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♪ Who put the "glad" in Gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
3
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,333
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
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♪ No one braver ♪
7
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♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
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00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:28,834
-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:30,583 --> 00:00:31,959
♪ Hercules ♪
15
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-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
20
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♪ No complainin' ♪
21
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♪ He was a no one ♪
22
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♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
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♪ He's our hero ♪
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
25
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♪ From zero to hero ♪
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♪ Herc is a hero ♪
27
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
29
00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:03,917
[Bob reading]
30
00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:09,375
Stay on your toes, kid.
31
00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:11,542
A dragon has a wide turning radius.
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[scoffs] Easy enough.
33
00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:21,834
[laughs]
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Blech, oh, man!
35
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Hero rule number 72:
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Assess the situation.
37
00:01:34,709 --> 00:01:36,083
Situation assessed.
38
00:01:36,166 --> 00:01:39,083
I'm battling a dragon
that breathes vegetables.
39
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Rookie, a tomato is a fruit.
40
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:45,041
Where would you be without me?
41
00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:48,417
[Hades] How is it possible
that this Demiclod
42
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,333
could defeat moi.
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[Both] Hey, we were watching that!
44
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Pardon me?
45
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,667
Oh, uh, sorry, no, uh...
46
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,083
What is the deal?
47
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:02,166
I mean, the kid can't
even tie his own sandals.
48
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:04,417
Unless the goat-man talks him through it.
49
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,709
The goat-man-- Philoctetes--
50
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Trainer of heroes.
51
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He's showing Hercules the ropes.
52
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He's teaching him the tricks of the trade,
53
00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:16,083
filling his head with all those
pithy hero rules.
54
00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:19,500
You're making some big leaps here.
55
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,500
And we're just not keeping up.
56
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,041
Boys, boys,
57
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if we promote Phil to the big leagues,
58
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:28,125
why, he'll dump the chump.
59
00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,500
I don't know. That old goat is
very sentimental.
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00:02:31,583 --> 00:02:34,417
Yes, I know.
61
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,875
Phil's Achilles heel.
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[man] Welcome to the Arcadia County fair.
63
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Unfortunately, the two-headed pig
from Macedonia
64
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:46,917
cancelled on us.
65
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,583
[people speaking indistinctly]
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00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:52,875
However, we do have a famous hero,
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00:02:52,959 --> 00:02:54,875
live and in person.
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[happy chatter]
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The one and only... Achilles!
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[indistinct chatter]
71
00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:07,208
I know. It was short notice.
72
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That's right, folks,
here I am, Achilles, eh?
73
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I wanted the two-headed pig.
74
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,917
How about an autograph, chief?
75
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[sniffles] OK.
76
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:24,917
You could sign it, "To my biggest fan..."
77
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-Sure.
-"...From the two-headed pig."
78
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,709
Hey, crybaby, do you know who I am?
79
00:03:31,792 --> 00:03:33,917
Um, yeah, you're Achilles,
80
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,083
the guy who used to be a big shot hero
81
00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:38,750
and was invincible
everywhere except your heel,
82
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:41,875
and then you got nailed in the heel
and you became a big fat loser.
83
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:45,500
Uh... Is "Two-headed" hyphenated?
84
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,542
So I'm not the guy I used to be?
85
00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:56,083
[grunts]
86
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Huh? Eh?
87
00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,417
Oh, Achilles!
88
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Can we have your autograph, huh?
89
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:09,542
[chuckles]
90
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,542
Wow. Just like the old days,
huh, Achilles?
91
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:24,166
Who are you? Hades, Lord of the Dead.
How you doing? Nice gut.
92
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,792
Is it my time?
93
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,917
No, no, no, you got
lots of time... Six years.
94
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,709
Anyway--ahem-- I am actually here
95
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:34,000
because I'm a huge, huge fan.
96
00:04:34,082 --> 00:04:35,125
Of me?
97
00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:36,667
No, of the two-headed pig, you Yutz.
98
00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:40,250
Of course you! You're a living legend.
99
00:04:40,332 --> 00:04:43,082
You were huge!
