Original subtitles

What? What is this? Hey there. What's going on?

What the ..?

What's going on? What is this?

Mad people.

Don't think they can get away with that.

I'll put a stop to it.

Whose bathroom was that, G.G.? - I have no idea.

Aubrey Rutherford the 2nd.

Sure, I've heard of him somewhere.

Here is your liquor, William Tell.

I saw his name in the social register, didn't I?

Well.

Yes, he's very much in that. I sometimes meet him at my aunt's in Paris.

Why don't you bring him over, Peter?

I'm afraid he's here for quiet, Hortense.

I see. Hard to meet, huh?

Good evening. - Look at those.

They are arrows. - Shot at me while I was bathing.

They're harmless little things. - Harmless?

Please get rid of those ruffians from the other wing.

Positively not. - Call the police then.

It mustn't be thought of. - Well.

Are you out of your mind?

The young lady giving that party is Miss Hortense Burke-Meyers.

Who is she? - The richest girl in the world.

Distressing, isn't it? - I've never heard of her.

Probably not. There are so many 'richest girls in the world' today.

Anyhow, she's one of them.

Her father used to own a corner drugstore somewhere in Oklahoma.

First, nature presented him with Hortense.

Then, as if that weren't enough.

With an oil gusher in his backyard.

Oil and Hortense make a terrible mixture.

I wonder what boat that is.

That is ..

What?

I don't know.

You look like you did.

I thought at first ..

Bridge?

Okay with me.

I can't stay. I'm sorry.

You can't? I thought ..

You must forgive me. A week ago Mrs Winton asked me to join her party.

I almost forgot. - Oh.

But I may see you soon?

Sure. We're riding tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I have some important business.

Oh.

But I'll be back soon. - I see.

Goodnight .. goodnight.

That's got all the earmarks of a polite walkout.

I think probably G.G. got an eyeful of the Appleby yacht.

Is that Miss Appleby's yacht?

That's Daisy's. Now there are two of you.

I never knew she was coming here.

I wonder if G.G. knew.

Probably he and his Russian highness in there met her on the Riviera.

Come on out here everybody and look at this swell boat.

Hey, that's Daisy Appleby's boat.

Daisy is back again.

How adorable. You must meet her, Hortense. You'll love her.

Maybe I will.

One of you can bring her to the party Saturday night.

Peter, you do it.

If I can come, Hortense.

Well, can't you?

My aunt may arrive Saturday.

Oh.

But G.G. knows her.

Where is G.G.? - G.G. blew.

Really?

Yeah. I think he went rowing.

Take me out to Miss Appleby's yacht. - Yes, sir.

Good evening. - Miss Appleby?

Miss Appleby has retired for the evening, sir.

Oh? Then, I shall leave these for her.

Very well, sir. - Goodnight.

No, Rogers. I don't even want to look at it.

Let me see it.

Count Vittorio Guilliano.

Let me see.

That is all.

Pommesby, I'm sick of this racket.

Come now. Everybody likes Florida.

We'll meet the same loafers here we met last year on the Riviera.

I'll kill the first reporter that comes aboard.

You cannot offend the press.

The cream would suffer.

Pommesby.

Someday, I am going to tell the world what I think of Appleby facial creams.

They are so much mud. - Daisy ..

To Miss Appleby's yacht in a hurry.

Jones. - Which one?

What difference does it make? It will be the wrong one anyway.

Mr Jones, we have a harbor in this town.

And in the harbor, Mr Jones, is a yacht.

And on the yacht is a Dame, Mr Jones.

And in her sock is 12 million dollars. Catch on?

Interview? - That's right.

Unfortunately, Mr Jones, she won't talk to anybody.

Would you, if you had 12 million dollars?

But you only get 30 a week, Mr Jones. I would talk to her if I were you.

Catch on?

What's her name?

Daisy Appleby. You no doubt read of her in public print.

Not in the public print Mr Smith. In your newspaper.

Catch on?

By the way, if I return with the interview do I get a raise?

No.

I was just asking to see if you were the kind of man I thought you were.

You are.

Good day, Mr Smith .. catch on?

Morning.

Good morning.

Is Miss Appleby at home? On board, I mean?

What name please? - Jones.

I'll see.

A Mr Jones to see Miss Appleby. - Jones?

What a refreshingly simple name. I hope I know him, Pommesby.

Jones ..?

Oh yes, of course.

Do you mean Cliff Horton-Jones? I have a letter from him.

You never get names right.

He looks human.

Who is he, Pommesby?

The family are prominent but they recently lost their money.

The young man enquired if he may talk to you about selling his father's yacht.

Well, let's.

Bring him here.

But you will have to talk to him. He can't see me this way.

Tell him that I once met his father and mother when the Seahawk was at Cannes.

That's the boat he wants to see you about.

Don't come back too soon, Pommesby.

Miss Appleby will see you, sir.

No fooling? - Yes, sir.

Follow me, sir.

How do you do?

I'm Daisy Appleby.

It's kind of you to see me, Miss Appleby.

Won't you sit down?

Thanks.

I came to see you about .. - I don't know a thing about boats.

