All language subtitles for Shameless S09E02 Mo White for President

Ah, for shit's sake, you again?

Really, you forgot what happened on

last week's episode?
It was seven days ago.

Drop the drink and get
yourself to a fucking meeting,

you loser.

I'm busting my ass to get
you out of this shit hole.

My work here's not done.

I-I need a few more days.

You don't think I should bail him out?

If he skips town, you
lose all your money.

Could be put to better use.

- How?
- I don't know.

Invest in another apartment building.

Buy a caf�, yoga studio.

Why don't you come stay
with me for a couple of days?

That'd be cool.

You spend all your time
hanging out with that

10-year-old girl.

She doesn't have anybody else.

Call DCFS, bro.

Shit ain't your problem.

Eighteen dollars? I make fifteen.

Well, you're a girl.
Way of the world, Jugs

V, why they got so much energy now?

Go get it.

So well-behaved.

Pre-school.

What are your plans for
after graduation, Corporal?

- Sir?
- Cadet lieutenants have

traditionally gone on
to service academies.

West Point?

Get a congressman or
senator's recommendation.

You really think I could, Sir?

There's an epidemic at our school.

Four people have tested positive

for virulent strains of multiple STDs.

- I slept with Frank.
- So did I.

- I slept with Frank.
- Frank.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

Good morning, my day-drinking brethren.

- How's everyone this morning?
- We were good.

You smell like actual shit, Frank.

Uh, rye whiskey, V. Leave the bottle.

Can't pay with cans, Frank.

Why not? There's gotta
be 20 bucks in there.

And that's our recycling.

I just put those out.

Right, and now I'm recycling them.

No.

Uh, run a tab? For old times' sake?

Oh, damn, I just peed myself a little.

Guys, can you spot me?

We fucking hate you, Frank.

V.

Can I have the keg tray?
At least let me drink that.

You wanna slurp warm, day-old
beer runoff from a keg tray?

Wow, lowering the bar, Frank.

- Disgusting, Frank.
- Every day.

When options are few,
the wise man adapts.

Fine. One pity beer. One.

You tight on cash, huh, Frank?

Tighter than a Mormon virgin.

I know how you can
make some quick dough,

if you're interested.

I don't do blowies anymore, Hughie.

This lady's paying five bucks

for every "Ruiz for Congress"
sign you steal from a yard.

You bring the signs over to the alley

behind Wyman's headquarters,
she gives you cash.

For stolen signs? What's the catch?

Just get paid to steal.

All right, thanks.

What's with the uniform, GI Joe?

I thought you were off for the summer.

Yeah, aren't you
supposed to be "at rest"?

At ease. And there is no ease

for a soldier who's West Point bound.

Debs, can you pass me the milk?

Debs.

Eighty cents.

That's how much women make
on the dollar compared to men.

And if you're a woman
of color, 65 cents.

This is a sexist shit
nugget of a country.

- Don't you forget that.
- Oh, Debs!

Thank God you're not
working. Hey, I need a favor.

I gotta take V to this
nursery school tour.

Can you watch the
girls for like an hour?

They can't come. Thanks.

Why are you speaking to me?

- 'Cause you're Debbie.
- No.

Why are you speaking to
the only woman in the room,

Kevin Ball?

Why is childcare a woman's job?

Let me tell you why.

Did you know that the
average American man

works about 17.5 hours a
week doing unpaid home labor?

Cooking, cleaning. While women, however,

spend about 28.4 hours a week.

Now, considering the fact
that the average American

makes $26.82 an hour,
that's $40,000 a year

that women are not getting paid

to cook, clean, and wipe baby asses.

So you can't do it?

Come on, Franny, let's
oppose patriarchal oppression.

Yeah!

Lip, just an hour, man. Please.

- No.
- Just one hour.

I can't. I would. I gotta
head to a meeting before work.

- I'm sorry.
- Carl! My man.

Yeah, sorry, I got a parley
with a superior at 0900.

I can do it. I don't have school.

Amazing! Thank you so much.

Here's their diaper bag.

Who are you, again?

This is Xan, she's staying
with us for a while.

Are you sure? I mean,
that's really nice of you.

- You're paying, right?
- Bless you, Xanadu.

- You're good? Sure?
- Yeah.

- All right.
- I gotta get going.

- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, Lip,

I'm already late for school. Take me?

Yeah, I got you.

Oh, Hi!

There you go, Bud. Hey,
Xan, text me, all right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Mm.

Hey. You know Max Whitford?

The guy from the bus benches?

Yeah, he's the number one
commercial real estate agent

in Chicago.

So says bench boy.

He sold Miles that place
over on 26th street. Why?

I got a meeting with him today.

