All language subtitles for Going Overboard (1989)-eng

Hit me.

"Blondes prefer cucumbers".

"Patti makes Panama".

Massaggiami rudo ".

What the hell? this?

"The unsinkable Schecky ...

Moskowitz ".

The unsinkable ...

Schecky Moskowitz?

Schecky Moskowitz.

Schecky? really bad.

When I talk to him,
I would vomit.

I was in the elevator
with him the other day

and there was so?
bad smell.

It has a visual
interesting life

But I would not
He touches me.

Hello.
They are Schecky Moskowitz.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Mr. taxi driver.

Hey, how are you?

Well, what you are about to
see here? a story

invented and freely
built which concerns

a waiter (I)

who dreams of becoming
a professional comedian.

This story is based
entirely on the fact that

we have access to
this precious ship

along with many
beautiful girls.

I mean really good.

Beautiful girls padded.
Beautiful!

Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Good Morning.

Incredible. Fine.
Women very clean.

Oh, s ?.
I wanted to tell.

This? a film with no budget,
not low budget.

No budget, you know ...
this would be an earthquake.

You see, this is not
it costs us nothing.

Enjoy the movie.
There we see more? later.

All aboard, we set sail!

Ok, we are here
on the bridge

ready to have fun.
The film is about to start.

I'm here in my
waiter's outfit.

Oh man!
Be right back.

Now it is much better.

Hey, waiter.

- Dov '? my bloody mary?
- Oh, yes ?.

- And make it strong.
- Ah, s ?, sir.

Hey, asshole.

- Bring me another.
- S ?, lady.

I tell you that I was doing this
Real Girl crazy last week.

He played with my nipples,
He pulled the hair on his chest.

Crazy, no?

In the end I say,
"Hey, now stopped."

I said, "Hey, Mom!"

Ok ok ok ok,
let me tell you.

Wednesday? last year I was
in the house of this type.

We were playing
chess, ok?

Then I say, "This sucks
He is breaking balls. "

Well, I took one of the pieces
and Did I stuck in the eye.

Did I stuck in the eye!

I make him "Now yes you
an eye for chess! "

You see what I'm saying?

Do you understand what I say, no?
You see what I'm saying?

I went swimming
with the boat, the other day.

And while I was swimming cock
I will? tight throughout.

Ges? Christ. The pubic hair
They had taken the fucking hostage.

Do you understand what I say, no?
You see what I'm saying?

Schecky.

- Hello, Bob.
- What are you doing?

I'm listening
the man ?.

Man surrounded
to all those girls?

S ?, Dicky Diamond.
? the comedian of the cruise.

Ah. Then you could not
to convince the captain

to make you take as
comedian of the cruise.

Well I think "out of my office, you idiot
no talent! "was clear enough.

- No, I did not get the job.
- What a bad luck.

I am more? funny
him, no?

I do not know. Not
I know him.

- Wait.
- I have this girl, ok?

He keeps me in the neck, as in
wrestling or something.

He keeps me by the neck, okay?

I'm suffocating,
almost die.

Then I say:
"Hey, Grandma,

take my goddamn
leg vein from the neck! "

The guy? pretty funny.

Oh man, the kind
He speaks of incest.

Not? fun. It Has
need a psychologist.

People laugh at me
if you made those jokes.

The type we probably
fart also on stage.

Hey hey, get me the
finger, get me the finger.

All my life I wanted to climb
on stage and make the audience laugh,

but no I have
never given the opportunity.

They have fun. I just want
listen to what I have to say.

I things
I would like to talk,

maybe would
interested to hear them, you know?

Waiter, my wife
vomited!

Quickly, bring me a towel.

Sorry, I'm on break.

Hey, how are you?
I had not seen.

Well, what? Successful?
Where were we?

After cleaning the
vomiting of that lady,

I worked a few hours at most?
and I took a break.

During the break I
written some new joke

I think they are good,
I really like.

What you do? ? ask
Dicky to Diamond

if I can open the show
in one of his shows.

Well, have you heard?

? my best friend, Bob.

- Hey, Schecky.
- Hello.

Who are you talking to?

With that camera l ?.

- Hello.
- So, are you ready to work?

I'm ready to work,
but wanted to know if

before you go go
to hear a few jokes.

C '? a lot of improvisation.
Give me your honest opinion.

No problem.

- I'm ready.
- Well, come on then!

Great. Hey, how are you
past tonight guys?

- Good.
- What's your name buddy? Where are you from?

- Bob, from California.
- Bob from California.

Bob, California.

Bob, California. Uh!

I can not think of something funny.

It's part of the show?

No,? I can not
think of anything funny.

Not? true. I think that
You're very funny.

I think you're funny
and in a natural way.

As soon as you arrive on
stage, people rider ?.

You never go up on stage?

I hope to s ?, why? andr?
to ask Dicky Diamond

if I can open her
show one of these nights.

- Really?
- S ?.

Because we have to go? Dicky Diamond
He is about to open his afternoon show

On the bridge, perci? go
take a look.

Sure.

I tell you, sometimes it's really hot,

and nothing moves
the whole body.

The only thing I managed to
move? the middle finger.

Like, hey, boy,
right here, this.

I'm sorry. Sometimes ago
cos? hot, you're driving,

Are you in a microwave
microwave human, you know?

You're driving to curse
all, right?

You're angry, you're cursing.
If this were a knife,

You'd stick it straight
in his eyes, you know?

I'm driving and I'm exhausted.
It's too hot, no?

And I say, "I'm going to
berm something. "

I buy a beer,
I drink and I'm driving,

A police officer takes me
and he said: "Are you drinking?"

"Of course I drink, fuck.

It does so? hot! ".

- What's your name?
- Bunny Miller.

Bunny Miller, cos' ?,
a Hebrew name?

Heck, a nice Jewish name.

Where he got away
out of your mother?

Thing?

When your water breaks,
come on, Bunny.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh sorry.

Come on, Bunny, no?
a question of genes.

