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1
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,265
Hello. Hello.
2
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,684
So I'm clearing
out the crawlspace.
3
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,268
Come across some shit from
when you guys were kids
4
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,021
You can fight
about the memories.
5
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,356
Awwww.
6
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,358
Holy shit. Okay.
7
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,568
Why in the hell did you and
mom let me cut my own hair?
8
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:28,944
Hey, you were dumb
enough to ask,
9
00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:29,903
you were dumb
enough to learn.
10
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:32,365
Lookie here. We have
early signs of talent.
11
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,035
Oh, that was grade six.
You remember grade six, Todd?
12
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,036
Barely.
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,078
Shitting on my head.
14
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,245
You did this in grade six?
15
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,622
It was a, it was a
group project, I think.
16
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,624
Most of the stuff in here would
get a teacher fired today.
17
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:43,959
No doubt.
18
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,378
"Todd is inattentive.
19
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,547
"He would have more friends if
he stopped picking his scrotum
20
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:48,630
"and sniffing markers."
21
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:50,799
Well at least it's not
the other way around.
22
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,134
Oh, look at this one.
"Self-driven,
23
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,469
"independent thinker.
24
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,596
"A pleasure to teach.
25
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,097
"The world needs
more Audreys."
26
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,599
Aren't you perfect?
27
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,933
Born a winner, baby.
28
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,729
Oh. Yeah, Mr. Byrd
did not like you.
29
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:03,897
Fucking prick.
30
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,315
I hate that guy.
31
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,651
Ah, hot damn.
32
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:09,818
Ms. Walton.
33
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:10,819
Ooh.
- Oh, here we go.
34
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,279
That was your teacher crush.
35
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,614
Crush of all crushes.
- I know.
36
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:14,990
Oh my god.
Those tight short skirts
37
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,450
and those long legs?
38
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,661
To this day I still can't
walk past a pantyhose aisle
39
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,746
without getting dizzy.
40
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,830
"Todd's not reaching
his full potential.
41
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,834
"Struggles with focus.
Easily overwhelmed?"
42
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,504
Was I good at anything?
43
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,089
You could run fast.
44
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,131
Help yourself, Dad.
45
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,840
Hey, I'm retired.
46
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,426
"Tends to panic
during presentations.
47
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,635
"Needs to work on this,
48
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:37,097
"especially after the
spelling bee incident."
49
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,347
Fuck sakes.
50
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,348
What was the spelling
bee incident?
51
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,101
It was nothing.
- It was something.
52
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,519
They gave the poor
kid the word bologna.
53
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,354
He froze up.
He went white as drywall
54
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,648
and crumbled like a cheap
sawhorse, didn't ya?
55
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,525
Bologna? It's not
even a hard word.
56
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,610
I could spell it now.
57
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:51,486
I was twelve.
58
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,945
Oh yeah? Okay. Spell it.
59
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:53,988
Bologna.
60
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,322
B-A...
61
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,323
EH! Already wrong.
- It's O. B-O.
62
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,491
It's B-O.
63
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,034
Oh, I hate that word!
- It's a big word.
64
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,119
Ooh, look at this one.
65
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,704
"A born leader.
66
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,039
"Audrey could be
Prime Minister."
67
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,874
Damn! I peaked early.
68
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,127
Oh, you peaked all right.
69
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,544
Peaked sniffing
teachers asses
70
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,130
and polishing apples
for extra credit.
71
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,172
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is all ancient history.
72
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,173
Come on!
73
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,467
Who wants to peak
at eleven anyway?
74
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,678
Hey now. Well, you gotta
peak some time. Right Toddy?
75
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:18,721
Don't worry.
There's still hope.
76
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:19,722
You're not that old.
77
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,223
You're so fucking funny, Auds.
78
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,982
I always thought Ms. Walton
was just a flirty lady
79
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,400
who bathed in perfume but
now I'm like holy shit,
80
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,068
maybe she actually
saw something in me.
81
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,904
Or maybe she wanted fewer
parent/teacher meetings.
82
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,365
Well it's kind of wild, right?
83
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,826
I mean, a year ago I was
folding jeans at Jean Machine
84
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,077
and now I got a
stiletto hammer,
85
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,747
I got apprentices asking me
where the good gloves are.
86
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,332
I mean, maybe I'm actually
becoming the person
87
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,583
she thought I could be.
88
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,085
Ms. Walton probably still
thinks I'm a dumbass.
