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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,180 If you wanna be successful with women, 2 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,882 you have to overcome fear. 3 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,618 Fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, 4 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,854 fear of inadequacy, whatever. 5 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,357 You can't be afraid. 6 00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:43,462 As a rule, if I look back... 7 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,131 and she looks back, too... 8 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,402 - Hi. - Hi. 9 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,436 I'm Aaron. 10 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,872 The intro is important. 11 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:57,209 But follow-up is everything. 12 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,547 A lot of guys wait two or three days to call. 13 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,415 I think that's stupid. 14 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,918 Women wanna feel wanted. 15 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,953 I call 'em that day. 16 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:10,722 Hey, sweetheart, it's Aaron. 17 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,058 We met earlier today. 18 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,661 I take 'em to my favorite spot right away. 19 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,929 Never the movies. 20 00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,163 You want their attention on you, 21 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,732 not some jackass movie star. 22 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,501 Good conversation is important, 23 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:26,205 but making 'em laugh is even more important. 24 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:30,342 But to close the deal, you gotta make it sexy. 25 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,779 And I know all about making it sexy. 26 00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:37,749 I work in advertising, which is all about seduction. 27 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,953 You have to seduce people to wanna buy what you're selling, 28 00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:43,655 and I'm good at what I do. 29 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,124 Very good at what I do. 30 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:51,997 I find most women give it up on the first date. 31 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:55,000 Of course, they always give the disclaimer. 32 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:58,003 I never did it this fast with anybody before. 33 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,672 That means she always gives it up fast. 34 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,708 I just go along with it. 35 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,509 I feel so honored. 36 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,949 The worst part is afterwards 37 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,719 when you just want 'em to go home. 38 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,420 Hey, sweetheart. 39 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,223 Let's get you home, okay? 40 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,425 Don't want you driving home too late. 41 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,462 That was amazing. You're amazing. 42 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:28,066 Legs behind the head thing was mind-blowing. I mean... 43 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,736 Sorry. I just have to get up early. 44 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,638 Got a presentation. 45 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,673 These are really cute. 46 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,943 So are you. Um... 47 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,480 Call me. Make sure you got home okay. 48 00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:44,850 Okay. 49 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:55,060 And no, I don't hate women. I love women. 50 00:04:56,730 --> 00:05:00,899 I just don't fall in love with women. 51 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,402 I live a very blessed life. 52 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,971 I'm in my mid-30s, I got a great job, 53 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,607 no wife and no kids. 54 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,276 And I damn sure don't feel like I'm missing out 55 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,278 on the whole wife and kids thing. 56 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,846 Don't get me wrong. 57 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,316 I don't have anything against that lifestyle. 58 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,518 It's just not for me. 59 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,556 9231. 60 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,459 - Got it. Talk to you soon. - Talk to you soon. 61 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,696 But I'm getting ahead of myself. 62 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,631 I'm on my way to meet Kayla, 63 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,567 and I'm trying to figure out how to tell her. 64 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,806 As many times as I've done this, 65 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,608 you'd think it'd be easy. 66 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,977 But Kayla's different. 67 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,780 I really like her. 68 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:53,251 I met Kayla walking down the street, too. 69 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,767 Well, I didn't actually meet her. 70 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,570 But that's the first time I saw her. 71 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:16,274 And when I saw her again, I knew I had to make a move. 72 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,711 Hi, I'm Aaron. 73 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,680 Of course I didn't wait to call. 74 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:25,083 I probably called Kayla faster than I've ever called anybody. 75 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,853 Hey, Kayla, how you doin'? It's Aaron. 76 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:31,523 We met about 35 minutes ago. 77 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,225 We went to the spot for dinner and all that, 78 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,793 but it was different. 79 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,628 Kayla was easier to talk to 80 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,530 than anybody I've ever gone out with. 81 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:42,267 I mean, I genuinely had a good time. 82 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,269 Shit, she was making me laugh. 83 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:48,206 Of course, I put the sexy on her. 84 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,877 But she put even more sexy on me. 85 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:56,047 I was sure Kayla would give it up on our first night. 86 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,684 After all, most women do, right? 87 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:06,425 Instead, we ended up laughing and talking all night. 88 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,427 Even though she didn't give it up, 89 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,996 I let her crash for the entire night. 90 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,366 What the fuck was wrong with me? 91 00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:17,169 I even let her stay for breakfast. 92 00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:20,338 Next thing I knew, we were hanging out. 93 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,741 And I have to be honest. 94 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:27,379 I hadn't had this much fun since I was a kid. 95 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,851 But she still didn't give it up. 96 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:37,489 I couldn't believe I was just letting it happen. 97 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:41,493 The more I got to know Kayla, the more I got to like her. 98 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,562 She had a lot of good qualities. 99 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,931 She had a great job at an accounting firm, 100 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,700 she had her own place, she was single, no kids, 101 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,203 she wasn't crazy, she worked out, 102 00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:53,505 she didn't smoke but she liked to drink, 103 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,707 she listened to jazz and reggae, 104 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,409 she watched sports, 105 00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:59,978 she didn't go to church, but she believed in God, 106 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,646 she liked dirty jokes, 107 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:05,016 and most importantly, she was really smart. 108 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,418 Checkmate. 109 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:09,020 Really, really smart. 110 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,790 Trust me when I tell you, 111 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:16,127 when she finally gave it up, 112 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,763 it was worth the wait. 113 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,742 It was weird. 114 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:35,146 Even when I wasn't with her, I was thinking about her. 115 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:39,417 What the fuck was wrong with me? 116 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:42,654 That was when I realized the time had come. 117 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,360 Hey. 118 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,834 How was your day? 119 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,570 It was okay. How was yours? 120 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:02,407 Fantastic. Even better now that I saw you, cutie pie. 121 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,610 So you all ready for tonight? 122 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:10,348 Yeah, we got everything delegated and planned out. 123 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,717 It should be a good time. 124 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,819 I bet. 125 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,691 Kayla, there's... 126 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,760 There's something I wanted to talk to you about. 127 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:25,130 Yeah, there's something I need to tell you, too. 128 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,631 You first. 129 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:30,635 Okay. Um... 130 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,138 Well, I... 131 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:36,141 don't really know how to say this, so I... 132 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,810 I guess I'll just say it. 133 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,546 I got a job offer in Chicago. 134 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,481 It's with the same company doing the same job 135 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,150 for the same amount of money. 136 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,686 I put in for a transfer a couple months back 137 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:53,358 because, I don't know, I guess I just wanted a change. 138 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,961 That was before I met you. 139 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,662 I don't have to take the job. 140 00:09:57,664 --> 00:10:01,733 I just basically wanted to run it by you to... 141 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,069 see what you thought before I made a decision. 142 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:09,274 Trust me, I'm not trying to put any pressure or cables on you. 143 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:12,911 Just wanna know what you thought. 144 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,814 So what do you think? 145 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,919 I think you should take it. 146 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,887 - You do? - Hell yeah! 147 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,856 Chicago is a great city. 148 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,425 Maybe a change is just what you need right now. 149 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,594 If I had a chance to move to Chicago, 150 00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,664 I'd do it in a heartbeat. Hell yeah! 151 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:38,036 Thanks for being so supportive. 152 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,138 So what did you want to tell me? 153 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,173 Oh, you know, it was nothing. 154 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,476 I forgot it already. 155 00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,112 But I am so stoked to hear about Chicago. 156 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,481 I mean, you are so lucky! 