Original subtitles

Well, this is nice, isn't it?

So, grandma, grandpa is traveling again, huh?

Yes, he is. Business must be good.

Seems to be. That's great.

Isn't that great, mom?

A jig is forthcoming.

Mom's business is great, too.

I mean, not that it's without its problems, you know,

but they're usually funny problems, like, um...

oh, mom, why don't you tell grandma about the mouse?

What mouse? Mom?

There's a mouse at the inn. Is the place dirty?

No. It's just surrounded by this thing called nature,

and mice happen.

Mice carry diseases.

It's a tiny little field mouse, mom.

It's still a rodent. Let's just change the subject.

You should set a trap. It's covered.

Make sure you don't use poison. Got it covered.

They'll eat the poison, go in the walls and die,

decompose, and the entire place will smell.

I've got it covered, but thanks.

I don't know why you're with an attitude.

I should be mad. Let's not do this, mom.

You're the one who walked out last week without saying a word.

Your father and I were shocked and upset. What else is new?

You didn't give us time to digest the news. Find the "off" switch.

You dumped it on us and walked out. That's hardly fair.

Mom, it doesn't matter. It's over.

Let's just move on, okay?

We came here for a nice evening,

so, come on, let's have it.

Something smells good.

Braised lamb shank. Oh, braised lamb shank.

I love a lamb shank when it is braised. Oh, my God.

Reading in front of other people is extremely rude, lorelai.

Shauna christie shot her husband. What?

You remember shauna christie.

Yes, I remember shauna christie. She was a lovely girl.

She came home to find her husband giving the nanny a nice bonus.

They say good help is hard to find.

That's just gossip.

Gossip? The man was shot 35 times.

He looks like a sprinkler system.

I can't believe this.

Shauna was always such a nice girl.

She was bright, cultured, well-spoken.

And apparently a big Annie oakley fan.

This is not funny. The woman committed a crime.

This is a tragedy. My bad. Sorry.

A man is dead, a young woman ruined. Consider the subject dropped.

At least she had a husband to kill.

This is nice... Isn't it?

♪ If you're out on the road ♪

♪ feelin' lonely and so cold ♪

♪ all you have to do is call my name ♪

♪ and I'll be there on the next train ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ any, anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪

Bless you.

Thank you. Ugh. I hate having a cold.

I know you do.

It's bad enough being sick, but anybody can have a cold.

I know they can.

I mean, I'd like to have a good illness...

something different, impressive.

Once I'd like to be able to say,

"I'm not feeling so good. My leg is haunted."

There's a reason why you take one packet of theraflu.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pancakes, one fried egg, side of bacon,

chicken noodle soup, side of mashed potatoes.

Thanks, Luke. Thanks.

How's the cold coming? It's fine.

Any better? It's fine.

That's the third day you've ordered soup for breakfast.

You know what helps rid a cold?

Endless, vague questioning?

A healthy immune system. My second guess.

You know how you get a healthy immune system? Remember when you hated me?

Is it eating nothing but crap

and blowing out your brain cells with coffee?

No. That's right... no.

Why are you helping him? "No" seemed like the right answer.

Eat a vegetable now and then, maybe some high-fiber cereal in the morning...

listen, grandpa, my soup's getting cold.

At least eat the carrots in the soup this time.

I promise. Eat my carrots.

Apparently maturity is extremely overrated in your universe.

The empress Bo-Bo belle forbids it. Eat.

Hey. Hey.

So... One sec.

Jess...

Relax. I'm out!

Let's go. Okay.

An entire conversation in 10 words or less.

A true meeting of the minds.

Okay, so, uh, please don't hate me,

but I already ate breakfast.

See? Nice, full sentences. What?

Don't ruin it.

You're sure? Positive.

It ran right across the lobby and into the fireplace. I don't see it.

It must have found a hole to crawl into.

I cannot have this mouse running around the inn. Customers will freak.

Tell them it's a baby. They'll talk to it in funny voices.

Did you call an exterminator?

Why no.. What a wonderful idea.

I was actually going to fasten a wedge of cheese to my head

and lay on the ground until Mickey decides to crawl out and snack on my face.

When does he get here? We are the first stop.

What do we do until then? Make cat sounds.

Excuse me, lorelai.

Oh, hey, kirk. Hold on a sec.

Just stand here and make sure it doesn't come out.

Oh, goody. A promotion.

What can I do for you?

I have a delivery for Sookie.