89
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,714
I bet she tells that fucking
spelling bee story all the time.
90
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,922
If she's still alive.
91
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,301
Ever heard of cutting it
in half there, dick brain?
92
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,510
Then I'd have to chew twice.
93
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,096
Like why make more
work for myself?
94
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:04,099
Todd. Uh, earplugs, please.
95
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,186
Oh shit.
- Let's go.
96
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,062
What's up?
97
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,606
There's been a mercury
spill in the river.
98
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,982
Was it us?
- I don't know yet
99
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,361
but it's a reminder to produce
that community outreach video.
100
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,696
Conch Cares?
- Conch Cares.
101
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,449
CornPulse just released a promo
called "CornPulse Connects"
102
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,950
and we're getting
slaughtered in the PR game.
103
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,077
I don't really know
much about making videos.
104
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,371
Do I have to be on camera?
105
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:25,872
No, you just need to
assemble the right people.
106
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,956
You're good at
organizing chaos.
107
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,124
It's not really my
field of experience.
108
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,543
I'll do it!
109
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,629
Oh yeah. I was head of
the AV Club in high school.
110
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,130
She asked me to do it.
111
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,298
I'll do it.
- Oh shit. One second.
112
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,467
Todd, I'm the only
person that you know
113
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,635
who can make a
video like that.
114
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,054
Okay, but you have
actual work to do.
115
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,055
What about that?
116
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,806
So change of plans.
117
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,265
Todd, you're with me.
118
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,768
Just got word that the
Mercury could be us
119
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:48,895
so we need to
address the media.
120
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:49,937
Huh?
121
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,146
Isn't that a
Head Office problem?
122
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,065
No. It's an
Imperial Valley problem
123
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,608
and we're Imperial Valley.
124
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,567
Just don't sweat it.
125
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,777
It'll be a bunch
of local reporters
126
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,570
you probably went
to high school with.
127
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,030
Okay. But if I help you
then who's gonna do the...
128
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,074
The video can wait
129
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,243
Or I can start right now.
- Wow.
130
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,160
Look at your initiative.
- Yeah.
131
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,788
All right, Audrey. It's yours.
What do you need?
132
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:08,831
Nothing.
133
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,750
Tanner, you're my guy.
134
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:11,834
He just got a new phone.
135
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:12,835
Come here.
136
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,087
Sorry. What am I doing?
- Get over here.
137
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,004
What did she mean by
'address the media'?
138
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:18,173
Don't worry. You're
gonna kill the questions.
139
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,842
There's gonna be questions?!
140
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,844
Whoa! Whoa!
141
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,345
Fuck man!
142
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:26,766
You just turned my
sandwich into a panini, man.
143
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,183
Thanks guy, bro.
144
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,685
What a fucking day.
145
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,439
Okay, we're looking at
fast cuts, real people.
146
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,023
I want it to feel sexy.
147
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,150
This isn't gonna be some
fucking lameass corporate video
148
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,485
where some lazy-eyed asshole
drools into the camera.
149
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:40,362
Okay? We are going to
tell people a story.
150
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,283
We are taking them on a journey
to the soul of this place.
151
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,533
They're gonna laugh.
- Sure.
152
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,201
They're gonna cry.
153
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,955
Let's show the world what
Conch is really about.
154
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,458
Okay. Uh, is this the part where
I, uh, pretend where I know
155
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,335
what I'm doing until
someone yells at me?
156
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,295
Yep. That someone will be me.
157
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,296
Wonderful. Yeah.
158
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,965
Get your camera.
159
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,342
Let's get
this over with.
160
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,901
Ah geez.
161
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,736
It's fucking huge.
162
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,323
Yeah, that doesn't look great.
163
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,741
Yeah, thing's got its own tide.
164
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,827
That's not a blob,
that's a biome.
165
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,203
I just finished the test.
166
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,245
Yeah?
167
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,914
Sorry. This is
above my pay grade.
168
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,666
Oh, that's great.
Envirovestigate is quitting.
169
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,502
My wife and I are
planning on having kids.
170
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,253
I'd like them to come
out symmetrical.
171
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:38,338
Pussy!
- Homer...
172
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,255
What? I'm union.
I'm not polite.
173
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,675
Yo. Are we fucked?
174
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,258
Yep. Royally.
175
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,344
It's like the cum-ness
monster in there.