Lost, Bunny.
Do you know what?

Lost, Bunny. Do you know
What happens to the losers?

They take off the costume
bathroom and show her ass.

Hey, why? do not let
the girl in peace,

and you concenti about the show?

Mr. Heavy, the great
lord of hell.

The hell? here and
feel, folks.

My God, look
how much? great.

All I'm saying? why?
do not let his grip on the girl.

Let go on
girl? Are you sick, man.

Leave the outlet face of all
these people, you're sick friend!

What a pervert.

OK! I got it.
You will have? shoot.

Not C '? nothing more? heavy
a comedian died.

Thanks. I spoke with my
father the other day on the phone,

He said: "Schecky"
He called me Schecky

why? my name? Schecky
and I do not answer if you call me Bob.

He says, 'Schecky, I want
I marry a girl

who believe in our own ideas. "

And I said: "Pap ?,

Why? marry you
You think I'm an idiot? "

Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

Well, my name? Schecky,
like my father.

The name of my father,
? rather strange no?

? It went well until? not
I? changed the voice.

My friends called me and
They asked: "Ready, c '? Schecky?"

And my father said:
"I Schecky".

And my friends, "Hey Schecky,
last night I was stoned. "

Okay, look, look.

In your last tour we
It sold a million tshirt.

A million.

We sold 100,000
bracelets to Croaker.

But I still think
it would be in your interest

authorize, permit to sell
your doll for young audiences.

For nine
or ten years.

S ?, Mort, but I do not want
be a fucking Barbie.

Can not? to do well
my image, man.

Croaker, come on, listen to me.
Listen to me, man.

- Are you listening?
- I hear you.

Well, why?
it seems not.

I have to do, put the fucking
ear to your mouth cursed?

Okay, Croaker,
listen to me.

We need the doll.

Last April you destroyed
four Porsche and a Harley Davidson.

The hotel you've burned
we sued.

They denounced. We Have
need the doll.

Why? not a poster?
Why? not a packed lunch?

Why? must
a Barbie?

Not? a Barbie doll,
? action figure, Croaker!

Action figure.
As Rambo

or those toys that
transform and sell much.

? an action figure,? macho.

? macho, Croaker.
Macho.

Croaker, I spoke with Saul.

Saul says we can earn
40 million with the sale.

- Forty million?
- Forty million.

- Forty million ?!
- Forty million.

Action figures, eh?

Fico friend, fig.

But do not smile.

S ?, agree.
Waiter.

These types with have nothing
to do with the movie, but

we have included
to vary a bit '.

I can help friends?

S ?, drink for all. Bambi,
what would you like to drink?

Actually, I
aerobics class.

So I guess
time rate.

God, I wanted to say that step.

No problem, baby.

My God. I have not
never enough, man.

Can I get you a drink?

S ?, bring me one of
those tropical drinks,

that has different levels, and a
umbrella and fruit.

There are two flavors,
green or black?

- Black.
- And what I bring to you?

- A drink?
- S ?, as no.

You know, I worked as
waiter once.

Before becoming
a multi-millionaire.

Billionaire, Croaker.
Billionaire.

Billionaire.

It was one of those
barbecue restaurant.

And, uh ...? It was ...
such as,

I had to touch it all
chewed food from others

and he accumulated
under the fingernails, friend,

and the left? for days.

It stank.

I hated that job, man.

- Excuse Me.
- Sorry. Can you give me an autograph, please?

Agree. Girls, man.

You do? an autograph,
ladies sluts.

Write something
as "A Pami and Liz,

you were great last night.
With love, Croaker ".

Agree.

Hey, Mort, as
he writes, "great"?

G-R-A-N-D-I.

Ok.

Thanks.

You are in a band or
something similar?

S ?, are the singer
Yellow Teeth.

Our song? been
at number one last week,

"Bistratto your cat."

For real.

Prepare your
drink, ok?

Wow, that guy
He is out.

I do not understand.

Why? men as well? strange
attract girls?

Just because? They make millions and
million dollars, makes me sick.

If you had a million dollars

to be honest,
I bury them

and expect that
some poor scovi them.

If you had a million dollars

I would buy another coat.

Li would spend on clothes.

I put them in the bank and I would think.

I put them in the bank.

If you had a million dollars
first purchase would be a Mercedes.

I would buy all the medicines
anti-acne that there are

cos? no one could
get rid of them.

Mmm. Pus.

Hello, how are you?

I disconnected from work
a bit 'before tonight

cos? I thought there would be
well a drink with my friend Bob.

What do these two here
just I do not know, but

I can not know
all, or no?

I just finished saying to Bob
this joke about a farmer.

We see the reaction, ok?

I do not understand, Schecky.

The farmer wore
condoms for eight years?

Spiegamela.

Ah, no. No, not
I can explain it.

I think I said it wrong.

- Ah.
- I have understood, man.

I think it's very funny.

- Really?
- S?

Hey, I told you that I did
the waiter once?

- Really?
- S ?.

It was this restaurant, friend.

I hated that job, friend,

why? I had to touch
this chewed food from others.

You know what I did?

I went to the bathroom
in my turn,

and cagavo.

- S ??
- And I washed my hands, man.

I think it's illegal, man.

- Hello, Croaker.
- Hey, baby.

- Who? the other girl?
-? my friend, Bluebell.

I took her to a Friend
Mort, as you asked.

- All right.
- Jesus? Christ, Croaker,

You're paying the girls
to be with me again?

You think I do not know that the pay
women want to sleep with me?

I do not pay anyone,
friend. You want. Look.

Ok? This type
with which I have to sleep?

Croaker for me?

OK let's go.
Come on.

Well, great.

Great.

Rock on , man.

Hey, what's wrong?

- No.
- Oh, come on.

Well, yes ?. Something c '?, I would say.

I do not like girls.
No fun.

Not? true.
You're very funny.

S ?, maybe.

Ask yourself? Dicky to Diamond
if I can open the show.

