Original subtitles

INSPECTOR: The Commissioner of the Paris Sûreté

suggested that I spend my summer vacation in Canada.

This afforded me an opportunity

to work with the Mounted Police

and study the methods of Canadian prison system.

I was immediately assigned to guard a vicious criminal named Caribou Lou.

Now unbeknown to me, someone had smuggled to him

an armored car inside of a cake.

He wasted no time in breaking out.

Naturally, he took me along as a hostage.

We holed up in an isolated cabin, miles from anywhere.

I detected at once that he was a person that I could easily hate.

Now listen, you stupid copper, you're my ticket to freedom.

So don't try to get away, understand?

Yes... Yes, sir.

INSPECTOR: We finally settled down for the night.

I'm tying us together, so don't try no funny stuff!

INSPECTOR: I lay there despising him until I was sure he was asleep.

(CARIBOU LOU SNORING)

(INSPECTOR YELPING)

I told you not to try anything funny.

INSPECTOR: Oh, how I loathed him.

All right, go out there and get some firewood.

Yes... Yes, sir.

Now remember, I'll be watching you.

Oh, that dirty...

That no-good, contemptible, sawed-off little...

Well, my, my, my.

I think I know somebody who's going to get a big surprise, eh?

(GIGGLING)

(HISSING)

INSPECTOR: Oh, no!

And don't try that again.

Get the wood, do the dishes, make the beds...

Who does he think he is?

Come on. Hurry up with the porridge, I'm hungry.

Sleeping powder, eh?

(HUMMING)

Here's the porridge.

Wait a minute.

You've got the biggest and I've got the littlest!

I'll take this one and you take that one.

Wait, it might be too hot.

I wouldn't want you to burn your big mouth.

No, it feels cool enough.

- You can eat it. - You can eat it.

I'll take this one.

Now keep away from me and my porridge.

(SNORING)

Well, that does it.

Before you shoot, may I have your autograph?

Say, are you funning me?

Oh, no, no, no, sir, you are a very famous criminal.

Can't you see someday, your name up there in lights, huh?

Where?

And your picture splashed across the front pages everywhere.

What made it splash?

You do have a good picture of yourself, eh?

I ain't even got a bad one.

You mean to tell me that your handsome features and chiseled profile

have never been recorded on film?

No, I reckon not.

Well, you wait here and I'll go get a camera.

You know, that Mountie is really a nice guy.

I've decided I ain't gonna shoot him.

I'll just stab him, quick-like.

Boy, oh boy, are we lucky. It was the last one they had.

Now this will be a time exposure, so you'll have to stand real still, eh?

- Okay. How's this? - That's beautiful.

Now hold it.

(CLOCK TICKING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(CLOCK TICKING)

Come on, I can't stand here all day. Go ahead and shoot.

Okay, smile.

I... I'll take 12 prints.

Inspector, is it true that you captured the criminal single-handed?

Yes, I must admit that, I must. I did it, yes.

Hold it, Inspector. Just one more.

Well, what do you say to that, you varmint?

Makeup. Makeup.