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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,109 --> 00:00:34,411 INSPECTOR: The moment I walked out of headquarters and started across the street, 2 00:00:34,881 --> 00:00:37,043 I knew that something was wrong. 3 00:00:37,117 --> 00:00:39,951 Even the simple act of getting on an elevator 4 00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:42,251 gave me a peculiar sensation. 5 00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:47,718 For some strange reason, I didn't feel quite right. 6 00:00:50,297 --> 00:00:54,598 It even got so I was afraid to smoke one of my favorite after-dinner cigars 7 00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:57,297 for fear, you know, it would explode. 8 00:00:57,371 --> 00:00:58,839 (EXPLOSION) 9 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,175 So I stuck to my trusty old pipe. 10 00:01:04,578 --> 00:01:07,309 I finally decided to see a psychiatrist. 11 00:01:07,547 --> 00:01:10,449 Tell me, what seems to be troubling you? 12 00:01:10,717 --> 00:01:14,245 I'm beginning to suspect that I might be accident prone. 13 00:01:14,988 --> 00:01:16,251 (WHIZZING) 14 00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:19,919 Oh, yes, you do have a problem. 15 00:01:21,728 --> 00:01:24,596 INSPECTOR: As I was saying, Doctor, I need help. 16 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:30,196 INSPECTOR: After two weeks and 5,000 francs the doctor reached a conclusion. 17 00:01:30,571 --> 00:01:33,200 Someone is trying to get rid of you. 18 00:01:35,677 --> 00:01:38,772 INSPECTOR: What a relief it was to have the mystery solved. 19 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,315 I felt free as a bird in flight. 20 00:01:43,418 --> 00:01:45,580 (CHUCKLING) 21 00:01:45,787 --> 00:01:48,484 INSPECTOR: Suddenly, everything came into focus. 22 00:01:48,890 --> 00:01:52,418 The priceless Du Barry diamond was to be exhibited publicly 23 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,689 and the jewel thieves were in Paris to steal it. 24 00:01:55,763 --> 00:01:58,597 I alone knew where the diamond was hidden 25 00:01:58,666 --> 00:02:01,534 and I was keeping it under my hat. 26 00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:05,633 They knew the only way they could get that diamond 27 00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:07,801 would be over my dead body. 28 00:02:07,942 --> 00:02:10,810 I kept my eyes, my ears, open. 29 00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:18,418 As a precaution, I rented a mine detector 30 00:02:18,519 --> 00:02:21,648 to check out my pad, you know, for a booby trap. 31 00:02:24,459 --> 00:02:25,688 (BEEPING) 32 00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:29,055 Just as I suspected. 33 00:02:42,644 --> 00:02:44,738 INSPECTOR: I was pleasantly surprised, you know, 34 00:02:44,813 --> 00:02:46,543 when I learned that the famous movie star, 35 00:02:46,615 --> 00:02:48,607 Melody Mercurochrome and her maid 36 00:02:48,684 --> 00:02:50,949 were in the room next to mine. 37 00:02:51,019 --> 00:02:53,853 I decided to get acquainted. 38 00:02:55,657 --> 00:02:58,058 Stealing the diamond will be a cinch, 39 00:02:58,127 --> 00:03:01,291 but first we must get rid of that stupid copper. 40 00:03:01,363 --> 00:03:03,389 (RINGING) 41 00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:05,329 Hello. 42 00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:09,304 Good morning, beautiful neighbor. 43 00:03:09,371 --> 00:03:13,638 How about joining me for a candlelight dinner for two, eh? 44 00:03:13,709 --> 00:03:18,170 I'll be right over. We'll split a pizza together. 45 00:03:20,516 --> 00:03:22,712 Now, go get him. You know what to do. 46 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:25,755 Don't worry, darling, I will finish him off. 47 00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:30,684 Pizza? Where do I find a pizza in Paris? 48 00:03:30,926 --> 00:03:33,453 Pizza! Pizza! 49 00:03:34,697 --> 00:03:36,632 Get your red-hot pizza here. 50 00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:38,224 What a coincidence. 51 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,634 A strolling pizzeria. 52 00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:42,137 Pizza! 53 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:45,807 Fill it up, mamma mia, and keep the change. 54 00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:47,577 (SINGING) 55 00:03:53,883 --> 00:03:55,215 (EXCLAIMS) 56 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,951 You... You bumbling fool. 57 00:04:05,028 --> 00:04:07,054 You goofed up the job. 58 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,861 Now, I want him out of the way before morning. 59 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:13,128 Oui, all right, Melody, you are the boss. 60 00:04:13,703 --> 00:04:18,073 I could work much better if I didn't have to wear this maid outfit. 61 00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:23,144 Time is running out. We must destroy him at once! 62 00:04:23,713 --> 00:04:27,650 Don't panic, I'm going to give him the bird. 63 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,182 (CHUCKLING) 64 00:04:34,391 --> 00:04:38,658 It's a mechanical homing pigeon that lays golden bombs. 65 00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:40,823 I simply press this button, 66 00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,693 and off he goes, right on target. 67 00:04:57,114 --> 00:05:00,243 Well, I don't hear no boom-booms. 68 00:05:00,751 --> 00:05:03,380 Don't worry, you will. 69 00:05:11,262 --> 00:05:12,924 (SIRENS WAILING) 70 00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:16,491 INSPECTOR: Well, the thieves blew the job, right there. 71 00:05:17,535 --> 00:05:21,063 The next day, I delivered the diamond right on schedule. 72 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,309 Good morning, sir. It was a frightening experience, 73 00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:31,571 but here is the diamond, safe and sound. 74 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:36,288 Thank you, Inspector, but I had the real diamond all the time. 75 00:05:36,354 --> 00:05:37,982 Yours was a fake. 76 00:05:38,056 --> 00:05:39,456 (GIGGLING) 77 00:05:39,524 --> 00:05:42,084 I hope that your feelings aren't hurt. 78 00:05:42,193 --> 00:05:43,718 Oh, no, of course not. 79 00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:47,197 As a matter of fact, I have a little gift for you, 80 00:05:47,732 --> 00:05:49,633 a golden pigeon egg. 81 00:05:49,701 --> 00:05:51,795 How interesting. 82 00:05:52,137 --> 00:05:53,696 (EXPLOSION) 83 00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:56,833 I hope that your feelings aren't hurt. 84 00:05:56,908 --> 00:06:00,106 Every feeling in my body hurts. 6135