All language subtitles for martha.and.snoops.potluck.dinner.party.s01e02.hdtv.x264.w4f-1

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Original subtitles

What is that? Oh, what is that?

How do I get that out of there?

He need a baby wipe for his little butt.

(Snoop) Tonight on "Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party..."

We're gonna be cooking up the big red roach.

Lobster. (cheering and applause)

I also want to make some noise for Martha,

'cause baby got back.

I'm getting blushed. (laughs)

(Snoop) She's a great teacher. Teach him, teach him, Martha.

What do you think?

Ooh!

Get her, Ross!

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ Potluck Dinner Party... ♪

(music, cheering and applause)

These two are on a "seafood" diet.

When they see food, they eat it.

Your fresh catch of the day,

Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg...!

(music, cheering and applause)

Hey, Martha.

Well, welcome to "Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party."

(cheering and applause)

Please give it up for DJ Fredwreck.

Tonight, we're gonna be cooking up something

that, uh, when you eat it,

you know you made it to the big time.

The big red roach... lobster.

Bring 'em out, bring 'em out!

Bring 'em out, bring 'em out, hey!

Just look at those beauties.

I had them flown in from my home in Maine.

Maine is a place where I feel like a raisin

in a bowl of Cream of Wheat.

(laughter)

Before we boil these badass bottom dwellers,

what kind of mind-altering substance

are whipping up for us tonight, Martha?

Well, can you guess what this is?

It looks like what they put

my Uncle Rodney ashes in.

(laughter)

No, this is just an oversized martini shaker.

I'm going to make the perfect martini tonight.

♪♪

You want a lot of ice,

and for this, an entire bottle of vodka.

Oh, yeah. Good Lord!

Oh, I love it when she does this.

Then you put your vermouth,

just enough for the aroma.

Okay. Okay, now... you shake.

Shake it? I would hold the top and the bottom.

Okay, from the top to the bottom.

Yeah, yeah. Like that?

And get that whole shaker all frosty.

(music, cheering and applause)

It's all frosty, right? Yeah, look, lookit.

It all got frosty. I did that.

Yep, you did it. Now, you pour.

Now, feel how frosty cold that is?

Oh, that was sweet. See that?

Everyone hold your glasses up real quick.

Oh, yes, and we must have a toast.

Lobster is a food only rich people can eat.

You do a lot of work

just to get a little piece of meat.

(laughter and whooping)

Cheers. Good.

(cheering and applause)

Mm-hmm! It's strong, too.

Ooh... wee!

Before I pour another one of these drinks,

because I'm already forgetting

what I'm supposed to say.

Um, I think we should welcome

our dinner guests to the party.

Mmm, why not, not why? Okay?

He's a successful businessman,

a rap mastermind, and the ultimate boss.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Rick Ross.

(music, cheering and applause)

Ahh! King of bling.

How are you? How are you, love?

Mwah! How you doing?

Wow, look at this.

Had to bring some of the bling on.

Oh! It's a grater.

Oh, a cheese grater?

A cheese grater. Oh!

Look, a cheese grater!

(laughs)

Do you want to know something, Rick?

This is my first piece of real bling.

(laughs) Ooh... (cheering and applause)

Martha, that's a cheese grater

because in the 'hood you get cheese.

(laughter) You're a certified boss.

Now you have a guest. I do have a guest.

She's the first-ever plus-size

"Sports Illustrated" Swimsuit Issue cover model

and judge on VH1's "America's Next Top Model."

Baby's got back.

It's the one and only Ashley Graham.

Give it up, y'all.

(music, cheering and applause)

What's up, baby? Mwah!

How are you? Are you we double-kissing?

Martha! Hi!

Double me up.

Hiya, honey.

I brought you a lobster.

(laughter)

We love what you represent, what you stand for.

You know, you represent for the plus-size women

in a real, special, elegant, sexy way.

Thank you. Thank you.

Truly amazing, truly beautiful.

Thank you. But I also want to make some noise for Martha.

Yeah. 'Cause baby got back.

(cheering and applause)

(Martha) Thank you.

You believe in cooking and cleaning.

I do, I take care of my man.

Aw... That's what you believe in, right?

I do, yep.

Because I have a 100-room mansion

that I need you in. Oh, really-- 100 rooms?

I need you. What do you need 100 rooms for?

We could be creative. Okay.

You're Martha Stewart. Talk to her, Ross!

Decorate, baby decorate.

Talk to her to, Ross! Decorate, Martha!

Look at him. Get her, Ross!

I'm getting blushed.

(laughter)

You're raising my temperature.

I have to cook, okay? You do?

Yeah, so would you behave yourself

until after the show? Most definitely.

(laughter)

So let's get cookin' tonight.

I am going to prepare

one of my favorite meals.

A New England clam bake in a pot.