100
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:44,250
Huge!
101
00:04:44,332 --> 00:04:47,667
You're still pretty huge,
different context, mind you.
102
00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,332
Anyway, look, Achilles, babe,
103
00:04:49,417 --> 00:04:51,582
you could have gone all the way.
104
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:54,332
But what happened? You got benched.
105
00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:56,582
That tender tendon.
106
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:59,250
Hey, everybody's got a weak spot, huh?
107
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,542
An Achilles heel, if you will.
108
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:05,709
Hey, look, pal, what happened happened,
OK? Can't change the past.
109
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:07,709
Too true. Too true.
110
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:10,458
But what about the future,
111
00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:12,208
your future?
112
00:05:12,291 --> 00:05:14,000
What if you could have it all over again,
113
00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:16,041
and this time, for keeps?
114
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:19,500
But what about, uh, oh, my problem?
115
00:05:19,582 --> 00:05:21,291
[Hades] What problem?
116
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,542
I am here for you.
117
00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:30,125
But I do need one eensie-teensie,
118
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tiny, little, insignificant,
119
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little nitcon of a favor.
120
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:34,792
Name it!
121
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That's my boy.
122
00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:38,582
Oh, Phil,
123
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I need these sandals.
124
00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:45,917
Kid, all you need is a good old-fashioned
workout sandal.
125
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,709
Brown? Everybody's
gonna think i'm a dweeb.
126
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:50,959
Heroes don't worry about their image.
127
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:52,582
They worry about helping people.
128
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:53,709
Yo, you!
129
00:05:53,792 --> 00:05:55,082
Do you have these in a 10?
130
00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:57,082
[Achilles] Those are the same old
slabs of leather
131
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,667
you used to push off on me.
132
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,417
Holy Toledo! It can't be!
133
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,583
Come here, Mr. Fur Pants, come here.
134
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,709
Kid, you know who this is?
135
00:06:06,792 --> 00:06:08,166
Uh, no.
136
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:12,166
Ah, this here's the greatest hero
of our time-- Achilles.
137
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:15,083
Achilles? The Achilles?
138
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,457
Today's your lucky day, junior.
139
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:20,667
You just disappeared
after the heel incident.
140
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:21,750
What happened?
141
00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:24,582
Forget about it. Nothin', nothin'. That
is the past, Philly.
142
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:26,667
I focus on the future.
143
00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:31,457
Here you go, Mr. Memnon.
144
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:33,375
Thanks, junior.
145
00:06:33,457 --> 00:06:34,875
Mmm!
146
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,457
Ow! That is good Joe.
147
00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:39,709
Mr. Memnon, you're on in 50--ooh!
148
00:06:39,792 --> 00:06:40,667
Aah!
149
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:43,000
Oh, uh...
150
00:06:43,082 --> 00:06:44,500
What's my motivation?
151
00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:46,834
My face in your face.
152
00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:48,917
Ohh! Uhh!
153
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,582
Now, get up there, go a few rounds
with the big "A,"
154
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:52,750
and take a fall.
155
00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:56,417
And you're on in five, four, three...
156
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,834
[rumbling]
157
00:06:59,917 --> 00:07:02,709
[people screaming]
158
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,166
[grunts]
159
00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:16,500
What's going on?
160
00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,166
[clears throat]
161
00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:27,207
Athens, Your streets
shall run red with-- Line!
162
00:07:28,332 --> 00:07:29,542
Blood. Blood.
163
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:32,542
I'm ready, Phil. Just say when.
164
00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:34,041
Yeah, uh, sorry, little buddy,
165
00:07:34,125 --> 00:07:36,792
but I think this puppy's
out of your league.
166
00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:39,250
[scoffs]
167
00:07:39,332 --> 00:07:41,709
Look, listen, and learn, rookie.
168
00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:45,332
Halt! Or I shall thrash thee!
169
00:07:45,417 --> 00:07:48,750
You, thrasheth me?
170
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:50,667
[roaring]
171
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Ohh!
172
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[grunting]
173
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:54,959
And you are?