No?

No, this is the only one I've ever had.

She's beautiful.

But she rolls terribly.

Like that? - Uhuh.

But that doesn't mean a boat isn't seaworthy. Do you think so?

Well, sometimes.

Of course, I doubt a rolling boat bothers you much.

Oh no.

Miss Pommesby says she's seen your Seahawk.

She's my guardian. She's been with me ever since I left school.

You'll meet her later.

Will I?

By the way, do you swim?

Yes.

Like to? I was just going in.

There's suits in the dressing room.

Right through that door there.

Oh.

Thanks.

Right across the passage.

Pommesby, I .. - What did he say?

Nothing much. - What?

He hasn't had time yet.

I just came in to tell you that I asked him to go for a swim.

I thought the cold water might knock the shyness out of him.

Well, I suppose it's alright.

Pommesby, who did you say his people were?

His father was a banker, before the crash. Back Bay, Boston.

They are as old as the Adams family.

He is the first human I've met in months.

Really.

Cigarette?

Thank you.

Say, Miss Appleby is nuts about boats, isn't she?

I can't say, sir.

I wish I knew more about them so I could draw her out.

If I can be any help. - No, I doubt I can draw her out anyway.

Did you find something to fit you? - Yes.

Swell.

Let's duck, shall we.

Alright. If you think there is enough room in there for both of us.

Just about.

Come on.

It's almost better than taking a bath. - Not quite. There is a difference.

Why not swim in the pool the boat is in?

Much more room and no sharks.

It's better here. Cold out there.

Not next month. You here that long?

I hope so.

How about a little sun? - Okay.

You know.

I wish you'd been on the Riviera when I was.

I don't.

You know, I never had very much fun.

With a boat like this?

This?

You'd like a nice big battleship? - You haven't an extra row-boat?

Yes I have, and a couple of oars and a great big ocean.

It's alright until somebody rocks the boat.

The last time I pushed a man into a pool.

I had to pull him out.

He was some funny little French Duke.

You don't push Dukes in the water.

You marry them.

Any American heiress knows that.

That's what he wanted me to do. That's why I pushed him in.

I'm not a duke and I don't want to marry you.

You're just eccentric.

Well.

As long as I'm about to drown you.

I might as well prepare your epitaph.

What is your first name? - John as in Johnson.

Well, Mr Johnny Cliff Horton-Jones.

You are about to get the worst ..

Hey.

Where do you get that Cliff Horton-Jones stuff?

You brought it with you.

What do you mean?

You are fooling, aren't you? - No.

Aren't you Johnny Cliff Horton-Jones?

No .. just 'Jones'.

Didn't you come here to sell a boat?

No.

Oh.

I'm from the Florida Star.

Oh? You aren't.

I'm sorry.

Better get your clothes on. I never talk to reporters.

I don't blame you, Miss Appleby. I think they're detestable.

Sneaking in on people and lying to them.

I didn't know ..

What made you think I'd talk to a reporter?

I was surprised.

You had better get off the boat before you're found out and thrown off.

I don't think there are any towels in there.

Thanks.

Johnny .. I mean 'Jones'.

What?

How much would you take not to write about me?

Nothing.

You won't, eh?

And I'm not going to write about you.

Not a word?

I wouldn't even mention you in the death notices.

Not even if you're fired?

I can take it.

Ask the maid for my book, will you? - Yes, ma'am.

As far as I'm concerned, this interview never happened.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry, but my boat is loose.

Did you tie her that way on purpose?

I said I was sorry.

Well, alright.

Here, hold this.

No, no. Hands up .. there.

I'll have a sailor get your old boat.

Thank you.

Mr Cliff Horton-Jones' boat is loose. - Yes, ma'am.

Come on.

You might as well be useful while you wait.

I suppose so.

Are you a good reporter?

Hardly.

I'm trying to support myself while I write a book.

Oh, so you're writing a book?

What's it about?

I don't think you'd be very interested in knowing what it's about.

Would you like a drink?

Sure.

Scotch or Rye? Long or short?

Rye .. short.

Water chaser? - No thanks.

Well.

It's certainly good to see somebody who drinks like an American again.

Here.

Now tell me your story.

Well.

It's laid on the coast of Maine.

So you see, it's just a simple story of a couple of tough New England kids.

But I think it's honest.

I love it.

I'm happy.

No. I really do.

What part did you like best?

I think I liked the place where they go to the movies together and ..

Afterwards they sit in the hot-dog stand and talk.

They are so perfectly contented.

I wish I could spend a Saturday night with you like that with you sometime.

Well .. tonight is my night off.

Unfortunately it isn't mine.

I know. It's parade night at The Casino.

Every night is a parade night.

You should see the gang I have to goose-step with.

Look at them.

Will you step in there, please.

Pommesby has asked them all for lunch.

Not an American in the boatload and they all want to marry my money.

I know.

I've seen them work on the Queen's in The Casino.

They tend to like it.

Well .. I got to go.

I suppose so.

It's been nice.

Bye.

I hope I see you again sometime. - I hope I see you.

Goodbye.

