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00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,800
The review says, I've never seen
anything more stupid.
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They ain't seen stupid yet. We're the
judges of stupid. Yeah, we're the
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We're the stupid judges.
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We're here, baby.
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Why couldn't this be allowed?
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Most travellers avoid bad reviews.
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Let's see what the review says.
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One star.
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One star. One star.
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One star, that's harsh.
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Really hands on the steering wheel, I
think.
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But not us.
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Everything about this apartment screams,
someone please burn me with fire.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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I'm Sarah Pascoe. I'm a woman in a man's
world, I make up my own mind. Oh God,
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this is someone else's mess.
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I'm Roisin Conaty.
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I'm a killer.
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We're comedians, but more importantly...
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best friends as someone who has received
bad reviews they will always try to
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look for the good so we're turning the
tables on the review site they were so
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busy typing in their phone moaning that
they thought to look out and visiting
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places based on the worst reviews oh no
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idyllically located miles from anywhere,
Podtown.
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This isn't it, though.
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It says Podtown, your private space in a
lively place.
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Lively's pushing it.
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This can't be it. This is all rusty.
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I mean, let's see what these people say.
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We're in town for a wedding. It's a nice
place, but to be a little impractical
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without a toilet and a bathroom. What? A
little impractical? That's illegal.
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You can't hire out a hotel. We don't
know the rules in Norway.
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Surely worldwide.
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The UN has got to be around.
35
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The important business. Email the UN.
36
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Right, let's go in.
37
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Oh, it is very sort of sci -fi inside.
Look at these
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lovely chairs. It's a bit of a mess.
39
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I'm sort of...
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Stunned. There's a Coke thing. Oh, God,
this is someone else's mess.
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Don't get in it. Oh, my God, it's
moving.
42
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Oh, God.
43
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Sarah, there's the toilet.
44
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Oh, my God.
45
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It's horrible.
46
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Oh, there you go. A bit of privacy for
the lady. Now I can have a wee.
47
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Can you not open it?
48
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Oh, I've locked myself in.
49
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Have I?
50
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Oh, no. You've locked yourself in.
51
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Help! Help!
52
00:02:52,910 --> 00:02:55,990
Well, I thought we got to get some joy
out of this absolute bit.
53
00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:03,930
Water bikes on the Bosphorus.
54
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,510
Yep, that sounds fun, doesn't it?
55
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Beautiful open water. You seem to be
skipping over the word water bike.
56
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Has anyone ever fallen in the water?
57
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No.
58
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I believe that we could be the first
people to fall in ever off a water bike
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the Bosphorus, yeah.
60
00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:25,360
There's a big boat come in. Okay, you
should be we've got right of way
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pedestrian You should go there left this
way ma 'am Yeah,
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I'm making a TV program It should wait
for me. We're just
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drifting. We're just drifting
embarrassingly. There's another boat.
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loads boat No, we shouldn't be going
down here Right, I'm going to have to
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out. Oh, roasting. Right, I'm backing
out. I'm backing out.
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Don't crash into the back of me. I don't
know my left from right.
67
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:55,720
All of a sudden, it was rush hour.
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You are about to hit a canoe. You're
going to hit a canoe. I can't avoid you,
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canoe.
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Hellish.
71
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,780
Hellish. It's hellish.
72
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,340
I think the key is to go fast and make
people avoid us.
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I'm happy here.
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00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:11,960
Roach, I'm on the open water.
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Help me up.
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There's a canoe.
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Can someone help me?
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00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,829
Sarah, this is the worst.
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He's got the broom out for me.
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He's going to shoo me away.
81
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:26,730
Thank you.
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00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:29,070
Here I am, getting the brush off, as
per.
83
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:39,360
Old train, old way of looking at the
world. Let's have a little look at the
84
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,940
reviews, because I think they're pretty
nice.
85
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:42,340
We've got our own room.
86
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,300
Yeah. Three times in the past decade
I've used the railway. All three times
87
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train caught fire.
88
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Oh, my God.
89
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,460
Be careful where you sit.
90
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:55,240
The seat might fall off or something
might stick out from under the
91
00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:56,520
That doesn't sound good.
92
00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:00,500
Is it a nice thing sticking out? But you
might get pregnant by an old chair.
93
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:10,220
Rogat Guns is a gun range where
reviewers complain that the safety rules
94
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,400
exactly five seconds.
95
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,660
Oh, perfect for busy modern
professionals like us.
96
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,120
Pull! Pull!
97
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,159
Pull! Pull!
