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1
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,132
I love you.
2
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,802
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.
3
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,071
Will you marry me?
4
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:44,043
Baby,
5
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:46,445
baby--
6
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,148
Baby, your breath
smells like dog food.
7
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,818
[ Panting ]
With just a hint
of rottweiler butt.
8
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,320
You're on notice, Rocco.
9
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:58,123
When Felicia moves in,
you have to clean up your act.
10
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,392
Bon appétit.♪ Whoa ♪
11
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,395
♪ I feel good ♪
12
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:07,066
♪ I knew that I would, now ♪
13
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:10,202
♪ I feel good ♪
14
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:13,238
♪ I knew that I would, now ♪
15
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,443
♪ So good, so good ♪
16
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,445
♪ I got you ♪
17
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:23,549
♪ Whoa, I feel nice ♪
18
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,418
♪ Like sugar and spice ♪
19
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,122
♪ I feel nice ♪
20
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:34,126
♪ Like sugar and spice ♪
21
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:37,262
♪ So nice, so nice ♪
22
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,765
♪ I got you ♪
23
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,676
♪ When I hold you in my arms ♪♪
24
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,679
I have a very big surprise
for you.
25
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:56,181
A very big surprise.
26
00:01:56,183 --> 00:02:00,853
I know you're dying to know,
but I'm not gonna tell you,
no matter how much you beg.
27
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:04,323
Nope.
Not even a hint.
28
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:17,136
Wow! This is
incredible, Jerry!
29
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:19,838
What's this all about?
30
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,643
Felicia,
from the first moment
I met you,
31
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,779
[ Groans ]
I-- I mean, uh--
32
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,916
From the first moment
I saw you, I, uh--
33
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,819
Uh, wh-what I'm trying
to say, Felicia, is--
34
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,622
You're lookin' sick
all of a sudden.
Are you all right?
35
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,191
Motion sickness.
Oh.
36
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,927
The reason why
I brought you out here is...
37
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,596
to tell you, to say--
38
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,798
Mm-hmm.
39
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,168
to ask, communicate--
40
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:52,437
Would you just
spit it out?
41
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:56,842
[ Gasping ]
Oh, I'm sorry, baby!
I didn't mean it!
42
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,645
Don't cover me in puke
and try and call me "baby."
43
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,181
I'll make it up
to you, Felicia!
44
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:05,384
Will you marry me?
No!
45
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,654
Oh, thank you!
You've made me
the happiest-- What?
46
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,590
I met someone.
Met someone?
47
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,560
Andre and I
have all the things
that we don't, Jerry.
48
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,562
Andre?
I introduced you once.
49
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,864
He details my BMW.
50
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:23,602
You dump me for a guy
who goes to work in a jumpsuit
and rubber boots?
51
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:28,440
Andre and I connect
on a level that you and I
just never could.
52
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,476
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
53
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:46,525
[ Sighs ]
She dumped us, Rocco.
54
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:50,395
I know you don't care.
You can lick your own balls.
[ Chuckles ]
55
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,266
[ Sighs ]
56
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,247
[ Beeping ]
57
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,865
[ Ringing ]
58
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,668
[ Answering Machine Clicking ][ Jerry On Tape ]I'm not in.
59
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,738
Leave a messageor don't leave a message.Whatever.
60
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,307
[ Man ]Hello, Jerry. It's me.Pick up.
61
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,509
Dude, I know you're there.
62
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,012
Quit acting like a little kid.You're so immature!
63
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,481
Pick up now
or I'm gonna fart
into the phone.
64
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,619
Leave me alone.
I'm wallowing
in self-pity.
65
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,622
It's time to rejoin
the living, Jerry.
We're going out tonight.
66
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,458
- Not interested.
- Saddle up the old
baloney pony.
67
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:57,629
It's Operation
Storm the Foxholes.
China Club, 2100 hours.
68
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,432
Our objective?
Penetrate the enemy.
69
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:03,468
Stop calling me.
I'm not going.
This is nonnegotiable.
70
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,038
Either meet me tonight
or I'm gonna ask out
your sister.
71
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,007
She'll go out with me
'cause she's freaky like that.
We both know her.
72
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,943
Ragoni, hang up.
The toilet's stuffed up.
I got a code-three emergency.
73
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,479
Buddy, I gotta go.
See you.
74
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:25,657
Thanks for fitting me in
today, Daniel.
75
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,926
I'm so tight.
76
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,473
Go really deep this time.
77
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,886
Give it to me harder.
78
00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:00,425
Harder.
79
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,863
Harder.
80
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,472
Harder.
81
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,844
- [ Muscles Cracking ]
- Come on, Daniel.
82
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:23,048
Is this the bestyou can do?
[ Sighs, Panting ]
83
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:28,453
Ragoni, what the hell
are you doing?
[ Screams ]
84
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,789
I was just
warmin' her up for you!
85
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:34,893
♪♪ [ Dance ]
86
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,462
♪♪ [ Continues ]
87
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:41,466
Marshall,
is that you?
Nick! Hey!
88
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,403
Long time no see!
How you doin'?
89
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:47,105
You've got to give me
the name of your new
escort service.
90
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:50,809
Oh, cut it out, Nick.
This is my fiancée, Sheri.
91
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,879
She ain't no escort skank.
She and I are in love.
92
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,047
That's right.
93
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,684
Marshall here's the mostinteresting and exciting manI've ever met.
94
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:03,889
- And he's a wonderful lover.
- Oh, I get it. She's retarded.
95
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:08,126
She's one of the sharpest
bartenders at Hooters.
Oh, Marshy!
96
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,963
Excuse me, fellas.
I'm gonna go trim
the landing strip.
97
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,767
Ooh! And classy too.
98
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:20,105
We met on a cruise.
There's just something about
the ocean air, the sun.
99
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,909
It really makes it easy
to meet people.
We connected right away.
100
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,711
Very first night.
With her?
101
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,181
Very first night?
Yeah!
102
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:33,084
And there are dozens of women
just as friendly as her
on board.
103
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,488
Dude, I gotta tell you,
whatever you're doing,
take a week off...
104
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,757
and get yourself
on one of those boats.
105
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:43,128
There was a line at the can.
Honey, can we skip dinner?
106
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:47,132
You look so hot,
you got me in the mood
for take-out in bed.
107
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,535
[ Both Moaning ]
108
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:53,538
Tongue.
109
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,077
- Ooh!
- Wow!
110
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,653
Wasn't that
crazy Marshall Geller,
111
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,656
the guy who
used to work in our
high school cafeteria?
112
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,092
Nope. That was
crazy Marshall Geller,
113
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,161
my new personal hero.
114
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,563
Dude, let's bolt.
115
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,633
Hanging around
some stupid bar
is no place to meet women.
116
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:24,769
What are you talkin' about?
You've been begging me
to come here for months.
117
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,938
Jerry, buddy,
118
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,940
trust me.
119
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:32,844
I have seen the light.
♪ Come on, gettin' on down ♪
120
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,146
♪ Get on down ♪
121
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,215
♪ Get on, get on down ♪
122
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,552
♪ Get on down, come on Go, go down ♪
123
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,588
♪ Get on down ♪
124
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,892
♪ Go, go down Get on down, come on ♪
125
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,561
♪ Go, go down ♪♪
126
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,132
[ Mutters ]
127
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:04,209
Aw, son of a bitch!
[ Horn Honks ]
128
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,745
That was my space!
Fuck you!
129
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,214
Fuck you right back,
buddy.
Nick, back off.
130
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,716
I don't want to see
an out-of-shape slob
get his butt kicked.
131
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,718
He ain't that
out of shape.
I'm talkin' about you!
132
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,922
You break a sweat
changing your shoes.
Oh, stop. Bite me!
133
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,890
- Blow me!
- Kiss my ass!
134
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,092
- Fuck your mother!
- Oh, yeah?
135
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,595
No one would want
to fuck my mother
'cause she's too ugly!
136
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,864
Think I lost that one.
Oh, yeah.
137
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:33,204
Okay, it's the seven-day,
six-night fun in the sun
singles package...
138
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,907
with the standard three-to-one
female-to-male ratio.
139
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:39,811
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Just as the doctor ordered,
right, buddy?
140
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,347
I don't know, Nick.
I don't think
I'm ready for this.
141
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,283
Come on!
It's been six months!
142
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:49,220
I don't like the sun,
and I get seasick.
143
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:52,190
- Hmm.
- I don't know what to say
to strange women.
144
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,960
We're not going for
the discourse. We're going
for the intercourse!
145
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:59,331
Sex! That's all
you ever think about!
Sex, sex, sex, sex!
146
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,266
- We'll take it.
- Ha-ha-ha!
147
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,335
There you go.
Excellent.
148
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,806
Oh, Larry.
You're still here.
149
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,342
Mm-hmm.
Your mother died.
150
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,778
- What? When?
- This morning.
151
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,915
I'm sorry. I thought
you got my Post-it.
152
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,050
[ Larry ]Okay, thanks, Michael.
153
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,754
All right. Gentlemen,
I might want you to consider
this stateroom right here.
154
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:25,924
It's a little bit larger--
155
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,865
Um, would you excuse me
for just a moment?
156
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,800
Brian, help!
[ Sobbing ]
157
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:39,638
[ Bawling ]Mama!
158
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,307
[ Crying Continues ] Oh, God!
159
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,976
- You!
- Fuck you, pal!
160
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,712
- Fuck you back.
- Fuck your mother!
- Oh, yeah?
161
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,882
- No one would fuck my mother
'cause she's too ugly!
- We've been through this!
162
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:55,887
- Excuse me. What seems
to be the problem here?
- This guy-- pecker face.
163
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,957
This guy's a jerk.
All right, Brian.
You know what? Enough.
164
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:02,227
Let me handle this.
Check on the ski packages.
Yeah.
165
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,697
Over near the Maui
getaways. Remember?
Since the changeover?
166
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:09,034
Yeah, I got 'em.
I am so sorry.
167
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:12,070
Brian's had a little problem
with the-- and the--
168
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,072
and the-- and the--
169
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:17,242
Oh.
Yeah, bad news.
170
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:21,680
But now he's doing fine.
He's doing a lot of great work
with unwed teenage mothers.
171
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,283
[ Chuckles ]So-- All right.
172
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,452
[ Clears Throat ]
Let's see.
173
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,755
Seven-day, six-night
vacation cruise.
Is that correct?
174
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,724
That's the one, yeah.
Right.
175
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,926
Yeah.
Right.
176
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:37,195
Okay.
177
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,301
You guys are set,
gentlemen.
178
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:47,405
I think you'll
have a very good time.
Please enjoy your vacation.
179
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,075
Thank you very much.
And you should probably
do something about that guy.
180
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:53,745
Don't worry. I've already
taken care of it.
Good.
181
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,915
And hey,
I'm a letter writer.
182
00:11:56,917 --> 00:12:00,151
Duly noted.
All right.
183
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:06,458
Bye-bye, now.
184
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,893
I'm too upset
to work ski packages.
185
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,162
I can't believe
you took care of them.
186
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,765
I took care of them,
all right.
187
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,102
'Cause no one calls
my little pecker
a pecker.
188
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,304
Huh?
Yeah.
189
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,106
Yeah.
[ Giggling ]
190
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,484
Wow! Look at the size
of that thing!
191
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:35,754
And just think--
it's filled with
available women.
192
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:38,456
Yeah,
and here's the beauty part
of the whole thing.
193
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,259
They can't get away from us.
We'll be in the middle
of the ocean.
194
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,162
They can try,
but they'll drown
or get eaten by sharks.
195
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,098
It's perfect!
196
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,502
You know, sometimes
I think there's something
seriously wrong with you.
197
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:54,072
I can live with that.
[ Guffawing ]
198
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,308
Excuse me.
Can I ask you something?
Yes.
199
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,545
You board everybody
on this ship, right?
Yes, sir.
200
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,381
Let me ask you a question,
guy-to-guy.
201
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:07,519
Is there a lot of
sweet ass on this ship?
I'm sure you'll be very happy.
202
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:09,487
Yes!
Hear that, Jer?
Hey, hey!
203
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,323
All righty!
Whoo!
204
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:16,261
A boat filled with
hot, beautiful women!
205
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:20,031
Yes!
Awesome, awesome
awesome!
206
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,433
Can't you just feel
the sexy, lovely creatures...
207
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,502
boarding this love boat
as we speak?
208
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,838
Watch out!
I'm comin'!
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ♪
209
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,040
♪ Bee-ba, ba-ba, bee-ba ♪♪
210
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:33,077
Yeah, yeah. Whoo!
Nick, you're right!
This is great!
211
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:35,380
Yeah, you know!
212
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,515
[ Nick Yells ] Hey, what's up?
213
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,517
How you doin'?
Ooh!
214
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,554
Yeah! All right!
215
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:44,956
Friendly crowd, huh?
Oh, yeah.
216
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,826
Don't you ever
doubt me!
217
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,903
What the hell
was that?
218
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,407
Well, uh--
Onboard entertainment.
219
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,543
You know?
I bet Cirque du Soleil's
here, like Vegas!
220
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,479
Oh, cool.
Right?
221
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,481
[ Sighs ]
222
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,550
Hey! How are ya?
223
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:22,493
There it is--
stateroom 211.
224
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,897
The number that will be
on everyone's lips
by the end of the trip.
225
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,003
Let's do it.
226
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,908
That's weird.
227
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:40,979
Only one bed.
Oh, I know why.
228
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:45,450
'Cause we're gonna be having
so much sex, one guy's always
gonna be sleeping out.
229
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:50,021
Yeah, right. You better hope
that couch is more comfortable
than it looks.
230
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,258
There's a mirror
on the ceiling.
231
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:58,363
Excelente.
That way the babes
can watch me...
232
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:03,201
get my freak on!
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
233
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,304
Check this out, Jer.
Four racquetball courts.
Hey!
234
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,306
Nine cocktail lounges.
Ooh.
235
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:11,376
A casino.
Six and eights
are running mates!
236
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:16,414
A video arcade.
Onboard chest-waxing salon.
237
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,484
Chest waxing?
Yeah, of course.
238
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,053
For swimmin'.
Let me see that.
239
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:29,394
"Club Socrates wants you
to know you'll be treated
like a queen."
240
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,032
You mean "king."
Queen.
Says so right there.
241
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:39,504
That's weird.
Hmm.
242
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,572
[ Knocking ]
243
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,942
Hello.
244
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:48,212
Ring, ring, ring. Everybody conga!
245
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:50,214
♪♪ [ Radio: Salsa ]
♪♪ [ Humming ]
246
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:54,018
♪ Everybody party Party, party, party ♪
247
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,188
♪ 5:00 today ♪
Yeah, baby!
248
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:01,059
I told you, Jer.
This boat is wild!
249
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,995
Where's the party,
sweet thing?
Stateroom 209.
250
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:07,332
Ooh!
Stateroom 209. Hey!
251
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:11,970
[ Low Voice ]
It's casual.
[ Purring ]
252
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:18,376
[ Horn Blowing ]
253
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,181
To fresh scratches
on our backs.