157 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:52,717 Maybe I can even come visit you sometime. 158 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,887 Hell yeah. Sorry to cut this short. 159 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,189 I'd better go and give my notice. 160 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,525 You guys have fun tonight. 161 00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,796 - Congrats again, gorgeous. - Thanks. 162 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,702 You know what, Aaron? I was really hoping 163 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,837 that when I told you I was thinking about leaving 164 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,439 that you would say to me 165 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,408 you would slit your wrists with a butter knife 166 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,076 or drown yourself in a puddle 167 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:22,714 or throw yourself in front of a speeding yellow school bus! 168 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,916 Guess I was wrong. 169 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:30,955 You are a really great guy, Aaron. 170 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,692 You need to stop being so afraid. 171 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,771 Afraid of what? 172 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:52,544 For some strange reason, I have an urge to go after her. 173 00:11:55,816 --> 00:12:00,251 But it's getting late, and I gotta pick up Sean. 174 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,828 Oh, oh! One second, asshole! 175 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,830 And quit honking the goddamn horn in front of my house! 176 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,032 You knew I was coming, motherfucker! Hurry up! 177 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,603 Sean and I have always had a great relationship. 178 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,539 We've been best friends since the fourth grade 179 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,475 when I used to get shaken down for my milk money 180 00:12:23,477 --> 00:12:25,710 by Biff Bartowski. 181 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:28,480 Sean used to get shaken down by Biff, too, 182 00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:30,648 so we decided to join forces... 183 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,817 and get shaken down together. 184 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,853 Even then, we made a great team. 185 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,756 Finally, when our balls got a little bigger, 186 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,959 we beat the shit out of Biff Bartowski. 187 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,827 We've been best buds ever since, 188 00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:45,697 all through elementary school, high school, 189 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:49,501 college roommates, joined at the fuckin' hip. 190 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:52,003 Most of all, we were into girls. 191 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:56,574 Lots and lots and lots 192 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,643 and lots of girls. 193 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,013 Sean and I always worked as a team. 194 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,915 Sean's an engineer. 195 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,718 Although his job isn't quite as sexy as mine, 196 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,587 he's good at what he does. 197 00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:14,459 Very good at what he does. 198 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:24,669 Sean and I vowed to never, ever settle down. 199 00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,739 Unfortunately, the rest of the fellas 200 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,841 were dropping like flies. 201 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,076 I swear, every month I got another invite 202 00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,978 for another guy's wedding. 203 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,648 It was like getting their obituary. 204 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,082 And after our friends were married, 205 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,417 they were never the same. 206 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,819 It was like they were suffering 207 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,720 from post-traumatic stress disorder. 208 00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:48,626 Sean and I were gonna live the fun life. 209 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,262 We gonna love them ho's! 210 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,097 Forever. 211 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,633 Ah! 212 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,869 Until one night... 213 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,042 Sean met Irene. 214 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,694 Sean took Irene to dinner, kept her laughing, 215 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,629 blah, blah, blah. 216 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,198 But the idiot forgot his wallet and cell phone. 217 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,069 Turns out Irene only had seven bucks herself. 218 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:36,007 To make a long story short, Irene washed and Sean dried. 219 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:38,743 She must've really liked Sean 220 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,579 because she went out with him again. 221 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:45,783 And again and again and again. 222 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,253 Sean had fallen in love. 223 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,988 I'm not a hater, 224 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:53,992 but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little... 225 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,493 disappointed. 226 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,162 What? 227 00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,964 Now come the bad times. 228 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,467 About six months ago... 229 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:06,337 God, I don't even wanna say it... 230 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,406 Sean proposed to Irene. 231 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,008 Of course she said yes. 232 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,843 Believe me, I tried to talk some sense into him, 233 00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:14,245 but Sean being Sean wasn't trying to hear it. 234 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,782 And now his dumb ass is getting married. 235 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,018 Tomorrow. 236 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,926 You motherfucker. 237 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,933 Gross, gross. 238 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,404 I've been trying to talk Sean out of this marriage madness 239 00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,172 since he first proposed. 240 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,807 I've tried everything. 241 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,411 You gonna come up for oxygen anytime soon? 242 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,012 No? Okay. 243 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:53,051 Tonight is my last chance to save my best friend 244 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,553 - from eternal damnation. - Bye, honey! 245 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,755 - We miss you! - Bye, babe! 246 00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:01,759 Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures. 247 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,461 I can't fuckin' stand her. 248 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,030 She's driving me crazy over not having enough goddamn chairs 249 00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,131 for the reception. 250 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,800 Goddamn fuckin' chairs! 251 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,735 It looks like you have a lot to look forward to 252 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,971 getting married there, buddy! 253 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:18,376 So is loverboy ready for tonight, huh? Huh? 254 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,877 Without a fuckin' doubt. 255 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,579 Yeah, bullshit. 256 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,848 Oh, you'll see. Tonight old Sean is back. 257 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,183 I just hope you're steppin' up your game. 258 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,318 Oh, don't worry about me, Kemosabe. 259 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,855 You just let me do what I do. 260 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,256 So where are we headin'? 261 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:35,994 Floyd's. 262 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,429 Floyd's. 263 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,365 Get the fuck outta here. 264 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,266 You get the fuck outta here. 265 00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,669 We met Floyd in college. 266 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:48,006 Floyd has always been just like he is now: 267 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,708 straight-laced, God-fearing, organized, 268 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,644 responsible, nervous and uptight. 269 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,214 But if you really wanna understand Floyd, 270 00:16:56,216 --> 00:17:00,084 we have to first talk about his wife Joy. 271 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,521 Floyd met Joy right out of college. 272 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,824 If you ask me, she basically strong-armed Floyd to marry her 273 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,460 'cause she knew Floyd would be a good partner. 274 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:12,196 She and Floyd made a lot of dough doing real estate, 275 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,632 even though Floyd does all the work 276 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:18,736 and Joy takes all the credit. 277 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,539 Joy really cracks the whip on Floyd, too. 278 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,842 We've seen her grab him by the collar 279 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,545 and shake him like she was his mama. 280 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,285 The company is in her name, 281 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,555 the house, the cars, the bank account. 282 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,524 She even... 283 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,193 I shouldn't laugh because it's pretty bad. 284 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,730 She even gives Floyd an allowance. 285 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,635 Poor Floyd. 286 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,006 Luckily, Joy's out of town for the weekend. 287 00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,008 Took me forever to convince Floyd 288 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,710 to let me host the bachelor party at his place. 289 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,579 It had to be somewhere special. 290 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,714 - Floyd! - Hey, Floyd! 291 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,716 I promised Floyd it would just be Sean 292 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,418 and his six groomsmen. 293 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,920 I mean, come on. 294 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,122 How out of control could that possibly get? 295 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,591 Yeah! 296 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,760 Floyd! 297 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,061 I'm shutting it down, Aaron. 298 00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:18,830 We are already off to a very bad start. 299 00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:20,832 A very, very, very, very, very bad start. 300 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:25,169 Okay, Floyd, take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. 301 00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:30,708 We agreed! No drugs! 302 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,276 What are you talking about? 303 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,245 Your convict cousin is... 304 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,980 He's brought drugs into my house, 305 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,216 and he's preparing to do them as we speak! 306 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,851 Oh, shit, Jesse's already here? 307 00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,120 - I'm sure it's just weed. - Just weed? 308 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,162 Yeah, in fact, maybe you should smoke some. It'll... 309 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,460 Stay cool. I'll take care of it. 310 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,229 No, I can't stay cool! 311 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,033 Aw, perfect. 