Original subtitles

- I can�t believe it. - Way to go, girl!

Now you�ll have to marry to keep up with tradition.

- Bruno will panic. - We�ve been talking about it.

- Really? And where is he? - I don�t know.

He�s probably grabbing something to eat.

- Uncle? - Hi, darling.

Congratulations. The party is beautiful.

- Clara is beautiful. - Right. Beautiful and happy.

- Where�s Bruno? - I�m looking for him.

And I will find him.

Take care. Excuse me.

- Have you found Bruno? - No.

- You two are so much alike. - We�ve been together for years.

- I can�t do that. I get tired. - We know that.

I can�t get enough of Bruno. He�s always so surprising.

- Here�s to a surprising man! - OK, I�ll drink to that.

Over there!

Everybody, please...

I�d like to have your attention for a second.

There�s a saying that goes "Time fies"...

but today I know we can�t...

measure up the depths of this feeling...

until a day like today finally comes around.

My sweet loving and dearest...

daughter Clara�s wedding.

That�s why I�d like to invite you all...

to embark on a journey that I�ve put together myself...

where I pay tribute, a tribute that begins in Friburgo...

some years ago, where Risoleta and I...

began to build our beautiful love story.

- What light is this? - I couldn�t care less.

We were young and na�ve, very na�ve...

Good old times, which will never come back.

We�d have lots of fun, we�d go out together...

we�d walk along by the riverside.

Do you remember, Risoleta?

The warm cow milk freshly milked out of the cow�s tits.

Risoleta would say: "Z�, that�s not good for you".

And I�d say: "No, no, no, I want more. I want more".

- Take your pants off. - I can�t unbuckle my belt.

Let me help you.

Pull it.

And then Clara came along...

to enlighten our lives.

Right, honey?

What�s going on?

I don�t know what to say.

I know what to say, you son of a gun!

Calm down, Fernanda.

I don�t know what I was thinking.

Everybody saw exactly what you were thinking.

Bruno, how could you do this to me?

I hate you! I�m so embarrassed. You�ll pay for that.

You asshole!

"CILADA.COM"

Man, what a nightmare...

Good morning.

You are thirsty today, Mr. Bruno. Have you had fish?

Mr. Bruno, if you want me to cook you dinner...

you�ll have to buy the ingredients.

Also, Miss Fernanda called...

and said you should take a look at the "In Tube".

She said that and hung up on me, that wench.

Augusta, you should�ve waken me up.

I�m not crazy to wake you up on your day off.

It�s not my day off.

I have never seen you go to work at 11:30 a.m.

11:30a.m.?

Hello?

Where are you, damn it? The guys from the government are here.

I�m on my way. Just stall them a bit for me.

Where are you? What�s that noise?

It�s raining.

Is it? It�s so sunny here.

It�s El Ni�o and the global warming.

That�s why the traffic is just chaotic. I�ll soon be there.

I�ll get back to you.

Be a little bit more patient.

Yone, we can�t wait any longer.

The governor awaits us for a conference.

I understand, Dr. Ferrari.

I know it�s been a long...

Can we just skip the small talk? How is the campaign?

The Traffic Awareness Campaign, created by our creative duo...

is very interesting indeed.

I�m sorry. A terrible traffic jam.

And the police had a road block just to dig into our pockets.

When the guy said that, I had to lecture him on citizenship.

Nobody should knock down the government and get away with it.

Well, it�s all fine and dandy, but let�s get down to business.

Brun�o, give us the campaign�s theme.

This is the laxative�s... Here it is.

"I drank, I drove, I split..."

Split where?

It�s a young concept, as in "I drank, I drove, I�m gone".

But we thought "I�m gone" might not mean "I died".

"I died".

I see.

If this whole concept is in the past tense...

I suppose this message was passed on through a psychic.

Well, it is in fact a little...

- fragile. - Fragile?

Listen, I don�t know if There`s life after death...

but if I show this crap to the Bureau, you�ll find out...

because I�ll get fired and I�ll kill you myself!

- Let�s get out of here. - Ferrari, Ferrari.

Ferrari.

You may rest assure that in no time at all...

our creative minds will come up with another option.

Dr. Leone, I�m sorry about the presentation, but I had...

Bruno...

first thing an advertiser should know is how to handle rejection.

Was your idea rejected today? That�s life.

- I�m glad you see it like that. - But if your next idea...

is also like that, I�ll have to fire you.

Hello?

Go ahead. No, it�s impossible.

Don�t you understand? No can-do.

Are you trying to screw me? Are you pulling one on me?

You�re not going to the mall and that�s final!

My daughter. She�s just like her mother.

Yeah, Isaura is kind of spoiled.

It wasn�t Isaura. It was Marcinha.

But Dr. Leone, Marcinha is only seven years old.

What is it, Marcinha?

I�ve told you no already. Are you trying to screw me?

Up yours! Up yours!

I�m telling you up yours!

Damn it. This is bullshit, isn�t it?

What the hell, Marcinha?

Bruno, one thing nobody can deny...

you are very straightforward.

- What is it? - Don�t blink or you�ll miss it.

Are you sure you want to record it?

I�m sure. Why not? It�s just for the two of us.

I don�t know. I�m worried. You hear all kinds of stuff.

This will be unforgettable sex.

- Do you know why? - Why?

- Why unforgettable? - Why?

- I�ll do you good. - Really?

- Yeah. - Real good?