176
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,761
Look at that thing.
177
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,762
Please have some good news.
178
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,721
Oh hey.
179
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,349
Afraid not.
It's definitely us.
180
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,184
It's got Conch's
signature runoff:
181
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,684
Mercury, lead,
182
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,895
and a very familiar
amount of negligence.
183
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,649
Todd, we had a chat
and the media contact?
184
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,692
It's you.
185
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,693
You're the guy.
186
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,612
What? Not on my own.
No, no, no, no, no.
187
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:04,864
You love this kind of thing.
188
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,448
You used to vlog
your hangovers.
189
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,867
You've spoke in front
of thousands of people
190
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,243
on your flare
stack world tour.
191
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,411
Come on.
192
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,454
I'm the solutions guy
and we have a solution.
193
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,041
You need to stall
until we, uh, find one
194
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,876
that I can take
full credit for.
195
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,460
What about you, Chels?
Your Site Manager.
196
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,587
No, we need someone
who can speak small town,
197
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:21,881
someone who can
talk to that guy.
198
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:22,923
Who? Fucking beardo?
199
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,924
Now listen, this is our window.
200
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:24,967
We say nothing,
201
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,468
we look like we're
hiding something,
202
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,303
But I don't know what to
say or how to say it.
203
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,805
You do not want me
riffing up there,
204
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:30,973
trust me.
205
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,976
Correct, which is why I'm
gonna write you a script.
206
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,729
Talking points. Sound bites.
- I don't like this.
207
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,397
Couple of jokes if
the vibe feels right.
208
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,480
You'll do great.
209
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,274
We got you, buddy.
- Okay?
210
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,818
Okay.
211
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,236
Stick with me.
212
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,738
Get our first subject.
213
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,364
Somebody good.
214
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,282
Oh yes.
215
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,409
There's so much we
can fit in here.
216
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,492
Get your camera.
217
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,452
All right, keep it coming.
218
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:52,703
Roach.
219
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:53,955
Video time, guys.
- What a score. Yes!
220
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,789
What the fuck are
you guys doing?
221
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,041
Yeah, what are you doing, man?
222
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,250
You shouldn't be doing that.
223
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,209
Pass me a plate, man.
224
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,252
I'm not a plumber.
225
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,337
What?
- Taser.
226
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,590
What? Oh hey. Uh...
227
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,008
Nothing. I own these.
228
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:09,262
Um, I haven't asked you
anything yet but okay.
229
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,305
Here we go.
230
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,350
Describe the Conch
experience in one word.
231
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,643
Gone.
232
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,188
Ow! Jesus, Roach!
233
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,440
The fuck?
234
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,607
Where you going?
235
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,276
Gotta take a shit.
- There he goes.
236
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,818
Fuck was that? All right.
237
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,862
Let's go get Roach.
Maybe he'll be better.
238
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:27,863
I doubt it.
239
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,948
Hey Roach. Quick interview.
240
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,909
Okay, just don't
smoke on camera.
241
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:36,289
Okay. What has Conch
done for the community?
242
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:39,166
I get free drugs and
my teeth cleaned.
243
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,377
What? How does that
relate to the community?
244
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,463
Uh, the pharmacy guy
245
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,383
and the teeth doctor get
our businesses right? So...
246
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,551
Alright, finish my sentence.
247
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,553
"For some it's a job.
248
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,597
"For others it's a..."
249
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,809
Job. Am I right?
250
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,310
Thanks for nothing, Roach.
251
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,854
Told ya.
252
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,857
Beauty. That went really great.
253
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,901
Get your own
Morning After pill.
254
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,070
What do I look like?
The school nurse?
255
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,030
Oh my god, Stephie.
I'm so glad to see you,
256
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,073
Honey.
257
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,660
It is so difficult
working with people
258
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,244
who don't take you seriously.
259
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,912
I am trying to make art.
260
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:17,831
You get me?
261
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,081
Hmm.
262
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,166
You got a beautiful face.
263
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,544
Will you please give
me some star power?
264
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,546
Aww. You think you can
handle the wattage?
265
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,213
Let's find out.
266
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,340
Roll the cam.
267
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,301
Words of wisdom for
the Conch Cares video.
268
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,097
Get yourself a tetanus shot.
269
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,433
And don't fall off
the flare stack.
270
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,519
Anything a little bit,
I don't know, warmer?
271
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,104
I got work to do here.
