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1
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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
3
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,166
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
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♪ No one braver ♪
7
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♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
9
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
10
00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:25,583
-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
11
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
12
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
13
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♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:30,417 --> 00:00:31,792
♪ Hercules ♪
15
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-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
16
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♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
17
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
18
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
19
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
20
00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:40,583
♪ No complainin' ♪
21
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:41,750
♪ He was a no one ♪
22
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,417
♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
23
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,625
♪ He's our hero ♪
24
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
25
00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:50,041
♪ From zero to hero ♪
26
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,250
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
27
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:57,750
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
28
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Wait and see!
29
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,625
[Bob reading]
30
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,083
The Greek city-states werethe wonder of the ancient world.
31
00:01:10,917 --> 00:01:13,542
Athens-- birthplace of modern government.
32
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Sparta-- birthplace of military science.
33
00:01:16,625 --> 00:01:21,625
Arcadia-- birthplace of...people from Arcadia.
34
00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:25,041
Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
35
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:29,125
Sweetheart, everybody's heard
of those places.
36
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Let's tell them about a place
they haven't heard about.
37
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,625
-And that would be?
-Abacus Valley.
38
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:39,166
Never been. [scoffs]
I certainly do not have the T-shirt.
39
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:42,625
What? Baby, have you been locked
in a sound booth all your life?
40
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As a-- as a matter of fact--
41
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Rest your pipes, darling.
42
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We are on.
43
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:54,208
♪ Since the dawn of timeMan has struggled with math ♪
44
00:01:54,291 --> 00:01:57,875
♪ He had to use his fingersJust to add and subtract ♪
45
00:01:57,959 --> 00:02:01,166
♪ Then along came a whizNot a moment too late ♪
46
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:04,458
♪ With an awesome new inventionThat could really calculate ♪
47
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♪ He's a techno Greek ♪
48
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♪ He's a numbers freak ♪
49
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:13,417
♪ On a winning streak ♪
50
00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:18,542
♪ And he'll soon be in rolling dough ♪
51
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♪ He's a techno Greek ♪
52
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♪ He's got a factory ♪
53
00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:25,333
Ha ha!
54
00:02:25,417 --> 00:02:27,333
♪ He's a sheikh of geek ♪
55
00:02:28,834 --> 00:02:32,959
♪ And he's worth his weight in gold ♪
56
00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,250
Life in the valley was sweet.
57
00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:37,834
But, child, there was just one problem.
58
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:39,542
Whoo-ha!
59
00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:42,875
And it had a human head
and a horse's feet.
60
00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:45,917
[whinnying]
61
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:54,875
All right, centaurs,
let's giddyap.
62
00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:59,959
[shouting and whinnying]
63
00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:01,667
[chuckling]
64
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:03,875
OK. Clear.
65
00:03:03,959 --> 00:03:07,917
Uh, Numericles, may I suggest
we get larger urns?
66
00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:09,000
More hiding room.
67
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:12,333
No, Calculus. We must hide no more.
68
00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:16,000
Every Friday that gang of centaurs
pillages our city-state.
69
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,792
We have to do something!
70
00:03:17,875 --> 00:03:21,041
We do, sir. We run, we hide,
we scream like little girls.
71
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,625
It's been a very successful program.
72
00:03:22,709 --> 00:03:25,375
The time has come to terminate
that program
73
00:03:25,458 --> 00:03:27,375
and stand up for ourselves.
74
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,291
Really?
75
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,208
Uh... technically, no.
76
00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:33,375
We'll pay someone to stand up for us.
77
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:34,834
Oh.
78
00:03:34,917 --> 00:03:38,667
Above my vanquished foe I stood,
79
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:42,959
my feet entangled in his steaming viscera.
80
00:03:43,041 --> 00:03:46,208
It was a mother's day to remember.
81
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:50,291
That was quite... um, vivid, Tempest.
82
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:54,542
But I'm not sure it qualifies
as light verse.
83
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:57,834
Poetry! Bah! I have no use for words.
84
00:03:57,917 --> 00:04:00,291
An Amazon is primed for action.
85
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:04,583
We strike first and ask questions later...
86
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:07,250
Assuming our enemy still has a tongue!
87
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,792
She scares me. I need a little honey hug.
88
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,375
Cutting out the tongue...
89
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:14,542
Hmm. It would curb the mindless prattle.
90
00:04:14,625 --> 00:04:16,500
Yeah, I hate prattle.