174
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,000
[screams]
175
00:07:57,082 --> 00:07:58,000
[crash]
176
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,792
So, big man,
177
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,041
picking on a helpless kid now.
178
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[strains] Helpless?
179
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:21,917
Whoa! Ohh!
180
00:08:22,457 --> 00:08:23,375
[coughing]
181
00:08:23,457 --> 00:08:24,332
Hey!
182
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:27,500
Rat!
183
00:08:27,582 --> 00:08:30,542
Achilles has still got it.
184
00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:35,250
[screams]
185
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,582
[crowd cheering]
186
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,542
That wasn't so good, was it?
187
00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:44,290
Are you kidding? Achilles was sensational.
188
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,333
I was talking about me.
189
00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:51,625
I give you Memnon, master monster!
190
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Super job! You're--you're the best.
191
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:56,917
Too kind, thanks for the gig.
Let's do lunch.
192
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,625
Hey, no problem. What was up
with this guy, huh?
193
00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:02,291
Was he stinking up the joint enough? Jeez.
194
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,500
"Thrasheth"?
195
00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:07,417
Who-- Who talketh like that?
196
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:10,750
[people speaking indistinctly]
197
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,166
[woman] Excellent!
198
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:14,166
Achilles! Achilles!
199
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,417
Should we headline this a comeback?
200
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,542
Only if I could get my old trainer
201
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,208
Philoctetes to come back with me.
202
00:09:21,291 --> 00:09:23,250
And what say you, sir?
203
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,917
Well, uh, it's very flattering, uh,
204
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,333
Uh, well, you know, I already have
a trainee and all.
205
00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:30,583
You know, this is very sudden.
206
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:33,083
I wouldn't be what I am today
if not for this,
207
00:09:33,165 --> 00:09:35,417
may I say, beautiful goat-man.
208
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,208
Jeez, kill.
209
00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:38,750
I'm blushing.
210
00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:41,750
I've always said this guy here's a winner.
211
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:45,333
Ah, you know, I guess
I can coach two heroes, right?
212
00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:22,041
[laughing]
213
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,500
[crowd cheering]
214
00:10:38,792 --> 00:10:40,040
Wow! Wow!
215
00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:41,500
[giggling]
216
00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:50,709
[laughing]
217
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,000
[crowd cheering]
218
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,750
[grunting]
219
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,709
OK, boys, here's the scoop.
220
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:12,792
Hercules is, like, basically dangling
at the end of his rope.
221
00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:15,792
Wait, I'm sorry. Let me
just visualize that.
222
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:16,917
Ahh!
223
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,041
OK,
224
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:22,041
now let's really burn him up.
225
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:28,458
[Phil] We got the Heroes Illustrated
vase shoot at 2:00,
226
00:11:28,542 --> 00:11:32,208
and then at 4:00, they're dedicating
another statue at Achilles park.
227
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:34,667
Hey, there's a fire at Arcadia.
228
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,083
All right, let's suit up!
229
00:11:36,165 --> 00:11:37,290
[whistling]
230
00:11:40,583 --> 00:11:43,000
Arcadia? Forget about it.
231
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,750
There's nothing out there
but farmers and sheep.
232
00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,250
And besides, I got that statue thing.
233
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,667
What? Those--
those people need our help.
234
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:52,083
Not to mention the sheep.
235
00:11:52,165 --> 00:11:55,959
Phil, we got a good thing here.
We're on top!
236
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,542
If we chase every little
two drachmas calamity,
237
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:02,250
ah, you know, people are
gonna say we're amateurs.
238
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,041
OK, you stay here and I'll go.
239
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:06,667
We'll be back in three days tops.
240
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,291
Whoa! If the kid wants to go,
241
00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:09,792
give him a merit badge.
242
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,250
I need you here.
243
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:12,709
Phil, come on!
244
00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:15,542
Make a choice, coach. Who's it gonna be?
245
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:19,208
The second-stringer or the superstar, huh?
246
00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:20,458
You've been waiting for this all you life,
247
00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:24,333
the fame, the fortune, the nymphs.