- I�ll terminate you. - Will you? I want to see it.

I�ll terminate you.

You done?

Yup. It was kind of quick, right? But it was nice.

Is there any ice cream left?

Unforgettable indeed.

Cot,der than that, only with ice cream.

Don�t forget to delete that.

The "terminator"...

How did you find that out?

Hor�cio from Accounting sent it to me...

but three other people sent it also.

These things spread really fast. But not faster than you.

Sorry, Bruno, but I couldn�t resist.

- Hi. Are you with "Help Desk"? - Yeah.

- Leo? - Teo.

- Hi, Teo. How are you? - Now the boss calmed down.

I told him to change the mother board.

- Tell me something, Teo. Leo. - Teo.

Anyway, how can you take a video out of the InTube...

- if you did not put it there? - Why?

- Why what? - Why would you do that?

Hypothetically, let�s just say your girlfriend...

- Do you have a girlfriend? - I do. Two.

Great. Let�s just say one of them, out ofjealousy...

put on the InTube a video of you going at it in a quickie...

like a premature ejaculation, then...

- That�s bad... - Hypothetically, Leo. Teo.

If you don�t like it and wish to take it out...

Take it out? Before you finish your business?

- No, I don�t mean take it out... - That�s bad...

Never mind.

Don�t be stupid. Your boss would never watch this sex video.

No, but one entitled "Unforgettable Sex With Bruno"...

might make him wonder.

Relax, my friend. It could�ve been worse.

Worse than a premature ejaculation video on the InTube?

Sure thing.

I just can�t recall right now, but it could have.

I�m sure.

I love Fernanda. I screwed up, I�ll admit, I did...

but she didn�t have to hit below the belt.

Relax. My mom used to say...

"No night is so long that doesn�t turn into day".

You think so?

THREE YEARS EARLIER

Awesome, camping out on the beach. I just love it.

- And we�ve got no jacket. - No jacket and no blanket.

But we�ve got a bunch of these dish cleaning rags.

- Do you want some? - Do you think it�ll work?

Come here. I�ll warm you up.

You�ll warm me up, uh?

- Are you telling me you love me? - Relax. First things first.

But will you one day tell me you love me?

So rough.

- What is that, Bruno? - A bug is eating me alive!

Where�s the repellent?

- Did you bring any? - No.

I�ve got deodorant. That should work.

What is it?

Did you change your mind?

Man, this girl loved me. And I loved her.

But now you�ve lost her, right? Forget about Fernanda.

Well, forget about all women. After that video, you are...

Holy shit, I can�t think about it.

Sandro, thank you. You really make me feel better.

Man, you�ve got to make yourself look better now.

Call three ex-girlfriends and record them...

saying you�re the man, you�re real good in the sack.

- Like a campaign for you. - Are you crazy, Sandro?

It was just a meaningless video. They�ll forget.

No one will recognize me. You can barely see me.

Look, man, that dumb guy from the video.

OK, they can�t tell it�s me.

What do you want me to talk about?

About me.

Against or pro?

Actually, I can remember many traits in one man.

Please.

Sometimes I�d say: "You stay on top"...

and he�d say: "You stay under".

Bruno is very rude...

I see what you mean.

- Is it OK for you? - Sure, you know me.

- Is it recording? - Yes.

- Bruno is very... Hi, honey. - What�s up, baby?

Great, great...

Suck up your man a little, come on.

Who is?

- This is Bruno. - Who is Bruno?

A friend of mine. He�s doing a documentary...

About endangered penguins in Antarctic.

- But you said... - North Pole, but now in Antarctic.

Bruno was the last man I had sex with.

After him, I�ve met Mara.

And we�re happy, we�re together.

Bruno gave my mother a dog with a bow, but she hates dogs.

Bruno is boring, Bruno is snotty...

and kind of silly, he sleeps with his mouth open.

Great, those stories are all very funny and hilarious...

but what about in the sack?

Hot and sexy.

Wow, just amazing.

Fernanda.

Happy birthday in Japanese!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday in Japanese!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday in Japanese!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday in Japanese!

- Happy birthday! - Fernanda!

Get out now or I�ll throw this cake at you.

Do you know you screwed my life?

And you had sex with a tramp in front of all my friends.

I was drunk. It was the liquor.

He�s so cute.

And I had PMS. It was the hormones. We�re even.

Come on, you guys! Cheer up, grandpa!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday in Japanese!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday in Japanese! Happy birthday!

Fernanda, PMS? What about it? It is not even your date.

You don�t even know our anniversary, but you know that?

November, 28th, 2009, the day we started dating.

You�ve got the nerve!

That�s when your soccer team won and got back to the first league.

How come you know that? You hate soccer.

That�s right, but that match I�ll never forget.

Don�t you remember the sex we had?

I�m almost there.

Let�s come together. Come on, baby.

Come on.

Goaaaaaaal!

Goal. I was coming and you were worried about soccer player Carlos Alberto.

Fernanda, you sound like...

It wasn�t "any" goal, It won the Title.

Which they had won the week before. That was a replay.

Fernanda...

don�t say that.

You know I...

Say it, Bruno.

Say it.

Say it, boy.

It�s no use, Bruno.

It�s game over for us.

YOUR LOVED ONE BACK IN THREE DAYS

- Do you bring them in three days? - If they are in Rio de Janeiro.

I�ll put down the cards and summon the spirits.

