Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,804
Orlando, 1995.
2
00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:07,939
Just as glamorous as it sounds.
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:10,142
My dad moved our family there
from D.C.
4
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,977
So he could open
his own restaurant,
5
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,179
but business wasn't going
quite the way he planned...
6
00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:17,582
he planned to have customers,
and he didn't.
7
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,584
Moms was worried, too,
about money
8
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:21,586
and about fitting in
with the neighborhood women.
9
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:23,722
So, "Melrose Place"
10
00:00:23,756 --> 00:00:26,691
is about prostitutes
who are mad at each other.
11
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:27,759
Yes.
12
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:30,862
The one person
who never seemed to worry
13
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:32,364
was my younger brother Emery.
14
00:00:32,398 --> 00:00:33,999
He blended in like a chameleon.
15
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,468
My favorite movie's "Gremlins."
16
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,757
And grandma and Evan were just
hanging out, squishing bugs.
17
00:00:42,605 --> 00:00:44,496
And that's me,
your boy Eddie Huang,
18
00:00:44,516 --> 00:00:47,408
still straight struggling
to fit in at my new school.
19
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,399
Dude, are those nurse's shoes?
20
00:00:54,231 --> 00:00:56,340
Yeah, they're your mom's.
21
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,821
My mom does
happen to be a nurse,
22
00:00:57,856 --> 00:00:59,490
and she helps sick people
get better.
23
00:00:59,524 --> 00:01:00,791
Can't wait to tell everybody
24
00:01:00,825 --> 00:01:03,394
the new Chinese kid
wears nurse's shoes.
25
00:01:03,428 --> 00:01:05,396
Walter's not
wearing Jordans, either!
26
00:01:05,430 --> 00:01:07,364
He doesn't need to...
he's black.
27
00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:10,202
That's like built-in Jordans.
28
00:01:11,057 --> 00:01:12,603
This school's ridiculous.
29
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:13,804
They were jerks, but remember,
30
00:01:13,838 --> 00:01:16,430
this was 1995,
before the Internet.
31
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,956
I couldn't just search
"Asian kids who like hip-hop."
32
00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:20,377
I had to figure out
a way to fit in
33
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:23,642
or be stuck eating lunch
with the janitor and his kite.
34
00:01:24,077 --> 00:01:26,383
I'm just saying, don't call it
a seasonal fruit salad
35
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,019
if it's nothing but melons.
36
00:01:29,536 --> 00:01:31,102
S01E03
The Shunning
37
00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:44,842
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:47,403 --> 00:01:48,552
My famous tuna salad.
39
00:01:48,572 --> 00:01:49,539
Mmm!
40
00:01:49,573 --> 00:01:51,207
Mac and cheese with bacon bits.
41
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,074
Ooh!
42
00:01:52,337 --> 00:01:54,377
Stinky tofu.
43
00:01:54,411 --> 00:01:55,611
Hmm.
44
00:01:55,646 --> 00:01:57,947
That's exotic. Hmm.
45
00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:03,252
How is this Fuller than before?
46
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,121
Aren't you gonna try some?
47
00:02:05,155 --> 00:02:06,622
Oh! No.
48
00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:08,424
But I admire you for making it.
49
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:09,926
It's that enterprising spirit
50
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,128
that made Taiwan a world power
in little league baseball.
51
00:02:12,162 --> 00:02:14,330
I watched a documentary
about China in college.
52
00:02:15,666 --> 00:02:19,301
You guys, I am so excited
for this year's block party.
53
00:02:19,336 --> 00:02:22,438
I am so excited
about our karaoke number. Oh!
54
00:02:22,472 --> 00:02:24,407
What's the party for?
55
00:02:24,441 --> 00:02:26,275
The Daytona 500.
56
00:02:26,309 --> 00:02:27,777
What's the Daytona 500?
