Original subtitles

INSPECTOR: While on an assignment to investigate an eccentric scientist

who was making monsters without a license,

I apparently lost my way.

I'd better ask for directions at that old house.

Hey, master, I think it's done.

Hey, look, master, I smashed a ugly old butterfly.

It's me, you fool. You know I sometimes change into a bat.

It's the rule of the vampire.

It ain't my fault that I'm stupid. You never give me no brain.

Let's face it, Urg, you are obsolete.

Now, come down here and I will show you my greatest creation,

a monster to end all monsters.

Isn't he a beauty?

He's pretty, all right. But how come he ain't got no brain?

It is because the brain for this monster must be perfect.

It must be witty and clever, also cunning, crafty and courageous.

Now, who do we know that's got a brain like that?

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- How about him? - Perfect. Go get him.

Excuse me, but I seem to have lost my direction.

Thanks anyway, but I...

I have three other directions to choose from.

Sorry to disturb you.

VAMPIRE: Don't let him get away.

URG: I'll get him, boss.

(PUNCHES SOUNDING)

VAMPIRE: Be careful, Urg, don't hurt his brain.

Stop hitting me, you numbskull. He got away.

There he goes. After him!

Oh, heck, he went in that hole.

- I'll drive him out and you clobber him. - Okay, master.

VAMPIRE: Here he comes.

Hit him.

I'll bet you're mad at me again.

Now I'm going to make you small, so you can go in that hole and get him.

I say the magic word "teensy-weensy,"

now you're small.

(IN SQUEAKY VOICE) But how do I get big again?

Simple, all I say is "biggy-wiggy," and you're big.

Gee, that's keen-o. Do it again.

VAMPIRE: Teensy-weensy, you're small. Now, go get him.

(IN SQUEAKY VOICE) I know you're in here, so don't try nothing funny.

INSPECTOR: Wait, please. Before you hit me, I would like to say one last word.

Biggy-wiggy.

- Now I got you. - Teensy-weensy.

Biggy-wiggy.

Teensy-weensy.

What happened, you fool?

(IN SQUEAKY VOICE) First he said biggy-wiggy.

Yes? Yes?

- Then he said... - Teensy-weensy.

There is only one way to get him out of that hole.

(WHISPERING) Go to the castle's powder room and bring back a keg of TNT.

(WHISPERING) Okay.

TNT, TNT I got the TNT

Gonna blow that wise guy up

With a keg of TNT

VAMPIRE: Hurry, let's get into the castle before it goes off.

(LAUGHING)

Look at that, you'd expect something more imaginative from a scientist.

This is an insult to my intelligence.

It should go "boom" any second.

(HISSING)

Who'd ever have thought that Transylvania would be the first country

to get to the moon?