Summon?

- I�ve got a message for you. - For me?

Sorry. I didn�t get that.

I�m cleaning up my throat. This cigarette sucks.

It�ll start in a minute.

I�ll summon them up.

- Them? - The entities.

It�s very tough what you�re going through.

- Do you see it there? - No, I�ve seen it on the Web.

It�s anxious dick problem, right? That�s bad.

I�ve got something to do. I�ve got to go...

Do you want to get it fixed?

No, actually I�ve...

I can see it.

I can see you like this girl very much.

- And she hurt you a lot. - No, actually I...

What is it exactly that you like about this girl?

Fernanda? I like everything about her.

Everything? Her earrings?

Her make-up? Her panties?

I see in your future...

a Jack of hearts.

I�m sorry. I don�t get it.

And with a king of clubs.

Wait, are you suggesting...

What is it? What is it?

I can see you don�t like women not even covered in chocolate.

- No! What is this? - Yes, but he doesn�t listen!

- They�ve got a message to you. - I don�t want to hear it!

He�s having a fit. He�ll soon freak out.

Enough!

I won�t pay 50 bucks to be called a faggot.

- 150 bucks. - 150? The banner says 50.

During working hours. After hours, there�s an extra charge.

If I were you, I�d watch out about being kind of a faggot.

But I�m not you. So screw it.

Relax, I said kind of, you just kind of like it.

You�re so funny. And you�re a very good friend.

Wow. I�m coming out. Don�t you want to come in?

In a minute.

Bruno, do you want to come in and out real quick?

I don�t get it.

He must�ve seen your performance.

A unique performance. It was a one time deal.

But everybody saw that one.

I�ve become famous because of that one bad sex performance.

Now I�ve got to show a good sex performance.

Tell me more about it.

How about the guy who filmed your sister�s wedding?

Death hurts.

Intense. Very intense.

That�s "Destruction". The one I showed you...

with the paint on the wall, that is "Construction".

Now I�ll show you the last one of the trilogy, "Reconstruction".

Marco Andr�.

You can call me "Marcojuana". You�re my homey.

Marco Andr�, good job, your work is very good.

Do you dig it? Really? Nice, uh?

It�s in the same tone as Smerillova. You know?

The Slovenian filmmaker.

Great, I�d love to see all your work, your trilogy...

but I�d like to watch it focusing on it...

and I�m in a hurry right now.

We�ve talked about price. Let�s go, I�ll tell you the details...

What happened?

Do you have rolling paper?

It�s got something to do with reconstruction in a way.

Kind of...

Marcojuana, I�ll tell again, because I wasn�t very clear...

the last four times I explained it.

Bruno, to be honest with you, your story is a pain in the ass.

Cheating, bad sex, lies, vengeance, hatred.

It sounds like my old folk�s marriage.

I don�t know if I can handle that. It hurts me.

Relax. I just want to film a good sex performance.

- Sex performance? - A good one.

Who�s the girl?

Well, I�m missing that one detail.

Leave your stuff there.

We could do it in the sofa. It�s easier than in the bedroom.

You can stand behind the furniture or in the bedroom...

and make it kind of a documentary. What do you say?

Marcojuana!

I�m sorry.

I was here tripping on the smoke.

What smoke?

Smoke...

There it goes. Now it looks like a Smerillova short film.

Smoke...

Marcojuana, you smoked my house...

because of a damn short film nobody�s ever seen?

What about that guy on the Web with his 10-second super sex?

His ejaculation is so premature...

that before sex, he smokes a cigarette.

He doesn�t need Kama Sutra, he needs "Calm Sutra".

Easy, easy. We�ve got time.

How do you introduce a girl to him?

"Pleased to meet you, I�m F�tima", and he goes...

"My pleasure".

And while I was joking he had sex with three different girls.

Hello? May I speak to Bianca?

Hi, Bianca. Bruno here. Bruno, your ex-boyfriend.

Have you forgotten?

Well, Bianca...

What do you mean, three years later?

No, that�s not true. I really had to take a shower...

I returned your call and it was busy.

I went out and when I came back, I forgot to call again.

Bianca, I wasn�t inconsiderate.

Bianca...

Bianca, I�ll take a shower now. I�ll get back to you. Bye.

Hi, Mrs. Neusa, how are you? Is Carmen there?

No, I haven�t heard. Did she get married?

She�s dead?

Well, that�s too bad.

Teresinha, where have we met?

You were my cleaning lady...

Fernanda.

What�s going on? Oh, it�s you, Bruno.

Sorry. I aimed at Fernanda�s window, but I missed it. Sorry.

It�s OK. I�m with you on that Internet deal, man.

Bruno? What are you doing there?

I�m trying to talk to you. May I come up? It�s going to rain.

Don�t even start. It�s not going to rain.

- Isn�t it raining? - What is it you want?

If it�s about the video, I took it out already.

But these things spread. I�ve nothing to do with it now.

You don�t have anything to do with it?

Damn it! It�s 3 o�clock in the morning, man!

Some issues are timeless. The heart�s clock beats differently.

The heart�s clock my ass!

I don�t want to talk about the video, but about us.

I�ve nothing to talk about. I don�t even want to see you.

I�d like to tell you...

that I made a mistake, I�ll admit, but I was drunk.

Some people drink to enjoy the moment and lose their lives.

Good one. Write it down and use it in your traffic campaign.