98
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,300
Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!
Pull! Pull! Pull!
99
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:20,580
Pull! Pull!
100
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:22,060
Pull!
101
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,599
Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!
102
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,820
Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!
103
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:26,380
Pull! Pull!
104
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,400
It was really loud.
105
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Five stars.
106
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:42,720
Have a nice evening.
107
00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:43,940
Thanks for having us.
108
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,060
Fire came out of it.
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00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,360
Fire came out of it. I knew.
110
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I just tried not to think about it and
get the job done.
111
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:51,700
Like an assassin.
112
00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:53,900
Don't get your empathy involved. Don't
think about the victim.
113
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,320
Just pull that trigger.
114
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,480
Very soon, we're thinking too much.
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00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,860
Has anyone ever got sick in here? No.
116
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,680
This will be the first one.
117
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,060
It felt insane.
118
00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:04,860
And my whole body was like, no.
119
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,340
I've got this...
120
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,600
It will hit me.
121
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:09,820
But it won't.
122
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,540
Oh, will it hurt the piece of paper?
123
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,600
Will my hands recoil?
124
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,240
She was sort of worrying that she was
going to suddenly turn around and go on
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00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,760
shooting spree against her will.
126
00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:21,860
Come on.
127
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,380
He's not helping.
128
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,460
Look how he's doing it. We are not
killing anyone.
129
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,160
In this TV programme, it won't be a
realistic length of time.
130
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,960
But just so the viewers know, and I
think in honesty, we should say we've
131
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:34,960
in there for three hours.
132
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,400
Thank you.
133
00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:42,140
Perfect.
134
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:44,100
Well done.
135
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:46,080
You did it.
136
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,560
Thank you. You did so well.
137
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:50,220
Thank you. Come.
138
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,560
You did good.
139
00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:54,440
I'm an absolute killer.
140
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,660
You were better than Sarah.
141
00:06:58,260 --> 00:07:01,600
If I had 45 minutes to think about it,
maybe I'd have been a bit better as
142
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,720
Okay.
143
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:12,020
We're aboard a cruise ship described by
one reviewer as unacceptable at all
144
00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:16,860
levels. Well, we're on level four and
we're about to make our entrance at the
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00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:17,860
casino.
146
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:23,760
Hello?
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00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,160
But I've seen your card.
148
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,360
Not a problem here. I see everybody,
which one come here.
149
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,900
No, no, no, you can in poker. Russian
poker. Look at my card.
150
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,560
Poker. Russian poker for Turkey.
151
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,280
It's Turkey, Russian poker, no problem.
152
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,060
Okay, so how do we play?
153
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,380
Yeah. You can have nothing for it, just
only queen, nothing, everybody is queen.
154
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,620
You can change four cards.
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00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,960
I could talk that far, done that
confusingly. Even she was explaining,
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00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:52,040
other questions, I still didn't
understand her. You just all think
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00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,340
big for your card, customer king. You
put in here.
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00:07:56,890 --> 00:08:01,590
She did change the rules several times
if you were listening. We can record
159
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:02,990
this. We can do rewind and playback.
160
00:08:03,430 --> 00:08:04,430
Two cards.
161
00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:06,790
But I'd like to do three.
162
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,050
No, you changed two cards.
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00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:10,270
Oh,
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00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,670
you've got a king. I know someone called
Tony, so you can't win.
165
00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:15,390
Oh, oh.
166
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:17,170
We upset the gods?
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00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:21,010
This can't be normal.
168
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,079
Ah, yeah.
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00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,720
Like all luxury casinos, this one comes
with a complimentary terrifying ship
170
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,720
quake.
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00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:42,860
Right off the motorway. Perfect for
weary travellers who want something to
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00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:43,799
deep fried.
173
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,760
Deep fried Mars bar. Have you had one?
No.
174
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,100
Do you want to hear a review about it?
Yeah. I mean, I can't see how you'd get
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00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,680
bad review of a deep fried Mars bar.
176
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,080
One star.
177
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,180
No, full stop.
178
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,420
That Mars bar was fine just as it was.
179
00:08:57,740 --> 00:09:00,760
Imagine reviewing a deep -fried Mars bar
and writing that.
180
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,880
Yeah. I've always been intrigued by the
idea of deep -frying something sweet,
181
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:10,640
and it sort of melts in inside, and then
the hot, hard... I'm getting sexual.
182
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,460
Let's get a few things out. I've got
vegan biscuit.
183
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:16,180
I turned up for any party. I brought
some vegan snacks.