Oh, well! Anything good?

No, just some wedding photos.

She stepped out for a minute. I'll take them to her.

I swear, I'll give them to her.

If you want, I'll leave and find her and then I'll give them to her.

No, that won't be necessary. Okay, well...

Uh, lorelai, could I speak to you for a moment? Oh, sure.

Could we sit?

Sit? Sure. Let's sit.

Is everything okay?

Okay? Yes.

With me? Yes.

Well, my mother has developed a condition.

It makes her knees enormous.

Yesterday I cut holes in her pants so she could sit,

but other than that, everything is fine.

Well, good. I'm glad.

Okay, well, I'm...

I was just wondering...

yes? Wondering what?

We've known each other for a good amount of time now.

Our paths have crossed professionally and socially a number of times,

all with relatively pleasant results, and, well...

I was wondering if you would have dinner with me.

Oh.

In two weeks.

Two weeks? I heard you have a cold.

Two weeks for the virus to leave your system.

Well, kirk, I...

I know this is completely out of the blue for you.

Take a few days and think about it. Kirk, wait.

By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I've ever seen...

outside of a really filthy magazine.

Thank you.

Don't.

I am doing nothing.

Ben, however, has dropped dead from laughter.

How long have you been there?

Not long... an hour... And a half.

Why? Because.

Because why? Because...

Today is the last first day of high school you're ever gonna have!

You're insane. I'm not insane.

I'm just sentimental, and you're grown.

I'm not grown. Yes, you are.

You're all grown up, and soon you'll be going off into the world.

Not yet. But soon.

And after you spread those wings and fly away,

I won't have the opportunity to give you this.

What is it? It's your bill.

My what? Yeah.

I've been crunching the numbers...

adding up what you've cost me over the years,

raising you, clothing you, feeding you,

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I've itemized everything by years and income ratio.

You could factor it into your student loan. Oh, boy.

One thing that's painfully obvious here...

you've used an extraordinary number of diapers.

I'm gonna take shower. Really, it cost a fortune.

What were you using all those diapers for?

I was building my "make mommy go away" castle.

You got home late last night, and I couldn't talk to you.

I got home at 10:00, and you were asleep.

I was trying to watch "the legend of bagger vance."

Okay, what did I miss? Okay.

Kirk asked me out. Shut up.

Yesterday he asked me to dinner.

That's so sweet. Sweet?!

Wear your dress with the ponies. I bet he likes ponies.

I cannot go out with kirk!

Why? Why?

He... he's kirk!

As long as he loves you... you're not serious.

I just want you to be happy. "This is my stepfather, kirk.

Don't make any sudden movements. He's a fear biter."

How will you let him down?

That's why I needed to talk to you. You're the nice one.

Tell him you're not interested and want to be friends.

That sounds lame. You could tell him you're involved with someone.

Because my karma's so great in that area, I can jinx it with that lie.

Okay. You figure it out.

All right. We're gonna have to move... ...Okay.

Take off in the night, leave everything behind, assume different identities.

I'll join community theater, and I'll drive you to soccer.

It'll work for years, until the FBI comes,

by then, you're on your own. I don't play soccer.

You do now.

Stop. It's funny.

It's not funny, it's bad. I have to see this guy.

He works at every business in town.

You should marry him and move in with his mother.

I'll handle it myself. Just trying to help.

You have your swearing-in ceremony today.

At 3:00. Don't be late. I won't be late.

I have something to tell you. About Vince foster?

It's about grandma. She's coming today.

No! Mom, I'm sorry.

She found out about it. And you said yes?

She's my grandmother. What am I supposed to say? So.

"Sorry, grandma, if my mother sees you, she'll run screaming."

You'll be listening to the ceremony. You'll hardly have to talk.

Rory...

Hey, we are family.

Look how great that worked out for sister sledge.

I'm gonna shower. You'll be pouting out here when I'm done?

Nope, gotta go to work. See you this afternoon. At 3:00.

There's my little vice-president off to rule the world.

Paris will be ruling the world. I will be holding her keys.

I'm still proud of you. I appreciate it.

You have power, brains. Now all you need is a dim-witted, drunken relative

to constantly humiliate you while you serve in office.

Will you work on that for me? Two steps ahead of you.

Aah! Time! 3:01.

No! Oh, man! Not fair! Stupid traffic lights!

That's okay. It starts at 3:15.

But I so tried... you lied to me. Did I?

