Original subtitles

All eyes are still on the straight of

All eyes are still on the straight of

All eyes are still on the straight of Hormuz, which we can now all agree is

Hormuz, which we can now all agree is

Hormuz, which we can now all agree is the most important narrow waterway in

the most important narrow waterway in

the most important narrow waterway in the world. Look, no offense to the

the world. Look, no offense to the

the world. Look, no offense to the Panama Canal, but if I were you, I'd

Panama Canal, but if I were you, I'd

Panama Canal, but if I were you, I'd kill myself.

Anyway, as part of Trump's efforts to

Anyway, as part of Trump's efforts to

Anyway, as part of Trump's efforts to pressure Iran to open the straight, the

pressure Iran to open the straight, the

pressure Iran to open the straight, the US Navy is blockading all Iranian ports

US Navy is blockading all Iranian ports

US Navy is blockading all Iranian ports along the coastline, which is a very

along the coastline, which is a very

along the coastline, which is a very complex, difficult task. But luckily,

complex, difficult task. But luckily,

complex, difficult task. But luckily, we've got the steady, stable leadership

we've got the steady, stable leadership

we've got the steady, stable leadership of US Navy Secretary John Felin to get

of US Navy Secretary John Felin to get

of US Navy Secretary John Felin to get the job done.

the job done.

the job done. >> US Navy Secretary John Felen ousted from

>> US Navy Secretary John Felen ousted from

>> US Navy Secretary John Felen ousted from his position effected immediately.

his position effected immediately.

his position effected immediately. >> What?

>> What?

>> What? You're in the middle of a major naval

You're in the middle of a major naval

You're in the middle of a major naval operation and you're firing the guy

operation and you're firing the guy

operation and you're firing the guy whose job is to be in charge of major

whose job is to be in charge of major

whose job is to be in charge of major naval operations

naval operations

naval operations just because what? He looks like a high

just because what? He looks like a high

just because what? He looks like a high school principal who's always asking the

school principal who's always asking the

school principal who's always asking the girls for hugs.

girls for hugs.

girls for hugs. How else are you gonna say congrats on

How else are you gonna say congrats on

How else are you gonna say congrats on sophomore year?

There must be a reason.

There must be a reason.

There must be a reason. >> Tensions between Felen and Defense

>> Tensions between Felen and Defense

>> Tensions between Felen and Defense Secretary Pete Hexath had been mounting.

Secretary Pete Hexath had been mounting.

Secretary Pete Hexath had been mounting. According to multiple sources familiar

According to multiple sources familiar

According to multiple sources familiar with the relationship, the approach

with the relationship, the approach

with the relationship, the approach Felen was taking when it came to ship

Felen was taking when it came to ship

Felen was taking when it came to ship building appears to have been the main

building appears to have been the main

building appears to have been the main reason for the firing.

reason for the firing.

reason for the firing. >> Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. I um I

>> Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. I um I

>> Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. I um I can't tell you how many friends I've

can't tell you how many friends I've

can't tell you how many friends I've lost arguing about ship building. It's

lost arguing about ship building. It's

lost arguing about ship building. It's It's actually kind of sad.

It's actually kind of sad.

It's actually kind of sad. Tim, Gary, Todd, I know we haven't

Tim, Gary, Todd, I know we haven't

Tim, Gary, Todd, I know we haven't spoken since our big fight about whether

spoken since our big fight about whether

spoken since our big fight about whether a displacement hall is superior to a

a displacement hall is superior to a

a displacement hall is superior to a semi-displacement hall, but I still

semi-displacement hall, but I still

semi-displacement hall, but I still think that a semi-displacement offers

think that a semi-displacement offers

think that a semi-displacement offers better balance of range and speed. But I

better balance of range and speed. But I

better balance of range and speed. But I wish it hadn't torn our friendship

wish it hadn't torn our friendship

wish it hadn't torn our friendship apart, especially since none of us were

apart, especially since none of us were

apart, especially since none of us were actually building a ship.

actually building a ship.

actually building a ship. Also, sorry for banging your wives. Um,

Also, sorry for banging your wives. Um,

Also, sorry for banging your wives. Um, in retrospect, that was childish and

in retrospect, that was childish and

in retrospect, that was childish and uncalled for.

I think THAT'LL DO IT.

