Original subtitles

[Lucie straining]

-Who is that? -Who cares who that is!

-You, why the hell are you here? -Hey! Stop it.

-Get your mother a glass of water. -No. I won't get her anything.

-How'd you find me? -I saw you on TV.

You had a lizard mask on.

[scoffs] A lizard? You mean a fish.

-No, it's a lizard. -[mockingly] "No, it's a lizard."

Okay, so all of France calls me Fishman, huh, but for ma'am, it's a lizard.

-When I saw you on TV… -Yeah?

…I immediately recognized your voice.

I stopped by the school and they gave me your address.

-Why's there a cop here? -Where?

Come on, I know a cop when I see one.

Oh, no! I'm in charge of your son's safety, ma'am.

Ever since he appeared on TV, he's been getting threats.

-Do you mind waiting here? -Of course.

Of course not.

No, no. We can't leave her here alone. I don't trust her.

You know what? I have a better idea. Get the hell out.

-Oh! Don't talk to your mom like that. -Stay out of it. You don't know her.

Eddy, I've changed.

[scoffs]

Yeah, you're right. You look a lot older.

-[moaning] -[Lucie] Oh fuck, she's waking up.

-[electricity crackling] -[moaning]

-Thank you, ma'am. -My pleasure.

No, no, no, stop thanking her! Just don't talk to her anymore.

-[Lucie] Let's get her outta here. -You, don't touch anything.

-I'll open the door for you. -No! No, no. No, no. No, no!

No need to get upset, sweetheart.

And button up your sweater, it's cold outside!

[Eddy] For fuck's sake!

-Language! -[door slams]

Now, what's the plan?

I'm gonna take her to Paris and see what I get out of her.

Okay.

Would you mind taking my mother with you?

Uh, you mean the woman who just saved your life?

-[scoffs] Saved my life? -Yeah.

Absolutely not.

-She completely ruined it. -Oh, come on, all moms are the same.

Oh, really? Do you wanna compare?

If you got kicked out of school,

would your mother have asked you to run scams with her? Huh?

-Uh… -And if you both got caught by the police,

would your mother have made you take the fall

'cause her record was too long and yours was still perfect?

Yeah, no, mine mostly gave me hell about my weight.

Exactly. Okay? That's my mother. Everything revolves around her.

Okay, enough about your mother.

We have a kid to find. Focus on the mission.

Okay.

[school bell ringing]

FLUNKED

Mom? Where are you? Did you leave?

-Ceylon or Earl Gray? -[gasps]

Where d'you get that?

I don't buy tea.

I know. You don't have any tea, any food or anything to wear.

-You live like a caveman. -Wait a sec, you went through my stuff?

Of course, you did. Huh?

What do you want? What is it? Money? I don't have any.

You need a hide out? [laughs] Don't count on me.

So what is it? Are you dying? You need a kidney?

Find someone else's.

Enough now.

I just wanted to see my son. I really missed you.

Of course, you missed me. Yeah, right.

Did you miss me when I was in jail? [blows raspberry]

I don't think so. Not even a tiny little bit. Hmm?

-[scoffs] -[melancholy music playing]

Why didn't you come see me?

I was so ashamed of ruining your life.

You had everything going for you. You're good-looking, you're smart.

Your only flaw is your mother.

When I saw you on TV, I didn't think twice about it.

I hopped on a train and now, here I am.

But I get it, you're upset.

If you get it… makes this easier.

Tell the devil I said hi.

-You only get one mother, Eddy. -Yeah.

In my case, that's one too many.

Get out.

[Lucie] She's just a kid, it's not her fault.

What's the point in ruining her life before her finals?

I want Sagirov and nobody else.

Fuck, what are you waiting for?

Is it your lawyer?

You'll wait forever, darling. Sagirov won't send a soul.

He doesn't care about you.

-Okay. Ludo! -Yes, Lieutenant?

Get her outta here please. Take her to the nurse's office.

Okay.

Please come with me, ma'am.

[sighs]

-The judge didn't approve the wiretaps. -Fuck.

And I'm guessing her phone's locked.

Not locked but wiped clean.

Can't you discreetly send it to the lab? They could dig around a bit.

-[sighs] Lucie. -I know but…

It's getting risky.

Sagirov isn't yours to deal with anymore.

The boss keeps asking me what the hell you're doing

and I won't stop making up bullshit stories.

Like what?

I told him you're following an Uzbek gang dealing Pokémon cards.

Yeah, well, sorry. I'm improvising.

No, it's okay, don't worry. It'll be over in a week.

Thanks to your mysterious informant, right?

Mm.

No? You won't tell me anything?

Fine.