Are there any other big diners, Marcel?

Nothing like yours, Madame.

I thought Miss Appleby had a big table.

Miss Appleby's reservation was cancelled.

Oh.

She's queer.

Shall we proceed?

Papa, you and Ma are there.

No I'm not and Ma neither.

Papa, you heard what I said. Go back there.

You're down there, Milord.

No, Mack. You're here. Renaldo, there.

You are down there, Milord.

You, Baron.

You are down there too, Baron.

I tried to get all of you Spaniards together and the Frenchmen together.

And all the Slovakians. That's as close as I could figure out.

I'd like to eat with my family once in a while.

Now Ma, you're over on that corner and you're there, Hattie.

Sit down, folks.

Look .. everybody is looking at us.

We're the center of attraction.

Good evening, Miss Appleby. - Evening.

Something off the floor Marcel please.

This way Mr Rutherford. - Thank you.

Here is Daisy Appleby.

She's beautiful.

She's a mighty good-looker, Ma.

Look where he's dumping them.

I do hope the music is .. special.

Hey, when is the roast beef coming?

Hush, Pa. After the entr�e.

After the entr�e.

That's all they ever have at these dinners. Entr�es.

I'm going outside for a smoke until it's time for some real food.

What a strange-looking table.

Who are they?

I suppose you know them?

Fortunately, no.

G.G. Tell us about the young lady. You've met her.

Only by accident. In swimming.

She looks quite presentable in the ocean.

Yes sir.

We'd give a lot for these kind of nights in the middle-west where I'm from.

I was just talking to Ma about it at supper time.

I don't suppose you've ever been up to ..

Hey Miss Appleby, I'd like to introduce myself.

Sit down, gentlemen.

I am Mr Myers.

I do quite a bit of business with the Appleby Cold Cream company.

How do you do, Mr Myers.

I know these two young fellows.

They chase around after my daughter, Hattie.

Look. Pa's got acquainted.

I just thought I'd speak .. being as I know some of your firm.

I'm glad you did, Mr Myers.

I've been just sauntering around waiting for them to bring on the roast beef.

Well.

Good evening, all. - Goodnight.

Well, this is cozy.

Do you think your friend will be back with his entire family?

He seemed friendly enough.

Speaking to strangers?

She ain't exactly a stranger.

I do quite a bit of business with the Appleby people.

Can't you suppress him, Ma?

Do you see that, Pa? Photographers.

He snapped me before I could smile.

Hey.

May I have the dance? - You promised me.

Do you mind very much if we didn't? I'm tired.

Sorry.

Oh.

I'm awfully sorry.

Such impudence.

I've changed my mind.

I'd like to dance.

Won't you?

You are capricious tonight.

Yes, aren't I?

I guess you'd better pack up there.

I've torn my dress.

I'm sorry. Terribly sorry.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Do you think it was my fault? - Oh no.

Hadn't you better wait at the table?

No, I shall wait for you here.

I'm afraid you'll have to wait a long time.

I shall wait here.

Hello, Johnny. - Daisy.

Let's get out of here.

Have you an overcoat? - Sure. In the cloak room.

Would you please call a taxi? - Taxi!

Taxi? Where are we going?

Where there are some real people and some hot-dogs.

If anybody asks you about me, don't you open your head.

Thank you Miss Appleby.

I'll get the coat. - Hurry.

Hey.

Slip me ten, will you? - Ten?

Ten?

Now listen, Johnny. I'd like to help you, but ..

Well, it's a longshot.

But I'll stake you.

You know Johnny, you're the best dancer I've ever danced with.

Next thing you'll be telling me I ought to be in the Jiggy and Peter business.

I'll bet you'd make a success of it.

Maybe I'll hire myself a dress suit.

If you did, you would probably marry that Myers creature.

Then all I would have left would be G.G. and Peter.

You poor kid.

I guess you do need a blow-out once in a while.

You know Johnny, you're a darling when you're understanding.

Lady, cut out that cheek-dancing.

Certainly.

I forgot where I was.

Johnny.

Johnnie.

Let's try them all.

We've got to get back.

No .. no, I don't want to.

If you must have the horrible truth the taxi fare is $3:80.

Exactly what I have left.

Can't you write a check?

Miss Appleby, if you have in your collection ..

The kind of bank that cashes the kind of checks that I make out.

I stand ready to oblige.

Well.

The streetcar fare is only ten cents apiece.

That would leave us three dollars and sixty cents to spend.

Come on.

Be sure to put your belts on.

Scared? - A little.

Johnny, put your arms around me will you.

Johnny.

Johnny, do you like me?

Kinda sorry for you.

That's nice.

Here goes. - Whoo!

Johnny, let's get married.

Upside down like this?

Whee ..

Johnny.

Johnny, I meant it. - What?

It's a grand idea.

Whee.

Johnny, will you?

What makes you think I loved you?

Whoever said you did?

It's just a marriage of convenience.

Johnny, I'm serious.

Whee. Whee!

Another one? - No, that's enough.

Come on.

Don't you see, Johnny?