- Bob?
- S ??

They are beautiful or not?

S ?, s ?.
Are you OK.

Who? pi? beautiful,
you or me?

Well? Easy, I do.

I watched you, waiter.

Your name? Bob, right?

S? the?.

I think we should go
out watching the moon.

- Not you?
- Sure.

I think it's great,
excellent, excellent idea.

See you, Schecky.

- Hey Hello.
- What the hell do you mean by that "hello"?

- Just I wanted to say hello.
- I can not believe it.

Can not? a girl enter
in a bar and stay quiet?

Just I wanted to say hello.

S ?? Well, fuck you.

Hey bartender,
bring me a beer.

Hey, you're Dicky Diamond.
The comedian of the cruise.

S ?.

I am, Dicky Diamond.

Wait a minute,
I know you.

Is that crazy waiter
He kept following me from the audience.

S ?, are a waiter.

In reality ?, are a
comedian too.

I'm a comedian.

I work as a waiter until?
will fail? to go on stage.

Okay, boy. Why?
Devil telling me this?

Well, I just wanted to know

if maybe, uh, I could
open your show one evening.

Open the show Dicky Diamond, huh?

Boy, what the fuck do you think
this is Hun TV show?

? a ship.

S ?, I know. I wanted
just know ...

The only thing I ask of you
? if it were possible ...

Let me tell you
some of my lines.

You say? some of my
jokes, and maybe ... listen.

Um ... well, c '? this
fat old woman

who walks into a bar.

He is coughing, coughing a lot.

- Has ...
- Hold on, boy.

You're probably very,
very funny.

I understand how
tell jokes.

But you know what?
I came here

to wait for my girlfriend,
get me a beer, relax,

not to sit at the bar to
listen to a comic idiot

telling stupid
fucking jokes, you know?

Hey, I was just trying to, I wanted
only know if I could ...

All I ask? of
you can go on stage one night.

Open your own show,
not? then cos? much.

Look, kid, I do not care.

I do not give a damn
what you say, do you understand?

I do not care. I do not care
a shit what you have to say.

Ok? Great.

I understand what you say,
and sorry if I'm disturbing.

But I just wanted to ...
I work on the ship, too.

I wanted to know if I can
open your show ...

Boy, I do not care.

I'm trying to ask you
nothing exaggerated.

I just want to open
one of your show.

- I mean, not ...
- I do not care!

- Hello ...
- Hello, Dicky.

Where were you, baby?

In the bathroom,
thinking about you.

Oh, how cute.

Come on, why? not by
a kiss to Mr. Laughter?

Not in front of this pervert.

Did he say anything?

No, he just tried
to make me great.

Stand back. You said
something to my girlfriend?

- No me ...
- I think so ?, friend.

Here's the punch line, asshole.

Cabbage.

That guy? an idiot.

You know the saying?

Behind the mask of the clown
c '? a trail of tears.

It hurts my jaw.

Schecky, why? not
go to sleep a little '?

S ?, you're right.
I go to sleep.

Only once again.

I can not sleep.
I'm too depressed.

I wonder what star?
He is doing in ten years?

In ten years
sar? a journalist,

in a television station.

Sar? married
with two children.

I hope to have a
successful career,

possibly married
with two children.

I would like to have some
son and a happy family life.

Probably do? the Baker
or something.

So what can? cheer me up!
Meditation.

Andr? to meditate
until dawn.

Oh man, I am a failure with
girls are not funny.

N? I have a good waiter.
I suck. I'm depressed.

I think they flee? from
really? and it will go? to sleep.

Schecky. Or should I say ... Porky?

Oh, Schecky, you
an apple in his mouth.

Dov '? William Tell
when you need him?

Look. You seem
your sister, a pig.

You're going to the asylum?

Or in your case,
at the slaughterhouse.

You are a failure,
Schecky. A failed.

You are a failure.
A failed, Scheck.

Hey, Schecky,
here is how it ends.

Damn, that sucks.

I go to sleep and this
time will go? better.

Mom?

What are you doing,
Schecky?

Are you trying to kill me?

Who are these girls?
I knew it was a suicide.

I know it.

You will die, Schecky.

Your penis will fall ?, own
like that of your father.

Can you hear me, Schecky?

It was so? beautiful, her breasts
They were like balls.

They were hard and
firm as torpedoes.

Schecky? Schecky?

Schecky. Schecky.

You had to see it.
Oh my God,? It was incredible.

He was praying.
He loved me.

What luck I have,
friend friend friend.

I've already said
You sound like my mother?

- No.
- But really.

- What time is it?
-? time to work.

I did not know I slept
with the uniform.

- Ah, yes ?.
- However, he said that is called Debbi with the "i".

And he worked for a
pornographic magazine.

Debbi with an "i".

? photographed with a
pig, right? I saw her.

Wow.

Well, c '? this girl
I know, right?

And I do everything
what he asks.

For example, I asked
on a scale of 1 to 10 what are they?

He said: "You're an eight."

And so? I split
rear window!

L-a-eight.

I do not know.

Perhaps you should avoid
jokes,

and improvise and chat
with the public.

- I think it was funny.
- S ??

Much more? funny comic idiot
who took the cruise.

Do you really think that
joke was funny?

Put it so ?.

Him? amusing, the other
type? an idiot.

S ?. They have fun.

? really
an idiot, or not?

S ?.

I do not want tricks.

No blow below the belt.

No food No? drink in the ring.

New rule. Vinca
the best. Come on.

Come on,
hair sponge.

Look. You have more?
teeth of a saw.

Look at your mouth, what
are you, a horse in civilian clothes?

That you have beautiful legs l ?.

I saw the other night to
a Japanese restaurant.

I used to eat sushi.

Oh, referee, come on!
Hit me below the belt!

I have not seen anything.

You're a woman, baby,
take them forever, I love it.

Cos' ?, wear the black hat in
mourning for your brain death?

Oh Jesus ?, like you man werewolf.

All that hair on his back,
you want me to comb?