91
00:04:16,582 --> 00:04:18,250
OK. I'm next.
92
00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:20,207
Ode to a hero...
93
00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,000
by, uh, me.
94
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:25,500
"The hero can do where others don't.
95
00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:29,291
The hero sees through what others won't.
96
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,625
Oh, to be a hero
97
00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:35,667
and never show any fear... o."
98
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,750
Suffer, Sappho.
99
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:41,917
Very, uh, nice, Hercules.
100
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,750
But a lyric poem
doesn't actually have to rhyme.
101
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:48,582
[chuckles] It has to express your passion.
102
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:51,166
You do have passion, don't you?
103
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,291
Well, uh, I want to be a hero
104
00:04:53,375 --> 00:04:55,500
more than anything, Miss Cassiopeia.
105
00:04:55,582 --> 00:04:58,625
Now make me feel it.
106
00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:04,208
Hero rule number 42,
the hero stops the unstoppable,
107
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:07,250
defends the defenseless,
helps the helpless.
108
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,583
Brains the brainless!
109
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:12,667
Why, Hercules, you're a lyric poet
and didn't know it.
110
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,792
Hate him. Hate this class.
111
00:05:16,457 --> 00:05:19,041
Have a golden afternoon, everybody.
112
00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:21,792
I don't belong in this pathetic school.
113
00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:23,750
I belong in battle,
114
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:28,291
employing my catlike reflexes,
my total sensory awareness.
115
00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:29,625
-Tempest?
-Hyah!
116
00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:30,582
Aah!
117
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:34,417
You forgot your poem.
118
00:05:35,082 --> 00:05:36,207
Keep it.
119
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:40,291
Ugh!
120
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:42,667
Whoa!
121
00:05:43,207 --> 00:05:45,500
Who-o-o-o-a!
122
00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:47,792
[gasps] Vision!
123
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:49,667
I see an enormous boulder
124
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,375
destroying everything in its path.
125
00:05:51,457 --> 00:05:52,750
Oh, where?
126
00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:53,917
Turn around.
127
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,375
Aah!
128
00:05:55,457 --> 00:05:56,457
Look out!
129
00:05:56,542 --> 00:05:58,000
Your abacus!
130
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,458
Ohh.
131
00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:05,083
I mean, I'm an Amazon.
I have my own needs.
132
00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:06,583
Who-o-a!
133
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,083
Ooh. Sword for hire.
134
00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:13,834
Finally a chance to quench
my insatiable bloodthirst.
135
00:06:13,917 --> 00:06:17,207
I shall find my destiny in...
136
00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,125
[Hercules] Abacus Valley--
137
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:23,542
Home of the most brilliant minds
in all of Greece.
138
00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:26,375
Yeah, and they're all bigger
geeks than me.
139
00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:29,542
I feel muy macho here.
140
00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:31,125
-[sighs]
-Look at this.
141
00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:32,792
The helpline is jammed.
142
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:35,625
There you go, sir--
a brand-new power slate.
143
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:37,917
Ooh, and don't forget
your free upgraded ram.
144
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,082
-[bleats]
-May I-- [gasps]
145
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,875
[gasping]
146
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,582
"In case of girl, breathe deeply,
147
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:45,457
Remain calm, check comb-over."
148
00:06:47,332 --> 00:06:49,250
May I help you?
149
00:06:49,332 --> 00:06:51,000
My abacus broke.
150
00:06:51,082 --> 00:06:54,082
Actually, I crushed it with
a giant celestial globe.
151
00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:58,082
-It's funny, really. I--
-Shh! I'm in diagnostic mode.
152
00:06:58,166 --> 00:06:59,250
[Cassandra] Can you fix it?
153
00:06:59,332 --> 00:07:02,000
Does Isosceles get triangle royalties?
154
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:04,041
[snorting]
155
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:05,583
A little math humor there.
156
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:08,333
[laughing, clearing throat]
157
00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:10,792
Uh, yeah, I can fix it.
158
00:07:10,875 --> 00:07:13,250
But a beguiling young minx like you
159
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,417
should have our upgrade program--
160
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:19,625
Abacus XCVIII.
161
00:07:19,709 --> 00:07:21,709
I'd be happy to install it.
162
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,875
I'll give it the personal touch.
163
00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:24,959
Give me that!
164
00:07:25,041 --> 00:07:29,041
You're not personally touching
anything, Mr. Smooth operator!
165
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:32,542
Well, can you put together
something this complicated?