254
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:27,118
- Scotch and soda, please.
- Coming right up, sir.
255
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,387
♪♪ [ Woman Singing ]
256
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,990
Oh, please!
257
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:35,259
Why do they always
have to play Liza?
258
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:38,229
I don't know.
I kind of like Liza
with a "Z."
259
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:41,032
Yeah, she's kinda cool
for makin' out.
260
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:45,103
I prefer Johnny Mathis
myself.
261
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:48,539
Yeah, if you're gonna
make out with a dude.
262
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:55,179
That is very funny.
263
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,683
[ Sighs ]
My name is Faversham.
Lloyd Faversham.
264
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,085
Nick Ragoni.
Nick.
265
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,054
Jerry.
It's your first cruise?
266
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,223
No, my third.
And you?
267
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,126
- Número uno.
- Oh.
268
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,661
Then you are going to
positively adore it.
269
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:15,333
- It is one wild, decadent week.
- That's why we're here, right?
270
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,435
All-night parties.
Excellent.
271
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:20,705
- Midnight skinny-dipping.
- Sign me up!
272
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,441
And if you're into it,
lots of sex,
273
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,710
sex, sex.
274
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,346
You hear that, Jer? All the sex a man could want.
275
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:32,283
Well, then you must visit
the hole-in-one room.
276
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,253
Oh, they havean onboard driving range.
277
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:39,624
Some of the chaps down there
do swing some very large clubs.
278
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:43,394
Hmm.
You two have
an open relationship?
279
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,130
Open? What do you mean
by "open relationship"?
280
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:48,299
I mean, do you date?
281
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:51,269
Of course we date.
That's why we're here.
Yeah!
282
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:56,107
That's absolutely wonderful.
We must get together sometime,
go for a midnight swim.
283
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,643
Do whatever feels right.
284
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:02,580
That is what a gay cruise
is all about.
285
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,783
♪♪ [ Liza Minnelli Continues Singing ]
286
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,419
I see.
287
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,555
Hear that, Jerry?
288
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:14,358
We can do
whatever we want,
whatever feels right.
289
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:18,229
That's what
a gay cruise
is all about.
290
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:21,299
Whatever we want to do,
we can do it...
291
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,568
because
it's a gay cruise.
292
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:28,339
It's a gay cruise, Jerry!
Not a bi cruise!
It's a gay cruise!
293
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,442
Capital "G," capital "A,"
capital "Y-M-C-A"...
294
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,611
gay cruise, Jerry!
295
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,114
Damn, damn, damn!
296
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,250
I wonder how many other people
made the same mistake I did.
297
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,887
No one! Shit!
298
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:46,324
Jerry!
Don't worry, buddy!
299
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:50,728
I'm bringing you back home.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Let's go!
300
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,166
Help! Help!
Somebody help us!
301
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,502
We're straight!
302
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:01,272
We're straight!
Hey! Nick!
303
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:04,876
Stop acting like a jerk!
We'll figure this out.
304
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:08,646
- What are we gonna do? We gotta get off this boat.
- Ooh!
305
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,616
We gotta get off!
Excuse me, sir. You know where
we can get off real quick?
306
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,153
Try the hole-in-one room.
I'm starting to think that's
not a real driving range.
307
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,155
In fact,
I'm convinced of it.
308
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,690
Damn it, damn it,
damn it, damn it!
309
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,293
We're trapped like rats!
310
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:27,298
What?
311
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,834
I checked our itinerary.
312
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,803
We don't dock
for four days.
313
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:37,375
- Why do I ever listen to you?
- Are you implying that this
is somehow my fault?
314
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,877
Oh, I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it.
315
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:43,514
If you hadn't insultedthat travel agent, none of thiswould've happened!
316
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,417
Maybe there's
another explanation.
317
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,619
Yeah? What?
318
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:51,789
Maybe that travel agent thought
he was doing you a favor...
319
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,259
because, uh, you know--
320
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:58,629
- Because what?
- Because you're a little femme,
that's why!
321
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,432
You always dress real nice,
you're in shape, you're neat!
322
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,502
Oh, and you use those
pastel-colored balls
at the bowling alley.
323
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,872
Don't think that
got past me!
324
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:13,878
You're an idiot,
a thickheaded moron!
325
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,948
Felicia was right.
I should've dumped
your ass years ago!
326
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:19,784
If you wanted to dump
someone's ass years ago,
it should've been Felicia's!
327
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,220
Oh!
That chick
was Satan's sister.
328
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,222
Yeah, devil
with a "D" cup!
329
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:28,359
Felicia was as frosty a bitch
as I've ever seen!
I'm gonna kill ya!
330
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:31,562
I'm gonna kill you!
[ Grunting ]
331
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,266
I knew I heard
choo-chi, pom-pom time!
332
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:38,436
- Choo-choo-choo-choo!
- Don't get the wrong idea!
333
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,505
Oh, Hector always
get the wrong idea.
334
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:44,442
That is why he's
no longer welcome
in the state of Missouri.
335
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,777
Buddy, you pranced
into the wrong cabin.
336
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,914
My friend and I--
We're not gay.
Huh.
337
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:53,584
[ Sputters, Laughs ]
Ring-ring! Hold the phone.
338
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,821
- You're telling me
you two guys are not gay.
- That's right.
339
00:20:56,823 --> 00:21:00,858
Oh, pull Hector's other leg.
It's got bells on it.
340
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:03,427
I'm getting out of here.
341
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:08,399
Gee, what hasn't
gotten into him?
342
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,604
Out!
343
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,473
♪♪ [ Piano ][ Men ]♪ Whoa, here he comes ♪
344
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:18,609
♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪
345
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,412
♪ Whoa, here he comes
He's a maneater ♪
346
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:24,348
♪ Whoa, here he comes ♪
347
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,584
♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪
348
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:30,588
♪ Whoa, here he comes
He's a maneater ♪
349
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,823
♪ I wouldn't if I were you ♪♪
350
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,432
[ Applause ]
351
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:44,869
[ Man ] Bachelor Number Two,what's the most unusual placethat you ever made love?
352
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:49,040
Well, once I did it
in a dressing room
at International Male.
353
00:21:49,042 --> 00:21:51,942
Right. And how 'bout you,Bachelor Number Three?
354
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:54,845
What's the most unusual placethat you ever made love?
355
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:58,649
- Inside a woman.
- [ Audience Laughing ]
356
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,651
[ Groans ]
357
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:09,527
Hey, who we gotta screw
to get a drink around here?
358
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:12,430
[ Snickering ]
Whoop.
359
00:22:13,865 --> 00:22:15,933
Oop.
360
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:19,970
Ooh. Ooh.
Hey, buddy, you okay?
361
00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:23,607
Do I look gay?
362
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:28,879
Never saw an old,
gay grandpa before.
363
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:31,716
Aah.
Whoo-hoo.
364
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,124
Where are all
the gay people at?
365
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:42,026
Y'all always supposed to
wanna party.
366
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:45,062
Oops. Oop.
367
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:48,766
Ooh!
368
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,922
[ Gasps ]
369
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:20,164
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine!
370
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,913
[ Thinking ]
Men on dates, holding hands,
touching, kissing.
371
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,716
I can't take it.
Gotta think.
372
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:41,752
Not good at it.
Took too much shop
in high school.
373
00:23:42,954 --> 00:23:46,524
[ Helicopter Whirring ]
374
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:50,861
Help! Pick me up!
375
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:53,564
Get me out of here!
376
00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:56,100
Hey, drop down a ladder!
377
00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:58,502
I like girls!
[ Passing Overhead ]
378
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:01,472
[ Wailing ]
379
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:12,650
Please!
Please come back!
380
00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:22,827
[ Metal Banging ][ Helicopter Sputtering ]
381
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:25,463
Ohh!
382
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:28,599
Oh, my--
[ Crashes Into Water ]
383
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:30,468
Jesus!
384
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:40,678
Oop.
385
00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:53,524
Flare gun. I don't knowanything about a flare gun.I swear I was here all night.
386
00:24:53,526 --> 00:24:56,727
A flare gun? I don't know
anything about a flare gun.
I was here all night.
387
00:24:56,729 --> 00:24:59,096
Flare gun?
I don't know nothing about
no stinking flare gun!
388
00:24:59,098 --> 00:25:00,965
[ Door Opening ]
Oh, shit.
389
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:05,236
Okay, here we are.
390
00:25:05,238 --> 00:25:08,205
You should go change now.
Where's your robe?
391
00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,609
Okay.
392
00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:14,845
Okay, I give up!
I give up! I did it!
393
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:18,849
Hey, Jer.
How was your evening?
394
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:22,920
Hi. Your friend had
a little too much
to drink.
395
00:25:22,922 --> 00:25:24,922
She thinks I'm drunk.
396
00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:28,225
Ah, Nicky, Nicky!
All right, all right.
397
00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:31,028
I fell in the pool!
Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
398
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,998
[ Nick ] Ah, you're sitting on my balls!
399
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,267
Okay, um, I'm gonna
leave you two alone.
400
00:25:36,269 --> 00:25:38,702
Good night.
Oh, you're gettin' me
all wet.
401
00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:40,704
[ Nick Groans ]
402
00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:49,280
Jerry! Wake up!
I'm starvin'.
403
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:53,050
Come on, Jerry.
[ Snoring ]
404
00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:56,687
Dude, don't make me
go up there by myself.
Get up.
405
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:58,756
Jerry!
406
00:25:58,758 --> 00:26:02,259
Screw it.
What am I afraid of?
[ Snoring ]
407
00:26:02,261 --> 00:26:04,762
How gay
could a buffet be?
408
00:26:04,764 --> 00:26:07,998
♪♪ [ Instrumental ]
409
00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:37,194
Is this seat taken?
Actually--
410
00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:40,764
I hate dining alone.
Bet you feel the same way too.
I'm okay with it.
411
00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:45,002
I see you took
the omelette, the waffles
and the flapjacks.
412
00:26:45,004 --> 00:26:47,104
Hungry little man,
aren't you?
413
00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:50,841
Would you care for
a bite of my sausage?
414
00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:54,612
In England,
we call them bangers.
Eww!
415
00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:57,715
Captain,
could you come over here
a minute, please?
416
00:26:57,717 --> 00:27:00,618
Captain,
there's a small craft
off the starboard bow...
417
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:03,621
that's trying to get
our attention.
[ Grunts ]
418
00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,724
[ All Yelling ]
Help! Help!
419
00:27:06,726 --> 00:27:10,227
Somebody save us!
Somebody save us! Help!
420
00:27:12,197 --> 00:27:14,865
Jesus!
Sound the alarm.
421
00:27:14,867 --> 00:27:18,135
All hands on dick.
Deck.
422
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,137
Deck!
423
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,380
Hot tea?
424
00:27:31,349 --> 00:27:33,917
Why don't you
have a seat?
425
00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:35,786
For you.
426
00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,263
Oh, my God!
427
00:27:49,701 --> 00:27:52,670
- I must be dreaming. Somebody pinch me.
- Sure. My pleasure.
428
00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:55,673
Ow! I didn't say
on my ass!
429
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:58,909
You didn't not say it.
I didn't think
I had to specify.
430
00:27:58,911 --> 00:28:01,845
Jesus.
431
00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:08,886
Nick, Nick!
You gotta help me out.
432
00:28:08,888 --> 00:28:11,455
Remember that woman that
dragged me to the room
last night?
433
00:28:11,457 --> 00:28:15,192
I can't get her off my mind.
She kissed me. Technically,
it was mouth-to-mouth.
434
00:28:15,194 --> 00:28:19,830
But it was fabulous.
I mean, I gotta find her.
I was so wasted la--
435
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:25,202
Who are they?
The answer to our prayers,
Jerry.
436
00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:27,838
Twelve of the most gorgeous
creatures I've ever seen.
437
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,074
Ooh.
But I'm not greedy.
438
00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:32,810
I'll share.
Go ahead.
439
00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:36,046
Pick two.
440
00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:38,816
No.
This girl was fabulous.
441
00:28:38,818 --> 00:28:40,918
She's special.
I gotta find her.
442
00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,759
Ooh!
She's special, special.
443
00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:58,902
Hello.
444
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:01,305
H-H-Hi.
445
00:29:01,307 --> 00:29:05,142
Who are you?
I'm Nick Ragoni, the most
grateful man on the planet.
446
00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:08,345
I'm Inga.
Very pleasurable
to meet you.
447
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:11,448
How'd you all get here?
448
00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:15,953
We are the Swedish suntanningteam on our way to the HawaiianTropics competition in bars.
449
00:29:15,955 --> 00:29:18,322
Some bonehead shot down
our helicopter.
450
00:29:18,324 --> 00:29:21,091
Coach had to make
water landing.
451
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,428
I didn't think this was
gonna happen until I died
and went to heaven.
452
00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:28,065
It's lucky thing
we were picked up by a boat
full of homo boys.
453
00:29:28,067 --> 00:29:31,368
It would be terrible
to have straight men
hassling and ogling us...
454
00:29:31,370 --> 00:29:34,938
while we're trying to work
on our even tan lines.
455
00:29:36,141 --> 00:29:38,375
Oh, you're so right.
456
00:29:38,377 --> 00:29:41,278
Lucky I'm gay!
457
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:45,549
I'm super gay. I'm mega--
I'm gay-normous!
458
00:29:45,551 --> 00:29:48,786
I'm so gay.
459
00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:53,423
But that's good,
'cause now you guys can
all feel comfortable...
460
00:29:53,425 --> 00:29:57,995
in front of meand take off your topsand stuff.
461
00:29:57,997 --> 00:30:00,931
And I can do this for you.
462
00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:04,168
I can put tanning oils
and creamy lotions...
463
00:30:04,170 --> 00:30:07,838
all over
your luscious bodies!
464
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,507
And there won't be
any worries from you
because...
465
00:30:10,509 --> 00:30:14,978
I'm so gay!
[ Laughs ]
466
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:18,081
♪ When you need something Don't stop, don't stop ♪[ Nick Moaning ]
467
00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:21,485
Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!
468
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:24,221
Almost finished! Yeah!
469
00:30:24,223 --> 00:30:27,891
[ Screaming ]
470
00:30:27,893 --> 00:30:30,127
Okay, let's do the back.
471
00:30:30,129 --> 00:30:34,364
The first time I think
I realized I was gay...
472
00:30:34,366 --> 00:30:37,601
was when I was around 12,
in scouts.
473
00:30:37,603 --> 00:30:40,938
I really liked putting on
that kerchief.
474
00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:43,207
In fact, it was the only part
I liked about it.
475
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:45,342
That and the nude swimming.
476
00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:49,847
Anyway, I hope you gals
all feel comfortable
around me!
477
00:30:49,849 --> 00:30:54,351
- [ All ] Ja, Nick.
- 'Cause I sure do feel
comfortable around you.
478
00:30:56,387 --> 00:31:00,123
All done! Who's next?
How 'bout you, Ursula?
479
00:31:00,125 --> 00:31:04,361
Ready for your second coat?
Uh-oh, these thighs look
a little dry.
480
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:07,231
There we go.