57
00:02:27,811 --> 00:02:29,879
We watch cars race around
speedways 200 times,
58
00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:31,947
stopping only for fuel
or engine maintenance,
59
00:02:31,982 --> 00:02:33,449
and although
the ultimate cup winner
60
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,117
is decided by
an elaborate points system,
61
00:02:35,152 --> 00:02:36,752
individual race winners
can still celebrate
62
00:02:36,787 --> 00:02:39,755
by getting a grandfather clock
or drinking a glass of milk.
63
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:42,625
Caveat... drinking milk
isn't specifically Nascar,
64
00:02:42,659 --> 00:02:44,627
but auto racing in general.
Mm.
65
00:02:44,661 --> 00:02:47,196
Do you have any aspirin?
66
00:02:49,666 --> 00:02:53,002
Hey, there, neighbor!
67
00:02:53,036 --> 00:02:54,169
Hello, neighbor.
68
00:02:54,204 --> 00:02:55,371
- I'm Louis.
- I'm Marvin.
69
00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:56,939
Hello. This is Honey.
70
00:02:56,973 --> 00:02:58,574
- Hello.
- Hi!
71
00:02:58,608 --> 00:03:00,309
We just got back
from a month in the keys.
72
00:03:00,343 --> 00:03:01,477
Oh, that's wonderful
73
00:03:01,511 --> 00:03:03,612
you took your daughter
on such a nice vacation!
74
00:03:03,647 --> 00:03:05,347
Your dad is a good man.
75
00:03:05,382 --> 00:03:06,415
Listen to him.
76
00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:07,416
Stay in school.
77
00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:08,484
She's my wife.
78
00:03:08,518 --> 00:03:09,551
Of course she's your wife.
79
00:03:09,586 --> 00:03:10,819
She doesn't look like you
at all.
80
00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:17,025
Yikes.
81
00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:20,462
Oh, no.
82
00:03:20,497 --> 00:03:22,097
You're reading Stephen King.
What's wrong?
83
00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:25,367
I have nothing in common
with these neighborhood women.
84
00:03:25,401 --> 00:03:28,771
I miss my friends back in D.C.
85
00:03:28,805 --> 00:03:30,172
We had such pleasant talks.
86
00:03:36,679 --> 00:03:38,380
I guess I'm just lonely.
87
00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,819
_
88
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,500
_
89
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,755
You'll make new friends.
It just take time.
90
00:03:46,789 --> 00:03:47,956
And stop reading that book.
91
00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:49,824
Those stories
always give you nightmares.
92
00:03:49,859 --> 00:03:51,493
You know
what gives me nightmares?
93
00:03:51,527 --> 00:03:52,982
Our bank account.
94
00:03:53,002 --> 00:03:56,658
Stephen King
should publish my checkbook.
95
00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:59,367
Mom, can I get
the new Air Jordans?
96
00:03:59,402 --> 00:04:00,602
- Wh...
- Why not?
97
00:04:00,636 --> 00:04:02,003
They don't cost that much.
98
00:04:02,037 --> 00:04:03,138
My sneakers aren't fine.
99
00:04:03,172 --> 00:04:04,773
You never let me get anything!
100
00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:05,740
God!
101
00:04:05,775 --> 00:04:07,208
Wh...
102
00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:09,770
I'm looking forward
to when he wants a car.
103
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,520
And there's a point system,
104
00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:13,925
and then something happens
with a clock,
105
00:04:13,945 --> 00:04:15,431
and then the winner drinks milk.
106
00:04:15,451 --> 00:04:16,617
I love it. I love it.
107
00:04:16,652 --> 00:04:18,352
Okay, this block party
is a great opportunity
108
00:04:18,387 --> 00:04:20,087
for us to network
and promote the restaurant.
109
00:04:20,122 --> 00:04:21,946
- When is it?
- I don't know.
110
00:04:21,966 --> 00:04:23,886
There's a party-planning
meeting tonight.
111
00:04:23,906 --> 00:04:25,528
I sent representatives.