Mmm...

(cheering and applause)

Wait, it's called a clam what? A clam bake.

But it's a lobster?

Yes, but it has clams in it.

Got, it okay.

And my entree is a Lobster Thermidor,

or as I call it, Snoop's Boiled and Broiled Skrilla Godzilla.

Yeah! (cheering and applause)

(Martha) So let's get started.

We have to go get our lobsters first.

So come on over here. Come, want to see 'em? Yeah.

I gotta be honest, Martha.

I usually have people do this for me.

I'm ghetto bougie.

(Fredwreck) What you say, Ross?

So you talk a lot-- you talk a lot

but you don't do? Mmm.

(Snoop) He's a doer.

If you don't do, I'm not interested.

(Rick) Which ones you want?

The ones with the white rubber bands.

Come here, he's hiding them.

Ross, you gangster, cuz.

You go on up in there and just grab

that thing like that?

Anything for my baby.

(laughter)

(Snoop) Okay, let me try to get it one time.

Looks at his gloves. He has his armor on.

Those are stainless steel chain gloves.

Them tentacles, though,

they keep looking at me, though, Martha.

How do I make 'em look away?

Just grab it. Grab it.

Here come another one! He coming from the back!

I know! (laughter)

You're gonna have to get me a weapon

if I'm gonna be fighting these things.

Give me something to fight back with.

Go on, right there, that's an easy one.

Get it, grab it, grab it by the tail.

Look, I got one.

By the tail-- Oh!

Why you throw that (bleep) way over here?

Grab that one right there.

Grab it. That one?

Down, down, down, down, down, down, grab.

It's (bleep) fighting back!

He's fighting back, cuz. He cannot-- He cannot bite you.

But he trying to fight back.

I know, but... they're alive. He trying to tell me something.

Wouldn't you fight back if you were in a tank and they...

No, no, I heard if they poke you,

you could get the Zika virus.

(laughter) Oh, you cannot!

These are not mosquitoes.

Oh...!

(cheering and laughter)

So now, he's not-- He's afraid of the lobster,

but you're hurting him by throwing him like that.

I hurt him? We're gonna hurt 'em enough

when we put 'em in the boiling water.

I'm sorry about that, cuz, my bad.

Here, you carry your tray. Don't drop it.

Keep them over on that side. He moving too much, Martha!

They're not going to go anywhere.

Okay, little fellas. Little fellas?

Don't talk to them. They're not your friends.

(laughter) They are your dinner.

For full recipes, go to VH1.com.

When we come back, we'll be elbow-deep in lobster meat.

I'm cooking next.

(music, cheering and applause)

Don't be grossed out by what you see inside.

Martha, what the (bleep) is that?

(Ashley) That's disgusting.

Oh, what is that?

Man, she's a great teacher.

Teach him. Teach him, Martha.

What do you think?

Ooh!

Get her, Ross. Get her, Ross!

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ We're cookin', we're cookin'... ♪

♪ We're cookin' with 'em... ♪

(music, cheering and applause)

Welcome back to

"Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party."

With our friends Rick Ross and Ashley Graham helping us out.

So, why don't we start

making our, um, fabulous clam bake?

So we're gonna start with ours.

We have onions...

garlic...

and a cup of water.

And because... Cheers, Rick.

I never like to cook anything alive--

Oh, my God, more drinks. --without giving them a drink,

Yes! more vodka.

Because it actually-- (cheering and applause)

So y'all fittin' to get drunk when y'all get outta here.

Y'all know that, right? Yeah, that's very important.

Martha, you like to put vodka in everything.

Well, no, the lobsters like vodka a lot.

(laughter)

Then you put your little lobster guys

right in here.

I'm feeling bad, Martha.

I know. Don't feel bad.

They have their vodka.

(laughter) Mm-hmm.

I'm about to start my Lobster Thermidor.

I'm gonna make the sauce here.

First little thing I'm gonna do

is start with red onions.

Let's go with the half cup. Stir.

Okay, stir. Thank you, Martha.

I'm gonna put it in there, you stir.

Now I got that celery poppin' in there.

Then I wanna put a fourth-cup of flour,

'cause you know you want that thing in there.

I think it's all of that.

All of it? Yeah.

Let's do it then. Boom.

You have to sweat the onions.

Oh, sweat the onions?

Can we put some lemon pepper in it?

Oh, we got to do that.

Come on, Ross. We got lemon pepper?

There it is. Let me put the lemon pepper.

You do that. Let me put the lemon pepper.

Go ahead.

Not too much! Stop! Oh! Aah!

(laughter)

We're gonna swell up, Ross!

He love that lemon pepper! Now watch this game in there.

You can never put too much lemon pepper. Do you hear it now, Martha?

I hear it, I hear it. How do you know when it's sweating? How do you know?

