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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:17,333
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
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♪ No one braver ♪
7
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♪ Is he sweet? ♪
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
14
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♪ Hercules ♪
15
00:00:31,959 --> 00:00:33,542
-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
17
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
18
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
19
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
20
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♪ No complainin' ♪
21
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♪ He was a no one ♪
22
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♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
23
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♪ He's our hero ♪
24
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
25
00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:49,291
♪ From zero to hero ♪
26
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,667
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
27
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
29
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:03,709
[Bob reading]
30
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,333
[Bob, narrating] Let us considerthe special role of the hero.
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Heroes occupy a unique placein this world and beyond.
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Their private corner of the underworldis the Elysian Fields.
33
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In the pastoral splendorof the Elysian Fields,
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heroes enjoy the endlessgolden hours of eternity--
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[woman] Hold it!
36
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Sounds like you're talking about
some boring cruise ship.
37
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Honey, the Elysian Fields
38
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is the place heroes go to party!
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[Bob] Do you mind?
40
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I'm trying to make thisa distinguished presentation.
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Honey, go on sit your
distinguished butt down.
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We'll show you how to sell it.
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[upbeat music playing]
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♪ Because you've earnedA hero's reputation ♪
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♪ You deserve an extra long vacation ♪
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♪ The best eternal rest and relaxation ♪
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♪ Elysian Fields ♪
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[Hades] I can see it.
49
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I can smell it.
50
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But I can't touch it!
51
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The ritziest country club in the universe
52
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-is just a brimstone's throw away...
-[clang]
53
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...and it's restricted.
54
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:22,917
Yeah! Too bad Zeus set it up
so you can never go in!
55
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,500
Uh, did I say "too bad"?
56
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:28,792
Oh, I-I meant it's a crying shame.
57
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An affront to the very cosmos?
58
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Mind the store, boys. I'm going upstairs.
59
00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:35,792
Ooh.
60
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,667
[Icarus] Ah, I love the night life!
61
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:43,333
People from near and far
joining together in a public forum
62
00:02:43,417 --> 00:02:48,166
with one common goal--
to ignore us completely.
63
00:02:49,083 --> 00:02:50,417
[Cassandra] Oh, look.
64
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,375
It's Helen--
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00:02:51,417 --> 00:02:54,041
The face most likely to launch
an international conflict.
66
00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,458
Hi, kids!
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00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,709
[all talking at once]
68
00:02:58,792 --> 00:03:00,124
Hi, Helen.
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00:03:00,125 --> 00:03:03,041
[laughs] Like she really heard you.
70
00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:07,166
Ah, to bask in your prickly cynicism,
my sweet.
71
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:10,375
It gladdens my heart to sit with you.
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Not with me-- near me.
73
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Ha ha ha ha ha!
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00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:15,542
Whoo!
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I'm not kidding.
76
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:18,542
[Adonis] Helen, my dear.
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Forsake these commoners
and come ride with the royal me.
78
00:03:22,542 --> 00:03:24,583
Oh, you're sweet, Adonis,
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00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,625
but I gave my attendants the night off.
80
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:28,333
How would I get my chariot home?
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[man ] Me! I'll do it!
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00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:31,166
I'll drive you home.
83
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:33,834
You see? Throw some nobody a bone.
84
00:03:33,917 --> 00:03:36,417
Oh, Daddy would just have kittens
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00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,917
if I entrusted my chariot to anyone
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00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,000
without a spotless driving record.
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00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,875
[gasps and chuckles]
88
00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:46,458
Oh, Hercules! Natch!
89
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:49,959
And the forecast for tonight is perky.
90
00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:51,834
Oh, you're a dear.
91
00:03:51,917 --> 00:03:53,166
Drive safely.
92
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,166
I can't. Uh, the--
93
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,500
The truth is, I don't have
a driver's license.
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00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:58,709
[all gasping]
95
00:03:58,792 --> 00:04:00,875
That is a stunning admission,
96
00:04:00,959 --> 00:04:03,041
even for a loser such as yourself.