Well, he better be real good.

He is amazing.

Are you a moron or what?

The dot product of u and v? That's like elementary math!

Ever since the PPMS, I have trouble focusing.

Grow a pair, okay? You're alive.

-Yeah, but it was terrifying. -Terrifying…

All the other teachers talked about it in class.

Yeah, well, not me, okay?

Keep your private life out of my classroom.

I keep my crap to myself, don't I? Get the hell out.

[school bell ringing]

[somber music playing]

[sighs deeply]

Tiphaine? Tiphaine?

-You okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, do you have some time for a quick drink together?

Or we can go directly to the closet if you--

Enough. It was a mistake, okay?

What? Why?

Well, because you're about to get married.

Oh, about that, you know, with Martine, things aren't going great.

I think we're over.

What we have is different.

No, it's not. It's just old.

What? There's something going on between us, I'm not imagining things?

I thought we were gonna die! That's why we did it.

That's great! You need a near-death experience to sleep with me?

Shh!

What are you doing?

Like two weeks ago, you barely knew I existed,

and never thought about me. What changed?

I've never stopped thinking about you.

[cheering in distance]

What's that?

What's going on?

-She did it! It's a miracle! -Marina can walk?

Nope, still disabled.

-Well, then what happened? -The printer's working!

-What!? -I swear it's true! It's a miracle!

This just came out and I printed it back in 2020.

-Okay. -Wait, there's more!

Even our phones can connect to the printer.

-No way… -What happened?

Uh, the lady over there, no idea who she is.

She was waiting, and started fixing the printer--

-Wait, who are you talking 'bout? -Uh, her, over there.

-[Laurence] You're amazing… -Oh…

Thank you. Thank you so much.

-Isn't that your mother? -What?!

No, really? You're Mrs. Martin?

Mrs. Martin! I guess she's a little deaf.

What are you doing? Come with me.

Thank you, that'll be all. The show's over, okay? That's enough now!

-[mother] Hello! -Yeah. Hello.

[Eddy] Come on, let's go.

What the fuck, I can't believe this! What are you doing here?

-I'm… -No, no, no.

Please don't say you came to repair the printer or I'll kill you.

-No, I came to see you. -Yeah, right.

To see where you work and meet your colleagues.

But don't worry, I didn't blow your cover, okay?

I'm not an idiot.

Everyone's calling you Édouard Martin.

I don't know what you're hiding, but you can count on me.

It'll be our little secret.

We don't have a little secret. We have nothing.

Okay, enough! Cut it out. Act your age!

Yeah, "act my age."

Did I make mistakes? Yeah, I did. Was I a good mother? I probably wasn't.

You weren't.

How long are you gonna make me pay for it?

You have no sisters, no brothers, and your father, bless his soul, is gone.

Now, like it or not, I'm all you've got.

So what do I have to do for you to finally forgive me?

Do you want me to beg you? I'll beg you right now!

-No, stop it! Don't! -Mrs. Santozzio? Hello.

-You might not remember who I am… -Hello. Tiphaine!

-Yes. -Of course!

You're the love of my son's life.

Oh no, you must have me mixed up with, uh…

-Yeah. -…Martine.

-Since she is his fiancée. -Martine?

Oh no. Martine, no, I don't like her at all. No, no, no. But you two…

You're made for each other.

-Yes. No! Huh… -Yeah, well…

-It was nice seeing you and, um… -Yeah.

I have to go, there's a meeting with the school board.

Okay, bye.

-See you around, Tiphaine. -[Eddy] See you.

-Charming. -Yes, very charming.

And how did you know I liked her?

Because I'm your mother. I know you better than anyone.

But if you want me to leave, I will.

You get on my nerves.

-Don't screw me over. -No, I won't.

Hey!

Lasagna for dinner?

Whatever you want.

-I like your mother. -[gasps]

-I think we can trust her. -Hmm.

Subtle way of introducing me to your mother.

-Oh no, I was not introducing you to-- -[shushing]

I'm gonna do something I never do because you're different. Um…

Here's my cell.

-Okay? -Yeah. My number.

-Yes, I see, that's your phone number. -It is indeed.

-It's fine? You got it? -Yup, I got it.

-Call me. Yeah. -Okay. Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

Give me a kiss.

[music fades out]

I borrowed a shelf or two in your closet.

[sighs]

-Is Tiphaine your-- -My what?

I like her but…

But what?

When you want something, you go after it.

That being said, Tiphaine kind of plays on another level.

What does that mean? That she's outta my league?

Oh, it won't be easy for you.

A woman like that, you have to court her and woo her.

Write her a letter or maybe a poem.

