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INSPECTOR: An emergency call took
Sergeant Deux-Deux and myself
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to the Rue Morgue section of Paris.
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(SIREN WAILING)
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The neighbors were complaining
about a mad scientist.
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It seems these experiments were creating
interference on their television sets.
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I am not crazy! They are crazy!
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I don't sit around watching TV!
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(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
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The Sergeant and I began a thorough
investigation of this whole house.
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Often in these mad-scientist cases there is
a monster somewhere on the premises.
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Hey, what is these monsters look like?
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Well, mostly they're sort of horrible,
like this...
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(ROARS)
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Holy frijoles! I want to go home.
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Sergeant, what kind of stuff
are you made of?
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Oh, enchiladas, chili beans, tacos,
stuff like that. Nothing fancy.
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Personally, I cannot see
how you can stomach that awful food.
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If my stomach, she doesn't like it,
she can lump it.
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(BURPS)
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I think she lumped it.
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I better drink some of this seltzer water
to put out the fire.
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Now it's muchos better.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTING)
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Deux-Deux, I think I found something.
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These old secret-passage type walls
are just the place to find a secret passage.
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(GRUNTING)
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(THUDDING)
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(HICCUPS)
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Hey, Inspector,
did you find the secret passage?
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Yes.
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INSPECTOR: An obvious suspicion
was growing in me.
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Sergeant, you and I are not alone
in this old house.
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If there is another presence here,
it might be upstairs.
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I'll go search the cellar.
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Get up those stairs and find that monster.
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All right, sir.
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I wish I was in sunny Barcelona.
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I don't see no monsters.
Well at least that's a good sign.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTING)
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(HICCUPS)
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Caramba, the monstruo! The monstruo!
I see him! The monstruo! I see him!
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Come quick! I mean stop quick!
I don't know what I mean! Mama!
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Deux-Deux, calmyourself.
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If the monster is upstairs,
we have him where we want him.
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But I don't want him.
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We'll seal the monster up inside this room.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTING)
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There. I defy him to get through this door.
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(EXCLAIMS)
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(HICCUPS)
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Hey, Inspector?
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(KNOCKING)
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What happened?
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Shut the door, Deux-Deux,
you're making a draft.
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Here's a pistol, Deux-Deux.
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00:04:01,263 --> 00:04:04,668
Now you hide behind this door
and if you see the monster,
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00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:06,741
shoot him through the keyhole.
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But I don't like to be in here all alone.
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Don't worry, I'll be right out here,
hiding behind the curtains.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTING)
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(GUN FIRES)
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We've searched everywhere but the cellar.
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He must be down there.
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00:04:29,886 --> 00:04:34,157
I could stay here
and catch him when you chase him out.
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We're in this together. You first.
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INSPECTOR: Keep that gun of yours handy.
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Carefully now.
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DEUX-DEUX: I don't feel so good.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTS)
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I found a light switch.
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When I turn the light on,
if you see the monster, shoot.
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Do you see him?
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Cunning devil, now I know where you are.
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Well, take this.
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00:05:04,755 --> 00:05:06,019
(HICCUPS)
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00:05:06,125 --> 00:05:07,890
(GRUNTING)
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00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:09,030
(GUN FIRES)
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Take that, you swine.
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00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,037
Sergeant Deux-Deux?
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00:05:13,172 --> 00:05:18,081
Somebody here is triggers-happy.
I won't say who.
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We're dealing with
a pistol-packing monster.
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I'll douse the light.
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(BURPS)
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(GRUNTS)
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Did you hear that?
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(HICCUPS)
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00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:31,699
(GRUNTS)
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00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:35,673
(BURPS)
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00:05:40,226 --> 00:05:41,354
(HICCUPS)
95
00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:42,795
(GRUNTING)
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00:05:43,665 --> 00:05:47,401
Hey, Inspector, don't leave me all alone
with this monstruo.
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00:05:48,642 --> 00:05:49,942
Hey, wait.
98
00:05:50,947 --> 00:05:53,248
Wait for me! Hey, wait!
99
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,091
(THUDDING)
100
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,897
Oh, am I glad those crazy fuzz are gone.
101
00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:06,535
They make a body nervous.
6663
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