I'm gonna start looking
at commercial properties.

Ian's bail money is
burning a hole in my pocket,

so I'm gonna spend my equity
on buying another property.

Commercial real estate?

Yeah, you were the one
who told me to invest.

I meant maybe buy another
building, some apartments.

Those things are mini-malls.

And mini-malls are out of my league?

Max Whitford's just gonna
try and fuck you, trust me.

Well, I can handle
men trying to fuck me.

I've been doing that since I was nine.

Commercial real estate
carries more risk.

I did pretty great
flipping that laundromat.

I just don't think it's for you.

Who's it for then?

It's for people who
were born on third base

and think they hit a triple.

Oh, so I have to be an
un-fuckable trust fund baby

to get anywhere in life,
that's what you're saying?

You know what? Forget it.

Don't worry about it.

I turned a profit on not
one, but two properties.

I know you did.

- And you'll do great.
- Mm-hmm.

So what are you guys in for?

Stole a first grader's Black Amex.

Didn't share my breakfast sushi.

Cool.

Liam, come in, please.

Are you familiar with the saying

"sins of the father"?

Think I've heard it at home.

Your father made a lot
of Hopkins parents very...

unhappy, and where there's unhappiness,

there's often anger and retribution.

The Committee for
Diversity and Advancement

who fund your scholarship,
they have made some demands

and, well,

we've loved having you here, son.

Why are you speaking in past tense?

We see this as an opportunity for you.

With the step up that we have given you,

you can soar now, little bird.

I'm getting kicked out?

Yeah.

Are you lost, honey?

Cadet Lieutenant Carl Gallagher.

I'm here to see
Congressman Ubberman, ma'am.

Why?

I seek the honor of his
recommendation for West Point.

Are you a constituent?

Ma'am?

You live around here?

Okay, sweetheart, I'll
tell you how this works.

First, you set up an appointment,

and the first avail we
have is in nine weeks.

And you come back with your
transcripts and your vitae...

My what?

Your athletic and your
academic achievements.

You know, publications, awards,

and your exceptional record

of your volunteer
work in this community.

Volunteer work?

You have to work for free
to get into West Point?

Thought you just had to
wanna kill some towel heads.

The 100 hours of community service I did

after juvie count?

Court-ordered?

No.

Here is a list of our

accredited volunteer organizations.

Maybe start there.

Any of them pay?

When we speak of marriage,
what do we speak of?

Well, you could turn to the Bible,

see what they have to say.

We could try Ephesians 5:25.

"For a man shall love his wife

the way Christ loved the church.

He gave up his life for her."

But that's not very
applicable to us, is it?

Well, when I see these

beautiful couples
standing before me today,

living under the terms of
our newly-negotiated deal,

one of mutual consent
and reduced aggression,

I see a true union, a union
that defies categorization.

So, Bob and Hobart,

Sameer and EJ,

Gary and Turkish,

do you come to this courtyard today

purely to exchange vows?

I do.

Let's start with you, Bob and Hobart.

Gallagher.

You made bail.

- What?
- You're out of here.

No, there's been a mistake, all right?

I'm in the middle of vows.
My work here is not done.

- I am not leaving.
- Move it, come on, come on.

- No.
- Don't touch Father Gallagher!

We protect him.

Let him finish!

I don't wanna go!

So wait, are they married or not?

Say they're married, Gallagher.

By the power vested in me

and the great state of Illinois...

Crazy.

Girls are still doing that
screechy dog thing, huh?

Whee.

Look, Zehra, it's Gemma and Amy.

Oh, I think she's still
a little afraid of them.

You their new sitter?

Yeah.

Yeah, baby, we can do the slide.

Nice to meet you.

What're you doing with my wallet?

Are you stealing from me?

Uh, n... no.

Hey! Give me my wallet back!

What the hell are you
doing? You can't just leave

the girls here.

What do you think you're doing?

No, these are, uh, defective.

The signs are defective, and,
uh, they've ordered a recall,

the FDA. The ink

was, um, choking hazard,

so they're going to be returned.

That's my sign, asshole!

No, I... I'm gonna bring them back.

- Yeah, sure, you will.
- I'll return them.

So, how old are your princesses?

Uh, four years old.

Well, our program has
thrice been awarded

the Stamp of Excellence
by Good Parenting magazine.

Follow me this way.

Holy shit, are those bunnies real?

Oui, oui.

Each child gets his or
her own bunny at Beaucoup.

We try to surround the
children with soft textures,

like in the womb.

Oh. Wombs are soft.

Very good, Clover.

I think you are a future surgeon too.

I'm proud of you.

Mandarin Immersion today.

So what do you think?

This is where I wanna go when I die.

Here is our applications packet

with beaucoup info about Beaucoup.

