542
All right, look, OK?
120
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,542
Things are kind of dead
down in the underworld.
121
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:05,917
Or actually, they're not dead enough.
122
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,208
Know what I'm saying?
123
00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:10,291
Our soul index is at a 2-year low.
124
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,875
Now for a quick boost in the souls
receivable department,
125
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:16,500
there is nothing like a war,
but we've had a total of, like,
126
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:19,125
zero wars lately.
So, like, what's up with that?
127
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:21,917
What do you mean?
There's been lots of wars--
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00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,000
The siege of Carthage,
uh, the occupation of Sicily,
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00:05:25,082 --> 00:05:26,667
the-- the, you know--
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00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:30,250
Come on, come on.
Border skirmishes, police actions.
131
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I mean war!
132
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,082
I'm thinking the big kalamada--
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Sparta versus Athens.
134
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,709
Boom, huh? 15, 20k souls easy.
135
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:43,375
Come on! What do you say?
136
00:05:43,457 --> 00:05:47,332
You know I'd love to order my Spartans
to invade my sister's turf, but--
137
00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,166
All right! I'll tell you what,
to sweeten the deal,
138
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,291
I can't believe I'm doing this,
139
00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:52,792
I will throw in
140
00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:56,417
my patented Hadean shield
of invincibility.
141
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,041
Nothing can touch you
when you have this baby.
142
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,542
Top secret here.
143
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,375
Check out the brochure. You like it?
144
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:03,959
Ooh. Oh, that looks neat-o.
145
00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,458
Invincibility, huh?
146
00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,667
Absolutely guaranteed
to protect your Spartans
147
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:10,291
from dismemberment, death,
and a variety of boo-boos.
148
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:11,625
It's a deal.
149
00:06:11,709 --> 00:06:16,542
You'll need a new sack-of-Athens wing
just to hold all my victims.
150
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,000
Ha ha.
151
00:06:18,082 --> 00:06:19,291
New wing, huh?
152
00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:22,166
Ooh, I like it. Ares, you the god.
153
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:27,667
No such thing as a Hadean shield
of invincibility, is there?
154
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:30,792
Yeah, right. Hello?
Helmet on too tight today?
155
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:32,291
Sounded good, though, didn't that, though?
156
00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,750
Hey, Bacchus, what is that,
rack of Minotaur? Nice.
157
00:06:36,582 --> 00:06:39,125
Your city-state's going down,
Athena.
158
00:06:39,207 --> 00:06:42,500
I've got the Hadean shield
of invincibility.
159
00:06:42,582 --> 00:06:45,500
Oh, don't be absurd.
There is no such thing.
160
00:06:45,582 --> 00:06:48,082
Is so. I have a brochure.
161
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:52,166
My Sparta's invading
your Athens tomorrow, baby.
162
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,667
-[thunder crashes]
-Oh, no, you're not.
163
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:56,166
Tomorrow's the big games,
164
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,417
Prometheus Academy
versus Spartan Military,
165
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,000
and my boy is playing for Athens.
166
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:06,417
Oh, come on. There's a war on.
167
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,166
I'm going to wipe Athens off the map.
168
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:10,750
Put a sock in it.
169
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,500
We'd mop up the Parthenon with you.
170
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:15,041
Yeah? [scoffs] You and whose navy?
171
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:17,041
The Athenian navy, you dolt.
172
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:21,207
Silence! I am sick and tired
of you two bickering
173
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,375
like a couple of 2000-year-olds.
174
00:07:23,457 --> 00:07:26,207
I will not allow your Athens-Sparta war
175
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:29,375
to ruin the Athens-Sparta games.
176
00:07:29,457 --> 00:07:33,417
Say, war... games...
177
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,875
Athens... Sparta--
178
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:38,457
Now that is a godly idea.
179
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,291
We'll decide the war
on the athletic field. Ha ha.
180
00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:45,417
What? My armies won't fit
on an athletic field.
181
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,917
No, no.
182
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,500
Hermes, take down a decree.
183
00:07:50,582 --> 00:07:52,166
Here for you, babe.
184
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,207
Instead of war, human athletic endeavor
185
00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:58,375
shall decide whose city-state is superior.
186
00:07:58,457 --> 00:08:00,208
You are so wise.
187
00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,500
Whichever high school wins
188
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,000
the most laurel wreaths
in tomorrow's games
189
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,000
shall win permanent bragging rights
190
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:09,542
for their city-state forever.