BUT this firing is a little concerning,

BUT this firing is a little concerning,

BUT this firing is a little concerning, especially because we're losing all of

especially because we're losing all of

especially because we're losing all of the military expertise that I'm sure

the military expertise that I'm sure

the military expertise that I'm sure John Felin had been bringing for the job

John Felin had been bringing for the job

John Felin had been bringing for the job for, I assume, years.

for, I assume, years.

for, I assume, years. >> Before taking the job just 13 months

>> Before taking the job just 13 months

>> Before taking the job just 13 months ago, Felen was a Florida businessman and

ago, Felen was a Florida businessman and

ago, Felen was a Florida businessman and a major donor to President Trump's

a major donor to President Trump's

a major donor to President Trump's campaigns. He had never served in the

campaigns. He had never served in the

campaigns. He had never served in the military.

military.

military. >> Holy That's it.

>> Holy That's it.

>> Holy That's it. They put a guy in charge of the US Navy

They put a guy in charge of the US Navy

They put a guy in charge of the US Navy because he's good at being rich.

because he's good at being rich.

because he's good at being rich. Secretary, six incoming torpedoes.

Secretary, six incoming torpedoes.

Secretary, six incoming torpedoes. Quick, throw some money at him. I mean,

Quick, throw some money at him. I mean,

Quick, throw some money at him. I mean, but still, Trump hangs out with lots of

but still, Trump hangs out with lots of

but still, Trump hangs out with lots of rich people. There must have been

rich people. There must have been

rich people. There must have been something more about John Felin that he

something more about John Felin that he

something more about John Felin that he liked. John Felen is named on a flight

liked. John Felen is named on a flight

liked. John Felen is named on a flight manifest indicating that he flew on

manifest indicating that he flew on

manifest indicating that he flew on Jeffrey Epstein's private plane in March

Jeffrey Epstein's private plane in March

Jeffrey Epstein's private plane in March 2006.

2006.

2006. >> God damn,

>> God damn,

>> God damn, that plane was like a LinkedIn for

that plane was like a LinkedIn for

that plane was like a LinkedIn for creeps.

creeps.

creeps. Someone on there must have been like,

Someone on there must have been like,

Someone on there must have been like, "Yeah, I did kids, but only for the

"Yeah, I did kids, but only for the

"Yeah, I did kids, but only for the networking.

networking.

networking. So maybe it's not so bad that HGset

So maybe it's not so bad that HGset

So maybe it's not so bad that HGset isn't feeling feeling anymore, but who's

isn't feeling feeling anymore, but who's

isn't feeling feeling anymore, but who's taking the helm from him?

taking the helm from him?

taking the helm from him? >> Replacing him is acting head of the Navy

>> Replacing him is acting head of the Navy

>> Replacing him is acting head of the Navy will be under secretary Hunga, a combat

will be under secretary Hunga, a combat

will be under secretary Hunga, a combat veteran who ran unsuccessful campaigns

veteran who ran unsuccessful campaigns

veteran who ran unsuccessful campaigns for the House and Senate in Virginia.

for the House and Senate in Virginia.

for the House and Senate in Virginia. >> This is a great gentleman. I love his

>> This is a great gentleman. I love his

>> This is a great gentleman. I love his name, Hunga. I love that name.

name, Hunga. I love that name.

name, Hunga. I love that name. >> Okay, sure.

>> Okay, sure.

>> Okay, sure. I'm sure he loves that name now,

I'm sure he loves that name now,

I'm sure he loves that name now, but how long until Trump forgets Hunga's

but how long until Trump forgets Hunga's

but how long until Trump forgets Hunga's name and starts trying to get close?

name and starts trying to get close?

name and starts trying to get close? Hey, the carrier's under attack. Where's

Hey, the carrier's under attack. Where's

Hey, the carrier's under attack. Where's a fat dong? Huh? Hey, anyone seen chubby

a fat dong? Huh? Hey, anyone seen chubby

a fat dong? Huh? Hey, anyone seen chubby wang?

By the way, hung cow was my nickname in

By the way, hung cow was my nickname in

By the way, hung cow was my nickname in high school.