248
00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:27,834
[laughs] You've got Phil all wrong.
249
00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:31,917
He's the one who taught me
that heroes don't care about that stuff.
250
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,959
Heroes help people.
251
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,000
Come on, Phil.
252
00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:40,250
Kid, I...
253
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,709
Achilles and me, we got a lot of history,
you know.
254
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:45,165
I'm finally getting
a taste of the big time.
255
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,583
You understand, right?
256
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,709
Yeah, sure.
257
00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:50,834
My mistake.
258
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:54,290
I thought you actually believed
all that hero stuff
259
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,583
you taught me.
260
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,875
[whinnies]
261
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:05,709
Hello! Break out the ambrosia, my minions.
262
00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:09,875
I believe have just dissolved
the partnership.
263
00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:11,250
[woman] Fire!
264
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,500
[yelling and screaming]
265
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,709
OK, hero rule number 72:
266
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:26,041
Assess the situation.
267
00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:28,917
[people screaming]
268
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000
Big, out-of-control fire.
269
00:13:31,083 --> 00:13:34,792
Situation assessed. Hero rule number 80,
uh, something:
270
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,000
Use what you've got.
271
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,083
Hey, a river!
272
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,333
[grunts]
273
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,792
We're saved!
274
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:54,917
Thank, Zeus.
275
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,041
Ah, ha ha! Looks like I'm a hero.
276
00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:03,875
I've got this stuff down.
I don't need Phil.
277
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:07,333
Uh, anyone know how to turn this off?
278
00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:12,083
Well, al-al-almost a hero.
279
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,625
A h-h-hero-in-training.
280
00:14:13,709 --> 00:14:17,750
Well, better--better--
better go train so more now.
281
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:21,041
[man] Beautiful, baby, beautiful!
282
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:22,291
Slice of Olympus.
283
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:24,250
[giggling]
284
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,375
That's it! That's it, ladies!
285
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:27,917
Pout! Pout!
286
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:32,333
Oh, the goat-man's pouting more
than the girls.
287
00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,250
Phil, what's with you?
288
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,040
I thought a vase shoot
289
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,083
with the Heroes Illustrated toga models
290
00:14:38,165 --> 00:14:40,165
was a lifelong dream?
291
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,208
It was, it was, it's just--
292
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,290
You don't miss that kid, do you?
293
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:47,833
No, I, uh, just left a few things
back on the island--
294
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:50,250
Toothbrush, deodorant, flea powder.
295
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,709
So go get 'em, coach.
296
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,417
Right. I'll be back.
297
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,917
Hey, I'll keep the girls company
until you get back,
298
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,000
You know what I mean? Ha ha.
299
00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:05,083
Ah, there's nothing else for me here,
300
00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:06,917
not anymore.
301
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,458
[grunting]
302
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,250
Oof! Ow!
303
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,542
Hey, kid.
304
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:26,000
Oh, hi. I--I was just using your equipment
305
00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:27,208
for a little practice.
306
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:28,875
I hope you don't mind?
307
00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:30,458
Nah, no problem.
308
00:15:30,542 --> 00:15:32,792
But come, you got yourself
surrounded here,
309
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:34,000
so watch your back.
310
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,333
You're right. Thanks.
311
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:39,875
Well, uh, guess I'd better
get back to the villa.
312
00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:41,792
Yeah. OK, well, uh,
313
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,583
I guess I'll see you around.
314
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,040
Kid, I'm sorry!
315
00:15:48,125 --> 00:15:50,834
Phil, I can't do this without you.
316
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:54,165
Ah, you betcha you
can't do it without him, you little Yutz.
317
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:55,834
Ah, nice work, Achilles.
318
00:15:55,917 --> 00:16:00,333
Ah, I am on top of the world--ohh! Uhh!
319
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,041
Reverse that. You know,
I thought you might like to take a look
320
00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:04,792
at a little something I whipped up.
321
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:07,875
Tartarus vision-- "TV" for short.
322
00:16:07,959 --> 00:16:10,959
Oh, uh, hey, uh, look at that.