312 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,470 Who's here? 313 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,973 Harold. It's Harold! 314 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,275 How you doin', Harold? 315 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,244 Harold is another buddy from college. 316 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:09,747 Harold's got a wife, two kids, and a big job at a bank. 317 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,315 Overall, he's a great guy. 318 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,185 But Harold has a serious problem. 319 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:18,322 Porno flicks, cybersex, porn magazines, strip clubs. 320 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,291 You name it, Harold's into it. 321 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,828 Harold is one of those guys who doesn't mind spending. 322 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,496 And he never wants to go home. 323 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:30,001 I mean, he never, ever, ever, ever wants to go home. 324 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,938 But if you went home with Harold and saw his wife, 325 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,473 you might understand. 326 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,009 I don't like to call people ugly, 327 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,445 but Harold's wife is fucking hideous. 328 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,948 And God forgive me for saying this: 329 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,950 Even the kids are ugly. 330 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:49,020 I can honestly say that tonight's event 331 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,056 means more to Harold than anybody. 332 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,692 And he's not even the one getting married. 333 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,462 Maybe you could come socialize, huh? 334 00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,131 Hey, guys. 335 00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,633 This is bullshit! 336 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,569 That chick I met on ChristianMingle? 337 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,704 Lesbian. 338 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:10,841 Then I spent all my goddamn money on this goddamn liquor. 339 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,977 Fuckin' in debt 'cause of that monkey suit. 340 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:16,914 This is bullshit, man! This is bullshit! 341 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,884 Stanley is Sean's older and only brother. 342 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,686 I call Stanley the ultimate pessimist 343 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,488 because he has to be the most negative motherfucker 344 00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,957 to ever walk the planet. 345 00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:28,259 He sees the negative side of everything, 346 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,429 especially when it comes to Sean. 347 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,632 - Freeze! - Ohh! 348 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:39,837 Shit! Just the motherfucker I wanna see. What's up, man? 349 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,806 You ready to tie the knot tomorrow, cousin? 350 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:43,641 You mean get sentenced? 351 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,743 Hey, man, you're lookin' good. It's a slick shirt, cousin. 352 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,212 That's the ugliest fuckin' shirt I've ever seen. 353 00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:51,282 - You deal with that. - Thank you, Stanley. 354 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:53,584 According to Sean, Stanley's only been remotely happy 355 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,152 one time in his life. 356 00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:58,422 Supposedly, this is a true fuckin' story. 357 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,625 Stanley had just gotten married. 358 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,927 He thought his wife was the most wonderful woman 359 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,263 on the entire goddamn planet. 360 00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,233 Stanley was actually in love. 361 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,836 But that night, 362 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:15,072 a demon killed Stanley's wife 363 00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:16,641 and took over her body. 364 00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:34,558 From that point on, Stanley lived with a demon. 365 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,796 The demon eventually divorced Stanley and took everything. 366 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,065 He's got three kids the demon won't let him see, 367 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,967 but he pays child support for. 368 00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:45,836 He's got a bullshit job where he's overworked and underpaid. 369 00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:48,039 He's in debt, the IRS is on his ass, 370 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,775 he's got high blood pressure. 371 00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:54,779 I could go on, but it's all bad. 372 00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,449 Sean wanted his big brother to be his best man. 373 00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:00,318 But I don't think Stanley felt too honored. 374 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,220 I can't afford this. This party is costing me 375 00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,856 an arm and three fuckin' legs, man! 376 00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:07,858 I always feel kinda sorry for Stanley. 377 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,560 It has to be shitty to go through life 378 00:22:09,562 --> 00:22:13,364 always seeing and expecting the bad in everything. 379 00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:15,399 I'm probably gonna get cancer... 380 00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:17,468 in my cock. 381 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,804 Hey, man, I've been waitin' on you. 382 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:23,774 The man of honor gets the first puff. 383 00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:26,977 Yeah, boy. 384 00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:29,747 Jesse is Sean's favorite cousin. 385 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,315 I guess you can say that... 386 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:34,952 Jesse is a little on the other side of the law. 387 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:38,055 Jesse's done some bad things. 388 00:22:42,829 --> 00:22:45,096 Some really bad things. 389 00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:49,467 And he's been locked up more than a few times. 390 00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:53,604 But despite his rap sheet, Jesse has a heart of gold. 391 00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,841 Fortunately, Jesse was released just in time 392 00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:58,409 to be a groomsman in the wedding. 393 00:22:58,411 --> 00:23:00,211 Hey, man, you take care of that? 394 00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:03,714 Oh, yeah, man, for sure. Butterfly's bringing her girls. 395 00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,916 Butterfly? 396 00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,518 Butterfly is Jesse's wife, 397 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,020 and she's just as tough as Jesse. 398 00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:13,023 Butterfly's done some bad things. 399 00:23:17,430 --> 00:23:20,097 Some really bad things. 400 00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:22,032 But whenever Jesse gets locked up, 401 00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:23,501 Butterfly writes him letters, 402 00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:25,970 keeps money on his books and visits him. 403 00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:27,571 Even I have to admit, 404 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,342 Jesse and Butterfly are perfect for each other. 405 00:23:31,344 --> 00:23:34,645 One of Butterfly's many hustles is managing strippers. 406 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:38,416 According to Jesse, she's got real quality product. 407 00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,751 Fuckin' A! 408 00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,620 Yeah, man, she's got a batch of 'em comin'. 409 00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:44,588 But listen, Butterfly don't take no shit 410 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,190 when it comes to clients messin' with her girls. 411 00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:47,892 Don't worry about it, man. Listen. 412 00:23:47,894 --> 00:23:49,393 We're all respectable men. 413 00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:51,228 - It's all good. - All right. 414 00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:52,530 Let's have a good night then. 415 00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:54,765 Wait a minute! Aaron, what is he doing? 416 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,400 Floyd, listen. Hey, listen. 417 00:23:56,402 --> 00:23:58,669 Nobody is going to jail, okay? 418 00:23:58,671 --> 00:24:01,639 - But we agreed. No drugs! - It's just marijuana. 419 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:03,474 Besides, it's medicinal. It's fine. 420 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:09,480 Listen, I'm gonna get that. You just sit down right here. 421 00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:12,483 Relax and, uh... 422 00:24:12,485 --> 00:24:14,618 inhale. 423 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,320 Yeah, there you go. 424 00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,122 Don't forget to lock the door! 425 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:21,358 - Hey, you wanna hit this shit? - No! 426 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,594 I was really hoping Miles could make it. 427 00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:25,863 It's been a minute since we've seen him. 428 00:24:25,865 --> 00:24:27,498 We're all so damn proud of him. 429 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:31,769 We get excited whenever we get a chance to see... 430 00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:32,870 Gus? 431 00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:34,905 The one and only. 432 00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:36,207 Gus wasn't invited. 433 00:24:36,209 --> 00:24:38,275 Now surely you assholes know 434 00:24:38,277 --> 00:24:41,278 that a party ain't a party without the Gus-Man, right? 435 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,280 How did you know we were here? 436 00:24:43,282 --> 00:24:46,417 Hey, you never know what to expect from ol' Gus. 437 00:24:46,419 --> 00:24:49,820 Guess that's what makes me such an outstanding person. 438 00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:55,860 Whoo! Yes! 439 00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:58,362 It reminds me of that game against Mount Vernon High. 440 00:24:58,364 --> 00:24:59,797 You remember that game, right? 441 00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:02,399 Sean and I know Gus from high school. 442 00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:04,368 Most people don't like Gus. 443 00:25:04,370 --> 00:25:07,605 To be honest, I'm not too crazy about him myself. 444 00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:08,906 And I smashed that puck 445 00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:10,641 right through that goalie's five-hole. 446 00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,643 Gus has a lot of unlikeable qualities. 447 00:25:12,645 --> 00:25:15,379 For instance, he's always talking about himself. 448 00:25:15,381 --> 00:25:17,648 Always trying to be the center of attention. 449 00:25:17,650 --> 00:25:20,384 I'm just the type of person whose light is so bright, 450 00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,586 it's kinda hard to be around me, you know what I mean? 451 00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:24,788 I'm the type of person who women just find themselves... 452 00:25:24,790 --> 00:25:27,658 And always using big words out of context. 453 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:30,194 Because my style, it's irrevocable, you know? 454 00:25:30,196 --> 00:25:32,530 It's ubiquitous to my atmospheric surroundings. 455 00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:35,232 But before you pass judgment on Gus, 456 00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:36,834 you have to understand what helped mold him 457 00:25:36,836 --> 00:25:39,470 into the asshole he is today. 458 00:25:39,472 --> 00:25:42,273 Although this might be hard to believe, 459 00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:45,209 Gus used to be the shit. 460 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,610 When we were in high school, 461 00:25:46,612 --> 00:25:48,646 Gus was the number one hockey player. 462 00:25:48,648 --> 00:25:51,882 Everybody thought he was gonna go pro, especially Gus, 463 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:55,853 but his fucked-up attitude fucked up everything. 464 00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:57,388 Now, 20 years later, 465 00:25:57,390 --> 00:25:59,290 he's still trying to convince everybody 466 00:25:59,292 --> 00:26:00,724 how great he still is. 467 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,626 Oh ho ho ho ho! 468 00:26:02,628 --> 00:26:07,498 Look who's in the motherfucking hittee! 