You see a little bit of dripping going on in there.

Drippage? Drippage.

So what's the next step?

Should we add something? Well, you have to add your brandy.

Okay, that's what I've been waiting on.

Can I do it? Mmm... Please.

How much do I put it?

A third of a cup.

A third of a cup, here.

How do you know how much that is-- oh.

Damn... Add a little bit more, yeah.

(sizzling) Okay, okay, okay.

Y'all go... (laughing)

We got the Extra Gang in here today.

Boom. See that? Oh, stir it.

That, that looks really sweaty now.

Is that up high enough? Sweat it... oh, that feels good, baby.

Yeah, honey. (laughter)

Martha...!

Give me a Meg Ryan moment.

(Snoop) Put a little bit of that in there too.

What's that? That's Jesus?

Yeah, that's Jesus.

(laughter)

I've never had a beard so soft.

(laughter)

When does the white stuff go in? That's heavy cream.

Oh, okay. It's very, very good for you.

It is good for you? Really?

(laughter)

Look like that massage is very good for you.

Oh, yeah, that's very good for you.

(whooping and laughter)

Isn't it getting nice? See, now it's starting to look like it's supposed to look.

Yep. So Ashley can stir

while you take the meat out of the lobster.

Okay. Take your knife and put it right here,

in the thorax.

And then you just...

split the lobster right down the middle.

And don't be grossed out by what you see inside.

(Ashley) That's disgusting.

Martha, what the (bleep) is that?

What? Oh, what is that?

(laughter)

That's their poop.

No, it is not their poop, it's their insides. Oh, Martha.

Ah, let me see. How do I get that

out of there?

Here, let's take a little wet rag.

He need a baby wipe for his little butt.

(laughter)

And this is what husbands do? This is how it goes?

Yeah. Not my husbands.

My husbands are probably richer than you are.

(laughter) You believe that?

Oh, yeah. You really believe that?

They-- they are.

Yes, Martha.

You better have a richer-than-him husband. Yeah.

What size is your boat?

(oohing and laughter)

Which one? Ooh...

(laughter)

Get her, Ross! Get her, Ross!

Snoop, you did not tell me this part

about your friend Mr. Ross.

That was the secret I was telling you.

That was the secret sauce.

I said I had some secret sauce for you.

(laughter)

Okay, so how's that Lobster Thermidor coming? Nice.

The creamy sauce look amazing.

(Martha) That looks so good.

Martha, what is your, like, power over these men?

I think it's the fact that you cook

and you're a decorator.

(Snoop) And she's a great teacher.

And she's a great teacher. Teach him, teach him, Martha.

What do you think?

Ooh! (laughter)

Good?

(whooping and applause)

In other news... (laughter)

In other news, we're going to put this in the oven

and broil the top until it's toasted and bubbly.

Mmm! Yes.

And when we come back, dinner will be served.

It's lobster time!

(music, cheering and applause)

Yesterday was my lingerie runway show,

and this is the bra that I wore.

Who's getting that? You want it?

Yeah. (laughter)

It smells like me.

You get it with or without Ashley.

(laughter)

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ We're cookin', we're cookin'... ♪

♪ We're cookin' with 'em... ♪

(cheering and applause)

Welcome back

to "Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party."

Before we partake

in this veritable cornucopia from the sea,

Snoop, would you like to drop some grace?

Oh, why certainly.

Okay. Hands, please, and bow your heads.

(organ playing)

Oh, Lord...

Whoo!

Yes, Lord. Yes.

The number one meal of all gangster and mobsters

is a bottle of Cristal and a fresh-boiled lobster.

We're gonna eat hearty and get full and ripe.

May God bless this food and the rest of our life.

Amen.

(all) Amen.

(cheering and applause) Amen!

Aha! Oh, it's time to get down now, break bread.

You just go in? Yeah, go in.

(Martha) Dig in.

Okay, so I'm gonna eat

my Lobster Thermidor first.

Mmm...

That is a very good recipe. Mmm... mm-hmm.

I think we should do a cookbook together, Snoop.

I know we should. Mmm... I wanna.

Mm-hmm. This is too good.

Really good.

Rich but good.

So now, this lobster...

You wanna see how to get the tail meat

out of the tail?

Yeah, show us.

So you twist the tail off,

put the fork under the crustacean part-- Okay.

And just pull and twist, and look,

the whole tail comes out.

Wow, that was fly.

Makes it easy.

Is this, like, how the majority of your dinners are?

You're always showing people how to eat food or...?

Well, no, most of my friends know how to do it, but...

Except us. (laughs)

My hood friends are part of it. I'm just kidding.

And you dip it in the melted butter

if you like to have that. You want that?

Here.

Give it to him, Martha. Whoo!

Mmm. Good?

She dropped it in there on him too, you hear me?