184
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:17,539
Things I like.
185
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:20,580
Oreos, jammy dodgers. People don't even
know they're vegan. I'll do a few at
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00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:21,399
once, actually.
187
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,500
Yeah, that's the best thing. Might as
well. Yeah, might as well.
188
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:26,640
He just went into a frenzy. Now, can I
try this?
189
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,900
As long as it's covered, you just drop
it in.
190
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,200
There's a muffin.
191
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,060
I put that into the oil.
192
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:35,900
That's delicious.
193
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:39,280
The muffin is an absolute banger.
194
00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:43,920
Put some custard on it, charge £11 in
East London. You're welcome. It was
195
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:44,920
unbelievable.
196
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,200
I do feel a bit sick.
197
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:58,280
Hendoos come to Benidorm, and I never
had a hendo when I got married, so it
198
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,800
really exciting for me, the opportunity
to gatecrash one.
199
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,980
For Molly and Dara.
200
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,320
Cheers!
201
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,620
Oh, yes!
202
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,400
Bring in the penis now, we're ready!
203
00:10:18,329 --> 00:10:19,329
Magical.
204
00:10:21,090 --> 00:10:23,610
Do you like being drawn by a hen dude,
Wolf?
205
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:25,370
What? Do you enjoy this?
206
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:27,510
People drawing you.
207
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:29,930
Yeah. I wasn't asking you to turn that
up.
208
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,570
Can I call what you're saying to him?
209
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:38,290
We're drawing a man called Wolf who
couldn't speak English.
210
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,830
Every time we spoke to him, we thought
he meant shake his bum.
211
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,210
How many of these do you do a week?
212
00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:44,530
Who's I do? Yeah.
213
00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:50,180
So by the end, you just stop making
small talk. You just sort of go, Wolf,
214
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:51,600
long you been called Wolf? And he's
like...
215
00:10:51,600 --> 00:11:00,120
We're
216
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,420
in the Albanian countryside.
217
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,680
Our driver, Haral, is taking us to meet
some of his family friends.
218
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:08,840
Where we're going now, this is sort of
off the tourist trail.
219
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:13,260
Some of the reviews, they were saying
that this was Albania's answer to
220
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,860
Chernobyl. Here we are.
221
00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:17,270
Will you get out?
222
00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:20,650
Wow.
223
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:22,330
Oh, hello.
224
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:26,570
Hello. Hi, Romela. Hi, Romela. I'm
Roisin.
225
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:30,410
Gutim? Is Gutim? What does it mean?
226
00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:32,730
Gutim is the name. Memory.
227
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:39,630
I thought you were saying... David.
228
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:41,930
David. David.
229
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:45,990
How do you say nice to meet you?
230
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:54,590
So do you like drinking anything?
231
00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:56,550
Oh, I love to drink things.
232
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,990
Big glass, thank you.
233
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:01,170
Yoghurt? Is it yoghurt?
234
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,990
So it starts like your traditional Greek
yoghurt, and at the end you're dealing
235
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:05,809
with the blue cheese.
236
00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:10,050
Yeah. So your throat does go a little
bit like, what is happening?
237
00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:13,230
Yeah. It's sort of like all of the dairy
products in one glass.
238
00:12:20,189 --> 00:12:25,850
Do you use the sheep for milk as well,
or for wool? No, we don't. For wool?
239
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:31,650
We use them for, like, when there are,
240
00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:37,330
like... Do you eat them?
241
00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:41,830
Yeah, I eat them. OK, right, yeah. You
were skirting around it, wasn't it? I
242
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:44,430
don't know if you've got the footage,
but I know Albanian now.
243
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:59,350
That is very good. Some of you were
really good.
244
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:02,550
I think I'm going to open a YouTube
channel.
245
00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:04,410
You're going to open a YouTube channel?
246
00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:05,389
Yeah, for singing.
247
00:13:05,390 --> 00:13:06,750
You should, you've got a beautiful boy.
248
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,810
I'm going to sing my song. Never read
the comments, is my advice.
249
00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:12,310
Yeah, I don't care about the haters.
250
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:15,590
No, you don't care about the haters. I
only care about the fans.
251
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,590
The weather's terrible.
252
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,000
and we're having the time of our lives.
253
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,380
When people invite you into their home,
and they've got a real love of Albania,
254
00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:28,120
and they want you to love it, you really
feel that, and that's really sweet.
255
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:32,120
This experience, and I'm so relieved to
say, is five stars.
18512
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