You said it was at 3:00. It's at 3:15!

Well, I guess I did. Ah! That's it!

I'm standing during your speech and demanding a recount!

Shall we seat you? Betrayed, lied to, and humiliated.

Get used to it. I am in politics now.

Hey, where's, uh... she's not here yet.

You told her the real time. Grandma can handle structure.

How's this? Fine.

Sit and put your purse on that chair to save it for grandma.

Oh, yeah, great idea.

Mom... Fine, yes. Saving the seat.

There... all saved.

I'll meet you outside afterwards, okay?

Okay. Remember three things while you're up there...

I love you, you're the greatest in the world,

and you're in a skirt. Keep your knees closed. Bye.

When I was in school, Linda lea was class treasurer.

She couldn't keep them closed if they were magnetized.

Hanes should have given her an endorsement deal.

Lorelai.

Hi, mom.

You could have put your handbag there to save my seat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you.

Assemblies like this are always happy ones for me...

initiating in a new group of school leaders.

Chilton's always prided itself

on the quality of its student government,

and this year we may have outdone ourselves.

These young men and women up here

represent the best and the brightest

of what this school has to offer.

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure

to present to you your student-body government of 2003.

...a larger awareness of the world around us...

problems that not only face us here at school

but also when we leave school

and, more importantly,

will face the next generation that follows us.

We must learn that our actions have consequences,

that someone else will have to clean up our mess.

We need to figure out how to make that mess a little smaller.

If a small fraction of these can be accomplished this year,

then our administration has done its job.

Thank you.

In the past, all great empires have fallen.

The feeling seems to be that it's inevitable,

that something like what the romans built cannot last. Maybe they're right.

Maybe there is no way of keeping something that prosperous permanently.

Maybe there is no way of keeping our legacy from becoming obsolete.

Well, I intend to fly in the face of such thinking,

damn it, I will succeed.

I don't want to come back here 20 years from now

and find this place turned into a high-priced charm school,

pink and white with big cheerleading megaphones painted on the walls.

I wouldn't be able to take it.

I would have to dismantle the place stone by stone with my bare hands.

...So let it be forever.

Congratulations and good luck.

Is Rory coming out?

That's what she said.

It was a nice ceremony. Yes, it was.

Long. Very long.

The longest.

Lorelai...

hey.

You're both here! Yeah, we're here.

We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

You looked wonderful, Rory.

Yeah, good job with the knees.

I'll run to my locker and get my backpack.

I'll be here. Bye, grandma.

You don't have to wait, mom, if you have things to do.

Oh. Well, all right.

Lorelai, I was wondering if we could have lunch.

Lunch? Yes, just the two of us.

Oh. Well... tomorrow would be good for me.

Lunch tomorrow. Lunch with you tomorrow.

We could do it anywhere you like...

perhaps that Luke's diner you two love so much.

Lunch at Luke's with you?

I can't even put the visual together.

I can meet you at 1:00. 1:00. Well...

if 1:00 isn't good, you pick a time.

All right. 1:00 at Luke's.

Wonderful. I'll see you then.

Look, lets face it, the last administration

might as well been running around yelling, "toga!"

For all the things they accomplished.

But this year everything changes,

starting with the library.

It's completely out of proportion with its subjects.

I mean, there's 500 volumes on the French revolution,

yet only three on the crusades.

How do they expect us a decent education

with inferior resources like that?

Huh. Seems like the hour's almost up.

Okay, this has been

an extremely successful first gathering.

I appreciate all the class presidents coming

and being on time.

Before I adjourn this meeting,

is there anything anyone would like to say?

People's names might have been nice.

I have something I'd like to be discussed.

Oh. Okay.

We only have a couple minutes,

give us the reader's digest version.

As president of the senior class,

a certain problem has been brought to my attention.

For the past 30 years, the chilton regulations have stated,

skirts must be no higher than 3/4 of an inch above the knee.

That's it. Any higher, the student gets written up.

I propose for an immediate vote

an amendment to raise hemlines an additional inch and a half.

Hemlines? That's right.

That's the major issue on the senior class's mind?

It's one of the major issues, yes.

Well, okay. Thank you, francie,

for giving us something really important to mull over here.

I anticipate a lot of sleepless nights

for all the people in this room.

I will take it under advisement and get back to you.

Oh. Okay. Fine. Thanks.

Now, if that's it, I officially call the first meeting

of the chilton student-body presidents to a close.

I'll see you all Friday.