[ Laughing ]
481
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:11,869
- What do you want?
- [ Ferocious Growling ]
482
00:31:11,871 --> 00:31:14,271
What the hell is that?
483
00:31:14,273 --> 00:31:17,507
I got this from
that dude over there.
He's hot.
484
00:31:17,509 --> 00:31:20,544
You are no gay homo man.
485
00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:23,480
I am Sonya,coach of tanning team.
486
00:31:23,482 --> 00:31:26,516
- What?
- Quiet! As long as these women are in training,
487
00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:30,888
there will be no trouser snakes
near their hot, luscious po-pos!
488
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:34,324
Put me down!
Coach of the tanning team.
That's ridiculous!
489
00:31:34,326 --> 00:31:36,526
If I want to talk
to any of these ladies,
I will,
490
00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:40,063
and there's not a damn thing
you can do to stop me!
491
00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:43,934
- Oh, yeah?
- [ Nick Screams, Groans ]
492
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:53,310
[ Barks ]
What the hell
happened to you?
493
00:31:53,312 --> 00:31:55,946
I died
and went to heaven,
494
00:31:55,948 --> 00:31:58,949
and then some muscle-bound
blond dwarf knocked me
back down to hell.
495
00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:02,019
- What?
- You know those 12
gorgeous hotties?
496
00:32:02,021 --> 00:32:05,956
- They got
a goddamn bodyguard.
- Oh.
497
00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:10,527
I can take disappointments,
Jer, but little Nicky,
498
00:32:10,529 --> 00:32:14,231
he's already known such heartache in his short life.
499
00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:17,234
Then I guess all three of us
struck out.
500
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:20,537
I still can't find that girl.
I've looked everywhere.
501
00:32:20,539 --> 00:32:23,640
You know,
502
00:32:23,642 --> 00:32:28,145
I've kissed Felicia for four
years and never felt anything
like I felt last night.
503
00:32:28,147 --> 00:32:31,615
That girl was special.
I gotta find her.
504
00:32:31,617 --> 00:32:34,651
You're abandoning me?
What am I supposed to do?
505
00:32:36,354 --> 00:32:40,524
It's a luxury cruise.
Not everything's
gay-oriented.
506
00:32:40,526 --> 00:32:43,527
[ Man ]No more bets!
507
00:32:43,529 --> 00:32:45,562
Red three is the winner.
508
00:32:46,698 --> 00:32:49,366
[ Cackling ]
Beautiful.
509
00:32:49,368 --> 00:32:53,470
Poker.
This is gonna be sweet!
510
00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:56,440
These trouser pilots
are no match for a lusty
hetero like myself.
511
00:32:56,442 --> 00:32:59,343
This will be like
taking candy from a baby.
512
00:32:59,345 --> 00:33:02,179
Why is that?
Are gay men notoriously
bad gamblers?
513
00:33:02,181 --> 00:33:04,548
Awful!They can't bluff.
514
00:33:04,550 --> 00:33:07,651
They look at cards,
they start giggling.
It's terrible.
515
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:11,722
Nick, promise me you won't
act like a gay-bashing,
narrow-minded Neanderthal.
516
00:33:11,724 --> 00:33:13,724
Buddy,
you're talking to me.
517
00:33:13,726 --> 00:33:16,626
The lady, couple of ducks--
quack, quack-- possible flush.
518
00:33:16,628 --> 00:33:19,496
Hello, gays-- guys.
Mind if I join you?
519
00:33:19,498 --> 00:33:22,366
Sure thing, gorgeous.
520
00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:25,268
I can't remember--
does a straight
beat a flush?
521
00:33:25,270 --> 00:33:27,337
[ Cash Register Ringing ][ Nick ]Damn!
522
00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:31,241
- I really thought
I had that one.
- Listen, Nick.
523
00:33:31,243 --> 00:33:34,111
I don't want you
to take offense, but can I
give you a piece of advice?
524
00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:36,179
What?
Don't clear
your throat.
525
00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:38,749
What?
526
00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:42,319
Every time you bluff,
you clear your throat.
I do?
527
00:33:42,321 --> 00:33:44,788
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't play the cards.
528
00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:48,358
Play the players.
[ Sighs ]
529
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,529
All right, here we go.
Ante up, five in the chute,
three-card monte.
530
00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:55,565
Kings to win. Here we go.
Uh, and there's a winner.
531
00:33:55,567 --> 00:33:57,634
We got a winner.
532
00:34:09,113 --> 00:34:11,581
Hey, you.
533
00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:15,185
- [ Whimpers ]
- Unbelievable.
534
00:34:17,221 --> 00:34:19,423
That was embarrassing!
535
00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:22,426
They offer a pool
safety class on board.
You should check it out.
536
00:34:22,428 --> 00:34:24,528
Let me
give you a hand.
537
00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:27,097
I'm Gabriella.
538
00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:33,203
I'm-- I'm Jerry.
539
00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:36,740
♪♪ [ Humming ]
540
00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:39,609
Oh, boy!
541
00:34:44,315 --> 00:34:46,650
Hi.
Hi!
542
00:34:46,652 --> 00:34:49,252
You like?
543
00:34:49,254 --> 00:34:51,254
Oh, yeah.
544
00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:54,157
Oh, the ice cream.
Yeah, that's okay.
545
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,726
Coach would kill me
if she knew I broke training,
546
00:34:56,728 --> 00:34:58,762
but I no can help.
547
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,864
I am--
What is the word?
548
00:35:00,866 --> 00:35:02,866
Oral.
549
00:35:02,868 --> 00:35:05,202
That's the word,
550
00:35:05,204 --> 00:35:07,437
and what a wonderful word
it is.
551
00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:10,640
I'm so lonely.
552
00:35:10,642 --> 00:35:13,510
Coach is being very strict
about keeping us
away from men...
553
00:35:13,512 --> 00:35:16,146
during tanning season.
554
00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:18,515
It's too bad
you're gay, Nick.
Good night.
555
00:35:18,517 --> 00:35:21,384
Inga,
wait, wait, wait.
556
00:35:21,386 --> 00:35:25,255
I've always been curious
about your country. You mind
if I ask you something?
557
00:35:25,257 --> 00:35:27,791
Yeah. What would you like
to know about, Nick?
558
00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:29,893
Our cities,
our lakes and rivers,
559
00:35:29,895 --> 00:35:32,662
our safe and sturdy
automobiles?
560
00:35:32,664 --> 00:35:36,800
I'm a big fan
of your cinema. I've rented
quite a bit of it.
561
00:35:36,802 --> 00:35:40,871
I've noticed your people's
progressive attitudes
towards premarital sex.
562
00:35:40,873 --> 00:35:43,640
So what I was
wondering is,
563
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:47,577
theoretically,
if my own sexual orientation
were to be--
564
00:35:47,579 --> 00:35:50,180
If you're asking if I'd sleep
with you if you were straight,
the answer is ja.
565
00:35:50,182 --> 00:35:52,649
Ja? Ja? Ja means yes, right?
Ja.
566
00:35:52,651 --> 00:35:55,218
Inga, I have a surprise
for you. I'm straight.
567
00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:59,689
I'm as straight
as a Volvo going down
an Oslo toll road.
568
00:35:59,691 --> 00:36:01,858
Oslo is in Norway.
569
00:36:01,860 --> 00:36:04,427
The point is,
we can make love.
570
00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:07,397
I know that's the best news
I've ever heard.
571
00:36:07,399 --> 00:36:10,567
I'm in cabin 4433.
Meet me in five minuten.
572
00:36:10,569 --> 00:36:14,471
You got it.
Five minuten.
573
00:36:14,473 --> 00:36:17,440
And not a minuten more.
574
00:36:17,442 --> 00:36:21,311
Hello. Are there
any condoms available
on the ship?
575
00:36:23,614 --> 00:36:25,882
[ Knocking ]
576
00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:28,251
Come in.
Door is open.
577
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,189
Mm-hmm.
578
00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:35,292
Coach!
579
00:36:35,294 --> 00:36:38,361
Change in room assignments.
You bunk with Pia.
580
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:41,665
- But why, Coach?
- You cannot be trusted
with mini bar.
581
00:36:41,667 --> 00:36:44,367
You are in training.
But, Coach,
I eat nothing all day.
582
00:36:44,369 --> 00:36:47,537
You ate yesterday, ja? [ Loud Slap ]
583
00:36:47,539 --> 00:36:50,207
Your butt is disgusting.
Wait, I'd better double check.
584
00:36:50,209 --> 00:36:53,877
[ Gasping ]
Ja. Disgusting.
585
00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:56,913
[ Gasping ]
Both cheeks.
586
00:36:56,915 --> 00:37:01,351
Oh, ja, ja, ja.
Move it, fatty!
587
00:37:01,353 --> 00:37:04,221
Knock it off
and go to bed.
All right, Coach.
588
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:07,791
Thank you for lending meyour jacket.
589
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,696
- So what do you do
on this ship?
- I'm a dance teacher.
590
00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:15,432
Wow. Teaching dance
must be fun.
It can be.
591
00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:17,834
You know, especially
on the gay cruises.
592
00:37:17,836 --> 00:37:21,304
- They're much more fun
than the straight ones.
- Why is that?
593
00:37:21,306 --> 00:37:24,941
You go on the straight cruises
and all you meet are these...
horny creeps.
594
00:37:24,943 --> 00:37:27,711
Oh.
I got a friend like that.
595
00:37:27,713 --> 00:37:29,713
[ Sighs ]
596
00:37:29,715 --> 00:37:32,549
I bet men hit on youall the time.
597
00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:34,751
You've got a hot ass.
598
00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:40,457
- Excuse me?
- Your ass-- it's hot.
599
00:37:41,859 --> 00:37:44,394
Thanks.
600
00:37:46,964 --> 00:37:51,334
- Your butt's nothin'
to sneeze at either.
- Ooh.
601
00:37:51,336 --> 00:37:54,671
So... you must have
a boyfriend.
602
00:37:54,673 --> 00:37:57,474
No, no, no, no.
No boyfriend.
Really?
603
00:37:57,476 --> 00:38:00,410
- Why not?
- Because every boyfriend
I've ever had...
604
00:38:00,412 --> 00:38:03,647
has turned out to be
a son of a bitch.
605
00:38:03,649 --> 00:38:07,917
Not every guy's a--
I know what you're thinking.
I haven't met the right guy.
606
00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:11,621
Trust me, honey,
I've met every type out there
and it's pretty bad.
607
00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,957
Liars,
guys with two wives,
608
00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:17,661
guys with commitment issues,
guys with parole issues.
609
00:38:17,663 --> 00:38:20,030
You name it,
I've dated them all,
610
00:38:20,032 --> 00:38:22,766
which is why I'm so relieved
to be on this boat.
611
00:38:22,768 --> 00:38:25,502
There's not one straight man
in sight.
612
00:38:25,504 --> 00:38:27,804
Excuse me?
It's so great.
613
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:31,908
I can really be myself.
I don't care about makeup,
about what I'm wearing.
614
00:38:31,910 --> 00:38:34,978
If a guy's talking to me
because he wants to
get into my pants--
615
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,847
Gabriella, um--
You know what else?
616
00:38:37,849 --> 00:38:40,450
Let's say I do get horny.
617
00:38:40,452 --> 00:38:43,820
Maybe I can even find
a gay guy, and he can
do me the favor.
618
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:46,389
"The favor"?
619
00:38:46,391 --> 00:38:48,792
How do we say in English?
620
00:38:48,794 --> 00:38:51,895
Make me scream,
make me moan,
621
00:38:51,897 --> 00:38:54,798
screw my brains out.
622
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,866
Ooh.
623
00:38:58,969 --> 00:39:01,938
I don't mean
to be a bitch,
624
00:39:03,741 --> 00:39:07,844
but these staterooms
could use a bit more color.
625
00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:29,999
All right, girls.
Time for jumping jacks.
626
00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:36,139
And one, two,
627
00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:38,441
three, four,
628
00:39:38,443 --> 00:39:42,145
five, six,
seven, eight--
629
00:39:42,147 --> 00:39:44,748
Now we are laying down
to sleep,
630
00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:48,017
our hot, tight bodies
the Lord will keep.
631
00:39:54,091 --> 00:39:57,060
Inga, darling.
It's me, Nicky.
632
00:39:57,062 --> 00:39:59,529
I'm here!
633
00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:11,641
Oh, Reverend Lindstrom,
nej.
634
00:40:11,643 --> 00:40:15,512
This wouldn't do.
What would the bishop say?
635
00:40:17,481 --> 00:40:20,049
Who's knocking
at my drawers?
636
00:40:21,786 --> 00:40:23,720
- Oh, my--
- [ Cracking ]
637
00:40:23,722 --> 00:40:25,889
Take Mama downtown,
baby!
638
00:40:28,793 --> 00:40:31,928
Oh, Mama!
639
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:35,732
Help me, Jesus!
[ Babbling ]
640
00:40:37,134 --> 00:40:39,869
[ Nick Screaming ]
641
00:40:39,871 --> 00:40:42,872
Oh!
642
00:40:45,810 --> 00:40:50,046
[ Nick Screaming ]
643
00:40:50,048 --> 00:40:52,816
[ Gasping ]
644
00:40:54,985 --> 00:40:56,853
♪ She put the lime in the coconut and shake 'em all up ♪
645
00:40:56,855 --> 00:40:59,722
- Nej, nej, nej. Ja, ja, ja, ja.
- Get off me!
646
00:40:59,724 --> 00:41:02,559
Oh, why?
647
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:04,861
♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪ [ Coach Giggling ]
648
00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:07,530
♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪♪
649
00:41:07,532 --> 00:41:10,700
- [ Screams, Grunts ]
- What's that?
650
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:13,136
It's coming from
the coach's room.
651
00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:15,672
- [ All Gasp ]
- [ Sighs ]
652
00:41:15,674 --> 00:41:18,708
Smokin' sturgeon!
Coach's pussy just blew up!
653
00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:22,479
Was good for me. Ja.
654
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:24,781
♪ Sometimes it's hard to be a woman ♪
655
00:41:26,784 --> 00:41:31,721
♪ Givin' all your love to just one man ♪
656
00:41:31,723 --> 00:41:35,825
♪ You'll have bad times You'll have good times ♪
657
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:38,895
♪ Doin' things that you don't understand ♪
658
00:41:38,897 --> 00:41:41,598
Oh, baby.
659
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,834
♪ But if you love him you'll forgive him ♪
660
00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:49,506
♪ Even though he's hard to understand ♪
661
00:41:49,508 --> 00:41:51,875
♪ And if you love him ♪
662
00:41:51,877 --> 00:41:54,110
♪ Oh, be proud of him ♪
663
00:41:54,112 --> 00:41:57,280
♪ 'Cause after all he's just a man ♪
664
00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:01,818
♪ Stand by your man ♪
665
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:04,087
♪ Give him two arms to cling to ♪
666
00:42:04,089 --> 00:42:08,224
♪ And something warm to come to when the nights are cold and lonely ♪
667
00:42:08,226 --> 00:42:10,560
♪ Stand by your man ♪♪
668
00:42:10,562 --> 00:42:13,596
[ Jerry ]I gotta tell you, Nick,she's so great.