Johnny, I want to be free. I don't want to be pestered by fortune hunters.

But they'll never let me alone unless ..

Unless I'm Mrs Jones or somebody.

Don't disappoint me, Johnny.

You young nut, you shouldn't be allowed out. Come on, you're going home.

You want to write your book, don't you?

To do that you should have a nice, quiet place in the country and leisure.

You can't write without leisure you know.

All out. End of the line.

It's a beautiful idea. Really it is.

You go off to a country house and I'll get you one with a golf course.

And I'll travel around and pick out my real husband.

You haven't any scruples against divorce, have you Johnny?

I'll take vanilla.

Johnny!

Johnny, you needn't run. - I'm trying to get you off my hands.

[ Police siren ]

Can I trust you to go to your boat alone?

I don't know. - Listen.

This may be a scoop for my paper and accounts for my being out of the office.

What time is it?

Holy smoke. It's 1:10.

I'll bet it's the police looking for me.

But you said .. - It doesn't matter what I said.

I've been missing for 4 hours.

And Pommesby gets hysterical at the slightest provocation.

It'll look swell in tomorrow's paper.

'Appleby Cream heiress does nightlife with hick reporter'.

That's your grief. Come on.

What will Pommesby, my guardian say?

You'll see you can't take a girl out and ruin her reputation.

What reputation? Whose reputation?

Hush up. I'm sorry I ever thought of marrying a man like you.

Listen, Peter.

I've promised Miss Pommesby I'll search for her.

I too have promised Miss Pommesby to search.

Then we search apart.

Clever. Perhaps you know where she is. You find her and propose, yes?

No sir, we stick together.

Listen, Peter.

We mustn't keep that up. If we do, we both lose her.

We toss the coin. If I win ..

I see you are taken care of.

If you win, you see that I am taken care of.

Perfect.

What do you want?

Do you see what it's like?

I can't stand it any longer.

Won't you help me, Johnny?

It can't make any difference to you.

It would just be a marriage for appearance. Nothing else.

Won't you, Johnny?

You win.

Johnny.

Let's find a judge, right now. - What?

Before anything happens.

We're nuts.

We haven't even got a witness.

Miss Appleby. - Mr Myers.

Johnny. Johnny, here is our witness.

Hey Miss Appleby, everybody in town is hunting you.

Mr Myers - Mr Jones. - How do you do?

How do you do.

He's an author, Mr Myers. He works, and he's an American.

We're looking for a judge to marry us. - Right now?

Would you come as a witness?

Johnny wants it to look authentic or something.

Are you in love with him? - Of course I am.

And you, Mr Jones. Are your feelings on this matter on the level?

Dead on the level.

So you want to marry a young American? - I certainly do.

I wish my daughter was like you, Miss Appleby.

I'll be most pleased to accompany you.

Good.

Good evening, Rogers.

Miss Pommesby is waiting in her cabin, Miss Appleby.

Not Miss Appleby any more, Rogers. 'Mrs Jones' now.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Rogers. Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Good evening, Pommesby.

Why are you up so late?

You wretched girl, you.

Where have you been? - We've been getting married.

What?

Miss Pommesby. This is my husband, Mr Jones.

This is outrageous, Mr Cliff Horton-Jones.

No. Just plain 'Jones' Pommesby.

Johnny Yankee-doodle Jones. American.

Now you've done it.

What are you? - A reporter. Florida Star.

Just wait until your guardian hears of this.

An American.

A nobody.

Anyhow, you'll have to face Mr Appleby.

We sail for New York tonight.

Don't worry, Johnny. I can handle him.

I'll have the steward show you to your cabin.

[ Telephone ]

Again?

I was just wondering if you were asleep.

Not a chance.

You don't sound very much like a loving bridegroom.

Well, I didn't marry you for love or for money.

"I'm not that kind of a guy."

"Of course Johnny, darling."

Well .. goodnight.

Goodnight.

Hello.

Hello.

Johnny.

Johnny, you wait out here. Pommesby and I will see him first.

Mr Appleby is in the director's room.

I believe they are waiting for you.

With the directors?

Come in.

Don't let it get you down, Pommesby.

Hello everybody. - How do you do.

I'll fetch a chair.

Don't bother about me. I'll sit over here out of the way.

Thank you, Jorgenson.

Well .. let's begin.

Daisy, if I didn't appreciate soft, beautiful necks ..

I'd ring that one of yours gladly.

A million dollars' worth of advertizing chucked away.

Why did you take this proposition if you can't stick it out?

We take you from a cashier's cage in a hick town caf� ..

Because my name happened to be 'Appleby'.

And you thought I had the bearing of a Duchess.

I remember my cafeteria connections very distinctly.

Gentlemen.

Never will I forget that momentous lunch hour when your brave publicity chief ..

Stood outside my cashier's cage.

Eyed me appraisingly ..

Reached in to ascertain the velvety quality of my arm.

Then turned to his companion and uttered those magic words ..

That were to destine me to a life of Riley.

'She'll do, she's a honey'.

Alright, be funny.

But we give you the life of a princess. Dresses, horses, yachts, travel.

Any expense money you can use.