97
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:06,750
Well, I'm sure you have many
other nice qualities.
98
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:07,792
Oh, come on.
99
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:10,166
I can't be the only one here
without a license.
100
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:11,542
Can I?
101
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:16,834
But I-- I've got a flying horse.
102
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:18,250
Am I supposed to be impressed?
103
00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:20,834
Because I'm not... in the slightest.
104
00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:24,331
I, uh, I'm planning to get
my license... tomorrow.
105
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,207
Since when?
106
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,709
Since now.
107
00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:28,000
Ohh.
108
00:04:28,082 --> 00:04:29,417
[Adonis] Oh, really?
109
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,792
I believe the temple of moving vehicles
closes at sunset.
110
00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:35,667
So you'll have a license
by that time tomorrow?
111
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:36,750
Definitely.
112
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Then bring it here.
113
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,082
Oh, I will.
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-[laughs] See you at sunset.
-[horse neighs]
115
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,625
Oh, you will.
116
00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:43,750
Hoo!
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00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:48,332
My man Herc, right here.
118
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Mr. Confident.
119
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,250
You don't know how to drive, do you?
120
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Not even a clue.
121
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Hey, Zeus!
122
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Hey, how are ya, huh?
123
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,375
It's been too long.
124
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,041
You don't call, you don't write.
125
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:05,750
-Hey.
-Hades.
126
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:09,000
G'day, mate. How are things "down under"?
127
00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:12,208
Ha! "Down under!" get it?
128
00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,208
Lightning wit, as usual. Great.
129
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:18,375
Sit down. Give your flame a rest.
130
00:05:18,457 --> 00:05:20,542
Nectar? Ambrosia?
131
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:21,582
Gives me gas.
132
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:22,875
OK, let me cut right to the chase.
133
00:05:22,959 --> 00:05:24,166
You know the Elysian Fields?
134
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,125
I got a little development
brewing there, OK?
135
00:05:26,207 --> 00:05:28,582
Kind of a, uh, time share.
136
00:05:29,375 --> 00:05:31,542
Actually, I wouldn't share.
It would be all mine.
137
00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:33,207
But you understand the concept. OK.
138
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,332
And I know you're a busy god,
so I was wondering,
139
00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:37,250
you just might want to transfer
title to me.
140
00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:39,582
Just a little autograph,
and then, boom, I'm outta your hair.
141
00:05:39,667 --> 00:05:40,500
Whaddya say?
142
00:05:40,582 --> 00:05:43,250
But it's supposed to be
the blissful refuge of heroes.
143
00:05:43,332 --> 00:05:45,250
Yeah, the happiest place under earth.
I know.
144
00:05:45,332 --> 00:05:48,125
[Zeus] There goes Apollo.
Right on schedule.
145
00:05:48,207 --> 00:05:50,457
ou can set your watch by that guy.
146
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,207
Yeah, people do, actually.
147
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:53,207
Oh.
148
00:05:53,291 --> 00:05:57,082
It's time for the morning Hercules report,
your mightiness.
149
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,250
Take a number, twinkle toes.
150
00:05:58,332 --> 00:06:00,000
I'm doing a little negotiating here.
151
00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,917
Chill out, Hades.
152
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,583
Ha! Look at that!
153
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,417
I should make a wish!
154
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,834
How about a death wish?
155
00:06:12,583 --> 00:06:15,375
One day to learn to drive? Sheesh!
156
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,082
OK, kid, let's start with the basics.
157
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:21,332
You gotta evaluate the situation,
158
00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:24,375
and always look both ways!
159
00:06:24,457 --> 00:06:26,375
Whoo-hoo!
160
00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:27,332
Waah!
161
00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:31,500
[both groaning]
162
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:35,000
Kid! Kid! You're losing points for this!
163
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:38,667
OK, this is a good time
to talk about passing.