191
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:12,542
Signed Zeus,
ruler of the cosmos, et cetera.
192
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,583
What does all that mean?
193
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,875
Our high school teams will decide the war
194
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,750
instead of armies. I like it.
195
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:22,125
No! I am the God of War, and I--
196
00:08:22,207 --> 00:08:23,082
Aah!
197
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,457
Will support them in light competition.
198
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,792
[Hermes] Dig the new luxury boxes, babe.
199
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:33,917
Hah! Corporate sponsors--
you've got to love them.
200
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,792
And 5 and 6 and 7 and 8,
and work those abs.
201
00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:42,290
Everybody get in touch
with your inner winner.
202
00:08:42,375 --> 00:08:44,040
Is that guy training them for the game
203
00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:46,333
or getting them ready for bikini season?
204
00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:48,667
Well, that's Physoedipus.
He-- He's my coach.
205
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,250
-Herc, hey!
-Hercules!
206
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:54,165
Hey, hey, hey,
I'm your coach, and don't you forget it.
207
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:56,083
[Hercules] Hey, guys.
208
00:08:56,165 --> 00:08:58,333
I'm glad you guys came out to cheer me on.
209
00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:00,083
These Spartans look tough.
210
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:02,166
We came to make one last effort
211
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,125
to keep you on the side of the few,
212
00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:06,709
The proud, the geeky.
213
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,625
O-- OK, kid, let me get this straight.
214
00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:10,542
You throw this spear at who?
215
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:14,541
It's a javelin.
I'm not aiming it at anyone.
216
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:17,333
If I throw it farther
than the other guy, I win.
217
00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:20,000
Oh, you win. You win what?
218
00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:22,166
Well, a laurel wreath.
219
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:24,834
[blows raspberry]
A bunch of leaves on a stick.
220
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:27,709
And the cheerleaders
will think I'm a hero.
221
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,542
Look, kid, I know you're excited,
222
00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,792
but there's more
to being a hero than that stuff.
223
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,458
-Kid--
-[Hercules] The games are starting!
224
00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,500
[fanfare sounds]
225
00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:40,583
[all] Sparta! Sparta! Sparta!
226
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,583
Your muscle-bound muttonheads
don't stand a chance.
227
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:47,834
Oh, yeah? A 2-eon supply
of nectar says otherwise. [scoffs]
228
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:51,333
-You're on, brother.
-Psst, Ares, you got a minute?
229
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,625
Hey, what kind of war god are you?
230
00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:57,875
I've got construction workers starting
on my sack-of-Athens wing,
231
00:09:57,959 --> 00:10:00,041
and you're making book with Athena.
232
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:02,417
Hello? What happened to our war?
233
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,166
Sorry, Hades, deal's off.
234
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,625
-What?
-You get copied on the decree?
235
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:10,041
Hey, decree-- no decree is set in stone.
236
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,458
"Human endeavor...
237
00:10:11,542 --> 00:10:13,375
bragging rights forever..."
238
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:16,166
OK, well, this one's set in stone.
239
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:19,542
Leave it to Zeus to chisel me
out of 20,000 souls before breakfast.
240
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:22,834
Games-- no blood, no bodies.
241
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,333
Who cares?
242
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:25,792
Some turnout, huh?
243
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,500
Every living Spartan and Athenian soul
must be in here.
244
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:31,792
Hey, what a minute.
Living-- Hah! That could change.
245
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,542
Uh, I've got to see an old friend.
246
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:42,125
Hi. Is your mommy home?
247
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,040
Mom...
248
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:46,500
The Lord of the Dead's here to see you.
249
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:49,792
Oh, Hades, what a surprise.
250
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:52,583
Echidna, you look great.
251
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,625
The horns were polished, were they?
252
00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:56,165
Listen, I'm sorry to drop in like this,
253
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,875
but I know how you love to eat.
254
00:10:57,959 --> 00:11:00,000
I've found this great joint--
255
00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:01,625
Had to tell you about it right away.
256
00:11:01,709 --> 00:11:04,208
Oh, really? Well, come in.
257
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:07,041
I am talking a huge spread
258
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,709
of bite-sized human morsels--
259
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:14,417
Sort of an all-you-can-eat buffet.
260
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,333
Ha ha ha.
261
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:23,875
Oh, and here's one of Typhon and I
on rampage in Naxos last year.
262
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:27,041
We ate the nicest
little couple from Corinth.