And you ruin it all for a 30-dollar a week reporter.

Daisy, whatever possessed you?

I got tired of being pawed by all the royal backwash of Europe.

That was the idea, wasn't it? That's why we hired you.

We needed an Appleby heiress for publicity .. and you're it.

I know, but I'm only human.

Even if the idea did come from the world's greatest publicity man ..

It soon became dull to me. - I'll be the judge of that.

Listen. Jorgenson and all the rest of you.

If you must look at this from a publicity standpoint.

My marrying Johnny ..

Is the best thing that ever happened to increase the popularity of your cream.

Yes, sir. I married an American.

That's a new angle.

The public is tired of its heiresses marrying foreigners.

You'll win as much popularity for the cream business with this marriage ..

As George M. Cohan did for the show business with the American flag.

Now see if you don't.

There is something in that.

By George, she's right.

It's an angle I can do a lot with.

"The Cream Princess who married a poor American for love."

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What will this fellow do when he finds you're just a dummy ..

Used for advertizing purposes?

I don't know.

I don't suppose he'd care.

If this goes on indefinitely he's bound to find out you're a joke.

This is just a marriage of convenience.

He'll gladly give me a divorce whenever I want it.

Don't worry about that.

Yes, after he shakes you down for the money you're supposed to have.

Appleby, Johnny isn't like that.

Daisy, you've put us in a spot.

Suppose you wait until you meet Johnny before you start panning him.

I'm married to him. That's that.

You have to make the best of it, or else.

That's right, Daisy.

Bring your Johnny into my office and I'll have a talk with him.

Alright.

But you be careful what you say to him.

He has pride.

If he didn't think he was doing me a great favor, he would chuck everything.

Miss Pommesby. - Yes?

Now then, what's this all about?

Obviously it is a love match.

But Johnny is such a proud young idiot.

And neither one of them will admit it.

Listen, I can make that boy as big a stunt as Daisy.

The great American sportsman.

Lions in Africa. A Polo player. A flyer. A Lindbergh.

Supposedly on Daisy's money?

You'll never do it.

He's thinking of living in a cabin in the mountains.

And writing his book.

Johnny .. don't let him frighten you.

Well.

Johnny.

Johnny, this is my guardian, Mr Appleby.

Well, Mr Jones.

You've given us quite a jolt.

I hardly know where to begin.

I want you to understand, Mr Appleby.

Of course. Sit down. Sit down.

I mean, I'm merely giving Daisy my name.

It's a swell one too.

Yes. There's a lot of horrible people chasing her down.

I suppose Daisy could have done worse. And she might have done better.

Listen. This doesn't matter you know. - Of course not.

No?

I merely gave Daisy my name for a while as a favor.

I don't expect anything.

Is it true, Mr Jones, you mean to go to some mountain retreat without Daisy?

It sounds rather silly, doesn't it?

That's all I'll take for my services.

A little grub and some leisure to do my work.

But the matrimonial program you outline would make matters harder for Daisy.

Why?

Daisy is very much in the public eye.

What will people think if you two begin living apart immediately after marriage?

It smacks of scandal. - That's right.

I suppose we should hang around together for a little while.

I'm sorry. I didn't get into this to be supported by a rich wife.

But being seen in my neighborhood once in a while doesn't mean that, Johnny.

As a matter of fact, Mr Jones.

You'd cost Daisy more money by living apart from her.

Because of unfavorable publicity her business would suffer.

Right. I'd probably lose thousands of my income, wouldn't I?

It's a fine time to think of that.

Let's consider this a business proposition.

You're on salary say, for six months?

Yes, thirty a week. That's what I got on the paper. No more.

That's agreeable. - Then it's Reno for you.

I'll probably find the right man by then.

Well.

Where do we hang out?

Let her go back to Florida.

Say, a modest apartment at the hotel. - Be sure it's modest.

I will.

Don't forget it. - I won't forget.

How many rooms would you require?

My, oh my. I'm afraid that's hardly possible.

It's high season and the Burke-Myers occupy an entire wing of the 3rd floor.

They're simply crowding us to capacity.

Listen, I don't care how you do it.

But clear out another wing and we'll meet the price.

And while you're at it order ten Polo ponies.

Yeah, and don't forget about those flowers.

Glad to see you, Mr Jones.

Pretty soft.

Don't forget who staked you. - That's so.

Thank you.

How do you do, Mr Jones? - How do you do.

Hello Peter. Hello G.G.

How do you do?

Congratulations. Since you put it over, us Americans are getting a break.

Here we are, nose place and show, but ..

Lay it on the nose, Johnny.

Sorry we couldn't let you have the south wing with the view of the bay.

We get a wing? - We call it the grand suite.

How many rooms? - Fourteen.

Our other grand suite has twelve but the Burke-Myers have that.

Listen, we want two bedrooms and a parlor.

Are you serious?

Come on, Daisy. - Now wait a minute, Johnny.

Now, the grand suite is out. - This is most upsetting.

Since Mr Jorgenson phoned ..

I moved heaven and earth to get the rooms vacated in time.