What's this, uh, number here?

Is that a year in the future?

No, that's our tuition.

- For a year?
- For the month.

For a month?

Uh, that's three times our mortgage.

Oh, dear. Yes, these numbers can seem

a little bit high,

but it's pretty standard in Chicago.

Are there scholarships?

Not at Beaucoup.

Why don't I recommend you somewhere

that's a little more budget-friendly.

Okay?

Hello, everyone! My
name is Debbie Gallagher,

and I am a proud welder with a vagina,

and I will stand for
the wage gap no longer.

I am here to look for
strong, independent women

who will stand up with me and say no.

We need equal pay.

We need to unite, ladies.

We need to stick together, ladies.

We...

Uh, excuse me, sir, where
are all the female employees?

Buying pantsuits.

- At the women's march.
- Sewing pussy hats.

Leanin' in!

I wish they'd lean over.

Nice, nice, misogynistic dick.

All right, um,

so my name's Jason,

and... I'm an alcoholic and an addict.

- Hey, Jason.
- Hi, Jason.

Sorry for having a kid with me.

I didn't have anywhere else to take her.

Her mom got busted six days ago.

And I keep trying to
take her to a shelter,

but shelters don't
let men with babies in,

so,

a lot of hard nights in the car.

Uh, I was sober four days last week.

Blew it two days ago. Blacked out.

Woke up to her screaming.

What I really want is a fucking hit.

But I came here, so...

Thanks for sharing, Jason.

Anyone else?

Okay, that's our time for today.

All right, see ya.

Wanna hit Patsy's for pie before work?

It's kind of early for pie, no?

It's never too early.

Besides, they have breakfast pie.

It's called "apple."

Hey, uh, thanks for your share, man.

Was it okay?

I... I mean, it's weird
telling everybody your shit.

Yeah, no, you did good.
Just, uh, keep coming back.

Hey, actually, can I ask you something?

Uh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know how this
is supposed to go. I...

Feels like I'm asking you
out on a date or something.

I need a sponsor.

Wondering if you...

You'd be up to sponsoring me.

Me?

No, man, I'm... I'm the last
guy you'd want to sponsor you.

But, uh,

you know, maybe ask Marshall.

The guy with the walker?

Yeah.

I need somebody born after 1990.

I mean, these people are
all fucking dinosaurs.

No offense.

None taken, shithead.

I feel like I could talk to you.

Yeah, let me think about it, all right?

What?

Let me think about it?

It's unity, service, and recovery, man.

Service. That guy needs you.

I got enough people that need me.

Boo-hoo-hoo.

You're loved and in demand.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Yeah.

Shit, okay. Yeah, I'll be right there.

All right. Yeah, I'll catch you later!

So Congressman Ubberman's office

sent you over? Where's that form?

Oh.

Couple of routine questions.

Why do you wanna be a mentor?

I don't.

Then, why are you here?

I have to volunteer somewhere.

What academic subjects could
you tutor your mentee in?

None.

Special skills?

Steady hand with a knife, ma'am.

Like to cut things and watch 'em bleed.

I think I might know a place for you,

and... I guarantee you

they are in desperate
need of volunteers.

Here.

Soothing Horizon?

Sounds like a nail salon?

It's not.

Hi, I'm here, but I'm
not here. I'm super late.

- I just need shoes.
- Okay.

Hey, whose shit is this in my closet?

Mine.

What'd you do with that box of shoes?

I need those red heels for my meeting.

Oh, yeah, Gallaghers, that's great,

just ram 'em under the stairs
under some wet, moldy towels.

Thank you very much.

Why aren't you in school?

I got expelled.

Why?

Frank.

What did he do?

All the moms.

He gave them venereal diseases.

And they kicked you out?

Get in my car now. Come on.

- Ugh, okay.
- Come on.

- Oh.
- Hey.

Sorry, just surprised.

We don't see a lot of
your type collecting signs.

How many you got there?

Twenty-two.

Nice gig you got here, fencing signs.

I'm the campaign manager.

Jesus.

How do I become a campaign manager?

Hard to break in. Lot of hustle.

Took me a decade of policy
law, and an MBA from Yale.

Here you go.

One ten, plus an extra ten
bucks for your discretion.

I could be a lot more discreet for 20.

It's the going rate for nondisclosure

on the South Side.

Okay. Here.

Thanks again.

Well, wait, what
blocks still have signs?

I could have another
50 by end of business.

Oh, we'd rather give the
work to the diversity hires.

You understand.

Vote Wyman!

Yo, Kev, I'm so sorry, man.
Hey, you girls all right?

They're all right.

Hi, hey, ma'am.

Are you the one responsible
for that little hood rat

who stole my wallet?