112
00:04:25,548 --> 00:04:27,695
Look, Alice, I don't want
to sound like a broken record,
113
00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:30,004
but why not a petting zoo?
114
00:04:30,024 --> 00:04:31,379
We need to show people
115
00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:33,567
that Cattleman's Ranch
has great food, you know?
116
00:04:33,602 --> 00:04:36,251
We got to generate a buzz
to bring in the customers.
117
00:04:36,271 --> 00:04:38,972
I'll get a meat smoker.
We'll give out steak and ribs.
118
00:04:39,007 --> 00:04:40,007
No, are you crazy?
119
00:04:40,041 --> 00:04:42,442
We cannot afford
to just give away food!
120
00:04:42,477 --> 00:04:44,545
The restaurant's
not making any money.
121
00:04:44,579 --> 00:04:46,246
We can barely pay our bills.
122
00:04:46,281 --> 00:04:47,915
Jessica, it's important
123
00:04:47,949 --> 00:04:50,183
to project the image
you want people to see.
124
00:04:50,218 --> 00:04:51,919
If you want to be successful,
125
00:04:51,953 --> 00:04:54,187
you have to project success.
126
00:04:54,222 --> 00:04:55,622
That's what I needed to do.
127
00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,524
I wanted to change the way
the kids at school saw me,
128
00:04:57,559 --> 00:04:59,159
so I turned to the one person
129
00:04:59,193 --> 00:05:01,401
who could guide me
through this...
130
00:05:01,711 --> 00:05:03,916
Ol' dirty bastard.
131
00:05:36,682 --> 00:05:39,598
That's it... a hot girl
was the ultimate status symbol.
132
00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:41,300
Even if I couldn't have Jordans,
133
00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,101
if I had a fine shorty
on my arm...
134
00:05:43,136 --> 00:05:44,836
psss... wouldn't matter.
135
00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:47,072
Thanks, O.D.B.!
136
00:05:47,106 --> 00:05:49,879
Be right back!
Taking out the trash!
137
00:06:20,273 --> 00:06:21,540
Eddie!
138
00:06:21,574 --> 00:06:22,974
That's very expensive!
139
00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:25,043
If you want to waste something,
you waste water!
140
00:06:25,078 --> 00:06:26,578
Do not throw juice!
141
00:06:26,612 --> 00:06:28,413
Mom, get out of my fantasy.
142
00:06:28,448 --> 00:06:31,082
Jessica, water
doesn't project success.
143
00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:32,417
Capri Sun does.
144
00:06:32,452 --> 00:06:35,187
As does
Cattleman's Ranch ribs...
145
00:06:35,221 --> 00:06:36,688
great pork at a fair price.
146
00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:39,224
Come on, fly girls.
Try a rib. Tell a friend.
147
00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,193
This is not free, okay?
Here we go.
148
00:06:41,227 --> 00:06:42,761
I am going to charge you all.
149
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,407
Dad saw an opportunity
150
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,275
to promote our restaurant
at the Nascar party.
151
00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:52,029
He just needed to figure out
what the hell Nascar was first.
152
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:55,125
Hello. Uh, do you have
any Nascar videos?
153
00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:57,797
Car or truck,
cup series or busch,
154
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,017
short track or road race?
155
00:06:59,052 --> 00:06:59,985
I...
156
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,354
Uh, which one is the milk?
157
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,284
All right. Come on.
158
00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:06,975
Come on.
159
00:07:06,995 --> 00:07:08,060
Let's go walk past
the adult section
160
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,027
and try to see inside.
161
00:07:10,047 --> 00:07:11,972
I thought those were
the westerns.
162
00:07:11,992 --> 00:07:13,994
Only the sexy ones.
163
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:19,904
They die and leave their wives
their money.
164
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:22,506
"Dolores Claiborne."
165
00:07:23,227 --> 00:07:25,209
Sometimes, they're driving home
166
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,310
from their mistress's apartment,
167
00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:29,480
and their brakes suddenly fail.