669
00:42:13,598 --> 00:42:17,634
We had so much fun.
We talked, we laughed.
670
00:42:17,636 --> 00:42:20,670
Oh, can you hand me one
of those cheese-flavored
penises?
671
00:42:22,039 --> 00:42:25,074
Gabriella's everything
I've ever wanted
in a woman.
672
00:42:25,076 --> 00:42:28,011
I even pierced my ear
for her.
Make sure it's the right ear.
673
00:42:28,013 --> 00:42:30,246
Of course it's--
674
00:42:34,818 --> 00:42:38,154
Yeah, I better
look into that.
How was your evening?
675
00:42:38,156 --> 00:42:41,591
Let's just say
I had some bad shellfish
and leave it at that.
676
00:42:41,593 --> 00:42:43,960
Hey! Hold on.
[ Jerry ]Here she comes.
677
00:42:43,962 --> 00:42:46,262
Grab my ass.
What, are you crazy?
678
00:42:46,264 --> 00:42:49,299
I told her I was gay.
Now, wet your lips and
look at me lovingly.
679
00:42:49,301 --> 00:42:53,303
- I look like a homo to you?
- Yes, an out-of-shape one,
but we have those too.
680
00:42:53,305 --> 00:42:56,172
Thank you very much.
That's enough. Move it along.
Nothing to see here. Bye-bye.
681
00:42:56,174 --> 00:42:59,842
- What do you want me to do,
act like I'm gay-- Ow!
- Hi, boys!
682
00:42:59,844 --> 00:43:03,179
I don't believe you twohave formally been introduced.This is my life partner.
683
00:43:03,181 --> 00:43:06,849
I'm not his life-- Ow!
He's a little seasick
this morning.
684
00:43:06,851 --> 00:43:09,252
Maybe he's just
a little lovesick.
Right!
685
00:43:09,254 --> 00:43:11,888
[ Screaming ]
[ Bone Cracks ]
686
00:43:11,890 --> 00:43:14,857
- We're into S&M.
- Oh, okay.
687
00:43:14,859 --> 00:43:19,228
Nick, maybe if you feel
better later, you would like
to come to my new class?
688
00:43:19,230 --> 00:43:21,698
Yeah?
It's dirty dancing.
689
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:25,001
Ooh, dirty dancing.
Ooh, so taboo.
690
00:43:25,003 --> 00:43:29,672
What the hell's
wrong with you?
"He's my life partner!"
691
00:43:29,674 --> 00:43:32,609
You need to keep
an open mind.
Nick, hey!
692
00:43:34,678 --> 00:43:37,380
It's only
for a few days.
Quit bugging me.
693
00:43:37,382 --> 00:43:40,116
I'm getting my nuts handed
to me on a platter.
I wouldn't mind seeing that.
694
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,818
Don't say it!
695
00:43:44,855 --> 00:43:47,924
Why not?
'Cause I won't,
that's why.
696
00:43:47,926 --> 00:43:51,995
Be a friend.
As a friend,
you're a wiener.
697
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:56,199
Now buzz off!
I'm trying to concentrate
on my workout.
698
00:43:56,201 --> 00:43:58,735
You're not workin' out.
699
00:44:25,095 --> 00:44:28,197
Nick, if you do me
this one favor,
I promise you I--
700
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:30,400
Nick!
701
00:44:30,402 --> 00:44:33,436
Come on. Listen,
I'm begging you.
702
00:44:33,438 --> 00:44:36,139
[ Loud Slap ][ Man ]Aaah!
703
00:44:39,443 --> 00:44:43,746
Maybe I'll skip
the steam.
That's a good idea.
704
00:44:43,748 --> 00:44:46,449
Hey. Listen.
705
00:44:46,451 --> 00:44:48,851
After what happened
with Felicia,
706
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:51,921
I thought I'd never feel
this way about a girl again.
707
00:44:51,923 --> 00:44:54,724
Why are you making
such a big deal
about this girl?
708
00:44:54,726 --> 00:44:57,093
She's a classic
man hater!
No, no, no!
709
00:44:57,095 --> 00:44:59,295
See, Gabriella
doesn't mean it.
710
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:03,166
She's just had bad luck
with guys she dates because they
only wanna have sex with her.
711
00:45:03,168 --> 00:45:05,768
You know the type.
[ Mock Laugh ]
712
00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:09,005
Don't ever take sides
against the guys!
713
00:45:09,007 --> 00:45:13,276
Nick, I just need a few days
to get to know her,
714
00:45:13,278 --> 00:45:15,812
and then I'll tell herthe truth.
715
00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:22,351
Why are you hiding
from that woman?
716
00:45:22,353 --> 00:45:26,122
Hiding! I'm not hiding.
I have a cramp.
717
00:45:26,124 --> 00:45:29,292
Nick, I'm desperate.
What if I offered
to pay you?
718
00:45:29,294 --> 00:45:32,895
Pay me!
How dare you?
719
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:36,766
You think I'd sacrifice
my dignity, my self-esteem,
my whole way of life...
720
00:45:36,768 --> 00:45:38,968
for a few measly dollars?
721
00:45:38,970 --> 00:45:41,137
No!
Five hundred cash?
722
00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:42,939
I'll do it!
723
00:45:45,476 --> 00:45:48,745
Come closer.
You're too far away.
No!
724
00:45:48,747 --> 00:45:52,248
Hey, hey, hey!
Beautiful! Very nice,
everyone. I love it.
725
00:45:54,284 --> 00:45:56,352
Jerry, you're light
on your feet.
726
00:45:56,354 --> 00:45:58,421
Yeah, this whole place
is light on its feet.
Ow!
727
00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:04,494
No, Nick.Your body's too stiff.Listen to me.
728
00:46:04,496 --> 00:46:07,930
Your body, too stiff.
I want you to loosen up.
Come on.
729
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,800
There you go. Move it.
Then go and dance
by yourself.
730
00:46:10,802 --> 00:46:14,003
And feel the music, Nick.Feel it.
731
00:46:22,546 --> 00:46:25,414
Feel it.
732
00:46:29,419 --> 00:46:31,487
Hmm.
733
00:46:35,325 --> 00:46:37,393
[ Chuckling ]
734
00:46:46,503 --> 00:46:48,471
Okay, everyone.
Change partners.
735
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:58,047
Cha-cha, cha-cha-cha.
We meet again.
736
00:46:58,049 --> 00:47:01,450
I hope that's
your belt buckle
I feel back there.
737
00:47:01,452 --> 00:47:04,086
You know,
from the moment we met,
I felt...
738
00:47:04,088 --> 00:47:06,389
there was
an electrical charge
between us.
739
00:47:06,391 --> 00:47:09,826
I think your pacemaker's
shortin' out.
740
00:47:09,828 --> 00:47:12,995
How did you know
I like to be humiliated?
741
00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,898
Look, Lloyd,
you're barking up
the wrong tree here.
742
00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:18,868
Oh, I know!
743
00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:21,003
You want to lead.
744
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:23,539
Lloyd, I'm not...
745
00:47:23,541 --> 00:47:25,942
interested.
746
00:47:25,944 --> 00:47:28,978
That's all right.
I'm a patient man.
I can wait.
747
00:47:30,547 --> 00:47:32,949
I'm also very rich.
748
00:47:32,951 --> 00:47:35,618
You know, I'd like
to spoil you, Nick,
749
00:47:35,620 --> 00:47:39,222
take you places
you've never been,
750
00:47:39,224 --> 00:47:42,592
show you things
you've never seen.
751
00:47:42,594 --> 00:47:44,994
I'd like to--
[ Whispering ]
752
00:47:45,996 --> 00:47:48,264
Jerry!
753
00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:50,499
Cha-cha-cha.
754
00:47:51,902 --> 00:47:54,103
That's it.
755
00:47:54,105 --> 00:47:57,139
You're a really good
dance teacher.
Really?
756
00:47:57,141 --> 00:47:59,141
Yes.
It's fun to teach
a class like this.
757
00:47:59,143 --> 00:48:02,378
I always felt
too self-conscious
to really...
758
00:48:02,380 --> 00:48:04,580
cut loose, you know?
759
00:48:04,582 --> 00:48:07,617
We have our review here
on board. It's like
an amateur night thing.
760
00:48:07,619 --> 00:48:10,419
Think you'll
be interested?
Too public.
761
00:48:10,421 --> 00:48:13,022
I'm more
of a closet dancer.
762
00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:16,125
That's a shame because
I'm the choreographer.
763
00:48:16,127 --> 00:48:18,194
Really?
Mm-hmm.
764
00:48:18,196 --> 00:48:21,964
Well, for you
I might just waltz
out of the closet.
765
00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:25,968
You know, it's strange.
766
00:48:25,970 --> 00:48:27,970
What's that?
767
00:48:27,972 --> 00:48:30,907
The way you stare at me
sometimes...
768
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:33,276
or the way you touch me,
like that right now,
769
00:48:33,278 --> 00:48:36,045
is exactly the way
a straight guy would.
770
00:48:36,047 --> 00:48:38,047
Me? Straight?
[ Laughs ]
771
00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:40,049
Girlfriend, please.
772
00:48:40,051 --> 00:48:42,685
Whoo! Nobody's gotta
teach me how to be gay.
773
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:46,322
Bette Midler
is also known...
774
00:48:46,324 --> 00:48:50,293
as the Divine Miss--
775
00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:53,062
"M"?
Ah, very good!
776
00:48:53,064 --> 00:48:55,331
Very good.
Oh, sorry.
777
00:48:55,333 --> 00:48:59,101
Okay, now describe
the Brandy Alexander
you're drinking.
778
00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:01,103
Mmm... refreshing.
779
00:49:01,105 --> 00:49:04,373
No, no, no!
It is to die for!
780
00:49:04,375 --> 00:49:08,311
Also acceptable
is divine, marvelous,
yummy and ooh-la-la.
781
00:49:08,313 --> 00:49:10,112
Got it.
Mm-hmm.
782
00:49:12,482 --> 00:49:16,686
[ Both ]
♪ At first I was afraid
I was petrified ♪
783
00:49:16,688 --> 00:49:21,223
♪ Kept thinking
I could never live
without you by my side ♪
784
00:49:21,225 --> 00:49:24,126
♪ But then I spent
so many nights ♪
785
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:26,362
♪ Thinking how
you did me wrong ♪
786
00:49:26,364 --> 00:49:28,431
♪ Then I grew strong ♪
787
00:49:28,433 --> 00:49:30,666
♪ And I learned how
to get along ♪
788
00:49:30,668 --> 00:49:32,535
♪ And now you're back ♪
789
00:49:32,537 --> 00:49:35,004
♪ From outer space ♪
790
00:49:35,006 --> 00:49:38,207
♪ I just walked in
to see you there with
that sad look upon your-- ♪♪
791
00:49:38,209 --> 00:49:40,443
Why you stop singing?
Whoo!
792
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:44,380
Oh, I don't know the words.
Aah!
793
00:49:44,382 --> 00:49:49,118
You want to convince people
you are gay, and you don't know
the words to "I Will Survive"?
794
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:53,689
Singing disco tunes and wearing
calypso outfits is not gonna
convince Gabriella I'm gay.
795
00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:55,691
Hector, this is stupid.
796
00:49:57,327 --> 00:50:00,563
♪♪ [ Humming
"I Will Survive" ]
797
00:50:00,565 --> 00:50:03,599
Are you humming
"I Will Survive"?
That's right.
798
00:50:03,601 --> 00:50:07,503
And I know all the words.
♪♪ [ Humming ]
799
00:50:07,505 --> 00:50:10,506
You're looking at me
like I'm crazy.
I'm not.
800
00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:14,543
You know what?
Champagne usually
makes me act crazy too.
801
00:50:14,545 --> 00:50:17,713
Champagne, ocean air.
802
00:50:17,715 --> 00:50:20,649
Strange things
might happen.
803
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:23,319
I might turn into
a raging heterosexual.
804
00:50:26,356 --> 00:50:29,191
I should be so lucky.
Can you imagine?
805
00:50:30,761 --> 00:50:34,263
You know what?
Let's get this party
on its feet. Come on.
806
00:50:34,265 --> 00:50:37,433
♪ I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes ♪♪ Feelin' good ♪
807
00:50:37,435 --> 00:50:40,569
♪ Know where I'm going and I know what to do ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪
808
00:50:40,571 --> 00:50:44,740
♪ I tidied up my point of view I got a new attitude ♪
809
00:50:44,742 --> 00:50:47,443
♪ New attitude, yeah ♪
810
00:50:47,445 --> 00:50:50,079
♪ I'm in control and my worries are few ♪
811
00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:53,249
♪ 'Cause I've got love like I never knew ♪
812
00:50:53,251 --> 00:50:55,551
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
813
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:58,087
♪ I got a new attitude ♪♪
814
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:06,762
Inga, it's me, Nicky.
815
00:51:06,764 --> 00:51:09,698
[ Knocking ]
Hurry up.
816
00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:13,135
Nicky. So Mr. Tongue
has a name.
817
00:51:13,137 --> 00:51:16,238
I'm sorry about what happened.
You don't have to hit me.
The deed was punishment enough.
818
00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:18,707
Nej, nej, nej.
819
00:51:18,709 --> 00:51:22,611
If we ever hook up again,
I want to show you...
I can reciprocate.
820
00:51:22,613 --> 00:51:25,214
Reciprocate?
821
00:51:25,216 --> 00:51:27,216
Whoo! Ooh.
822
00:51:27,218 --> 00:51:31,620
- [ Groans ]
- [ Grunting ]
823
00:51:38,595 --> 00:51:42,164
♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪
824
00:51:42,166 --> 00:51:46,302
♪ So let me pull you close And let me love you through and through ♪
825
00:51:46,304 --> 00:51:49,305
♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪
826
00:51:49,307 --> 00:51:53,309
♪ It's time to get away have a tête-à-tête for two ♪
827
00:51:53,311 --> 00:51:55,444
♪ Shake, shake shake, shake your body ♪
828
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:57,513
♪ Come on, boy let's have a party ♪
829
00:51:57,515 --> 00:52:01,183
♪ Break out the congas and play 'em loud ♪
830
00:52:01,185 --> 00:52:03,252
♪ Shake up shake up the party ♪
831
00:52:03,254 --> 00:52:05,554
♪ Come on, boy we don't need nobody ♪
832
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,290
♪ Together I know we'll tear up the town ♪♪
833
00:52:10,293 --> 00:52:14,363
- Hey, Nick! - Hey, fresh meat. Have a seat, Nick.
834
00:52:14,365 --> 00:52:16,732
We can always use
a little extra
spending money.
835
00:52:16,734 --> 00:52:20,136
I need a quiet game
of poker.
Sorry I'm late, boys.
836
00:52:20,138 --> 00:52:23,305
Had a little trouble squeezing
into these panty hose.
837
00:52:23,307 --> 00:52:26,242
- So, what's the game?
- Five-card stud.
838
00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:28,744
Mm-hmm. Very appropriate.
Let's play some cards.