Yeah, look, I... I'm
so sorry about that.

Um, how much did she take?
I... I can pay you back.

She took the whole damn wallet.

Eighty bucks, my ID, my credit cards.

Okay, all right, we
can take care of that.

Uh, here you go, there's 80,
and, uh, I'll find it for you.

I'll get it back to you, all right?

I promise. Um...

Hey, did you see which way
the... the girl went or...

Not my problem. Tell that girl

if I see her in the park
again, I'm calling the cops.

What about Briar Lane Academy?

- Mm, where's that one?
- Skokie.

How're you gonna get up there every day?

Those schools are for kids
with nannies and drivers.

You gotta find a school
way closer to home.

Or just go to Dyett.

I can't go to public school.

- Why not?
- Hopkins made me soft.

I have manners now. I eat pat�.

I put apricot oil on my cuticles.

Well, there's three
weeks of school left,

and you gotta go somewhere.

Max Whitford says he's gonna be late.

Classic power move.

Can't we just see if Briar
Lane Academy has a spot?

Maybe they provide transportation?

Fine, here, put the number in.

Admissions.

Hi, there, I was calling to see

whether you might have room in your...

Ethnicity of the student?

Black.

Sorry, we already have one.

One what?

Black student. Thanks for calling.

Sorry.

I'll take you over to
public school tomorrow.

But today I have to
impress this Whitford guy.

Real estate agents always
have something better

than whatever it is they're showing you.

You just have to convince them
that you deserve to see it.

He's also got fiduciary duty.

We covered that in Ethics.
And if you wanna impress him,

use the word "artisanal" a lot.

It's how fancy people say good.

Artisanal cheese. Artisanal soap.

Wow, where did you learn all this?

Artisanal private school.

Artisanal.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, I... I need to speak
to the campaign manager.

It's a... it's a matter of some urgency.

He's at a fundraiser, but I'm
the operations manager, Diego.

All right, Operations Manager Diego,

are you aware there are
two whole city blocks

with no Ruiz signs on them?

Oh, I know, it's a problem.

Crooked Eleanor Wyman
pays the homeless to do it.

- I mean, it's deplorable.
- It's despicable.

She's evil.

Well, luckily, I have, uh, some
experience in erecting signs.

Maybe I could go around
and replace them for you.

- What do you guys pay?
- Five bucks a sign.

But, um, we try to hire local people.

Hey, I'm as local as they
come. South Side, born and bred.

Uh, local Hispanic people.

I am Hispanic. Frank Rodriguez.

- Rodriguez?
- Yeah.

My dad was, uh, Irish, but, uh,

mamacita was Mexican.

I'm a big, fat chimichanga.

Hey, I'm gonna take 22 of these.

Do you guys pay in advance?

You're gonna have to meet
us at the debate afterwards

to get paid. That's where Alejandro,

the campaign manager, is.

All righty, then.

Got it.

- Go Wyman!
- You mean Ruiz.

What?

Go Ruiz.

Right. Arriba, arriba.

Ian.

Ian, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, can you believe it?

We raised every dime ourselves.

- We?
- Your disciples.

We crowdsourced your
bail to get you out.

I wasn't really done in there, though.

Those guys need me.

Oh, my God, so much
exciting stuff has happened.

We have sponsorship now.

We're in 45 states,
1 mil strong on Insta.

We're getting some of
those conversion facilities

closed down. Got money

and pro bono lawyers working on it.

Got you a defense attorney.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm talking so fast.

I'm just...

I'm really happy to see you.

You ready to face your public?

Come on.

Come on!

They've been waiting for hours.

Here he is. Gay Jesus!

My name is Debbie Gallagher
and I am a welder with a vagina,

and I am here to stand up to patriarchy!

I am looking for any and
all female employees...

- Show us your pussy!
- To stand up with me,

and say no!

We need to stick together, ladies.

- Sup, double Ds?
- We will not be silent!

Ow, you fucking dickhead.
You almost hit my kid.

'Ey, 'ey, 'ey, yo, lady, you gotta go.

- You distracting my men.
- They're a bunch of pig fucks.

We see boobs!

I am not leaving until I get to speak

to one of your female employees.

There aren't any.

You don't have one female employee?

No.

So get your smelly cunt out of here.

Yeah, well, I just
think it's a little tacky

to be doing business
at a funeral, David.

All right, well, you
can tell him to come back

with 740 firm or he can go fuck himself.

Right.

Sorry about that, I'm
just slammed today.

What can I say? Abundance,
it's a real thing.

So, what do you think?

It's got good bones, but
I'm really looking for

something more upscale.
More, uh, artisanal.

Uh, I see.

I think we know someone in common.