168
00:07:29,514 --> 00:07:31,816
- An accident, Dolores...
- An accident, Dolores...
169
00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:35,832
- can be an unhappy woman's best friend.
- can be an unhappy woman's best friend.
170
00:07:37,722 --> 00:07:40,057
My husband doesn't like it when
I watch Stephen King movies.
171
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,392
He thinks I get scared.
172
00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:42,326
That's the best part.
173
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:43,828
It's my favorite part.
174
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,029
I'm Honey.
175
00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,548
My husband, Marvin, and I
are your neighbors.
176
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,248
Oh, I'm Jessica.
It's so nice to meet you.
177
00:07:50,268 --> 00:07:52,335
Nice to meet you, too.
178
00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:04,381
What happened to your leg?
179
00:08:09,776 --> 00:08:10,954
I'm so hungover.
180
00:08:11,755 --> 00:08:12,769
What?
181
00:08:12,789 --> 00:08:14,005
Hey, girl.
182
00:08:14,441 --> 00:08:15,784
How you livin'?
183
00:08:17,261 --> 00:08:18,628
I'm fine.
184
00:08:18,662 --> 00:08:20,596
Uh, hi. I'm Honey.
185
00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:21,530
Yeah, you are.
186
00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,065
Eddie, stop acting weird.
187
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,215
Go to the bathroom.
We're leaving soon.
188
00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:27,511
A'ight, mama. A'ight.
189
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,540
He seems nice.
190
00:08:32,087 --> 00:08:34,424
- What was that?
- Phase one of my plan.
191
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:36,945
I need the guys from school
to see me with her.
192
00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,214
No one's gonna care I'm not
wearing Jordans after that.
193
00:08:39,248 --> 00:08:41,850
But she's, like, a woman.
194
00:08:41,884 --> 00:08:43,085
Exactly!
195
00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:44,519
A fine-ass woman like that
196
00:08:44,554 --> 00:08:46,755
leaning on me
like in rap videos,
197
00:08:46,789 --> 00:08:48,848
that'll get me mad respect, son.
198
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:50,358
And these skittles
199
00:08:50,393 --> 00:08:53,476
are compliments of
that gentleman over there.
200
00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:57,031
Go on, girl! Taste the rainbow!
201
00:08:59,294 --> 00:09:01,116
You know
who win every race?
202
00:09:01,136 --> 00:09:03,137
The advertising companies.
203
00:09:03,171 --> 00:09:05,105
Little Debbie.
204
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:07,474
I knew a Debbie once,
but she was not little.
205
00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:09,682
She went by "big Deb."
206
00:09:09,702 --> 00:09:12,146
I'm going over to Honey's.
207
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:14,381
I think I found a friend
I actually like.
208
00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:17,251
Oh, good. That's great.
I told you... it just take time.
209
00:09:17,285 --> 00:09:19,153
Yo, moms, you see Honey,
210
00:09:19,187 --> 00:09:20,988
ask her how those skittles
treated her.
211
00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:22,990
Why are you giving women candy?
212
00:09:23,024 --> 00:09:25,785
'Cause they so sweet.
213
00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:26,927
Go to your room.
214
00:09:26,961 --> 00:09:29,596
A'ight, papa. A'ight.
215
00:09:31,997 --> 00:09:33,619
_
216
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,440
_
217
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:37,371
Hmm.
218
00:09:42,603 --> 00:09:44,859
I don't know
what this wife's problem is.
219
00:09:44,879 --> 00:09:47,547
If my husband had a big house
like Jack Nicholson,
220
00:09:47,581 --> 00:09:50,496
he could put an axe
in any door he wants to.
221
00:09:50,516 --> 00:09:51,429
Why?
222
00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:54,339
Because we have
500 other doors and a maze.
223
00:09:54,359 --> 00:09:55,926
Mm-hmm.