839
00:52:30,547 --> 00:52:33,349
I'm tired, Jerry.
840
00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:36,685
You want something
to drink?
Whoa, whoa. One more.
841
00:52:49,332 --> 00:52:53,235
♪♪ [ Singing In French ]
842
00:53:25,602 --> 00:53:29,705
♪♪ [ French Continues ]
843
00:53:50,460 --> 00:53:52,494
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
844
00:53:52,496 --> 00:53:54,563
Hector.
845
00:53:56,533 --> 00:53:59,335
You've been
on a boat before.
Is it safe?
846
00:53:59,337 --> 00:54:02,605
Of course it's safe,
as long as you
are responsible.
847
00:54:03,940 --> 00:54:06,809
Oh, you mean the storm.
That I do not know.
848
00:54:06,811 --> 00:54:09,979
[ Thunderclap ]
Whoo!
849
00:54:09,981 --> 00:54:14,316
Let me ask you something.
How many cruises
have you been on?
850
00:54:14,318 --> 00:54:19,288
Including this one?
That would make it... one.
851
00:54:19,290 --> 00:54:23,392
You see, I only recently
come all the way out
of the closet.
852
00:54:23,394 --> 00:54:25,594
Recently? Really?
Mmm.
853
00:54:25,596 --> 00:54:29,331
- I would figure kindergarten.
- No, but let me tell you,
it wasn't easy.
854
00:54:29,333 --> 00:54:33,569
But it's better to be true to yourself than to lie to the world.
855
00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:38,674
Must have taken
a lot of guts.
It's funny, you know.
856
00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:41,977
These guys
I'm playing poker with--
Steven, Tom, Ron.
857
00:54:41,979 --> 00:54:44,813
Steven's a doctor.
A gay heart surgeon.
Who would have thought?
858
00:54:44,815 --> 00:54:48,317
Ron's a criminaldefense attorney.He represents badass dudes.
859
00:54:48,319 --> 00:54:51,520
Tom's a cross-dressingpastry chef.
860
00:54:51,522 --> 00:54:54,590
Okay, I would have
guessed that, but still...
861
00:54:54,592 --> 00:54:57,526
they're a great
bunch of guys.
862
00:54:57,528 --> 00:54:59,962
So what are you saying?
What am I saying?
863
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:04,333
What I'm saying is,
I kind of wanted to hang out
more with these guys,
864
00:55:04,335 --> 00:55:08,337
but there was a part of me
that felt it was somehow...
865
00:55:08,339 --> 00:55:10,973
wrong to be friends
with gay men.
866
00:55:12,809 --> 00:55:16,345
And that... makes me feel
like a jerk.
867
00:55:20,850 --> 00:55:23,585
Sit.
Come on. Sit.
868
00:55:26,723 --> 00:55:28,791
[ Sighs ]
You know, my papa,
869
00:55:28,793 --> 00:55:32,094
he used to think
that to be gay
was muy malo,
870
00:55:32,096 --> 00:55:34,863
a big shame.
871
00:55:36,566 --> 00:55:40,035
He no talk to me
for 20 years, his own blood.
872
00:55:40,037 --> 00:55:43,038
Then when he's sick,he's dying, h-he ask for me,
873
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,342
he say to me,
"Hector,
874
00:55:46,344 --> 00:55:48,877
"I waste so much time.
875
00:55:48,879 --> 00:55:51,046
"We all God's children.
876
00:55:51,048 --> 00:55:53,048
I'm so sorry."
877
00:55:53,050 --> 00:55:56,118
He said, he's sorry.
878
00:55:58,388 --> 00:56:00,389
Ooh.
879
00:56:00,391 --> 00:56:02,725
Uh--
880
00:56:02,727 --> 00:56:06,795
You see, my papi,
he like you.
He no jerk.
881
00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:08,997
He just need to learn.
882
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,735
You learn too, my friend.
883
00:56:14,971 --> 00:56:17,373
[ Door Closes ]
884
00:56:17,375 --> 00:56:19,842
[ Jerry, Gabriella Laughing ]
885
00:56:19,844 --> 00:56:22,811
Ohh! Ow, I'm hurting.
886
00:56:22,813 --> 00:56:26,915
[ Thunderclap ]
Oh, it feels so good
to get off my feet!
887
00:56:26,917 --> 00:56:29,818
Ohh!
I couldn't agree
with you more.
888
00:56:32,789 --> 00:56:34,790
You know what?
889
00:56:34,792 --> 00:56:38,394
I've got to get out
of these clothes.
890
00:56:38,396 --> 00:56:40,863
I couldn't agree
with you more.
891
00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:44,433
Listen, would you mind
doing me a huge,
892
00:56:44,435 --> 00:56:46,735
huge favor?
893
00:56:46,737 --> 00:56:50,406
Would you spend
the night with me?
What?
894
00:56:50,408 --> 00:56:52,674
Yeah, you know,
it's the storm.
895
00:56:52,676 --> 00:56:56,478
I wouldn't mind
huddling under the covers
with somebody.
896
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:59,081
You think Nick
would mind?
897
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,917
Oh--
898
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:03,919
Fuck Nick.
[ Thunderclap ]
899
00:57:03,921 --> 00:57:06,655
Is this storm
gettin' worse...
900
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:10,058
or am I too drunker?
901
00:57:10,060 --> 00:57:13,495
I have a theory.
902
00:57:13,497 --> 00:57:16,498
I think
if we drank more,
903
00:57:16,500 --> 00:57:18,567
we might be able
to maintain
perfect equilibrium.
904
00:57:18,569 --> 00:57:20,569
I'll try that...
905
00:57:20,571 --> 00:57:23,939
in the pursuit
of... science.
906
00:57:23,941 --> 00:57:27,776
I'll get us
another round.
I have a better idea.
907
00:57:27,778 --> 00:57:31,113
I have a 50-year-old bottle of cognac...
908
00:57:31,115 --> 00:57:33,148
in my room,
909
00:57:33,150 --> 00:57:35,617
and I'm gonna go get it.
910
00:57:35,619 --> 00:57:37,619
I'll go with you.
911
00:57:37,621 --> 00:57:39,788
I could use
the exercise.
912
00:57:39,790 --> 00:57:41,990
All right.
913
00:57:41,992 --> 00:57:45,594
[ Gabriella ]Jerry. We can get upfrom under the covers.
914
00:57:45,596 --> 00:57:48,597
I think the storm was overlike half an hour ago.
915
00:57:49,732 --> 00:57:53,802
That's one hell
of a storm, though.
916
00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:56,472
You know what?
I have something
you're gonna love!
917
00:57:56,474 --> 00:58:00,175
Mmm! Get ready
to have an orgasm.
What?
918
00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:03,712
Open wide.
919
00:58:05,882 --> 00:58:07,883
Mmm.
Good?
920
00:58:07,885 --> 00:58:11,253
- Mm-hmm.
- [ Moans, Sighs ]
921
00:58:12,722 --> 00:58:16,091
- Do me.
- You're so lucky I'm gay.
922
00:58:20,029 --> 00:58:24,066
Oh! Mmm!
923
00:58:24,068 --> 00:58:27,135
[ Moaning ]
924
00:58:27,137 --> 00:58:30,005
- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.
925
00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:33,208
- How do you do it?
- Do what?
926
00:58:33,210 --> 00:58:37,012
- Give head.
- What?
927
00:58:37,014 --> 00:58:41,850
A blow job.
I mean, do you start
on the tip of his penis?
928
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:44,920
Do you stroke it
while you use your mouth?
929
00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:48,824
Do you tickle the balls?
Not everybody likes that.
930
00:58:48,826 --> 00:58:52,694
As a person who
gives them and receives them,
you must know the perfect way.
931
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:54,696
Show me.
Oh! Uh--
932
00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:57,766
What?
Uh--
933
00:58:57,768 --> 00:59:00,035
Okay.
934
00:59:02,772 --> 00:59:04,640
Um--
935
00:59:06,242 --> 00:59:09,077
Um--
[ Chuckles ]
936
00:59:09,079 --> 00:59:12,681
What?
Eh-- You--
937
00:59:12,683 --> 00:59:15,817
Nothing smaller then?
938
00:59:15,819 --> 00:59:18,020
You know,
I got an idea.
939
00:59:18,022 --> 00:59:22,190
Why don't you show me
your technique, and then
I'll critique it?
940
00:59:23,192 --> 00:59:25,827
Okay.
Okay.
941
00:59:25,829 --> 00:59:28,030
Okay.
Okay.
942
00:59:28,032 --> 00:59:30,032
Yeah. So look.
943
00:59:30,034 --> 00:59:32,701
First,
944
00:59:32,703 --> 00:59:35,871
I slowly lick the tip
with my tongue, right?
945
00:59:35,873 --> 00:59:37,906
Uh-huh.
946
00:59:41,644 --> 00:59:44,246
[ Moans ]
947
00:59:44,248 --> 00:59:46,682
- Right?
- That's good.
948
00:59:46,684 --> 00:59:49,718
Then I gently go downthe shaft with my lips.
949
00:59:50,954 --> 00:59:53,155
[ Kissing ]
950
00:59:53,157 --> 00:59:57,859
And at the same time,
I tickle the balls very softly.
951
00:59:57,861 --> 01:00:01,663
Then I trill my tongueall the way...[ Moans ]
952
01:00:05,168 --> 01:00:07,769
back to the top.
953
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:10,138
Then I wet my lips,
954
01:00:10,140 --> 01:00:12,708
[ Moans ]
955
01:00:12,710 --> 01:00:15,644
I do a little
playful nibbling...
956
01:00:16,946 --> 01:00:19,715
and then I slip
in my mouth.
957
01:00:22,151 --> 01:00:25,954
[ Speaks Spanish ]
958
01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:28,991
[ Spanish ]
959
01:00:30,159 --> 01:00:32,361
How's that?
960
01:00:32,363 --> 01:00:35,097
- Jerry?
- That's fine!
961
01:00:35,099 --> 01:00:36,665
[ Foghorn Bellows ]
962
01:00:40,203 --> 01:00:43,872
For goodness sake, Lloyd,
at least kiss me first.
963
01:00:43,874 --> 01:00:46,141
[ Laughing ]
No, you didn't.
964
01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:50,145
Oh, yes, I did.
965
01:00:50,147 --> 01:00:53,348
Oh, now where did
I put that bag?
966
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,817
I'm just gonna lay down.
967
01:00:55,819 --> 01:00:57,819
[ Snores ]
968
01:01:00,223 --> 01:01:02,824
[ Groans ]
Got it.
969
01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,861
[ Snoring ]
970
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:08,296
Now, before we go back up
with the boys,
971
01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:10,866
what do you say
we do a couple of shots?
972
01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:15,671
[ Giggling ]
You're a goddamn genius.
973
01:01:15,673 --> 01:01:18,006
Here you go.
974
01:01:18,008 --> 01:01:20,075
Oh.
[ Scoffs ]
975
01:01:30,019 --> 01:01:32,754
[ Snoring ]
976
01:02:03,052 --> 01:02:05,787
[ Moans ]
977
01:02:11,861 --> 01:02:14,296
[ Screaming ]
Oh,
978
01:02:14,298 --> 01:02:17,232
my... God!
979
01:02:17,234 --> 01:02:20,335
Aaah!
980
01:02:27,276 --> 01:02:29,811
What are you doing?
981
01:02:29,813 --> 01:02:32,881
I have a horrible
taste in my mouth,
and I can't get rid of it.
982
01:02:32,883 --> 01:02:34,883
What, did you
eat something weird?
983
01:02:34,885 --> 01:02:36,952
Yeah.
Oh--
984
01:02:36,954 --> 01:02:40,155
I did a bad,
bad thing, Jerry.
What?
985
01:02:40,157 --> 01:02:42,357
You know how the sea air
makes you disoriented,
986
01:02:42,359 --> 01:02:45,260
and I was blitzed
from the drinking
and the partying, and I-I--
987
01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:48,263
I slept with a man, Jerry.
988
01:02:48,265 --> 01:02:50,265
Very funny.
989
01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:53,168
No, it's not.
990
01:02:53,170 --> 01:02:56,171
I just woke up
in Ron's state room...
with Ron.
991
01:02:56,173 --> 01:02:58,173
What?
992
01:02:59,342 --> 01:03:02,210
I've chased a lot
of women, Jerry.
993
01:03:02,212 --> 01:03:04,479
But to be honest,
994
01:03:04,481 --> 01:03:07,449
I've never actually
scored with one since
I was a senior in high school,
995
01:03:07,451 --> 01:03:10,218
and then I had to promise
to marry her.
996
01:03:10,220 --> 01:03:13,355
A 51-year-old
coffee shop waitress...
997
01:03:13,357 --> 01:03:16,124
and stroke victim...
998
01:03:16,126 --> 01:03:18,393
with a fake leg...
999
01:03:18,395 --> 01:03:20,395
and a lazy eye...
1000
01:03:20,397 --> 01:03:22,364
and a mole with teeth--
I-I got it.
1001
01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:25,100
What I'm trying to say is,
1002
01:03:25,102 --> 01:03:28,503
maybe I'm meant to do more
than just play cards
with these guys, Jerry.
1003
01:03:28,505 --> 01:03:31,506
[ Scoffs ]
I'm finally happy.
1004
01:03:31,508 --> 01:03:33,842
I'm so happy.
1005
01:03:33,844 --> 01:03:35,844
I'm gay.
1006
01:03:35,846 --> 01:03:39,014
[ Gabriella ]One, two, three,
1007
01:03:39,016 --> 01:03:42,284
four, five, six,
1008
01:03:42,286 --> 01:03:44,452
seven, eight--
1009
01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:48,156
And one, two,
three, four,
1010
01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:50,158
five, six, seven, eight.
1011
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,561
Good. Good work, guys.
1012
01:03:52,563 --> 01:03:55,530
Good work. Hector, try not
shaking your ass so much.
1013
01:03:55,532 --> 01:03:57,866
You mean in the dance
or in real life?
1014
01:03:59,335 --> 01:04:01,336
Okay, guys, thank you
so much for coming.
1015
01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:03,939
I'll see you back here
tonight at 11:00.
1016
01:04:03,941 --> 01:04:06,508
Jerry, you are
looking fierce up there.
1017
01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:09,144
Oh--
[ Laughing ]
1018
01:04:09,146 --> 01:04:11,546
I can't remember
when I've had this much fun.
1019
01:04:11,548 --> 01:04:14,049
You know,
you are just great.
1020
01:04:14,051 --> 01:04:16,852
Hey,
1021
01:04:16,854 --> 01:04:19,087
are you gonna go
to the island?
I am.
1022
01:04:19,089 --> 01:04:22,057
Do you want me
to be your tour guide?
I know the island very well.
1023
01:04:22,059 --> 01:04:24,359
That would be yummy.
1024
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:27,295
Yummy?
Uh, let's go.
1025
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:41,543
Nicholas, I was beginning
to wonder about you.
1026
01:04:41,545 --> 01:04:44,379
I'm glad to see that you
finally got that luscious,
1027
01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:48,316
full-figured frame of yours
in the right dinghy.