469 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:08,299 Hey, hey! 470 00:26:08,301 --> 00:26:10,467 Who in the heck is this guy? 471 00:26:10,469 --> 00:26:14,305 I don't know him. He's not one of the groomsmen. 472 00:26:14,307 --> 00:26:15,906 Why is he in my house? 473 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,508 Uh, I'm Gus. 474 00:26:17,510 --> 00:26:19,643 Surely you've heard Aaron and Sean tell stories 475 00:26:19,645 --> 00:26:22,580 about my glory days in high school, hello? 476 00:26:22,582 --> 00:26:24,582 I was the shit, no? 477 00:26:24,584 --> 00:26:26,183 Never heard of you, Gus. 478 00:26:26,185 --> 00:26:28,319 Now, would you please get out of my house? 479 00:26:28,321 --> 00:26:31,822 Gus, this was sort of an invite-only kinda thing. 480 00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:35,526 Oh, no, no, that's cool. I invited myself, yeah. 481 00:26:35,528 --> 00:26:38,395 Will somebody please tell this guy 482 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,664 that a party ain't a party without the Gus-man? 483 00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:43,000 Hello, hello! 484 00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:47,304 I'm here to see my boy Sean bitin' the poison apple! 485 00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,410 Gus, if you don't leave, 486 00:26:53,412 --> 00:26:56,080 I'll be forced to call the police. 487 00:26:56,082 --> 00:26:58,115 Is he forced to call the police? 488 00:26:58,117 --> 00:27:00,751 Man, fuck the police! 489 00:27:00,753 --> 00:27:02,453 I ain't afraid of no popos! 490 00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:05,122 My heart don't pump no Kool-Aid! 491 00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:06,590 Besides, cops wanted me. 492 00:27:06,592 --> 00:27:08,192 They were begging me to join their ranks, 493 00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:09,727 They were begging me to join, 494 00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:13,464 but then I realized I'm too law-abiding to be a cop. 495 00:27:17,236 --> 00:27:18,402 Follow me on that one. 496 00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:20,270 Okay, okay, that's it! 497 00:27:20,272 --> 00:27:22,539 Last warning! It's gonna get ugly 498 00:27:22,541 --> 00:27:25,676 if you don't get the heck out of my house! 499 00:27:25,678 --> 00:27:27,277 Floyd, Floyd... 500 00:27:27,279 --> 00:27:29,546 Floyd, Floyd, calm down. 501 00:27:29,548 --> 00:27:33,117 Can you cut Gus a break, all right? 502 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,885 Okay, sorry. 503 00:27:34,887 --> 00:27:38,222 Aaron promised it would be eight people total, including me. 504 00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:39,490 Eight people total. 505 00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:41,725 I hear you, and we're sorry. 506 00:27:41,727 --> 00:27:45,029 Look, I will admit, Gus is an asshole. 507 00:27:45,031 --> 00:27:47,498 But I would feel like a bigger asshole if I asked him to leave 508 00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:49,566 after he came all this way to celebrate with me. 509 00:27:49,568 --> 00:27:51,502 Do you know what I'm saying? 510 00:27:51,504 --> 00:27:56,540 So can you just do me this solid, please? 511 00:27:57,743 --> 00:28:00,310 You promise he won't touch me anymore? 512 00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:03,580 We'll try our best. 513 00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:07,217 - Okay. - Okay? 514 00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:09,053 Good. You look sharp, by the way. 515 00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:11,188 - Very GQ. - Yes. 516 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,923 Can I borrow that tie sometime? 517 00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:14,291 - Of course! - All right. 518 00:28:14,293 --> 00:28:16,694 - It's all good. - It's all good? 519 00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:18,996 To be honest, I really wasn't worried. 520 00:28:18,998 --> 00:28:20,798 You guys aren't crazy. 521 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,333 So how's life been treatin' you, Sean? 522 00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:25,436 - Life's pretty... - That is so great, man. 523 00:28:25,438 --> 00:28:28,505 My life is just fantastic. Things are so good with me. 524 00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:30,207 They're just so good, you know? 525 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,342 They just keep getting better and better. 526 00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:34,078 My team is doing great. 527 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,446 Then again, how could they not be 528 00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:37,715 with such a great and pulchritudinous leader, 529 00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:38,615 you know what I mean? 530 00:28:38,617 --> 00:28:40,317 Hey, so how's the missus, huh? 531 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:42,953 Or should I say soon to be missus? 532 00:28:42,955 --> 00:28:45,456 - Irene, she's... - Oh, man, my wife Mary-Lou, 533 00:28:45,458 --> 00:28:47,291 she's hanging in there. 534 00:28:47,293 --> 00:28:49,093 Once in a while, she gets a little mouthy, 535 00:28:49,095 --> 00:28:52,196 nothing that a quick backhand or a right hook can't solve. 536 00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:53,864 You know what I mean? Hey. 537 00:28:53,866 --> 00:28:55,566 Word to the wise about marriage. 538 00:28:55,568 --> 00:28:57,000 You better establish your dominance 539 00:28:57,002 --> 00:28:58,402 coming right out the freaking gate 540 00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,237 because if you do not, 541 00:29:00,239 --> 00:29:02,673 you will live the rest of your days 542 00:29:02,675 --> 00:29:05,142 as a henpecked, yellow-belly eunuch. 543 00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:07,177 Believe me. 544 00:29:07,179 --> 00:29:08,712 I know. 545 00:29:08,714 --> 00:29:10,814 - Wow. - Yeah. 546 00:29:16,322 --> 00:29:17,855 Wow, that's crazy. Speaking of which... 547 00:29:17,857 --> 00:29:20,457 Hey, do you remember that game that I won for us 548 00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:22,659 against Schroeder High in our junior year? 549 00:29:22,661 --> 00:29:25,329 I just pulled that article out yesterday and read it. 550 00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:26,697 They had us down by 11. 551 00:29:26,699 --> 00:29:28,832 The entire team had given up, but not me. 552 00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,335 No, no, no, no. I knew if I wanted that win, 553 00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:33,237 I had to take over like a real man. 554 00:29:33,239 --> 00:29:35,439 That's when I sliced that big overgrown bitch Whittaker 555 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:37,674 right across his face and made him bleed out of his chin. 556 00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:39,810 He was crying, bleeding all over the eyes. 557 00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:41,044 Do you remember that? 558 00:29:41,046 --> 00:29:42,446 I think that's Miles. 559 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,081 You don't remember that game? 560 00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:46,216 I slashed him right across his fuckin' face, remember? 561 00:29:46,218 --> 00:29:48,919 I was the fuckin' hero, remember that? 562 00:29:48,921 --> 00:29:51,522 Make sure you lock the door! 563 00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:01,932 Oh, yeah, there he is! How you doin'? 564 00:30:01,934 --> 00:30:03,000 How are you, brother? 565 00:30:03,002 --> 00:30:04,535 Good to see you, man. 566 00:30:04,537 --> 00:30:06,336 Miles went to high school with us, too. 567 00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:09,273 Later this year, he'll be retiring from a very successful 568 00:30:09,275 --> 00:30:10,808 professional hockey career. 569 00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:13,277 He's pretty fuckin' rich and famous. 570 00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:14,812 But despite his success, 571 00:30:14,814 --> 00:30:19,149 Miles is probably the humblest and nicest guy I know. 572 00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:20,450 All right, how's the fam? 573 00:30:20,452 --> 00:30:22,152 Oh, the girl's too informed, man. 574 00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,887 You gotta give 'em mind, man. They miss Uncle Aaron. 575 00:30:23,889 --> 00:30:25,656 I would love to. I would love to, man. 576 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:27,825 - Is everybody here? - Yeah, everyone's out back. 577 00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:31,562 Oh... 578 00:30:31,564 --> 00:30:33,163 shit! 579 00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:34,865 - What's up, man? - How are you? 580 00:30:34,867 --> 00:30:36,700 - Good, man, good seeing you. - Good to see you. 581 00:30:36,702 --> 00:30:38,535 I don't know if any of the other fellas 582 00:30:38,537 --> 00:30:41,505 have ever noticed how much Gus hates Miles. 583 00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:43,207 I don't even think Miles knows it. 584 00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:45,776 Gus's grudge goes all the way back to high school 585 00:30:45,778 --> 00:30:50,214 when Gus was number one and Miles was number two. 586 00:30:50,216 --> 00:30:53,717 I guess I can understand why Gus would be a little envious. 587 00:30:53,719 --> 00:30:56,486 Miles is a star hockey player. 588 00:30:56,488 --> 00:30:58,889 Gus is a high school hockey coach. 589 00:30:58,891 --> 00:31:00,891 Miles married a model. 590 00:31:00,893 --> 00:31:03,894 Gus's wife is... nice. 591 00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:05,796 Miles is a millionaire. 592 00:31:05,798 --> 00:31:08,799 Gus is broke. 593 00:31:08,801 --> 00:31:10,868 Everybody loves Miles. 594 00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:13,170 Everybody hates Gus. 595 00:31:13,172 --> 00:31:15,138 - Good to see you. - You, too. 596 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:17,374 Hey! There he is. 597 00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:19,543 - Hey, brother. - Oh! Hey, yeah. 598 00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,211 - Good to see you, Gus. - Mmm. 599 00:31:21,213 --> 00:31:24,348 Oh, man, it's been too long. How's life treatin' ya? 600 00:31:24,350 --> 00:31:26,516 Oh, man, everything's perfect with me. 601 00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:28,518 It's just... Couldn't be any better. 602 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,087 Got the fuckin' world by the ass! 603 00:31:30,089 --> 00:31:31,822 - Nice. - What's up with you? 604 00:31:31,824 --> 00:31:34,691 Oh, shit! I've been meaning to tell you. 605 00:31:34,693 --> 00:31:35,959 I saw that game, 606 00:31:35,961 --> 00:31:37,694 your last game that you played against the Ducks. 607 00:31:37,696 --> 00:31:40,264 Your game seemed a little off, you know? 608 00:31:40,266 --> 00:31:42,733 Like maybe you couldn't get around the ice like you used to. 609 00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:46,603 Isn't that a shame when players play longer than they should? 610 00:31:46,605 --> 00:31:49,773 A guy needs to know when his time has come and gone. 611 00:31:49,775 --> 00:31:51,174 You know what I mean, don't you? 612 00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:53,076 - Yeah, I feel you. - Yeah, cheers. 613 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:54,611 There's supposed to be some bitches coming, man. 614 00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:56,513 I'll see you in there. 615 00:32:03,355 --> 00:32:05,188 - What are you doing? - Nothing. Nothing. 616 00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:06,823 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 617 00:32:06,825 --> 00:32:08,759 You were about to call Irene, weren't you? 618 00:32:08,761 --> 00:32:09,860 What? 619 00:32:09,862 --> 00:32:11,461 No! No. 620 00:32:11,463 --> 00:32:13,130 - Give me your phone. - No. 621 00:32:13,132 --> 00:32:15,832 Give me your fuckin' phone! Get the fuck outside! 622 00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:18,435 All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 623 00:32:18,437 --> 00:32:19,603 I'm going. 624 00:32:19,605 --> 00:32:21,538 Sean's got it bad. 625 00:32:21,540 --> 00:32:24,308 Worse than I thought. 626 00:32:24,310 --> 00:32:27,010 Although it's kinda weird not getting any calls 627 00:32:27,012 --> 00:32:29,146 or texts from Kayla. 628 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,621 We used to randomly send each other funny texts 629 00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:40,857 and pics throughout the day. 630 00:32:49,802 --> 00:32:52,502 And sometimes we just hung out, 631 00:32:52,504 --> 00:32:56,406 not even talking or laughing. 632 00:32:56,408 --> 00:32:58,608 Just silence. 633 00:33:04,717 --> 00:33:06,316 Even when I was sick, 634 00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:09,753 like the time I thought I had the bubonic plague, 635 00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:11,621 Kayla still came around, 636 00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:15,659 took care of me and made me laugh. 637 00:33:28,674 --> 00:33:30,640 What the fuck am I doin'? 638 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,114 Hey, Stanley, is Uncle Ulysses coming? 639 00:33:37,116 --> 00:33:38,648 How the fuck would I know? 640 00:33:38,650 --> 00:33:41,018 Do I look like a goddamn party planner? 641 00:33:41,020 --> 00:33:42,686 Fuck! 642 00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:45,822 Tom Cruise-looking motherfucker! 643 00:33:45,824 --> 00:33:48,725 Uncle Ulysses is Sean and Stanley's uncle. 644 00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:51,094 Actually, he's their great-uncle. 645 00:33:51,096 --> 00:33:53,697 Uncle Ulysses is a real interesting dude. 646 00:33:53,699 --> 00:33:56,333 He's sort of a Renaissance man. 647 00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:58,168 He's traveled the world. 648 00:33:58,170 --> 00:34:01,138 He's met, hung out and gotten drunk with everybody. 