224
00:09:56,436 --> 00:09:59,673
Oh, I can't believe you are
actually eating my food.
225
00:09:59,693 --> 00:10:01,360
This is delicious.
226
00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:03,729
You know who's
gonna love this? Nicole.
227
00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:06,098
Oh, that's Marvin's daughter.
She's my stepdaughter.
228
00:10:06,132 --> 00:10:07,399
Oh, that's nice.
229
00:10:07,434 --> 00:10:09,568
She's not even your real
daughter, and you love her.
230
00:10:09,602 --> 00:10:11,804
Oh. Oh, my God.
231
00:10:11,838 --> 00:10:13,550
That scared me.
232
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:15,908
Hello.
233
00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:18,010
May I speak to my wife?
234
00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:19,711
Look, Louis,
235
00:10:19,746 --> 00:10:22,514
I know you don't like me
watching Stephen King movies,
236
00:10:22,549 --> 00:10:23,914
- but this was on...
- No, it's not that.
237
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:24,933
It's Honey.
238
00:10:24,953 --> 00:10:26,848
All the neighborhood women
hate her.
239
00:10:26,868 --> 00:10:29,201
Well, that's not true!
Who tell you that?
240
00:10:29,221 --> 00:10:30,421
Evan.
241
00:10:30,456 --> 00:10:32,457
It's true.
242
00:10:32,491 --> 00:10:34,525
They hate her because
she ruined Sarah's life.
243
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,460
Who's Sarah?
244
00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:37,228
Marvin's first wife.
245
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,396
Honey split them up.
246
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,430
Well, how do you know this?
247
00:10:39,465 --> 00:10:41,065
The party-planning meeting.
248
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,034
"Sarah came home early
one day
249
00:10:43,068 --> 00:10:44,702
and found them
on the kitchen floor."
250
00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:46,804
"The floor that Sarah
just cleaned."
251
00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:48,239
"No!"
252
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,907
"Yes, girl." "Yes."
253
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,745
Then Carol-Joan gave us
a preview of the karaoke number.
254
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:55,746
Not great.
255
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:58,416
All right, so they hate her.
So what?
256
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:02,019
She is the first person I have
met here who I actually like.
257
00:11:02,054 --> 00:11:03,554
Well, if they find out
that you're friends with honey,
258
00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:05,890
they could turn against you
and the restaurant.
259
00:11:05,924 --> 00:11:08,492
They boycotted
Rebecca Miller's nail salon
260
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:12,062
because she copied Mary Jo's
Jennifer Aniston haircut.
261
00:11:12,097 --> 00:11:14,064
You know, the Rachel.
262
00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:17,348
Oh, my sweet boy,
that's a lot of names.
263
00:11:17,368 --> 00:11:19,169
Look, Jessica,
264
00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:21,571
you know more than anyone
how much we're struggling.
265
00:11:21,606 --> 00:11:22,973
We can't afford to give people
266
00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:25,472
any reason
to avoid our business.
267
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,744
Okay.
268
00:11:27,778 --> 00:11:29,079
You are right.
269
00:11:29,113 --> 00:11:31,581
It is not worth risking
the future of the restaurant
270
00:11:31,615 --> 00:11:32,982
for somebody
who I have just met.
271
00:11:33,017 --> 00:11:34,150
Exactly.
272
00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:36,286
Pick any other woman
to be friends with.
273
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,721
Swing a cat, hit a white woman,
be friends with her.
274
00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:40,590
Because our number-one priority
275
00:11:40,624 --> 00:11:42,992
should be the restaurant
succeeding, and...
276
00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,961
Aah!
277
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:48,498
Oh, you know, I thought
I saw a ghost in the window,
278
00:11:48,532 --> 00:11:50,867
but there was not a ghost.
279
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:52,802
I am fine.
280
00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:54,817
And no more Stephen King movies!