It�s better than "I drank, I drove, I split".

That�s awful!

Now do me a favor. Forget about me.

Boy, she�s really mad.

Go away. It�s going to rain.

Hey.

Hey!

- Hi. - Hi.

I�m Fernanda�s neighbor and I overheard you two arguing.

I see. You recorded it and you�re putting on the Web?

No, that�s not it. I�ve been through the same situation.

My fianc� cheated on me last week and we had...

Look, I�ve had enough sermons for today.

- No, I�m not giving you a sermon. - No?

So?

I�ve decided from now on I will let no man make me cry anymore.

I�ll use men as if they were a play thing, a sex toy.

Listen, it�s late, I�m tired.

Could you get straight to the point?

I could. Do you want to have sex with me?

Hold on just a sec.

Hello? Marcojuana?

Don�t mind the mess. I didn�t expect such special company.

Relax, I�m just loving this unexpected date.

Have they cut the power or is this a s�ance?

Would you like a glass of wine? Hold on. I�ll get it for us.

Marcojuana.

Marcojuana? Marcojuana?

- What the hell is that? - Didn�t you want invisible?

That�s it. I am a professional.

What about those candles? She�ll think it�s a setup.

The smoking machine broke down.

Listen to me. If she finds out, we might end up in jail.

I�m tripping. I went to the bedroom.

I�ve put out the candles. I don�t like candle light.

I�d rather do it out in the clear.

- Do you mind? - No, I don�t...

Will you take me to your bedroom?

Let�s go to the bedroom. Let�s go to the bedroom!

- Down, I�ll finish you. - Be my guest.

I�ll finish you.

- You�ll be my play thing. - I am your play thing.

Stop that.

Shut up, shut up! I am the boss around here.

Say I�m hot.

- You�re hot. - Say you want me.

I want you.

Say it, say you want me.

Did anyone turn the lights out?

Well, they did it for good. The whole street is dark.

It�ll have to be in the living room and with candle light.

Let�s keep the same mood and don�t lose focus.

Losing focus isn�t nice.

- Damn it! - Don�t you like it?

I love it, but something burned me. I�m too hot.

- It�s a fire burning. - On your ass?

- No. I guess it was a bee. - A bee?

- Stop. - What is it?

- Stop. I�m allergic to bee sting. - No.

Over there.

- What is it? - I saw a light over there.

- It�s a firefly. There are lots. - You don�t understand.

- Are you allergic to them also? - No, Bruno.

It�s not a little firefly...

it�s a frigging big firefly.

- I�ll kill it with my hands! - You�re too stressed.

Hi, Gerson.

Don�t be paranoid. This time, the campaign will be a success.

Damn it, Marcojuana!

Marcojuana.

Action.

Hi, man. What�s up?

What is that? Getting old and playing with a doll?

I�m sorry. I�ll introduce you to her. This is Fiorella.

No, I don�t have sex with her. That�d be too complicated.

I�d have to fake my orgasms and hers.

This is a real woman.

Next morning, I empty her and she goes in the drawer.

Are you still mad about yesterday?

- What do you think? - I swear I didn�t mean it.

Look, not burning people�s asses on purpose...

is the very least I can expect of you.

Unless I was a whacko.

I�ll be home around 6 p.m. I might bring some company.

And it might be your last chance of making this film.

So, for Smerillova�s sake, stay alert. Can you do that?

It�s done.

If it�s not asking too much...

will you please stop hanging your underwear on the doorknob?

Augusta, are you available today?

Do you need anything?

Did anything happen?

What happened, Mr. Bruno?

Nothing, but my place is a mess. A friend crashed there.

I will be there. I�ll do whatever you�ll ask.

I�ll be there in no time.

Samara? Hi, this is Marco Andr�. I�m a filmmaker.

I was taking a look at your add in the paper.

Tell me, how much do you charge for the show?

Yes, I do want it.

It could be here at my place. Write it down.

Samara, another thing...

these measures here are for real?

Really? Wow, what a big ass, uh?

Hello. Good morning. Good morning.

Bruno, way to go. Almost 300 thousand hits.

- That�s nice. - Six crowded Maracan�s.

Six crowded Maracan�s because of one own goal.

One own goal at the World Cup final.

- Are you well prepared now? - Yes, sure.

The conference room door will be the doorway to success today.

- It will be. - It has to be.

It has to be.

- Great. - Otherwise...

I�ll show you out the door.

What did he mean by that?

Exactly what he said. If they don�t like it, he�ll fire me.

I�ll be carrying the can for this.

- And I can�t even focus today. - Relax. It�s going to be fine.

Open up my drawer and get a pill.

I won�t take a pill. I�ve never taken it.

Come on, take two. They�re mild. Trust me.

They�re in the drawer.

Did you take them?

Here. They�re very mild. Even a kid can take them.

- What about these? - Are you crazy? These are tough!

These are antidepressant for my brother. He�s schizophrenic.

I�m going over there. Relax.

So soon?

Good morning. You must be Marco Andr�.

You got here early, baby. Come on in.

I got here later today. I didn�t know I was supposed to come.

I usually come earlier...

when Mr. Bruno is still here, not in a hurry.

So you came here already?

I come twice a week. Sometimes, three times a week.

Mr. Bruno can�t do without me.

He says I do it just the way he likes it.

And is it too different from the way others like it?

He�s got some quirks actually.

- What quirks? - He just loves my cooking.