Oh my goodness, why didn't I think of that?

And after, I'll hop on a horse to go play flute outside her window.

Oh, you poor kid, you never really understood women, have you?

Where were you all these years?

I got sent back to jail.

When I got out, I decided it was enough.

I got myself a job at a nursing home and…

I like to go hiking.

My life is pretty quiet, easy.

But it feels empty without you.

Right now isn't the best time to come back into my life.

I'm guessing you're not really a teacher?

I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

I don't know what you got yourself into and I'm not trying to pry,

but I just hope it isn't risky.

I don't want to lose you again.

[whistles] Look at that.

One of the senior students is the daughter

of some guy the cops have been looking for.

I got sentenced to seven years, Mom.

-Hmm. -But if I find him, they'll let me go.

Can't you use DNA or something?

We did for the three girls who fit the profile, but their DNA doesn't match.

Hmm. Sometimes the DNA doesn't match but they can still be his child.

How's that?

Maybe the girl's mother was with a few guys more or less at the same time,

and she told your guy he was the father, though, biologically, he isn't.

Mom, come on. This is real life, not some silly soap opera.

Nobody does that.

What's the matter?

What's wrong? Wait a sec. No, no, no, no, no, no!

Please don't… No, please don't tell me my dad isn't my dad?

-Just let me explain. -Fuck no, you can't be serious?!

I was never completely sure.

Sure about what, exactly? Huh? Sure about what?

The other guy was a jerk…

-Other guy? -…whereas your father, Philippe,

He was nice, he was honest, he was…

He was perfect, so I decided he was the one,

he was your father.

You can't decide for me. You can't decide. That's not how it works!

I bet you really do know who it is.

Tell me you do. I'm sure you do. I know you.

Honestly, uh, I think I'm leaning more toward the jerk.

You're a monster! I can't believe it!

I did it for you! I just wanted you to have a better life.

Well done, great job! Look at the result, it's amazing.

Bravo, mission accomplished.

Believe it or not, I had no choice! And sperm isn't what makes a father.

Fuck, you make me sick. Next time you say the word sperm…

That's enough!

Finish your lasagna before it gets cold.

-[Eddy] I thought of something. -What?

Three girls match the profile we're looking for.

-Yeah? -Unknown father.

They live in the right area.

-No Pathwayup application. -Yeah?

What if we forget about the DNA?

What do you mean?

What if Sagirov came back to Lille,

ran into the woman he loved and the woman had a kid.

The dates line up so Sagirov figures the kid must be his.

Except, it actually isn't.

-The mother lied to Sagirov? -Exactly.

The real dad is a loser and Sagirov is a billionaire, easy choice.

She decided to give her daughter a better life.

-Who'd be crazy enough to do that? -You know…

there are a lot of crazy people out there.

[Lucie] Huh… Louise, Sandra, Océane.

If I hurry, I can search all three apartments in an hour and a half.

But only if all three homes are empty tonight.

No problem. I'll schedule a parent-teacher meeting.

[scoffs] Yeah, right.

There. Done.

-What do you mean? -I scheduled it.

I sent a message on the ENT,

the girls and their mothers are called in from 6:00 to 7:30 tonight.

-You know how to do that? -Yes, I know how to do that, yes.

[phone dings]

There we go. One mother already said yes.

[phone dings]

And another.

-[phone dings] -And all three. Lovely.

-Not bad, right? -Not bad at all actually.

Your turn to prove yourself. I can't keep doing all the work.

-See you tonight, Mom! -See you later, sweetie!

-How does pasta sound for tonight? -Sounds perfect!

[door shuts]

All right, so if I start there and then I go there…

-Yeah, I'll need an hour and a half. -70 minutes.

-Excuse me? -You need 70 minutes to search all three.

No, that's impossible. I need ten minutes to break into each apartment. If not more.

Hmm, my son mentioned you might be able to, uh, get him released.

Exactly.

I wonder how, given his record.

He assaulted a cop, so you might get him a reduced sentence,

but released? I doubt that.

But it's true.

If ever you screw my son over,

I'll look for you,

I will find you,

and I will kill you.

Care for a tea?

Yes, please.

-[school bell ringing] -Hi. Good morning. Yeah.

-Hello, Mr. Martin. -Hello.

-Édouard. -Yeah?

-I ran into your mother yesterday. -I don't know how she got in, I'm sorry.

Uh, tell me, is she dating anyone?

What?

I'm sorry, I don't usually mix business with pleasure, it's unprofessional,

but I don't know what else to do. I'm in love.

-With my mother? -Yes.

Yeah right, you're joking.

No! No, feelings aren't something I joke about.