263
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:28,250
Uh, look, Echidna--
264
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:29,667
[clears throat]
And by the way, did I mention
265
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,917
you look positively nauseating today?
266
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,333
[chuckles] Hades,
you old smoothie, talk to me.
267
00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:38,917
Well, I'm in kind of a rush,
so here's the deal, broad-strokes,
268
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,917
there's a special on sitting ducks
269
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,583
at Speedy Pita Park today.
270
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,917
I'm thinking this--
271
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,290
You get a nice meal, I get 100,000 souls
272
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:48,290
and a couple of vacant city-states.
273
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,834
What do you say, huh, deal?
274
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:53,917
Oh, I'd love to, Hades,
really, but 100,000?
275
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,040
I can't eat like that anymore.
276
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:57,709
Hey, big order. I know.
277
00:11:57,792 --> 00:12:01,125
That's why I came to you,
mother of all monsters.
278
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,750
I thought maybe you could hit up
some of your relatives--
279
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:05,667
You know, like, subcontract.
280
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,000
Oh, a family outing.
281
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,333
What fun!
282
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,291
I'm sure Chimera will go
283
00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,458
and my little Cyclops here,
284
00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:16,208
if you've done your homework,
you stinkpot.
285
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:17,709
Ladon, of course.
286
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,709
Oh, Gegeneis, he loves Athenian
287
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:23,208
with a little olive oil
and myrrh, don't you?
288
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:26,542
-[stomach growls]
-Oh, I just got hungry.
289
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,208
[chuckles] Nice.
290
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:33,375
[Bob] While Hades and Echidnaprepared to go big-games hunting,
291
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:37,792
the games themselves were well underwaywith a new star.
292
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,500
Hello, sports fans,
and welcome to sports centaur.
293
00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:41,959
I'm Dan Fetlock.
294
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,458
It's half time here at Speedy Pita Park.
295
00:12:44,542 --> 00:12:47,792
We've got a story as big
as Olympus-- Hercules.
296
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,375
This kid has come out of nowhere,
297
00:12:49,458 --> 00:12:53,040
and he's producing laurel branches
like an overfertilized tree.
298
00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:54,417
Let's go to the highlights.
299
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,750
He dominates the triple jump,
300
00:12:56,834 --> 00:12:58,333
-but also the long jump...
-Good!
301
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:00,083
-...the high jump...-Good!
302
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:03,000
-...the pole vault, even without a pole.
-Good!
303
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,333
How did he do in the world'sfastest man footrace?
304
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:10,583
The record for the 100 meters crumbles,
305
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:13,542
and so does the stadium's east wall.
306
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,208
The bottom line is, the fighting war dogs
307
00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:18,458
roll over and play dead
while Hercules and the eagles soar
308
00:13:18,542 --> 00:13:21,041
to a 20-laurel-wreath-to-nothing lead.
309
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:24,125
Ares is just getting humiliated
in this sibling rivalry.
310
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:27,083
20 to zip-- even if my Spartans win
311
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:30,083
every event from now on,
we can't catch up.
312
00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:33,040
We are actually going to win this year.
313
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:36,125
Oh. Oh, rah.
314
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:39,875
Ha! Sorry, Ares,
but my little Demigodling
315
00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:42,875
is kicking your keister. Ha ha ha.
316
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:46,417
What a gas! You know, I just love
these human athletic endeavor thingies.
317
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,500
Nectar, get your nectar here.
318
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:51,040
Yo, nectar.
319
00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:54,290
Immortals only. ID, please.
320
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,875
ID? Of course I'm immortal.
321
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,333
Only immortals are allowed
in this section,
322
00:13:59,417 --> 00:14:02,291
you-- you speck of a human.
323
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:06,500
Human?
Human athletic endeavor. Ha ha ha.
324
00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:08,458
Oh, that's it!
325
00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:09,959
♪ Give me an "H," give me an "E" ♪
326
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,709
♪ Give me an R-C-U ♪
327
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,291
♪ Give me an "L," give me an "E" ♪
328
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:15,417
♪ Give me a final "S" ♪
329
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,083
♪ What's that spell? ♪
330
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:18,750
Uh, uh...
331
00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,667
Is that a silent "E"?
332
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,917
[giggles] Hercules.
333
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,083
-Oh, OK, now we get it.
-Yeah, of course!
334
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,500
Hercules!
335
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,333
-Way to go, Herc.
-You're the best.
336
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,583
Way to go, Herc.