166
00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:34,750
I don't see why not.
167
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:41,875
Well, uh, hmm... Princess Tempest...
[chuckles]
168
00:07:41,959 --> 00:07:44,000
You certainly have an impressive resume.
169
00:07:44,082 --> 00:07:48,417
This "things I've skinned alive"
section is quite... vivid.
170
00:07:49,417 --> 00:07:51,332
When do I start?
171
00:07:51,417 --> 00:07:53,041
[chuckles] Well...
172
00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:55,332
The centaurs attack every Friday,
173
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:56,959
and today is Friday.
174
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,375
[man] The centaurs!
175
00:07:58,457 --> 00:08:01,250
It's "scream like
a little girl" time. Aaah!
176
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:02,875
Welcome to our team.
177
00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:05,500
Yes! Abacus Valley will flood
178
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:09,125
with the blood of many centaurs.
179
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:10,041
Super.
180
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:12,583
But first, we do have a bit of paperwork.
181
00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:16,542
[screaming]
182
00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:18,792
[sniffs] Could it be that I offend?
183
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,667
In every conceivable way.
184
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:25,750
Techno Greeks!
Come out and pla-a-y!
185
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:28,000
[laughing]
186
00:08:28,082 --> 00:08:30,417
Centaurs! I've got to do something.
187
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,917
I must warn you that as a hero-in-training
188
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,457
I must defend the defenseless.
189
00:08:35,542 --> 00:08:37,959
Oh, lookee here. [chuckles]
190
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,750
A real live hero.
191
00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:42,834
Soon to be a real dead hero.
192
00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:44,834
[snorting, whinnying]
193
00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:53,125
Yee-haw! [whinnying]
194
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,583
Oh.
195
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,125
-Huh?
-Beads away!
196
00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:25,250
Wagons...
197
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:26,583
West!
198
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,083
Hyah!
199
00:09:29,041 --> 00:09:31,750
Sometimes I forget. Herc's strong.
200
00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:33,000
Abnormally so.
201
00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:36,250
Prepare to feel
the awesome wrath of Tempest,
202
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,375
You-- you--
203
00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:39,458
You?
204
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:40,542
Hi, Tempest.
205
00:09:40,625 --> 00:09:42,290
[cheering]
206
00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:44,208
Excellent performance.
207
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,083
Truly alpha one.
208
00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:47,333
Battle-damage assessment...
209
00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:49,500
You kicked centaur tail!
210
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:51,333
It was nothing, really.
211
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,417
-I-- I just...
-[Tempest] Stole my job!
212
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,709
Back to school, do-gooder.
213
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:58,208
I'm the local hired sword.
214
00:09:58,290 --> 00:09:59,250
Hired?
215
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,458
You mean you're charging
to defend these people?
216
00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,083
Actually... [chuckles]
217
00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:05,583
We haven't finalized the salary package.
218
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,500
You can't charge to defend
the defenseless.
219
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:09,583
Maybe a hero can't.
220
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,667
But a warrior can.
221
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,583
Ooh, really?
222
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:15,333
Let's talk... hero.
223
00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:21,959
Well, you're both pretty evenly matched.
224
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:26,291
Demigod. Amazon princess.
225
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,709
Well, darn it,
226
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:31,583
I just keep coming back
to this salary issue. [chuckles]
227
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,625
We're going with the volunteer--
I mean, hero.
228
00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:38,458
Oh, thanks!
I'll be the best hero you've ever seen.
229
00:10:38,542 --> 00:10:41,834
Oh, um, I'm sure you would have
been terrific, too, Tempest.
230
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:45,458
You'll pay for this humiliation,
bead counter!
231
00:10:45,542 --> 00:10:49,165
My vengeance will be painfully,
232
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,083
agonizingly vengeful.
233
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,917
No complimentary tote bag for you.
234
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,208
Whoa. Well, that's all settled, eh?
235
00:11:00,291 --> 00:11:05,083
Let's have a big lusty cheer
for our new hero Hercules!
236
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:07,709
-Hooray! Hooray!
-Hooray!
237
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,959
[grunting]
238
00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:12,250
Ow! Oh, muscle spasm.
239
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:15,208
[man 2] Ha ha! I think
we all get the general idea.
240
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:23,125
Welcome to the Feed Bag,
a great place to tie one on.
241
00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:24,458
What's your pleasure?
242
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:25,667
Revenge!
243
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:29,041
Ah, a dish best served cold.