Keep your feelings to yourself then, okay? Stay away from my mother.

No, wait, hold on!

Hey! Hey, hey. I'm not into one-night stands,

if that's what you're worried about.

This could turn into something really beautiful.

Of course.

And I don't want to brag but under the sheets, I've got some pretty good moves.

Whoa.

Trust me, I know how to keep a lady smiling.

Okay, uh, let's just pretend I didn't hear that.

-Hmm. -All right? Have a good day.

-Think about it though. -Yeah, right. Talk about a motherfucker.

-A parent-teacher meeting, really? -Yeah. Why?

He's completely lost it. Do you know what that means?

-That I will meet them? -They're parents, Édouard.

Student parents are the worst! Worse than dealing with liberals!

Or capitalists!

A student parent is a whole different breed,

especially when they're in a pack, oh…

They can smell your fear.

And your blood, and attack you!

And I know you mean well, and that your heart's in the right place

but it's a terrible idea.

Listen, uh, how can I say this?

Parents are incompetent creatures. By definition.

So it's up to us, teachers of all genders, uh, and educators of all…

Genders.

…genders to guide them in the right direction.

But never organize a parent-teacher night!

-Never! -Never!

Hey, hey, hey, okay, okay, okay! Chill out, relax, okay?

-I just wanted to start a club. -Start a club?

[Pablo moaning]

-A club. -Is he dumb or what?

-Oh man, a club!? Édouard! -What…?

-Are you serious? -Come on, wake up!

I don't have to, I already am awake.

With what budget? Did you mention it to anyone? Or submit an official request?

-Do I have to? -What's the club for anyway?

For math! It'll inspire girls to get into engineering.

What? What now?

Do you even realize how stressful a club actually is?!

I mean, come on, why not start an easy club like, uh, writing or art!

-Or knitting! -Oh yeah, knitting, amazing idea!

Then we can start a dishwashing club for the girls!

-Very progressive. -But math?

-Math? Math? -Math?

-Math. Yes, math! -What's the point though?

The point is to spend some time with the kids. There.

[school bell ringing]

-Did you give him magic mushrooms? -No! I swear I didn't.

Ever since Viviane's mushroom stew, I've been clean.

[intriguing music playing]

The reason I called you in today is because I have a project.

And it's a pretty good one.

-A math club. -[Océane groans]

Why? To make you fall in love with math.

Maybe even inspire you to, who knows, become engineers?

Isn't it too late for that? They closed Pathwayup.

Indeed.

Speaking of Pathwayup, none of you submitted applications?

-No. Sandra wants to spend a year abroad. -Yeah.

-Okay. -Océane too.

Perfect.

-[Eddy] what's your plan for next year? -Go ahead, tell him.

I want to join the circus.

-Amazing. Our country needs you. -How shameful.

-Army or air force? -Is he stupid?

-[woman] No, sir. -Yeah.

My daughter wants to make a career of juggling balls and training elephants.

-Oh, circus troupe! -No. That's not it at all.

And I'd never work in a circus with animals, that's cruel.

Don't you worry, ma'am.

Given her looks, she's clearly more of a clown than a tamer. Right, Louise?

[mimics whipping sound]

[Lucie] Who are they?

"Louise."

"Medical file. IVF treatment record. Donor information."

Okay. It's not her.

Hello, Eddy? It's not Louise. I'm heading to Sandra's.

[Louise] You're so annoying! I can do whatever I want!

Okay, okay, okay, can we just circle back to my math club idea please?

Great, I worked myself to the bone for years so you could become a bum.

-Your daughter's good at gymnastics. -Oh, you, shut up.

-Don't speak to my daughter like that! -Oh…

Then tell her to shut up

instead of encouraging my daughter to get kidnapped by gypsies.

-Why are you embarrassing me like this? -Oh no, oh poor Louise!

Hey! Hey! Relax. Okay? That's what clubs are for. To relax.

Oh! I thought you weren't coming anymore! You're my 6:45, right?

Yes.

-Arms, legs, bikini? Is that it? -Uh, that might be a bit much.

You were supposed to be my sister's client,

but she was called in by a teacher.

Do you have the proper certification to run this club?

-The basic youth certificate? -Basic youth?

This is completely absurd, they hire anyone these days.

I'm not just anyone, okay?

The French sub they'd sent last semester was a joke.

It was as if they'd found a random bum on the street.

Not that you look like a bum or anything. You actually look normal.

-Yeah, thanks. -Apart from your disability, of course.

-Mm-hmm. -Mm.

-My what? -Aren't you mentally disabled?

-No, you're disabled! -What?

Yup! You heard me correctly. You're mentally disabled.