What idiot gave her a gavel?

Okay. See, the whole point of having an informal get-to-know-you gathering

was actually to have an informal get-to-know-you gathering.

What's your point? You just spent an hour talking about your agenda.

I'm student-body president. That's my job.

But we got doughnuts. We didn't touch the doughnuts.

The doughnuts are sitting next to the coffee which was never passed out.

We were supposed to talk, bond, get to know each other.

We've been sitting together for 60 minutes.

What do you want, a ring?

Hi. Excuse me, Paris.

I just wanted to say on behalf of the entire senior class, congratulations on your win.

I'm really looking forward to working very closely with you this year.

Thanks.

Okay. See you later.

Bye, Rory. You two will make a great team.

Yes. The jerseys are coming on Friday.

Okay. I'm gonna draft a demand for the librarian's resignation tonight.

You want to read it the first thing you want to do in office

is get a 93-year-old woman sacked?

At least I'm not putting her on an iceberg and shoving her to sea,

which, considering you can't find the Shakespeare section without psychic powers

yet the cliffs notes rack smacks you in the face.

It's totally justified.

And we're off.

Okay. I just got a message that a vegetarian menu was requested for tonight.

Yeah, lassanos, party of five at 8:00.

I thought you said you weren't gonna let vegetarians in here anymore.

No, you said you weren't letting vegetarians in.

I'm making my baked stuffed pork chops for tonight.

Make something else for the lassanos. Like what?

I don't know... pasta. You make great pasta.

But that's boring. Anyone can make pasta.

I'm an artist. You don't dictate to an artist. You don't tell them what to do.

No one walks up to degas and said, "hey, easy with the dancers. Enough already.

Draw a nice fruit bowl once in a while."

A great artist can make art out of anything, including pasta.

Fine, pasta. Whoo-hoo.

Is there coffee? Just made some.

So, today's your lunch with Emily.

Any idea what she's gonna say?

I bet it's not, "I'm joining the circus.

Feed your father until I get back." I should cancel.

You can't! You're meeting in an hour.

But this goes against every rule I have

in the gilmore survival guide.

Number one... no running with scissors,

number two... no pageboy haircuts,

number three... never, ever have lunch alone with the mother.

It might not be so bad.

Saying yes to this lunch

is like saying, "sounds fun" to a ride with clemenza.

Think good thoughts. She could surprise you.

I guess.

People change, you know. They do it every day.

One minute, you could be,

oh, let's say a vegetarian, and the next minute,

you could accidentally have a bite of a stuffed pork chop

that changes your entire way of thinking.

Sookie... Suddenly life's fun.

There's a reason to get up in the morning. It's called "bacon"!

Forget it! Come on!

Pasta. Let the people grow, damn it!

Rory, hi. Nice of you to join us.

Francie, I... no, I talk, okay? Great.

Now, let's discuss Paris. What about her?

She seems to have the very strange idea

that she's actually in charge around here,

I thought it would be good to let you in on a little secret.

She's not. Tell her this yourself.

Talking to Paris is like shopping for a bathing suit in December...

frustrating, fruitless, and a complete waste of time.

No. You.

You might be the wallflower,

but you're obviously the meyer lansky behind this organization.

I am not the meyer lansky. What's that noise?

What is that noise?

Oh, wait... it's me still talking.

Didn't you hear it? Obviously not.

Anyhow, Paris is student-body president.

Big, fat deal.

There are three other class presidents...

the junior-class president, the sophomore-class president,

and, oh, yes, the senior-class president, me.

I know all this. Then it's off the short bus for you.

If Paris thinks she's gonna march around

dictating mandates and ignoring what I have to say,

then she's in for a major bikini wax.

Thanks for the visual.

Without me, she's nothing,

just another power-mad, insecure, friendless, dateless, highlight less loser

wandering around trying to make someone care they exist.

Which, no one does.

I control the senior class.

I am also the leader of the puffs,

the most exclusive society on this campus.

I can make her life a living hell. Francie, she's just...

I can make sure she leads the student body

in whatever the pledge of allegiance happens to be constitutional at the time.

What can I do?

I want you to go back to Margaret Thatcher

and tell her to play ball.

She's gonna support the hemline issue

and any other issue I bring up for the rest of the year.

Otherwise, I'll make her so ineffectual,

she'll make Jimmy Carter look like Martin sheen. Do you get me?

We're supposed to be representing the interests of the student body.