244
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:31,542
Hey, you're a human.
245
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,917
That's Amazon, short boy.
246
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,500
Yes, I'm sure.
247
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:38,250
But this is a centaur hangout.
248
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:41,667
Oh, Blotox won't like this.
249
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,667
[Tempest] "Blotox?"
250
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:47,875
[snorts] What kind
of a stupid name is Blotox?
251
00:11:47,959 --> 00:11:49,250
[Blotox] [muffled] My name.
252
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:53,125
Blotox is my name,
253
00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:55,417
and you have... [grunting]
254
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,792
Seconds to take that back.
255
00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:00,417
You want to take this outside, stud?
256
00:12:07,417 --> 00:12:10,834
[punching, grunting, and crashing]
257
00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:20,417
Did you see that?
258
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:21,834
Next.
259
00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:23,333
You--
260
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:26,166
You defeated our leader.
261
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,500
-Want to be next?
-No, no!
262
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,291
According to the bylaws
263
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:34,290
of our galloping, destroying,
and galloping away again club,
264
00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,625
That makes you our new leader.
265
00:12:36,709 --> 00:12:38,417
Why would I want to be the leader
266
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:41,917
of a gang of smelly, grass-munching--
267
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,333
Hold that insult.
268
00:12:43,417 --> 00:12:44,917
Under my leadership,
269
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,040
we could form a fearsome fighting force.
270
00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:49,750
Ere this week is out,
271
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:53,040
Abacus Valley and their new hero
272
00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:56,083
shall feel the wrath of Tempest!
273
00:12:56,165 --> 00:12:57,542
If I could just slip in here...
274
00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:01,625
I checked with the cook.
Sorry. Revenge isn't on the menu.
275
00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:04,834
It is now.
276
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,542
[centaurs snorting]
277
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:07,709
[gulps]
278
00:13:10,208 --> 00:13:12,959
[Icarus] Let's see. [muttering] Ah! Ah!
279
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:17,709
Insert bead alpha into slot delta!
280
00:13:17,792 --> 00:13:20,542
Boy, it's like I've graduated
from hero training.
281
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:23,291
Say hello to the hero.
282
00:13:23,375 --> 00:13:25,125
[laughing]
283
00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:28,125
You don't have to laugh in my face.
284
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,375
No, no! The guy's joke.
285
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:34,458
Isosceles, triangle,
royalties-- that's great!
286
00:13:34,542 --> 00:13:37,959
So, uh, how do you suppose
the Amazons actually cut out a tongue?
287
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,542
[chirping]
288
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:40,792
Hey, that's my beeper.
289
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:43,500
Abacus Valley needs their hero.
290
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:44,500
See ya!
291
00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,667
Ha! I did it.
292
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:51,417
Your abacus is plugged in
to the information aqueduct.
293
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,290
Aye! I hope you backed this thing up.
294
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,709
[whinnying]
295
00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:03,417
[snorting]
296
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,792
Ooh! Four minutes, 29 seconds,
and three grains.
297
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:08,000
Excellent.
298
00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:09,041
All right.
299
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,291
Where are the centaurs?
300
00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:14,709
Uh... [chuckles] There's no attack today.
301
00:14:14,792 --> 00:14:17,583
But it was essential
that we measure your response time.
302
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,333
For the inevitable eventuality
303
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:22,667
of an actual centaur-type
emergency situation.
304
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:25,000
Oh, OK. No problem.
305
00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:28,625
Well, beep me if you need me.
306
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:30,458
Don't worry. We will.
307
00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:31,500
[giggling]
308
00:14:31,583 --> 00:14:33,417
And did they ever.
309
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,458
♪ Herc went to work ♪
310
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,542
♪ But he's feeling like a jerk ♪
311
00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:42,290
♪ 'Cause those techno Greekskeep pulling his chain ♪
312
00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:43,667
[woman] Poor kid.
313
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,667
♪ Even when he's sleeping ♪
314
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,875
♪ His bosses keep on beeping ♪
315
00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:52,040
♪ So far this hero game is a pain ♪
316
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,165
♪ He'll keep on trying ♪
317
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,667
♪ But there's no denying ♪
318
00:14:56,750 --> 00:15:01,250
♪ That this herky-jerky job is lame ♪
319
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:05,208
T-- T-- There's a centaur in that bush.
320
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:11,125
Guys, do you remember
how big centaurs are?
321
00:15:11,208 --> 00:15:12,667
Maybe he's crouching.