337
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:33,667
Ha ha. This is great.
338
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,959
I am finally a hero!
339
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,959
Correction, kid. You're a sports hero--
340
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,792
Not the same thing.
341
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,250
OK, OK, a sports hero, but still...
342
00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:47,834
[jock voice] We really gave 110%
and kicked us some Spartan tail out there.
343
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:52,083
-You know?
-It's happened. He's speaking jock.
344
00:14:52,165 --> 00:14:53,125
Oh!
345
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:56,917
I see blood, Hercules, your blood.
346
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:01,083
Blood, sweat, tears--
whatever it takes to win, you know?
347
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,500
Excuse me, Hercules?
348
00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:04,875
Please, please. Come on, no autographs.
349
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:08,000
-We're from PHAAA.
-Wow! You're from far? How far?
350
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:10,417
I mean, I live
a couple of leagues away myself.
351
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,417
No, we're from the P-H-AAA--
352
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,583
Panhellenic Amateur Athletic Association.
353
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,250
And according to our guidelines,
354
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,208
we need to do a blood test.
355
00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:19,458
Bingo.
356
00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,125
A-- A blood test?
357
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,291
This will only take a second.
358
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:31,709
You were right, almighty Ares.
359
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,542
The boy's DG-positive.
360
00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,875
Ares, what are you-- I'm what?
361
00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:39,333
Demigod-positive, Mr. Son of Zeus.
362
00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,333
I-- I--
363
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:43,040
You-- You what, didn't know demigods
364
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,500
aren't allowed to compete
against normal mortals?
365
00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:49,125
Well, it's right here
in your daddy's decree.
366
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:54,250
These games are for, open quotes,
"Human athletic endeavor."
367
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,667
Close quotes, Ha ha ha.
368
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,000
Because Hercules
is half-human and half-god,
369
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,041
only half of his victories will count,
370
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,500
and he is hereby disqualified
371
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,959
from further competition.
372
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,208
No.
373
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:11,125
Yes! It's comeback time
for my fighting dogs.
374
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:12,834
Flunked his blood test?
375
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:15,208
Totally... disqualified.
376
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,792
What a loser.
377
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:20,667
I heard the news.
378
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,250
Don't let it get you down, son.
379
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,250
It's only a games.
380
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,500
But I liked being an athlete.
381
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:28,166
I, I felt like a hero.
382
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:31,750
You know, all those cheers
and cheerleaders.
383
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:35,667
Is that what you think
being a hero's all about?
384
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:36,709
No, of course not,
385
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:40,040
but it was so cool.
386
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,375
Son, I think you may
have become an athlete
387
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,040
for the wrong reasons.
388
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,917
Athletics are valuable
for what they teach you,
389
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,125
not what they do for your social life.
390
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,792
Don't worry, son.
391
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:54,250
Why, your chance to be a real hero
392
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:58,458
could be waiting just over the next rise.
393
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:02,917
Over this rise, ladies, gentlemen,
394
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,834
and unidentified others.
395
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:10,250
Awaits your big chance
to become legendary monsters.
396
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,541
So after some quick thanks and much ado--
397
00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:14,375
And to your mother of all monsters
398
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:16,834
for bringing you together
on such short notice--
399
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:20,834
I will just say, eat up, everybody.
400
00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:22,583
[growling and screeching]
401
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:28,083
Welcome back to Sports Centaur.
402
00:17:28,165 --> 00:17:31,208
The big news in the second half
is the banning of Hercules.
403
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:32,917
With the demigod out of the lineup,
404
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,959
Sparta is making an amazing comeback.
405
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,083
It's another wreath for Sparta,
406
00:17:38,166 --> 00:17:40,375
and they've come back to tie the score,
407
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,375
and the crowd is into it.
408
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,417
[screaming]
409
00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:46,959
Here's a surprise play-- monsters.
410
00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,041
There's Chimera,fabulous 2-headed beast--
411
00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:50,583
Head of a lion, body of a goat,
412
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:53,083
tail of a serpent.Talk about a triple threat.
413
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:54,458
And there's Ladon--
414
00:17:54,542 --> 00:17:57,125
Just a kid, oh, but what potential.
415
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,750
And here comes Cyclops--
416
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,208
Ocularly challenged,but don't let that fool you.
417
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,291
He had a terrific season last year--
418
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,041
Just ate people alive.
419
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:08,250
This is certainlyan all-star monster lineup.
420
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:10,417
Father, what do we do?