164
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:39,667
[neighs]
165
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:40,917
[Philoctetes] All right, listen up.
166
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,000
The key is to be confident, but relaxed.
167
00:06:44,082 --> 00:06:45,125
[gasps]
168
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:46,709
Whoa!
169
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,041
-Oof! Aah!
-Ooh!
170
00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:55,291
Kid, watch out!
171
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Yaaaah!
172
00:06:58,125 --> 00:07:00,917
[all groaning]
173
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:02,917
Yah! Get outta the way!
174
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,750
[bowling pins fall]
175
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:10,709
Maybe you should stick
to the flying horse.
176
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:11,875
[neighs]
177
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:15,417
So, now, he's only got until sunset
178
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,709
to pass his driver's test.
179
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:20,041
[scoffs] Isn't that just too wacky?
180
00:07:20,125 --> 00:07:21,375
I'll go out on a limb here
181
00:07:21,457 --> 00:07:25,082
and just kind of predict that
my dear nephew blows it... badly.
182
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,667
For your information, Hades,
183
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:31,166
what Hercules sets out to do, he does.
184
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,332
Oh, flawlessly, I'm sure,
but, you know, still.
185
00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:35,834
You know, I'm thinking,
186
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,834
maybe you'd care to make a little wager.
187
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,000
You mean bet on my son
188
00:07:41,082 --> 00:07:44,166
to complete a nearly impossible task?
189
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:46,291
In a heartbeat.
190
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:49,375
Hey-hey! Fabulous!
I'll take some of that action.
191
00:07:49,457 --> 00:07:52,000
You know, we'll need some stakes, though,
192
00:07:52,082 --> 00:07:53,959
just to, you know, make it interesting.
193
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,667
Hmm, let's see.
Ooh, you know, here's an idea.
194
00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,166
If junior doesn't get that
license by sunset,
195
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,792
uh, you give me Elysian Fields.
What do you say?
196
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:04,458
That's outrageous!
197
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,000
Ooh, deal me out.
198
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,792
Fine, fine. Say no more.
199
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:10,375
You don't have that kind of confidence
in the little tyke.
200
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:11,500
I understand.
201
00:08:11,583 --> 00:08:13,083
After all, he's only human... mostly.
202
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:14,709
You're on!
203
00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:16,792
Oh, and Zeus, ha ha,
204
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:19,792
You know, anybody could do this
with your help.
205
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:24,875
Why, Hades, I would never dream
of interfering.
206
00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:25,750
Uh-huh.
207
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:28,917
OK, good. Oh, and Hermes,
you stick there, too, OK?
208
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,750
OK, gents. Catch you later.
209
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:34,250
If you need me, hey, I'll be packing.
210
00:08:34,332 --> 00:08:35,457
Ha!
211
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:36,875
-What?
-What?
212
00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:38,417
Whatever it takes,
213
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:42,375
You make sure that kid flunks
that driving test.
214
00:08:42,457 --> 00:08:43,500
Capisce?
215
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:45,165
Pardon our ignorance...
216
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,583
Your vengefulness...
217
00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:48,917
But didn't Zeus swear to stay out of it?
218
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,583
He did, actually. I didn't.
219
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:52,625
Get it?
220
00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:54,667
Oh, when he's bad...
221
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,333
He's very bad.
222
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:57,500
[laughter]
223
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:03,917
Next stop-- the road to ruin!
224
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,792
The detour of doom!
225
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:08,959
The, um... jinx of the "Spinx."
226
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,750
It's Sphinx, and we're doing alliteration,
227
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:11,917
not rhymes!
228
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,750
Get to work, jerk.
229
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:16,667
You guys are the greatest
to come along and help me cram.
230
00:09:16,750 --> 00:09:18,542
Oh, it's our pleasure.
231
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:21,458
OK, you're traveling
on the road from Athens to Sparta.
232
00:09:21,542 --> 00:09:25,166
How many horse lengths must you remain
behind the chariot in front of you?