Ford Kellogg?

Uh... oh, God, the Irish guy?

You're friends with him?

Oh, no, not really.

I just know him a little from around.

Yeah, my boy Tobey
hired him on a remodel.

Nightmare. That joker

took six months longer
than he said he would.

Charged three times more,
and threw a temper tantrum

about taking out some
fucking wainscoting.

Anyway, need a wood guy, just call me.

Okay, I appreciate that.

So it's, uh, 540 firm,

and I've got another
offer on the table, so...

What do you think the rental
increase per square foot

is gonna be year to
year, with gentrification?

At least 20%. Maybe more.

Really? Huh.

Aren't things actually leveling off,

down a few percentage
points last quarter?

CBD heading towards an equilibrium?

Sorry to interrupt.

Fiona, gotta get you to
your next closing by 1:00.

Who's this little guy?

This is my intern, Liam.

He's a prodigy. Anyway,

nice to meet you, Mr....?

Whitford.

Here.

Hey, you know what?

You seem savvy.

Why don't you let me
show you something else?

I got another property just off
Malcolm X, not even listed yet.

What do you say, can you push your 1:00?

Okay, just this once.

Fantastic. I'll text you the address.

- Look who's back1
- I'm bringing 'em back.

What the hell are you doing now?

I'm bringing 'em back, asshole,
just like I said I would.

See? I'm bringing 'em.

Here they are.

I didn't ask for that sign!

Brand new, see?

They were defective.

I don't want any more signs!

It was defective.

What are you, an idiot? Jesus.

Who you calling an idiot?

Can I help you?

Yeah, heard you guys might
be in need of some volunteers.

You wanna volunteer? Here?

Yes, sir. I'm in need of some
documented community service.

Trying to get into West Point.

Well, great. Military boy, huh?

Yeah, strong stomach. Perfect.

How much can you bench, son?
'Cause these sons of bitches

can get heavy.

Uh, what is it exactly
you guys are doing here?

Well, come on back, I'll show you.

Got a, uh, 15-year-old
Rottweiler in there

and a pair of 16-year-old Mastiffs.

Should be done in a second.

Done?

Yeah. Only takes three or four minutes,

if you get the, uh, hose
on the tailpipe right.

You're killing dogs?

Yeah. That's the service
we offer the community, son.

Euthanasia for elderly,
and, uh, terminally ill dogs.

I'm a retired vet.

Had my own practice for, uh, 38 years.

And I got sick of seeing
these poor people around here

shooting their own dogs in
the street when they got old,

toss 'em in dumpsters and
drop 'em off the bridge

with a... with a cinderblock
tied to their paw.

And all because they
couldn't afford the $150

to put 'em down at the vet's.

Well, now they can
call Soothing Horizon.

We pick 'em up, bring 'em
here, and let 'em go peaceful.

In a gas chamber?

Yep.

Uh...

Banjo and Lucky are dead.

Skippy too. Come on, grab a leg.

Did you see his face

when I called out his 20% lie?

He was like, "Ah, damn!"

God, we crushed it back there.

Did you find another private school?

No, but there are 57
private schools in Chicago.

One must need a token.

And stop fidgeting with your hair.

It reads weak.

Two hundred grand...

Campaign Manager Alejan...

Speaking engagement at the
Black Corporate Officers

of America Conference. And
where did my opponent...

- ...put that money?
- Are you Alejandro?

Right in her pocket.

If by "pocket" Isaac
Ruiz means my campaign...

- ...then yes...
- Alejandro?

- No.
- ...I am guilty.

Guilty of trying to
represent my constituents

by staying in office.

And Isaac Ruiz is one to talk.
He's a Republican businessman.

Took a $500,000 donation
from the Mexican Youth

Soccer Organization and
then announced massive plans

to turn our baseball fields
into turf soccer fields.

Hey, what... what's going on here?

It's the Ruiz/Wyman debate.

They are the congressional
candidates from this district.

Congress, huh?

...To turn this condemned eye sore

into an LGBTQ Latino
Center of South Side.

What about the hardworking

African-American citizens

who want a Martin Luther
King African Art Center

in that brewery?

Hey, um...

you Alejandro?

Uh, yes. Uh, sir, uh, sorry.

- Contributions are over there.
- No, no, no.

I... I wanna get paid.
I, uh... I put up signs.

A hundred and ten dollars.

So, uh...

You must be Frank Rodriguez?

In the flesh.

Thank you, mi amigo.

Here at Basic we have a
strict "no nothing" policy.

No acting up, no
crying, and no snitching.

What happens at Basic stays at Basic.

That toilet's not gonna
clean itself, little missy.

Get down in there.

Come on, keep coming.

Through here.

This is our infant area.