That you have the nice thong ?, I like!
You want even lipstick maybe?

Ah anyway I attend weddings,
if your parents at the end

They decide to get married.

What have l? on the neck,
strap your mother?

Hey, Schecky.
Wake up.

It seemed dreaming of

kill Dicky Diamond
or something.

S ?, s ?. I should go
to serve these drinks.

Ah, ok.

Politics? very strange.

I never think until?
somebody does not tell me,

"What do you think of politics?"

I think that world leaders
They are important for the world.

World peace would
beautiful, but it would be nice also

if all receive everything?
who they wish in life.

Only if we run together,

we have the
world peace.

Ah, Panama ... General Noriega.
I think I deserve to be killed

for killing all those
who voted against him.

Then I think we should
consult a dermatologist.

Even just looking at the
General Noriega is noted that

It has a bad breath,
cos? that horrid

when you're talking to him

you have to hold your breath
not to throw up.

It does not have a strong
sense of smell.

Probably not use
even no, you know ...

hygienic protection.

Like deodorant. I think
that even his armpits stink.

Probably like when you do not eat a
pizza and chill for a few days

He puts it in the fridge
for a few days

We do ten days.

And you go away for a couple of hours,

Then come back and do
You want a bite.

The smell before you hear
to put it in your mouth,

what I think is the flavor
I've Noriega.

I would not spend a
minute with this man.

In fact, I'd rather spend the
day with a ferocious murderess.

Stink? Bad breath?

We'll see who
He laughs last.

You, vomiting kangaroo gone bad.

- You see that woman?
- Where?

Idiots, l? on TV.

That woman l ?.
This woman on TV?

This woman on TV.

I want to kill it,
? Miss Australia.

He said that the stench of pizza.

No?
As a pizza?

- A pizza.
- What kind of pizza?

An old pizza.

Sniff ... an old pizza,

Cheese?

... With anchovies?

And what kind of flour?

I want her dead.
What else matters?

- A round pizza?
- It does not matter.

Kill Miss Australia.

He wants me to kill
the woman on the screen?

The woman in the video, s ?.

Uh ... you want
kill the girl

in videotape
who rented.

We have to kill her?

The girl in the videotape ?,
who rented,

kill her?

- S ?.
- Where is it?

? in store
video rental?

Listen to me, eh?

If I say "the Licking
bath ", you licking.

If I say "Toccatevi
the nose "

you touch your nose.

If I say "Kill the
Girl videotape, "

the kill.

- Eh?
- S ?, sir.

Kill
Miss Australia.

Kill
Miss Dundee.

- Sar? ground beef, sir.
- Sar? pi? death of an animal squashed on the highway.

Sar? pi? He died of
grilled shrimp.

- Pi? He died of ...
- Hey, hey, oh!

What are you, comedians?

Well, to be honest,
we are working on ...

Eh? Go, go!

Kill Miss Australia.

Outputs.

When entering the room,

all run to hide.

Not C '? woman engaged,

never surrender to.

? a world so sad,

when the head looks like a pizza.

But? even even more? sad

when you're up to no.

I bet that even his friends
They want to talk to him. I think it stinks.

Hey, Schecky.

Fight not
risolver? nothing.

Shut up, Bob.

Ouch.

Fuck.

Horn fucking
that came out of nowhere.

Fucking fucking horn.

I seem to be dancing
a polka fucking shit.

Pi? scales
fucking Notre Dame.

Hello, Dicky. I've just
He did the interview better.

I spoke of my
political beliefs,

and I spoke to him
General Noriega.

Oh shit, great, Ellen.

Hey, do me a favor, okay?

Go away for a while ', I
need space, okay honey?

Sure, no problem. Me
I take a ham sandwich.

Fuck the sandwich with ham.

He knows he hates Dicky Diamond
those fucking ham sandwiches.

Shit. The sea.

Ouch. Fuck.

Shit. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.
Oh, fuck.

I'm leaving. Me
I go, fuck.

You are nothing.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck! Son of a bitch.

My best hat.

Perfect, yet
fucking stairs.

Shit.

Goddess of porcelain.

Here I am.

Ahhh, Dicky!

Oh my god, Dicky!

Help? fell overboard!

Oh my God,? fell overboard!

Help, Dicky!

If you do not Dicky Diamond
presents gets fired.

Let's go out.

Hei.

Open the fucking door.

Oh shit!

Oh shit! Hei.

Come on. Somebody open!

Dov '? fucking
waiter when you need them?

Open the ... ah! Fuck!

Shit.

Richard "Dicky" Scott Bryant
David Diamond ...

Stienwitz.

He was a man so? fun.

A man who made us laugh.

A man who has
gladdened the heart.

He has always offered to
world way of laughing.

The guy has talked about
fucking grandmother.

What has this to do now?

Please.

We open our books.
Psalm 29, The Jackson 5,

Red Sox 4, Yankees 3
per game over.

God, cos'? a dolphin that?

Ashes to Ashes
dust to dust.

Pray for Richard "Dicky"
Scott Diamond Stienwitz ...

which is in heaven

to laugh with the angels
great microphone sky.

What we will do?

Who to? laugh
during the cruise?

I mean, who would
allieter? and to open? the heart?

Who?

Heck, this? my
great opportunity ?.

If I volunteer,
sar? the comedian of the cruise.

It would be wonderful.
But if I do not,

for the rest of my life
limiter? Schecky to be the waiter,

without ever touching a woman.

But I have to, I have to touch a woman.
I want to take it, I ...

Oh, it would be nice, but ...

But I can not.
I can not do it.

I do not know. Are too
agitated and nervous.

Probably am I
I killed Dicky Diamond.

I am so? jealous of that type.

Not to ?. It does not do? ...

I can not do it.
Absolutely no ...

- Good heavens!
- Schecky?

Are Neptune, god of the sea.

I could not hear you
what you were thinking.

Not that it's intrusive,
but I heard that, uh,

you want to become
the comedian of the cruise.