Really?

- And he doesn�t eat just once. - Doesn�t he?

- He eats four times in a row. - Come on. Four times?

- Don�t you complain? - No, I�m used to it.

Not everyone is the same.

We just have to make them like us e do a good job.

I�ll change now to start doing it.

- Make yourself at home. - I will.

Make yourself at home too.

Excuse me.

This will be so much fun.

The concept now is a mix...

between the worldwide successful campaign...

which has influenced the youth political attitude...

Obama�s campaign: "Yes, We Can"...

and the relentless and necessary strictness of the Prohibition.

Ladies and gentlemen, out of this mix, came the concept...

"No, we can�t".

We thought about making a short film...

to launch this idea and amplify this concept.

The idea is the same as in the ad...

a guy goes to a party where a girl offers him a beer.

And we gave this guy a name to bond him with the public.

"Juca".

Now we�ll give you a small demonstration of this film.

But for that I�ll call my friend Bruno.

He�s much more of an artist than I am. Right, Dr. Leone?

Yes.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I�ll give you Juca.

Juca.

Juca!

Hey, girl, are you coming or not?

Do you need anything, Mister... Geez!

Why are you acting all weird? Relax.

Do you want to drink anything? Do you want to smoke anything?

Do you want to grab anything?

Well, music.

Get into the rhythm, Juca!

This guy is an artist.

What is it, Bruno? Do as we planned, damn it.

Let�s dance, Juca. The party is on!

Come on, Juca. Dance!

At this point, the girl offers Juca a drink.

Can�t you do the girl, Dr. Monica?

Well, it looks like I�ll have to do the girl myself.

I�m sorry. I�m not as good an actor as he is.

So? What is it going to be?

I get it.

Shall we start the cock fight already?

Bruno, quit this shit.

Don�t do that, Bruno. That is not funny.

Bruno, stop this shit right now.

Stop it, damn it! What�s that?

Is that how the film ends?

I�m sorry, Mrs. Augusta. I thought you were someone else.

My mistake.

What a shame! I�ve never seen anything like this.

Specially that size! But I�ll tell Mr. Bruno.

- There�s something wrong here. - Wait, Augusta. I�m pure.

Augusta, don�t tell Bruno.

I�ll be honest with you.

I�m part of a tribe. An Indian tribe.

The Smerillovas.

Our tribe is being hunted down throughout the country.

I just came here so I could save my own neck.

Don�t tell Bruno. The fewer white men know, the better.

Our tribe is going through some rough times.

It was on the news. Haven�t you seen it?

I don�t get paid to take this bullshit...

Hello?

There�s a girl named Samara looking for you, you pervert.

Thank goodness! The Indian Samara has run away too!

Unforgettable sex. Unforgettable sex.

So soon? So soon?

I�ve sent you. Take a look. "The Big Rabbit Funk".

So soon?

Unforgettable sex.

So soon? So soon?

It was good. It was good.

- I�m going to kill myself. - Is that a promise?

RECONSTRUCTION

A FILM BY MARCOJUANA

Love burns. Love burns.

In a barren t,andscape, a stump in flames.

I feel the stump in fames.

I shout: "A stump in fames".

I cry: "A stump in fames".

Love, goodbye.

My next movie, I�ll make it abroad.

You know Smerillova, right?

Actually, by looking at you right now...

I think I have a role for you on my next movie.

Do you want to be an actress?

Do you think you can handle it?

Yes! Yes, you can!

Brun�o, I think I�ve found the perfect actress for our movie.

Is it OK?

I guess so, I guess it�s OK.

Really?

I thought I was kind of shy.

Not that I�m shy, but if I forget about the camera...

I loosen up and can do it better.

I see.

Just a sec.

- Marcojuana. - She is true to it, right?

If she keeps talking like that, I won�t get it up.

What do you mean? I gave her the script.

You�re a pain in the ass. I�ll practice the dialogues with her.

The dialogues don�t matter. She might go...

or she might go...

It doesn�t make a difference.

- Are you listening to me? - Yes, I love it. Tell me more.

It�s important your perception as a character. Dig deeper.

Focus. Here, Bruno, you open up the door to Samara. You got it?

Now you. You come here, across him, and suck him.

Honey, it�s only rehearsal.

Now you two come over to the table.

There. You got it? Here.

Bruno...

easy, no hurry, that�s it.

Shall we do it? Shall we record it? Come on!

Can�t we wait a little longer for me to get in character?

Honey, I am going to get in your character.

Rolling! First take!

Action!

Truth!

Hi. How you doing?

Come! I want to capture this moment!

- Sorry. What do you want? - To capture!

Cut! Cut! Stop!

Marcojuana, how about we do a silent movie?

We don�t say anything and then we add a song?

- Great! Put a balad on! - A totally silent movie!

- Can�t I moan at least? - Moan?

We add moaning on the subtitles later. Let�s go talk.

You�re doing great, honey.

I�m not feeling hot for this lady.

I�m sorry, she can�t even talk Portuguese properly.

Pay the fee to your "actress" and let�s call it a day.

- Don�t cancel it. - It�s cancelled already.

- It�s up to you. - Great.

It�s 3,000 bucks.

3,000? Marcojuana. I haven�t got that cash.

Really? That�s tough luck.

You know how those things work. Those people are dangerous.

She might have a knife in her bag to cut your...

face. You better make a deal with her.