649 00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:05,575 Presidents, kings, movie stars, gangsters, you name it. 650 00:34:05,577 --> 00:34:07,577 He's been a soldier, a medicine man, 651 00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:09,146 a fortune teller, a mercenary, 652 00:34:09,148 --> 00:34:11,548 a migrant fruit-picker, a pearl diver, 653 00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,116 and who know what else. 654 00:34:13,118 --> 00:34:14,985 He never got married or had any kids. 655 00:34:14,987 --> 00:34:16,553 Most importantly, 656 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:21,992 it's been said that he's nailed over 3,000 women. 657 00:34:21,994 --> 00:34:23,827 I believe it. 658 00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:28,432 Uncle Ulysses is most famous for being a party animal. 659 00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:31,668 He's known worldwide as being the Yoda of drinking. 660 00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:33,236 On countless occasions, 661 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:37,941 he's drank Sean and I under the table. 662 00:34:37,943 --> 00:34:39,176 Literally. 663 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,611 Another thing about Uncle Ulysses, 664 00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:43,413 he walks everywhere. 665 00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:47,517 Whether it's 20 blocks or 20 miles, he walks. 666 00:34:47,519 --> 00:34:50,787 And he carries that goddamn suitcase everywhere he goes. 667 00:34:50,789 --> 00:34:53,190 Although I've inquired many, many times, 668 00:34:53,192 --> 00:34:57,327 nobody knows what's inside his goddamn suitcase. 669 00:34:57,329 --> 00:35:02,132 Like I said, Uncle Ulysses is a real interesting dude. 670 00:35:02,134 --> 00:35:04,067 Aloha! 671 00:35:04,069 --> 00:35:05,602 Hello! 672 00:35:05,604 --> 00:35:07,537 How'd you get in here? 673 00:35:07,539 --> 00:35:09,372 I told you to lock the front door. 674 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:11,508 - I did. - How you doin'? 675 00:35:11,510 --> 00:35:13,810 Well, well. 676 00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:16,980 Hello, you! 677 00:35:16,982 --> 00:35:20,817 - Good to see you, man. - Oh! Let's party! 678 00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:25,922 Oh! Be careful. 679 00:35:25,924 --> 00:35:28,525 Guys, what is this, like a gay circle jerk? 680 00:35:28,527 --> 00:35:31,628 I came to see some titties and ass! 681 00:35:31,630 --> 00:35:34,464 Tonight's collective toast is to a young man 682 00:35:34,466 --> 00:35:37,767 who's committed to the most wonderful commitment 683 00:35:37,769 --> 00:35:40,103 an individual can commit to. 684 00:35:41,507 --> 00:35:46,209 Sean, I wish you love, life and liberty. 685 00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:49,746 All right! 686 00:35:52,217 --> 00:35:55,218 Sean, I love you, you're my best friend, 687 00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:56,987 but it's not too late to back out. 688 00:36:03,095 --> 00:36:04,394 Oh! 689 00:36:04,396 --> 00:36:05,862 Pussy! 690 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,566 Hey, Miles, I wanna say congrats, cuz. 691 00:36:09,568 --> 00:36:11,201 Irene's good people, man. 692 00:36:11,203 --> 00:36:13,537 Hope y'all have a gang of little motherfuckers, man. 693 00:36:13,539 --> 00:36:15,906 This is to you. 694 00:36:17,142 --> 00:36:18,208 There you go. 695 00:36:18,210 --> 00:36:21,178 So long, sucker! 696 00:36:26,485 --> 00:36:27,851 Whoo! 697 00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:31,121 - Hey, man, pass that shit. - Come on, pass! 698 00:36:31,123 --> 00:36:32,422 Pass, pass, come on! 699 00:36:32,424 --> 00:36:33,623 Fuck. 700 00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,961 Congratulations, Sean. 701 00:36:37,963 --> 00:36:42,032 I just wanna wish you and your new wife all the best. 702 00:36:42,034 --> 00:36:44,301 Please take it easy on my house. 703 00:36:44,303 --> 00:36:47,571 Oh, no, no. 704 00:36:49,107 --> 00:36:52,742 I've been looking forward to this a long time. 705 00:36:57,449 --> 00:37:00,250 That's some shit. 706 00:37:00,252 --> 00:37:01,551 Congratulations to Sean. 707 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:03,220 We go way back, my man. 708 00:37:03,222 --> 00:37:05,522 Contrary to what these jokers are trying to make you believe, 709 00:37:05,524 --> 00:37:07,724 marriage, it's a beautiful thing. 710 00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:10,594 Just always keep it real with each other. 711 00:37:10,596 --> 00:37:13,196 Cheers, my man. 712 00:37:15,133 --> 00:37:16,233 God damn. 713 00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:20,103 Here. 714 00:37:20,105 --> 00:37:21,638 Why you gonna be an asshole, Stanley? 715 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,506 Suck my dick. 716 00:37:23,508 --> 00:37:27,444 I wanted all of you to be a part of my big day for a reason. 717 00:37:27,446 --> 00:37:30,513 Each of you helped mold me into the man I am today. 718 00:37:30,515 --> 00:37:31,581 Yes, I did! 719 00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:34,217 Good... and bad. 720 00:37:35,254 --> 00:37:37,821 I appreciate every one of you guys. 721 00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,656 I fuckin' love you, assholes. 722 00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:47,330 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 723 00:37:47,332 --> 00:37:52,369 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 724 00:37:52,371 --> 00:37:54,704 Drink! 725 00:37:54,706 --> 00:37:55,872 Drink! Drink! 726 00:37:55,874 --> 00:37:58,041 - Yeah! - Ha ha! Yeah! 727 00:38:03,315 --> 00:38:05,115 Here! Keep it full. 728 00:38:05,117 --> 00:38:06,916 Yeah! 729 00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:09,819 Yeah! 730 00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:11,454 Now we got a party. 731 00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:13,657 It's all over the floor. 732 00:38:15,027 --> 00:38:18,161 So when shall we be expecting these strippers? 733 00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:20,597 Don't worry. We have plenty of live entertainment 734 00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:22,165 coming shortly. 735 00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:24,501 - That's what I wanna hear! - Me fuckin', too! 736 00:38:24,503 --> 00:38:26,136 Strippers? Live entertainment? 737 00:38:26,138 --> 00:38:27,404 - Yeah. - Dirty. 738 00:38:27,406 --> 00:38:30,140 We had an agreement, Aaron. Eight people total. 739 00:38:30,142 --> 00:38:32,676 Strippers and/or live entertainment 740 00:38:32,678 --> 00:38:35,178 makes way more than eight people! 741 00:38:35,180 --> 00:38:37,314 I'm gonna have to shut it down, okay? 742 00:38:37,316 --> 00:38:39,082 Okay, guys! That's it! 743 00:38:39,084 --> 00:38:42,052 Wait! Just shut the fuck up for a second, all right? 744 00:38:42,054 --> 00:38:43,320 You're ruining the goddamn plan! 745 00:38:43,322 --> 00:38:47,157 Look! Joy is far, far away from here. 746 00:38:47,159 --> 00:38:49,926 Grow some fuckin' balls, will ya? 747 00:38:49,928 --> 00:38:51,961 Just calm the fuck down. 748 00:38:51,963 --> 00:38:54,664 Have a great time and enjoy yourself. 749 00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:57,200 Can you do that? Can you calm down? 750 00:38:57,202 --> 00:39:00,203 All right, let's have a good time. 751 00:39:05,777 --> 00:39:08,778 Can I borrow you for a second? 752 00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:11,481 Now I wanted tonight to be special. 753 00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:14,517 I mean really special, okay? 754 00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,387 Don't ask me how I did this 'cause I'm never gonna tell you, 755 00:39:17,389 --> 00:39:19,322 but... 756 00:39:19,324 --> 00:39:25,795 I was able to get Epiphany to come tonight. 757 00:39:25,797 --> 00:39:27,697 What? Epiphany? 758 00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:31,234 To the average person, 759 00:39:31,236 --> 00:39:34,337 the name Epiphany probably doesn't mean that much. 760 00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:35,805 But those who know 761 00:39:35,807 --> 00:39:39,175 know that Epiphany is a stripper. 762 00:39:39,177 --> 00:39:42,645 Actually, she used to be a stripper. 763 00:39:42,647 --> 00:39:44,514 Now... 764 00:39:44,516 --> 00:39:46,383 she's a legend. 765 00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:50,787 Epiphany only makes special appearances 766 00:39:50,789 --> 00:39:52,622 at select bachelor parties. 767 00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:54,824 Mostly she's hired to bang the groom 768 00:39:54,826 --> 00:39:56,626 on his last night of freedom. 769 00:39:56,628 --> 00:39:59,562 Word has it, after a guy hooks up with Epiphany, 770 00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:01,264 he's never the same. 771 00:40:01,266 --> 00:40:03,466 Epiphany's unbelievably expensive. 772 00:40:03,468 --> 00:40:07,737 But for Sean, she'll be worth every cent. 773 00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:11,908 I don't... I don't know what to say. 774 00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:15,044 There's something else about Sean that I find amazing. 775 00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:17,447 Sean has never cheated on Irene. 776 00:40:17,449 --> 00:40:21,217 No bullshit. Never! That is fucking amazing to me. 777 00:40:21,219 --> 00:40:23,720 In my humble opinion, cheating is inevitable. 778 00:40:23,722 --> 00:40:26,189 How can you wake up to the same face everyday 779 00:40:26,191 --> 00:40:28,425 and not get tired of it? 780 00:40:28,427 --> 00:40:30,760 Like I always say, 781 00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,762 a guy could line up all the women in the world 782 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:34,964 and take his time to pick what he considers to be 783 00:40:34,966 --> 00:40:37,600 the most beautiful one. 784 00:40:37,602 --> 00:40:41,037 In three months, he'll be tired of her. 785 00:40:41,039 --> 00:40:42,338 Crap! 786 00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:44,607 Everybody cheats. You have to keep in mind 787 00:40:44,609 --> 00:40:46,910 men and women see cheating differently. 788 00:40:46,912 --> 00:40:48,812 The woman wants to know... 789 00:40:48,814 --> 00:40:51,347 I don't care if you fucked her! 790 00:40:51,349 --> 00:40:52,649 Did you love her? 791 00:40:52,651 --> 00:40:54,017 The guys wants to know... 792 00:40:54,019 --> 00:40:55,919 I don't care if you loved him. 793 00:40:55,921 --> 00:40:58,087 Did you fuck him? 794 00:40:58,089 --> 00:41:00,089 I've never really had a girlfriend to cheat on. 795 00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,724 But I have to admit, 796 00:41:01,726 --> 00:41:04,928 after nailing the last few girls since I met Kayla, 797 00:41:04,930 --> 00:41:07,197 I did feel a little bad. 798 00:41:07,199 --> 00:41:10,900 Hey, sexy, let's get you home. 799 00:41:10,902 --> 00:41:12,836 Don't want you driving home too late. 800 00:41:12,838 --> 00:41:14,437 Matter of fact, I felt so bad 801 00:41:14,439 --> 00:41:16,439 I actually confessed it to Kayla. 802 00:41:16,441 --> 00:41:18,408 I couldn't believe I was snitching on myself. 803 00:41:18,410 --> 00:41:20,276 I'd never done anything like that before. 804 00:41:20,278 --> 00:41:22,612 It was like an out-of-body experience. 805 00:41:22,614 --> 00:41:24,514 I expected her to scream, cuss, 806 00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:27,317 scratch my eyes out and shank me. 807 00:41:27,319 --> 00:41:28,685 But she didn't. 808 00:41:28,687 --> 00:41:32,188 We just talked about it. 809 00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:34,757 And she forgave me. 810 00:41:34,759 --> 00:41:37,360 I mean, I know she wasn't my girlfriend or anything, 811 00:41:37,362 --> 00:41:40,930 and I shouldn't care, but... 812 00:41:40,932 --> 00:41:43,132 she forgave me. 813 00:41:43,134 --> 00:41:44,534 Wow. 814 00:41:45,604 --> 00:41:48,972 You don't need to say anything. 815 00:41:48,974 --> 00:41:50,907 You know what to do. 816 00:41:50,909 --> 00:41:53,443 Oh, fuck yeah! 817 00:41:53,445 --> 00:41:54,978 Yeah! 818 00:41:56,815 --> 00:42:00,450 Oh, shit! 819 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,293 Good evening, gentlemen. 820 00:42:10,295 --> 00:42:12,128 Whoo! 821 00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,264 You all ready to have a good time tonight? 822 00:42:14,266 --> 00:42:16,199 Oh, yeah! 823 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:18,134 All right. Here are the rules. 824 00:42:18,136 --> 00:42:21,538 Do not touch the girls. 825 00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:23,039 Boo! That's bullshit! 826 00:42:23,041 --> 00:42:25,575 They can touch you, but you can't touch them. 827 00:42:25,577 --> 00:42:27,243 I'm serious. 828 00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:30,813 Tip. 829 00:42:30,815 --> 00:42:33,750 Performing tonight for your visual pleasure 830 00:42:33,752 --> 00:42:36,619 are the finest, the freakiest, 831 00:42:36,621 --> 00:42:40,690 the most fascinating bitches to ever work a pole! 832 00:42:40,692 --> 00:42:42,325 - Please! - Luscious! 833 00:42:42,327 --> 00:42:44,527 Are you boys ready for the night? 834 00:42:44,529 --> 00:42:45,762 Yummy! 835 00:42:45,764 --> 00:42:47,530 Hello, gentlemen. 836 00:42:47,532 --> 00:42:48,932 Precious. 837 00:42:48,934 --> 00:42:50,767 Who wants to be spanked? 838 00:42:50,769 --> 00:42:52,569 Yeah! 839 00:42:52,571 --> 00:42:53,636 Chastity! 840 00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:55,271 - Hey, hey, hey. - Delicious. 841 00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:57,173 - Hello, hungry boys. - Dreamy. 842 00:42:57,175 --> 00:42:59,042 I'll make your dreams come true. 843 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,143 Temptation. 844 00:43:00,145 --> 00:43:03,212 - You want some of this? - Sin. 845 00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:05,515 - You guys ready to party? - Seduction. 846 00:43:05,517 --> 00:43:06,816 Who wants to get nasty? 847 00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:08,885 All right, girls, go do your thing. 