That's right, ladies. I was wellendowed

That's right, ladies. I was wellendowed

That's right, ladies. I was wellendowed and my farts caused climate change. Now,

and my farts caused climate change. Now,

and my farts caused climate change. Now, to be clear,

to be clear,

to be clear, Cow does have some things that you want

Cow does have some things that you want

Cow does have some things that you want in a Navy secretary, like 20 years

in a Navy secretary, like 20 years

in a Navy secretary, like 20 years experience in the Navy. But in case

experience in the Navy. But in case

experience in the Navy. But in case you're worried that Trump accidentally

you're worried that Trump accidentally

you're worried that Trump accidentally hired someone normal, not so fast. For

hired someone normal, not so fast. For

hired someone normal, not so fast. For example, he seems very concerned about

example, he seems very concerned about

example, he seems very concerned about Christians being persecuted, even when

Christians being persecuted, even when

Christians being persecuted, even when it's a bit of a stretch. There's a place

it's a bit of a stretch. There's a place

it's a bit of a stretch. There's a place um in Monterey, California called

um in Monterey, California called

um in Monterey, California called Lover's Point.

Lover's Point.

Lover's Point. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> The original name was Lovers of Christ

>> The original name was Lovers of Christ

>> The original name was Lovers of Christ Point, but now it's become they they

Point, but now it's become they they

Point, but now it's become they they took out the Christ, it's Lovers Point.

took out the Christ, it's Lovers Point.

took out the Christ, it's Lovers Point. >> Oh, okay. That's very interesting. So

>> Oh, okay. That's very interesting. So

>> Oh, okay. That's very interesting. So that's actually just like Orlando

that's actually just like Orlando

that's actually just like Orlando originally was called Orlando. Don't you

originally was called Orlando. Don't you

originally was called Orlando. Don't you love Jesus?

Is changing it from Lovers of Christ

Is changing it from Lovers of Christ

Is changing it from Lovers of Christ point to lover's point that big of a

point to lover's point that big of a

point to lover's point that big of a deal? I mean, if they change it to rim

deal? I mean, if they change it to rim

deal? I mean, if they change it to rim job lovers point, yeah, fine. That might

job lovers point, yeah, fine. That might

job lovers point, yeah, fine. That might send a signal,

send a signal,

send a signal, but they didn't. And that's why I have

but they didn't. And that's why I have

but they didn't. And that's why I have no interest in going.

But sorry, I interrupted. You were

But sorry, I interrupted. You were

But sorry, I interrupted. You were talking about how all the Christians

talking about how all the Christians

talking about how all the Christians were driven out of Monterey, California.

were driven out of Monterey, California.

were driven out of Monterey, California. So, what happened next?

So, what happened next?

So, what happened next? >> And it's really Monterey is a very dark

>> And it's really Monterey is a very dark

>> And it's really Monterey is a very dark place now. A lot of witchcraft and the

place now. A lot of witchcraft and the

place now. A lot of witchcraft and the the the the Wiccan community has really

the the the Wiccan community has really

the the the Wiccan community has really taken over there. And we can't let that

taken over there. And we can't let that

taken over there. And we can't let that happen in Virginia.

happen in Virginia.

happen in Virginia. >> Yeah. No. Yeah. We can't let we can't

>> Yeah. No. Yeah. We can't let we can't

>> Yeah. No. Yeah. We can't let we can't let Virginia be taken over by witches.

let Virginia be taken over by witches.

let Virginia be taken over by witches. Also, I have a I have a follow-up

Also, I have a I have a follow-up

Also, I have a I have a follow-up question. What the are you talking

question. What the are you talking

question. What the are you talking about?

about?

about? Why I mean,

Why I mean,

Why I mean, why is everybody they appoint soing

why is everybody they appoint soing

why is everybody they appoint soing crazy? Can they just find a normal

crazy? Can they just find a normal

crazy? Can they just find a normal person with a normal head on his

person with a normal head on his

person with a normal head on his shoulders who believes normal things?

shoulders who believes normal things?

shoulders who believes normal things? What kind of sailors does this guy even

What kind of sailors does this guy even

What kind of sailors does this guy even want to recruit?

want to recruit?

want to recruit? >> When you're using a uh, you know, drag

>> When you're using a uh, you know, drag

>> When you're using a uh, you know, drag queen to recruit for the Navy, that's

queen to recruit for the Navy, that's

queen to recruit for the Navy, that's not the people we want. What what we

not the people we want. What what we

not the people we want. What what we need is alpha males and alpha females.

need is alpha males and alpha females.

need is alpha males and alpha females. >> Alpha females, right? So

>> Alpha females, right? So

>> Alpha females, right? So >> So drag queens.