272
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,105
Don't sleep with Backwoods.
273
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,106
Fuck off!
- Ho-ho!
274
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,274
Gimme this.
- Did you hear what she just-
275
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,608
Gimme this!
276
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,069
Okay, repeat after me.
277
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,530
"I feel at home at Conch."
278
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,573
I feel
at home at Conch.
279
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,534
That's perfect if we're
making a horror film but we're,
280
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,827
we're not trying
to terrify people,
281
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,870
we're trying to excite them.
282
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,871
Right.
283
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,247
I'm gonna shout
out some emotions
284
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,458
and you infuse the words
with the vibe. Okay?
285
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,585
Got it. Yeah. Okay.
- Okay.
286
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,545
Happy.
287
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,463
I feel
at home at Conch.
288
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,298
Okay. Sexy.
289
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,258
I feel
at home at Conch.
290
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,552
Jesus.
291
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,887
I feel at home... at Conch?
- Hey, they're filming in here.
292
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:14,928
Just act natural.
- No, no, no.
293
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:15,930
That's not what meant.
- Your video sucks.
294
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,350
Yeah, man. What are you,
like, Oliver Stoner?
295
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,641
Fuck off, guys.
296
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:20,601
Alfred Spliffcock?
297
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,144
Hey, did you guys
sign those out?
298
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,563
Twice, man.
299
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,814
I keel at phome at Honk.
300
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:26,815
Fuck my life.
301
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,442
Here. Just fucking take this.
302
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,652
We're done here.
303
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,614
Use your 'we fucked up' voice
304
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,076
and try to cry if you can.
305
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,493
I wrote some good shit.
306
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,494
Let's go
307
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,412
Okay. Here we go.
308
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,666
Okay. Hey. Hi. Hey hi ho.
309
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:44,500
Get to the cue cards!
310
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:49,089
Um, our commitment to...
311
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,130
What the fuck is this?
312
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,173
Come on, Todd.
313
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,174
You can't fucking read now?
314
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,175
What are these words?
315
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,260
Like, it's hard to read.
Who wrote this?
316
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,638
I was in a rush!
317
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,721
Fucking read it!
318
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,474
We here at Crotch...
319
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,517
Conch.
320
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,310
Did he say crotch?
- Conch.
321
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,979
You ever stare at
a word too long
322
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,023
and it stops looking
like a word, everyone?
323
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,524
No.
324
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,610
Uh, Conch?
325
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,860
Is that even
how it's spelled?
326
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,028
It's not a spelling contest.
327
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,196
Just read it.
- Move on.
328
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,616
Anyway, there's a lot of
technical mumbo-jumbo
329
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,660
in these notes. Uh...
330
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,619
Carbon trails.
331
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,620
Don't skip that.
332
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,371
River acidity.
333
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,539
Are you kidding me, Todd?
334
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,083
Fuck me.
335
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,043
You know what? I left my
science brain in the truck.
336
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,129
What's he doing?
What's he doing?
337
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,504
So if you're worried...
- We're fucked.
338
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,716
Don't be. I mean, this
is basically like...
339
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,969
Three Mile Island or...
- Oh wow.
340
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,554
Fukushima or,
you know, the...
341
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,513
I didn't write that.
342
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,889
The Exxon Valdez,
343
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,058
which turned out okay.
344
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,560
And none of those
places complained.
345
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:48,063
They didn't bitch about a little
radiation or glowing otters.
346
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,565
And, you know, they
didn't stop having kids.
347
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,483
Hell no!
348
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,192
They probably had more kids
349
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,361
because they
couldn't go outside.
350
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,486
Now that's a theory.
351
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,196
Jesus Christ.
352
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:59,158
Well I guess that's gonna
be, uh, about it for me.
353
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,659
I'm gonna wrap it up...
354
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,869
Wrap it up!
355
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,203
In a sandwich.
- Medhi you're up.
356
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,538
Pull him out.
357
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,082
Bologna?
358
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,001
Medhi.
359
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,505
B-A-L...
360
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,547
Wah!
361
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,591
Todd!
- Todd!
362
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:17,510
That's not what I wrote!
363
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,179
Blood sugar.
Blood sugar issue.
364
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,262
He'll be fine.
365
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,765
Pulse. Pulse.
Check his pulse.
366
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:31,940
Hey bro!
- Jesus.
367
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,567
There he is.
368
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,569
Do you have five minutes for
my Conch Cares promo piece?