Who's Jorgenson?

He's the man that arranges these things.

Johnny, I told him I didn't want anything pretentious.

I'll telephone him. Where's the phone? - No, I'll talk to him.

Would you show my husband some single suites.

Not two bedrooms. - Anything he wants.

Of course. This way, Mr Jones.

For a guy who last week was the hotel reporter.

What is this, an act?

Johnny was promised we'd live inexpensively down here.

I don't know what Appleby promised to coax him down there.

But there will be nothing inexpensive about what he's going to get.

That boy is scheduled to become the original Cinderella in pants.

If Johnny leaves me because of your doings, I'll break my contract.

What's more, I'll tell him everything.

I don't think you will.

Because you know in your heart, if he learns you're a phony, he'll walk out.

It's a lie. Johnny didn't marry me for my money.

Don't get the idea he's in love with you yet, because he's not.

If he learns now that you're a phony, he'll walk.

Just give him time and he'll fall.

"You play along with him and string along with me."

"And in three months you'll have him sold in a sack."

Well, alright.

But don't go too strong, will you?

[ Door knocks ]

Come in.

Hello, Useless.

Mrs Jones would like to speak to you if you can spare the time.

Maybe you'd like to comb my hair?

I think one can only comb one's own hair to one's satisfaction, sir.

It's rather like putting on one's own hat.

Perhaps you'd like to help me brush my teeth?

[ Door knocks ]

Will you come in?

Hello Johnny.

I'll wait out here.

I'll be changed in a minute.

How is the book going?

Not so good.

Johnny, does the hotel distract you?

Let's take a house with nice quiet grounds.

Now just a minute.

You've already talked me into staying in a grand suite.

You must be comfortable to do your work.

Well, I am .. almost.

Sure?

You might fire that valet of mine. He's embarrassing.

I don't need a valet for four suits.

But you're having others, Johnny. - No I'm not.

I've already taken four so I wouldn't disgrace you. But that's the limit.

Fire anyone you like. You know you're the boss.

Thanks.

Well?

Here I am.

How do you like the suit? - Lovely.

Johnny.

I wanted to ask you if you'd join me at the Polo field later.

And sit in that box on exhibition, huh?

Johnny. - Look at that.

Last week I sent a boatload of scholars to Geneva to run the League of Nations.

Who's doing this?

I don't know.

You know .. I sometimes suspect that Jorgenson of yours.

I'm certainly becoming swell publicity for the cream business.

No, Johnny. He wouldn't dare. I would fire him.

Don't you see?

That's what comes of having too much money.

I wish I were poor. - I've certainly had enough of it.

Don't say that, Johnny.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Please be kind to me.

Alright.

Alright. Now, now, now. Don't cry.

You do like me a little, don't you?

You are very charming.

Am I? - Uhuh.

So you'd better find the right man.

Well .. he'll turn up. Just be patient.

You will come to the Polo field later, won't you Johnny?

You know the foreign elements crowd me the minute you're not with me.

Please come, Johnny.

Alright. I'll join you.

You are sweet.

I'll have the car at the door for you at three.

Bye, darling. - So long.

Car, please.

Mr Jones' car.

Pretty soft, kid. - Oh shut up.

Yes sir, Mr Jones.

Ready, Mr Jones.

Sure. Where is the car?

Right in front of you, Mr Jones.

That isn't our car.

Your name is in it, Mr Jones.

Where did this car come from?

It came to the hotel garage from the agency this morning.

One of our business officials, Jorgenson, got in this morning.

She and him picked it for you. Pretty soft.

A nice car, Johnny.

Get in, Johnny. We'll take your picture.

I'll take a taxi.

Listen Johnny, come on. How about a little bit of a story?

Hey, is it true that Jorgenson is in town?

Sure. He came in this morning by plane. He's at the Polo field with your wife.

I see.

Aren't you going to take your new car? - What? Me in a thing like that?

The Polo field.

Yes, sir. Your Johnny will surely fall for this one.

You're wasting your money. He won't ride any of them.

When he reads in the papers what a Polo player he is ..

He won't stand much more of this. He'll leave me.

So help me if he does.

Listen. He knows when he's got a good thing.

I'll lighten the pressure before anything happens.

Here he comes.

Alright boys, get your cameras ready.

Hello Johnny. - A surprise for you, Johnny.

Hold it, Johnnie. For a picture.

Johnny.

Johnny.

I didn't have anything to do with this.

I see.

Thank you.

The police say he bought a Ford from a reporter friend.

He's .. driving north.

Now, now. Don't cry, Daisy.

We'll get him back. Now we know where he is, it's easy.

If you don't, I'm quitting. Quitting, do you hear?

Now, now. I'll have the right man on the job in five minutes.

Hello, hello?

What's wrong?

I'm selling tickets to the policeman's ball.

Oh.

That won't do you any good. Turn the car around.

What for?

Come on, turn that car around.

I must know what it means.

Johnny, you were in a temper when you left.

You probably had no idea how fast you were going.

It's really serious, Johnny.

You bet it is. 80 in a 15-mile zone.

That speedometer isn't capable of going to 35.