1028
01:04:48,318 --> 01:04:51,186
It's amazing.
A day ago I would have
seriously thought about...
1029
01:04:51,188 --> 01:04:53,555
punching you
in the face for saying
something like that.
1030
01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:57,025
This place is paradise.
Oh, yeah. We're gonna
have an awesome time.
1031
01:04:57,027 --> 01:05:01,663
I'll say. I can already
feel the men around here
undressing me with their eyes.
1032
01:05:01,665 --> 01:05:04,499
You hungry? You want
to get something to eat?
Nope. I have a better idea.
1033
01:05:04,501 --> 01:05:08,036
Let's go exploring first.
Great.
1034
01:05:08,038 --> 01:05:11,106
Daddy, thanks so much
for finding out where
Jerry is for me.
1035
01:05:11,108 --> 01:05:13,275
Yeah, I'm sure things
are gonna work out too.
1036
01:05:13,277 --> 01:05:15,577
Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy.
1037
01:05:15,579 --> 01:05:18,546
How do I get
to the Olympia Voyager?
Right this way, madam.
1038
01:05:18,548 --> 01:05:21,449
Be careful with those bags.
They're worth more
than you make in a year.
1039
01:05:21,451 --> 01:05:23,251
[ Chuckling ]
Bon voyage.
1040
01:05:23,253 --> 01:05:25,253
Bitch.
1041
01:05:26,589 --> 01:05:29,090
Hey, Nick.
How ya doin'?
1042
01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:32,460
Hey, fine.
I'm not sore or anything.
1043
01:05:32,462 --> 01:05:34,462
Hey, buddy,
about last night,
1044
01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:36,564
I understand why it happened.
1045
01:05:36,566 --> 01:05:38,500
I mean, uh,
I'm pretty charismatic,
1046
01:05:38,502 --> 01:05:40,936
and if the moon hits me
in just the right way,
1047
01:05:40,938 --> 01:05:42,537
I can look
pretty damn tasty.
1048
01:05:42,539 --> 01:05:45,273
You know, you're okay too,
1049
01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:47,709
but, uh, I'd just really
rather we stay friends.
1050
01:05:47,711 --> 01:05:50,578
All right. Me too, Nick.
1051
01:05:50,580 --> 01:05:53,281
Yeah? Wow.
Yeah.
1052
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:56,651
If I would have said that
to a chick, she'd be
a total mess right now.
1053
01:05:56,653 --> 01:05:59,187
I'm starting to see
the upside to this whole thing.
[ Marching Approaching ]
1054
01:05:59,189 --> 01:06:02,090
If you do what Sonya says--
one, two, three, four.
1055
01:06:02,092 --> 01:06:05,560
Woke up with no tanning cream,
now you're off the tanning team.
1056
01:06:05,562 --> 01:06:07,996
One, two, three, four--
Coach,
1057
01:06:07,998 --> 01:06:09,998
look, it's
the Hawaiian Tropic team.
1058
01:06:16,739 --> 01:06:22,344
[ Swedish ]
1059
01:06:26,415 --> 01:06:28,683
[ Man ]Hey, break it up, ladies.Come on. Move.
1060
01:06:28,685 --> 01:06:31,319
Come on. Take it easy.
1061
01:06:31,321 --> 01:06:34,723
[ Whistles ]
Break it up. Break it up.
1062
01:06:34,725 --> 01:06:36,992
Save it for
the tanning competition.
1063
01:06:36,994 --> 01:06:41,096
Bad! You are bad!
Everybody move out now!
1064
01:06:47,470 --> 01:06:50,071
Okay, girls, get your
heinies on the donkeys...
1065
01:06:50,073 --> 01:06:52,073
now!
1066
01:06:53,075 --> 01:06:56,511
Nick?
1067
01:06:56,513 --> 01:06:59,581
I just wanted to say good-bye.
I'm going to the airport now.
1068
01:06:59,583 --> 01:07:03,284
Inga, it was great
almost knowing you.
1069
01:07:03,286 --> 01:07:06,254
Nick, if you're ever near
Gettzemüllersteigen, Sweden,
1070
01:07:06,256 --> 01:07:08,256
I would love to see you again.
1071
01:07:08,258 --> 01:07:10,325
I don't think so, baby.
1072
01:07:10,327 --> 01:07:12,327
I don't think
this is gonna work out.
1073
01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:15,730
But I thought
you liked me, Nick.
1074
01:07:15,732 --> 01:07:18,133
I'm confused.
1075
01:07:18,135 --> 01:07:21,236
[ Sighs ]
So am I.
You don't even know.
1076
01:07:21,238 --> 01:07:23,638
You better hurry.
You have an ass to catch.
1077
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:26,441
[ Sniffling ]
1078
01:07:26,443 --> 01:07:30,111
And you?
Huh. Hey.
1079
01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:35,083
[ Sonya ]And we go.
1080
01:07:37,253 --> 01:07:39,320
Oh, that feels good.
1081
01:07:41,357 --> 01:07:44,592
Hey, Nick.
About last night,
1082
01:07:44,594 --> 01:07:47,495
you don't think anything
happened, do you?
1083
01:07:47,497 --> 01:07:49,497
What do you think happened?
1084
01:07:49,499 --> 01:07:53,501
Nothing.
You and I drank too much
and then fell asleep.
1085
01:07:53,503 --> 01:07:56,504
Are you sure?
Yeah.
1086
01:07:56,506 --> 01:07:59,407
Inga!
1087
01:07:59,409 --> 01:08:03,745
[ Cackling ]
Inga!
1088
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,814
Well, I think we lost
that one forever.
1089
01:08:05,816 --> 01:08:08,116
A lot of potential
in that boy.
1090
01:08:08,118 --> 01:08:11,152
Could have been
one of the great ones.
1091
01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:13,721
I saw in him
what I saw in Elton John.
Mmm.
1092
01:08:27,503 --> 01:08:29,504
What do you think?
1093
01:08:29,506 --> 01:08:32,440
That is so great.
1094
01:08:32,442 --> 01:08:36,311
- But I'm not nearly
that pretty.
- You are to me.
1095
01:08:36,313 --> 01:08:38,746
You know, you are
so talented, Jerry.
1096
01:08:38,748 --> 01:08:40,548
You think so?
Wow. Absolutely.
1097
01:08:40,550 --> 01:08:42,750
[ Snickers ]
1098
01:08:42,752 --> 01:08:46,354
Why the funny look?
Oh, nothing. It's--
1099
01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:48,523
No one's ever encouraged
my drawing before.
1100
01:08:48,525 --> 01:08:51,259
Well, that's crazy,
because you're wonderful.
1101
01:08:52,595 --> 01:08:54,596
Let's go take a walkon the beach. Come on.
1102
01:08:54,598 --> 01:08:57,265
Oh, it's so rocky.
1103
01:08:57,267 --> 01:08:59,801
Jerry, stop being
so delicate all the time.
1104
01:08:59,803 --> 01:09:02,137
[ Scoffs ]
I'm not delicate.
1105
01:09:02,139 --> 01:09:06,474
[ Whimpering ]
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Okay, I'm delicate!
1106
01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:08,510
And it's hot!
1107
01:09:08,512 --> 01:09:11,179
Come on. I know what we can do.
Let's go cool off.
1108
01:09:11,181 --> 01:09:13,815
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪
Oh.
1109
01:09:13,817 --> 01:09:16,584
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪
1110
01:09:16,586 --> 01:09:18,520
I'm not that delicate.
Ooh, ah.
1111
01:09:21,423 --> 01:09:24,859
♪ Boy, the taste of your lips pulls me in deeper ♪
1112
01:09:24,861 --> 01:09:28,296
H-H-Here I come!♪ Nothing else would compare ♪
1113
01:09:28,298 --> 01:09:31,399
♪ Or ever be sweeter ♪
1114
01:09:31,401 --> 01:09:34,636
♪ With every breath you've got me drowning in desire ♪
1115
01:09:34,638 --> 01:09:38,806
♪ So hold me tight And, baby, never let me go ♪
1116
01:09:38,808 --> 01:09:41,843
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪
1117
01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:44,679
♪ My world seems brighter ♪
1118
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:49,484
♪ Boy, tell me do you feel this fire too ♪
1119
01:09:49,486 --> 01:09:54,355
♪ I think I'm losin' my heart to you, darlin' ♪ ♪ Losin' my heart ♪
1120
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:56,925
♪ Are you ready to catch me ♪
1121
01:09:56,927 --> 01:09:59,928
♪ I'm fallin' in love ♪
1122
01:09:59,930 --> 01:10:03,565
Had your vitamin C today?
1123
01:10:03,567 --> 01:10:07,335
You know,
you really make me laugh.
1124
01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:11,272
Mmm.
1125
01:10:12,274 --> 01:10:15,577
I'm so glad we met.
[ Gasps ]
1126
01:10:15,579 --> 01:10:17,779
Mm-hmm.
1127
01:10:17,781 --> 01:10:21,349
You know,
it really is a shame...
1128
01:10:21,351 --> 01:10:23,218
to let this place
go to waste.
1129
01:10:24,420 --> 01:10:27,222
Just a friendly kiss.
Mmm.
1130
01:10:27,224 --> 01:10:29,824
[ Moaning ]
1131
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,628
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1132
01:10:33,630 --> 01:10:36,497
Jerry, I don't want to feel
like I am pressuring you...
1133
01:10:36,499 --> 01:10:38,866
into doing something
you don't want to do.
1134
01:10:38,868 --> 01:10:40,768
Oh, I want to do this
very badly.
1135
01:10:40,770 --> 01:10:43,271
Really?
Yes.
1136
01:10:43,273 --> 01:10:46,507
Okay.
So, let me be your guide.
1137
01:10:46,509 --> 01:10:49,844
And I promise, I'm gonna--
I'm gonna be gentle.
1138
01:10:49,846 --> 01:10:51,879
I'm gonna be patient.
1139
01:10:51,881 --> 01:10:55,750
And we're gonna take it
very, very slowly.
1140
01:10:55,752 --> 01:10:57,752
- Great.
- [ Screams ]
1141
01:10:57,754 --> 01:11:00,655
[ Gasping ]
1142
01:11:00,657 --> 01:11:03,524
Ooh!
1143
01:11:03,526 --> 01:11:05,994
[ Moaning ]
1144
01:11:05,996 --> 01:11:09,397
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪
1145
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:15,370
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪[ Gabriella Moaning ]
1146
01:11:15,372 --> 01:11:18,906
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪
1147
01:11:21,844 --> 01:11:24,912
♪ Are you ready to catch me I'm fallin' in love ♪♪
1148
01:11:24,914 --> 01:11:27,649
Jerry, Jerry,
1149
01:11:27,651 --> 01:11:30,818
you're a really quick study.
1150
01:11:30,820 --> 01:11:32,820
That's enough foreplay.
1151
01:11:35,624 --> 01:11:39,694
Excuse me. Could you ring
Jerry Robinson's room, please?
1152
01:11:39,696 --> 01:11:41,596
Certainly.
1153
01:11:45,801 --> 01:11:49,370
[ Chuckles ]
[ Ringing ]
1154
01:11:49,372 --> 01:11:51,372
No one seems
to be answering, ma'am.
1155
01:11:51,374 --> 01:11:53,641
Oh-- Could you
give me his room number?
1156
01:11:53,643 --> 01:11:55,877
I'm sorry. We're not allowed
to divulge that information.
1157
01:11:55,879 --> 01:11:58,546
Would you like
to leave a message?
1158
01:11:58,548 --> 01:12:01,683
No, thanks.
I want to surprise him.
1159
01:12:02,885 --> 01:12:05,787
Thank you.
1160
01:12:10,726 --> 01:12:12,794
[ Scoffs ]
1161
01:12:15,364 --> 01:12:18,933
Want to have dinner
with me tonight?
1162
01:12:18,935 --> 01:12:24,005
No.
Why not?
1163
01:12:24,007 --> 01:12:28,710
Because I'm falling
in love with you.
1164
01:12:28,712 --> 01:12:30,778
You are?
1165
01:12:30,780 --> 01:12:32,980
Yes, I am.
1166
01:12:32,982 --> 01:12:34,982
And out of all the dumb,
1167
01:12:34,984 --> 01:12:37,485
boneheaded romantic moves
I've made over the years,
1168
01:12:37,487 --> 01:12:39,687
you see, this will be
the dumbest.
1169
01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:42,457
No-No-No. Wait, Gabriella.
This-This could work.
1170
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,759
How do you think
this is gonna work?
1171
01:12:44,761 --> 01:12:46,828
I can't make you into
something you're not, Jerry.
1172
01:12:46,830 --> 01:12:49,764
I do that with every man
I fall for,
1173
01:12:49,766 --> 01:12:51,566
and it has to stop.
1174
01:12:53,802 --> 01:12:57,705
Besides, you already
have someone.
No, I don't.
1175
01:12:57,707 --> 01:12:59,807
What about Nick?
1176
01:12:59,809 --> 01:13:02,643
Uh--
1177
01:13:03,846 --> 01:13:06,848
That's just... physical.
1178
01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:10,685
Listen. I have to accept
who you really are.
1179
01:13:10,687 --> 01:13:13,054
I really want to be
alone right now.
1180
01:13:30,472 --> 01:13:32,573
[ Squeals ]
1181
01:13:47,656 --> 01:13:49,791
[ Clears Throat ]
Hi.
1182
01:13:49,793 --> 01:13:51,926
Hi.
1183
01:13:51,928 --> 01:13:54,095
It's kind of nice
seeing another woman
on board.
1184
01:13:54,097 --> 01:13:56,130
Oh, tell me about it.
1185
01:13:56,132 --> 01:13:58,800
All I've seen are men,
most of them gay.
1186
01:13:58,802 --> 01:14:00,768
Well, it is a gay cruise.
1187
01:14:00,770 --> 01:14:03,838
[ Sighs ]
1188
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:06,441
- What'd you just say?
- You didn't know?
1189
01:14:06,443 --> 01:14:10,445
No. I came on boardto get back togetherwith my boyfriend.
1190
01:14:10,447 --> 01:14:14,081
I don't get it. Why in the world
would he be on a g--
1191
01:14:14,083 --> 01:14:16,984
[ Elevator Dings ]
1192
01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:20,588
Good luck.
1193
01:14:20,590 --> 01:14:22,590
Thanks.
1194
01:14:24,226 --> 01:14:26,227
Hector! Ooh--
1195
01:14:26,229 --> 01:14:28,629
[ Crash ]
1196
01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:31,032
Have you seen Gabriella?
No, I've been looking
for her myself.
1197
01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:33,868
Everything is falling apart.
The music is not ready--
1198
01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:37,939
Victor, the lead dancer,
is seasick.
1199
01:14:37,941 --> 01:14:40,908
And look at my costume.
Huh? It hangs.
1200
01:14:40,910 --> 01:14:43,544
It's supposed to drape.
1201
01:14:43,546 --> 01:14:46,080
Okay. If you see Gabriella,
could you give her this message
for me, please?