233
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:26,250
[Pain] Sorry, folks!
234
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,333
Road closed for repairs.
235
00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:30,417
Your tax drachmas at work.
236
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,667
But we've got to get
to the temple of moving vehicles--
237
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:33,583
Fast!
238
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,750
That side road
will get you there in a jiffy.
239
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:37,040
-[horse neighs]
-And the views are lovely.
240
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:38,165
Thanks.
241
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,040
Happy trails!
242
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:42,500
Hercules.
243
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:45,290
Say hi to the "Spinx" for us.
244
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:46,917
[laughter]
245
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,000
[Icarus] Hmm. what does that sign mean?
246
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:55,792
Herc, Mister I-Memorized
the-Entire-T.M.V.-Manual,
247
00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:56,875
lay it on me, baby.
248
00:09:56,959 --> 00:10:00,250
It's a creature with the wings of a bird
and the body of a lion!
249
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,792
Buddy, you are ready!
250
00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,875
It's coming right at us!
251
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:04,875
[all yelling]
252
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:07,333
[screaming]
253
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:10,250
Please, we mean you no harm.
254
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,583
We're just passing through.
255
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:15,166
Not anymore.
256
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,333
You're here...
257
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,083
to have fun!
258
00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:23,417
Welcome to the Riddle of the Sphinx!
259
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:27,375
and now, here's your host,
Sphinx Martindale!
260
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,500
[applause]
261
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:29,917
Ha ha ha. Thank you, bony.
262
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,625
The rules of our game
couldn't be any simpler.
263
00:10:32,709 --> 00:10:34,875
I ask just one question.
264
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:38,040
Right answer wins you
freedom and fabulous prizes.
265
00:10:38,165 --> 00:10:41,792
Wrong answer and you lose... your lives!
266
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:45,000
-Ahhh!
-[laughing evilly]
267
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:57,208
[cheering and applause]
268
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,959
Hey, welcome back, everybody!
269
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,041
Let's take a minute to meet
today's player.
270
00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:04,000
Hi there. What's your name?
271
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,291
Uh... Hercules?
272
00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:06,208
Well, Hercules,
273
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,792
I'd introduce
some former contestants, but...
274
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,625
I've eaten them all!
275
00:11:10,709 --> 00:11:13,166
[laughter]
276
00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:15,083
But enough chitchat. Here we go.
277
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,417
And the killer question is,
278
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:21,041
what is it that a man does standing up,
a lady does sitting down,
279
00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:23,500
and a dog does on three legs?
280
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,500
Uh...
281
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,333
Can I have a goodbye hug?
282
00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:27,417
Grow up.
283
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:30,792
[imitates buzzer] All right--
man does it standing up,
284
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:33,208
woman sitting down, dog on three legs.
285
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:34,625
Your answer, please.
286
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:36,000
A goodbye handshake?
287
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,000
-Shake hands.
-[buzzer]
288
00:11:40,083 --> 00:11:41,165
Oh, I'm sorry!
289
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:42,709
But for being such a good sport,
290
00:11:42,792 --> 00:11:45,290
You get instant death
and the Sphinx home ga--
291
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,667
What did you say?
292
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:49,709
Shake hands.
293
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:51,165
That's right.
294
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:53,542
Nobody's ever gotten it right before.
295
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,417
[dejectedly] OK, Bony,
tell him what he's won.
296
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:57,583
Glad to, Sphinx.
297
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,917
Hercules, you'll be leaving in style
298
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,500
in a brand-new chariot!
299
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:05,792
How convenient.
300
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,125
Aah.
301
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,458
[Hades humming]
302
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:13,417
♪ There's no place like home ♪
303
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,166
Big house, no fireplace, heh?
304
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:16,625
Enough's enough.
Do you know what I'm saying?
305
00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:18,125
It's a wrap, boss.
306
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:21,291
Nobody's ever beaten Sphinx Martindale.