But Johnny, the speedometer isn't in jail. You are.

You know how judges are nowadays about speeding.

And you had liquor on your breath. - I hadn't had a drink.

Possibly not.

Sometimes it's just a little touch of toothpaste on the breath.

In fact, our firm is getting one out right now.

Listen. I need a lawyer.

But a lawyer would only irritate the judge and ruin everything.

What is 'everything'?

Darling, don't you ever talk generalities?

I would if I were in jail.

See here. I married you as a favor because I felt you needed protection.

That was a mistake. You don't need protection. I need protection.

I'm getting out of here. - Of course you are.

On probation. - Sure.

Probation?

Yes, you'll be paroled for six months.

To your wife.

Oh.

I've talked to the judge. I have some influence.

I'll say you have.

In the circumstances he'll be lenient.

But you can't leave the state.

We'll go back to the hotel and live and everything will be swell.

Just as I thought: framed.

Johnny.

A trick to keep me shackled to you.

Shackled?

The decision remains with you, Johnny.

But have you ever been shackled to a Florida chain-gang?

Hello Johnny. Did you see a ball land?

Yes. Back there.

Did you lose one? - No.

Is your wife with you?

I don't think so. - If she were, we may have a foursome.

I'm going around with Hortense, but not professionally.

Pretty soon you'll be one of us. - No no.

Here it is.

I want you to meet Hortense. Two couples like us ought to get around together.

This is Johnny - Hortense.

How do you do? It's time we met.

Yes.

Have you found the ball? - Back there. I'll go get it.

I was telling Johnny we ought to have a foursome sometime with Mrs Jones.

Does your wife play?

I think so. - You're not sure?

I've seen you around a great deal alone the last day or so.

Yes, I do quite a bit of that.

I see. You're one of those writers who like to be alone?

Not necessarily.

No?

Have you the time?

Yes.

Four.

I'm going back to have tea at the clubhouse.

Would you like tea?

Thanks. With lemon.

Why don't you join me?

Alright, I'd love to. - Alright, let's go back.

Operator.

Operator, get me Western Union, will you.

Hello.

I want to send a telegram.

Mr Pat Parker.

840 Laurel Avenue, Brooklyn.

'Come at once. Urgent'.

'All expenses paid'.

Signed 'Daisy'.

Yes, that's right.

Charge it to this apartment.

Yes, darling. That's perfectly alright.

That will be grand.

Goodbye.

Am I disturbing you?

Not at all.

I was just talking to an old beau of mine.

Were you?

That sounds promising.

I haven't seen him for years. I don't know whether I like him anymore.

Now you have me in the anxious seat.

Johnny, are you really so anxious to get rid of me?

What do you think?

I'm a little bit afraid you are.

You know.

I'd never have got you into this mess if I'd known how it would work out.

So you bought the judge to keep me here?

Next time you go shopping to get your own way .. don't be a piker.

Try congress.

But Johnny, I like you terribly. Really I do.

I couldn't bear to think you'd run out on me the first week we were married.

It won't be so terrible for six months, will it?

I'm sure I can amuse myself.

Of course you can. I'm certain of that.

You know, you're perfectly free to do whatever you want to.

Of course it will be easier for you when Pat arrives because ..

You won't have to bother to take me places.

You can just go around and like whoever happens to appeal to you.

Who wants to like anyone?

That seems to be an obsession with you.

I guess it is.

I want to like somebody terribly.

I'm hungry to love somebody and have somebody love me.

Johnny.

Johnny, can't you understand that?

No .. but .. good luck.

Listen, Walker. I meant to fire you last week. You're through Saturday.

I'm sorry I haven't made good, sir.

I don't need a valet. - Every gentleman needs a valet, sir.

I'm no gentleman, I'm a heel. What's more, I'll keep on being a heel.

As you wish. - Listen.

If you'll tip me off if I forget to be a heel.

I'll let you stay.

You'll be under the closest observation, sir.

A cigarette?

Who's that riding with your wife?

An old friend. A chap named Parker.

You met him?

Nope. Haven't had time.

I've been too busy with you.

Thanks.

Let's go. - Alright.

Why the interest? Look good to you?

Not so very.

Just familiar.

I'm terribly sorry, Daisy.

Don't cry.

Daisy dear.

Hello?

Give me Miss Burke-Myers apartment. Please.

Hello Johnny. - Just a minute, Daisy.

Hello Johnny.

For tonight?

Sure. I'd love to.

Alright. I'll call for you about seven.

Bye-bye, dear.

Johnny.

Are you using The Casino this evening?

If you don't mind.

I just usually stay out of the place when you're there.

I think it's more comfortable for you.

But Pat dances so beautifully that I thought ..

Alright. Tonight, The Casino is yours.

I'll bury myself.

Why do you have to act so abused?

Do I?

You'd like to make people think you are.

It must be my unfortunate manner.

Oh yes.

I'll spread a little propaganda stuff too.

I'll make people think that I'm abused.

Let's look in here.

But Daisy, you can't take that black eye in there.

I can if he can take that awful woman in there.