1202
01:14:46,082 --> 01:14:48,249
[ Screams ]
1203
01:14:48,251 --> 01:14:50,952
How could I
have been so blind?
1204
01:14:50,954 --> 01:14:53,120
I mean, the signs were
right in front of my eyes.
1205
01:14:53,122 --> 01:14:56,023
[ Hiccups ]
Foreign films,
1206
01:14:56,025 --> 01:14:58,059
Rabbit convertible,
1207
01:14:58,061 --> 01:15:01,929
gourmet mustards--
1208
01:15:01,931 --> 01:15:04,131
Wait.
1209
01:15:04,133 --> 01:15:07,201
Maybe he's only curious.
1210
01:15:07,203 --> 01:15:10,571
I mean, there was that one time
when I was in college,
1211
01:15:10,573 --> 01:15:13,574
my roommate Bianca and I,
we shared a Jacuzzi.
1212
01:15:13,576 --> 01:15:17,211
[ Chuckling ]
Whoa. Now that got
kind of hot.
1213
01:15:19,147 --> 01:15:22,083
Oh.
1214
01:15:22,085 --> 01:15:25,553
I got to go, Bob.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
1215
01:15:27,856 --> 01:15:29,991
Think twice before you--
1216
01:15:29,993 --> 01:15:33,861
♪ Blow the man down ♪
1217
01:15:33,863 --> 01:15:36,764
[ Hector ]Woo-hoo-hoo!Thank you.
1218
01:15:36,766 --> 01:15:39,967
Okay. Get everybody
ready for the next number.
They have less than a minute.
1219
01:15:42,004 --> 01:15:45,039
What?
1220
01:15:45,041 --> 01:15:48,576
Nobody told me Victor
was too sick to dance.
Who's gonna be the lead?
1221
01:15:48,578 --> 01:15:52,079
♪ I'm comin' ♪
1222
01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:54,248
♪ Comin' out ♪
1223
01:15:56,652 --> 01:15:59,854
♪ I'm comin' ♪
I'm comin'...
1224
01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:01,889
♪ Out ♪
out.
1225
01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:04,625
Oh, my God.
1226
01:16:04,627 --> 01:16:07,028
[ Lip-synching ]
♪ I'm comin' out ♪
1227
01:16:07,030 --> 01:16:11,799
♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪
1228
01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:14,902
♪ I'm comin' out ♪
1229
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:19,040
♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪
1230
01:16:20,676 --> 01:16:24,712
♪ I'm comin' ♪
1231
01:16:24,714 --> 01:16:27,648
♪ Out ♪
1232
01:16:27,650 --> 01:16:30,585
♪ There's a new me comin' out ♪
1233
01:16:30,587 --> 01:16:33,654
♪ And I just have to live And I just wanna give ♪
1234
01:16:33,656 --> 01:16:36,324
♪ I'm completely positive ♪
1235
01:16:36,326 --> 01:16:38,659
♪ I think this time around ♪
1236
01:16:38,661 --> 01:16:42,597
♪ I am gonna do it like you never knew it ♪
1237
01:16:42,599 --> 01:16:44,699
♪ Oh, I'll make it through ♪
1238
01:16:44,701 --> 01:16:48,603
♪ The time has come for me to break out of this shell ♪
1239
01:16:48,605 --> 01:16:52,173
♪ I have to shout that I am comin' out ♪
1240
01:16:52,175 --> 01:16:55,142
♪ I'm comin' out ♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪
1241
01:16:55,144 --> 01:16:57,345
♪ I want the world to know ♪
1242
01:16:57,347 --> 01:16:59,814
♪ Got to let it show ♪
1243
01:16:59,816 --> 01:17:02,016
♪ Oh, I'm comin' out ♪
1244
01:17:02,018 --> 01:17:04,919
♪ Comin' out ♪♪ I want the world to know ♪
1245
01:17:04,921 --> 01:17:08,356
♪ Got to let it show ♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪
1246
01:17:08,358 --> 01:17:10,992
♪ I'm comin' ♪
1247
01:17:10,994 --> 01:17:12,793
♪ Out ♪
1248
01:17:14,129 --> 01:17:16,330
Oh--
1249
01:17:16,332 --> 01:17:19,000
♪ I'm comin' out ♪♪ Comin' ♪
1250
01:17:19,002 --> 01:17:21,168
♪ I want the world to know ♪♪ Out ♪
1251
01:17:21,170 --> 01:17:23,638
♪ Got to let it show ♪
1252
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:25,673
♪ Whoo-oo, I'm ♪♪ I'm comin' out ♪
1253
01:17:25,675 --> 01:17:27,708
♪ Comin' ♪
1254
01:17:27,710 --> 01:17:29,243
♪ I want the world to know ♪♪ Out ♪
1255
01:17:29,245 --> 01:17:31,812
♪ Got to let it show ♪
1256
01:17:31,814 --> 01:17:34,849
♪ Comin' out ♪♪ I'm comin' out ♪
1257
01:17:34,851 --> 01:17:36,851
♪ Comin' ♪♪ I want the world to know ♪
1258
01:17:36,853 --> 01:17:38,853
♪ Out ♪♪ Got to let it show ♪
1259
01:17:40,722 --> 01:17:42,723
♪ I'm ♪♪ I'm comin' out ♪
1260
01:17:42,725 --> 01:17:44,759
♪ Comin' ♪♪ I want the world to know ♪
1261
01:17:44,761 --> 01:17:48,029
♪ Out ♪♪ Got to let it show ♪♪
1262
01:17:53,168 --> 01:17:55,036
Cocksucker!
1263
01:17:55,038 --> 01:17:58,272
Felicia.
1264
01:17:59,374 --> 01:18:01,976
I was talkin' to him.
1265
01:18:01,978 --> 01:18:04,211
Bu--
1266
01:18:04,213 --> 01:18:05,780
[ Crying ]
[ Jerry ]Felicia!
1267
01:18:08,383 --> 01:18:10,985
Felicia, what are you
doing here?
1268
01:18:10,987 --> 01:18:13,688
Don't even talk to me.
I feel so humiliated.
1269
01:18:13,690 --> 01:18:15,690
Oh.
Well, how did you find me?
1270
01:18:15,692 --> 01:18:18,759
What were you thinking about
when we were making love--
cabana boys?
1271
01:18:18,761 --> 01:18:23,264
Hey, hey-- I am not gay.
And to think, I wanted
to be your wife!
1272
01:18:23,266 --> 01:18:25,733
What?
1273
01:18:25,735 --> 01:18:28,102
I really missed you, Jerry.
1274
01:18:28,104 --> 01:18:30,404
All the special times we had--
we complimented each other.
1275
01:18:30,406 --> 01:18:33,207
We could have built
a life together.
1276
01:18:33,209 --> 01:18:35,209
Built a life together?
Yes.
1277
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:37,411
Well, what about Andre,
the buffer boy?
1278
01:18:37,413 --> 01:18:39,814
It was just a fling.
Oh--
1279
01:18:39,816 --> 01:18:42,450
A horrible, thoughtless,
insensitive mistake.
Eh--
1280
01:18:42,452 --> 01:18:45,052
But he showed me what
I really wanted--
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1281
01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:47,788
A stable, decent man who will
always be there for me.
1282
01:18:47,790 --> 01:18:50,925
And I thought thatthat was you.
1283
01:18:50,927 --> 01:18:53,427
[ Sighs ]
What are you saying?
You want to get back together?
1284
01:18:53,429 --> 01:18:57,031
Well, I did... before
I found out that you were gay.
1285
01:18:58,967 --> 01:19:01,202
How could you think I'm gay?
1286
01:19:01,204 --> 01:19:04,138
You're standing there preening
like a gay peacock,
1287
01:19:04,140 --> 01:19:06,474
and you don't want me
to think you're tutti-frutti?
1288
01:19:06,476 --> 01:19:08,876
For heaven's sake, Felicia!
1289
01:19:08,878 --> 01:19:11,879
I am not gay,
and I never have been gay.
1290
01:19:11,881 --> 01:19:14,081
Then why the hell
are you on this boat?
1291
01:19:14,083 --> 01:19:18,319
Nick-- Nick and I got
on this cruise by mistake.
1292
01:19:18,321 --> 01:19:21,989
And then I met this girl
and she assumed I was gay.
1293
01:19:21,991 --> 01:19:25,259
And then I stupidly
went along with it because--
1294
01:19:25,261 --> 01:19:27,394
She's behind me, isn't she?
1295
01:19:27,396 --> 01:19:30,231
[ Sighs ]
1296
01:19:30,233 --> 01:19:32,032
[ Groans ]
1297
01:19:34,136 --> 01:19:36,804
How could you?
1298
01:19:36,806 --> 01:19:39,440
Gabriella, I'm sorry.
1299
01:19:39,442 --> 01:19:42,443
- I tried to tell you.
- You're an asshole, Jerry.
1300
01:19:42,445 --> 01:19:45,279
[ Sighs ]
I-- Ow!
1301
01:19:45,281 --> 01:19:47,414
[ Squeals ]
[ Felicia ] Oh, oh--
1302
01:19:47,416 --> 01:19:50,050
Oh! Oh, oh.
Not again!
1303
01:19:50,052 --> 01:19:52,553
Oh.
1304
01:19:54,189 --> 01:19:57,324
That was the girl
I was talking about.
1305
01:19:57,326 --> 01:20:01,395
Well, looks like
you had a dumb fling yourself.
1306
01:20:01,397 --> 01:20:04,298
I tell you what,
if you can forgive me,
1307
01:20:04,300 --> 01:20:06,333
I can certainly forgive you.
1308
01:20:06,335 --> 01:20:10,437
And we can get married justlike you always wanted, Jerry.
1309
01:20:10,439 --> 01:20:12,406
Oh, I love you, baby.
1310
01:20:12,408 --> 01:20:14,408
What do you say?
1311
01:20:16,978 --> 01:20:19,213
[ Man ]Great. Now oneof the bride and groom...
1312
01:20:19,215 --> 01:20:22,516
staring at each otherlovingly.
1313
01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:25,586
You look so beautiful.
Thank you.
1314
01:20:25,588 --> 01:20:28,589
Why don't we both
look beautiful?
1315
01:20:28,591 --> 01:20:30,825
[ Whispering ]
Take out that earring.
1316
01:20:30,827 --> 01:20:33,327
Felicia, may I borrow Jerry for a moment?
1317
01:20:33,329 --> 01:20:36,297
Of course, Daddy.
1318
01:20:42,103 --> 01:20:45,840
Jerry, uh, before I walk
my baby girl down the aisle,
1319
01:20:45,842 --> 01:20:48,475
tell it to me straight.
1320
01:20:48,477 --> 01:20:52,012
Was this little
high-seas adventure of yours
really an accident?
1321
01:20:53,481 --> 01:20:56,183
Oh, yes, sir.
Definitely an accident.
1322
01:20:56,185 --> 01:20:58,385
Good. Good.
Mm-hmm.
1323
01:20:58,387 --> 01:21:01,355
Now remember,
report to work the Monday
after the honeymoon...
1324
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:03,557
at 6:00 a.m. sharp.
1325
01:21:03,559 --> 01:21:06,961
Yes, sir.
A man with your imagination...
1326
01:21:06,963 --> 01:21:10,097
is really gonna love
managing a muffler shop.
1327
01:21:10,099 --> 01:21:13,901
Oh, I'm sure I will, sir.
Mm-hmm.
1328
01:21:13,903 --> 01:21:15,870
[ Jerry ]
Felicia is good for me.
1329
01:21:20,175 --> 01:21:24,011
She planned this entire wedding
all by herself.
1330
01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:29,250
Got me a great job
with her father,
1331
01:21:29,252 --> 01:21:32,052
got us a new apartment,
picked out all the linens
and plates,
1332
01:21:32,054 --> 01:21:34,154
and as our wedding gift,
1333
01:21:34,156 --> 01:21:36,624
she gave me
an entire new wardrobe.
1334
01:21:36,626 --> 01:21:39,093
Hmm.
1335
01:21:39,095 --> 01:21:42,229
Yep, the only decision
I have left to make
for the rest of my life...
1336
01:21:42,231 --> 01:21:45,099
is whether I want to be
buried or cremated.
1337
01:21:45,101 --> 01:21:47,468
No, no, I take that back--
1338
01:21:47,470 --> 01:21:50,070
We're being buried side by side.
She told me this morning.
1339
01:22:08,924 --> 01:22:11,125
Hey, Jerry,
I'm sorry I'm late.
1340
01:22:11,127 --> 01:22:13,594
I had a little bit of
a personal crisis this morning.
1341
01:22:13,596 --> 01:22:15,596
Is everything
all right, Pastor?
Oh, fine. Fine.
1342
01:22:15,598 --> 01:22:19,166
Just, uh, had a few personal
issues I had to clarify, but--
1343
01:22:19,168 --> 01:22:21,168
Hey, it's your big day.
Nothing's gonna spoil it.
1344
01:22:21,170 --> 01:22:23,504
Glad to see you
finally made it, Reverend.
1345
01:22:23,506 --> 01:22:26,340
I've got a string quartet
back at the Hyatt about to
go into golden time.
1346
01:22:26,342 --> 01:22:28,208
Congratulations, sir.
Thank you.
1347
01:22:29,411 --> 01:22:31,412
Friends of yours?
Yes, sir.
1348
01:22:31,414 --> 01:22:34,048
I met them on the cruise.
Oh.
1349
01:22:34,050 --> 01:22:36,350
So you accidentally hopped
aboard the Guy-tanic too, huh?
1350
01:22:36,352 --> 01:22:38,585
How's it goin'?
1351
01:22:38,587 --> 01:22:40,988
I guess not.
1352
01:22:40,990 --> 01:22:44,491
Jerry, I'm gonna keep
my eye on you.
1353
01:22:44,493 --> 01:22:46,493
What's up, guys?
Hey, come here.
1354
01:22:46,495 --> 01:22:48,529
It's important.
You're not gonna believe this.
1355
01:22:48,531 --> 01:22:50,531
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
1356
01:22:50,533 --> 01:22:54,368
There is no more sacred contract
than the bond of marriage...
1357
01:22:54,370 --> 01:22:57,004
and no more spiritual union...
1358
01:22:57,006 --> 01:23:01,175
than that between a manand a woman.
1359
01:23:01,177 --> 01:23:04,111
Dearly beloved,we are gathered here today...
1360
01:23:04,113 --> 01:23:05,980
to bring this manand this woman...
1361
01:23:05,982 --> 01:23:09,350
together in the eyes of--
1362
01:23:11,686 --> 01:23:14,188
In the eyes of, uh--
1363
01:23:14,190 --> 01:23:16,724
- God?
- God.
1364
01:23:16,726 --> 01:23:18,525
Yeah, yeah.
That's what you say.
1365
01:23:18,527 --> 01:23:20,728
No, that's what you say.
1366
01:23:20,730 --> 01:23:23,130
Yeah, yeah. Well,I used to until recently.
1367
01:23:23,132 --> 01:23:26,100
I mean, uh, if there
really was a God,
1368
01:23:26,102 --> 01:23:28,002
would he allow my wifeto run off with a contractor...
