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INSPECTOR: The entire affair began
on a Thursday evening
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when I received an urgent call
from the Commissioner
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summoning me to Headquarters.
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Inspector, read this.
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"Tonight I shall add the Louvre
to my art collection.
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"Signed, The Blotch."
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Do we have a mug shot
of this Blotch fellow?
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There is a photo of him on my desk.
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I have never seen such a blotchy mess.
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That is my wife, you fool!
This is the Blotch.
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Oh, yes, of course.
12
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:05,279
I'm very familiar
with this type of criminal face.
13
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I'm assigning you and Sergeant Deux-Deux
to spend the night in the Louvre.
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00:01:09,588 --> 00:01:12,249
You must guard
those priceless art treasures.
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And I warn you, no goof-ups!
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Very good, sir.
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- Did you lock all the doors, Deux-Deux?
- Sí.
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Don't say "Sí, " say "Oui."
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Sí, I mean, we are the only ones
here in the Liver.
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Don't say "Liver," say "Louvre."
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- Hoover?
- Never mind.
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Look at that. Some sloppy artist
left a blotch of paint right on the floor.
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INSPECTOR: Did you hear that, Deux-Deux?
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00:01:51,296 --> 00:01:54,855
Hey, there must be someone else
here in the Liver.
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I'll do the deducting, Deux-Deux.
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- You can please go guard the stairs.
- Sí.
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00:02:01,298 --> 00:02:05,323
Why anyone would want to steal
a painting like that, I'll never know.
28
00:02:05,432 --> 00:02:09,422
However, no one is going to steal anything
behind my back.
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(GREETING IN SPANISH)
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Holy Tabasco,
what a sore eyes for sight she is.
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DEUX-DEUX: Me and
the Inspector had a hard time
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keeping our eyes
on the pictures
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because they were moving pictures.
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First they move off one wall,
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and then we turn our backs
for just one momento...
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Caramba! They move again!
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Quick, block all these exits.
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DEUX-DEUX: I block all the exits
except one unlucky one
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that I didn't see. I mean, oui.
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So, the El Blotcho,
he keep stealing the pictures, big ones,
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and the little ones
he got from the Inspector's wallet.
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(CHUCKLING) Oh, boy. Was he ever mad.
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All right, you slithery Blotch.
Put up your hands.
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Stop, you fiend!
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Hey, Inspector, I got him!
46
00:03:29,914 --> 00:03:32,211
Hey, Inspector, here's a picture of you!
47
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And it's a good one, done by Rembrandt!
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00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:58,547
Quick, we'll trap him
at the top of the stairs.
49
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,587
I warn you, Blotch,
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00:04:02,687 --> 00:04:05,883
one false move
and I'll give you such a karate chop
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00:04:05,988 --> 00:04:08,217
that will split you in two.
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Okay, you asked for it.
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(EXCLAIMS)
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(THUMPING)
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Inspector, is this a good time
to take a siesta?
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00:04:33,826 --> 00:04:36,259
Now, remember, Deux-Deux, be alert.
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The Blotch is an insidious type
that will sneak up behind you.
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00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:49,055
A thousand pardons, Inspector.
I didn't know it was you.
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00:04:49,662 --> 00:04:53,653
- Who did you think it was?
- I thought it was him.
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Quick, give me your gun. Halt, or I'll shoot!
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00:05:01,631 --> 00:05:04,121
Hey, did you get him, Inspector?
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INSPECTOR: The Blotch finally
finished his dirty work,
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00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:15,701
but only after
he had cleaned out the Louvre,
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00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:19,565
which, unhappily, left me to face
the Commissioner's wrath.
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You stupid idiot!
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00:05:25,569 --> 00:05:27,866
If those paintings
are not back in the Louvre
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00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:30,528
when the doors open
at 8:00 in the morning,
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00:05:30,637 --> 00:05:34,093
the French police will be
the laughingstock of all Europe,
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and you will never laugh again
as long as I live!
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00:05:43,239 --> 00:05:47,139
INSPECTOR: I discovered that
to replace 4,254 masterpieces
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before 8:00 in the morning
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was no easy matter.
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(DEUX-DEUX WHISTLING)
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Deux-Deux,
would you please stop that whistling?
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00:05:57,075 --> 00:06:01,168
But you told me I'm supposed to be
a whistling mother.5802
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