And out here is where
we hold our older kids.

We call it the Imagination Area.

Where are the toys?

Bunnies?

See, that's just it.
You use your imagination.

You imagine toys.

So...

- Doesn't look like much.
- Yet.

But this is a killer opportunity.

Trust me, everything on this block

is gonna quadruple in value
in the next five years.

You could put in a cold
slab ice cream store there.

A yoga studio. Pilates.

Sky's the limit.

Why quadruple?

There's a new project
coming in down the street.

Not announced yet.

The nursing home rumor is true?

Yeah.

We're putting in another
Sunset Brook Senior Care Center.

Wow.

Nobody wants to change parental diapers.

It's sad, right?

Lack of gratitude for
our most vulnerable.

Anyways, there's a Whole Foods
coming in down the street.

Serving this up to you
in a silver platter.

Any way to get in on
the Sunset Brook deal?

No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm way oversubscribed

on that as it is. I mean, I had to fight

to get my own money into it.

But this is the opportunity right here.

So, interested?

In Sunset Brook I am.

Listen, I gotta get to a
drinks thing at Fig & Cherry,

but if either of the properties
I showed you interest you,

just give me a call.

Unless you wanna come along for drinks.

Drinks could turn into
dinner, it could turn into...

maybe more.

You should really let me in
on this Sunset Brook deal.

I got cash in hand. I
know the neighborhood.

Drinks? Yay, nay?

I think I already have a thing, don't I?

Dinner with investors.

We needed to leave five minutes ago.

Well, nice to meet you.

Absolutely, let's stay in touch.

I'll see you, Lance. Stay fresh.

What a douchebag.

Beyond.

Hey!

Hey.

Xan, stop!

Xan.

Xan.

Come here. Come here.

- You stop trying to hit me.
- Get off of me.

I'm not going back to DCFS.

What are you talking...

Fuck!

Would you stop?

I didn't call DCFS,
dumbass. I'm on your side.

Jesus Christ.

The hell's going on with you?

Can't leave toddlers in the park, Xan.

The lady was gonna call the cops on me.

Yeah, well, why were
you stealing from her?

I would've given you the money.

What'd you need the money for anyway?

My mom.

Your mom's around?

No, but she has a P.O. box

at the mailbox place around the corner.

That's where she gets her SNAP benefits,

so I try to leave a little
money there for when I can.

You can't be doing that shit, all right?

All right, my mom, she was
always disappearing, okay?

Always asking me for
money, but you can't do it.

She doesn't ask me.

Okay.

Listen, I'm gonna put some
money in your mom's P.O. box,

all right?

But you cannot do this again.

M'kay.

All right.

Where's that lady's wallet, huh?

She's pissed as shit.

In a dumpster on Ellis.

- Where are you going?
- Dumpster diving.

Coming?

And then the puppy said,

"Let's be friends, Kitty."

And Kitty felt afraid,

because cats are supposed
to be scared of dogs.

But Kitty decided to be brave

because dogs and cats
can be best friends.

- Great puppet show, Sister.
- Thank you.

The children help make the
puppets out of donated clothes

- and milk cartons.
- Mm!

Teaches creativity and recycling.

Mm! Let's cut to the chase, Sister.

How much?

Well, we try to keep tuition affordable,

so we only charge $150 a week,

but we do need your
child to be baptized.

Is your little one baptized?

- 100%.
- Baptized.

Dunked in the water.
We're very religious.

We pray every night and
we put those dirty crosses

on our faces.

He means on Ash Wednesday.

Sometimes Thursdays too.

We are down with the Christ.

Then the one spot we
have open is all yours,

Mr. and Mrs. Ball.

Sorry, did you say one spot?

Yes, you're in luck.

Little Emily-Jo joined her
parents on their Sudan mission.

Ian, we love you!

Are you okay?

Yeah. Just used to being in lock up.

Right.

- Who are all these people?
- They're the movement.

This is Jo, Beth,
Sara, Monte, and Kimby,

our Senior Council.

Let's get you to the conference room.

We told them only one selfie per person.

- Selfies?
- Our donors.

If you give 1K or more,
you get a step and repeat

- with Gay Jesus.
- Wait. Geneva, donors?

For your bail.

It's exciting, isn't
it? How much we've grown.

Because of you, thanks to you.

Oh, give 'em the index cards.

Monte wrote a statement for you.

He used to work in
publicity for Leo Burnett.

"My harrowing and abusive time in jail"?

Good, right?

Prison was inspiring.

Well, just emphasize your
oppression as a gay man

and the daily violence you endured.

What is this?

Oh, that's all the van
torchings we've done.

We're doing more tomorrow in your honor.

Why?

It's become a symbol of
freeing kids from oppression.