1369
01:23:28,004 --> 01:23:30,170
who overcharged me
for a bay window?
1370
01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:34,008
But that's my problem.That's my problem. I'm sorry.It's your day. Where was I?
1371
01:23:34,010 --> 01:23:37,711
Um, a happy marriage is
the perfect human relationship,
1372
01:23:37,713 --> 01:23:40,514
a setting in whicheach partner feels free...
1373
01:23:40,516 --> 01:23:45,719
to be as he or she isunder God's bountiful nature.
1374
01:23:45,721 --> 01:23:49,123
That same nature that
allowed the number-five horse
at Pimlico...
1375
01:23:49,125 --> 01:23:51,525
- to screw me
in a photo finish.
- [ Clears Throat ]
1376
01:23:51,527 --> 01:23:53,660
I'm sorry. Where was I?Ah, yeah, yeah.
1377
01:23:53,662 --> 01:23:57,331
Um-- Oh-- So if there
is anyone present who feels
there's a reason...
1378
01:23:57,333 --> 01:24:01,201
that these two peopleshould not be joinedtogether in holy matrimony,
1379
01:24:01,203 --> 01:24:03,771
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
1380
01:24:09,277 --> 01:24:11,478
[ Minister ]Okay, fine.
1381
01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:15,049
Jerry, then, if there is no
objection, turn to Felicia
and repeat after me.
1382
01:24:16,818 --> 01:24:20,187
I, Jerry, take you Felicia...
1383
01:24:20,189 --> 01:24:22,289
to be my lawful wedded--
Stop. Wait, wait!
1384
01:24:22,291 --> 01:24:24,425
[ Nick ]Time out! Time out!
1385
01:24:24,427 --> 01:24:26,627
Nick, what are you doing?
1386
01:24:26,629 --> 01:24:28,629
I have to say something.
1387
01:24:28,631 --> 01:24:31,432
If I didn't speak now,
I could never live with myself.
1388
01:24:31,434 --> 01:24:36,703
A couple weeks ago, Jerryand I took a cruise together.
1389
01:24:36,705 --> 01:24:39,807
It wasn't the cruisewe intended to take, but...
1390
01:24:39,809 --> 01:24:42,276
it was a good thing
we got on the wrong boat,
because...
1391
01:24:42,278 --> 01:24:44,545
it changed our lives forever.
1392
01:24:44,547 --> 01:24:47,247
Jerry, if you marry
Felicia today,
1393
01:24:47,249 --> 01:24:49,683
it will end up in disaster.
1394
01:24:49,685 --> 01:24:53,454
You need to be with the person you fell in love with on that boat.
1395
01:24:54,556 --> 01:24:56,590
And I know it,
1396
01:24:56,592 --> 01:24:59,726
because that person...
1397
01:24:59,728 --> 01:25:01,795
is me.
Hmm?
1398
01:25:01,797 --> 01:25:05,499
Oh, oh!
[ Screams ]
1399
01:25:05,501 --> 01:25:07,668
How much of that pot
did you smoke?
1400
01:25:07,670 --> 01:25:11,105
I know where Gabriella is.
If we hurry, we can catch her.
1401
01:25:11,107 --> 01:25:13,774
Jerry, what the hell
is wrong with you?
1402
01:25:13,776 --> 01:25:16,477
You can't humiliate me
like this in front
of my family and my friends!
1403
01:25:16,479 --> 01:25:19,446
My dad is gonna kill you!
Come on, Rocco!
1404
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:22,716
- Come on, boy.
- Daddy!
1405
01:25:22,718 --> 01:25:25,252
Move! Move!
1406
01:25:25,254 --> 01:25:27,754
Daddy, do something!♪ I need love, love ♪
1407
01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:30,157
♪ To ease my mind ♪
1408
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:35,429
Where's your car?
We're not taking my car.
We'd never make it across town.
1409
01:25:35,431 --> 01:25:37,631
Yoo-hoo! Boys! Boys.
♪ You can't hurry love ♪
1410
01:25:37,633 --> 01:25:39,800
♪ No, you just have to wait ♪[ Siren Wailing ]
1411
01:25:39,802 --> 01:25:41,802
♪ She said love don't come easy ♪
1412
01:25:41,804 --> 01:25:45,205
Hector, you're a fireman.
♪ It's a game of give and take ♪
1413
01:25:45,207 --> 01:25:48,775
Yes. I'm September
in our calendar.
♪ You can't hurry love ♪
1414
01:25:50,311 --> 01:25:54,548
- Hey, hey! Stop!
- Thank you, Ernie, dear.
1415
01:25:54,550 --> 01:25:57,584
Call me!♪ Well, how many heartaches ♪
1416
01:25:57,586 --> 01:26:01,722
♪ Must I stand Before I find the love ♪♪
1417
01:26:01,724 --> 01:26:05,559
- So where's Gabriella?
- She signed up
to work another cruise.
1418
01:26:05,561 --> 01:26:09,363
- When does she leave port?
- Two hours ago.
1419
01:26:09,365 --> 01:26:11,765
Two hours ago?
1420
01:26:11,767 --> 01:26:14,701
And how am I supposed to
find her in the ocean?
1421
01:26:16,738 --> 01:26:19,873
[ Engine Whirring ]
1422
01:26:19,875 --> 01:26:21,875
[ Jerry ]I can't do this!
1423
01:26:21,877 --> 01:26:24,244
Oh, I get motion sickness!
1424
01:26:24,246 --> 01:26:26,446
Yes, you can.
Come on, Jerry.
1425
01:26:26,448 --> 01:26:28,348
You're about to be united
with the woman you love.
1426
01:26:28,350 --> 01:26:30,918
What do you think?
1427
01:26:30,920 --> 01:26:33,420
Oh--
Why don't you calm down?
1428
01:26:33,422 --> 01:26:36,190
You are in very,
very good hands.
1429
01:26:36,192 --> 01:26:38,192
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
1430
01:26:38,194 --> 01:26:40,194
I know you only
think of me...
1431
01:26:40,196 --> 01:26:42,496
as a hard-partying
old queen,
1432
01:26:42,498 --> 01:26:45,365
but for your information,I spent 32 years...
1433
01:26:45,367 --> 01:26:47,367
in the armed forces...
1434
01:26:47,369 --> 01:26:50,504
serving Her Majesty,
the real queen.
1435
01:26:50,506 --> 01:26:53,707
I've seen action
in five different
theaters of war.
1436
01:26:53,709 --> 01:26:57,778
I've made over 490 drops,
23 over hostile territory.
1437
01:26:57,780 --> 01:27:00,414
I am what you colonials
might call...
1438
01:27:00,416 --> 01:27:03,217
a bad-assed motherfucker,
1439
01:27:03,219 --> 01:27:05,552
who also happens to be
an expert...
1440
01:27:05,554 --> 01:27:09,289
in the delicate art
of Japanese flower arranging.
1441
01:27:09,291 --> 01:27:12,459
Oh.
Over the target, Captain.
1442
01:27:12,461 --> 01:27:15,862
Right.
It's now or never.
Eh-- Aaah!
1443
01:27:15,864 --> 01:27:18,265
Come on, Jerry,
get off here. Jump out!
1444
01:27:18,267 --> 01:27:20,467
[ Jerry ]
I can't do this!
1445
01:27:20,469 --> 01:27:23,870
[ Nick ] Go get her, Jerry!
This is a really bad idea!
1446
01:27:23,872 --> 01:27:27,841
[ Jerry Screaming ]
1447
01:27:27,843 --> 01:27:32,012
Wait! I'm gonna be sick.
I mean it. Oh!
1448
01:27:32,947 --> 01:27:35,349
Oh, I felt that one.
1449
01:27:35,351 --> 01:27:37,851
[ Lloyd ]
Good Lord,
you're a crybaby!
1450
01:27:39,654 --> 01:27:42,256
[ Gabriella's Voice ]Five, six, seven, eight.
1451
01:27:42,258 --> 01:27:45,726
Kick back, head up, down.
1452
01:27:45,728 --> 01:27:47,928
One more time.
1453
01:27:47,930 --> 01:27:50,864
Kick back, head up, down.
1454
01:27:50,866 --> 01:27:54,001
I want it sassy now.
Come on. Kick, plié.
[ Jerry Shouting, Indistinct ]
1455
01:27:54,003 --> 01:27:57,604
Head up, down.
And kick, plié.
1456
01:27:57,606 --> 01:27:59,773
[ Jerry Shouting ]I'm not a personwho likes heights!
1457
01:27:59,775 --> 01:28:03,443
Oh, I don't feel so good.
I don't feel so good.
1458
01:28:04,746 --> 01:28:08,448
Oh, I hate this!
1459
01:28:08,450 --> 01:28:11,952
[ Screaming ]
1460
01:28:11,954 --> 01:28:14,955
- What is that?
- [ Jerry ]
I don't like this!
1461
01:28:14,957 --> 01:28:17,958
[ Lloyd ]
We're over target.
Prepare for release.
1462
01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:20,294
Release! Aaah!
1463
01:28:21,896 --> 01:28:24,998
Ha-ha! Oh, we did it!
1464
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:27,834
[ Laughing ] I'm so excited!
1465
01:28:27,836 --> 01:28:31,838
If truth be told, I'm more
than a little excited myself.
1466
01:28:31,840 --> 01:28:33,974
Oh--
Unhook me, please.
1467
01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:36,777
I don't believe this.
1468
01:28:36,779 --> 01:28:41,715
- Help, please.
- This time
I'm gonna let you drown.
1469
01:28:41,717 --> 01:28:43,684
Well, you're gonna have to
drag me over to the deep end,
1470
01:28:43,686 --> 01:28:45,852
'cause it's only about
three-and-a-half feet over here.
1471
01:28:45,854 --> 01:28:48,689
- What are you doing here?
- I was in the neighborhood,
1472
01:28:48,691 --> 01:28:51,958
so I figured,
well, I'd just drop in.
1473
01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:53,960
Good-bye.
1474
01:28:53,962 --> 01:28:56,596
Uh, Gabriella, wait! Please.
1475
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:01,401
Mm-hmm?
1476
01:29:01,403 --> 01:29:04,371
I thought I was being
reasonably clever...
1477
01:29:04,373 --> 01:29:06,973
considering I just dropped
1,500 feet out of an airplane.
1478
01:29:06,975 --> 01:29:09,476
Why'd you bother?
1479
01:29:21,989 --> 01:29:24,524
Because I love you.
1480
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:28,362
Who loves me--
gay Jerry as a friend,
1481
01:29:28,364 --> 01:29:32,733
or is this straight, lying, deceitful Jerry?
1482
01:29:32,735 --> 01:29:35,936
Hmm?
1483
01:29:35,938 --> 01:29:37,938
You've never met this Jerry.
1484
01:29:37,940 --> 01:29:41,608
This is the extremely sorry,
1485
01:29:41,610 --> 01:29:44,745
unbelievably heartbroken
because you left me,
1486
01:29:44,747 --> 01:29:47,013
will do anything to get you
to forgive me...
1487
01:29:47,015 --> 01:29:49,549
because I want to spend the rest
of my life with you Jerry.
1488
01:29:51,686 --> 01:29:53,920
Well, you listen to me,
Jerry.
1489
01:29:53,922 --> 01:29:55,956
Just because you dropped
out of the sky...
1490
01:29:55,958 --> 01:29:58,992
and made this
grand romantic gesture...
1491
01:29:58,994 --> 01:30:01,061
doesn't mean that
I'm gonna automatically
run into your arms.
1492
01:30:01,063 --> 01:30:03,029
Do you understand that?
Hmm?
1493
01:30:03,031 --> 01:30:05,499
Yes.
Good.
1494
01:30:08,169 --> 01:30:11,505
Okay. I'm probably going to,
but you shouldn't automatically
expect it.
1495
01:30:11,507 --> 01:30:14,074
Because if we're gonna have
the kind of relationship...
1496
01:30:14,076 --> 01:30:16,410
where one day you're gonna
be making all these
hurtful fantasies--
1497
01:30:21,015 --> 01:30:23,717
Don't you ever, ever...
1498
01:30:23,719 --> 01:30:25,719
lie to me again.
1499
01:30:25,721 --> 01:30:28,588
I swear.
1500
01:30:36,497 --> 01:30:39,032
I'll never
understand it.
1501
01:30:39,034 --> 01:30:41,168
Neither will I.
1502
01:30:59,187 --> 01:31:02,856
[ Nick, Echoing ]Inga!
1503
01:31:03,958 --> 01:31:07,861
Inga. Inga.
1504
01:31:07,863 --> 01:31:10,230
Inga.
1505
01:31:12,533 --> 01:31:15,168
[ Knocking ]
1506
01:31:25,813 --> 01:31:27,814
My God.
Oh, my God!
1507
01:31:30,751 --> 01:31:33,753
I'm Nick Ragoni. I'm a friend
of your daughter Inga.
1508
01:31:33,755 --> 01:31:36,890
I've traveled 12,000 miles
to surprise her.
1509
01:31:36,892 --> 01:31:39,259
You poor thing. You look frozen.
Let me help you up.
1510
01:31:40,962 --> 01:31:43,897
[ Groaning ]
Let me and my son
help you up.
1511
01:31:43,899 --> 01:31:45,799
Johan, come over here.
Ja.
1512
01:31:45,801 --> 01:31:48,034
Oh--
1513
01:31:48,036 --> 01:31:50,237
Come on.
1514
01:31:50,239 --> 01:31:54,608
This man is obviously
a fan of smörgåsbord.
1515
01:31:55,743 --> 01:31:57,878
Ingmar, what's going on?
1516
01:31:57,880 --> 01:32:00,547
Oh, Mother, he's an
American friend of Inga's.
1517
01:32:00,549 --> 01:32:04,217
Oh, I hope you didn't gotoo much trouble to get here.
1518
01:32:04,219 --> 01:32:06,686
- Inga's not home.
- What?
1519
01:32:06,688 --> 01:32:09,155
She's gone to Italy
on a modeling assignment.
1520
01:32:09,157 --> 01:32:12,592
- Won't be back
for three months.
- Oh, God, no.
1521
01:32:12,594 --> 01:32:15,862
- I can't believe it.
- You poor boy.
1522
01:32:15,864 --> 01:32:19,199
You look so cold.
You'll join us for dinner.
1523
01:32:19,201 --> 01:32:22,569
Bridgit, get this man
some soup from the stove.
1524
01:32:25,239 --> 01:32:29,743
This is Bridgit.
She wants to be a bikini model,
just like her big sister.
1525
01:32:29,745 --> 01:32:32,846
Nice to meet you.
1526
01:32:32,848 --> 01:32:36,082
And Bridgit's coach will be
joining us for dinner too.
1527
01:32:36,084 --> 01:32:38,852
[ Woman Gasps ]
1528
01:32:40,755 --> 01:32:43,056
Oh--
1529
01:32:43,058 --> 01:32:46,259
Oh, Nicholas.
1530
01:32:46,261 --> 01:32:49,062
Hello.
1531
01:32:49,064 --> 01:32:51,131
We meet again.
115429
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