848 00:43:08,887 --> 00:43:12,155 ♪ Make that ass bounce ♪ 849 00:43:12,157 --> 00:43:15,892 ♪ Up and down like a basketball ♪ 850 00:43:15,894 --> 00:43:19,829 ♪ Your booty's so round Let's play ratchetball ♪ 851 00:43:19,831 --> 00:43:22,832 Shake that sweet brown shit, girl. 852 00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:24,467 Mmm! I like what I see. 853 00:43:24,469 --> 00:43:28,338 ♪ Sit this here Get nasty on that ass you got ♪ 854 00:43:28,340 --> 00:43:30,073 ♪ Girl, you better not go past me ♪ 855 00:43:30,075 --> 00:43:32,342 ♪ I play the sexophone ♪ 856 00:43:32,344 --> 00:43:34,677 ♪ I don't mind if you get a little jazzy ♪ 857 00:43:37,882 --> 00:43:39,215 Whoo! 858 00:43:39,217 --> 00:43:41,517 Dirty old man, you! 859 00:43:44,689 --> 00:43:47,357 Ooh! That one. 860 00:43:47,359 --> 00:43:50,526 ♪ She a kidnapper Amber alert, Amber alert ♪ 861 00:43:50,528 --> 00:43:53,096 ♪ Be quiet That's a grown woman ♪ 862 00:43:53,098 --> 00:43:54,664 ♪ She be in the gym ♪ 863 00:43:54,666 --> 00:43:56,032 Get over here, girl! 864 00:43:56,034 --> 00:43:57,100 Relax, beautiful. 865 00:43:57,102 --> 00:43:58,668 Don't... touch. 866 00:43:58,670 --> 00:44:02,271 Come on, relax. You and I got a nice rhythm going. 867 00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:03,673 Hey, hey, if you're friendly, 868 00:44:03,675 --> 00:44:05,375 there'll be a nice fat tip in it for you. 869 00:44:05,377 --> 00:44:07,644 Baby, come on, big fat tip! 870 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:14,250 Hey, girls. 871 00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:16,252 Do you wanna come out? 872 00:44:16,254 --> 00:44:18,488 The guy's your man. 873 00:44:22,927 --> 00:44:25,561 Oh, my! If we must, we must. 874 00:44:27,766 --> 00:44:30,266 Shit! You girls seem like you may have done this 875 00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:32,435 one or two times before. 876 00:44:34,372 --> 00:44:36,639 Whoo-hoo! 877 00:44:38,309 --> 00:44:42,211 I'm an Aztec god! Cheez-alcoatl! 878 00:44:42,213 --> 00:44:46,015 Is it cool if later, I crawl up inside you and take a nap? 879 00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:48,217 This is so fun to watch. 880 00:44:50,989 --> 00:44:53,322 Touch your toes, touch your toes. 881 00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:55,291 Go ahead, bend over, touch your toes. 882 00:44:55,293 --> 00:44:57,193 Wait. Where we going? 883 00:44:57,195 --> 00:44:59,862 All right, girls. 884 00:45:02,834 --> 00:45:04,701 Whoo-hoo! 885 00:45:09,641 --> 00:45:12,642 Yeah! 886 00:45:17,515 --> 00:45:20,450 Remember, you said there's a big fat tip in it for me. 887 00:45:20,452 --> 00:45:22,351 Trust me, baby. 888 00:45:22,353 --> 00:45:24,654 It is. 889 00:45:26,725 --> 00:45:27,690 Ow! 890 00:45:27,692 --> 00:45:28,825 Oh, hell no. 891 00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:30,960 Hey, asshole, I told you! 892 00:45:30,962 --> 00:45:32,562 No touching! 893 00:45:32,564 --> 00:45:34,630 - What did I say? - Come on! What? 894 00:45:34,632 --> 00:45:36,766 Ladies, that's it. Pack it up, show's over. 895 00:45:36,768 --> 00:45:37,767 No! No! 896 00:45:37,769 --> 00:45:40,036 Oh, come on! 897 00:45:40,038 --> 00:45:41,771 No! No! 898 00:45:42,774 --> 00:45:44,540 What'd you do, man? 899 00:45:44,542 --> 00:45:46,709 What the fuck did I tell you, man? 900 00:45:46,711 --> 00:45:47,777 Be respectful! 901 00:45:47,779 --> 00:45:51,581 You motherfuck! 902 00:45:51,583 --> 00:45:54,317 - Hey! Hey! - Control this animal! 903 00:45:54,319 --> 00:45:56,886 Fuck you! Fuck you! What the hell are you doin'? 904 00:45:56,888 --> 00:45:59,288 You fuckin' fucked it up! 905 00:45:59,290 --> 00:46:01,491 I can't believe you fags are making such a big deal 906 00:46:01,493 --> 00:46:04,093 about these stank-ass fuckin' hookers! 907 00:46:09,267 --> 00:46:11,134 They're back? 908 00:46:16,007 --> 00:46:17,507 Nice house. 909 00:46:21,179 --> 00:46:22,712 Good evening, gentlemen. 910 00:46:22,714 --> 00:46:25,281 I'm Detective Armstrong. This is Detective Gonzalez. 911 00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:29,519 Well, well, well, if it ain't the popos! 912 00:46:29,521 --> 00:46:32,221 Yeah, what can we do for you, Detectives? 913 00:46:32,223 --> 00:46:35,658 Looking for this scumbag right here: Jesse Jameson. 914 00:46:35,660 --> 00:46:36,826 You guys seen him? 915 00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:38,494 Yeah, he escaped from prison. 916 00:46:38,496 --> 00:46:40,530 Our sources informed us that he might be right here 917 00:46:40,532 --> 00:46:42,064 at his cousin's bachelor party. 918 00:46:42,066 --> 00:46:44,033 Is that true? 919 00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:46,936 Which one of you is his cousin? 920 00:46:46,938 --> 00:46:48,070 That would be me, Detectives, 921 00:46:48,072 --> 00:46:50,439 but I haven't seen Jesse in ages. 922 00:46:50,441 --> 00:46:52,041 Last I heard, he was still in prison. 923 00:46:52,043 --> 00:46:53,376 That's right, Detectives. 924 00:46:53,378 --> 00:46:55,745 We're all law-abiding citizens here. 925 00:46:55,747 --> 00:46:59,682 We would never harbor a fugitive from the law. 926 00:47:02,821 --> 00:47:03,886 That's crazy. 927 00:47:03,888 --> 00:47:05,588 It's just a bachelor party. 928 00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:06,789 Bachelor party. 929 00:47:06,791 --> 00:47:07,957 All right. 930 00:47:07,959 --> 00:47:09,792 You see this motherfucker, 931 00:47:09,794 --> 00:47:10,827 give us a call, right? 932 00:47:10,829 --> 00:47:13,596 Yes, sir, Detective Armstrong. 933 00:47:13,598 --> 00:47:14,697 Absolutely. 934 00:47:17,869 --> 00:47:19,635 Let's go. Come on. 935 00:47:19,637 --> 00:47:22,605 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Now wait a minute, gentlemen! 936 00:47:22,607 --> 00:47:24,740 You sure you don't wanna have a little cocktail? 937 00:47:24,742 --> 00:47:27,009 Gus, what are you... Don't be silly. 938 00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:29,412 They're detectives. They don't have time for that. 939 00:47:29,414 --> 00:47:31,080 They've got crooks to catch. 940 00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:35,551 Besides, they can't drink. They're detectives. 941 00:47:40,158 --> 00:47:41,257 Oh, shit! 942 00:47:41,259 --> 00:47:42,425 Sorry, dog! 943 00:47:47,432 --> 00:47:49,198 Hey, I like y'all. 944 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,568 Anybody who said it wasn't fun drinking with cops are lying! 945 00:47:52,570 --> 00:47:54,570 Y'all motherfuckers are crazy! 946 00:47:54,572 --> 00:47:56,873 We gotta go, man! 947 00:47:58,810 --> 00:48:01,878 Oh, my God! What the... 948 00:48:13,558 --> 00:48:16,859 Okay, they're gone, Jesse! You can come out now! 949 00:48:16,861 --> 00:48:18,628 You're dead, motherfucker! 950 00:48:23,034 --> 00:48:24,667 Get the gun! 951 00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:28,204 Fucking gun! 952 00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,140 - I got it! I got it! - Get off! 953 00:48:31,142 --> 00:48:34,410 Fuck! 954 00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:36,178 That motherfucker almost got me busted! 955 00:48:36,180 --> 00:48:38,047 Hey, I saved your ass! 956 00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:41,284 If it wasn't for me, those cops would've left here suspicious! 957 00:48:41,286 --> 00:48:42,652 Gus, shut the fuck up! 958 00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:46,489 Dude, you broke out of fuckin' prison? 959 00:48:47,759 --> 00:48:48,858 Yeah. 960 00:48:50,128 --> 00:48:51,761 God damn, Jesse! 961 00:48:51,763 --> 00:48:53,696 Could've got us all busted for hiding you out! 962 00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:56,232 We didn't know we were hiding you out! Fuck, man! 963 00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:00,903 You said you served your time, dude! 964 00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:04,106 I lied. 965 00:49:04,108 --> 00:49:07,743 Look, man, I'm sorry. I have 16 months left. 966 00:49:07,745 --> 00:49:08,744 Oh, God. 967 00:49:08,746 --> 00:49:09,845 Does Butterfly know? 968 00:49:19,657 --> 00:49:22,258 You're my favorite cousin, Sean. 969 00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:26,462 You always been there for me. 970 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:28,564 I wasn't gonna miss your big day. 971 00:49:28,566 --> 00:49:31,701 I did it 'cause I love you, cuz, I swear to God. 972 00:49:34,739 --> 00:49:36,939 Jesus. 973 00:49:36,941 --> 00:49:38,274 Fuck! 974 00:49:38,276 --> 00:49:39,775 I'm so sorry. 975 00:49:42,914 --> 00:49:45,715 Where the fuck is Floyd? 976 00:49:47,952 --> 00:49:49,952 I had to shut his ass up. 977 00:50:03,001 --> 00:50:05,668 Hey, Floyd, how you doin'? 978 00:50:05,670 --> 00:50:09,038 We're having a great time. Just wanna let you know. 979 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:12,074 And I'm really sorry about all of this. 980 00:50:12,076 --> 00:50:15,478 Just so you know, before I remove this gag, 981 00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:19,615 everything is cool, so just be cool, okay? 982 00:50:22,353 --> 00:50:23,619 Did I hear shooting? 983 00:50:23,621 --> 00:50:25,054 Are the police still here? 984 00:50:25,056 --> 00:50:26,422 Did anybody get shot? 985 00:50:26,424 --> 00:50:28,357 Did they get in the shootout with the cops? 986 00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:30,059 Is anybody bleeding? If they're bleeding... 987 00:50:31,362 --> 00:50:33,262 No blood in the house! 988 00:50:33,264 --> 00:50:34,497 No! 989 00:50:34,499 --> 00:50:38,067 Get me out of here! 990 00:50:38,069 --> 00:50:41,437 Dick don't even realize what an altruistic move that was. 991 00:50:41,439 --> 00:50:44,507 The goddamn hero of the hour. 992 00:50:44,509 --> 00:50:47,543 Hey, don't let the bullshit get you down, Gus. 993 00:50:47,545 --> 00:50:49,712 You had good intentions, bro. That's all that matters. 994 00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:53,249 Let's lighten the mood, keep the party going for Sean. 995 00:50:53,251 --> 00:50:54,917 Cheers. 996 00:50:54,919 --> 00:50:57,787 What makes you think I need you to lighten my fuckin' mood? 997 00:50:57,789 --> 00:51:00,056 I can lighten my own goddamn mood. 998 00:51:00,058 --> 00:51:01,323 Oh. 999 00:51:01,325 --> 00:51:03,559 Oh, calm down, Gus. 1000 00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,428 Calm down? I am calm, okay? 1001 00:51:05,430 --> 00:51:06,829 I was really calm until you came over here 1002 00:51:06,831 --> 00:51:09,131 like Florence Fuckin' Nightingale 1003 00:51:09,133 --> 00:51:10,399 with your little toast. 1004 00:51:10,401 --> 00:51:11,434 I propose a toast. 1005 00:51:11,436 --> 00:51:12,935 Hey, everybody! Hey, guys! 1006 00:51:12,937 --> 00:51:16,038 I'd like to propose a toast, a toast to Miles! 1007 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,606 Miles, the only guy I know 1008 00:51:17,608 --> 00:51:20,609 who's so perfect, his shit don't stink! 1009 00:51:20,611 --> 00:51:21,877 Cheers! 1010 00:51:21,879 --> 00:51:24,880 What's your problem with me, Gus? 1011 00:51:24,882 --> 00:51:28,117 What makes you think I got a problem with you, Mr. Perfect? 1012 00:51:28,119 --> 00:51:29,552 I'm not perfect, Gus. 1013 00:51:29,554 --> 00:51:31,620 Oh, I know that. I've been watching your games. 1014 00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:33,389 You damn sure ain't perfect, okay? 1015 00:51:33,391 --> 00:51:36,258 If I'd gone professional by now, I'd be better than ever 1016 00:51:36,260 --> 00:51:38,160 because I'd be using the knowledge and the understanding 1017 00:51:38,162 --> 00:51:40,463 and the wisdom that I've accumulated throughout the years 1018 00:51:40,465 --> 00:51:42,698 and combined that with my God-given talent. 1019 00:51:42,700 --> 00:51:44,366 But you're not me. You're number two! 1020 00:51:44,368 --> 00:51:46,569 You're still number two! Remember that! 1021 00:51:48,873 --> 00:51:49,972 Whatever. 1022 00:51:49,974 --> 00:51:52,741 Oh, whatever? Whatever? 1023 00:51:52,743 --> 00:51:55,411 I'll show you whatever. Let's take it to the ice! 1024 00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:58,280 - What? - You heard me, Mr. Hockey Star. 1025 00:51:58,282 --> 00:52:00,950 I challenge you to a shootout. First three points. 1026 00:52:00,952 --> 00:52:02,518 I got sticks, pucks. 1027 00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:03,953 What are you fuckin' laughin' at? 1028 00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:06,088 I got sticks, pucks and everything in the car. 1029 00:52:06,090 --> 00:52:09,258 I'm so real with it I even got a fuckin' goal! 1030 00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:10,459 Let's go! 1031 00:52:13,131 --> 00:52:15,030 What's the matter, Miles, you scared? 1032 00:52:15,032 --> 00:52:17,299 You're scared? Huh? 1033 00:52:17,301 --> 00:52:20,302 Let's rock it! Let's do this. 1034 00:52:23,441 --> 00:52:25,007 Watch close, chumps. 1035 00:52:25,009 --> 00:52:28,611 You're about to watch a master at work. 1036 00:52:30,481 --> 00:52:32,548 Oh, come on! 1037 00:52:32,550 --> 00:52:35,618 Do your thing, Miles! Show us that thing! 1038 00:52:35,620 --> 00:52:38,387 Watch close, punks! 1039 00:52:41,325 --> 00:52:43,459 - Aah! - Ohh! 1040 00:52:43,461 --> 00:52:45,060 Come on, Miles, punk-ass bitch! 1041 00:52:45,062 --> 00:52:47,129 Nothing gets past! 1042 00:52:47,131 --> 00:52:48,831 Oh! 1043 00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:51,967 That's why he's the motherfucking best! 1044 00:52:51,969 --> 00:52:54,603 Shut the fuck up! I'm just warming up! 1045 00:52:56,974 --> 00:52:59,542 Ohh! 1046 00:52:59,544 --> 00:53:02,211 Bee-yotch! You scared? Do you wanna get past? 1047 00:53:02,213 --> 00:53:03,946 Ohh! 1048 00:53:03,948 --> 00:53:05,648 Ah, shit! 1049 00:53:05,650 --> 00:53:09,585 Now watch the magic, bitches. 1050 00:53:09,587 --> 00:53:11,954 - Ohh! - It's good though. 1051 00:53:11,956 --> 00:53:14,123 Just follow through, brother. Just follow through. 1052 00:53:14,125 --> 00:53:17,493 Shut up! It's all part of my strategy, dumb-asses. 1053 00:53:17,495 --> 00:53:19,061 - Watch this! - Miles! Miles! 1054 00:53:19,063 --> 00:53:20,162 Go ahead. 1055 00:53:20,164 --> 00:53:22,198 Here come the pain! 1056 00:53:23,234 --> 00:53:24,667 Ohh! 1057 00:53:26,304 --> 00:53:27,970 All right, I got this. 1058 00:53:27,972 --> 00:53:29,939 I'm just warmin' up here anyway. Come on! 1059 00:53:29,941 --> 00:53:33,342 I'm a stenchy bitch. Nothing gets past me. Nothing! 1060 00:53:33,344 --> 00:53:34,810 This is what I do! 1061 00:53:36,013 --> 00:53:38,147 Ohh! 1062 00:53:38,149 --> 00:53:39,582 Thataboy! 1063 00:53:39,584 --> 00:53:42,384 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 1064 00:53:42,386 --> 00:53:44,220 Yeah! We done? 1065 00:53:44,222 --> 00:53:47,489 Oh, that's cool. I just forgot to warm up. 1066 00:53:47,491 --> 00:53:49,191 If I was playing on ice with my skates, 1067 00:53:49,193 --> 00:53:50,392 I would've rocked it. 1068 00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:51,927 Thank you. 1069 00:53:51,929 --> 00:53:54,230 Can I get a beer now? Can we finally start drinking? 