We're not supposed to be brokering back-door deals

and pushing through agendas with intimidation and bribery.

What are we, French skating judges?

Wise up, goldilocks. My hair's brown.

This is politics.

If you've got a problem, tell it to noam chomsky.

I live in the real world. Now, blow.

Oh, and I would keep this conversation between you and me.

Paris tends to get paranoid when there's other mammals at the watering hole.

So her finding out that you were conferring with me

might not make your vice-presidency any easier.

I am not conferring with you.

A hand came out and pulled me in.

What are you talking about? You sought me out

because you thought Paris was out of line today,

and you wanted to make sure

my very delicate feelings weren't hurt.

You are so sweet to think of me.

I feel better now that you're on my side.

Bye, see you at the hemster.

What are you doing here? I came for the warmth.

You're not usually here at this time.

I'm meeting someone for lunch.

Oh. Kirk? What?

You meeting kirk? Why would you say that?

I know he asked you out, so I assumed. How do you know?

He told me. He did?

Yesterday. Oh, my God.

Relax. I think it's great.

Why would he tell you?

He came to me for advice. About what?

Whether or not he had a shot.

I know you. I've been to your house.

I know whether or not you have stain-resistant rugs.

When he found out you had wood floors, he seemed very pleased.

I told him you liked movies.

And, of course, talking incessantly, but we both agreed

that there's nothing like some good lovin' to shut a person up.

Can you bring me a sharper fork?

I'm not sure this will go through your hand.

I know it's new, you probably don't want to jinx it,

I won't talk about it anymore. But I have to tell you,

seeing that guy's face when he was talking about you,

he almost had an expression. Far, far away from me.

♪ Love is in the air ♪

ha!

Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?

'Cause I feel stupid doing it at home.

I'm sorry I'm late. There was traffic.

If I was in time there would still be the possibility of soup.

I haven't been here long. I still have a knife. Glad to hear it.

You gonna sit? Yes, of course.

There we go. Well, this is nice.

You can see the whole town from here.

Yes. You can. I can see why you come here.

It must be fun to just sit and people-watch.

Well, let's see what they've got, shall we?

Oh. Caesar salad. Is that good here?

I'm sure it is. You've never had it?

Has Rory? No.

Oh. Well, Caesar salad can be extremely unsafe

if they use bad eggs. Get something else.

Of course, if they're coddled, it would be fine.

Do they coddle the eggs here? I have no idea.

Why don't you ask Luke? He'll just say they are.

I'll have a Cobb salad. What will you have?

Caesar salad with extra uncoddled eggs on the side.

Would a serious answer once in a while kill you?

I'm sorry, mom. Honestly, I'm a little confused.

About what? About this.

What's confusing? We're having lunch.

I know we're having lunch, but we usually don't.

Especially not in my town at Luke's diner.

I figured you had work, it would be easier on you. Okay. That's fine.

You two ready to order?

Yes. How is your Caesar salad dressing prepared?

I'll have to call Paul Newman and ask him.

A Cobb salad and an iced tea.

Cheeseburger, fries, onion rings, and a cherry coke.

Any pie today? No thanks.

Cutting back a little. Trying to look good for the big day. Smart. Very smart.

Make sure you check that frying oil with your face.

What was that all about? Nothing. Just a little small-town charm.

Now, please, mom, tell me, why did you ask me to lunch?

Because I wanted to spend some time alone with my daughter.

Mom... Rory drops by after school every now and then,

so we see her alone.

Mom... But we never see you alone,

unless Rory leaves the room. Even then, you go with her.

If I had a nickel for when you've used

"girls always go to the bathroom together" line,

I'd be a very rich. You are a very rich. Is this really a me-and-you lunch?

No hidden agenda? Of course not.

Okay. Fine.

I talked to Christopher. What?

I called him last week. We talked for a long time.

And I have to tell you, he is not in love with that woman.

He never said it, I could tell from his voice, he'd rather be with you.

Are you out of your mind? You need to talk.

That would be a yes. All he needs is to hear is that you want this.

Mom, what the hell are you doing calling Christopher?

Well, somebody had to.

No. Somebody didn't have to.

I wasn't going to just sit by

and watch this situation explode.

You two belong together. It took you years to figure that out.

Now that you have it, you can't let it go

just because of a little complication.

Mom, his girlfriend is pregnant.

That is more than a little complication.

Women have gotten pregnant since the beginning of time.