369
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,197
Auds, I need silence and
another drinking box.
370
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,240
Come on, Todd.
371
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,617
Everyone else is fucking
treating this like a joke.
372
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,077
They're disrespecting
me and my crew.
373
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,119
I need you.
374
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,412
Your crew?
375
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,539
Isn't it just you and
mini tripod over here
376
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,957
with a fucking cellphone?
377
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,542
Hey, I'm five-five.
378
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,752
Sure you are.
- Fuck.
379
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,922
Fine. You got five.
380
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,214
Perfect.
381
00:11:57,676 --> 00:12:00,219
This is General Foreman
Todd Stool.
382
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,887
He's also my brother.
383
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,430
That's right. At Conch,
384
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,100
we're one big, shiny family.
385
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,144
Some of us are
shinier than others.
386
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:13,273
And how would you
describe this family, Todd?
387
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,233
Oh, I don't know.
388
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,609
Dysfunctional.
389
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,069
A bunch of peer
pressuring pricks.
390
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,112
Fuck you, man.
391
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,155
Are you trying to
fucking tank this?
392
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,448
Jesus, I thought I
could count on you.
393
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:22,449
Oh, come on, Auds.
394
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,784
You hijacked the assignment
395
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,286
and now I'm the asshole 'cause
I don't wanna smile through it?
396
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,455
I didn't hijack
the assignment.
397
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,123
Chelsea gave it to me because
I'm the only one around here
398
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,332
who gives a shit.
399
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,459
Well maybe if he gave less
of a shit about being a star
400
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,169
and more about being
part of a team,
401
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,505
the crew wouldn't treat your
passion project like a joke.
402
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,589
Should I still
be filming this?
403
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,590
Yes!
- No!
404
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,675
Okay.
- Jesus, Todd,
405
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:40,843
you've been grumpy
since middle school.
406
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,177
At least I didn't
peak in middle school.
407
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,804
Well, talent never dies.
408
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,180
Neither does herpes, Auds.
409
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,641
Doesn't mean we
make a film about it.
410
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,809
Hey. Sorry, Auds.
411
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,520
You can finish this later.
412
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,440
Lemme guess, sibling rivalry?
413
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,773
Help me.
414
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,818
Okay, table it.
415
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,154
All right. Onto the next.
416
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,780
Come with me.
417
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,990
How ya doing?
Your head okay?
418
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,325
I'm okay.
- Okay, good.
419
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:06,618
Listen, we're pulling
you from the media scrum.
420
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,996
We can't have our GF
blacking out on camera again.
421
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:12,791
It just looks a little bad
for the, you know, everything.
422
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,836
All right? Okay.
423
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,380
Got it.
424
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,382
Ms. Conch, you
look amazing today!
425
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,383
Do you have time for
a quick interview?
426
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,343
No, no, no, no. No time.
427
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,385
Just a quick conversation.
428
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,386
I said no.
429
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,387
We just need
one sound bite.
430
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:26,972
No! No time.
431
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,182
There she goes.
- Shit!
432
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,475
Is this a janitor's closet?
433
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,726
Oh yeah, it's a closet.
434
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,478
She's so fucking nuts.
435
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,564
Okay, um, through
the door then.
436
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,691
Can you tell me a little
bit about Conch caring
437
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,568
from the family perspective?
438
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,528
Oh my fucking god!
439
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,905
There's a bird
in this closet!
440
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:43,906
Bird in that closet?
441
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,575
No, there's no
bird in the closet.
442
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,912
Never mind. It was,
443
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,539
it was a feather duster.
444
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,873
Uh, anyway,
445
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:56,168
Granddaddy Conch built an
empire less on caring,
446
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,046
more on rules,
silence and fear.
447
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,631
You know, classic
founding father shit.
448
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:01,882
Okay, just one more
question before you go.
449
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,883
No, no, no, no.
450
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:03,926
I have to go
damage control
451
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,052
your brother's fainting spell.
452
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,596
What?
453
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,223
Oh fuck.
454
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,933
That's why Todd
was freaking out.
455
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,893
I thought he was
just being Todd.
456
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,561
Yeah, you were being
kind of a dick.
457
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,272
I was?
- Yeah.
458
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,735
Are you
zooming in on me?
459
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,614
Stop that! Come on.
460
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,620
All right, go, go, go, go.
461
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,416
Well, what a turnout.