Maybe he's right. Maybe he's right.

Maybe he's right. Maybe he's right.

Maybe he's right. Maybe he's right. Maybe we need alpha males who will beat

Maybe we need alpha males who will beat

Maybe we need alpha males who will beat the out of our enemies and alpha

the out of our enemies and alpha

the out of our enemies and alpha females who will mock their insecurities

females who will mock their insecurities

females who will mock their insecurities so precisely they'll never leave the

so precisely they'll never leave the

so precisely they'll never leave the house again.

house again.

house again. But what exactly will the alpha males

But what exactly will the alpha males

But what exactly will the alpha males and females do that others can't?

and females do that others can't?

and females do that others can't? >> What we need is alpha males and alpha

>> What we need is alpha males and alpha

>> What we need is alpha males and alpha females who are going to rip out their

females who are going to rip out their

females who are going to rip out their own guts, eat them, and ask for seconds.

own guts, eat them, and ask for seconds.

own guts, eat them, and ask for seconds. That those are young men and women that

That those are young men and women that

That those are young men and women that are going to win wars.

>> You want alpha males and females who eat

>> You want alpha males and females who eat

>> You want alpha males and females who eat their own ripped out guts?

their own ripped out guts?

their own ripped out guts? >> Maybe. I don't know what war is. I I

>> Maybe. I don't know what war is. I I

>> Maybe. I don't know what war is. I I mean, I guess it might freak out the

mean, I guess it might freak out the

mean, I guess it might freak out the enemy if they see the alpha soldiers

enemy if they see the alpha soldiers

enemy if they see the alpha soldiers pulling out their own stomachs and

pulling out their own stomachs and

pulling out their own stomachs and eating them, but that's only going to

eating them, but that's only going to

eating them, but that's only going to work once.

Also, not to be nitpicky, but if you eat

Also, not to be nitpicky, but if you eat

Also, not to be nitpicky, but if you eat your own guts, where do they go?

>> For more on Hunga and his new leadership

>> For more on Hunga and his new leadership

>> For more on Hunga and his new leadership at the Navy, let's go live to Jordan

at the Navy, let's go live to Jordan

at the Navy, let's go live to Jordan Cleer in Arlington, Virginia.

So, was there no one else who could have

So, was there no one else who could have

So, was there no one else who could have filled the role that wasn't a Trump

filled the role that wasn't a Trump

filled the role that wasn't a Trump donor or insane extremist?

donor or insane extremist?

donor or insane extremist? >> Nope. Back to you, Michael. But

>> Nope. Back to you, Michael. But

>> Nope. Back to you, Michael. But come on. Surely there was one person who

come on. Surely there was one person who

come on. Surely there was one person who was a little more qualified. You know,

was a little more qualified. You know,

was a little more qualified. You know, I've seen the entire list of candidates,

I've seen the entire list of candidates,

I've seen the entire list of candidates, Michael. And man afraid of witches was

Michael. And man afraid of witches was

Michael. And man afraid of witches was indeed their best option.

indeed their best option.

indeed their best option. Now, there were really only two types of

Now, there were really only two types of

Now, there were really only two types of candidates for this donors or the

candidates for this donors or the

candidates for this donors or the loonies. I mean, all the more

loonies. I mean, all the more

loonies. I mean, all the more experienced candidates were hesitant

experienced candidates were hesitant

experienced candidates were hesitant about committing war crimes or holding

about committing war crimes or holding

about committing war crimes or holding Pete Hex's hair back after happy hour at

Pete Hex's hair back after happy hour at

Pete Hex's hair back after happy hour at Ruby Tuesdays.

Ruby Tuesdays.

Ruby Tuesdays. >> Okay. Okay. Well, then who else were

>> Okay. Okay. Well, then who else were

>> Okay. Okay. Well, then who else were they considering?

they considering?

they considering? >> Well, for example, they look closely at

>> Well, for example, they look closely at

>> Well, for example, they look closely at this guy. His name is John Trunk.

this guy. His name is John Trunk.

this guy. His name is John Trunk. >> Okay. And he served in the Navy.

>> Okay. And he served in the Navy.