281
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,823
You know, like our
favorite sport, Nascar,
282
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:08,193
why not speed over
to Cattleman's Ranch
283
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,295
for great tastes
at an affordable price?
284
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,430
I-I'm just kidding.
Drive the speed limit.
285
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,232
But still, come.
286
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,434
All right, when I say rib eye,
you say steak!
287
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,435
Rib eye!
288
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,904
Steak!
289
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,220
All right, we're having fun!
290
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,007
Welcome!
291
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,809
Food goes on the picnic table,
292
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:28,045
which is over there where the
petting zoo should have been.
293
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:36,542
Why aren't you
handing out coupons?
294
00:12:36,562 --> 00:12:38,236
Who you looking for?
295
00:12:38,256 --> 00:12:39,189
Honey.
296
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:40,624
I mean, a honey.
297
00:12:40,658 --> 00:12:41,959
A honey woman.
298
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,836
Hand out the coupons, man.
299
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:46,063
Hey.
300
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,664
This is Simone and Bianca.
301
00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,233
Hey. Hi.
302
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,601
You have two dates?
303
00:12:50,635 --> 00:12:52,502
Oh, it's cool.
We're supportive of each other.
304
00:12:52,537 --> 00:12:55,438
You'd think there'd be an issue,
but there's not.
305
00:13:05,015 --> 00:13:06,049
Need any help with that?
306
00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:08,551
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!
307
00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:11,387
Nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope. Nope, nope.
308
00:13:11,422 --> 00:13:13,957
Hey! I just finished getting
the house ready for Nicole.
309
00:13:13,991 --> 00:13:15,358
It's our weekend with her.
310
00:13:15,392 --> 00:13:17,160
Was Louis mad about
the Stephen King...
311
00:13:17,194 --> 00:13:21,597
You know, I have to go.
A wasp flew into my mouth.
312
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:27,914
Oh, hey, Trent.
313
00:13:28,163 --> 00:13:29,891
Check this out.
314
00:13:33,109 --> 00:13:35,377
Yo. Coupon for one free hug?
315
00:13:35,412 --> 00:13:38,086
Sorry.
I'm all lotion-y.
316
00:13:38,381 --> 00:13:40,216
You know, I'm all about that.
317
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:40,883
Dissed!
318
00:13:40,917 --> 00:13:43,485
Maybe you could borrow some
of her lotion for that burn.
319
00:13:48,191 --> 00:13:50,759
She's cutting equally sized
pieces because of communism.
320
00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:53,394
- Oh.
- Isn't that right, Jessica?
321
00:13:53,414 --> 00:13:55,209
Because of the communism
in your country?
322
00:13:55,229 --> 00:13:57,336
Or I'm just cutting cake.
323
00:13:57,356 --> 00:14:00,417
Anyway, we
have some exciting news.
324
00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:02,885
We want you to sing
the karaoke number with us.
325
00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:03,772
You do?
326
00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:04,739
Mm-hmm!
327
00:14:04,774 --> 00:14:06,174
Samantha's out. Her mother died.
328
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:07,609
Here. Lyrics for you.
329
00:14:08,221 --> 00:14:11,813
Can I interest you
in some Cattleman's Ranch ribs?
330
00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:14,115
- Ooh!
- You know, Tuesday is ladies night.
331
00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,216
We have our special...
332
00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:18,400
Melrose plates... of steak.
333
00:14:19,988 --> 00:14:21,622
Here you go. Thank you.
334
00:14:21,656 --> 00:14:24,859
See? This was the right move.
It's good.
335
00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:29,310
You know, I bet you
it'd be real easy
336
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:32,032
to sabotage one of those cars.
337
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:34,034
Yeah. Add the hip.
338
00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:37,208
Ooh! Are you guys doing
a song together?
339
00:14:37,228 --> 00:14:39,353
- We were going to...
- Yes, we are.
340
00:14:39,373 --> 00:14:40,474
We'd invite you to join,
341
00:14:40,508 --> 00:14:42,075
but it's more
of a five-person number.