Oh shit, I�m going to miss that plasma TV.

I hope 2012 comes as soon as possible!

This show will cause a lot of debate in bed.

After all, are you too quick on the trigger or not?

Fernanda is the leading lady...

of one of the greatest hits on the Internet.

Is it true you already had a job offer on TV?

No, not at all. I just accepted coming here today...

But you will have a job offer to pose nude. Right, audience?

Of course she will. Fernanda is a sexy catch.

Let�s watch a part of the video.

Whatever can be shown on TV. Get your kids, out of the room.

- So soon? - Yes. It was kind of quick.

Before we comment on this unusual performance...

I�d like to tell you something.

Did you know the quickest fuckers in the world are the mosquitoes?

They go for two to three seconds.

The guy is basically Spiderman, right?

And now it�s time for our chat. The word is with you!

- Who would like to talk? - I do!

This guy is a scumbag, a liar! He promises and doesn�t deliver!

- Thank you. Who else? - Me! Me!

I didn�t see a man making love to his wife! No way!

I saw an animal displaying its needs!

Thank you!

Listen, Fernanda, I just want to tell you something.

Did you know that pigs enjoy 30-minute pleasure during sex?

- Bitch! - May I help you?

Can you turn me into a pig? Then you can�t help me.

Excuse me... Excuse me, guys, but Bruno is nothing like that.

If I knew this would...

Did you know that `Vem C� soup is the most delicious...

on a cold day? Because it�s the only that gives you energy...

all day long. Including for better sex!

According to the law, you�ve been given the right to answer.

You�ve got to go to the show and stand up for yourself.

Are you comfortable, is that what you want?

I do. I have to.

I know exactly how you�re feeling.

No, you don�t.

Aren�t you the guy that gets there very fast?

Listen, I don�t know your definition for `there�...

but I�m not in the mood to listen to jokes right now...

or I�d hang myself in this elevator in front of you.

I�d never joke about it. I�m just like you.

Yeah. I face this little issue, too.

I get "there" very fast.

We�re passing the sixth floor.

That means if we start fucking right now...

I�d be getting dressed before we get to the car.

Marcojuana, I�m going home for a quick bite.

We have half an hour before going back to work. Is it enough?

- For that and more. - You haven�t told me your name.

I won�t.

Look, I think you�re nice, I came here to fuck...

- but let�s discuss some rules. - What do you mean, rules?

I have someone. I swore I�d never kiss another man in the mouth.

- Also... - Also?

I swore to him my... you know... would belong only to him.

You understand, don�t you?

OK. What are we doing here then? Watch a DVD, discuss philosophy?

Not using the usual ways. But there are other ways...

that are not included in my oath. And "those ways" can become your way.

By right.

- Was it good? - Man, you�re wonderful.

- Come on. - Wonderful.

Marcojuana!

You nuts! I had to hold myself not to get into that.

Thank you very much, Marcojuana. Now, tell me. I did it, didn�t I?

- It�s yours. - I did it! I did it!

This a man�s rebirth, Marcojuana!

I was first prize, man! First prize!

And you�re a genius! You�ve outdone yourself!

You�ve outdone them all!

Hold it, hold it. What was that thingy?

That! It�s a dick, man.

What do you mean a dick? That wasn�t my dick.

Only in an X-ray machine! Obvious it�s her dick.

Marcojuana... have I fucked a drag?

- Technically, you did. - And you knew?

What did you think it was? A super developed clit?

You knew and didn�t tell me?

If you went for oral sex, I�d warn you.

Let�s check this once again. Me, a woman...

and two hard dicks on the same bed!

If it bothers you that much, I can remove it on the computer.

All this fuss because of such a small thing like that

Marcojuana, you let me fuck a woman with a dick!

- So you�d rather... - Shut up your shitty mouth!

You�re the biggest asshole I�ve ever seen in my life.

Now you�re offending me.

Do you know what?

I�m not sure I want to be friends with you anymore.

What you�re doing to others is really childish.

You�re exposing people without their knowledge.

That�s cowardice.

Cowardice? And what they�re doing to me is what?

If life isn�t fair, let it sometimes be unfair favoring me.

Do you know why? Because I want the right to laugh, too.

Get out, leave!

Little things only affect little things. Who want�s to speak?

Please.

I had few girlfriends.

All of them...

when they found out I had premature ejaculation...

left me.

I started fearing women.

But yesterday at the party something unusual happened.

Go on. Tell us.

I was by the window trying to get away from the party.

To get away from me even.

Two feminine hands covered my eyes.

A warm breath, a whisper in my ears.

`Let�s go to the bathroom. I want to fuck you right now.�

I�m sorry.

I�m sorry, I�m sorry.

Relax buddy, relax.

Be calm, everything is alright.

Let�s concentrate. Let�s change the subject.

Let�s think of dead family members, the starving children in Ethiopia.

Tsunamis. Let�s think of Mike Tyson naked.

Plan B.

May I tell you of my dream of Angelina Jolie?

REHAB CLINIC ON PREMATURE EJACULATION

Hello, Fernanda.

No, Mrs. Marta Paranhos, your lawyer.

Hi, Mrs. Marta.

We have the right to respond on Regina Kelt,y�s program.

Tomorrow afternoon. Should I pick you up?

- May I help you, sir? - Maybe.

- Bruno, what are you doing here? - What do you think?

- Bruno, I don�t wanna talk. - Can�t I be in the mood for eating?