1070 00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:57,433 I'll be right back. Gotta go take a leak. 1071 00:54:08,846 --> 00:54:10,346 Ah, yeah. 1072 00:54:10,348 --> 00:54:14,450 ♪ Sweet smell of victory ♪ 1073 00:54:32,536 --> 00:54:34,737 So what's up? 1074 00:54:43,547 --> 00:54:45,814 You all right? 1075 00:54:45,816 --> 00:54:49,418 I've been thinking about what you've been sayin'. 1076 00:54:49,420 --> 00:54:51,487 And the truth is, 1077 00:54:51,489 --> 00:54:58,227 the idea of spending the rest of my life with one woman 1078 00:54:58,229 --> 00:55:00,729 fuckin' terrifies me. 1079 00:55:03,334 --> 00:55:06,368 You have no idea how long I've been waiting 1080 00:55:06,370 --> 00:55:08,737 to hear you say this. 1081 00:55:08,739 --> 00:55:12,608 Look, Irene, she's a great girl, man. 1082 00:55:12,610 --> 00:55:14,843 But marriage, hey, this is... 1083 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:16,712 Maybe you just need to slow down a little bit. 1084 00:55:16,714 --> 00:55:18,547 The problem is, bro, the wedding's tomorrow. 1085 00:55:18,549 --> 00:55:20,549 It's not like I can just call it off. 1086 00:55:20,551 --> 00:55:22,351 I'd go down as the biggest asshole 1087 00:55:22,353 --> 00:55:23,819 in the history of assholes. 1088 00:55:23,821 --> 00:55:27,056 It's never too late. It is never too late. 1089 00:55:27,058 --> 00:55:31,860 Sean, you and I have been best friends since the fourth grade. 1090 00:55:31,862 --> 00:55:34,963 We've always had each other's backs, 1091 00:55:34,965 --> 00:55:37,700 and we have each other's backs right now. 1092 00:55:37,702 --> 00:55:41,904 If you don't wanna go through with this... 1093 00:55:41,906 --> 00:55:44,106 I'll pay for everything. 1094 00:55:44,108 --> 00:55:46,775 I will take the heat. 1095 00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:53,048 You don't even know what you wanna do, do you? 1096 00:55:53,050 --> 00:55:55,684 Because you've lost perspective. 1097 00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:59,221 That is exactly why it is so important 1098 00:55:59,223 --> 00:56:02,591 that you have a taste the good life tonight 1099 00:56:02,593 --> 00:56:05,627 to get your senses back. 1100 00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:15,070 What time does Epiphany get here? 1101 00:56:15,072 --> 00:56:16,972 Yes! 1102 00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:20,476 All right. All right. 1103 00:56:20,478 --> 00:56:23,178 I love you! 1104 00:56:29,286 --> 00:56:31,987 Pull it together, pull it together. 1105 00:56:31,989 --> 00:56:34,323 It's okay. 1106 00:56:34,325 --> 00:56:38,360 You're still number one. You're still the Gus-man. 1107 00:56:38,362 --> 00:56:40,696 Oh! 1108 00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:43,132 Hey, good game. 1109 00:56:43,134 --> 00:56:45,734 Yeah, man, good game, good game, great game. 1110 00:56:45,736 --> 00:56:47,269 - Hey, Gus. - Yeah. 1111 00:56:47,271 --> 00:56:49,271 Do you remember junior year, 1112 00:56:49,273 --> 00:56:51,473 the big game against Riverdale High when I missed the goal 1113 00:56:51,475 --> 00:56:53,909 - and we lost that game? - Yeah. 1114 00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:56,078 Do you remember what I asked you after the game? 1115 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,312 No. 1116 00:56:57,314 --> 00:56:59,415 I asked you if you thought I had what it takes. 1117 00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:02,017 Do you remember your answer? 1118 00:57:02,019 --> 00:57:04,186 No. 1119 00:57:04,188 --> 00:57:07,790 Well, you asked me if I thought I had what it takes. 1120 00:57:07,792 --> 00:57:09,625 And I said yeah. Then you said, 1121 00:57:09,627 --> 00:57:12,494 "Then it doesn't matter what the hell anybody else thinks." 1122 00:57:12,496 --> 00:57:14,596 I said that? 1123 00:57:14,598 --> 00:57:16,265 Hell yeah, you did. 1124 00:57:17,401 --> 00:57:19,001 Gus. 1125 00:57:19,003 --> 00:57:21,770 I never forgot that, ever. 1126 00:57:21,772 --> 00:57:25,340 And I hope you didn't forget it either. 1127 00:57:25,342 --> 00:57:28,110 I mean, you're a coach. 1128 00:57:28,112 --> 00:57:29,978 A coach! 1129 00:57:29,980 --> 00:57:33,816 Just think about how much Coach Modesto influenced us. 1130 00:57:33,818 --> 00:57:36,585 You're doing the same thing for these kids. 1131 00:57:36,587 --> 00:57:39,354 That is a lot to be proud of, man. 1132 00:57:41,225 --> 00:57:42,758 You're right. Thank you. 1133 00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:44,426 - You bet. - Thank you. 1134 00:57:44,428 --> 00:57:46,728 Let's grab a beer, man. I wanna hear all about the team. 1135 00:57:46,730 --> 00:57:48,163 - All right. - All right. 1136 00:57:48,165 --> 00:57:50,032 Basically, I got a really good team, right? 1137 00:57:50,034 --> 00:57:52,835 But the teams today, they gotta be the laziest sons of bitches 1138 00:57:52,837 --> 00:57:54,403 - who ever lived! - Yeah, they are. 1139 00:57:54,405 --> 00:57:56,405 They really are. 1140 00:57:56,407 --> 00:57:59,107 Part of my plan was for Sean to get fucked up tonight. 1141 00:57:59,109 --> 00:58:01,376 I wanted him to have the kind of fun we used to have. 1142 00:58:01,378 --> 00:58:03,212 I don't want him to get too drunk 1143 00:58:03,214 --> 00:58:04,947 'cause if he does, he'll be so hungover, 1144 00:58:04,949 --> 00:58:06,682 he'll be happy to leave this life behind. 1145 00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,383 Plus I paid a mint for Epiphany, 1146 00:58:08,385 --> 00:58:10,752 and he's gonna enjoy it if it fuckin' kills me. 1147 00:58:10,754 --> 00:58:14,156 I ain't seen him this happy, man. 1148 00:58:14,158 --> 00:58:16,391 I just hope Irene ride like Butterfly. 1149 00:58:16,393 --> 00:58:19,661 I just have to know when to take his MFD, 1150 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:21,563 his motherfuckin' drink. 1151 00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:25,267 I have to get me another MFD... 1152 00:58:27,505 --> 00:58:29,304 Not that I was checking, 1153 00:58:29,306 --> 00:58:31,440 but Kayla's social media page said that she was leaving 1154 00:58:31,442 --> 00:58:35,878 for Chicago tomorrow night to accept the job. 1155 00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:40,082 I guess it is what it is. 1156 00:58:45,523 --> 00:58:47,890 What? What? What? 1157 00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:52,528 I appreciate you being my best man, bro. 1158 00:58:52,530 --> 00:58:54,396 Where are you going with this? 1159 00:58:54,398 --> 00:58:58,901 I'm saying... I appreciate you. 1160 00:58:58,903 --> 00:59:01,403 I gotta take a shit. 1161 00:59:07,411 --> 00:59:09,978 I just wish we were closer. 1162 00:59:17,521 --> 00:59:19,154 Between me and you, 1163 00:59:19,156 --> 00:59:20,689 it's been pretty tight since my assistant coach left. 1164 00:59:20,691 --> 00:59:22,357 We're already losing. 1165 00:59:22,359 --> 00:59:24,359 Now we're the biggest losers in the state. 1166 00:59:24,361 --> 00:59:26,094 It's so fuckin' magnanimous. 1167 00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:27,863 And the principal just told me the other day 1168 00:59:27,865 --> 00:59:30,933 if I don't turn this shit around now, they're gonna fire my ass. 1169 00:59:30,935 --> 00:59:32,568 Coaching is my life. 1170 00:59:32,570 --> 00:59:36,238 If I lose that gig, I might just lose my reason to live. 1171 00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:37,973 I know I act like everything's great, 1172 00:59:37,975 --> 00:59:41,076 but I'm really struggling, man. 1173 00:59:41,078 --> 00:59:43,512 Bro, I feel you, man. 1174 00:59:43,514 --> 00:59:45,314 I'm struggling, too. 1175 00:59:45,316 --> 00:59:47,149 You struggling? Come on, man. 1176 00:59:47,151 --> 00:59:49,084 I was just hating when I said all that stuff 1177 00:59:49,086 --> 00:59:51,320 about you losing your skills. You still got it, okay? 1178 00:59:51,322 --> 00:59:53,555 Be proud. 1179 00:59:53,557 --> 00:59:54,790 I appreciate that. 1180 00:59:54,792 --> 00:59:57,192 It's the truth. 1181 00:59:57,194 --> 01:00:00,662 But I know I can't keep up with these young boys. 1182 01:00:00,664 --> 01:00:02,531 I'm not trying to. I just... 1183 01:00:02,533 --> 01:00:05,867 I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with myself 1184 01:00:05,869 --> 01:00:07,903 after I retire. 1185 01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:09,605 I don't have any hobbies. 1186 01:00:09,607 --> 01:00:11,773 I don't wanna be a sportscaster 1187 01:00:11,775 --> 01:00:16,311 or an actor or anything like that. 1188 01:00:18,482 --> 01:00:21,316 I mean, between you and me, 1189 01:00:21,318 --> 01:00:25,454 it's all got me a little depressed. 1190 01:00:25,456 --> 01:00:27,689 Actually, it's, uh... 1191 01:00:27,691 --> 01:00:30,592 it's got me a lot depressed. 1192 01:00:30,594 --> 01:00:33,261 I'm seeing a therapist. 1193 01:00:36,133 --> 01:00:37,899 It's really hard keeping a positive face 1194 01:00:37,901 --> 01:00:40,002 for my wife and family, you know? 1195 01:00:42,206 --> 01:00:45,574 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 1196 01:00:45,576 --> 01:00:47,409 God damn! 1197 01:00:47,411 --> 01:00:51,446 I guess shit really ain't greener on the other side. 1198 01:00:51,448 --> 01:00:53,382 I mean, I'm just saying I'm sorry, bro. 1199 01:00:53,384 --> 01:00:55,117 Don't sweat it. I'm sure you'll find it. 1200 01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:56,852 It's gotta be something right under your nose. 1201 01:00:56,854 --> 01:00:58,854 I mean, you'll find something. 1202 01:00:58,856 --> 01:01:00,622 I wish I could have a real pro like you 1203 01:01:00,624 --> 01:01:02,157 to be my assistant coach. 1204 01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:04,326 That bitch-ass principal won't talk about firing me then. 1205 01:01:04,328 --> 01:01:07,062 Plus I'd have somebody on my team who understands the game 1206 01:01:07,064 --> 01:01:09,564 damn near as well as I do. 1207 01:01:09,566 --> 01:01:10,999 I'll do it. 1208 01:01:12,569 --> 01:01:15,604 Nah, I... Are you serious? 1209 01:01:15,606 --> 01:01:18,974 Serious as an ice fight, man. Yeah, I'll do it. 1210 01:01:18,976 --> 01:01:21,376 Hell yeah! 1211 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:22,744 Oh, man! 1212 01:01:22,746 --> 01:01:25,547 Let's go do some shots or something. Come on! Yes! 1213 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:31,053 You're cool? 1214 01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:37,059 Ah. 1215 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:42,097 I'm cool. 1216 01:01:42,099 --> 01:01:44,066 Good. Then stay cool. 1217 01:01:49,606 --> 01:01:51,640 Here, come on, okay. 1218 01:01:51,642 --> 01:01:52,841 Incoming! 1219 01:01:55,079 --> 01:01:57,045 Oh, you havin' a good time, Stan? 1220 01:01:57,047 --> 01:01:59,414 I want you to have a good time, Stan. 1221 01:01:59,416 --> 01:02:03,151 You know, you haven't smiled since we were kids, Stan. 1222 01:02:03,153 --> 01:02:05,287 Come on, stop with that affectionate shit. 1223 01:02:05,289 --> 01:02:07,189 - Seriously. - What? What? 1224 01:02:07,191 --> 01:02:12,427 Brothers should be able to share affection with each other. 1225 01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:16,231 Yeah, save that shit for your bitch. 1226 01:02:16,233 --> 01:02:18,567 What did you just say? 1227 01:02:18,569 --> 01:02:22,170 I said save that shit for your bitch. 1228 01:02:30,214 --> 01:02:32,147 Don't call Irene a bitch. 1229 01:02:35,285 --> 01:02:36,852 Fuck you. 1230 01:02:36,854 --> 01:02:41,289 If I wanna call her a bitch, I'll call her a bitch. 1231 01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:44,459 You know, I am so sick of your negativity. 1232 01:02:44,461 --> 01:02:48,430 What are you gonna do about it? 1233 01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:54,636 Bitch. 1234 01:02:57,908 --> 01:02:59,341 - You fuck! - Oh! Oh! 1235 01:02:59,343 --> 01:03:01,343 It's a fight! 1236 01:03:02,513 --> 01:03:05,046 Hey, guys... 1237 01:03:05,048 --> 01:03:06,381 Oh! Look what you did! 1238 01:03:06,383 --> 01:03:07,282 Whoa, whoa! 1239 01:03:07,284 --> 01:03:09,751 Hey, guys, look what he did! 1240 01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:15,824 Shit! Shit! 1241 01:03:17,127 --> 01:03:19,161 Shit! Fuck! 1242 01:03:19,163 --> 01:03:21,863 You two should be ashamed of yourselves. 1243 01:03:21,865 --> 01:03:23,098 You're brothers! 1244 01:03:23,100 --> 01:03:24,366 I can't feel my left side. 1245 01:03:24,368 --> 01:03:26,134 Sean started it! It's his fault! 1246 01:03:26,136 --> 01:03:29,671 And I'm sure you gave him a very good damn reason. 1247 01:03:29,673 --> 01:03:34,442 You are one very unhappy and bitter motherfucker, Stanley. 1248 01:03:34,444 --> 01:03:37,345 And that's something you have to work out! 1249 01:03:37,347 --> 01:03:39,447 But despite it all, your brother here 1250 01:03:39,449 --> 01:03:43,185 is one of the very last creatures on this planet 1251 01:03:43,187 --> 01:03:44,452 who loves you. 1252 01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:45,821 He really does. 1253 01:03:45,823 --> 01:03:50,659 And I think it's high time you recognized that. 1254 01:03:52,629 --> 01:03:54,629 Fucking Ulysses! 1255 01:04:04,107 --> 01:04:06,341 You must be Epiphany. 1256 01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:12,480 Yes, ma'am, I will send him right in. 1257 01:04:12,482 --> 01:04:14,482 Just wanna say also that it's an honor 1258 01:04:14,484 --> 01:04:17,385 to actually meet you in person. 1259 01:04:17,387 --> 01:04:19,721 Finally. 1260 01:04:19,723 --> 01:04:22,224 Heard a lot about you. 1261 01:04:32,569 --> 01:04:33,768 Whew. 1262 01:04:36,039 --> 01:04:38,306 My friend... 1263 01:04:38,308 --> 01:04:40,475 it's the moment of truth. 1264 01:04:40,477 --> 01:04:44,212 You're a grown-ass man. I can't tell you what to do. 1265 01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:48,316 But here's your opportunity to prove to yourself 1266 01:04:48,318 --> 01:04:51,686 some of the old Sean is still in you. 1267 01:04:53,090 --> 01:04:55,290 I'm proud of you. 1268 01:05:20,851 --> 01:05:22,417 I can't. 1269 01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:24,653 What? 1270 01:05:26,690 --> 01:05:28,757 I can't do it. 1271 01:05:29,993 --> 01:05:31,927 What are you talking about? 1272 01:05:31,929 --> 01:05:34,663 I can't do it to Irene. 1273 01:05:34,665 --> 01:05:36,298 Sean. 1274 01:05:36,300 --> 01:05:38,400 What do you mean you can't do it? 1275 01:05:38,402 --> 01:05:41,836 Dude, you said you were gonna go all out tonight. 