But they'll have it in the papers he socked you.

It's about time he did sock me and showed some human feeling.

Come on.

Good evening, Mrs Jones. - Good evening.

Something on the floor, please.

I like that table over there.

Yes, Mrs Jones.

What in the world ..?

Hello, Aubrey.

Mr Davis of the Florida Star would like to speak with Mr Jones.

A reporter?

I'll bet it's about us.

Well .. excuse me.

I'll be putting on my wrap.

Well?

How about loosening up a little?

I must get something hot or I get the can.

The boss has been on my tail for a week.

How much?

No. I mean the dope on your wife's shiner.

What?

You did it, didn't you?

Did what?

Blacken her eye.

This story has broken. You might as well come across.

She's packing the brightest lamp in The Casino.

A black eye?

What did you sock her for?

Over .. Parker, huh?

I'll be right down.

No thanks. Tell Miss Burke-Myers I'll meet her downstairs.

Yes, sir.

Hi, Johnny.

Say, is that black eye on the level? - Take a peep in the dining room.

They say I did it? - Everybody knows it, boy.

Come on.

Where we going? - I'm giving you a good story.

Wait a minute. You did sock her, didn't you?

Sure I did. Like this and this. - Watch it.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

That's good. There's your story.

What is?

A family fight. I stopped her but she stopped me first.

Right. Can I print that? - Sure.

Good.

What was it, anything exciting? - I'll tell you inside.

A table, Mr Jones? - Yes, for two.

This way.

Let's go.

What the ..?

What's that?

That?

Johnny, what happened?

I don't know, but she'll not put a thing over on me with a black eye.

It's fifty-fifty or nothing.

Where did they come from? - I went shopping for mine.

She probably did the same thing.

Probably got it from that guy with her. You know, she can buy anything.

I'll bet he did it on purpose.

I think I'll give him another. - Don't you dare.

I'm just going to smile it off.

I'm not going to lose my poise, if it kills me.

Let's dance.

Daisy, this is absurd. - Yes, it is.

Who? Miss Burke-Myers?

Just a moment please.

New York calling Miss Burke-Myers. She's expecting it.

Hello Johnny. Having fun?

And how. You?

Naturally.

She'll be having the time of her life before long alright.

What do you mean? - We'll see.

Miss Burke-Myers. New York is calling you on the telephone.

Uhoh. Wait for me in the bar will you, Johnny?

Sure. Go.

A lemonade. - Yes, sir.

There he is. You come back a little later.

Hello.

What will you have?

What's yours?

It smells wicked.

I'll have one of the same.

It looks like an epidemic, doesn't it?

You started it.

Hadn't we better get together on a story?

We did. The papers have it.

A scrap?

So I'm told.

Sort of funny, isn't it.

Yeah.

Johnny.

I came here to tell you that I'm really in love with someone.

Parker? - Uhuh.

Yes. He's the man I've been waiting for.

Shake.

Thanks.

You've been awfully sweet about it.

Glad to help out.

Well.

Here's luck.

Thanks.

Everything is alright between you and the Myers girl, isn't it?

Practically.

You should be happy.

Well.

You taught me to like the life.

But you like her too, don't you?

I'll never marry again. Without love.

Nor I, Johnny.

Mr Jones. Miss Burke-Myers wants you to come up to her apartment.

Take me back to Pat, will you.

Pat?

Check please.

Mr Parker, this is my husband.

How are you?

Fine, except for the chapped hands and chapped face.

Thanks.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, Johnny.

Have I got some hilarious news for you.

You have? - Sit down.

What's the news? What is it?

Johnny.

That wife of yours is a fake.

What? - A colossal fake.

She's no heiress. - What do you mean?

She's been promoted by the Appleby Cream Corporation to advertize their business.

Where did you get that crazy idea?

I recognized that Parker person.

He's a motor cop. - A what?

A motor cop. He rides down Park Avenue.

I was so certain, I engaged a lawyer to investigate Miss Daisy Appleby.

Why, she used to be a cashier in a cafeteria.

How will that look when I spill it to the papers?

Excuse me.

See you later, Johnny.

Send up all the reporters you can find.

I'll take the rest of this. - Johnny.

Of course you're right. We should keep up appearances.

Appearances, huh?

For the cream, I suppose? - Yes, that's it.

Alright.

Johnny!

The cream for all and all for the cream.

Johnny.

What's the idea? - Where is your black eye?

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the idea?

Now that's for the Polo ponies.

Go on, get in there. - Where to?

Any place.

Well? - Shut up.

Alright.

I was going to tell you something. - I won't believe you anyway.

You little phony.

Phony? - Phony.

Phony? Then you know? - I know everything.

All except that two-wheeled cop, Parker.

He's the biggest phony of all. He's my sister's husband.

A nice family. All phonies.

If you don't mind my asking, where are we going?

You're going home.

No I'm not. I haven't got any home.

Yes you have and you'll stay in this one.

Because it's on an island.

I'm not so sure I would like life in a cottage.

It isn't a cottage. It's a shack.

Where do you people want to go?

Look .. he's one up on us.

..t-g..