-Hey, respect my mother! -Your mother's disabled.

-You have no right to talk like that. -You made us come here to insult us?

[all clamoring]

Yeah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!

-Do you usually help your sister out? -Yes, whenever I can, poor thing.

-Why's that? -'Cause she hasn't had an easy life.

I'm guessing the, uh, father wasn't often around?

Yeah, he's a real jerk! But don't tell her I said that.

-Toxic jerk? A gangster jerk? -He's in jail.

Ah!

He wouldn't stop robbing pharmacies to steal Tylenol, the poor fool.

Luckily, he's not getting out for another year.

Okay. Well, I'm off.

No! Hey! Pup-pup-pup-pup-pup. Stay put.

Okay.

-No, no, no! -Gimme two seconds. It's really important.

Look, engineering school is a smart move.

Your daughters can either become engineers or marry one.

Either way, jackpot.

Oh, so you think a woman can't make it without a man?

-I manage perfectly fine on my own. -Yes, me too.

That's not what I'm saying.

Yes, that's exactly what you just said.

Come on, sir, engineering dudes are fugly.

-At least, in sociology, they're hot. -Yeah, or in art history.

Your way of thinking is completely outdated…

What's wrong?

-There's some lady in our living room. -Who is that?

I don't know, probably a thief. I'm calling the cops.

What? No, no, no, don't call anyone. No! No, it's, uh…

Fuck. No, she's probably a lunatic who escaped from the asylum.

They're all over the place lately. It's an epidemic.

Lunatic or not, she broke in to steal stuff.

If you call the cops, they'll arrest her and have to put her down.

-Huh? -Huh?

Wake up! Our prisons are full!

So if they catch a "euh" they… [clicks] …and it's over.

-No one mentions that. -That is horrible!

-I'm coming with you. -No, it's not yours to deal with.

Yes, it is, ma'am! What do you think?

That my duty stops at the front gates, then, I'm done here?

Not at all! Being a teacher's more than just that.

A teacher is like…

a guardian angel.

It's someone who sees each kid

as their own.

That being said, my ex owes me money and…

I can't help everyone.

[whispering] Gimme the keys. I'll go in first.

-Go back downstairs. -Why?

-Do it. -Go back downstairs now.

-Be careful. -Don't worry, she seems harmless.

Océane's father is extremely dangerous.

-He has many enemies. -[loudly] Oh!

-Shh! -[whispering] Yes, shh.

-Be careful in there. -Okay.

[door unlocking]

Stand back, watch out.

-Mom, Mom, Mom, it's me, it's me, it's me. -Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

What are you doing here?

Lucie got held up and asked me to help her out.

You're kidding?

No, she did the right thing. I'm glad I can help.

Look at this. They have visas to get into Russia.

This is the girl you're looking for, no?

Yeah, it's her.

Okay.

Put those back where you found them and leave, 'kay?

Get outta here. I got your back.

I love you.

[clears throat]

That's what I thought. Ha!

Nobody's here. She left already.

-Are you sure? -Look at the window, it's still wide open.

Hmm, but we're on the fifth floor?

Huh.

Yeah, well, she seemed crazy, so maybe she thought she could fly.

Everyone's going haywire these days.

Once, I saw this guy on TV who thought he was a bird and all day… Pa! Pa!

He kept running into the bay windows.

-[door bangs] -[Eddy] Mom!

We got the girl! Ha! So I'm free!

-[Lucie] Yeah, about that… -Let's celebrate!

-There's a problem… -Mom? Come on, let's have a toast.

-Where is she? -[phone buzzing]

-Hello, Ma? -Uh, no, this isn't your mom. It's Pablo.

Uh, listen Pablo, call me later, I'm busy right now.

No, wait! I… I… I don't know what happened but, um,

today was the last day for the fundraiser and, so, well, I closed it

but… but… but then, like, uh, um, two minutes later,

all the money disappeared.

There's nothing left.

Over 100,000 euros, gone! I don't get it.

Someone must have hacked my phone.

Even our phones can connect to the printer. Yeah!

[somber music playing]

[Pablo] Bu… bu… but don't worry, I'll pay you back, I promise!

Uh, just not all at once. At best, I can send you 20 or 30 euros per month--

-[call disconnects] -[somber music continues]

So that's why she came back.

-What an idiot. -[sighs]

I'm so dumb.

Guess there's more for us.

[doorbell ringing]

I knew it! She would never leave like that.

-What are you doing here? -It all makes sense.

What does?

It's someone who sees each kid as their own.

Each kid…

as their own.

You can stop pretending now, Dad.

-[gasps] -[Océane chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

[music ends]