421
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,458
Offhand, I'd say we need a real hero.
422
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:16,834
Go get them, tiger.
423
00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:18,750
Huh? But I can't--
424
00:18:19,041 --> 00:18:20,375
Kid, what are you waiting for?
425
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:23,166
This is your big shot. Get in there!
426
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:27,083
OK, I won't let you down, coach.
427
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:28,458
Heh heh heh.
428
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:30,041
Who would have thought it?
429
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:32,458
It's Hercules. What a comeback.
430
00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:34,417
And I don't think those
officials from PHAAA
431
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,792
will be disqualifying him this time,
432
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,458
'cause they just got devoured.
433
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,083
[burps]
434
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:42,333
Work the body, kid!
435
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:44,500
[roars]
436
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,500
[screaming]
437
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,500
[grunting]
438
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,000
[crowd cheering]
439
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:14,959
[Dan] He shoots...
440
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:17,709
he scores!
441
00:19:22,917 --> 00:19:25,083
[growling]
442
00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:35,709
Cyclops-- big, scary,
443
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,208
but no depth perception.
444
00:19:37,291 --> 00:19:38,834
Hey, babe, no offense,
445
00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:41,667
but you're not breeding
monsters like you used to.
446
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,709
Ah, kids today.
447
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:47,583
I guess if you want
to have something done right...
448
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:49,208
You go, girl.
449
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:58,166
Ha! Told you my boy
could handle those little creeps.
450
00:19:58,250 --> 00:19:59,834
M-- Mother. Aah!
451
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:03,417
Hermes, don't call for your mommy.
It's ungodly.
452
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,625
No, the mother of all monsters.
453
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,000
[Zeus] Oh, I see.
454
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,333
Hercules may be in a little
over his head here.
455
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:18,834
Hey! Get the bridge! Move 32-a!
456
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:22,625
Oy. Gods, I'm beseeching you here.
457
00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:24,417
She's going to eat my Athenians.
458
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,542
And my Spartans.
459
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,208
We can stop her together, brother.
460
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,709
Together? You mean me and you?
461
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,333
Why not?
We are, after all,
462
00:20:33,417 --> 00:20:36,208
when everything's said and done, siblings.
463
00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:40,709
Well, I usually work alone,
ah, but what the Hades?
464
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:41,917
Come on!
465
00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:46,333
[Dan] Whoa. Wait a minute.
466
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:48,375
There's been a last-minute substitution.
467
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:52,250
It's those gritty, guttysibling rivals Ares and Athena.
468
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:53,834
The monster's down...
469
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:58,625
The kick is up, and she is going, going--
470
00:20:58,709 --> 00:21:00,500
She is gone!
471
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:02,333
Oh, terrible.
472
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,208
Oh, great.
473
00:21:07,291 --> 00:21:09,500
So much for my sack-of-Athens wing.
474
00:21:09,583 --> 00:21:12,000
Ugh... Now I've got to fire
the contractors,
475
00:21:12,083 --> 00:21:14,542
and, oy, there's all that brimstone
I have to return.
476
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:16,166
I'll never get my deposit back,
bada bing,
477
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:17,667
there goes my credit rating.
478
00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:22,333
Thanks for the assist, guys, uh, gods.
479
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:24,834
[Dan] And that was some kindof hail-Hera kick
480
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,291
from the wise Athena,
481
00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:28,959
but it was Hercules who proved once again
482
00:21:29,041 --> 00:21:30,709
you can't teach hustle.
483
00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:33,250
The games have been called
on account of monsters.
484
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:37,792
It ends in a tie! We didn't lose!
485
00:21:37,875 --> 00:21:41,291
[crowd] Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!
486
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:43,875
♪ Adonis and the othersAre all just jocks ♪
487
00:21:43,959 --> 00:21:46,667
♪ But Hercules, Hercules, Hercules rocks ♪
488
00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:49,458
[cheering]
489
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,667
Ha ha! Well done, my boy.
490
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:53,667
Ha!
491
00:21:56,458 --> 00:22:00,333
See, kid, this is what it feels like
to be a real hero.
492
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:02,542
Yeah, I like it.
493
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:05,166
I foresaw that that whole
jock thing wouldn't stick.
494
00:22:05,250 --> 00:22:07,792
Hey, welcome back to the fold.
495
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,875
High-five, baby!
496
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,000
[crash]
497
00:22:18,375 --> 00:22:20,083
[theme music playing]
37110
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