307
00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:22,208
[chuckles]
308
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:24,375
Yeah, Herc's as good as dead!
309
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,458
Just a little bungalow for moi?
310
00:12:26,542 --> 00:12:28,250
[laughs] Herc's as good as dead,
311
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,083
so let me just ask you a question.
312
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,125
If Hercules were dead...
313
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:34,083
don't you think I'd be the first to know?
314
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:39,040
Um... You mean because you're the,
uh, lord of the dead?
315
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,083
Duh.
316
00:12:40,165 --> 00:12:42,542
Maybe we'll just go... double-check.
317
00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:44,165
Ah!
318
00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:45,917
[Hercules] Look out!
319
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,792
Ho, mama!
320
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,667
We're all gonna die!
321
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:53,667
[crying] We're all gonna die!
322
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:54,750
Whoa, I say!
323
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,417
-[horse neighs]
-[siren wails]
324
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:00,834
Uh-oh. Busted.
325
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:05,542
[sighs] A speed trap.
326
00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,458
I should have foreseen it coming.
327
00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:10,000
Just let me do the talking.
328
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,583
[whinnies]
329
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,750
Teenagers out joyriding.
330
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,792
I've seen it a million times.
331
00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:17,291
Tough luck, kids.
332
00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:18,542
Driver's licenses.
333
00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,792
[whistling]
334
00:13:24,834 --> 00:13:26,709
I don't have one. [chuckles nervously]
335
00:13:26,792 --> 00:13:28,875
Actually, we're on our way to get it now!
336
00:13:28,959 --> 00:13:30,625
Not anymore.
337
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:34,500
Driving is a privilege,
not a right, my young friends,
338
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:36,290
And you just lost it.
339
00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:38,750
I'll have triple alpha
send out a tow wagon.
340
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:39,917
Have a nice day.
341
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,040
Thanks. You, too!
342
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,875
[whinnies]
343
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,290
Where's Herc?
344
00:13:47,375 --> 00:13:48,290
Did he get his license yet?
345
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,792
And a gracious hello to you, too, Hermes.
346
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:51,875
No time, Philicimo.
347
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:53,542
Uh, why aren't you with the kid?
348
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:54,875
He's gotta learn.
349
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,667
Never promise something you can't deliver.
350
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,750
That's rookie mistake number one.
351
00:13:58,834 --> 00:13:59,750
Ohh.
352
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,333
Uh, ixnay, babe.
353
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:04,083
So, they taunted him, they teased him.
354
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:06,083
Only a sucker falls for that.
355
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,792
Open mouth, insert hoof.
356
00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:11,458
I mean, I'm doing
the best I can with the kid.
357
00:14:11,542 --> 00:14:14,458
But somebody should have
taught him the basics--
358
00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:15,750
Somebody like...
359
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,500
Ahem!
360
00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:20,500
...his father.
361
00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:23,583
The big guy bet Hades that Herc
would come through by sunset.
362
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:26,333
Winner gets control over
the Elysian Fields.
363
00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:28,917
And my boy is a winner...
364
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,583
Right, coach?
365
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,875
One hundred percent! Tell you what.
366
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,709
Why don't I just go find the kid
367
00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:36,458
and assist him in his efforts...
368
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,709
Your Majesty?
369
00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:38,709
[neighs]
370
00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:45,625
[all groaning]
371
00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:49,792
Oh, no!
372
00:14:49,875 --> 00:14:51,458
This line will take forever!
373
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:57,165
I say we speed things up.
374
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:59,000
So the kid can fail... Right?
375
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:00,542
[chuckles]
376
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:08,834
Uh, excuse me, Mister Last-in-Line. Hello!
377
00:15:09,917 --> 00:15:10,750
Me?
378
00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:13,542
Yes, you. Come on down!
379
00:15:13,625 --> 00:15:15,458
I know this stuff. I can do it.
380
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:20,500
Um, uh, if you're, like,
you know, driving along
381
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:21,750
and there's, uh,
382
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:24,000
a little baby lying in the road,
383
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,375
uh, what should you do?