Bruno, please, leave.

Why? Is the restaurant closing? Not even a birthday to lighten up?

What do you want? Do you want me to lose my job?

Treating customers like that, it wouldn�t be a surprise.

So, what will be your order, sir?

- An apology. - Sushi, sashimi, harumaki...

- Fernanda. - Guioza. And to drink?

Fernanda, quit that.

Any hot dishes? Shimeji, shitake!

Stop being such a child. I came here to make it right.

And what did you think, Bruno?

That you�d come here posing as a romantic lover...

with a cheap violet vase from the kiosk and impress me?

I didn�t remember you being so insensible.

You�re playing the sorry one because of the consequences.

- That�s all. - Oh really, Mrs. Therapist?

Regret doesn�t change the facts.

And what does? Tell me, so I can change.

You tell me. Just don�t come with the same old...

`I�m sorry, Fernanda,� `I�m sorry Fernanda.�

That�s long worn out.

I�m not the dushbag you believe I am.

And I�m not the idiot you thought I were.

Well, have you decided?

Hey! For you.

My friend, that was cruel.

The bad thing of the smart ones is to think others are stupid.

- He seemed honest. - I was talking about me.

Look, Bruno, is just a right to answer.

You go there, speak calmly and leave, OK?

OK, I thought of starting like this. Good evening, Brazil.

Good evening, Regina Kelly. I�d like to...

Let�s go!

Good afternoon, my dear.

We�re starting another Regina Kelly Show.

You might remember last week we had a guest, Fernanda...

who posted a video on the Internet...

showing that her boyfriend couldn�t have a sex intercourse...

- for more than ten seconds. - Well, actually twelve.

Anyway, today he�s with us. As you all know, he�s name is Bruno.

Good afternoon, Bruno.

Good afternoon, Regina. In fact...

Let�s welcome as well the sexologist Dr. Mirtes Moreira.

And the urologist Dr. Aluisio Alvarenga.

As you at home may have realized, our theme is premature ejaculation.

First of all, I�d like to congratulate Bruno for coming out and saying...

`I have premature ejaculation!� That is a really mature attitude.

Excuse me. There might be a mistake here.

I don�t really suffer from premature ejaculation.

Dr. Mirtis, is denial common to victims of premature ejaculation?

It�s very common.

Men find it difficult to assume they fail.

Whether with an erection or maintaining the erection.

There must be a mistake. I�ve come for my right of answer.

This denial from Bruno is the most common reaction.

And it�s this defensive attitude that gets in the way of the cure.

- Does it have a cure, Dr. Aluisio? - In most cases it does.

But for that to happen the patient must want to get better.

- He must admit the... - The thing is, doctor...

I don�t have to be cured for I have no disease.

I don�t suffer of this.

For viewers at home, let�s show the video once again.

You won�t show no fucking video!

If you want to show something show this.

- Strip off, you shit sexologist! - But what is that?

Shut up, you fag! Come on, Regina, on your fours.

- Come on, on your fours! - We go to the commercial.

On your fours here, I want to see you! Come on!

You�ve become a circus, a buffoon...

the laugh of town!

And all that is fucking the business!

I don�t want you in our meeting today.

Can you give me a sec?

Aren�t you going to the meeting?

No, I... I�m on vacation.

OK, I was sent on vacation. Mr. Leoni let me go.

Hard times, right?

Well, I�m going. They�re waiting for me to start the meeting.

Can I call you up some time?

You can invite me for a drink. Who knows? I can say `yes� to you.

Holy shit! In Christ�s trial, he was the first to cry out.

- You�re screwed. - Indeed I am.

Since we mentioned it, have you produced the video?

Nothing. I�ve given up. The more I try, the worse it gets.

Soon there�ll be another video in InTube...

- and your 15-minute fame is over. - Yeah. There�ll always be a loser.

Tomorrow is Fernanda�s birthday, you remember, right?

Tomorrow?

I won 50 bucks! I bet you�d forget.

- Whom you bet with? - With her!

Have you seen her?

I went to the restaurant where she works with Marielly.

You remember her, don�t you? The hot one.

Fernanda is cool. She always gives me a discount.

- Did you talk about me? - Sort of.

She said things about you and I learned new swearing words.

- Come on, forget it, man. - Is she going to celebrate?

I think it�s going to be on her parent�s penthouse.

`Petit comit�.

It would be too crazy for me to show up, you think?

Don�t waste your time.

Sandro...

have you ever said `I love you� to someone?

- No. I�ve said it in English. - To whom?

- My mom. - No, man. To a girl you like.

To all of them. Until I�m laid.

I mean it, man. I�ll never be able to say it to Fernanda.

But do you love her?

I need her.

Hello?

Hi, Monica.

Sure. I�ll be waiting. Deal. Kiss.

- I�m sorry I took so long. - No problem.

- What�s this face? - I never expected your call.

I wanted to call you up for a long time.

Yeah.

Yeah. You don�t know, but I live in front of your ex�s parents.

I used to watch both you both sunbathing in the penthouse...

- together in the pool... - What a weird odor!

I don�t smell anything. Isn�t it coming from the sea?

Only if there was fish killing. Shut up your window.

- It�s too much pollution! - Gosh! Open it! It�s here!

- Your apartment is really cute. - I�m glad you enjoyed it.

- You�re at home. - I feel at home.

Can you give me a sec?