322
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:13,959
Ugh!
323
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,333
[woman screams]
324
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:23,500
[whistles]
All right, give me 100 leg lifts!
325
00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:25,250
Move those fetlocks! Now!
326
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,291
But, your leaderness lady,
327
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:30,333
it's time for us to attack Abacus Valley.
328
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,792
We always attack on Friday.
329
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:34,458
Did it ever occur to you
330
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:37,417
that because you always attack on Fridays
331
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,375
the techno Greeks know you're coming?
332
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:43,750
But it ends the week
on kind of a high note.
333
00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:44,792
No more.
334
00:15:44,875 --> 00:15:47,750
We're going to launch a surprise attack
335
00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:49,917
on Monday.
336
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:52,333
-Oh!
-Oh!
337
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,333
I don't know, Pegasus.
338
00:15:57,417 --> 00:16:00,375
This hero stuff isn't exactly
what I thought it would be.
339
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,750
I mean, they're nice guys and all,
it's just that they call me
340
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,375
every time they see their shadow.
341
00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:08,250
I really don't get to right any wrongs
342
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:11,583
or rescue any damsels or anything.
343
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:14,333
I don't feel like a hero.
I feel more like a... like...
344
00:16:14,417 --> 00:16:17,250
[whistling "rock-a-bye baby"]
345
00:16:17,917 --> 00:16:19,834
Like a babysitter.
346
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,166
[whistles]
347
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,166
[snorting]
348
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:30,291
All right!
349
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:31,458
OK, centaur.
350
00:16:31,542 --> 00:16:34,000
Your marauding days are over!
351
00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:36,165
[crying]
352
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:40,165
You're right.
I'll never maraud again.
353
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,083
Oh, sorry. I-- I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings.
354
00:16:43,165 --> 00:16:44,542
Well, you did.
355
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,834
My herd gave me the hoof.
356
00:16:46,917 --> 00:16:49,250
My life has no meaning now.
357
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,959
[crying]
358
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,290
[Hercules] You're not alone.
359
00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:55,000
I thought I'd hit the hero big time.
360
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:57,667
-Hey!
-No thanks. I already ate.
361
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,417
No, I-- I mean, hey, I-- I got an idea.
362
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,250
Your life has no meaning.
My life is demeaning.
363
00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:04,625
We can help each other.
364
00:17:04,709 --> 00:17:07,709
How would you like to be my deputy
and protect Abacus Valley?
365
00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:10,709
Sounds awfully touchy-feely.
366
00:17:10,791 --> 00:17:12,000
You can do it.
367
00:17:12,125 --> 00:17:15,125
Blotox, you can learn to be good.
368
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,709
[whinnying]
369
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,375
You're doing great, Blotox,
370
00:17:37,458 --> 00:17:39,834
but you can't be a hero without rules.
371
00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:43,375
Uh, if this is about that little
accident I had on the rug...
372
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:46,333
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hero rules.
373
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:50,375
Like hero rule number 93,
strength isn't everything.
374
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:53,417
Sometimes you can defeat
your opponent with cunning.
375
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,291
Cu-nning?
376
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,792
Using your intelligence.
377
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,625
Intelli--
378
00:17:58,709 --> 00:17:59,917
Your wits.
379
00:18:00,041 --> 00:18:02,083
W-- W-- W...
380
00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:03,792
[sighs] Want to play with a sword?
381
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,250
Goody!
382
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,000
All right. On Monday, at high noon,
383
00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:10,917
Alpha and Beta squads
will create a diversion here
384
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,792
While I lead Charlie Company
on the final charge!
385
00:18:14,917 --> 00:18:18,291
Attacking on Monday-- that's so radical.
386
00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:21,709
Gentlemen, my new deputy...
387
00:18:21,792 --> 00:18:24,583
-Blotox.
-[screaming]
388
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:26,917
A centaur! Run for your lives!
389
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,208
No. Wait, wait, wait. He's on our side.
390
00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:32,166
Ha! There is nothing in this world
391
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:35,250
that would make me allow a filthy centaur
392
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,208
to protect our fair valley.
393
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:38,417
[rumbling]
394
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,083
Whoo-ha!
395
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,542
Welcome to the team.
396
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,208
Tempest is with the centaurs?
397
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,417
And they're attacking on Monday.
398
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,208
Why didn't I ever think of that?
399
00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:54,166
Hercules.