384
00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:30,333
Coffee break, guys. Take 10.
385
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:32,208
You mean coffee's free in this place?
386
00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:35,208
I think there's some baklava left, too.
387
00:15:35,290 --> 00:15:36,333
[whooshing]
388
00:15:36,959 --> 00:15:39,542
What a cushy job! [chuckles]
389
00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:41,458
A break already and we only just started.
390
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:42,375
I know.
391
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,959
We didn't even finish
giving Herc's test to--
392
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:47,875
Hercules, pass.
393
00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:48,834
Ohh.
394
00:15:48,917 --> 00:15:50,750
Proceed outside where you'll be met
395
00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,333
by your road-test examiner--
396
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,917
City state trooper Chipacles.
397
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,625
[gulps] Heh.
398
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:07,083
The rules of the road can save your life.
399
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,000
Know them, embrace them.
Now, stand up straight.
400
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:12,750
Hands on the reins at 10:00 and 2:00.
401
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:16,500
Before pulling out into traffic,
you will do what?
402
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,625
Uh, l-look around to make sure it's safe?
403
00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:19,542
Do it!
404
00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:27,125
[horse neighs]
405
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,750
Aha! There's the little student driver.
406
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:34,709
We gotta stop him before Hades finds out
how close he came to getting that license!
407
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,875
[Hades clearing throat] Hello.
408
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,500
Hades! [panting]
409
00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,500
We were just... talking about you!
410
00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:47,165
And, uh, how much we missed
your bold leadership
411
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:48,917
and inspiration...
412
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,458
I'm not wrong here, am I?
413
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:52,500
But I finally get a chance to beat
414
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:53,917
Mr. Every-Which-Way-But-Zeus,
415
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:59,625
And you can't even do this one,
flaming thing!
416
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,542
Ha.
417
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:02,667
-Ooh.
-Ooh.
418
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:03,834
-Ohh.
-Ohh.
419
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,750
My fault. [chuckles]
420
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:08,750
Never send a man to do a god's job.
421
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,040
Whoa!
422
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,208
And I thought the written test was tough!
423
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:18,083
Whoa.
424
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,208
Signal. Signal!
425
00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:20,500
Ten and Two. Ten and Two.
426
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,165
Check your blind spot.
Check your blind spot.
427
00:17:22,290 --> 00:17:24,000
Come to a complete stop before making--
428
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:24,916
[both screaming]
429
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,750
Good afternoon, racing fans.
430
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,750
The sky is clear, the track is fast,
431
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:31,208
and the flame-injected,
hero-burning funny car
432
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,458
is coming in on the final turn!
433
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,375
[both chuckle]
434
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:39,583
Now... watch me take the checkered flag.
435
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,792
Whoa! What have I done?
436
00:17:48,875 --> 00:17:50,041
Whoa! Wow.
437
00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:52,375
[grunting] uh-oh.
438
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:56,458
[horse neighs]
439
00:17:59,291 --> 00:18:02,250
[sighs] The kid is totaled.
440
00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:07,250
Hades gets the victory and...
the Elysian Fields.
441
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,583
See ya in the winners' circle, boys.
442
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:10,625
Ha!
443
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,959
[groaning]
444
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:15,208
[groaning]
445
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,375
Phil's right.
446
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:18,291
I never should have opened my mouth.
447
00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:20,458
Now I'll have nothing to show Adonis.
448
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,333
[Philoctetes]
That's not the worst of it, kid.
449
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:23,500
Phil! Pegasus!
450
00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:25,625
[sighs] Am I happy to see you two!
451
00:18:25,709 --> 00:18:26,917
Yeah, yeah. Feeling's mutual.
452
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:27,917
Listen close.
453
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,083
You have got to get that license today,
and we're losing our light.
454
00:18:33,542 --> 00:18:34,709
Look, Bureaucrates,
455
00:18:34,792 --> 00:18:36,959
a friend has to get his license today.