342
00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:43,176
You understand.
343
00:14:43,211 --> 00:14:44,978
Wow.
344
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:47,414
Way to make a girl feel like
Carrie at the prom, huh?
345
00:14:48,449 --> 00:14:50,378
I don't get it. Do you get it?
346
00:14:52,887 --> 00:14:54,842
No, I don't get it.
347
00:15:02,328 --> 00:15:04,092
I heard she gave Burt Reynolds
a tug and tumble
348
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,835
when they were down here
filming "Cop and a Half."
349
00:15:08,735 --> 00:15:09,902
Care to dance?
350
00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:12,572
You know, I'm not really
feeling up to it.
351
00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:14,488
Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
352
00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:22,448
Perfect.
353
00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:23,582
I guess everyone thinks
354
00:15:23,617 --> 00:15:25,851
I deserve to be treated
like some...
355
00:15:25,886 --> 00:15:28,059
home-wrecking stripper.
356
00:15:30,049 --> 00:15:32,386
Trouble with the ladies?
357
00:15:34,152 --> 00:15:36,385
Dude, why is this so hard?
358
00:15:36,405 --> 00:15:38,745
'Cause real life
isn't a rap video, Eddie.
359
00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:41,964
Boys, don't just talk
to each other. Network.
360
00:15:42,569 --> 00:15:44,436
Hey, I like
what you're doing here,
361
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,038
but don't let your mom see.
362
00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:48,974
Look, Eddie, love is tricky.
363
00:15:49,008 --> 00:15:50,676
Who said anything about love?
364
00:15:51,209 --> 00:15:52,658
I'm talking about women.
365
00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:55,156
You're just saying that
'cause you never been in love.
366
00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,148
Me? I love love.
367
00:15:57,182 --> 00:16:00,165
It's like everything goes
in slow motion
368
00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:01,852
and you feel this pain
in your heart.
369
00:16:01,887 --> 00:16:04,855
It's a good pain...
the pain of cupid's arrow.
370
00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:06,324
Do you know what woman loves us?
371
00:16:06,358 --> 00:16:07,591
Mom.
372
00:16:07,626 --> 00:16:09,660
Love is for moms.
373
00:16:09,695 --> 00:16:11,656
You guys are funny.
374
00:16:12,731 --> 00:16:14,598
I know I should wait
30 minutes after I eat
375
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:15,666
before I go in the pool,
376
00:16:15,701 --> 00:16:18,204
but hey,
then I'd never go in the pool.
377
00:16:18,224 --> 00:16:19,170
Hey, everyone!
378
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,471
Thanks for coming out.
379
00:16:20,505 --> 00:16:22,979
As you know, every year,
the girls and I
380
00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:25,143
like to do a little
karaoke number for y'all
381
00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:27,476
when there's a lull
in the racing action.
382
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,439
_
383
00:16:30,459 --> 00:16:31,681
And this year,
384
00:16:31,715 --> 00:16:36,619
we have chosen a song
by a group called En Vogue.
385
00:16:36,654 --> 00:16:39,722
No, it was not a unanimous decision,
but I hope the person among us...
386
00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:41,124
She's eating my food.
387
00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:42,959
Realizes their mistake,
because pride is such a...
388
00:16:42,993 --> 00:16:45,361
- Uh... Oh.
- I have something to say.
389
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:49,098
In Chinese culture, this is
a welcome speech, or jianghua�.
390
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,896
Shut up, Deidre.
391
00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:55,505
I would like to dedicate
this song to my friend,
392
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:57,935
Honey.
393
00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:02,245
Our friendship might be off
to a rocky start,
394
00:17:02,279 --> 00:17:05,014
but just like
the haunted '58 Plymouth
395
00:17:05,048 --> 00:17:07,837
in the classic
Stephen King novel "Christine,"
396
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:09,619
you can't kill it.