Before I resort to the totally called for "duh,"

please tell me your point.

This woman is trying to trap him.

You can't let that happen.

Mom, this is none of your business.

Yes, it is. It affects Rory. It affects you.

Both of whom are my business. Do not get involved in this. I mean it. Butt out.

Don't call Christopher and talk about me or us.

Just stay out of it.

Where are you going? Do not walk out on me.

I am not gonna discuss this.

I'd love for you to respect that, but I know you, so give Christopher my love.

A family life doesn't just happen, lorelai.

You have to work and fight for it.

Lorelai, come back here.

When she's out of intensive care, we'll get her signature,

and then we can finally set about hiring a new librarian.

Anything else? Yes. I was thinking that maybe this year,

we should throw a beginning- of-the-school-year dance.

I mean why wait until the tan fades?

Dances are distracting. Dances help bring in money

to pay for those stupid topiaries you want.

Draft a proposal and have it on my desk by tomorrow. Madeline.

I'd like to explore the option of having a professional photographer.

Every year, we use that cheesy picture place,

and every year, people wind up with those vh1 "before they were stars" pictures.

I would like to stop the humiliation now.

How are we going to get one?

Helmut Newton is my godfather. Okay, sign him up.

Tell him to leave the whips and chains at home.

That's all we have time for today.

Excuse me, Paris.

I was wondering if you thought about my proposal. What proposal?

You know, the higher hemlines.

Oh, right. No, not yet.

Okay. I guess I can wait... For a while.

Patience is a virtue. Meeting adjourned.

Hey... what do you think about

Helmut Newton being Louise's godfather?

Explains a lot, doesn't it? Yeah.

Listen, I think it might be a good idea

to consider getting behind this hemline issue.

You're kidding, right? No.

If girls want to make their skirts shorter,

then who cares, right? I care. I'm building a legacy here.

You want the first stand I make against the faculty to involve a fashion choice?

It would be my gays in the military.

I just think we should establish some goodwill

among the other class presidents.

Why? Because you have to work with them,

and you might need their support on something in the future.

Throwing them a bone like a hemline amendment is no big deal.

I don't know. It's right at the beginning of your term.

No one will even remember the first stupid thing you passed.

You have plenty of time to establish your legacy.

By the time that you implement public executions for line cutters,

hemlines will be a thing of the past.

I was making a joke, not a suggestion.

Why do you care? What?

Why do you care? You seem very invested in this whole thing. Why?

I'm not invested.

If you don't want to do it, fine. I'm just giving you my opinion.

I just thought you'd want to a president

who's beloved as well as respected.

Raising hemlines would make me beloved?

It's certainly a step in that direction.

Alright. I'll push it through. Good.

But the next genius who wants

to put an Elizabeth arden in the chemistry class can bite my ass.

I'm not going. You are going.

She has done for the last time. From now on,

I'm not giving any information about my life.

Opposed to all the details heaped in the past.

I can't believe she called Christopher.

She has no respect for my privacy or my feelings

she thought she was helping.

You know there isn't a Santa claus?

Please just try to forget this.

I'm never going there again.

Not an option. Should be.

She's your mother. I want proof. I want tests done.

You want the red or blue purse?

Blue. I wonder who else she's calling.

She's probably on the phone to kirk.

"I heard through my spies you're taking my daughter to dinner.

Let's talk China patterns." God, I'm furious.

Don't get that. It might be her.

I doubt she'd call when we're supposed to be there.

Hello? Hello?

The answering machine confused him.

And that's the guy who likes me.

I'd consider adoption if I were you.

My life stinks.

Let's look into each other's eyes

and say, "I wish I were you" at the same time.

We'll pull a "freaky Friday."

Or we can just pretend.

And you can go around acting immature. Oh, wait...

I can't believe you won't switch bodies.

Forget it. Then I'd have to date kirk.

I would switch bodies with you anytime. I know, and I appreciate that.

Lorelai, I think there might be a problem with your phone.

Oh, my God. Let's go.

Hello? Who is this?

Mom would you please get off the phone.

Mom, please hang up. I'll call you back.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Hey. I don't think your doorbell's working.

Believe me. It's not the doorbell.

Oh. So it was the door.

Yes, Sarah. Once again, it was the door.

So the really big bell is the door

and the small one is the oven.

Yes. That would be a wonderful thing to remember.

Okay. Well, let's have a drink, shall we?

Grandma, you have a new maid? Yes, I do.

Good thing we're in time for happy hour.

Wine, lorelai?

Yeah, if there's any left.

Rory, soda or water?

Soda, please.

How about water?

Water's fine, too.

What's up, mom? Nothing.

You seem tense.

You always think I seem tense.

Tonight you seem tenser than usual.

Well, I'm not!

Rory, tell me about school.

Oh, okay. School's good.

Do you like student government? I think so.

Your grades are still good? Yes.

Do you take physical education? Not this semester.

But eventually you will take some sort of physical education. I'm not sure.

The minute she runs after a ball and take showers with 30 other girls,

you are getting a call. Well, thank you.

Dinner's ready.

Sarah, one minute, please. Yeah?

I told you we eat dinner at 7:00.

And right now, it's 6:30.

Therefore, one could conclude

that maybe it's just a tad early for dinner.

I'm sorry. I... we want to eat at 7:00!

But the food's ready now.

Okay. Never mind. We'll eat.

We're eating. Up, up.

Let's go.

It's fine. It's better.

Then we could all be in bed by 9:00. Sit down.

Tell us what is up. What is up with what?

With you and her.

Well, she's new, lorelai. She's only been here three days.

She's still getting the hang of things.

I think it's only fair to give the woman a chance.

Why are you staring at me?

Mom, you've had maids deported who were better than her.

I have not. Talk.

Your father made a crack about my not being able to keep a maid.

Of course it's a gross exaggeration.

Yes, I've had maids I haven't liked,

but I've also had maids I've loved. Name one.

Daiha. Who?

She took you shopping once. How old was I?

I don't know. 4, 5.

You haven't liked a maid since I was 4 or 5?

I have liked a maid. You asked whom I've loved.

I loved daiha. And whatever happened to daiha?

How should I know? But I loved her.

Okay. So. Salad?

Thank you, Sarah.

Oops. Big bell.

Sarah? The salads. Sarah!

Pass the wine, lorelai.

You want a straw with that?

You're enjoying this? Well, yeah.

Lor, we need to talk.

Chris. What are you doing here? You won't return my calls.

Did you do this? I did not.

You gave me no choice. After I told you to stay out.

I did not. You have to go.

I'm not going until you talk to me.

Christopher, lorelai, come back here. Why won't you call me back?

There couldn't be a worse time to have this conversation.

Really? It seems the only time to have this conversation.

Go home, okay? I will talk to you tomorrow.

Well, sure, I believe that.

There's no reason to doubt my word.

Really? 45 unreturned phone calls isn't a reason? No, it isn't.

You shutting me out like this is wrong.

I'm not discussing this in my mother's house. You don't get to dictate this.

You won't call me back, I did what I had to do. And I'm sorry,

but after all we've been through,

you shutting me out is wrong.

You know what hits me the hardest, lor? Apparently it's not the door.

You keeping Rory from me. What?

I never, ever thought you'd do that.

I'm not keeping Rory from you.

Then why hasn't she called me back, huh?

No matter where we've been in our lives,

my daughter has always called me back until now.

I didn't call because I didn't want to.

Me. Mom had nothing to do with it. Honey, calm down.

You promised me at Sookie's wedding, this was going to work,

that you were going to be there. Honey, please understand.

No. I always understand, and I don't want to understand.

I don't want to talk about this. I've got mom. That's all I need.

Go be somebody else's dad. Don't say that.

I'm going upstairs. Call me when he's gone.

She did not get there by herself.

Have you ever met your daughter?

She could get to the third dimension by herself.

She helped the crossing guard when she was 4.

I'm going to talk to her. No!

She wants to be alone and cool off. Respect that.

I'll talk to her later.

You'll talk to her? Great.

You need to leave... Right now.

This isn't right. She needs her father.

I know, I've told her she needs her father.

She feels her father bailed on her, and she's mad and hurt!

I can't change that in three minutes!

Do you think I like this situation?

Do you? After what you and I had going...

Chris, do you remember why we're here?

What event in your life

caused this very pleasant moment we're sharing?

That has nothing to do with this.

What? Chris, man, what do you want from me?!

I want to talk! About what?!

I don't know. I just... I don't like how things are.

But that's how they are. I didn't want things to turn out this way.

But they did! But I didn't want that!

Christopher, is Sherry still pregnant? Of course she is.

Are you still with her? Yes!

Are you gonna marry her? Yes.

Then, honey, we are where we are. Accept it. I can't.

Don't you understand that I can't talk to you because it hurts?!

Talking to you really hurts!

Standing here right now is killing me, okay?!

Don't you understand that?!

Christopher, I think you'd better go now.

Emily, I... leave now, please.

You need a mask and a horse when you do that.

Something's burning.

Chris!

Give it time.

Well, now, that was a fun night. Yep.

I haven't had such fun since labor. Ba-dum-bum.

But, seriously, ladies and gentlemen, is this on?

I can't believe he just came over.

He misses you. He misses you.

We're very missable.

Honey, he loves you so much. He didn't mean to...

no, he never means to, but he does.

I'm not going to this wedding.

You don't have to. Good.

But you might... at a later point.

When you're not so angry and make up with your dad as we both know..

You might be sorry you missed it.

It's the wrong wedding.

Well, things happen for a reason.

Since when is that your philosophy?

Since now. By the way, I'm also a communist.

Really? Yes, 'cause I look damn good in red.

I'm starving. Really? Could it be 'cause dinner sucked?

Let's do Mac and cheese. And tater tots.

And pizza rolls. Ooh. And chili beef soup.

After which we will install our own vomitorium.

Okay, nix the soup. And add some cake.

Let's be organized. Make it fast, make it snappy,

if there's any impulse buying, make it chocolate. Aye, aye, captain.

Lorelai. Oh, no.

Go on in. You sure?

I have to take care of this. Good luck.

Hey, kirk. Lorelai, I know you haven't made up your mind,

I'm not here for an answer. I need to know...

are you allergic to tuna? Uh, no.

No. Good. Thank you very much.

Kirk, I've made up my mind.

You have? Already? Yes.

And it's fully formed? Yes, it is.

You don't need any other information? No, I don't.

'Cause I could have my mother call you. Totally unnecessary.

Okay. Well, then, go ahead.

I just got out of a really weird relationship,

and I know that sounds like a line, but it isn't.

I'm just not fully over the shock of it yet,

and I never want to hurt you

because you're my friend and I like you,

so I have to say no. I'm sorry.

Was the tuna inquiry too personal?

Oh, no. I thought it was very thoughtful.

You sure you won't feel like it any time soon?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Well, at least I asked.

Good night, lorelai.

Doing a little shopping? Yes. Excuse me.

Why the cold shoulder? No cold shoulder.

I just have perishables here. Oh, yeah.

You wanna get home before that beefaroni goes bad. My mom's waiting for me.

How was Washington? Fine.

Do anything interesting? Nope.

What about you? What about me?

Anything interesting happen? This summer, I mean? Nope.

Really? Really.

So nothing happened this summer at all?

It was hot.

Two weeks ago, there was a run on sno-cones.

Machine broke, people went crazy.

I'm not talking about sno-cones.

What are you talking about then? Nothing.

Her name's Shane.

As in "come back"? Yep.

Well, great. That's great.

Really, it's great. So I've heard.

Are you upset about something? No.

I mean, me and Shane. What about you two?

I don't know. It didn't exactly bring a smile to your face.

Well, I'm still freaked out about the sno-cone machine. Okay.

I could care less about you and Shane. Good.

It just surprised me, that's all. Why?

Because. Because why?

Because of what happened at Sookie's wedding.

So me coming back and just seeing you with Shane

just kind of threw me for a sec.

I'm sorry. Did I hear from you at all this summer?

Did I miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me

or the postman lose the letters you wrote to me?

You kiss me, tell me not to say anything...

very flattering, by the way.

You go off to Washington. Then nothing.

Then you come back all put out because I didn't wait for you

like Dean would have done.

And what about Dean? Are you still with him?

'Cause last time I checked, you were.

I haven't heard anything to the contrary.

And you two walking around the other day

like some damn Andy Hardy movie.

Seemed like you're still pretty together.

I expected you to break into a barn and put on a show.

When did you see us? At that stupid summer insanity plea the town put on.

I'm surprised you could see anything

with Shane's head plastered to your face.

You didn't answer me. About what?

Did you call me at all? No.

Did you send a letter? Postcard? No.

Smoke signal? Stop.

A nice fruit basket? Enough.

Are you still with Dean?

Come on, Rory, yes or no? Are you still with Dean? Yes, I'm still with Dean.

Glad to hear it. Glad to tell you.

See you around. Whatever.

Right back at you.

Hey. I was just gonna come in after you.

You all done? Oh, yeah, I'm done.