1276 01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,438 Come on! 1277 01:05:45,509 --> 01:05:47,909 Do you realize what you're about to do to yourself? 1278 01:05:47,911 --> 01:05:49,344 Get your ass in there! 1279 01:05:49,346 --> 01:05:50,578 - Hey, hey! - If you don't go in that room... 1280 01:05:50,580 --> 01:05:52,647 Get the fuck off my brother, all right? 1281 01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:55,483 If he don't wanna cheat on Irene, he doesn't have to. 1282 01:05:55,485 --> 01:05:59,387 And none of you guys are gonna make him feel guilty 1283 01:05:59,389 --> 01:06:01,756 about that decision. 1284 01:06:03,193 --> 01:06:04,659 Come on, bro. 1285 01:06:05,796 --> 01:06:07,329 I'll take you home. 1286 01:06:07,331 --> 01:06:09,631 Irene's waiting on you. 1287 01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,702 What the fuck is going on? 1288 01:06:13,704 --> 01:06:16,638 Are you serious? 1289 01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:17,639 Sorry. 1290 01:06:17,641 --> 01:06:21,242 Be a lot cooler if you did! 1291 01:06:21,244 --> 01:06:23,912 Hey, bro, hold on a second. 1292 01:06:23,914 --> 01:06:27,649 Look, man, I'm sorry I yelled at you and grabbed you, 1293 01:06:27,651 --> 01:06:30,785 but I'm sure you can understand where it's coming from. 1294 01:06:30,787 --> 01:06:33,321 I'm just trying to protect you, man. 1295 01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:35,523 I'm doing this for your own good. 1296 01:06:41,631 --> 01:06:42,764 Party sucks. 1297 01:06:44,167 --> 01:06:46,434 Hello, Miss Epiphany. 1298 01:06:46,436 --> 01:06:49,771 It's an honor on behalf of everyone. 1299 01:06:49,773 --> 01:06:53,375 I would like to apologize for the delay. 1300 01:06:53,377 --> 01:06:56,277 And I wanted to let you know that I will personally 1301 01:06:56,279 --> 01:07:00,348 pay any penalty 1302 01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:03,284 or inconvenience made. 1303 01:07:14,097 --> 01:07:15,864 Look, Aaron. 1304 01:07:17,968 --> 01:07:20,335 I'm in love with Irene. 1305 01:07:20,337 --> 01:07:22,237 I wanna marry her. 1306 01:07:22,239 --> 01:07:23,705 I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. 1307 01:07:23,707 --> 01:07:26,474 I know that sounds crazy to you, 1308 01:07:26,476 --> 01:07:28,676 but she makes me happy. 1309 01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:32,947 I hope you can find that kind of love, too. 1310 01:07:38,355 --> 01:07:39,654 See you later, yeah? 1311 01:08:08,919 --> 01:08:11,953 I'm gonna go home, make love to my wife. 1312 01:08:21,064 --> 01:08:22,564 Damn. 1313 01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,934 What'd I miss? 1314 01:08:39,316 --> 01:08:41,382 I failed, Floyd. 1315 01:08:41,384 --> 01:08:45,887 Thought I could stop it, but I couldn't. 1316 01:08:45,889 --> 01:08:47,856 All this was for nothing. 1317 01:08:49,893 --> 01:08:52,760 For nothing? For nothing? 1318 01:08:52,762 --> 01:08:57,298 I put my life on the line for nothing? 1319 01:08:57,300 --> 01:09:00,568 You're sitting over there feeling sorry for yourself. 1320 01:09:00,570 --> 01:09:04,706 I'm over here, I'm contemplating my own mortality. 1321 01:09:04,708 --> 01:09:08,209 Do you have any idea what's gonna happen to me 1322 01:09:08,211 --> 01:09:09,811 when Joy comes home? 1323 01:09:09,813 --> 01:09:11,513 Do you? 1324 01:09:11,515 --> 01:09:14,782 I'm over here mourning the loss of a best friend. 1325 01:09:14,784 --> 01:09:17,418 You're over there spooked by a woman 1326 01:09:17,420 --> 01:09:19,787 who's a hundred miles away from here, Floyd! 1327 01:09:19,789 --> 01:09:23,858 We have plenty of time to clean this goddamn fuckin' shit! 1328 01:09:23,860 --> 01:09:27,428 Calm the fuck down! God damn! Fuck! 1329 01:09:29,966 --> 01:09:32,600 What the hell? 1330 01:09:34,304 --> 01:09:35,503 Oh, no. 1331 01:09:36,406 --> 01:09:40,341 Oh, hey, Joy. Uh... 1332 01:09:40,343 --> 01:09:43,378 We weren't expecting you home so soon. 1333 01:09:43,380 --> 01:09:45,914 It's good to see you! 1334 01:09:45,916 --> 01:09:49,918 And just so you know, none of this was Floyd's idea. 1335 01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:51,486 This was all me. 1336 01:09:51,488 --> 01:09:54,322 I will pay for everything. 1337 01:09:56,259 --> 01:09:58,259 Floyd! 1338 01:09:58,261 --> 01:10:01,829 Floyd! 1339 01:10:01,831 --> 01:10:03,464 Floyd! 1340 01:10:03,466 --> 01:10:07,335 Calm the fuck down. 1341 01:10:11,942 --> 01:10:14,042 What did you say to me? 1342 01:10:16,846 --> 01:10:18,012 You heard me. 1343 01:10:18,014 --> 01:10:23,718 I said calm the fuck down. 1344 01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:28,289 It's time I remind you I am the man of this goddamn house! 1345 01:10:28,291 --> 01:10:32,427 Okay? So you, you can go to your room, 1346 01:10:32,429 --> 01:10:35,430 you can unpack your shit, and you can wait 1347 01:10:35,432 --> 01:10:38,933 while I finish with my friend. 1348 01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:41,703 Then... I'll come. 1349 01:10:41,705 --> 01:10:46,341 And we can have a sensible talk. 1350 01:10:49,212 --> 01:10:51,446 Do it now, Joy! 1351 01:10:52,249 --> 01:10:54,549 Okay. Floyd. 1352 01:10:54,551 --> 01:10:57,919 But when you come talk to me, be ready. 1353 01:11:01,625 --> 01:11:03,191 To be honest, 1354 01:11:03,193 --> 01:11:05,860 I think Joy is gonna literally beat Floyd to death. 1355 01:11:05,862 --> 01:11:07,562 But that's not important. 1356 01:11:07,564 --> 01:11:09,497 When Floyd stood up to Joy, 1357 01:11:09,499 --> 01:11:12,634 he faced his greatest fear. 1358 01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:16,104 And how many of us can say that? 1359 01:11:21,511 --> 01:11:23,244 Sure you don't want a lift? 1360 01:11:23,246 --> 01:11:24,712 No, thanks, I'll make it. 1361 01:11:26,683 --> 01:11:29,817 So did your production last night go the way you planned? 1362 01:11:29,819 --> 01:11:33,755 No, Uncle Ulysses, I can't say it did. 1363 01:11:33,757 --> 01:11:36,924 Well, son, every man has to walk his own path. 1364 01:11:36,926 --> 01:11:40,028 I don't think Sean really knows what he's getting himself into. 1365 01:11:40,030 --> 01:11:42,830 I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, right? 1366 01:11:42,832 --> 01:11:46,134 Seems like you and I are the last soldiers still standing. 1367 01:11:46,136 --> 01:11:48,369 And thank God for guys like you, Uncle Ulysses. 1368 01:11:48,371 --> 01:11:52,040 You're a real inspiration to me. You never compromise. 1369 01:11:52,042 --> 01:11:53,975 You always live your life on your own terms. 1370 01:11:53,977 --> 01:11:55,777 I mean, 2,500 women? 1371 01:11:55,779 --> 01:11:59,113 That sounds like a good life to me. 1372 01:11:59,115 --> 01:12:01,716 Well, life is meant to be experienced. 1373 01:12:01,718 --> 01:12:03,718 I've done a lot of partying, 1374 01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:06,087 lot of women-chasing in my day. 1375 01:12:06,089 --> 01:12:07,422 Yes, you have. 1376 01:12:07,424 --> 01:12:08,856 But sometimes, at the end of the day 1377 01:12:08,858 --> 01:12:11,859 when I'm just sitting there with a drink, 1378 01:12:11,861 --> 01:12:15,330 I keep thinking about all the good women I let get away. 1379 01:12:15,332 --> 01:12:18,433 Seems as though, no matter how much partying I do 1380 01:12:18,435 --> 01:12:20,601 or fucking I do, 1381 01:12:20,603 --> 01:12:24,339 I just can't escape the truth of life. 1382 01:12:24,341 --> 01:12:28,042 I guess that's why I always keep it here with me. 1383 01:12:30,980 --> 01:12:34,148 Matter of fact, I think it's time I show it to you. 1384 01:12:35,352 --> 01:12:36,584 Oh, no, Uncle Ulysses. 1385 01:12:36,586 --> 01:12:38,119 - Look, I... - No, no! 1386 01:12:38,121 --> 01:12:39,954 I don't need to see that. I really don't. 1387 01:12:39,956 --> 01:12:42,990 - No, you need to see this. - I don't need... 1388 01:12:49,165 --> 01:12:50,631 Holy shit. 1389 01:12:51,701 --> 01:12:53,601 Well, I guess I should be going. 1390 01:12:53,603 --> 01:12:56,504 See you tonight at the wedding. 1391 01:13:31,408 --> 01:13:33,441 Irene, do you take Sean 1392 01:13:33,443 --> 01:13:35,543 to be your lawfully wedded husband, 1393 01:13:35,545 --> 01:13:38,413 to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, 1394 01:13:38,415 --> 01:13:40,481 for richer, for poorer, 1395 01:13:40,483 --> 01:13:42,784 as long as you both shall live? 1396 01:13:42,786 --> 01:13:44,352 It's really happening. 1397 01:13:44,354 --> 01:13:47,889 And I'm standing here watching it happen. 1398 01:13:47,891 --> 01:13:50,491 Sean knows exactly what he's getting into, 1399 01:13:50,493 --> 01:13:53,327 but he still looks happy. 1400 01:13:53,329 --> 01:13:55,296 How can he be happy? 1401 01:13:55,298 --> 01:13:57,331 Suddenly, the faces of all the women 1402 01:13:57,333 --> 01:13:58,666 I've been with throughout the years 1403 01:13:58,668 --> 01:14:00,835 flashed before my eyes. 1404 01:14:02,105 --> 01:14:04,071 Damn. 1405 01:14:04,073 --> 01:14:07,041 I can't even remember most of their names. 1406 01:14:10,346 --> 01:14:14,615 I used to be happy with a variety of women. 1407 01:14:14,617 --> 01:14:16,584 But now... 1408 01:14:17,554 --> 01:14:19,821 even that's getting boring. 1409 01:14:22,192 --> 01:14:24,358 I used to be so happy in the club. 1410 01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:26,394 Thought if I wasn't out partying and meeting women, 1411 01:14:26,396 --> 01:14:28,296 I was missing something. 1412 01:14:28,298 --> 01:14:30,565 Now I realize... 1413 01:14:30,567 --> 01:14:32,934 I ain't missing shit. 1414 01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:35,369 Besides, 1415 01:14:35,371 --> 01:14:38,840 do I really wanna be the old man in the club? 1416 01:14:41,344 --> 01:14:44,312 You need to stop being so afraid. 1417 01:14:49,419 --> 01:14:51,519 What am I afraid of? 1418 01:14:51,521 --> 01:14:55,656 After all the theories and legends about the suitcase, 1419 01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:58,259 it was empty. 1420 01:14:58,261 --> 01:14:59,460 Empty? 1421 01:14:59,462 --> 01:15:01,329 What the fuck? 1422 01:15:11,441 --> 01:15:13,741 What am I afraid of? 1423 01:15:22,519 --> 01:15:24,886 What am I afraid of? 1424 01:15:31,961 --> 01:15:34,762 What the fuck am I afraid of?! 1425 01:15:40,270 --> 01:15:41,269 Sorry. 1426 01:15:41,271 --> 01:15:43,170 Sorry. 1427 01:15:49,812 --> 01:15:52,046 And, Sean, do you take Irene 1428 01:15:52,048 --> 01:15:54,815 to be your lawfully wedded wife, 1429 01:15:54,817 --> 01:15:57,785 to have and to hold, to love and to cherish 1430 01:15:57,787 --> 01:15:59,520 for richer, for poorer, 1431 01:15:59,522 --> 01:16:01,689 as long as you both shall live? 1432 01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:04,825 I do. 1433 01:16:04,827 --> 01:16:07,328 Then by the power vested in me by God 1434 01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:09,830 and the state of California, 1435 01:16:09,832 --> 01:16:12,667 I now pronounce you man and wife. 1436 01:16:12,669 --> 01:16:15,336 You may kiss your bride. 1437 01:16:33,690 --> 01:16:35,289 Oh, shit. 1438 01:16:36,225 --> 01:16:38,526 No worries. I'll tell Sean. 1439 01:16:38,528 --> 01:16:40,394 You better hurry. 1440 01:16:49,739 --> 01:16:51,238 Fuck! 1441 01:16:54,444 --> 01:16:55,710 Fuck! 1442 01:17:37,620 --> 01:17:38,886 Kayla! 1443 01:17:40,423 --> 01:17:42,056 Aaron? 1444 01:17:43,526 --> 01:17:45,059 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 1445 01:17:46,029 --> 01:17:48,629 What... What are you doing? 1446 01:17:48,631 --> 01:17:50,598 Oh! You're still here! 1447 01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:52,833 I'm okay, I'm okay. 1448 01:17:52,835 --> 01:17:56,303 I just needed to tell you something. 1449 01:17:56,305 --> 01:17:59,373 If you leave, I will slit my wrist with a butter knife. 1450 01:17:59,375 --> 01:18:01,409 I will drown myself in a puddle. 1451 01:18:01,411 --> 01:18:04,612 I will throw myself in front of a speeding yellow school bus 1452 01:18:04,614 --> 01:18:06,681 full of bad-ass kids. 1453 01:18:08,284 --> 01:18:11,318 Just don't go. 1454 01:18:12,822 --> 01:18:15,790 Aaron, I really appreciate you coming here 1455 01:18:15,792 --> 01:18:19,193 and getting hit by a car and all. 1456 01:18:19,195 --> 01:18:22,163 I've had to do some thinking, too. 1457 01:18:22,165 --> 01:18:24,165 Now I'm the one who's afraid. 1458 01:18:24,167 --> 01:18:27,368 I've got a few things to figure out. 1459 01:18:29,972 --> 01:18:32,206 Like you said, maybe... 1460 01:18:32,208 --> 01:18:35,209 Maybe a change is just what I need. 1461 01:18:36,646 --> 01:18:39,080 Please don't think I won't miss you. 1462 01:18:43,753 --> 01:18:45,820 I love you. 1463 01:18:48,991 --> 01:18:51,292 I love you, too, Aaron. 1464 01:18:52,295 --> 01:18:54,195 I really do. 1465 01:19:05,641 --> 01:19:07,374 Goodbye. 1466 01:19:27,964 --> 01:19:30,965 Well, I guess this is how it all ends for me. 1467 01:19:30,967 --> 01:19:32,399 It's funny. 1468 01:19:32,401 --> 01:19:35,803 You never know how life will turn out. 1469 01:19:35,805 --> 01:19:39,406 Sean is officially a married man. 1470 01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:43,377 As crazy as it sounds, I've never seen him so happy. 1471 01:19:43,379 --> 01:19:47,815 I can't help but wonder what the other guys are up to. 1472 01:19:53,322 --> 01:19:58,559 I hope they're all out there doing what makes them happy. 1473 01:19:58,561 --> 01:20:02,163 Or being with whoever makes them happy. 1474 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:08,068 'Cause at the end of the day, 1475 01:20:08,070 --> 01:20:11,138 it's all about being happy. 1476 01:20:14,477 --> 01:20:18,412 Hell, I bet even Floyd and Joy found their happiness. 1477 01:20:25,721 --> 01:20:28,255 But what about me? 1478 01:20:28,257 --> 01:20:29,757 I'm not totally sure, 1479 01:20:29,759 --> 01:20:33,127 but I think the empty suitcase means... 1480 01:20:33,129 --> 01:20:36,163 life is empty without love. 1481 01:20:37,500 --> 01:20:41,135 At least I think that's what it means. 1482 01:20:42,972 --> 01:20:44,572 It's like I always say, 1483 01:20:44,574 --> 01:20:46,640 if you wanna be successful with women, 1484 01:20:46,642 --> 01:20:48,943 you have to overcome fear. 1485 01:20:48,945 --> 01:20:51,645 Fear of love, fear of commitment, 1486 01:20:51,647 --> 01:20:53,380 fear of yourself. 1487 01:20:53,382 --> 01:20:55,216 Whatever. 1488 01:20:55,218 --> 01:20:57,451 You can't be afraid. 1489 01:20:59,155 --> 01:21:01,288 Wanna know something? 1490 01:21:03,626 --> 01:21:06,093 I'm not afraid anymore. 103710