456
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:40,375
Teenage pride is at stake,
not to mention cosmic balance.
457
00:18:40,458 --> 00:18:41,667
How about it?
458
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:43,625
Hmm. Unh-unh.
459
00:18:48,166 --> 00:18:50,333
The sun is about to set...
460
00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:54,375
But I will not allow this temple to close!
461
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,875
I will not be moved!
462
00:18:59,458 --> 00:19:01,458
[chain rattles]
463
00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:06,625
[inhales sharply]
I have to go to the bathroom.
464
00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:10,458
Sir, is there any way
you can bend the rules--
465
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:11,583
just this once?
466
00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:13,750
I don't care if you're the son of Zeus...
467
00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:14,750
As a matter of fact--
468
00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:16,333
...rules are rules.
469
00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:20,375
The T.M.V. closes when Apollo
pulls his chariot across the sky
470
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:23,083
and that life-giving orb we call the sun
471
00:19:23,166 --> 00:19:25,000
sets for another day,
472
00:19:25,125 --> 00:19:28,458
which is right about now.
473
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,750
[sighs deeply]
474
00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:32,000
Huh.
475
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:33,291
[neighs]
476
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:36,125
[whispering indistinctly]
477
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:37,750
Hey, don't go away!
478
00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,834
Um, Mr. Apollo, my name is Hercules.
479
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:44,750
I-I think you know my father, Zeus.
480
00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:46,625
If I could just take
one moment of your time.
481
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,041
Time to go ho-- Huh?
482
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,125
[screeching]
483
00:19:54,375 --> 00:19:56,125
Hmm. My watch stopped.
484
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:58,500
Actually, the sun stopped.
485
00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:04,125
Pegasus, proceed at a speed safe
for current conditions!
486
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,583
[whistles] Hey, hey. Nice wheels, kid.
487
00:20:12,417 --> 00:20:13,291
A rental?
488
00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:15,250
When Apollo heard how Hades cheated,
489
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:17,250
he wanted to give me a fighting chance.
490
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,083
How about another shot, sir?
491
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:20,625
The sun hasn't set yet.
492
00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:23,125
Why not?
493
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:25,041
I'm a shoot-from-the-hip kind of guy.
494
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,667
[Hades] W-w-w-w-what?
495
00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:31,709
He stopped the sunset?
496
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:36,917
Right before he g-g-got his license.
497
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:40,959
Maybe Zeus will go double or nothing.
498
00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:45,583
[Zeus] Oh, Hades!
499
00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:51,458
[chuckles] Nice.
500
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,875
I'm not the kind of god
to say, "I told you so,"
501
00:20:54,959 --> 00:20:57,667
but... I told you so!
502
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,208
[laughing]
503
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:04,625
Maybe we should just
redecorate this place.
504
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:06,458
Huh? [chuckles nervously]
505
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,458
I'm getting a crick in my neck.
506
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,125
Well, I think it's lovely.
507
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:18,000
[horse neighs]
508
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:21,709
-[creaks]
-Wha--
509
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:30,625
Ha ha ha!
510
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,041
Anybody need a lift?
511
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:35,041
[gasps] Wow!
512
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:36,875
[chuckles nervously]
Maybe some other time.
513
00:21:36,959 --> 00:21:39,458
Gotta run. I promised
to have it back by sunset--
514
00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:42,250
Well, for sunset, if you know what I mean.
515
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,250
See ya!
516
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,208
[upbeat music plays]
517
00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:53,166
♪ Never bet against a hero ♪
518
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:57,166
♪ 'Cause as sure as the sun will shine ♪
519
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:59,166
♪ He'll please the gods ♪
520
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,542
♪ Beat the odds ♪
521
00:22:01,625 --> 00:22:06,625
♪ All in the nick of time ♪
522
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,792
Sphynx baby, it was a great riddle
523
00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:23,166
[theme music playing]
36022
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