323
00:16:11,041 --> 00:16:13,583
Phil and--and the kid
are back together, huh?
324
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:16,375
Yeah, and you're back to opening
for the two-headed pig.
325
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:18,083
Oh, no! Hey--hey, come on, man!
326
00:16:18,166 --> 00:16:19,500
Give me another chance, huh?
327
00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,583
Hey--hey, did anyone ever tell you how
great you look?
328
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:24,041
Come on, let me be a hero again, please?
329
00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,125
You are not a hero!
330
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,333
[crying]
331
00:16:31,542 --> 00:16:34,000
Wait!
332
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,625
All right, so the heel flamed out.
333
00:16:36,709 --> 00:16:39,125
The basic idea is still good.
334
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:43,040
What to do about my Herc/Phil conundrum?
335
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:45,834
Hades, remember me? Hey, buddy,
I'm your go-to guy.
336
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,542
Please, please, please, please, please?
337
00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:50,165
OK, everybody needs their break.
338
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,458
This is yours.
339
00:16:52,165 --> 00:16:54,458
There's the kid and the Satyr.
340
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:57,792
I need to see, minimally, mind you,
one of them dead.
341
00:16:57,875 --> 00:16:59,165
Anything you say, big daddy.
342
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,291
Uh, which one?
343
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:01,542
Hey, monster's choice.
344
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:02,917
Surprise me.
345
00:17:07,709 --> 00:17:08,791
[grunts]
346
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,165
There you go! Yeah, yeah, nice jab.
347
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,500
Dropped your guard!
348
00:17:12,959 --> 00:17:15,040
Good workout, kid.
349
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:16,875
Uh...
350
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:19,125
Phil, thanks for sticking with me,
351
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,083
Even if I am a second-stringer.
352
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:24,875
Kid, you may not have the villa
or the endorsement deals or--
353
00:17:24,959 --> 00:17:26,290
[sobbing]
354
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:27,791
The toga models...
355
00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:29,375
I was going somewhere with that.
356
00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:32,417
But that's not what
being a hero is all about?
357
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,667
Right, right. Right, right, right.
358
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:36,166
Saving people, fighting monsters...
359
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:45,250
OK, ready for some on-the-job training?
360
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,333
Protect the noodle!
361
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,917
Huh? Aah!
362
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,583
Nice! Now, watch your left!
363
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:58,458
[grunts]
364
00:17:58,542 --> 00:17:59,834
Ow!
365
00:18:01,834 --> 00:18:03,083
Yeah, yeah! All right!
366
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,250
Come on, clock him!
367
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:08,125
Yes! Yeah, now, that's a good hit.
368
00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:09,333
Give me some of that popcorn.
369
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:11,542
[laughs]
370
00:18:11,625 --> 00:18:14,208
What, no hammy lines?
371
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:17,208
Grrr! I'm not acting this time.
372
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:19,750
Acting?
373
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:22,250
Cut the chatter! Concentrate!
374
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:23,834
[grunts] Yeah!
375
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:26,667
Hades wanted me to
make Achilles look good,
376
00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:29,166
but when Achilles couldn't split
you two up,
377
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,417
Hades sent me in to kill you,
378
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,208
or the goat-guy. Doesn't matter.
379
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:34,917
Why do they do that?
380
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,291
They got to spill every
little detail of the scheme?
381
00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:39,333
Let me get this straight.
382
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:41,709
Achilles was working for Hades?
383
00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:45,291
Whoa, you didn't think that loser could
beat me without Hades help, did you?
384
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,208
[laughs]
385
00:18:47,291 --> 00:18:48,333
That is rich.
386
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:49,750
They've verbal diarrhea.
387
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:52,333
Oh, he was working for Hades?
388
00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:56,709
Forget about Achilles, kid! Concentrate!
389
00:18:57,709 --> 00:19:00,000
[grunting]
390
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,083
[grunts]
391
00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,333
[chuckles] Hey, Phil, we did it!
392
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:08,041
You and me together, we beat this thing!
393
00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:11,709
Yeah, yeah, great, kid.
Just make sure and keep your guard up.