Oh. We got you this to wear.

It'll make a great
picture for the website.

- Am I allowed to take a piss?
- Sure, yeah, of course.

It... it's around the
corner, just make it quick.

Press conference starts in ten.

One point seven million.

You hear that?

And the Sunset Brook up
in Evanston sold two years

after initial acquisition
with a $2 million profit.

That piece of shit is
sitting on a golden egg,

and he's trying to
unload that dump on me

that hasn't been
renovated since the '80s

and has been on the market
since... I... when, Liam?

February. Asking price went
down on Looper yesterday.

- Unbelievable.
- 'Cause he's a dick.

I told you that.

The nursing home
offering is still online.

It says there's five
partnership spots left.

Oh, he's a fucking liar.

He's putting the whole thing
together and he wrote me off

as dollar store trash?

'Cause he's a dick. I told you that.

Can you stop reminding
me that you were right?

He try to sleep with you as well?

Yes, he tried to sleep with me.

No, he didn't take me seriously.

And yes, you were completely right.

And he's not gonna get away with it.

Sunset Brook is coming
to my neighborhood.

It's coming to my backyard.
It's gonna print money.

And I want in. Come on, Liam.

Where are we going?

To take what's ours.

Don't worry, Sergeant,
he won't feel any pain.

The injection doesn't hurt.

And he'll be buried in a
grassy field down by the lake.

That's a great comfort to me.

Thank you. I love Biscuit.

Of course you do. And he loves you.

When you're ready, we'll begin.

Put the music on.

And, uh, toss some rose pedals.

Not all of them.

Save some for the others.

There's my boy. There's my good boy.

God, he's a service dog?

Yep, General Biscuit's been
with me since Afghanistan.

I lost an eye.

I gained a best friend.

Through thick and thin, eh, buddy?

Over there, all right? Yo.

So where the hell was she?

Oh, it's a long story.
Sorry I'm so late.

I'll work tonight, make up for it.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, could you, uh, toss
me the torque wrench?

Yeah.

Thanks.

What's up?

I wanna tell you something. As a friend.

Are you coming out to me, man?

You should sponsor
that guy with the baby.

Fuck.

It's the next stage in
your sobriety, you're ready.

What am I supposed to say
to that guy, Brad, huh?

"You can do it"?

- I can barely do it myself.
- Then so say that to him.

Look, you've already been a
sponsor without knowing it.

Look what you did for
Youens, and for me.

I got enough shit to be
stressed about, all right?

Lip.

Helping another AA member
is a hell of a lot better

for your sobriety than chasing
after a kid who's not yours.

Gallaghers don't
sponsor. We get sponsored.

It's in our DNA.

Well, maybe you're more than your DNA.

At least I think you are.

I gotta take a leak.
You take 'em in there

and, uh, give 'em some treats

and, uh, make 'em feel real
comfy and then get started.

Uh, you know, maybe
we could wait a second.

Wait for what?

I mean, let 'em die naturally.
They're practically dead.

Plus Biscuit's a vet. Deserves better.

I couldn't agree with you more, son,

but I'm a not-for-profit.

I get 20, 25 dogs through here a week.

That's a lot of dog food,
doggy diapers, medications.

Some of them need a senior
diet, and that's twice as much.

So, uh, get started. Chop chop.

It's open!

I'll be right down, Farhad.

Hello? Looking for Debbie Gallagher.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Can I talk to you a minute?

No. How did you find me?

You told everyone in Chicago
your name is Debbie Gallagher

and you're a welder with a vagina.

- Not hard to find.
- What do you want?

- I'm gonna be late.
- I lied to you this morning.

There is another woman on my site.

Who?

Me.

You're a woman?

I don't wanna get paid
1/3 of what the dudes make.

It's bullshit.

My last job I was the
best electrician on site.

Foreman paid me 1/3
of what the guys got.

Now, I got a good gig,

but you saw how Neanderthal
them jokers can be.

I'm in the lion's den.

I had to pull a Boys Don't Cry.

Wow. That's hardcore.

You can't tell. My foreman's
a piece of dog shit.

Oh, sorry, I don't mean stare at you.

You just really look like a dude.

Yeah, yeah, I... I know.

Ah, shit, I gotta go. I'm
gonna be late for work.

Yeah. Um...

what time do you get off?

Maybe you wanna grab a beer later,

topple the patriarchy?

Hell yeah. I'm off at 9:00.

All right, then, it's a... it's a date.

...Because I don't know if anybody's

gonna be there to pick me up.

You still got five limited
partnerships available

on that Sunset Brook lot.

So what the hell, Whitford?

Do you think I'm not smart enough?

Or you just like making women feel like

they need to fuck you to join an LLC?