But you have doubts that
you should not have.

Wait, am I dreaming?
You're true or what?

Com '? true that you have a
huge nose on his face.

My God. A fish
anti-Semitic.

Clearly you're not
a jew fish.

Look, you have to have a sense of humor
to be the king of success, friend.

You odoras me home, you understand?

Oh, do not tell me
religiosity now.

? my duty to tell you that
you should pursue your dream!

Get the job to comic cruise,
these people need you.

Hei. They need me?

They need me?
S? that they need you.

What are you fishing for compliments, here?
Everyone needs to laugh.

The gods are my witnesses, in many
They have already mocked? At the office.

Mismanagement, they said.

I curse Exxon!

I remember when
I was the prince.

Hey hey wait, sar? mica
a long story?

We have no time for this.

I am responsible
of this film

and you know, they do not want
hear this story.

- Do you understand me, s ??
- You have a problem of time?

- S ?.
- I just wanted to cheer up a bit '.

Continuous and close well,
Mr. Pants Sailor.

Thank you sir. Jokes apart.

- Thanks, I appreciate it.
- But remember ...

The power of laughter.

I do ?. I do ?. Far?
comedian cruise.

- Stop beating.
- Do not clap, play drums.

-? useful.
- Stop playing.

Ok.

- Knock Knock.
- Who ??

Hey, a man stinking.

The man who smelly?

Man smelly you!

Shut up, Achmed.
You're not funny.

S? that they are fun.
Achmed? fun!

Achmed? fun!

Oh man, if I do
nobody laughs at my jokes?

He did not make the pleasure ?,? sucks.

Someone tirer? some food.

Will come? shot in the head
with a meatball.

- They will throw away.
- Schecky.

Sharks devastate me.

Schecky.

Nobody odier? if
recite in a natural way.

For? I think if we sing
a song now

we will feel better.

- All right.
- Ok.

Comedy? a
Ms. cos? nice.

Lady ...

- You do? happy.
- Far? happy ...

- When you feel sad.
- Feel sad ...

- Sar? hand through your hair.
- Hair ...

- It will seem? that someone cares.
- Someone cares.

- To you.
- To you ...

- Do not you feel better?
- S ?.

Do not try to
be fun,

but be yourself. Not C '?
need to tell jokes.

You're right. The
parler? stop.

Far? only questions
on their lives and that's it.

Right. Great!

- Adjusted hair.
- S ?.

Combed eyebrows.

Wipe your nose.
Feel the breath.

Check the armpits.

Laced shoes.
Sit up straight.

Holy shit. Look at me.
He looks like a dead man.

Damn sick.
Holy shit.

Ok.

Ok. Thats enough.

I'm dying here.

I'm reducing as a
fucking piece of bacon.

Oh God. I am so? anxious.

? one thing well? terrifying

take the place of a comedian
He died so loved by all.

Ok, here we are.

Now I begin.

Hey, how are you tonight?

Good to know, good.

And you, sir?

Hi.

- What's your name?
- Dave.

Dave? We have Dave here.

Dave, what do you do?

I am a bricklayer.

Here's a mason, everyone.

Well, Dave, what do you build?

I build buildings. That
Another fuck should I build?

Oh, well, okay.

So Dave, do you think
Mason is an easy job,

or you think it's difficult?

Do you know what?
Listen, asshole.

Why? do not stop trying to be
funny, why? cos? I do just angry.

Oh ...

Hey, you reminded me
my ex-girlfriend.

- You suck!
-? a bit 'pi? muscled Dave.

Get out of here, big nose.

I'm just saying do not
I am very good at relationships.

How boring.

Hello. How are you?
What? your name?

I hate you.

It is not going
very well, eh?

Why? not
we start?

- Get out here.
- Give me a chance ?.

Well, I have a good joke.

Then, c '? this
proctologist, eh?

We want to Dicky.

- We want to Dicky.
- Wait.

What do you want?
The guy? dead.

Do you want to hear
a corpse?

A corpse would
pi? fun of you.

I want Croaker songs.

No no no.

Hei.

Let's rock !

Give me your hand.
Give it to me!

I failed, man.
I failed.

King Neptune? wrong.
Nobody needs me.

King Neptune?

S ?, King Neptune,
the god of the sea?

Oh here they l ?, right there ?.

Schecky, I can speak
frankly?

S ?, Bob, of course
can you tell me the truth ?.

Let's take a walk.

... I Schecky
I hate comedians.

Not all comedians.
Only 99% of them.

For me, comedy
stand-up? pathetic.

I mean,
? cos? pathetic!

? absolutely
What more? degrading

that a human being
can undertake.

Get on
stage alone,

discuss how
fat, or bald,

or bad? someone.

Telling the story
your family,

your father an alcoholic,

praying
audience to love you,

to accept you and give you the love you
you never had as a child.

? pathetic, Schecky.
It is a vacuum ...

Bob, what do you mean?

Put it so ?.

Comedy? like this
lifeline.

Ah, the play? Round
and he has many strings.

You see, Schecky,
it was not funny.

I know you said to make me laugh
and why? can love you,

but you should not have.

- See, already? I love you.
- Bob? Stop it, okay?

I'm asking you to stop
of psicoanalizzarmi.

You're too stupid to
advise me anything.

I like comedy.
I like to be funny.

Okay?

Ok.

Then you might try
say a few words this time

instead of being yourself.

- Maybe cos? will work ?.
- Great idea, Bob!

Seriously? You Have
hit the mark!

But first, let's see
mounting with beautiful women.

-? good.
- I know.

It smells good.

? Your wife has prepared?

S ?.

- Carina wife.
- S ?.

I have no wife.

Your salami? very big.

Big enough
for two people.

Big enough
for three people.

Ce n '? for an entire
family of persons ...

For weeks!

Tagliamene a slice.

- No.
- Give me a bit '.

- No.
- Give me a little '!

- No.
- Why? no? Give me a little '!