462
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,917
Hot damn.
463
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,962
Guys, I have some
really good news.
464
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,797
At Conch,
465
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:45,592
we are in a true partnership
with Mother Nature, right?
466
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,970
I mean, that old gal can
flood a town and what do we do?
467
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,763
We pivot.
468
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,600
When we leak an itty-bitty
amount of mercury
469
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,601
into the river,
470
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,060
she just, I don't know,
471
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,604
hides it in fishes
or something, right?
472
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:58,772
Oh, no, no, no.
473
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,190
She keeps making it
sound like no big deal.
474
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:01,443
They'll think we're
burying barrels.
475
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,610
Oh, she
keeps talking at all.
476
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,322
we'll be burying the company.
477
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,241
You fell down again, huh?
478
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,993
I might have, a little.
479
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,995
Seems like I'm still
a fucking fuck up.
480
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,663
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
481
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,457
You remember your
Uncle Jerry?
482
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:17,416
Like your brother?
483
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,792
Yeah. You remember
when you were thirteen
484
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,169
and you helped him after
he crashed his sea-doo
485
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,462
into his ex-wife's pool?
486
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,297
I remember him being
fucking wasted.
487
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,298
And he thought he
was at the marina.
488
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,466
That's the day.
That's the day.
489
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,634
That night he phoned
me and he says to me,
490
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,470
"Todd's my guy.
491
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,013
"Todd's the kind of kid
who's ready to help out.
492
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,265
"If I ever killed somebody,
493
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,808
"Todd would be the first one
there with shovels and snacks."
494
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,353
You don't judge.
You just show up
495
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,646
and you do your best
when you're there,
496
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:41,023
whether it's helping your drunk
Uncle Jerry in a sea-doo
497
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,942
out of a pool or
comforting your community
498
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,944
after an
environmental disaster.
499
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:46,653
You're there.
500
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:47,696
Mother Nature...
501
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,699
Thanks, Dad.
502
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,658
Hell no, she doesn't.
503
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:55,913
She just crashes
right on in uninvited.
504
00:15:55,914 --> 00:16:00,502
like my Aunt Marilyn half
drunk on some cheap ass rose.
505
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,003
She's killing us.
Let me fix this.
506
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,297
That ship capsized,
no offence.
507
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,341
I know but I
want another shot.
508
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,967
I've been fainting in
front of public crowds
509
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,968
since grade six.
510
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,179
Like I'm due for a win.
511
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,514
Well hopefully the podium comes
with a handrail this time.
512
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:14,473
Medhi.
513
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,808
If you're getting
back up there,
514
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:16,850
we spin this.
515
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:17,851
You don't apologize.
516
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,687
Anthropomorphize it.
517
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:23,190
Toxic spills don't sell but
Blobby the Safety Sludge?
518
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,692
That's a brand.
519
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,402
Give him a jingle, you know?
520
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,361
I'm serious.
521
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,529
Smokey the bear.
522
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,863
Pillsbury Doughboy.
523
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:32,366
It could be like the
Michelin Man meets Slimer.
524
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,077
People love a weird
little creep with a smile.
525
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,870
Well, anything's better
than this shit show.
526
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:37,913
Attaboy.
527
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,540
How 'bout you drink
some of the water?
528
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,877
Well I would but I am doing
an intermittent fasting,
529
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,504
so, uh, no liquids
until sundown.
530
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,716
We need clean water
and a real apology!
531
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,509
Yeah. Come on!
532
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,388
It's a complicated issue.
533
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,556
Okay.
534
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,560
What the fuck are
you doing up here?
535
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,145
I got this.
536
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,771
Okay.
- You suck!
537
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,565
We're gonna fix this,
538
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:07,443
not with bullshit, with work.
539
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,570
And maybe sandbags,
I don't know yet.
540
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,031
What?
541
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:13,741
You know what? Fuck this.
542
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,367
Follow me.
543
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,785
What are we... uh, Todd?
544
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,288
What's?
545
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:19,913
Follow him!
546
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,123
Let's go!
547
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,083
Follow the man
with the podium.
548
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,877
Coming through.
549
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,420
Follow me. Let's go.
550
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,421
You want me to
drink the water?
551
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,089
I'll drink the fucking water.
552
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:40,643
Anybody have a container or
glass to put some water in?
553
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,146
Anybody?
554
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,606
Thanks, Conchie.
555
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,907
Oh, what's he doing?