Um...

This is Fiona Gallagher.
She's... she's very passionate

about real estate.

I know the neighborhood.
I know the people.

I know the old people
you're gonna put in diapers.

I know the permits. I know the people

that stamp the permits.

I know that block like
the back of my hand.

I got 50K in my pocket and I want in.

You'd need 100 to play.

Then I got 100 in my pocket.

So what do you say?

Am I in? Or am I out?

'Cause if I'm in, I'll leave.

But if I'm not,

I'm gonna keep standing here.

And I'm gonna eat every one
of your goddamn breadsticks.

Let me ask you fine gentlemen,

Which of these congressional
candidates look like you?

That's a gay Latino man and
a semi-hot black woman, Frank.

Exactly. American men
used to control everything.

Look at a history book. We
used to be the leading men.

Now, we're marginalized.

I attended a congressional
debate this afternoon,

and you know what I experienced?

Reverse racism.

It's all diverse gays and vaginas now.

The tide is changing, gentlemen,

and it's changing too
damn fast, am I right?

Give me a beer.

I'll tell you something else.

They're trying to take the
Old Blue Brewery away from us.

They wanna convert it
into an LTGB-E-I-E-I-O,

or a... a goddamn African Art gallery?

So?

We need a candidate of our own, boys.

A bright, shining beacon of hope.

We need someone who
will promote and protect

our values. Someone who'll make sure

our culture doesn't disappear.

Someone who sat on a barstool
and stared down the gun barrel

that is the working class experience.

But who?

What about Mo White?

- He died.
- He did? Are you sure?

He did... somebody check. Did he die?

Uh, says here he's alive, just retired.

Well, that's perfect. Mo
White is a genius idea.

He was a true American congressman.

He loosened the liquor
license rules so that the Irish

would have some place to drink.

He helped rebuild Comiskey.

He put in bocce for
our Italian brothers.

- A... and... and horse-shoe pits.
- That's right.

Didn't he keep the
Chris Columbus memorial

from being torn down?

You bet your ass he did.

Mo White is a friend of the South Side.

We gotta find Mo White
and write White in.

We need seed money for his campaign.

Ten bucks. I'll go first.

Give me that. Ten bucks.

Everybody, ten bucks. What do you say?

Come on, yeah.

The fundraising starts right now.

The campaign pot is coming around.

Hey, let's make Chicago white again.

Yeah.

- Mo White, Mo White...
- Mo White...

I got it. Mo White, Mo White.

Yeah. Mo White, Mo White, Mo White.

Yeah, I know this
isn't the Ritz-Carlton,

but the Gallagher basement
beats the murder van, guys.

I got you guys some water.

I'm gonna do a Petco run. Any requests?

No? All right, well,
you guys just relax,

take all the time you
need, just die naturally.

All right? Take care.

Jesus Christ. Ian.

- When'd you get out?
- Today.

Welcome home. You look good.

Did you lean out in there?

So...

what'd I miss around here?

You know, same old, same old.

Well, I gotta go pick up
like 80 pounds of kibble.

You know, catch up later?

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, who's the girl on my bed?

Uh, that's Xan, Lip's kid.

So...

you're both going to nursery school

and you'll both have on
the exact same outfit,

but you can't ever be in the
same room at the same time.

Gemma, Daddy's gonna drop
you off at the back door.

And Amy, Mommy's gonna drop
you off at the front door.

And Amy, if you're on the play ground

that means you, Gemma,

you gotta be in the classroom.

And Gemma, if you're in the arts room,

then Amy, you're gonna
have to hide in your cubby.

And you're both named Amy now.

There is no Gemma. Gemma
doesn't exist anymore.

Only Amy. And you're devout Catholics,

so cross yourselves a lot, like this.

Good.

Okay.

This is going to be

a super fun secret family game, right?

We love you Amy. We love you, Fake Amy.

We love you, Fake Amy.

Hey. How's it going, man?

I'm here.

Yeah.

Hey.

Coming in?

Hey, man, I tell you what.
Why don't we go in together?

Huh?

Uh, I'll sponsor you. Come on.

Come on, sweetie, come
on. Come on, you're okay.

We'll get some pie after and talk.

I know a good place.

I don't eat pie.

Now you do.

- Can I help you?
- Mo White?

Yeah.

Yeah, who are you?

Sir, your country needs you.

Uh-huh?

All right, pick your poison.

- Grape or punch?
- Punch.

We did it.

Gallagher finally
made it off first base.

Hand.

Chest.

Cock.

And fire.

Chest. And fire.

Chest. And fire.

Chest. Shoulder.

What the fuck? It's 5:00 in the morning,

Carl.

It's a goddamn dog, Carl.

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