Delicious. Isn't that good?

That was a moment.

That was a mo... I want to see that in slow motion.

(laughs)

I feel like this is an episode of "The Newlywed Game,"

the way y'all-- Make it look like you got diamonds in your beard, man.

(cheering and applause) That's so classic right there, dog.

(laughter, cheering and applause)

When we invited you,

we asked you to bring a little something personal

that tells us about yourself.

(Martha) Did you bring something to show?

I always got something to show you, Martha.

(laughing) Wanna see

what I brought? Let's see what you brought.

Okay, it's heavy.

Heavy? But it's this thing.

What?

Do you know what that is? What is it?

I feel like what you put your toilet on. It's a toilet paper thing.

Like in the back-- Toilet paper holder.

I invited Barbra Streisand to stay at my house,

and she didn't like the fact that she had to turn slightly

to reach the toilet paper. Okay, okay.

So the next thing I know,

she is delivering these to my home

so that you can put it in front of you.

Barbra... I may need one too.

The heavy toilet tissue holder.

Yes. Classic.

Do you have to turn on your toilet

or does somebody do that for you?

(laughter)

No, the tissue is real convenient,

it's real convenient,

so I do that myself. Good.

Bring mine out, let me bring out my show-and-tell.

Oh... My show-and-tell

is a sculpture

of one of the greatest martial artists of all time, Bruce Lee.

His daughter gave me that

when she found that I was a diehard fan.

Wow. That's beautiful.

And this is something that I love, I cherish this,

I keep it in the front of my office.

When you walk in, it's the first thing you see is Bruce Lee.

Fantastic. That's cool.

(applause)

Well, I brought something really special also. Oh!

I am not only a model, I am a designer also.

I have a lingerie line.

Ooh... Ooh... Ooh...

And it's for all the curvy girls out there.

Okay, okay.

So yesterday was my lingerie runway show

that I actually walked in,

and this is the bra that I wore.

(Snoop) Who's getting that? You want it?

Yeah. (laughter)

It's sexy, right? Yeah!

(cheering and applause)

Wow...

It smells like me.

Show and tell. Oh, wow.

(laughs)

You get it with or without Ashley.

(laughter)

Well, you know, guys, I, I really,

I just brought myself.

This is an M.O.B. ring.

Tell Martha what that means. What's M.O.B.?

Master of...

No, this is...

(laughter)

Mama's Only Boy.

Oh... Aw...

So watch out for my beautiful mother, guys.

Aw... That's right.

Mama's Only... is that true? Yeah.

You don't have any brothers? None.

Oh, well, that's very nice. Mama's Only Boy.

Your mother must feel really good.

Most definitely.

Hey, Rick, I think that ring stands for "Martha's Only Boy."

Oh... Ooh...

Dream on.

(laughter)

Well, I feel that we're all so much closer now

and I really, really loved

having you as guests at our table.

Thank you. It was wonderful.

It was a pleasure. Excellent.

(cheering and applause) When we come back,

we've saved the best show-and-tells for last.

(music, cheering and applause)

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop ♪

♪ We're now cookin' with Martha and Snoop... ♪

♪ We're cookin' with 'em... ♪

(cheering and applause)

Snoop, uh...

We just ate a delicious lobster dinner

and now you're eating cookies?

Cookies? These are not just cookies, Martha.

These are the Golden Oreo cookies, you dig?

And I'm getting introduced to them, yum.

Yes. Did you know that Oreos

have been around for over 100 years?

And for someone who gets the munchies as much as I do,

Golden Oreo cookies are a staple.

(laughter)

How do you eat Oreos?

I gotta show you real quick.

I saw him munching on one yesterday.

He was dipping it in a glass of milk, but--

You gotta do it like this, Martha.

Oh, how? Watch.

Oh, in vanilla ice cream.

And then you don't even bite it, you just...

(slurping) Mmm... mmm...

And you just keep doing that.

And when I get the munchies,

they really, really make me feel...

like I need to feel, you dig?

(laughter)

Sort of.

(laughter)

Well, today's show was so packed full

that I didn't get to show my picture over here.

It's... classic to me.

It's when I...

Oh, wow... ...was at the White House.

And beautifully framed.

I love Barack Obama,

and he's done such a good job for our country.

Thank you, Martha.

That's so nice.

Well, we had a great night tonight.

Thank you so much for coming to our dinner party.

(cheering and applause)

I wanna thank Rick Ross,

Ashley Graham and DJ Fredwreck.

(music, cheering and applause)

And, Martha, I wanna thank you

for showing me how to do your New England clam bake,

and I also wanna return the favor.

I'll get you...

Rick Ross's personal phone number.

I can't wait. (chuckles)

Good night, everybody.

Night, night!

(music, cheering and applause)

♪ Potluck Dinner Party... ♪

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