>> Okay. And he served in the Navy. >> Well, not the Navy per se, but he was

>> Well, not the Navy per se, but he was

>> Well, not the Navy per se, but he was patient zero on that cruise ship where

patient zero on that cruise ship where

patient zero on that cruise ship where everyone got dysentery. Um,

everyone got dysentery. Um,

everyone got dysentery. Um, does he have any military experience?

does he have any military experience?

does he have any military experience? >> It depends. Would you consider funneling

>> It depends. Would you consider funneling

>> It depends. Would you consider funneling crypto to Baron Trump's offshore bank

crypto to Baron Trump's offshore bank

crypto to Baron Trump's offshore bank accounts to be military experience?

accounts to be military experience?

accounts to be military experience? >> No. No.

>> No. No.

>> No. No. >> Then no, he does not have military

>> Then no, he does not have military

>> Then no, he does not have military experience. But uh, if he doesn't float

experience. But uh, if he doesn't float

experience. But uh, if he doesn't float your boat, little maritime humor there,

your boat, little maritime humor there,

your boat, little maritime humor there, then the administration also considered

then the administration also considered

then the administration also considered Carson McDougall.

Carson McDougall.

Carson McDougall. >> Oh, okay. He looks like a sailor at

>> Oh, okay. He looks like a sailor at

>> Oh, okay. He looks like a sailor at least.

least.

least. >> Uh, yes. He was the admiral of the

>> Uh, yes. He was the admiral of the

>> Uh, yes. He was the admiral of the January 6th amphibious fleet. They uh

January 6th amphibious fleet. They uh

January 6th amphibious fleet. They uh they tried to storm the capital by sea,

they tried to storm the capital by sea,

they tried to storm the capital by sea, but failed to realize the reflecting

but failed to realize the reflecting

but failed to realize the reflecting pool is more of an inland pond.

pool is more of an inland pond.

pool is more of an inland pond. >> Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Go back to the

>> Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Go back to the

>> Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Go back to the Trump donors. Who else do we have?

Trump donors. Who else do we have?

Trump donors. Who else do we have? >> Sure. Trump also considered mega donor

>> Sure. Trump also considered mega donor

>> Sure. Trump also considered mega donor Steve Richmond. Uh that's him right

Steve Richmond. Uh that's him right

Steve Richmond. Uh that's him right there in the the middle. Yeah, I

there in the the middle. Yeah, I

there in the the middle. Yeah, I >> Jordan, I refuse to believe there wasn't

>> Jordan, I refuse to believe there wasn't

>> Jordan, I refuse to believe there wasn't a single candidate who wasn't a Trump

a single candidate who wasn't a Trump

a single candidate who wasn't a Trump crony or right-wing extremist.

crony or right-wing extremist.

crony or right-wing extremist. >> Well, there I mean there was one other

>> Well, there I mean there was one other

>> Well, there I mean there was one other in the mix. Uh an expert at sea-based

in the mix. Uh an expert at sea-based

in the mix. Uh an expert at sea-based warfare, a strong negotiator with no

warfare, a strong negotiator with no

warfare, a strong negotiator with no ties to Donald Trump or Jeffrey Epstein.

ties to Donald Trump or Jeffrey Epstein.

ties to Donald Trump or Jeffrey Epstein. >> Well, where you been hiding this guy? He

>> Well, where you been hiding this guy? He

>> Well, where you been hiding this guy? He sounds perfect.

sounds perfect.

sounds perfect. >> Well, not a he, Michael. She her name is

>> Well, not a he, Michael. She her name is

>> Well, not a he, Michael. She her name is Ursula and she's

Ursula and she's

Ursula and she's she's um she's promised to put Iran's

she's um she's promised to put Iran's

she's um she's promised to put Iran's naval fleet under the sea. This is this

naval fleet under the sea. This is this

naval fleet under the sea. This is this is so stupid. I don't want Ursula the

is so stupid. I don't want Ursula the

is so stupid. I don't want Ursula the sea witch commanding the US Navy.

sea witch commanding the US Navy.

sea witch commanding the US Navy. >> OH, WELL WELL you don't like witches

>> OH, WELL WELL you don't like witches

>> OH, WELL WELL you don't like witches either, huh? Well, sounds like

either, huh? Well, sounds like

either, huh? Well, sounds like somebody's running aboard the USS Hunga.

somebody's running aboard the USS Hunga.

somebody's running aboard the USS Hunga. >> Fair point. Jordan Clapper, everyone.