556
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:57,285
Go Todd.
557
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,002
Ugh.
558
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,171
Mmm.
559
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,631
Why don't you drink
the whole thing?
560
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,132
Not just a sip.
561
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:17,971
Let's see it.
562
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:18,931
Ewwww.
563
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,100
If it's safe, drink it.
564
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,267
That's it. Keep it down.
565
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,601
Keep it down. You got it.
566
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:26,480
CH-CH-CHUGG IT!
567
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,481
Every last drop.
568
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:33,153
Holy fuck! Not bad.
569
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,698
Well done.
570
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,033
We all...
571
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,661
Oh Jesus.
572
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:41,996
Wait.
573
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:44,331
The mercury is speaking.
574
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,624
We all grew up on this river.
575
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,792
We fished in it.
576
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,835
We swam in it.
577
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,378
We probably swallowed
some of it.
578
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,046
And yeah, I mean,
it's full of mercury now
579
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:54,341
but so are most of us.
580
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,677
When I was in
elementary school,
581
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,179
I broke a thermometer open
and I touched the mercury.
582
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,430
I thought it was cool.
- He did.
583
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:01,140
And fuck it.
Full disclosure?
584
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,683
I licked it on a dare.
585
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,811
And then I licked it
again for attention.
586
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,895
Attaboy, Todd.
587
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,189
And I turned out
mostly normal.
588
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,192
The thing is, most of us
have stories like that.
589
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:14,028
We're all still here,
we're all still weird
590
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:16,156
and we're all
pretty much normal.
591
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,198
I'm not saying it's good
592
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,575
but to pretend it didn't
happen isn't gonna fix it.
593
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,077
We all released our pet
goldfish in this water.
594
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,037
Take a look at these.
595
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,080
Half my chompers are mercury.
596
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:28,709
I lit a jar of this water on
fire to impress my girlfriend.
597
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,502
Now she's my wife!
598
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:36,508
Todd Stool
leading by example,
599
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,886
which in this case means
drinking contaminated water
600
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,429
on camera.
601
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:41,889
He's also my brother.
602
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,098
You got this, bro.
603
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,016
Here's the thing.
604
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,351
If we're stuck
with this blob,
605
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,769
let's own it.
606
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,229
Let's make it our own.
607
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,397
I say we name the
fucking thing.
608
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,398
Yeah!
- Yeah.
609
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,275
All right. Globby.
That's a friendly name.
610
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,401
Nice, Dad.
611
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,737
How 'bout, uh, Lil' Spilly?
612
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:57,696
Uh...
613
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:58,697
Mercules!
614
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,782
Come on, yes.
615
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:00,867
Just spitballing here.
616
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,951
What about Blob Gnarly?
617
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,036
That's good.
618
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,079
Huh?
619
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,580
Lil' Spilly's just a
misunderstood puddle.
620
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:07,915
All right, I think
we have a winner.
621
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,041
What?! Oh my gosh!
622
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,751
Society made him toxic.
623
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,378
I want royalties.
- Uncultured swine.
624
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,588
I guess this is what
peaking feels like.
625
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:17,299
Somewhere out there
is Blob Gnarly.
626
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,342
Good job.
627
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,052
You stayed upright.
You didn't shit yourself.
628
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,095
That's growth.
629
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:23,597
Do you have an extra
pair of pants?
630
00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:24,556
Kidding.
631
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,599
You'd smell it obviously.
632
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,725
Oh I know.
633
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,644
With you trades guys it's
always about shit and piss
634
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,561
and the occasional cock.
635
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:31,897
Hey Todd.
636
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,149
Um, still need to
make my video
637
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,651
except none of the
guys will play ball.
638
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,821
Half of them think that
I'm filming a prank show.
639
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,324
I'm their boss.
I can make them dance.
640
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:43,784
Let's show everybody
that we're functional.
641
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:44,993
Awww.
642
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:45,995
You do care.
643
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:48,330
No. But I can fake
it for five minutes.
644
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:50,166
Cool. That's six
more than usual.
645
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:52,961
Okay.
646
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,129
Into the camera.
647
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,630
And action.
648
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,716
Yeah, well my old man
worked here and, uh, now I do
649
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:01,719
and hopefully my son after me.
650
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,513
It's, uh, it's not always easy
651
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:06,348
but when you're in a
jam people show up.
652
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,433
Nice.