- No.
- A piece!

Give me a slice!

-? cos? wearing them the generals?
- S ?.

This goes on, and this already ??

Above.

You know what he says
my mother about you?

He says that you are a
wild animal.

But you know what
says my father?

- What?
- I can not. No no no.

Go on this ship.

Cos' ?, Robinson Crusoe?

What does your father do?

Oh no. My father did not ...

I swore I
I would have told anyone.

- You like me or not?
- He says you have to like it.

But I do not think he
I voted for you.

I forgive him.

The speech? a pap ?,

when scarcererai
from prison.

S ?, in a few years.

As a few years?

Well, no? cos? old.

Oh, you're terrible.
You're really bad.

? a good man.
In a couple of years ...

- Couple of years?
- Well, yes ?.

- The take? philosophically.
- Why ??

Ce n '? philosophy in prison.

? l? that you found?

S ?, in prison.

What are these fucking things?

Fucking shoes
Paint cock.

How do I go
in turn, they are ridiculous!

They do not even need to
knock out? the door of shit!

C '? someone?

I do not know, maybe
s? and maybe not.

I do not believe that a cause
Legal worth the candle.

- This? what I think.
- I do not care how much it will cost ?, friend.

I want denounce that kind.

Ok? I'm singing
my song

and I explained clearly
this man

I wanted to be resumed
from an angle pi? high.

He picks up front.

It shows my
huge nose.

My audience
I will accept no ?.

Hei. Let me out.
Dicky are Diamond.

In the bathroom fucking.

Wow!

Wait a minute, it will be? mica ...

Hey? the man who ...
? the dead man!

The comedian!

Wow, man, this? strange.
Why? if? dead,

how can it? scream?

I do not know, Croaker.
Maybe? his ghost.

Wait, man.
You're scaring me.

Do not scare cos ?, friend.

I can not handle the ghosts.
How can I leave this ship?

Let me out, assholes.

This ship? haunted, man.
I want to get off the ship.

This ship? infested.

Croaker, listen.

Listen, Croaker.

Let me out!

Fucking fucking socks.

Look at that shit.

You certainly can not get out of the ?.

Damn fucking toilet.

Come on, someone, please!

- S?
- You cheated!

- I did not cheat.
- S? instead.

You will wear that for the
show tonight?

- I thought about it.
- No no.

I think you should put
your pink shirt.

If I have to change shirt,
then I wear the green one.

No no no. That puts pink
highlight your tan.

-? cos? nice.
- S ?,? nice.

You're right, but
I prefer the green one.

- The Rose? much better.
- No.

- The green brings luck.
- No no. Pink, pink.

- I like the green.
- Pink.

- The Green? better.
- Pink.

- Green.
- Pink.

- Why? do not put them both?
- S ?, why? no.

Where are we?

We are in
middle of the sea.

Idiot, I know that we
in the midst of the sea.

Where, in the midst of the sea?

What do I look like?

A compass?

You're the navigator, you idiot.

You're the navigator, stupid.

Who has the map?

Who has the map?

Ah.

- I.
- So the navigator you!

Give it to me.

- I'm the navigator.
- Give it to me.

- My God, look at the ?!
- Eh?

I want to thank you for
given another chance ?.

You are very nice.
Thanks.

I swear that this time
You will not be disappointed.

Why? this time I
He worked on a scene.

- Who cares?
- Thanks.

I think that will begin? telling
What me? l happened? inside.

There was an elderly, ok?

And these four guys
the were disturbing,

They gave her problems.

Characters long
ugly to behold.

And one of them has
stole her purse.

While another,
while I watched,

He grabbed the ring,

and he tried to levarle
wedding ring.

But she
He is beating, screaming,

"Help, help."

In the end I could not resist.

I approached the boy
and I said: "Hey, man,

why? do not put
Butter on the finger,

cos? the ring flows
pi? easily? "

Achmed? Do you like me?

- No.
- Not a bit '?

Not a bit '.

I like you.

- So?
- So I should like it too.

Do you understand?

? the ship!

-? the ship.
- The ship!

- The ship!
- Miss Australia, you're dead!

Do not believe that a person
bad, why? I am not.

They are quiet.
I have a conscience.

I want to prove it.

As a child, always stealing
Alka-Seltzer all the time,

and I fed the
seagulls then burst.

I do not understand. I think
it's funny.

It's me? I have no idea
what make the audience laugh?

I know nothing about art
comedy?

I wonder what would Milton Berle,
if you were in my situation.

Hey guys, you have a match?

He seemed Milton Berle.

She? Milton Berle?

Otherwise, I enjoyed
much are his wife last night.

You were talking about
with yourself?

I felt good,
you're a comedian?

S ?, sir.

And one rather
cute, for those l ?.

I like that shirt.

Do not throw away anything, huh?

Joke.

- Come on, sit down.
- Here, at his table?

No, in the kitchen.

Thank you, Mr. Berle.

- What's your name?
- Schecky Moskowitz.

Schecky Moskowitz.

With a name so ?, people
It should laugh immediately.

Then, boy, it seems
you have a problem.

Are you thinking about
something. Tell me,

What can I do for you?

See, Milton ... oh,
I'm sorry, Mr. Berle.

I need her
tips for laughs.

I was on the cruise,
I did my scene,

and no one laughed.

I do not understand why ?.

Tell me a joke
you told on the ship.

Fine.

There are these two bad guys, okay?

And they see this elderly,

and she has a ring
huge, okay?

Then the chase and
trying to steal the ring,

sfilandoglielo.

The old woman looks at me
ago: "Help me, help me!".

I have to do something,
then I go from evil ...

Wait, stop.

Bad? But? the
beat the butter?

S ?,? that.

Not C '? wonder
that no one laughed.

There were bad, or
gangster in the audience,

when you told
the joke?

Mh, no. I said to a group
of beauty queens.

Beauty queens?

Oh no.

Then I told him that
where burst seagulls ...

Seagulls burst.

Boy, are you using
the wrong technique.

Young man, come here.

- You have a pencil with you?
- S ?, sir.

- Thanks. You have a piece?
- Sure.

? everything. Thanks.

It s now? you're working.

Schecky ...

Ok. Do not take it
too seriously.

What I want you to do?
knock out? these beats, Schecky.

I think all those beautiful
Girls will be identified immediately.

"Once I went out with a girl who had
everything a man could want.

Mustache, hairy armpits ...

bushy eyebrows. "

If you talk to the same
girl, tell her: "What a nose!

You'll have to turn it up to eat! "

And finish it with ...

"A good lipstick puts
highlight your lips ...

you sneeze
shows his teeth. "

"His eyes were very affectionate,

kept
look at each of them. "

"And when April one eye,

everything? that could
see was the other eye. "

"And her boobs
They were very small,

cos? small carrying
Nipple in the portfolio. "

Now, try
these beats.

Work. They
always worked.

See you, boy.

- Good luck.
- Thank you, Mr. Berle.

Oh ...

One more thing.

Schecky Always within
mind that you're a comedian,

and you possess the weapon more? strong
to bring people together

and make them happy.

Not C '? nothing more?
important in the world

the power of laughter.

Remember that.

See You Soon.

The power of laughter.

King Neptune I spoke
the power of laughter.

Perhaps this phrase
unite? the entire plot

in some cunning way,
or something.

Mh ...

Where I have to go?
I do not know where I am.

Way as if
I know where they are.

I do not know what ...
we see.

How do I get back on the ship?

Maybe I should use some
my magical fun phrases.

Let's try.

Why? hen
crosses the road?

Mh ... nothing.

Why? firefighters
use red straps?

It did not work. Nothing.

Hey, take my
wife, please.

Here it is, s ?, we.

Take my wife, please.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.
Thanks girls.

Great.

Hey, thanks a lot.
Thanks.

I appreciate it.

Then, I saw this type
the street the other day,

and he told me that suffers
Agent Orange.

I said, "Well,
at least you have an agent! "

OK perfect.

I was talking to
my grandmother the other day

That woman, you'd like.

? deaf in both ears. The
I bought two hearing aids.

He puts them both
in the same ear.

From a part? deaf, the other
he hearing of a bat.

Someone said
"Nursing home"?

? she speaks so ?!

What? That
it's happening?

C '? a bikini
sale or something?

- What's the matter?
- I'm driving everyone mad!

These people love me.

Finally they have fun.

Come on. We Have To
get out of here.

Why ??

My god, my god ...
Terrorists!

- That's why ?.
- Ok.

Holy shit!

We hit a glacier, fuck.

We hit a glacier.

Holy shit, another Titanic.

Soon, Schecky.
Come on.

- Come here.
- Here I am, here I am.

Dov '? Miss Australia?

We want it now,
? ours!

We're not kidding.

We have a large,
big problem here.

We have to talk about it.

Not? a joke.

Fuck.

Does it work? One two three.

Hi, this message?
for all persons on the ship.

All!

Everything? we want
? Miss Australia.

- Miss Australia?
- Miss Australia?

Miss Australia ... not? the bride a bit '
advanced in years of Dicky Diamond?

How do I know?
I have not filmed scenes,

No? Dicky with Diamond
or his girlfriend.

I'm sure.

Fine.
They want to kill her!

? bitch for real.

No one should speak
evil behind people.

Oh, I did not see you. I tell you
in face. You're a bitch, baby.

You were mean to
me the other night at the bar.

It was another time,
Dicky was alive.

Now that? I died the
control of my life.

I think what
? better for me.

Good for you!

- Miss Australia.
- Miss Australia, small kangaroo!

Big mouth, bad breath!

- You better get out!
- Oh my God.

? forward to meeting
Your crater!

My god, they want
go in a crater?

No. I do not speak
our language well.

They want you to meet the
creator. They want to kill you.

You've never been to school?

Miss Australia,
when you will find you ?,

I'll cut your hands, then you
cut all the fingers ...

and swallow.

They will go down?
to my stomach.

The only thing? that
not digerir ?.

Oh my god .. no
pu? want to do this!

I only said that General
Noriega has bad breath.

It took me months
to grow them.

I've broken one the other day
and while it grew back

I have another route.
Now they are equal.

Can not? do it!
Can not ?!

I have to escape!

Ellen. Ellen, wait.

Women are not funny
fleeing heels?

Come on.

- Here l ?!
- Go! Go!

Come on.

Hey, why? this shirt?

- This?
- S ?, that shirt.

I liked the pink,
but Bob prefers the green.

- Which do you prefer?
- They suck both.

- God.
- Hey, what's up?

Just because? They are beautiful
everyone thinks I'm stupid.

- Why? say so ??
- I hate to be nice!

Sometimes I want to be
an ugly old maid

with scars and
warts in the face,

with people
flee when they see me.

Why ??

Why? to be beautiful
not? beautiful.

Listen, listen, we have not
time for this.

I have this morbid desire
to be deformed.

Oh, how nice!

I had never realized
how difficult it was

for a young girl
be so? nice.

? a hell!

Go up the stairs.

Why? want
go up the stairs?

Hei.

My God. They will kill me ...

before it can
become an actress.

My hopes.
My dreams.

I turned into a joke
General Hospital last week.

Really?
What was it?

Can I get you
something to drink?

My God. I say
always too!

Really? As I wanted
you were the? to teach me.

Me Too!

Jesus ?! I can not believe.

Think I should inform
small infection of Bob?

Should I tell him? Forget it.

Hello, Miss Australia?

You better get out,

otherwise we start killing
hostages every four seconds!

Three seconds, beginning
from this girl.

Maybe we should
try to save her!

No. Vince always she
when we are in the race!

It might be my only
opportunity for Miss Universe.

What a bitch competition!

I am so? selfish.
I never give up.

Stay here.

Just kidding! I think the
General is a good guy.

I just said that to
look smart.

Look, probably
it smells wonderful!

By the way, you also
two are very beautiful.

Shut up!

Hey, Bob. Thing
we do now?

Maybe we should try to save her?

S ?, s ?! Bob?

- What?
- Well, since you had the language ...

his throat, maybe
you should save it.

Come on, do not ... Schecky
put me in this situation.

I really have a strong
fear of death.

Oh, I also
scared to death ...

but I also have a
strong sense of guilt.

And then, Jesus ?! You just
lemonade with the girl ...

I thought I wanted to save her.

Fine.
I do ?.

Andr? and I take? a blow to
save a girl that I just kissed.

Stay here, coward.

Leave her alone!

You know, I lied to Bob. I Have
much more? scared to death ...

that guilt.

The death of me? nausea!
I do not want to die.

Bury you,
come covered with earth.

The worms will eat.
Not for me.

You know, if I go l? c '?
possibility? to get shot.

I do not like, and then not
It would be good for my career.

You know you
and I know it.

I do not go. Ah, on second thought!

Where do you think that
we go after death?

I'm thinking about right now.

I think we all go
first to purgatory.

And then after a few
prayer he goes to heaven.

The sky is
quite high.

Gates beaded.

The sky was clear lights,
serene, peaceful.

A lot of angels and other things.

You say? how I feel.

I think that when we die,
we end up in this long dark spiral

which leads to nothing.
L? let's go.

And I do not like. This is why?
You will not go? l? out ...

why? They could shoot and
It happens that thing l ?.

Schecky, recalls the power.

Kill them with a laugh
before they kill you.

It was that kind, Berle, first.

Maybe? I better
shut up. What he said?

Use the power of laughter.

Laughter? The power of laughter?
Says no more!

Maybe he has some
special meaning.

The power of ... ah ah!

I understand what
of course! S ?!

Who are you?

Moskowitz. Schecky Moskowitz.
What's your name, man?

- Achmed.
- Achmed, with lots of saliva.

What do you do, eh?

They fight for the people.
The people of the people.

- I like people.
- Free or wrestlers?
- Free.

Sometimes I work for the rebels.

- I would too if I were you.
- Sometimes I deliver pizzas.

In half an hour or something?

Well, Miss Australia,
you have a last wish?

S ?, I'd like to sing
my last song.

I won the contest
Miss Australia with this.

Mean
a lot to me.

Ok.

Sing what you want.

Children of Australia
We rejoice together

why? siam
young and free.

My mother took me
cos? when I was little.

Can you let me go?
I feel a little 'bad.

You know, when I was sick my
Mother told me to drink liquids.

I think he was right, every
After I drink a drink strong,

choke!

Speaking of drinks ... I,
to offer me a drink ...

insult a girl telling her:
"Baby, you're horrible!"

She takes the drink
me and pulls him ...

and I open my mouth, right?
After six or seven girls,

I am already? drunk!

Very well. ? enough.

? It was beautiful.

? It was very nice.

Ok, that's enough!

Why? not try it too?

- I?
- Power!

Then I do man ...

Take my wife ... please?

Speaking of my wife ...
? cos? fat ...

What? fat ...?

... That when
enters the house ...

the house is full!

Forget
the girl.

Expensive!

I have to do the comic!

Entertain the
public. I love it!

- Are you OK?
- S ?.

- You are fine?
- I bump on the head ...

but I do not think I
They will be bruising.

Why? you saved me?

Why? I love you.

Oh Jesus ?! Really?

I love you too.

Will you marry me?

Oh, s ?.

I think I'm a lover
and non-combatant.

Kiss Me!

What about the murder
Miss Australia?

Forget it. He said that Schecky
we can go to live with him

and we can go
in America with him,

and can? teach
the art of comedy.

- Really?
- Really.

We will use his
material or what?

Scriver? all the
your jokes.

If you like, you do?
also make a film.

Do you see that the camera ??

Why? do not say
a few jokes now?

- In that room.
- A movie?

Okay ...

Ok. Um ...

Well ...

Cos'? invisible and smells like ...

Carrot?

Carrots ... ok!
The know.

I do not know.

You do not know?

? a small
scureggia rabbit!

Pap? let me out!

It will not be? pi? bad.

I swear.

Who? Racing
at first base?

With the second
base? Come on!

... Be the third base!

Nobody loves you. Not
deserve to wear it.

Someone to ...
Please let me out.

I swear to god that no
insulter? pi? nobody.

Not imprecher ?.
Somebody, please.

If you're ...

Please.

Fucking idiot.

Stupid idiot!
I'm an atheist.

Hei.

How many?

- Three.
- Three?

Three lizards?
And why? three?

Why? a? blind!

Ugly motherfuckers.
Get off my stage.

I went back to
my damn job.

Look,? the dead man!

S ?. ? the comedian died!

Dead? Ugly bastards!

I'm not dead. Here I am.
I was locked in the bathroom ...

stupid ...

Fucking terrorists!

Thanks a lot.

Very well.

Everything? gone
the right way, no?

Let's see ... the rock star and
his manager selfish

They are surrounded
Girls from now.

And Bob has a
beautiful girl now.

As he has conquered
not uncover? never ...

but Captain
strange things.

And even those terrorists have obtained
what they wanted. An audience.

I ... I think I've got
what I wanted, you know?

Now I'm a
great comedian.

I am also a hero,
but I'm missing something.

Hey, Schecky.

I have a surprise for you.

Neptune, how have you been?
? a little 'no see.

Great.

I would like you met someone.

- Alga!
- Seaweed?

Hello.

This? my
daughter, Alga!

Hello, Alga.

I looked to my daughter
a week of his shell.

And he asked me to
let you know.

I have observed
of your shell?

S ?, I really wanted,
really meet.

? cos? sweet!

Hey, King Neptune,
I wanted to know ...

I can carry it forward ...

and to kiss her
close the movie ...

It would be fine?

Go Go go.

But to bring it back
reef eleven!

And no language!