400
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:58,875
Prepare to taste
the steely blade of swift retribution.
401
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:02,250
Yeah! Prepare the tasty sling blade
402
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:06,291
rest and relaxation and what she said.
403
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:07,375
Ugh!
404
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:09,709
I'd like to see us work through this.
405
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:10,875
Indeed!
406
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:14,625
The vultures will feast on your liver!
407
00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:17,625
Aah! I was thinking more
of a compromise thing.
408
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:18,667
Whoa!
409
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:20,709
Ugh!
410
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:23,041
Hey, there's no one in line!
411
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:25,208
This is great.
412
00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:26,208
Hello?
413
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:29,125
Hello? Over here, little help. Hello?
414
00:19:29,208 --> 00:19:30,291
[whinnying]
415
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:32,417
I hate guys with ponytails.
416
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:36,458
[grunting]
417
00:19:37,917 --> 00:19:40,834
Aye! Leave me alone!
418
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:49,333
Uh, I hate to fight and run,
but you know...
419
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:51,291
Defend the defenseless and all that.
420
00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:52,875
Come back here!
421
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,875
I was winning!
422
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,875
[gasping] Attacking centaurs.
423
00:19:57,959 --> 00:19:59,875
Jeez, what could be worse than that?
424
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,208
Well, hello there.
425
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,291
OK. Obvious setup. My fault.
426
00:20:03,417 --> 00:20:07,458
I have a cowardly hiding place
for two, my sweet.
427
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,625
-[growls]
-[thuds]
428
00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:12,542
This would be a good time
429
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,667
for Zeus to take
a personal interest in my life.
430
00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:17,417
Son of Zeus. Close enough.
431
00:20:17,542 --> 00:20:20,125
I'll stand up to these ro-owdies!
432
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:21,458
Whoa!
433
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:23,041
Ugh!
434
00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:25,083
[crashing]
435
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:27,458
Herc-- count on him.
436
00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:30,375
I had hoped to vanquish Hercules,
437
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:31,667
but you'll do.
438
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:33,500
No way, sister.
439
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,834
[snorts]
440
00:20:36,917 --> 00:20:39,083
Ugh!
441
00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:41,166
Blotox, remember the rules.
442
00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:42,291
Use your cunning.
443
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,834
His what?
444
00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:48,125
Now I'm gonna put you out to pasture.
445
00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:49,792
[Blotox] Me thinks not.
446
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:51,875
I'm cunning.
447
00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:57,250
Whoa! Oh!
448
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:00,792
Hey! You did it!
449
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:04,792
Blotox, we was rooting for you
the whole time.
450
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:06,542
You're the horse, man.
451
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:09,750
The centaur of attention. [chuckles]
452
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:12,458
We shall meet again, Hercules,
453
00:21:12,542 --> 00:21:16,917
and my vengeance will be swift and bloody.
454
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:18,750
See you in math class.
455
00:21:18,834 --> 00:21:22,291
OK. Oh, hey, don't forget--
test tomorrow.
456
00:21:22,375 --> 00:21:24,333
Now that you're our leader again
457
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:27,500
we can go back to attacking on Fridays!
458
00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:30,000
[cheering]
459
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:31,458
Attack on Fridays!
460
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,166
Now, hang on a second.
461
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,917
Herc, here, made me his deputy.
462
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,875
That'd mean I'd have to attack
and defend at the same time.
463
00:21:38,959 --> 00:21:42,458
Well, that just sounds, uh,
mighty confusing, don't it?
464
00:21:42,583 --> 00:21:45,667
Oh, yeah. Well, uh,
never thought of it that way.
465
00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:47,500
So, uh, what do we do?
466
00:21:47,625 --> 00:21:49,125
I have a suggestion.
467
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:53,208
This ram is totally incompatible
with my power slate,
468
00:21:53,291 --> 00:21:56,083
and I'd like to know
what you plan to do about it!
469
00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:58,709
Oh, security!
470
00:21:58,834 --> 00:22:00,208
Is there a problem, sir?
471
00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:01,291
I, uh...
472
00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,917
Why don't we step outside, sir?
473
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,125
Uh, we are outside.
474
00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:07,709
[bleats]
475
00:22:07,834 --> 00:22:09,792
Aaah!
476
00:22:12,417 --> 00:22:15,959
Hmm. These centaurs make excellent
security guards.
477
00:22:16,041 --> 00:22:17,041
[chuckles]
478
00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:23,208
[theme music playing]
33245
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