653
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,769
And it's a job where I can
be unapologetically weird
654
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,437
and get paid.
655
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:12,479
The big bucks.
656
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,689
Not a bad deal.
657
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:14,815
One of a kind, Dewey.
658
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,608
I care about the lunch truck.
659
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,819
Okay. And that's...
660
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,863
that's all that you
wanna say for the video?
661
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,031
What video?
662
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:22,949
Fuck, Roach.
663
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,826
Conch has covered me
through, uh, two divorces,
664
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,829
four injuries and one
surprise custody hearing.
665
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:29,830
Awwww.
666
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,165
That's important.
- Okay.
667
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:34,001
Well, if you need a
nail gun or an alibi,
668
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,502
someone's got you.
669
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,504
Conch isn't a perfect place
670
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:38,839
but when the shit
hits the fan,
671
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,174
people show up.
672
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:44,011
They care about the work,
the town and each other.
673
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:46,722
It's not some corporate
mission statement,
674
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,390
it's just how it is.
675
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:50,226
Yeah. You get the picture.
676
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,644
T-shirts, hats, hoodies.
677
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:56,315
All proceeds go to the cleanup
or sandbags or whatever helps.
678
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:59,527
We made this mess and
we'll deal with it because...
679
00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:01,321
Conch Cares.
680
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:05,824
Okay. Well I guess you're
not a complete failure.
681
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,410
Oh, high praise from a guy
who headbutted a podium
682
00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:09,329
on live TV.
683
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:11,372
And who had the brilliant
idea of letting the town
684
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:13,749
name a toxic blob.
685
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,709
I mean, that was
Homer's idea but...
686
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:16,878
who's counting?
687
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,713
You know, I never gave a
damn about your report cards.
688
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:22,007
I didn't need any teacher
to tell me who my kids were.
689
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:24,385
You came out strong.
You came out smart.
690
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,261
You came out mine.
691
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,056
Oh just so you know, that sexy
crush of yours, Ms. Walton?
692
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,015
Yeah?
693
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:31,392
She was a box wine drunk.
694
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,434
Really?
695
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:33,352
And I should know.
696
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,353
I banged her.
697
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:37,439
Whoa.
- What?
698
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,734
It was the only A I
ever got.
699
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:41,735
Ew, guys.
700
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:42,862
I'm so jealous.
701
00:22:42,988 --> 00:22:45,532
♪ There ain't no "Sunday Best"
in my bottom drawer
702
00:22:47,242 --> 00:22:50,120
♪ Sunday morning I recover
from the night before
703
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,207
♪ And these fists have
thrown a punch or two
704
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,003
♪ But if you don't cross me,
I won't cross you ♪
705
00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:03,924
♪ And if you'd lived my
life you would understand ♪
706
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:05,592
Honestly, the most frequent
thing that happens here
707
00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,220
in terms of safety is, like,
dudes getting their dicks
708
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,263
caught in their zippers
709
00:23:09,264 --> 00:23:10,723
and I don't go into
the bathroom for that.
710
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,641
I send Homer in.
711
00:23:12,642 --> 00:23:14,268
He likes it.
712
00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:16,437
The mercury blob
will be contained.
713
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,105
This is not our first rodeo.
714
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,065
I mean, it is our,
our first rodeo.
715
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,735
It's just not the
first rodeo...
716
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:23,986
There are plenty of
rodeos out there.
717
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,279
It, it's, it's
happened before.
718
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,114
The point is,
the technology is there.
719
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:28,490
We will clean it up.
720
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,284
Things will be fine.
Life will go on.
721
00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:31,785
All right? We done?
722
00:23:31,786 --> 00:23:33,163
Okay. We're totally fucked.
723
00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:36,999
♪ And if you'd lived my
life you would understand
724
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,835
♪ The Devil is a friend
of the workin' man ♪
725
00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:46,175
♪ And if you'd lived my
life you would understand
726
00:23:46,176 --> 00:23:48,011
♪ The Devil is a friend
of the workin' man ♪
727
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,225
♪ And if you'd lived my
life you would understand
728
00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,770
♪ The Devil is a friend
of the workin' man
729
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:59,314
♪ Said the Lord might
take you by the hand
730
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,483
♪ He ain't gonna take
us to the promised land
731
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,860
♪ And if you'd lived my
life you would understand
732
00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:06,111
♪ The Devil is a friend
of the workin' man ♪
51198
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