It�s impossible. Have I stepped on something?

Where does this shitty smell come from?

- Bruno, can I use your bathroom? - Sure. Second door on the right.

Wow! So much incense!

Think so? I think it�s little.

Because of my neighbor�s habit of recycling garbage at home.

Well, let�s have a drink?

Do you think the smell of the sea gets here? Two miles from the beach?

- You�re still smelling it? - Come on, aren�t you?

No. I mean, I smell cinnamon, vanilla, cherry...

- Shit. - Sorry?

Let�s put that aside. Or at least let�s try.

Let�s toast to his wonderful night, away from work...

to our dating, to our reunion, to new dating...

to the friendship that can grow a little...

Can you give me a sec?

Holy shit! Foul mouth?

Man, you don�t understand. Her kiss must be a kind of chemical weapon.

You tell her you�ll do anything but kissing in the mouth.

I got a slut once that told me that.

Yeah, I got a shemale too...

- Never mind. - Bruno?

- Is everything okay? - No...

Yes, fine.

I'm going, drink your wine.

Wine? Giver her some disinfectant!

Aren�t you sitting down here?

Aren't you going to drink? But a good wine has a nice bouquet.

Yeah. To combine the smell and the taste...

Yeah! We�re drinking on empty stomachs.

I�m going to get something for us to eat. What do you think?

I�m not hungry at all.

But you have to eat. You have to. I prepare some toasts...

with some paste... toothpaste.

Do you want a mint?

Thank you. I don�t have it usually.

You should. Just one. It won�t add any extra weight.

No, it�s not that. I don�t like it because it�s bad for your teeth.

It�s bad if you have a lot. Just one is no problem.

A mint candy and wine makes you high!

Let�s go high together. Come on! You can brush your teeth later.

I have extra toothbrushes.

One mint. One!

- It�s hot, isn�t it? - Yeah...

I wasn�t going to say it, but since you mentioned it...

- I�m feeling it, too. - That�s why I offered you the mint.

Do you mind if I get a bit more relaxed?

No, I...

I mind. A lot.

Relax, Bruno. I�m going to take care of you.

Listen, Monica. We�ve known each other for a short time.

There�s our professional relationship.

I didn�t want to go too fast.

I mean, precipitate things. Because of being hot.

- Bruno, can I say something? - Just one sec.

It�s obvious I `ve bet my chips in a case that�s not for me.

Pure need, right?

I think there could have been something between us, but...

- Listen, Bruno, I�m leaving. - Yeah. I loved it!

We need to have someone we can take care of...

who takes care of us, too.

The name of that is survival. But if you add some enchantment...

then it�s no longer survival. It�s love.

Bruno, do whatever has to be done.

Say whatever has to be said. Otherwise, you�ll never know...

if the game is really over for you. Think about it.

I�m going. Bye.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

- For how long have we been watching? - Half an hour.

Do you know how many have died so far?

Eighty. With this explosion of the mall, 2,080.

- Sandro said it was good film. - And only you believed it.

Who are you shushing to, Bruno? We�re the only ones talking.

By the way, we�re the only ones here.

Even so, Fernanda. We�re not supposed to be chatting at the movies.

Every place is a for anything.

Especially when no one is looking at us doing something.

What are you talking about?

About having a chat without bothering no one.

About talking on the cell phone without bothering no one.

We can even do things without shocking anyone.

- Got it. - Finally.

I came here to apologize.

I was an idiot, a loser, a coward...

If you want to hit me in the face, I�ll understand.

Friends?

- A love story! You�ve changed! - I�m trying.

- Who�s the cast? - Just me.

Hold it. You want me to record while you are at...

Of course I don�t, Marcojuana. You�ll understand.

From the expression on your face, he hasn�t called.

No. But if he had, I wouldn�t have answered.

Great! To lie to yourself is always the best medicine.

I don�t know what�s worse. That he�s forgotten as usual...

or if he has remembered and didn�t want to call.

Thank you for accepting my apologies.

They�re gorgeous. And your friend? Isn�t he coming up?

He�s coming, alright. He�s bringing the equipment.

- I�m addicted to the smell of roses. - You�re special!

I like you as you are.

Thank you.

Good evening. Hi, Mr. Camargo. Congratulations for your daughter.

Where�s Fernanda?

Over there? And where�s the good Scotch?

Happy birthday, honey baby.

Thank you, Sandro.

I was going to buy you a cool present.

But since you owe me 50 bucks, we�re quits. OK?

The bet you lost, that Bruno would remember your birthday.

Wow, Sandro! You�re really a gentleman.

Come on, Fe.

I didn�t know my present was that important.

Wow! You smell good.

I�m going to get a Scotch.

- What could you wait from Bruno? - Nothing.

Fernanda...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

YOU ARE WONDERFUL

AND I AM AN ASSHOLE

Holy shit!

I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU

AND NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN

YOU SEDUCE ME

EVEN IF YOU

DON�T WANT ME ANYMORE

I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT

PUT ME ON THE SPEAKER PHONE

I love you.

Fernanda, are you sure you want to do that?

6 MONTHS LATER - Totally.

I want to have recorded for the future...

this wonderful man that�s only mine!

- Relax, love. It happens. - Not to me! Never happened before.

- It�s all right. - I don�t know what happened...

- Bruno, just let me do something. - Don�t forget you�ll be seen, too.

- Hey, let�s see what�s on this. - Come on!