394
00:19:11,792 --> 00:19:14,709
Consider my guard up--whoa!
395
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:17,125
Oh, no! Herc?
396
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:18,959
[laughs]
397
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:20,792
Oh, yes! My man!
398
00:19:20,875 --> 00:19:23,041
You da man! Ooh!
399
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,542
Go for the kill!
400
00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:26,125
Wake up! Wake up!
401
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,542
Or you ain't gonna have
the chance to wake up again.
402
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,125
The hero or the hero trainer?
403
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:32,583
How about a twofer? [laughs]
404
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,959
[Achilles] Oh, man!
And I thought your scripted dialog stunk.
405
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,959
Excuse me, but I thought you got fired
from this project?
406
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,625
Yeah, well, consider me a free agent.
407
00:19:41,709 --> 00:19:43,792
[both grunt]
408
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:47,000
Whoa, Achilles, you really let yourself go
in the past few hours.
409
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,542
Get that kid out of here, Phil.
410
00:19:48,625 --> 00:19:51,417
I don't know if I can keep that monster
down much longer.
411
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,458
But that thing will pulverize you.
412
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:57,875
All my life I wanted to be a hero
for all the wrong reasons.
413
00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:01,208
I didn't get it. This kid, he gets it.
414
00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:03,041
Let me do this, Phil.
415
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,375
Let me go out a true hero.
416
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,542
A coach doesn't quit on his players.
417
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:14,291
Now, get in there. And remember hero rule
number 72:
418
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:16,291
Assess the situation.
419
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,667
And watch your heel!
420
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:23,875
Ohh! All right, Mr. Big stuff,
421
00:20:23,959 --> 00:20:25,709
You want some of this?
422
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,208
[grunts]
423
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,834
Keep your head up! Watch your left!
No, your other left!
424
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:32,875
Am I still fighting?
425
00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:34,917
No, but he is.
426
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,917
Is that Achilles? Oh, how long
have I been out?
427
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,000
[grunts]
428
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,417
Thanks, Achilles.
429
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,750
Now I can get Hades to pay me
for killing three guys.
430
00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:57,542
Achilles, hero rule number 81:
Use what you got.
431
00:20:57,625 --> 00:20:59,458
Use your gut?
432
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:02,291
-[grunts]
-Mama.
433
00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:04,166
Whatever works.
434
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:05,959
Whoa!
435
00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:07,458
I got ya!
436
00:21:07,542 --> 00:21:09,542
Thanks, Hercules. Nice hands.
437
00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:12,208
[Hades] I just-- I hate this!
438
00:21:12,291 --> 00:21:13,291
This is just-- it's too much.
439
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:14,750
I got-- I wanna rip their heads out.
440
00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:17,333
I gotta just blast something.
441
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:20,250
Pain, panic, could you come here a minute?
442
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,875
[both screaming]
443
00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:26,291
Get over here! Ha ha ha
444
00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:28,417
I love these two guys. Come here.
445
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:29,875
Oh, what a team you two make.
446
00:21:29,959 --> 00:21:31,083
Bing, bang, boom!
447
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:33,291
Nothing is gonna stop us
from the big time.
448
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,458
Uh, to tell you the truth, Phil,
I think I'm gonna pass.
449
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:40,083
You're gonna pass? Huh, what are you
talking about, you're gonna pass?
450
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:42,000
Come on, I had my shot.
451
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:43,917
Now it's someone else's turn.
452
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,625
Besides, let's face it.
Hitting the big time
453
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:48,792
is not what being a hero's about.
454
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:49,959
Is he kidding me?
455
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:51,417
I don't think so, Phil.
456
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,500
Guess I'll head Arcadia way.
457
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:55,750
I hear there's some flood victims there
458
00:21:55,834 --> 00:21:58,000
who just might need a hero.
459
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,750
Yeah, yeah, yeah, real--real shame
about that--
460
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:02,917
That, uh, that flood thing.
461
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,250
Take care of that heel!
462
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,834
Take care of that kid, huh?
463
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:22,709
[theme music playing]
31851
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