397
00:17:34,715 --> 00:17:37,282
Your wife has a beautiful voice.
398
00:17:37,302 --> 00:17:38,861
Is she a professional?
399
00:17:38,881 --> 00:17:43,394
Uh, no, but she sometimes
sings at our restaurant.
400
00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:47,418
Uh, the address is on the back.
401
00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:09,336
I didn't know
asians liked karaoke.
402
00:18:10,545 --> 00:18:12,113
That's my wife.
403
00:18:12,147 --> 00:18:14,126
the voice of an angel.
404
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:16,071
She's performing
at Cattleman's Ranch.
405
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:20,988
This is not a duet.
406
00:18:21,022 --> 00:18:22,636
Okay, yeah.
407
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:35,215
So, which kid is it?
408
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:36,569
What?
409
00:18:36,603 --> 00:18:38,978
Which kid do you want
to see us together?
410
00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:42,608
This isn't my first rodeo.
411
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,280
Ah.
412
00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:48,681
So, what do you need?
413
00:18:48,715 --> 00:18:50,823
Cheek kiss, hand hold?
414
00:18:51,918 --> 00:18:53,686
Sensual hug?
415
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,455
Full body, three seconds,
chest to chest?
416
00:18:58,072 --> 00:18:59,271
You got it.
417
00:18:59,291 --> 00:19:01,198
You'd do that for me?
418
00:19:01,218 --> 00:19:03,126
Your mom's a friend of mine.
419
00:19:03,146 --> 00:19:04,750
Come on.
420
00:19:06,165 --> 00:19:08,066
Okay.
421
00:19:08,101 --> 00:19:09,898
Are they watching?
422
00:19:13,139 --> 00:19:14,439
Mm!
423
00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:23,248
Butt grab.
424
00:19:23,282 --> 00:19:24,683
Oh! Okay. All right.
425
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:26,518
And we got it. Okay.
426
00:19:30,623 --> 00:19:32,791
I'd never been happier
than at that moment,
427
00:19:32,825 --> 00:19:35,494
which is why I didn't see
what happened next coming.
428
00:20:17,602 --> 00:20:18,936
Hi, Nicole!
429
00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:21,038
Hey, slut. Hi, daddy.
430
00:20:21,072 --> 00:20:22,406
Hi, sweetheart!
431
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,907
In that instant,
432
00:20:23,942 --> 00:20:25,776
I knew what my brother Emery
had been talking about...
433
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:28,645
the pain of cupid's arrow.
434
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,714
- Watch out!
- Aah.
435
00:20:30,748 --> 00:20:32,149
Or a lawn dart.
436
00:20:32,183 --> 00:20:33,417
It slipped.
437
00:20:33,451 --> 00:20:34,885
Eddie!
438
00:20:34,919 --> 00:20:36,787
Eddie, what did you do?!
439
00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:37,954
Me?!
440
00:20:37,989 --> 00:20:40,123
I have a dart in my back.
441
00:20:40,158 --> 00:20:41,391
Somebody call an ambulance!
442
00:20:41,426 --> 00:20:44,928
There's a hospital
right near Cattleman's Ranch!
443
00:20:48,112 --> 00:20:50,612
The block party turned out to be
a great thing for our family.
444
00:20:50,748 --> 00:20:53,397
My dad was happy that we raised
interest in the restaurant...
445
00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:55,909
- You were awesome today.
- Oh, thank you.
446
00:20:55,929 --> 00:20:58,414
And you were...
447
00:20:58,434 --> 00:21:01,000
also there.
448
00:21:02,891 --> 00:21:05,564
My mom made
her first friend in Orlando...
449
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:14,863
And even though I was
almost killed by a lawn dart,
450
00:21:14,883 --> 00:21:17,685
I was happy 'cause I met her.
451
00:21:19,973 --> 00:21:23,642
Yo, I was mad in love.
452
00:21:24,562 --> 00:21:27,285
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
31533
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof